Family Guy MC : Season One and Two
by Warrior Emperor Z 1991
Summary: This is a retelling of the series, where the Griffins take in three new additions to their home and, eventually, their family. For more information on these characters, please visit my deviantART page fmallque32561. Anyway, hope y'all like it and if you do, please leave me your response for more chapters and, hopefully, more seasons.
1. PROLOGUE 1

**PROLOGUE**

The rebirth of The Warrior Emperor,**_ Son Frank Mallque_**

A thousand years have passed since Frank had become the Sandaime Rikudo Sennin, the 3rd Sage of Six Paths. As the third Jinchuuriki of the Juubi no Drago, he made it so that the Juubi will have the personality of Drago, also known as Fusion Dragonoid. By doing this, he brought peace to the world.

What happened then, during the Fourth(and Final) Great Shinobi World War, a dying Frank met Hagoromo Otsutsuki, the original Rikudo Sennin and awakened his half of the former Sage's Body and **Yang chakra** he had for being a member of the Uzumaki clan, an offshoot of the Senju Clan. Afterward, he awakened the other half, the Sage's Eye and **Yin Chakra **via blessing from Yang Madare Uchiha and his sensei Zero Knight Uchiha.

A dying Menma and Rage due to a chest wound managed to survive thanks to Karin's '**_Heal Bite_**_'. _Due to this, they was able to aid Frank in battle and defeat Yin Madara the once then Nidaime Rikudo Sennin but couldn't stop kaguya resurrection, it took Frank and his uchiha self Dark Frank reborn as David thorn Uchiha to defeat her.

However, due to the death of both Madara's, the Juubi was once again free and fused with Frank and David's arch foe Darknarok. Frank, being the hero that he is, decided to seal it/ fuse with Darknarok inside himself and remake the biju along with the other half of Kurama, who was in Naruto body. Naruto and the other Hokages who were experienced in sealing. With the aid of the Shinigami, they were able to seal it away and, as stated earlier, place Drago as the primary personality. However, this came with the cost of Frank's _Resurrection_ ability. It's not like he has problem with it though, Frank respect the death so he won't resurrect himself, healing when dying yes but no revive

As the time passed, Frank became a legend and was hailed as the savior of their world. With this, he was given the title Sixth Rikudo Sennin. After all the adventures he had at earth, his battle with the Mage of beginning, the keyblade war against Xehanort and helping his creator Adaline the master anodite helping Son Goku defeat the shadow dragons, he had to make sure that the Juubi never becomes a weapon and to ensure that another Madara appears, he became a wanderer with his loving wife, **Aoi Kiyose Uzumaki Mallque**, the former Saiyan princess and the second Master Anodite. The title of saiyan heir was passed onto her brother, trunks briefs, in order to travel with Frank.

However, as much as Frank wanted to be a father and forth his heir, he refused. He was afraid that history will repeat itself similar to the Senju and Uchiha clans. He attempted to force Aoi to stay on earth, but we all know that women get what they want. Especially a woman who can kick your ass.

In Aoi's humble opinion, Frank had done so much. Saving the world, reforming the Juubi and so on and so forth. Ever since he was a child, Frank was always alone. She felt bad that she only stalked him and didn't do anything to help him earlier in his life. So she decided, that the only way to redeem herself was to stay by his side.

However, due to his Uzumaki lineage, his Sage training and being the Jinchuuriki of the Juubi, he obtained biological immortality. Meaning he will never age past his prime. He can still be killed, however nothing short of chopping his head off or annihilating him will do so. They discovered this when he stopped aging past 20. Frank once again attempted to force Aoi to leave due to his immortality.

Aoi only smiled and said, "I had refused to marry other men and gave up my rightful place as an heir to my brother so I can spend my days with you. Didn't I tell you I will always be by your side? I will always stay with you until Shinigami-sama takes me away".

Frank couldn't bring himself to turn Aoi away. So she stayed, gave her love, gave her years and everything else to him. She had been around 90 when she breathed her last.

"Don't ever lose hope my love. I will always love you, one day you'll find yourself in a situation where Kami will give you a chance at true happiness. While I miss my little brother, our children that we had before your transformation and all the others back home, I know I'll join them soon. But I also know that we will always be waiting to welcome you there. I love you Frank, I love you with all my heart and I would not want you to lose hope. I want you to keep your word and never give up in the pursuit of true happiness...because that is our family's nindo, our ninja way".

After she said that, Frank gave her a kiss and they reminisced the years they spent together. By the time he finished, Aoi died with open eyes and a gentle smile on her face.

Years pass once more and the knowledge of chakra, Magic, chi or ki and ninja arts disappeared in the sands of time as civilization and technology grew. Frank was the last remnant of his time so he decided to observe the world from a distance, in order to not interfere with the world.

**Mountain Peak**

Standing on the top of a mountain was a male with spiky red hair and the bluest eyes you will ever see. Standing at the height of 5'8 and the appearance of an 18 year old, said male wore a jonin outfit with the exception being the flak jacket which was pure black and the white lining on his pants. On top of this he wore a black, long sleeved coat that had blue and red flames licking the bottom similar to the coat of the garlock simon, but instead of **Team Dai Gurren **symbol on the back it was **red sprial within Crown and nine** **magatamas**. Strapped on his back was the Bijuu summoning scroll and on top of it was a Red scabbard. Said scabbard held the**Sword of Nunoboko**. In his right hand he carried a Buddhist ringed staff.

This man is **Son Frank Mallque** Uzumaki Senju (he prefers **Son Frank Mallque** Uzumaki, his name's a mouthful), the last keyblade master shinobi, the Warrior emperor and sage of his era. Looking closer into his eyes, you will see rainbow concentric circular patterns and a...slit pupil?

"It's been many millenia...3013 eh? My friends and the human race gone And I was thinking Judgement Day will come at 2012"

"**I just woke from my hundred year sleep and the first thing I hear is your babbling?** Frank blinked when he heard the familiar voice. After a few seconds of mental processing, he smiled and then began to meditate.

When he opens his eyes, he was no longer in the physical realm, he was in his mindscape. And the Dragonoid now has become ten tail dragon instead regular Dragonoid.

"Nice to see ya Drago, already a hundred years?" Frank grinned.

"It's been a while, Frank. How was the world since I was last awake?"

"Pretty boring honestly. There's peace...but I haven't found true happiness yet...I don't know what to do". Frank's eyes suddenly looked dark, weary and tired. Yet they still had a burning passion...

"Be patient Frank, God must be has plans for you"

"_Indeed I do"_

Drago and Frank blinked, then turned around only to see a bright light in his mindscape. They covered their eyes and saw a glowing figure, clearly human in shape but any other features were indistinguishable, seemingly changing all the time.

"G-g-god?"

"_Hai, I am God_" the being said warmly.

"Oh God, it's an honor to meet you. To what do I owe this pleasure?" Frank said politely with kneel, only to hear a chuckle from god.

"_Now, now. Just relax, talk like usual_"

"Hai!" Frank was now in a stance similar to Kakashi, only without the book. This earned sweatdrops from both of them.

"_Actually Frank-kun, since you seem rather...apathetic to this...I will take the form of your father instead!"_

The glowing form soon faded into a black-haired man known as Jake Mallque.

"_You wouldn't want your dad to get angry, wouldn't you kid_?" he grinned.

"Hai tou-san!" Frank responded immediately.

"Whipped" Drago whispered.

_"Did you say anything drago?" _God said sweetly, making the red Dragonoid become as white as a sheet.

Drago shook his head quickly, not wanting to offend the being any further. Frank had to hold his chuckles in when he saw this.

"_Now let's get to business as to why I am here. _**_Son Frank Mallque_**_, the Fourth Warrior Emperor, the savior of worlds that was once ruled with hatred. For that, I, God, will grant you a new life, a new/restart on earth, a remade world that has hardly seen war. A world of magic, suspense, mystery and adventure! A world made from one of your most favorite shows on fox!_

"A new world...wait...MAGIC?!"

God continued on, ignoring his outburst, "_Drago will be brought along, being a seperate entity with only half of his current power. Although he may keep the amount of tails he has. He will also have the ability to manipulate his evolutions, makes everything easier."_

Frank wasn't stupid enough to argue with god however, "Uh...about my immortality?"

"_We will discuss that later. As much I want to reunite you with your family but they are frozen in time, due to recarnation spell"_god sighed sadly and make Frank lower his head, God seeing this decide to waved it off,

"_Now let's move from gloomy part. You will be keeping all your skills. Also you will have to learn everything from scratch, with the exception of your eye techniques...I will also teach you one magic and like a good shi-err, mage, you can learn more magic's over the course of your life."_

"...that was a mouthful." Frank deadpanned.

"_Anyway, here the list of Magic's you can learn pick it up" _Kami tossed some note and Naruto took it

From many Magic's few caught his attention

**God Slayer Magic, Devil Slayer Magic, Arc of Time, Dragon Slayer Magic, Make Magic, Gravity Magic, Living Magic**

But among them the most what caught his attention is

"God Slayer?" Frank said in surprise. A magic that able to slay God? He don't know about Magic but... Isn't it dangerous to have such magic?

_"_**God Slayer Magic**_ are Magic that able to slay God. However it won't able to slay high class God like me or Shinigami. It only can slay lesser Gods and Demigods" _Kami explained

"That sounds... Tempting... I pick that one" Frank stated with grin

_"Very well. I will give you basic knowledge on "_**God Slayer** **Magic**_", which can slay lesser gods and demigods. You yourself have to train and make techniques to have a larger arsenal of this type of magic...you'll have to decide an element though. Also i said you can learn more magic's but you only can learn one more magic. You only can possess 2 magic not more than that so pick the second with wise. Anyway, I have said what has been needed to say and now goodbye! By the way, you are starting at the beingning of earth and you can't tell anyone about me!"_

Frank felt his vision blur and warp.

It's been over centuries since Frank had seen anyone or anything for that matter since he help god recreate the earth. He hasn't seen his friends or his family as he has a job to do which is to protect the earth at its most dire crisis but over the years the humans have proved that they can take care of themselves now that they're freaking normal and since he can't really interfere with anything that can't be taken care of by the humans themselves, he is mostly in his own dimension most of the time watching over. Now that he has merged with the golden star dragon balls, he can't really die from old age anymore.

**I'm so bored. Shenlong, can I visit the human world please? I can go for a snack and when I say snack I mean large quantities of food and that noodle place where the giant rock faces are seems most promising right now. I promise they won't even notice me; I'll be good and won't do anything that will cause any sort of trouble. **Frank pleaded.

The giant green dragon showed a look of disproval as he listens to his successor.

**No Frank, you may not go. I already told you, you can't go to the human word unless it's an emergency and besides, you don't even need to eat food anymore.**

Frank whimpered and whined of that in which resembled a 5 year old. **But Shenlong all I do is train all day and I haven't had a good fight since … well in ages and you know the thing that gives me the most sense of satisfactions is food and a good fight.**

Shenlong gave a long sigh wondering how he put up with this for generations upon generations.** Very well Frank but only this once. Once you're finished with your business, I want you to come back immediately understood.**

Frank gave nod and watch as both Shenlong's eyes as well as his own body glow in a red hue. The next thing he knew he was in front of the sign in which resides the bar he's been wanting. Frank took a long hard glance on how much the world really changed starting with the sign.

**Quahog … I liked it better when it was called west city oh well, can't complain now, I need some food.** But the next thing he knew he was surrounded by what he assumed as a man. He looked strange to him as he all wore the same outfit and was wearing strange looking mask. Frank was about to raise his hand in surrender but he couldn't even do that as one of them immediately appeared right behind him with a strange looking knife pointed to his neck.

**Who are you and what is your purpose in coming here?** He said threateningly.

**Me? Oh well my name is Son Frank and I came here for noodles but if you're asking for a fight, you're going to need a sharper knife. **

As Frank said this everyone immediately tensed and brought out the same knife that other man was carrying pointing to his neck. With a loud battle cry Frank made a barrier using his own aura pushing the man behind him back and he expanded it sending him flying. The others started to throw their knifes at Frank but Frank reeled back both his arms and jerked one of them forward sending a shockwave stopping all of his enemies projectiles away from him and with his other hand, he made another shockwave this time knocking out all of his enemies. He took a glance at the one that he sent flying and saw that his mask fell off. The man had brown spiky hair with glass in his eyes. The brown haired man quickly got up and snarled at Frank with a glare that rivaled Menma's.

Frank this time raised his hand in surrender and told the white haired man he came in peace.

**Like I'm supposed to believe you when you attacked me and all of my men.**

Frank retaliated.** Well technically you attacked me. All I said was that I wanted noodles but you were asking for a fight. By the way what's your name? **Frank smiled with his usual Son grin.

The brown haired man was surprised by the sudden act of friendliness and with a grin like that … he couldn't really muster up any kind of hatred or anger to the strange looking man that was in front of him.

**My name is Peter Griffin and by the way you keep talking about noodles you probably mean Ichiraku's. You must be a tourist, a strong one at that.**

Frank grinned**. Something like that, can you lead me the way please. I'm starving!**

Peter smiled at the strange man's silliness and childlike behavior. **Why not, I can go for lunch as well. Hey, guys, you alright?** All the other people gave nods to their leader as they groggily got back up with aching backs. **I guess I jumped to conclusions when you suddenly appeared at the front gates. I thought you were an enemy. **

Frank gave a hearty laugh and smiled.** That's all right. You were only protecting your home after all.**

**I guess for me to reconcile my mistake would be to pay for the meal. My treat, eat as much as you like.** Peter smiled.

Frank couldn't help but silently laugh an evil laugh. _Oh he shouldn't have said that. He's going to feel this one in the morning._

Frank gave a content smile as he had his fill in which he considers being the best meal he has ever had since ages. Peter's eyes were the size of dinner plates as he saw the stack he was about to pay for. As Frank left peter managed to pay half while bowing down in forgiveness and promised to pay all of it at a later time.

**When I say eat as much as you want I meant only like 3 or 4 bowls, not 57. **

Frank put on a sheepish grin in embarrassment and apologized but his face quickly contorted to one of seriousness which caught peter off.

**Hey Frank, are you alright?** Frank wasn't paying attentions and looked up in the sky and saw it was dark out but that wasn't what was bothering him. What was bothering him was that he was feeling a sense of impending doom or a major catastrophe about to happen as he feels an evil presence nearby. The air around him always seemed thicker and darker when he's facing a person with malicious intent.

-Someplace else in quahog-

A man with a demon mask appeared in an empty district and pulled out a scroll and screamed.

**Kuchiyose no jutsu!** After he said those words a giant vicious beast with ten tails appeared with one big eye with 6 tomes around the small black center.

**Omega juubi, I order you to attack and destroy this world, understand? **The omega juubi gave a loud growl and started to raid the town and destroy everything it sees. With that, the man with the demon mask teleported back to his prime target, the Yondaime warrior emperor. (A.N. battle is cannon so I won't write the battle scene.)

-Back at Ichiraku's-

**Frank!**

**Huh? What? **Frank said half mindedly.

**You were spacing out Frank, are you alright?** Peter said with a little concern.

**Well… do you ever feel like something bad is about to happen but you can't really tell why?**

As Frank said this, the very Earth started to quake and a loud screech could be heard as well as screaming and explosions.

Both peter and Frank looked towards the direction and saw a giant monster raiding and destroying the town.

**Oh no. **peter went rigid in fear as what would happen with this town and considering he knows that his brother would be preoccupied at the moment knowing full well that his wife is pregnant. (AN: He doesn't know about sayo being a jinchuuriki) He as well as other ninjas is on their own.

Peter then saw his friend Cleveland and both nodded on their next course of action.

**Cleveland we have to evacuate the town's people first before anything else!**

Cleveland gave a nod as he went to the other end of town while peter went into the front lines to save as much as he could.

Meanwhile Frank watched the whole spectacle pondering what he should do next.

_Man, what do I do? I did know that omega supposed to be seal by the end of earth but he is here trying to destroy the world, do I help or can they protect this world on their own. Shenlong said not to interfere unless absolute necessary and he's probably having a fit_ _right now because I'm not there._

As Frank continued pondering he saw a girl about to be crushed from falling rubble and debris.

Frank quickly charged his hand with Ki and fired a simple energy wave, destroying the falling debris. He then picked her up and took her to a safe location.

**You're going to be alright, I promise. Where do you live?**

The girl wasn't speaking in a coherent sentence as her voice was muffled by her sobs but Frank managed to hear **Pewterschmidt mansion compound. **

The girl calmed down a little and showed her family's insignia and Frank nodded in understanding as he ran to find this compound.

**Can you tell me your name please?**

The little girl was surprised and blushed a little for not properly introducing herself to her hero.

**My name is Lois Pewterschmidt. I have one baby sister who was just born today and the most adorable person you will ever see besides me and a mother and father and a….**

**Whoa take it easy, all I asked for was your name. Is this your compound?**

Lois blushed in embarrassment again before looking at the front gate that had an insignia of a red and white fan.

**Yes this is it, thank you so much.**

Frank gave a curt nod before disappearing leaving a surprised and dumbfounded Lois.

-Emperor Monument-

Frank watched as more and more people give up their lives trying to protect the town that the monster was destroying. Frank had to admit that this monster was pretty strong power wise but something just seemed unusual about this whole situation.

_Why is this juubi attacking quahog? Did they do something to make him…her… whatever it is mad? Man all of this thinking is hurting my head. Screw this; I'm helping even if Shenlong disapproves. This could be a challenge I've been looking for._

Frank immediately tensed as he let out a loud battle cry that could be heard all over quahog.

**GRAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! **As Frank let out his scream his spiky hair turned gold with his eye's turning a shade of teal. To all residence of quahog, a golden pillar of light could be seen atop the emperor Monument.

As Frank finished his scream, he jetted off towards the monster in quick spurts of flashes with his glowing aura. As soon as Frank was within proximity 10 ft away from said monster, he released a barrel of super charged volley shots, pushing and surprising the ten tailed beast back. Once Frank pushed him back to the more destroyed and remote part of the village, he stopped firing and appeared in front of omega juubi and gave it a solid right hook to the cheek.

**TAKE THIS!** Juubi was sent flat on its back and growled in irritation from the pain this … "lowly human" did to him. At least that's what he thinks. The omega juubi then saw the man right above him screaming an incantation of some sort.

**KA…ME…HA…ME**… juubi saw a bright sphere being formed in the human's hands and before he knew it, the little man propelled his hands forward in the direction of where he was.

**HA! **Frank released a stream of pure energy towards the beast which hit right dead in the center. The juubi hissed in pain as whatever that energy beam was, hurt like hell but in actuality, the beam itself had enough power to probably vaporize 2/3 of Frank's past enemies. (Meaning up to cell)

It was juubi's turn to fight back and retaliate with a vengeance. juubi ignored the searing pain in his body and promptly got back up and started to swat Frank with barrages of tail swings in a stabbing motion as if they were fists and finished with a slam of his claws sending Frank flying to a nearby wall. (Note that a tail swing from juubi can destroy a mountain according to the first episode of Naruto. So yea, it's actually hurting Frank a lot from each tail swing)

**Augh.** Frank groaned in pain as every bit of his body felt bruised. He felt like he went one on one with darklong again. He then saw that he had spectators nearby watching him and juubi duke it out as if they were watching a movie.

_WHAT ARE THEY DOING!? Don't they know that this is dangerous? They need to get out of here right now._

juubi looked at the direction of where his current opponent was looking at and grinned with pure delight on what it was about to do next.

Seeing this, Frank placed two fingers in his head and appeared in front of said spectators/ninjas and was promptly sent hurdling to another wall from being slammed again from another claw.

As soon as Frank got out of the rubble he was under in, he screamed at them to leave the premises.

**GET OUT OF HERE NOW! DO YOU ALL WANT TO DIE!? LEAVE, GO NOW!** As Frank yelled out his commands the villagers were stuck and glued to the ground in fear.

Frank growled in frustration but then saw peter carrying a few wounded people away from the battle.

**Peter! Take these people out of here now before something bad happens to them. I can't fight while protecting them at the same time. **Frank yelled. Peter gave a nod of conferment and summoned up many shadow clones to take them away from the battle.

Frank then faced his enemy again in anger.

**If we're going to fight, fight with honor.** As Frank said this, he crossed both his arms and tensed his body once more only this time lightning started to form around his aura as well as a big vein at his right temple. Power started to surge around Frank even more as he was drawing and channeling more power to himself.

**GRAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! **As he continued yelling, his aura was surrounded by lightning, his golden hair became spikier, and his muscles bulged even bigger.

With his transformation complete, Frank looked at juubi square in the eye with pure confidence written all over his face.

**All right big guy, time for round two. **It was then Frank's aura burst to life causing a small crater beneath the floor he walked on. Frank sunk in one of his boots in the ground preparing to charge at full speed with a jump start with juubi doing the same only with paws in its hind legs. They stared each other down until both man and beast charged at each other showing no mercy towards the other as it was an all-out brawl.

-Forested area of Quahog-

**Rasengan! **A giant blue ball of energy slammed down on the man with the orange mask's back but before the attack itself finished, Jake Mallque, aka the Yondaime warrior emperor left a symbol/mark on the man's back. The attack left a giant crater veiling the two bodies with smoke/dust rubble.

The mysterious man with the demon mask got back on his feet huffing from fatigue while clutching onto his left arm. The arm started to what seemed like goo out or dissolves until the hand just suddenly fell right out of his socket.

It was then the emperor made himself known and stepped out of the smoke/dust rubble. With a sudden flash, he was in front of the mysterious man with his hand coming in contact with the other's chest and with a flick of the wrist, a seal formed around the body.

The man with the demon mask seems surprised but one can't really tell as… well because he's wearing a mask.

**You wounded me by marking me with your Flying Raijin Jutsu and managed to free my control over juubi with a contract seal … as expected of the phantom Flash but the juubi will eventually be mine again. I am going to rule the world…. **With that, the man with the demon mask was within a swirling vortex as his body started to fade and disappear.

It was then that the Yondaime warrior emperor started to show his fatigue from constantly fighting without break but he knows he must do this and keep fighting to keep his family and the town safe. He loomed over to the open area and went to look at the state of the town and see how it was holding up. He was surprised to see that not much of it was destroyed but was even more surprised that from what appears to be a small speck of light was actually damaging and fighting off juubi all on his/her/its own. (He can't really tell from that distance)

**This is no time for gawking and resting right now. I need to help. **With that, the Yondaime warrior emperor dashed towards the battle scene.

-Remote town area-

Juubi was then feeling strange as it felt like someone or something possessed him/her/it._ Ugh … my head._ Juubi was then punched in the left cheek and saw a man with spiky gold hair with a lightning like aura. He then growled in pain and stared at the man with contempt. Juubi swung one of its nine tails and swiped it at his mysterious opponent only to be surprised that he caught it without flinching.

Frank then started to spin the juubi's tail in a circular motion while lifting the creature up. He sent it flying through the gates of quahog into the forested area.

Juubi started to get really angry, no, angry is too small of a word to describe how much contempt he had to the mysterious man. Let's just say that juubi was feeling beyond livid from one, waking up from something only to get punched in the face and two, having been swung around as if he/she/it was a rag doll. _The insolent bastard!_

Juubi opened its mouth and started to charge up an attack.

Frank saw something forming as the monster he was facing opened its mouth. It looked like blue and red balls of energy forming together to mash up a highly condensed ball of energy of mass destruction. Plus it was purple Frank noted. Well whatever it was, Frank can sense that this attack is going to have the same destructive capabilities of menma's final rasengan flash or big bang biju bomb attack.

Frank didn't have much time to prepare a kamehameha wave as juubi released the giant purple ball of energy. Frank closed his eyes and crossed his arms and prepared himself for the attack but it never came.

Once Frank opened his eyes he saw a man with black hair adoring a black cloak that had the kanji for Yondaime warrior emperor on the back with red flames on the bottom of the Cloke was frank's father reborn in this world, Jake G Mallque. The energy ball seemed to be suspended in the air as it looked like the ball of energy was getting sucked in by something. Once it was completely gone, the mysterious man looked at the forested area and pointed the knife horizontally at the direction he was looking at. After that, an explosion was seen from where the mysterious man was looking at.

**I'm glad that I made it in time**. As soon as he said those words, he stumbled to his knees.

**Hey are you all right. **Frank asked in concern. The young man nodded as he groggily got back up. He was huffing and sweating from what Frank could see as pure exhaustion. He himself felt it before when he fought cell for the first time and the after math of fighting (fat one. The first time he transformed to ss3) Majin Buu.

Both Frank and Jake saw that Juubi was preparing to fire another one. Jake stepped up and was preparing to make another dimensional warp hole but was pushed back from the newcomer.

**I can see that you're pushing yourself to your absolute limits but if you go on like this, you're going to die. I'll handle this.**

Frank flared his Ki and his aura to life as he cupped both hands together and started to cite his all-time favorite move, created by his Second father first sensei, Master Roshi.

**Super KA…ME…HA…ME…** Frank was charging his attack while staring down at juubi with full concentration.

Juubi released his attack, the tailed beast ball and launched it towards Frank. As the giant ball of energy came closer and closer, Frank waited until the last minute and released his own attack at the purple ball of neutral energy. (Note that the tailed beast ball is made from both negative and positive chakra, I know, it sounds pretty weird)

**HA! **The ball of energy made by juubi started to crack as Frank's super Kamehameha wave was starting to pierce right through until the ball was shattered entirely. The energy wave then came in contact to juubi pushing him 50 meters away from the town completely knocking it out.

This time it was Frank's turn to catch his breath but it seemed the fight was over.

**Who are you?** Frank turned around to see it was the man that saved his life…sort of. I mean Frank would have survived the blast but it might have turned the tides of battle towards juubi's favor.

Frank then calmed down to his normal state and greeted the Yondaime warrior emperor with friendly banter as well as introducing himself.

**My name is Son Frank. I originally came for noodles and then suddenly that monster attacked and I had to debate whether to help you or not considering this isn't really my town and all but choose to fight the monster anyway soooooooooo, how's it going?** Frank said all in one breathe.

Jake couldn't help but laugh at Frank's personality as it reminded him of his own wife. One who acts childish but within that childish like mind lays an infinite amount of strength and will power.

**My name is Jake G Mallque, this town's secret leader and protector but it seems that you were doing my job for me. You have my deepest gratitude.**

Frank gave Jake the family Son grin look feeling a bit sheepish as he's not used to being praised.

**No problem. Let's just say … you owe me one.**

There was a loud screeching growl come from the forest outside of the gate.

**Man, he just doesn't learn to give up does he. **As Frank was just about to go to stage three of his transformation to end it quickly, he was stopped by Jake as he raised his hand.

Jake was stuck in finding a way to stop juubi. He had to admit that Frank is powerful but you can't stop something that just can't die. The only way to kill a Bijuu is to seal him within someone and kill the host but even that can't keep a Bijuu down as it would come back a century later and even if Frank managed to KO juubi then what? … There was only one option he had in mind in order to end all this. He looked at Frank as he looked like he was about to transform again but Jake knows that with every transformation, comes exertion of energy from transforming as that is the law of the celestial gates assuming that his transformations and the celestial gates are similar. Jake stopped Frank before he wasted precious energy that they might need later.

**Stop. I think I have an idea in stopping this once and for all. If you would Frank, take me to where juubi is. **_Forgive me Sayo… Victoria…. _Frank nodded and placed a hand in Jake's shoulder while placing two fingers with his other hand.

**Get ready Jake. And **just like that, they vanished from the eyes of the spectators.

Frank and Jake arrived in front of juubi only to see it in … chains?

**Sayo! What are you doing here? You should be in bed with Victoria. How did you even get here before us?** Jake said in panic.

**In order, I'm here because juubi's my problem and responsibility as I am its previous host, Victoria is here with me and I feel fine enough to walk around. How I got here before you, I used one of your kunai and teleported here. The screeching you heard is from me chaining him up. **Sayo said simply with a proud smile on her face.

**Since … when did you learn Flying Raijin Jutsu? **Jake said in a dumbfounded expression.

**My little secret.** She said in a sing song voice but she started to cough and clutch her stomach. Jake immediately came to her side.

**You really shouldn't push yourself.** Jake said while placing his cloak on her for warmth.

**Where's Victoria? **Minato asked. Sayo pointed to a tree and he picked up a baby basket that laid a sleeping black baby girl.

Frank couldn't help but smile looking at the small little thing as it reminded him of his own kids and family. A sudden frown appeared on Frank's face and he quickly turned away so no one could see him.

**Jake what are you doing? **Sayo asked. Jake gave her a serious look as he placed little Victoria in the middle of the forest as familiar looking seals started to surround the basket.

Sayo's eyes widened in horror and tried to stop Jake.

**Jake STOP! Please don't do this to him, don't do this to our son. You can't do this to her or to yourself please. You'll die!** Sayo wailed in agony as she watched Jake about to summon the death god and use Shiki Fuujin.

**I don't have a choice.** Jake said remorsefully. Sayo tried to get up herself but couldn't find the energy to do it as she spent all her energy into chaining juubi. Frank watched with his eyes bulged from hearing that someone was about to die.

**Wait what's happening? What's Jake doing?** Frank asked in panic.

**Frank please don't interfere on what I'm about to do next. This is for safety of the village as well as the well-being of my family. **Jake said in a dead panned voice.

**It's not going to be family if Victoria doesn't grow up with a father! Please Jake don't do this. If you're going to seal it to someone, seal it in me. **Sayo begged. Jake shook his head.

**I don't think you'll be able to handle the stress have having been sealed again sayo. If I sealed it to you again, then we both might end up dead. **Jake said.

**Frank! Frank's your name right? Stop him please. He's going to kill himself if he goes through with this. Stop him! **Sayo screamed.

Frank didn't know what to do or who he should listen to but a loud feral growl interrupted everyone's thoughts and movements as juubi was about to reach for Victoria and impale him with its finger. Both Jake and Sayo leapt forward in order to protect their daughter but someone managed to beat them to it. Frank was holding juubi's finger with both of his hands held tight.

**Oh no you don't.** Frank said with a disapproving look. Both parents sighed in relief for the safety of their daughter. It was then Frank spoke that interrupted there moment of peace.

**If you're going to seal someone with something, maybe you should let me do it. I know a sealing technique thanks to my sensei. It doesn't hurt the one being sealed nor does it hurt me in any way or at least it didn't hurt … anyway last time I did this it kind of had a side effect and I was only lucky my sensei Shenlong was there to undo it.** Frank said.

Both Jake and Sayo looked at Frank with hope in their eyes.

**Unfortunately sensei isn't here right now nor will he ever be able to come here. I hope I can trust in you to take care of the situation once it's completed. **Frank said

Sayo and Jake nodded and promised Frank that whatever happens that they will take care of it. To Jake though, it seemed like he was saying goodbye, and it saddened him because he felt the he knew him even though they only knew each other for a short period of time.

Frank gave them the Son grin and started his technique.

The earth started to shake violently as Frank started to power up to his very limit. Both Sayo and Jake watched in fascination as Frank kept on changing and changing to all these various transformations. They saw Frank with the longest, shiniest and most ridiculous hair piece that they have ever seen on anyone ever before. Sayo had to control herself from laughing as it was a serious situation. Frank then started to tense as his teeth suddenly became fangs and his muscles as well as his height started to grow at an alarming rate. With a bright yellow flash, no longer was Son Frank there, but something completely bizarre. Frank's hair was no longer blonde but crimson red. The hair style seemed like of his normal form. His eyes were no longer teal nor was it onyx, but red with a black center which also possesses a shadow trim around the eyes and over the eyelids. His body was covered in silver clolk and was wearing yellow khaki pants. (I'm guessing its khaki) In other words, it didn't look like Frank at all.

It was then Frank tensed again as many bulges started to appear in his chest. What came out were **nine magatamas** with stars on them. Each **magatamas** had different number of stars on them with seven being the highest. Frank looked at juubi in the eyes and for some strange reason; juubi seemed to be …shaking, shaking in fear as the cold, merciless looking eyes lay upon him. A look that was even more terrifying then a demons stare. He gave Jake and Sayo a final look and smiled at them in what he was about to do next.

**Here it goes! Nine Dragon Seal! **The magatamas on Frank 's chest started to glow in a red hue until the red light started to get brighter and brighter until it shined all over quahog. Once the red light was gone, so were Frank and juubi. Jake and sayo immediately checked their daughter and on Victoria's stomach had the kanji word for dragon on it. The mark soon disappeared into the little baby's skin and became a normal pale stomach. As Jake and sayo were about to leave, they heard something in the far corner of the bushes. When they went to check it out, they were shocked at what laid before them.

A sleeping baby dragon sucking on his thumb with a letter while hugging what seemed to be three sleeping baby emberos with one having red tail.

**My name is Frank G Mallque.**

**I'm Saiyan.**

**I have been alive for a Millennium.**

**If my master Evangeline would say living forever isn't as great as you think.**

**Then she is right for her view, it's pretty tough, you know.**

**I mean yeah you have some good times.**

**But they're mere moments to the rest of your life.**

**Goodbyes always come.**

**No worse than that you just get tired of everything, **

**No matter how much you like it.**

**You can't get excited about anything.**

**As life goes on you just forget everything.**

**It suck for her.**

**I became a hero for this reason, so a can return a favor for the life he save.**

**This is the story of those who- **

**For whatever reason got stuck in this crazy existence.**


	2. Chapter 1

(Disclaimer: I do not own Family Guy or John and Tyler. Only the characters, Frank and Frank Jr.)

**Chapter 1: Death Has a Shadow**

There's a red book that says 'Franks' journal'; the book opens itself and shows a picture of a little boy wearing a red hat, sadly sitting on his bed.

_**Once upon a time there was a very sad little boy...**_

The book flips the next page showing another picture of the little boy with a happy family.

_**Who lived with a happy family who was very nice to him...?**_

The book flips the next page showing the picture of the little girl in school being bullied by a fat boy: hitting her, pulling pranks on her and putting her head in the toilet.

_**And in his school was much worse; a girl was being bullied by a violent fat boy who enjoyed torturing girls like her...**_

The book flips the next page showing the picture of the fat boy being beat up by the boy and arrested by the police and the little girl just looking at him.

_**One day: the boy slaying fat boy, he was caught and sent to juvenile hall, where he can't hurt her anymore...**_

The book flips the next page showing the picture of the little girl and the little boy still sitting sadly on her bed.

_**She thought her life will be beautiful for now on. But she never expected the amazing things she would face through her next years...**_

Suddenly the narrator's hand ripped off the page and it revealed it was Frank reading a story.

"Yeah, right, like that would EVER happen" Frank said, closing the book.

"Yeah, what a load of crap" Frank Jr said.

"Okay, son, time to go to sleep" Frank said.

"Ah...it's already morning" Frank Jr said.

"Does that mean we stayed awake all night?" Frank asked.

"Don't worry, I know how to stay awake" Frank Jr said taking out a MC GRILLGIL and ate it "Also..." He took out two cans: a regular milo and Red Bull. He drank them at the same time.

***BURP***

"And I already had breakfast" Frank Jr said.

"That's my boy!" Frank praised.

And so Frank and Frank Jr started their routine while the song 'All Star' by Smash Mouth is playing: They prepared their bath in the bathroom. They heat the bath, but of course, it overheated the water to the point that they almost burned themselves in a comical way.

_Well the years start coming and they don't stop coming_

_Fed to the rules and I hit the ground running_

_Didn't make sense not to live for fun_

_Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb_

_So much to do so much to see_

_So what's wrong with taking the back streets?_

_You'll never know if you don't go_

_You'll never shine if you don't glow_

They brushed their teeth AND shave their beards, even though Frank Jr doesn't have a beard...or does he? After they got dressed, what do they do now? Sitting on and relax like two lazy guys.

_Hey now you're an All Star get your game on, go play_

_Hey now you're a Rock Star get the show on get paid_

_All that glitters is gold_

_Only shooting stars break the mold_

***Solo Whistling***

Unfortunately for them, every month a Child Protection Services agent come to do an inspection to know if Frank 's living conditions are appropriate for Frank jr. Otherwise they'll put Frank jr in an orphanage, something that they don't want that to happen. But of course, they both have a plan.

_Hey now you're an All Star get your game on, go play_

_Hey now you're a Rock Star get the show on get paid_

_All that glitters is gold_

_Only shooting stars break the mold_

When the song ended the agent arrived and Frank was waiting for him.

"Excuse me, are you Frank Mallque?" the agent asked.

"Hello, you must be from Child Protection Service, am I right?" Frank asked.

"Yes, I'm here to see if your living conditions are adequate for raising a child" the agent answered.

"I see... Frank Jr! Come in here!" Frank called as Frank Jr came out...with a paintball gun.

"We don't want unwanted visitors!" Frank said shooting at the agent.

"Wait-argh-stop it!" the agent begged, as he was covered with paint.

"Looks like green is your color" Frank said.

"This is unacceptable!" The agent said, furious.

"You mean like THIS?!" Frank asked pulling a rope and a bucket of dog food covered the agent.

"What's all this?" the agent asked.

"Just our dog's food" Frank answered "Brain!"

Brain and stewie in a werewolf costume (wearing his pants) came out and started barking at the agent. The agent just screamed and ran away. Frank and Frank Jr just laughed off their asses after getting rid of another agent.

"That was awesome!" Frank Jr cheered.

"Totally, nobody messes with the Mallque/Griffins!" Frank said.

"You're the coolest dad I ever had" Frank Jr said as they both gave each other a high five.

**Hey that's me frank, you're wondering why I scared the Child** **Protection Services agent, then I should start at the beginning, in this flashback" I was five years old and I had no friends**

**Flashback's starts**

We see a very shy child Frank (he wears the same current clothes, but he had shorts instead of pants and a regular t-shirt) behind a tree until somebody appeared from the tree: it was a little girl; but her hair is a neat, she has Big Glass and a tooth showing out from her mouth (A/E: She's basically based on Ellie from Up); she's wearing a pink and blue shirt, denim overalls and black shoes.

"HI!" the little girl greeted with a sweet accent.

"AH!" kid Frank screamed.

"Hey, don't be shy, I don't bite" the little girl said "I'm meg, and you?"

"Frank Mallque" kid Frank answered.

"Nice to meet you, Frank "kid Meg replied "So, is this your first day of school?"

"Uh..."

"Pretty hard, isn't it?" Kid Meg asked "Well, don't worry, I'll be your first friend"

"So...what were you doing in that tree?" kid Frank asked.

"You mean my Fun Tree" kid Meg answered.

"Fun tree?" kid Frank asked.

"The tree where I can play during recess and after school" Kid meg explained "I'm an adventurer!"

"An adventurer?" Kid Frank asked.

"Someone who loves adventures" Kid Meg answered as she climbed the tree "Come up!"

She threw a rope down to Frank and he climbed up.

"So...what's the deal?" kid Meg answered showing a cocoon "I've been waiting the whole summer for this..."

The cocoon began breaking up and a butterfly has arisen.

"Wow...is that?" kid Frank asked.

"One of the most amazing discoveries we ever did!" kid Meg answered cheerful.

"Wait...did you say 'we'?" kid Frank asked.

"You're now part of the 'Super Adventure Club'!" kid Meg cheered "Now repeat this after me: "'The fun and joy will never stop, until one of us gives them up"

"The fun and joy will never stop, until one of us gives them up" Frank

"Excellent, we're goanna be the best friends ever!" Meg said.

**Flashback's end**

"It was all fun..."We had a lot adventures together...until I have to move out with my family"

"Why did I leave then?"

Because my dad was being hunted by a mysteries organization, I and my brother had to move in japan with adoptive parents, son goku and son chichi. But I couldn't stop thinking about Meg while I was doing school in japan. So I made a promise that I would tell Meg how I feel about her.

After a few years I return to quahog to find Meg Griffin and end up getting her and getting her pregnant. Now I have a family that _dysfunctional that I have to fix and tolerate. I'll explain the rest of my family in a later chapter, but let's start in the afternoon,_

"It was an ordinary day in Quahog, Rhode Island. The Griffins were watching an episode of _The Brady Bunch_. On left to right were the family on the light purple couch; eldest son Chris Griffin, family dog Brian, who was sitting on the floor, father Peter Griffin, who was holding his grandson Frank G Mallque Jr, mother Lois Griffin, who was holding the youngest son Stewie Griffin in her arms, and finally eldest child and daughters Meg Griffin with her husband Frank G Mallque and her twin sister Persephone, who were lying on their stomachs.

"Mom, Dad, I found cigarettes in Greg's jacket." Jan told her parents.

"Greg, were you smoking cigarettes?" Mike asked, looking at Greg.

"No, dad." Greg answered.

Mike then turned to his wife. "Well, he's lying. There's no doubt about that." He then turned back to Greg. "Greg, I'm afraid your punishment will be four hours in the snake pit." As he said that, he pushed a button next to him that revealed a trapdoor on the floor between Greg and Jan, where hissing noises were coming out of it. "Maybe that'll give you some time to think about what you've done." Mike then finished.

"Aw, man!" Greg whined. He then leaped into the snake pit.

"That'll teach him." Jan smugly said in victory.

Mike was now walking over to a metallic door in the same room. "And Jan, I'm afraid you've earned a day in the chamber of fire..." He then pressed another button on the wall which opened the metallic door, revealing a room filled with flames. Mike soon finished his sentence "...for tattling on your brother."

"Ugh! Smoking. How does a boy like that go so wrong?" Lois said, turning her head to Peter.

"Well, they live in a crummy neighborhood." Peter replied.

"The Brady's?" Frank Jr questioned.

"Oh, hell, yeah. They got robbers, thugs, drug dealers. Ugh, you name it." Frank continued explained.

Suddenly, a black woman pops up from the window holding a stack of pancakes and said. "You folks want some pancakes?"

"No, thank you." Peter told her and then turned to the audience. "See, that's the worst we got is, uh, Jemima's Witnesses."

Later, it was nighttime. Everyone was then at the kitchen table. Well, except for Peter, who wasn't there? There, Lois was busy getting dinner ready, Chris was doing homework and writing notes, Meg was reading a magazine, frank was writing in his journal, frank jr was drawing his own comic book and finally, the baby Stewie was on a high chair, appearing to be adjusting to what appeared to be a ray gun.

"Mom, my lips are too thin. Can I please get collagen injections?" Meg asked her mother.

Lois then answered her. "Meg, you don't need to change the way you look. You know, most of the world's problems stem from poor self-image."

**Cutaway #1**

In a gym called "Das Gym," a wimpy Hitler is trying pathetically to lift two small weights. He then hears laughter coming from his left and turns to see a physically fit Jewish man with woman around him. Hitler soon growls in envy.

**End**

Frank also answer. "Yeah I didn't married an ugly girl but one of the most beautiful girl in quahog."

"Excellent! The mind-control device is nearing completion!" Stewie exclaimed, satisfied with his success.

Lois then took away the rifle he was working on and told him "Stewie, I said no toys at the table." Then Lois spilled juice on Frank Jr's comic.

"Damn you, vile woman/grandma!" Stewie and Frank Jr yelled at their mother/grandmother infuriated. Stewie continued yelling "You've impeded my work since the day I escaped from your wretched womb."

Lois wanted to comfort her babies. "Oh, don't pout, honey. You know, when you were both born, the doctor said you were the happiest looking babies he'd ever seen."

"Yeah, I remember when he was born." Meg said talking about her son's arrival last year, "He was the only baby in the hospital out of all of them born who came out smiling."

"But, of course. That was our victory day. The fruition of my deeply-laid plans to escape from our own cursed ovarian bastille and bring peace to this horrible world!" Stewie explained to his mother and sister, then ordered Lois. "Return the device, woman!"

"No toys, Stewie." Lois told Stewie. She put the device in a cabinet.

"Very well, then. Mark my words, when you least expect it, your prance will come!" Stewie threatened her, narrowing his eyes menacingly at her.

"Kids, I just don't know if I like the idea of your father and son in law going to a stag party tonight." Lois told her kids about their father's plans.

"Relax, mom. It's just a bunch of guys sitting around with a black marker and a checklist of the Ten Commandments." Persephone affirmed her mom.

"Heehaw! Thou shall get drunk. Yeah!" Chris chuckled in humor.

"Mom, can I turn the heat up?" Meg then asked.

"Oh, don't touch the thermostat, Meg. Your father and husband gets upset." Lois said

"Come on. This thing goes up to 90." Meg replied. She barely turned the dial when Peter and Frank soon busted the door open into the room.

"Who touched the thermostat?" Peter and Frank said.

"God, how does they always know?" Meg questioned.

"Brain implant, Meg. Every father's got one. Tells you when the children are messing' with the dial." Frank told his wife.

Right after he said that, a man immediately came in and said "Hey, Peter, my thing went off! Your thermostat okay?"

"Yeah, it's alright." Peter said to the man.

"Hey, is my kid over here?" Said a black man who then entered the scene.

"Forget it! False alarm!" The first man said. Then another possible father came up from behind the other two dads.

"Whoa, ass ahoy." Brian said whilst entering the room, then asked "Hey, Peter, its 7:00 and you've still got your pants on. What's the occasion?"

"They're going to a stag party." Lois answered to Brian's question with her arms crossed.

Peter then tried to convince her about letting him go. "Now, Lois, I work hard all week to provide for this family. I am the man of the house and as the man, I order you to give me and frank permission to go to this party." Peter demanded.

"Look, at least promise me you won't let frank or you drink. Alcohol always leads to trouble." Lois said to Peter, hoping he would take it seriously.

"Come on, you're worrying about nothing." Frank told her, trying to get her to relax, "Besides. Alcohol doesn't affect me."

"Oh? Remember when you got drunk off the Communion wine at church?" Lois asked Frank, reminding him that this sort of thing had happened before.

**Cutaway #2**

At a church, a pastor was giving a sermon to everyone. "And so The Lord God smote poor Job with festering boils all over his body." The pastor said.

"Oh dear, I always feel guilty about this story" God said, who was in one of the pews there.

The pastor continued his sermon. "Yet, miraculously, Job was still able to retain his dignity." While the pastor was talking, Frank was taking a rather big sip from the Communion cup he was allowed to drink, then he coughed.

"Whoa, is that really the blood of Christ?" Frank asked the pastor, now intoxicated.

The pastor answered "Yes."

"Man, that guy must've been wasted 24 hours a day, huh?" Frank drunkenly remarked.

**End**

Lois continued her point. "And then there was that time at the ice cream store."

**Cutaway #3**

The Griffins/Mallques were inside an ice cream parlor, each family member, except Lois, who was holding Stewie, and Brian having their own scoop of ice cream.

"Aw, Butter Rum's my favorite." frank exclaimed at his ice cream. As he takes a single lick, he passes out on a nearby table.

**End**

Brian emerges from underneath the table and furthers Lois's example. "And remember peter had an Irish coffee the day we went to see _Philadelphia_?"

**Cutaway #4**

The Griffins/Mallques were at a theater crying like the other moviegoers, whilst Peter seemingly observing something about the movie they were watching. He then realizes the subject as he claps his hands together and says "I got it. That's the guy from _Big_. Tom Hanks, that's it." Meg and Lois turned their heads towards Peter in slight annoyance. "Aw, funny guy, Tom Hanks. Everything he says is a stitch." Peter continued.

Then on the screen, it showed the said actor saying "I have AIDS." Frank then busted out laughter at what he said, believing it to be a joke. His wife, Meg, however, gave him a very mad look on her face.

**End**

"Promise me, you two." Lois said in irritation, hoping he would.

"Lois, honey, I promise. Not a drop of alcohol is goanna touch these lips tonight." Peter proclaimed, giving a Lois a slight smile of satisfaction.

It then cuts to the stag party. Immediately, a man with the red Hawaiian shirt said "Hey! Who wants to play 'Drink the Beer'?" The man was named Quagmire.

"Right here." Peter said. The chugged the beer.

"Heh, you win." Quagmire said.

"Alright. What do he win?" Frank asked.

"Another beer!" Quagmire said, handing a beer to Peter.

"Oh, he's going for the high score!" Frank excitedly claimed.

"Well, actually, Charlie's got the high score." Quagmire said pointing to a man supposedly Charlie urinating in a grandfather clock. "Hey, man. Your clock won't flush." said Charlie.

Soon then, Frank began to feel guilty about breaking his Lois, which he then told the guys. "You know, I feel kind of bad, you guys. I promised my mom I wouldn't drink."

"Aw, don't feel bad, frank." Quagmire told frank.

"Huh, gee. I never really thought of it like that."

"Hey! Did you bring the porno?" A man to Peter's right said.

"Did I bring the porno, eh?" Peter replied, holding up a video cassette entitled _Assablanca_ on the front. "You're gonna love it. It's a classic."

They guys were watching the movie on a couch. The movie they were watching was an erotic version of the classic film _Casablanca_.

"Listen, Elsa. If I take this thing out and you're not on it, you'll regret it. Maybe not today, maybe not today. But soon, and for the rest of your life." The man in a trench coat said to Elsa.

"Oh, come on, Elsa! Get on!" Peter told the fictional character, desperate to see some action.

Back in the movie, Elsa then took off her robe, revealing herself in her underwear. Just as she was about to remove her bra, static cuts the scene to a picture of the Statue of Liberty. "The statue was originally a gift from France." said the announcer, as it was a documentary.

"What is this?" Charlie demanded.

"Aw, man. My brother must've taped over this for history class." Frank replied in realization.

Almost all the guys there groaned in disappointment. "Aw, the Statue of Liberty? What are we gonna do?" One of them asked.

"Boys, boys, we're gonna drink till she's hot." Peter suggested.

"Eh, that's just crazy enough to work." Quagmire agreed with.

Soon, they were all busy slurping and consuming much alcohol in order to satisfy their specific needs. Suddenly, a blue, mysterious glowing light came from outside, but the guys were too on their own plan to even notice.

Then morning arose and everyone was having breakfast. The catch, however, was that they were having their breakfast on top of a hangover Peter, who was already awake.

"Meg, finish your pancakes. Chris, elbows off your father." Lois told her kids. "Thanks, son." Peter thanked Chris as the boy lifted his elbows.

"Bacon's great, mom." Meg said to Lois, "Where's the juice?"

"Over by the crotch." Frank informed her.

"37 beers. Well, you're setting a great example for the kids, Peter." Lois said to her husband.

"Yeah, a new family record. Way to raise the bar, dad." Chris said.

"Chris, you're 13. Don't talk like that." Frank Jr told Chris.

"Now, guys, Pops only drank so the Statue of Liberty would take her clothes off." frank abruptly said.

"Peter, what did you promise me last night?" Lois tested Peter to remind him of what she said before.

"I wouldn't drink at the stag party." frank replied.

Lois then gave Peter another question about last night. "And what did you do?"

"Drank at the stag pa... Oh, ho, ho, ho, I almost walked right into that one." Peter chuckled, but then had his hands on his head. "Oh, God! It feels like accountants are cranking adding machines in my head." Peter complained in headache. The scene then zooms inside Peter's head to show two accountants in desks doing exactly what Peter said about them.

The accountant on the left asked the right accountant "Dick, you ever wonder what's outside those walls?"

The right accountant, on the other hand, brushed off the question and told his workmate "Say now, that's dangerous thinking, Paul. You best stick to your work."

The other accountant then agreed "Okay," is all he said after that. Then he and his partner went back to work.

Back outside of Peter's head, Lois then said "You see, Peter? A hangover is nature's way of telling you I was right. I mean... Ughh." She was cut off by the snap of one of her chair's legs and ended up on the floor.

"Mom, are you all right?" Meg asked.

Lois got back up, assuring everyone she was okay. "My goodness. This chair leg was loose. Isn't that silly? I could've broken my neck." Lois said after surveying the chair leg.

"Damn!" Stewie bitterly replied after Lois said that, indicating he was the one to have caused it.

"Look, honey, we took a cab home, we let the hobos outside sleep on the porch, and we slept on the table so we wouldn't..." Peter informed Lois before she cut him off.

"Wait a minute, Peter." Lois stopped Peter, "What did you mean by 'the hobos outside?'"

"Oh, that. Well, you see, these two homeless guys were on the front porch when we got home. They were already out by the time we noticed them. So I decided to just let them crash there for the night." Peter told her.

Lois went to the front door to see if Peter was right and after looking both sides, she looked down and found two young men lying unconscious on the front porch, just as Peter said. They appeared to have been pummeled a lot, as one of them had a huge bruise on his. "Oh, my God!" was all Lois could say at her discovery. Then she got the kids in the living room. "Kids, help me bring them inside. They need our help." Lois and Chris lifted up a boy with brown hair who was wearing a long-sleeve, red shirt, blue pants and dark-gray shoes. They placed him on the couch to make him comfortable and to help him recover quicker. They then brought in the other teen who had glasses, tan-blonde hair, was wearing a cyan shirt, grey shorts and sneakers. They instead laid him on a blanket spreader on the floor.

"Are they dead?" Chris was curious.

"They're not dead, you idiot. They're still breathing." Persephone told her low-grade brother.

"Oh, yeah? Well, prove it." Chris dared her.

Persephone then held on Boy #2's nose to show Chris. When the boy begins to move, she lets go and proves to him right.

"Chris, go and tell your father. I'm going to need him to

"Alright, Persephone, I'm going to need you to watch them while I'm gone. Okay?" Lois informed Meg.

"Yes. ma'am." Persephone said.

Lois went to find where the first-aid kit was. The boy then started to gain a bit of consciousness back, but Persephone didn't hear nor notice him, as she looked at Tyler first, wondering where he and the other boy came from. The kid groaned and thought "Oww, what happened? Where am I?" He couldn't feel his eyes open and decided to move his hand a bit to hand to the left, but soon Persephone felt something touching her rear, which the felt the same. He managed to get his eyes opened and found his hand on what looked like a butt, which made him look up to find a girl looking down from behind. It was silent for a moment or two, then finally they both screamed at the same time, which then woke up the other boy on the ground. Lois, Meg, Frank Jr and Chris rushed back into the living room to see what happened.

"You pervert!" Persephone shouted at the boy on the couch.

"Persephone. Are you okay? What happened?" Meg asked Persephone.

"He touched my butt!" Persephone pointed to the boy on the couch, who was now conscience.

"What?!" Lois exclaimed.

Chris laughs at the situation. "Looks like Persephone's got new boyfriend." Chris then said.

"Is this true?" Lois asked the boy who "touched" her.

"No, her butt was right in front of my face." The boy claimed.

Suddenly, the boy on the floor was just getting up. He then took a big yawn and then stretched. "Morning'." The boy said now waking up, "Wait, afternoon? Or was it evening?"

"It's morning." Lois told him.

"Oh..." Boy #2 replied.

"Can we get back to me, please? I got sexually harassed by some boy on a couch." Persephone said.

"For the last time, I..." Boy #1 said.

"That's enough, you two!" Lois broke in, attempting to end their arguing.

"But he..." Persephone said. "But she..." The boy on the couch said.

"No 'buts'. Now, Persephone, I don't want you to be rude to our new guests. They were on our front door and they need all our help and during then, I like for you to maybe get to know this boy a little more. Maybe it was just a misunderstanding." Lois told Persephone.

"But I..." Persephone said before Lois gave a stern look at her, causing her to change her mind. "Okay, fine, mom."

"That's better." Lois said. She turned her direction to the boy now. "And young man, I suggest you and your friend do the same."

"Alright." Boy #1 said.

"Yes, ma'am." Boy #2 said.

"Thank you... Oh, I'm sorry. I don't even know your names." Lois said realizing she didn't know their names first.

"Our names... Uhh... I think mine is..." Boy #1, "That's weird. I can't remember what my name is."

"Yeah. Me, too. Or anything else, for that matter." Boy #2 also said.

"How come they can't remember, grandma?" Frank Jr asked.

"I think they might have amnesia." Lois claimed.

"Who's amnesia?" Boy #2

"Not who, what. It's a condition where you cannot remember who you were." Lois said, "I know. How about you two stay here with us until you get your memories back. How does that sound?"

"That's mighty kind of you, Mrs..." Boy #2 said upon realizing something important, "Uh, I'm sorry. My friend and I don't know your names."

"Oh, I'm sorry. My name is Lois Griffin, but you two will call me 'Mrs. Griffin,' okay?" Lois told the boys. "Let me introduce you boys to everyone."

"I can see one of you've met my daughters, Meg and Persephone, whose ass you grabbed." Lois told Boy #1.

"Wha- No! I didn't know it was her, "rear" that I touched. Besides, I had my eyes closed. I couldn't see where my hand was." Boy #1 quickly replied. "Sure you were." Lois said sarcastically. "I DIDN'T!" Boy #1 shouted.

Boy #2 pointed to Chris. "That's my son, Chris. And this here is little baby Stewie and my cute grandson Frank Jr." Lois told the boys. "Say hi to the nice people, Stewie." Lois said affectionately to her baby.

"Hey, Lois, are you and the kids done with breakfast, 'cause, uh, I like to get off now." Peter said from in the kitchen.

"Yeah he is starting to smell" frank said walking in the room

"Oh, and that would be my husband, Peter and my son in law Frank." Lois said still aggravated with him.

Everyone, including the new guests, then went to the kitchen where Peter was still lying on the table with breakfast on him.

"Peter, Frank, are these the 'hobos' you were telling me about?" Lois asked Frank and Peter.

"Yeah, that's them. Nice to meet ya, I'm Peter Griffin. You can call me Peter." Peter then talked to the boys, "What are your names?"

"Uh, Peter, they don't really know much about their names because they've got amnesia." Frank informed Peter.

"Amnesia? Wait. It is contagious, is it?" Peter questioned Lois.

"No, Peter." Lois answered.

"Whew, thank God." Peter relieved.

"Anyway, Peter, I was hoping maybe we could have them stay here until they recover. I don't think they have anywhere else and I feel we should help them. So, what do you say? Can they stay?" Lois asked Peter about the decision.

"Well... I-I guess... Anyway, Lois, I was just letting you know that I slept on the table so I wouldn't wake you up. Nothing bad happen." Peter reminded Lois of earlier. "And I slept on the couch so I wouldn't wake anybody up". Frank explained to Lois.

"Well, I... I guess you're right." Lois accepted their apology.

"Apology accepted. All right, I'm going to work. Somebody's gotta put food on this table." Peter said. He then passed out rolling off the table along with the family's breakfast.

Peter went to his workplace, the Happy-Go-Lucky toy factory. Peter's boss, Mr. Weed was checking up on his workers' progress. "How are you coming, Johnson?" Mr. Weed asked Johnson. The worker then replied "Well, Mr. Weed, I've been working on the new G.I. Jew line and as you can see, they look great." He was holding a prototype of his toy, an army soldier meant to resemble a stereotypical Jewish man, which said "You call these bagels?" "Whoa! I'm glad he's on our side!" The worker replied to the toy's statement.

The boys from back at the house came with frank and Peter to work, who was asleep behind a conveyor belt that had different types of toys going by on it. "Peter!" said Mr. Weed waking up Peter, who stuttered "What?" Mr. Weed was very upset "Are you sleeping on the job?" Frank tried to convince him "Uh, no. There's, uhh, a bug in his eye and he's trying' to suffocate him."

Mr. Weed then went easy on Peter "Peter, I like you. But I need you to be more than just eye candy around here. It's your job to watch for toys that could be hazardous to children. Now, look sharp!" "Uh, yes, sir!" Peter replied quickly. As Mr. Weed left, Peter went right back to sleep, where after one row of what innocent playthings were soon became a mini gallery of lethal weapons, such as a knife, a power socket, a tank of gasoline and etc. Boys and frank then attempted to wake Peter up but to prevail.

The next day, the news came on. "And now back to _Action News 5_. Our top story tonight, "When Toys Attack." said the woman in the red anchor uniform. "Quite a situation we've got here, Tom." she soon told her partner. "Quite a situation we've got here, Tom, indeed, Diane." Tom said to Diane, the red-clothed newswoman. "It seems the Happy-Go-Lucky Toy, Co. of Quahog, Rhode Island has released several highly unsafe toy products into the retail market." They then showed footage of some children whose parents purchased the "new" toys. "Come on, Timmy! Throw the Silly Ball!" a kid at home plate said, ready to swing, though instead of a Silly Ball, the kid at pitcher threw an axe which stuck to the boy's bat. "Oh, boy! A Pound Puppy!" said another boy who was shaking open a _Pound Puppies_ box, only to find medicine to come out. Then, lastly, it showed a girl playing with a Baby Heimlich doll. "Come on, Baby Heimlich, spit it out." The baby then spat up fire.

Mr. Weed, watching the news in his office, ashamed and outraged, turned off the TV and turned to Peter. "Peter, I am appalled. Your negligence has damaged this company's reputation." "You're fired!" Mr. Weed then shouted. "Aw, jeez. For how long?" Peter stupidly asked his now former boss.

Back home before dinner was ready, Peter told his kids and the boys staying with them the news of what happened.

"Oh, my God! You got fired?" Meg said after hearing her father.

"Way to go, dad! Fight the machine!" Chris rooted for his father. "How do you know about the machine?" Stewie questioned Chris. "He didn't" Boy #2 told him. "Oh, well, never mind, then." Stewie replied back.

"Boy, now I feel back about giving' Chris his first one

Frank tried to calm them down. "Now, don't worry, kids. Your father's still gonna put food on this table. Just not as much. So it might get competitive." Peter informed them.

Meg got up from her chair, "Who cares about food? Now we'll never be able to afford my lip injections!" Meg said as she sat back down with her hands on her face.

"Hey, Peter, can we put her out in the yard for a while?" Brian suggested to Peter, which frank soon asked, "hey?"

"Okay, who's hungry?" Lois said affirming that dinner was ready.

"Whoa!" Boy #2 said.

Peter put his hands to his head, trying to come up with a solution to the situation, "Aw, jeez. How the hell am I gonna break this to Lois? If she finds out I got fired for drinking, she's gonna blame me!"

Boy #2 then decided to give Peter some help, "Why not just tell her the tr..."

Before Boy #2 gave him his solution, Peter's devil conscience appeared over his right shoulder. "Lie to her. It's okay to lie to woman. They're not people like us." The Peter devil said.

"Uh, I don't know." Peter said in hesitation. He looked to his left shoulder and waited a second, then asked, "Hey, where's the other guy?"

**Cutaway #5**

Peter's angel conscience was stuck in traffic with Frank's angle conscience. "Come on, you bastard! I'm late for work." The angel said. He then takes a sip of his coffee, which spills on his white robe. "Oh-ohhh-oh, this is perfect!"

**End**

Peter then informed his kids and the guests, "Look, I don't want your mom to worry, all right? When she worries, she says, 'I told you so' and 'Stop doing that. I'm asleep.' So I'm just gonna tell a little lie, okay? Now, not a word to your mom about me getting canned." "The same goes for you two also." Peter also said to Boys #1 &amp; 2.

"What's that, Peter?" Lois asked Peter about what he was saying as she walked in the room holding dinner.

"Uh-uh, nothing. Uh, oh, the lost-his-job smells great." Frank nervously said out. "What?" Lois questioned.

"Uh-uh, Meg, honey, can you pass the fired-my-ass-for-negligence?" Peter quickly changed the subject nervously.

"Peter, frank are you two feeling okay?" Lois was concerned. "Heheh, I feel great! We haven't got a job in the world." Frank replied.

"All right, then let's eat." Lois stated. "Now, I know you all hate eggplant, but..." She was cut off when a blue laser suddenly zoomed right in front of her, catching her and everyone else's attention. "What on earth was that?" Lois exclaimed. "It looked like some sort of laser..." frank Jr claimed. Everyone pointed towards Stewie, who was holding what appeared to be a sandwich with a gunpoint at the opposite of Stewie's face. "What the deuce are you staring at? It's tuna fish... And nothing else." Stewie told everyone as the gunpoint then rolled into the sandwich. Boy #1 then gave Stewie a suspicious look, assuming there's more to this child than meets the eye.

The next day, Peter walks back to the house with Boys #1 &amp; 2, frank and Brian waiting for him on the front porch.

"Hey, how's the job search going?" Brian asked Peter.

"Uh, it sucks, guys. I've already been through two jobs this week. I got off of that commercial." Peter told them.

**Cutaway #6**

Peter is auditioning to be Sonny, the Cocoa Puffs mascot, with little success.

"Try it again." The director said.

Peter gets it wrong. "I'm ca-ca for Cuckoo Puffs."

"No, damn it! Take 26." The director said aggravated at Peter's repeated mistake.

**End**

Frank continued about his father's job search. "And then HE had that job as the sneeze guard for the salad bar at that restaurant."

**Cutaway #7**

At the restaurant Peter mentioned, a woman is going to sneeze at a salad bar, but Peter, who's in uniform, pulls out a gun and points it directly at her. "Take it outside, lady." Peter informed the woman.

**End**

Peter then ended the statement. "And I thought I could win some money in that talent show."

**Cutaway #8**

We are shown a scene from _The Sound of Music_, where an announcer is giving out the results.

"And the grand prize goes to the Von Trapp Family Singers!" The announcer revealed.

"Oh, that is bull..." The last part of his sentence was drowned out by a round of applause from the audience. A German man later comes in and tells Peter, "They're gone!"

"Aw, sweet!" Peter.

**End**

Boy #2 then spoke, "Peter, I know it's a dangerous precedent, but why don't just tell Mrs. Griffin the truth."

"Yeah." Boy #1, "We're sure she'll understand."

"What? That I can't provide for my family? Tha-that she's always right? That I didn't really stand up to that tank in Tiananmen Square?" Peter told Brian, also bringing up a time he did fail Lois at.

**Cutaway #9**

This takes place to the Tiananmen Square event back in 1989. The government tanks are rolling down the street, where Frank and Peter were next to the lone man who attempts to stop the tanks. After looking back and forth between the man and the tanks, Frank suddenly says, "Aw, screw this! We just came over here to buy some fireworks!" After admitting their intentions, both soon runs away.

**End**

"Peter, they're right. You can't keep lying to her about losing your job. Sooner or later, she's gonna find out where you're really going every day." Brian said to Peter.

"Oh, yeah." Peter realized.

**Cutaway #10**

Lois is watching what sounds like a game show on the TV. Behind her is Peter disguising himself as a lamp?

**End**

Peter then realized that Brian and the Boys were right. Then said, "Yeah, you're right. Okay, I'll tell her tonight."

As soon as he left, Boy #1 then decided to ask Frank one personal question. "Hey, Brian, uh... Can I and my friend talk to you for a minute?" Boy #1 finally asked.

"Sure. What do you want to ask me?" Frank replied.

"Well, it's kind of about the baby." Boy #1 said.

"Who? Stewie?" Frank asked.

"Yep." Boy #1 replied.

"Let me guess, you think he's precious, don't you?" Frank teased.

"No. More like deviously psycho." Boy #2 said.

"Oh..." Frank exclaimed, "So, you both see it besides me, eh?"

"You knew?!" Boys # 1 &amp; 2 said in unison.

"Look, it's something you'll both won't understand until you see it." Frank told them.

"Yeah? Well me and 'him' are going to catch him in the act before it's too late. Tonight." Boy #1 said.

"Phhttt. Well, good luck with that." Frank sarcastically told them.

That night, the kitchen was dark and there was no sign of anyone nearby. Just then, Stewie in his PJs enters the room, doing a small flip jump. He then pulls out a grappling hook out from behind him and aims it to the cabinet by the backdoor. He fires the gun and then slowly retracts up to the cabinet. He then opens it and successfully retrieves his mind control device from inside. "Victory is mine!" Stewie triumphantly shouts.

"Gotcha!" Just then, Boys #1 &amp; 2 jumps from different sides towards Stewie and tackle him, which breaks the rope that was holding him. The buys then try to hold down Stewie, but he keeps struggling to escape. Soon, the struggle has them roll under the table. Just then, Lois walks into the room while talking to Peter.

"Peter, I'll need the checkbook in the morning. I'm going to Stop 'N Shop for some sweet corn." Lois said to Peter. As they were talking, the boys' struggle with Stewie continues from underneath the table, though Lois and Peter didn't pay attention to nor could hear them.

"What, you're sending money on food again?" Peter asked Lois, "Geez, Lois, we just had dinner."

"Well, you know, I enjoyed it so much, I thought we'd eat again tomorrow." Lois sarcastically replied to Peter, "Since when are you so concerned about our food budget?"

"Well, I just, uh..." Peter stuttered and struggled, "Lois, this is really hard for me to say, but, uh..."

"What is it, Peter" Lois asked Peter.

Peter was having a hard time trying to tell her what he needed to say. Unfortunately, however. "You're getting kind of fat." Peter lied defeated.

"What?" Lois said a bit angered.

"I-It's just... It's not healthy. Heheheh..." Peter lied again.

"Peter, I do my Jane Fonda workout tape three times a week. When was the last time you saw your toes?" Lois reminded to Peter.

"Gee... Man, I thought you people were supposed to be jolly." Peter said.

"Peter, what the hell's the matter with you?" Lois concernedly asked Peter, "Honey, if's there's something wrong, you can tell me."

Just after she said that, Peter's angel conscience finally arrives. "Hey, uh, sorry, man. Am I late? What did I miss?" Peter's angel conscience asked him.

"Ah, thank God you're here. What do I do?" Peter asked his conscience.

Just as it was about to answer, a devil conscience for the angel conscience then appears.

"Tell him to keep lying." The smaller frank devil conscience told the angel, "He's in too deep."

"Uhh, I don't know." The angel was struggling to say. He then looks to his left, only to find no one there. "Hey, where's the other guy?"

**Cutaway #11**

Just like what happened with the angel conscience, the angel's frank angel conscience is, you guessed it, stuck in traffic.

"Ughh! This is unbelievable!" The smaller angel said.

**End**

Peter lets out a slight sigh, then says, "Lois, I promise you, everything's fine. You got nothing' to worry about."

"Well, well, mother!" A familiar voice came out, "We meet again!"

Lois turns around to find Stewie pointing his ray gun directly toward Lois, though, she doesn't seem horrified.

"Mrs. Griffin, get out of here!" Boy #1 said coming out from underneath beaten up.

"Yeah! Stewie's psycho!" Boy #2 soon too came out, also heavily bruised.

"What are you boys doing down the-" Lois was saying to the boys as she turns her attention to Stewie, "Stewie, I thought I tucked you in an hour ago."

"Not tightly enough it would seem." Stewie told back to Lois, "And now, you contemptible harpy, and with those two imbeciles out of the way, I shall end your oppressive reign of matriarchal tyranny."

"Oh, I see what's going on." Lois said.

"You do?" The boys underneath the table said.

"Yes, of course. You were both playing with Stewie." Lois said affectionately, "Well, isn't that sweet of you, boys."

"What?" Boys #1 &amp; 2 exclaimed, shocked at what they've just heard.

"Oh, you can play with your new friends tomorrow, honey." Lois said to Stewie as she put the device back up in the cabinet, "Right now its bedtime."

"Oh! Blast you and your estrogenically treachery!" Stewie yelled as Lois was carrying him out of the kitchen. "And your inefficient henchmen, too!" He then said, referring to the boys.

"Heh, sweet dreams, kiddo." Peter said to Stewie.

"You have the power to end this!" Stewie pointed to Peter.

Just as Lois left with Stewie, frank and Brian walks in and he, Peter and the boys sat at the table.

"Hey, how'd she take it?" Brian asked Peter.

"He told her she was fat." Boy #2 replied for Peter.

"No. No." frank then told Peter as he tapped his newspaper on Peter's head.

"Look, I hate lying to Lois. It's just... I-It the best way to keep her from knowing the truth." Peter explained to them.

"Mr. Griffin, you have to hear about it before it's too late." Boy #1 reasoned.

"He's right, Peter, you don't have a choice. Your unemployment's gonna dry up soon and she'll probably sense something's amiss when they repossess your house." Brian then followed.

"Yeah, Mr. Griffin, you really ought to think about your family's welfare, or something..." Boy #2 said.

"Jeez, guys! That's a great idea!" Peter exclaimed in dignity.

"No. That's not what I..." Boy #2 replied to Peter's statement.

"Hey, thanks a lot. Alright, I'm goin' to bed. Don't stay up too late, guys." Peter told them as he left the room.

"By the way, what happened?" Brian asked the boys.

"Uh, we were fighting Stewie." Boy #2 told Brian.

"You two knew what was going to happen, didn't you?" Boy #1 questioned Brian.

"Pretty much." Brian replied, "So, now do you understand why I don't act?"

"Yes." Both of them agreed.

"Good." frank told them as he went off for bed.

The next day, Peter and frank was at the welfare offices in hopes of them giving him money.

"Okay, do you have any disabilities, past injuries, physical anomalies?" The accountant asked Peter.

"Uhhh... Eh, o-oh! I-I didn't have gas for the first time until I was 30." Peter proclaimed.

**Cutaway #12**

It shows a younger Peter and frank's father Jake in his early 30s possibly in the '70s, where they're reading the paper. Suddenly, he farts for the first time and they stops reading with a surprised look in peter face.

"What the hell was that?" Peter wondered.

**End**

Peter and frank excitedly returns home with their new welfare check. The boys, the kids (except Stewie) and Brian were there at the front porch.

"Guys, our money problems are over. We're officially on welfare!" Peter told everyone, "Come on, kids, help me scatter car parts on the front lawn."

"Uh, how much are we getting?" Brian then asked. "Yeah." Boy #2 replied.

"Uh, let's see. $150 a week." Peter exclaimed.

"Huh. Well, that's not too bad." Boy #1 said.

Persephone takes a closer look at the check. "Wait." She soon said, "That's a comma, not a decimal."

Frank lifts his thumbs to show how much it really was; $150,000.

"Uh-oh..." Boy #2 proclaimed.

"Whoops." Peter replied.

Back in the house, Lois was sitting in the kitchen talking on the phone.

"No, no, I haven't seen Peter nor the new house guests all afternoon." Lois said on the phone, "I was giving a piano lesson."

Suddenly, arrows hit the side of the chair Lois was sitting on, exactly a few feet away from her. She then notices Stewie behind where she was looking at.

"Stewie, why don't you play in the other room?" Lois told Stewie.

Stewie steps out from behind the table. "Why don't you burn in Hell?" The toddler yelled back.

"Well, no dessert for you, buddy." Frank Jr said to Stewie's statement.

Somewhere else in the neighborhood, Peter and frank was curiously acknowledging how much money the government gave him, whilst Brian was urinating on a fire hydrant.

"Boy! Who would've thought getting drunk at a stag party would get me $150,000 a week from the government?" Peter excitedly said.

"This is why I don't vote." Brian scoffed.

"Heh. Hey, maybe somebody down there was drinking, too, huh?" frank assumed.

**Cutaway #13**

At a presidential hearing, a man in the crowd gives the President a question about his politics.

"Mr. President, why do you think the American public continues to support you throughout these impeachment proceedings?" The man asked.

"Um, probably because you're so fat." Bill Clinton trash talked back at the man as he was clearly intoxicated from the martini he was drinking.

**End**

"Peter, you might want to call the Welfare Commission." Brian told Peter, "That check is obviously an oversight."

"Well, not necessarily." Peter suggested, "Maybe I'm like their one millionth customer."

"What, you're gonna spend a $150,000 a week?" frank questioned Peter.

"Um. Yeah." Peter said a bit nervous.

"On what?" Brian asked.

Back at the house, Peter was just showing everyone his first purchase with the welfare money.

"Oh, my God!" Lois exclaimed in surprise, "Peter, you bought the Statue of David?" It was indeed the Statue of David.

"No, no, no, He just rented it." Frank informed Lois, "Yeah, they're gonna be ticked, though. The penis broke off while I was loading it into the car." Peter then threw the broken off fragment into the distance. It crashes through a window in Mr. Weed's house, where, coincidentally, it lands right next to him sitting in his living room.

"I shall call you 'Eduardo.'" Mr. Weed said at his newfound companion.

Cuts back to the Griffins outside their house.

"Frank, how can we afford this?" Meg questioned Frank.

"You're not gonna believe it, mom! Dad's getting a-" Frank Jr said, almost blowing Peter and frank's plan.

"A-a big raise!" Peter quickly said before Frank Jr finished.

"Peter, that's wonderful!" Lois claimed in excitement.

"But, dad, I thought-" Chris almost blew it again.

"Th-the kind of raise that'll allow me to give my kids a big allowance just to keep their big mouths shut." Peter interrupted again, this time bribing Chris, "Come on, you guys. I'll buy us the most expensive meal we've ever had."

The Griffins are in their car, along with the boys, at a restaurant's drive-thru with Peter giving their orders.

"Yeah, I'd like 6,000 chicken fa-ji-tas, please." Peter said to the intercom.

"I beg your pardon?" The clerk through the intercom asked.

"Uh, 6,000 chicken fa-ji-tas." Peter repeated.

"And a "So-sage" McBiscuit, please." Brian said afterwards.

"And two sodas." Boys #1 &amp; 2 followed in unison.

"And white cheeseburger." Frank Jr followed after

The next day, Peter has everyone gathered in the living room.

"Peter, what's the big surprise?" Lois asked Peter.

"Lois, you know how I always said you should be treated like a queen?" Peter questioned Lois, "Well, I you your own jester." After telling her, Peter claps his hands and summons Lois' "jester;" Jerry Seinfeld.

"Hey, guys. It's good to be here in New England." Jerry Seinfeld said as he walked out of the kitchen in a jester outfit, "And what's the deal with "New" England, anyway? It's over 200 years old! Last time I checked, that's not that new."

"Ha". Frank laugh.

The next thing Peter spend with his welfare money was at the Quahog Institute of Cosmetic Surgery, with its slogan, "Because you're no prize."

"Aw, this is great." Peter said, "I can finally afford to give my little girl the lips she's always dreamed of."

"Wonder what she's gonna look like?" Boy #1 asked.

Just then, Meg's cosmetic surgery is finished and she runs toward and hugs her father, thanking him for what he did for her.

"Thank you, daddy!" Meg giggled, then gave her father a big kiss on the cheek, leaving a kiss mark.

"I kind of liked her better before." Boy #2 said.

"You said man". Frank said

"I think he's right, Peter." Lois told Peter, "Lips are one thing, but did you have to buy breast implants for Frank Jr and Chris?"

"Eh, it makes him happy." Peter replied.

Chris walks by with the implants in his hands. "Hey, these are cool." Chris said "YEAH they are ". Frank said as they squishing them.

The next day, the boys were walking out of the house, only to find a stream of water upfront. They decide to ask Lois about it, who was busy gardening.

"When did we get a pool?" Boy #2 asked.

"Oh, it's a moat." Lois chuckled, "I know it's silly, but Mr. Griffin thinks the family needs extra protection now that we're, hehehe... Well, we're rich."

"Does it at least work?" Boy #1 asked.

"Well, it does keep the Black Knight at bay." Lois replied.

"Black Knight?" Boys #1 &amp; 2 questioned. He and Boy #1 then turned to the right to see the Black Knight trying to get across.

"Oh..." Boy #1 said.

"I was wondering who that was." Boy #2 claimed.

After letting out a deep sigh, Boy #1 then said, "Okay, this has gone long enough."

"Yeah, we... We just can't take it anymore." Boy #2 followed.

"What are you both talking about?" Lois asked them, concerned, "Is there something you want to tell me?"

"Look, we weren't supposed to show you this, but we just feel it should come out." Boy #2 said to Lois.

"This is Mr. Griffin's welfare check..." Boy #1 said as he handed her over an envelope.

"What the-" The last word in Lois' exclamation was drowned out when a foghorn suddenly went off. She then gives an angry glare to the right. The kids were waterskiing while Peter was driving the boat.

"Hiya, honey." Peter saluted to Lois, who only gave him the "look."

"What?" Peter asked.

In the living room, which was now decorated with fancy things, Peter was talking with Lois, who wasn't looking at him with her arms crossed. The boys, Frank, Meg and Brian were there with them.

"Lois, I know what I did was wrong, but I only did it for you and the kids." Peter told Lois, "Except for the jukebox in the bathroom. That was a gift for Frank Jr."

"Yeah, from the American taxpayers." Lois fumed, "I am so mad I can't see straight."

"Heh, no problem. We got the money to get that fixed..." Peter told Lois, "...with enough left for us to buy our way outta any trouble our kids might get into. Just like the Kennedys."

Lois only gave him a sign of rejection on her face.

"Hey, come on. These two were the ones who started it." Peter pointed at the boys.

"No, dad. They were doing the right thing by telling Mom." Meg defended.

"You know, I-I feel like I don't even know you anymore, Peter." Lois then said to Peter, "The man I married would never think he could fix a problem just by spending money!" Afterwards, Lois then stormed off with Meg followed to confers.

"Oh, boy! She's pretty pissed, huh?" frank asked to the group.

"Yeah, who'd thought welfare fraud would be one of her buttons?" Brian sarcastically questioned.

"What's the point of having a jukebox in the john if your wife's mad at ya?" Peter asked the guys.

After finishing his sentence, Boy #1 was struck by what Peter said. "What was that you said, Mr. Griffin?" He soon asked.

"'What's the point of having a jukebox in the john if your wife's mad at ya?'" Peter repeated what he just said to the boy a few seconds ago.

"Alright. Now go back a bit." Boy #1 told Peter.

"'If your wife's mad at ya?'" Peter repeated again.

"Okay, before that." Boy #1 said.

"Having a jukebox in the john-" Peter said.

"That's it! Now after 'having a jukebox.'" Boy #1 instructed.

"'In the john?'" Peter said lastly.

"Now after 'In the.'" Boy #1 finally ended.

"'John?'" Peter finally said what Boy #1 wanted to hear.

"John... John. Wait. I'm starting to remember now." Boy #1 replied.

"Well, what is it?" Peter asked him.

"That's my name... John." Boy #1 said trying to remember, "Yeah, that's it!"

"Oh, my God!" Peter proclaimed in surprise, "You're named after a toilet?!"

No! My name is John." Boy #1 said, or John, for that matter, "And I think you're name's Tyler!" He was pointing toward Boy #2.

"Tyler?" Boy #2 replied to "John's" statement, "Hey, yeah, it's starting to come back to me now."

"Then that must be it. Our names are 'John' and 'Tyler!'" John said triumphantly as he and "Tyler" just got up and were then standing on the coffee table.

"...Is that it?" Brian then asked.

"Yeah." John replied to Brian's question, his tone lowered as he and Tyler sat back down on the couch, "For now, that is..."

"Oh, good." Frank then said to John, "For a second there, I thought your name really was from a toilet."

"Anyway, Peter, you may have to return that money to the taxpayers." Brian soon reminded Peter of the situation.

"Yeah, but I gotta make sure Lois knows I'm doing it." Peter said, "I-I need an event with thousands of people. Something that everybody cares about."

Frank was brainstorming for a few seconds and came up with a solution.

"We might have to leave Rhode Island for this one." Frank stated, implying it involves outside the state.

"Why?" Tyler asked.

It then shows a stadium hosting Super Bowl XXXIII.

"The air is electric here at Super Bowl XXXIII tonight!" Super Bowl XXXIII host John Maddison said, "Pat, I think it's safe to say that all these fans came out here to watch a game of football!"

"Uh, John, we're in commercial." Second Super Bowl XXXIII host Pat Summer all reminded his co-anchor.

"Yeah, I know. I'm just prepping up for when we're back on. And I'm just trying to make conversation." John Maddon told Pat Summer all, "Come on... Football!"

.Just then, a blimp reading "FORGIVE ME LOIS" is being flown above the stadium. In its deck was Peter piloting the blimp, Frank, John, Tyler and Brian?

"Amazing, you can barely drive a car and yet you are allowed to fly a blimp?" Frank asked Peter.

"Yeah, America's great, isn't it?" Peter then replied, "Except for the South."  
Peter then pulled out a bag containing the rest of the welfare money. "Oh, boy, I hope Lois is watching'." Peter said, then started to throw money out of the bag he was holding, "Okay, taxpayers, here you go!"

The dollar bills began to float swiftly to the stadium ground below, quickly grabbing everyone's attention.

"Looks like we're getting some rain here tonight, John." Pat Summer all said to John Maddon.

"Yeah." John Maddon replied, but soon realized, "Hey, wait a second! This is no ordinary rain! It's some kind of crazy money rain!"

"I'm being told it's a man, his two sons and their dog throwing cash out of a blimp." Pat Summer all informed.

The bag was now empty. "Oh, man, I hope this works." Peter worriedly said, "Otherwise, I'm gonna have to start dropping' these." He held up a spiked bomb which, like the blimp, read "FORGIVE ME LOIS."

"Mr. Griffin, don't drop that!" Tyler shouted.

"Why not?" Peter asked.

"Because that's a bomb!" Frank answered.

"Whoa, this is a bomb!? I-I thought they were just some weird firecrackers!" Peter confessed after realizing what it what.

Meanwhile on the ground below, the crowds were storming the field for the money. Each person hoping to grab enough they can carry. They were even starting to fight over it.

"The crowd is storming the field!" John Maddon exclaimed, "This is pandemonium!"

"Have you ever seen anything like this, Pat?" John Maddon then asked his partner, but the latter didn't respond, "Pat?" He turned to find that Pat wasn't there, until the latter came back in after collecting himself some of the money on the field.

"Just once, John." Pat Summerall quickly replied, "The 1975 Cotton Bowl. This is the old 'trying to make amends for spending $150,000 a week in misappropriated welfare funds' play."

"I don't care what it is!" John Maddon shouted, "That guy's ruining a perfectly good game of football!"

"Madden to Fox security." John Maddon then said to the security guards below.

"Go ahead." One of the security guards said.

"Take them down!" John Maddon ordered.

"Yes, sir." The same security guard said.

He then takes out a gun hanging above a sign that read, "Just One Gun" and then fires only one shot. He tries to shoot more, but all that could be heard were clicking noises, implying that it only had one bullet.

"Really? That's it? Just one bullet?" The security guard holding the gun said.

"Huh, yeah. I thought there'd be more than that..." The security guard said.

"Well, I guess not." The latter then stated, "Hmm. Oh, well."

The quartet are then put in prison for the incident. Back in their cell, Brian was sitting on the lower bunk reading, while Tyler was sitting at the other end of the bunk and frank was laying on the floor, John was leaning beside the wall.

"Uh, how was your shower?" Brian asked Peter.

"Uh, I tell you, guys, all the rumors about dropping the soap are true." Peter confessed to the others.

"Really?" They all said in unison.

"Aw, yeah. You can't hold onto that thing to save your life." Peter explained revealing it was about soap instead, "Oh, it was slipping all over the place. Guys were laughing."

"Hey. There's the guy who couldn't hold onto the soap." One of the prison inmates said.

"Oh, that was classic." Another inmate replied. They both left laughing.

"Oh, boy, I really let Lois down this time." Peter down-spirited, "You think she'll wait for me?"

"Oh, come on. If every woman dumped her husband just for crashing a blimp into the Super Bowl, no one would be married." Brian told Peter.

"Yeah, you're right." Peter agreed, "Okay, I got the top bunk."

"Race ya to it!" John challenged Peter.

"Heh, you're on!" Peter replied.

John manages to get there first, Peter jumps up on it and causing the top bunk to collapse on top of both Brian and Tyler. John is then crushed underneath Peter. While Frank just laugh.

Back at the Griffin house, the other members of the family are sitting at the kitchen table.

"Oh, my collagen is wearing off." Meg complained.

"Well, honey, sagging lips are just nature's way of telling you that you shouldn't have covered for your father's lie." Lois then said to Meg.

"What does it mean when Chris armpits cry stinky tears?" Frank Jr asked his mother.

"Oh, it means he's becoming a man." Lois answered Frank Jr, "But, hopefully, not the kind who stays out all day and doesn't call. Like your father and grandfather who shall remain nameless."

"Hello, mother." Stewie emerged.

"Well, hi there, sweetie." Lois said affectionately to Stewie.

"You know, mother, life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're going to get." Stewie speech told his mother, "Your life, however, is more like a box of active grenades!" Stewie opens the box to reveal newly active grenades instead of chocolate, making it clear he was threatening her.

Lois, however like before, still didn't seem surprised and just gave a smile.

"Now, I offer you one last chance for deliverance." Stewie negotiated, "Return my mind-control device or be destroyed."

"Oho, you just want your toy back." Lois, again oblivious to what's really happening, assumed.

"Okay, here you go, honey." Lois said to Stewie as she placed his mind-control device on top of the box filled with the grenades.

"Yes, well... Victory is mine!" Stewie exclaimed in unexpected triumph. He then strolls away out of the kitchen. In the other room, the grenades then go off, unfortunately for Stewie. "AAHHH! DAMN YOU ALL!" Stewie yelled in pain.

The phone began to ring and Lois picked it up.

"Hello?" Lois answered, "Oh, my God!"

The family arrives at the courthouse where Peter is being put on trial for his welfare fraud. They sat down behind Peter, Frank, Brian, John and Tyler.

"Lois." Peter said, "Aw, man, am I glad to see you."

Lois was still mad at him. "I have nothing to say to you, Peter."

"Wha-He gave the money back. Why are you still steamed?" Frank asked.

"Peter, frank, you both lied to me, you betrayed my trust." Lois informed her husband, "Compare to that, welfare fraud doesn't even matter."

"Really?" Peter questioned, "Aw, let's hope the judge feels that way."

Lois just scoffs at Peter's remark.

"This court will now come to order." The judge announced as he banged his gabble.

"Well, you know, I figured the sooner I cashed the check, the sooner they'd, uh, cash their mistake." Peter explained to the court, "Look, why are we making a federal case out of this?"

"Mr. Griffin." The judge asked Peter, "Don't you think you should have alerted the government of such a gross overpayment?"

"Well, uh, I-I was gonna call them, But, uh... My-my favorite episode of _Different Strokes_ was on." Peter answered, "You know, the one where Arnold and Dudley get sexually molested by the guy who owns the bike shop?"

**Cutaway #14**

We go to a scene from the supposed episode of _Different Strokes_. Arnold and Dudley are in the bike shop, where the owner is slightly bent down right behind them.

"All right. Now I want you boys to scream real loud at my ass." The owner told the boys, just as Peter assumed.

**End**

We go back to the courtroom.

"And everybody learns a valuable lesson." Peter ended.

"Mr. Griffin, have you learned a lesson?" The judge questioned Peter.

"Aw, yeah. Stay the hell away from that bike shop." Peter chuckled to the judge, who gave him an unapproved look instead.

Peter realized that it was finally time to come clean. "Look, uh, everybody, I feel really bad about what I did. I-I just..." Peter admitted, "I don't know. I just saw the one chance I'd have to give my family the things they deserve."

"I guessed I screwed it all up. I cheated the government. And worst of all, I lied to my wife." Peter continued in guilt, "And she deserves better. I'm sorry, honey."

Everyone in the room was touched by Peter's confession, even the judge.

"Mr. Griffin, I think your words have touched us all..." The judge said softly to Peter, but was soon interrupted.

"Wait!" John said from the table he, Tyler and Brian were sitting at, "It wasn't Mr. Griffin who did it."

"Then who did it?" The judge then asked John.

"It was... It was me." John confessed.

Everyone, including the Griffins, gasped in shock.

"He's right and it was me, too. It was our idea in the first place." Tyler then joined Frank, "But it wasn't on purpose."

"That's right." John soon said, "We were just wanting to help him out with what was going on."

"So, if you want to throw someone in prison, take us instead." Tyler willingly said, "We should be the ones on trial..."

"Is this true?" The judge asked.

Frank, John and Tyler both nodded.

"Alright, then." The judge accepted, "Because I'm sentencing you both to 24 months in prison." The judge then banged his gabble, confirming their punishment.

The Griffins, especially Peter, were stunned by the news.

"Oh, no!" Peter exclaimed in fear of what was happening, then was followed by Lois, followed by Brian, followed by Chris and then finally followed Meg. Just after they said that, the Kool-Aid Man bursts through the wall, screaming "Oh, yeah!" Everyone, however, only looked at him in surprise and confusion. The Kool-Aid Man realizes that he came at a bad time and stepped back out through the giant hole he had made in the wall.

"Hey, aren't you the Kool-Aid Man?" Frank Jr asked as the Kool-Aid Man was stepping out of the courthouse, "Never mind..."

"Excuse me. Y-your Honor?" Lois said to the judge.

"Yes?" The Judge replied.

"Look, these two may have been the one responsible for all this." Lois explained to the judge, "But they're amnesiac and don't really remember much about who they were. And I know they only wanted to help the people who helped take them in after they had nowhere else to go, especially if it meant convincing my husband and son in law to accept that check, who wanted to be a good husbands and fathers. But what they both need to know is that we've grown to love him. And that no matter what, I'll always stand by them now."

"Yeah, I kind of like them, too, honey." Peter said to Lois.

"Yeah, me too, mom." Frank also said to Lois

"Thanks, Mrs. Griffin." John also said to Lois.

"That was very moving, Mrs. Griffin." The judge said of Lois' speech, "Okay, you and your husband can go to jail with them!"

"What?!" Peter, Lois, John and Tyler all said in unison.

"24 months in prisons, eh? Unacceptable!" Frank Jr said to himself from in the row behind Lois, "Intolerable as it may be I'm completely dependent upon those people for lesson and living."

"Let us see how the iron constitution of American justice fares against Stewie's device!" Frank Jr challenged as he pulled out his uncle new mind-control device and pointed it at the judge.

The judge notices Frank Jr and gazes at him as the device pulsates repeatedly for a few seconds until finally.

"Is that your boy?" The judge asked Frank about Frank Jr.

"What?" Frank said confused, "Oh, yeah. That's Frank Jr." Frank answered the judge.

"Gosh. I can't separate a kid that young from his father, grandfather and brothers." The judge then thought, "It's un-judgmentally. Oh, hell, you three have learned your lessons, right?"

"Yeah." Peter, Frank, John and Tyler agreed.

"All right. You're both off the hook." The judge informed them.

"Aw, wow!" Frank exclaimed in excitement, "Can you give my pops job back?"

"No." The judge coldly replied.

Frank Jr pulls out the device at the judge again.

"Yes." The judge soon quickly said.

"All right!" Peter said satisfied.

John and Tyler then walked up to Frank Jr and Stewie and were giving him each a big grin on their faces.

"What the deuce are you two looking at?" Stewie demanded to them.

"We know what you did, kid." Tyler said to Stewie.

"The devil are you talking about?" Stewie said.

"Come on." John said, "You did what you did because you're starting to like us, aren't you?"

"Don't be ridiculous." Stewie brushed them off as he walked off.

"He likes us." John said to Tyler.

"Yeah he does". Frank Jr said to John and Tyler

"I DO NOT!" Stewie shouted from the background.

The next day, everything was to the way it was before. The Griffins/Mallques were in the living room watching _TV's Bloopers and Practical Jokes_.

"That was a crazy one, Dick." chuckled.

"It sure was." Dick said, "In this next blooper from _Joanie Loves Chachi_, watch what happens when Scott Baio tries to say: 'She sells seashells down by the seashore.'"

They then show a clip from _Joanie Loves Chachi_.

"What does your mom do for a living?" The woman said lying on the couch.

"Ah, she sells seashells down by..." Scott Baio almost said until a bear suddenly bursts through the wall, getting his attention.

We cut back to the Griffins/Mallques on the couch.

"Heh. That is kind of a tongue twister." Peter remarked at what he saw.

"Hey, Mrs. Griffin, thanks again for what you did for me and Tyler at the trial the other day." John told Lois, "So, you still think it's alright for me and Tyler to stay a little while longer?"

"Oh, you're welcome, John. And, of course, it is." Lois replied, "It's the least we can do for what you both did for us."

"It's also good to have you home, too, Frank, Peter."

"Ah, honey, I knew everything would turn out okay." Peter said to Lois, "And besides, I think I'm starting to like those two, too."

"I sure am gonna miss being rich." Persephone said glumly.

"Not me." Tyler replied, "Money does terrible things to people." Everybody agreed after Tyler said that.

Everyone then agreed with Tyler.

"Aw, don't worry." Peter consoled Meg and told everyone, "I got a way to get money."

"Not another welfare scam." Frank Jr said as he hoped Peter wouldn't make the same mistake twice.

"No, no, no." Peter claimed, "Minority scholarship." Peter giggled as he put on a black afro wig with a headband.

Peter then winks at the audience as he gives a thumbs-up at his next misadventure. Everyone else disagreed, while Persephone gave an annoyed look.

"Okay, I mean, uh-uh-uh-uh, sexual harassment suite." Peter nervously giggled again as he put on a blonde wig and ripped his shirt open revealing his torso.

Again, everyone disagreed, but Frank Jr, on the other hand, now gave a disgusted look.

"Uh-uh-uh, disability claim." Peter proclaimed as he pulled out a bat and knocked himself out. Everyone then stares at a now unconscious Peter.

"I'm starting to like you guys." Tyler said to John.

"Me, too. Me, too." John said.

**The End**

**I hope you guys enjoy my first story. Please review and visit my deviantART page fmallque32561. As I said before, I will add content originally added in the DVD versions, cut out for time and scrapped and sorta mix it all in there. But, still, I really hope this goes well. If you want to see more, give me your reply. Thank you.**


	3. Chapter 2: I Never Met the Dead Man

(Disclaimer: I not own Family guy, John and Tyler, only Frank and Frank Jr.)

**Chapter 2: I Never Met the Dead Man**

It was another peaceful day in Spooner Street. Inside the Griffins' house, Lois was just putting clean dishes back up in the cabinet and Meg was at the table reading a magazine. After she put away the last dish, Lois went to the window and saw what appeared to be Stewie playing outside.

"Oohhh, look at Stewie." Lois said as John entered the kitchen, "Isn't he adorable playing with his _Sesame Street_ phone?"

"Sure" John remarked.

"Yeah, let's go with that." Tyler followed.

Outside, Frank Jr playing with his game boy and Stewie was at his ambitions of world domination as usual. This time, he was attempting to use his _Sesame Street_ phone in hopes of getting into the Pentagon's system, but to little success.

"Put me through to the Pentagon." Stewie ordered.

"You know what sound a cow makes?" The toy phone played a recorded line of Ernie to Stewie.

"Don't toy with me, Ernie!" Stewie yelled, "I've already dispatched with Mr. Hooper. I've got six armed men stationed outside Big Bird's nest. And as for Linda? Well, it's rather difficult for a deaf woman to hear an assassin approach now, isn't it?"

"Can you count to three?" The toy phone played another recording.

"Ho-oh, indeed I can." Stewie challenged, then dropped the phone, then pulled out a Phazer from _Star Trek_ and blasted it, "One! Two! Three!"

Soon, the phone was in flames from the shots fired.

"Can he count to three?" Frank Jr teased, "For God's sake, He's already shooting at a fifth-grade level."

**Opening Credits**

(A/N: Just so y'all know, the opening theme will be featured here as well.)

_It seems today that ya see_

_Is violence in movies and sex on TV_

_But where are those good, old-fashioned values?_

_On which we used to rely_

They then change to gold leotards

_Lucky there's a Family Guy!_

_Lucky there's a man who positively can do_

_All the things that makes us_

_Laugh 'n Cry!_

_He's_

_A_

_Fam-_

_-ily_

_Guy!_

**End**

Back in the kitchen, Lois was trying to get Stewie and Frank Jr to finish his broccoli.

"Come on, Frank Jr." Lois instructed Frank Jr, "You two can't leave the table until you finish your vegetables."

"Well, then we shall sit here until one of us expires." Stewie smartmouthed, "And you've got a good 40 years on me, woman!"

"Sweetie, its broccoli." Lois sweettalked to Stewie, "It's good for you. Now open up for the airplane."

Lois pretended to be a plane hoping Stewie would open his mouth. Then Tyler suddenly appeared and started acting like a World War II veteran.

"Look out, Mrs. Griffin!" Tyler warned Lois, "Incoming enemy fighter pilots!"

"What?" Lois exclaimed.

Tyler then pulled out an MP40 machine gun and began firing at the broccoli.

"Tyler..." Lois tried to talk to Tyler.

"Must not forget objective!" Tyler shouted.

"Tyler!" Lois yelled.

"Fighters must be neutralized!" Tyler continued.

"TYLER!" Lois screamed.

The ammo in Tyler's gun finally ran out and Tyler's attention then turned to Lois.

"What?" Tyler asked Lois, "Why are you shouting?"

"Never mind." Lois calming down for a minute, then turned back to Stewie, "Alright, and Frank Jr. Back to your broccoli."

"Never!" Stewie resisted, "Damn the broccoli! Damn you! Damn your henchman's nonsense! And damn the Wright Brothers!" He then stated as he knocked the fork off Lois' hand.

"My, aren't we fussy tonight." Lois remarked, "Okay, no broccoli." She picked the fork back up.

"Very well then. I..." Stewie said but was cut off by Lois shoving the broccoli in his and Frank Jr mouths. Frank Jr spat it out, "Who the hell do you think you are?"

"They're attacking from above!" Tyler came bursting back in. This time with an active grenade in his hand.

"Okay, Tyler, why don't watch TV with John and everyone else?" Lois suggested.

"Okay." Tyler answered quickly calmed down as he walked out of the kitchen. He, however, realizes he's still holding the grenade in his hand.

"Uh-oh." Tyler gulped.

Soon afterwards, an explosion came from the other room.

"Honey, it's not gonna go away just because you don't like it." Lois explained to Stewie and Frank Jr.

"Well, then." Stewie remarked at Lois' statement, "My goal becomes clear. The broccoli must die." Frank Jr snared at the broccoli he had in his fork, but soon, Tyler comes right back in.

"I'll help, Lord Castro!" Tyler said to Stewie, dressed as a Cuban soldier.

"Get out!" Frank Jr ordered Tyler, "We've already had enough of your damn shenanigans for now!"

Tyler shrugged his head in disappointment and slowly walked out.

Lois walks into the living room, where the family is watching TV.

"Mom, will you take me out to practice driving?" Meg asked her mom.

"I'm teaching a piano lesson in half an hour." Lois told her, "Maybe your father can take you."

"Aw, sorry, Meg." Peter disappointedly said, "Daddy loves you. But daddy also loves _Star Trek_. And, in all fairness, _Star Trek_ was here first."

"You have an excuse for everything, Mr. Griffin." Tyler snickered.

"Plus, I'm helping John and Tyler fined shows they might remember." Frank then pointed out, "So far, we found _Lost in Space_, _Twilight Zone_ and, uhh, oh, and _Hogan's Heroes_."

"Tyler was the one who remembered them." John complained, "I hadn't found one."

"Hey, quiet. _Star Trek_'s back on." Peter shussed John.

On the TV was the S.S. Enterprise cruising through space.

"Captain's Log. Stardate 8169.7." Captain Kirk narrated.

Then goes to the control room.

"The Enterprise has just discovered a strange new planet... In the Gamma Faloppia star system." Captain Kirk announced as he then performed unnecessary poses while talking, "Mr. Sulu, ahead warp 9."

Kirk was then in a pose having his legs spread while having his arms wrapped under his knees. Just then, his pants rip, revealing the words, "Captain's Log" on his underwear.

Cuts back to the couch.

"For God's sake, Peter." Lois exclaimed, "You've been having' John and Tyler sitting' in front of the TV with you since you got home from work."

"Why don't you help them another way, and, maybe, spend some time with your family?" Lois said to Peter as she sat on the chair of the couch next to him.

"He had." John stated.

"By watching TV?" Lois questioned.

"Actually, I am getting kind of bored." Tyler then exclaimed.

"I will." Peter affirmed to Lois, "I'm-I'm just gonna do it during the commercials. And if that's wrong, well, then-then maybe I'm missing' the point of watching' commercials." Lois sighed.

"Please, frank, dad?" Meg begged Frank and Peter, "My road test is tomorrow and you haven't taught me anything."

"Meg, you, uh, you might want to find a better teacher than Peter." Brian informed Meg.

"What are you talking' about?" Peter questioned, "I'm a great driver."

Brian scoffs and asks Peter, "Remember your trip to the Southwest?"

"What happened?" Tyler asked.

**Cutaway #1**

In a desert, the Road Runner was zooming down a road and then quickly halted at another one. He's then run over by Peter's car.

"Aw, jeez." Peter said worried, "Did I just hit that ostrich?"

In the passenger's side was the Coyote who held up a sign that said "No."

"Are you sure?" Peter asked.

The Coyote then turned the sign to the other side, which then read "Yeah, he's fine. Keep going'."

**End**

"Guys, don't believe what they're saying'." Peter assured to Meg, John and Tyler, "I always keep my eyes on the road. I don't miss a thing."

"Really?" Frank, John and Tyler said in unison.

"We now return to _Star Trek_." The announcer on the TV said.

"Holy crap." Peter exclaimed, "Uhura's black?"

Just then after, Peter was teaching Meg how to drive.

"All right, Meg. Now here's your first lesson." Peter told his daughter, "Now you always wanna be aware of other cars on the road. If you ever catch eyes with the guy next to you at a red light, you gotta race."

After he said that, an Amish man riding a horse-pulled wagon stopped next to them. He gives Meg a friendly nod.

"Ah, this guy's asking for it." Peter said, mistaking the man of challenging Meg.

"But dad..." Meg said.

"I don't make the rules, honey." Peter affirmed Meg, "Now rev your engine twice."

"Okay." Meg replied. She did as Peter told her, then looked back and glared at the Amish man on the wagon, who accepted her "challenge."

"Go!" Peter instructed Meg as the light went green. And they went off. Not long, the wheel on the left of the wagon then screwed itself out, causing the man to lose control and jump off. The wagon then rolled off a nearby cliff and explodes upon impact with the ground. And for some reason, the horse that was pulling it also blew up.

"Well, you forgot to flip him off. But, uh, other than that, nice job." Peter informed to Meg, who soon smiled in relief.

Peter and Meg then return to the house through the patio door. Lois, Tyler and Brian were in the living room all reading.

"You're back already?" Lois said while she was reading.

"That was fast." Tyler exclaimed.

"Yes, that wasn't much of a lesson." Lois remarked.

"I didn't want to overload her on her first time out, you know." Peter stated, "Besides _CHiPS_ is about to start. So let's sit back and get lost in a world of California Highway Patrol fantasy."

On the show, Ponch was pulling over a beautiful, blonde woman in a red sportscar.

"What's the charge, officer?" The woman said.

"Driving without my phone number." Ponch told her as he took off his shades.

Just then, a truck with "Pure, uncut cocaine" written on the side and two people performing a drive-in shootout drive right past Ponch.

"Or maybe I should arrest you for being too beautiful." Ponch flirted again to the woman and gave her a teeth-sparkling smile.

Meanwhile in Stewie's room, Stewie and Frank Jr was negotiating with a piece of broccoli on his table.

"So, broccoli, mother says you're very good for me. Well, I'm afraid I'm no good for you!" Frank Jr pointed to the vegetable, "The first rule of war is known thine enemy and I know this!" Stewie looked into a book about farming, then showed the broccoli, "Cold kills broccoli! It's so simple!"

"All we have to do is build a machine to control the global environment." Stewie explained his latest diabolical scheme, "Forecast for tomorrow, a few sprinkles of genius with a chance of doom!"

The next day, at the Rhode Island Department of Motor Vehicles, Peter, Frank, Meg and John were waiting in line, which wasn't that short.

"Aww, man!" John complained, "This is gonna take forever!"

"Yeah, John's right, Meg. Let's go." Frank said, "Fox is running one of those new reality shows at 8:00."

"What's it called?" John asked.

"_Fast Animals, Slow Children_." Peter answered.

On the show, a tiger was charging at accerating speed. Then, it showed an overweight kid trying catch up to his friends.

"Come on, guys." The boy hollered, "Wait up."

The charging tiger was again shown.

Back to the boy, his lunchbox suddenly opens and spills his lunch, including honey which gets spreaded on his knees.

"Oh, dang." Th boy exclaimed, "I got honey all over my legs."

Back to the tiger, it seemed like it was starting to closer.

Cuts back to the DMV.

"Dad, we can't leave now." Meg said, "My entire life depends on getting my license."

"Why does it have to mean your entire life depends on it?" John questioned Meg.

"It means if I can't drive, I'll never have any boyfriends, I'll never get married and then I'll have to adopt a kid like Rosie O'Donnell." Meg sulked.

Peter and John just look at her. "Meg, are you implying that Rosie O'Donnell can't drive?" Peter asked Meg out of offense.

"I don't think that was the point, Mr. Griffin." John replied.

Meg was finally about to take her driving test.

"I'm so nervous." Meg admitted.

"Oh, you're gonna do great." Peter confidently told her, "Just remember everything I taught ya."

"Or just remember everything you just said a while ago. Hahahaha!" John smugly teased.

"Oh, go stick a fork in it, pervert." Frank talked back.

"QUIT CALLING ME THAT!" John shouted.

Meg then began her driving test, beginning at a red light.

"All right. Let's start by going down Main Street." The driving instructor instructed Meg.

"Okay." Meg nervously replied.

A police car then stops right next to them. Meg looks over to the officer and he nods friendly. Learning from her father, of course, Meg mistakes it for another race. She revves twice like before and as soon as the light becomes green, she floors it outta there. The policeman soon turns his siren on and gives chase

"What are you doing?!" The instructor screamed.

"I'm driving." Meg scoffs, "Duh."

The police car then pulls itself in the way and Meg quickly hits the brakes.

"Are you gonna mark me down for not flipping him off?" Meg asked the instructor about her results.

Meg unfortunately fails the test as she takes it not so well.

"Oh, God, my life is over." Meg sulked, "I am the biggest loser I know!"

"Hey, will you relax?" John pointed, "It was just one stupid test. One failed test isn't the end of the world."

"Oh, I know just how you feel, pumpkin." Peter said patting on her shoulder, "I've had my share of disappointments, too."

**Cutaway #2**

At a hospital, a doctor held up a baby girl looking almost like Meg.

"It's a girl!" The doctor announced.

It then showed Peter holding a bunch of sports related material.

"C-can you... Can you check again?" Peter stuttered.

**End**

"Look, honey, you just have to remember that life has its little ups and... Oh, jeez!" Frank said, taking a look at his watch, "We're gonna miss the beginning of my show."

Peter looked out the windows on both sides. "Hey, there it is." Peter said as he found the program playing on a TV at one of the house he was driving by.

"Dad, watch out!" Meg shouted as they were about to collide with a delivery truck.

Peter shifts out of the way in time but accidentally loses control and crashes into a satellite dish. Then all the TVs in the neighborhood get cut by static, including the Griffins'.

"What the?! Aww!" Tyler exclaimed back at the house in disappointment, "I'm missing _Gilligan's Island_."

Peter, Frank, Meg and John get out of the car without a scratch.

"Ah, are you two okay?" Peter asked John and Meg.

"Yeah, I think so..." Meg replied.

"Same here." John followed.

Just as they walk away from their seats, the airbags then activate. The three then look at the sign that was on the locked gate.

"The Quahog Cable Television Transmitter." Peter said as he read the sign that was on the locked gate. He, Frank, Meg and John look up at the TV receiver, then to each other. "...Uh-oh..." Peter remarked. The townspeople then came to the scene very angrily.

"Hey!" An irritated citizen yelled at Peter, "You just knocked out cable TV for the whole town!"

"Oh, boy!" Peter said under his breath as the mob was getting closer to him, Frank, Meg and John, "Uh, look, there's Bigfoot!"

"Where?!" The townspeople proclaimed.

As they all look to where Peter pointed, Bigfoot was right there. "Whoa. Whoa. Whoa." Bigfoot replied, "This isn't about me. This is about you."

They all then turned their attention angrily back to Peter, Frank, John and Meg.

"Oh, well." Peter said, "At least I bought us some time."

The angry mob continued to get closer and closer, until.

"Uh, uh, uh, she did it!" Peter said pointing to Meg.

"What?!" Frank exclaimed in surprise, "Pops, you were the one driving-" Peter put his hand over his mouth to keep him from turning the mob on him.

"I-I was teaching her to drive and, uh, she lost control..." Peter lied but was cut by John suddenly.

"Wait, actually, it wasn't her." John claimed, "It was, it was me! I did it!"

"You did?" Peter remarked but soon then lied, "Oh-oh, yeah, you did!"

"Huh?" Meg said confused, "But John..."

"No, really. I did it." John continued lying, "I was at the wheel and then had my eyes off the road for a second and then WHAM! Right into the cable transmitter. Right, Mr. Griffin?" John gave a wink at Peter.

"Oh! Uh, right. Sorry, I got my daughter confused with him. Ha, silly me." Peter lied, "Come on, you guys, we all did stupid stuff when we were kids, right? I remember this one time I tried to sneak into an R-rated movie."

**Cutaway #3**

A young Peter was at a movie theater, trying to sneak into one of the screen rooms. His disguise: a bush. Interestingly, no one noticed.

**End**

"Oh. Come on. Give the kid a break, huh?" Peter said.

"Why should we?" One of them asked.

"Well, he..." Peter stopped to think of a good excuse, "He got his arm shot off in Vietnam."

The mob then murmured in guilt.

"Poor kid." One of the townsfolk said.

"Yeah, what a senseless war." Another said.

Peter, Frank, Meg and John were back in the car heading back to the house.

"I can't believe you just sold out a perverted boy with amnesia." Meg said outraged at what Peter did, then turned to John.

"Hey, excuuuuse me, princess!" John said back at Meg.

"Don't you dare call me that." Meg warned John, "Only my husband can call me that."

"That's right." Frank joined Meg's statement, "Only I can call my girl 'princess.' Got that?" Frank gave John a stern look at him, then went back to Peter and Meg.

"Oh, Meg, honey, I know what I did was wrong." Peter afformed Meg, "And I know this isn't the first time I've embarrassed ya."

**Cutaway #4**

Meg was in class listening to and taking notes from the teacher.

"And if you add the measure of the angles of a right triangle, the sum-" The teacher told the students when he was cut off by a towel-clad Peter barging in.

"Hey, Meg, you mind cleaning' out the shower next time you shave your legs?" Peter informed Meg, "It's like a carpet in there."

Meg's mouth then hanged wide open after seeing her father.

**End**

John was laughing in the backseat after hearing Peter's story. Frank, in Meg's defense, then suddenly stops the car, flinging and slamming John's head on the mantle board. John got his head up and started rubbed his head up and down slowly.

"Aw, I hate to see ya so upset." Peter lamented about Meg's mood, "Hehehey, I know. Let's play a little game called 'Taking the fall for Daddy.' If you John take the fall, I'll buy you a convertible when you get your license." Meg's mood was soon lifted by Peter's offer, while John thought otherwise.

"What?!" John exclaimed.

"Really?" Meg asked excited, "Oh, daddy! Now I love you again!"

"Aw, you're gonna make some Jewish guy a great wife," Peter remarked.

"H-hey, wait a minute!" John tried to speak out, "Don't I get a say in this?"

"No." Frank said bluntly to John.

John groaned in irritation as he falls back in his seat with his arms crossed. Behind the car, the satellite from the receiver is being dragged by barbed wire tangled on the lower part of the car.

At the Channel 5 News studio, the cable there was also out.

"Because of an accident today at the Quahog Cable Company, all television transmission will be out for an undetermined amount of time." Tom announced realizing that now's the perfect chance to finally say anything freely, "'Course, no one can see this news program, so it doesn't really matter what we say. I'm the Lord Jesus Christ. Think I'll go get drunk and beat up some midgets. How about you, Diane?"

"Well, Tom, I just plain don't like black people." Diane said smugly.

Tom and Diane then laugh it off since they believe no one can hear them.

"You guys." One of the cameramen said to them, "We're still on in Boston."

Tome and Diane's eyes become widened in horror at the cameraman's statement.

Back at the house, night had already fallen. Inside Stewie's room was Frank and Stewie were adjusting his latest creation?

"Excellent." Stewie acknowledged in success, "The weather machine is nearly completed."

What do you say to that, broccoli?" Frank told the broccoli on the little orange table, which doesn't give out any reply.

"Stop mocking us!" Stewie shouted at it in annoyance. Soon, he hears scratching of metal coming from outside his window. "What this?" Frank Jr questioned as he looked out the window. Peter was just pulling up the curve with the satellite dish still tangled behind.

"It appears the witless provider has finally brought me something of value." Stewie acknowledged at his discovery, "I can use that crude device to amplify my deadly signal. Victory shall yet be ours."

Lois, Tyler and Brian were at the table minding their own business. Lois was taking a sip of coffee when Peter, Frank, John and Meg walk in.

"Guess what, mom?" Meg asked Lois, "Dad crashed the car into the city cable transmitter."

"What?!" Lois exclaimed in shock.

"Oh, it's okay." Meg informed Lois, "John took the blame dad put me on and if he and I don't say anything about it, dad's gonna but me a convertible when I get my license."

"Uh, M-Meg, it's not exactly letting someone else taking the blame if you go around telling' everyone." Peter informed her.

"Yeah, that way, you'll lose your precious convertible in no time." John laughed. Meg then punched him in the stomach as she and John walked out.

"Peter!" Lois asked Peter outraged, "You're bribing your own daughter with a car?"

"And blaming possibly my only friend?" Tyler joined in.

"Come on, you guys." Peter said sweet tellingly to both Lois and Tyler, "Isn't 'bribe' just another word for love and lending a helping hand?" Lois and Tyler both gave in a stern look.

"Look, y-y-you wanted me and Meg to bond and help John remember more and that's what we're doing." Peter reminded Lois of what she told him before, "Plus, John was the one who volunteered to take the bullet for Meg."

"Really?" Lois said astounded at what she heard.

"Ah, yeah, he said he was just doing it just 'cause he wanted to just be friends with her." Frank finished.

"My, what a sweet thing of him to do for our own Meg." Lois said seemingly interested at what was going on, then chuckled in intrigue.

Peter, unsure of what she meant, then asks her in fatherly concern for Meg, "Lois, are you implying that there's something going on with my daughter and that boy?"

"Well, it's a possibility." Lois teased.

"Hold on." Tyler stepped in, "That doesn't sound like J-Man at all."

"Yeah, exact..." Frank agreed, but soon stopped after hearing the last thing Tyler said, "Wait, 'J-Man?'"

"Oh, that's just a little nickname he gave for John." Lois informed Frank, "He also remembered that while you guys were gone, so, I guess we're making progress so far."

"Oh." Frank replied, well, okay, I guess I won't mind 'J-Man.'"

"Tyler, I was in a chatroom on _America Online_ while you were gone." Chris told Tyler as he walked in, "And Doomie22 told me some idiot knocked out the cable."

"WHAT?!" Tyler panicked.

Stewie and Frank Jr was busy sneaking away the satellite dish in the background whilst Tyler and Chris were talking.

"That's right." Chris replied, "We could be without TV for weeks!"

"Now, now, guys, now let's not panic." Peter reasoned with them, "We can manage just fine without TV."

"Yeah, now that I think about it, I also started to remember that I like to read, too." Tyler proclaimed.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, reading?" Peter questioned, "Geez, now we know that you're a bookworm."

Tyler gave a frustrated groan.

"Anyway, we'll be fine without TV." Frank stated.

Brian gives a scoff at Frank's statement.

"Now, what's that supposed to mean?" Frank asked seemingly offended.

"Face it, two, you're addicted to television." Brian pointed out, "And you're not exactly Mr. Cold Turkey. Remember when peter tried to give up candy?"

**Cutaway #5**

The gag shows Willy Wonka in one of the labs of his factory talking to someone off-screen, possibly Peter.

"I'll ask you one more time." Willy informed, "Are you sure you didn't eat anything in my factory?"

Then it shows the person to be Peter, now ending up like how Violet Beauregarde did in the movie.

"No." Peter replied hesitantly.

"I'm just asking-" Willy was cut off by Peter.

"What? You calling' me a liar?" Peter questioned defensively.

"No, I'm just saying." Willy responded.

"Hey, shut up, Wonka!" Peter talked back.

**End**

Yeah, well, that was different." Peter assured Brian, "I'll be fine."

"Are you sure, honey?" Lois asked.

"Oh, for God's sake, you guys." Frank responded, "You think I'm some simp who can't live without TV? Come on, gimme a break."

Then it showed Peter nervously rubbing his thigh up and down as he was on the phone with someone.

"All right, Mike, what's happening now?" Peter asked the person on the other end of the line.

"Well, Sipowicz is trying to find out who stabbed the super." Mike replied.

On the TV, Sipowicz was talking to a suspect.

"Are you gonna tell me what I wanna know, or am I gonna have to show you my ass?" Sipowicz told the suspect.

"I ain't saying' nothing'!" The suspect talked out.

Sipowicz then pulls his pants down.

"All right! It was Jimmy the Hat!" The suspect quickly admitted.

Cuts back to Peter at the couch.

"Aw, forget it, Mike." Peter said giving up, "Without actually seeing his ass, this is just radio."

The next day, at James Woods Regional High School.

"Well, class, we were scheduled to watch a PBS program on the mating rituals of the nude large-breasted Weewok tribe of New Guinea." The teacher disappointedly announced, "Unfortunately, this 'John' hooligan ruined TV. So instead, we're having a surprise test."

The class got mad and upset at hearing this.

"Man, I hate that John jerk right now." Said one of the students.

"Yeah, he's totally uncool." Said another.

"Whoa! Suddenly John was public enemy number one." The narrator from _Wonder Years_ then came in and said, "It was time to tell them the truth in order to help my friend."

"Wait!" Meg exclaimed, "John didn't drive into the satellite dish!"

"Oh?" The teacher said, "And who did?"

"I was just a 15-year-old girl." The _Wonder Years _narrator came back, "But at that moment, I realized I had a whole lifetime to make other new friends, but only one chance to get a new car. But I had to still help him out anyway."

"Please don't be too hard on John, you guys." Meg said softly.

"And why should we?" The teacher questioned her again.

"Because he's living at my house and has known where else to go... Oops!" Meg yipped.

"Well, now we know who to throw stuff at." One of the students remarked.

They threw crumbled-up paper at her and one of the kids threw a Scotch bottle at her but missed.

At a bar, Peter was lamenting about his problems.

"Geez, guys, I don't know how much longer I can last." Peter said as he stared at static on the TV, "It's been a whole week since I've seen a TV show. Huh. Wonder what Scooby and the gang are up to right now."

The scene then turns to a Scooby Doo-escue show.

"We now return to _The Scooby Doo Murder Files_." The announcer said.

It then cut to a scene of that show where the group is at a swamp environment, investigating the scene of the crime.

"Gee whiz, gang." Fred proclaimed to the others, "Looks like the killer gutted the victim, strangled him with his own intestines and then dumped the body in the river!" Velma nodded and said, "Jinkies! What a mystery!"

Scooby got spooked from hearing all that and clinged onto Shaggy.

"You're right, Scoob." Fred told Scooby, "We're dealing with one sick son of a bitch."

Cuts back to the bar.

"Well, you just need to find something to fill the void that's left in your life." Brian insisted, "Lois has her knitting, Frank has his manga, Chris has his video games..." Hearing that just now had John widen his eyes in realization like before, "...Meg's learning how to drive, Tyler here's just remembered his fondness for reading." Brian continued.

"Well, what about you?" Tyler asked Brian.

"Me? Well, I like the sauce." Brian replied as he took a sip of his martini.

"Hey, Brian." John asked Brian, "What was that just now?"

"What do you mean?" Brian changed the question, "Are you starting to remember something about yourself?"

"I think so..." John remarked, "Quick, uh, tell me what everyone else was doing again."

"Well, let's see, uh..." Brian replied as he counted everyone's hobbies, "Lois has knitting."

"Mm-hmm." John replied.

"Chris plays video games-"

"Video games!" John quickly responded, "Yeah, I think I'm getting it now."

"Well, congratulations." Brian congratulated John on getting more of his memory back. "Good luck on your video game thing." Brian then took another sip.

"Hey, bar keep!" Brain yelled to the bartender, "Whose leg do you have to hump to get a dry martini around here?"

In the middle of the night, both Peter, Frank and John were struggling with their own problems. Peter and Frank was having a bad nightmare about no TV.

"C-can't live without TV." Peter muttered in his sleep, "Must... Must see TV."

"I gotta know." John muttered also in his sleep, "What is it about video games that makes me think?"

They were both have dreams related to both attachments. In both of their dreams, it was a reimagining of a scene from _The Wizard of Oz_. Peter/John wakes up and goes over to the window to see what's going on. As he takes a look, ALF (Peter, Frank)/Mario (John) was among the debris in the cyclone, sitting in a rocking chair and waved to Peter, Frank /John. The next thing to come to the window was Gilligan from _Gilligan's Island_ and the robot from _Lost in Space _(Peter, Frank)/Banjo and Kazooie from _BANjO-KAZOOiE_ and Crash from the _Crash Bandicoot _series, who also waved at Peter/John. Last was Jeanie from _I Dream of Jeanie_/the female genie from _Shanta_ riding on a bicycle? She then turns into Samantha from _Bewitched_/Gruntilda from _BANjO-KAZOOiE_. The house then falls back down to the ground, waking both Peter, Frank and John up from their dreams. In his room, Peter turns on the TV in hopes that cable had come back, but only to find static, leaving Peter with a sigh of disappointment, In Meg's room, Frank turns on the TV in hopes that cable had come back, but only to find the same result, leaving Frank with the same sigh of disappointment. Downstairs, John decides to try a game on a Nintendo 64, but for how long?

The next morning, Lois was in the kitchen with Stewie, Brian and Tyler, washing the dishes.

"Stewie." Lois informed Stewie, "I expect you to finish off your vegetables."

"Oh, rest assured, you relentless harridan." Stewie responded, "I expect I shall finish them all off! And you as well!"

"Tyler, that reminds me." Lois spoke to Tyler, "Can I talk with you about your friend, John?"

"What is it?" Tyler replied.

"I'm a little worried for him." Lois informed Tyler as she sat down at the table with him and Brian, "The same goes for Peter."

"Last night I woke up and Peter was channel surfing through static." Lois continued, "And then when I went to go to the bathroom, I found John downstairs in the living room trying to get a game on his Nintendo 64 to work."

"Aw, you worry too much." Tyler assured Lois, "I'm sure eventually they'll bounce it off."

"Yeah, I'm sure they'll find a way to cope." Brian agreed.

Peter and John then enter the room both wearing harnesses that hold up cardboard TV screens, though John's also had a cardboard game system on the bottom while he was holding a cardboard controller.

"Mornin', Lois." Peter greeted Lois.

Brian scoffs, "And you were worried."

"Peter, what the hell are those?" Lois asked Peter.

"It's my favorite TV family, the Griffins." Peter answered.

"And it's my favorite video game team, also the Griffins." John said.

"Peter, you and John are scaring me." Lois told Peter worriedly.

"Yeah, J-Man, Mrs. Griffin's right." Tyler joined in, "She and now me are beginning to think you and Mr. Griffin are losing your grips on reality."

"Boring." Peter exclaimed in boredom, "I'm gonna go see what else is on."

"Same here." John said as he followed Peter out the screen door.

"Peter! John!" Lois shouted to the two, "Keep an eye on Stewie."

Lois and Frank ran after Peter and John. Tyler and Brian were alone with Frank jr and Stewie.

"Don't move!" Tyler told Stewie.

Stewie then began to make silly faces at them. After a few seconds of it, Brian shoves Stewie down the floor.

"A little help?" Stewie asked.

Tyler reaches his hand to Stewie.

"Not you." Stewie rejected at Tyler, who pulls his hand back with his spirit down.

Outside the house, Peter and John were strolling by while looking through their cardboard TVs. They turn to Quagmire leaving his house in a pilot's uniform.

"Who's that, Mr. Griffin?" John asked Peter.

"Well, that's Glenn Quagmire, the wacky next-door neighbor." Peter replied as Quagmire soon noticed them awkwardly, then grabbing the handle of his bag. "What's he up to this time?"

"I'm going' to work!" Quagmire responded to Peter's remark, "Hey, Peter, who's that with you?"

"Oh, him?" Peter asked as he turned to John, "He's one of the amnesia boys who's livin' in my house that I've told you about. Remember?"

"Oh, so you're the new kid." Quagmire remarked, "Nice to meet ya, I'm Glenn Quagmire. But you can call me Quagmire."

"Nice to meet you, too." John replied, "Name's John, by the way."

"All right, see you guys later." Quagmire said as he left.

"Hehehehe, him and his get-rich-quick schemes." Peter remarked.

Meanwhile, Lois was driving through the neighborhood in the car looking for Peter and John.

"We have to find John and your father, Chris." Lois said to Chris in the passenger's side, "They're not well."

"I never knew people who went crazy before..." Chris remarked at the situation, "Except for my invisible friend, Col. Schwartz!" Frank then just stares at Chris for a minute in shock.

Then it goes back to Peter and John walking in downtown.

"Heh, we get all the channels and games on these things." Peter acknowledged to John, "_Lifetime_."

"_SimCity_." John remarked at the thing Peter was referring in his view.

"CBS." Peter said referring to an elderly couple passing by. "_Pong_." John followed.

"Hey, UPN." Peter then acknowledged to a couple of black guys playing basketball. "Cool, _NBA Jam '99_." John said lastly.

Peter turns away to a view of James Woods Regional High School.

"All right, 90210." Peter remarked after seeing it.

"Huh?" John replied to what Peter said, "Hey, a dating sim."

Peter and John were roaming the schoolyard, still wearing their harnesses. They saw a couple of students, who were soon taking notice. Meg was the last image they saw in their "TVs."

"Dad? John?" Meg responded after seeing both Peter and John with their "TVs" strapped on.

"Meg, what are you doing in West Beverly?" Peter asked Meg, "Oh, boy, they're really reaching for guest stars in the 10th season."

"Meg?" John acknowledged in disdain, "Oh, no. No way am I picking her as an alternate ending."

"Dad, what are you and John doing? Get out of here!" Meg told Peter, "I'm already a total outcast because of you and him!"

"What? I thought I was supposed to be the one to take the fall." John said upon hearing Meg's statement, "What got them interested in you all of a sudden?"

"Now, John, she's just upset because you wrecked the cable transmitter." Peter responded.

"He did not!" Meg shouted in John's defense suddenly, much to John's confusion, then sighed, "Forget it. What good is a car if I let other people get treated badly and have no friends because of it?"

Her guilt about letting framing a boy with amnesia was too much for her to take.

"'John' didn't wreck TV!" Meg confessed, "My dad did!"

"What?" A teacher said in surprise coming out.

"What'd she say?" Another teacher asked opening a window from inside.

"Peter Griffin ruined TV?" The school's groundskeeper acknowledged from behind a tree.

"And blamed some poor kid with amnesia?" A man questioned popping his head out a manhole.

"Well, that's the lowest thing I've ever heard." A man remarked landing from a parachute.

Just then, Lois and Frank arrived in the car and they got out and came over to Peter and John's side.

"Peter, John, take those things off and come home." Lois worriedly told Peter and John.

"Hey, Lois. You're just in time for the exciting conclusion." Peter informed Lois, "Looks like some boob's about to get lynched. Hah. Let's watch."

"Weird. I'm getting something like that here, too." John said also looking in his screen, "I think it's some of beat 'em up game."

Another angry mob like early then marched towards Peter, Frank, Lois, John and Meg.

"There they are. There they are." One of the townsfolk said.

"Yeah, that's the guy who ruined our cable." The man from the manhole, "Let's get him!"

Before the mob could reach Peter, Frank got in front of him.

"Stop! Stop!" Frank shouted, "What is wrong with you people? O-Okay, yes. My dad's responsible for knocking out TV, but... We should be thanking him. He's broken television's hypnotic spell over us. Now we can see the world for what it is... A beautiful place full of wonderful things just waiting to be experienced."

"Aw, geez, another chick flick." Peter disdained.

"Yeah, I'm not into girl games." John agreed.

"He's right." A man among the crowd proclaimed, "All the hours we've wasted on that idiot box. I'm gonna paint my house!"

"I'm gonna build a ship-in-a-bottle." The man with the parachute said.

"I'm gonna push a hoop with a stick down a dirt road." An old man said.

Lois was relieved that the townspeople were finally taking a break from television.

"I'll take you and John home, honey." Lois said to Peter as she uninstalled both Peter and John's cardboard TVs from their harnesses.

Later at nighttime, Peter and Lois were talking in their bedroom.

"Ugh, I can't believe I let John take the blame." Peter said in guilt, "You were right, Lois. TV is evil. You know, I hear that Manson guy watches it in jail all day long?"

**Cutaway #6**

It shows Charles Manson in his cell rubbing his hands up and down his thighs, watching a small TV.

"If I haven't seen it, it's new to me." Charles Manson said.

**End**

"You and John just went a little overboard." Lois comforting Peter, "you both need a little balance in your life. There are other things to appreciate besides television and video games."

"Y-You mean..." Peter stuttered looking around to see Lois' point, "Like this lamp?"

"Well... Yeah. O-Okay." Lois sort of agreed, "Th-The lamp gives us light."

"Hehehehehe, I get it." Peter said finally realizing it.

"And your family gives you love." Lois said, "You should spend some time with ours kids, Peter. John and Tyler included. And with me."

"WH-What could me and you do together?" Peter asked confused.

Lois let out a naughty laugh.

"Lois!" Peter exclaimed, "You've got a sick mind!"

"Peter, I'm talking about making love." Lois said.

"Ohoho." Peter said in relieve, "Oh, I thought you wanted us to murder the children and harvest their organs for beer money."

The camera pans away into the background and amorous sounds of pleasure can be heard. The next morning, Frank got up first and opened the window.

"Ah, what a gorgeous day." Frank exclaimed in a suddenly bright mood, "Isn't it a gorgeous day, Mr. Sun?"

It soon shows the sun as Sunny, the mascot of Kellogg's _Raisin Bran_.

"It's always a nice day with two scoops of raisins, Frank." Sunny said as he poured the raisins in his scoops. It then started raining raisins, though one giant raisin soon falls and lands on a car, setting its alarm off.

Everyone was having breakfast whilst Stewie was still working on the weather machine.

"Top of the morning, everyone." Peter greeted the family as he walked right in and gave Lois a kiss in the cheek.

"Excellent!" Stewie exclaimed, "Thus completes the penultimate adjustment to my weather control device!"

"Victory is ou, AAHH!" Stewie said as Peter picked him up, "Release me at once!"

"Guys, your mother was right." Peter informed his kids and John and Tyler, "It's time we helped John and Tyler remember about who they were before. It'd be a crime to just sit around and wait for the TV to start working'."

"Great. You can also teach me how to drive." Meg said.

"Meg, there'll be plenty of time to drive when you're dead." Peter shrugged, "There's a big world out there just waiting to us to grab it by the shorts hairs!"

"Damn!" Stewie muttered under his breath as he struggled to get out of Peter's grasp.

"Let's go!" Frank soon announced.

The Griffins were first fishing at a lake, where Lois gets a big bite. Peter, Frank, Chris and Meg helped pull the line, but were having trouble. John then gets his single hand on the fishing rod and simply pulls on fish they caught is actually the Creature from the Black Lagoon, where they also take a photo of their catch.

Next, the family was lying on a grassy meadow looking up at the clouds. Chris, however, points out to the Bat signal to his right. Frank also sees another signal, but instead having a dog on it. After taking a look, Brian and Frank Jr then suddenly zooms off.

The Griffins are now playing basketball back at the house. Chris and Persephone does a dunk. Meg and Frank also does one, too. Peter runs up too fast and crashes into the garage door. John then tries a shoot at the basket, but the ball bounces off from the side of the hoop, sending it straight to John's face knocking him out.

Lastly, the Griffins go on a picnic at a park. Everyone was getting the food and utensils out, while Peter was pitching the blanket. Tyler steps in to help, but after a few times of spreading the blanket in the air, a bull suddenly appears out of nowhere and runs over Tyler, leaving him a pancake.

Finally, everyone, except Peter and Frank, finally took a break from the activities back at the house.

"Ugh, I'm so tired." Persephone exclaimed, "This morning's fly-fishing really wore me out."

"Well, wake up!" Chris said to his sister, "You promised you'd get this hook of my mouth."

Persephone then tries to get the hook out. She succeeds.

"Ow. Thank you." Chris thanked Persephone.

"Now, kids, your father is just trying to spend time with his family." Lois assured the kids, "Or kill us. I'm not sure which."

As they nearly walk out the door, the TV then displays the news channel.

"Those Chinese sure do like to spit, don't they?" Tom Tucker said from the TV as the Griffins soon stop to see, "Well, Diane, that last report was so good, I think you deserve a spanking."

"Oh, Tom." Diane flattered, "I don't think your wife would appreciate that."

"That frigid old cow lives in Quahog." Tom shrugged, "She can't hear a word I'm saying."

"Actually, we're back on the air in Quahog." The cameraman informed, giving Tom and Diane another look of horror on their faces like before.

Cuts back to the house.

"Wait." Tyler said, "If TV's back on, then that means..."

Tyler then walked over to the Nintendo 64 beside the TV and turned it on, this time successful. On it displayed the _SUPER MARIO 64_ title screen.

"I think I know how to fix Mr. Griffin and J-Man's problems." Tyler said.

As the family sat down and watched TV, Stewie emerged from behind the couch holding his weather machine.

"Thank God!" Stewie thankfully acknowledged, "Their puerile minds are once again distracted by that flickering box. Time to be bad!" He then walked out of the living room.

"Come on, everyone, we're late for the Bavarian Folk Festival." Peter announced as he Frank, John came in the room wearing lederhosen.

"Yeah, you know those Germans." John said, "You don't join their party, they come get you."

"But, Frank, dad, the TV's back on." Chris informed Peter.

"Yeah, and so's the Nintendo 64." Tyler also said.

"Huh. Waddya know." Peter bluntly said as he, Frank and John looked at the TV, "Okay, let's go."

"Peter, I'm thrilled that you want to spend so much time with the family." Lois enthusiastically told Peter, "But we're exhausted. Maybe we could just sit and watch some TV together and maybe let John play just one game?"

"Why? We're too busy living life to the fullest." Frank shrugged, "Come on, let's go."

"I'm sick of life." Chris complained.

"Yeah, my-my dogs are barking'." Brian agreed.

"But I thought we were having fun." Peter said.

"Yeah." John agreed.

"We were, but now it might be nice to watch other people have fun." Meg explained, "Or get killed. You know, whatever's on."

"Look, Peter, Frank, it's your favorite show." Lois pointed to the TV.

On the TV was another episode of _Star Trek_.

"All right, men. This is a dangerous mission." Captain Kirk announced to the crew, "And it's likely one of us will be killed. The landing party will consist of myself, Mr. Spock, Dr. McCoy, and Ensign Rickey."

"Aw, crap." Ensign Rickey muttered.

Cuts back to Peter and John.

"Sorry, Lois." Peter said to Lois, "There's only one show I want to see and only one game John wants to play. There a little something both I like to call 'Make Every Day Count,' starring Peter Griffin, Frank mallque and, um... John as themselves. Right, John?"

John was still unsure about what he wanted as he was still staring at the game console. "Uhh, yeah..."  
John said at last.

"Oh, come on, Peter. Don't you think both you and John miss TV and video games just a little?" Lois persuaded Peter, "The familiar stories, the broadly drawn characters, and the convenient plot turns that bring a character around at exactly the right moment?"

Just then, William Shatner suddenly opens the door, just as Lois predicted.

"Hi. I'm William Shatner." William Shatner introduced himself, "My car broke down while I was on my way to give a speech about how TV keeps families together. Say, would you like to hear it?"

"Nonono, my kids and I have gotta run." Peter informed William Shatner, "I don't wanna miss the all-you-eat schnitzel bar."

"Wait a minute!" William Shatner halted Peter and John from walking away for a bit, "I love schnitzel."

"Well, then come along." Frank said inviting William Shatner with him, peter and John, "I bet you could squeeze into Lois' lederhosen."

"I'll change in the car." William Shatner announced in Lois' face while, for some unknown reason, his wig was floating where Shatner was exactly standing at, then went back in its place as the three walked off.

"If I had a nickel for every time one of my parents walked out on me instead of teaching me how to drive, I'd be one rich little-" Meg said before she was cut off by Lois.

"Let's go, Meg." Lois said irritated and pulled Meg away by her arm.

Tyler was then about to head back inside, but noticed someone missing.

"Stewie, Frank jr?" Tyler said, "Stewie, Frank jr?"

Tyler then looked outside in the front yard first. When he couldn't find any sightings of both toddlers around there, he then went to check the backyard. To his prevail, he finally found Stewie and Frank Jr.

"Hey, Stewie, Frank Jr." Tyler called out.

Stewie and Frank Jr was on a tire swing in their raincoat as they began to swing forward a few times. They then jumps off and bounces off a trampoline placed before them and onto the roof where the satellite dish was strapped onto the chimney.

"Stewie, Frank jr?" Tyler exclaimed out of surprise.

Stewie then pulled the weather machine tied to the end of a rope as he was using his trike as a crank. He then straps it in the rope holding the dish and connects two breaker cables on the antennae's and then finally pulls the string, activating and spinning the arrow on the See-N-Say, which stops at "Freezing Rain."

"Fare thee well, broccoli!" Frank Jr professed as storm clouds began to form.

We later go directly to the Bavarian Folk Festival where Peter, Frank, John and William Shatner are attending. At a German bratwurst stand, the vendor with a small, but familiar mustache appears to be suspiciously eyeing the stand next to him; a Polish sausage stand. Without warning, the German vendor knocks the Polish vendor out and takes the stand for himself that is until he takes interest in the Czech wieners stand next door.

At a motorcycle merry-go-round, Frank and William Shatner are discussing about television.

"I don't know, Frank." William Shatner said warily, "I can't imagine choosing life over television."

"I'm telling' ya, it's great, Bill." Frank assured, "Yeah, and the only thing that would make this perfect day better is if my family was here."

"Yeah, and maybe me remembering about myself." John said afterwards, still thinking about the decision he was going to make about giving up what he possibly loved.

The storm formed from Stewie's weather machine then appears and rains on the festival, causing the festival to end early.

"My God!" William Shatner exclaimed in both surprise and amazement, "It was sunny a moment ago, but now it's pouring!"

"Hey! Hey, let's all take off our shoes and run home barefoot!" Peter suggested as he got out.

"Griffin, you're a madman!" William Shatner responded as he grabbed Peter by his lederhosen, "Barefoot, you say?"

Lois was still teaching Meg how to drive while it was still raining.

"This is not safe." Lois acknowledged about the condition of the storm, "I'll teach you how to drive some other time. Pull out."

"Mom, I can't even tell where 'over' is." Meg said.

Peter and William Shatner were busy playfully running down the drenched road barefoot, whilst John was just walking with them away from the road with his shoes still on.

"You were right, Peter." William Shatner praised Peter, "I've never felt so alive."

"Hehe, told ya." Peter said to Shatner, then saw John still wearing his shoes, "Hey, John, what's wrong? Don't you want to run barefoot in the rain?"

"I'm not in the mood." John said not giddy like Peter and William Shatner were.

Back at the house, Stewie and Frank were already proud of their success.

"Victory is ours!" Stewie shouted triumphantly.

Lightning hits the dish, sending the shock to Stewie, who almost loses his balance.

"I got you, Stewie!" Tyler hollered to Stewie from the ground.

Lightning strikes the dish again, this time wrecking it and causing Stewie and Frank to fall off the top of the window, then off the roof and bouncing off the trampoline and landing on top of Tyler, who tried to catch them.

"Fudge." Frank Jr said in pain

"Goddamnit." Stewie said also pain.

"Ow..." Tyler groaned in pain.

Tyler, Frank Jr and Stewie are then left on the ground both knocked-out.

Meanwhile, Peter, Frank and William Shatner were still playing in the rain on the street. This causes John to feel worried for them.

"Mr. Griffin?" John asked Peter concerned, "Don't you think this seems a little dangerous to be playing on the road?"

"Aw, you worry too much." Frank shrugged.

"Yeah, try to have a little fun." William Shatner agreed with Frank.

In the distance, Meg was still behind the wheel in the rain, unable to see what's in front of her. She soons finally sees someone in the windshield, causing her to slam on the brakes.

"My God." William Shatner exclaimed in shock.

Right before they're run over, John pushes Frank, Peter and William Shatner out of the way and gets hit instead. The car collides off-screen and Meg is shown to be okay, as well as Lois.

"Oh my God! Meg, are you all right?" Lois asked Meg worried.

"Yeah." Meg assured Lois, "I'm okay."

Suddenly, the car then begins to shake and is lifted into the air, causing Meg and Lois to panic.

"Aaahhh!" Meg screamed.

"Oh, my God!" Lois exclaimed in panic.

At the front, it was showing John to be lifting the entire car by the hood with what appeared to be superhuman strength.

"Holy crap!" Peter exclaimed in shock.

In John's face were glowing, bright eyes and a face showing struggle. Clearly there was more to him and Tyler than what they seem to be. After about a few seconds of having the car up in the air in his fists, John soon grew tired and weary, the light shining out of his eyes were fading away and suddenly he drops the car on its feet and falls to the ground.

Meg and Lois then get out of the car and ran to John's side.

"Oh, my God. I hit John." Meg said in worry, "Is he hurt?"

"I don't know." Lois acknowledged, "It doesn't even look like he's got any broken bones- AAHHH!" Lois then jumped as she saw what became of the front hood. It had a big gap about the size of John's waistline.

"Holy crap!" Meg exclaimed in amazement.

"But... How could he have done this?" Lois questioned, "I mean did you see that he was lifting an entire car all on his own? I-I mean that's completely impossible!"

Lois and Meg soon heard moans of pains to their side and remembered about Frank, Peter and William Shatner.

"Oh, my God!" Lois exclaimed, "Peter!"

Lois and Meg then placed John on the grill and ran to Frank and Peter's side.

"Frank!" Meg called to her husband worried sick, "Are you okay?"

"Uhh, yeah." Frank assured to them, "I think I'm okay..."

"Uhh, me too." Peter assured to them as well,

"Oh, thank God!" Lois gladly said as she and Meg hugged Frank and Peter, who hugged back.

"Hey, where's Bill?" Peter asked about William Shatner, then heard him in pain.

"Light growing dimmer. Can't breathe." William Shatner acknowledged, possibly in his dying words, "Beam me up, God."

He then lies flat on his back appearing to be lifeless. His stomach bursts out of his lederhosen.

"Whew, I did not see that coming." Ensign Rickey remarked in irony as he was with a group of people witnessing what happened.

Peter, Frank, John and William Shatner, who was actually passed out from a head concussion, are then taken to the hospital. The family was in John and Peter's room, where Peter was in a body cast and John only had broken arms. Tyler also had bandages on his head and Frank Jr, Stewie only had a Band-Aid on their heads.

"Daddy." Meg said apologetically to Peter, "I'm sorry you, Frank, John and Mr. Shatner over."

"Aw, don't worry, honey." Peter comforted Meg, "As soon as John gets his arms better, Frank and I get out of this body cast, we'll do enough living for us and Bill."

"Actually, Bill's lawyers just placed a restraining order on you, Frank and John." Lois informed Peter, "So, I don't think neither of you will spend time with him anytime soon."

"Aw." Peter said in disappointment.

"And honey, can't we go back to the way things used to be?" Lois pleaded.

"Yeah, and can't J-Man go at least give video games a chance?" Tyler pleaded also, "You know, just to see if it really is a part of who he is."

"And there's a big dent in that couch that nobody else can fill." Lois said.

"It's true." Tyler said, "Chris and I tried filling it, but neither one of us could big enough."

"No, Tyler." John informed Tyler, "Video games are what got me like this."

"But I thought the car crash did." Tyler replied.

"No, I mean they might be what got me to lose my memories in the first place." John explained, "You were right about it all along, Mr. Griffin."

"Yeah, haven't you guys learned anything?" Frank joined in, "TV and video games took over me, Pops and John's lives once. We're never gonna let that happen again."

"Oh, my God." Lois said saddened, "We've lost them."

"No." Tyler remarked now lost hope.

The family then leaves now upset to find Peter, Frank and John for who they were gone forever.

"So, what did the doctors say of J-Man's condition, Mrs. Griffin?" Tyler asked Lois.

"Well, they say he only had strained arms and that he needs to rest a while." Lois informed Tyler, "I also told them about John getting hit by the car, but they didn't find any bones broken. I'm a little worried, actually."

"Whoa, really?" Tyler said, "But that's impossible, even for J-Man."

"I know, but I still think you and John should continue to stay with us." Lois again informed Tyler.

"What? Why?" Tyler replied.

"Because I starting to think both you and John were left on our doorstep for a reason." Lois explained, "Otherwise, if John haven't acted, then Mr. Shatner would probably be dead right now. Besides, if people knew you were both like that, they'd make fun of you and I didn't want that."

"Oh. All right, thank you." Tyler then agreed, "One more thing, Mrs. Griffin."

"Yes, Tyler?" Lois said.

"Is the reason you're allowing me and J-Man to stay longer also because you like us?" Tyler asked Lois.

"Well... Gee, maybe." Lois understood, "I'll admit you're both starting to make a big addition to this family."

"You really mean that?" Tyler said amazed.

"Of course." Lois informed Tyler, "In fact, I think you and John should stay with us from now on."

"Thanks, Mrs. Griffin." Tyler said as he and Lois hugged as he and John were now a part of the family.

Back in John and Frank, Peter's room, the nurse walks up to Frank.

"Hey, if ya help me and my friend out of here, I know an enchanted meadow where the blueberries are just begging to be picked."

"Look, buddy." The nurse told Frank, "Just you and your kid go in the pan and don't call me unless one of you is flat lining."

The nurse then turned the TV on and gave John a little something to keep him entertained; a Game Boy Color.

"Hey. Hey-hey, turn that TV off." Peter informed the nurse, but she was already gone, "And get that thing away from him. Hey, n-nurse? Nurse?"

"Uh-oh." John said.

"What would you do for a _Klondike _bar?" The announcer on the TV said.

"Let's-a play!" The voice from the game on John's Game Boy said.

"Would you stand on one leg?" The announcer on the TV asked a man.

"Sure." The man on the TV said standing on one leg.

Peter and Frank tried to look away.

In John's game, John had passed the first half of the level. Like Peter and Frank, John also tried to look away.

"Would you act like a monkey?" The announcer asked the man a second time.

"Uhuh." The man agreed as he began acting like a monkey. Peter and Frank again tried to resist, only to take one last look.

Back at John's game, John had now found a secret path leading to the boss, though he soon tries to stop, but can't shake the game placed firmly on his sort off petrified hands off.

Finally back at the TV, the announcer gives the man another dare, though this time it's a bit different.

"W-Would, would you kill a man?" The announcer said.

"Um... Uh, well." The man warily.

A gunshot is heard with the painful moan of another on the TV and John manages to beat the boss with a gun, gaining Frank, Peter and John's attention back.

Then, everyone, including John and Peter, was in the living room watching TV.

"Daddy." Meg said sweetly to Peter, "Now that I've finally passed my driver's test, can I still get a convertible?"

"Hehehe, no." Peter informed Meg, "But I'm proud of you for getting your license, sweetheart."

"That reminds me, John." Persephone soon talked to John, "You still hadn't told me of why you took the blame instead of Meg."

"Well..." John replied, "It just one of those things you do for your friends, I guess."

"Friends?" Persephone asked confused.

John sighed, "Look, I just thought that since we got off on the wrong foot, we could be friends. Will that work?"

"You want us to be friends?" Persephone and Meg asked John.

"Only if you want to." John said.

"Well, sure, I guess." Persephone responded, "You've already shown me that you're not what I thought you were."

"And what's that?" John asked.

"A weird, creepy guy who looks at girls pervertedly."

"Oh..." John responded.

"But now I see you as this very sweet person who thinks of others before himself." Persephone said, "And for that, I'll gladly be your friend."

"Gee, thanks." John said.

"Oh, I'm proud of you, John." Lois commented.

"For what?" John asked confused.

"Well, for putting your differences aside and making new friends. That's why." Lois explained.

"Oh." John exclaimed, "Well, thanks, Mrs. Griffin."

"And I'm proud of you, Peter." Lois then said to Peter, "You, Frank and John taught us all a valuable lesson. It's not what you do that defines the quality of your life, it's who you do it with, especially with your friends, and your family-"

"Too late, he's gone." Peter cut off Lois as he saw John already busy playing a SEGA Genesis with Tyler.

The next day, Lois handed Stewie and Frank Jr their vegetables.

"I know you don't like broccoli, you two, but you'll thank me when you grow up big and strong like your father." Lois told Frank Jr and Stewie.

"Ah, compelling argument. You've swayed us, woman." Stewie assured Lois as she patted his head and walked to the sink.

"All right. Are you ready, simpleton?" Stewie asked Tyler.

"Ready." Tyler replied.

"Mmm, oh, that is good." Frank Jr lied as he was scraping his broccoli onto Tyler's plate, "Mmm, I feel stronger already. Mmm-mmm, oh, it's good tasting and good for you, mmm."

As Tyler was about to stick his fork in his plate, Brian swipes it away, leaving the fork and knife sticking through the table. Brian then dumps the broccoli back onto Frank Jr and Stewie's plate.

"Nice try." Brian said, "And don't help him, Tyler."

"Aww..." Tyler groaned.

"Quadruped." Stewie called Brian.

"Mutant." Brian fired back.

Then Frank Jr jump off his seat and kick Brian in the balls, shove the broccoli in his mouth and said "never mess with the best Mallque in the house."

**The End**


	4. Chapter 3: Chitty Chitty Death Bang

**I don't own family guy or stg frog, please support the office release**

**Chapter 3: Chitty Chitty Death Bang**

**Opening Credits**

_It seems today that all ya see_

_Is violence in movies and sex on TV_

_But where are those good, old-fashioned values?_

_On which we used to rely_

_Lucky there's a Family Guy!_

_Lucky there's a man who positively can do_

_All the things that make us_

_Laugh 'n Cry!_

_He's_

_A_

_Fam_

_-ily_

_Guy!_

**End**

**Hey it me Frank hear to explain about my son Frank Jr and how he was born, its starts with Persephone writing a new recipe,**

**Flashback starts**

"Persephone was sitting on the couch, thinking up a new recipe.

'Let's see...' he mused, stroking his chin. New recipe, new recipe... egg, who has it all...but then gets mix. Butter, and milk. Ok, we'll start to work with that.'

Suddenly, she heard noises from outside. She could hear Meg, and somebody unfamiliar.

'Go on, go home!' Meg was giggling. 'Be quiet, you'll wake my family. Now go on, leave!'

The unfamiliar voice spoke. It sounded male. Meg entered the house, a young man around her age behind her. He had long black spike hair, and blue eyes. He was quite handsome.

'See you later, Meg.' he said, kissing her on the cheek.

'See you, frank.' replied Meg, closing the door.

Persephone frowned at her. 'So...who was that?'

Meg immediately looked uncomfortable and guilty.

'Oh, that was Frank. He's my boyfriend.'

The two stared at each other for a long moment, before Meg faked a yawn and stretched.

'Well, it's about time for me to be hitting' the 'old dusty trail...'

The next day...

Persephone and Meg bumped into each other in the hall.

'Hey...' she said tentatively.

'Hey...' Persephone replied.

They looked at each other uncomfortably for a long moment, then Meg walked away. At that moment, Brian came out of his room.

'Wow. Dude that was _painful_.' he said to Persephone. 'God, I could practically see the icicles forming, it was that chilly.'

'It's not that bad.' snapped Lois, trying to walk past.

'Not that bad? For god sakes, you two used to be practically joined at the hip, but now, you're like Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt.'

**Cutaway: Jennifer and Brad walk past one another on the street. They then stop and look at each other.**

Brad: ...Hey, Jennifer.

Jennifer: ...Hey, Brad.

(They stare at each other for several seconds, then walk by.)

**End Cutaway.**

Anyway, back to the story.

'Well, anyway, Persephone, what happened with you and Meg?' Brian asked.

Persephone sighed and lowered his head to stare at his feet.

'She has a boyfriend.'

Brian winced. 'Ouch, man. Ouch. Did you say anything to her?'

'No. I doubt I've got the right to ask her to break up with him, and besides, he makes her happy. And if Meg's happy, I'm happy.'

Brian stared at him, incredulous.

'Bull. Shit. You want him to die, don't you?'

'Yeah.' Persephone admitted. 'Preferably slowly and painfully.'

Brian smiled at him. 'I like you today.'

Later that day...

The family, except for Meg, were watching the news.

**Cutaway to TV: Tom Tucker and Joyce Kinney are sitting at the desk. Joyce looks the same, while half of Tom's moustache is missing.**

'Good evening Quahog, I'm Tom Tucker. In local news, we mourn the death of my moustache, which was lost today in a tragic shaving accident. I'll miss you, Steve.'

'You call your moustache 'Steve'?' asked Dianna.

'Yeah. What do you call _yours?_ I bet you call it Ugly Shouldn't be there.' retorted Tom.

Meg then walked in front of the TV. She turned the volume down.

'Eh, what-a the hell-a?' asked Peter in an Italian accent. 'We were watching that-a!'

'Anyway, I have something to tell you all. I met a boy. His name's Frank Mallque, and we're going out.'

'Well, congratulations, Meg ' said Lois.

Meg smiled. 'But that's not all. I'm-'

But she was interrupted by Chris yelling and pointing at the TV.

'Oh my god, a car crash!' he yelled.

On the TV, Tom was talking. There was a screen above his head with a car accident on it.

'Late-breaking news, folks. A car accident has occurred on the highway. Two men have been injured. The man was identified to be 22-year old Quahogian, Frank Mallque.'

The family gasped in horror. Meg burst into tears, and Lois took her in her arms.

'Oh, Meg, I'm so sorry. You must be devastated.'

Meg sniffed, trying to wipe away her tears.

'But that's not all. I-I'm pregnant!'

The others gasped, and Peter leapt to his feet.

'When I find the bastard who knocked up my daughter, I swear, I'll take my car and smash it into his, thus killing him!'

He then looked on innocently as the entire family turned their heads to glare at him.

'What?' he asked.

The rest of them just decided to let him bask in his own stupidity.

'Meg, I can't believe you're pregnant!' said Lois.

'Is that really the issue here?' Meg cried. 'I'm pregnant with a man in coma's child! Why do bad things always happen to _ME?_' with that, she ran upstairs and into the attic.

Lois stood, but Persephone stopped her.

'No, Mom. Let me talk to her.'

He walked upstairs and took a chair from Meg's room. He then stood on it to make him tall enough to knock on the trapdoor. When he received no reply, he pushed it open. Meg was face down on her bed, crying her eyes out. She looked up.

'G-go away, Persephone. I need to be alone right now.'

'No, Meg. We need to talk. I know it's tough, and-'

'Tough?' Meg snorted sarcastically. '_TOUGH? _You think it's_ tough,_ losing your boyfriend when you never even got to tell him that you were pregnant with his child? You think it's _tough,_ having to raise a baby alone?'

Persephone stopped her.

'But that's just it. You won't be alone. You'll have the family.'

Meg stopped crying. 'WH-what?'

'You heard me. We'll be there for you. I'll help you raise this baby. I'll be there for my nephew, if you want me to be.'

Meg smiled gratefully at him. 'You would do that-for me?'

Persephone smiled back at her. 'Of course. I'd do anything for you, you're my twin sister Meg.'

Meg threw her arms around her. 'Oh, Persephone. Thank you. You're a better friend than I deserve. I love you.'

Persephone chuckled slightly as she put her arms around her.

'I love you too, kid.'

'Late-breaking news, folks. Frank G Mallque is awake. Said the TV in Megs room

"Frank Just woke up and is he happy to be alive back to you tom".

The family gasped in horror. Meg burst into tears of joy, and the family ran to the hospital.

The Griffin family and Menma (who saw the news and told him everything) were sitting in the waiting room of the hospital still waiting for the condition of frank. Meg was especially worried about him. The car crash wound was bleeding pretty badly by the time the ambulance got there, and she has been known to have such bad luck. If she lost him, then what? She would have to go back to her old life. Everyone would hate her and there would be no one to stand up for her like frank did. Thankfully, Lois and Persephone were there to comfort her.

"He'll be okay, sweetie," said Lois.

"Yeah, Meg. Frank's a strong guy," said Persephone, "He'll pull through."

"Thanks," said Meg.

"He saved my life," Chris said, "Even after I cost him his job at IHOP, he saved my life."

"Oh man, this is more depressing than that episode of Sesame Street I saw yesterday," said Stewie.

**Flashback**

"Today on Elmo's world," said Elmo, "Elmo wants to talk about depression. You see, Elmo is depressed. Why? Because Elmo gets hate mail from fans who think Elmo is dominating Sesame Street. Then Elmo went on forums and found topics that say 'Elmo Sux'.", Elmo then began crying, "That's why Elmo is going to show you what happens to depressed people," Elmo then pulls out a gun, "THEY BECOME SUICIDAL!"

"Elmo! No!" shouted Big Bird, "Not again!"

"You were supposed to take your medication!" shouted Telly.

"Get back!" shouted Elmo, "GET BACK!"

"Elmo, you need help," said Bert, "That's why we're going to take you somewhere where you can get all the help you need."

"NO! ELMO'S NOT GOING BACK TO THAT F#CKING PLACE!" Shouted Elmo as he shot Bert. He then shot all the other Muppets in the room and pointed the gun to his head, "NOW ALL I HAVE IS ONE LAST THING TO SAY TO ALL YOU HATERS; F#CK YOU!"

And with one pull of the trigger, the Elmo legacy was over.

**End Flashback**

"I have terrible news," said Dr. Hartman.

"Oh no! Frank is dead?!" cried Meg.

"No, he's fine," said Dr. Hartman, "It's just that I didn't get that PS3 I wanted. Someone outbid me on EBay."

"Oh I'm so sorry," said Peter as he placed his hand on Dr. Hartman's shoulder.

"Can we see him?" asked Lois.

"Oh, sure," said Dr. Hartman.

As the family walked to Frank's room, Chris heard a voice call his name. He then went to where the voice came from and there he saw Herbert lying in a hospital bed.

"Mr. Herbert?" asked Chris, "What are you doing here?"

"Well, Chris," he said in that soothing, yet creepy voice, "I was hiding out in the woods watching the little boy scouts camping when out of nowhere, a big old' bear attacked poor little old' me."

"That's horrible!" said Chris, "Is there anything I can do to help?"

"Well, you could stick around and give me a sponge bath," said Herbert.

"Isn't that the nurse's job?"

"Yeah... well you see I don't trust those nurses. They could try to take advantage of my old, weak body," he said, "But I can trust you, Chris. So what do you say?"

"Sorry, but I'm visiting my sister's boyfriend," said Chris, "I'll see you later."

"Just remember," said Herbert, "That offer's open anytime!"

Chris then made his way into Frank's hospital room, where he was lying down with his mid-section wrapped up.

"Thank god you're alive," said Meg as she hugged him tight.

"CAR CRASH WOUND! CAR CRASH WOUND!" he shouted in pain.

"Sorry."

"I'm thankful you're alive, bro," said Menma, "I brought you your favorite book so you won't get bored: 'Captain Underpants'!"

"Captain Underpants?" asked Frank, "I haven't read ' Captain Underpants ' since I was 5!"

"Your point being?" asked Menma.

"Um, you can have it," said Zack.

"Really!" asked Menma, "Oh thank you! It's just too bad I can never finish the book."

"Yeah, me neither," said Peter, "I always get stuck on page 3."

"Frank, I'm sorry I got you shot," said Chris, "And I'm sorry about the IHOP incident."

"Actually, I want to thank you for it," said Frank.

"Why?"

"If I didn't get fired, I would never have met Meg," said Frank, "So I'm not mad at you anymore."

"So when are you getting out of the hospital?" asked Meg.

"I've been shot so many times, I've started healing faster," he said, "I'll be out by tomorrow."

"That's great to hear," said Brian.

"Mom, dad, Chris, Brian, Menma" said Persephone, "I think we should leave those two alone for a minute."

"What?" asked Peter, "But I wanna hear every mushy thing they're gonna say and laugh at them."

"Now!" said Lois as she and the others left the room.

"I thought I lost you, today," said Meg.

"I thought I was gonna lose _me_," said Frank, "What the hell was I thinking, coming to that car like that? I was almost killed!"

"I was worried, okay! In fact I always worry about you when you left work!" said Meg as she started to cry, "Everyday there's either a robbery or an angry customer and you just shrug it off! I always get scared that someday, you'll be dead and I'll be alone again."

This little explanation sunk into Frank.

"Is that how you feel?" said Frank. Meg slowly nodded her head. Frank then sighed heavily and said, "Then I'm going to quit my job. No point in worrying you half to death."

"But what will you do?" asked Meg.

"Who knows," said Frank, "Personally, I want to be a writer. They make good money."

"Well, as long as you don't get shot at on a daily basis," said Meg as she held onto Frank's hand, "I'll see you tomorrow."

"I'll see you too," said Frank as Meg was leaving the room. When she opened the door she saw Peter stumbling about with a glass cup.

"Were you eavesdropping on us?" Meg asked.

"...Maybe," said Peter.

"Well, it doesn't matter," said Lois, "What's important is that Frank's alive and we can all go back to living like we did before he got shot."

"Well, since he won't be at home..." said Menma.

"DON'T TOUCH MY N64!" shouted Frank, "OR MEG!"

"Crap!" he said as he snapped his fingers.

The next day, Peter picked up Frank from the hospital and brought him to the house. Frank was still pretty injured but was well enough to walk on his own. He was then greeted by the rest of the family.

"It's good to have you back," said Lois.

"Welcome back," said Chris.

"It's good to have you back," said Stewie who was holding a sign that said "Sorry for Your Loss, Meg." When he realized what the sign said he quickly flipped it over to say "It's good to have you back."

"Thanks. All of you," said Frank, "It's good to be back. And here's hoping that no more sudden surprises like that happens again."

"Speaking of surprises, Frank. There's Meg wants to tell you," said Lois.

"Are you ready?" Meg asked.

"What is it?" said Frank.

"I'm pregnant!" said Meg, "We're going to have a baby!"

Frank and Peter then stood there dumbfounded. Their eyes then rolled over and they both fell over backwards making a thud sound.

"Frank?" she asked.

Moments later, Frank wakes up and to see Meg looking at him.

"Meg? I had the most horrible dream," said Frank, "I dreamt that you told me you were having a baby."

"Frank! That wasn't a dream!" said Meg, "I'm REALLY pregnant! I took a pregnancy test this morning and it said that I'm pregnant."

"AAAAHHHH!" screamed Frank as he went unconscious again. Moments later, Frank wakes up and to see Meg looking at him.

"Meg? I had the most horrible dream," said Frank, "I dreamt that you-"

"FRANK STOP DOING THAT! I'M PREGNANT FOR REAL!" shouted Meg as she shook Frank.

Frank was about to go unconscious again, but Meg slapped him.

"Sorry," said Frank.

"Did you hear that, Peter?" asked Lois, "We're going to be grandparents!"

"Grandparent?!" said Peter as he was coming to, "But that makes me old!"

"Peter, you're 43!" said Lois, "You're already old."

"I don't know what to say," said Frank as he stood up, "I mean, I'm going to be a dad!"

"I know," said Meg, "At first I was scared at the thought of us being parents, but I think we can do it."

"You really want to have this baby?" asked Frank.

"Frank, it's not just a baby," said Meg, "This is the start of a family. OUR family."

"A family, huh? Alright, let's do it!" said Frank.

"Meg, I know that I said I became pro-choice when you were born, but I'm proud that you're willing to take responsibility in having a child," said Lois.

"Thanks," said Meg "But you know, I'm kind of scared though."

"Well, of course you should be scared," said Peter, "I mean, when you get to the 6th month of pregnancy you start to look like a balloon."

"Then you're ankles start to swell up," said Lois.

"And then you start getting stretch marks in your stomached and then there's the morning sickness," said Peter.

"And then there's the actual childbirth," said Lois, "Oh my god, it'll be THE single most painful experience in your entire life."

"I DON'T WANNA HAVE A BABY ANYMORE!" shouted Meg as she hugged Frank tightly, "I WANT AN ABORTION!"

"CAR CRASH WOUND! CAR CRASH WOUND!" shouted Frank as Meg let go of him, "Now, calm down! Like you said, we can go through this."

"But I'm scared!" cried Meg.

"Look, I'll be here with you when the time comes. I promise," said Frank.

"Thank you," said Meg.

"I almost forgot to tell you about-," said Peter before Frank gave him an angry look, "I'll be quiet."

"Oh, great another baby in the house," said Stewie, "This is gonna be suck so hard."

"Yeah, this'll be worse than the time I was Dr. Robotnik," said Peter.

**Flashback.**

Peter is at Green Hill Zone in Eggman/Robotnik's hovercraft. Keep in mind that Peter is dressed up as current day Eggman and not as old School Eggman or those gay AoSTH/SatAM Robotnik costumes.

"Now, Sonic the Hedgehog," Said Peter, "You will face the wrath of my new and improved Checker Wrecker Ball, now metal plated and completely covered with spikes!"

"You, um, you don't see anything wrong with this plan, do you?" asked Sonic.

"No. This plan is freakin' awesome," said Peter. As he lowered the ball, it plopped to the ground and pulled the Eggmobile down with it. Peter then rolled right out, all bloodied and stuff, "Ahhhhhh! Ahhhhhh! Oh Christ! DAMN GRAVITY!"

Sonic then proceeds to kick Peter in the balls and runs away at high speed laughing.

"OWWWWW! YOU C#NT! NO WONDER EGGMAN HATES YOU!" shouted Peter as he clutched his groin.

**End Flashback.**

"This'll be easy," said Frank, "I can be a dad. I can do it!"

(Five minutes later in the backyard...)

"I CAN'T DO IT MAN!" sobbed Frank as he downed another beer, "I CAN'T!"

"Frank, calm down" said Brian, "You're just overwhelmed with so many emotions at once over the news that you're breaking down."

"Damn cheapass condoms!" said Frank as he threw his beer across the yard.

"Are you telling me that you don't want to be a father?" asked Brian.

"I do, but I'm not ready!" said Frank, "I don't even have a job anymore! How the hell am I gonna support this baby?"

"Have you ever thought about starting your own Book store?" asked Brian, "I mean, you do know a lot about books. Maybe you should open an auto shop."

"Hey, you're right!" said Frank, "I should start my own business! I CAN do this! I CAN be a father! I CAN take care of my family! Thanks for the build of confidence, Brian."

"You're welcome," said Brian as Frank walked back into the house. He then notices that Frank left a few beer bottles, "Frank wait! You forgot your bee- ah forget it!" said Brian as he started to down the rest of Frank's beer.

"Frank, are you okay?" asked Meg.

"I'm fine," said Frank as he walked over to the phone and dialed a number, "I just need to call someone."

"Who?" asked Lois?

"My stepdad from my half older brother side of the family," said Frank as he waited for him to pick up. Sure enough, his father answered, "Hello, Dad? It's me Frank... Why didn't I come into work today? I quit! I told you yesterday! No I quit! You can't fire me because I quit! Anyway just shut up for a moment! I need to tell you something. Remember that girl that came over that one day? The one that needed to use the phone? Yes the 'moneyless ugly fat porker bitch!' Anyway, 2 weeks after that, we got together and then... SHUT UP! Anyway, and then 5 months after that we had sex and... DAD! SHUT UP! The point is, she's pregnant and I'm the dad... Uh huh... WHAT?! IT'S MY DESCISION! NO F#CK _YOU_!" And Frank harshly slammed the phone on the hook.

"What happened?" asked Peter.

"My stepfather just disowned me," said Frank.

"I'm so sorry," said Meg as she put a hand on his back.

"No, this is great!" said Frank upbeat, "Now I don't have to talk to that jackass ever again!"

(1 months later)

Frank had come home from the bookstore looking stressed and tired. Meg had come into the room. Now 1 months pregnant, her stomach had gotten a bit bigger and she wore maternity clothing.

"How was work today?" she asked.

"Terrible," said Frank, "I got shot after a customer complaint."

**Flashback**

At the bookstore, Frank is having a conversation with a black man who wore the stereotypical gangster attire (i.e. Doo rag, backwards baseball cap, saggy pants, etc.)

"We were able to give up is harry potter vol 7," said Frank, "But I needed to a resift."

"Say what?" said the black man.

"You see, vol 8 is not out yet. They have not arrive."

"Oh, that ain't right!"

"Sir, if you want, I can reserve vol 8 free of charge."

"That ain't gonna cut it, so I've got somethin' for ya," said the black man who reached into his shirt and pulled out... a ballpoint pen, "I'm gonna file a complaint."

The man calmly wrote on a piece of paper and placed it into the complaints' box.

"I'm sorry, man, but I'm just unsatisfied, you know?" he said.

"I'm sorry to disappoint you," said Frank, "Take care."

"Yeah you too," said the man as he drove off.

**End Flashback**

"Then seconds later, some white guy ran up, shot me, and then stole all Steven kings books," said Frank, "Luckily I was wearing my bullet proof vest."

"Anyway, it's about time you got home," said Meg, "I need you to go to the store to get me some ice cream."

"But I just got home, and I was shot at!" said Frank, "I 'm exhausted. Make someone else do it."

"You don't have to yell at me!" said Meg as she was about to cry, "All I wanted you to do was buy me ice cream, but you have to be an ass about it. I'm pregnant and this is how you treat me? I thought you loved me!"

"Meg, stop crying," said Frank.

"Who's crying," asked Meg irritated, "Just because I'm a girl and you shout at me, I'm supposed to cry!?"

"But you were crying just a min-"

"SHUT UP! And why the hell are you still here?! Get me my ice cream already!"

"Okay, okay! Just don't yell at me anymore!"

"I'm sorry, honey," she said in a now calm manner, "I didn't mean to get mad like that. I'm just so emotionally and all. I love you."

"I love you too-"

"What the hell are you standing there for?!" she asked angrily, "I TOLD YOU TO GET MY F#CKING ICE CREAM! DON'T MAKE ME F#CK YOU UP!"

"Jesus, Meg! I hate it when you get on these mood swings!" said Frank, "You seem to get scary all of a sudden."

**Flashback.**

At the dinner table, everyone's having dinner when suddenly Peter spills salt on the table.

"DAMMIT DAD!" shouted Meg as she smashed her dinner plate on him making him fall unconscious.

**End Flashback.**

"Anyway, did you decide on what we're gonna name the baby?" asked Frank

"Well, if it's going- Wait? Didn't I ask you to get something for me?" asked Meg.

"No!" said Frank rather quickly.

"Oh, okay then. If it's going to be a boy, we'll call him Mickey," she said, "If it's a girl, we'll call her Nancy."

"Mickey? I'm not naming my son Mickey!"

"What's wrong with Mickey? I like Mickey!"

"Only if he's a mouse! I mean, who the hell names their kid Mickey nowadays? The bullies will probably just make him wear stupid red pants with bright yellow buttons and mouse and then make him dance and laugh like a retard. Also, I'm not so keen on Nancy either! Not sure why?"

"Fine! I'll just get a phonebook and we'll just pick the names by random," said Meg as she left the room. At the same moment, Peter came in.

"Hey, what are you guys doing?" asked Peter.

"We're coming up with names for the new baby," said Frank, "One for a boy and one for a girl."

"What's up with that whole boy/girl thing?" asked Peter, "I mean you should just pick the boy's name first and if it does turn out to be a girl, you just get mad and pick the stupidest name you can think of and hate her for the rest of your life. That's what I did."

"Actually, it doesn't matter what the baby turns out to be," said Frank, "If it's a girl, I'm gonna love her just the same."

"Love her just the same?" asked Peter, "HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! LOIS! Lois c'mere! You've gotta hear this!"

"What is it, Peter?" asked Lois as she walked into the room.

"Frank, tell Lois what you just told me," said Peter.

"I said that it doesn't matter if the baby's a boy or girl," he said, "If it is a girl, I'll love her just the same."

Lois and Peter then broke into laughter after that.

"Is he serious?!" laughed Lois, "You're a man! No real man wants a girl for his first child! HAHAHAHA!"

Frank then rolled his eyes and left the room looking for Meg. Meanwhile Stewie's room, Stewie is getting frustrated over the lack of attention he's gotten for the last 6 months and is talking to Brian.

"Dammit! Dammit all to hell!" said Stewie, "Why the hell won't anyone pay attention to me?! It's always Meg's baby this and Meg's baby that! They're supposed to be listening to me rambling on about my evil plans for world domination and my quasi-homosexual lifestyle! Where's my attention?!"

"Stewie, you get enough attention already!" said Brian.

"Explain," said Stewie.

"You're the most popular character on Family Guy, you have your face plastered everywhere on Hot Topic and on Family Guy merchandise you're not even on saying 'Victory Shall Be Mine!', you always come up number one in fan polls, you have a DVD dedicated to you, your profile comes up first in the Family Guy video game instruction manual, you have so many episodes about you, you always get a lot of screen time because the audience is easily amused by an evil baby who cusses and Meg always gets screwed over because the writers focus most character development on _you_! You're just mad because the author is giving Meg time to shine and not you and it's bugging you because you always get what you want, but not now. End rant!" said Brian as he left the living room.

(AN: I actually think Stewie's funny. Sorry if this insulted Stewie fans.)

Stewie blinked for a moment before saying: "What the hell is a 'Family Guy?' That was just weird. Even weirder then the time I tried to pay a prostitute."

**Flashback**

Stewie is in a street corner with a prostitute.

"Say, how much for a hand job and a spanking. Oh and can I call you Brian while you're doing it?"

**End Flashback.**

At that very moment, Lois and Peter walks into the room.

"Stewie, you're becoming a big boy now," said Lois, "So that is why we're going to give you a new bed to sleep on. You're going to have to stop sleeping on the crib."

"What the deuce?" Stewie asked, "You can't take away my crib. My domain! My... how do hip hop people put it? Oh yes! My crib... yo!"

"Sorry Stewie, but the baby will be sleeping in the crib when _HE'S_ born," said Peter.

"I HEARD THAT!" shouted Frank from the other room.

"Also, you and the baby will be sharing this room," said Lois, "So please try to be nice."

She and Peter then left the room.

"Has she gone mad? First that baby steals all the attention away from me, then it steals my crib and now I have to share a room with it?!" said Stewie angrily, "Oh you have just made a powerful enemy, my friend. From the day after you are born, I shall make your life a living hell! Hmm hmm hmm! Ha ha ha ha ha! HAHAHAHAH! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! MWAHAHAHAH... Hack! Cough! Cough! Oh god! I think I just choked on my own saliva!

**Eight months later...**

The family were in the living room. Meg was now nine months pregnant.

Meg looked at herself. She seemed to realize what would happen soon, as did the rest of them. They all waited. Then, a dark patch of wet appeared on Meg's crotch.

Meg suddenly noticed that her family was giving her funny looks, as if they were confused about something.

"What are you looking at me like that?" asked Meg, a bit pissed.

"Meg…you…you're glowing!" said Frank.

"What?" said Meg before looking at her hand, which, indeed, were glowing with a pale blue shine? Then she felt a sharp pain in her pelvic region, and how her clothes wetted. "Oh my, my water broke!" shouted Meg.

(A/N: This time is not a dream, to make thing clear)

"Quickly, we must take her to a hospital!" said Frank.

"To a hospital?" said Brian. "Look at her! We can't let anybody out of this house to see her in this state!"

"And what are we going to do!?" said Frank.

"I guess that we must help Meg to give birth right here" said Lois. "Chris, heat up some water! Brian, bring clean towels! Matt, stay with Meg no matter what and support her!"

"What about me?" asked Peter?

"Peter, avoid doing anything stupid!" said Lois.

"I guess that's a challenge I can take" said Peter. "Hey, I have a crazy idea!" said Peter before grabbing an iron and pressed it against his hand "AAAAHHHHHHH!" screamed Peter in pain. "Man, I must stop doing this stupid and probably self-destructive crap" said Peter before looking at the iron, and pressing it against his other hand. "AAAAAAAHHHHHH!"

Meg's shine was each time more intense.

"Meg, keep breathing!" said Matt.

"It hurts!" complained Meg.

"Meg, I know that it hurts, but you must be strong!" encouraged Lois. "Come on, sweetie, tonight the Griffin family will have a new member! Now, push when I told you to!" said Lois. "Now, push!"

"AAAAHHHHH!" screamed Meg.

Meg's shine was now so intense that looking at her was like looking directly into the sun. She also gave off heat. Frank and Lois were forced to step backwards.

"Frank! Mom!" cried Meg. "Don't leave me! I can't do this alone! AAAAAAHHHHHH!" screamed Meg again.

Then a huge flash of light filled the room, and a shockwave of light came from Meg, knocking backwards everybody, shattering the glasses of the windows. And after that, silence. But soon the silence was interrupted by a faint cry.

Lois then could stood up, gathering her remaining energies, and walked to Meg. She stopped form shining. She also saw something between her daughter's knees. It was the baby she just gave birth. Lois held it and wrapped it in a blanket.

'Come,' said Brian, in the same tones. 'We must drive to the hospital immediately.'

'No problem there!' yelled Peter, standing up. 'We'll take the Petanic!'

Het then ran outside and began to drive an enormous cruise ship with his face superimposed on the front down the street. There was then a loud crash and an 'OH MY GOD!' from Joe.

'Joe, I am so, so sorry. For the third time.' said Peter.

'Dammit, Peter! How can you pay for these ridiculous vehicles!' shrieked Joe.

Peter then walked back into the house.

'How about we just take the car?'

A while later, Meg was lying on a bed in the delivery ward, panting through a contraction. Frank was beside her, holding her hand.

'Congratulations, Mr. and Miss Mallque. It's a boy.'

The doctor wrapped the baby boy up in a red blanket and handed him to Meg. He wasn't crying anymore, just lying there with a happy expression. He had his father's spike black hair and blue eyes.

Meg looked at his son, his eyes watering. 'He looks just like you.' he said to Frank.

.'I know. He's so beautiful...I can't believe I have a son'.

"You gave birth to a hermaphrodite?" asked Peter, "That's just sick."

"That's the umbilical cord, stupid," said Frank.

It's a boy," said Peter, "And that is one hell of a Wang. Yep, my grandson will be getting laid a lot."

"Yeah, Dad, it's a boy," said Meg.

"He looks so cute," said Lois.

"Can you believe it?" asked Meg, "Our love created this. The most precious thing on Earth."

"He is something, isn't he?" asked Frank as he kissed Meg on her forehead.

"Have you decided what you're gonna name him?" asked Lois.

"I want to call her, Frank G Mallque Jr," said Meg, "If that's alright with you, Frank."

"Of course," said Frank, "It's a very good name. Frank G Mallque Jr Griffin."

"Don't you mean, Frank G Mallque Jr?" asked Meg.

"Oh, right," said Frank, "We got married yesterday in Vegas. I keep forgetting."

"Anyway, Frank Jr," said Lois, "I want you to meet someone when we get home..."

Frank and Meg then looked at each other uncertainly. They knew how Stewie was mad at Frank G Mallque Jr before he was born. They were afraid of how he would act now.

**Flashback ends!**

**Now back to the my brothers birthday chapter**

Today was a special day in the Griffin household. Peter, Frank, Chris, Brian, John and Tyler were in the living watching TV, when Lois walks into the room.

"Well, everything's all set for Stewie's birthday party." Lois said, "I can't believe he's almost a year old."

"Cool." Tyler said, "Seems like only yesterday that we were here."

Tyler then thinks back to a clip of the pilot, was cut off.

"Tyler, that was a few weeks ago." John informed Tyler.

"Oh." Tyler responded.

"Yeah, I'll never forget the day he was born."

"What was it like, Mr. Griffin?" Tyler asked.

It flashes back to the day of Stewie's birth. Peter was with Lois, who was in labor. He was in hospital attire while wearing a mask like the doctors.

"One more push, Lois." The doctor said. Lois groaned in pain from giving birth.

"This is quite a miracle, Mr. Griffin." The doctor informed Peter, "Would you like to have a look?"

"Yeah, you know, I've never actually seen a live baby... Oh, God!" Peter said in horror of what he saw and ran out of the room.

"Congratulations, Mrs. Griffin. It's a boy." The doctor announced as he handed Stewie to the nurse beside him, "Oh, wait a minute. I don't think we're through here."

"Oh, my God! Is it twins?" Lois asked in surprise.

"No, it's, um, a map of Europe." The doctor responded, folding the scroll to reveal a full map of Europe with X's on a few countries. While they were distracted, the newborn Stewie shifts his narrowed eyes suspiciously back and forth.

Cut backs to the present.

"I've just confirmed everything with the birthday party planner down at Cheese E. Charlie's." Lois informed Peter.

(A/N: I know it was pronounced as "Cheese Charlie's," but if you've seen a few episodes of The Cleveland Show, you can see that they pronounced it as "Cheese E. Charlie's" instead. That way, it's more like the restaurant it's parodying. Hope you guys understand.)

"What's Cheese E. Charlie's?" John asked.

"Yeah, I don't think I've ever heard of a place like that before." Tyler said.

"It's cool, guys." Chris told John and Tyler, "They have this game where you put in a dollar and you win four quarters! I win every time!"

"Chris, I think that might've been the change machine." Tyler informed Chris.

"Oh." Chris replied, "I get to go, right?"

"Why can't we have the same kind of party we always do?" Peter asked Lois.

"Yeah, what's the problem at having the party here?" John agreed with Peter.

"Boys, this could be our last first birthday ever." Lois explained, "You know, when Meg and Chris turned one, I had so much to do, I missed everything."

It goes to another flashback, this time with a younger Lois preparing a cake for Meg's first birthday exhausted.

As she puts on the finishing touches on Meg's cake and pours punch in the cups, Peter barges in.

"Lois, you're not gonna believe this!" Peter announced in excitement, "Meg just said 'da-da!'"

"Her first words?" Lois exclaimed in surprise.

"Then she stood up all by herself and started walking'!" Peter also told her.

"Her first steps?" Lois exclaimed again, this time with joy.

"Yeah." Peter replied, before looking around the kitchen, "What the hell are you doing in here, anyway?"

Peter went back to where the party was thrown, leaving Lois alone in the kitchen. She looks down in disappointment at how she missed seeing what could've been one of the best things in her life as a parent.

Suddenly, drums are played in the other room, catching Lois' attention.

"Alright!" Peter exclaimed, "Her first drum solo." Everyone in there applauded.

"Oh, that's so sad, Mrs. Griffin." Tyler said.

"Hey, are you being a smartass to my Mom, Tyler?" Frank asked Tyler offended.

"What? No. My ass isn't smart." Tyler responded, "If it was, it would do Chris's homework for him."

"Well, thanks to Cheese E. Charlie's, I'm not gonna miss a moment of Stewie's party." Lois said as Stewie in his diaper walked in.

"I say, am I to spend the entire day wallowing around in my own feces?" Stewie questioned, then clapped, "A little service here!"

"Hey, Stinky." Peter greeted Stewie, "Hey, have we got some big plans for you."

"Plans?" Stewie replied in confusion, "The devil are you talking about?"

"It's your birthday, dude." Chris told Stewie.

"Saturday's gonna be real special, honey." Lois said to Stewie, "I've hired a professional to make sure everything goes just right."

"A professional?" Stewie remarked, then gasped in horror, "There's treachery afoot." Stewie then scoured off.

"Huh, that's weird." John said.

"What?" Tyler asked.

"Sounded to me like he thought we meant something else." John theorized, "Oh, well."

Later in the evening, Peter, Frank and John were sitting on the front porch. Peter was having a slice of pie when Meg soon ran back home from school in tears.

"Meg, you're home late." Frank said.

"Yeah, what kept ya?" John asked Meg.

"I stayed after school to try out for cheerleading." Meg sobbed.

"Well, don't keep us in suspense." Peter responded in excitement, "How'd you do?"

"I'll give you a hint." Meg said, "I S-U-C-K-E-D! Sucked! Sucked!"

"Yay!" Peter hoorayed before realizing what she said, "Uh... Oh, I mean, sorry, honey."

"God, I hate high school." Meg lamented, "I don't fit in with anyone."

"Is it that bad?" John asked.

"Oh, boy, you have no idea." Frank informed him.

**Cutaway #1**

Frank was in a street gang, whom was finger-snapping, ala _West Side Story_. Unfortunately, Peter wasn't able to keep up with the others.

"Okay, man. Okay, you are really throwing me off." The head dancer said to Frank annoyed, "its step-kick, and step-twirl. Got it?"

"Aw, I thought we were just gonna rumble with those greasy Sharks." Frank said.

"Not without seven years of ballet and two of jazz tap, we're not." The head dancer replied, "From the top, people! Look, why don't you just hang back and stretch?"

Frank looked down in disappointment.

**End**

"I don't get it." Meg said, "The harder I try to make friends, the more people hate me."

"Listen, Meg, you're a one-of-a-kind girl with a mind of her own." Frank comforted Meg.

"What you should do is stop being someone you're not." Tyler advised.

"Really?" Meg asked.

"Yep." Tyler informed, "If people don't like you for who you are, then that's their problem."

"Yeah. I mean, besides, you and I are already friends, right?" John said.

"Yeah." Meg replied.

"Well, that's a start." John.

"Wow, it's so obvious." Meg exclaimed in realization.

"Thanks, daddy, Frank." Meg thanked Peter and gave a kiss on Frank's cheek.

"And thanks, guys." Meg then thanked John and Tyler as she hugged them.

"Hi, mom. Bye, mom." Meg greeted Lois, who was stepping outside, as she, John and Tyler walked into the house.

"Wow, I haven't seen Meg this happy since that bus broke down in front of our house." Lois acknowledged after seeing Meg's attitude.

**Cutaway #2**

Meg and Peter were sitting on the front porch when a bus reading "Hanson" suddenly stopped right in front of their house. Meg quickly stood up in excitement.

Three tan, blonde boys came out of the broken-down bus.

"Hi, can we use your phone?" One of them asked.

"Holy crap!" Peter exclaimed in horror as he also quickly stood up, "It's _The Children of the Corn_!"

Peter then got out a shotgun and began firing.

**End**

"Meg and I just had a little father-daughter talk, along with some talk from her friends." Peter told Lois.

"Well, it seems to have worked." Lois said.

"Hey, I wasn't just blowing smoke when we bought this t-shirts." Frank responded as he and peter lifted their shirt to reveal another shirt underneath reading, "#1 Dad. And "#1 husband."

"Well, you're the number-one husband, too." Lois replied.

"I know. That's why I bought this other t-shirt." Peter said as he lifted his other shirt to reveal yet another t-shirt underneath, this time reading, "No Fat Chicks." Frank looks peter shirt and quickly pulls it down when he realizes what it says. "Whoops."

Later that night, Frank Jr was asleep and Stewie was still up and was writing in his diary.

"'Dear Diary, it seems the domestic overseers are plotting against me." Stewie wrote in his diary, "Their plans somehow relate to the anniversary of my escape from the womb. I'm still haunted by the memories of how I was incarcerated in that amniotic Attica.'"

We go to yet another flashback of Stewie back when he was simply a sperm. However, the sperm portrayed here are actually a type of spacecraft, piloted by babies wearing helmets.

"'As I recall, it was every potential man for himself.'" Stewie wrote.

The sperm were heading straight for an egg cell. Stewie then began taking them out one by one.

"'I alone had reached the target objective, thanks to the peerless intrepidity I developed at testicular boot camp." Stewie wrote as his sperm then entered the egg, "But it was a trap! I was imprisoned in that uterine gulag for nine grueling months.'"

Then it flashes forward to Stewie's developing fetus, writing something in his journal.

"'Day 171. I've sprouted another finger, counting the one from yesterday." Fetus Stewie wrote, then looked down at his feet, "I'm up to 11.'"

Then fast-forwards to a fully-developed Stewie in fetal position.

"'As the months of solitude passed, I began to go insane." Stewie narrated, "It seemed my prison cell was getting smaller and smaller. I was quite sure that soon I would be dead.'"

Just then, an exit opens sideways, emitting light from outside.

"'But then, a miracle! There was a light at the end of the tunnel.'" Stewie wrote, "'I rushed to freedom, but suddenly I was ambushed by a mysterious man in white!'"

Stewie soon realized something as he snapped out of his writing.

"The man in white." Stewie acknowledged in realization, "Of course. He must be the hired professional of whom they spoke. He failed to thwart my escape into the outside world and now, one year hence, he's returning to rectify his mistake and..." Stewie gasped at what he thought up, "...put me back in the womb!"

"What?" Frank Jr said woke up

The next day at James Woods High, Meg was putting her stuff in her locker when all of a sudden.

"Boy, it sure is great being thin and popular." One of the cheerleaders said, who were just walking by.

"Let's go throw up." Another cheerleader suggested.

The others agreed with her.

"Hey, I love throwing up." Meg told them, hoping they'll let her in.

The cheerleaders then laugh and leave. Meg sighs in disappointment and closes her locker, only to get caught surprise by an unfamiliar face.

"Hi. I'm Jennifer." The girl introduced herself.

"Uhh, I'm Meg." Meg responded at first a little uneasy.

"Oh, my God. Your hair is so beautiful, I just want to brush it." Jennifer said gleefully admiring Meg's haircut.

"Really?" Meg asked. Jennifer gave a disturbingly big smile. "You wanna go throw up?"

Meanwhile, Peter, Frank, John, Tyler and Chris are at Cheese E. Charlie's.

"Hey, guys." Chris said to John and Tyler, "Let's go wack some moles!"

"Yeah!" John and Tyler said in unison.

"Now, now, boys, we're not here to have fun." Frank informed the boys as he soon turned his attention to the ball pit. John also had his attention to the same thing. Frank shrugs it off.

"Now your mom is counting on us to drop off the deposit." Peter explained as he, Frank and John took another gaze at the ball pit.

"So, uh, let's just deliver the check and, uh..." Peter said again, but gazes the ball pit yet again.

He, Frank and John then looked at each other, wondering about it.

"Go for it!" Tyler shouted.

The three then dashed toward the pit. John jumped in first.

"Hong Kong Phooey!" Peter shouted as he jumped in the ball pit last, splashing all the balls out and crushing John and Frank underneath.

"Where?" Tyler responded to Peter's phrase.

"Right here." An anonymous source to Tyler's left said. The camera turned to who said it and, sure enough, Hong Kong Phooey was actually there, much to Tyler's surprise. Hong Kong Phooey then, for no reason, karate-chopped a nearby table in half.

The guys then try out the arcade room, where a sign showed a man with signs of being on drugs was posted, reading, and "You must be at least this high to ride."

"Don't they mean 'this tall' to ride?" Tyler asked Peter as he took his off the sign to think about. When he looked at the sign again, it was completely different. This time, it read "Must be at least this **tall **to ride." Tyler then has a look of surprise on his face after seeing it.

"Yeah! Come on! Oh, go, yeah! Eat my dust!" Chris chanted as he was playing a racing game called _Virtual Indy 500 while _Frank cheer him on, while John and Tyler were playing _Pac-Man _and _Galaga _and Peter next to them was playing another game called _Frogger Stuck behind a Bus_. "Come on, move it! Come on, oh, man!" Peter said out in frustration at playing the game, "Guys, this place is great. Hey, pull over, you bastard!"

Next, Peter was playing a claw machine, hoping to get a prize, but missed.

"Aw, man." Peter exclaimed in disappointment. He then gets an idea, which he has his hand in the machine and tries to snag one of the prizes inside.

"Hey, Mr. Griffin." Tyler shouted to Peter as he quickly got his hand out, "They even got games in the bathroom."

"Look, I won a balloon!" Chris said as he held up what appeared to be an uninflated balloon to Peter, but we all know what it actually is for those who saw the actual episode.

"Eh, way to go, Chris." Peter congratulated Chris as he looked at his wrist, "He-Hey, where's my watch?"

"Alright. I won a watch." A boy by the machine said, holding Peter's watch, "What's _The Dukes of Hazards_?"

"Hey, that's mine." Peter exclaimed, "Hey, come on. Come on, give that back!"

Peter tried to snatch the watch away from the boy, but the boy keeps straining him from doing so.

"Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!" Tyler chanted at Peter.

"Folks in Hazzard Country hadn't seen a watch fight in a long time." Uncle Jesse from _The Duke of Hazzard_ narrated, "Them boys' rassled for a full five minutes before the manager stepped in to tell Tyler to stop chanting 'Fight!'".

"Hands off, fatty!" The boy backed off Peter, then ran off with the watch.

"Get him!" Peter pointed and told the nearest person there.

"I got him!" Tyler responded as he zoomed off toward the kid. Tyler catches him.

"Wait a minute, that's the wrong one." Peter informed Tyler.

"Oh." Tyler exclaimed, realizing that as the real kid got away, "Oh, well, he's gone."

"Sir, I'm going to have to ask you and your party to leave." The manager informed Peter.

"Hey, I'm a paying customer." Peter told the manager, "Look, I got a deposit check for my kid's birthday party right here..." Peter then digged deep into his pockets, but wasn't able to find the check in neither one. "Hey, where the hell is it?"

"You mean this?" Tyler asked Peter as he held up the check.

"Oh, yeah, I forgot I gave it to you for safe keeping." Peter acknowledged, "Hey, thanks."

"Oh, Mr. Griffin." The manager acknowledged, "Oh, I am terribly sorry. We're really looking forward to Stewie's special day."

"Well, now I don't know." Peter said to the manager, "After the emotional trauma I've-"

"What trauma?" John asked.

"Play along." Peter whispered.

"Oh." John replied.

"After the emotional trauma I've endured on your premises, I think I deserve a little discount." Peter repeated what he was going to say before Tyler interrupted the first time.

"Sir, our prices are set by the corporate office." The manager informed Peter.

"Well, then we'll go to the corporate office!" Tyler announced, "As soon as I know what a corporate office is and where it is. Whichever one's faster."

"Or maybe I'll just take my business elsewhere." Peter threatened the manager, "Good luck filling our spot by this Saturday."

Suddenly, parents were swarming the manager, asking for open positions.

"I got cash!" A man said.

"I'll take it!" A woman said.

"Suite yourself." The manager replied to Peter's threat earlier.

"Probably shouldn't have said that." Tyler remarked.

"Uh, wait. W-Wait, he was just bluffing." Frank begged to the manager, "My mom has her heart set on this place." Frank then yells after him.

"Chris, this is a big day for you." Peter told Chris, "The day you become the man of the house."

"Why?" John and Tyler asked Peter.

"Because when we get home, Mrs. Griffin is going to kill me."

Frank then noticed Tyler holding a shovel.

"Hey, what's with the shovel?" Frank Jr asked.

"To help dig your pops grave." Tyler replied.

"Oh, right." Peter said.

Back at the house, Stewie was still in his crib, recalling his supposed discovery last night.

"So the man in white is coming to put me back in the womb, is he?" Stewie questioned, "Well, if I'm to defeat him, I shall acquire professional forces." Stewie then pulled out an issue of _Soldier of Fortune_ from the side of his crib.

"Yes, here we are." Stewie said as he began reading the magazine, "'Come to Managua, the Mecca of mercenaries.' I must prepare for my journey."

Stewie put the magazine down and pulled out a red backpack from another side to put everything he needs in the bag for his "trip."

"Let's see, grenades," Stewie checked as he put them in, "mace, baggie full of Cheerios."

Peter and the boys return home, where Lois was sitting at the couch with Brian, who was reading an issue of _Doggy Style_.

"So, are we all set are Cheese E. Charlie's?" Lois asked Peter.

"Not exactly..." Tyler said uneasily.

"What do you mean?" Lois asked.

"Well, tell her, Mr. Griffin." Tyler pointed to Peter.

"Oh, uh, actually, I cancelled the reservation." Peter admitted.

"What?!" Persephone and Lois expressed as she jumped up from the couch.

Peter gave a nervous chuckle.

"Peter, how could you?" Lois questioned Peter.

"Lois, I got a very good reason." Peter reasoned.

"Oh, wait a second." Frank and Brian halted as they walks out and brings a chair in, "These are always classic."

"Lois, that Cheese E. Charlie's is no good." Peter claimed, "See, it happened like this."

Unlike the real episode, however, it showed only a black title card that read, "Do you really want me to add Peter's story into this fanfic? If you did, well, then I'm sorry, but it's not gonna happen." written in white.

Though it does cut to the part where Peter just escapes from his restraining chair as the Incredible Hulk and getting cut off by Lois.

"Alright, Peter." Lois stopped Peter, "That's enough!"

It cuts back to Peter, Lois, Frank, John, Tyler and Brian, whom was clapping slowly.

"Bravo, Peter." Brian mocked Peter, "You're the Spalding Gray of crap."

"I'll go get your grave ready." Tyler said as he left the room.

Peter, do you know how hard it was to get a reservation at Cheese E. Charlie's?" Lois questioned Peter sternly, "I had to book it on the day of my ultrasound. We'll never find another place in time!"

As Lois was arguing with Peter, John saw Stewie climbing down the window using suction cups. However, one of the cups gets stuck and causes Stewie to crash on the ground. Tyler comes back in the living room, covered in dirt.

"Grave's dug." Tyler announced, "I did find some weird stuff down there."

"What did you find?" John asked.

"These." Tyler said as he pulled out seven diamond-shaped gems in his hands, "Cool, huh?"

"Yeah." John replied, "Wait. Where underground did you happen to come across these?"

"Uhhhh..." Was all Tyler could say?

**Cutaway #3**

Tyler is actually digging a grave for Peter, but ends up going deep underground instead. Eventually, he pops out of the ceiling of a large, hot cavern. That place was actually Hell. Demons were roaming every territory and people being tortured.

"Oh, geez!" Tyler exclaimed as he soon turned his attention to the floor, "Hey. What's that?"

On the floor were the same gems, now in an open crate. They were blue, green, red, yellow, silver, cyan and purple. Tyler then decided to snatch the gems and is almost caught by the demons. Tyler returns to the surface with the gems in hand. What about the demons chasing him, you may ask? Well, Tyler took care of that by plugging the bottom of the hole with a cliché cartoon cork.

**End**

"For once, it was all going to be so perfect." Lois sulked.

"Come on, Lois. It'll still be perfect." Peter said, trying to cheer up Lois, "We'll give him the best birthday ever, right here in the safety and comfort of our own home."

"Peter, we've been over this." Lois reminded Peter.

"Mom, you won't have to lift a finger." frank reasoned.

"Yeah, he got a clown, a cake, a petting zoo, a big-ass piñata, you name it!" Tyler said aiding frank, "Though probably not a petting zoo. Maybe. Emphases on the maybe."

"You got all those things?" Lois asked in amazement.

"You bet we did." Peter assured Lois.

"Huh?" Tyler exclaimed in confusion.

"Wow. Even Cheese E. Charlie's doesn't have a petting zoo." Lois acknowledged, "Okay, I'll call the parents and tell them the party's here." Lois then left to do as she said.

As soon as Lois was out of the room, Brian confronted the three, "You all don't have any of those things."

"How do you know?" Peter questioned.

"Peter, face it." frank said, "You're a terrible liar."

**Cutaway #4**

Peter goes in an elevator with a random man. Everything seems normal, but the man soon smells something that stinks. He turns to Peter.

"Uh." Peter said, "It was you!"

**End**

"You know, clowns and petting zoos book months in advance." Brian explained, "You're all gonna have a tough time finding a... Oh, hold on." Brian said as a tiny man in a speeding stage wagon passed him. Brian then chased after it to the kitchen. It phased through inside a bottom cabinet and Brian opens to find a bag of dog food. Brian closes it in disappointment at not being able to catch the stagecoach. "Ugh. Some day."

"Guys, I think Brian's right." John told Peter and Tyler, "Maybe we should just think of something else."

"What?" Peter exclaimed, "And let Stewie's party be ruined? No way."

"Well, we still have a cake and a petting zoo to worry about." Tyler reminded Peter, "What's the plan, Mr. Griffin?"

"Easy. It's..." Peter said as he whispered into Tyler's ear.

Meanwhile at the Quahog Airport, Stewie was about to start his "journey" when he walks up to the female worker behind the counter.

"Well, hey there, little boy." The female worker said to Stewie, "Are you lost?"

"Now, listen here... 'Jolene.'" Stewie negotiated with the woman as he read her nametag, "I've got an army to raise and I must get to Nicaragua. I require a window seat and an in-flight Happy Meal. And no pickles! God help you if I find pickles."

"Henry, I have a lost little boy." "Jolene" said to the man next to her.

"Well, hey there, little fella." The pilot greeted Stewie, "Why don't you come with me?"

"No! Damn you! You're one of them, aren't you?" Stewie cursed as he was picked up and taken with the man, "What are they paying you? I'll double it! I'll give you whatever you want! Money! Women... Men?"

Back in town, Peter, Frank, John and Tyler were at a plain, where Peter had a leaf blower on.

"Uh, what are we doing here again, Mr. Griffin?" Tyler asked Peter.

"Pigs, Tyler." Peter told Tyler, "We're getting pigs for Stewie's petting zoo."

"Oh." Tyler replied.

Peter turns on the leaf blower and blows down a house made of straw. The resident living inside it, a pig, then retreats to the nearest house around. The house it retreated into was one this time made of sticks, which Peter blew away easily as the house's residential pigs run away now into a house of brick, leaving Peter in a fix.

"Crafty swine." Peter muttered under his breathe.

"Now what, Mr. Griffin?" Tyler asked.

"I got this." John said as he took his fist out.

Peter stopped him and knocked on the door. "UPS" Peter lied, which got the door to open, "Heh. See? Little bastards ain't as smart as- AAAHHH!" Peter exclaimed as he got hit by a paint can attached to a swinging wire.

At the Griffin house, Frank Jr was drawing himself as a super hero, Brian was making himself a sandwich and Lois and Persephone was at the table writing out invitations to Stewie's birthday. Meg then walked in.

"Hi, Mom, Persephone." Meg greeted Persephone, "This is Jennifer. She gave me a ride home."

"Meg, you made a friend." Lois congratulated her daughter.

"What a lovely house, Mrs. G." Jennifer complimented, "Meg, you didn't tell me your mother was just like Martha Steward."

"Oh, no." Lois said flattered, "Once you get to know me, I'm really very nice."

"You know what's nice?" Jennifer asked, "Having a friend like Meg. And kittens. It was super swell meeting you. Bye, Meg. Friends forever."

"Forever and ever." Meg said.

They then shared a giddy laugh and Jennifer left the house.

"Wow! What a great yard!" Jennifer then complimented.

"Guess what, mom?" Meg asked Lois, "Jennifer invited me to a party on Saturday."

"This Saturday?" Lois exclaimed in concern, "Meg, you can't Miss Stewie's first birthday."

"But mom-" Meg said.

"Meg, our entire family is going to be here for Stewie's party and that includes you. Understood?" Persephone sternly informed Meg.

"I can't believe you'd put your family before your own daughter!" Meg said to Lois upset, then stormed off.

"She's a whiny little runt, isn't she?" Brian remarked."

Lois gasped in shock at what she thought Brian called Meg.

Then Frank Jr got out of his chair and slap Brain like a BITCH!

"WHAT, I said 'runt.'" Brian claimed.

Peter and Tyler then stopped at a place called "Exotic Entertainment," where Peter was talking to the clerk inside.

"I, uh, I don't think me and my friend are in the right place, uh..." Peter said.

"We're looking for someone to entertain some little kids for his son's birthday." Tyler told the performance artist, "So, what can you do?"

"Well, I can do, like, a handstand, and some somersaults maybe." The performance artist said.

"Can you do anything else?" Tyler asked.

"Oh, yeah, I can make pretend like the little children are little bugs in my web." The performance artist responded.

"We're just gonna get outta here, right now." Tyler told the clerk as he and Peter slowly stepped back and then dashed out of the shop.

Meanwhile, Stewie was still at the airport. He was in a room with the man who brought him there.

"Do you know your phone number, son?" The man asked Stewie.

"The only way you'll get me to talk is through slow, painful torture." Stewie talked back, "And I don't think you've got the grapes."

"Oh, it sounds like you don't want to go home." The man said surveying Stewie's attitude, "Are you running away?"

"Steward Gilligan Griffin runs from nothing!" Stewie shrugged.

"You know, son, running away never solves anything." The man said, "You're getting to be a big boy now and part of growing up means facing your problems head on."

"Mmm, the ruptured capillaries in your nose belie the clarity of your wisdom." Stewie remarked, "You're saying I must return to face this man in white myself. So be it."

"As for you, kind sage, I only hope my heartfelt thanks will keep you warm as you spend the next the next 10 years in frozen carbonite!" Stewie said to the man as he pulled out another of his own weapons and blast a beam of carbonite at the man, freezing him in a giant chunk of carbonite. Stewie then runs off.

Peter, Frank, John and Tyler were sitting glumly on the front porch, then Brian stepped outside.

"Well, Peter, you, John and Tyler only got a couple of hours left." Brian informed Peter, "If you're gonna pull a party out of your ass, you might wanna stand up."

"I'll back up if you do." Tyler said.

"Same here." John followed.

"Dad, my friend Jennifer invited me to hang out with a bunch of her friends." Meg asked Peter as she stepped out, "Can I go?"

"Whoa, I'm not fallen' for this trick." Peter said sternly, "Did you ask your mother?"

"Yes." Meg said annoyed.

"Okay, then." Peter replied, "Have fun, sweetheart."

"Thanks, daddy." Meg thanked Peter gleefully and left.

"Jesus Christ, pops."Frank yelled

"Way to go, Mr. Griffin." John remarked.

"Yeah, nice work." Tyler agreed.

"Aw, guys, Stewie's birthday is gonna suck." Peter admitted, "The only stuff I could get on such short notice was a cake and that big-ass piñata." He pointed to, literally, a piñata that looked like a big ass.

"Whew, sure hope candy comes out of that." Brian acknowledged.

"Wish we'd got a normal piñata." Tyler agreed.

"Face it, guys. I'm a bad father, a lousy husband, and a spiny dresser."

"I'm not sure about that last one." Tyler said.

"I'll never be able to face Lois." Peter said in defeat.

"Well, the circus is in town." Brian suggested, "Maybe you could run away and join it."

"Yeah, you be a big attraction. We'll make millions!" Tyler shouted as he was then dressed as a ringmaster, but another ringmaster steps in.

"Sorry, kid, but we already got that attraction." The ringmaster informed Tyler.

"Well, then I guess we need plan B." Tyler said as he took off his ringleader outfit.

"Wait, the circus!" frank realized.

Somewhere downtown, Peter and frank was behind an alley, waiting for the marching band to come by. They looks around on what to do, then sees a sign and gets an idea, to which they takes the sign.

The marching band was now coming to theirs direction. Peter then held the sign reading, "Parade route," waiting for the band leader to come by. As soon as he does, "Now" was what Frank shouted and out of nowhere John knocked the leader out and he and Peter dragged him into the alley. Peter then came out as the band leader with Frank and John beside him. They then began leading the circus to their house.

Back at the house, Stewie's party had already started.

"Hi." One of the parents said, "This is the right, isn't it?"

"Oh, yes." Lois assured, "Peter should be back any minute and then we can start the party. Heh. I hope."

"Whoa!" Tyler shouted in excitement.

Peter, Frank and John arrive not a moment too soon as they came in riding an elephant.

"Hey, Lois, look." Peter said, "The two symbols of the Republican party: an elephant and a big, fat, white guy who's threatened by change."

"Oh, Peter." Lois responded in joy, "This is the most wonderful celebration I could have imagined."

"Yeah." Peter replied.

"Hey, where's Stewie?" John asked.

"Upstairs, doing who-knows-what." Tyler answered.

Inside his room, Stewie was training for his supposed encounter with the "man in white." He was doing a few taichi stretches before tying his baby bottles together to use as nunchuks.

"I'll go get him." Lois said, "If one of you see Meg, tell her to take lots of pictures."

"Oh, uh, Meg's not here." John said.

"She went to some weird kid's house." Tyler said after.

"What?" Lois exclaimed, "She's gonna Miss Stewie's birthday."

"Yeah, I dropped her off an hour ago." Peter said, "Boy, is she gonna be sorry or what?"

"Oh, Peter, how could you let her go?" Lois asked.

"Geez, what's the big deal?" Peter wondered, "So Meg's with her new friends, they seem like a nice bunch of kids."

"I don't know, they seem kind of weird." Persephone remarked, "Like they're in a cult or something."

As Persephone mentions the word "cult," it soon cuts to the inside of a house, where it was filled with kids who wore the same jogging suit as Meg's new friend, Jennifer.

"I'm so glad you could join us, Meg." Jennifer said to Meg, "We're gonna have a great time on our trip."

"A trip?" Meg asked confused, "Like, to the beach? Cause I didn't bring my bathing suit."

"Oh, you won't need anything for where we're going." Jennifer insured, "Excuse me. I gotta go mix the punch."

Jennifer went to the punch bowl at the table and then placed a box full of harmful substances labeled "Heaven's Helpers Youth Cult." She then began adding various poisons into the punch, such as cyanide, arsenic and rat poison. She also then drops a book into the punch, which floats back up revealed to be Paul Reiser's _Couplehood._

Back at the party, Stewie was surveying the area in binoculars and a sailor suit.

"Hey, birthday dude." Frank Jr and Chris said to Stewie, "You want some ice cream?"

"Ice cream!" Tyler shouted.

"Huh?" Chris said as he looked to his right.

Tyler jumped on top of him.

"Yes, but no sprinkles." Stewie replied, "For every sprinkle I find, I shall kill both of you!"

"But if it's one sprinkle, we'll both be dead." Frank Jr said.

"Dammit." Stewie yelled.

John was about to enter the house, when he heard Peter talking to Lois.

"Oh, come on, Lois." Peter said, "I hate to see you so upset. Look, we got animals. We got clowns. I mean, a party couldn't be any better if Jesus Himself showed up."

**Cutaway #5**

The cutaway is that of the Wedding of Cana, beginning where they have just found out they're out of wine.

"What do you mean we have no more wine?" The master asked.

"I checked. We're all out." One of the servants told him.

"Well, I guess we'll just have to cancel the wedding." The master said.

It then goes to two of the wedding guests.

"Hey, I just heard over at the entree table that they're out of wine and are planning to cancel the wedding." The guest on the right said to the guest at the left.

"What, because of a shortage of wine?" The left guest responded, "That's a little too much, don't you think?"

"Are you forgetting something important here?" The right guest reminded his friend, "Every wedding's gotta have wine. Otherwise, what's the point?"

"Oh, right." The left guest replied.

"Well, I guess we should probably get out of here right now, huh?" The right guest said.

The camera turns its attention to one of the jars full of water. A hand comes out and touches the edge of the jar. The camera then turns back to the master and his servants.

"Oh, hey, hold on, let me just get a drink of water first." The left guest told his friend as he went to the same jar that was touched, "I don't wanna leave on an empty stomache."

He then took a scoop of the "water" and had a sip. Then his widened in amazement.

"Hey, we do have more wine!" The guest acknowledged, "Hey, Gary, quick! Tell everyone that there's wine over here!"

The man's friend rushed off to do as he told him.

The camera then turns to the jar again, this time with Jesus standing next to it, proud of what He did for them. He then winked at the screen.

**(A/N: I know it's not the actual cutaway Peter set up in the episode, but I thought since I'm practically a Christian, maybe this should be it instead. Hope you like it.)**

**End**

"Peter, the circus is terrific." Lois affirmed to Peter, "But it's not just Stewie's birthday. We're also celebrating the day our family became whole. Today means nothing if Meg isn't here."

After hearing all that, John couldn't help but feel sorry.

At the house the cult was using, Meg was sitting with Jennifer. Jennifer then took notice of Meg's glum look.

"Meg, you seem sad." Jennifer remarked, "Today's a happy day."

"I know. It's just that..." Meg said as she paused a bit embarrassed, "Well, I really like that guy over there. But he doesn't even know I exist. He must think I'm a total dog."

"Oh, that is so not true." Jennifer shrugged it off.

"Then what is it?" Meg asked.

"He's a eunich." Jennifer answered.

"Really?" Meg asked again curious.

"Sure." Jennifer responded, "All the guys here have been castrated. It's cool."

"Hey, do you think that girl is hot?" A boy asked another.

"No." The other boy said.

"Me neither." The boy who asked first responded.

Then they gave each other a high five.

Back at the house, the party was still going.

Brian was standing around having a drink.

"Hey, you. Hit me." Brian said to a clown as the clown sprayed water in his cup and walked away, "There. Now if I can just find a midget with some gin, I'll be in business."

"Hey, Brian." Tyler said as he and Frank Jr walking up to Brian, "Cool party, huh?"

"Yeah, cool party. Hey, listen, uh, you wouldn't happen to find a midget with a little gin on him, did you?" Brian asked.

"No, but I did meet a ninja with vodka." Frank Jr said as he showed behind him a ninja with a vodka bottle.

"Close enough." Brian muttered.

John walked by them and was about to leave when Brian stopped him.

"Hey, where are you off to, sport?"

"I'm going to go bring Meg back to the party to help Mrs. Griffin." John informed Brian, "You wanna come along?"

"Naw, that's alright." Peter said walking up with Frank, "You can come with me."

"Are you gonna bring Meg back, too?" John asked.

"Yeah, I gotta make things right for Lois and get this monkey off my back." Peter explained and turned around to reveal he literally had a monkey on his back, "Ow! Knock it off! Hey! Hey!"

"I'll help you, Mr. Griffin." Tyler said as he held up his hand and suddenly an energy blast came out, but missed Peter, "Whoa!"

"What the heck was that?" John asked.

"I-I don't know. All I did was..." Tyler said as he accidentally blasted more energy.

"Well, have long have you had that?" Peter asked.

"I guess just now." Tyler suggested, "I'll stay here so I don't hurt no one."

"Good idea." John said as he and Peter left.

Stewie was with a few other babies when he witnessed Tyler's new ability, which he soon learned was from the gems Tyler was carrying in his pockets.

"Fascinating." Stewie remarked, "It appears one of the provider's henchmen have found objects of possibly unlimited power. This could be useful in my confrontation with the man in white."

He then turned his attention to the babies behind him.

"All right, men, the man in white is coming to put me back in the womb." Stewie informed his "troops, "Today he comes for me, but tomorrow it could be you!" Stewie then pointed at one of them.

"Or you!" Stewie said as he pointed at another baby, which then fell over its side.

"I offer you the opportunity to join me at retrieving those gems to use in glorious battle. I know that for some of you, your motor skills are not yet developed. Sadly, you will be used as decoys. But your children's children will know that you fell for a noble cause. Now, who's with me?"

The only thing one of them could respond to Stewie was, "Duckie."

"Ugh! Useless, every one of you!" Stewie reacted frustrated, "Fine. I'll defend myself, and the hell with all of you!" Stewie then stopped as he shook a little, "There, I've gone and soiled myself. Are you happy now?"

Meanwhile, back at the cult's gathering, a gong rang and everyone, except Meg, then got excited.

"Oh, our leader is here to take us on our journey!" Jennifer acknowledged in excitement.

The kids gathered to nearby doors that opened to show the cult's leader, who was also in a blue jogging suit.

"My children, rejoice." The leader announce, "The hour of transformation is close at hand."

He then spotted Meg. "Who are you?" He asked her.

"This is Meg, wise one." Jennifer told her master, "Can she come with us?"

"Perhaps." The leader replied, "Do you have a mind that seeks enlightenment and a heart that seeks purity?"

"Well..." Meg said, "Not really."

"Okay." The leader responded at Meg's answer, "Are you a confused adolescent desperately seeking acceptance from an undifferentiated ego mass that demands conformity?"

"Wow, that sort of sounds like me." Meg replied as she was still oblivious to what was really going on.

"Great!" The leader remarked, "Then all you need is a dark-blue jogging suit. Let's see what we have in stock. What are you? About a 9?"

"No." Meg said flattered, "A 6."

The leader had a look of doubt in his face after hearing it, "Hehehe, right." He replied, "Dispense the refreshments."

Jennifer then poured some punch in a cup and handed Meg her serving.

"There you are, Meg." John said as she was about to take a sip of her drink, but noticed John here, "Hey, frank, Mr. Griffin, I found her."

"Frank, what are you, dad and John doing here?" Meg asked, "Oh, I'm so embarrassed I could die!"

"Hey, hey, not before the rest of us." One of the kids said.

"Meg, your mother wants the family together today." Peter informed Meg.

"Ugh, it's just Stewie's birthday. So what if I'm not there." Meg shrugged, "Who's gonna remember?"

"Your mom will, trust me." frank responded, "She remembers everything. In fact, she always says the best memories she has are when you kids were born."

Peter turned away and then realized.

"Oh, geez, Meg, that's it." Peter said, "This day is more for your mom than it is for Stewie. Oh, with all she's given us, she ought to get whatever she wants."

"I think what your dad's trying to say is that she wants you to be with the family." John said to Meg.

"Really?" Meg asked feeling guilty as she soon hugged her father, "Daddy, you must think I'm the worst daughter ever."

"Oh, no you're not, honey." Peter cheered Meg up, "What about that fat girl from the Judd's?"

"I'm sorry I've been so selfish." Meg apologizes.

"I miss my mom." One of the kids confessed.

Everyone else in the room agreed.

"I also miss my nads." One of them said.

"Mr. Griffin, can we come to Stewie's party, too?" One of the kids asked Peter.

"Sure." Frank replied, "The more the merrier."

"Meg, you have the coolest family." Jennifer told Meg.

"She sure does." Peter agreed as he got a serving of the punch and proposed a toast, "Hey, here to family!"

"To family!" Everyone toasted.

As Peter was about to have a sip of the punch, he looked at his watch, "Aw, jeez, look at the time!" Peter exclaimed, "Come on!" Peter pulled Meg away before she could sip the punch, saving her life in the process.

"Come on, kids." Peter called to the kids in the party, "Let's get going."

Soon, loud thudding noises were heard as Peter looked at them surprised.

"Oh, sorry, Meg." Peter apologized to Meg, "I guess that's another bunch of people that'd rather fake their deaths than go to a party with you."

The cult leader then came back holding a blue jocking suit.

"Children, the time of ascension has arrived." The leader announced as he soon found the now lifeless bodies on the floor, "Oh, for the love of God, haven't any of you been in a cult before? Damn it! I can't achieve transcendence by myself. That would just make me some kind of lone nut. Somebody's got to die with me." After that, he sees Meg in the car going home with her father and John.

"Come back, Meg!" The leader called out as he dashed off toward her, "Whoops. Can't forget my ceremonial white robe."

Meanwhile, the party was almost over and everyone was about to leave.

"Well, I guess there's nothing left but the birthday cake." Lois said disappointed

"Yeah." Tyler agreed.

"Right here!" Meg said as she appeared holding the cake.

"Meg!" Lois exclaimed excitedly.

"I'm sorry, mom." Meg apologized to Lois as they hugged.

"Oh, thank you, Frank and Peter." Lois thanked Peter.

"Hey, no problem." Frank responded, "And John helped out, too."

"Is that true?" Lois asked John.

"Yeah." John replied, "I heard about what you said about this party not meaning anything without Meg and I kind of wanted to help out."

"Oh, that is the most wonderful thing you've ever did." Lois said as she hugged John in gratitude, "Thank you very much."

"Yeah, well, you guys carry on." John said about to walk away, "Come on, Tyler."

"Wait, John, don't you want to join us?" Lois asked.

"No, it's okay, Mr. Griffin." John responded, "This is for the family, not us."

"Yeah, we've been enough of a bother for one day." Tyler said.

"Boys, don't you see?" Lois informed them, "You are a part of the family."

"Really?" John and Tyler said in unison.

"Of course." Lois insured, "I mean you've both done so much for us and it's all because of that that we accept you into our own. Do you at least see that?"

Yeah, I guess I do." John admitted, "Tyler? Don't you have anything you want to say?"

Tyler, however, had only a blank expression on his face. Then after a few seconds, he gave a smile.

"I'm glad you finally see that, boys." Lois said herself having accepted John and Tyler into her and her family's life, "Now how about we have some cake?"

"Great, I can't wait to taste this cake." Peter said, "The guy who sold it to me said it was delicious and erotic."

"What now?" John and Tyler both asked in unison a bit shocked and surprised.

"Peter, there's a naked man on this cake." Lois acknowledged in disgust.

"Why would buy that kind of cake for own one-year-old son's birthday party?" John questioned, "What are you, sick?"

"Hey, sorry, this was the only cake we could get." frank argued, "Besides, there were only two left."

"I know I'm going to regret this, but what was the other cake?" Tyler asked with a slight sense of worry.

"Uh, trust me, you do not want the one of Al Roker with the Hershey Kiss nipples." Peter warned Tyler.

"Ugh! Okay, that's a disturbing image." Tyler shuttered, "I think I'm gonna be scarred for life for that."

"How about you come with me and get Stewie?" John insisted.

"Good idea." Tyler agreed, "Before I hear more disturbing things."

"Well, gather round, everyone." Lois told the party guests, "Once John and Tyler come back, it's time for Stewie's big moment."

The cult leader was outside the front yard of the house and ran toward the door. He knocked and the door opened just slightly.

"Hello?" The leader asked. "Is anybody home?"

Suddenly, the door slammed shut behind him, catching him by surprise. As he tried to go further, he heard scurrying noises from behind, making him more intense.

"Greetings, man in white." Stewie's voice was heard, "I've been expecting you."

"Who said that?" The leader asked in fear.

"Peek-a-boo! I see you!" Stewie's voice teased the man.

The leader turned to find a closet with a mirror on the front.

He then walked toward it.

"You're getting warmer." Stewie teased again.

He opened it and found a baby moniter hanging from the pole

"Where are you?" The man asked in fear, "What do you want?"

"Freedom!" Stewie responded through the moniter, "What do you want?"

"I want to get the hell out of here!" The cult leader shouted.

"Oh, I'm sorry. We're fresh out of that." Stewie informed him, "I'm afraid all we have left is an untimely death."

The leader turned as he still saw nothing else in the closet and closed the door, only to find Stewie's reflection in the mirror, which caused the man to turn around.

"What the hell is this?!" The leader exclaimed in confusion and fear.

"It's a boy!" Stewie answered as he pointed his ray gun toward him.

Just as Stewie was about to fire, John and Tyler came in and witnessed it.

"Hey, Stewie." Tyler called, "Time to have some cake."

"What the?" John exclaimed as he and Tyler both found Stewie threatening the man's life, "Hey, what are you do- Stop!"

John and Tyler then ran toward him and grabbed the gun away. They were now holding Stewie firmly.

"Alright, just what were you planning on doing to this here? Huh?" John questioned Stewie, "Tell me."

Stewie then remembered the gems in Tyler's pocket and reached out and tried to take one, but as soon as he touched one, it glowed and gave a powerful shockwave that pushed everyone back against the wall. It also blew back the gun Stewie was holding and triggered a laser to fire at the cult leader, who was just lying there.

Outside the house, an energy pulsing noise was heard, though no one seemed to notice.

"Hey, are John and Tyler still in the house?" Peter asked.

"Yeah. Where are they?" Meg asked.

John and Tyler then came out straining Stewie in their arms.

"Victory shall be mine!" Stewie said struggling to get out of John and Tyler's arms.

"Yes. And this cake is yours, too." Lois said affectionately to Stewie as she picked him up from John and Tyler's hands and brought him to the cake.

"Are you kidding me?" John remarked.

"Guess not." Tyler said, "Oh, well, cake!" Tyler dashed toward the table with everyone else. John joined them shortly.

"Stewie, make a wish." Tyler informed Stewie, "Blow out the candles and it'll come true-" Tyler then realized something obvious about this, "Wait."

"That's right, little buddy." Frank said to Stewie, "What do you want most in the whole world?"

"The whole world, you say?" Stewie acknowledged.

In his head, Adolf Hitler was giving a speech in Germany, which was then followed by whistling sounds of bombs falling were heard, as well as marching of troops, artillery going off and some explosions. John and Tyler were crossing theirs together, hoping Stewie would think differently.

"Oh, what the hell." Stewie remarked as he blew out the candle and a flash of light shined.

However, instead of what seemed like an endless war was now a disco, much to John and Tyler's surprise. Everyone, including John and Tyler, were dressed in disco attire. Actually, Tyler looked more like Elvis. Then some strange music from japan, was play

_The password is afro and sergeant. _

Frank, Peter, Lois, Meg, Persephone, Chris, Brian and stewie were beating their chest to the beat, until Frank Jr appeared left saluting then a bored Frank Jr on the right and at last Frank Jr looking pests in the front until fire sign appeared.

_Afro! Sergeant! 3, 2, 1, Fire!_

Frank Jr moving his arms and legs side to side to a disco beat on the left, then front to back moving his right arm and left arm forward and back with his leg moving one side to the other on the right until Frank Jr does a twirl.

_Afro Sergeant! The Afro Sergeant has an afro!  
Afro Sergeant! The Afro Sergeant has an afro!_

Peter and Lois were doing the same first routine, then moving their hips side to side. Frank Jr was moving his arms side to side then himself side to side

_Do not pull it roughly. Do not touch it with your fingers.  
Don't come any closer! Don't play with it! Don't touch it!_

Then a Frank Jr statue appear sideways spinning around slow like to the beat.

_Smolder Smolerin', Shave Shavin', baby.  
Bushy Bushy (Crumple Crumple) Hairy Hairy!  
It's a tough battle, but first we'll eat first!_

Then Frank was holding his headphone listing to something then turn to the people, giggle and Meg was balancing a wooden sword on her head while dance to the beat. And finally frank Jr was moving his arms into a hugging himself very fast then stretching theme and moving side to side. Then slide to the right until Frank and Peter appear smiling on the left, Lois, Persephone and Meg appeared on the right crying tears of joy, Chris appeared upside down in front like a ninja, Brian and stewie the appeared in front of Christ with creepy glass with the fire sign after words

_The pure space life form is almost perversely honest!  
The enemy's hair is blonde and straight!  
As sure as the Earth's swing, it's too sharp for the eyes.  
The head of a conceited frog inflates! 3, 2, 1, Fire!_

Then Frank Jr and Stewie appear in dressed in disco attire dancing a disco jig turning in circles on the left, then front to back moving his right arm and left arm forward and back with his leg moving one side to the other on the right until on the left side posing saying one word,"_Yale."_

_Afro Sergeant! The Afro Sergeant has an afro!  
Afro Sergeant! The Afro Sergeant has an afro!  
Afro Sergeant! The Afro Sergeant has an afro!  
Afro Sergeant! The Afro Sergeant has an afro!_

Everyone began to swing. After giving much thought, John and Tyler then shrug it off in defeat and join the others.

**The End.**


	5. Chapter 4: Mind over Murder

**Chapter 4: Mind over Murder**

It was another normal day in Quahog. The Griffins, as usual, were watching TV.

The commercial they were watching was for Mentos, set in 1800s America. Abraham Lincoln was stepping out of his stagecoach, then the camera turned to his assassin, John Wilkes Booth, who was about to shoot Lincoln, but misses his chances. He looks up to see it to be the Ford Theatre. This gives Booth the idea to kill Lincoln in the theater and before he goes further, he takes a Mentos as a refreshment. In the theater, Lincoln was already up at the balcony when Booth himself enters and run up the stairs. He reaches Lincoln from behind and points his gun directly at Lincoln's head. He fires, but hits the hat instead, catching Lincoln by surprise. Lincoln turns to find Booth standing there giving a grin. Lincoln doesn't seem to mind. Booth then shows his Mentos at the camera as part of the advertisement.

"Mentos." The announcer in the commercial said, "The Freshmaker."

It cuts back to the family.

"These commercials are stupid." Meg remarked.

"They certainly don't make me want a Mento." Lois agreed.

"Totally ineffective." Brian replied.

"Must. Kill. Lincoln." Peter and Frank Jr said as if hypnotized and walked out of the room.

"He's already dead, you guys!" Tyler called out to Frank Jr, "Sorry!"

"Must. Kill. John and Tyler." Peter and Frank Jr said again sounding hypnotized as they came back in, this time, with an axe.

"Yeah-Wait. WHAT?!" Tyler exclaimed in surprise.

**Opening Credits**

_It seems today that all ya see_

_Is violence in movies and sex on TV_

_But where are those good, old-fashioned values_

_On which we used to rely_

_Lucky there's a Family Guy!_

_Lucky there's a man who_

_Positively can do_

_All the things that make us_

_Laugh n' Cry_

_He's_

_a_

_Fam_

_-ily_

_Guy!_

**End**

It was late at night, where Lois was performing at a concert hall. She was wearing a black dress and finishing a piee on a piano. Everyone was applauding and cheering her on. Lois took a bow and saw Peter and Frank Jr at the edge of the stage holding a bouquet of flowers and blew her a kiss. She waved back at him and was enjoying the moment. Then, out of nowhere, a baby bottle hits her from the back of her head and lands in a sink full of water as Lois snaps back into reality, where she was washing dishes.

"Blast you, woman!" Stewie yelled at Lois, "Awake from your damnable reverie!"

Lois sighed in disbelief, "Honey, I'm doing the dishes." Lois informed Stewie as she picked up the bottle from the water.

"Oh, well, a thousand pardons for disrupting your flatware sanitation ritual." Stewie and Frank Jr sarcastically apologized to Lois, "But you see, we're in searing pain!"

"Oh, you're just teething, my babies." Lois explained, "It's a normal part of a baby's life."

"Very well then." Stewie responded, "I order you to kill us at once!"

"Hey I didn't agreed to this" said frank Jr

"Oh, I know you're hurting." Lois said affectionately to Frank Jr and Stewie, "But mommy has to clean the house, alright?"

"No, it's not alright!" Frank Jr protested and grabbed and shook Lois's blouse, "For the love of God, shake us! Shake us like a British nanny!"

Lois sighed again as Frank Jr and Stewie kept shaking her by the shirt.

At a lake, Peter was fishing with the guys, including Frank, John, Tyler and Brian.

"Oh, man. This is the life." Peter proclaimed, "Hey, hand me one of them Pawtucket Patriots."

"Mr. Griffin, I think you've had enough to drink." Tyler warned Peter.

"Hey, I'll tell you when I've had enough." Peter drunkly shot back.

"Pops, I think you've had enough." Frank warned Peter

"You've had, like, 6 beers already." John pointed out.

"I'm going for 7 lucky." Peter explained.

"You can't make a sentence right now." Tyler stated.

"Yeah, well... You can't see without glasses." Peter shot back poorly.

"So can't you." Frank pointed out.

"Just gimme the damn beer." Peter said as he swiped the beer from Tyler.

"Guys, guys." Peter said, "I-I want to say a toast to you, Quagmire, Cleveland..." He stopped after getting to Brian.

"Brian." Brian reminded Peter.

"Yeah, yeah." Peter hesitated, "And my son in law, Frankie, John and, uh... Taylor."

"Tyler." Tyler corrected.

"That's what I just said." Peter said.

"No, you called him Taylor." Frank informed him.

"Well, which is it?" Peter asked, "Tyler or Taylor?"

"It's Tyler." Tyler told him.

"Alright. Anyway, if-if you guys were beers, I would drink every one of you." Peter said as he crushed the can, "And I-I wish you were 'cause we're out."

They all laughed at Peter's joke.

"Oh, that's funny." The black, smooth-talking man named Cleveland complimented on Peter's comment, "That's even more humorous than that joke last night."

**Cutaway #1**

Peter, John, Tyler, Brian, Frank, Quagmire and Cleveland were at a bar, sitting at a table.

"Okay, so a Jewish guy and a Chinese guy walk into a bar, right?" Peter says telling the joke, "Oh-Oh, wait a second frank can you check around."

Frank then looked to his left to make sure. He found a group of Jewish men. Then, he looked to his right and found a group of Chinese men.

"Okay, Jewish guy and a Chinese guy walk into a bar." Peter said going back to the first part of his joke acting as if in the clear, "And there's this naked priest sitting there. And he..." Peter's attention was cut short when he noticed something in front of him, "Oh, sorry, Father."

The others turned to look at who it was. Out of nowhere, they find a naked priest sitting right where Peter was looking.

"No, I've heard 'em all." The priest shrugged it off, almost seemingly flattered.

**End**

"Oh, look at the time." Cleveland said as he looked down at his watch, "I promised Loretta I was gonna trim the hedges and be tender with her."

"Believe me, Cleveland. O-Our wives need some time off as much as we do." Peter proclaimed, "This is when Lois does all those little things that women like to do."

"Are you sure?" Tyler asked Peter a bit unconvinced.

The scene cuts back to the house, where Lois and Meg was unclogging the toilet. Soon after, they heard the car honk outside, alerting them that Peter and the boys have come home. Meg walked over to the mirror and neatened her hair which was a bit messy after doing household duties all day. Lois then walked down to the living room to greet the boys' home, but picked up a pile of magazines that was lying on the chair and placed them on the coffee table where they were also neated as a stack.

"I'll be on your bed." Brian informed Peter as they walked in, "No calls."

"Hi, Mrs. Griffin." Tyler greeted Lois as he, John and Peter then came in the house, and where Peter's feet was covered in mud and was tracking it on the carpet.

"Hi, Tyler." Lois replied, still bothered at Peter tracking in the house.

"Heya, Lois." Peter greeted Lois as he dropped his fishing equipment and rods on the floor and walked to Lois, "Look, I know you've been busy all day. So I took care of dinner." He then said as he placed a big cooler on the coffee table and knocked the magazines off.

"Really?" Lois asked somewhat convinced that Peter managed to prepare dinner for once.

"All you gotta do is gut it, clean it, scale it and cook it." Frank instructed her as he pulled out a large fish from the ice chest and showed it to Lois before giving her a kiss on the cheek.

"Do you want me and Tyler to give you a hand, Mrs. Griffin?" John asked Lois, give gave her a bit of relief that someone would help her out with dinner.

"Well, that would help a lot." Lois remarked, then turned her attention to Peter, "Peter, I spend all morning cleaning up the house and in 5 seconds, you and the boys turn it into low tide at the pier."

"We'll clean it up." Tyler told Lois, who got a feeling of relief.

"Thank you." Lois said.

"Aw, jeez. I'm sorry, honey." Peter apologized to Lois, "I-I'd help you clean it up. But, uh-uh, you know I am with housework. Remember when I tried doing laundry?"

**Cutaway #2**

Peter was doing laundry in the basement.

"Uh, let's see." Peter said looking in the dryer to look for any clothes inside, "Shirt, pants-Hey, hey, I'm missing another sock."

Peter then went into the dryer to try and retrieve the missing sock.

"Hey."

He then reached the end of the tunnel and fell out of a whole floating in midair, landing in the snow of a snow-covered landscape.

"Welcome to Narnia." A satyr greeted Peter, holding a sock, "I'm Mr. Tumnus."

"Hey, give me back my sock, you goat bastard!" Peter threatened the satyr recognizing the sock it was holding.

With no reply, the satyr then hi-tailed it out of there, leaving Peter in the snow.

"H-Hey!" Peter hollered at the thief.

**End**

"You're right." Lois agreed defeated, "It's better if I do it."

"AH! Damn it to the bowels of bloody hell!" Stewie shouted in pain include Frank Jr from his room upstairs.

"Well, the babies up." Meg sighed, "Can you get him?"

"Okay. I just hope he doesn't need changing." Peter said, "I'm a little gun-shy after what happened last time."

**Cutaway #3**

Peter is changing Frank Jr and Stewie and is about to powder them. He, however, grabs the wrong thing on the table.

"No, no, no, you imbecile! That's not talc! That's paprika!" Stewie warned his father, but was ignored and was sprinkled with paprika, where he then exclaimed in pain.

"Take that!" Frank Jr said as he shot a pee stream at Peter.

**End**

"Alright, I'll do that, too!" Lois said frustrated, "Can you at least take Chris to his..." Lois paused when she noticed John and Tyler were still in the room.

"Oh." Lois said realizing John and Tyler's presence, "Uh, can you boys leave the room so I and Mr. Griffin could talk for a minute?"

"Sure, Mrs. Griffin." Tyler said, "But we don't know where to go. In fact, our room's practically the living room for the moment. Plus, I'm starting to get uncomfortable sleeping on the couch.

"I'm sorry, boys." Lois informed them, "But we just don't have any other rooms available."

"If I might make a suggestion." John spoke, "Why don't me and Tyler just move down into the basement?"

"The basement? Oh, I don't know." Lois said warily.

"Yeah, Lois. Why not?" Frank joined in on the conversation, "It could be just the place they need. Besides, it could finally allow me to watch early morning TV again."

**Cutaway #4**

Frank walked down the stairs and was wanting to watch TV. But he finds Tyler asleep on the couch. Frank then slowly tries to sit on the couch where Tyler's feet are at, but automatically gets up when Tyler starts to react. Then, Frank decides to try and wake Tyler up.

"Hey. Hey, Tyler? Tyler." Frank said to Tyler as he shook his shoulder, but still wasn't awake. "Tyler!" Frank repeated a little louder, which finally got Tyler up.

"Can I have the couch?" Frank asked Tyler.

"Sure." Tyler replied as he then collapsed onto the floor, "Goodnight."

"Goodnight." Frank greeted back as he sat on the couch and turned on the TV.

**End**

"Well..." Lois said, "I guess we can give it a try."

"Thank you, Mrs. Griffin." John said to Lois, "Me and Tyler promise you won't regret it."

John and Tyler then left the room.

(A/N: This was an idea suggested by D4lekCrusher. BTW D4lek, if you were wanting a subplot for my characters, well, this is it. Hope you like it.)

"As I was saying, Peter, can you take Chris to his game?" Meg asked Peter.

"Oh, jeez, Lois. I just spent all morning on a boat with my friends, John and Tyler included, drinking beer, telling jokes and screwing around." Peter argued, "How about a little me and frank time?"

"Honey, we're begging you. Just drop Chris at his soccer game and come right home." Lois told Peter and frank as she sat on the couch with them, "I need you to look after Stewie while I'm teaching piano lessons, please!"

"Alright! Alright!" Frank said defeated, then wrapped his arm around Meg, "Huh. You know we spoil you."

Peter arrived at the soccer game and stopped Chris off.

"Thanks for the ride, guys." Chris said to Peter as he got out.

"Alright." Peter responded, "Have fun, Chris."

"Hey, guys." A familiar voice called out to the trio. They looked and saw that it was Quagmire.

"Quagmire, what are you doing here?" Peter said to Quagmire.

"You don't have kids." Frank said.

"Oh, you know, soccer moms." Quagmire said and pointed to a few soccer moms next to him, "Heh. Heh. Alright."

"Well, I'd like to hang around with you." Peter informed Quagmire, "But Lois and Meg needs me at home."

"I got beer." Quagmire tempted Peter as he pulled out a beer from a red cooler.

Peter gives a wide-eyed look.

"Boo, meg!" frank shouted swinging his shirt around him, "Yay, beer!"

"Same with Coke!" John cheered with frank.

"You want some coke?" Tyler offered as he held out a tray with cocaine instead, "Oh, wait. Wrong coke."

Back at the house, Lois was teaching her student, Meg was watching frank Jr and Stewie at the same time, waiting for Peter to come home.

"Sh-sh-shh, its okay, my babies." Meg gently shushed Stewie and frank jr in her arms, then questioned in frustration, "Where the hell's frank?"

The student finished playing the piece on the piano.

"That was good, Reuben." Lois praised her pupil, "Now play, uh, Brahms' _Lullaby_."

"Lullaby..." Lois sang the piece to her son, "...and good night."

"Oh, enough!" Stewie responded having had enough of it, "The only thing worse than the wretched pain in my mouth is the excrement spewing from yours!"

"Oh, I wish I could make the pain go away sooner." Lois affectionately told Stewie, "But I can't turn time forward."

"No, no! But perhaps we can!" Stewie proclaimed as he gained inspiration from Lois' statement, "Of course! I'll simply built a machine that can move time! I'll call it... A time machine." Then, he was interrupted shortly by a bad note.

"E-flat, SalierI!" Frank Jr instructed Lois' student, "E-flat!"

It then cuts back to Chris' soccer game, where Peter was sober again.

"Go, Chris!" Peter rooted to Chris as the latter just stood there, "Daddy loves ya! I-I mean that in a platonic way. I'm married."

One of the opposing players kicks the ball to Chris, who catches it.

"Hand ball!" The referee whistled and announced, "Penalty kick, blue!"

Chris drops the ball after hearing that.

"That's the 10th time today!" The man next to Frank and Peter shouted, "Nice grab, orca! Hey, get Moby Dick off the field before he burps up a license plate!"

"Hey, hey, hey, easy, fella. That's my bro." Frank told the man offended.

"Yeah. Apologize." John agreed.

"Okay." The man answered, "I'm sorry your kid's a brain dead, stinking, blue cheese fatass!" The man then knocked off Peter's beer from his hand.

"Hey, that's not cool!" Tyler said.

"Oh. Oh, yeah, that's it!" Peter exclaimed and knocked the man outcold.

"Way to go, dad!" Chris cheered his father.

A kid from Chris' team runs up to the man.

"Hey, you hit my mom!" The kid yelled at Peter.

"No, he hit your dad." Frank corrected the kid.

"Whoa. Stand back." A man beside Peter, Frank, John and Tyler informed everyone, "Give her some air."

"Y-You mean, 'Give him some air.'" Peter corrected the man, now a little confused.

"Call an ambulance." A woman suddenly appeared next to Peter, "She's going into labor."

"Y-You mean, 'He's going into labor.'" Frank tried to correct the woman calmly, but was now worried.

Then a baby is heard crying.

"Whoops." Frank and Peter acknowledged.

"Oops." John followed.

"Oh, crap." Tyler finished.

Later, Peter, Frank, John and Tyler were back at the house with Quagmire, Cleveland and Brian in the padio.

"I can't believe I punched a woman." Peter remarked about the incident.

"A pregnant woman." Brian added. Tyler snickered after hearing Brian.

"I just hope she accepts our peace offering." Frank exclaimed, "We sent her a little something for the baby."

"What did you give her?" Tyler asked Frank and Peter.

**Cutaway #5**

At the hospital, the woman Peter punched is sitting up in a hospital bed with her newborn baby next to her. She opens their gift and reveals itself to be a jack-in-a-box. The woman then cranks the handle, where the Jack pops out and knocks her out.

**End**

"Eh, of course, I would've brought it over myself if I wasn't under house arrest." Peter acknowledged.

"Oh, you're just fortunate this is your first offense, Peter." Cleveland said.

"Yeah, no kidding. It could've been a lot worse if the cops knew about those other times we broke the law." Peter remarked.

"Like what?" John asked.

"Well, I was almost caught loitering." Peter said.

**Cutaway #6**

Peter is standing around a sidewalk whilst swishing his eyes back and forth suspiciously with a wall behind that had a sign reading, "No Loitering."

**End**

"And there was that time I took a whiz in public." frank added.

**Cutaway #7**

Peter was doing exactly as he was in the previous cutaway, standing around. Only he was possibly peeing in a public pool.

**End**

"And that time I snuck into Wimbledon." Peter added again.

**Cutaway #8**

Peter, again, was doing the exact same thing, except now he was just watching the players hitting the ball back and forth.

**End**

"Heh. Well, me and Cleveland are gonna 'amscray.'" Quagmire informed Peter.

"W-W-Wait. You guys can't leave me here alone." Peter said.

"Why don't you come with us?" Cleveland suggested.

"Aw, I can't leave the premises." Peter explained to them as he puts down his beer, lifted up his right leg and pulled the pant sleeve away to show the bracelet, "They're monitoring my every move."

**Cutaway #9**

A surveillance officer is monitoring Peter, where the screen is actually _Pong_.

**End**

Peter was imitating what was displayed earlier, by running back and forth between the couch and the TV.

"Oh, I gotta get outta here! I gotta get outta here! I gotta get outta here!" Peter shouted.

"There's my little house husband." Lois sweetly stated, "It's been so wonderful having you home all week." She then gave Peter a kiss on the cheek.

"Oh, thanks, honey." Peter said to Lois, "But, uh, I just don't know how you stand it being in the house all day. I mean, I-I'm so bored, I can't even watch TV anymore. All the shows are starting to run together."

It then showed a program to prove Peter's point.

"The following program contains adult content and is brought to you by the letter 'H'." The announcer on the TV said for _Homicide: Life on the Street_, only it had a catch.

In the show, at an apartment, a phone next to a bed rings and the person sleeping underneath its sheets reaches for it and answers.

"Hello?" The voice resembled that of Bert from _Sesame Street_. The person rises sitting up, revealed to actually be Bert, with Ernie lying next to him, "Ugh. Son of a bitch. I'm on my way."

Bert hang up the phone after that.

"Some poor bastard got his head blown off down at a place called Hooper's." Bert informed Ernie about the new case whilst getting of bed nude and getting dressed. He then takes a gulp of whiskey.

"Bert, I wish you wouldn't drink so much, Bert." Ernie acknowledged to Bert.

"Well, Ernie, I wish you wouldn't eat cookies in the damn bed!" Bert shouted.

"Bert, you're shouting again, Bert." Ernie said scared.

Bert shrugs it off in annoyance.

Cuts back to Peter and Lois.

"I know you can't understand what I'm going through, Lois." Peter said to Lois going back to his point, "I mean, all the stuff that makes you happy, you know, like cooking and cleaning, is right here in the house just waiting."

Lois then snatches Peter's empty beer can in anger.

"You are one lucky-" Peter was about to say, but was cut off by Frank, John and Tyler covering his mouth shut.

"Good job." Brian said.

"Peter, I don't do those things because I enjoy them." Lois pointed it out to Peter, "I do them because I love my family."

Peter laughed immature at Lois' statement.

"Lois loves her family. Lois loves her family." Peter teased Lois, "'Lois and her family sitting in a tree-" He was cut off again by John who smacked him in the back of the head to stop him. Peter then rubbed the back of his head and looked at Lois.

"See, Lois, the guys would've found that hilarious." Peter said.

"Hey, Peter, if you want, you could help me, Frank and Tyler set our stuff in the basement." John offered to Peter.

"Yeah." Tyler agreed.

"Uh, yeah, sure." Peter said.

"Why don't I and meg go buy some groceries and make us a nice romantic dinner while you're helping John and Tyler set up into their new room?" Lois insisted, "You know, like when we were dating?"

"Yeah, that sounds cool." Tyler said.

"It sure is." Peter responded, affirming that he agrees.

Lois leaves the room to get dinner ready.

"Wonder what the guys are up to?" Peter wondered.

**Cutaway #10**

Cleveland and Quagmire were at the local pool. They decided to try what Peter did.

"Oh, that's nasty." Cleveland acknowledged.

**End**

Peter was at the basement door with Frank, John and Tyler. John was holding a medium sized box, while Tyler looked as if he was holding a very object off screen.

"Okay, are you guys ready?" Peter asked the boys.

"Mr. Griffin, a little help?" Tyler said struggling.

"Tyler." John asked Tyler.

"What?" Tyler said.

"That's a shoe box." John told him.

Tyler looks to find that it was a show box, much to his embarrassment.

"Well, that's a little humiliating." Tyler remarked, then tossed the box and picked up another one that seemed easier for him to carry.

"What's in there?" Frank asked Tyler.

"My emeralds." Tyler answered whispering as he showed his friend all seven emeralds inside. He then closed it up to hide them from Peter.

"Okay, let's go." Peter told them.

They then walked down the stairs, but everything began to go dark.

"Uh, where's the damn pull string?" Peter wondered.

Peter managed to find it and pulled it to turn on the lights and revealed a small spider hanging from its, catching Peter by surprise.

"It's just a little spider." Tyler pointed out.

"Yeah, you never know what you're gonna find down here." Peter remarked.

"Like that?" Tyler and Frank asked.

"Like what?" John and Peter then asked him in unison.

"That." Tyler said, pointing to a giant spider on the upper corner of the basement.

"Hey, everybody. How ya all doing'?" The spider greeted them.

(A/N: The spider is voiced by Mike Henry. Think of it like the bee from "It Takes a Village Idiot and I Married One," and the Xenomorph from the _Aliens _cutaway in "Peter's Daughter's.")

John and Tyler screamed and ran out of the room in panic. As it surprises Frank and Peter also, they trips and tumbles to the end of the stairs on the floor with John and Tyler's personal things on top of him. Peter and Frank manages to sit back up and then heard a strange voice.

"Peter!" The voice said, calling out to him, then revealed itself to be the Pawtucket Patriot.

"Hey! Hey, you're the Pawtucket Patriot." Peter acknowledged at who it was.

"Verily." The Pawtucket Patriot responded, "Come hither and give heed."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, I don't swing that way, pal." Peter rejected at thinking it was sexual, "Look, I got a date with my female wife. I just came down to help my housemates set up this basement into their room and get the beers out after that."

"Why spent time with your wife?" The Pawtucket Patriot questioned him, "If you build a bar in this basement instead and stock it with plenty of frosty Pawtucket Patriots, your friends will come down here for a beer as well."

"Build a bar." Peter said fascinated, "That's a great idea!"

After Peter accepts the idea, the Pawtucket Patriot then disappears.

"W-W-Wait. One last question." Peter shouted to the Pawtucket Patriot who came back after hearing his call, "If I walk through you, does that mean, like, we've done it?"

The Pawtucket Patriot disappeared before he answered, then finally said, "Jeez. What's with you and the gay jokes?"

A montage plays of Peter and Frank building the bar instead of setting up John and Tyler's new room and Lois, Meg getting hers and Peter and Frank's dinner ready. Peter begins building the bar. Lois comes home with the groceries to make dinner. Frank thens screws the legs on the stools. Meg puts a roast in the oven. Peter is now in the bathroom reading the paper. The roast is done and Lois pulls it out. Peter falls asleep while still in the bathroom. Meg then makes the finishing touches to her romantic evening with Frank. Peter and Frank finishes the bar, but notices the word "olde" on the sign and changes it to "old" instead. Lois and Meg are still waiting for Peter and Frank to show up and after she looks at her watch, they gives up. Tyler appears and blows out the candle, catching Lois by surprise.

"There we go." Tyler said.

"Oh. Hi, boys." Lois said a bit started, then put on a calm look for John and Tyler, "Are you both enjoying your new room?"

"Actually, we haven't been able to work on the basement." Tyler admitted.

"What?" Meg exclaimed, "Then what have you two been doing all this time?"

"Waiting for that huge spider to leave." John responded, "That's what."

"I'm not one of those passive-aggressive arachnids whose main interest is to kill the nearest thing they see." The giant spider reasoned, "I was just minding my own business with my big, silky webs when you boys showed up."

"Get out." John and Tyler ordered the spider.

"Alright. Bye, y'all." The spiders greets them goodbye and leaves the room.

"Well, that's one problem solved." Tyler remarked.

Back in the basement, Peter and Frank was wiping the counter of their new bar when the door opens.

"Peter, where the hell have you been?" Lois asked Peter irritated as she, Meg, John and Tyler walked down the staircase, "We had a date."

"And you were supposed to be helping us." John reminded Peter.

"Not cool, man." Tyler said, "Not cool."

"Aw, sorry, everyone." Peter said, "I must've lost track of the time."

"Whaddya ya say, 'uh?" Frank then showed them his new bar, "You think the guys will like it?"

"This is why you missed our dinner?" Lois questioned him, "To make a bar for your friends instead of a bedroom for John and Tyler?"

"Shame." Tyler said to Lois' question.

"Yeah, isn't it great?" Peter said, glad that his new bar is ready for business, "Oh, boy, I feel just like Tim Allen; I build stuff and I have a criminal record." Peter then did the "Macho grunt" from Allen's show _Home Improvement_. Just then, Tim Allen himself then pops up from the right of the screen with a straw in his right hand and snorts the scene, which then showed a bunch of men in the basement.

"Okay, okay, okay, guys. I got another one." Frank told his friends as he was getting ready for another joke, "What's the difference between pornography and art?"

"Here it comes." Quagmire chuckled.

"A government grant." Peter finished the joke, making the guys laugh.

"Oh, Frank, Peter, you two are in the zone." Cleveland complimented on Peter's streak.

Upstairs, Lois was busy washing a dozen dishes and beer mugs. Peter then appeared next to her.

"Hey, uh, honey, you know those little clam cakes you make whenever we have company?" Peter asked Lois, "I need about a dozen of those-um, you know, actually, better make it 600."

"That's it, Peter!" Lois shouted, having had enough, "I'm not your servant and I'm through taking care of you and your bar buddies!" Lois then stormed off.

"Jeez." Peter remarked, "Where the hell did that come from?" Peter then walked in her direction.

They walked into the living room, where Meg, Chris, John and Tyler were watching TV, Frank Jr and Stewie was working on their new invention.

"Watch the kids." Lois told Peter as she was going upstairs, "I'm taking a hot bath."

"Aahh, put me down, you blunderbuss." Stewie yelled at Peter whom picked him up.

"He' a little cranky from teething." Meg explained as she held Stewie.

"Oh, I can fix that." Peter responded.

Peter then swished the whiskey in frank Jr and Stewie's mouths to ease the pain.

"Good Lord, man!" Stewie exclaimed in disgust, "One can only imagine what foul regions that finger has erstwhile probed."

"I can imagine some places." Tyler said as he quickly realized something, "No, Don't! Never mind!"

"There ya go." Peter said, "My mother used to use whiskey whenever I had a toothache."

**Cutaway #11**

It showed a young Peter wearing a white shirt and blue overalls. He had his hand on his cheek.

"My tooth hurts!" Peter told his mother, who was off-screen.

Suddenly, a whiskey bottle is thrown and shatters after making contact with a nearby wall.

**End**

"There." Peter said as he pulled his fingers out of Frank Jr and Stewie's mouth, "How's that feel?"

"Well, it's, it's, it's..." Frank Jr was about to say, but was immediately intoxicated, "It's delightful."

"Mr. Griffin, whiskey doesn't cure a toothache." Tyler informed Peter, "That's old school."

"Okay, smart guy." Peter replied back, "What do you suggest?"

"These!" Tyler answered as he pulled out a bottle of pills.

"How's that supposed to help ease the babies' teething?" Meg asked Tyler.

Tyler just took a look at the bottle for 4 or 5 seconds.

"Medical science is surprising." Tyler finally answered.

Upstairs, Lois was already enjoying her bath and had another fantasy playing in her head. It was the concert again, where the audience was now applauding after Lois' performance.

"Thank you." Lois greeted her fans, "Thank you very much."

Lois was about to get off the stage, when Peter stopped her.

"Lois, you are a wonderful woman." Peter told to her as he gave her a hug, "Words cannot express the depths of my gratitude and love for you."

"Oh, Peter!" Lois said flattered by Peter's words as they embraced once more with a kiss, where fireworks also go off.

It cuts back to reality as Lois goes over the other side of the tub to turn off the faucet. She looks to her left and exclaims in embarrassment as she finds a man urinating in the toilet.

"Hey, you must be Lois." The man said.

The basement was packed with people as Peter was serving drinks at the bar and Meg was bringing men their drinks.

"No, no, not silicone. Silicon." Stewie and Frank Jr drunkenly corrected to a blonde woman in a red dress, "And the design of the device is quite ingenious if I do say so myself, Misty. What a delightful moniker."

"You see, Misty..." Stewie broke out a giggle after saying the patron's name while drawing the schematics on a napkin, "...my time manipulator employs axioms from the quantum theory of molecular propulsion." Frank Jr was about to add more design in the blueprints when the tips of his pencil breaks, "I've broken my pencil!"

"I have a _Barney _pen in my purse." Misty offered to Stewie.

"You are spectacular!" Frank Jr complimented.

Lois then enters the basement in a pink bathrobe with a matching pink towel wrapped around her head and came down the stairs and found Chris at the last step.

"Chris, what are you doing here?" Lois asked Chris.

"Sorry, mom." Chris said to Lois, "I'm gonna need to see some ID."

"Chris, go to your room!" Lois ordered Chris as the latter hung his head in shame and walked up the stairs.

"Hello, mother." A drunken Stewie greeted Lois with frank Jr from behind, "Care to partake in one of your oh-so-exhilarating games of peekaboo?"

"Oh, my God! My babies is drunk!" Lois exclaimed in horror as she picked up Stewie and Frank Jr.

"No, I'm not!" Peter said from behind before realizing who she was referring to, "Oh, him? Yeah, yeah, he's a real lightweight."

"Meg, take our son's upstairs." Lois ordered Meg and handed her Frank Jr and Stewie.

"'Show me the way to go home.' Everybody!" Stewie sung intoxicated as Meg was taking him and her son back upstairs, "'I'm tired and I want to go to bed' Just the woman!"

"Peter, in the 17 years that we've been married, I have NEVER been as angry as I..." Lois expressed in anger when she noticed her piano by a couple of tables, "What is my piano doing down here?"

"Well, it was supposed to be a clam cake buffet, but, uh..." Peter was explaining until Lois gave him a stern face, "...Uh, never mind."

"That does it, Peter." Lois said, "Either this bar goes or I do!"

"Aw, Lois, I-I haven't even told you the other reason your piano's down here." Peter lied to keep his bar, "I. I, uh... Wanted you to play it. You know, like it was an instrument."

He looked at her and she was still very upset.

"I'm telling you the truth." Peter said, "Right, guys?"

The men then agreed.

"Come on!" One of the men got up and said.

"Oh, no, no, I couldn't." Lois said flattered soon after.

"Come on!" Another man insisted.

"How about just one song and you all go?" John suggested.

The men all agreed to John's proposal.

"Well... Maybe one song." Lois agreed.

"Pretend you like it no matter how bad it stinks." Peter warned them.

Lois gave a chuckle and went to the piano and began playing it, then started singing.

_You'll never know_

_Just how much I love you_

Lois then got up and left the piano playing to a nearby man in a white tuxedo.

_You'll never know_

_Just how much I care_

Lois then removed the towel that was on her head, revealing her still wet hair as she swished it around a couple of times. This started to get the guys' attention, though John and Tyler were starting to become very uncomfortable.

_And if I try_

_I still couldn't hide my love for you_

Lois now unstrapped the belt of her robe, causing John and Tyler to develop a sign of fear. They soon immediately covered their eyes as Lois then removed her robe, but were relieved to find she was wearing a nightgown underneath.

_You oughta know for ha_...

"Uh. O-Okay, guys. T-Thank you." Frank nervously said during the song trying to get their attention off Lois, "You can stop pretending now."

_If there is some other way _

_To prove that I love you_

_I swear I don't know_

Lois then layed on her stomach in a very sexy pose.

Peter and Frank then backed up toward the bar, where John, Tyler and Brian were there.

"Something troubling you, Peter?" Brian asked Peter.

"Oh, no. Nothing." Peter answered, "Just all my friends are eye-humping my wife."

_You'll never know_

_If you don't know now_

All the men then cheered and gave a big round of applause when she finished. Peter, however, was not so alright about it.

The next morning, the family (except Frank and Peter) was having breakfast, but Lois was still enjoying last night.

"It was absolutely amazing!" Lois professed, "The second that spotlight hit me, I became a whole different person!"

"Silence, you contemptible shrew!" Stewie shouted and frank Jr groan in responses at Lois while recovering from his late-night hangover.

"Aw, I bet your gums are still sore." Lois said comforting Stewie.

"I'm pretty sure he's just sore from a hangover." Tyler corrected.

"Oh, you two are so observant, aren't you?" Stewie sarcastically replied, "Are you detectives?"

"I got a Sherlock Holmes costume." Tyler replied, "Does that count?"

"YES, MY GUMS AND HEAD ARE SORE!" Frank Jr shouted.

"Oh. SHOULD I START TALKING LOUDER FROM NOW ON?!" Tyler asked Stewie and Frank Jr.

"NOOO!" Stewie and Frank Jr answered.

"Okay..." Tyler replied and went back to his breakfast.

"Ugh, enough of this!" Stewie said, "We must complete the time machine, move time forward, and end this agony!"

"Agreed my friend." Frank Jr said in response

Peter and Frank walks in to find the family having breakfast.

"Hey, dad." Chris said to Peter, "Mom says she was really on last night."

"Oh, uh, yeah, about that, uh." Peter stuttered, trying to make sure Lois doesn't find him jealous, "Lois, see, the guys were just being polite, you know? They-they thought your singing was too, um, eh."

"I was just nervous." Lois confessed still thinking about last night, "Tonight will be better."

"Tonight? Uh, mom, I don't think anyone's gonna come back tonight." Frank informed.

Everyone, however, DID return and Lois was now singing as the bar's own sooner.

_Gimme, gimme, gimme_

_Ya know what I cry for_

Peter and Frank was at the bar, forced to watch his own wife being admired by other men.

"'Uh, honey, I don't think anyone's gonna come back tonight.'" John said imitating what Frank said earlier as he popped up from under the bar with tired eyes.

"Go back to bed." Peter ordered John.

John went back under the bar, where it's shown that he and Tyler were sleeping under there.

_You know you got the brand of kisses_

_That I die for!_

"Oh, this one takes me back." Cleveland said nostalgically.

"Now that's a woman!" Quagmire exclaims at what sounded like that of Lois, but was really doing a guessing game with a doctor showing him random images. "That's a house. That's a fish. That's a bee!"

_You know you made me love you_

"I love you." Lois said and blew a kiss to her admirers, who gave applause, "Thank you. Thank you. Johnny Muldoon, ladies and gentlemen."

Muldoon takes a bow as Lois was taking a sip of water.

"You know, I was born in a little town called Quahog-" Lois said, but was soon interrupted by one of the fans.

"We love you, Lois!" The fan told her.

Lois gives a light laugh, "Let me finish the story, fellas. You don't want to be up all night... Or do you?"

"Or do you?'" Peter said imitating Lois in a jealous way as a man came up to the bar.

"She's a smoking' little pistol, isn't she?" The patron said.

"Are you a woman?" Peter asked.

"No." The man answered.

Peter then punches the man in the face, knocking him out.

The next day, Brian was sitting on the porch reading the paper when Peter stepped out of the house.

"Ah, my house arrest is over, Brian. Round up the guys." Peter said in confidence to Frank and Brian as he was spinning his collar on his finger, "Now that I'm a free man, we can do anything we want."

"Ooo. There's only one thing the guys wanna do, Peter." Brian informed Peter, "And that's ogle your wife. I tell ya, if Lois were my woman, I'd keep an eye on her. Then again, I'm the jealous type."

Later that day, Peter, Frank and Lois were shopping at Stop 'n Shop.

"Wow! Lois Griffin! Hey, I love your act." A man said to Lois recognizing her, "Nice melons."

"Hey, listen, pal-" Peter threatened the man, but was cut off by Lois.

"Peter, I'm holding melons." Lois informed Peter as she was carrying two melons. Peter then dropped his guard seeing this.

"And her hooters ain't so bad, either!" The man said again.

"Now hang on a second there-" Frank threatened again.

"Frank, I'm holding someone's hooters while they're in the restroom." Lois informed Frank, this time with actual hooters (owls) on her left arm.

"Oh, sorry." Frank apologizes after realizing this.

"No problem." The man said back, then said, "Your wife's hot!"

"Alright! That's it!" Peter and Frank shouted and pointed at the man who was now running off but was capture by frank, was beat up brutal, "Lois, your singing days are over. For God's sake, if I wanted to marry Lola Falana, I would have."

**Cutaway #12**

We see a young Peter somewhere around his 20s with what appears to be Lola Falana in her dressing room crying, presuming that Peter was breaking up with her.

"Look, Lola. This whole thing's just going way too fast for me." Peter reasoned with Lola until.

"For the last time, I'm not Lola! I'm Leslie Uggams!" The singer informed Peter as she threw a vase at him, which missed and had him running.

**End**

"Peter, having me sing was your idea in the first place." Lois reminded Peter.

"Hey, hey, hey! I just wanted to keep my bar." Peter explained, "The whole reason I built that thing was so that my friends would come to see me, not you."

"Is that so?" Lois questioned, "Well, let me tell you something. I love singing! And I will continue singing! And... Oh, how dare you upset me this close to ShowTime." She then ran off in tears.

"Lois." Peter called out to Lois, but was stopped by a passing shopping cart, "Ow. Hey, hey, watch where you're going', buddy."

It was revealed to be the woman that Peter punched at Chris' soccer game, holding her baby.

"Griffin!" The woman exclaimed seeing who she hit, "I've got a bone to pick with you." She then moved forward toward Peter and Frank, making them backup.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, listen, pal." Frank said, "We don't want any more trouble."

"Thanks to your wife, my husband hasn't been home all week!" The mother informed Peter as other women joined her.

"That singing hussy is destroying our marriages!" One of the woman said.

All the other women agreed.

"Oh, yeah, well, then do something about it." Peter dared them, "Come down to my basement tonight and drag your husband's outta there yourself."

"Maybe we will." The woman in the orange sweater said.

"Yeah!" The soccer mom agreed while she was breastfeeding her baby.

Peter and Frank saw it and then tried to block out what they were seeing, "Aw, jeez, fella. Can't you take that outside?"

Later that night, the basement was packed again with people, mostly of Lois' admirers. Lois was now about to perform.

"This next number is dedicated to my very supportive husband, Peter." Lois announced to the audience, which got Peter's attention.

"Hit it!" Lois shouted to the nearby orchestra, who then immediately began playing and she then began singing.

_Don't tell me not to fly_

_I simply gotta_

_If someone takes a spill_

_It's me and not you_

_Don't bring around a cloud_

_To rain on my parade_

"Oh, boy." Peter exclaimed at what Lois was doing, "Lois is pretty pissed, huh?"

"Yes, your judgment lately has been rather..." Brian said, but paused to think, "Well, you have crappy judgment, anyway." He then took a sip from his martini.

John was tossing and turning trying to sleep unsuccessfully sleep thanks to the music playing. He then got up, having had enough.

"Mr. Griffin, can you please get Mrs. Griffin to quiet it down a bit?" John asked Peter from under the counter, "Some people are trying to sleep down here. And I thought Tyler's snoring was unbearable."

Tyler then started snoring as if on cue. John then punched him in the face simply out of annoyance. Tyler then snored louder and John punched him again.

"SEE?!" John shouted.

"Look, I'm sorry, but there's nothing I can do about it." Peter explained, "If I ask them to stop, I'll end up losing this bar."

"Ugh. Forget it. No wonder she's mad at you." John yelled defeated as he went back to sleep.

Stewie was strapped in a bouncer complaining about his predicament.

"Oh, this is intolerable!" Stewie complained, "This foolishness is preventing me from completing work on my... Egads!" Stewie then gasped as he soon noticed the blueprints to his time machine was laying on the floor in front of him, "The blueprints for my time machine! Those are for my eyes only!" But the napkin ended up getting stepped on by a passing stranger and peeled off and drifted coincidentally toward Lois, who was still singing.

"Thank you." Lois said as she took the drifting napkin out of midair and looked at it, "Aww, look everyone, Stewie drew a picture for his mommy."

"No!" Stewie yelled as he tried to get out of his bouncer, but Lois got him out and took him on stage with her.

"Hold up the picture." Cleveland said, "Let's see."

"No, nono! Nothing to see here!" Stewie said trying to get them uninterested, but they still wanted to see.

Lois then showed them all the full blueprints of the proposed time machine.

"Oh, how cute." One man awed, "It's a time machine!"

Suddenly, it soon cutted to John finally asleep underneath the counter of the bar when his eyes immediately burst wide-open as if on cue followed by the sound effect of glass breaking to add more into the joke right after hearing the man saying the words "time machine."

"What's that now?" John asked as he quickly rose up from behind the bar, now wanting to know what the man meant.

"No! No, no! It's a..." Stewie said, then paused to think of what to say, "Blast, what the devil do children like? It's a pheasant!"

"A time machine." One of a trio of men said took the napkin away from Lois and started analyzing it, "Well, sure. Here's where the flux capacitor goes."

"Aw, I can't wait to build one of these of my own." Another man from the same group said.

"I'll not stand idly by while you abrogate my plans." Stewie said to the men viewing the blueprints, "You shall rue this day." He then crossed his arms waiting for something to happen, "Well, go on! Start ruing!" After that, he then scurried off.

"Bye-bye, Stewie." Lois greeted Stewie, "Mommy will be upstairs to kiss you good night."

"BURN IN HELL!" Stewie sweared at her as he scurried up the stairs.

"Hell?" Lois said to herself, "Hell has fire. But you know what else?"

She then tore off her dress to reveal a blue top and red shorts. Then she started singing.

_It's got fsssss steam heat_

_I got fsssss steam heat_

_I got fsssss steam heat_

_But I need your love to keep away the cold_

_I got_-

"Alright, break it up!" The soccer mom announced as she and the wives finally arrived.

John then snatched the blueprints-written napkin away while the men holding it were distracted. They didn't seem to notice that john taken it. "I'll take this." Frank Jr then appeared snatched the blueprints-written napkin away from john, He then runs back to the bar to take a closer look at the paper.

Back to the situation with Lois.

"What's going on here?" Lois asked.

"Your little peep show is over!" The soccer mom told her, "We're taking back our men!"

"Peep show?" Lois exclaimed in confusion looking down at her outfit, "I just do this for fun. Look, all day long I scrub and cook and take care of my kids and nobody cheers. No one even says thank you. But when the band starts playing and the music's flowing through me, I feel, I don't know, special. I guess you all think that's pretty silly."

"Not at all." The soccer mom responded shedding a tear.

"You didn't tell us that part!" An orange-shirted woman said pointing at Peter.

"*snores* No. *snores* He didn't. *snores louder*" Tyler said in his sleep underneath the counter.

Peter then stepped back, hoping to get away.

"Peter." Lois said to Peter, "You're behind all this?"

"Yes and you'll never catch me!" Peter announced, then laughed maniacally as he turned a secret lever activating a turning bookcase, only it went the wrong way and trapped Peter between the walls repeating.

"I bet he also didn't tell you he never helps me around the house." Lois informed the other wives, "Or takes me out to dinner. Or notices when I get my hair done."

The wives agreed with her, including the soccer mom. "My husband's the same way." She said putting her arm on Lois' shoulder.

"So's mine." The wife in the orange-shirt replied.

The bar was now filled with both men and their wives. Quagmire, however, was smoking and starting to get bored.

"D; oh, this place is full of dead pigeons." Quagmire remarked as he inhales his cigarette, "I'm gonna go grab some ozone." He then flicked his still-lit cigarette into a nearby trash can and then set the flammable trash inside on fire. Quagmire then zooms in close and realizes what he's done, "Uh, hey, hey, Peter! There's a king in the cards!"

"They saw my blueprints! Even one of the simpletons!" Stewie said to himself in worry, "What a grievous breach of security! Damn! What to do? Wait for it... Wait for it!" Stewie thought for a moment, then shouted, "Yes! Instead of moving time forward to bypass this wretched teething, it might just be possible to reverse time's heady flow and undo ever drawn those damnable blueprints."

"You'll never get away with this!" A voice said from a man tied to a pole with a woman behind him.

"SILENCE!" Stewie shushed the man.

"Oh." The man gulped.

Back in the basement, Peter was trying to counsel Lois while Quagmire tried to put out the fire in the trash can, but every time he did, the flames only got bigger.

"Lois, you make it sound like I don't appreciate you at all." Peter said to Lois.

"Peter, when was the last time you told me you love me?" Lois questioned Peter of his love.

"Oh, you know I do." Peter reassured her.

"I wanna hear it." Lois told Peter.

"Is that what this is all about?" Peter asked.

"Run for your lives!" Quagmire warned everyone as he then gave up and ran out of there. Everyone else followed.

"Ah, jeez!" John exclaimed in panic and went over to the bar to wake up frank and Tyler, "guys, get up! We gotta get out of here!"

Unfortunately, Tyler and frank was a heavy sleeper. So, John slapped him real hard in hopes of waking his best friend up.

"I'M AWAKE! I'M AWAKE!" Tyler and snatched the blueprints-written napkin away shouted finally getting up and then took a whiff, "Hey, is something burning?"

"Yeah! The whole basement's on fire!" John informed Tyler.

"Oh, that's good-" Tyler said before realizing what John told him, "Wait. That's NOT good!"

Tyler then started running around in circles whilst shouting, "We're gonna die!" multiple times before John grabbed him and made their way to the stairs.

"Holy crap!" Peter exclaimed as he went to retrieve the fire extinguisher, but accidentally threw it at the flames as it was steaming hot when he touched it. It causes an explosion and a burning support beam falls and blocks the stairs before Peter and Lois can escape, leaving them trapped. Frank, John and Tyler were on the other side where they were able to escape, but couldn't help the Griffins.

"There's no way out!" Lois exclaimed.

Frank Jr then thought of something, "I got it!" He said and went up the stairs.

"Frank jr, where are you going?" Tyler asked Frank Jr, but the latter was already gone.

Back in the living room, Stewie was just about to activate the time machine.

At last! My time device is complete!" Stewie said triumphantly, "Just one final-"

Before he could do anything, Frank Jr quickly picked up the device.

"Hey, what are you doing?" Stewie asked Frank Jr.

"Saving our parents." Frank Jr answered.

Meanwhile, Frank and Tyler was still in the basement with Peter and Lois.

"Ah, jeez. We're screwed!" Peter said as he and Lois embraced, "Look, I promise if we get out of this alive, I'm gonna help around the house and say "I love you" every day."

"You mean it?" Lois asked Peter.

"Oh, I'm a changed man, Lois." Peter assured Lois, "A better man. And to think if I hadn't taken Chris to his soccer game, I-I never would've learned this valuable lesson."

This gave Frank an idea and rushed upstairs to tell Frank Jr.

"Jr!" Frank called to Frank Jr, "Set it to Chris' soccer game!"

"What?" Frank Jr exclaimed, "Why?"

"Because Mr. Griffin just said that that's where all this started." Frank explained.

"Wait a minute. My brother is absolutely right!" Stewie soon agreed with Frank's theory, "Well, go on! Take us back!"

Frank Jr then pulled the switch and everything then began to go back in time, going all the way to where Lois was begging Peter to take Chris to his soccer game, much to Stewie and Frank Jr's delight and John and Tyler's surprise.

"Honey, I'm begging you. Just drop Chris at his soccer game and come right home." Lois told Frank and Peter as she sat on the couch with them, reenacting what happened before, "I need you to look after Frank Jr and Stewie while I'm teaching piano lessons, please!"

"Alright! Alright!" Frank said defeated, then wrapped his arm around Meg, "Huh. You know I spoil you."

But just as he was about to leave, Peter trips and lands on Stewie's time machine, crushing it.

"Ow, my foot! I can't walk!" Peter lied pretending to be hurt as an excuse to avoid Lois' favor, "I guess you'll have to take Chris yourself, hehehehehe."

"Ahh, our device!" Frank Jr and Stewie exclaimed in disappointment at his device's demise, then turned to John and Tyler, "You fools will pay for thi- Ahh, our teeth!" He slapped his hands to his cheeks as his first tooth popped out.

"My free! Free!" The tooth exclaimed in victory, "I claim this mouth in the name of Incisor!"

"I think not!" Another tooth popped up said to Incisor.

"Bicuspid!" Incisor gasped after seeing who it was, "We meet again!"

"Have at you!" Bicuspid shouted.

"En garde!" Incisor announced.

However, both teeth were stuck to one place and couldn't fight each other. After an awkward moment, bicuspid then spoke.

"Well, shall we bite the tongue, then?" He suggested.

"On three." Incisor agreed, "One, two..."

Stewie and Frank Jr then shouted in pain once more.

"Holy cow!" John exclaimed in astonishment, "I can't it worked!"

"Cool!" Tyler replied.

"Well, am I glad that's over...?" John remark as he place his hands no his hips and felt something crunch in his pocket. He then puts his hand in and finds the blueprints to the original time machine were still with him at the time they went back in time.

"What the? Oh, man. I forgot I still had this." John said to himself.

He then remembered that Frank jr and Stewie would've been the one to use it for his own purposes and decided to just keep it a secret from everyone, including Tyler, as he placed it back in his pocket and walked away.

(A/N: This will become crucial in a later chapter.)

**The End**


	6. Chapter 5: A Hero Sits Next Door

**Chapter 5: A Hero Sits Next Door**

It was another day in the Griffin house. Nothing special or anything.

In the living room, Stewie was busy reading.

"Oh, Machiavelli!" Stewie said as the book he was reading was revealed to be Machiavelli's _The Prince_, "You've told me nothing I don't already know!" Stewie then tossed the book away in frustration at not finding anything essential to his interests.

"Ah." Stewie exclaimed as he opened up another novel in intrigue, "Sun Tzu's _The Art of War_."

"Stewie. Those books aren't for babies." Lois said to Stewie as she came in and took his books away, "Here. Watch the _Teletubbies_." She turned on the TV and left Stewie alone to watch.

"How dare you!" Stewie said, "That book may hold the key to my enslaving of all mankind..." His eyes then turned to the TV and immediately, he was entranced, "Oh, fuzzy."

On the TV, the Teletubbies were seen playing around a meadow.

"God. The more I resist, the more intriguing they become!" Stewie said struggling to look away, "I can't look away!"

Back on the TV, the Teletubbies were letting a butterfly fly away, where a rainbow flew over them.

"Yes! Yes! Again! Again! Oh, dear God, please once more!" Stewie proclaimed.

Peter, Frank and Tyler then came in the room.

"Aw, sorry, Stewie." Frank said to Stewie, who was still watching TV, "_A&amp;E Biography_ is doing the life of the other guy from Wham."

"I hate _A&amp;E_." Tyler said, "I wanna watch _The Twilight Zone_. There's a really good episode on!"

"Tyler, you know the rules." Peter reminded Tyler.

"Aw, not the rules again." Tyler complained.

"Tyler." Frank said, "What are the rules?"

"Always let Mr. Griffin and Mr. Mallque watch his show before I watch my show." Tyler explained.

"There you go." Peter responded.

"I'm free!" Stewie exclaimed in victory.

"Free from what?" Tyler asked Stewie.

"Free from the spell of those diabolical Teletubbies!" Stewie explained.

"Since when can the Teletubbies do mind-control?" Tyler asked, but no one answered.

Stewie turned to Tyler and thanked him, "When the world is mine, you and the incompetent one's deaths shall be quick and painless."

"Aw, I wanted my death to be slow and painful." Tyler said in disappointment.

"Then it shall be when the time comes." Stewie then responded as he walked away.

"Fair enough." Tyler remarked.

**Opening Credits**

_It seems today that all ya see_

_Is violence in movies and sex on TV_

_But where are those good, old-fashioned values_

_On which we used to rely_

_Lucky there's a Family Guy!_

_Lucky there's a man who_

_Positively can do_

_All the things that make us_

_Laugh n' Cry_

_He's_

_a_

_Fam_

_-ily_

_Guy!_

**End**

At the Happy-Go-Lucky toy factory, everyone was busy with work, as usual, when Mr. Weed walked in.

"Attention, please." Mr. Weed said to the employees, "Tomorrow is softball practice." He then pointed at the date on a calendar on the wall, "We have a lot of work to do at Saturday's game. Let's not forget how badly we were humiliated last year by Pawtucket Joke and Novelties."

"What did they do last year?" Tyler asked.

A flashback showed Peter and the other employees on a softball in uniforms, where the screen was actually in the point of view of one of the players for the rival team, who put on their joke glasses and laughed at them.

"Hehehe, look at those morons and their stupid glasses." Peter pointed at them, unaware that in their vision he was in his underwear.

It soon cuts back to present day.

"Oh, man, I hate those guys." Peter said in a small bit of anger, "More than I hate spinach."

"Oh, yeah, me, too." John agreed.

"Same here." Tyler followed.

"Here here." Frank also followed

"Traffic jams." Peter continued.

"They are awful." John agreed again.

"You just want to get home, but no, people won't let you." Tyler followed again.

"And the last few years of _M*A*S*H_." Peter then finished his rant.

"What's wrong with _M*A*S*H_?" Tyler asked Peter.

"When Alan Alda took over behind the camera and the show got all dramatic and preachy." Peter answered, "You get it?"

"Dramatic, yes." Tyler agreed, "Preachy, no."

"But anyone else agree with me?" Frank said and stood up, "Who's with me?"

"This year we will defeat those pranksters with our secret weapon." Mr. Weed told the others.

"A weapon? You mean like a bomb?" Tyler asked and then dropped to the ground, "Duck and cover."

"I think he meant like a new player." John claimed, "Right, Mr. Weed?"

"Yes." Mr. Weed responded and showed a man to his left, "Meet Guillermo." He then tossed the ball in the air and Guillermo hit it. It was then flying straight at and rammed John out of the screen.

"Bravo!" Mr. Weed congratulated his new worker, "I hired Guillermo because I believe he will be an asset to our company on and off the field."

Another flashback showed Mr. Weed hiring Guillermo in his office.

"You have impeccable credentials." Mr. Weed told Guillermo, who was in a suit. It then showed Mr. Weed wearing the joke glasses from the last flashback, "I'm sure I can find a position for you somewhere."

It cut back to present day.

"Feels more like a liability than an asset." Frank said as John got up, "Uh, are you gonna be okay?"

"I'm fine. I'm fine." John assured Tyler, but passed out and fell on the ground.

"Back to work, people." Mr. Weed ordered his workers.

As he was about to leave, Peter stopped him.

"Hey, Mr. Weed, I got a new idea for a new line of TV action figures." Peter said to Mr. Weed as he held up one of the toys he mentioned in his hand, "_Facts of Life _Transformers, huh? Now wa-watch the transformation."

"Whaddya got?" Frank asked Peter.

"Cute as a button..." Peter explained as he pressed the button on the back of the toy, which had the figure swell up.

"Okay." Tyler replied.

"...Fat as a cow..." Peter continued as he pressed the button again, but this time, it was something totally unexpected.

"Okay." Frank replied.

"...Radioactive scorpion. Huh?" Peter finished.

"BRILLIANT!" Tyler and Frank exclaimed in amazement.

"Watch out, Mrs. Garret." Peter said playing with the radioactive scorpion toy, "Here comes Blair."

"I'll consider it." Mr. Weed responded at Peter's idea.

"He'll consider it!" Peter said, then went back and picked up the toy, "Hey, I got another one where Natalie's one of those spitting' lizards from _Jurassic Park_."

"You mean the Dilophosaurus?" John asked Peter.

"Huh?" Peter replied.

"Never mind..." John said after hearing Peter's answer.

The next day, Peter, Frank, John and Tyler were watching TV with Chris and Brian. The trio (Peter, John and Tyler) were in softball uniforms while watching on the couch.

On the TV they were watching _Wheel of Fortune_, where the puzzle read "GO _UCK YOURSELF."

"Pat, I would like to solve the puzzle." One of the three contestants said to the host, "'Go Tuck Yourself In.'" This turned out to be correct.

"You got it." The show's host, Pat said.

"Well, you were close, dad." Chris said to Peter.

"Yeah, I still can't believe we missed the phrase, 'My hairy aunt.'" Peter remarked.

"Yeah, talk about a coincident." Frank said after.

"Come on, guys." Peter said to Frank, John and Tyler, "We gotta get to softball practice."

"Practice?" Lois said as she was by a playpen watching Stewie and turned to Peter, "I thought we were gonna go next door and welcome our new neighbors."

"Oh, cool." Tyler responded, "We got new neighbors? About time."

"Oh, no, no, no, no, I don't want anything to do with neighbors." Peter protested, "Last guy who lived next door borrowed my toaster. Never saw it again."

"Which one?" Frank asked Peter, "The toaster or the guy?"

**Cutaway #1**

It showed a man in a tub holding a plugged-in toaster above the water.

"If that slut wants full custody of the kids, she's got it." The man said with a hint of depression.

It then cut to a full view of the man's house, where the sound of something short-circuiting (possibly the toaster) were heard, the lights inside were flickering and quickly went out.

**End**

"Peter, they might be very nice people." Lois said trying to reason with Peter.

"'Very nice people.'" Peter repeated, "Yeah, that's what they always say, then you open up the septic tank and BAM! Skeleton city!" He then shut the door behind him.

At the softball field, Happy-Go-Lucky's team was warming up for practice. Brian and frank Jr wer panting heavily next to a red-haired woman, who soon looked at them and then gave him a stern look.

"Ugh! Pervert!" The woman name-called Brian.

"Oh-Oh, don't flatter yourself, honey." Frank Jr talked back, "he doesn't have any sweat glands."

It then went back to the field.

"Alright, my Happy-Go-Lucky Toy Boys." Mr. Weed said to the team, "Time for batting practice. Guillermo, you're up."

Guillermo took the bat from Mr. Weed's hands and went for home base.

"Unfortunately, Johnson isn't her to pitch today." Mr. Weed then informed everyone, "His wife is in labor."

"Oh, what? Is the baby coming out of him?" Peter asked in sarcasm as he removed his mask and tossed it aside, "Jeez, I'll pitch."

"Hah! I don't know what's more questionable, you're pitching arm or Bill Clinton's integrity." Frank Jr remarked.

"Eh, how hard can-"

Peter could say more, a laugh track played in the background all of a sudden. This lasted for 5 seconds before Peter could speak again.

"Uh." Tyler responded to the laugh earlier, "What was that?"

"I don't have the slightest clue as to what happened just now." John answered.

"Anyway, how hard can it be to pitch?" Peter claimed.

Guillermo was ready at the plate. Peter then threw the ball, but it hit Guillermo in the knee, causing the player to collapse in pain.

"Uh." Peter said at what he did, "Okay, take your base."

"Somebody call 911!" Mr. Weed said as he ran to Guillermo's side, "Tell them he's allergic to penicillin and white zinfandel!"

Peter walked up to them and Mr. Weed turned his attention to Peter.

"Idiot!" Mr. Weed said to Peter, "If you don't find a ringer to replace Guillermo, you're fired!" He then left.

"Oh, man, what am I gonna do if I get fired?" Peter asked, "I'll have to go back to my old job as a Calvin Klein model."

**Cutaway #2**

It showed that of a Calvin Klein commercial, where it panned through a line of teen models expressing what they're thinking right now.

"I don't wanna be just like everyone else." A girl model thought.

"But I don't want to be different" A boy model then thought.

"I just wanna be..." Another girl model thought and left the last part of the sentence to Peter, who was the last one.

"What was the name of the bad guy from _TRON_?" Peter thought instead, "Ugh, this is gonna drive me nuts!"

**End**

Lois was busy talking with one of the new neighbors next door. The neighbor was the wife and she was already a few months pregnant. Her name was Bonnie.

"Moving is never easy on a family." Lois said to Bonnie.

"Well, we are gonna miss the go-go-go pace of Providence." Bonnie said, "But with number two on the way, Joe thought it was time to move and I can't say no to Joe." She gave a slight giggle, "Ever."

"Oh, Quahog can be pretty exciting, too." Lois informed her, "Last week, someone lost an eye at bingo."

**Cutaway #3**

It then showed a bingo game, where a man was taking a number out of the bin.

"I-17" The man announced, but the ball slipped out and fell to the floor, "Oh, darn it."

The man then bends down to pick up the ball, but accidentally hits his eye on the corner of the table as he screams in pain.

**End**

"Oh, I haven't played bingo in years!" The woman said in delight.

"Silence!" Stewie shouted, "Ever since you two met, you've done nothing but wax idiotic!" He jumped off of Lois' arms and tried to run off, "I must escape this infernal babble!" As he tried to run, the leash he was strapped on to stopped him and pulled him back.

"What a little explorer." The woman chuckled at what she saw.

"Yes, he's so full of wonder." Lois said affectionately.

"Oh, to be the Lindbergh baby right about now." Stewie lamented.

Then the garage door opened and a truck with a teen boy and a male driver was backing out. The man was the woman's husband, Joe. The teen boy was Zeke

"Joe, Zeke you have to meet our new neighbor, Lois Griffin." The wife told her husband.

"It's a pleasure, Lois." Joe greeted Lois, then Zeke pointed to Stewie, "Who's the little guy?"

"This is Stewie." Lois informed Joe, "Honey, say hi to Mr. Swanson and Zeke."

"You will bow to me." Stewie threatened.

The camera then panned to the backyard of the house, where a somewhat muscular young man was busy reading.

"Hi, I'm Persephone." Persephone said walking in and greeting the boy, "I live next door."

"I know." The boy said, "I've admired you from afar. Will you go out with me?"

"I'd love to." Persephone said accepting the boy's offer. She sat next to him and he then held her hand.

This, however, turned out to be merely a fantasy as it planned to Persephone in the kitchen viewing the boy who was still reading.

"Oh, he's gay." Chris said appearing next to Persephone.

"You wish!" Persephone responded, "Get out of here, you mouth breather!"

Meanwhile, Peter and the boys were driving back home from practice.

"Oh! I'm as good as fired." Peter griefed, "Where the hell am I gonna find a guy as strong as Guillermo? One time I walked into the locker room, I swear he was bench-pressing Mr. Weed."

"I don't think they were bench-pressing." Tyler said.

"Then, what were they doing?" Peter asked Tyler.

Before Tyler could give his answer, however, he then paused for about 3 seconds. "I rather not know the answer." Tyler finally said.

"Same goes for me here." John agreed who was in the back seat.

"Oh, great." Peter said as he was pulling up on his driveway, "Lois is getting chummy with the new neighbors."

"Well, I think she wants you to meet them." Frank said to Peter.

"Ugh, she's always trying to make me be social." Peter explained, "Cocktail parties, school functions, that time we planted trees in Jerusalem."

**Cutaway #4**

Peter and Lois were in fact planting somewhere around Jerusalem, but get into a bind with the locals.

"What?" Peter asked the residents, "Look, all I'm saying' is put an Israeli guy next to an Arab guy and I can't tell the difference."

**End**

Zeke then walks to frank and said "hey my name is Zeke Swanson."

"Yeah, nice to meet you, Zeke." Frank accept Zeke's offer, "You know, you got a remind me of some I know. So, are you good at bows and guns."

"I do that, I'll keep myself in shape and in mind." Zeke chuckled,

Peter then decided to go meet the new neighbors.

"You must be Peter." Joe acknowledged Peter as he then held up his hand for Peter to shake, "Joe Swanson."

"Yeah, yeah, nice to meet you, Phil." Peter rudely rejected Joe's offer, "You know, you got a neighbor on the other side of your house, too. So, don't think you always have to bug me."

"I'll keep that in mind." Joe chuckled, "Say, do you have a screwdriver I can borrow?"

"Man, you neighbors are like viruses." Peter said annoyed, "It starts with a screwdriver and before you know it, you're using my supermarket, my dry cleaner and even my postman."

"The postman doesn't belong to anyone, Grandpa." Frank Jr informed Peter.

"What did I tell you about being a smartass?" Peter reminded Frank Jr.

"Don't be one?" Frank Jr guessed.

"There we go-" Peter was about to say, until he realized, "Hey, wait a minute!"

"Anyway, can you all believe that guy?" Peter asked as he turned back to his opinion at Joe, "'Do you have a screwdriver I can borrow?' What an ass."

Later at night, Peter was still finding a replacement for Guillermo. He was laying on his back on his bed with Frank Jr next to him.

"So, Grandpa, have you found a replacement for the team?" Frank Jr asked Peter.

"No." Peter answered, "And believe me, I've been looking."

**Cutaway #5**

Peter was at a Chinese restaurant, sitting with an Asian business man with an Asian sports athlete, who was eating.

"Hideo-san would be honored to play for your team." The business man told Peter, "But he wishes to know what compensation you offer."

"Uhh..." Peter said trying to think of a good answer, "Me-Me love you long time?"

**End**

"Gosh, I'd like to help you, grandpa." Frank Jr said to Peter as he got off the bed, "But, uh, I gotta go out in the hall and chew on a Sneakers for about 5 minutes." he then left the room passing by Lois.

"Oh, Peter, I invited Joe and Bonnie to your game on Saturday." Lois informed Peter.

"Lois, I want those people there." Peter said, "See, this is why I ask you to submit everything to me in writing first."

"Bonnie told me that Joe is a big baseball fan." Lois said, "He played in Bonnie."

"He did?" Peter asked interested.

The scene shifted to Peter and Frank at the Swanson's' door, holding a screwdriver.

"Welcome to the neighborhood." Peter greeted Bonnie, who answered the door.

Peter then walked into a room where Joe was still unpacking.

"Hiya, Joe." Peter greeted Joe.

"Peter!" Joe acknowledged at Peter's appearance.

"Oh, don't get up." Frank said.

"This is a surprise." Joe said as he was holding a winning baseball trophy, proving to Peter he did, in fact, play in the day, "I kind of thought you didn't like me." He then placed the trophy on the shelf next to him.

"Oh, what? Because of what I said this afternoon?" Peter asked, "Oh, no, no, no. See, I have that disease where stuff just pops out of your mouth. GO TO HELL! GO TO HELL! Whoop, heh. See what I mean? Hehehehehe."

"Oh, I'm so sorry." Joe apologized as he took out another trophy from a box, "I thought maybe I crossed the line when I asked to borrow a screwdriver." This convinced Frank to go deeper.

"Are you kiddin'?" Frank exclaimed, "You can borrow whatever you want."

"Great." Joe responded, "Say, you wouldn't happen to have any picture wire, do you?"

"Picture wire?" Peter asked under his breath, "You son of a bitch."

Just when Peter was starting to get aggitated, Joe pulled up another trophy. This time, it was bigger than the others Peter saw.

"Uh, SON OF A BITCH! SON OF A BITCH! Heh, there it goes again." Peter lied hoping to still try and get on Joe's good side.

"I don't want to impose." Joe said.

"No problem, that's what neighbors do." Frank informed Joe, "A-And you know what else they do? They play on their neighbor's company's softball team like this Saturday. Huh, what do ya say, neighbor?"

"Sounds like fun." Joe accepted Peter's offer.

"Hey. So much fun it should be illegal like copyright infringement."

As soon as Peter said that, his and Frank head then morph into that of Mickey Mouse's, though it didn't seem to bother Joe one bit.

"Ho-oh. See you at the game, Joe. Ho-oh." Frank said in Mickey's voice.

The next day, the team was already at the field, ready for the game. Peter's family was also there to cheer him, Frank, John and Tyler on. Elsewhere on the field.

"Hey, you want a piece of gum?" A player from the rival team in a red uniform asked a player from the Toy Boys in blue uniform.

"Oh, thanks." The latter said, then put it in his mouth to chew.

"Ha, ha!" The player in red said, "That was joke gum."

"What do you mean?" The player in blue asked.

"Now you're addicted to heroin." The red player replied.

The two laughed it off, until, "I'm cold." Said the blue player.

Peter was a little nervous about his deal with Joe last night.

"Hey, Lois!" Lois hollered out to Peter from the bleachers, which Peter waved back.

"It's nice that your family is hear, Peter." Mr. Weed said remarking to Peter, "If your ringer doesn't arrive soon, you can spend every day with them... at home." This got both Peter, John and Tyler worried.

"Oh, uh, he-he'll be here, Mr. Weed." Peter said hoping to sound assuring to his boss, "Oh, you should see this guy in action!"

"Wow, he sounds like a real pro already!" John acknowledged in excitement.

"Oh, you bet he is!" Peter responded, "He can hit, he can throw-"

"Peter!" Joe yelled calling out to Peter, who was, for some reason, in a wheelchair.

"What's he doing in a wheelchair?" Mr. Weed asked Peter confused.

"HOLY CRIP, HE'S A CRAPPLE!" Peter exclaimed realizing what was going on.

"You got it the other way around, Mr. Griffin." Tyler corrected Peter.

"Oh, yeah, you're right. Sorry." Peter said to Tyler, "HOLY CRAP, HE'S A CRAPPLE!"

"What?!" John and Tyler both exclaimed in unison.

"Peter, our new secret weapon is this very attractive paraplegic?" Mr. Weed asked Peter sternly.

"Please tell us this is a joke, right?" John said.

"Heh, okay, Joe, y-you got me." Peter said to Joe nerviously, "Heh, rise and shine. Come on, stand and deliver. Get the hell up."

"Hahaha, you're a hoot, Peter." Joe acknowledged to Peter's "joke."

"Play ball." The umpire announced.

"LET'S DO IT!" Joe shouted in team spirit.

"I swear I didn't know." Peter assured to Mr. Weed, "M-Maybe they won't hit a lot of balls to him."

"I got shortstop." Joe said. This gave Peter a slight, nervous laugh.

"We're doomed..." John acknowledged in disappointment.

"You don't know." Tyler assured his friend, "We could do well."

"Yeah?" Frank asked Tyler, "Well, for my job's sake, I hope you're right."

Back at the bleachers, the wife's were starting to get to know each other.

"The movers tracked grease all over my carpet." Bonnie said to Lois, "I tried everything to get the stain out."

"What about lemon juice?" Lois suggested.

"Oh, what about club soda?" Bonnie then suggested also.

"What about SHUTTING THE HELL UP?!" Stewie shouted in annoyance.

Meanwhile, Persephone was trying to get the boy from earlier attention.

"Isn't baseball great?" Persephone asked him, but got no response. She then up another thing to say, "They say baseball's the national pastime." She still got nothing as she patting her thighs for another strategy, until, "I can't taste salt."

Back on the field, John was at second base. While he was waiting for the pitcher to swing, he then noticed Persephone sitting next to the neighbor's son, where she appeared to be having her eyes on him. This got distracted from the remainder of the game, until he got hit to his right side by accident by the pitcher and knocked him out. Everyone then went to his aid and then everything went black.

John woke up and found Frank, Tyler and Peter next to him.

"Uuhhhh..." John groaned as he started gaining consciousness.

"J-man, are you okay?" Tyler asked John.

"I-I guess..." John responded, "Wh-What happened?"

"You got hit by a baseball." Frank informed, "But, J-man, what happened out there?"

"Yeah, John." Peter said, "What got to ya?"

"I..." John said, then paused, "I don't know. I thought I saw something very unusual."

"What'd you see?" Tyler asked him.

"I... I can't remember." John answered.

"Well, it doesn't look too serious." Joe said searching for any signs of injury on the side of John's head, "There's no sign of cuncussion."

"Well, that's good, I guess." Frank said.

"But I recommend that he rest before playing again." Joe informed, "Just to be sure."

"If you say so." John said and rested on the bench.

"Alright, play ball!" The umpire announced and soon, everyone got back onto the field.

"Oh, crap!" Peter exclaimed, "Don't hit it to Joe. Please don't hit to Joe! Please don't hit it to Joe!"

The pitcher threw the ball and the batter got a hit and ran for second base. Joe then caught the ball and threw it to second base, striking an out.

"YOU'RE OUT!" The umpire shouted.

"Whoa, Tyler. You were right." Peter said to Tyler, "Alright, Joe! Way to earn that parking space!"

"No one EVER believes me!" Tyler remarked in aggrivation, "I don't know why!"

"Alright!" Meg cheered as everyone else on the bleachers cheered for Joe.

"Did you see that?" Lois asked Bonnie.

"That's my Joe!" Bonnie responded cheering.

"What the deuce?" Stewie exclaimed in confusion, "Half-man, half-machine. Why with that technology, I could escape these wretched harridans." He then looked toward the field, "GO, CYBORG!"

It eventually lead to the Pawtucket Pranksters by 8 and the Quahog Toy Boys only one scoreless. Everyone then put all their hope on Joe to win the game, who was now at bat.

"It all rests on that man's broad, rippling shoulders." Mr. Weed said.

Joe managed to get a hit and the ball zoomed fast enough to avoid the Pranksters' grasp.

"Alright, Joe!" Mr. Weed cheered, "Run!"

"Alright, Joe!" Peter cheered also to Joe, "Come on! Yeah!"

Joe then wheeled from first base, then to second base, then to third.

"Hurry, Joe!" Mr. Weed continued cheering on Joe, "Alright! Yes, vamos!"

Unfortunately, one of the rival team players got the ball and threw to home base, who caught it and was now waiting, hoping they would tag Joe out. Joe, however, hopped up out of the way and got to home base safely. Everyone cheered wildly for Joe's victory.

"Let's hear it for Joe!" One of the Toy Boys said as they lifted Joe in victory.

"Yeah, and let's hear it for the guy who found Joe! Yay, uh, okay..." Peter said trying to get some credit, but to no avail, "Huh."

"Uh, yay, Mr. Griffin?" John, who had just finished resting, said hoping to help Peter.

The Swanson's were serving a celebration over today's win at the softball field.

"That's finger sucking' good, huh?" Joe said to someone eating one of the grilled foods, "It's an old policemen's recipe. Eat up, everyone. Tonight my wife won't be the only one enjoying a PIG in a blanket."

Everyone then laughed at Joe's joke.

"Joe, you're so funny!" Bonnie praised her husband.

"Oh, they love that one down at the Precinct." Joe said as he took another wiener off the grill.

It then panned to Peter by the pool with Frank, Frank Jr, John, Tyler and Brian.

"Oh, this sucks, guys. Joe's stealing my thunder." Peter said to his friends.

"Hey, everybody!" Joe said to everyone, "Time to Limbo!" He then wheeled past under the bar in success.

"Face it." Frank Jr told Peter, "He's the life of the party."

"Oh, yeah?" Peter asked Frank Jr, "I'll show you who the life of the party is!" Peter then jumped into the pool all of a sudden.

"He-Hey, look!" Peter hollered to everyone, hoping to get some attention, "Hey! I fell in the pool with my clothes on! How hilarious is that? That is SO Peter Griffin. Huh? Guys? Huh... Guys?"

Peter was now sitting at the patio drying off.

"That's my idea." Joe said to Mr. Weed about something.

"Peter, come here." Mr. Weed called to Peter.

"Oh, finally." Peter acknowledged and came over to where Mr. Weed and Joe were at, "A little recognition."

"Joe has the most wonderful idea." Mr. Weed said to Peter.

"Hey, I just suggested a line of handi-capable toys." Joe responded, "You know, to show kids the fun side of being physically challenged!"

"Oh, yeah? Oh, that's what kids want to play with. Yeah. Beanie Baby in a bubble." Peter said sarcastically at Joe's idea, "What about my idea? Come on! Tootie morphs into a stink bug."

"BRILLIANT!" Tyler and Frank shouted from a distance.

"Joe, you're exactly the kind of man we need at our company." Mr. Weed said to Joe, "Peter, go make yourself useful. Go get Joe a drink."

"Jeez, first he takes my friends. Then he takes my job." Peter said to himself, "But the way I wear my hat..." Peter then stopped and paused for a second, "No, no. He can't take that away from me."

"But you don't wear a hat." Tyler pointed out to Peter out of nowhere.

"Leave me alone." Peter told Tyler.

"Okay." Tyler replied as he walked away.

"You!" Stewie appeared, pointing at Joe, "How come you by this metal construct? I demand to know who made you!"

"Stewie, it's not polite to point." Lois said to Stewie, "I'm sorry."

"That's okay, Lois." Joe assured Lois and placed Stewie on his lap, "He's just curious about the chair. About 10 years ago, I was investigating a robbery at an orphanage."

It flashed back to an orphanage in the winter. It was called Luckey's Orphanage on the sign out front with the tag, "No one knows you're here."

"It was Christmas Eve and some presents have been stolen." Joe narrated as his younger self came in.

Joe then got out of the car and ran to the building. He put up a ladder and climbed to the roof, where he spotted possibly the crook. He sneaked up to him and got his pistol out.

"Reach for the sky, dirt bag!" Joe threatened the thief, who was revealed to be the Grinch, "Alright, and pal! You've stolen your last Christmas."

Suddenly, the Grinch kicked the gun out of Joe's hands, then punched him in the gut and then knocked him off his feet. He then charged at Joe, but the latter kicked pushed him back and got back on his feet.

As you guessed it, it played out like in the original episode, with the Grinch's feet lassoed with Christmas lights.

"You think you have won. You think all is well..." The Grinch said as he grabbed a roller skate, "But kiss my Grinchy ass. I shall see you in Hell!" He then threw the skate to Joe's direction and Joe trips on it and slides off the roof, landing on the ground on his face. The children inside then came out and found Joe outside.

"Are you Timmy?" Joe asked a boy in front of him and the boy nodded. Joe then handed him a present and told him Merry Christmas.

The story ended and everyone, but Joe was found tearing up from it.

"OH, ENOUGH!" Stewie shouted in annoyance, not caring about the story, "If you won't share your technological schemata with me peaceably, I shall take the information from you by force!"

"Wow." Lois exclaimed in amazement, "Looks like you have a fan."

"Come on." Peter came in and told his family, "Let's get outta here."

"Peter, you can't leave." Joe said to Peter.

"Sorry, I promised the wife and kids I'd-I'd ta-take them on a DREAM vacation to Hawaii right now." Peter told Joe as he led the kids away, "Say aloha, kids."

"What are you talking about?" Persephone asked Peter, "We want to hear more of Mr. Swanson's stories."

"He's cool, dad." Chris said to Peter, "He killed a guy."

"Well, technically, he was killed by the state." Joe corrected, "But funny story; he did curse my name just before the injection."

Everyone, but Peter, then laughed after hearing Joe. Peter stormed away and Lois followed him in anger.

"Peter, what's the matter with you?" Lois asked Peter sternly.

"Why are you guys making such a deal over Joe?" Peter asked Lois, "You're not supposed to admire wheelchair people, you're supposed to feel sorry for them. Sheez, when did it become okay to be handicapped?"

"Don't talk like that!" Lois said to Peter, "He's a remarkable man and the rest of your family adores him!"

"Oh, fine, then why don't you all marry him?" Peter talked back, "And-And if he's so remarkable, let's see him do this." He then went a little back and started imitating walking, "Hey, look at me! I'm walking! Oh, I'm a remarkable man!" This gave Lois a stern look on her face.

Later, Peter was kicked out and was sitting on the front porch of his house. Frank, Frank Jr, John, Tyler and Brian came back to the house.

"Well, look who finally came home." Peter acknowledged, "Sheesh, I thought you were gonna spend all night over at Joe's."

"Heh, I could've." Brian replied, "That man has got magic fingers. He found this one spot behind my ear, I, heh, forget about it, I thought my leg was never gonna stop."

"Yeah, Joe's a real party animal." Frank said.

"I don't believe this." Peter said in annoyance, "My whole family worships the ground that guy can't walk on."

"Well, it's not too hard to see why. I mean, the guy's a hero." Frank Jr pointed out, "He makes the world a better place."

"Hey, hey, hey, I've done lots of things to help people." Peter informed Frank Jr, "Remember the time I sang to the kids down at the Sunday school?"

"That makes you a good person." Tyler said.

"Except he forgot the words." Brian told Tyler.

**Cutaway #6**

Peter was playing a guitar and singing a song to the children in a Sunday school.

_Jesus loves me_

_He loves me a bunch_

_'Cause He always puts Skippy_

_In my lunch_

This only made the children confused.

**End**

"No, no, no, it's not the same thing." Frank assured Peter, "Joe puts himself in real danger every day."

"Oh, you're right. I'll never become that kind of hero." Peter said moping, "Unless I put myself in real danger, too! For my family's sake!" Peter then left.

"Ugh, why are the pretty ones always so dumb?" Brian asked.

"Who knows?" Tyler replied.

The next morning, Joe was stirring some soup, then took a taste test. Behind him, a cabinet door opened to reveal Stewie inside, who pulls out grappling hook and hooked onto a lamp on the then swung toward Joe, but the latter left at the last minute and Stewie ended up swinging out the window.

Meanwhile back at the house, Peter was listening to what appeared to be an average radio.

"We have a gang shooting on Third and Main." The man said on the radio, "Three wounded, one dead."

"Is it me or is rap just getting lazier all of a sudden?" Tyler asked.

"No, no, it's my new police scanner." Peter informed Tyler, who was with John and Brian, "This hero thing is gonna be easy once I find the right crime." Peter then turned the dial to listen in.

"We have a domestic disturbance-" A voice said on the scanner, but Peter wasn't interested.

"Boring!" Peter exclaimed.

"Report of a stabbing-" Another voice said.

"Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah." Peter said, again, uninterested.

"All units! All units! A major bank robbery is in progress at Quahog Bank and Trust." The man in the scanner announced, "Suspects are and extremely dangerous."

"Perfect!" Peter proclaimed, "Where's Lois and the kids?"

"Uh, over at Joe's." Frank told Peter.

"Well, go fetch 'em" Peter ordered Brian, "They're about to see a real hero in action."

He had his hand on a bust on the kitchen counter.

"Tyler, did you get me that Batcave I asked?" Peter asked Tyler.

"Yeah." Tyler answered.

"Good. To the Batcave!" Peter announced, which he opened a secret compartment in the bust to reveal a red button. He pressed it and a secret passage opened.

"Oh, that Batcave?" Tyler asked.

"Yep. Why?" Peter asked Tyler as he, Frank, John and Tyler slid down the pole.

"Because I thought you meant like a real..." Tyler explained as everything went dark. Peter turned the lights on through a pull string, which revealed to be a bat-filled cavern.

"Bat cave." Tyler said finishing his sentence.

"Uh oh." All four said in realization and turned the light off.

In the dark was only the screeching of bats and the yells and cries of John, Tyler and Peter.

After that, Peter was driving the family (Frank, John and Tyler included) to his appointed destination.

"You guys thought Joe was something, you ain't seen nothing' yet." Peter told his family.

"Peter, what's the big rush?" Lois asked Peter, but before Peter could answer, he finally arrived at the bank.

"Alright, you guys wait right here." Peter said to the family, "Daddy's gonna make a little withdrawal." Peter then left with Frank, John, Tyler and Brian and went inside.

Inside the bank, the robbers were about to leave.

"Let's give Tammy a round of applause." A robber in a green mask said, "This was her first robbery and she was very brave."

The hostages gave, as the robber ordered, a round of applause while their hands were still up. The clerk gave a wave toward them while also having her hands up the air.

"Now before we go-" A robber in a red mask was about to say.

"No, don't go." A little girl begged coming up to the robbers.

"Oh, princess, we have to." Robber #2 told her.

"I hope you brought your striped pajamas, boys." Peter warned the robbers as he entered the scene, "'Cause there's a five-year sleepover at the big house and you're invited."

"You'll never take us alive!" Robber #2 said back and pointed at the hostages. Robber #1 pointed his gun in the air and started firing it.

The four then ran and hid under a desk to avoid gunfire.

"Oh, Lois and the kids should be in here to see this." Peter remarked.

"Yes, it's going very well." Frank sarcastically replied.

Back in the car, the family was still waiting for Peter to return.

"Mom, what do you do when you like a boy, but he doesn't even notice you?" Persephone asked Lois.

"Oh? Is this a boy you know very well?" Lois asked Persephone.

"Well, sort of." Persephone answered her.

"Is this a certain boy and his best friend who's living with us at the moment?" Lois then asked Persephone.

"What are you talking about?" Persephone asked Lois, confused.

"Come on, Persephone." Lois said to Persephone, "I talking about John."

"John?!" Persephone exclaimed in shock and blushed a bit, "But-But, I don't have a-"

"Oh, Persephone, I'm just teasing you." Lois informed Persephone, "I know you two aren't like that. Besides, you two would make a bad pair. Now then, who is it you want to notice you?"

"Well, it's someone that I just met recently-" Persephone told Lois.

"Persephone loves Kevin." Chris sang teasing at Persephone.

"SHUT UP, YOU BIG SACK OF DOG VOMIT!" Persephone shouted to Chris.

"Persephone, you're a sweet, lovely girl." Lois assured to Persephone, "He'll come around."

"Ugh, such a mom answer." Meg remarked.

"Well, have you tried showing off the goods?" Lois then asked Persephone, whose eyes widened after hearing her, "How's that for a mom answer?"

"Creepy." Persephone replied.

Oh, I saw some cute dresses down the street." Lois told Persephone, "If nothing else, it'll make you feel better. Come on, you guys." They then got out and left.

"And if things don't work out with Kevin, we could still try John next-" Lois teased Persephone.

"MOM!" Persephone exclaimed.

"Joking." Lois informed Persephone again.

Meanwhile back inside the bank, Peter, Frank, Brian, John and Tyler were still under the desk.

"Well, if you want to be a hero, right now might be a good time." Brian said to Peter.

"Yeah, we could really use you right now." Frank said to Peter.

"Well, if you're so eager for me to save the day, then why don't YOU do it?" Peter said, "Can't you use those Chaos Emeralds or whatever you call them to stop those crooks?"

"I... I forgot to bring them." Tyler confessed.

"What?!" Peter exclaimed, "Well, why didn't you bring them?"

"I didn't think we were gonna need them. Alright?" Tyler said.

"Sheesh, guys, this isn't what I was expecting." Peter told his friends, "I thought being a hero would be all fun and games."

**Cutaway #7**

The cutaway opened with that of the _Superfriends_, where it then showed the Hall of Justice.

Inside, the Super Friends were playing strip poker, where Wonder Woman lost a hand to Peter.

"Sorry, Wonder Woman." Peter said to Wonder Woman, "I got three kings. Now let's see that pair."

Wonder Woman sighed in disappointment as she then unstrapped her bra. She placed it on the table and she was now topless off-screen. The men were of course enjoying it.

"Hehe, alright." Peter chuckled, "He-Hey, Robin, what are you looking at me for? Look at her."

It then ended with the usual _Superfriends _scene change.

**End**

"Come on. Let's get outta here." Robber #2 said to Robber #1 as the police soon arrived, "Oh, perfect."

The police attempted to enter the building, but Robber #2 came out.

"We've got hostages in here!" Robber #2 warned the police, "So, don't try anything funny!" Just as he said this, it showed, as if on cue, Tyler in a clown costume. "Awww." Tyler exclaimed in disappointment.

"Don't worry, guys." Peter informed Frank, John, Tyler (still in his clown suit) and Brian, "I got a plan."

"Oh, good, I thought you were just gonna improvise." Brian said.

"Oh. Well, actually, I was gonna use the little girl as a human shield and run like hell." Peter confessed, "But, uh, improvise, that'll be easier on my back."

"Well, at least it might be better than his original plan." John acknowledged.

It did another _Superfriends_-escue scene change. Peter was with the two robbers.

"Okay, in this improve, Tammy and the short robber are husband and wife." Peter explained as Robber #1 and Tammy let out a laugh, "Okay and where are we?"

"A bar!" Said one man.

"A pet store!" Said another man.

"Gradalajara, Mexico!" Said an elderly woman.

"Okay, okay, I heard pet store" Peter said, "And I'm the gruff but lovable owner. Alright, begin."

He then started to repeatedly pet an imaginary cat.

"Hello, married couple." Peter said in improve, "I-I see you found a puppy."

"Uh, yeah." Robber #1 remarked, "His name is Sparky." He and everyone then laughed at his joke.

"But before you take Sparky home, let me check him for worms." Peter said to Robber #1 as the latter gave him the gun, then suddenly, "Okay, drop it!" Robber #2 dropped the gun and raised his hands in the air.

The hostages cheered for Peter's victory as he took a bow.

"Alright, you guys." Peter said to everyone, "Let's get outta here." While no one was looking, John took the gun Robber #2 dropped and hid it underneath his shirt in case things backfire. Peter and the robbers were about to walk out, but Peter noticed the car and Lois and the kids weren't there.

"Whoa, whoa, hang on, hang on." Peter said stopping the crowd, "Sorry, no one can leave." The hostages awed in disappointment after hearing this.

"Ugh, listen, the whole reason I saved you guys today was so I could be a hero." Peter confessed to the hostages, "See, this wheelchair guy moved in next door and he can do all these great things and-and, well-"

"Your family idolizes the lousy cripple and not you?" The little girl finished Peter's statement.

That's right!" Peter answered, "How'd you know?"

"Oh, we've all been there." The old woman said as she hugged the girl.

Outside, Lois and the kids were coming back when they noticed police by the bank.

"Cool!" Chris exclaimed, "The bank is getting jacked!"

"Officer, my husband's in there!" Lois informed an armed policeman, "Can you tell me if he's okay?"

"Uh, what's he look like?" The policeman asked her.

"Uh, he's-he's wearing a wh-white-collared shirt, uh, kind of big, with glasses." Lois told the officer.

"I got him." The sniper said as he spotted Peter.

"Oh, thank God." Lois praised.

"Take him out." The policeman ordered the sniper.

"NO!" Lois exclaimed as she managed to stop the sniper.

Peter was looking through the glass doors and spotted Lois and the kids.

"Hey, there's my family." Peter pointed.

"Uh, I just want you to know I rob banks because a deaf man stole my job at the phone company." Robber #2 told Peter, "So, if anyone's gonna bust me, I'm glad it's you." the robber then gave out his right arm for Peter to shake.

Peter switched the gun to his left hand so he could use his right hand, but Robber #2 snatched the gun out of Peter's grasp and pointed it at him.

"But-But-But-But I was gonna be a hero." Peter acknowledged.

"Nobody's going anywhere!" Robber #2 threatened.

At the Swanson's house, Bonnie was watching TV when the news came on.

"Joe!" Bonnie hollered out to Joe, "It's Peter! He's in trouble!"

On the TV was Tom Tucker.

"A failed robbery at Quahog Bank and Trust has led to a terrifying hostage situation." Tom Tucker reported when he notices the wrong image of the topic, "Oh, sorry. Wrong picture. That one for a later story." The camera panned to the left to the correct image, "There we go."

It cut back to Joe and Bonnie.

"I gotta go." Joe informed Bonnie.

"I know." Bonnie replied with a sense of trust in her voice as she and Joe gave a kiss before he left.

Back at the bank.

"Alright, if we want the cops to take us seriously, we're gonna have to waste a hostage." Robber #1 told Robber #2.

"Robbie #2 looked at Robber #1 for a moment, then asked.

"Where's your gun?"

"Oh, well, about that." Robber #1 said, "See, I can't seem to find it."

"What do you mean you can't find it?" Robber #2 questioned his partner, "You dropped it when the fat guy held my gun at us."

"I know, but I went back to where I dropped it and it wasn't there." Robber #1 explained.

"Ugh, alright, you can use mine." Robber #2 said handing Robber #1 his gun.

"Thanks." Robber #1 said, "Now who should we kill?"

"Uh, excuse me." Peter asked the robbers, "Shouldn't that be 'whom'?"

"Okay, you." Robber #2 decided.

"CRAP!" Peter exclaimed.

Robber #2 tried to shoot John, but John knocked the gun out of his hands, quickly grabbed it with his other hand and was now dual-wielding both pistols at them. They quickly gave in defeated.

"This is Police Lieutenant Joe Swanson." Joe's voice was heard coming from outside, "I know we can work this out together."

"Oh, jeez, not him again." Peter lamented, "Hope this place isn't wheelchair accessible."

Back outside, Lois was worried about what would happen to Peter when Bonnie appeared with Stewie in her arms.

"Bonnie, its Peter." Lois said to Bonnie.

"Don't worry." Bonnie assured Lois as she handed Stewie to her, "Joe's an excellent negotiator. I was a virgin when we met. Took him three hours."

Elsewhere, Persephone saw that this would be another opportunity to get Kevin to notice her.

"I can't believe my dad is in there." Persephone said, hoping Kevin would say anything, but, like before, to no avail, "This'll probably scar me for the rest of my life." Again, no luck, "I got a new dress."

Then a gunner close to them decided to step in. "Try talking about him." He said to Persephone.

"So, uh, do you like music?" Persephone said taking the man's advice.

"Oh, yeah! I played guitar in a band before we moved." Kevin finally spoke, "But, uh, it interfered with my studies. Uh, what do you listen to?"

"Uh, you first." Persephone said, hoping to keep the conversation going.

"I'm into Garbage, Phish, and Blur..." Kevin told Persephone, "My parents don't like me listening to that stuff, but I do anyway BECAUSE I AM NOT A ROBOT!" This caused Persephone to be a bit alarmed, "I also like Radiohead."

Back inside the bank, John was by the doors, attempting to let the police know he was about to ambush them. Unfortunately, the robbers noticed him.

"Hey, what are you doing over there, kid?" Robber #2 asked John, "Oh, I see what's going on. You guys are just sweet-talking us just so that we'll surrender quietly. Well, you know what, we've changed our minds. This kid's gonna be the one to waste." Robber #2 then pointed the gun at John, who was still still at the door.

"J-MAN!" Tyler exclaimed.

"OH, NO!" Peter, Frank and Brian exclaimed also.

"But first, we'll ask that you come over here so that we'll kill you." Robber #2 said to John, "You're still part of the group. So, get over here."

Before John did what they told him, he looked back outside to see everyone, but then he noticed Persephone with Kevin again. This, for some reason, gave John a feeling of pent-up anger inside.

"Hey! I said, 'Get over here!' Right now, kid!" Robber #2 ordered John already in impatience.

John then got a look of anger on his face, possibly after seeing Persephone with Kevin.

"I SAID, 'RIGHT NO-" Robber #2 was about to say at John, but the latter suddenly charged at him and his partner. Robber #2 tried to shoot John, but John knocked the gun out of his hands, quickly grabbed it with his other hand and was now dual-wielding both pistols at them. They quickly dropped to the ground in defeat.

"Okay, you win! You win!" Robber #2 said to John in fear, "Just don't shoot!"

"What the hell, John?" Peter said to John, "I was supposed to be the hero here. Remember?" He then looked at the robbers, "And come on, you guys. Don't let him scare you like that."

"Oh, uh, sorry, Mr. Griffin." John apologized to Peter as he realized what he did, "I don't know what came over me."

"Forget it." Robber #2 acknowledged, "It ain't worth getting killed for money."

"Yeah, I don't care if I get arrested." Robber #1 agreed, "I just wanna get the hell away from him!" He pointed at John.

The robbers then tried to run away, but Peter stopped them.

"Wait, wait, wait, you can't leave now." Peter said to the robbers, but they pushed him out of the way, "I'm supposed to be the hero here. W-Wait. Can you at least let me pistol-whip you a couple of times for the camera?"

The robbers were already gone.

"Dang stupid robbers with your guns and you're... Your make-out parties." Frank muttered under his breathe.

Everyone was cheering as the robbers quickly got in the police car and were taken away. The hostages then ran out with only Peter, John, Tyler and Brian there.

The police then lifted Joe off the ground and carried him away, leaving only his chair behind.

"AHA!" Stewie exclaimed as he now had the chance to take the chair for himself, "Excellent! They detached the human component from the machine." Stewie climbed on and tried to "activate" it, "Machine, I am your new master and I order you to go!" But, to Stewie's dismay, it didn't do anything, "Engage!" Still, nothing happened, "BLAST! Must be some kind of proprietary command system. Now on the Russian MiG, it's next to the altimeter."

Stewie was then picked up by Lois.

"There you are." Lois said to Stewie, "I can't turn my back on you for a second."

"Oh! One day I shall unlock the secret of that device." Stewie said, "And when I do, mother, victory shall-" But before Stewie could finish, Lois put a pacifier in his mouth and he quickly passed out.

"Peter, you had us so worried." Lois said to Peter as she and the kids came to Peter's side, "What on earth were you trying to prove?"

"I'm sorry." Peter apologized, "Joe is a great guy. I guess I was just tired of him being your hero."

"Peter, Joe is a hero, but he's not OUR hero." Meg told Peter, "YOU are."

"Really?" Peter asked.

"Yeah." Lois answered, "I mean, you're-you're always right there on the couch for us, making us laugh when we're upset, changing the channel when something boring comes on, and eating the last slice of pizza so the rest of us don't fight over it."

"Yeah, daddy." Persephone informed her father, "And if you, John and Tyler hadn't pulled this stunt, I would never learned to have manipulated Kevin."

"What's that now?" John and Tyler asked in unison to Persephone's statement.

"We will finish this at home and you're grounded." Frank said to the statement of Persephone's.

"And when the kids at school see us on TV, they'll think you guys are total psychos." Chris said to Peter, John and Tyler, "And I can say, 'Those psychos are my dad and my best friends!'"

"And I would never have won the silver in Nagano if you hadn't driven me to the ice rink every morning at 6:00 AM." An Asian ice skater told Peter who was, for some reason, right there.

"Do we know you?" Frank Jr asked the skater.

"Huh. I guess being a hero isn't always about saving lives and catching bad guys." Peter acknowledged, "It's also about just being there for the people you love."

"HELP! SOMEONE JUST STOLE MY PURSE!" An old woman suddenly shouted.

"Who cares?" Peter said, "I don't even know you." The family, but John and Tyler left the woman.

"J-man, can I use one of your guns for a second?" Tyler asked John.

"Knock yourself out." John told Tyler as he tossed him one of the pistols from the robbery as he walked away.

Tyler then aimed the gun at the thief and fired the gun, but the head then disappeared.

"Uh, J-man!" Tyler hollered out to John, "Is it okay if the head disappears and red stuff is gushing out?"

"Don't know." John said off-screen, "Why?"

"No reason!" Tyler lied as he gave the gun to the old woman and dashed off, leaving the woman alone.

**The End**


	7. Chapter 6: The Son Draws and His Friend

**Chapter 6: The Son Draws and His Friend Writes**

It was late at night. Stewie was in the kitchen walking toward the fridge and opens it. He takes a quick look before grunting in annoyance.

"Oh, blasted matriarch!" Stewie said irritated, "She has failed once again to replenish this frigid box with potations. I shall give her a piece of my mind at once!" With that, Stewie slammed the fridge door.

Stewie scurried up the stairs, but slipped and hit his head on one of the stairs.

"Damn it!" Stewie exclaimed as he got back up and continued up the stairs.

Stewie then reached the door to the master bedroom and opened it.

"Now look here, you- Oh, my God!" Stewie was about to say, but stopped and exclaimed in shock.

He caught his parents having sex.

Stewie was back in the kitchen, this time with Lois, who was in a pink bathroom.

"Now you shouldn't be frightened, Stewie." Lois said to Stewie, trying to ease his condition, "W-What you saw was a very beautiful thing."

"Oh, evidently, madam, you and I differ GREATLY in our conception of beauty." Stewie said to Lois, "'This what I just witnessed was ghastlier as a thousand ghouls!" His hands were now shaking from the thought.

"Stewie, uh... Mommies and daddies like to hug each other that way." Lois explained, "In fact, sweetie, that's sorta how you were created."

"Oh! That is a vile and odious lie!" Stewie protested against Lois' statement, "How dare you fill my head with such loathsome propaganda! Get out, you horrid woman! GET OUT!"

"Okay, honey, I'll go get your teddy bear." Lois affectionately responded to Stewie and kissed his head, obviously oblivious to his harsh comment.

Just as Lois left the room, Frank Jr then entered in his pajamas.

"Hi, Stewie." Frank Jr greeted Stewie, but the latter didn't respond due to obvious reasons, "You sick or something?"

"What's the matter?" Brian came in and asked what was going on.

"I don't know." Frank Jr answered, "I was coming up here to get a glass of water and found Stewie just sitting here like he's seen a ghost or something."

Brian took a look at Stewie to what was wrong and his eyes then widen in shock.

"Oh, good Lord." Brian exclaimed, "You saw them together, didn't you?"

Stewie nodded while muttering.

"Huh?" Frank Jr exclaimed confused.

Brian then whispered into Frank Jr's ear, explaining to him what it meant.

"Oh..." Frank Jr exclaimed in realization, but soon thought, "Oh! OH, MY GOSH!"

"There you go." Brian said to Frank Jr.

Brian then glanced at Stewie, then to Frank Jr and smiled while putting his arms behind his back.

"You know the tub where both of you take your baths?" Brian asked Stewie and Frank Jr.

They both nodded to Brian's question.

"...They've done it there, too."

Frank Jr and Stewie soon exclaimed in horror after hearing it.

(A/N: Right after this, Stewie came up to me and told me about what he thought before his incident.

"I thought the wiener was just to make lemonade." Was one of the things he told me?

Eventually, our conversation ended with him saying, "I'm scarred..." and we've never talked about it again since, although he did ask me not to tell anyone about it. Oh, well, I'm sure he'll understand.)

**Opening Credits**

_It seems today that all ya see_

_Is violence in movies and sex on TV_

_But where are those good, old-fashioned values?_

_On which we used to rely_

_Lucky there's a Family Guy!_

_Lucky there's a man who positively can do_

_All the things that make us_

_Laugh n' Cry!_

_He's_

_A_

_Fam_

_-ily_

_Guy!_

**End**

At a park were a group of scouts in a circle. Chris and Tyler were members, but they were by themselves and both appear to be scribbling on each respective's notebook.

The scoutmaster takes notice and walks toward them.

"What in the name of our Lord?" The scoutmaster exclaimed, "You two are out of the semicircle! All scouts have to sit in the semicircle!"

"Why?" Chris and Tyler asked in unison.

"Why?" The scoutmaster repeated, then shouted in fury, "WHY?!"

"Yeah, why?" Tyler replied.

"Saunders, tell them why?" The scoutmaster ordered a scout from the circle.

"Because it's Rule 142-B!-" The scout informed as he was quickly cut off the scoutmaster.

"Because it's Rule 142-B!" The scoutmaster repeated, "Good job, scout. Now drop and give me 20!"

"Thank you, sir!" The scout quickly responded.

"Ladies, this Saturday at 0800 there will be a soapbox derby as a reward for all your hard work and obidience." The scoutmaster informed his scouts.

"So?" Tyler then acknowledged.

"So? SO?!" The scoutmaster repeated just as before, "Is that all you have to say to what could be the greatest moment of your life?"

"No." Tyler answered.

"Are you trying to be a smartass with me?" The scoutmaster questioned Tyler.

"...Maybe." Tyler responded.

The scoutmaster then walked back to the semicircle with the scouts, whom whooed from hearing the news.

Tyler turned to Chris and saw that he was doing something.

"Watcha drawing', Chris?" Tyler asked Chris.

Chris then showed Tyler a drawing of the scoutmaster mooning his rear with his face on it.

"Ahahaha! That's funny!" Tyler said after seeing the drawing.

Chris looked at the notepad Tyler had on his lap.

"What are you doing with that?" Chris asked Tyler pointed at the notepad.

"Oh, this?" Tyler asked, "Eh, it's just writing."

"Can I read it?" Chris asked Tyler again.

"Well, it's not finished yet." Tyler informed Chris, "But, I guess you can some of it so far." Tyler handed the notepad to Chris and he begins reading it.

"Hey, this is pretty cool!" Chris praised Tyler's writing.

"Yeah, I've been working on it for a while." Tyler said.

"I hope this becomes a book." Chris exclaimed.

"It could, but I doubt it will." Tyler shrugged.

"Why?" Chris asked in the same tone as he and Tyler said to the scoutmaster, which irritated Tyler.

"...Not funny, Chris." Tyler said to Chris.

"Not funny what?" Chris asked Tyler as though he were serious.

The next day at the Griffin's house, the family (except Peter and Frank Jr) was watching _Happy Days_.

"Mom, dad, I really like Potsie." Richie said to his parents, who were having breakfast.

"Why not, dear?" His mother asked, "Potsie's a very nice boy."

"Uh, no, mom." Richie informed her, "I-I mean, I REALLY like Potsie."

"We heard you the first time, son." Mr. Cunningham, Richie's father said, "You have a homosexual attraction to Potsie."

Cuts back to the Griffins.

"You have anything on that remote lower than mute?" Brian asked determined to not hear any more from the TV.

"I do!" Tyler answered as he pulled out one of the Chaos Emeralds, his eyes began shining red and his hair began waving around, "CHAOS-"

But before Tyler could use Chaos Blast at the TV, Peter and Frank walked in.

"I got a surprise for and Tyler, Chris." Peter informed Chris as he turned to what was on TV, "Oh, uh, geez, it'll have to wait." Peter pulls Tyler down on the couch, stopping his attempt, "Watch this. This is one where the Fonz goes 'Ay!'"

It then showed Fonzie on the TV, does in deed says "Ay!"

"Hahaha, in your face, 1950s!" Frank Jr acknowledged, "And people said they weren't funny back then."

"Yeah." Peter agreed, "Okay, let's go." Peter then dragged Tyler and Chris out of the living room.

In the garage, Peter unveiled two draped objects on the floor and they were revealed to be go-karts.

"Chris, Tyler." Peter said to both Tyler and Chris, "These are the speed machines that are gonna win one of you the soapbox derby."

"But, Mr. Griffin." Tyler said to Peter, "We were supposed to build our own carts ourselves."

"Yeah, it's a rule." Chris agreed.

"Aw, come on." Peter exclaimed, "Rules were made to be broken."

"Are you sure about that, Mr. Griffin?" Tyler asked Peter.

"Absolutely." Peter assured Tyler.

"Okay. Name one time." Tyler challenged Peter.

**Cutaway #1**

Peter was standing near a red button on a wall behind him with a sign above it reading "DO NOT PUSH BUTTON." After glancing it a few times, he pushes the button and, as if on cue, an Asian man in martial arts attire walked up to Peter. He gave a greeting bow before swift-kicking Peter to the side, knocking him out on the floor. The Asian man soon walks away.

**End**

"Here, let me show you two the turbo booster." Peter told Tyler and Chris as they were sitting by both drawing and writing.

"Uh, dad." Chris said to Peter, "What'd you say I told you me and Tyler both didn't want to be in the Scouts?"

"I'd say 'come again'?" Peter told Chris, "And then I'd laugh 'cause I said 'come.'"

"And that's funny how?" Tyler asked about Peter's response.

"Uh..." Peter said before shrugging it off, "I'll tell you some other time. But, anyway, thank God that's not the case, eh? You're scouts and you know what that means? That means I love ya. Both of ya."

Tyler and Chris then groan in unease.

Later, it showed John in the basement playing _Galaga _on his NES. He was at his last ship and seemed to be on a winning streak so far. Unfortunately, however...

"Hey, J-ma-" Tyler said but got shortly cutoff.

"AH!" John exclaimed in surprise as his ship in the game was then hit by the enemy bugs, causing him to lose.

"Aw, dang it, Tyler!" John said at Tyler, "What do you want?"

It then cut to Chris outside a door when Tyler came up to him with John.

"Okay, Chris. I got him over here." Tyler told Chris.

"What are we doing here?" John asked Tyler.

"You'll see." Tyler told John as he opened the door revealing to be Persephone's room, whom was busy brushing her hair with her hat off.

"Persephone's room?" John exclaimed in surprise, "I thought you said you needed me for something."

"Chris, get out of here!" Persephone ordered Chris, "You guys are not allowed in my room."

"Oh, come on." John protested at Persephone's order, "It's not like you were naked or something. Plus, even if you were, you'd probably cover up your head with that jacket of yours rather than cover up the rest of you."

Persephone's jaw dropped wide after she heard him say that, while Tyler and Chris just stare at him in shock.

"GET OUT!" Persephone said from in her room as John was thrown out by force and landed on the floor. Persephone shut the door behind her and turned to Chris and Tyler.

"Okay." Persephone said, "What do you two want?"

"Well, I was hoping to talk about this with J-man." Tyler said to Persephone, "But, due to certain reasons, me and Chris are gonna talk to you instead."

"Again. What do you want?" Persephone repeated.

"Persephone, Chris and I don't want to be in the Scouts anymore." Tyler explained to Persephone as he and Chris then sat on the bed, "Chris just wants to draw and I just want to write."

"Yeah, we were kinda hoping you and John could tell dad." Chris said, "But, uh... Try and open with a joke."

"Tell him yourselves." Persephone told Chris and Tyler.

"We can't." Tyler told her, "We don't want to disappoint him."

"Yeah, you remember what happened when he tried to sneak me in the county fair?" Chris reminded Persephone.

**Cutaway #2**

It showed the inside of a ticket booth, where Peter came up disguised as a horse hoping to sneak Chris into the fair.

"Uh, one, please." Peter said to the ticket vendor.

Unfortunately, Chris soon sneezed, who was the back, blowing their cover.

"Wait a second, your ass just sneezed! And horses can't talk!" The ticket vendor acknowledged in realization, "No, no, no, no, no, no, nothing about this adds up at all!"

Peter then groaned in irritance.

**End**

Persephone sighed seeing what Chris meant.

"Okay, look." Persephone said to Chris and Tyler, "Dad is really easy. All you two have to do is sit on his lap, give him a BIG kiss on the cheek, look him RIGHT in the eye, and he's butter."

"Maybe that's how you'll get into college. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha." John acknowledged at the door.

"Get out!" Persephone shouted at John again whilst throwing her hairbrush at him.

"Ow! Okay, okay, I'll get out!" John said as he immediately left the room.

We now see Peter and Frank watching TV on the couch. Tyler and Chris walk up and jump on Peter's lap.

"Oooof, what the hell?" Peter exclaimed being caught off-guard.

"Mr. Griffin, the Scouts aren't fun and-" Tyler was about to say to Peter.

"Wait, Tyler, you forgot the-" Chris told Tyler.

"Oh, yeah. Right." Tyler said as he and Chris kissed his cheek.

"Guys. I am going to stand up..." Frank informed Chris and Tyler, "Walk out of this room. And we will never speak of this again."

"But we did speak of this-" Tyler was about to say.

"We never speak of this again. Okay?" Frank asked Tyler.

"Okay." Tyler said as he and Chris got off Peter, who got up and walked away without a word. After a moment, Tyler then realized, "It didn't work, did it?"

"No." Chris answered moaning.

The following week, the soapbox derby had arrived, where even Speed Racer was one of the racers.

"Speed, I do not think you should be in this race! Ha-ha!" Speed's father, Pops, said to him in animation to that of their show as the racer hopped out of his car and did his signature pose, "The Mach 5 is not ready! Ha-ha!"

"But, Pops, I must be in this race! Ha-ha!" Speed said to Pops, also in the same format of their show.

"Very well, uh-ruh. But, you know, I am not really your father! Ha-ha!" The father confessed to Speed, who awed in disappointment after hearing it.

Chris and Tyler were already in their cars and turned to their right to see Peter and Frank Jr holding up a sign that read "Kick Ass or Don't Come Home."

"What?" Tyler exclaimed.

Then it planned to Lois and Meg, the family on the left with Lois holding up another sign that read "Oh, he's just teasing." It was then revealed to be a three-panel sign as it folded to another card that read "You know how your father/Mr. Griffin gets." Then it folded to yet another card reading "We both love you two very much" before ending with "No matter what happens." on the last card.

The Scoutmaster then stepped in to start the race.

"Okay, girls." The Scoutmaster told his scouts, "Get ready..."

The scouts started making noises to make it sound like their cars were revving engines. Chris was doing a little drawing before the race started and the same kinda went for Tyler as he wrote a little on his notepad.

"...get set..." The Scoutmaster said.

"Please, uh, uh..." Peter said as he snapped his fingers a few times to figure out the right word, "Uh, God, I don't ask you for much, but let my boy and Tyler win this race."

"Do not go until I wave my flag, I can't stress that enough." The Scoutmaster informed the racers, "I'll wave it once just to show you how it looks." He then waved it to show what it would look like.

"There it goes!" Tyler acknowledged believing that the race was starting and turned to Chris, "Go, Chris! GO!"

Chris then started his car, but the wheel broke off and begun to roll off the hill on its own. Tyler tries to help by grabbing the edge of Chris' car, but gets pulled along with him.

"Look out!" Tyler and Chris warned as their vehicles were rolling toward the Scoutmaster.

"Griffins are disqualified." The Scoutmaster announced as he was running for his life, "Griffins are disqualified." His foot gets caught on the back bumper of Chris' car and gets dragged behind it as it kept rolling downhill.

Later at the Quahog Community Center, Peter was with the Scoutmaster talking about Chris and Tyler.

"Your boys are out of the scouts!" The Scoutmaster, who had a few band-aids on his face and his uniform was a bit tattered, informed Peter. Chris and Tyler were also with them.

"Geez, who died and made YOU President Nixon?" Peter said to the Scoutmaster.

"Mr. Griffin, Nixon was president of the 70s..." Tyler corrected Peter, "Or was it the 80s? I don't know about the presidents, so don't judge me!"

"Look, it's been two years for your son and only a few weeks for his friend!" The Scoutmaster informed Peter, "Not one of those idiots has earned a single merit badge. Now if you'll excuse me, I've got to administer some spankings."

"Aw, come on. Give them a little more time, huh?" Peter begged to the Scoutmaster.

"Alright! Alright!" The Scoutmaster responded, "You got three days to earn a badge!"

"Three days? That's tomorrow!" Peter acknowledged, "We gotta get goin'!"

Later, it was now dinnertime.

"Stewie, look what mommy made for desert." Lois said to Stewie as she placed a bowl of red gelatin on his high-chair.

"Oh, Jell-O. How exotic!" Stewie said sarcastically, "Why I feel like I'm on the deck of the _QE II_."

"Who?" Frank Jr asked in confusion.

"...imbecile." Stewie sighed.

"Uh, I, Frank, Chris and Tyler will take ours to go." Peter told Lois, "We only got one more night to get that badge."

Chris and Tyler looked at John, Frank and Persephone, Meg, who both nodded to Chris and Tyler to inform them that now is a good time to tell Peter.

"Uh, dad, maybe we should just give up." Chris said to Peter.

"Yeah, we tried everything." Tyler joined Chris.

"Well, we almost got that one for insect study." Peter pointed out.

"I don't see how." Tyler said.

**Cutaway #3**

Peter, Chris and Tyler were behind what appeared to be bushes.

"Look, guys." Peter said to Chris and Tyler, "It's a whole family of WASPs."

It then panned to the left of the camera where it revealed to actually be the interior of a house with a WASP family. They were eating dinner acting very calm and relaxed.

"My, Margaret." The father said to his wife, "What a sub-par ham."

The wife's eyes widened in surprise after hearing her husband.

"Perhaps I can't bake a ham." Margaret said, "But what I can cook up is a little grace and civility at the table."

The husband was now the one having a shocked look on his face.

"Patty, did you know that your mother is a whore?" The husband asked the daughter at the right end of the table, where the man's question made the wife's eyes widen in shock once again.

**End**

The next day, Peter and Lois were sitting on the couch and talking about Chris and Tyler's position in the scouts.

"Peter, I think it's great that you, Chris and Tyler have been spending so much time together." Lois said to Peter, "But they're the ones who should be earning those badges."

"Hey, where do you get off telling me how to raise my son and helping out one of my friends?" Peter protested at Lois, but soon realized, "Oh. Oh, right. Heh, okay. We'll try it your way... honey." Peter then gave a nervous chuckle hoping she would buy his words.

Later that same day, Chris and Tyler have gotten back home.

"Hey! There's my scouts!" Peter acknowledged at Tyler and Chris' arrival.

"Well, not anymore, dad." Chris informed Peter, "We're out."

"And THANK GOODNESS!" Tyler praised.

"They made us turn in our uniforms and everything." Chris explained.

"Wha-?! Those bastards!" Peter exclaimed, "Don't you worry, boys. I'll get you both back in!" He then approached the phone.

"Uh, it's okay, dad." Chris said trying to stop Peter, "We're not really-"

"Ugh, ugh, ugh, hey, don't take no for an answer, guys." Peter told Chris and Tyler, "You're Griffins, including you, Tyler. And a Griffin never knows when to stop."

**Cutaway #4**

Peter was dressed as a surgeon and was trying to jumpstart a patient back to life.

"Clear!" Peter announced as he jumpstarted the patient's heart.

"Clear!" Peter repeated and jumpstarted the patient again.

"Clear!" Peter repeated a second and repeated the process when the patient soon opened his eyes and gained consciousness.

"Y-You saved my life, doctor-" The patient thanked Peter.

"Clear!" Peter repeated before and accidentally shocked the patient out.

**End**

"I'm calling that damn troop leader right now." Peter said, "We're going over his head. Straight to the scout head office in New York." He then picked up the phone and dialed the number.

"Pack your bags, you guys!" Peter announced, "The Griffins are hitting the Big Apple!"

"Yay, New York!" Tyler cheered, until Chris gave him an angry look, "...oh, wait, that's right."

They then left and the window revealed Speed and Pops again, this time acknowledging the Griffins' trip.

"Ha-ha! Did you hear?" Speed asked Pops, "The Griffins are going to New York! Ha-ha!"

"This does not affect us at all. Ha-ha!" Pops noted.

Speed gave out another "Ha-ha!" for no reason.

Later, the Griffins were packing their cases into the car.

"I can't believe we're actually going to New York." Meg acknowledged at what was going on.

"I can't believe your dad is determined to go this far just to get Chris and Tyler back in the scouts." Frank acknowledged also.

"Uh, dad, you don't really have to do this." Chris assured Peter.

"Yes, I do." Peter reassured Chris, "No boys of mine are gonna get booted out of the scouts." Peter then raised his hand for a high-five.

Chris and Tyler then high-five him back in disappointment.

In the car, Lois was strapping Frank Jr and Stewie in their seats.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" Stewie demanded at Lois.

"Strapping you in, honey, so you don't get hurt." Lois informed Stewie.

"So I don't get hurt." Stewie repeated, "That's the best you can come up with, you dull-witted termagant?"

"I brought your Raffi tape." Lois said. Stewie stood there quiet for a few seconds.

"Play _Wheels on the Bus_ and get the hell out of my sight." Stewie ordered Lois with his arms crossed.

As everyone was almost ready to leave, Tyler then did a quick calculation at the number of passengers and realized only one was missing. Tyler was about to alert Peter when...

"Where's Brian?" Meg wondered as she noticed Brian wasn't with them and also interrupting Tyler.

Tyler then pouted in irritation from being interrupted.

Brian was sitting in a lounge chair on the lawn reading.

"Hey, aren't you coming?" Peter asked Brian.

"Uh, thanks, but no thanks. I've been to New York." Brian said, "It's like Prague sans the whimsy."

"Gesundheit." Tyler said.

"You got that right." John said.

"Will you be okay by yourself?" Lois asked Brian.

"Oh, I think I'll manage." Brian assured her as he swished his martini.

"Alright, you guys, we're off!" Frank said to the family, "Those scouts are never gonna know what hit 'em."

Peter backed up and accidentally hit another car from behind.

"What about that car?" Tyler asked.

"I've a feeling it, too." John pointed.

They drive off down the road leaving the wrecked car behind. Later, the Griffins are now playing a guessing game.

"Okay, I'm thinking of a movie." Lois told everyone.

"Is it an action movie?" Meg guessed.

"No." Lois answered.

"Uh, is it a musical?" Chris guessed.

"No." Lois repeated her previous answer.

"Is it a horror movie?" Tyler guessed.

"No." Lois repeated a second time.

"Dang it!" Tyler exclaimed.

"Adventure?" John guessed.

"No." Lois repeated.

"Uh, is it a good movie?" Frank guessed.

"Eh, it has its moments." Lois said.

"_Cool Runnings_." Peter answered.

"Right!" Lois said.

Back at the Griffin house, Brian was watching TV on the couch. The program he was watching was _Nova _on PBS. On the screen was a scientist with a small dog beside him.

"After years of study, I've discovered the secret to longer life in canines." The scientist shown on the television said, which got Brian interested as he leaned in close to hear what the researcher had to say, "And that secret is-"

"We interrupt this program for a seven-hour marathon of _One Day at a Time_." An announcer on the TV explained out of nowhere, leaving Brian jaw-dropped dumbfounded.

It then cut to the middle of an episode of said show.

"Damn it, Julie." "I'm a single mother doing the best job she knows how!"

"And damn it, Schneider!" said as she turned to and pointed at Scheider, "I asked you to fix the sink two days ago!"

"Oh, I'll fix your fix your sink, Miss Romano." Schneider said to Romano, "And by 'fix your sink,' I mean I'll have sex with you."

Brian picked up the remote and tried to change the channel, but the remote wasn't working.

"And by 'have sex with you,' I mean I'll fix your sink." Schneider continued from on the TV.

Brian then decided to turn the dial on the TV to change the channel.

"And by 'sink,' I mean your reproductive organ." Schneider continued.

Brian turned the dial, but soon came off. Brian tried the other one and that fell off, too.

"And by 'reproductive organ,' I mean the thing between your knees." Schneider continued further.

It was then that Brian decided to unplug the TV, but it was somehow stuck.

"And by 'the thing between your knees,' I... Well, I guess that one's kind of self-explanatory." Schneider finally ended his statement.

Brian continued tugging the cord until it finally came out, but, much to Brian's surprise, the TV was still on, which he then fainted to the floor.

Meanwhile, the Griffins were still driving to New York, but they didn't seem to be making any progress.

"Peter, we're lost." Lois informed Peter, "Would you please find some place to ask for directions?"

"We are not lost." Peter assured Lois, "And even if we were, y-you know I can't ask another human being for directions."

"Okay, I'll bite." Tyler said, "Why?"

"Because I'm a man. And you're one, too." Peter answered Tyler, "Geez, haven't either one of you ever seen a stand-up comedian?"

"Yes." Tyler replied.

"Really, like who?" Peter asked Tyler.

"Robin Williams." Tyler said.

"Oh, yeah. Heh, he' pretty good." Frank acknowledged.

"Dad, maybe we should go home." Chris insisted.

"No way, son." Peter said to Chris, "We came here to get you and Tyler back into the scouts and that's exactly what we're gonna do."

Suddenly, Peter's stomached began to gurgle.

"What was that?" Lois asked.

"Nothing." Peter lied.

Peter's stomached soon gurgled again.

"There it is again." Tyler exclaimed.

"Pops, the car is making funny noises." Frank told Peter.

"Oh-ho, you're wrong again, Frank. That wasn't the car." Peter said, "Although you were right about that prune smoothie."

"Are you okay?" Lois asked Peter concerned.

"Oh, I'll be fine." Peter assured her, "I-I just have to concentrate on driving."

"Look, Mr. Griffin!" Tyler informed Peter.

"What?" Peter asked Tyler.

"A dump next door!" Tyler pointed out as a sign reading "**DUMP **NEXT LEFT."

"Tyler." Peter angrily muttered.

"Look, a 'WIDE LOAD'!" Tyler pointed out again as he spotted a truck hulling portable bathrooms.

"Quit it!" Peter warned Tyler.

"Look, an 'ALL STOOLS MUST GO!' sale!" Tyler pointed out again as they passed a building with stools placed outside. Peter groaned more in pain.

A car then came up in front of them.

"Look, an 'I heart my Shin Tzu' bumper sticker!" Tyler pointed out again.

"That's it, Tyler." Peter said to Tyler, "I swear to God, if you make one more joke another my current situation right now, I'll pull this car over and use YOU as a toilet!"

"I'll stop..." Tyler quickly remarked.

Peter, however, ran into a sign that read 'ONLY 15 MILES TO BOB'S HOUSE OF FECES.'

"Oh, come on!" Peter exclaimed, "That one's not even real."

"What about that one?" Frank pointed to a sign that read 'CRAPS, CRAPS, and CRAPS..."

"Oh, God!" Peter exclaimed in pressure, "We gotta stop!"

Peter pulled into the parking lot of a casino called "Geronimo's Palace."

"Wow!" Meg exclaimed in amazement as everyone got out, "An Indian casino!"

"Yeah, I gotta find me the stink lodge!" Peter said as he dashed inside.

"No, don't use me as a toilet!" Tyler pleaded to Peter, but realized Peter and Frank left, "Oh, thank you, God!"

"Come on, you guys." Peter quickly said, "No time to lose!" he and Frank rushed to the nearest bathroom, which was upstairs.

"Hold it." Peter and Frank said to themselves trying to not defecate their pants as they got on the escalator, "Hold it! Hold it!" they then repeatedly squatted for about a few minutes.

"Ho. And welcome to our casino, palefaces." An animatronic Native American chief told the people going up the escalator, "Feel free to visit gift shop in lobby and restaurant on second floor."

"Do you have reservations?" Another animatronic Native asked the other animatroic.

"Only about the veal!" The chief said as he and the other machine laughed at the joke.

"Oh, geez, this is gonna be a photo finish, Lois!" Peter remarked.

"Go for it!" Tyler rooted to Peter and Frank as the latter dashed off to the mens' restroom.

"I'm going to ask someone for directions." Lois said to the kids, "Meg, watch Frank Jr and Stewie." She placed Frank Jr and Stewie down at Meg's side and went into a room filled with video poker monitors.

"Excuse me." Lois asked one of the casino's employees, "Can you tell me how to get to New York?"

"Well, sure." The employee said, "But what's your hurry, ma'am? Don't you want to play a little first?"

"Heh, thank you." Lois chuckled, "But I really don't approve of, heh heh, you know, gambling."

"Well, technically, it's not really gambling." The employee corrected Lois, "It's just us trying to rebuild our shattered culture after you raped our land and defiled our woman."

"Well, as long as you're not using it for firewater." Lois said in agreement as she took a coin out of her coin purse and put it in the slot.

Meanwhile, Stewie, Frank Jr, John and Tyler noticed a show for a performer called Carrot Top. They decide to enter and watch the show.

"Look, a bow tie." Carrot Top announced trying to get the audience to laugh. Unfortunately, no one laughed.

"Really?" Tyler exclaimed at the bad joke.

Carrot Top was then using a tip from the bow as a microphone and sang from it high-pitched.

"Hey, I'm David Bowie." Carrot Top announced.

Again, no one laughed.

"Wow. Bo Derek." Carrot Top said again after placing a lampshade on top of one of the tips of the bow, when suddenly tomahawks were thrown at his direction, missing of course.

"Oh, very funny!" Stewie sarcastically praised the comedian as he was the one who was throwing the tomahawks at him, "Now tell the one that doesn't suck!"

The spotlight then went over to Stewie and got the audience to laugh.

"Oh, thank you. Thank you." Stewie said to everyone, "Yes, yes, and what's the deal with airline food?"

"Oh, no." Frank Jr remarked.

Back in the bathroom, Peter and Frank were finished doing their business. They then washed their and dried them off from the towel of another employee.

"Hey, thanks, uh... 'Watches You Pee.'" Peter thanked the man as he exited the bathroom.

He and Frank then finds the kids, who were still waiting for Lois.

"Hey, where's your mother?" Peter asked the kids.

"Over there." Chris said pointing him to where Lois is.

Lois was still playing the digital poker monitor from earlier.

"Hey, I didn't know you knew how to play poker, Lois." Peter acknowledged to Lois.

"Yeah." Lois bluntly said, clearly hooked.

"How you doing?" Peter asked her.

"Yeah." Lois answered.

"That's good, honey. Now let's go." Peter said to Lois.

"Yeah." Lois bluntly said.

Peter now tried to pull Lois away from the game, but she held on tight. He yanked her a few times until he finally got her loose.

"It's funny." Lois remarked as she and everyone else exited the building, "I-I never knew video poker could be so much fun. You win a few hands and all those lights go off and you just feel so good inside."

"And you die a little inside, too." Frank said.

"Yeah, gambling is great." Peter said, "No question about it."

"It felt so good, I just-I kept putting my money in and before I knew it, I lost $40." Lois confessed, "I'm so embarrassed."

"Aw, that's okay, honey." Peter assured to Lois, "As long as you learned your lesson."

"Oh, I did, Peter." Lois told Peter, "F-For a couple of minutes. Then... This is so silly, I started playing again."

"Geez, I could swear I parked here." Peter acknowledged to where he thought the car was.

"Yeah, you did." Lois assured Peter, "Bu-But here's the really silly thing, Peter. I sort of bet our car."

This made Peter and Frank to exclaim in anger.

"Okay, I'm not going to panic." Peter said to himself, "I just need to go back into and find a high roller who'll pay a $1 million to sleep with my wife."

"What?" Lois exclaimed in disbelief, "That's ridiculous!"

"Come on, Lois. These people took $24 for the island of Manhattan." Peter pointed out to Lois, "They have no idea what things are worth!"

"Mr. Griffin that was Mexico." Tyler corrected Peter.

"That was Mexico?" Peter asked.

"Yes." Tyler answered.

"Oh..." Peter said.

Later, everyone was in a reserved room. On the bed, Chris was busy drawing and Tyler was busy writing.

"Nice going, mom." Meg said to Lois, "I finally get my driver's license and you lose the car to a poker machine? How ironic."

"Tell me about it." Frank remarked.

"Hey, hey, hey, don't talk about your mother that way." Peter told Meg, "She is not an iron. Now, come on. We gotta figure out a way to get to New York and Chris and Tyler back into the scouts."

"But, uh, dad-" Chris tried to tell Peter.

"Hey, I got it." Peter acknowledged, "I'll-I'll just get Brian to wire us some money." Peter called their house number.

"Wonder what Brian's doing over there?" Tyler wondered.

At the Griffins' house, Brian was now enjoying _One Day at a Time_, where there was scattered papers, trash and even some empty martini glasses. The phone rang, but Brian was too busy with his show.

"Damn it, Julie!" Romano said to Julie, "I am not shacking up with my boyfriend. I am just going away for the weekend."

"Yeah." Schneider appeared and said to her, "All the way."

Brian hooted at Schneider's response, "Oh, damn, Schneider! What won't you say?"

Back at the room at the casino, Peter was upset to get no answer and hung up.

"No answer at the house." Peter announced, "You didn't bet that, too, did ya?"

"Probably." Tyler said.

"Oh, I'm sorry, Peter." Lois apologized to Peter, "I feel so foolish. It just seemed like such a good cause. Everyone in the tribe gets a share in the casino's profits."

"What did you just say?" Frank asked Lois.

"'I'm sorry, Peter'." Lois repeated.

"After that." Frank told Lois.

"'I feel so foolish?'" Lois repeated again.

"After that." Frank repeated.

"'Casino's profits?'" Lois repeated.

"Before that." Frank said.

"'Everyone in the whole tribe?'" Lois repeated.

"Now the whole thing." Frank told her.

"'Everyone in the tribe gets a share in the casino's profits?'" Lois repeated, which was what Frank and Peter wanted to hear.

"That's it!" Peter cheered as he grabbed Lois by her forearm, "Let's go!"

In the manager's office, Peter was trying to convince the manager to give him back his car.

"I'm sorry to hear about your, uh, 'misfortune.'" The manager said to Peter, Frank and Lois, "But we're not allowed to return gambling losses."

"Well, I think you can make an exception in our case, Lenny." Peter said to the manager, "See, uh, we're an Indian, too."

"'scuse me?" Lois and the casino manager said in unison at Peter's statement.

"You heard him, I'm a member of your tribe." Frank told the manager, "And that entitles me to a share of your wampum, kemosabe."

"Whoawhoawhoa, wait a second, not so fast." The manager shrugged Peter's request, "Tell me of your history, of your, uh... of your past."

"Oh, I come from a long line of, of y-you people." Peter said, "My great-grandfather's name was-was Jeep Grand Cherokee."

The manager didn't look convinced.

"Uh. He mean, Chief Grand Cherokee." Frank corrected his statement, "He was a rainmaker."

It then flashed back to a Native American resembling that of Peter. He was making a Native chant.

"I'm so happy doing the Neutron dance." Chief Grand Cherokee sang.

He continued doing the chant.

"I'm just burning doing the Neutron dance." Chief Grand Cherokee continued singing.

It then cut back to Peter in the manager's office.

"And he also killed a bunch of Krauts at Wounded Knee." Frank claimed, "So are you gonna give me back my car, or what?"

"Hm. I'll have to confer with the Council of the Elders." The manager said to Frank, "You wait right here." He got up from his chair and left.

"Are you nuts, Frank?" Lois said to Frank, "You'll never get away with this."

"Why not? We've fooled people before." Frank said to Lois, "Uh, y-y-you remember that time pops pretended to be gay?"

**Cutaway #5**

It showed Peter simply watching _Caroline in the City_.

**End**

"Peter, there is no way they're gonna believe we're an Indians." Lois warned Peter.

It then showed the Council of the Elders with the manager along with them.

"There's an Indian, alright." One of the members proclaimed.

"How do you know?" The manager asked the man.

"I can tell." The member simply stated.

"Oh, you think everyone's an Indian." The manager told him, "He could just be another mooch trying to get a cut of our profits."

"Maybe we can put him through some sort of test, you know." Another of the members suggested, "Like a really impossible stunt to prove he's the real deal."

"Hey, way to think outside the bow, Frank." The manager praised his friend's scheme.

It then cut to Peter, Frank and Lois now with the council.

"To prove you are truly a member of our tribe, you two must go on a vision quest." The manager told Peter.

Peter just stared blankly at the manager.

"Do you know what a vision quest is?" The manager asked Peter.

"Why, eh, of course I do. I'm an Indian." Peter answered hoping to convince them, "But, uh, why don't you explain it to my wife. She's a little slow in the head."

Lois showed a look of irritation at Peter.

"A vision quest is a sacred spiritual journey." The manager explained, "Your husband must go out in the wilderness without food or water."

"Or shoes." Other Frank quickly said.

"Y-Yeah, or shoes." The manager said, too, "He must remain there until he can communicate with nature. He must hear the wisdom of the rocks and trees and then his guiding spirit must appear to him and reveal a great personal truth. And it's gotta be a real vision. We're Indians. We're gonna know if he's lying." He and the elders then started howling ominous noises, causing Peter, Frank and Lois to back away and leave frightened. When they were gone, the elders immediately at the success of their plan.

"Sucker." The manager muttered.

The Griffins were outside the casino where Peter and Frank were about to start his vision quest.

"Peter, please don't do this." Lois pleaded to Peter, "We can buy another car. I-I'll give extra piano lessons on Sundays."

"Come on, Lois, all we gotta do is have a spiritual vision." Peter told Lois, "I mean, Tyler had one before we left."

It flashed back to the morning of the day before the Griffins left for New York. It had Tyler eating cereal and Brian reading the paper as usual.

"Oh, my gosh, Brian." Tyler exclaimed to Brian, "There's a message in my Alpha Bits. And it says 'Ooooo.'"

"Tyler, those are Cheerios." Brian informed Tyler.

"Way to kill the joke, Brian." Tyler said to Brian frustrated.

It then flashed back to present day.

"You must begin your journey now." The manager told Peter after walking up to him.

"Now's your chance to be alone with grandpa." Frank Jr informed Chris and Tyler.

"Yeah. Go over there and get it over with already." John insisted.

"Are you guy's nuts?" Chris said to Frank Jr, Meg and John, "We aren't attracted to dad."

"Tell him you don't want to be in scouts." Frank Jr, Meg and John corrected in unison.

"Oh, go talk to him." Tyler realized, "That makes more sense."

"Yeah, thanks jr, Meg. Thanks, John." Chris said.

Tyler and Chris soon walked over to Peter and Frank to tell him.

"Uh, you know, I think I better go with them just so they'll be safe." John acknowldged to Meg as he went to their direction.

"Yipes." Meg said.

"Hey-Hey, dad, uh, can-can we come?" Chris asked Peter.

"Hey, how about it, Lenny?" Peter asked the casino manager.

"'Ey, what the hey? The more the merrier." He said, "Now get the hell outta here, you nut, and go have yourself a spiritual vision."

Peter, Frank, Chris, John and Tyler then went off in the woods. After a while, they were starting to get tired.

"Oh, water!" Peter claimed as he found a riverbed, "Thank God!"

"Dad, I'm hungry." Chris complained to Peter, who was busy trying to drink the river water.

"Me, too." Tyler agreed, "Are we gonna die?"

"Of course not." Frank assured Tyler, "This isn't the first time pops had to find my own food in the wild."

**Cutaway #6**

It showed a girl resembling Little Red Riding Hood strolling through the woods. Suddenly, Peter jumped out from the bushes in a wolf costume, surprising and scaring the girl. She dropped her basket and ran away.

"Hehehehehe, dumb broad." Peter remarked at the cowardly girl, until in surprise a real wolf appeared out of nowhere and attacked Peter.

**End**

Later, it was now night and Peter and the boys hadn't returned yet. Lois was starting to get worried.

"They've been gone for over 6 hours." Lois informed the casino manager, "How long do these vision quests usually take?"

"Huh?" The casino manager exclaimed in confusion to Lois's question, "Well, you know, uh, it varies. You know, it depends on the person's age, a-a-and height... a-and sign."

"You have no idea, do you?" Lois said.

"Of course, I, I, I... No." The manager answered.

"Well, then, why would you send my husband and son and their friends out into the wilderness without any food or supplies?" Lois asked dementedly to the manager.

"'Cause, uh, we really like your car?" The manager answered.

Lois simply sighed in fear that her husband, son and John and Tyler were probably never coming back as she approached the window. Meg placed her hand behind Lois to comfort her mother.

"They're dead, you know." Stewie said to Lois and Meg.

Frank Jr just slap Stewie to shut him up.

Meanwhile, deep in the woods, Peter and Frank were walking around the bonfire from lack of food, while the boys were asleep.

"Must eat. Haven't snacked in hours." Peter said to himself, "Can't feel my eyes. Wonder if club-footed midgets get justice in Heaven."

"Hot enough for ya?" An unfamiliar voice from out of nowhere asked Peter.

"Wha-What?" Frank exclaimed in confusion.

"I say, 'Hot enough for ya?'" The voice said again revealed to be a talking tree.

"Uh. Yeah, I guess." Peter answered, "Oh, my God! We-we're communicating with nature! Uh-Uh, hey, um, uh, tree, if-if one of you falls and there's no one around, do-do you make a noise?"

"Are you kidding?" The tree asked, "Scott fell last week. He hasn't shut up about it since."

"Sure. Stand there and bitch!" The tree presumably Scott said to the tree Peter was talking to, "But would any of you take the time to HELP ME?!"

"Oh. Oh, I'm playing the world's smallest violin, Scott." Another tree behind Scott taunted him rubbing two twigs on his branch.

"Ay! Yo, Mallque/Griffin!" A voice sounding that of Fonzie from _Happy Days_ said to Peter from above.

Peter looked up the sky and saw the clouds formed until an image of Fonzie appeared.

"The Fonz!" Peter exclaimed.

"Ay!" Fonzie exclaimed also.

"What are you doing here?" Frank asked Fonzie, "Shouldn't you be in the middle of a Tuscadero sandwich?"

"Yeah. But I'm also your spiritual guide, see?" Fonzie told Frank and Peter, "And I wanna lay a personal truth on ya. Now, Mr. C was a father to me and he always listened, you know? And Mallque/Griffin, right now, your son's/brother's needs you to listen to him. Whoa!"

"Wait, what about Tyler?" Frank asked Fonzie again, "He's not my brother."

"Maybe not, but still, you and your pops consider him and John as two of your own sons/brothers."

"Really? Uh, gee, I never really thought of it that way." Peter asked in realization, "Uh, sure, whatever you say, heh. Um, Fonzie. There's something I always wanted to ask ya. Y-You were with a lot of girls. Did-Did you ever get a sexual disease?"

"Eh, herpes twice." Fonzie answered, "Oh, and the clap. Oh, and there's one more thing I want to say to you two before I go."

"What's that?" Frank and Peter asked.

"Ay!" Fonzie exclaimed as he faded away.

Chris and Tyler soon woke up a second after Fonzie disappeared.

"Um, hey, dad/Frank?" Chris asked Peter, "Can me and Tyler talked to you?"

"Not now, son-" Peter said to Chris before realizing, "Oh, uh, sure. Uh, go right ahead."

"We don't want to be scouts, dad." Chris confessed to Peter. Without realizing, John woke up and heard the conversation.

"Yeah, it's just no fun there." Tyler joined Chris, "I guess you're pretty disappointed in us."

"Well... yeah!" Peter responded.

"Dad, this is what me and Tyler really like to do." Chris said as he and Tyler showed them their notepads.

"What, you want to draw?" Frank asked Chris.

"And I want to write." Tyler said.

"Ah, geez, boys, why don't you just stick a knife in my heart?" Peter lamented in disappointment, which Tyler and Chris hung their heads in shame. He then noticed Frank, John giving him a stern look.

"I mean, uh, so you-you drew this?" Peter asked Chris trying to show that he's interested.

"Yeah..." Chris moped, "I know, they suck."

"Well, not all of them." Frank assured Chris, "You know, s-some of them look pretty good."

"Really?" Chris asked.

"Yeah." Peter replied.

"Hey, Tyler." John asked Tyler, "You mind if I take a look at what you wrote?"

"Sure." Tyler said.

"Hey, hold on." Peter insisted, "We'd like to take a look, too."

John, Frank and Peter were then reading the story Tyler had written so far.

"Wow, Tyler. This ain't half-bad." Frank praised Tyler.

"Really? I- Wait." Tyler said.

"What? What is it?" John asked.

"Yeah, you okay?" Peter asked.

I... I'm starting to remember something." Tyler claimed, "Something from my past about who I am."

Tyler just stood there for a couple of seconds trying to figure what he was so fond about writing, until...

"That's it!" Tyler exclaimed in excite.

"What's it?" John asked.

"Writing." Tyler responded, "I think it's part of who I was, before our amnesia. I was an aspiring writer. I finally remember it again."

"Heh, I didn't know anyone in this family had any talent." Peter acknowledged, "Well, except for that one thing your mother does."

"You mean play the piano?" Chris asked.

"No, no, she-" Peter was saying, but stopped realized it was too much, "Yeah."

"You know, we-we probably don't say this often enough." Peter said to the boys, "But, uh, I'm really proud of you, Chris."

"Thanks, dad, you too Frank." Chris replied.

"And I don't really say this often much, either, but, uh, I'm glad to have met you and John, Tyler." Peter said to Tyler.

"Thanks Frank, Mr. Griffin." Tyler replied.

They all then came up to each other and formed a group hug.

(A/N: Sorry if I'm still making this stuff sappy for you guys. I just thought this would be a good idea.)

Peter took another look at Chris' sketchpad and still seemed bothered before going back to the hug.

_And the cat's in the cradle with the silver spoon_

One of the trees started singing.

_Little boy blue and the man in the moon_

Soon, all the trees joined in and started singing.

_When you coming home, dad? I don't know when_

Then, one of the trees brought out a lighter and then lit it.

_But we'll get together then, son_

_You know we'll ha_-

"Ah! AHH! OH, MY GOD!" One of the trees screamed as it caught on fire from the other tree's lighter, which then spread.

"Ah, geez, let's get outta here!" Peter said as he, Frank, Chris, John and Tyler ran away for their lives.

"RUN, YOU STUPID BASTARDS!" One of the trees yelled at them.

The next day at the casino, Lois was in front of one of the video poker machines, deciding to try it again. Peter, Frank, Chris, John and Tyler just then finally came back.

"Peter." Lois exclaimed in joy while hiding the coin behind her back, "Frank .John. Tyler. Chris. Oh, thank God. Are you okay?"

"...Ooowww..." was all Tyler could say at the moment.

"It was fantastic, Lois!" Peter told Lois, "We saw our guiding spirit."

"Whoa, whoa, wait a second!" The casino manager stepped in, "You had a vision?"

"Oh, it was amazing!" Frank responded, "we spoke to the trees. And we saw the Fonz-"

"Really?" Lois exclaimed in intrigue, "What's the Fonz like? I bet he's stuck up."

"Eh, a little." Peter admitted, "But thanks to him, me, Frank, Chris, John and Tyler have never been closer."

"Oh, I want a spiritual vision, too!" The manager whined, "Man! I guess we've lost touch with our noble roots. I mean, sure this casino's brought our tribe money and prosperity, but what is the price of our souls?"

"Uh, $6 million a week." Other Frank answered.

"That sounds about right." The manager agreed, "You know what? Take your crappy car back." He then tossed the Griffins the keys to their car, "Come on, boys. Let's go hit the buffet." the manager and the other men then left.

"Alright! We did it!" Peter cheered, "Let's get the hell out of hell."

But before they could leave.

"Stupid, greedy savages!" Stewie said.

"Stewie, that's a terrible thing to say." Lois said to Stewie, "This one particular tribe has lost their way, but most Native Americans are proud, hardworking people who are true to their spiritual heritage. They are certainly NOT savages." The _The More You Know _logo then appeared above her, parodying the NBC program of the same name.

"Oh, that's funny, mother." Stewie said to Lois, "Just this morning, you said they were lazy like the dirty Mexicans." Stewie then chuckled and faced the screen, "Just kidding. The Mexicans are a cleann and industrious people with a rich cultural heritage." As with Lois, the same logo came up above Stewie, going further with the parody.

"Uhh, what's going on?" John asked in confusion at the situation.

"Maybe it's a different culture moment." Tyler assumed, "I don't know."

"Yeah, and not like those dumb, gargantuan Swedes." Meg acknowledged before turning to the audience, "Actually, the Swedish people run a gamut from very short to tall. And did you know that Sweden gave us the brilliant inventor, Alfred Nobel?" Continuing further with the parody, the logo then appeared above Meg.

It then showed John and Tyler supposedly keeping the joke going, but were actually unprepared because they didn't realized they were part of it.

"Wait. Are we supposed to say something here?" John asked, "Alright, uh, Tyler, what do you say to the audience?"

"Uh... Oh, people who migrate from Canada are called frostbacks." Tyler said hoping it would help.

However, all that could be heard were cricket chirps in the background.

"What?! It's true!" Tyler exclaimed, "Racist, but true."

Fortunately, the logo still came in as the jingle was heard, but it accidentally hit John at the back of his head. This got John angry as he snatched, broke it in half and threw it at the camera, knocking it over.

"THIS JOKE STINKS!" John shouted in rage as he stomped out of the scene.

Frank stand there and just wave good bye to the reader

"So long folks."

(Frank Jr: Don't worry, Canadian readers. It won't go like last time. You welcome.)

**The End**


	8. Chapter 7: Brian: Portrait of a Dog

**Chapter 7: Brian: Portrait of a Dog**

It was another day in Spooner Street. In the Griffins' home, Peter was sitting at the couch with Chris.

"Come on, everyone." Peter said to the rest of the family, who just got in the room, "That _Eight is Enough_ reunion show is about to start."

"I wonder why that show got cancelled." Tyler wondered as he and everyone else was getting themselves comfortable to watch.

On the TV, the show had started with Thomas and Joanie in the living room where Mary walks in.

"Mary." Thomas said to Mary, "Have you seen Nicholas?"

"He's up in his room sulking, dad." Mary told her father and walked off.

"Yeah, he's still upset because Abby threw out his baseball cards." Joanie explained as she was reading a book.

"Oh, well, maybe I should make him a sandwich." Thomas suggested.

Joanie gave a slight laugh. "Oh, dad, that's your solution to everything." Joanie acknowledged to her father and went back to reading.

Thomas, however, didn't look too pleased at what she said about his idea and, for some unknown reason, started slapping her repeatedly.

This went on until Mary ran in and tried to stop her father.

"Dad!" Mary called out to Thomas, "DAD!"

"WHAT?!" Thomas shouted.

"Eight is enough!" Mary said.

Suddenly, Thomas chuckled with Mary and soon Joanie, who was getting up.

"You know I love you, girls." Thomas said to his daughters.

It cut back to the Griffins, who were immediately frozen in shock, surprise and, most likely, horror at what they just saw.

"Oh, that's why..." Frank remarked about his statement earlier.

Frank, John and Frank Jr, Tyler then looked at each other to seemingly say about their opinion about the episode, but then found Stewie having a satisfied grin on his face, as if he enjoyed the event they just saw on the TV. Stewie soon notices them as the smile on his face faded.

"The devil are you staring at?" Stewie said to Frank, John and Frank Jr, Tyler as they were now giving him stern looks on their faces.

"You were the one responsible for that, weren't you?" John asked Stewie about what happened on the TV.

"YOU PROVE NOTHING!" Stewie shouted in protest against the duo's beliefs.

**Opening Credits**

_It seems today that ya see_

_Is violence in movies and sex on TV_

_But where are those good, old-fashioned values?_

_On which we used to rely_

They then change to gold leotards

_Lucky there's a Family Guy!_

_Lucky there's a man who positively can do_

_All the things that makes us_

_Laugh 'n Cry!_

_He's_

_A_

_Fam-_

_-ily_

_Guy!_

**End**

Stewie was busy cutting up squares out of his mother's blouses in his room, which were into a pile.

"Splendid." Stewie exclaimed, "That hausfrau's cheap rayon blouses will make a serviceable parachute should I need to abandon my jet in mid-flight... Once it's built, of course."

Stewie then turned to his right.

"Rupert, did you call that engineer at Lockheed yet?" Stewie asked a teddy bear he called "Rupert," which was sitting up by itself, "No, of course, you didn't, you worthless little..." Stewie smacked the bear and it send it a few feet across the pile of clothes.

"There! See what you made me do?" Stewie scolded the bear, "Do you think I enjoy hitting you? Well, actually, I do. I enjoy it so much I am going to do it again!"

But before Stewie could get another chance to hit Rupert, Lois enters the room.

"Oh, Stewie!" Lois exclaimed as she found him cutting up her blouses, "My clothes are not for you to play with, understand?"

"Hi, Stewie!" Tyler cheerfully greeted Stewie as he and Frank Jr entered the room with a big grin on Jr face.

"Uughh!" Stewie exclaimed after seeing Frank Jr's expression, "How much I despise that loathsome grin of yours."

"How's this?" Tyler asked as he made an even bigger smile.

Stewie then exclaimed in disgust at the sight of the smile.

"Thanks for telling me, Frank Jr, Tyler." Lois thanked Frank Jr and Tyler, "I don't know what we'd do without you both." Lois then walked out of Stewie's room with her shirts.

While Frank Jr, John, Tyler and Brian watched Lois depart, Stewie looked at them.

"I'm onto you three." Stewie warned Frank Jr, Tyler and Brian.

"Are you?" Frank Jr asked sarcastically.

"Oh, yes!" Stewie answered.

"Were you laying on us?" Tyler asked Stewie as no one responded to Tyler's question for a good 3 seconds.

"You ever thought about sending this guy back to kindergarten?" Brian asked John, "You know, to start all over again?"

"Can we please return to the matter at hand, hm?" Stewie impatiently asked everyone and soon went back to the subject, "Your pathetic attempts to hinder my work have not gone unnoticed. You all prance about this house like the cocks on the walk. But will you three be prancing when, when..."

"When what?" Tyler asked Stewie.

"Let me finish." Stewie pointing replied, "When... When there's nothing to prance about? Hm? Will all three of you be prancing then?"

"Maybe..." Tyler answered.

"Good one." John praised his pal.

Stewie just strolled out of the room without reply.

"Ah, you just want to eat 'em up." Brian stated as he, John and Tyler exited the room.

"You sure do." John remarked.

"I don't want to eat Stewie." Tyler said.

Another 3 seconds of silence passed.

"Seriously, what the hell's wrong with him?" Brian asked John.

"What do you mean?" Frank Jr asked back.

"Never mind..." Brian replied defeated.

Later that after, the Griffins were watching TV as usual when Persephone came in.

"Ugh! It is so hot out there!" Persephone complained.

"How hot is it?" Everyone but John asked Persephone in the tone of the audience of _The Match Game_.

"It is so hot that you could (blank)." Tyler said also in the tone of the same show's host.

"Uh, I don't know." Persephone said, "Like, around 98, 99."

"SURVEY SAYS!" Tyler shouted as a buuzer went off in the background.

"Uh, what was that?" John asked Tyler.

"It was from _The Match Game_." Tyler told John.

"Tyler, I don't think she was just playing a joke." John remarked, "She was just saying it was hot outside."

"Oh..." Tyler replied until, "Tell her what she's won, Jr!"

"Well, Tyler." Frank Jr said to Tyler, "For winning-"

"Stop." John ordered Tyler.

"Okay..." Tyler and Frank Jr replied.

"Eww, I think I'm a little sweaty." Persephone remarked as she walked toward the air conditioner.

"You!" Stewie pointed at John and Tyler, "You two seem to know all the players in this poorly-acted farce. What do they call that one?" Stewie pointed the duo's attention to Persephone, who was cooling off.

"That's your sister, Persephone." John answered Stewie.

"Persephone!" Stewie called to Persephone, "You vile-smelling girl, you're not to touch any of my things! You understand me? Dirty, sirty gir- AH!" Frank flicked Stewie at the left side of his head in Persephone's defense.

Later again, the town was now caught in the heat wave. Inside the house, Lois, Chris and Brian were in the living room trying to watch TV to take their mind off the heat with a couple of fans around them to help.

"Meanwhile, here at home, Quahog remains in the sweltering grip of a freak heat wave." Diane Simmons said on the news with her blouse open exposing her purple bra.

"I don't think you should use the word 'freak,' Diane." Tom Tucker, who was without his coat and his tie was loosened said to Diane, "Some people might find it offensive."

**Cutaway #1**

It showed Tom having breakfast with his son, whose head is shown only at the back.

"Finish your oatmeal, son." Tom told his son.

"Why bother?" Tom's son said who was now shown at the front... with an upside down face, "I'm just a freak! A freak!" The boy knocked over his bowl of oatmeal.

Tom could only pity his child.

**End**

"We're all a little different, Diane." Tom said to Diane, "Each one of us."

"Good point, Tom." Diane remarked, "We're certainly feeling the effects of this heat wave even here at our studio." Diane then called Tom "freak" whilst pulling a fake sneeze, "So stay inside and stay cool."

Cuts back to the couch.

"I think I saw one of her nipples!" Chris claimed as he pointed at the TV.

"Chris, that's a terrible word!'Nipple.'" Lois told Chris, "I'll chalk that up to the heat, mister."

"I say, am I to strut about all day like a beggar child on the streets of Calcutta?" Stewie asked as he came in the room in his diaper with a yellow shirt, "Fetch me something linen to throw on before I call Child Services!"

"Please don't threaten mommy." Lois said to Stewie, "She's very hot."

"You can threaten me, Stewie- Wait, that didn't came out right." Tyler said before realizing what the topic was.

"Chris, you're hogging up all the fans!" Meg told Chris as she took one of the fans to her face to cool.

"Yeah? Well..." Chris said before pausing, "You're hogging up all the ugly!"

Meg, Persephone, Frank and John, who was sitting by Chris, gave the latter an unimpressed look.

"Hey, check this out, you guys!" Peter said to the family as he came in through the front door, "The Rhode Island Dog Show Championship is in Quahog this year! First prize is $500!"

"Really?" Lois exclaimed in interest, "You know, if you won, we could use that money for a new air conditioner."

"Hey, Brian, you can win for sure." Meg said to Brian, "You could, uh, you could do your impression of a barbershop quartet."

"Or you could hire the Dapper Dans to help you out." Tyler recommended.

"Except you would need permission from Disney in order to do that." Frank informed Tyler.

"DANG IT!" Tyler exclaimed, "Fine, do the barbershop quartet."

**Cutaway #2**

Brian was dressed up in barbershop quartet attire as he was outside at night.

_We were sailing along_

_On Moonlight Bay-ay-ay-ay-ay_

The Griffins were sitting on a bench listening to Brian's performance, except Meg who was laying on her stomach.

_We could hear the voices singing_

_They seem to say_-

Brian was hit by what appeared to be John's shoe.

"SHUT UP!" John yelled off-screen.

John was hit by what appeared to be a hammer from super smash bros.

"NO YOU SHUT UP!" Frank Jr yelled to the off-screen character.

**End**

"Uh, sorry." Brian gently declined, "I-I don't-I don't do dog shows. It's not my thing."

"Come on, Brian." John begged Brian, "All you gotta is do a few simple commands and we'll get that air conditioner."

"Yeah, it'll be like grandpa as he is taking candy from a baby." Frank Jr acknowledged.

**Cutaway #3**

Peter was at a park next to a mother with her baby in its crib whilst it was also holding up a lollipop. Peter tried to take away the baby's candy, but the mother slapped it away. This repeated slowly at first, but then got faster and fast every time.

**End**

"Please, Brian." Meg begged.

"I-I don't know. I mean, eh, I don't even know where my papers are." Brian said, "Can't you get the money some other way?"

"Oh, believe me, I've been trying." Peter said, "That's why I and Frank Jr went on that game show."

**Cutaway #4**

The show Peter and Frank Jr mentioned going on to get the money was _Jeopardy!_

"For $800, this chemical dye is found in over 95% of all cosmetic products." The host stated as he was reading from an index card.

"Diarrhea." Peter quickly answered.

The audience laughed at Peter's answer.

"What?" Frank Jr asked, "Oh, oh, oh, sorry, sorry. What is diarrhea?"

**End**

"Actually, Mr. Griffin. I was thinking me and Tyler could be the ones to help train Brian." John said to Peter, "It can also help us getting to know more about him. That is is he wanted to, that is."

Brian watched as he realized the family was really dependent that he could win.

On the following night, John and Tyler were with Brian.

"Alright, let's go over the commands." John said, "Tyler, tell us what the book says."

"Okay, first off sit." Tyler responded.

Brian scoffed as he walked off-screen and came back with a chair. He placed it in front of the duo and sat on it.

"Uhh... Good?" Tyler congratulated Brian feeling awkward about what happened.

"What's next?" John asked.

Rollover." Tyler replied.

"Guys, I'm already shvitzing like crazy here." Brian complained, "Let's call it a night, huh?"

"Very well." Tyler remarked.

"What?" John exclaimed in surprise, "But we just got started."

"Yeah, w-we haven't even talked about how you're gonna wear your ears." Peter agreed, "'Cuz you know, I was thinking up."

"Ugh, I need a cocktail." Brian said as he left the room.

"Don't push too hard, John." Frank said to John, "You gotta take Brian's feelings into consideration. After all, it's only a dog show."

"Yeah. Except it's also our only chance at being able to afford a new air conditioner." John reminded Frank of the other reason Brian's attending.

"He's right, listen to him, Frank." Peter said to Frank, "Because right now you're sucking all the energy out of the room."

"That's not sucking up the energy out of the room, Mr. Griffin." Tyler said to Peter off-screen, but soon showed Tyler with a very large vacuum cleaner almost as big as the room, "THIS is sucking all the energy in the room!"

"Tyler, no, wait!" Peter warned Tyler, "The very balance of the universe will be at risk if you turn that damned thing on."

"What's that now?" Tyler asked, "I'm busy about to turn this on."

"NNOOOOO!" Peter exclaimed in horror as Tyler flipped the switch.

Peter, Frank and John fled as the vacuum began sucking up all the furniture in the room. Then it cut to the outside of the house where the whole thing was soon sucked by the vacuum. Then it sucked up the whole town, then the whole country, then after going to a view of the planet's orbit, the entire scene was sucked up, leaving only a blank, white space.

The next day where everything is back to the way it was before, Brian was drying himself off with a hairdryer in the bathroom. Then for a moment bites the hot air coming out of the hairdryer a couples of times. Then he heard a knock on the door and put the hairdryer down.

"Come." Brian told who was behind the door.

"I, uh, got you a little something. From John and Tyler." Lois said to Brian as she was holding a small gift, "You know, for the show."

Brian opened it and found it to be a black collar with a gold buckle.

"It's Italian." Lois informed Brian, "Do you like it?"

"Oh, it's exquisite." Brian praised.

"It's-It's not for every day." Lois soon explained.

"Clearly." Brian remarked, "I'm gonna put it on right now."

"I know how hard you've been working and, well, the whole family appreciates it." Lois informed Brian who was putting on his new collar, "I also want to let you know that John and Tyler are doing the best they can to not only be your trainers, but also your friends."

"Oh, I'm sure they've proven that already." Brian said.

"Well, maybe." Lois agreed, "But they don't seem to know that and I think this could really help you bond with them, not just as friends, but also family. So, would you mind giving it a chance, just this once?"

"Well..." Brian sighed, "I guess I'll give it a try."

"Thank you." Lois said to Brian, "I should go. We'll be waiting downstairs whenever you're ready. And Brian..." Brian turned to Lois after she called him, "...you look very handsome." She then closed the door behind her after telling Brian.

Brian then dropped a few eye drops before taking a deep breath and exclaimed "Showtime!" with a big grin on his face.

The Griffins/Mallques arrive at the soccer field where the dog show was taking place at.

"Welcome to the Quahog Dog Show." One of the hosts of the competition announced, "Today's competition will be almost as hot as the weather, which is once again in the triple digits."

As they walked by, Brian noticed a bird flying by that, for no reason, bursts from combustion. He then noticed all the others contestants getting ready.

"Peter, I'm not-I'm not really comfortable with all this." Brian said to Peter as he soon noticed a dog sniffing his behind, "Do I know you?" The dog immediately left.

"You don't have to do it if you don't want to." Tyler told Brian.

"Uh, Tyler, remember the reason why we're-" John reminded Tyler.

"Oh, right, sorry." Tyler said.

"I-I don't think I can do this." Brian admitted.

"But we can't quit now." John said, "We came this far."

"He's right. Hey, look, how about a pill? Something to relax you before you go on, eh?"

"Peter, are you offering Brian drugs?" Lois asked Peter.

"Not drugs, Lois." Peter assured her, "Just-Just a little blue thing celebrities take to help them perform."

"Well, those celebrities are wrong!" Lois protested.

"Lois!" Peter exclaimed, "If Liza is wrong, then I don't wanna know what right is."

**Cutaway #5**

Liza Minnelli was in her dressing room.

"Two minutes 'til curtain, Mrs. Minnelli." A stagehand informed the singer.

"Oh, come on, baby!" Liza pleaded to someone to the right offscreen, "Mama's gotta sparkle! It's time to make life a cabaret!"

The person she was talking to was revealed to be... a blue M&amp;M.

"Lady, for God's sake, I'm just a hard-shelled chocolate candy! GET HELP!" The M&amp;M said to Liza.

**End**

Stewie was trying to use an ad for the dog show to fan himself, to no avail. He discarded the ad and tried to get out, but couldn't.

"You there, child-woman!" Stewie called out to Meg next to him, "I'll give you a shiny new dime if you'll roll me into the nearest lake."

"Let me see if I can find you a juice box. Okay?" Meg affectionately said to her brother and left.

"Wow." Frank thought after seeing Meg's behavior, "That seemed real nice of her. Even though it is toward Stewie."

"Yes. Get the lead out, pudgy!" Stewie yelled.

"Okay, I've had enough." Frank said as he unstrapped Stewie out of his stroller and went off.

"Wait. What are you doing?" Stewie demanded.

"Teaching you to treat your family with respect." Frank told Stewie.

"And how do you suppose you do that, hm?" Stewie questioned John's plan.

"By dropping you to the nearest lake." Frank Jr answered.

"WHAT?!" Stewie exclaimed as he was soon dropped from the edge of a hill, who screamed as he fell and splashed into the water below.

Frank and Frank Jr managed to get back to the show in time where it was about to begin.

"Next, John and Tyler Griffin and their dog, 'Brain.'" The announcer said.

"Brian!" Tyler corrected.

"Well, we're off to a good start." Brian remarked.

Brian then got in his starting position and the official started the event. Brian was off as he skipped through the first three obstacles.

"Go, Brian!" John and Tyler cheered in unison.

He then he stopped for a quick cigarette break during the event.

"Uh..." Tyler replied in confusion.

Brian took one inhale and instantly put out his cigarette before continuing on until he got past the last obstacle.

"A beautiful performance from 'Brain' Griffin!" The announcer praised.

"Go, Brian!" The family cheered Brian on.

Brian then stopped and panted a few times before John and Tyler came up to him.

"Okay, Brian, we're good to go." Tyler informed Brian.

"Here." John said as he placed a dog biscuit on top of Brian's nose.

"Wha-What-What the hell is this?" Brian asked in confusion.

"It's the part where you beg for a treat." John explained.

"Oh, I don't think so." Brian refused as he took the biscuit off his nose.

"Brian, don't." Tyler begged Brian.

"Yeah, come on, Brian." John begged also, "Just do one more trick and you're done."

The audience began to feel concerned about Brian's act of refusal.

"God, they can't expect Brian to do that." Lois noted.

"It easier than it looks, mom." Chris informed Lois.

"I'll go see if I can help." Peter said as he got up and went to John and Tyler.

"Brian, we had a deal." John reminded Brian.

"What's the problem, Brian?" Peter asked Brian.

"The problem is that these two tried to get me to beg for this." Brian explained as he showed Peter the dog biscuit, "Well, you know what? The deal's off. Me and the little shred of dignity I have left will be waiting in the car!" Brian threw the biscuit at Peter's gut and walked off.

"Bri-Brian, come back here!" Peter ordered Brian, "Hey, don't you walk out on me! Hey- Uh..." Peter noticed the crowd was now directing their attention at him, "Heh, uh, I now command you to leave. Yep, keep goin'. Yep, th-th-that's right. Yeah, flip me off. Good boy. Hehehehe." This only made Peter more aware that the crowd wasn't impressed.

The family was now driving home.

"How could you let us down like that, Brian?" John asked Brian about his protest.

"Oh, I let you down?" Brian assumed, "WH-Why? Because I refused to demean myself by perpetuating the stereotype of the 'good dog'?"

"I kinda agree. This was the one thing one of us has ever asked you to do for this family." Peter remarked, "Well, you know, this and not, uh, do that thing where you drag your ass across as the carpet."

"Oh! Oh! One time I did that! I just wanted to see what it felt!" Brian pointed out.

"Boys, boys, please!" Lois urged quartet to stop fighting, "Let's just have a nice family car ride like we always do."

"Yeah, except for the time dad hit that deer." Chris reminded everyone of one incident.

**Cutaway #6**

Instead of what it is assembly stated above, however, it was actually Peter accidentally hitting the front of an anthropomorphic deer's car, whom was with Peter surveying the crash.

"Yeah, well, looks-looks like it's just a ding." Peter stated, "Uh, you know, there's-there's no reason to get the insurance companies involved."

"Well, uh, you know, I should still take down your information, though." The deer said.

"Really? Cuz, you know, you-you could probably just buff that out, I mean-" Peter pointed out.

"Yeah, but I-I-I just, I really-" The deer tried to say, but Peter kept talking.

"I would really, I would really feel better if I got your information." the deer finally spoke.

**End**

"You know, Brian, I feel like you don't trust us or something." Tyler said to Brian.

"Yeah, you're acting as if we don't care about you." John agreed.

"Guys, if you cared about me, you'd never ask me to do something so degrading." Brian told off the duo.

"Hey, look, you, the next time someone asks you to do something, I expect you to do it. Understand?" Peter told Brian.

"You're taking their side, Peter?" Brian asked Peter.

"Who wants to sing show tunes?" Lois asked hoping it'll get their mind off what happened, "'In olden-"

"Stop the car." Brian demanded.

"Oh, oh, is that what you want, mister?" Peter questioned, "Because I'll stop."

"Pull over now." Brian demanded.

"Fine!" Peter and John replied as the car made a screeching halt. Brian got out and was about to walk off.

"Aye, God." Lois exclaimed in annoyance, "Brian, please don't do this."

"Yes, please, Brian." Tyler pleaded, "Just give us another chance."

Brian thought a moment and decided to go.

"Is the doggie going bye-bye? Ew, I'm so sad." Stewie said sarcastically as he soon looked to the back view of the car, "QUICK! BACK-UP!" Frank and Frank Jr then slap peter, john, and stewie in the face very for being idiots

Eventually, it was night and Brian was still walking home. He was soon picked up by a cop while he was great walking.

"Oh, great." Brian exclaimed as the vehicle stopped next to him and the policeman got out, "Is there a problem, Officer?"

"Can I see your license, boy?" The officer asked Brian.

"'Boy'?" Brian said confused to why the man called him that until, "Oh. Oh, God." He realized that he was still wearing the collar he wore for the dog show and was now in trouble, "Uh, I-I left it on my other collar."

"You been chasing cars tonight, boy?" The officer asked Brian.

"Look, the name is Brian." Brian told the officer, "I was just out for a little walk, that's all."

"Uh-huh. Without a leash?" The officer questioned.

Brian didn't reply to the cop's question.

"I'm gonna have to ask you to lie down on the sidewalk." The officer ordered Brian, who took a look and soon turned to the officer, "Uh! Down!"

"I don't believe this." Brian sighed.

The policeman drove Brian back to his house and was talking to Peter about what happened.

"I, uh, don't suppose you could let us off with a warning, huh?" Peter asked.

"Sorry, sir. But leash laws are for his own good." The officer informed Peter, "The fine is $10. You behave, little fella, you hear me?"

"Oh, Lord, Lord, I'll never roam again!" Brian replied in a sarcastic slave voice.

Peter closed the door.

"Jackass." Brian muttered after.

"Hey, he's the law outside this house, just like I'm the law inside this house." Peter said to Brian, "And you better start obeying both of us."

Unaware to both Peter and Tyler, John and Tyler were walking up the basement stairs in their room and were about to leave through the door when they heard Peter and Brian's conversation.

"And you also better give John and Tyler some respect from now on." Peter informed Brian from outside John and Tyler's room, "They just want to know you better."

"Oh, come on, look at them." Brian said to Peter, "Two teenage boys who can't even remember who they are, can't even be friends with a messily dog."

This somewhat hurt the duo back in their room and they didn't bother to leave.

"Geez, what a bitch." Peter remarked to himself back in the living room.

The next morning, everyone was in the kitchen about to have breakfast.

"Good morning, Quahog." Diane Simmons greeted on the kitchen TV, "Well, the heat wave is finally broken, Tom."

"It sure has, Diane." Tom replied, "You know what they say, 'If you don't like the weather in New England, go back where you came from.'"

"Uh, I don't think that's the expression." Diane said worried.

"Yeah, I guess I had one too many bloody marys this morning." Tom agreed, "But, anyway-" Tom then accidentally belched out some of the acclaimed bloody Mary which splatted a bit on his papers. "Oh, God, I hope the boss isn't watching." Tom said out of embarrassment as he wiped off the bloody Mary with his tie.

Diane laughed nervously.

"Heh. I don't know how those two manage to be so perky in the morning." Peter remarked.

"Same here." Tyler agreed.

"Mmm, something smells good." Frank and Meg acknowledged.

"Homemade cinnamon buns." Lois said, "Fresh from the tube." She then poked the belly of the Philsbury, who was just standing there giggling from being tickled.

"Nothing says 'I love you' like something from-" The Philsbury Doughboy remarked before Lois began to flatten him with her rolling pin, "Hey, what the hell are you doing, you crazy bi-" He was then flatten all the way.

"These oughta cheer Brian up." Lois said, "Cinnamon buns are his favorite."

"Oh, really?" Peter asked, "'Cuz, you know, I-I-I could've sworn his favorite was 'treat Peter, John and Tyler like crap' buns."

Brian walked into the kitchen after Peter said that.

"Good morning, Brian." Lois greeted Brian, "My, your summer coat is really coming in nicely. Isn't it, Peter?"

"Uh, yeah, yeah." Peter replied, "Uh, must be that special jojoba shampoo I bought ya. It cost a little extra, though."

"Yeah and I could've sworn I bought a collar meant specifically for that." John claimed.

"Exactly." Tyler agreed, "How's that not a sign of good friendship?"

"I know." Peter said, "I mean, we'd do anything for you, Brian."

Brian glanced at Peter, John and Tyler unimpressed. "I'll be on the veranda since you three are already on the cross."

"What now?" John and Tyler exclaimed in unison and in confusion.

"Oh, eat with us, Brian." Lois begged as she picked up a plate of cinnamon buns, "I made cinnamon buns."

"Please, Brian." Tyler begged Brian, "All this fighting is making me feel real sad."

Everyone but Brian and Stewie then exclaimed in pity for Tyler after hearing his speech.

"May I guess that the only way you'll feel better is for me to balance that plate on my nose?" Brian sarcastically asked Tyler.

"Brian, stop this." Lois said, "Can't you get along with John and Tyler like you do with Frank and Peter?"

**Cutaway #7**

The cutaway was actually a parody of a 1920s cartoon starring Frank, Peter and Brian in classic cartoon design.

In the "cartoon," Brian was sawing some lumber when Peter and Frank comes in with another large piece of lumber. They sets it down and wipes off some sweat.

Suddenly, a safe falls from the sky and flattens Brian. Peter is distraught and Frank tries to crack the combination to the safe. He manages to get it open to find Brian unscathed with his arms crossed.

Then a title card popped up and read "Ha-ha-ha-ha!" as Frank, Peter and Brian were shown chuckling.

The cartoon then ended with Frank, Peter and Brian walking off into the sunset.

**End**

"It can never be like things are with me and Peter, not after the way they treated me." Brian said, "Not after the things I've seen."

"What did you see?" Chris asked Brian.

"Was it dark things?" Tyler asked.

"W-Was it breasts?" Frank Jr asked hoping it was the answer.

"Geez, Brian, haven't you heard of forgive and forget?" John asked Brian.

"He's right, Brian." Tyler assured Brian, "It's never a good idea to hold onto grudges, no matter what happened."

"Yeah, how bad do you really have it with those two?" Peter questioned Brian, "When I and Frank found you, you were nothing but a stray."

"Huh?" John and Tyler exclaimed in surprise.

"You swore you would never speak of that." Frank gasped.

In a flashback, Brian was just as Peter claimed; a stray dog with a 5 o'clock shadow and was holding up a bottle of booze on his right hand and a sign reading "Will Sit For Food" on his left hand. Peter's car pulled up in front of a stoplight near Brian. Brian smiled as he grabbed a wodded up newspaper and a spray bottle.

"Uh, uh, no, thank you. I just had it cleaned." Peter said to Brian trying to get him away, but Brian still sprayed the windshield and dried it off with the newspaper where it had rub marks on the front, "Oh, uh, um... Ah, geez."

"All set, sir." Brian said to Peter.

"Uh, I-I don't have any change." Peter told Brian, "Sorry."

"Oh. Tha-That's okay." Brian shrugged, "No charge."

Brian then walked off as Frank looked at him and remembers the death of his dog snoopy then soon pitied the poor canine.

"W-W-Wait! Wait!" Frank stopped Brian, "Uh, Y-Y-Y-You hungry?'Cause, uh, you know, my-my mom makes this beef-a-roni casserole. Out of this world."

Brain smiled in confidence as he knew he was getting something to eat.

It then flashed back to present day.

"Look, Brian, we're just trying to get to know you, that's all." Tyler informed Brian, "Maybe even a little more."

"That's right." John agreed, "Now just eat your cinnamon buns and stop being a bad dog, for crying out loud."

Brian gasped in shock after hearing that last part. "How dare you?" Brian exclaimed in outrage, "HOW DARE YOU?!" Brian slammed his mug hard on the table and headed toward the door.

"And where do you think you're going'?" Peter demanded.

"Out!" Brian answered pissed.

"Hey! You're not going anywhere without your leash!" Peter warned Brian.

"I don't need your damn leash and I don't need you nor them!" Brian said as he pointed to John and Tyler, "I'm going' for a walk."

"Don't worry." Peter assured everyone, "He won't get far without this." He held up a milking machine.

"Mr. Griffin." Tyler said to Peter, "That's the wrong one."

"Oh." Peter replied.

At the Quahog Mini-Mart, Brian was about to purchase a box of baggies as he placed it on the counter.

"And a pack of Eldorado's," Brian told the cashier, "unfiltered."

The cashier gave Brian a blank stare.

"What?" Brian asked as he looked behind him, "Oh, that, yeah. I'll clean that up on my way out."

"See that sign?" The cashier asked Brian pointing at the sign on the door that read "No Dogs Allowed," "Now why don't you go tie yourself up to that parking meter? I don't want any trouble." The cashier placed his hand on a gun underneath the counter and Brian walked back from the man's threat.

Meanwhile at home, the Griffins were watching a commercial on TV. In it was a mother and her daughter laying on a blanket in a green meadow.

"Mom, have you ever had a problem with freshness?" The daughter asked her mother.

"What do you mean, honey?" The mother asked back.

"You know." The daughter replied, "Have you ever felt not so fresh?"

"I'm-I'm not sure what you're... I-I-I don't follow you." The mother admitted confused about her daughter's question.

"Um... Have you ever felt like you're, you know, dirty?" The daughter tried to make it clearer, but the mother didn't answer, "Down there?"

"Oh-OH! Oh! Oh. Oh, oh, oh, oh, God, no!" The mother answered at last realizing what her daughter meant.

Cuts back to the Griffins.

"Oh, that was Brian's favorite commercial." Lois lamented.

"'Brian'?'Brian'? 'Brian'?" Peter muttered, "No, no, no, it's not ringing a bell."

"No, it rings a bell." Tyler corrected, "It's faint- Oh! Now the bell broke."

"Yeah. Just like our friendship with a certain mutt." John scolded.

"Oh, stop it you dumbass!" Frank said to John and Tyler, "We all miss him. Go find him, apologize, and bring him home."

"Well, I guess it is our fault." Tyler admitted.

"Same here." John agreed, "We didn't mean to push him away. We were just wanting to get closer to our family. Brian included."

"Look, you boys heard him. He doesn't want to be involved with you nor this family." Peter said to both John, Tyler and Frank, Lois, "And we don't need him. We can get another pet."

"No." Tyler reacted.

"Yeah, dad." Chris agreed with Tyler, "No one can take Brian's place."

"Silence! Silence! Silence!" Stewie hushed everyone, "That mongrel is probably decomposing on the side of a dirt road as we speak! Let's get a kitty!" He was joyfully jumping up and down after saying that last part.

"See, gang?" Peter asked everyone, "Stewie's got the right idea!"

"For once." Frank Jr muttered.

"What was that?!" Stewie reacted

'I said in my pants dude." Frank Jr said louder

"I don't know, Peter." Lois said to Peter warily.

"Lois, trust me." Peter assured Lois, "We'll get a lovable kitty-cat and everybody will feel a lot better."

It then cut to the kitchen with a small hissing cat prancing on top of the fridge. The Griffins were on ground level trying to get it to come down.

"Ah, he-here, kitty, kitty." Peter called out to the cat, "Come on down, eh, nice and easy." While the Griffins weren't looking, a Black Cat firework fell from where the cat was, "That's a good kitty-"

The Blackcat popped and it made the Griffins react and back away.

"The hell was that?-" Peter asked as another firework quickly dropped from the top and popped again, causing the same reaction.

Another firework falls down on the floor and Tyler bends down to see what it is.

"Oh, I get it." Tyler said in realization, "It's a-"

The firework, however, popped before Tyler had the chance to finish his sentence. He rises back up and his head was covered with sut.

"...Black Cat." Tyler finished his sentence before dropping to the floor.

Later at night, Brian was walking into a restaurant by the name of Taste of Sicily.

"Uh, something near a window." Brian told the reservationist, "Preferably a booth."

This got the clerk mad and threw Brian out at back.

"Yeah! Yeah, ya got 50 Puerto Ricans in the kitchen!" Brian smack-talked, "Yeah, that's-that's authentic Italian."

He soon stumbled upon what appeared to be the spaghetti scene from _Lady and the Tramp_, where the Tramp rolled the meatball to Lady.

"Oh, don't do that." Brian said to the dogs, "That's what they expect you to do."

The dogs were only confused by what he meant as they gave a quick look at each other before turning back to Brian.

"Yeah, o-okay, maybe you don't see it now." Brian said, "But-But what about if your puppies could? And your puppies' puppies? God, am I the only one who's outraged here?!" Brian then took a deep inhale and then exhaled before going back to the dogs.

"I'm-I'm-I'm sorry." Brian apologized, "Enjoy your dinner." He then left them to themselves.

That same night, it was dinnertime back at the Griffin house.

"Hey, how come you're still setting a place for Brian?" Peter asked Lois as he entered the kitchen and noticed Brian's place was set.

"Because when he comes home, I want him to know he never left our thoughts." Lois explained, "I know you, John and Tyler are thinking about him, too, Peter."

"Look, Lois, he broke his promise to those boys." Peter told Lois, "Besides, we have a new pet and we love our fluffy kitty." Peter turned to reveal a couple of scratch marks on the back of his body, "Although, he seems mostly nice to Tyler."

The next day, Brian was walking through a park where he decided to get a drink of water from the fountain. This caught everyone's attention and disgust.

"Oh, gross." A female jogger exclaimed, "Did he just drink from the fountain?"

Then two cops stepped in and tried to arrest Brian.

"Hey, you!" One of the officers hollered out to Brian.

Brian ran off as soon as he realized what they were about to do.

"Stay!" The cops ordered Brian again as a chase ensued.

For some reason, it lead them to the chase scene from _Raiders of the Lost Ark_. Brian tried to lose them by turning over fruit carts where the fruit spilled, which seemed to have worked. They then noticed a heavily-robed person with a tail sticking out. They suspect this to be Brian, only to find after pulling of the cloak to be an ugly, old woman. The policemen then give up the chase and leave, where it shows that Brian was actually hiding in a basket near a stand, where it also reveals Joyce DeWitt coming out.

"Joyce DeWitt?" Brian exclaimed, "So, that's where you've been."

Joyce only shushed Brian.

Later that evening, Brian was now sleeping at a bus station.

"Sorry, pooch. You gotta sleep outside." A bus driver informed Brian, "No dogs allowed in the bus station."

"Oh, my-my-my blind guy's in the john." Brian lied.

"I'll point him in your direction." The bus driver remarked as he got Brian off the bench.

Meanwhile, back at the Griffin's house that same night, John and Tyler were about to head to bed when John felt like his foot tapped something. It was Brian's tennis ball.

"Brian's tennis ball." John acknowledged, "Man, he loved to play with this thing."

**Cutaway #8**

Brian was playing tennis as he soon served.

"Double fault!" Said the referee.

"Ahh! Come on, Brian." Brian said to himself.

**End**

John and Tyler decided to ask Peter and Lois to see if they could get Brian back, but before they could even knock, however.

"Peter, why don't you just admit you miss Brian?" John and Tyler heard Lois's voice as they peaked though the ajar door to see she was talking to Peter.

"Huh, you're right, Lois. Who am I kidding?" Peter agreed with her, "This family needs Brian. I need him. But most of all, I think John and Tyler need him."

Suddenly, the cat appeared and clawed up Frank's eyelids.

"God, I hate this freakin' cat." Frank said in aggravation.

John and Tyler pulled away and thought that maybe they should be the ones to find Brian.

The next day, Brian was a stray once again, though he still had his collar. He was also carrying a cup for people to put change in.

"Can you, uh, spare some change?" Brian asked a man passing by.

"Why? So you can buy yourself another bottle of booze?" The man criticized, "Why don't you make something of your life, like this dog?" He was pointing at a wanted poster of Brian.

"That's me!" Brian reacted, "I-I mean, that was me."

"Yeah, sure." The man scoffed as he walked away.

"No, I mean it." Brian claimed, "That was me."

"Alright, I get it." The man said.

"Seriously!" Brian exclaimed.

"G-Get away from me, you crazy animal!" The man said to Brian.

"Alright, alright, you want me to be a crazy animal?" Brian talked back, "Okay, I'm a crazy animal!"

Brian then started biting on the man's leg.

"Ah, help! Help! Help! Help!" The man screamed.

Coincidentally, John and Tyler were there while putting up wanted posters of Brian. They heard the man's pleas for help and turned to that direction.

"Alright, who wants to be next?" Brian dared, "You? You?"

"Hey, Brian!" John called out to Brian, "Brian!"

"Brian!" Tyler also called out to Brian.

Brian turned to see John and Tyler there, much to his delight.

"We're here to bring you-" Tyler was about to say until the police arrived and took Brian away.

"You're going downtown, pal." One of the policemen carrying Brian away said as they got him in and drove away.

"Home..." Tyler finished his previous sentence.

Brian was locked up in the Quahog City Pound, where he had a cellmate that was a vicious looking dog.

"Hi." Brian greeted his cellmate, "How's it going'?"

The dog did nothing but step closer at Brian.

"Oh, God." Brian reacted in fear that he'll get mauled, "Uh, I-I know karate!" But it didn't work, even when tried doing some stances of it. The dog, however, was still threatening Brian's life. "Oh, look! A tasty little toy Chihuahua." Brian said trying to get the dog distracted. It worked and Brian tried to kick it in the nuts, but that backfired. "Well, I see someone's been neutered." Brian remarked as the dog is about to jump at Brian, but fortunately, he's saved when Brian's monitor, Felicia, opened the door between him and the dog.

"Come on, sugar." Felicia said to Brian, "It's time."

"Thank God." Brian thanked in relief as he left the cell.

The family was waiting for him when Brian came out.

"Oh, he's cute. Aren't you precious?" The man at the desk said to Brian, "Lethal injection. Next!"

"What?" Brian exclaimed.

"Oh, no!" Lois reacted.

"You can't do this!" Peter protested.

"Well, who's up for a little lunch, hm?" Stewie asked the family, "Something festive. Did someone say Tex-Mex?"

"Shut up, Stewie." Frank, Frank Jr, John and Tyler said to Stewie in unison.

"I'm sorry, sugar." Felicia apologized to Brian.

"Help me." Brian pleaded to Frank, Frank Jr, John, Tyler and Peter.

"Don't worry, boys." Peter said to Frank, John and Tyler, "I'll get him outta this. I'll get us the best help there is."

**Cutaway #9**

"'Dear, MacGyver.'" Peter as he was writing a letter, "'Enclosed is a rubber band, a paper clip and a drinking straw. Please save my dog.'"

The person he wrote it for was MacGyver from the show of the same name as he was reading it. Unfortunately, the letter was written in invisible ink, so MacGyver didn't understand. He took the straw, then the clip, then bent and placed the clip at the tip of the straw. Next, he picked up the rubber band and put one end of it in the area of the paper clip that didn't get bent. He then pulled the rubber band, only for the clip to loosen and hit his eye.

**End**

The next week, Lois and Frank visited Brian at the pound.

"You're looking well." Lois told Brian.

"Yeah? Don't get too close. They say I'm dangerous." Brian informed Lois, "That's why the man's gonna put me down."

"Oh, don't say that, Brian." Frank said to Brian, "Me, Peter, John and Tyler are working on your appeal. You'll see, everything's gonna work out."

"Ha! I may have been born with my eyes closed, but now I see the world for what it is." Brian scoffed, "I'm a second-class citizen, Frank."

"Brian, great news!" Peter and Frank Jr came in and told Brian, "The City Council agreed to hear your case!"

"You're kidding!" Brian reacted, "If-If I prepare my case, I might have a chance after all. Oh, I don't know how to thank you, guys."

"See, Brian?" Tyler asked Brian, "This is what we were talking about."

"It-It is?" Brian said.

"Of course." Lois answered, "We're family. This is what we do for each other and it's what John and Tyler are doing for you right now."

"Yeah, we're gonna help get you outta here, no matter what." Tyler assured Brian, "Right, and Mr. Griffin? Mr. Griffin?"

Frank, Tyler and John then turned to what Peter was looking at and did the same thing.

"Boys?" Lois asked Peter, Frank Jr, Frank, John and Tyler as she turned to their direction where it showed a female dog flashing her nipples at the dog from Brian's cell, "Boys, don't stare!"

"Sorry, Mrs. Griffin/Grandmom/mom." Frank, Frank Jr, John and Tyler apologized, except Peter, who was still staring.

Later that night, Brian was getting prepared for his case with the City Council. He studied all night memorizing all the basic to law, thought he at one point decides to secretly read a doggy porno magazine whilst squatting over to see for any signs of erection.

The next morning, the case arrived at City Hall and Brian was now prepared. He walked into the courtroom wearing a blue suit and for some reason, glasses.

"Oh, good luck, sweetness." Felicia said to Brian.

"Thanks, Felicia." Brian thanked Felicia's support.

"This meeting was called to review the judgment in _City of Quahog v. Brian Griffin_." A member from the board announced.

Brian walked up. "Justice, for all..." Brian quoted as he removed his glasses, "...or for some?" He then put them away.

"Does a dog not feel?" Brian continued his speech, "If you scratch him, does his leg not shake? Yes, he is man's best friend, but-but what manner of friend is man?" He then went to his booth and opened his law book. "I would like to cite, if I may, the case of _Plessy v. Ferguson_-"

"Wait, wait, wait a minute." The same member who started the case paused, "This case is being represented by a dog?" The other member nodded, "Well, this has got to be the most ridiculously absurd thing that's ever happened! Take him away!"

"OBJECTION!" Tyler protested slamming his hand onto the stand.

"Objection what?" The member asked Tyler.

"Oh, I didn't expect anyone to say anything." Tyler confessed, "I just wanted to say, 'OBJECTION!'"

"Thanks." Brian sarcastically thanked Tyler as security came in and grabbed him, "But-But doesn't every dog have his day?"

"Wait! I have something to say about this!" John announced, "All Brian's wanted this whole time was the same respect he gives us."

"Yeah, that and Sausages." Peter pointed out, "Heh, he's mental for those Sausages! And, uh, sure, sometimes we have arguments, like when he's sleeping on the bed and Lois is in the 'oodmay' but Brian won't 'amscray.'"

"Peter-" Lois said to Peter trying to let him finish so John could get back to his statement.

"Oh, right, sorry." Peter replied, "Look, what the kid's trying to say is, he's a member of our family first and a dog second. A-And John, Tyler and I are real sorry we forgot that, buddy. Sometimes, we all need a second chance."

"That's right." Tyler agreed, "We all need to forgive."

This got the family tearing up.

"I stole $10 from Meg's room!" Chris tearfully confessed.

"Uh..." Frank Jr exclaimed in awkwardness.

"I stole those $10 from mom's purse!" Meg tearfully confessed also.

"Okay." Tyler said, "This isn't what I was talking about-"

"I've been making counterfeit $10 bills for ye-" Lois was about to join in.

"OKAY, THAT'S ENOUGH!" Frank shouted, "Thank you for sharing!"

"Mr. Griffin, this dog just attacked someone about a few days ago and might become a danger to society. Albeit an articulate and charismatic one." The main member told Peter, "But the law is the law and it cannot be circumvented by pretty words."

"What if we told you he'll do community service?" John asked the Council, which caught Brian by surprise.

"Deal." The member agreed.

The family (except Stewie) cheered for Brian's freedom.

"Mistrial, damn it!" Stewie protested, "Mistrial!"

Then Frank Jr slap Stewie in face like bitch and said

"Bitch please."

The Griffins exit City Hall where Brian decided to finally have a drink from the fountain. One cop tries to stop Brian, but...

"No." Another cop stopped his partner, "Let him go."

The two policemen then let Brian by and the latter then took a sip. As everything seemed perfect, one man from the crowd started, but no one else joined him and he stopped.

"Nothing..." Frank remarked.

Later that evening, the family was watching TV and things were back to normal.

"Anybody want more pizza rolls?" Lois asked everyone.

"Yeah, yeah, quiet, Lois." Peter shushed Lois, "_Murder, She Wrote_."

(A/N: I'm sorry for disappointing, y'all, but I felt a bit uncomfortable about this joke. In case you want to know, I'm against abortion and I don't think it's funny, but I will add the part with Frank below.)

"Aha!" Frank exclaimed, "So she's the murderer!"

"Come on, kids." Lois called out to Frank, John, Tyler, Persephone, Meg, Chris, Frank Jr and Stewie, "Bedtime."

The kids out up and went to bed.

"Goodnight, Brian." Lois greeted Brian good night, "And welcome home." Lois then gave a kiss good night.

"Oh, uh, actually, do you mind if I talk with John and Tyler for a minute before they head for bed?" Brian asked Lois.

"Sure thing." Lois assured.

"Okay." Both said in unison.

"Good night." Persephone greeted.

"Good night." Chris greeted.

"Good night." Meg greeted.

"Good night." Frank Jr greeted.

"Night." John and Tyler greeted.

After almost everyone else left, Stewie stayed and said to Brian, "Dog?"

"Yeah?" Brian asked.

Stewie gave a bow of acceptance to Brian and then scurried off.

"So, Brian. What was it wanted to-" John asked Brian before Brian licked his face. The same with Frank, Peter and Tyler. Though they didn't see it coming, John and Tyler then knew right away that Brian had now accepted him as both their friend and a member of their family.

"If you four ever tell anyone about that, I will kill all of you." Brian soon threatened the trio, though Frank said" you didn't meant it you dumbass.

**The End**

(Disclaimer: Family Guy and its characters are owned by both Seth MacFarlane and 20th Century Fox, aka FOX... _Persephone Griffin_ is own by hattafan2593, John and Tyler, however, belong to storyteller.)


	9. Chapter 8: Peter, Peter, Caviar Eater

**Chapter 8: Peter, Peter, Caviar Eater**

**Opening Credits**

_It seems today that all ya see_

_Is violence in movies and sex on TV_

_But where are those good, old-fashioned values_

_On which we used to rely_

_Lucky there's a Family Guy!_

_Lucky there's a man who_

_Positively can do_

_All the things that make us_

_Laugh n' Cry_

_He's_

_a_

_Fam_

_-ily_

_Guy!_

**End**

It was another nice day at the Griffin's house. Inside, Stewie was on his high chair where it had a plate with a hot dog wiener on it.

"I say, mother, this hot dog has been on my plate for a full minute and it hasn't yet cut itself." Stewie said to Lois, who was busy taking plates out of the cupboard.

"Honey, I'll be right there." Lois responded to Stewie annoyed as she placed a couple of plates on the table.

"Oh, by all means, take your time." Stewie sarcastically affirmed to her, "Oh, and when you do finally get around to it, I'll be the one covered in flies with a belly that protrudes HALFWAY TO BLOODY BOSTON!"

"Mom, there is no way I'm sleeping in neither Chris' room this weekend!" Persephone said to Lois as she entered the kitchen, "It smells like old milk in there!"

"Hey, if I could find it, I'd clean it up!" Chris affirmed Persephone also entering the room.

"That we can believe." John remarked as he and Tyler, too entered the room to get something to drink in the fridge.

"And there's no way I'm sleeping in John and Tyler's room either!" Persephone then said causing John to choke a bit on his milk after hearing her.

"Wha- What, uh?" John responded catching his breath from the milk he choked, "What makes you think you were gonna sleep in our room?"

"Yeah, and what's wrong with our room?" Tyler asked Persephone.

"Well, for starters, it's really just the basement." Persephone answered pointing out the obvious, "And it smells like old pizza down there!"

"Oh, that. Well, you see-" Tyler was about to explain until he realized what she said, "Wait. J-man, you still haven't finished that thing?"

"Hey, whenever I feel like it, I'll finish it." John testified, "That is if I can find it first."

"Eewww..." Persephone exclaimed.

"Kids, keep it down." Lois said to John, Tyler, Meg, Persephone and Chris, Frank Jr, "I haven't even told your father and brother that Aunt Marguerite is coming to visit."

"Who's Aunt Marguerite?-" John and Tyler am=lmost asked Lois, until Peter and Frank soon bursted through the door.

"Who said Marguerite?" Peter and Frank asked.

"Peter, it's just for a week." Lois affirmed Peter.

"A week?! Ah-" Peter cursed, but the swear words were all drowned out in the horns of a truck passing by outside. This continued until, "-Son of a-"

"Peter!" Lois reacted.

"Uh, were we supposed to hear all that?" Tyler asked Peter in concern.

"Now, boys, sometimes it's appropriate to swear." Frank affirmed Tyler.

"Like when?" Tyler asked.

**Cutaway #1**

It cut to a courtroom with Peter taking an oath with the Bailiff.

"Do you swear to tell the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help me God?" The Bailiff asked Peter.

"I do." Peter agreed, "...you bastard." This made the Bailiff angry.

**End**

"I love Aunt Marguerite." Lois said.

"What's so special about her, Mrs. Griffin?" John asked Lois.

"Because if it wasn't for her, I never would've met Mr. Griffin and frank wouldn't been born if his parents didn't met." Lois answered as she cuddled to Peter.

"I'll bet there's a good story there." Tyler said.

"There sure is, Tyler." Lois remarked, "There sure is."

It then flashes back to when Peter, Lois, frank's parents Jake and Sayo first met. It was at a resort's swimming pool where a younger Lois in a bikini got out of the pool.

"Aunt Marguerite, have you seen our towel?" Young Lois asked her Aunt Marguerite, who was sitting in a lounge chair reading a book.

"Have the towel boys bring you another." Aunt Marguerite told Lois.

"Oho, I don't wanna bother him." Young Sayo said.

"Nonsense, dear." Aunt Marguerite insisted, "You're a Pewderschmidt. Towel Boys!"

She was calling to a younger Peter and a younger Jake who worked as a towel boys, as the latter turned to the old broad, but was soon smitten by Lois and Sayo, who in an almost slow-motion shot of them stroking their hair back still wet.

"Uh, hi, my-my name is towel. I have a Peter for you." Peter said to Lois nervously and accidentally getting the words mixed up.

This made Lois and Sayo laugh.

"Uh-uh-uh, my-my name is Jake and I'll be your nipples- Towel Boy!" Jake reacted still messing up in front of her, "Ah, geez."

It cut back to the present, where it showed Aunt Marguerite arrived and at the door. We then see Lois and everyone in front of the other side of the door getting ready.

"Okay, everyone." Lois informed everyone, "Give Aunt Marguerite a big Griffin family welcome."

She then opened the door to reveal Aunt Marguerite.

"Aunt Marguerite!" Lois greeted her elderly aunt.

"Lois!" Aunt Marguerite greeted back, though a bit weak. But before she could say anything else, however, she then collapsed on the floor, giving Lois worry.

"Oh, my God!" Lois reacted as she knelt down to check her pulse, "She-She's dead!"

"Whoa!" Peter exclaimed from hearing what Lois said, "Heh, careful what you wish for, huh, guys?"

"What?!" Frank, John and Tyler reacted in unison.

"You were the one who wished for it, not us!" Tyler testified.

"You boys have no prove of that." Peter pointed out.

Suddenly as if on cue, Frank Jr pulled out a tape recorder, played it and it revealed Peter's cursing at Aunt Marguerite earlier.

"Uh. Well, except that." Peter remarked shortly afterwards.

The family then attended Aunt Marguerite's funeral at the Quahog Funeral Home. Everyone was sad to see Aunt Marguerite go as Lois was in tears from losing her favorite family member.

"W-What if they bury her and she, like, wakes up because she wasn't really dead, she was only sleeping?" Chris asked Persephone, John and Tyler as they were beside Aunt Marguerite's coffin.

"I wonder about that, too." Tyler agreed.

"Yeah. That's what happened to our big brother, Jimmy." Persephone teased Chris, "That's why mom and dad adopted you."

John and Tyler laughed at her joke.

"What?" Chris exclaimed in shock and worry.

"She just kidding Chris." Frank said to comforted Chris

I'm gonna go see what Mr. and Mrs. Griffin are doing." John informed the others.

"We'll go with you." Tyler said as he, Frank and John left to find Peter and Lois. They found them chatting with a relative of Lois'.

"Hey, Mrs. Griffin." John greeted, "What's going on here?"

"Oh, boys, I'm so glad you're here right." Lois said as she then introduced them to her friend, " Frank, John, Tyler, this is Coco, my friend from Newport. Coco, these are Frank, John and Tyler. They're the boys I was telling you about."

"Oooo, they are certainly quite handsome." Coco praised the duo as she then pinched Frank's cheek as if he was a little cheek, but Frank srugged it off as he rubbed his cheek, "Are they your kids?"

"Oh, no." Lois chuckled, "They're guests and Frank just my son in law, are staying with us for the moment."

"Oh, that's a relief." Coco remarked in relief, "Because if they were, I would've suspected that they were taught by Peter and Jake Jr here how to serve towels to everyone."

Peter and Frank then made a stern face after hearing what Coco said.

"Huh?" John and Tyler exclaimed in unison.

"Lois, where are your parents?" Coco asked Lois, "Don't tell me they're still on safari."

"You know daddy." Lois said, "He won't rest until he kills something on every continent, he-eh. But I'm hoping they'll be back in for Christmas. That way they'll get to meet the boys."

"Yeah, it just wouldn't be Christmas without your parents not knowing about John and Tyler." Peter remarked.

"What are they like?" Tyler asked Frank.

"Oh, don't get me started about them." Frank said.

**Cutaway #2**

Peter was in a guest room with Lois' parents. The father glanced at Peter and took out a pocket watch, where he soon threw it by the fireplace.

"Oh, I dropped my watch, "Lois' father lied to get Peter's attention, "Peter, would you be a sport and fetch it for me?"

"Sure thing, Mr. Pewderschmidt." Peter volunteered, unaware that it was a trap as Lois' father then kicked Peter into the fireplace and the latter started to panic on fire.

"Peter, we gotta put that out!" The father acknowledged as he picked up a log and started beating Peter with it. The mother laughed at this.

**End**

"I'm telling ya, guys, nothing' changes." Frank said to John, Tyler and Brian, "These bluebeards still treat me and pops like scum just 'cause we're not loaded. Well, I got news for them. I'm as elegant as anyone in this room."

"Peter, we have to meet with Aunt Marguerite's lawyer tomorrow." Lois informed Peter, "She left us something in her will."

"Holy CRAP!" Peter exclaimed in excitement, "Oh, you sweet old broad, I love you!" Suddenly, Peter then picked up Aunt Marguerite's corpse and began waltzing with it around, catching the concern of the mourners and Lois' embarrassment.

"Mr. Griffin!" Tyler called to Peter, "You're disrespecting the dead!"

"Yeah, put it back! Quick!" John joined in, "You're making a scene!"

Peter then stopped after realized what John and Tyler meant and what he had done and immediately dropped the body on the floor.

"O, my God." Frank lied, "She's dead."

The next day, Peter, Frank and Lois visited Aunt Marguerite's lawyer, Arthur Plimpton at his office.

"Madam Pewderschmidt's passing has saddened us all." Arthur Plimpton acknowledged.

"Yeah, it's a real tragedy." Frank said, "What do we get? What do we get? Come on, big money! Big money! No whammy! No whammy! STOP!"

"Frank, please!" Lois ordered Peter, "I'm sorry. He's stricken with grief."

"Before she passed, your aunt recorded a message for you." Mr. Plimpton explained as he turned on the TV behind him.

The video played an introduction first to where Aunt Marguerite lived.

"Newport, Rhode Island, home of New England's most elegant and historic estates." The announcer on the tape said, "The Breakers, Rosecliff, and exquisite Cherrywood Manor, the palatial mansion of Marguerite Pewderschmidt. Marguerite is a shining example of how people with a lot of money are just plain better than everyone else."

"Lois, you were always my favorite." Aunt Marguerite said to Lois, "I just knew you'd find a wonderful man who would make all your dreams come true. But I was wrong."

Cuts to Peter and Lois.

"And now you're dead." Peter scoffed, "Score one for Frank and Peter."

Lois shushed Peter to hear more of Aunt Marguerite's message.

Cuts back to Aunt Marguerite on the screen.

"It's time you started living like a Pewderschmidt." Aunt Marguerite insisted, "That's why I'm giving you my summer home in Newport."

Cuts back to Peter and Lois.

"Cherrywood?" Lois exclaimed in surprise, "That's so generous of Aunt Marguerite."

"Wow, our own summerhouse!" Frank acknowledged in excitement, "Now I feel kinda bad for doing that thing with her toothbrush."

The family then arrived at the manor as they passed through the gates and drove through the driveway. Frank, John, Tyler, Meg, Persephone, Frank Jr and Chris gazed at the exterior of the mansion in awe and as the car pulled up by the entrance, a song parodying _Annie_ soon followed.

_We only live to kiss your ass_

"No, thanks!" John and Tyler rejected in unison.

"Kiss it?" One of the servants said, "Hell, we'll even wipe it for you."

"Again. No, thanks!" Tyler repeated.

_From her on in, it's Easy Street_

"What about Hard Street?" Tyler asked.

"It's right over there." The same servant from before pointed to Tyler a rundown, stereotypically crime-invested street literally called "Hard Street."

"I'm gonna stay over there for the next 2 minutes." Tyler said as he headed toward Hard Street.

(A/N: That's the running time of the song. I just thought this would be funny.)

"Any bars on Easy Street?" Peter asked the servant.

"24 happy hours a day." The servant replied.

"Oh, boy." Peter exclaimed in excitement.

It then cut to the front gate with two guards.

_We'll stop Jehovahs at the gate_

"Can I see that pamphlet, sir?" The guard asked the Jehova's Witness, whom handed it to him and the guard slapped the Witness.

_My God, this house is freakin' sweet_

Frank was soon pulled into a twirl by a maid and the family entered the mansion. It then showed a bearded chef.

_I make brunch_

_Clive cooks lunch_

_[Both chefs]_

_Each and every day_

Then another chef jumped in.

_Chocolate cake_

_ala Blake_

_[Peter]_

_Hundred buck_

_Blake is gay_

"You're on!" Tyler appeared and agreed to Peter's bet.

"What the hell?" Peter exclaimed after seeing Tyler, "What are you doing here?"

"Yeah, you said you were gonna be over at that Hard Street for the rest of the song." John reminded Tyler.

"I was, but it was too much for me to handle." Tyler explained, "Plus, there were a couple of gang members trying to shoot me. But they missed every shot." As he said this, it them showed Tyler's back filled with bullet holes behind him as blood bled from the holes, "Besides, I want to settle down on Medium Street."

"I don't think there is a Medium Street, Tyler." John acknowledged.

"Actually, there's one over there between Expert Street and Intense Street at Difficulty Drive." The same servant said.

Then some servants surrounded around Persephone.

_We'll do the best we can with Persephone_

"What's that supposed to mean?" John asked them in confusion.

"Are you saying I'm ugly?" Persephone asked them in concern.

"It doesn't matter, dear." A maid assured her, "You're rich now."

"But she's not ugly!" John testified in Persephone's defense, "Are you people even listening to me?!"

_We'll do your nails and rub your feet_

"Oh, that's not nece-" Meg tried to shrug off the servants' offer, but was soon entranced by the experience, "Oh, my..."

_We'll do your homework every night_

"It's really hard." Chris said.

"That's why we got that Stephen Hawking guy." The main servant informed Chris as he pointed to Stephen Hawking in front of them.

_My God, this house is freakin' sweet_

Frank then got Meg out of the chair she was sitting in earlier and danced on the staircase with her.

_Used to pass_

_Lots of gas_

_Everyone ran away_

He gave her a twirl as she stopped by the edge of the stairway.

_Now we've got_

_30 rooms_

_Hello, beans_

_Goodbye, spray_

He then pulled out a can of air freshener and sprayed it around the screen.

"We'll all still run!" Tyler said to Frank.

The servants caught Frank.

_We'd take a bullet just for you_

"Oh, what a coincidence." Stewie remarked at the servants' lyrics and he removed the head of his teddy bear, Rupert to reveal it to be actually a gun, "I've got o-" The gun was blasted out of Stewie's hand by a blast of energy. It panned behind Stewie to reveal that Frank Jr was the one to have shot the blast using his Chaos Emeralds.

"So do me." Frank Jr said.

_Prepare to suck that golden teat_

_Now that you're stinking rich_

_We'll gladly be your bitch_

_My God, this house _

_Is_

_[All]_

_Freakin'_

_Sweet!_

"Welcome!" The servants greeted, ending the song.

The servants carrying Peter at the end of the song then put him down where one of the maids came up to Peter.

"That's a wrap, people!" The maid informed the other servants as she gave Peter the keys to the mansion, "Now, let's get the hell out of here."

"Huh?" John and Tyler exclaimed in unison confused at what the maid meant.

"Hey, wait a second." Frank hesitated, "Where are you going'?"

"The old bag only paid us up through the song." The maid explained to Frank.

"Aw, that's not fair... oh, well." Tyler said.

"An elderly rich woman who's never paid her own hard-working servants except for a song after her death?" John acknowledged in outrage, "That ain't right!"

"Well, we can just pick up after ourselves." Lois addressed, "After all, we'll only be here on weekends."

"No, no, Lois." Peter protested, "It's time you started living like the Piece of Schmidt you are."

"That's 'Pewderschmidt'." Lois corrected her husband.

"Wa-Wait, you guys!" Peter stopped the servants who were about to leave, "You're all hired to be full-time Griffin servants."

"Peter, where are we gonna get the money to pay all these people?" Lois asked Peter about his decision.

"Yeah, after what I've witnessed from these people, forget it!" John testified as he was about to leave with Tyler.

"Uh, actually, I wouldn't that if I were you, John." Peter said to John.

"Why not?" John asked.

"Simple. I, uh, sold our house in Quahog." Peter confessed.

"WHAT?!" Frank, Meg, John and Tyler reacted.

""You sold our home?!" Lois reacted also.

"Surprise!" Peter exclaimed in nervousness.

"Peter, how could you?!" Lois demanded in outrage at Peter's stunt.

"Whoops." Peter exclaimed in realization, Frank Jr then broke out in song.

_I recognize that tone_

_Tonight grandpa sleeps alone_

_But, still-_

_[Now with servants]_

_This house_

_Is_

_Freakin'_

_Sweet!_

John and Tyler groan in irritation after that.

"Peter, how could you sell our house in Quahog without even asking me?" Lois asked Peter about his decision.

"Oh, honey, this is where you belong." Peter reasoned, "You deserve a big house and nice stuff. You know, like diamonds."

"Why?" John asked, "Because she's a girl?"

"No!" Peter protested, "...okay, a little."

**Cutaway #3**

It cuts to the infamous "Diamonds are Forever" commercial, where the silhouette of a man inserting a visible ring onto the finger of another silhouette of a woman. They then kiss and the woman soon goes down off-screen and only shows the man, who soon tilts his head back and smiles in pleasure.

(A/N: You can probably guess what this means. And BTW, this is actually from the commentary of the original episode. I'm not joking! They were gonna go further at this joke. Seriously, just watch and listen to this episode's commentary on disc 2 of _Family Guy Vol. 1_ and hear what they have to say about this.)

Before it goes further, it soon cuts to a black title card reading "DIAMONDS. She'll pretty much have to."

**End**

"But I love our old house." Lois professed, "You have to buy it back."

"Ah, it's too late for that." Peter informed Lois, "Our stuff is already packed. It's on its way here."

"As much as you expect me to agree on this, me and Tyler are never gonna be living in this prison." John testified against Peter's idea.

"Same here!" Tyler agreed.

"Boys, I'd love to be back in our old home in Quahog as much as you both do." Lois said, "But at the moment, this is the only place we have to stay."

"Yeah, and come on, you guys are gonna love living in Newport." Peter persuaded both Lois, John and Tyler, "Sure, this house is big, but it's also very intimate."

The last words he spoke, "intimate" then echoed throughout the room two times.

"But this place is just creepy." Tyler claimed, which, like Peter, the last word in Tyler's statement were echoed a few times.

"Echo!" Tyler exclaimed, hoping it would end up the same thing, but 3 seconds passed and there was nothing but silence, "DARN IT! Well, we don't care! J-man and I are not gonna live here!"

"Then... where will you go?" Lois asked them concern, "How will you get food? How are you both gonna get by without us?"

John and Tyler, however, didn't answer and their eyes shifted to each other. It soon cut to the Griffins outside the back of the mansion where it showed John and Tyler across the property's borders. John then plucked a whole oak tree out of its place and placed it on its side.

(A/N: This was actually a large tree almost the size of an ordinary bathroom. I'm sorry if this is lazy writing here, but I just thought this scene would be interesting.)

Then, Tyler used Chaos Spear at both the base and the top of the now-fallen tree. John then started to tunnel into the tree to make space inside. He also punched out holes each next to the bigger hole he made earlier, which acts as an entrance.

"THIS IS WHERE WE'LL BE FOR NOW ON!" John hollered to the Griffins from the distance, "AS FOR FOOD, WELL, WE'LL THINK OF SOMETHING!" He and Tyler then entered the log home they built.

"John and Tyler, you both get back here right no-" Lois ordered the duo from the other side, but before she could finish, a bolt of lightning struck the log house that John and Tyler made and it caught on fire. John and Tyler then bursted out of the log house, where they were also on fire.

"AAHHH!" John screamed in pain, "OUR HOUSE! IT'S ON FIRE!" He then began to stop, drop and roll.

"AND SO ARE WE!" Tyler reminded his best friend while still on fire, "BUT HOW CAN THIS BE?! THERE'S NOT A CLOUD IN THE-"

Just as he had said that, however, he and John were soon put out and then drenched by an unexpected nor unscheduled rain storm.

"...sky..." Tyler then finished his statement.

It then cut back to the foyer, where the Griffins were still where they were before John and Tyler's attempt at living on their own. Just then, two servants came up with John and Tyler, who are now completely covered in soot.

"The gentlemen you requested to bring in, Madame." One of the servants informed Lois.

"Thank you." Lois thanked the servants who brought in John and Tyler, whom she soon turned her attention to, "Now, as for you two, this is exactly the kind of thing I was warning you both about earlier. From now on, no matter where we stay, you guys are to do the same thing as you are also part of the family. Understood?"

"Yes." They agreed gruntly in unison, "'Cause we were thinking of going back here, anyway." As Tyler said that, the duo then passed out.

"So, we're really gonna living here now?" Persephone asked with a hint of excitement, where the words "Echo!" from Tyler earlier finally echoed throughout the room.

"OH, NOW IT GOES!" Tyler remarked in anger.

"That's right, honey!" Peter assured his daughter.

"I don't know, Peter." Lois said warily.

"Please, mom." Persephone begged Lois, then turned her attention to her right, "Look, there's a pool."

"So?" John asked.

"Yeah." Frank Jr said, "And there's a diving board."

"WHERE?!" Tyler shouted as he rushed to where Frank Jr pointed.

The Griffins were now being shown around the house by the head servant, where Stewie runs off from the group a bit.

"The solarium is at the far end of the west wing." The butler told the family while Stewie was exploring a bit on his own until he was approached by the twins from _The Shining_.

"Come play with us, Stewie." The twins recommended to Stewie dullfully, "Forever and ever and ever."

Yes, all work and no play makes Stewie a dull boy." Stewie remarked.

John and Tyler then came up behind Stewie and saw what was going on.

"Hey, look!" Tyler pointed on, "It's the-"

But before Tyler could finish, however, Stewie pulled out a bazooka and fired at the twins, possibly killing them.

"You were saying?" John asked Tyler.

"Never mind." Tyler answered.

The trio got back to the tour without anyone noticing they were gone.

"And across the hall from the library, we have the billiard room." The butler informed the Griffins as he stopped at a door in front of him, "And here we have the lounge." He opened the door to show the room.

Brian immediately took notice and gasped in amazement. "Sweet Mary, mother of God!" Brian exclaimed, "Jackpot!" He then zoomed to the bar in anticipation.

"What can I get you, sir?" A bartender popped up from behind the bar and greeted Brian, "We have 10 varieties of single malt scotch and a wine cellar with over 10,000 bottles." He said as he held up a book entitled, "Wine List Newport Country Club" on the cover.

Brian then turned to Lois.

"Don't make me beg." Brian pleaded.

"Well, I did love spending time here when I was a kid." Lois acknowledged.

"Alright, mom!" Chris praised his mother's decision.

The next night after the Griffins' new stay at Cherrywood, they get invited to dinner over at the Yacht Club of Newport (sign noted) by Lois' cousin from earlier in the episode, Coco. In the restaurant, they were already having their supper.

"Jonathan and I just returned from sailing our yacht around the world." Coco told the Griffins.

"Oh, oh, funny sailing story." Peter brought up.

"I love stories." Frank Jr exclaimed in interest.

"Oh, you want to hear it?" Peter asked Frank Jr, wondering about what the latter meant.

"Yeah, tell us." Tyler insisted.

"Alright. This guy's on his boat, in the middle of the ocean, right?" Peter explained, "And he sees a little black dog. And let me tell ya, this dog's been swimming for days and he stinks like a dead otter, right?"

"Peter, maybe this isn't the place for that-" Lois tried to persuade Peter to cancel the story.

"Oh, come on, Mrs. Griffin." Tyler said to Lois, "I wanna know how the story plays out."

"Yeah, see? Tyler wants to hear more." Peter pointed out to Lois, who took a sip of her water in nervousness knowing how the story ends up, "Anyway, so the guy takes the dog into the vet."

"Yeah?" Frank Jr said.

"And the freakin' vet tells him, get this, 'It's not a dog.'"

"What was it?" Tyler asked curiously.

"'it's a rat.'" Peter answered, "A big, stinking Mexican rat. True story." This lead to two men nearby to lose their appetites suddenly.

"No way!" Frank Jr exclaimed in amazement at hearing Peter's answer.

"Frank Jr, that's just an urban legend." Meg informed Frank Jr.

"No way, it has to be true!" Tyler insisted.

"Do you believe everything you hear?" John asked Tyler.

"NO!" Tyler yelled, "...maybe."

"Yeah, Hand to God." Peter agreed with Frank Jr and Tyler, "I'm telling you, it was a-a huge, freakin' rat."

"How big was it?" Frank Jr asked Peter in curiosity.

"Five times as big as that guy's steak." Peter answered whilst pointing to a man close by trying to cut his steak, but also lost his appetite.

"Oh, Peter, that rat gets bigger every time you tell this story." Lois assuredly praised her husband.

"Oh, I've got a million of them." Peter proclaimed, "Like this time my buddy's sister's boss. He was drinking with a hooker in this Vegas bar." He said this as Coco was using her napkin, then a slam on the table made her jump, "BAM! Woke up without his kidney."

"No wa-" Tyler was about to say before realizing, "Wait, that didn't sound right, did it?"

Then suddenly, a man at a table behind Peter throws up over the window he was next to after hearing Peter's story.

The next day, Peter Frank and Frank Jr, Brian were lounging in the pool while John and Tyler were soaking their feet in it whilst still in their regular clothes at the pool's side.

"Aw, I can't believe they kicked me out of the yacht club." Peter moped about last night, "I barely had time to stuff Lois' salmon in my jacket."

"Face it, Pops." Frank said to Peter floating by him, "You have a knack for saying the wrong thing."

"Huh, this sucks." Peter complained, "Lois' friend 'yacht boy' and his lovely wife 'Caca' invited us to some hoity-toity auction tomorrow afternoon. I don't want to embarrass her again. You gotta help me, guys. Teach me how to be a gentleman."

"You guys go do whatever you want." John told his peers as he put his socks and shoes back on, "I'm gonna go see what everyone else is doing." He then walked off, leaving Peter, Frank Jr, Frank, Brian and Tyler to themselves.

"Mr. Griffin, it's not that hard." Tyler assured Peter, "You just need to be nice towards people, that's all."

"He's right." Brian agreed, "Ehh, let's start with polite conversation." He then took his sunglasses off as he said this, "For example, 'it's a pleasure to see you again.' Tyler."

"'yes, lovely weather we're having'." Tyler finished the example.

"See?" Frank Jr asked Peter as he put his sunglasses back on, "Now you try."

"It's a pleasure to see you again." Peter repeated what Brian said, seemingly showing that he was doing well so far, until, "After _Hogan's Heroes_, Bob Crane got his skull crushed in by a friend who videotaped him having rough sex. How's that?"

"Wow. Just. Wow." Was all Tyler could respond after hearing what Peter said?

"Yes, perfect. My work is done." Brian sarcastically agreed, "But just for the heck of it, let's try again."

Meanwhile, John had already reached the west wing exterior of the mansion, where the rest of the family was having breakfast.

"More coffee, Madame?" The butler offered Lois.

"Oh, I can get that, Sebastian." Lois insured her servant, "To tell you the truth, we're all a little uncomfortable being waited on."

"Cut my eggs." Stewie ordered a servant who was standing there holding both a fork and knife and did as Stewie told him to do.

"Your eggs are cut, sir." The servant informed Stewie.

"Cut my milk!" Stewie then ordered the servant holding up his milk.

"I can't, sir." The servant addressed Stewie, "its liquid."

"Imbecile!" Stewie called the servant, "Freeze it, and then cut it! And if you question me again, I'll put you on diaper detail. And I promise, I won't make it easy on you!"

"Well, I see you're all enjoying yourselves." John greeted the family.

"Oh, hello, John." Lois greeted back, "Where's Tyler?"

"He's with Mr. Griffin, Frank and Frank Jr, Brian right now." John explained.

"Oh, alright." Lois said as she then turned her attention to Persephone and Meg, "And Meg, Persephone, you're gonna love Newport High. It has a beautiful campus."

"Yeah, filled with beautiful people." Persephone remarked, "And I'm gonna bag me a rich one."

"Persephone, that's a terrible thing to say." Lois said at Persephone's comment, "You should marry someone you love. That's what I did."

"Yeah, and he got us kicked out of the yacht club." Persephone remarked sarcastically.

"Hey, that's your dad you're talking about, little lady." John testified before thinking and then turning to Lois, "By the way, why you and Ms. Uzumaki did chose Mr. Griffin and f-man dad over your status in high society? I mean, besides being himself."

"Well, John, that's the reason that we fell in love with them in the first place." Lois told John.

"Really?" John responded intrigued.

"Yep. (Sighs) He was so different from everyone else." Lois explained as she wavered her unfolded napkin around.

It then flashed back to Lois' youth where she and sayo were attending a ball with other patrons of high society. Coco was waltzing with her future husband.

"Coco, the day I graduate from Harvard, I'm gonna carry you into the sunset on a white horse." Jonathan said to his future wife.

"It better be a stretch horse with leather seats and a chauffeur." Coco insisted to his comment.

"Isn't she a bit of terrific?" Jonathan asked Lois, who was already annoyed at their snootiness as they laughed and waltzed back onto the dance floor.

Two gentleman then offered a dance with her and sayo, but gently declined their offer. They then walked over to a balcony, where they soon heard a bit of rock music coming from below. It was coming from a party being thrown by the resort staff. Lois and sayo clearly more interested in that than the ball, decided to go down and join them. As she opened the door, it showed all the servants partying with each other, including Peter and Jake, who was already dancing with another women, who was blonde and wearing a red outfit. They then looked up and found Lois and Sayo by the door looking right back at him with a smile. Their jaw dropped as they couldn't believe their eyes as they saw Lois Pewderschmidt and Sayo uzumaki right there, showing to even wanting to have a dance with them. Jake then dropped the woman he was already dancing with and started to swing his way to the entrance of the room where Sayo was, peter followed by example. Their date gets up and gets easily angered by this. Peter/Jake reaches Lois/Sayo and begins dancing with her. This scene is pretty much that of a similar scene from _Dirty Dancing_.

After the dance, Lois drifts back into reality with her children around her arms.

"Wow." John exclaimed impressed by Lois' story, "That explains a lot."

"Kids, if you marry for love, your life will be filled with its own riches," Lois taught John, Meg and Chris, "Money doesn't buy happiness."

As they were leaving, Stewie was still in his high chair, which now had three bells placed on its tray.

"Oh, I beg to differ." Stewie disagreed with his mother.

"I can already see you being turned by your own men." John remarked at Stewie's possible demise.

"GET OUT!" Stewie shouted demanded and John then left.

After that, Stewie rings all three of the bells, summoning three servants before him.

"You!" Stewie said and pointed to the servant at his right, "Bring me the _Wall Street Journal_!" The servant immediately dashed off to do as Stewie told him, "You two..." Stewie then said and pointed to the other remaining servants, "...fight to the death!"

The two servants then did as they were told as the one on the left grabbed a vase, smashed its base to make use as a weapon and dared the other to attack, whom instead broke off a curtain bar to use as a staff. After circling for a few seconds, the one holding the curtain bar slashed the other's chest, leaving a slice on his suit... Okay, you know what, I'm not gonna bother writing this scene down for you guys. You already know what it is and have seen it plenty of times before. You can probably already guess that by now.

Anyway, meanwhile, Frank, Frank Jr, Tyler and Brian were still trying to help Peter become a gentleman. And yes, I will tell you what happens here. Peter was strapped to an electric chair.

"Okay, Pops." Frank said to Peter, "Me, Brian and Tyler were hoping we wouldn't have to resort to shock therapy but your progress has been-"

"Are you kidding?" Brain asked Frank, "What progress?"

"Yeah, who're we kidding? We haven't made any progress."

"Now the left TV is tuned to _Frasier_." Tyler then told Peter.

"Yes, and the right TV is _Ricki Lake_." Brian followed, "If you so much as to glance at the right TV, we're giving you 10,000 volts."

"Got it." Peter then told them.

It then cut to the TV showing an episode of _Frasier_.

"Well, Frasier..." Niles said to Frasier, "You're so corpulent that when you sit around the magnificently appointed Tuscan villa, you sit around the magnificently appointed Tuscan villa."

Cuts back to Frank Jr and Peter

"That, of course." Frank Jr said as he was giving an applaud to what happened, "I never thought of it that way."

"Huh. This is the smartest show on TV." Peter then acknowledged.

"Yo, Ricki, that's my girlfriend." Ricki's voice from the right TV said offscreen, "She ain't supposed to be having no penis!"

This managed to get Peter's attention and soon, Brian pushed the button on the remote, I guess, and Peter got electrocuted and then passed out.

"Master Brian, Master Frank." Sebastian asked Brian and Frank, "Do you really believe you can pass him off as a gentlemen at the auction?"

"Well, we've got a long road ahead." Brian responded, "But, uh... Hey, I've worked miracles before."

"What kind?" Frank Jr asked Brian.

**Cutaway #4**

It cut to the 1993 Academy Awards ceremony, where the presenter at the stand.

"And the Academy Award for Best Supportive Actress goes to..." The presenter on stage announced as he then held up the winning vote, "... Marisa Tomei!"

It then cut to a young Brian sitting between Marisa Tomei and Jack Nickolson. Marisa is delighted to have won and gives Brian a thank-you kiss on his nose, leaving a kiss mark behind. Brian then shakes hands with Jack Nickolson.

**End**

The next day, Peter and Lois attended the auction Peter said about at the Newport Historical Society with John, Tyler and Brian accompanying them.

(A/N: In case you want to know, Peter allowed them in just so they could help out.)

Inside, Lois was with Frank, Meg, John, Tyler and Brian waiting for Peter and Frank Jr.

"Peter was supposed to meet us here an hour ago." Lois acknowledged about Peter's tardiness, "I hope he didn't change his mind."

"Well, maybe he's already here." Frank claimed, "Maybe he's fitting in so well, we just can't tell him from the other bluebloods."

"Heh!" John laughed off Frank's claim, "Good one."

"Well, I don't think we have to worry about that." Lois chuckled agreeing with John, both knowing what Brian said wouldn't be true.

Then suddenly, a trumpet fanfare played from a stairway to Lois, Frank, Meg, John, Tyler and Brian's right and it showed a man dressed as a Victorian announcer. He unrolled his scroll and began to read.

"'Lord Peter Lowenbrau Griffin the First and Lord Frank George Mallque/Griffin the second.'" The announcer addressed and moved away to reveal Peter and Frank Jr dressed as Newport gentlemen, where they placed on their top hats and twisted their mustache.

"Play me down the stairs, boys." Peter said to the trumpeters who were playing the fanfare earlier and they started playing classical music on their trumpets. "Good day." Peter greeted to the first person he passed by walking down the stairs, "Echante." He greeted another, "Pasta Fazul." Frank Jr said to yet another as he dropped a coin in the man's hat, whom the latter was holding upside down.

Lois gasped at what she saw.

"What the heck?!" John reacted at seeing Peter and Frank Jr in his new persona.

Peter and Frank Jr then walked up in front of a statuesque woman in a lavender dress.

"Mmm, looking' good, ladies." Peter and Frank Jr complimented spying through opera visors at the woman's cleavage, who didn't seem bothered by it.

"John, do you know anything about this?" Lois suspected toward John.

"Not me!" John admitted, "I had nothing to do with it!"

"Tyler?" Lois then turned her attention to Tyler.

"I didn't do it, either!" Tyler confessed, "I gave the job to-" Tyler soon paused at what he just said and then turned toward Brian, suspecting it was his work, "Brian, was this the 'miracle' you told me before?"

"Tyler, please." Brian said, "I'm just a dog... a stupid dog."

A waitress was passing by next to Frank and Brian, whom they turned to.

"Vodka stinger with a whiskey back." Brian and Frank ordered the waitress, "And step on it!"

"Brian and Frank got the right idea." Tyler then remarked at Brian and Frank's idea, "Ma'am, could you bring me something, too, please? I need something to help me forget about something." The waitress then left, "AND I DON'T MEAN LIQUOR!"

Later, Lois and John were with Peter and Frank Jr, who was chatting with Coco and her husband, Jonathan.

"Peter, you're simply enchanting." Coco complimented to Peter, "You must join us tomorrow for a game of baccarat."

"Mmm, right baccarat at ya." Frank Jr said.

Coco and Jonathan let out a gentle laugh towards Frank Jr's comment.

"What's baccarat?" John said to himself as he noticed Lois walking away, "Mrs. Griffin?" He then went to reach up with her. They ended up at a bar where Brian and Tyler were sitting there.

"Brian, what happened to Peter and Frank Jr?" Lois asked Brian, "He's not cramming hors d'oeuvres in his mouth or Frank Jr isn't asking anyone to pull his finger. (Sighs) That's not the man I married or the baby boy who I come to love."

"I'm sorry, Mrs. Griffin." John said to Lois feeling bad for her, whilst at the same time trying to comfort her, "If it makes you feel better, I'll try to help figure out what's wrong with Peter and Frank Jr."

"Oh, John. That's so sweet of you to do." Lois said back to John.

"So, I'm guessing that means you two are already into each other, then?" Brian said surly, obviously drunk.

"What?!" John and Lois exclaimed at Brian's response.

"Lighten up, toots." Frank drunkenly insisted as he also slapped Lois' rear, making both her and John turn in anger, "It's a party."

"Yeah, J-man, lighten up!" Tyler chuckled also sounding a little off.

"Tyler, didn't you even listen to what Brian and Frank just said?" John questioned Tyler.

"... No..." Tyler just said.

"(sigh) Alright, 1: he assumed me and Mrs. Griffin were sexually attracted to each other." John pointed out to Tyler, "And 2: Mrs. Griffin is kind of like our own step mom right now. So, now do you see the messed up message here?"

"Oohhh..." Tyler then exclaimed, but suddenly, he started laughing hysterically for no reason, "I don't get it!"

"Tyler, what's with you?" John asked Tyler.

"I don't know. I'm just happy, I guess." Tyler answered, "I drink this juice that the waitress served me and now I can't stop laughing." Tyler then laughed again after he said this.

Lois then took the glass from Tyler's hand and found the solution to Tyler's strange behavior.

"Tyler, this isn't juice. It's gin!" Lois informed Tyler, making it clear that he was drunk.

"Ooohhh... (Laughs) No wonder it tasted funny. I LOVE IT!" Tyler drunk cheered.

"Yeah, that's the spirit, Tyler. Wooo!" Brian praised Tyler, also drunk as he turned to the bartender, "Hey, barkeep! My friend and I here need more drinks over here! It's like the damn Sahara over here!"

"Yeah!" Tyler joined in, "Like the dang Sahara over here!"

"Oh, no, you're not, young man!" Lois protested in outrage as she then grabbed Tyler by the ear, pulling him out of his seat, "When we get home, we are going to have a serious talk."

"But, Mrs. Griffin, I love gin." Tyler said to Lois.

"Not when you get your hangover you won't." Lois demanded, "I do not want any of my children, including you boys, to be drinking underage. Understood?"

"You don't need to tell me twice." John told Lois.

"Hey, come on, Lois." Brian said to Lois, "The kid's having his first taste of alcohol in his life and celebrating it. So, let him have his fun-"

Then Meg came up to the bar, much to Frank's interest.

"Hey, how ya doing', honey?" Frank greeted the woman.

It then cut to the auction, which was about to start.

"Welcome to the Historical Society Auction." The auction's host, Mr. Brandywine, greeted the attendants, "Our first item is a 17th-century gilded vessel. We'll start the bidding at $140,000."

"What a marvelous vessel." Peter remarked, "It would look smashing in Lois' crapper. I mean 'crapier'."

"You are so right." Coco agreed with Peter, "Any woman would love to have that vase adorn her crapier. Jonathan!"

Jonathan was caught by surprise from his wife's demand.

"Oh, uh, $140,000." Jonathan said starting the bid.

"$150,000." Peter then said, going up a bit.

Cuts back to the bar with Lois, John, Tyler and Brian.

"Boys that sounded like Peter." Lois acknowledged.

"Yeah, it did." John agreed, "I wonder what's going on over there."

"Hey, come here, you!" Brian drunkenly said as he tried to grab his own tail, laughing after managing to grab.

"Lemme get it." Frank also drunkly said to Brian, wanting to grab his tail, too, "I want the white thing, too!"

They both laughed as they each grabbed Brian's tail and soon fall over.

Meanwhile, back at the auction.

"$160,000." Jonathan bidded.

"$170,000." Frank Jr soon bidded.

"$180,000!" Jonathan bidded, earer to beat Frank Jr.

"$190,000!" Peter then bidded, beating Jonathan even further.

Then, suddenly, he got up and declared, "$200,000."

This got the attention of everyone but Peter at Jonathan's risky bid.

Lois, however, then gave a smile in relief to this. The same went for John.

"We have a new record for the Historical Society!" Mr. Brandywine acknowledged, but Peter was still determined to win the vase, "The vessel goes to-"

"$100 million!" Peter declared at the last minute.

Hearing this, Lois dropped her glass in shock, while John's jaw dropped to the floor in cartoonish fashion.

"To Mr. Peter Griffin." Mr. Brandywine then said, "For an astonishing $100 million!"

Peter and Frank Jr posed in victory as Mr. Brandywine said this.

John and Lois, however, were still stunned at what just happened. The camera then panned to Frank, Brian and Tyler, who were both still drunk, getting a little carried away.

"Money, money." Brian and Frank sang drunk as he was urinating beside the wall.

"MONEY!" Tyler also sang drunk finishing the song.

Lois then came towards Peter's direction, whom was chatting with Coco and Jonathan about his victory. John followed with her.

"Peter, I had no idea you were such a philanthropist." Coco said to Peter.

"It's a fabulous vase, Peter, darling." A woman in a gray dress praised Peter from behind, "Do you collect _objets d'art_?"

"Well, if that's French for Star Wars collectors glasses,' then _si_." Frank Jr answered.

Everyone laughed along with Frank Jr and Peter. Mr. Brandywine then came up to the latter.

"Mr. Griffin, you're the most generous man since Ted Turner." Mr. Brandywine praised Peter.

**Cutaway #5**

Ted Turner was shown at a podium, appearing to be giving a speech.

"Uh, uh, I'd like to announce that I'm giving a gift the whole world can appreciate." Ted Turner announced, "I'm gonna colorize the moon. By the way, does my chin looks like an ass?"

**End**

"Peter, you don't have a $100 million dollars!" Lois reminded Peter, trying to bring him back into reality.

"Of course I do, my dear." Peter assured to Lois, oblivious to her warnings and then turned to Mr. Brandywine.

"Now, will that be cash or check?" Mr. Brandywine asked Peter while writing down the amount the latter owed him.

"Drop by Cherrywood this evening." Peter told Mr. Brandywine, "I'll have the money wired to me from my Swiss bank account."

"Ah, very good, sir." Mr. Brandywire replied.

"You don't have a Swiss bank account!" Lois informed Peter.

"Right." Peter chuckled after hearing her, then whispered to Mr. Brandywine, "My, uh, Lawyer's advised me to keep some of my assets a secret. In case things don't work out."

"(Heavy sigh) I'm going home with John and Tyler." Lois informed Peter, having had enough, "Come along, boys."

"Right behind ya, Mrs. G." John said to Lois as he was now carried a passed out Frank and Tyler, who snored heavily.

"Wait, where's Brian?" Lois asked.

It then cuts to Brian outside next to the Society's valet parking.

"Listen, I told this blonde inside I got a 500SL." Brian negotiated with the employee, "Can you help me out?"

Later that night at Cherrywood, Meg was now in a green, formal dress talking on the phone about her decision.

"I'm sorry, but mom made her decision." Meg said on the phone, "We're moving back to Quahog just as soon as we can get packed."

"Thank goodness." John, in his regular clothes, responded to what he heard from Meg.

It then shifted to Persephone, who was also in a light-purple, formal dress.

"Ugh, Quahog?" Persephone scoffed, "That one-horse town?"

**Cutaway #6**

It showed only a horse in the middle of an empty town.

"Hey, shut up." The senile horse said to himself as he was clearly insane from being the only one left in town, "No, you shut up. No, you shut up. You shut up. You're the one talking. Well, there's no one else here. OKAY, EVERYBODY JUST SHUT UP! (Gasped and whispered) What's that? The wind,"

**End**

"A pox on Quahog!" Persephone declared as she spat, which Sebastian was coincidently there to catch and was also holding the phone she was talking on, where the latter soon hung up.

"(groans in pain) Easy!" Brian and Frank pleaded suffering from a hangover.

"(groans in pain) Yes, please!" Tyler agreed also in his regular clothes and also hungover.

"Well, Tyler. That's the prize you get for having your hangover." Lois told Tyler, "I hope you learned a lesson."

"(Groans in pain) I sure have." Frank said to Meg and his mom, "The only glass you'll all see me drink is cola!"

"Said the guys who drink, like, two shots of gin." John said afterwards.

"Yeah, well, that's gonna be the only time, because I'm never drinking again." Tyler swore.

"Gin." John said.

"WHERE?!" Tyler excitedly reacted, but his headache kicked in, "AAHHH, MY HEAD!"

"If I ever go back to Quahog, it'll just so I can poor people with a stick!" Chris, now in a tux, remarked.

It was revealed that it was all at the dining room table. Peter and Frank Jr then entered the room, still as Lord Griffin.

"Mmm, Bon Jovi, everyone." Peter and Frank Jr greeted the family.

"Now I remember why I and Sayo left Newport!" Lois spoke, "It changes people. You kids have lost your values. You've lost your mind! And I don't much care for Stewie's new friends."

"Friends?" John and Tyler asked in unison.

**Cutaway #7**

It cut to Stewie sitting in a room with billiards and was chatting with three gentlemen.

"Yes, yes." One of the men spoke in a British accent, "The Pacific Rim economy is still a tad shaky for my taste."

"Oh, oh, stop it! Stop it!" Stewie butted in, "Now, look here. You ca't become a bloody fiscal hermit crab every time the Nikkei undergoes a self-correction! Asia's market has nowhere to go but up!"

"Interesting." The man Stewie argued with acknowledged smoking his pipe.

"Indeed." Stewie then remarked.

**End**

"I hate this place." Tyler complained.

"Same here." John said, "Let's get out of here."

Peter and Frank Jr then let out a snobbish sigh at their statements.

"Here, old chap. Go buy yourself some more money." Peter told John as he handed him a couple of bills in his hand.

This got John angry as he suddenly shredded the money Peter gave him and went into a fit.

"RRRRRAAAAAAAHHHHH!" John screamed, "IHATETHISPLACEIHATETHISPLACEIHATETHISPLACEIHATETHISPLACE!"

He was kick in the nuts by Frank Jr then lifted by the arms by Sebastian from behind.

"May I escort Master John to his quarters, Madame?" Sebastian suggested to Lois.

"That would be great." Lois answered, "Thank you, Sebastian."

Sebastian then exited the room carrying a road rage/nut hurt John easily.

Later, Peter and Frank Jr was in the library when Frank, Tyler and Brian entered the room.

"Hey, old beans." Peter greeted the three as Brian soon held up one of the latter's _Star Wars _collectors glasses, "Hey, hey, what are you guys doing with my _Star Wars _glass?"

"Illustrating a point." Brian answered, "Tyler."

"Thank you." Tyler replied as Brian handed him the glass and stepped up to Peter, "Mr. Griffin, when Han Solo took the Millennium Falcon to Cloud City, he found that Lando Calrissian had turned control of the station over to Darth Vader. Lando had forgotten who he was. It was only after Han was encased in carbonite and taken by Boba Fett to Jabba's Palace that he was able to see the error of his ways."

"That's right." Frank spoke and turned to Frank Jr, "Look inside yourself. You're not a Newport millionaire. We created you."

"And in a way..." Tyler then joined and soon with a dark tone in his voice, "... we are your fathers."

"That's not true!" Frank Jr said in disbelieve tearing up, "That's impossible!"

"Damn it, guys!" Brian said to Frank Jr and Peter, "Snap out of it!"

Tyler then threw the glass at the floor.

"Noooooo!" Peter and Frank Jr exclaimed as the glass breaks upon impact and Frank Jr and Peter shook their head and he was back to normal, "Ugh. Geez, I just had the craziest dream where grandpa bought a $100 million vase."

"A Mr. Brandywine from the Historical Society is at the front gate." Sebastian came in and informed Peter, "He'll be here in half an hour."

"That wasn't a dream, Frank Jr." Brian informed Frank Jr about what he did, "He's here for the money."

"Ah, guys, I'm screwed!" Peter panicked.

"Yeah, you sure are." Frank remarked.

"If I welsh on that debt, I-I-I', just gonna prove to everyone that I'm not good enough for Lois." Peter sulked, "If only I had something worth that much money. Man, I never should've dropped Mean Joe Greene's jersey."

**Cutaway #8**

We see Peter having a sip of a Coke when Mean Joe Greene walked past him.

"Good game, Mean Joe." Peter praised Mean Joe Greene, "You want some of my Coke?"

Mean Joe accepted Peter's drink and took a sip as Peter then began to leave.

"Hey, kid." Mean Joe called Peter, "Catch." He then tossed his jersey toward Peter, recreating the famous Coca-Cola commercial.

"Wow, thanks, Mean Joe." Peter thanks Mean Joe.

However, unlike the iconic commercial, Mean Joe Greene then tossed all his other clothes on top of Peter. This then caused the latter to run away.

**End**

"Hey, wha-what about this house?" Peter suggested having an idea, "I can just give him the house and call it even."

"Cherrywood isn't worth a $100 million." Brian then informed Peter.

"It's worth a million or two, at the most." Tyler then remarked.

"Guys, it's the Historical Society." Frank Jr reminded the duo, "Look, we just gotta convince him that $100 million worth of history happened here."

It then cut to a carving on a wall reading "Jesus was here 2/15/57 BC."

"So you're saying that Jesus carved his name into this mantle 51 years before He was born." Mr. Brandywine calculated Peter's statement.

"Yeah, He's Jesus. He can do anything." Frank Jr responded as he turned to his left, "And look over here." it then showed a large hole in another wall, "That's where the stock market crashed."

"Mr. Griffin." Mr. Brandywine said to Peter, but the latter cut him off.

"Oh, I'm telling you, you can't take a step in this house without uncovering something historical." Peter then said as he tapped the floor below, which made a train whistle noise, "(gasp) Wha-wha-wait a second. Could that be Harriet Tubman's secret underground railroad?" He then pulled a piece of floorboard out from under him and revealed a toy train, "(gasps) It is! Go, Freedom Train, go!"

"I've seen enough." Mr. Brandywine announced annoyed, "I happen to know that nothing of historical significance ever occurred here. Please, have our money ready by tomorrow. Good day!" He then stormed off.

"W-W-Wait, wait!" Frank Jr called to Mr. Brandywine trying to get him to come back and snatched a rock from a stand, "Look, this is where the Pilgrims landed at Fraggle Rock!"

"Plymouth Rock!" Tyler corrected Peter from at the door.

"What's going on now?" John came in and asked Tyler about the situation.

"Mr. Griffin tried to convince the man he owes money to." Tyler told John.

"He is?" John asked, "But I thought he was-" John paused for a second before saying, "You got him back to his senses, didn't you?"

"Yep." Tyler answered.

After that, Frank, John and Tyler were with a sulking Peter and Frank Jr, where Lois in a coat and a hat and carrying suitcases came in.

"Excuse me, Lord Griffins. Your family is moving back to Quahog." Lois informed Frank Jr and Peter before leaving, "If you get tired of being a snob, look us up. Time to go, boys."

"The Lord Griffins are dead, Mrs. Griffin." Frank then told Lois.

"He's right." Peter said to Lois, "It's just me, Peter the towel boy."

"Peter, you're back!" Lois exclaimed as she dropped her back in joy and went over to him, "Oh! Let's go home!"

"We can't. Grandpa sold our home." Frank Jr reminded Lois, "Our beautiful home with the stolen cable..."

"Yeah." John agreed, "And the video games right beside the TV."

"... And the little man with the penis for a light switch." Peter then reminisced.

"Even though I'm still never going near it." Tyler remarked.

"So, we'll find another place." Lois insisted.

"Eh, your Aunt Marguerite is probably laughing at us while she's BURNING IN HELL-may she rest in peace." Frank Jr then stated, "She was right. Everyone was right. Grandpa no good enough for ya."

"Mr. Griffin, that's just what they say." Tyler assured Peter, "Do YOU think you're good enough?"

"Not to be with my wife, I don't." Peter stated as he then left the room hanging his head in shame.

"Peter." Lois called out to Peter and went after him, leaving Frank Jr, Frank, John and Tyler by themselves."

"Aw, man, this stinks." Frank Jr sulked, "There's gotta be at least some way to pay Mr. Griffin's debt to that place."

"But how?" Tyler asked.

"Hang on, alright? I'm thinking, I'm thinking." John responded as he leaned on the right side of the fireplace to think of a solution.

Meanwhile, Lois caught up with Peter in the hall.

"Peter, wait." Lois said to Peter, "I don't care what anyone else thinks. Tyler was right. All that matters is that I love you."

"I love you, too, Lois." Peter reinstated that as soon as he and Lois shared a kiss, it cut back to Frank Jr, Frank, John and Tyler in the room, where Frank Jr accidentally discovers a secret switch while he was still leaning on where he was. It then opened a secret compartment behind a nearby painting of Lois' Aunt Marguerite and revealed a box covered in dust. John picked up the box and looked inside. What he found was just what he was looking for.

"Dad, I think I've just found the answer to our problem!" Frank Jr then informed Frank about his discovery.

The next morning, Frank Jr and Tyler went over to the Newport Historical Society and showed them their latest discovery.

"Our mansion is historical, alright." Frank Jr said to the society, "Cherrywood was America's first presidential whorehouse!"

"There's Lincoln." Tyler explained as Frank Jr flipped photos, "Grant." Another photo flipped, "They even let Robert E. Lee in once."

"Those are fake!" Mr. Brandywine scoffed as he tried to snatch the photos, but Frank Jr and Tyler kept pushing him away.

"Oh, they're real, alright." John restated.

"And, uh, FYI, Lincoln had the jungle fever." Tyler then informed Mr. Brandywine.

It then cut to the Griffins back in their old house watching _The Cosby Show_. It then showed Cosby with his son.

"So, you see, Chubby Franklin lived across the street." Cosby said to Theo, "You see, and Chubby Franklin would always make a face like this." He then made a weird face as the laugh track played in the background.

"Dad, you're not listening. I have a serious problem." Theo said to his father, "I got a girl pregnant. What do I do?"

"And when we saw Chubby Franklin make his face, we would all make this face." Cosby then said as he was clearly not listening to his son and made another weird face. He continued doing this and shaking his head until it literally popped off, freaking Theo out.

"Oh, God!" Theo panicked as he was now standing on the couch, "Oh, oh, my God!"

Cuts back to the family on the couch.

"Hey, boys. I just can't thank you enough for what you did for me back at Newport." Peter said to Frank Jr, John and Tyler about what happened back at Newport, "I really appreciate it."

"No problem, Mr. G." John said to Peter.

"Yeah, it was nothing." Tyler then said.

"But, I'm still wondering how you managed to even get our house back." Peter then told the boys.

"Simple." Frank Jr responded, "We just offered the people we sold Cherrywood to quadruple what they paid."

"We were gonna go more." Tyler then stated, "But then we thought, 'Na, that just seemed selfish'."

"What?" Lois exclaimed, "How could you two afford that?"

"We kept one of those Lincoln pictures and held a little auction of our own." Frank Jr told Lois as he held up an issue of the _National Inquirer_ that had the aforementioned photo on the cover.

"Well, thanks to old honest Abe, we have our house back, Frank Jr going to college and John and Tyler helped me learn a valuable lesson; it doesn't matter if your family doesn't think I'm good enough for you."

"That's right, because all that matters that's important is that I love you." Lois assumably finished Peter's statement.

"No, because our ancestors were nothing but a bunch of pimps and whores. Hehehehehe." Frank Jr finished peter's sentences and corrected Lois rubbing his nose in her ancestors' faces before turning to John and Tyler, "Right, guys?"

"Uh, sure, why not?" John assured Frank Jr unsure of the moment.

"Whatever floats your boat?" Tyler followed.

The all five (Peter, Frank, Frank Jr, John and Tyler) gave a thumbs up at the audience before the credits.

(A/N: I was originally going to even add ending credits to each episode this season, but then I felt that was a little too much. What do you guys think about that? Let me know in your review. Anyway, I hope the second season premiere of Family Guy MC will be a blast. See ya.)

**The End**


	10. Mallque Murdock Spellbook Power Hour

**Mallque Murdock Spellbook Power Hour**

**This chapter is a crossover between my story and Malcolm Fox's stories **_**Meg's Boyfriend/Meg's Family,**_ **Ander Arias stories**_**The Spellbook**_ **Disclaimer: I don't own Madeline nor Zack Murdock. Malcolm Fox does.** **Matt Kennedy and Rosie are both owned by Ander Arias. Duncan and Sid are owned by Snake Screamer and Haylias gets some credit for a little surprise if you read the whole story. And now onto the story.) Also, I don't know if you are reading this, but thanks a lot to Mr. Semaj for the drawing of Meg and Rosie(you can see it in my profile) Well, let's go to the story)**

Realizing Frank is unprepared for his science project, Frank Jr wishes he was in the greatest lab in Dimmsdale, but he ends up in stewie's lab, and he can't just use stewie's lab because he'll suspect that Frank Jr used his technology.

Taking with him a magical Auto-Poofer that his father gave him, that poofs him back to his bedroom, he wishes himself to the greatest lab in the universe. Frank Jr went to his parents room to ask his father to find such a lab, Frank Jr enter the room to find nobody inside. But found a letter addressing to his father from his grandfather. Frank Jr open it read it, it said

_Dear frank _

_If you are read this, this means I'm dead or missing. I prepare a room of stuff for the things you and your brothers face in life in quahog. To find this room you must enter your future girlfriend room enter the closet, find the hand scanner, enter the elevator and find what need for what problem you are in._

_From your dad _

_Jake Geo Mallque_

Frank Jr did what the letter said and went to look around to find what he need. Frank Jr was surprise to see his father looking at the hall of heroes. Frank Jr ask him what he was doing here, frank reply" I was just try to remember my past life, he did a lot of good things to the world and sacrifice a lot things like his family and friend to keep the world going, I just wonder what I'll do for the in his place."

Frank Jr didn't answer him.

'Hello? Earth to Frank Jr?' Frank said, waving her hand in front of Frank Jr's face. 'The Hell's wrong with you?'

'What's that thing?' Frank Jr asked, pointing at a machine at the far side of the room. It was a huge metal circle with a large, blue, rippling hole in the middle.

'That's nothing,' said Frank. 'Don't touch it. Don't go near it. It's mine.'

'It's a Stargate - ' said Frank Jr before Frank slapped his hand over Frank Jr's mouth.

'Shut up!' he said. 'Do you wanna be trampled by nerds? 'Cause I sure don't!'

'Did somebody say a Stargate?' asked Neil Goldman as he poked his head through the window.

'Ooh, I heard Stargate!' said Steve Smith as he popped up over Neil's shoulder.

'Uh . . . Hey, look!' said Frank, pointing over their heads. 'Jean-Luc Picard and Han Solo fighting to the death!'

'Yeah, I gotta see this!' said Steve.

'Go, Picard!' said Neil as he and Steve turned around. Cindy then quickly closed the window, causing them to fall off the ledge and probably to a painful demise.

'Anyway, this, you see, it's an **Omniverse gate**,' said Frank. 'Or **Omni gate** for short . . . wait a minute. Eh, too late to back out now.'

'What does it do?' Frank Jr asked.

'Transports you to alternate dimensions,' said Frank. 'It's basically a less practical version of a you know what.'

'Does it work?'

'Haven't tested it yet,' Frank replied.

' . . .' A wicked grin appeared on Frank Jr's face.

'I know that look,' said Frank sternly. 'What are you planning?'

'Oh, nothing,' said Frank Jr innocently. 'Nothing at -'

He then jumped forwards and slammed his hand on the big red button at the front of the machine, activating it.

'You idiot!' Frank yelled as she ran forward. 'I told you it hasn't been tested yet - it could blow up and kill us both!'

'Relax!' said Frank Jr. 'It'll be fine!'

The machine then began to rattle loudly, causing the whole room to vibrate. It then began to shoot sparks and bolts of electricity in all directions.

'Then again, maybe not,' said Frank Jr.

'It's malfunctioning; RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!' yelled Frank

'NO TIME!' yelled Frank Jr as the machine began to suck in everything in the room. She and Cindy hung onto the floor for dear life.

'I - CAN'T - HOLD - ON!' Frank yelled as her grip began to slip. 'ALSO - I - CAN'T - STOP - PAUSING - AFTER - EVERY - WORD!'

'GRAB MY HAND!' Frank Jr said as he tried to grab Frank by the wrist. However, at that moment, Frank lost his grip and was sucked into the portal.

'THISCAN'TBEHAPPENDING!' Frank screamed as he was sucked in.

'DAD!' Frank Jr screamed as he, too, was sucked into the portal. As soon as that happened, the machine powered down, and all was quiet again.

Meanwhile, in the portal, Frank and Frank Jr hung onto each other tightly as they shot through the wormhole at lightning speed.

'OH MY GOD!' Frank yelled. 'This is even trippier than brownies!'

Frank Jr frowned at him.

'Seriously,' said Frank. 'I once saw some fan art of Derry Hooves banging a Decepticon.'

'What universe do you think we're being transported to?' Frank Jr asked.

'I don't know,' said Frank. 'The real question is; how are we gonna get back to our universe?'

It was a nice and warm Friday afternoon in Quahog. Brian was in the living room reading a book, when he was approached by Stewie and Maddie.

"Hey, Brian, do you want to play with us?" asked Maddie.

"No, sorry, maybe later" said the dog, engrossed in the book.

"Oh, come on, what's more important than making two toddlers happy?" Said Stewie before taking away the book Brian was reading, and looked at it. "_All about Parallel Universes?_ I though you didn't like this kind of stuff".

"Well, you were wrong" said Brian as he took back his book. "And, for your information it's pretty interesting" commented the dog.

"And why are you so interested in Parallel Universes?" asked Stewie. "Do you want to check that Obama won in every other world too?"

"I read on the internet about that" said Maddie, "Some guy says that there are other universes where people is the opposite from people from this one"

"So, there's another Brian out there who is Republican, fundamentalist and…" said Stewie.

"Hey, don't joke with that!" complained the dog.

"I wonder if other universes exist?" asked Maddie.

"Why are you asking me this?" asked Stewie, "It's not like I have a dimensional portal in my room aptly named the Sundoor that can access different dimensions including parallel universes."

"...Wait, that's it!" said Maddie, "We can use it as a window to look at other universes."

"We'll need to repair it, though," said Stewie, "It's still slightly damaged from the last time I used it."

"Okay, what did you do?" asked Maddie.

**Flashback**

Stewie has his Sundoor ready to access another universe.

"Excellent," said Stewie as he was setting the coordinates to his Sundoor, "I'll summon a Stewie from another universe and with twice the brain power we'll be able to rule the world easily!"

A bright flash fills the room as another Stewie appears. To distinguish the two, the other Stewie is wearing blue overalls.

"What the deuce happened?" asked the other Stewie, "Where am I?"

"I brought you here to help me," said Stewie, "Together we'll be an unstoppable force."

"Oh excellent," said the other Stewie with joy, "With our combined genius we'll be able to finally end wars, spread world peace, stop famine and make the world a blissful utopia of joy and happiness. Oh, I've got Goosebumps just thinking of all the love we can spread."

Stewie then pulls out a gun, shoots good Stewie dead, and smashes the Sundoor out of sheer terror.

**End Flashback**

"Trust me, it's better you don't know," said Stewie, "Anyway, I'm gonna try on my new blue overalls."

Later, Tilly is up in Stewie's room with Maddie, Stewie, and CJ repairing the Sundoor.

"There! It should be as good as new," said Tilly as she tightened the last screw.

"Can you believe it?" asked Maddie, "In just a few moments we'll be looking into another universe! Can you imagine the things we'll see?"

"Parallel universes aren't that big a deal," said Stewie, "It's pretty much the equivalent of buying a Blu Ray player; it's the same as the DVD player only prettier."

"Well, here's hoping to see a brave new world," said Tilly as she pushed the start button. After moments of silence, nothing happens.

"Well that was boring," said Maddie.

"I'll say," said Stewie, "If I wanted to waste my time in a bad way I'd watch the fatman strip to _Hit Me Baby One More Time_."

**Flashba-**

"Oh no you don't!" said Tilly interrupting the flashback, "That image was already burned into my retinas for weeks. I'm not letting it happen again!"

"I'll bet the Sundoor's not working because it needs a jump start," said CJ, "Now what's the most useless object to bang against it?"

"Your head," said Tilly.

"Good idea!" said CJ as he was preparing to ram the machine like a bull.

"CJ, NO! I was just kid-" shouted Tilly, but CJ slammed his head into the Sundoor, causing the machine to malfunction. Everyone began to hang on for dear life as the portal then began to suck everything in the room.

"What's happening?" asked Maddie.

"Dumbass over here must've overrode the configurations!" shouted Stewie.

"Yeah! Good one, dumbass!" said CJ to Tilly.

"HE WAS TALKING ABOUT _YOU_, DUMBASS!" shouted Tilly.

At that moment, the adults rush into the room from hearing all the commotion, and were almost sucked into the portal if they had not held onto something.

"What happened!" shouted Lois.

"Dimensional portal going haywire and the possibility of us all being sucked into oblivion," said Tilly nonchalantly, "All in all, no biggie."

Suddenly a bunch of toys fly out of the portal and hit Zack in the head.

"Ow, ow, ow!" said Zack, "Geez, even dimensional portals are out to get me!"

"Maddie, grab my hand!" shouted Meg.

As Maddie tried to reach out from Meg's hand, a toy flies out of the portal and hits her in the face, sending her next to vortex.

"Maddie!" screamed Meg and Zack in unison.

Meanwhile beside the vortex, Maddie see through a tunnel of light. Speeding forward her was a boy with black haired in blue long sleeves shirt and light blue shorts.

"Who was that guy?" asked Maddie.

Back outside the portal, Meg was going hysterical over what just happened.

"Maddie? Where are you?" asked Meg.

"Didn't you just see?" asked Jillian, "She flew into a port hole. Duh!"

"Now calm down," said Zack, "I'm sure we can fix this."

"I say we wait until this all blows over," said Peter.

"Peter, Maddie was just sucked into a portal!" said Brian, "She could be in real danger! You can't possibly expect this all to blow-"

At that very moment, girl and little boy falls from the closing portal. The boy look like Cody but with a different hair style in blue long sleeves shirt and light blue shorts

"Maddie, Cody?' asked Meg in confusion.

"Apparently there trip was not very kind to them," said Peter, "She traveled so fast that her head bleeded!" everyone then stares at him, "What?"

The girl then groans and stands up.

"Mom...?" she groaned.

"Maddie?" asked Meg in confusion again.

Zack then quickly picks up the girl closely to his face and smiles.

"Hey, you're okay! We were so worried!" said Zack.

"AAAAAAAAAHHH!" the boy screamed as he squirmed from Zack's grip.

"Cody, what's wrong with you?" asked Meg, "It's only your dad."

"That guy's not my dad!" said the boy with fear, "And who's Maddie, who is this guy?"

"Interesting..." said Tilly as she walked up to the infant, "he sorta looks like cody, but this _definitely_ isn't cody."

"How can you tell?" asked Lois.

"Well for one thing, he appears to be much older," said Tilly, "he looks to be barely five year old. Second, I can sense an aura of some sort."

"Well if you're not Cody, maybe you can explain to us who you are," said Meg.

"Well, my name is Frank G Mallque Jr," said Frank Jr, "I was just sitting in my secret room when I was sucked into a portal and got stuck here. I recognize all of you except for that man and those babies. Who are you guys, anyway?"

"I'm Tilly and this is my twin brother CJ," said Tilly.

"We're Jillian's kids," said CJ.

"Wow, This Brian and Jillian tied the knot?" asked Frank Jr.

"No, they broke up," said Tilly, "We're Chris' kids."

"how that happen?" asked Frank Jr in confusion.

"It's a long story that involves two idiots trapped in an avalanche and doing something extremely desperate to save their lives," said Tilly, "That's how she had us."

"No it's not!" said Jillian, "Your father and I had sex... Oh, that's what you meant."

"...Okay..." said Frank Jr uncomfortably, "And who's this guy?"

"This is my husband, Zack," said Meg.

"ZACK?!" asked Frank Jr in confusion, "What happened to my dad, Frank?"

"Wait, you're saying that Meg and I aren't married in your universe?" asked Zack in shock.

"No, she's married to my dad named Frank G Mallque," said Frank Jr, "Have you heard of him?"

"I'm googling it up on my cell phone right now," said Tilly.

"Wait, you can actually just access personal info like that on the internet where anyone can see it?" asked Rosie.

"It's the internet," said Stewie, "Stop being so surprised."

"Okay, here's some info," said Tilly, "Apparently he die in japan."

"So dad didn't move which means that he never met mom," said Frank Jr, "And because he never met mom, mom met this guy instead, and because she met this guy they had a baby which means that I cannot and will not be born in this universe, EVER!"

"Just calm down, Frank Jr," said Lois.

"Yeah, we'll get you back home," said Meg, "I promise."

"I'm sure of it," said Tilly, "All we have to do is set up the Sundoor and-" the Sundoor then blows up, "-pick up the pieces and repair it again... goddammit."

"So I'm stuck here?" asked Frank Jr in horror, "But what about MY mom and my dad and my family."

"If it makes you feel any better, I'll let you call me mom," said Meg.

"And I'll let you call me grandma," said Lois.

"And I'll let you call me Uncle Chris," said Chris.

"And I'll let you call me... James Bond!" said Peter as everyone stared at him again, "Well she CAN!"

"Thanks, but it's not the same," sniffled Frank Jr.

"...Oh my gosh!" said Jillian, "Cody looks different!"

"You think that's bad?" asked Zack, "Wait until she figures out that Obama's a black guy. I estimate it'll be by 2017."

"I just wanna go home," cried Frank Jr.

"Don't cry. It'll only be for a little while," said Frank Jr as he knelt down and wiped his tears away, "C'mon, cheer up! It could've been worse."

"Yeah, you could've ended up in the dimension of gay pedophiles," said Peter.

**Cutaway**

Meanwhile in a city in another universe, a bunch of people who looked just like Herbert are all walking down the streets when a boy on his bicycle rides by?

"Mmmmmmmmmm..." they all said in unison.

**End Cutaway**

**Spellbook reality starts now**

It was a nice and warm Friday afternoon in Quahog. Brian was in the living room reading a book, when he was approached by Stewie and Rosie.

"Hey, Brian, do you want to play with us?" asked Rosie.

"No, sorry, maybe later" said the dog, engrossed in the book.

"Oh, come on, what's more important than making two toddlers happy?" Said Stewie before taking away the book Brian was reading, and looked at it. "_All about Parallel Universes_? I though you didn't like this kind of stuff".

"Well, you were wrong" said Brian as he took back his book. "And, for your information it's pretty interesting" commented the dog.

"And why are you so interested in Parallel Universes?" asked Stewie. "Do you want to check that Obama won in every other world too?"

"I read on the internet about that" said Rosie. "Some guy says that there are other universes where people is the opposite from people from this one"

"So, there's another Brian out there who is Republican, fundamentalist and…" said Stewie.

"Hey, don't joke with that!" complained the dog.

"Hey, look at the bright side" said Stewie "That Brian would be married with Lois and would be a famous novelist. I'm sure that you won't mind to be that Brian right now, will you?" teased Stewie.

Brian looked each time more pissed.

"Come on Stewie. It seems that Brian doesn't want to play with us" said Rosie, disappointed. Both babies left the living room. Moments later, Peter walks in.

"Hey, Brian, whatcha doing'?" asked Peter as he sat next to him in the couch.

"Reading a book" replied Brian. "And I'd like to have some peace while I read"

"Oh, I see" said Peter, who apparently got the point of Brian's dry statement. The he stared blankly for some seconds. "Hey Brian, whatcha doing'?"

Brian placed his paw on his forehead, and groaned in annoyance, and then he left the room. He then went to the kitchen. He saw Lois cooking something, Meg typing in her laptop, and Matt helping Chris with his homework.

"It's okay if I read here?" asked Brian.

"Sure, as long as nobody of us bothers you" said Lois.

"Don't worry. Only Peter and the babies do. God, they're more annoying that people who gets too excited in the cinema"

**Flashback**

Brian and Jillian are having a date watching an action movie in the local cinema. The main character uses a rocket launcher to blow up a helicopter.

"OH YEAHH! THAT WAS TOTALLY…TOTAL!" said a guy sat next to them. It was that annoying guy who drove a Hummer while watching 'Madagascar'.

"Shhhhhhh!" said Brian.

Minutes later, another character, holding a machine gun kills lots of bad guys.

"YEAH, THAT WOULD TEACH THOSE BITCHES A LESSON!" shouted again the same guy.

"Shut up please!" said Brian, really pissed.

After another action scene, the same guy began to shout again.

"YEESS! THAT REALLY ROCKED!" said the guy.

"Okay, that was the last strand…" muttered the dog. "Okay, you idiot, you better shut up or else…!"

"Or else what?" said the annoying guy.

"Jillian, can you stand up?" asked the dog.

"Sure" said the blonde girl as she stood up. Brian then pulled up his shirt and removed her bra. The guy then stared blankly at Jillian's naked mid-up section, had a nosebleed, and fainted.

"Finally, at least some peace" said the dog, as he sat down and Jillian dressed again.

Another action scene.

"YES! YES! BRING IT OOOOON!" shouted Joe.

**End Flashback**

"Don't be so harsh on them" said Meg. "Dad can be a jerk sometimes…no, a lot of times…no, most of the times…well, you know what's my point. But Stewie and Rosie are only babies, and babies usually demands lots of attention"

"Meg's right" said Lois. "Besides, I'm sure that they only wanted to play a harmless game"

Meanwhile, in Stewie's room, Stewie and Rosie are playing. Rosie is levitating some plates with her powers and threw them thought the window, and then Stewie blows them up with his ray gun.

"Hey, do you think that was real?" asked Stewie.

"What was real?" said Rosie, confused.

"That crap about parallel universes Snoopy was reading" explained Stewie. "I mean, do you think there are other universes aside from this one?"

"I dunno, but who knows?" said Rosie as she shrugged her shoulders. "I guess that mom didn't believe in magical babies before I was born"

"About what you said before, could you imagine that?" asked Stewie. "Brian being conservative."

"Bah, it will be the same dog with a different collar" said Rosie disdainfully. "What it would be weird would be grandpa and Uncle Chris being intelligent"

"Yes, and Lois would be a prudish woman afraid of sex!" added Stewie. "And your mom would be beautiful and popular!"

"Yes! And- HEY!" complained Rosie.

"What? I'm only being honest" said Stewie. "But I can understand why you're pissed since you look a lot like her."

"Yes" said Rosie. "Now that it comes to my mind, have you realized that, in a cartoon or an anime, when a character grows up and has kids, the kids are like a younger version of a mixture of their parents?"

"Yes, that's what I was pointing" said Stewie. "So, if I have children, they'd look like me"

"Then I'm sorry for them" said Rosie.

"Um, why did you say that?" asked Stewie.

"Never mind" said Rosie. "Hey, I though in a new game we can play! its called-wait" said Rosie, as she began to look around.

"It's called 'wait', okay, how we can play it?" asked Stewie nonchalantly.

"No! There's…there's something odd here…" said Rosie. "Now I can feel it! There's a powerful energy current in this room!"

"What?" said Stewie, confused?

But the answer came quickly, when a dimensional portal appeared in the middle of the room.

"What the deuce is that!?" asked Stewie, shocked.

"That's what I tried to say!" said Rosie.

"Did you do it?" asked Stewie, looking at Rosie.

"No. It appeared by itself" said Rosie. "It looks like…a dimensional gate"

"A real dimensional gate…in my own room! Cool!" said Stewie, amazed. "I wonder what would be at the other side…"

"Stewie, you should keep a distance from that" said Rosie, worried.

"And you should shut the hell up!" said Stewie.

Suddenly, the vortex began to suck up everything in Stewie's room, just like a black hole. Stewie and Rosie grabbed Stewie's crib, which was heavy enough to not being sucked.

"THAT'S why I told you not to come close to that thing!" said Rosie.

"Can you stop from bitching and do something about this?!" said Stewie. "Use your powers! Teleport us to a safe place!"

Rosie's eyes lit, but their glow quickly banished.

"What the hell are you waiting for? Chinese new year?" said Stewie, pissed.

"I can't concentrate!" said Rosie.

In that moment, Lois and Meg walked in the room.

"Why are you making so much noise?" asked Lois before seeing the vortex. "OH MY GOD!"

"Yeah, this chapter started with Brian reading a book about parallel universes, and a dimensional gate appeared in my room" said Stewie nonchalantly, ingoring for a moment his situation. "It isn't strangely convenient?"

"What the hell is that!?" asked Meg in shock. "Rosie, what did you do?"

"Why everybody thinks that I did this only because I have magic powers?" asked Rosie, pissed.

But Rosie and Stewie's hands couldn't hold them any longer, and came off of the crib, but Lois and Meg were quick enough to grab them.

"Stewie, hold on! Mommy is here!" said Lois.

"Big deal" said Stewie sarcastically.

"Rosie, hold tight!" said Meg.

"Mom, don't let me go!" Begged Rosie, almost crying.

"Peter! Brian! Matt! Chris!" called Lois.

The rest of the family ran to Stewie's room, and watched what was happening.

"What the hell is happening here?" asked Peter. "Meg, what did your freaking daughter do this time?"

"I did nothing!" said Rosie, really pissed. "And what do you mean by _this time_?"

"Help us, please!" shouted Meg.

Peter and Matt grabbed Lois and Meg respectively, trying to hold them as hard as they could. Brian and Chris also helped too.

"Matt, don't let us go!" begged Meg.

"Just hold tight and don't let our daughter go!" said Matt. "Peter, let's try to get out of this room!"

Peter and Matt began to pull their wives, but, when they were almost out of danger, Rosie's hands slipped and was dragged to the vortex, but something caught her before entering another dimension.

"ROSIE!" shouted Matt and Meg in unison.

The vortex then collapsed in a huge flash or light that filled the whole room, knocking everyone backwards.

"God, I'm growing tired of these knock backing bright flashes of light!" complained Peter.

"What happened to Rosie?" cried Meg, still temporary blind, as she desperately looked around.

"I think I see her!" said Lois, whose eyesight was recovering from the flash.

Everybody then walked to Rosie, but there was something was with her. The boy lying unconscious looked a lot like Zack, except that his hair was black instead of yellow, and was styled in the Simon garlock layered style. Also, he was wearing a black hooding instead of zack's usual clothes.

"Oh my god, it finally happened!" said Peter in shock. "Zack became too powerful that he turned into a regular Saiyan!" Everybody then stared at Peter blankly. "What?" said Peter?

"Uhhhh…" groaned the boy as he stood up.

"Look, he's awaking!" pointed Brian.

The boy stood up and looked at Meg.

"Meg…?" asked the boy.

"Zack?" asked Meg again.

"Zack? Who is Zack?" said the boy. "It's me, Frank! Meg, don't you recognize me?"

"Recognize you? I've never seen you in my whole life!" said Meg. "And what happened to my daughter here?"

"Your daughter! Oh here go and Why everybody suddenly forget about me!?" said Frank, almost hysteric. "Wait…oh, crap, the **Omni gate**!" said Frank.

"Omni** gate**?" asked Stewie.

"Yes, it was a portal to other universes, just like the Stargate, but with a different name for not attracting nerds" explained Frank.

"I guess that we should go to another place to talk about this" suggested Brian,

Moments later, everybody is in the living room, hearing Frank's story.

"Me and Frank jr used** Omni gate** the order to explore other universes, but when they activated it, something went wrong and I was sucked to another dimension…well, this one." said Frank. "And it seems that I don't exist in this world" said Frank sadly.

"So, in your universe, your son can talk, is a genius baby?" asked Lois, amazed.

"Yeah, what a shock!" said Stewie, faking surprise

"So, I guess that Frank must be in another universe" said Matt.

"Poor baby" said Lois. "This is even worse than that time Peter tried to suicide"

**Flashback**

We go back to the episode 'Petarded', after Peter finds that he is retarded, but before realizing of its advantages. He is sad and miserable because everybody picks on him.

Lois enters in the house with some bags.

"Peter, I'm here" announced Lois, but nobody answered. Then he noticed a note on the couch. She read it.

_Dear Lois, I'm tired of being retarded and people mocking at me for that, so I'm going to end it all. Tell Brian and the kids(except Meg) that I love them…well, tell Meg that I love her too, but don't tell anybody else that I said that. Now that it comes to my mind, don't tell Brian that I love him, people may think that I'm gay…okay, tell Brian too, but tell him that I love him as a friend. But if he has sex with you while I'm dead, I shall return as a zombie and kill both! Oh, I also forgot to say that I loved you too. Bye._

"Oh my God! Peter!" shouted Lois as she rushed to the basement. There was Peter, who has hanged himself to the ceiling…but he just hanged by an ankle instead of the neck.

"Lois…I think that I did something wrong, didn't I?" asked Peter.

**End Flashback**

Frank then noticed Matt.

"Um…who are you?" asked Frank to Matt. He was the only one she didn't recognize.

"This is Matthew, my husband" said Meg.

"That guy is your husband? So, you are not married with me?" asked Frank in shock. "Cripes, no wonder why I don't exist!"

"Meg is not married to Matt in your universe?" asked Brian.

"My god!" said Peter in shock. "Are you saying that there is another guy out there besides Zack and Matt that loves Meg and finds her attractive!?"

"Meg! How could you!" said Matt angrily. "You married another guy _and_ had a daughter with him!

"Hey, it wasn't me!" replied Meg in the same tone. "Well, technically it was, but you know what I'm trying to say"

"Another question" said Brian. "Who's that john and Tyler you talked about before?"

"They're my friends, they appeared before the welfare scam" said Frank. "And I guess that they doesn't exist either"

"The?" asked Lois.

"First?" asked Meg.

"Season?" asked Brian.

"Tom Cruise?" asked Peter, and everybody stared at him like he's crazy. "What?"

"I guess that some things remain the same even in other universes" said Frank dryly.

"Hey Frank, do you have any kind of supernatural abilities like levitating objects?" asked Peter.

"Eh, yeah" said Frank, a bit confused.

"Can you read minds?" asked again peter.

"Yelp"

"Teleport?"

"Aha"

"Do you have any magic powers?"

"Maybe. Why should I have magic powers?" asked Frank a bit confused. "Geez, you're even more idiot than my universes' pops".

"Pff, Meg, your new husband is boring" said Peter disdainfully. "I preferred the old one"

"Peter!" said Lois. "Don't say such a mean thing"

"People, there's something we're forgetting about…" said Rosie. "How the hell is Frank going to get back to his world?"

"Yes, and how are we going to get back Frank?" asked Matt.

"I'll see if the spellbook has something about dimensional gates" said Meg.

"Hey, you guys have a spellbook?" asked Frank, amazed.

"Meanwhile we are finding a way to bring back Frank jr to our world and send back him and Super Saiyan Frank to her world, what are we going to do with him?" asked Peter.

"I'll guess that we should take care of him" said Meg. "I hope that the Griffins in the other side of the gate do the same with Frank jr. God, I'm so worried"

"Me too" said Matt. "But we must be strong"

Moments later, Meg and Maddie took Frank to his room.

"So, how is your world?" asked Meg.

"It's pretty the same as this, honey…sorry, I mean Meg" apologized Frank.

"You can call me meg, if that makes you to feel better" smiled Meg.

"Well, it just that you look a lot like her…I bet that you even share the same DNA…but you're not her. And the worst thing it's that nobody knows me!"

"Don't worry Frank "said Rosie, as she stroked his long black hair. "I'll try my best to make you to feel like in your house"

"Thanks… Rosie "smiled Frank sheepishly.

"Did somebody tell you that you have a beautiful hair?" praised Rosie.

"Thanks. I took it from my father and my son take after me" said Frank

"Speaking of whom, how is your son?" asked Meg

"Frank Jr is the best son in the world!" said Frank proudly. "He's small, with short spike black hair, and very handsome"

"Really?" asked Meg, interested. "Tell me more!"

"Well…he was smart boy, but when I was born he opened his heart to everyone even you, and after pops sold the house to be rich, he began to work at getting it back" said Frank. "Oh, and he's always fighting with stewie and Brian, because of his constant stupid stuff and the way they treats you"

"How did we meet each other?"

**I was five years old and I had no friends**

**Flashback's starts**

We see a very shy child Frank (he wears the same current clothes, but he had shorts instead of pants and a regular t-shirt) behind a tree until somebody appeared from the tree: it was a little girl; but her hair is a neat, she has Big Glass and a tooth showing out from her mouth (A/E: She's basically based on Ellie from Up); she's wearing a pink and blue shirt, denim overalls and black shoes.

"HI!" the little girl greeted with a sweet accent.

"AH!" kid Frank screamed.

"Hey, don't be shy, I don't bite" the little girl said "I'm meg, and you?"

"Frank Mallque" kid Frank answered.

"Nice to meet you, Frank "kid Meg replied "So, is this your first day of school?"

"Uh..."

"Pretty hard, isn't it?" Kid Meg asked "Well, don't worry, I'll be your first friend"

"So...what were you doing in that tree?" kid Frank asked.

"You mean my Fun Tree" kid Meg answered.

"Fun tree?" kid Frank asked.

"The tree where I can play during recess and after school" Kid meg explained "I'm an adventurer!"

"An adventurer?" Kid Frank asked.

"Someone who loves adventures" Kid Meg answered as she climbed the tree "Come up!"

She threw a rope down to Frank and he climbed up.

"So...what's the deal?" kid Meg answered showing a cocoon "I've been waiting the whole summer for this..."

The cocoon began breaking up and a butterfly has arisen.

"Wow...is that?" kid Frank asked.

"One of the most amazing discoveries we ever did!" kid Meg answered cheerful.

"Wait...did you say 'we'?" kid Frank asked.

"You're now part of the 'Super Adventure Club'!" kid Meg cheered "Now repeat this after me: "'The fun and joy will never stop, until one of us gives them up"

"The fun and joy will never stop, until one of us gives them up" Frank

"Excellent, we're goanna be the best friends ever!" Meg said.

**Flashback's end**

"It was all fun..."We had a lot adventures together...until I have to move out with my family"

"Why did I leave then?"

Because my dad was being hunted by a mysteries organization, I and my brother had to move in japan with adoptive parents, son goku and son chichi. But I couldn't stop thinking about Meg while I was doing school in japan. So I made a promise that I would tell Meg how I feel about her.

After a few years I return to quahog to find Meg Griffin and end up getting her and getting her pregnant. Now I have a family that _dysfunctional that I have to fix and tolerate_

"Grandpa ditched meg in east Quahog. Then you went to a 7-11 to look for help, and dad offered to ride you home" said Rosie. "It happened after a punch buggy game"

"Yeah, I remember that" said Meg. "But in this world happened this way…"

**Flashback**

We go to the first chapter of 'Meg's Boyfriend', but in this universe. It happened after Meg got the spellbook, but before marrying Matt.

"Hey, I've got a game we can play," said Peter, "Whenever we see a buggie on the road, we hit Meg!"

"What?!" shouts Meg, "Don't I get a say in this."

"No," Peter simply says.

"Punch buggy green," says Chris after seeing a green buggie and hitting Meg.

"OW!"

"Punch buggy blue!" shouts Stewie and he hits Meg.

"OWWW!"

"Punch buggy yellow!" shouts Peter as he punches Meg on the head... HARD.

"OOOOOOOWWWW! STOP IT!"

"HAHAHA! Listen to her whine!" said Peter as he was amused with his sick game.

"Peter, this isn't funny!" said Lois.

"Sure it is!" said Peter, "Just like the time I pushed Meg in front of a speeding bus."

"You told me Meg was at a friend's house" said Lois.

"Well you should have known that was a lie when I said 'Meg' and 'friend' in the same sentence without saying 'she doesn't have any'" said Peter.

Meg sees a red buggie and decides that now was her chance.

"Punch buggy red" she says as she hits Chris, "That's one point for me!"

"Ow! Dad make her stop!" whines Chris.

"Oh that's it!" says Peter angrily, "You have gone too far Meg!"

"But I only hit him once!" says Meg.

"Out of the car!" shouts Peter.

"But-" said Meg before she was interrupted by Peter making a hole through the win shield with his fist.

"NOW!" shouts Peter.

"Do you think you can scare me with that?" said Meg in a very defiant tone. Then she snapped his fingers.

"Meg, I told you-huh?" asked Peter, but suddenly he was teleported to the street, and watched how the family station wagon speeded away. "Hey, come back!"

**End Flashback**

"You used magic to throw Pops out from the car?" asked Frank, astonished. "How?"

"The same way I'm going to send you back to your world. With this!" said Meg as she showed the Spellbook. "With a real Spellbook!"

"Whoa!" said Frank in amazement. "It's really magical?"

"Sure, I'll show you" said Meg, and looked for a simple spell. "Look at this"

Meg then casted a spell, and summoned a very good looking cheesecake. Frank's eyes opened wide.

"Then, you can use that to send me back to my world?" asked Frank, excited.

"Yes, but don't get your hopes up to soon" advised Meg, and she saw how Frank's cheer faded. "Opening a door to another universe is very difficult, and requires some conditions".

"Conditions? What conditions?" asked Frank, downbeat.

"I don't know, I didn't looked at it very closely, but I promise you that I'll find a way to do it" said Meg

"Thanks" said Frank. Then she saw a photo of Meg, Matt and Rosie. "Is that you guys?" asked Frank.

Meg nodded in response.

"Why did pops say that I'm more boring than him?" asked Frank.

"Because, due to the spell book's influence, she gain magic powers" explained Rosie.

"She has magic powers?" asked Frank in shock. "God, I wish I had my powers…well, now that it comes to my mind, I gained some powers onetime"

"And what happened?" asked Meg.

"I went mad and tried to destroy those who were chasing me" explained Frank.

"Oh…" said Meg, a bit scared of what her so-called husband said.

"But don't worry, I've never done anything bad since that…well, except that time in the car I make pops to crazy for TV and you almost got killed…and that time I lost you for a cult…" remembered Frank.

"Well, look at what time is it. You should go to sleep now" said Meg, as she carried Rosie in arms out of her room.

"Hey, my other mom let me to go to bed two hours later!" complained Rosie.

"Nice try" said Meg as she took her to Rosie's room.

"What is this?" asked Frank. His house didn't have that room.

"This is Rosie's room" said Meg. "You can sleep here. I guess that it will be your room while you're staying with us"

"My Childs own room? Nice!" said Frank, enthusiastic with the idea.

"Don't you have your own room in your world?" asked Meg.

"No, I share my room with you" said Frank.

Meg then put Rosie in Rosie's crib and wrapped her up.

"Good night Rosie" said Meg, before kissing her in the forehead. "And don't worry about getting Frank back to his universe. I'll make it sure"

"Good night… Frank "said Rosie.

Meg then switched off the lights and exited the room. Frank lied down, trying to accommodate, but he couldn't. That wasn't his world. She then stood up and looked around the room. There were a bunch of toys spread across the floor, most of them she couldn't recognize. There was also an open fitted wardrobe with some small clothes; probably they were Rosie's clothes. Then he thought about that girl, her parallel half-daughter in some odd way. She would be sleeping in her crib right now with Frank Jr, in Stewie's room. He also though in the Sundoor. The Sundoor collapsed because some unknown fact, sending him to this world, when he doesn't exist and his wife was married to another guy, and even weirder, his wife had a magical book. Will Frank Jr find repair the Sundoor in time? He knew that, if he wanted to go back to his home, he couldn't just wait for the Sundoor to be repaired.

Tired after all the events of that day, he decided to lie down and try to sleep. Maybe tomorrow things would be better.

"_When I get back at home, I'm going to make my son his own room"_ Though Frank before falling asleep.

**Murdock universe starts now**

Later, Frank Jr is sitting in the living room sadly playing with Maddie's toys as Stewie walks up to her.

"What the deuce do you think you're doing?" asked Stewie.

"I'm playing with some toys," said Frank Jr.

"Those aren't yours, you know," said Stewie, "They're Maddie's."

"Well she's not here," said Frank Jr, "I'm sure she won't mind if I played with them while she's gone."

"Don't think for a moment that you're going to be taking our place," said Stewie.

"I'm not!" said Frank Jr, "I'm just playing with some toys!"

Meanwhile in the kitchen, Meg is sitting at the table with the others worrying about Maddie.

"I hope he's okay," said Meg.

"I'm sure he's just fine," said Lois, "I'm sure the other Griffins are taking good care of her."

"It looks like Frank Jr and Stewie are arguing," said Zack.

"Maybe you should do something about it," said Meg.

"Why? He's not even my kid!" said Zack.

"Finally! We're on the same page here," said Peter, "You know I say that all the time and-"

"You shut up!" said Zack.

"Zack, don't be so mean!" said Meg.

"Meg's right," said Lois, "That little Boy is scared and alone so we all need to make her feel as comfortable as possible."

"I guess I'll settle their little argument," said Zack as he walked into the living room.

Back in the living room, the two are still arguing.

"I'm only going to ask you one last time to hand it over," demanded Stewie.

"Make me!" said Frank Jr.

"Gimmie that," said Zack as he grabbed the toy, "Now NOBODY can play with it! Now I suggest you both behave or-"

"You're not my dad!" said Frank Jr angrily, "You can't tell me what to do!"

"Maybe not, but I'm an adult!" said Zack "You'll do what I say!"

"Give me that toy!" said Frank Jr.

"Come over here and get it, kid," teased Zack.

"I will!" said Frank Jr as his eyes glowed blue.

"Yeah I'd like- What the hell?" asked Zack as he noticed her eyes glowing. He then looks at his empty hand, "What the hell?!"

"What the deuce?" asked Stewie in amazement?

"What did you just do?" asked Zack.

"Whoa?" asked Frank Jr as he played with the toyed, "I just teleported the toy from out of your hand. I have powers."

"Guys, you're not gonna believe this..." said Zack as he walked into the kitchen.

Later in the living room, everybody doesn't believe what Zack's saying.

"I'm telling you, this kid is magical or something!" said Zack.

"Have you gone delirious?" asked Lois.

"Yeah, he's not special!" said Peter, "he's Meg's kid."

"Well, Tilly did say that she felt an aura around him," said Maddie.

"Don't tell me you actually believe him!" said Peter, "Magic doesn't exist. It's all fake just like the Moon Landing and Duke Nukem: Forever."

"You call this fake?" asked Frank Jr as his eyes glowed and made Peter's pants fall.

"Randy! Um, I mean, Frank Jr!" whined Peter.

"Oh my God, he does have powers," said Lois in shock.

"Where did you get such powers?" asked Meg.

"I was born with them, since my dad was the recantation of the world's great's hero" said Frank Jr, "You see, my dad has this power that once belonged to the dragon sage of six paths that die to save mankind from the omega juubi and the more he used it, the more magic he absorbed and I absorbed some of that magic while my mom was having me."

"I don't remember hearing about that in History class from High School," said Zack, "Except that he died along with his friends, fearing that the juubi may fall into the wrong hands."

"How could it possibly fall into the wrong hands?" asked Peter, "Especially when Meg has it safely in the house under my care where I can access it?"

"I want you to pray for your parents," said Zack to Frank Jr.

Meanwhile deep beneath the Earth in the lower depths of hell, Lucifer is boredly sitting on his throne greeting the new arrivals.

"And I trust you'll enjoy your stay here Mr... Ledger," said Lucifer.

"I don't belong here!" said Heath Ledger.

"Well according to this you committed some crimes under a persona known as the Joker," said Lucifer.

"That's just a movie!" said Heath, "its only acting. This is a terrible mistake."

"Wow, I guess you're right," said Lucifer, "...NEXT!"

A woman dressed in black who wore clothes from the middle ages approaches the prince of darkness.

"And we have another dead hooker," said Lucifer, "Enjoy your stay and yes I will require your services later."

"I am not a dead hooker, you fool!" said the woman in a french accent, "My name is Miriam. I was a witch who lived in France during the XIII Century. My sisters and I were captured and burned alive by the Inquisition."

"XIII century?" asked Lucifer in confusion, "Wait, haven't we met before? And weren't there three of you?"

"Come to think of it..." thought Miriam.

**Flashback**

Many years later during the XIII Century, Miriam, Lorraine, and Jeanne arrives in hell, all singed and burnt with burnt ropes around them.

"My, aren't you three a bunch of smoking hot ladies," joked Lucifer.

"Did you hear that, Miriam?" asked Jeanne, "He thinks we're hot!"

"Shut the hell up," said Miriam bitterly.

**End Flashback**

"I was sent back to the afterlife by those damn Griffins," said Miriam, "Apparently, my sisters returned to my realm's afterlife, but I didn't! And because the spellbook no longer exists here, I cannot return on my own."

"Anyway, why are you telling me this?" asked Lucifer.

"Because I wish to return to the land of the living and seek my revenge!" said Miriam.

"Impossible," said Lucifer, "You can't return unless a piece of your essence still remains somewhere on the earth and your spellbook was burned with you."

"Wait! My essence somehow remains in that child!" said Miriam, pointing to a window to the land of the living which showed Rosie levitating things, "But how did she get here?"

"The child?" asked Lucifer, "Maddie! Oh how I loathe that little girl. She seems different somehow."

"So do we have a deal?" asked Miriam.

"I'll let you return, and you can possess anybody you want as long as it has a free will," said Lucifer, "However, you will be bound to that body until you take back your essence and become complete. Oh, and make sure she dies a terrible death."

"_Au revoir, monsieur Diable_," said Miriam as she disappeared into a burst of flames.

"Wait a minute," said Lucifer, "Did that bitch just call me a type of cheese?"

Meanwhile outside of the Griffin home, a woman who looks exactly like Lois except for her metallic "skin" finally arrives.

"At long last!" said Corvette, "I've finally arrived at Quahog where I shall take my revenge upon that bitch Lois and take Peter all for myself!"

"Your little revenge will have to wait," said Miriam as she appeared behind her.

"Scanning life form," said Corvette, "Data not found. Identity unknown. I'm sorry, but I'll have to terminate you. I can't let you stand in my way."

"What kind of creature are you?" asked Miriam, "You don't appear human? You look fake. Are you this Paris Hilton I keep hearing about?"

"Activating pulse blasters," said Corvette as she shot out her blasters from her hands, but Miriam walks through them with ease since she's a ghost and all. She then immobilizes Corvette with her magic, "What the- I can't move!"

"Your abilities intrigue me," said Miriam, "Perhaps there is some use for you... as my new body!"

"Error! Error!" shouted Corvette as Miriam possessed her, "Get out of my body you... systems shutting down..."

"Excellent," said Miriam from Corvette's body.

Meanwhile inside the house, Frank Jr is listening to the story of how Meg and Zack met each other.

"So you told mom you loved her at the homecoming dance and danced the night away?" asked Frank Jr, "That's so cool."

"That night changed our lives forever," said Meg.

"Sorry if this makes you a little uncomfortable, seeing as how I'm not your dad and everything," said Zack.

"Can you tell me what Frank's like?" asked Maddie, "Is he just like dad?"

"Not exactly," said Frank Jr, "he does have any powers... except for when he arrive... I'd rather not talk about it."

"Wow, for people who don't have a spellbook, you guys have interesting lives and adventures," said Rosie.

"You know what else is interesting?" asked Peter, "A robot who looks like Lois breaking through a wall in an evil way but uses a lame pun to ruin the awesome moment."

At that moment, Miriam in Corvette's body breaks through the wall.

"Sorry to _crash_ this party," said Miriam.

"You were right," said Zack, "The pun _does_ ruin the moment."

"Who is that?" asked Frank Jr, "And why does she look like grandma?"

"Oh crap, it's Corvette!" said Chris.

"Who?" asked Frank Jr.?

"She used to be a car, but is now an android who looks like me," said Lois, "Everybody, run!"

"Not so fast," said Miriam, "I want that child! She has something that belongs to me!"

"Wait, I sense a familiar power within her," said Frank Jr in shock, "It's the same as mine! Is she that Miriam lady you guys told me about?"

"Correct, child," said Miriam, "You have a fragment of my magic and I want it back."

"Over Meg and Zack's dead bodies!" said Peter.

"So be it," said Miriam as she was getting her pulse blasters ready and aimed at Zack and Meg.

"Thanks a lot, fatass," said Meg.

"Hiya!" shouted Lois as she drop kicked Miriam, "Zack, Meg, get Frank Jr out of here!"

"I'm on it!" said Zack as he held him under one arm.

"Get off of me you hag!" said Miriam angrily as she used her powers to turn Lois into stone.

"Grandma!" shouted Frank Jr.

"Mom!" shouted Meg.

"Lois!" shouted Zack.

"Lois! No!" shouted Stewie, "You bitch! How could you... I WANTED TO DO THAT!"

"I always knew Lois was a little... _hard_ headed!" joked Peter as he tapped Lois's head, "Hehehehehe!"

Everyone in the room then laughs at Peter's joke.

"Yes, you might say she became _petrified_ with fear," joked Miriam as she heard nothing but crickets, "Well _I_ thought it was funny! Just for that, you will all become statues."

"Let's get outta here!" shouted Chris as they tried to run out the front door. Miriam then locks it using her powers.

"I don't wanna be turned to stone!" said Meg fearfully.

"Well look on the bright side," said Stewie, "When people see you, they'll think your grotesque appearance is actually abstract beauty just like your man."

"I'll pretend I did not hear that," said Zack angrily through his teeth.

"Hang on, guys!" said Frank Jr as her eyes glowed blue. He and the others (including the petrified Lois) then vanished into thin air.

"Curses!" shouted Miriam. The family then reappears in what appears to be a bathroom.

"That was close," said Brian, "It's a good thing you have magic powers."

"Where did you teleport us, anyway?" asked Meg.

"Beats me," said Frank Jr exhausted, "I've never teleported so many people to such a far distance. It takes up too much energy. I just wanted us to get the heck out of there."

At that moment, Connie D'amico comes out of the shower with a towel on.

"What the-? Meg?" asked Connie in horror, "AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!"

"AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH! IT BURNS!" shouted Frank Jr as he covered his eyes.

"Get out of my house!" shouted Connie angrily.

"What's all this shouting then?" asked Eliza as she entered the room, "What the bloody 'ell are you doing here, you baby?"

"Pardon?" asked Frank Jr, "I don't think we've met before."

"Don't play dumb with me," said Eliza, "You may 'ave black hair and outfit but I know you're still Maddie!"

"You talk funny," said Frank Jr becoming annoyed.

"What's wrong wit' the way I talk?" asked Eliza, "You're the one who talks funny with your yuppy American accent."

"Yeah, what's wrong with the brat?" asked Connie, "he looks funny."

"This is Frank Jr," said Meg, "You're not gonna believe this but he's my son from another universe."

"You're right. I don't believe that BS," mocked Connie, "Except the alternate universe part! HAHAHAHAHA!"

"That's a good one!" laughed Eliza.

"Zip it!" said Frank Jr as her eyes glowed.

"...?" Connie and Eliza both tried to speak but nothing comes out of their mouths.

"Frank Jr, there's a right way and a wrong to do things," said Maddie, "What you did was the right way."

"Maddie! Don't encourage him to use him powers like that," said Meg.

"But it was funny!" said Peter, "At least it wasn't as mean as what Sonic did to Amy Rose."

**Cutaway**

Sonic is walking Amy down a grassy field. She was blindfolded and was covered in blue paint.

"Sonic, where are you taking me?" asked Amy, "And why does my skin feel funny?"

"Oh, it's a surprise," said Sonic,

"Oh, I'm so excited!" said Amy with glee, "I love surprises!"

"Me too," said Sonic deviously, "HEY ROBUTTNIK! OVER HERE!"

Sonic then runs off leaving Amy alone as Robotnik/Eggman and his robots blast her to smithereens.

**End Cutaway**

"Guys, we have bigger problems," said Brian.

"Yeah, we still have a robotic witch out there that wants to make mincemeat out of us," said Stewie.

"Let me think for a minute," said Frank Jr, "What would Sid and Duncan do in a situation like this?"

**Cutaway**

"Begone, vile witch!" shouted a cloaked purple haired man.

He tried to cast a spell on the robot shelled Miriam, but the spell bounces back and hits his goblin-like partner which turns his head into a chicken's head.

"Buckaw!" shouted Sid.

"Although this backfired and doomed us, that was rather amusing," said Duncan.

"Buckaw!" shouted Sid.

"Hey, at least you'll taste good after you're dead," said Duncan.

**End Cutaway**

"Well that was pointless," said Frank Jr.

"Okay, let me think," said Meg, "Maybe we can have Frank Jr combat her."

"Meg, you can't send a baby to fight her," said Zack, "You actually expect him to win against a witch who has control of a robot who has more guns than the Venice Beach Bodybuilding contest?"

"Yeah, they have large guns alright," said Stewie.

"Why am I not surprised that you know this?" asked Brian dryly.

Connie and Eliza begin to furiously wave their arms around as they desperately try to speak.

"Okay, okay! You can have your voices back," said Frank Jr annoyed as he snapped his fingers.

"Okay, seriously," said Connie, "Why are you all still here? And who is this Miriam you keep talking about?"

"Come downstairs and we'll show you," said Brian as he led the others downstairs into Connie's living room. He then takes the remote from her parents, "I need this, thanks."

He then cuts on the TV to Diane's talk show.

**Cutaway to TV**

"Good evening and welcome to _Diane_," said Diane, "Today we will be talking to transsexuals and the men who love them. Now tell us, Mary. How has the sex change affected your love life?"

At that moment, Miriam slowly phases through the floor upwards, scaring the audience members.

"Who are you?" asked Diane confused.

"Good evening ladies and gentlemen... and both," said Miriam, "I am Miriam and I have an announcement to make. Griffins, if you are watching this-"

"FRANCE SUCKS!" shouted an audience member.

"Excuse me for a moment," said Miriam as she walked offscreen, gunned him down with her arm cannon, and walked back onscreen, "Now where was I? Oh yes. Griffins if you are watching this, I'll give you 2 hours to hand over the child to me or I'll take her from you by force, destroying this city in the process. The choice is yours. Now, where's the exit?"

"D-d-downstairs," stuttered Diane fearfully.

"Too far!" shouted Miriam as she blew a hole in the wall, "God, I love this body!"

**End Cutaway**

"Okay... Now I'm scared crap less," said Connie, "Any ideas?"

"I've got a plan," said Peter.

**1 hour later...**

"...And that's my plan!" said Peter.

"Peter, you just stood there for an hour and just said 'And that's my plan'," said Brian.

"Yeah, we could've used that hour to execute a _real_ plan such as seeing if Raven knows any exorcism spells," said Zack.

"Zack, you're a genius!" said Meg happily as she hugged him, "I love you!"

"Please, stop!" said Frank Jr as he covered her eyes, "I'm still homesick, remember?"

Later at Raven's house, Raven is creating a potion.

"This should reverse the effect of the petrifying spell," said Raven.

Raven pours the potion on Lois which turns her back to normal.

"What happened?" asked Lois, "Why do I have this sudden urge to let birds sit on my head?"

"Wow, where did you learn magic?" asked Rosie in amazement.

"I own a Wiccan spellbook," said Raven, "Hopeful we can use it to fight Miriam."

"We're going to use Wicca?" asked Frank Jr, "Wicca? Wicca's for chumps!"

"Wicca is just an alternative modern witchcraft," said Raven annoyed.

"Raven, do you know any exorcising spells to separate Miriam from Corvette's body?" asked Meg.

"I do, but it'll take me an hour to prepare," said Raven, "How much time do we have left?"

"Negative 10 minutes," said Zack looking at his watch.

"Negative 10?" asked Raven, "What did you do for over an hour and 10 minutes?"

"Fatass wanted to stop at McDonald's, but couldn't decide what to order," said Meg.

"Hey, it was a life threatening decision!" said Peter.

"It was over whether or not you wanted fries with that!" said Zack.

"I didn't want to look like a fatty," said Peter.

"I suggest we send Frank Jr back to his universe," said Lois, "I don't want to put him in anymore danger."

"But you guys can't take on her alone!" said Frank Jr worriedly.

"No, but at least you'll be safe," said Zack, "I don't think I can live with myself if something were to happen to you and I know your parents couldn't either."

"You know, you may not be home, but you're a great guy, and maybe a great big brother," said Maddie.

"Now let's get you home," said Zack, "Hopefully, Tilly repaired the Sundoor by now."

Later at the Griffin home inside Stewie's room...

"I totally did not repair the Sundoor by now," said Tilly.

"Why not?" asked Meg.

"Distractions," said Tilly.

**Flashback**

Tilly is trying to repair the Sundoor when she spots CJ with some bombs strapped to him.

"Look at me! I'm an Iraqi!" said CJ.

"CJ, that's tasteless and offensive!" said Tilly as she removed the bomb, "Do you _want_ this story to get removed?"

"Why do you have to wreck my fun?" asked CJ disappointed.

"Because somebody around here has to be the adult," said Tilly, "Too bad it's not the adult."

"Hey, kids, look at my impressions!" said Jillian as she had a thick blonde mustache, "I'm that guy on TV who says Diabeetus. Diabeetus! Now I'm Jillian with a mustache who says Diabeetus. Diabeetus!"

"MOM! That's an experimental hair growth formula, not a toy!" said Tilly, "Now shave it off!"

"Fine, then," said Jillian annoyed, "Oh well. Now I finally get to shave something from the TOP half of my body!"

**End Flashback**

"Anyway, I need more time," said Tilly.

"But we're out of time!" said Lois, "Miriam could be on her way here at any minute to destroy us all!"

"What we need is a miracle," said Brian.

**Spellbook universe starts now**

In Meg's room, Matt and Meg are in the bed too, talking about Frank and Frank Jr.

"I put him next to the crib" said Meg. "Tomorrow I'll try to find a way to open a gate between our worlds"

"I wonder what Frank's son will be doing now" said Matt. "Do you think that the Griffins of their world will take care of him as we do with Frank?"

"I'm sure. Frank said that our families were pretty the same" said Meg. "Well, not exactly the same…"

"Let's not talk about that, please" said Matt. He couldn't bear the fact that her wife was married to another guy. Well, that guy would feel the same when Frank told him about his world.

"But you shouldn't worry about Frank Jr "said Meg."Remember that he has his own powers, and well, he may drive crazy the guys of Maddie's world"

"Yes" chuckled Matt. "He can be handful some times. Remember that time we tried to bath Rosie?"

**Flashback**

Meg and Matt are chasing Rosie around the whole upper floor.

"Rosie, come here!" shouted Matt.

"You cannot avoid us forever!" said Meg.

"Wanna bet?" challenged Rosie, who was teleporting constantly, in a desperate attempt to escape from her parents, and from bathing.

"Come on Rosie, bathing it's not THAT bad!" complained Matt.

"Do you think so, huh?" said Rosie, before casting a spell. "Well, then you won't mind of bathing with me!"

Suddenly, a giant torrent burst from the bathroom, dragging Matt and Meg.

"ROSE MARY KENNEDY!" shouted Matt and Meg in unison

**End Flashback**

The very next morning, Stewie was in his room playing with his toys, when he's approached by Frank.

"Hi Stewie" said Frank cheerfully. "Do you want to play something?"

"Oh, hi new boy" said Stewie dryly. "Sorry, but I'm not in the mood to make new friends, so get lost"

"'New boy'? Why are you talking me like that?" asked Frank in disgust. "Oh, yeah, I forgot it, nobody knows who I am…" said Frank sadly, as he walked away.

Lois saw this from outside. She then went to the living room, where the rest of the family except Meg was there watching TV.

"Poor Frank" said Lois. "He feels so lonely and sad…"

"What happened?" asked Brian.

"He wanted to play with Stewie but he rejected him" explained Lois.

"How's Meg going with that dimensional gate spell?" asked Peter.

"She's still trying to find it" asked Matt. "I guess that it will take more time than we may expect"

"Meanwhile, one of us should spend some time with her, so she doesn't feel so sad and lonely" said Lois.

"Sure" said Peter.

"That's what we should do" agreed Brian.

But Matt then noticed that everybody was looking at him.

"What? Me?" asked Matt. "You can't be serious!"

"I'd tell Meg to, but she's busy with the spellbook" explained Peter. "Come on Matt, you're his closest friend in his world"

"What?" asked Matt in disbelief? "How can I be his closest friend? We're not even related! In fact, he's Griffin blood, so he's more related to you than me!"

"Hey, despite my surname, I don't have Griffin blood" said Brian quickly.

"And that's not all" said Matt. "I'm married to his wife but I'm not her husband! Can you imagine how he must feel about me?"

"But Frank is your wife's friend, so that makes YOU her closest relative aside from Meg" said Peter. "So it's YOUR responsibility to make him happy"

"Don't start again with that crap" protested Matt. "Okay, I'll do it…" said Matt as he rolled his eyes and walked away.

Matt then went upstairs and looked for Frank. He then heard some soft cries coming from Rosie's room. He slowly opened the door, and watched how Frank was lying on the floor, crying.

"Frank…?" asked Matt.

"Go away please!" sobbed Frank.

"Frank…please don't be so sad" said Matt.

"And why not?" asked Frank angrily. "I'm stuck in a world that looks like mine, except that my wife is married to you instead of me, thus my son don't exist, thus anybody knows who I am!"

"Listen Frank, I know that this is hard for you…" said Matt, trying to be understanding.

"And how can you know it?" asked Rosie.

"Listen, I almost lost my daughter today, so I know what I'm talking about" said Matt. "Listen, Frank, I know how you must feel about me, but I just only want you not to be sad. How about if I take you to the park?" suggested Matt.

"Okay…" said Frank, as he wiped tears from her eyes. "But I also want Meg to come with us"

"Okay, let's see if she's done with the dimensional gate" said Matt as he and Frank left Rosie's room and walked into Meg's room. "Hey, Meg, how's that spell going on?"

"It's almost ready!" said Meg cheerfully, who had some potions in her desk. "With this potion, I can open a rift between worlds, opening a dimensional gate!"

"That's wonderful!" said Matt.

"Then, what are we waiting for?" asked Frank.

"Sorry, Frank, but it will take some hours until the potion is ready" said Meg. "It needs to settle a bit to work"

"Well, at least we have a way to open a gate" said Matt. "Anyway, I was about to take Frank and Rosie to the park, and she want you to come too"

"Really? Okay then" said Meg, as the three of them left the house.

Minutes later, in the park, Rosie is playing in the swings while Frank is pushing her.

"Push me harder!" said Rosie.

"Okay" said Frank as he began to push harder.

"Harder!" said Rosie. "I want to reach the sun!"

Frank then began to push so hard that the swing spun several times, while Rosie was screaming. Frank, frightened, could stop the swing and put Rosie on the ground. She then fell to the ground and threw up.

"Oh my god!" said Frank in concern. "Rosie, sweetie, are you okay?"

"I'm…fine!" said Rosie, dizzy but cheerfully. "That was awesome! Let's do it again!"

"Better not" said Frank. "I'm going to the bathroom. Matt, keep an eye on Rosie"

"Okay, but be careful with the abandoned Robot factory conveniently placed near the women's bathroom" advised Rosie.

"What?" asked Frank, confused?

"Nevermind" said Rosie.

Moments later, Meg came back from the bathroom, but Matt has some bad news to tell her.

"You lost Frank?" asked Meg, angered and stunned. "How could you?"

"I'll tell you how" said Matt. "That guy was really smart"

**Flashback**

"Hey Frank, while Mom is in the bathroom, do you want to play with me?" asked Rosie.

"Sure!" said Frank. "Let's play hide and seek! You are 'it'!"

"Okay" said Rosie as she closed her eyes and began to count. "One, two, and three…"

Meanwhile, Frank ran away from the park.

**End Flashback**

Back at the Griffin house, everybody is talking about what happened.

"I called the police" said Lois. "They said they're going to entrust their best cops with Frank's search"

Meanwhile, at the Quahog local police station…

"Mike, a little girl got lost some hours ago. You'll look for her" said a cop.

"Sure, after I'm done with this crossword" said the cop called Mike nonchalantly "Let's see, four words, starts with f and ends with k, vulgar synonym of copulate…what can it be?"

Back at the Griffin house, Matt is putting on his leather jacket.

"Matt, where are you going?" asked Brian.

"I lost Maddie, and I'm going to find her." Said Matt with decision.

"I'm going with you" said Rosie. "Frank's still my friend, even if i didn't came out from his body"

Rosie and Matt got on Matt's motorbike and speeded away.

Meanwhile, somewhere in east Quahog, Maddie is wandering through the streets, which were filled with junkies, possible smugglers, prostitutes, and drunken hobos lying on benches, while some gunshots and police sirens could be heard in the background.

"Okay…I must admit that come here to look for dad wasn't a good idea" said Frank, scared of the unsafe street. He then is spotted by a couple of junkies dressed with dirty and ragged clothes.

"Look at that" said one of junkies, pointing to Frank. "It seems that it's our lucky day""

"Yeah" said the other one. "I know a lot of people who will pay a lot for a boy like him" said the other one as he rubbed his hands.

Hey, did you get lost, boy?" asked one of the guys.

"Yes" said Maddie.

"Don't worry" said the other man. "Come with us. We will take you home"

"Ah oh?" said Frank.

As he was about to grab Frank.

"Don't dare to touch my friend" said a defiant voice from backwards. The two junkies turned back and saw Matt and Rosie.

"Frank, come here!" said matt.

"Mom…!" shouted Maddie with joy. "Thanks for wanting to aid me, but I don't need you guys anymore" said Maddie as she was about to leave, but she was grabbed by one of the junkies.

"Not so fast!" said the first junkie. "You're ours now!"

"Get your hands off of me, you creep!" shouted Maddie.

Matt then charged towards the junkie who was trying to grab Frank and tackled him. But, unfortunately, he also was tackled by the remaining junkie. They began to fight in the floor, but Frank came to friend's aid, and smashed a trashcan over the junkie's back, a helped Matt to stand up. The junkie attacked again, but Matt knocked him out with a roundhouse kick.

"Don't move" said the first junkie, who has a knife near Rosie's throat. "Dare to move, and I'll slit her throat!" threatened.

"Okay, we'll do whatever you want, but don't harm her!" begged matt.

"Fine. Well, first of all-" was about to say the junkie, but he was interrupted by a fire blast. He then dropped his knife, and fell to the floor, dead. Rosie dashed towards Matt and clutched onto him.

"What happened…?" asked Matt in shock.

"I think that there's your answer" said rosie pointing forward.

In front of them stood Frank with bit of fire come out of his mouth and a man with long blonde hair, a blonde goatee, who wore a green overshirt and a green beanie. He was holding a shotgun.

"You know, this isn't a very safe place to go for a walk, especially with kids" said the man.

"Zack my half-brother!" screamed Frank as he rushed to the man. Yes, it's Zack.

"Brother? What are you talking about?" asked Zack.

"Excuse him" said Matt quickly, as he grabbed Frank. "It's that…you look a lot like his half-brother" said Matt, who quickly began to understand.

"Anyway, I work on a 7-11 down the street. You should go there and call for a taxi" said Zack.

"Thanks…ummm" said Matt

"Zack. Zack Murdock" said Zack.

"Murdock…" repeated Matt to himself.

They all were to the 7-11. Matt was calling for a taxi while Zack and Frank are having a chat.

"So, you a father?" asked Zack. "But you're a kid! How old are you? 17?"

"18" corrected Frank. "It was a long story involving a…broken condom"

"I see" said Zack. "Well, I got my girlfriend knocked up when I was 18 too, two years ago. That freaking bitch ran away after our son was born, leaving me alone to raise him"

"I'm sorry to hear that" said Frank. "I couldn't imagine my wife doing that"

"You're a lucky guy" said Zack. "That girl seems to care a lot for you. And she's lucky to for have such awsome and dude like you" praised Zack, making Frank to grin a little.

"Hey, Frank, our taxi is here" announced Matt.

"Well, it's time for us to leave" said Frank. "Thanks again for helping us, Mr. Murdock" said Frank.

"Anytime" said Zack.

Matt, Frank and Rosie then got in the taxi.

"I'm a bit sorry for that Zack" said Frank. "It seems that life has been hard for him"

"I don't know why, but I have a feeling that things will go better for him from now on" said Matt.

Back in the 7-11, Zack is thinking about Frank. He was so cool…but he was leaven, and he would be her lover…at least in his universe.

"God, why do you hate me so much?" asked Zack to the sky. "Why did you make my life so miserable?"

"And now we go to the national lottery raw" said the TV. "The winning numbers are: 5, 8, 17, 24, 29 and 33"

"5…8…17…24...29…33…mine! It's MINE!" shouted Zack after looking his lottery ticket. "I'm rich! God, I love you! Goodbye, f (beep) cking crappy job! Goodbye Quahog! Cody, pack your things, we're leaving!"

"To where?" asked Cody off-screen.

"How does Hawaii sound?" said Zack.

Back in the taxi…

"Hey, how did you know where I was?" asked Frank.

"Well, you said something about your dad working on a 7-11 in east Quahog" said Matt.

"Why did you come for me? I'm not your friend after all" said Frank.

"I don't mind it" said Rosie. "You know, even if me didn't came out from your body, I can feel a very strong bond between us"

"I was wrong" said Frank.

"Huh?"

"When I said that you weren't like my Frank Jr. I was wrong. You're exactly like my meg when she was your age." said Frank.

"I'm glad to hear that" smiled Rosie. "Hey, dad, you forgot about your motorbike!" said Rosie.

"Don't worry, tomorrow I'll come back to get it. Fortunately, it has a cool car alarm.

Some random guy spots Matt's motorbike and try to steal it.

"Are you sure you want to do it?" said a digital voice from the motorbike. "You should know that Britney Spears used me before you…and used me in more ways than you may imagine"

"Ewwwww…!" said the man in disgust as his step backwards.

Moments later, they're in Stewie's room, where the gate opened for first time. Everybody is gathered there.

"Well, Frank, time to go home" said Meg, who was almost crying.

"Goodbye, meg" said Frank "Although I'm going to see you right now. Then she looked and Matt. "And you…after seeing how you fought against those guys…well, I'm still uneasy with the idea of meg married with another man but…you're a cool guy, and it seems that meg loves you, protect her okay"

"Thanks" said Matt. "That's mean a lot coming from you"

Meg then opened the bottle, and the potion quickly evaporated in a cloud of smoke. The cloud then began to condensate, and in a bright flash of light (much to Peter's dismay) the dimensional gate was again opened.

"I don't know how much time will the door remain opened, but you must tell maddie tell Frank jr to cross it as fast as he can, okay?" said Rosie.

"Don't worry, Rosie. Well, goodbye" said Frank, before crossing the gate

**Murdock universe starts now**

Suddenly, a large portal opens up in the room and out steps suddenly, a large portal opens up in the room and out steps Frank.

"We said miracle, not portal!" said Jillian, "Apparently somebody didn't get the memo."

"I'm here!" said Frank, "Say, are you Maddie?"

"Yes," said Maddie.

"I'm Frank," said Frank, "Anyway, Meg said you guys have a gate like our can you guy maybe take back home."

"Well, I guess this is goodbye," said Frank Jr as he hugged Meg and Zack and ran off into Frank then to the closing portal.

At that moment, Miriam breaks through the wall of the room.

"We have DOORS you know!" said Lois.

"Sorry, they're too far," said Miriam.

"It was next to the wall you just blew up," said Brian pointing to the door next to her.

"Shut up!" said Miriam.

"Alright, Miriam. Prepare to face your doom," said Raven as she lifted a spellbook.

"Sacre bleu!" shouted Miriam with fear, "You have a spellbook!"

"Yes, it's the Wiccan book of spells!" said Raven triumphantly, "With it-"

"Oh it's just Wiccan," laughed Miriam "For a second there, I was actually worried."

"Hey, Wicca is powerful!" said Raven annoyed.

"Wicca's for chumps," said Miriam.

"Oh yeah? Well I'll recite a spell so powerful-" said Raven before Miriam disintegrated her spellbook, "...Okay, we're boned."

"Maybe not," said Frank Jr, "How long do you guys think you can distract Miriam?"

"I'd say 5 minutes at the most," said Brian.

"CJ, what does a bull do?" asked Maddie.

"This!" said CJ as he rammed the Sundoor with her head and activated it, "Ow!"

"Dad, Zack, Maddie come with me!" said Frank as she grabbed his hand.

"Where are we going?" asked Frank.

"We're stopping by for a spell!" he said as they both jumped into the portal.

Meanwhile in Rosie's universe, she and her family were still celebrating Frank return home.

"Well, all's well what ends well" said Meg.

"Still, there's something that intrigues me" said Brian. "Will there be other universes out there aside from this one and Maddie's?" asked Brian.

"Who knows" said Matt. "But I don't want to hear about parallel universes anymore"

Suddenly, the portal opens up and Frank, Frank Jr and Maddie jump out.

"Perhaps I spoke too soon," said Matt.

"Maddie? What are you doing back here?" asked Meg.

"What's he doing here?" asked Matt pointing to Frank Jr.

"This is my brother," said Maddie, "The one from another world mother."

"Really?" asked Matt as he then punched Zack.

"Ow! What was that for?" asked Zack as he covered his eye.

"That's for marrying my wife!" said Matt angrily.

"Matt, he's not married to me!" said Meg, "Well, he is but not **me**. Another me."

"It's okay," said Zack as he got up, "I understand. Apparently you care a lot about Meg so you want to be with her in every HEY WHAT'S THAT?"

Matt quickly turns around and gets sucker punched by a laughing Zack.

"Hey! That was my husband!" shouted Meg as she kicked him the shin.

"OW! But he started it!" said Zack in pain.

"Dad, there's no time!" said Maddie, "We have to stop Miriam and fast!"

"Wait, did you say Miriam?" asked Meg, "She's loose in your universe?"

"Yeah, I forgot to mention that part," said Frank Jr.

"But how do you plan on stopping her?" asked Lois.

"With the spellbook," said Frank.

"But we can't enter that universe," said Brian, "We'll cause a paradox if we meet ourselves."

"Pfft, that's just a lame plot device," said Zack, "Maddie meets up with her future self alot."

"Really?" asked Meg.

"Sure," said Zack, "In fact, she was over just this Thanksgiving."

**Flashback**

The family is having Thanksgiving dinner.

"You want any more turkey, Maddie?" asked Meg.

Future Maddie then takes her gun and shoots at the cooked turkey.

"...Sorry," said Future Maddie, "I still have that phobia thing."

"Oh right. The turkeys," said Peter.

**End Flashback**

"Okay how about if I take the spellbook and use it?" asked Frank jr as he grabbed the spellbook.

"No because you'll probably use it afterwards," said Meg.

"No I won't," said Frank Jr.

"Then why do you have your thumb over spontaneous combustion spells?" asked Matt.

"...Okay, I have a new idea," said Frank, "You cast a spell on me and Frank Jr to give us powers just like Rosie. Then we both go back to fight Miriam."

"Absolutely not!" said Meg, "It's too dangerous for both of you!"

"Mom, I think we should try her idea!" said Frank Jr.

"No way," said Matt, "What if something were to happen to you?"

"We've got to try something!" said Zack, "My wife and her family are in danger! We're running out of options!"

Back in the other universe, Miriam was about to cast a spell on the family.

"A little melting spell should get rid of you once and for all," said Miriam.

"Meg, I know we may not have time to live," said Peter, "But I want you to know that even though I treat you like crap... I lo-"

Suddenly, Miriam is hit with a blast of lightning.

"-Hate you," continued Peter.

"What in the world?" she asked as she turned to see that Frank Jr casted the spell on her, "You!"

"And that's not all!" said Frank as he teleported next to her, "You may be able to handle girl, but can you take on TWO magic powered mallque?"

"You don't scare me!" said Miriam, "You're just children!"

Miriam levitates a couch and tosses it at them, but Frank Jr creates a shield to protect them. Frank then lifts Miriam and slams her against a wall. Furious, he creates 3 clones of herself.

"This fight is getting epic," said Chris.

"Do you think this fight will end soon or will they take the DBZ route?" asked Peter

**20 Episodes later...**

"Definitely the DBZ route," said Brian dryly.

"This is getting us nowhere!" said Frank as he and Frank Jr teleported into another room, hiding from Miriam.

"You're right," said Frank jr, "We have to exorcise Miriam from out of that body and I think I know how!"

"Oh God, don't let it be a wicked witch joke," said Frank in disdain.

"No, even better," said Frank Jr as he whispered into his father's ear.

"You sure it'll work?" asked Frank.

"Like we have any other choice?" asked Frank Jr, "Now let's do it!"

"Come face your doom, children," said Miriam as she phased through the wall into the room. She then casts a spell on them that immobilizes them both.

"Frank jr! I can't move!" panicked Frank, "I'm scared!"

"Wait for it..." said Frank.

"Leave them alone!" screamed Meg as she tried to run up to Miriam but was thrown back by her powers.

"Look at you. You both thought you were all that," said Miriam as she walked closer, "But you're not."

"Dad..." said Frank jr worried.

"Wait for it," said Frank.

"I'm going to enjoy this," said Miriam as a green flame enveloped her hand, "I can't wait to hear you scream."

"And that's what we're going to do!" said Frank, "NOW ROSIE!"

They both then roar a high pitch like a lion. Miriam then covers her ears in pain.

"AAAAAARGH! MY EARS! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" she screamed as she was forced out of Corvette's body, "YOU'LL BOTH PAY FOR THIS!"

Her spirit then vanishes and returns to the afterlife in Rosie's world. Frank and Frank jr then faint from exhaustion.

"What the heck was that we just did?" asked Frank Jr.

"That was called a ultra-roar," said Frank, "We used our powers to amplify our pitch. I drained all of mine using it so I'm back to normal."

"How did you know it would work?" asked Rosie.

"I didn't," said Frank, "We had to wing it, just like what pops does in everything in life."

"Now that's not true, dude," said Peter.

At that moment, Corvette comes to.

"Haha! At last I have control of my body," said Corvette triumphantly, "and now, I shall exact my revenge up- KZZZZZZZT!" she stops completely and falls down.

"Off button," said Tilly revealing an off switch on Corvette.

Much later, the Griffins and the other Griffins (who had come to get Rosie) were saying goodbye to each other.

"I guess in a way, both our families are pretty similar," said Matt.

"Yeah... except for those two," said Zack pointing to Tilly and CJ.

"Well, look at us," chuckled Lois, "Talking to each other like a bunch of crazy people."

"Yeah, I know," said Peter, "Just look at how dumb looking these bastards are."

"Oh yeah?" challenged the other Peter, "Well you're all stupid looking bastards, too."

"Peter, those bastard's are us," said both Lois' in unison angrily.

"Well something's don't change," said Meg.

"Anyway, we'd better head back to our universe," said the other Meg, "I still have a little bit of the potion from the last spell."

"You don't need to use the spellbook," said Tilly as she activated the portal, "You can take the Sundoor back."

The family then begins to head back except for Frank Jr and Frank. Frank Jr runs back to the family and hugs them.

"I'll miss you all," said Frank, "Even though you're not my real family."

"Well, I guess in a strange cosmic way, we are," said Zack as he and Meg hugged him back.

"I'll miss you too, Frank jr," said Maddie as he hugged him, "It's too bad we didn't get to know each other better.

"Don't worry about it," said Frank jr, "Maybe one day we'll meet each other again and hang out."

"I'll be looking forward to it," said Frank as he and Frank Jr walked into the closing Sundoor.

"What a day," said Lois, "I better get dinner started."

The family all leave the room except Stewie and Maddie who both contemplate on the events of the day.

"I think I've had enough of parallel universes for one day," said Maddie exhausted.

"Me too," said Stewie, "If I see something coming out of that Sundoor and it's from a parallel universe, it'll be too soon."

At that very moment, the Sundoor opens up again and out comes a puppy who stood on two legs like Brian wearing a t-shirt, skirt, and a bow on her left ear.

"Who the deuce are you?" asked Stewie.

"My name's Rose," said the puppy, "I'm Brian and Lois' daughter."

"...Say what?" asked Maddie.

**Murdock universe ends**

**Spellbook universe starts**

Everybody was expecting Rosie to come out in any moment. After a couple of minutes, Rosie appeared in front of them.

"Mom? Dad?" asked Rosie.

"ROSIE!" shouted in unison Matt and Meg, and they dashed to hug their daughter. "Oh, Rosie, we missed you so much" cried Meg.

"You're squishing me!" complained Rosie, trapped in her parents' grip.

"Come on Rosie, tell us all about those bastard's dirty linen!" said Peter.

"Peter, WE are those bastards!" said Lois angrily. "Rosie, we're so happy for you to be back with us!"

"Well, all's well what ends well" said Meg.

"Still, there's something that intrigues me" said Brian. "Will be other universes out there aside from this one and Maddie's?" asked Brian.

"Who knows" said Matt. "But I don't want to hear about parallel universes anymore"

Meanwhile, in other universe different from this one and Maddie's, we see the Griffin house. And inside the house, we see Brian sat on the couch. He's dressed with a businessman suit, decorated with some republican propaganda and a golden crucifix necklace around his neck. Next to him is Lois, dressed as usual. Brian then shivers.

"Brian, what's wrong?" asked Lois, worried.

"I don't know" said Brian. "But I have a weird feeling that, there's another Brian in another universe who is a liberal democrat atheist, instead of a conservative republican fundamentalist like me, and he's a failure as a novelist, instead of being a successful novelist like me, and worst of all, he isn't married with you, my dear love, like me. Instead of that he is the family dog"

"Oh, that's because you sleep too little" said Lois. "You work too much on your books" said Lois as she rubbed his shoulders.

"I know, darling, but I must do it" said Brian. "Otherwise, our life wouldn't be so wonderful"

"Yes" said Lois. "I'm going to get the dinner ready" said Lois as she stood up. "And don't forget to take Peter out for a walk!"

"Don't worry!" said Brian as he took a leash. "Peter, it's time for a walk!"

Peter rushed on all fours to Brian, panting like a dog. Peter was completely naked, except that he was wearing Brian's red collar, and for some weird reason, he behaved like a dog.

"I love my life" said the republican Brian as he and Peter went out for a walk.

**Spellbook universe End **

**Main Family Guy MC Universe starts**

They ended up outside the Griffin's house.

'Did we come back to our universe?' Frank Jr asked.

'Only one way to know,' Frank said as they looked through the window into the living room and they saw John and Tyler fighting.

'Super smash bro is the best game!' John said.

'No, Pokémon stadium is the best game!' Tyler said.

'Yup, this is the right Universe,' Frank Jr said.

The two were returned to their home town and the two shake hands and make amends. Maddie and Rosie tells Frank and Frank Jr they'll never forget them, but both stewie tells them to get out of his lab.

Back home, Frank Jr realizes he still never found time to finish his father's science fair project. On the verge of being disqualified, the other stewie perfects the teleports and sends flare and the Might Murdock's to Dimmsdale. Frank wins the science fair and thanks Maddie and Rosie for his help. Tilly notices Frank Jr is on the screen and wants to talk to him, but stewie yells at her to get out of his lab.


	11. Chapter 9: Holy Crap

**Chapter 9: Holy Crap**

**Opening Credits**

_It seems today that all ya see_

_Is violence in movies and sex on TV_

_But where are those good, old-fashioned values_

_On which we used to rely_

_Lucky there's a Family Guy!_

_Lucky there's a man who_

_Positively can do_

_All the things that make us_

_Laugh n' Cry_

_He's_

_a_

_Fam_

_-ily_

_Guy!_

**End**

It was just another regular day in the Griffin Mallque house and the Mallques/Griffins (minus Peter and Frank) were watching TV as usual.

On the TV, it showed a woman talking with a doctor in his office.

"Mrs. Lipstein, I have bad news." The doctor gravely informed his patient, "The tumor's malignent. I'm afraid you only have six months to live."

"Oh, my God!" Mrs. Lipstein reacted to the news.

Then the "got milk?" campaign logo popped up.

"Got milk?" The narrator questioned.

Cuts back to the family on the couch.

"That commercial made no sense!" Frank Jr acknowledged.

After that, Peter appeared and turned off the TV with the remote.

"Hey, listen up, everybody!" Peter said to the family, "Your Grandpa Griffin is finally retiring."

"Grandpa Griffin?" Meg asked her father.

"Who's he?" John also asked as he, Frank Jr, Meg, Persephone, Chris, Stewie and Tyler turned to Lois.

"Is he that guy that smells like firewood and has those big gray pussywillows in his ears?" Chris asked Lois, whose eyes popped at the last thing Chris mentioned.

"Chris, that's a terrible word." Lois said to Chris, "'Pussywillows'."

"Pop's dad worked at that mill for 60 years." Frank lamented while looking at a picture of a mill, "That's almost 80 years." He walked over to the family, "Tomorrow night, they're throwing a big dinner and we're all gonna be there to honor him."

"Why?" Meg asked Frank, "We barely know him."

"And we never met him." John joined in, "That includes me and Tyler."

"Yeah, how come he never visits us?" Chris soon asked.

"Maybe he hates us." Tyler assumed.

"No, Tyler. It's not that." Lois affirmed to Tyler, "You see, kids, your grandfather has never been comfortable with the fact that I'm not Catholic."

It then flashbacked to Peter and Lois' wedding just as their leaving the church. But when they reached the limo, they were surprised to find the sign behind it, "Just Married" had another sign underneath it reading, "To a Protestant Whore."

It then cut back to present day.

"Hey, hey, hey, dad loves all of us." Peter assured the family, "He-He's just too busy working to show it. He's been that way ever since I was a kid."

**Cutaway #1**

It was set at a father-son picnic where a man was on a stage announcing the results of a previous event.

"And now the winners of the father-son three-legged race." The man announced holding up a ribbon, "First place, Bobby Hammill and his dad." He then gave it to a boy whose leg was tied together with his father's as they moved along.

"Second place, Jimmy Lawson and his dad." He then announced and handed another ribbon to another boy with his father and they moved along.

"Third place, Peter Griffin and Jake Mallque." He announced just bluntly, then just pinned the ribbon onto Jake Mallque tied to the young Peter.

**End**

"Well, now that he's retiring, I and he can finally spend some time together." Peter continued, "I want us to have one of those father-son moments, like on TV. You know, where we hug and the music goes, _La-la-laaaa_."

It then panned to show a band next to the stairs behind Peter and they played the song Peter was singing earlier.

"Like that?" Tyler asked Peter.

"Yeah, Tyler, just like that." Peter replied and turned to the band, "Thanks, boys."

"Hey, can you guys do that fluttery thing like when the Brady kids run down the stairs?" Brian asked the band, who played the theme while the kids from _The Brady Bunch_ then appeared running down the stairs, from Brian's exact words. However, Cindy stopped at the last minute.

"I don't want to tattle, but is Bobby really a doctor?" Cindy asked before departing, followed by Frank Jr asking the trombone player that he doing a short sputter and then did it.

The scene shifted to the Quahog Mariners Banquet Hall, which was where Peter's father's dinner was being held; the sign also had a slogan underneath reading, "Now free of that urine smell". Inside, the Griffins were eating with Peter's father, who was the only one eating at the moment.

"Mom, I can't eat." Meg whispered to Lois, "I'm too grossed out by grandpa's ears."

"Tell me about it." John agreed, "For a second, I thought they were the hedges back when we were living at Cherrywood."

"I know." Chris soon joined in as he leaned a bit looking at his grandfather's earhair, "They're like a big, gray enchanted forest."

"Kids, your grandfather's ears are not gross." Lois told the kids, "And they are certainly not an enchanted fo- TYLER AND FRANK JR!"

It soon showed Tyler and Frank Jr leaning at Peter's father's ears with a magnifying glass.

"Hey, it is like an enchanted forest." Tyler acknowledged Chris' comment, "I can even see gnomes."

It then panned from a shot of the old man's face to the inside of the ear Tyler and Frank Jr was looking into as wind was blowing through the hair as if it were long grass. Then, actual gnomes came out of the hair.

"Let us run to the meadow and dance." The gnome on the right said to his partner in an unknown language.

"You first." The other gnome replied, "I'm self-conscious."

Cuts back to the dinner and showed a man walking up to a podium with a party blower. He then blew it.

"But seriously, tonight we here at Pawtucket Mill celebrate the career of our oldest and most dedicated employee, Francis Griffin." The man announced as he then started applauding for the latter, "Francis."

Everyone else joined in on the applause as Francis got out from his chair and went up to the podium. Peter then whistled and went back to applauding for his father. Francis received his award, which was a pocket watch and went to the microphone.

"At mass this morning, it occurred to me that I may never see any of your faces again." Francis speech to everyone, "I just want to say that Jesus loves you. But in my eyes, you're a bunch of sinners and slackers who forced a hard-working old man to retire." He then picked up his watch, "So, you can take this shiny watch and shove it!" He discarded the watch in the distance.

Everyone gasped in shock of what just happened, except for Stewie, who appeared glad instead.

"I adore this man!" Stewie praised.

"Shut it, mutant." John and Tyler said to Stewie in unison. They then looked back at Francis.

"Wow, I see him differently now." Tyler remarked.

"You and me both." John replied.

"Shut it, idiots." Frank and Frank Jr said to John and Tyler in unison

It cut to the family driving home with Francis.

"Hey, that was some speech, dad." Peter said to Francis.

"Yes, it's a shame grandma wasn't there to hear it." Lois said in the back.

"Bless her heart." Francis remarked, "She's on another one of her prayer missions in Las Vegas."

**Cutaway #2**

It cut to an elderly woman at a poker table in a casino.

"Hit me, you five-card stud." The grandmother said to the card dealer, and then hackingly couches, "Cocktail!"

**End**

"Aye, she's a rose." Francis reminisced, "It's a pity you couldn't find yourself a nice Irish-Catholic girl, Peter." This caught both Peter and Lois off-guard.

"Ohohohoh, Francis, this must be embarrassing for you." Lois sarcastically chuckled at Francis' comment, "But I'm in the car."

"So, tell us about yourself, Mr. Griffin." Tyler said to Francis.

"What do you want to know?" Peter asked Tyler.

"Not you." Tyler told Peter, "Your dad."

"Oh. Well, now that you mentioned it, since my dad is now retired, he's coming to stay with us." Peter said and then turned to Francis, "You hear that, dad? No more excuses. I'm putting my foot down." Peter slammed the brakes, where Frank Jr, John, Tyler and Brian were then flung forward and hit the front.

"Geez, guys, buckle up." Peter said to Frank Jr, Frank, John, Tyler and Brian now on the car floor and went back to his dad, "Eh, what do you say, dad?"

"I don't want to be a bother." Francis responded.

"Uh, it's no bother, is it, Lois?" Peter said and asked Lois.

"Of course not." Lois assured sarcastically while rolling her eyes upward, "It'll be fun."

"You're a good woman, Lois." Francis praised Lois, "Perhaps you won't burn in Hell after all. What's that place where all the lost souls and unbaptized babies go to again?"

"Purgatory?" Frank Jr said on the ground.

"Ah, there we are." Francis said.

"Eh, there you go, Lois." Peter assured to Lois, "You love kids."

"That reminds me." Francis acknowledged and turned to Peter, "Peter..."

"Yes, dad?" Peter answered.

"... Who are these four on the floor?" Francis asked about Frank Jr, Frank, John and Tyler.

It was now time for bed as John was walking out of the bathroom in his pajamas. Tyler also came out of the bathroom, also in PJs and they were both about to head for bed when they noticed Peter and Lois by the door of Frank Jr and Stewie's room.

"What's going on over here?" John asked Peter and Lois at what they were doing.

"Hey, boys. Heh, look at that." Peter said to John, "Dad's reading Frank Jr and Stewie to sleep, just like he never did for me." The last part had Frank, John, Tyler and Lois with shocked looks on their faces.

Stewie and Frank Jr were on Francis's lap while he was reading from his Bible.

"So God cast the pagans and sinners into the fiery bowls of Hell..." He closed the Bible as he read it and took Stewie and Frank Jr to their cribs and tucked them in, "... where their flesh burned in agony forever and ever."

This made Stewie satisfied with excitement as he and Frank Jr then happily began sucking his thumb before going to sleep.

"The End." Francis greeted Stewie goodnight.

(A/N: Okay, I know this was meant as a joke, but where exactly in the Bible does it say what Francis supposedly read? Seriously. I've read the whole New Testament and I never found anything like that. Sorry, I got a bit touchy on my religion. Anyway...)

"Ah, children love a good bedtime story from the Bible." Francis said.

"Yes, charming." Brian remarked on Francis' comment, "Like when God told Abraham to kill Isaac?"

**Cutaway #3**

It then cut to Abraham Lincoln with... Isaac from _The Love Boat_, who was serving a woman her drink. Suddenly, Abraham pulled out two pistols and shot Isaac, leaving the woman in panic.

**End**

"You do know that God was just testing him, right?" Frank asked Brian.

"Whatever..." Brian shrugged off Frank's question and left, leaving him alone with John, Tyler, Peter, Lois and Francis.

Then early the next morning, Peter in a suit busted through the kitchen door and opened up a seat for Francis, who took it.

"(Yawn) that was a lovely service, Francis." Lois complimented.

"Super." Meg and Persephone came in and replied, "And only three more hours till school."

"I would've preferred just going on Sundays." John said, also coming in along with Tyler.

"I didn't even know there was a 5:00 am mass." Chris acknowledged about his discovery, "I didn't even know there was a 5:00 am. What else haven't you told me?!" as he and Frank Jr screamed at lois.

"Now, I-I rather like this God fellow." Stewie also acknowledged, "He's very theatrical, you know. You have pestilence here and have a plague there. Omnipotence! Got to get me some of that."

"Uh, yes. We-We all enjoy reading the Bible in this house." Frank said trying to get his grandfather's approval.

"Really?" Francis responded, "What's your favorite book of the Bible?"

"Uh... uh..." Frank stuttered trying to come up with an excuse to help him pass by, "Uh, the one where Jesus swallows the puzzle piece and the man in the big yellow hat has to take him to the hospital?" Peter then gave out a nervous grin on his face in hopes that it worked. Francis, however, only gave Peter an unsatisfied glare, leaving Peter and Frank disappointed.

Later that day, Tyler was banging on the bathroom door.

"Open the door, Chris!" Tyler ordered Chris, who was the one occupying the bathroom, "I gotta go!"

Francis passed by and moved Tyler aside and started banging on the door in Tyler's place.

"You heard the young man, open this door!" Francis ordered, "Open it, I say!"

The toilet flushed and Chris opened the door.

"Sorry, grandpa." Chris apologized, "Uh, Tyler, you might want to give that a minute or two."

"I know what you're doing in there..." Francis said to Chris, "...and it's a sin!"

"What?" Tyler asked Francis, "Going to the bathroom?"

"No..." Francis replied as he leaned in and whispered into Tyler's ear what he meant.

"What's that?" Tyler asked, still in confusion.

Francis whispered into Tyler's ear again.

"Oh." Tyler replied, understanding now, but then thought, "Wait, I don't think-"

"And if you ever do it again, boy, you'll burn in Hell!" Francis threateningly warned Chris.

"But I do it every day." Chris informed Francis, "Sometimes twice."

"Mark my words. Both of you." Francis said to both Chris and Tyler, "You may think you're alone in there, but God's watching'." Then focused on Chris, "Don't do it again!" He finally stormed off. As Frank Jr walk out of his room into the hallway next to Chris, Tyler and heard the whole thing and reply

"God's watching Chris does number 2?" Frank Jr asked, "Oh, man, Chris is a sinner and God's a pervert."

"Frank Jr, I think he might've got it confused with something else." Tyler reassured Frank Jr, "And besides, God's not a pervert."

Next, Meg and Persephone were walking into the patio while coming home from school.

"MEGAN, PERSEPHONE!" Francis shouted from in a chair behind Meg and Persephone, startling them, then lowered his voice, "How was school?"

Meanwhile, in the living room, John was passing by drinking a soda, when he then heard Meg's voice from behing the patio door.

"Uh, good." Meg responded calmly from inside the patio, where John leaned in and eavesdrops on the conversation, "Kevin walked us home."

"Kevin?" Francis asked in confusion.

"He, uh, lives next door." Persephone informed him.

"He lives next door..." Francis repeated, "...to a harlot!"

Hearing what the old man said caught John by surprise.

"What?!" John reacted.

"Grandpa, they were just holding hands." Meg informed Francis.

"Well, it'll be easy for him to take your hand when God strikes your sinful heart with leprosy." Francis remarked, "He can take it right home with him!"

John couldn't believe what he was hearing as he got outraged by this injustice and busted in.

"John?" Meg exclaimed.

"Hey, look, gramps! I don't care what you heard or believe in..." John protested against Francis, "...you do not talk about your granddaughter like that! Ever!"

"And who are you?" Francis asked John.

"You're kidding." John said, "We just met, like, last night. Remember?"

"Oh, yes. Yes, I remember now." Francis replied, "But why are you here?"

"He lives here with us." Meg explained.

"So, this boy lives with a harlot? Has this house have no shame?!" Francis assumed, "But more importantly, why shouldn't I talk about my granddaughter?"

"Well, because last time I checked, judging others for doing even ordinary things in their lives drags you to Hell!"

Francis didn't respond for a moment or two to John's answer.

"Lord, it's great to see you kids." Francis remarked as he gave Meg and Persephone a farewell kiss and left the room.

"Hey, uh, John." Persephone said to John, "About what you said to my grandfather, why did you do that?"

"Come on, we're friends. Remember? Friends stick by each other's side." John responded, "And besides, he's your grandfather. He shouldn't be saying those mean things, especially towards his own grandchildren."

"Gee. Um... thanks, John." Persephone thanked John as she left the room feeling a bit touched about what John said. Though, she still felt a little uneasy about what her grandfather had said.

John was the last to enter the living room where he found Lois, Frank Jr, Brian and Tyler watching _The Dick Van Dyke Show_.

On the TV was the intro to said show, where the main character entered his home and greeted his wife and son. He then walks into the living room and trips on the footstool. He gets back up, but ends up tripping on and stattering a glass coffee table, leaving with several shards of glass impaled all over his body. He screams in agony and tries to pull out the glass shards, but backs up into the ironing board, where the iron lands directly on his face and burning it. He agains screams in pain and backs up while his hands are on his face. He soon ends up in the kitchen and slips on a wet puddle on the floor, slipping and smashing right into an active oven. He gets caught on fire and plummets on the kitchen table and he tries to get back up by holding ont the handle of one of the drawers, but the drawer is pulled out and had a bunch of utensils inside which land right at his face. He quickly gets back up and tries to pull the utensils out, but for some reason, a car bursts through the wall and crushes him.

Cuts back to living room.

Francis is right next to the TV with the remote and turns it off.

"Francis, we were watching that." Lois said to Francis annoyed.

"Now we'll never know how it ends!" Frank Jr said in outrage.

"Well, I'll tell you how it ends." Francis told them, "Laura burns the roast and God kills her for parading her bum around in those pants!"

"Thanks for ruining the ending!" Tyler said to Francis in outrage as he storm out of the room.

Then, it cut to a baseball game at night. Peter was there with Francis, hoping for a chance to bond.

"Yeah, not a bad way to kick off your retirement, huh, dad?" Peter said to Francis, "Yeah, the magic of baseball has brought fathers and sons together for millions of years."

Francis, however, only shrugs it off and wasn't interested at all.

"Stewie's having fun." Frank acknowledged looking at Stewie.

"Why-Why does that man drop his club before he runs around?" Stewie wondered, "I'd bring it with me!"

"That's a baseball bat, Stewie." Tyler reassured Stewie, "You're supposed to drop it."

"He's right, Stewie." John agreed, "If he had brought it with him, then he would be out."

"DAMN!" Stewie cursed.

"Hey, who wants a Fenway frank, eh?" Peter suggested, "Nothing says, 'Please talk to me, daddy,' like a Fenway frank."

"That's true." Tyler agreed."

"Is there a bathroom here?" Chris asked, "I don't think I can wait anymore."

"In a public restroom, lad?" Francis questioned Chris, "For the good of your soul, show some restraint." This caused Chris to sit back down in defeat and pain.

He-Hey, hot dog guy!" Frank called out to the hot dog salesman.

"I'll get him." Francis insisted.

"Mr. Griffin, they bring them to you." Tyler reassured Francis.

"Well, la-de-da." Francis said.

"It's called 'customer service'." John then told Francis, "Ever thought of that?"

"I don't need my food brought to me. I'm not a broken-down old mule! I can still work! I can still take orders!" Francis then headed up the bleachers and stormed off.

"No, that's not what I meant!" John called out to Francis, "UGH! Stubborn, old man."

"Oh, hey! Hey, look! Hey, dad! Hey, dad, look! Hey, dad! Dad! You gotta... L-Look!" Peter called to Francis as he jumped up and pointed at the scoreboard, where it's display screen played a special message showing an image of Peter blowing a "love-you" kiss while it read, "DAD I LOVE YOU - PETER." Peter looked up and realized Francis was already gone to see it, "Uh, look! Aw, crap. That was money well spent."

Eventually, Peter was home in the living room staring out the window while Frank, John, Tyler, Frank Jr, Lois and Brian are gathered around the couch.

"He just left without saying anything?" Lois asked Peter about what happened at the game, "Wh-Where would he go?"

"Maybe he went back to work." Tyler guessed.

"I don't know." Peter answered as he turned to her, "I-I just asked him to buy me some peanuts and cracker jacks. And besides, Tyler, my dad's retired. You know that."

"I think that's a possibility." John stated agreeing with Tyler's suggestion.

"I don't care if he ever comes back." Brian then said which gave looks of shock and surprise from Peter, Frank, Frank Jr, Lois, John and Tyler. No one said anything for a few seconds.

"Are you finishing the song, or do you really mean that?" Tyler asked Brian deciding to break the silence.

"I wasn't being cute. I really hope he's dead." Brian answered.

"I can live with that." John replied.

Then Frank and Frank Jr began to slap Brian and john silly until they said uncle.

It then cut to Tom Tucker and Diane Simmons on Channel 5 News on the TV.

"Well, Tom, the city of Boston is examining its conscience tonight in preparation for a visit from The Pope." Diane said to Tom.

"That's right, Diane. And I'll tell you what else will be examined; my cock here." Tom then said to her seemingly suggestively, until he pulls up a rooster (aka cock), "Yes, the Rhode Island Cock Society will be sponsoring free check-ups for this year's Cock Awareness Week." He placed the rooster on the table, "I don't know why they went with such a suggestive name. They could've just as easily gone with 'rooster.' Diane?"

(A/N: Originally, they wanted Tom to say "My cock." So, since my version of Family Guy will feature all the material they weren't able to put into their episodes, I thought I might do them a favor.)

Cuts back to everyone on the couch. Peter was looking out the window again.

"I'm telling ya, something must've happened to him." Peter panicked, "H-He's probably hurt, o-or lost, or-or, shanghaied by pirates!"

"What now?" Tyler exclaimed.

"...That renegade pirate ship captained by the ruthless Peg Leg Swantoon!" Peter soon said when the phone rang and Brian got up to answer.

"Peter, calm down." Lois reassured Peter, "It's his first night of retirement. He's probably out enjoying himself."

"He's in jail." Frank corrected still holding the phone.

It cut to the Quahog Police Department. Inside, a police officer was escorting Francis out as the family bailed him out.

"Dad. My God, are you okay?" Peter asked running to Francis in worry and got slapped in the face by the latter.

"Don't be using the Lord's name in vain!" Francis threatened.

"He's okay." Peter said in relief, "Thank God!" Soon after, Francis slapped him again.

"Uh, you do realize what he said there actually a blessing, right?" John asked Francis to see if he was aware of that, but got slapped in the face without answer.

"I'll take that as a 'no.'" John then assumed.

"Uh, seems like he broke into the old mill after hours." The officer explained what happened, "We found him working on a kick press."

"Dad, you left the ball game with me to go work in a mill?" Peter asked Francis realizing the situation.

"Now that is a sin!" John stated in disgust.

"Yes!" Francis answered breaking away from the policeman, "I want to work! I want my job back!"

"But, dad, you're retired." Peter reminded him.

"I'd rather be dead." Francis responded.

"Dead? I'll tell you what's dead. Vaudeville." A man dressed in barbershop quartet attire said to Francis appearing out of nowhere, much to everyone's confusion, "You know what killed "em?"

"What killed them?" Tyler asked the man.

"The talkie pictures. That's what." The man answered.

"Of course!" Frank exclaimed.

"But you can still make it, kid." The man said turning to Francis, "You just gotta have a gimmick. I, for one, am a tumbler. Here, watch my round-off. Ooff." The man then tried to pull off a tumble-roll, but ended up lying on his back on the floor, "Hey, kiddo, be a sport. Take the pills out of my pocket and put one on my tongue." He then looked at Lois, "Hey, honey, you want to be in the pictures?"

Later that same night, the family was back at the house. Peter was in the kitchen with Lois, Frank, Frank Jr, John, Tyler and Brian.

"I don't get it, Lois." Peter said to Lois, who was pouring herself a cup of coffee, "Baseball's always been the secret to male bonding. It even worked for Rosie O'Donnell and his father in _A League of Their Own_."

"Peter, I hate to say this, but it doesn't seem like your dad isn't interested in bonding with you." Lois assured Peter, "All he cares about is work."

"Wait a second. Work! That's what'll bring us together." Frank acknowledged after his light bulb lit (not literally), "We can start our own father-son business."

"You mean like _Sanford &amp; Son_?" Tyler asked Frank.

"Yeah, exactly like _Sanford &amp; Son_!" Peter answered.

It then shows what they meant. Inside Peter and Frank 's imagination, everything was that of the TV show _Sanford &amp; Son_, with Peter and Frank as Lamont Sanford and his son, where he opened the backdoor of his truck and a couple of bathtubs pour right out of there, and Francis as Fred, the main character of the show.

"Hey!" Fred (Francis) called to Lamont (Peter), "Watcha doin' with all them bathtubs, you heathen dummy?"

"Pop, why you gotta be like that?" Lamont jr (Frank) asked back, "We cut 'em in half, stick a Virgin Mary in them and sell them as shrines." He then showed his father a custom Virgin Mary shrine made from the half of a bathtub.

"That our boy." Fred praised, "At least, that's what your mama always told me. Now gimme a hug before I gave ya a knuckle sandwich." Both father and son, grandson then hugged in rejoice.

Right after that, it cut back to reality with Peter hugging Frank in front of Lois, Frank Jr ,John, Tyler and Brian.

"Wow." Frank Jr exclaimed, "Forgive me for saying this, but that... was sad."

"Or you could just get your father a job with you at the toy factory." Lois soon suggested.

"That's an even better idea!" Peter acknowledged Lois' suggestion, "Lois, you're a genius. Now give me a hug before I give you a knuckle sandwich." The sound of that gave Lois a look of worry on her face as she backed away a bit from Peter, while John, Frank, Frank Jr, Tyler and Brian just simply walked away.

"Peter. Peter, I can't hug you." Lois stated hoping he'll stop, but he kept coming toward her, "Peter, cut it out. Peter, I'm serious. Peter!" She then suckerpunched Peter in the stomach.

The next morning, Peter and the boys took Francis to their workplace, where they were showing him around.

"...And this is the nerve center of the whole factory, my station." Peter explained to Francis, "I assemble our new action figure, Zeek, the moody drifter."

"You mean to tell me you stand here all day playing with dolls?" Francis questioned Peter's job.

"No, you're not getting the message." John reassured Francis, "He assembles toys."

"Yeah, it's not easy." Peter agreed, "See-See, I gotta twist on his head and stick a tiny pack of smokes in his torn denim jacket." He then held up the said toy in front so Francis could see. He pressed the button on the back of the toy.

The toy then produces a a slight cough.

"Any of you kids want to see a dead body?" The action figure then asked.

"I do!" Frank Jr answered.

"Too bad, kid." The action figure told Frank Jr.

"Awww..." Frank Jr moped in disappointment.

Mr. Weed then passed by them.

"Oh! Uh, w-wait here, dad." Peter said to Francis handing him the action figure and running over to Mr. Weed, "Hey, uh, Mr. Weed?"

"Peter." Mr. Weed greeted back.

"Listen, I was wondering' if you might have a job for my dad." Peter asked Mr. Weed.

"Your father?" Mr. Weed repeated, "He must be a man of at least 70."

"Oh, yeah, but he's in great shape, eh?" Peter reassured, "Well, uh, except his prostate. Man, 2:00 AM last night, I thought a horse was using the bathroom."

"Peter." Francis called to Peter where the camera zoomed to Francis with all of the action figures finished, "All finished. What's next?"

Everyone gathered around Francis and stared in amazement at the latter's work.

"I don't believe it." John responded in disbelief.

"You did my whole day's work in five minutes." Peter said to Francis.

"That's impossible!" Tyler exclaimed.

"We should sell you to the circus, you freak!" Peter then praised Francis, and then teasingly elbowed the latter.

"I've never seen such productivity." Mr. Weed acknowledged, "How is this possible?"

"I'll tell you how it's possible." Peter told Mr. Weed, "Because this man always put his job before everything else; his wife, his health, even his own son. Especially his own son."

"I need hear no more." Mr. Weed told Peter, "Everyone, this is your new shop foreman." He leans in and shakes Francis' hand, "Welcome abaord, sir. Lead as you see fit." He then left.

"Dad, after all these years, you and me together, side by side, father and son. Eh?" Peter said to Francis.

"Peter, this is truly a miracle." Francis acknowledged in gratitude, "I'm so grateful."

"Oh, hold that thought." Peter halted Francis, "Hey, boys. You're on."

The band from earlier in the episode were right there and played the first piece of music they did earlier.

"Go ahead, dad." Peter told Francis reaching his arms out to him, expecting a hug. Francis, however, knelt down and prayed.

"Thank you, Jesus." Francis prayed, "I have a purpose in life again." He got back up, "Hey!" He then shouted viciously at everyone and suddenly pulled out a whip, "Break up the sewing circle and get back to work!"

It was later night time back at home. Everyone was in the kitchen ready for dinner, while Stewie was reading a Bible.

"My, my, what a thumping good read!" Stewie astonished, "Lions eating Christians, people nailing each other to two-by-fours. I say, you won't find that in_Winnie the Pooh_."

"Oh. Please don't say 'pooh.'" Chris begged Stewie in pain as he got up and left the room.

Suddenly, Peter bursts open the door whilst collasping onto the ground.

"Peter, are you alright?" Lois asked Peter in concern, "Where's your father?"

"Still at the factory." Peter answered, "He's turning the break room into a chapel."

"A chapel?" Lois repeated, "Where will you all eat lunch?"

"Lois, lunch is a sin." Frank informed Lois sarcastically, "Taking a break is a sin. Bestiality is a sin. I'm not sure how that came up exactly, but me? Pops and granddad have never been closer. Having him at the factory is the best-" Frank and Peter soon passed out where his unconscious noggin got impaled by a fork he was wielding upwards, but it wasn't deep. Just by the tips. This left everyone caught by surprise and a bit of horror.

The next day, all the employees were working as fast as they could while quickly assembling the action figures non-stop and repeatedly saying "I got it."

"Hey, Peter, your dad stinks." One of the employees told Peter, "I'm working triple shifts and I'm still not Employee of the Week. Ho-How am I supposed to compete with that?" He then lifted his arm up to show a small portrait of Jesus, Who Is Employee of the Week.

"Hey, where is He anyway?" Peter asked.

**Cutaway #4**

It cut to a couple of men playing golf.

"Well, Rick. This'll be for my fourth birdie." A man in yellow golfing attire said to a man in light-blue golfing attire, "Looks like someone's going to be cleaning out my apartment for a month."

"Oh, come on, Jesus." The other man prayed, "Please help me make this shot." He then took a stroke and tapped the ball to the hole. But it soon seemingly stopped right at the edge of the hole.

"Ohhh. Tough luck, Richard." Golfer #1 said to the golfer.

While everyone was about to leave, the ball then instantly fell into the hole.

"Hey, boss. The ball just went in!" One of the men who accompanied the golfers told Golfer #1.

"WHAT?!" Golfer #1 exclaimed in disbelieved.

"Yes!" Golfer #2 cheered, "Thank You, Jesus!"

It soon showed Jesus in Heaven.

"Your welcome." Jesus said to the golfer.

**End**

"Back to work, all of you!" Francis ordered everyone outside his office, "What's going on here?"

"Uh, dad." Peter asked Francis, "Uh, some of the guys think that.. Well, since you took over, work is no fun."

Elsewhere, John and Tyler visited and decided to give Peter some lunch, despite the latter not allowed when they stumbled across Peter's discussion with Francis.

"Work's not supposed to be fun." Francis told Peter.

"But why not?" Peter asked.

"Why not?" Francis repeated in disgust, "WHY NOT?! That's Satan talking! You're a failure as a worker and as a father!"

Hearing this finally got Frank and peter to think otherwise.

"Now wait a minute." Frank and Peter stood up and protested, "I may not be perfect, but at least I love my kids enough not to spend every minute of the day working! I'm a damn good father, and that's more than anyone can say about you!"

This got everyone by surprise, even John, Tyler and Francis.

"Peter, you've never spoken to me like that before..." Francis acknowledged, "... You're both fired!" Francis then slapped Peter and Frank hard in the face.

"HEY, YOU!" John shouted to Francis, "I WANT TO HAVE A WORD WITH YOU!" John then walked over to Francis with Tyler, "Not only have you proven you're a horrible father figure, but even since me and my buddy've gotten to know you, we've seen what you truly are."

"Oh. So, you finally see me as a righteous Man of God and have come for my forgiveness." Francis assumed.

"No, you don't deserve forgiveness for what you committed against these people." John corrected Francis, "As far as I can tell, YOU'RE the sinner!"

Everyone gasped in shock at what John called Francis.

"How DARE YOU! YOU'RE FIRE, TOO!" He was gonna deliver another slap to John, but the latter caught and grabbed the old man's hand and held it firm. John then glared at Francis for a moment before letting his arm go and walked away.

"Tough luck, because I don't even work here! Come on, Tyler." John called Tyler, whom did as asked.

"Me a sinner?" Francis muttered under his breath, "Why, that ungrateful-"

"Well, i-in that case, I'm suing you for sexual harassment." Peter said to Francis as he took Francis' hand and placed it on his rear to make it look like he was molesting him, but it didn't seem to be working, "I'll see you at home."

Sometime later after that, Chris tried to sneak over to the bathroom. Unfortunately, Carter was in the bathroom in a robe having finished showering and had caught Chris.

"What do you think you're doing, lad?" Carter questioned Chris.

"NOTHING!" Chris responded as he rushed back into his room.

Meanwhile in the kitchen, Lois was giving Peter and Frank some coffee, who were now a wreck as he was in a robe and had a five o' clock shadow. John and Tyler were there with him while they were having some cereal for breakfast.

"Lois, something's wrong with your shower." Francis came in and said to Lois.

"Well, what's the problem, then?" John asked.

"The water's not cold enough." Francis answered, "I like me showers colder than a well digger's kerblocken."

"Oh, really?" Tyler asked, "I thought you might like the water hotter since it SUITS WHERE YOU'RE HEADED!"

"You and your friend will be the ones to suffer that fate, lad." Francis said to Tyler.

"I think it's time someone sits his kerfluffin down and has a talk with his unemployed son." Lois insisted to Francis about Peter and Frank's unemployment.

"If Peter and Frank needs to talk, he'd best go to confession and beg forgiveness for all his failings!" Francis insisted, not realizing what Lois actually meant, "Have a glorious day." He grabbed his suitcase and left for work.

"Peter, how can you just sit there and let him talk like that?" Lois questioned Peter and Frank as she placed Stewie's bowl of oatmeal on his high-chair.

"Ah, he's right, mom. I'm no good." Frank said, "Even my own dad doesn't love me. Face it, I'm going to Hell."

As soon as Peter said that, flames then engulfed the screen as Frank imagined himself in Hell. There, he saw a couple of men playing poker and Peter easily recognized him.

"Wow, Adolf Hitler, Al Capone, John Wilkes Booth." Frank exclaimed as he examined each player on the table, then saw an unexpected face along with them, Superman, "Hey, wha- W-What are you doing here?"

"I killed a hooker." Superman confessed, "She made a crack about me being faster than a speeding bullet, so I ripped her in half like a phone book."

The flames from before rose again engulfing the screen again, cutting back to the kitchen.

"Yes, the fat man's going to Hell." Stewie gloated, "And from the looks of his midsection, he'll burn like a tire dump for all eternity. Oh! I love God! He's so deliciously evil."

John took a look at where Stewie was at in the Bible he was reading.

"Stewie, this is Revelation." John pointed out, and then realized, "Wait a minute. You mean you've been reading Revelation this whole time?"

"And nothing but!" Stewie answered.

This gave John an idea.

"Well, if you really love God, then take a look at one of His most famed works, The Book of John." John recommended to Stewie as he turned to the aforementioned Gospel.

Stewie soon began to read, hoping it would be to his expectations.

"AAAHHH!" Stewie panicked suddenly dropping the Bible on the tray of his high-chair as he was now in absolute horror, "No, this can't be! God isn't evil at all! He's... LOVE!" Stewie then spouted in horror.

"Stewie, eat your oatmeal." Lois told Stewie taking away the Bible from his hands and sitting down next to him as the latter then began quickly eating his oatmeal in worry, "Honey, you're a wonderful husband, a loving father, and, for some reason I'll never understand, a very devoted son."

"Your wife's right, Mr. Griffin." Tyler agreed with Lois, "If your father thinks otherwise, then he's the one to be going to Hell."

"That's a nice thought, you guys, but sadly, it means nothing coming from you." Peter said unconvinced.

"Then what will?" John wondered.

"Well, the moment has arrived at last." Tom Tucker said on the kitchen TV as it soon cut to him and Diane on Channel 5 News doing a very special report, "We now go live to Logan International Airport, where The Pope's plane has just touched down." It then showed from a bird's eye view a full shot of The Pope's plane having already landed. The crowd was mostly composed of nuns acting like rock band roadies with police keeping the crazed crowd back.

Suddenly, a man in a suit holding a corded microphone came out of the plane.

"Hello, Boston!" The man greeted the crowd, "Are you ready to humbllllllllllllllllleeeeeeeeeeee yourself before God?" The crowd cheered wildly as a result. "What? Have you all taken a vow of silence? COME ON!" The crowd then went louder, "Then put your hands together for The One, the Only, His Holiness, The Pope!" The man then stepped down the stairway as The Pope then stepped out and greeted His followers.

It then zoomed out of the TV and back to Peter, who was intrigued by the event.

"Hey, I just got a crazy idea!" Peter then acknowledged.

"What is it?" Frank Jr asked Peter.

Peter went over to the other end of the table off-screen and brought out a waffle iron. He then inexplicably burns his hand in it.

"AH! WHY?! WHY?! WHY?!" Peter screamed in pain as he got his hand out and swished it around a few times and then had his other hand on it, "(sighs) Nothing..."

"I think I've got a better idea." Frank acknowledged as he took john, Tyler with him and left the kitchen.

It then showed the Boston Budget Hotel, which was where The Pope was staying. The sign outside also said, "Welcome Pope." Inside were a group called "Pope-Alooza" in one of the hotel suites, where their manager was on the phone and the priests were reading the Bible.

"Huh." One of the priests exclaimed, "Hey, did you ever notice this? On page 375, it says 'Jebus'." They all then turned to mentioned page to check it out, while the priest who acknowledged it showed it to another one next to him.

"It's supposed to be 'Jesus', right?" The priest next to him said when John and Tyler came in disguised as bellhops.

"Room service!" Frank, John and Tyler both announced in unison.

"We didn't order no room service!" The manager testified.

"Well, uh, uh, actually, we-we just wanted to check to see if there's any stowaway paparazi in here." John said as he, Frank and Tyler stepped in, "The last celebrity that was staying here got ambushed in the bathroom."

"Alright, wise guys, who are you two?" The manager questioned the duo, seeing through their disguises.

"Look, we're just two guys who are living with a wonderful family in Rhode Island and the father there has a family crisis that only His Holiness can resolve." John confessed to the group.

"That's right." Tyler said, "So, please, won't you help?"

The priests looked at them for a moment before...

"Dust them!" One of the priests ordered.

"WHA- THIS IS WHAT WE'RE GETTING FROM YOU GUYS?!" Frank shouted at them as a priest used his cane to drag both Frank, John and Tyler out of the room by their neck collars.

They stopped at a garbage chute in the hall, where one of the priests opened it and he and the manager threw the boys into it.

Outside, a man was waiting next to the dumpster, where John and Tyler came out of the chute at last, landed on and bounced off the pile of trash that was piling up from the dumpster and landed hard on the floor.

"My heavens! Are you boys okay?" The man asked Frank, John and Tyler running over to their side.

"Yeah, we just got bounced by The Pope's road crew." John answered.

"Good thing you boys missed me." The man said, "I'm set to drive the Popemobile and any slight bump on the head knocks me unconscious for a few hours."

"Really?" Tyler asked intrigued.

"Oh, yes." The driver chuckled, "I always wake up feeling fine, but it is just so darn inconvenient to be knocked out that easily. Even by the slightest tap or touch."

"You mean like this?" Frank asked touching the driver's forehead with his finger.

"Yes, like tha-" The driver was about to say before dropping to the ground losing consciousness.

Frank, John and Tyler took a look at the Popemobile and then to the Popemobile's now unconscious driver. Frank soon developed an idea.

Later, the Popemobile was driving down a city street with The Pope inside as He was waving to the crowd cheering for Him. Inside were Frank, John and Tyler, now dressed in the previous driver's attire (and if you're wondering, Tyler was wearing a spare uniform) and then when nobody was looking, they took an upcoming right lane that coincidentally lead to Quahog.

It then cut to a scene from _Cool Hand Luke_, most specifically the chain gang scene.

"Taking it off here, Boss." Luke said to the Captain taking his shirt off.

"Take it off there, Luke." The Captain told Luke.

"Wiping it off here, Boss." Dragline said to the Captain taking a rag out and wiping off his sweat.

"Wipe it off there, Dragline." The Captain told Dragline.

"Waving at The Pope here, Boss." Luke said waving as the Popemobile passed by.

"Wave at The Pope there, Luke." The Captain told Luke.

Later, the Popemobile was still miles away from Quahog when The Pope began to wonder.

"Are you sure this is Boston?" The Pope asked Frank, John and Tyler.

"Yes, sir." Tyler answered, "And look over there, it's Harvard."

"That's just a barn." The Pope corrected Tyler.

"Geez, someone went to Yale." Frank remarked, "Hey, Tyler, since when do you know how to drive?"

"Huh. You know, I don't know. Oh, well." Tyler said as he continued driving without messing up.

Back at the Griffin home, Lois was mopping the kitchen floor,

"Hey, Mrs. Griffin, we brought company." John and Tyler said in unison off-screen to Lois.

"Careful, boys, I just cleaned the floors." Lois warned Frank, John and Tyler, picking up a plate of brownies as it panned to John and Tyler at the door with The Pope kissing the floor.

"Good thing." Frank said.

"Mmm. Lemony." The Pope acknowledged.

Lois dropped the plate of brownies she was holding in surprise.

"Your Holiness, this is such an honor." Lois said to the Pope, glorified by His presence, "Please, go into the living room and make yourself at home!"

The Pope then did just as Lois suggest, then Lois came up to Frank, John and Tyler.

"Boys, what is The Pope doing here?!" Lois asked John and Tyler.

"Well, Mrs. Griffin, we hijacked His bubble car so that He can help your husband, Mr. Griffin, convince his father he's a good man." John told Lois, who was shocked at what they told her.

"You three kidnapped The Pope?!" Lois reacted.

"Yeah." Tyler responded.

"Boys, this is the most reckless thing you've ever done." Lois told Frank, John and Tyler, "The last time something like this happened was when Mr. Griffin was on an airplane."

**Cutaway #5**

Peter was in an airplane, where he was staring at the emergency exit's warning label, reading "DO NOT PULL." Peter just stared at it, until he pulled the lever open, causing the door to break off and suck Peter out of the plane, leading him to fall to the ground below giggling in amusement.

**End**

In the living room, The Pope was getting along with everyone. Frank, John and Tyler were there glad to see that The Pope is already acquainted with the family and decided it was time to introduce Peter.

"Mr. Griffin, could you come down here for a minute?" John called out to Peter, who was in his room lying on the bed still feeling depressed like earlier.

"Sure" Peter answered as he got out of bed, left the room and went downstairs to see what John wanted, only to find The Pope in his living room, "What the hell? The Pope? W-What are you doing here?"

"We brought Him all the way here so that He'll help you out with your dad." Frank told Peter.

"Yes, Peter, you've raised a fine family." The Pope praised Peter getting up from the couch.

"Yeah, well, my dad thinks I'm a screw-up." Peter said otherwise, "Hey, since Frank, John and Tyler brought you over here, I was hoping you could change his mind. He-He'd have to believe you. You're God's go-to guy."

Well, your father is entitled to his opinion." The Pope pointed out, "But more important is what you think. Look deep in your heart, my son. Do you think you're a screw-up?"

"Well..." Peter replied turning to his kids. It showed Frank, Frank Jr and Meg, who smiled back at her father. Then at Persephone who smiled back as well at her father, then it panned to the right where Chris was still was going through intestinal pain. It panned lastly to Stewie, who was polishing a sniper rifle and pulled it behind his back when he noticed Peter looking at him. This gave Peter some confidence, "No. I'm not. Y-You know what? I'm a damn good father. And I have great kids."

"Well, that's not what grandpa says." Frank Jr stated.

"Well, grandpa is wrong." Peter reassured Frank Jr, then sitting next to Persephone, "Persephone, it's not a sin for a girl your age to like boys."

Persephone kissed her father on the cheek. "Thanks, daddy." Persephone thanked Peter.

"And Chris, what you do in the bathroom is between you and God." Peter then said to Chris, "Ad if you're sorry, he'll forgive you."

"Thanks, dad!" Chris thanked Peter in relief as he rushed upstairs to the bathroom.

"Good for you, Peter." Lois congratulated Peter, "But isn't there someone else you should speak to?"

"Yes, there is." Frank Jr said as he got up and went to... The Scarecrow? "Scarecrow, you've had brains all along."

"Okay, this is not what we were talking about Frank Jr." Frank then stated.

"Same goes for your heart, Tin Man." Peter then said to Tin Man and then to, "And Kristy McNichol, come back to television." As you would guess, it was Kristy McNichol instead of presumably the Cowardly Lion, "We miss you."

"Peter, Frank Jr, we meant you should talk to your father/grandfather." Lois pointed out to Peter.

"You're right." Peter agreed, "You with me, Big Guy?"

"Peter, I go where I am needed." The Pope told Peter.

"To the Pope mobile!" Frank and Frank Jr exclaimed in a _Batman_-style sequence where after a trancision card showing The Pope's hat in a golden, spinning background, it showed Peter, John, Tyler, Frank, Frank Jr and The Pope in the Popemobile as it exited through a cave, for some reason and reached the Happy Go-Lucky Toy Factory.

Inside, every worker was almost in the appearance of slaves as their clothes were tethered and worn-out while they were busy quickly putting together Furbys.

"Hey, guys." Peter came in talking to his old co-workers, "Remember when we brought in that stripper for Lombardi's birthday and it turned out to be his son? Well, I think this is gonna top it." He stepped away to allow The Pope to enter, where His appearance garnered everyone's attention.

"Wow, it's The Pope!" One of the workers exclaimed.

"Slothful sinners!" Francis criticized the employees, who went back to work, "You're here to work and earn money, not sit around with your-" Francis paused after he caught The Pope in his sight, "HOLY MOTHER! IT'S THE HOLY FATHER!" He kneels down and does a Sign of the Cross while doing so, "I am not worthy."

"Rise, my son." The Pope instructed Francis, "You are indeed worthy, for you have raise a fine son. His zest for life is an affirmation God's great love within us all."

"Wow!" Peter exclaimed in amazement, "And that's from The freakin' Pope!"

"See, Mr. Griffin?" John said to Francis, "This is what Christianity truly is. Looks like you were wrong all along."

"I was wrong, alright." Francis responded.

"Stand by, boys." Peter told the band from before, who got themselves ready.

"I was wrong about You!" Francis then said to The Pope, much to everyone's surprise, including The Pope's, "You've got soft on me, Holy Father! Even a tambourine-shaking Baptist could tell this boy's no good!"

"Are you accusing Me of deceit?!" The Pope questioned Francis in outrage of the latter's rude criticism.

"Whoa, easy, Your Holiness." Peter said to The Pope, trying to prevent a fight.

"Because I shall have the church inscriminate you for your inexcuseable-" The Pope warned Francis.

"Okay, time out." Peter exclaimed as he pulled both The Pope and Francis away from each other.

"We apologize on Mr. Griffin's behalf, Father." John apologized to The Pope.

"No worries, boys." The Pope assured to John and Tyler, "But, (sigh) I have never met such an intolerable, corrupt man. And Peter, you must truly be blessed with the patience of a saint."

"Well, he's my dad and I just want him to love me." Peter replied.

"Peter..." Francis astonished from behind Peter, "... how can you say such a thing?" He came up to Peter, "I love you with all my heart."

Peter then gave the band their cue to play, which they did.

"You do?" Peter asked.

"Of course." Francis answered, "I just don't approve some of the things you do. Such as the pornography, the drinking, the need to watch television all day instead of maybe spending time with your family. I just wish you would think otherwise sometimes is all." Then the music stopped.

"No, keep playing, you guys." Frank told the band, "I think this is as good as its gonna get." The music then played back on, "Dad, to be honest, I don't approve some of the things you do, either. Ah, jeez, that's a terrible thing to say. I guess I am going to Hell, huh?"

'And I guess that goes for us, too, for what we said to him, huh?" John and Tyler said to The Pope.

"Well, that depends on whether they deserved it or not, boys." The Pope assured to the duo, then turned to Peter, "Peter, the good Lord said to honor thy father. He never said anything about honoring the things he does."

"Well, in that case, dad, I promise that I'm gonna eat only fish on Fridays during Lent and eat meat before and after that, golf after church, laugh at Jewish humor, and yes, spend more time with my wife and kids." He then glanced at The Pope, "Uh, But I won't enjoy it whenever I sleep with my wife. She hates it." The Pope, however, only gave Peter a confused look on His face as to what the latter meant.

"Well, alright, then." Francis approved, "I'll be on me way. Take back your jobs, and give your old man a hug." He then formed a hug with Peter.

"I love you, dad." Peter said to Francis.

"I know you do, son. And the same goes for you, too." Francis told Peter as he stopped hugging with Peter.

"What are you gonna do now?" Frank Jr asked Francis.

"I don't know." Francis answered, "I guess where the good Lord needs me the most, I assure."

"Well, we are looking for a new bodyguard for My tour." The Pope volunteered, "Perhaps maybe this will also serve as a form of redemption."

"Y-You'd give my dad a job?" Peter asked The Pope, "Even after the way he treated You, aftewards?"

"Peter, our duty as Christians is to help others in any way possible." The Pope said to Peter, "Even when they least expect it. And besides, as Frank Jr said, 'I'm The flippin' Pope.'"

Later that night, everyone was watching The Pope's tour on TV, where The Pope was returning to the church he works in.

"Alright, get back!" Francis, now a bodyguard, said to the crowd while the camera was focused on The Pope entering the church, "Sorry, but no flash photography in the chapel." He then approached the cameraman, "Alright, that's a rap. Now, turn that camera off or I'll turn it off for ya!" He then knocked the camera down to the ground, where it only showed a couple of people in pews.

Cuts back to the family.

"Well, I think your father found the perfect job." Lois acknowledged.

"Sorta." Frank, Frank Jr, John and Tyler remarked in unison.

"Yeah, let's hope so." Peter stated, "I love being a good father, but I don't have to be a good son in front of my father again for a long, long time."

"Thank God." John praised.

"But what about your mo-" Tyler was about to ask Peter when a knock was heard on the door.

"Peter, open the door and break out the schnapps!" An elderly voice said to Peter from the other side of the door, "Guess who needs a place to sleep it off for the weekend?"

"Grandma?!" Frank exclaimed.

"TYLER!" John shouted at Tyler.

"Oops." Tyler exclaimed.

"Oh, my God, NO!" Brian panicked.

"Quick, everyone!" Frank stated, "Into the pod!"

They all soon dashed into a hole on the wall next to the TV, where it closed shut and it was revealed to be an escape pod, where it blasted off into the sky.

**The End**


	12. Chapter 10: Da Boom

**Chapter 10: Da Boom**

**Opening Credits**

_It seems today that all ya see_

_Is violence in movies and sex on TV_

_But where are those good, old-fashioned values_

_On which we used to rely_

_Lucky there's a Family Guy!_

_Lucky there's a man who_

_Positively can do_

_All the things that make us_

_Laugh n' Cry_

_He's_

_a_

_Fam_

_-ily_

_Guy!_

**End**

It's been almost a whole year since John and Tyler became a part of the Griffin/Mallque family and they were about to spent another year with them as today was December 31, 1999, New Year's Eve.

The family (except Persephone) were celebrating New Year's Eve watching the Channel 5 News, who was also celebrating said holiday.

"And that concludes our special half-hour salute to the past 1,000 years." Diane said as it showed her and Tom on TV.

"We leave you this New Year's Eve with a look back at some of those we've lost this millennium." Tom said.

It then showed historical figures that were around the past millennium such as Joan of Arc, Leonardo Da Vinci and Normal Fell as sentimental music played in the background.

"Kevin asked me to Quagmire's millennium party!" Persephone said to everyone as she walked in, "I am so psyched!"

"WHOOAA!" Tyler and Frank Jr cheered, "PARTY! PARTY! PARTY!"

"Yeah, that's the spirit Frank Jr, Tyler." Peter praised Frank Jr and Tyler's positive attitude, "And there's nothing like a party at someone else's house. You never have to worry about cleaning up the mess."

**Cutaway #1**

Peter, Frank, Meg and Lois were attending a party at one of their neighbor's houses, where they were doing a conga line. Peter and Frank were, however, drunk from the wine being served there and had a lampshade on their heads, though no one seemed to notice as they soon splashed out the wine from their glass, then dropped the glass and then went outside and suddenly rammed the family car through a nearby wall.

**End**

Later than day, Frank Jr and Peter had purchased a ton of alcohol at the 13th Step, a liquor store and was walking out.

"Well, looks like someone's going to a big party tonight." A man in a chicken suit said seeing Peter's basket, "You should *chicken squawk* pick-up a chicken strip party pack for all your friends. Here's a coupon."

"Whoa, whoa, look, pal, we don't take coupons from giant chickens." Frank Jr shrugged off the man's offer, "Not after last time."

It then flashed back to a time when Peter and Frank Jr were at a grocery store already at the checkout line.

"Oh, yeah, and, uh, that nice chicken outside gave me this coupon." Peter told the cashier, Frank Jr pointing to a human-sized, yellow male chicken and then handing the cashier what seemed to be a coupon.

"Sir, this isn't a coupon." The cashier told Peter, "It's a picture of a woman in a nightgown."

"Really?" Frank Jr said swiping away the picture with a dirty look on his face, then a disturbed one, "Wait a minute. That's my Grandma!" they then turned around, "You son of a-"

It then showed the chicken, who seemed surprised by Frank Jr and Peter's anger and the latter then tackled the poultry bursting through the window. As they rolled on the sidewalk. They soon got up their feet and started the fight with a few punches, then the chicken pecking Peter's noggin.

Frank Jr then knocked the chicken back, but the chicken side kicked them before the latter punched the chicken again, sending the bird next to a staircase. The chicken runs up the stairs and Frank Jr, Peter chases after him before grabbing his talon and the chicken trips. Frank Jr ran up and started punching the chicken, then the chicken pecked Frank Jr and Peter again, but Peter got the upper hand before knocking the chicken off the rail, where he landed on top of a truck and waving them goodbye.

Relieved, the chicken then looks behind him and finds, to his surprise, Peter and Frank Jr at another bridge, where they latter jumps off and tackles the chicken and roll to the front of the truck.

Peter and Frank Jr delivers a few punches to the chicken's face, but the latter returns the punches and then pushes Peter back, nearly knocking him in the process. Luckily, Frank Jr grabs the ladder at the back of the truck.

The driver looks into the mirror and sees the chicken trying to knock Peter and Frank Jr off the ladder at the back and turned to find he was heading toward an active draw bridge. The driver tries to stop the truck, but the vehicle skidded up to the tip of the bridge and a boat was passing underneath. Before the truck fell, the chicken grabbed a Channel 6 News helicopter flying below them, but Peter and Frank Jr grabbed onto the chicken also, sparing them from death as the truck fell off the raised bridge and crashing onto the boat, resulting in an explosion.

The helicopter then flew into the city as Frank Jr, Peter and the chicken continued their fight, but were cut short when they soon spotted a building coming toward their direction.

"I'm gonna need these by Friday." An office man said to one of his colleagues handing the latter a file.

"Oh, is that going to give us enough time to crosscheck the-" The other told the office man before Frank Jr, Peter and the chicken crashed into the break room and continued their fight, until they crashed into a room with a copy machine inside, where Peter rammed the lid of the machine on the chicken's head and images of the latter's smashed face printed out.

Peter and Frank Jr then exited the room, where the building's workers were shown to have been watching the fight.

"Chicken..." Frank Jr panted, "... had a picture of my gr-" Frank Jr and Peter was then rammed by the chicken, who was still alive and Frank Jr, Peter was struggling to get the bird off, but the three fell off the building and plummeted to the ground, though Frank Jr and Peter landed on the chicken, who was underneath and this time dead.

Relieved, Frank Jr and Peter then walked into the sunset as the camera panned to the chicken's corpse, but the chicken was still alive as its eyes popped open and developed a look of revenge.

Cuts back to the present.

"Some other time, pal." Peter told the man in the chicken suit as he was about to walk back to his car.

"There won't be any other time." The man soon stopped the three, now sounding serious, "The world is gonna end at midnight tonight! Y2K!"

"Y2K- What are you selling? Chicken or sex jelly?" Peter scolded the man.

"Haven't you heard?" The man asked, "At midnight, every computer in the world is gonna fail! Planes will fall out of the sky and all the world's nuclear weapons will explode, annihilating the entire planet!"

"NOOOOOOO!" Frank Jr screamed in horror as he ran to the Trix Rabbit holding a box of his cereal _Trix._

"Silly rabbit! Trix are for kids!" Frank Jr told off the Rabbit in the famous line of the commercials, then walked back to the man in the chicken suit, "Damn long-ears, trying to take Easter away from my homie, Jesus." He then reached the man, "I'm-I'm sorry, what were you sayin'?"

Later, Peter and Frank Jr came back home, where Menma, who move in into Cleveland's, Cleveland, Joe, zeek, rage, frank and menma's brother who move in with joe and Quagmire were outside Quagmire's house with a balloon tied to the mailbox as Peter parked in the driveway and was about to pull out the large box on top of the car.

"Hey, Peter, Frank Jr." Cleveland greeted them both, "In case you didn't know, a balloon tied to a mailbox is the international symbol for 'party over here!'" Menma did a little cheer while saying that.

"Ah, forget the party, the world's gonna end! Y2K!" Peter warned his friends, "I haerd it from a chicken-man! Boys, I'm gonna need your help out here!"

The guys only laughed at Peter's belief.

"Oh, Peter, Frank Jr, you guys are the height of just-too-mucherie." Cleveland remarked.

"Well, laugh all you want." Frank Jr told them, "But when you die, you'll have to go to Heaven. And you know what? You know what? I bet you run into two dead bailiff ladies from _Night Court_. And you're not gonna know which is which and it's gonna be really awkward. So bite me."

"What's going on over here?" John popped out of nowhere with Frank, Tyler and asked Peter.

"AAHHH!" Peter reacted in panic, as well as Quagmire, Cleveland and Joe, "Oh, it's just you, boys. Thank God."

"Again. What's going on over here?" Frank asked, "Is it about Quagmire's millennium party?"

"Sorry, boys, but we're not going to the party." Peter told John and Tyler, who soon became shocked.

"What? Why?" Tyler asked.

"Because the world's gonna end, that why!" Frank Jr told Tyler, "I heard it all from a chicken-man! Everything computer in the world will fail! Planes will fall from the sky! And all the world's nuclear weapons will explode, annihilating the entire planet!"

"NOOOOOOO!" Frank, John and Tyler reacted in the same way Frank Jr did the first time he heard about it, but ran to Silvester the Cat, who seemingly captured Tweety Bird in his paws. John pulls out a cartoon hammer and hits Sylvester in the head with it, freeing Tweety.

"Bad old, Putty Tat." Frank said to Sylvester while imitating Tweety's voice.

"Yeah!" Tyler agreed as he and John went back to Peter and Frank Jr, "Thought he could get that poor bird this time, huh?"

"Yeah, we showed him!" John soon said, "Uh, we're-we're sorry about that, Mr. Griffin, now what were you talking about again?"

Later when it was about nighttime, the rest of the family was getting ready for Quagmire's millennium party as Lois was in the living room wearing a red-striped dress putting on her earrings and Meg was wearing a blue-striped dress while sitting on the couch.

"Hey, can you help me with these damn studs?" Brian came in and asked Meg.

"Aren't you a little over-dressed?" Meg asked back noticing that Brian was wearing a tuxedo.

"Oh, well, I..." Brian exclaimed, "Actually, I'm just stopping off at Quagmire's. There's a benefit gala at the Boston Pops tonight, and... Well, I'm-I'm trying to nail the flautist."

Stewie then strolled in the room in a diaper while wearing a cache around him reading "Baby New Year."

"Ooohh, Stewie, you're adorable!" Lois awed over her baby's attire.

"Yes, yes, I rather like the sash, but do the Huggies make my ass look big?" Stewie asked Lois and Brian's opinions on his get-up.

"Peter, Frank, Frank Jr, come on!" Lois called out to Peter, "You've had 1,000 years to get ready for this party!" Meg then turned to Brian, "It always takes them so long to get dressed."

**Cutaway #2**

Lois and Meg were in the bathroom with the same dress, except this time lavender, light blue and was getting themselves ready. Meg then looked at her watch.

"Frank, we're gonna be late for my aunt's wedding." Meg said to Frank, Peter and Frank Jr on the other side of the door, "Aren't you guys dressed yet?"

Peter, Frank, Frank Jr then came in dressed exactly like Meg and Lois, except for the hair.

"Oh, crap." Frank Jr exclaimed realizing that he and Lois are wearing the same thing, "Well, one of us is gonna have to change."

Lois and Meg only gave them, a look of annoyance on her face. They got the message.

"Unzip us." Peter sighed turning around.

**End**

Persephone and Chris soon came in all ready to go. Lois noticed that Frank, John and Tyler were not with them.

"Where's are the boys?" Lois asked.

"They're still down in the basement." Chris told Lois. Persephone nudged him in his right arm, "Ow! I mean, their room."

"That's better." Lois said as she went to the door to John and Tyler's room. She then knocked on the door.

John answered the door along with Frank, Frank Jr and Tyler, where they were in hazmat suits.

"Yes?" John asked as Lois soon right after shrieked in surprise at John, Frank, Frank Jr and Tyler's attire.

"OH, MY GOD!" Chris panicked, "THE GOVERNMENT IS HERE!"

"WHERE?!" Frank Jr and Tyler reacted.

"RUN, E.T., RUN!" Chris called out to someone offscreen, where it shows E.T. running away.

"ALIEN! I KNEW THEY EXISTED!" Frank Jr then said after seeing E.T. run off, "I HAVE TO REPORT THIS TO AREA 51!" Frank Jr then dashed downstairs as Peter, also in a hazmat suit, came up.

"THERE'S NO TIME!" John shouted, "THE WORLD'S ABOUT TO END IN ABOUT A FEW HOURS FROM NOW!"

"DANGIT!" Frank Jr and Tyler cursed.

"You heard the kid, the end of the world is coming!" Peter said to Lois, "Now, come on. Get in your radiation suits."

"Time is of the essence!" John exclaimed.

"Frank, Frank Jr, John, you and Tyler are not gonna miss a once-in-a-lifetime event and your first party with the family because of some wacko doomsday theory." Lois affirmed to John.

"But it's not a the-" John said to Lois, but was cut by Frank Jr.

"Okay. Okay. We got it." Frank Jr seemingly agreed.

"But what about-" John asked.

"Don't worry. Frank Jr got a plan." Peter whispered assuringly to John, then went to the living room, "Hey, uh, you guys. You know that one Christmas present you really wanted but didn't get?"

Hearing this had everyone's faces beaming with excitement.

"A cool clothes?!" Meg exclaimed.

"A phone?!" Persephone exclaimed.

"A pony?!" Chris asked.

"A humidor?!" Brian asked.

"A dead Lois?" Stewie asked.

"Yeah!" Frank Jr assured them, "Well, it's in John and Tyler's room. Come on, let's go see."

Tyler was just coming back up when hearing Meg, Persephone, Chris, Brian and Stewie talking about the presents Peter apparently promised them.

"Free presents? In my room?" Tyler questioned, "WOO-HOO! Wait for me!" He then followed them.

"What the hell?" Lois muttered at what she saw, "Peter, if you, Frank, Frank Jr, John and Tyler want to stay here, that's fine. But we're going to the party. Kids!"

"Honey, are you pregnant?" Peter asked.

"No." Lois answered.

"Push her." Frank ordered John.

John did as Frank asked as Lois tumbled down the stairs.

"Heads up, Tyler-" John called out to Tyler when a crash sound was heard, "Never mind."

Later, the family went along with Frank Jr, Frank, Peter, John and Tyler's plan and were now in John and Tyler's room (the basement) for the rest of the night as they were all now in radiation suits.

"Oh, dear me, yes, yes, this is how I wanted to enter the new millennium." Stewie commented sarcastically, "Locked in a basement-"

"BEDROOM!" John corrected.

"Ugh! Alright, locked in a bedroom with IMBECILES dressed like a gay Neil Armstrong." Stewie soon finished.

"Thanks a lot, Peter." Brian sarcastically said to Peter, "Right now, I could be in Boston, pretending I'd give a rat's ass about Vivaldi."

"Yeah, and I could be getting felt up by Kevin." Persephone agreed with Brian.

"Now, Persephone, don't you give it all away up front. Make him work for it." Lois instructed her daughter, "And shame on you, Peter. Scaring the kids with your nuclear-holocaust nonsense. And that goes for you, too, Boys."

"What'd we do?" John asked.

"You're supporting Mr. Griffin's idea." Lois reminded them.

"Yeah, well, in the next minute, you're gonna be thanking us." John said to Lois, "You'll see. Mr. Griffin knows what he's doing. Right?"

"Yep. And Grandma, you said 'nuclear'." Frank Jr chuckled at Lois, "It's 'nucular,' dummy. The S is silent."

"It's almost midnight." Chris informed everyone watching the Channel 5 News on John and Tyler's TV, which had a few game consoles alongside it. It then showed the TV's screen where Tom Tucker and Dian Simmons were both wearing party hats and having some champagne.

"We now go live to Asian reporter, Trisha Takanawa." Diane said as she and Tom turned to the image of said reporter, "Trisha, what can you tell us?"

"Diane, Quahog's fabled alabaster clam is about to descend and usher in a new millennium." Trisha reported as she pointed to the alabaster clam, which was about to lower.

It then slowly descended to the rooftop as it lit up and everyone started counted down the last ten seconds of 1999.

"This is it!" Peter exclaimed nervously.

It then showed everyone at Quagmire's millennium party also counting down.

"Here it comes!" Tyler said.

"Hold on tight!" Frank Jr warned the family.

"...3. 2. 1. HAPPY NEW YEAR!" Everyone cheered as the clam finally reached the roof floor and so far nothing happened. The Griffins didn't have the same reaction as everyone above did.

"A flautist, guys!" Brian criticized Frank Jr, Frank, Peter, John and Tyler.

"But I don't understand..." John said.

"I know. Planes should be falling from the sky right now." Tyler agreed with his friend.

"Well, I hope you and the boys are happy, Peter." Lois told Peter, "Come on, kids. We can still make the party if we-"

But soon the ground began to shake violently where it showed outside a plane crashing into the Griffins' front lawn and, for some reason, a tram crashed into Joe's house.

Elsewhere, just as Frank Jr was told, missiles began launching by themselves, then it cut to three generals toasting to the New Year.

"Nice work, Lieutenant." One of the generals praised as they looked at the monitor, which showed the United States with "HAPPY NEW YEAR" spelled, though it's "Y" was misshaped, "Very festive."

"Actually, sir, each of those lights represents a missile launching by itself." a man patrolling the monitors, "The pattern is just a coincidence."

"Oh. Well, now that you mention it, the 'Y' is a little misshapen." The general then pointed out, "Still, it's pretty amazing."

Elsewhere, President Bill Clinton was at an event called the "Clinton Fundraiser." But as he sat back down after waving, he and everyone else saw the nuclear explosions outside. He then turned to his wife, Hilary Clinton, then looked at her chest.

"Ah, what the hell." Clinton exclaimed, "Come here, Hilary." He then groped her right breast.

At the Earth's orbit, explosions from the launched missiles were shown throughout the planet. It was being viewed by aliens in their saucer.

"What'd I miss?" A naked, blonde-haired man with a Cajun accent and a probe sticking out of his anus came up behind one of the aliens' seats and asked about the situation.

It then cut back to the Griffins home as a nearby explosion's shockwave behind it destroys it, leaving it in ruins.

"HOLY CRAP!" Peter exclaimed after 2 seconds of silence, "Anybody else feel that?"

"HA!" Frank and John gloated, "KNEW IT!"

"IN YOUR FACES!" Frank Jr and Tyler also gloated.

The next morning, the neighborhood was in complete ruins and the Griffin's house was no exception. In the decimated kitchen, Lois was cooking eggs on a license plate she was using as a frying pan over an oil drum filled with hot coal for breakfast. The rest of the family (except Frank Jr, Frank, Peter, John and Tyler) were at the table.

"Good morning, family." Peter and Frank Jr greeted his family.

"Mornin'." Frank, John and Tyler both greeted them also in unison.

"Hey, Lois. You remember when I was the third Hardy Boy?" Peter asked Lois.

"Peter, there was no third Hardy Boy." Lois corrected Peter.

"Oh, really?" Peter asked again, "Just like there was no apocalypse?"

"WHHOOOOOOAAAAAA!" Frank Jr, Frank, Peter, John and Tyler chanted.

"HE SHOOTS! HE SCORES!" Frank Jr cheered.

"YEAH, TOUCHDOWN!" Tyler cheered also as he belly-bumped John then Frank, whom got knocked back by it, which Meg was hit in the way.

"Okay, we were wrong about the end of the world and you guys were right." Meg admitted about what happened last night, "Can we please just drop it?"

"No, I'm not gonna drop this." Tyler said to Lois, "I'm gonna keep this memory forever!" Tyler raised his arms in the air as he said this, but after three seconds had passed, "What were we talking about again?"

Everyone, however, only cringed in irritancy at Tyler's slow personality.

"It's just not fair." Persephone complained, "I finally get a date with Kevin, and he gets vaporized!"

"He's just using that as an excuse." Chris smirk commented, then chuckled to himself.

"Let's just be grateful we survived the apocalypse healthy and mutation free." Lois reassured everyone.

"I said I can do it." A voice sounding like Cleveland's was heard behind the kitchen door.

"'Eh, SHUT UP!" Another voice now that of Quagmire came from the same area, until the screen door fell over and revealed that Quagmire was fused to Cleveland's right hip and only his (Quagmire's) upper body was sticking out with menma helping them out.

"Oh, hey, Clevemire." Frank Jr greeted the mutated duo.

"That's 'Quagland'." Quagmire corrected.

"Quagland?" Menma asked, "Oh, you must be dreamin'."

"Not about kicking your fat ass!" Quagmire said as he delivered a punch to Menma's face, then a few more, until Cleveland flinged Quagmire.

"Boys, please." Lois said to Clevemire, "You used to be so close."

"Sorry, Lois." Cleveland apologized, "We're both a little crabby on account of the fact that neither one of us has had any food since we got fused together."

"Wow, we just finished off what was left in the kitchen." Lois informed Clevemire, "*sighs* When I think of all the food we've wasted in this house..."

**Cutaway #3**

It showed Peter and Frank Jr sitting on the floor close to the TV with an open can of beans.

"Here, Tom Selleck." Frank Jr said to the actor shown on the TV, trying to feed him the beans, "Come on. Down the hatch. Come on." While Peter scooped another spoonful after only ending up splattering beans on the screen, the scene changed to Higgins, "HE-HEY! Hey! None for you, Higgins! Trying to steal Tom Selleck's food! No! No! You've had yours!"

**End**

"Thank goodness, Peter bought a huge supply of dehydrated before the blast." Lois said gratefully.

However, Frank Jr had eaten all of the dehydrated meals as he was finishing off the last one.

"Frank Jr, what are you doing?!" Lois questioned Frank Jr, "You just ate a year's worth of food!"

"Heh. What a waste of money." Frank Jr brushed off his deed, "I'm still hungry."

"Maybe that's because you didn't add water first." John informed Peter showing the latter the instructions.

"Huh, that explains it." Frank Jr guessed as he picked up his drink of water.

"FRANK JR, DO-" Tyler tried to stop Frank Jr, but was too late as Frank Jr drank all the water in his glass and a second later, he bloats into a round ball.

"Everyone leave." Frank Jr ordered everyone.

"Why?" Frank asked,

"Because I have to poop." Frank Jr answered, "NOW!" Everyone then immediately fled out of the kitchen.

Later, Frank Jr, Frank, Peter, John, Tyler and Brian were out in the ruined city searching for food. They were at what was the Stop 'N Shop.

"Well, so much for finding food at the Stop 'N Shop." Frank Jr remarked.

"Figures. The one time I remember my Value Club card." Peter said throwing the now useless card to the ground.

"Now what do we do?" John asked.

Brian then picked up a scent from behind.

"Wait a minute." Brian exclaimed sniffing more to see what it was, "I smell barbecue."

"Yeah, something smells good." Frank agreed.

"Do you know where it's coming from?" John asked Brian.

The next scene rolled over, showing the ruined Channel 5 News building as Frank Jr, Frank, Peter, John and Tyler followed Brian inside. He then stopped in a room and gasped in horror at what he saw. The other three soon reacted the same thing as it was actually Tom and Diane still at their old desk eating what appears to be meat of some kind.

"So what do you think, Diane?" Tom asked his co-anchor, "Can I cook, or what?"

"Mm, delicious, Tom." Diane praised Tom's "cooking", "I guess we should be eating her with chopsticks." They both laughed at Diane's joke.

"Oh, my God!" Brian exclaimed in horror, "They're eating Asian reporter, Trisha Takanawa."

"That's crazy!" Tyler responded.

"Yeah, they're just gonna be hungry again in an hour." Frank Jr said.

"Actually, now that you mentioned it, Frank Jr, I think we'd better get out of here while we still can." Frank suggested.

"Why?" Tyler asked John.

"Because they might have us as dessert if they catch us here." John explained.

"Oh, come on, there's no way that-" Peter was about to say to John.

"Tom, look!" Diane told Tom spotting our heroes, "There's more!"

"Get them!" Tom demanded as he and Diane got us after them.

"RUN!" Peter shouted as they all attempted to run away.

But just as they're about to exit the room, however, Peter trips and before he gets the chance to get up, Tom and Diane were about to close in on him. As Peter was seemingly to die, a loud crushed noise was heard and it revealed Frank Jr crushed the now dead cannibals using a loose girder that was left hanging open from debris. Frank Jr was panting heavily as he was carrying a very heavy weapon.

"Thanks, Frank Jr." Peter said, "I owe you one. And I won't forget it." Peter then went to join Brian and Tyler.

"You've forgotten all about it, haven't you?" Brian asked Peter.

"Forgot what?" Peter asked confused.

"Never mind, let's just go." Brian recommended as the both of them left.

Tyler was about to be the last to leave, he stopped and noticed his best friend still where he was at and kneeled down the floor, facing down.

"J-man?" Tyler exclaimed.

All that was in John's mind at the moment was guilt. The uneasy guilt of taking another person's life and the fact it might have scarred his life forever.

"J-man?" Tyler called out to John again, "Are you okay?"

"Huh?! Oh, uh, yeah..." John lied, not wanting to worry his best friend, "...I'm fine..."

The both of them then exited the building and joined Peter and Brian on the way back home. Though, deep in John's heart, the pain remained, almost as if he had experienced it somewhere else before.

(A/N: This will also be important in a future episode in Season 3, which has yet to be released. So, hope you'll look forward to that future episode.)

Back at the ruined Griffin house, the family was gathering everything they needed into the now wrecked station wagon and try to find another place for food.

"Come on, Woody." Chris said to a potted tree he was carrying to the car, "We're gonna search for food."

"Sorry, Chris." Peter said to Chris, "The plant can't come."

"It's his best friend." Frank Jr whispered to Peter.

"Frank Jr, it'll just be another mouth to feed." Peter whispered trying to give a point.

"Don't worry, Mr. Griffin." John insisted to Peter, "Tyler and I will take care of it."

They take the potted plant from Chris' hands and walked off to the backyard. However, Tyler is then heard tripping and a Chaos Blast was heard.

"Oops..." Tyler exclaimed implying that the tree was Chaos Blasted by accident.

"What was that?" Chris asked worried about "Woody."

"Uhh..." Tyler came up with energy still emitting from his hands, "Woody had a little accident..."

"That's okay. Let's go." Peter quickly insisted.

"Go where?" Lois questioned, "If there's no food in Quahog, what makes you think there's gonna be food anywhere else?"

"Grandma, everyone knows there are only three things that can survive a nuclear holocaust." Frank Jr explained to Lois, "Cockroaches, Twinkees, and, uhh..." Frank Jr soon paused for a second, then turned to John and Tyler, "W-What was that third thing, guys?"

"Cher." Tyler answered.

"Yeah, what they said." Frank Jr told Lois.

"That woman can survive just about anything." John remarked.

"And there's a Twinkee factory in Natick." Frank Jr then informed Lois.

"Twinkees?" Lois repeated.

"Yeah, I saw a story about them on A&amp;E." Frank Jr then explained.

**Cutaway #4**

Unlike the original episode, however, Tyler was blocking the view of the TV.

"Tyler, quit blocking the TV!" Frank Jr ordered Tyler.

"Sorry." Tyler apologized moving to the right, allowing Frank Jr to see the screen.

It was a documentary on A&amp;E about Twinkee.

"And now back to A&amp;E'S biography of Twinkee the Kid." The announcer stated.

It showed Twinkee's mother and father (who are human) and a small title appeared below telling the audience their names: Sheila (the mother) and Greg (the father).

"It-It was, uh... It was difficult for Twink to play with other children." Greg stated about his "son", "He-He-He-He was different."

"Mmhmm." Sheila nodded.

"He was definitely... He had no bones." Greg continued, "And he couldn't really play any sports."

"Yeah, Th-That's, you know, why we got him the lasso." Sheila agreed.

"Yeah." Greg exclaimed.

It cut to an old home video of a young Twink in a Wonder Woman costume and trying to lasso a pup in the backyard.

"Oh, he'd spend hours in the backyard playing Wonder Woman." Sheila chuckled to herself, "He's gonna kill me."

Cuts back to the parents.

"He-He loved that lasso." Greg then pointed out, "He-He-Not as much as the baton. But, uh, we-we put a stop to the baton. He was... He was different enough, you know."

**End**

"We just gotta get to that Twinkee factory and we'll have all the food we need." Peter then finished explaining his plan.

"Well, good-bye, sweet home." Lois bided farewell to her former house, "Maybe someday we'll return."

"Hey, Joe, Zeek, can you guys keep an eye on the place?" Peter asked Joe, who was halfway melted into the ground with only his upper body and the tip of his wheels sticking out with Zeek with the cannon that frank gave to him was protecting his father from enemys.

"I might as well." Joe replied, "I'm melted to the ground."

Meg was then setting up mouse traps around Joe.

"There you go, Mr. Swanson." Meg said to Joe, "These ought to keep the rats away."

Frank, however, was setting up beartraps instead around the mousetraps.

"Just in case." Frank Jr said.

"Thanks, guys. Stay safe." Joe said as the family left and soon a giant rat walked up to Joe from his left, roaring like a lion and knocking away one of the mousetraps, but getting its foot caught in one of the beartraps, thus casuing it to retreat. Suddenly, everything seemed to have gotten dark, but Zeek looks up and finds a giant bear the size of an Imperial Walker (Yes, I do know a bit about _Star Wars_), which roared as it looked down also and saw Joe.

"BRING IT OOOOON!" Zeek and Joe shouted at the giant bear.

The family had just exited the city and were now driving down a straight road. They soon reach a seemingly abandoned city.

"Look, Peter, people!" Lois told Peter as a group of survivors came up.

"HALT!" The leader claimed, causing Peter to stop the car.

"Uh, oh." Peter exclaimed as he and his family got out of the car.

"I am Jorad." The leader introduced himself, "I and my band of highway warriors control this territory. Do you have any food?"

"Uh, no, that-that's why we're on the road." Peter told the leader.

"Then you may not pass until you answer the following question." Jorad stated, "Name something you take on a picnic."

"A blanket." Meg guessed.

"Potato salad" Brian guessed.

"Chocolate pudding." Frank Jr guessed.

"A blanket." Meg guessed.

"Vanilla pudding." Frank guessed.

"Strawberry pudding." Persephone guessed.

John then walked away from the family and offscreen for seemingly no reason.

"CHICKEN!" Chris guessed.

"A sandwich." Tyler guessed.

"A dead Lois?" Stewie guessed, similar to his last guess before the apocalypse.

"Uh, uh okay, uh we're gonna go with potato salad." Peter then informed the leader.

"Show me 'potato salad'!" Jorad said impersonating _Family Feud_ pointing at his left, but nothing was there.

"I feel like something randomly hilarious is about to happen." Tyler remarked.

No one else said a word and the group continued looking at where their master pointed at.

"Maybe we should go now." Peter whispered to Lois.

"Wait, where's John?" Lois asked about John's disappearance.

"Look." Meg claimed pointing to John a mile behind the family, holding a huge ball of debris acting as if its a bowling ball. He then took a few steps and rolled the colossal heap of rubble and it was heading their direction.

"RUUN!" Peter shouted as the family jumped out of the way.

"Go for a strike!" Tyler called out to John, but realized that he was now in the way, "Oh, crud." He then got flatten like a pancake in cartoonish fashion, while the giant debris ball rolled over the survivors, where the sound of a bowling strike was heard after they were hit.

"STRRRRIIIIKKE!" John then cheered and ran back to the Griffins, "Come on, let's get outta here!"

"Uh, right! Gotcha!" Peter replied as he and the rest of the family got inside, but not before retrieving Tyler from the ground, who was still flat and driving off.

But while it was going down the road, the car then ran out of gas as it showed the needle on the gauge to empty.

"Ah, jeez! Out of gas?!" Peter exclaimed in frustration.

"Hey, Pops." Frank said to Peter, "Look!" He pointed to a house in a grassy area, despite all of the flora on Earth having been annihilated by the nuclear explosions. On its porch was an old man sitting in a rocking chair.

"Well, howdy, strangers." The old man greeted the family.

"Howdy!" Tyler greeted back now talking in a Southern accent and was wearing a hat suspiciously like the old man's hat. But it soon turned out that it was really the old man's hat itself as it showed the latter bald.

(A/N: Don't ask how Tyler managed to swipe it away from the old coot.)

The old man tapped his head where his hat was.

"Wait a minute." The old man exclaimed in realization, got up and snatched it away from Tyler and then went back to his chair.

"Anyway, you folks look plumb tuckered." The old man then said to the famiy while putting his hat back on, "Like to spit a spell?"

"Actually, we are tired." Lois stated.

"And hungry." Chris followed.

"Well, we got plenty of room here." The old man assured them, "And all the fresh apples you can eat." He showed them an apple tree.

"Oh, Peter!" Lois said gratefully to Peter, "We found a new home!"

"But what about Natick?" Frank Jr asked Lois.

"Yeah, that's where we're headed. Remember?" Peter corrected to Lois.

"For what?" Meg asked, "A Twinkee factory that might not even exist anymore?"

"Hey, you don't know that, little lady!" Tyler protested against Meg's statement.

"Actually, Tyler, she's got a good point." Brian reassured Tyler, "Besides, this place is paradise."

"Sure is." The old man agreed, "Except for Randy Newman."

"Randy Newman?" Peter repeated.

"Yup." The old man answered, "Just sits there all night and day singing about what he sees." The camera panned to Randy Newman playing a home piano next to the apple tree.

_Fat man with his kids and dog_

_Drove in through the morning fog_

"What fog?" Tyler asked Randy Newman, but the latter didn't answer the question and just kept singing.

_Hey there, Rover, come on over_

"Well, it's nice to have music while we eat." Frank acknowledged, not knowing very soon that he would be proven wrong real quickly.

_Black-headed boy, reachin' for an apple_

_Gonna take a bite, nope, nope_

_He's gonna breathe on it first_

_Wipe it on her blouse_

_He takes a bite, chews it once_

_Twice_

_Three times_

_Four times_

_Eh, stops_

_The boy is thinkin'_

_Takes a long, hard look at Randy_

_Five times_

_Fat old husband's walkin' ooveeeer_

"Let's get the hell outta here." Frank whispered to Peter as the family then wandered off away from the place.

_Eh, they're walking down the road_

_Left foot, right foot_

_Left foot, right foot_

_Left f-_

Frank threw the apple he was eating earlier at Randy, wanting to shut him up.

The family had later gotten very far in the middle of nowhere still on their way to Natick and were getting very exhausted from the walking. Chris, however, seemed to still have some energy in him as he was repeatedly singing the lyrics Randy Newman was singing before getting hit by the apple.

"Left foot, right foot, left foot, right foot..." Chris sang.

"Please, Chris. Mommy's got a big headache." Lois said to Chris, but he still kept singing, "Chris-"

"SHUT IT!" Frank Jr shouted at Chris irritated as heck. Fortunately, this caused Chris to stop.

"Thank you, Sweetie." Lois thanked Christ patting his back, "Thank you, Tyler." She patted his back also, "Now, Peter, we've gotta find some food."

"Oh, my God!" Brian exclaimed, "Look!" He saw a sign that said "Natick" on the front.

"It's Natick." Peter gasped.

The family cheered as they finally got to their destination. But said factory was nowhere in their sight.

"There's no factory?" Meg asked.

"Oh, very good, Frank Jr!" Stewie gasped and scolded Frank Jr, "We follow the Pied Piper of Hamsteak to the gates of oblivion, and look what it's brought us! We're finished! We're done! Game over, man! Gave over!" Stewie covered his face in loss of hope when he slipped on a puddle of nuclear waste, "Damn it!"

"Stewie, get out of that nuclear waste." Lois told Stewie picking him up despite him now possibly contaminated, "Who knows what animals have been in there."

Suddenly, the sun rose from the distance of a mountain behind the town and as light began to cover the city, it showed what seemed to be a factory. This got the Griffins' attention immediately as they instantly recognized what it actually was. And soon enough, it was the Twinkee factory. This got the Mallque/Griffin filled with joy as they immediately dashed toward it.

"Hold on." John stopped everyone, "I'll handle this." He then swung his right fist at the doors, which blew them clean off their original places.

"No words..." Peter said in tears of joy, "Should have sent a poet."

"There's enough food to last us forever!" Brian acknowledged at the amount of Twinkees in the building.

"Peter, we're saved!" Lois told Peter happily, " Frank Jr,You were right! We can settle down here and build a house, just like in Quahog!"

"Yeah!" Meg exclaimed, "And we can build a mall, so I'll have a place to hang out!"

"And two Denny's!" Chris suggested.

"Why two?" Tyler asked Chris.

"So we can always say: 'Let's not go to that one. Let's go to the good one." Chris answered.

"Oh, and we can have Quagland, Menma get Joe and zeek out of his driveway and-and we can build a community, just like the one we had." Lois then suggested.

"NO!" Frank Jr stated, "We'll build a better one. I hereby proclaim this city New Quahog!"

Just after Frank Jr's speech, Stewie's arms then mutated into purple tentacles.

"Well..." Stewie acknowledged at the mutation, "This isn't very good now, is it?"

Some time had passed and the population for the newly rebuilt city had already rolled in. Citizens were hard at work setting up establishments, planting crops, and even building a Disney Store.

Clevemire/Quagmire was also finishing up City Hall as Quagmire gave Cleveland a thumbs up, but soon got hit repeatedly in the face by the fence posts as Cleveland was walking away and not noticing Quagmire.

The Mallque/Griffins were now having breakfast.

"Guess who." Chris said to Persephone covering her eyes.

"Stop it, Chris." Persephone told Chris.

"Wrong!" Chris chuckled, "Oh. Wait. Did you say 'Chris'?"

"Stewie, time for breakfast!" Lois called Stewie, whom came in now half-mutated into only a baby head with tentacles underneath.

Tyler and Frank Jr then broke out of laughter at Stewie's current form.

"Did you wash your tentacles, my big handsome boy?" Lois said affectionately to Stewie.

"Handsome..." Tyler snickered, "...Right!"

"The idiot is right!" Stewie lamented, "I'm repugnant! I'm a radio-bloody-active freak!"

Then a waffle popped out of the toaster.

"Oh, waffle!" Tyler said excitedly as he reached for it, but the waffle got snitched away by Stewie, who also slapped one of his tentacles against Tyler's face, "OW!" but the waffle got snitched away Frank Jr, who also slapped him with one of Stewie tentacles against his owns face, "OW!",

Later that same day, Frank Jr, Peter and Frank were playing cards with the guys at City Hall.

"Eh, I fold.' Quagmire said, "Heh. Hey, come on. Let's go home and get tender with your wife."

"I don't know, Quagmire." Cleveland told Quagmire warily, "Lovemaking with Loretta has somehow lost its intimacy."

**Cutaway #5**

Cleveland and Loretta were in the middle of making love underneath the covers with Quagmire's head poking out at the right side of the bed.

"Heh. Heh. Alriiight!" Quagmire said quietly satisfied that he apart of it.

**End**

"Uh, excuse me, Mr. Mayor." Brian said to Frank Jr bringing with him a man, "We have an outsider who wishes to join our community."

"Boys!" Frank Jr called out to John and Tyler, who then zipped into the room like cartoon characters while in suits.

"Hello to our fair city, sir." John said to the man, "If you want to become a citizen here, you need to get qualified first."

"Okay." The man responded, "Who do I need to talk to to get qualified?"

"You're lookin' at them." John told the man referring to him and Tyler.

"Now, what were you before the disaster?" Tyler asked the man.

"Well, before the disaster, I was a physician." The man told Tyler.

"That's terrific." Cleveland praised, "We need a doctor."

"We sure do." John said, "Okay, sir, you've got the jo-"

"Uh-uh-uh!" Peter stopped John, "You know outsiders need to pick a job out of the hat." He then handed out a top hat with bits of paper inside, "Come on."

"Sorry, sir." Tyler said to the man taking the hat out of Peter's hands and presenting it to the man, "Mayor's rules."

The man then picked a slip of paper from the hat and handed it to John, whom gave it to Frank Jr.

"Ahh, 'village idiot'. That's a good one." Frank Jr read the card in delight, "Oh Tuesdays, you get to wave your penis at traffic. Congratulations." The man didn't seem happy with his new job as he left the office.

"Frank Jr, maybe we should've just let him be a doctor." Joe suggested to Frank Jr about what should've happened.

"NO!" Peter protested, "These are the rules of New Quahog. Besides, that's how everyone else got their jobs."

**Cutaway #6**

It showed an elderly woman holding up a fire hose at a burning building.

"Go." The old woman called out, but the hose went swishing in the air with the old woman still holding on to it.

It then cut to a man in a dentist's office.

"Y-You see, doc, my back tooth is killing me." The patient told the dentist, who was actually a mule, which bucked the man out of his chair.

**End**

"And things have worked out fine so far." Peter stated.

"Peter, no offense, but that's because we all pitched in." Clevemire pointed out to Peter.

"That's right." Joe agreed, "We built schools and hospitals."

"And not to mention the theater." Brian then pointed out.

**Cutaway #7**

It showed the town theater and it was playing "Tru" with Brian as the star. It then cut to the inside of the theater where Brian was in the middle of the show.

"But when I saw the movie..." Brian acted in a high pitched accent, "...it looked like Audrey Hepburn not only didn't have breakfast at Tiffany's she hadn't eaten anything in a year!" Brian hoots, "I'm such a bitch!"

**End**

"And the arcade, too." John stated.

**Cutaway #8**

Like the theater cutaway, it showed the town's own arcade and cut to the inside, where the arcade machines were actually made of wood with the graphics being painted on. John was also trying to emulate the game _Space Invaders_ by holding up pictures of the game's enemies while the player's character was merely a toy car.

"Why can't I move my tank somewhere else?!" A kid at the controls shouted angrily trying to get his "character" to move.

**End**

"We have everything we need." Brian then pointed out, "And-And no crime, no guns, no pollution."

"Yeah, aside from the nuclear waste almost everywhere, this place is perfect." Tyler said to Peter.

"Brian and Tyler are right." Peter responded, "We've left ourselves defenseless! Guys, we need to make some guns!"

"Guns?" Clevemire repeated, "Guns only lead to trouble."

"Right and when that trouble happens, we'll be ready to blow it's freaken' head off!" Peter then stated, "Besides, without guns, ho-how would our forefathers have settle their differences?"

"He makes a good point." John stated.

**Cutaway #9**

It went to the infamous duel between Alexander Hamilton and Aaron Burr.

"...8, 9,..." The official of the duel counted the step between the two men, "...10, and turn!"

However, since there were no guns as Peter pointed out in this cutaway, Hamilton and Burr resorted to a slapfight instead.

**End**

Back at the Griffin's house, Mutant Stewie was crawing around when Lois came in with a one-size-fits-all pajamas in her hands and was wearing wading boots.

"Honey, Mommy's making you some new feetie pajamas." Lois told Stewie showing him the pajamas, "And look, it has a little trap door for when you gotta make inky."

Tyler was then heard laughing outside the house.

"I'll show you inky!" Stewie talked back at Lois and tried to spray her with ink, but it missed and hit the wall behind her.

"Let's see if they fit." Lois said walking up to Stewie.

"NEVER!" Stewie protested scurrying away and managing to climb up to the ceiling and laughed mockingly.

"Look at me!" Stewie said, "I'm Fred Astaire!" However, he wasn't able to hold on for too much longer as the suction from his tentacles gave out and he dropped.

"Gotcha." Lois claimed catching him, "Oh, you are getting heavy. I'm gonna have your father flood the basement so you can get some exercise." She then left the room.

"Yes, yes, I do seem to have gained a bit of girth." Stewie acknowledged his newfound weight, "Actually, my gullet seems to be rumbling." Stewie then kneed down and grunted, where an egg came out, "Ah, there we are." Stewie looks down, "Oh, I say, I've an egg! Well, that wasn't so bad. I don't know what these women are always complaining abo-AAAHHHHH!" Stewie then suddenly laid a heap of eggs just then.

Then everyone was outside the house.

"Attention, New Quahogians." Peter said to the citizens, "Today, my vision for our future comes true. Achicken in every pot..." He then pulls out a handgun, "...and a cap in every ass!"

Everyone then dropped to the ground after seeing Peter's gun.

"Wait a minute, is that Ol' Reliable?" Frank asked Peter seeing that it was his gun.

(A/N: Yes, in case you're wondering, John has guns now. They're the same ones he stole from the criminals from "A Hero Sits Next Door" back in season 1.)

"NO!" Peter lied hiding it behind his back, but Frank swiped it away.

"More importantly, where did you get the metal for all those guns?" Lois asked Peter showing boxes labeled "GUNS".

"Recycling." Peter replied, "I used the pipes from our irrigation system."

"Are you crazy?!" A woman questioned Peter, "You destroyed all our water pipes?!"

"We don't need guns!" The same man from earlier, "We need food and water!"

"I have a canker sore on my lip!" Some random man said, "And I keep poking at it with my tongue! But that's only making it worse!"

"What do you want us to do about it?" Tyler talked back at the man.

"Look, there's a reason I'm in charge here, alright?" Peter said to the people, "I'm the one who knew the world was gonna end. I'm the one who found the Twinkee factory and started this town-"

"Whoa. Whoa. Wait a minute, Mr. Griffin." John objected, "Frank Jr the one who told you about the Twinkee factory in Natick. So, he founded it."

"Yeah, well I took the position for mayor." Peter pointed out.

"You just said, 'I'll be the mayor! I'll be the mayor!'." John reminded,

"Well, at least I'm old enough to be mayor." Peter stated, "So, that means I get all the credit."

"But I saved your life when I stopped Tom Tucker and Diane Simmons from eating you!" John angrily reminded Peter, "You owe me, remember?"

"Well, I'm takin' it back. So, bite me." Peter talked back at John, who soon had a look of utter betrayal on his face, "Plus, I'm the one who gave elocution lessons to Rosie Perez."

"That's nothing to be proud of!" A man stated.

"Don't be stupid!" Peter said imitating Rosie Perez, "She speak good in everythi-" Peter was then shot in the head... by Frank Jr. Frank Jr, however, realized what he had done as he just done the very exact same thing as before.

"Oh, my God! Peter!" Lois reacted to her husband.

"Oh, my God! That kid just killed the guy!" One woman acknowledged the event.

"No, wait! He didn't really mean to-" John tried to reason with the townsfolk.

"Let's get him!" One man insisted as the townsfolk gathered and grabbed Frank Jr, "Throw him out!"

"Wait! We can work this out!" Lois called to the people, but they didn't listen.

They threw Frank Jr out of the city and closed the gates behind him. Fortunately for him, Frank, John, Tyler and the family followed him.

Meanwhile, back at the former Griffin home, the eggs Stewie laid had hatched into multiple Mutant Stewie clones.

Elsewhere, the townspeople were throwing all the guns Peter had crafted into a bonfire.

"That's the last of them!" One of the men said.

"Good riddance!" Another remarked, "What the hell would we ever need guns for?"

As soon as he said that, the Stewie clones then came in. "Victory is ours!" The clones declare in unison as they attack the townsfolk.

"Quick, grab the guns!" A man demanded, "They're our only hope!"

One of the men then tried to retrieve a rifle from the fire, but one of the Stewie ambushed him from behind and fell into the fire.

"Hey, Bob." One of two random guys said to the other, "You remember the other day, you were asking me what the definition of irony was, and I said-" He was then face-hugged by one of the Stewies.

The Mallque/Griffins, meanwhile, were already miles away from New Quahog, but didn't notice its destruction as explosions went off.

"Grandma, I'm very sorry what I did to Grandpa." Frank Jr apologized to Lois, "Grandpa said he owed me his life and after what he did a few minutes ago, I just felt left out." Frank Jr sighed in shame, "I guess you hate me now, huh?"

"Oh, Frank Jr. I' m pretty sure Grandpa understands right now in Heaven." Lois assured to Frank Jr, "And besides, no matter what happens, we're always be together."

"So, where are we gonna go?" Meg asked.

"Well, I heard there's a Carvel factory in Framingham." Tyler said.

"ALRIGHT! FUDGIE THE WHALE!" Chris cheered, "And Cookie Puss! And Cookie O' Puss! AND NUTTY THE CHOCOLATE GHOST!"

"Come on, everybody." Lois said to everyone, "Let's sing a song."

"Or let's not and say we did." Tyler recommended.

"Oh! Uh, uh, left foot, right foot..." Chris then suggested which was what he sang before, much to John and Tyler's annoyance. What makes it worse is that the family ends up singing to it, anyway. John and Tyler try to tell them to stop, but they keep singing. Suddenly, John snaps and shoots everywhere in frustration. However, when he calms down at last, he discovers that he had unintentionally shot everyone around him, including Tyler expect Frank and Frank Jr. John was horrified by this revelation as he dropped to his knees and cried but was shot by Frank Jr on accident checking if there were any more bullets in john's gun.

Later, they returned to the now-ruined New Quahog and found everyone there dead (no surprise). Frank Jr continued walking and went to the pile of burned rifles that were now ashes. Frank Jr took a look at them and came up with an idea. He took the Chaos Emeralds out of a bag he had with him and used them to restore and turn weapons into a re-due button, which worked. A Stewie clone bursted out of a nearby bush and tried to attack them, but the latter quick-push of the button and a big flash.

It then cut to Frank Jr back with Peter had purchased a ton of alcohol at the 13th Step, a liquor store and was walking out.

"Well, looks like someone's going to a big party tonight." A man in a chicken suit said seeing Peter's basket, "You should *chicken squawk* pick-up a chicken strip party pack for all your friends. Here's a coupon." But frank Jr kick him in the nuts and said"

Not today". Peter, Frank and Frank Jr rush home and hacked into the grid and stop the missiles from blowing up the countries. Then Peter said to Frank Jr "Say, since it's New Year's, you still want to go to the party?"

"WHOA! PARTY! PARTY! PART-TAY!" Frank Jr cheered as he dashed out of his suit and went downstairs.

"Uh, no thanks, POPS." Frank told Peter, "I'm just gonna go to bed."

"Well, suit yourself." Peter said leaving the room.

Frank then removed his radiation suit and then went to bed.

It then showed what he was seemingly dreaming about as it was a blurry image of what appeared to be a figure holding another in its arms. It was weeping over the other figure and sounded like the author.

(A/N: Keep in mind that this is an important part of the story and that more similar to this might come up again in future episodes. What do you guys think? If you want me to do it, then please tell in your review and I'll see what I can do. And lastly, Happy New Year!)


	13. Chapter 11: Brian and John in Love

(Disclaimer: I do not own Family Guy, Ben 10, Ben 10: Alien Force, Ben 10: Ultimate Alien, Ben 10: Omniverse or John and Tyler. Only the characters, Frank and Frank Jr.)

**Chapter 11: Brian and John in Love**

Unlike the original episode, however, we instead return to the dream sequence from last time, only this time, it was from the point of view of someone wandering through a blurry, blue-green-colored plain and the person was going through what looked like blurred out plants. He then stopped at what was seemingly a path in the middle of a forest and looked both ways. However, he heard something behind him and turned around to find a blurry image of what appeared to be a glowing, dark four-legged animal. The animal then growled viciously at the person as it then charged and plunged forward where it revealed the face of a rabid dragon with glowing red eyes and yellow teeth as it was about to collide with the person and kill him.

Fortunately, it was all just Frank's dream, whom immediately awoke from his nightmare and sprang up on bed. As he huffed from tenseness and fear, he was unable to figure out what that dream meant. He then felt what he thought was mucus and wiped it off with his shirt sleeve. However, it doesn't show what it was, which gave Frank a horrified expression on his face.

"Oh, crud." Frank exclaimed.

**Opening Credits**

_It seems today that all ya see_

_Is violence in movies and sex on TV_

_But where are those good, old-fashioned values_

_On which we used to rely_

_Lucky there's a Family Guy!_

_Lucky there's a man who_

_Positively can do_

_All the things that make us_

_Laugh n' Cry_

_He's_

_a_

_Fam_

_-ily_

_Guy!_

**End**

The next morning, Frank and John were in living room watching _The Jetsons_, which had just started. I won't bother telling those who already know what the opening to that show is. However, things soon get a little dark as George walked in on his wife and son having breakfast all bruised.

"Oh, my God! George!" Jane Jetson reacted to her husband's appearance.

"Did you not hear out there?" George questioned Jane.

"Dad, are you-" Elroy asked George.

"Go to your room, Elroy!" George demanded.

"But what happened?" Elroy asked again.

"GO TO THE ROOM!" George shouted back.

Elroy then did as asked. Jane watched her son leave and then turned back to George.

"For 45 minutes, I was out there screaming." George informed Jane about what happened, "I know that 'cause my damn watch is broken."

"I-I'm sorry." Jane responded.

"'Oh, I'm sorry!', 'I'm sorry!' Jane is sorry!" George imitatedly mocked his wife's apology, "I could've been killed!"

Cuts back to Frank and Frank Jr walking in the room.

"So, uh, what're ya wearing'?" Frank Jr heard Chris talking on the phone and the latter then chuckled, "Wow, I bet you could see right through that."

"Hey, Chris. Who're you talking to?" Frank turned and asked Chris.

"Grandma." Chris answered, which caused Frank Jr and john to have a bit of a surprised look on their face, and said "gross that's nasty" but john then shook it off and went back to the TV.

Lois came downstairs and then spotted something.

"Oh, no!" Lois exclaimed.

"What is it?" Brian asked.

"What now?" John said to himself.

"It looks like Stewie had an accident on the carpet!" Lois explained as the camera zoomed out a bit to show a stain on the rug.

"Oh, Lois, again?" Brian asked.

"That baby just does not want to keep his diaper on." Lois remarked.

"Uh, actually, Mrs. Griffin, Stewie's not the only one who's going through bodily problems right now." John got up and informed Lois.

"What do you mean?" Lois asked John curiuosly.

John then pulled out a sock from his pocket and it had blood at the tip. Lois, Frank Jr, Frank and Brian jumped in shock after seeing it.

"OH, MY GOD!" Lois reacted.

"Yeah, I know." John said.

"Wait, isn't that Tyler's sock?" Frank Jr asked recognizing whose it was.

"Yeah, it is." John answered, "He's been having nosebleeds lately."

"Nosebleeds?" Frank repeated, "Since when?"

"Around the same time your kid's been having accidents on the carpet." John replied.

"Oh, poor Tyler." Lois lamented, "Well, I'll be sure to help your friend out in any way we can. Thanks for telling me, John."

Just as she said that, Tyler walked in.

"Hey, guys." Tyler greeted everyone, "What's going on?"

"There you are." Stewie came in and said to Lois with a triangle sandwich in his hand.

"Hey, Stewie." Tyler greeted Stewie.

"In a minute." Stewie told off Tyler.

"Okay." Tyler replied.

"What the hell is this?" Stewie demanded at Lois showing her the sandwich.

"Sweetie, that's tuna salad." Lois told Stewie.

"Oh, is that what it is? Really?" Stewie sarcastically asked, "Because I could have sworn it was mayonnaise and cat food!" He threw the sandwich at Lois, "Here's 50 cents." he took out two quarters and flicked them to the ground next to Lois with his thumb, "Do me a favor, sweetheart. The next time you're out shopping, why don't you splurge on a tin of white albacore?"

"You tell her, Stewie!" Tyler cheered for the toddler.

"I SAID SILENCE!" Stewie demanded as he then walked away.

"Stewie, are you upset because you and Tyler are having problems right now?" Lois asked her baby affectionately, though this seem to surprise both Stewie and Tyler.

"What did you just say?" Stewie turned and asked Lois.

"Excuse me?" Tyler asked Lois.

"Hey, Lois. I-" Peter came in the room and was about to ask Lois, until he sniffed, "Hey, does anyone smell pee in here?"

"In a minute." Stewie halted Peter and went back to Lois, "What did you just say?"

"Pops, we have a serious problem we need to discuss." Frank told Peter.

"Ah, jeez." Peter replied, "This isn't another one of those interventions, is it?"

**Cutaway #1**

Tyler and Frank Jr were sitting at the kitchen table wearing a classic kid's hat (you know, the one that's rainbow colored and has a little propeller at the top) and everyone (the family, the neighbors and John) was standing beside him at each side. He then looked at them with distraught.

"Guys, you've been wearing that party hat for three months since Mr. Quagmire's millennium party now." Lois said to the boys about their situation, "Please, for your family and best friend, take it off."

(A/N: This takes place directly after "Da Boom," and the events of the episode take place on March 7, the date the original episode aired.)

"Hey-Hey, we can take this hat off anytime we want." Frank Jr protested, "I just don't want to."

However, a gun was place at his temple and showed it was being aimed by John.

"OKAY! I'LL TAKE IT OFF!" Tyler panicked.

"Go ahead dad has his omnitrix to change him into alien x to make sure that you never brought a gun in the first place." Frank Jr said so smug.

Then Frank replied "son I'm not wearing the omnitrix." Then Frank Jr said "oh no"!

Then everyone in the room try to gang up on Frank Jr, then he scream "GET AWAY"!

**End**

"No, it's not like that this time." Lois reassured Peter, "He's having nosebleeds and Stewie peed on the carpet."

"Do I... Do I hit them?" Peter asked.

"No!" Frank Jr protested.

Stewie took Tyler's hand and placed a glove on its palm. Tyler was a bit confused as to what Stewie wanted him to do and so he looked at Stewie and the latter nodded back.

"Oooh!" Tyler replied as he put on the glove and, for no reason, immediately punched Lois in the face so hard it knocked her to the ground.

"Tyler, what was that for?" Lois demanded to Tyler.

Tyler didn't respond back for a second.

"This is a boxing glove, right?" Tyler asked Stewie, who just face palmed in irritation.

"Oh, for Heaven's sake." Stewie remarked as he removed the glove from Tyler's hand, went to Lois and slapped her, "How dare you sully my good name by involving it with the nose bleeding freak!"

"Hey!" Tyler replied offended by Stewie's protest.

"Stewie, no hitting!" Lois told Stewie, "Use your words."

"Oh, He's-He's probably just ashamed, Lois." Brian suggested, "You're just a helpless little carpet tinkler, aren't you?"

"What about Tyler?" Frank Jr asked Brian, "Is he ashamed as well?"

"With his condition and how he's treating it, Brian would have to cut him a break." Frank answered.

"Conditio- WHY, I NEVER!" Tyler responded offended.

"Well!" Stewie said, "The outrages me and simpleton have suffered today will not be soon forgotten! And neither of us will be forgetting... those outrages! NO, NO! No, they won't be forgotten. Not the outra-"

"'Outrages.' Yeah, I think we got it." Brian interrupted.

"Mmhmm." John agreed.

"Ugh!" Stewie finished leaving the room.

"Well, then begone!" Tyler ordered, "I SAID BEGONE! Uugghh! Fine, I'll leave!" And he did just that.

"Maybe it's time for Stewie to start potty training." Lois suggested, "And we might need to get Tyler some medication."

"Geez, isn't he a little too young for that?" Peter asked Lois concerned about his age, "You know what happened to the Lindbergh baby."

(A/N: Sorry, guys. But I've decided not to include the Lindbergh baby cutaway. Reason? Well, I don't think the fact that it's based on a murdered child is funny and I hope you all understand why. Don't worry, the other cutaways are still in here.)

"Come on, honey. He and Tyler both been having accidents. Maybe he's trying to tell us he's ready." Lois stated, "Tyler's also been having some sort of problem with his nostrils and he probably was too ashamed about it. So, I think maybe you should try and help him out, too. This could be a nice way for you, Tyler and Stewie to bond."

"Bond?" Peter repeated, "James Bond."

"No, grandpa. She meant 'bond,' as in getting to connect with your kid and my best friend." Frank Jr then informed Peter.

"Oh." Peter replied understanding Frank Jr's statement, "Alright, Lois. I'll do it!"

Eventually, everyone was in bed as it showed first showed the outside of the house at night, then cut to Peter and Lois fastly sound asleep when the camera then panned to their door, then cut again to the living room downstairs and showed Brian desperately trying to scrub out the urine in the carpet, which turned out to be his.

"Oh, God, not again, Brian. Why can't you stop peeing on the carpet?" Brian questioned to himself as he took a look at the scrubbed carpet, "Dammit! It's not coming out!" And he kept scrubbing down hard on the stain.

Suddenly, a light was turned on upstairs, revealed to be Lois and Frank.

"Brian, is that you?" Frank asked from upstairs, wondering if it was Brian or not.

"Uh. Yeah, it's me." Brian responded.

"Is everything okay?" Lois asked in concerned.

"Yeah, yeah, I-I Just-I couldn't sleep." Brian lied, "I'll be up in a minute."

"Okay." Lois said turning off the light upstairs and heading back to bed.

Before Brian went back upstairs, he then took Rupert from the nearby chair and placed it right next to the stain, hoping to make it look like another of Stewie's "accidents." Though, he did feel guilty about framing a baby as he sighed in disappointment in himself and walked up the stairs. However, before he went back into Peter and Lois' room, he noticed that someone was still in the bathroom at this hour and walked over to see who it was. He tapped the door slightly, trying not to open all the way and peaked to see inside, where it showed to be John.

"John?" Brian responded in surprise.

"BRIAN!" John reacted quickly hiding something behind his back, "What-What're you doin' you up?"

"I was gonna ask the same thing." Brian answered, "More importantly, what are you hiding behind you?" He tried to see what it was, but John turned away from Brian's direction and after a three-second spin, Brian grabs the object John was hiding, which turned out to be another of Tyler's socks.

"What the hell? Why do you have one of Tyler's socks?" Brian questioned John, "Wait, were you... holding this to your face before I came in?"

"Uh, yeah. I, uh... I-I just like the smell of Tyler's feet is all. And I just wanted to take a secret whiff of it... before bed. Yeah, that's it." John lied even holding the sock to the right side of his face before realizing, "Wait, what are you doing still up?"

"Oh, I was, uh... I was just needing to..." Brian also lied, "...to go to the bathroom."

"What? No, you weren't." John testified to Brian's excuse, "I heard Mrs. Griffin talking to you downstairs earlier."

"Well, I was about to- Wait a minute." Brian responded trying to make up an excuse, but then glanced at the sock and noticed something, "There's blood on this sock." He then looked back at John, "Oh, my God!"

There was blood just about to run down from John's nose. The latter looked to the mirror and saw what Brian meant and wiped it all off on his arm (he was wearing a t-shirt) as quickly as he can. But before anyone of them could speak, they then realized...

"YOU'RE THE WETTER/NOSEBLEEDER?!" Both Brian and John exclaimed, but then covered their mouths and looked outside to see if their loud shout woke anyone up, which fortunately didn't. Brian closed the door.

"Okay, look, John, what do I gotta do to get you to be quiet?" Brian asked John.

"Get me to be quiet? What about you?" John changed the subject, "You know about my secret, too!"

"Alright! Alright! Fine." Brian said halting John, "I won't tell about your nosebleeds-"

"Done!" John interrupted as he was about to leave, but Brian caught his arm.

"As long as you don't tell anyone about mine." Brian finished his proposal, "Got it?"

"Got it." John agreed.

"I mean it." Brian reassured John.

"Alright. I won't squeal." John replied, "I swear."

"Good." Brian finished as he put his hand up for a shake in agreement, which John shook.

The next morning, both John, Frank Jr and Chris were watching _The Price is Right_, while Brian was reading.

"Join us tomorrow for more _Price is Right._" Bob Barker, a known host on the show announced, "This is Bob Barker reminding you to help control the pet population. Have your pets spayed or neutered."

"Oh, just die already." Frank Jr talked back at Bob Barker.

"Eewwww." Persephone walked by and exclaimed grossed out by the stain on the carpet, "Mom, Meg, Stewie peed on the rug again!"

"No!" Brian and John both faked a reaction.

"Oh, this has gotta stop." Lois stated walking into the room.

"There's one more." John said pulling out the sock from last night and showed it to both Lois and Meg.

"Oh, Tyler!" Meg acknowledged, "That's it. Starting today, both Tyler and Stewie's problems are going to be solved right now." While she said that, Persephone then whiffed Rupert and dropped it out of repulse from the smell.

"Ugh! God, it smells gross!" Persephone acknowledged in disgust.

"Well, Princess, I don't see anyone dabbing yours behind their ears." Brian fired back at her, but was then elbow bumped by John.

"Shut it." John shushed Brian.

"That's odd." Lois exclaimed, "It looks like someone had already tried to clean it up."

"No, it doesn't!" Brian said defensively.

"And now that I look at this sock, it looks like it was just soaked with blood last night." Meg then acknowledged analyzing the sock.

"No, it doesn't!" John, too said defensively.

"Mine smells like soda." Chris acknowledged and Frank Jr just laugh

Meanwhile, Peter and Frank were at Quahog House of Books looking for potty training books for Stewie. Inside, he walked up to the store's librarian.

"Yeah, uh. I'm looking for toilet-training books." Peter asked.

"Oh, yes. We can help you there." The man assured pulling a book out of the shelf and Frank showing it to Peter, "Uh, _Everybody Poops _is still the standard, of course." He put it back and pulled out another, "Uh, we've also got the less popular _Nobody Poops But You_."

"Huh. Well, see, we're Catholic. So, uh-" Peter informed the librarian.

"Oh, no, don't feel bad. It's perfectly safe." The librarian reassured Peter, "In fact, most Catholics have recommended it."

"Really?" Frank Jr asked.

"Yep." The librarian answered.

"Gee, I never thought of it like that." Peter remarked, "Alright, I'll take both."

Next, Peter and Frank were at a pharmacy.

"Hey, uh, what do you have for nosebleeds?" Frank asked the pharmacist.

"Well, we highly recommended remedies would be holding your nose to prevent bleeding and nose spray." The pharmacist told Frank.

"Huh. Alright." Frank said, "I-I think I'll take the nose spray."

"Alright, which kind do you prefer?" The pharmacist asked.

"Wha- There's kinds?" Frank asked.

"Well, two, actually." The pharmacist answered, "Such as oxymetazoline and phenylephrine. Which sounds good to you?"

"Uh... I-I guess the oxy-whatyamacallit." Peter responded.

"Okay." The pharmacist said as he grabbed some nose spray from the shelf and placed in a bag and handed it to Frank, "You have a nice day."

"Uh, thanks." Frank thanked leaving.

Back at the house, Brian and John were in the latter's room where Brian took out some sheets from the washer and into the dryer, whilst John was had some of his shirts that had some of his blood stained on them.

"Is that all of it?" Brian asked John.

"Yep." John answered handing all his shirts to Brian.

"Okay, good." Brian said as he then threw the shirts in the washer, "Now let's get these washed before-"

"Brian, what are you and John doing?" Frank Jr appeared behind the duo and asked Brian.

John and Brian were, of course, caught in surprise by this and turned around to face her.

"Oh, hi, Frank Jr." Brian greeted Frank Jr, "I'm just helping John wash some things. Right?"

"Uh, yeah." John replied, "We've just finished drying one load and we were about to wash another load."

"Those look like grandpa sheets and grandma quilt." Frank Jr acknowledged seeing the sheets inside the dryer and then noticing the shirt that was hanging over the side of the washer, "And isn't that one of John's shirts?"

"It is." John answered knocking the shirt into the washer, "They're the second load."

"Uh-huh. And the sheets were the first load and we're about to have them dried." Brian then pointed, "We're using fabric softener for both loads, because last night, they-they were so itchy neither me nor John could sleep, which was why I was downstairs when you asked me if everything was okay and I said I couldn't sleep. You know, 'cause it was so itchy." He and John then gave an awkward grin at Frank Jr, who then had a look of disbelief on her face.

"Okay..." Frank Jr finally said, "But that doesn't explain why you're washing John's shirts, too."

Brian and John paused for a moment.

"I asked if he could wash it, too." John answered quickly.

Frank Jr still didn't seem convinced by this, however, giving him some suspicions.

Meanwhile again, Peter was now in the bathroom with Stewie, who was in a diaper.

"Come on, Stewie. Don't you want to pee in a toilet bowl like a big boy?" Peter tried to persuade Stewie, "I remember when I learned to use a potty all by myself. I was so proud."

It then flashed back to what seemingly looked like a toddler Peter, but zoomed away to reveal it to be a picture instead as Lois was then shown reading on the couch.

"Hey, grandma!" Frank Jr ran in calling to Lois whilst Peter zipping up his pants, "grandpa did it!"

Cuts back to the bathroom.

"Well, perhaps I could give it the old college try." Stewie remarked as he walked up to the toilet, "Why don't you put your hands right there?"

Peter looked confused from what Stewie was going with this.

"It'll help me relax." Stewie explained.

"Okay, buddy." Peter agreed as he placed his hands on the toilet seat. Stewie then walks to the opposite side from where Peter was and smashed the latter's hands with the lid. Peter screamed in pain from this as he immediately pulled his hands away, "Heh. Heh, maybe you don't have to pee. Hey, I oughta just give you some beer. It goes right through ya."

"Wonderful, and while we're at it, we could light up a doobie and watch porn." Stewie sarcastically suggested.

"Y... Yeah?" Peter replied feeling a little tense about what his son just said.

"Listen, you. I'll use these facilities when I'm damn well ready." Stewie pointed out to Peter, "Until then, you shall continue to sanitize my crevasse and be DAMN GRATEFUL FOR THE OPPORTUNITY! Starting right..." Stewie then tried real hard to soil his diaper, but even when he started to break out sweat, nothing happened, "Well... not now. But soon!" He then scurried out of the bathroom.

Frank's watch then beeps and the latter takes a look.

"Oh! Tyler, it's time for your medication!" Frank called out to Tyler going down the stairs.

"I don't wanna take it!" Tyler protested.

"Sorry, but you gotta take your spray." Frank reminded Tyler.

"NEVER!" Tyler exclaimed punching Frank in the face.

AHH!" Frank screamed, "Oh, that's it! You're so going to take your medicine now!" Tyler tried to get away, but Frank managed to grab him.

"Damn it, Tyler! Take the spray!" Frank demanded.

"NO!" Tyler resisted as he tried to break free.

Throughout the week, John and Brian kept on with the charade and continued letting both Tyler and Stewie take the fall. One day, however, the family was shopping at the Stop N' Shop and they were finishing up at the checkout line.

"Oh! Oh! And we want these. And these..." Peter said to Lois picking out a Kit-Kat and a Butterfinger.

"And these!" Frank Jr and Tyler finished holding up a Hershey's.

"Only one." Lois told Peter, much to Peter's dismay.

"But... But that man over there got two." Peter complained.

"Peter, I don't care what the other men are getting, you're only getting one." Lois reassured her statement.

"I hate you!" Peter shouted as he threw the candy he was holding at the floor and pouted in anger.

"Woohoo! That means I get all the candy!" Frank Jr cheered as he picked up and stole Peter's candy.

"No sweets for you either, Frank Jr and Tyler." Lois then told Tyler, much to his chagrin.

"What?!" Tyler exclaimed, "But I've been taking my medicine all week!"

"I'm sorry, Tyler. But as long as your nose is still bleeding, you're not getting any candy." Lois said.

"UGH!" Tyler groaned as he now threw the canduy right back at the floor, "This stinks!"

Then there was the sound of liquid pouring out.

"Hey, what's that sound?" Frank asked as the camera panned from him to Brian, who was in the middle of urinating.

"You're urinating!" Stewie acknowledged realizing what was going on.

John then faked a gasp, "You framed Stewie for peeing on the carpet? Why, I never! I mean, don't you know anything about shame?"

"AAHH!" Meg screamed pointing at John's face.

"What?" John asked unaware that he was having a nosebleed at that moment.

"J-man, your nose is- BLEEDING!" Tyler shouted in realization that it was John who set him up.

"So, it's been you two all along!" Stewie said.

"Whoohoo!" Tyler cheered, "I knew it! I told ya I was clean!"

"Oh, this is too perfect!" Stewie chuckled in delight over Brian and John's humiliation, "Simpleton and I have both been taking the blame for Rex and Dracula."

"Eeww! They're mixing together!" Persephone said noticing John's blood was getting mixed into Brian's urine and was obviously grossed out by it.

"It's okay." Lois comforted both John and Brian, " Persephone, hand me my sweater and a Kleenex."

"Jeez, guys, where do you think you two are? Payless?" Peter questioned Brian and John.

"I say-I say, Paco, grab a mop." Stewie called out to a store worker who was stocking shelves, "For God's sake, could someone get Patches the hell out of here before he decides to bends a biscuit on the conveyer belt?"

"Yeah, and do with the doctor there before he decides to perform open heart surgery, too." Tyler then suggested referring to John.

"Alright, I confess. While Brian may have been the one who blamed Stewie about the carpet, I was also the one who was having the nosebleeds." John confessed, "But the reason we did it was because of how ashamed you'd be of us if you found out. And I'm... I'm..." John then felt so ashamed he was unable to speak any further and seemed like he was even about to cry, which a tear managed to shed out, but it was wiped off by Lois using a Kleenex.

"Shh, it's okay." Frank said to John and Brian tying Lois sweater around Brian like an apron, "We'll meet you in the parking lot."

"Oh, God, Frank. We need help." Brian wept.

"Thank you." John thanked Frank.

They then left while the rest of the family was still at the counter. Tyler, however, was unsatisfied by what happened.

"Doesn't anybody care that they blamed me and Stewie?" Tyler questioned.

"No." The family responded.

"Of course..." Tyler remarked bitterly until Frank Jr slaps peter in the face

"Aaawho, what the hell Frank Jr." peter reply

"For nobody caring I slap you like a bitch." Frank Jr reply

Right after he said that, an elderly women was walking along with a cane and she then slipped on the blood-mixed urine on the floor. The family, however, just turned to where the old woman was now at.

The next day, Frank, Brian and John went to the Quahog Medical Center to see frank's friend, a psychiatrist named Dr. Kaplan. Frank was in a spar chair, Brian and John were both on the couch where Brian was on the left side and John was on the right.

"Look, we...n-neither one of us knows why we're here." Brian told Dr. Kaplan, "The urologist said I was fine."

"Yeah. The same goes with me about my nostrils." John replied, "What else could be causing these things to happen?"

"Well, sometimes these things can be psychological." Dr. Kaplan responded.

"Doubt that." Brian shrugged off Dr. Kaplan's statement.

"What? Why?" John asked Brian.

"Well, because, John, you and I've got a very comfortable life." Brian answered, "I mean, think about it, we live with a great family. All of our needs are met."

John didn't seem to understand what Brian was saying.

"Okay, look." Brian told to both John, Frank and Dr. Kaplan, "Let me tell you something about me. So, let's just say this isn't where I thought I'd be at 7 years old. It's just that... I..." Brian was unable to finish his sentence as he was fixing to take a smoke, "God, is it okay if I smoke in here?" Brian then asked Dr. Kaplan, who nodded yes, "Thanks." Brian then lit a cigarette and turned back to John, "Look, John, what I'm trying to point out is that things don't always work out the way we plan. You see where I'm going with this?"

"So, you mean like what happened back at the Stop N' Shop?" John asked Brian wondering if it count.

"Exactly." Brian answered taking another inhale from his cigarette.

"Oh." John exclaimed in realization before feeling the need to say something important to Brian, "Brian, I'm sorry about almost ditching you at the Stop N' Shop."

"Ah, it's okay." Brian reassured John, "In fact, I kind of want to thank you."

"For what?" John asked.

"Well, for standing up for me and trying to make up for it." Brian stated, "That really took courage."

"Gee, um, thanks." John thanked Brian feeling a bit touched by Brian's words.

"You know I've never been to Europe?" Brian asked John.

"No." John replied.

"Yeah, well, I've been wanting to go there for years and maybe start a new life around the world." Brian said in confidence, "Now look at me. Middle-aged, alone, and peeing in supermarkets along with my nose bleeding friend. Man, didn't see that one coming."

"You're telling' me." John said.

"You also know this kid's got amnesia, doc?" Brian then asked Dr. Kaplan

"Well, let me tell you." Brian said, "Ever since that day we found him and his friend, our family's never been the same. They might've been the best thing to happen to us. Heck, it's almost as if it was meant to be."

As Brian talked about it, John then remembered some parts of his dream from earlier in the beginning of this episode and he was struck by an excruciating pain directly toward his head. This caused Brian, Frank and Dr. Kaplan to rush over to his side.

"Oh, my God, John!" Frank said, "Are you okay? What's wrong?"

"I... don't really know." John said without any idea of what just happened, "But... I feel like it has something to do with who I was before."

"Really?" Brian asked, "Like it's connected to your amnesia in some way?"

"Yes, exactly." John said.

"Huh." Frank exclaimed in amazement, "Well, anyway, it's glad to see you didn't get hurt."

No else spoke for a moment.

"I've been having this dream for the last two months now." John finally spoke, "And every time I have it, I still have no idea what it means."

"Can you explain about it to us?" Dr. Kaplan asked John.

"I'll try." John said, "See..."

10 minutes later

"And that's all I have." John finished.

"Yes. Interesting." Dr. Kaplan stated writing all of it down, "Well, I must say, this is certainly the most fascinating case of amnesia I've ever seen."

"Actually, he's not the only one who had a dream." Brian confessed.

"No way. You have the exact same dream as mine?" John asked in surprise.

"Uh, sort of. It was last night." Brian answered, "You guys ever see _Logan's run_?"

**Cutaways**

Which shows a society where everyone's life is ended at the age of 30. A person's age is shown by their hand flower, which turns color at the appropriate moment. Brian is taking the part of a "Runner" attempting to escape his termination, having reached the critical age. Having been cornered by the guards, he points at Snoopy, remarking that he must be in his fifties.

**Cutaways ends**

"So, whaddya think?" Brian asked Dr. Kaplan.

"Yeah. What do me and Brian's dreams mean?" John asked also.

"I think you're both good friends, very sensitive and you've both put out a tough front." Dr. Kaplan answered, "I think you two are in pain."

This caused both John and Brian to almost cry at this realization.

"No, John. Be strong" Brian told John trying to help keep him from breaking out, "Do not cry, no matter what."

"Alright." John replied sounding almost sobbing.

"We'd like to pet you and John, Brian." Frank said, "Would that be okay?"

Brian nodded yes.

"You're good friends." Dr, Kaplan complimented to Brian and John as he petted Brian's head and then patted John's head, "A good dog..." His other hand was going toward John's lower area, "...and a good-"

"Keep it above the waist, doc." Frank told off Dr. Kaplan noticing the latter's attempt.

Back at the home sometime later, Lois was stirring some soup while the kitchen TV was on and Channel 5 News was on.

"And now part two of our own Asian correspondent, Tricia Takanawa's special report on sex." Tom Tucker announced as it shifted to Tricia Takanawa in a bedroom of sorts.

"Tom, I'm standing in the bedroom of Judy and Glen Isaacs." Tricia reported as the camera zoomed out to reveal said couple in the bed making out, "Ten years married and still in love. What's their secret? Judy has an inoperable brain tumor the size of my fist and that just happens to be Glen's fetish."

Cuts back to Lois in the kitchen where Frank, John and Brian returning home from the psychiatrist and entering the kitchen.

"Boys, how'd it go?" Lois greeted John and Brian.

"Well, Lois, we-we both think we have a little "us work" to do." Brian told Lois as they except John sat down, "But we're both feeling things, and that's a start."

"Oh, that's wonderful." Lois responded gladly taking the news well, "You know, like most other people, I used to think that therapy was only for crazies and nutjobs. Isn't that silly?"

Hearing this struck John hard inside, though he didn't show how he felt and suddenly left the room, to Lois' concern, fearing that she might have offended him somehow. John passed by Peter, who was entering the kitchen.

"Hey, Lois. I-" Peter was about to say to Lois, but stopped after seeing Brian in the chair, "Hey, Brian..." Peter greeted Brian a bit precautious (hope I used that word right), "How you doing? They let you two out already?"

"Peter, me, Brian and John were in a therapy session, not a lunatic asylum." Frank corrected Peter.

"Hey hey hey, calm down." Peter halted, "Lots of crazy people have gone on to lead normal, successful lives."

**Cutaway #2**

Instead of the person Peter was possibly referring to in the original episode, it was instead the kid from _MAD _magazine as the dumb moment music from _SpongeBob _played in the background. You know, that bit of background music that played in the episode where Mr. Krabs thought Spongebob and Patrick had a cool ride, but it turned out to be nothing but a two-seated bike?)

(A/N: The reason was that I had no idea who the guy in the photo was when I watched the real episode. So, I decided to feature a different character who was also crazy. Hope it's a good match.)

**End**

"What did your therapist say?" Lois asked Brian.

"Dr. Kaplan thinks the, uh... ahem, accidents, are-are linked to both some kind of mid-life crisis and puberty for John." Brian told her and Peter, "He suggest that we should help each other with our issues. We're starting tomorrow."

The scene then shifted to John and Brian at a fossil excavation site. The duo were digging when Brian hit something solid and both he and John immediately retrieved the bone they uncovered.

"Sweet! Our first find!" John acknowledged, "I'll go get the camera." John then went to fetch his camera.

At that moment, Brian turned both ways and then suddenly buried the bone he and John unearthed and then sat on top of a spot he buried it.

"Alright, now say 'chee- Hey, where's the bone?" John came back with a camera in his hand and then asked Brian about the whereabouts.

"I dunno." Brian lied.

Next, the duo were at a beach where Brian was showing John all the attractive women there.

"So... anything down there yet?" Brian asked John wondering if the latter had an erection from looking at all the pretty girls.

"What do you mean?" John asked back.

"Never mind." Brian answered.

(A/N: Okay, sorry if that scene was boring. I couldn't really think of how it was going to play out.)

Next, the duo were now in a plane for skydiving lessons. Brian was about to jump out.

"Whoops." One of the skydiving artists said stopping Brian before he jumped out, "Whoa, whoa, whoa, hang on. I gave you the one with silverware in it. Take this one instead." He then tossed another parachute that had a cartoonish anvil inside, "That one's probably fine."

After that, Brian and John were back at the house where Brian was outside the bathroom.

"Are you sure this is how it works?" John asked Brian from inside the bathroom.

"Yep. You need to swoosh it up and down couple of times. It's the only way." Brian instructed from outside."

"But what if my arm gets tired?" John asked.

"Uh... well, uh, just let it rest for a bit and then when it feels better, you go back to it." Brian answered.

"Uh, okay, I guess." John responded, "By the way, did you lock the door?"

"Oh, no, I didn't. Hold on, I'll just-" Brian was about to say.

"Gang way!" Tyler warned as he ran over Brian and barged into the bathroom.

"AAHHH!" Both John and Tyler screamed off-screen.

Finally, Brian and John were now in a truck driving through a dirt road.

"Beautiful." Brian remarked at the scenic countryside.

"It sure is." John agreed.

Up ahead, a man was crossing the road as the truck was heading toward him.

"Brian, watch out!" John warned Brian noticing the man on the road.

Unfortunately, Brian wasn't able to stop in time as the truck then hit the man. Brian pulled over and he and John got out to check the man.

"Oh, my God!" Brian exclaimed in shock, "Are you Steven King?!"

"No I'm Dean Koontz." Said the ran over guy

"Oh..." John and Brian responded bluntly in unison as they dropped him to the ground and got back in the truck. They then backed up on the author and then drove away.

After their trip, they went back to Dr. Kaplan.

"But, uh... you know, thanks to these sessions we had together, we think we're okay." Brian told Dr. Kaplan.

"Yeah, everything we've been doing together has really helped us out with our problems so far." John agreed.

"Being out in the world, getting to know each other, and no accidents!" Brian then said.

"That's right." John then finished, "We've been dry for two weeks."

"Mazel tov." Dr. Kaplan cheered as he, Frank and the duo got up.

"Well, goodbye, Dr. Kaplan." Brian bidded farewell.

"Goodbye." John followed.

"And thank you." Brian thanked Dr. Kaplan as the canine shake the psychiatrist's hand.

Outside the office, news anchor Tom Tucker was sitting on the waiting bench with his son, Jake Tucker.

"Look, I know Stacy isn't your mother, but upside down face or not, you have to respect her." Tom Tucker argued with his son as Brian and John stepped out.

"Hey, you're Tom Tucker-" Brian was about to say, but he, Frank and John then reacted in surprise to Jake's face.

"Hey!" Jake Tucker exclaimed.

"Oh, God, I'm s- That was rude." Brian apologized, "We apologize, heh."

"Yeah, sorry." John apologized, too as he and Brian walked away.

"Wow." Brian exclaimed under his breath."

"Aha." Frank exclaimed under his breath."

"Yeah." John agreed also under his breath.

Unfortunately for the duo, the next day at the house, Stewie was in the living room standing on one of the arms of the couch with his trousers down and he was urinating on the couch.

"I'm a little tea pot, short and shout." Stewie sang as he picked up and urinated on his mother's sweater, "Here is my handle, here is my spout." He then went to the curtains and peed on them, "When I get all steamed up, here me shout-"

"STEWIE!" Tyler shouted at the infant, who was caught off-guard, "WHAT'RE YOU DOIN'?!"

"This is none of your concern, Simpleton." Stewie told off Tyler, "I AM ON A QUEST FOR-"

"Let me help." Tyler volunteered so suddenly.

"Well, in that case..." Stewie remarked happy to see Tyler wanting in on the thing as he brought up a bag of blood (you know, the ones you see next to patients in the hospital), "...spray this around the room."

"Okay." Tyler gladly accepted as he opened the bag and gushed out all the blood inside it at the other side of the living from where he and Stewie were.

Stewie then pulled his trousers back up and Tyler threw the now-empty bag away.

"Lois, it looks as if Puddles and Vladimir have both done it again!" Stewie called out to Lois, "Goodness, it looks like they've wet everything with blood and piss."

"It's everywhere!" Tyler chuckled out of joy, "EVERYWHERE!"

The two then chanted a fake laugh.

It then showed John and Brian in the kitchen sitting with Frank, Meg, Lois and Peter, both looking distraught.

"We-We swear, we-we don't even remember doing it." Brian explained.

"How did this happen without even one of us knowing about it?" John questioned.

"Now, Brian, John, we know you two aren't doing this on purpose, but maybe we consider..." Lois suggested uneasily, "...crating... and packing..."

"Oh, God..." Brian exclaimed as he dropped his head in grief.

"Oh, gosh..." John said in the same way Brian did.

"O-Or you could be an outside dog and a noseless kid." Peter sugessted stupidly, "Huh? Would you like that? Huh? Outside? Noseless?"

"Pops just shut up please." Frank said.

Frank, Brian and John went back to Dr. Kaplan's office the very next day.

"Oh, oh, and how embarassed were we when the words "crate" and "pack" came up." Brian explained to Dr. Kaplan about what happened, "We thought we were past this." Kaplan tossed the ball to the other side of the room and Brian got up and walked over to retrieve it, "I mean, we finally got to know from each other, for God's sake."

"I know!" John agreed with Brian, "I mean, what else could it all this be about?"

"Well obviously, we haven't hit the real issue yet. Drop it." Dr. Kaplan acknowledged as he ordered Brian to giveh him back the ball, which the latter did, "Now let's start with you first, Brian. The last accident you remember, did anything unusual happen that might've triggered it?"

"No, no. It was a normal day." Brian answered as it flashbacked to a past afternoon where he sitting in a lounge chair reading _The Perfect Storm_ while Peter was washing the car. Lois came home from grocery shopping.

"Oh, Catwoman." Peter called to Lois as he sprayed water at her rear.

"Peter, no 'Catwoman' today." Lois gently declined Peter, "I'm tired."

"Ohh, what's the matter?" Peter asked not listening to Lois, "Is the mighty Catwoman afraid of a little Catwoman melting spray?" As he was talking, he sprayed at Lois' crotch.

"Peter... Peter, no." Lois tried to order Peter, but he kept spraying her, "Peter..." Lois then giggled as she started getting entertained, "Alright. Okay, enough, Batman. I don't w-" She was then sprayed in the mouth.

"Not so mighty now, are you, Catwoman?" Peter teased as he kept sprayed Lois and chased her around the car.

"Peter." Lois chuckled.

"Take that." Peter exclaimed, "I spit water on you."

Lois then tripped and fell on the ground and the groceries she bought were now spread out. Peter then continued spraying Lois.

"Peter! Pete-" Lois called to Peter with water in her mouth, "Batman, I can't breathe! Peter!" She grabbed a jar of mayonnaise and threw it at Peter, hitting him and dropping the hose. Lois then got hold of it.

"Oh, I'm using my special cat power to get Batman all wet." Lois teased as she was now spraying Peter and then made cat noises.

"Hey, knock it off." Peter said, but then chuckled.

Lois then tossed aside the hose as she and Peter then started making out on the hood of the car.

Brian then got out of his seat and went inside the house. It then shifted back into the office.

"Alright, then." Dr. Kaplan remarked writing down Brian's story, "And now you, John. Do you remember anything that might've triggered your accidents?"

"Uh, I think mine started during the last heat wave." John told Dr. Kaplan as it soon flashbacked to when he started having his accidents.

(A/N: Like the cutaway with Tyler, Frank Jr and the hat, this is actually from a previous episode. Particularly "Brian: Portrait of a Dog")

It showed said episode from above author's note, beginning with the scene where Meg enters the house.

"Ugh! It is so hot out there!" Meg complained.

"How hot is it?" Everyone but John asked Meg in the tone of the audience of _The Match Game_.

"It is so hot that you could (blank)." Tyler said also in the tone of the same show's host.

"Uh, I don't know." Meg said, "Like, around 98, 99."

"SURVEY SAYS!" Tyler shouted as a buuzer went off in the background.

"Uh, what was that?" John asked Tyler.

"It was from _The Match Game_." Tyler told John.

"Tyler, I don't think she was just playing a joke." John remarked, "She was just saying it was hot outside."

"Oh..." Tyler replied until, "Tell her what she's won, Jr!"

"Well, Tyler." Frank Jr said to Tyler, "For winning-"

"Stop." John ordered Tyler.

"Okay..." Tyler and Frank Jr replied.

"Eww, I think I'm a little sweaty." Persephone remarked as she walked toward the air conditioner.

However, this time, John then stares at Persephone cooling off in front of the air conditioner.

"Ooo, that feels so good." Persephone said, "Right in my face."

John's gaze was then broken by Stewie tugging on his shirt. "Huh? Wha-?"

"You!" Stewie pointed at John and Tyler, "You two seem to know all the players in this poorly-acted farce. What do they call that one?" Stewie pointed the duo's attention to Persephone, who was cooling off.

"That's your sister, Persephone." John answered Stewie.

"Persephone!" Stewie called to Persephone, "You vile-smelling girl, you're not to touch any of my things! You understand me? Dirty, sirty gir- AH!" John flicked Stewie at the left side of his head in Persephone's defense.

John then got up and went to his room as the flashback came to a close and went back to John and Brian.

"And that seems to be it..." John finished.

"Wait a minute, all that running water and that smoldering heat. That's gotta be it!" Brian then theorized.

"Yeah!" John agreed.

"Mmhmm..." Dr. Kaplan exclaimed, "Brian, tell me about Lois."

"Lois." Brian reminisced, "Well, she's a fantastic woman. She's compassionate and charming, attractive. Well, stunning, really."

"Alright. Now you, John. Can you tell me about that girl in your dream again, please?" Dr. Kaplan asked John.

"Uh, sure." John agreed, "Well, she's all I've been thinking about lately. She's nice to everyone, she's smart, and she's cute... Actually, scratch that, hot. Heh, and you know, she kinda reminds of..."

"Persephone?" Dr. Kaplan answered seeing if it was what he meant.

"What?!" John jumped in surprise, "Wha-What did you mean by that?!"

"Calm down, John. I'm sure he's just teasing you." Brian said, "You know, what you said was how I also felt about Lois. I-I guess he was saying that we really..."

"Love them?" Dr. Kaplan guessed.

This then got Frank, Brian and John to look at the man in surprise.

"Again. WHAT?!" John shouted.

"No, of course not." Frank denied the idea, "Wh- Brian and Lois? And John and Persephone? That's sick! I mean, come on, they're my best friend and his landlord's wife and daughter."

"Yeah!" John agreed with Frank.

This didn't seem to convince Dr. Kaplan.

"Look. Look, we love Persephone and Lois, but we're not like in love with them." Brian then tried to explain.

"Exactly. There's nothing going on." John then said.

"Mmhmm. Who are you trying to convince, boys? Me or you?" Dr. Kaplan asked John and Brian.

This left them facing what was possibly the hard truth.

"I don't believe this. It actually explains a lot." John expressed.

"Oh, Brian, Brian, what a mess." Brian then said to himself while Dr. Kaplan checked the time on his watch, "Don't get antsy. We got three minutes left." Frank reply.

Later at the Drunken Clam, Brian was at the bar sipping a martini. Peter then came up to him.

"So, what the hell, Brian? You and John cured yet?" Peter asked Brian with a mug of beer in his left hand, "Cause, you know, I don't want to have to live in a house with plastic on the furniture, like some Italian family and then having it look like something out of a horror movie."

"Our therapist thinks he's figured out what our problems are." Brian told Peter.

"Oh, yeah?" Peter asked, "Well, what does Sigmund 'Fraud' think it is?"

"He, uh... think we're in love." Brian confessed.

"Oh, my God!" Peter exclaimed in shock, "You can talk!"

Brian then just stared at Peter about what he just said for a moment.

"Never mind..." Brian finally spoke in defeat.

"Well, do-do these girls like you and John back?" Peter asked.

"Oh, I-I can't imagine." Brian replied.

"You both gotta find out for sure." Peter instructed Brian, "You don't want to spend your life wondering what could have been..."

Peter then flashbacked to a time where he was struggling to choose.

"Sir, I need a decision." A man said to Peter offscreen.

"Uh, uh... uh, uh, salad." Peter then answered as the screen then zoomed out to reveal he was taking an order from a waiter, who wrote down the order and walked away, "No, no, wait! Soup! SOUP!" He then buried his face in his hands.

"But it was too late." Peter narrated as it flashed back to him and Brian at the bar, "And to this day, I still awake at night, wondering about the soup that got away."

"Thanks, Peter." Brian thanked his friend gulping down his martini, "John and I are gonna go find out how they feel." He then exited the building leaving Peter alone where it then panned to a man at Peter's right having some soup.

"I've taken you for granted." The man weeped.

""Oh, get a room!" Peter shot the man down.

Back at the house, John was in the living room watching TV when Brian came in.

"Well, John, I just found the solution to our problem." Brian said to John.

"Really? What is it?" John asked.

"We're going to find out how the girls we're in love with think about us." Brian.

"What? Are you crazy?" John questioned Brian's plan.

"Look, I know it's risky, but it's the only way if we'll ever get past this." Brian explained, "So let's just give it a shot."

"Okay, fine." John agreed.

The next day, Lois was watching TV wearing her blue sweater when Brian came in the room.

"Hey, you. The news is on." Lois greeted Brian.

"Huh. Where is everybody?" Brian then asked Lois.

"Stewie's taking a nap and Peter and the kids are out." Lois answered, "Come sit with me."

"O-Okay." Brian responded feeling uneasy and sat next to Lois. He chuckled a bit, then twitted his thumbs around, followed by scratching the back of his head. Lois then petted Brian's head, which got him aroused.

It then showed Diane Simmons on Channel 5 News on the TV screen.

"And now part three of Asian correspondent, Tricia Takanawa's special report on sex." Diane announced as it immediately cut to Tricia Takanawa in a hotel room.

"Thank you, Diane." Tricia thanked Diane, "Sex. Some people have it anonymously. What kind of person would do that, you might ask? Well, I'm about to find out." Tricia then began to undress starting by removing her jacket, "I just picked up a complete stranger in a hotel bar and he's in the bathroom right now, possibly doing drugs." She was now removing her blouse and skirt, leaving her in her underwear as the man she picked up at the hotel's bar was none other than Quagmire and got in the bed, "Watch as I have sex with this potentially dangerous man as we take you in-depth and undercover." She then winked at the camera as she turned to Quagmire.

"I've never had a Spanish chick before, heh." Quagmire remarked mistaking Tricia's racial appearance, "Ole."

Cuts back to Lois and Brian.

"Ugh, it is so refreshing to see something other than violence on the news." Lois said in relief then noticing Brian's tail tapping her thigh, "Brian, your tail keeps hitting me."

"I-If it's bothering you, I can stop." Brian responded.

"Oh, it's okay." Lois reassured, "The breeze feels good. It's so warm in here." Lois then took off her sweater, revealing a white t-shirt underneath. This caught Brian's attention. "That's better" Lois said as she discarded the shirt next to her on the couch.

"I-I'd-I'd take my sweater off, but I'm afraid it's attached to my skin, hehehehehe..." Brian joked, but it fell flat.

"Mmhmm..." Lois replied unimpressed as she picked up and read a magazine.

"Smooth..." Brian remarked under his breath.

"Well, I'd better go start dinner." Lois told Brian and walked off into the kitchen.

Meanwhile, everyone else was hanging out at the park where Persephone was hanging out with her friends, who happen to also be there. John then noticed them at a picnic area.

"Come on, John. You can do this." John thought to himself, "You promised Brian you were going to at least try." He then walked up to Persephone, "Hey, Persephone. Do you mind if I hang out with you and your friends?"

"No, we don't mind." Persephone approved as John then sat next to her.

"Is this the boy who's been living with you and your family that you talked about?" One of Persephone's friends asked.

Then all friends wooed at what they heard, making both John and Meg a bit embarassed.

"No, it's not like that!" Persephone reasoned, "We're only friends. Right?"

"Uh, right!" John agreed, "Nothing's happening between us."

"Aww..." All of Persephone's friends awed in disappointment.

"Sooo, uh, Persephone..." John asked Persephone, "If you want, we could go hang out at the mall."

"Yeah, that sounds fun." Persephone accepted John's offer, thinking he meant both her and her friends, "You guys think so, too?"

"Yeah." All of Persephone's friends agreed.

"Let's go see if one of our parents can give us a ride." One of the friends insisted.

All girls got up from the picnic blanket, leaving John alone. He then hung his head in disappointment.

The scene then split into two as it showed John to the left and Brian to the right as they each heard a familiar voice.

"Well, well, well!" Tyler/Stewie exclaimed as each took a bite from a candy bar (Tyler) and an apple (Stewie). Tyler was leaning next to a tree at the park, while Stewie was leaning to the hallway entrance at the house.

"How-How long have you been there?!" John/Brian asked Tyler/Stewie in worry.

"Oh, I came along right about the time you started pummeling her with your tail." Stewie answered.

Switches to Tyler.

"Oh, just this whole time watching you embarrass yourself." Tyler answered.

"What's that supposed to mean?" John asked offended.

"Easy." Tyler responded, "I know now that you have the hots for Meg AND you managed to screw up on the first time."

It then showed a split-scene of both John and Brian.

"You shut up!" John/Brian demanded.

"You love her! HA!" Tyler/Stewie laughed as it then showed only Stewie.

"Oh, this is so good, it just has to be fattening." Stewie mocked.

"I SAID, SHUT UP!" Brian talked back leaving the room.

"Oh, by the way, nice rap!" Stewie then said to Brian, "'I'd take my sweater off, but I'm afraid it's attached to my skin.' HA, HA, HA! Imbecile!"

It then cuts back to Tyler.

"Oh, this is more fun than it was two days ago." Tyler cheered.

"Two days ago?" John questioned, "What did you mean by that?"

"Dangit! Uhhh... Nothing!" Tyler quickly excused zooming off in cartoonish fashion.

John was still a tad bit suspicious at what his best friend meant.

Later back at the house, the family was having Lois' Noodle Caboodle.

"Then, Brittany's mom was going to take us to the mall. But Amber decided to not go instead. So, we all went to the mall, and you're not gonna believe it. They both showed up!" Persephone finished telling about her day.

"Hold on. Persephone, Persephone. I'm sorry, that is a really boring story." Peter told Persephone his personal opinion, "I haven't been this bored since that stupid drive-in movie."

**Cutaway #3**

It showed a playing movie at a drive-in theater where it showed a few cars there from behind as the attendants were enjoying the film, except for Frank Jr and Peter, whose car was facing the wrong way.

"This sucks." Frank Jr exclaimed upset.

**End**

"Maybe you two were facing the wrong way." Tyler assumed.

Peter was silent for a few seconds before replying, "...No, we didn't."

"Well, I, for one, thought it was a well-executed story about departure and rekindlement of friendship." John praised exaggeratedly, "Better than Harry Potter."

"Really?" Peter asked, "Even if it was just about Persephone going to the mall with her friends?"

"Yes." John positively answered.

"Lois, this pasta, better than Italy." Brian praised Lois for the dinner.

"It's just my Noodle Caboodle." Lois stated a bit flattered from Brian's words, "I did use a different brand of potato chips for the crust, though."

"Potato chips?" Tyler and Frank Jr asked, "WHOO-HOO!" they then chowed their plate down, hoping to consume the potato chips in the pasta.

"Your culinary prowess is surpassed only by your unfailing grace and the uncommon, sometimes haunting glow of sensuality surrounds you." Brian then proclaimed, almost as if he was a poet.

Hearing this got Stewie secretly outraged.

"It's just Noodle Caboodle..." Lois reminded Brian now feeling a bit creeped out by the latter's speech.

"I, too, feel the same way with Persephone's extraordinary mind of purity and charisma." John then speeches, which also got Tyler in the same way as Stewie.

"I was just hanging out at the mall with my friends." Persephone reminded feeling almost the same way as Lois before taking a bite of pasta.

"Hey, what are these hard things?" Peter asked what was in the pasta.

"M&amp;Ms." Lois answered, "I ran out of paprika."

Brian blew out a kiss, "Magnificent."

"Follow my lead. I've got a plan." Tyler whispered to Stewie, "Hey Persephone. Has anyone ever tell you that you're looking pretty tonight?"

"Me? Really? Well, I guess not." Persephone replied flattered by Tyler's compliments. Stewie then saw what he was doing and went along.

"Up! Up!" Stewie demanded, "Stewie wants to go uppie!"

"Oh, you want me to pick you up, sweetie?" Lois asked Stewie as she lifted him from his high-chair and held him in his arms and Stewie suspiciously snuggles affectionately to Lois' face.

"Momma's skin is so soft." Stewie complimented solely to annoy Brian.

'You know who else has soft skin?" Tyler asked, "Persephone."

"Oh, thank you, Tyler." Persephone said again flattered by Tyler's words.

This then got Brian and John curious as to what was going on.

"My goodness, you're affectionate to Persephone tonight, Tyler." Lois acknowledged to Tyler and turned to her baby, "And so are you, Stewie. Well, let me give my big boy a kiss." She then pecked Stewie's cheek, which then got Brian enraged.

"And your lips are so red that a vampire would wish to drain you of your blood." Tyler then complimented, "Just like the blood that was spewed a few days ago... by J-man."

Frank soon realized what Tyler meant and places everything together that Tyler was the one who sprayed all the blood in the living room two days ago, leaving him outraged by his friend's betrayal.

"Another! Another! Yes! Mommy has candy kisses!" Stewie exclaimed in joy.

"Alright, that's eno-" Brian almost shouted before something sounding like a plate being broke was heard and it turned out that Tyler was hit with a plate from... Frank and John, who jumped at Tyler and began repeatedly punching him.

"IT WAS YOU!" Frank shouted in anger as he and john continued beating Tyler up.

Lois put Stewie down and she, Meg went over to John and Tyler.

"Boys, Stop! PLEASE!" Meg pleaded breaking them up, then turned to Frank and John, " Frank, John, I don't know why you went and hurt your best friend, but right now I think it's best that you go to your room and think about what you've done."

"But he-" Frank tried to speak.

"No buts." Lois excused Frank's statement, "Now go."

Frank and John then did as Lois asked.

"Hm. Serves him right for beating me up after finding out that I was the one who sprayed the blood all over the living room- DANGIT!" Tyler remarked accidentally admitting his crime.

"You're the one who did that?!" Meg asked horrified, "Tyler, how could you?"

"Well, he blamed me for his nosebleeds." Tyler explained, "So, I wanted to get back at him for it."

"Well, I hope you're happy, Tyler." Lois said, "Because you've really let me down." She then left the room with a look of disappointment on her face.

Everyone else joined her and left without saying a word. All for except Brian, who was still where he stood. This got Tyler to feel pretty guilty about what he had done.

"Looks like you got your wish." Brian remarked about Tyler's situation.

"Oh, I don't know, Brian. I thought getting payback was going to go well..." Tyler lamented, "But after seeing everyone's reaction, I just don't know what to do."

"Well, Tyler. If you're wanting to make things right, the best thing for you to do is make up with John." Brian advised.

"You mean apologized?" Tyler asked.

"Exactly." Brian answered.

"Huh." Tyler exclaimed, "Alright, I'll go do it. Thanks, Brian."

Tyler went to him and John's room and after taking a breath entered.

"J-man!" Tyler called to John, "It's me, Tyler!"

I've forgot to establish the layout of John and Tyler's room, so let me explain. They have a bunk bed at the south side of the room where Tyler was top bunk and John was bottom bunk. At the north side, there was their TV sitting on top of a crate and by its side were some game consoles and video games. And a floor carpet was adding along with bean bag chairs in front of the TV.

(A/N: I'll post a picture of what it looks after this chapter is published.)

"What do you want?" John demanded lying on his right side in the bottom bunk bed.

"Look, I just want to say I'm sorry about what happened at dinner." Tyler confessed, "I shouldn't have cared more about myself rather your problem. And I also support your crush on Meg."

"You'll mean it?" Frank demanded as he sat up, "Because if you're holding a playing tape recorder behind your back, I'm kicking your butt."

"I'm clean." Tyler admitted holding up both his hands.

"Okay, then I guess apology accepted." John said convinced as he shakes hands with Tyler.

The next day, Lois was folding laundry in the living room when Brian came in.

"Uh, hi." Brian greeted Lois.

"Well, hello, Brian." Lois greeted Brian back.

"I-I think we should talk." Brian said.

"Sure." Lois agreed when she realized she was holding up pink panties and placed them away.

Lois and Brian then sat on the couch.

"Lois... Did your heart ever want to ask something, but... your head was too afraid of what the answer might be?" Brian then asked Lois, who soon realized what he meant.

"Oh. Oh, God." Lois lamented, "Sometimes, I-It's best not to ask those questions. Sometimes, we should what we already have, like a very special friendship, let's say you and I share that someone like me wouldn't change for anything in the world."

"Brian then made a smile.

"Someone like me wouldn't change it for anything in the world either." Brian responded accepting her decline.

"I'm glad." Lois said as she patted Brian.

They then got off the couch as Brian left and Lois went back to laundry. Soon, however, Brian then came back.

"Okay, ju-just to be clear, we-we were talking about me being in love with you and rejecting it, right?" Brian asked wondering if Lois was aware of what they were talking about earlier.

"Yes." Lois answered.

"I was making sure." Brian replied as he noticed that some of the clothes Lois was folding looked a bit familiar.

"Aren't those Persephone's clothes?" Brian asked Lois.

"Why, yes, they are." Lois answered, "Persephone was taking a shower a little while ago and I thought maybe I washed her clothes for her."

"Oh, alright." Brian replied as he was about to leave.

Meanwhile, Frank, John and Tyler were upstairs outside Peter and Lois' bedroom.

"Come on, J-man. You can do this." Tyler rooted.

"I don't know, Tyler." John said nervously, "I mean, what if she rejects me or something?"

"You gotta at least try." Frank then said.

"Alright, I'm going in." John sighed walking toward Persephone's room.

John then took a deep breath, then exhaled and finally opened the door. Before he did, however, it showed Persephone's bare feet with the door in the distance as suddenly a white towel dropped from above, implying that Meg had just finished a bath and/or a shower.

" Persephone, are you in he-" John was about to ask Persephone before looking up and paused as it then showed a full shot of Persephone's naked rear while she was going in her drawer for underwear.

Persephone looked behind and found John right at her door just staring at her. She then pulled up and tried to cover her naked body with her towel as she screamed.

"Oh, gosh! I'm sorry!" John apologized quickly shutting the door behind him as he went back to Frank and Tyler. Brian and Lois heard the scream and rushed upstairs.

"What happened?" Tyler asked.

"I accidentally saw Persephone naked." John explained.

"What?!" Tyler reacted.

"Yeah. But you know what the really weird part is? I actually want to see the other side right now." John confessed.

"Oh, is that what you want, huh?" a familiar voice spoke as John turned to find Lois behind him with an outraged look on her face.

"MRS. GRIFFIN!" John jumped in fright, "I swear, I didn't know she was-" Lois, however, try to punch him before he could speak, but frank swing chin music her in the face and told john to run for his life.

Later that day, Frank Jr, Brian and Peter were golfing at the Municipal Golf Course. Peter was driving while consuming beers and discarding the cans everywhere.

"I tell you, Peter, I wish I'd taken this up years ago." Brian remarked to Peter.

"Yeah, you know, my great, great, great uncle, Angus Griffin and Frank Jr's great, great, great uncle Haggus Mallque invented the game." Peter pointed out.

**Cutaway #4**

It showed Frank Jr's and Peter's ancestor, Haggus Mallque and Angus Griffin, who was a Scottish version of Peter and Frank, only with a goatee beards. They were with some other Scotsmen.

"So, we're all clear on the rules, then." Angus Griffin and Haggus Mallque said in a Scottish accent, "No Jews and no Blacks."

"Aye!" The other Scotsmen agreed.

**End**

Brian then tapped the ball and made it in the hole.

"Whoa, you're like the Arnold Palmer of golf." Peter praised Brian's golfing skills.

"Yeah, life is good." Brian stated, "I'm 7 years old, and if I play my cards right, I've got another seven ahead of me."

"Hey, Hey whatever happened to you and John's lady friends?" Peter asked curious.

"We all decided to stay good friends." Brian answered, "We both found out that there are a lot of different kinds of love, and ours were perfect the way they were."

"So, they dumped you, guys, huh?" Frank Jr chuckled, "Ah, the hell with them. They'll probably end up with some idiot and a pervert. And speaking of perverts, some bozo was at my house peeing at my aunt."

"There was?" Brian asked fearing that Frank Jr found out.

"Yeah, but Lois said she didn't know who it was because she got kick in the face." Peter responded, "But if I ever get my hands on that peep, I'll gut him."

"Oh..." Brian replied relieved that he doesn't fully know about it for John's sake.

"Serves that mysterious bastard right." Peter stated.

Peter then took his turn, but kept missing the hole.

Finally, later that night, Frank Jr was now asleep soundly. It showed what his father was now dreaming, which was in a white background and there was a blurred-out character, who was actually a girl as it let out a giggle that sounded like young Korra's laugh when it was voiced by Cora Baker. Then the girl figure ran off and faded into the distance. Then Frank Jr saw a forest, a huge explosion erupted from the distance. A huge wall of fire filled the area and outside the fire wall was two figures: One is a male Tetramand with black hair, Blue eyes and wore dark black/light red uniform with black short. On his upper left shoulder was the prototype Omnitrix symbol. The other was a large, bulked Galvanic Mechamorph/Gridsapien with evil red eyes. The Gridsapien punched the Tetramand then landed a powerful uppercut, sending him crashing on the ground. He converted his arm into a pulse cannon and fired it at the ground, sending a shockwave that blasted her off the ground, crashed on the tree then landed on the ground with a thud. The trees was blown apart by a laser cannon from the Galvanic Mechamorph/Gridsapien. He converted his chest into an energy core and fire an energy wave. He quickly jump and evaded the beam but the explosive force pushed him forward and landed on the ground hard.

He stood on his feet and sighed, "Alright, fine. I want to do this the easy way. But the hard way is better." said 10-year-old Four Arms as he place his fists on his open hands and crack his fists. He grab/rip the tree off the ground and use it as a club but it went through the Galvanic Mechamorph/Gridsapien and he land in front of him.

"_Is this The Great Frank G Mallque/Tennyson Jr? Bearer of the Master Omnitrix? Savior of the gala-_" The Galvanic Mechamorph/Gridsapien's taunts were interrupted by Four Arms as his smack him with the tree and he crash against the tree on his back. He walk toward and bend on one knee as his place his hand on his face and scoff.

"_Blah blah! Same old bad guy taunt._" scoffed Omni the third from the Master Omnitrix symbol

"Yeah, you think you're the only super-powerful being I fought? Pfft! It takes lot more than that to surprise us." scoffed Four Arms.

"_I couldn't agree more._" said the Galvanic Mechamorph/Gridsapien as he shot his hand forward and grabbed the prototype Omnitrix symbol on her upper left shoulder. It glowed in a frenzy as Four Arms and Omni the third screamed in pain and the Galvanic Mechamorph/Gridsapien pinned the Tetramand down on the ground. He let go of the Master Omnitrix symbol and it start beeping. Suddenly Four Arms start glowing in green light and start shrinking. After the light faded, he stood up as 10-year-old Frank G Mallque/Tennyson. He look at his hands.

"*gasp* Aw, man!" exclaimed Frank Jr.

Then his ten year old version of himself start tapping his prototype Master Omnitrix core but it gave out a beep that meant it's recharging.

"_Master Control remained unaffected, it just need recharge._" whispered Omni the third. Frank Jr nodded and look up to see the Galvanic Mechamorph/Gridsapien fuse being towering over him.

"_Any last foolish remark you want say, Frank G Mallque/Tennyson Jr?_" asked the Galvanic Mechamorph/Gridsapien as he bend over so he can talk to his face-to-face.

"Yeah, pop a breath mint, MaleCore!" complained Frank Jr.

"_Ha ha ha ha!_" laughed Shoutmon and MaleCore gave a glare. The prototype Omnitrix let out a beep and he smiled as she slapped the prototype Omnitrix core. His body engulfed in green light and began to transform.

Her arms converted into giant mechanical arms, his legs become bulked mecha-legs, his back grew four cable plugs and his upper body become mechanical torso. His head become covered in battle helmet and his green eyes shine through the black visor. He wore the prototype Omnitrix symbol on both side of his helmet. He then spun around and strike a powerful pose similar as Cross fuse Megaman's.

"_**Alright! Omni Frank!**_" grinned the Net Navisapien in the synched voice of Shoutmon and Frank Jr. MaleCore threw his punch but Omni Frank caught it, landed a kick on his face, the Conductoid icon appear on his monitor-like face than stabbed his fingers on MaleCore shoulders.

"_GYAAAHH!_" screamed MaleCore as Net Navisapien drained his energy then a Galvanic Mechamorph symbol appear, he thrusted his head forward and fired a powerful super-charged energy cannon from his eyes, blasting Galvanic Mechamorph/Gridsapien so far away.

"_**YES! He shoot, he scores!**_" cheered Net Navisapien as he jump and swing his arm up but did not hear the prototype Master Omnitrix beeping (effects of using up all of his energy), reverted back to normal and land on his butt. He vaulted back on his feet and pointed his finger at the direction where he blasted MaleCore.

"Yeah, you better run!" shouted Frank Jr as he woke up then he moan as he rubbed his hands on his butt.

**The End**

(If you are wondering what was that, that's frank Jr past, which you'll see at my kingdom hearts fanfiction when I get there. See you next time.)


	14. Chapter 12: Love Thy Trophy

**Chapter 12: Love Thy Trophy**

"Tonight's regularly scheduled program, _Channel 5 news_, has been rescheduled later due to a homicide invest-I mean technical difficulties. And now it's _Frank junior with Vital Information for Your Everyday Life_."

We're inside a well-lit study. Frank Jr is sitting in an old leather chair with a glass of brandy in his hand and wearing a robe. He still has his trademark specs. Classical music was playing in the background. Frank Jr turned to the camera.

"Oh! Didn't see you there. I'm Frank G Mallque the second of quahog, or Frank Jr some of you might know me as Matter-Eater Lad. Tonight, I'll be giving advice for your daily routine."

"What makes you so qualified to give advice?!" some guy from off camera screams.

"I got my qualifications from Joe." Frank Jr explains. "Joe who?" "Joe Mama. Now put on this tutu and recite the Canadian National Anthem!" "I don't wanna!" the voice yells.

Frank Jr clears his throat, then takes a swig of brand and bites off a piece of the glass. If it looks bad, smells bad, and tastes bad, then it might be... this old burrito!

If your phone rings, pick it up. If your butt rings, see a doctor.

To get your teacher's attention, it's a bad idea to scream "Hey look over here you freakish animal".

If you smell smoke in the hallway, you say "fire". If you smell smoke in your pants you say "why am I smelling my pants?"

It's not okay to eat breakfast cereal out of your underpants.

Homework bad, pizza good.

Girls don't like it when boys take their sandwich and run away screaming "Hey look who's got your sandwich now".

When you cough something up, never take it to school and tell people it's your friend Robert.

Don't pour soup on yourself and run around shouting " Hey everybody, look at me I'm soupgirl".

Never kick a man when he's down, just look at him and scream "Hey, get up you down on the ground weirdo". Frank Jr looked over at the camera and said, "Well, looks like we're out of time for tonight. If you'll excuse me I have go to solve world hunger. Good night."

"This has been Frank Junior with Vital Information for Your Everyday Life."

Now begin regularly scheduled program with Channel 5 News.

"Good evening, I'm Diane Simmons." Diane Simmons announced, "A stunning development tonight as O.J. Simpson is proven innocent." As she was reporting this, the small display showed said murderer waving to the camera and then being lifted by fans, "We have the identity of the real killer. But first..."

"It's fall." Tom Tucker then announced, "The time of year when the leaves turn that pretty, purple orange and Quahog prepares for its annual Harvest Festival Parade."

"Asian reporter Tricia Takanawa joins us live from the ceremony where they're choosing this year's theme." Diane then reported where the display showed Tricia at the ceremony, "Tricia?"

The screen then zoomed in to Tricia at the ceremony next to a bird cage full of doves.

"Diane, behind me are 1,000 beautiful doves." Tricia said to Diane showing the birds, "Gently tied to each of their delicate legs is a parade theme suggested by ordinary citizens of Quahog. And here to pick this year's winning theme is _Ten Commandments_star, Charlton Huston." She then brought the microphone to said celebrity.

"Let my pigeons go!" Charlton Huston declared reenacting a scene from _The Ten Commandments_ as the doves are set free and fly off.

Charlton Huston then pulls out a rifle, loads it and then successfully shoots down a dove, leaving it falling to the ground dead.

"He nailed one!" Tricia acknowledged, "We have our theme!"

Charlton was then handed the now-lifeless bird and removed the slip on its leg containing the parade's winning theme.

It then cut to the inside of Cleveland's house where he and his wife, Loretta were sitting on the couch that was facing the TV and jumping up and down on the armchair on the right side was Cleveland's adopted son and real son, Menma and Cleveland Jr.

"I submitted 'togetherness.'" Cleveland said, "A simple theme, but powerful, nonetheless."

Then it cut to Joe's living room where he was watching the event... on his wheelchair, what else? And Bonnie, zeke, rage and Kevin were also watching on the couch.

"Come on, 'overcoming adversity!'" Joe cheered, "Let's go, 'overcoming adversity!'"

Now it was Quagmire's living room where he, too was watching the news while playing golf.

"Show me 'women I gave the clap to!' OH!" Quagmire said to the TV finishing with a thrust in the air.

It then finally cut back to Tricia and Charlton Neston.

"And the Harvest Festival Parade theme is..." Charlton Neston announced as Tricia tossed aside the dead bird, "'The episode of _who's the Boss?_Where Tony sees Angela naked in the shower'?"

Suddenly, it cut to the Griffins (except Frank and Meg) Frank Jr and John and Tyler in the living room as they were also watching the news.

"Yes!" Peter cheered, "That's mine! Un-freakin'-believable!"

"Whoo!" Tyler and Frank Jr cheered also as he then belly-bumped John, which caused him to tumble back a bit toward Stewie who spelled "REDRUM" with his building blocks.

"Oof! Clumsy oaf!" Stewie shouted, "Michael Flatley must be turning over his grave. Wait a minute, he's not dead... yet..." Stewie then picked up a notepad and pencil, "'Michael Flatley.'"

"Congratulations, Mr. Griffin/grandpa." Tyler and Frank Jr condradrulated Peter.

"Yeah... Congratulations..." John followed still recovering from the belly-bump.

"Peter, it's great they picked your theme, isn't it a little esoteric?" Lois asked Peter a little uncomfortable about the theme.

"Esoteric?" Peter asked as it then zoomed into his cranium where instead of his brain, it was really a group of men.

"Could it mean 'sexy'?" A man at the lower left of the table questioned.

"I think it's a science term." One man at the middle right then suggested.

"Fellas, fellas, esoteric means 'delicious'." One man at the upper right then pointed out.

It then zoomed out of Peter's head and showed the latter's face again.

"Lois, _Who's the Boss?_is not a food." Peter said stupidly.

"Swing and a miss..." Brian remarked of Peter's idiocy.

"Not even close." Frank Jr then followed.

**Opening Credits**

_It seems today that all ya see_

_Is violence in movies and sex on TV_

_But where are those good, old-fashioned values_

_On which we used to rely_

_Lucky there's a Family Guy!_

_Lucky there's a man who_

_Positively can do_

_All the things that make us_

_Laugh n' Cry_

_He's_

_a_

_Fam_

_-ily_

_Guy!_

**End**

Persephone came in the house looking very upset.

"I have no friends and it's all because of this stupid purse!" Persephone said as John suddenly charged over to her, snatched away the purse and started pummeling it like a mad man, only to find everyone staring at him. He got back up with his hands behind his back blushing in embarrassment.

"So, uh, what happened, Persephone?" John said hoping to change the subject.

"Well (sniff) it was lunchtime and..." Persephone explained as it flashbacked to what happened. She was putting her books in her locker when a group of girls were chatting next to her.

"I love the color of your Prada bag." A girl with ginger hair wearing a pink sweater complimented to an African-American girl in a matching yellow shirt and skirt and wearing a magenta jacket.

"Yeah, but yours has that great clasp." The African-American girl said back.

"Hey, Persephone, do you want to come to lunch?" The ginger haired girl said to Persephone, but noticed that Persephone didn't have a Prada bag, "Oh, you know what? There's no room in my car for your big, ugly purse." She and the other girls then laughed and walked away, leaving Persephone upset. A teacher then came up to Persephone.

"Persephone, let me tell you about popularity." The teacher said to Persephone.

"Mrs. Canner. Are you coming?" The ginger haired girl called out to the teacher.

"Bye." Mrs. Canner greeted abruptly to Persephone and as she turned around, her bag hit Persephone in the face and knocked her to the floor.

It then cut back to Persephone, Meg, Frank, John and Peter.

"Daddy, if you really loved me, you'd buy me a Prada bag." Persephone said to Peter.

As John heard that one line, he then had a fantasy showing Persephone in a pink background.

"I would love you if you bought me a Prada bag, John." Fantasy Persephone said in a seductive tone.

This brought John back to reality now love-struck as he immediately pulled out his wallet, along with Tyler's.

"Awe, I can't say no to you, honey." Peter said to Persephone, much to her delight, "What are they, like, $10?"

"More like 11... Hundred." Meg replied as Persephone was about to receive the money.

Hearing this halted John's attempt to woo Persephone as he quickly looked inside him and Tyler's wallets to find no money on neither of them.

"You wish I loved you that much!" Peter laughed snatching away the $10.

Persephone sighed in disappointment as John looked on, also disappointed from his failed attempt.

Later, Peter and Frank Jr, Tyler were building the float with the guys.

"We'll never get this float done in time for the parade." Peter acknowledged in disbelief, "Pick up the pace, guys!"

"Peter, your theme is a dud." Joe told Peter.

"Yeah, I've never even seen _Who's the Boss?_" Cleveland agreed.

"Heh, Tuesdays in the '80s, I was always in bed by 8:00..." Quagmire said, "... and home by 11:00. OH!"

"Aw, but we can't do it without you guys." Frank Jr said to the guys, "Because-because I'll tell you who's the boss. It's not Tony or Angela. It's not even man-crazy Mona." He then pointed his finger to the ground, "It's all of us."

"Why?" Tyler asked.

"Why? Well, Mom and Dad's the boss because they saves our family from our wacky adventures." Frank Jr pointed out.

"Okay, that's true." Frank replied seeing Frank Jr's point.

"Quagmire's the boss because he never gives up." Peter pointed out.

"Okay, that's true." Tyler replied seeing Peter's point.

"Exactly." Frank Jr said, "Like with the ladies."

**Cutaway #1**

Quagmire was at a bar where he tried to flirt with a woman sitting next him wearing a green dress.

"Gemini!" Quagmire guessed, only for the woman to slap him, "Capricorn!" Once again he got slapped, "Heh. Well, I KNOW you're not a Virgo!" The woman then punched Quagmire in outraged, knocking him to the floor.

"Hey, from down here, you look like a Pisces!" Quagmire remarked as the woman then finally stomped on him with her heel.

**End**

"And Cleveland, Menma and Tyler, you guys are the boss because of your attention to detail." Peter then praised Cleveland, Menma and Tyler, "L-L-Like when we play pool. Ah, you both take so long to line up your shots, I just want to crack you with a cue stick." He was teasingly holding up the rolled-up blueprints he had with him like a bat.

"You wanted to kill me and Cleveland over a game of pool?" Tyler asked suprised.

"No, he don't because that would be a hate crime and we love you two." Frank Jr answered, "Plus, we was trying to prove a point."

"Oh." Tyler replied.

"And Joe, zeke and rage, I've had new neighbors before, but none of them were half the man you are." Peter then praised Joe, "And since you're half a man and half saiyan already, that splits them into some kind of fraction I can't even measure."

"Fourth." Tyler pointed.

"Peter and Frank Jr right." Joe said understanding the situation, "If we work together, we can win this thing." He then brought his arm out, "Who's in?"

Zeke, Menma, Rage, Cleveland and Quagmire stepped in and placed their hands on Joe's, symbolizing their agreement.

"Go, Spooner Street!" Quagmire rooted.

Peter, Frank, Frank Jr and Tyler then followed as the scene shifted to the families working together. Lois and Bonnie were tasked with float flowers. Joe, Cleveland and Quagmire were tasked with the float. And Chris, Kevin and Cleveland Jr. were tasked with lumber.

"My dad always says, 'Measure twice. Cut once'." Kevin said pulling out the tape from the tape measure.

"My daddy always says, 'Cleveland Jr., quit jumping' on da bed!'" Cleveland Jr. followed as he then started sawing a board while laughing.

"We didn't measure! We didn't measure!" Kevin shouted in panic.

It then cut to Peter, Meg, Frank, Frank Jr, Tyler and Brian by the front door watching everyone work.

"Amazing, Peter." Brian praised Peter's work, "You've inspired the whole neighborhood to work together."

"You know what really amazing, guys is?" Frank Jr asked and turned to Brian and Tyler, "Grandpa haven't brushed his teeth in three days and no one has said a thing."

"...I'm gonna go help everyone else right now." Frank said as he walked over to the families.

"Huh." Peter exclaimed confused, "Was it something I said?"

"Something like that." Meg answered.

Meanwhile, at downtown, John was coming out of a local arcade (which I won't have time to establish) when he noticed Persephone pushing Stewie in his stroller over at a diner named, "Flappy Jack's Pancake House" across the street.

"Hey, Persephone!" John called out to Persephone rushing to her, "How's it go-"

"Not you again." Persephone said spotting John, "What do you want, perv?"

"What? You're still mad at that?" John said, "I already admitted it was an accident. All right?"

"Oh, save the excuses, peeper." Persephone shot down John's statement when she looked up and saw the sign of the restaurant in front of her, "Hey, Stewie, if I had a job, I could buy the bag myself." Persephone theorized to her brother.

"Hmm, I squandered my munitions budget on that insipid _Rugrats _video!" Stewie then acknowledged about his own minimum wage, "Perhaps I should seek employment."

"Oh, yeah? And how are you gonna be able to do that, huh?" John questioned Stewie's plan, "No one will hire you. You're a baby, for Pete's sake."

"Well, Mother teaches piano. I suppose I could as well." Stewie responded.

**Cutaway #2**

Stewie was sitting in front of the piano with a boy a few years older than him.

"All right, try it again, Richard." Stewie ordered the boy, "And remember, the wrong keys are electrified."

Richard began playing the piano, but got shocked by a wrong key.

"I don't want to play the piano!" Richard complained.

"Indeed." Stewie agreed, "Would you rather play the basoon?"

The camera panned to the right where it showed a girl with ponytails holding a bassoon dangling from a rope above a pool of sharks. The girl started playing the bassoon, but hit a wrong note and was lowered a bit.

**End**

"Well, what are we waiting for? Let's go- AAAHHHHH!" John was about to suggest when Persephone kicked him in the crotch where he fell over and covered his privates with his hands as he grunted in pain and Persephone went inside with Stewie.

Sometime later, John eventually comes in finally recovering from his condition where he sees Persephone talking to the restaurant's owner, who was also the chef.

"No experience?" The owner asked, "No thanks." He then shooed Persephone away, much to her disappointment as she was about to leave.

"Hey, wait a minute!" John then spoke, "Can't you at least show her how it works or something?"

But as he saw Persephone, John realized that she was too upset to convince the restaurant owners to hire her and got the message.

"Uh... Never mind." John dismissed his statement earlier as he followed Meg.

The waitress then whispered into the chef's ear about John and Meg, which got the latter's interest.

"Oh, nuts." The man exclaimed, "Young lady!" He then called out to Persephone before she walked out, "What's the little guy's name?" He handed Stewie a cookie.

"What do you care?" Persephone asked.

"Well, I can't send a teenage mother and her husband out on the street without a job." The chef answered believing John and Persephone were a married couple and Stewie was their child. This caught John by surprise.

"What?! But we're not-" John was about to inform the man while Persephone's eyes shifted both ways suspiciously.

"Stewie." Persephone let out cutting off John, "Our son's name is Stewie."

Hearing this also caught Stewie by surprise as he spit his cookie out and he and John looked at her in surprise. They then took a look at each other for a split second before going back to Persephone.

Eventually, the Quahog Harvest Festival Parade arrived as everyone was gathered at downtown.

"Welcome to the 83rd annual Quahog Harvest Festival Parade." Diane greeted as it planned to her and Tom at the parade sitting in a news booth, "Are you as excited as I am, Tom?"

It planned to Tom.

"Are you kidding, Diane? I've got wood..." Tom responded inappropriately, but was actually referring to a clipboard in his hands holding it out, "...and clipped onto this piece of wood is a list of this year's float entries."

"Remember, the float that best captures this year's theme wins Quahog's coveted golden clam." Diane reported as it showed the trophy of... well, a clam.

"And here's our first float." Tom announced.

It showed the first float of the parade showing the character Tony looking rather surprised with a wrench in his hand and the character Angela instead hiding behind the shower curtain and not looking surprised at all.

"Ohhh, looks like some wires got crossed on Clover Street." Diane stated having seen the problem, "That's not Angela. That's Mona, Angela's mom."

"Wonderful use of tree bark for the age spots, though." Tom pointed out as the screen showed the figure's bare back as the float passed by.

The next float was of Tom bathing the character Jonathan in the bath, nowhere fitting the theme.

"This one's got Tony bathing Jonathan." Tom reported, "Well, that's just plain wrong."

It cuts back to Tom and Diane.

"Each float possesses its own unique charm." Diane remarked toward the floats, "But none of them-"

"Oh, baby!" Tom exclaimed in astonishment, "Look at that!"

It was Spooner Street's now finished float as it was a perfect portrayal of the parade, depicting Tony opening the shower door to reveal a wet, naked Angela, whom raised her towel up to cover herself.

"AAAHH!" Tyler screamed in horror as the direction of his attention span was at the shower door as it opened to reveal the naked Angela model inside and closed, making stop screaming. However, the shower door opened again...

"AAHHH!"

*shower door closes*

*Tyler stops screaming*

*Shower door opens*

"AAAHH!"

This was repeated a few more times until Frank Jr slap him.

"Peter, the float turned out great." Joe congratulated Peter.

"Yeah, our neighborhood hasn't been this united since Quagmire figured out how to get us free cable." Peter reminisced.

**Cutaway #3**

It showed an electrical pole as the camera panned up to reveal a power box labeled "CABLE" on the front. Then it panned to another pole where it dropped to Peter, Frank Jr, Frank, Meg, Quagmire, John and Tyler pummeling the cable man in the stomach while Cleveland holds him from behind.

"We are not bad people." Cleveland informed the cable man, "We just don't wanna pay $12 a month for Cinemax." Frank Jr continued after Cleveland.

**End**

Peter, Lois, Frank, Meg, Frank Jr, Tyler, Brian, Joe, Bonnie, Cleveland, Loretta and Quagmire were now at the award ceremony as Diane was at the podium opening an envelope and about to read the winners of the parade.

"First place goes to Spooner Street." Diane announced as the Spooner Street neighbors cheered in victory.

"WHOOAA! YEEEAAAHH!" Tyler cheered loudly, "Finally, I'll never have to see that thing again!" He then sees that the shower door on the float is open, "AAHHH! I SPOKE TOO SOON!"

Peter, Frank Jr, Frank, Joe, Zeke, Rage, Cleveland, Menma and Quagmire received the Golden Clam and one of the photographers took their picture. However, they all wouldn't let of the trophy as they each tried to pull it away from each other and gave out an uncomfortable laugh.

"Oh, no..." Tyler said.

This continued until the parade was over and almost everyone left. The wives were annoyed of this.

"Come on, now!" Loretta said to the guys, "This is damn foolish."

"My theme, my trophy!" Peter insisted.

"My aunt fanny!" Quagmire scolded, "You two said it yourself, Frank Jr and Peter! I'm the boss!"

"Well, he said we, too was the boss." Menma pointed out, "And it's time Mr. Cleveland got his due!"

"Joe, zeke, rage, my feet are starting to swell." Bonnie said to her boys.

"You two go home." Zeke recommended Bonnie, "We can stay here as long as it takes." He then turned back to the guys, "You'd be amazed how little you have to eat when your legs don't work." Joe reply

"There's only one way to settle this." Peter proclaimed.

"How?" Frank asked as Peter pulled out a pistol from out of his pocket.

"Russian Roulette." Peter declared.

"RUSSIAN ROULETTE?!" Tyler repeated panickingly, "THAT'S CRAZY!"

"Three bullets, last guy standing keeps the trophy." Frank Jr explained.

"YOU FIRST!" Tyler shouted.

"All right, I'll go fir- No, no, no, no, no, wait a minute. Tyler's right. This is crazy." Frank Jr acknowledged before handing the rifle to Tyler, "You first, Tyler."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, There's-There's gotta be a way for you all to enjoy the trophy." Meg stopped Peter insisting on another way. Everyone thought of what to do until...

"I have an idea." Tyler proclaimed.

It then cut back to Spooner Street where the models of Tony and Angela were each placed across the street with their arms up forming an arch.

"All right, Tyler, we've made the float models into an arch." Cleveland reported to Tyler, "Just as you asked."

"Yeah, what's your plan, anyway?" Joe asked.

"This." Tyler answered as he raised one of his Chaos Emeralds and a white light flashed from inside the gem. The light then shined on the Golden Clam as it disappeared and reappeared on top of the hands of the models. Everyone was amazed at Tyler's new ability.

"Wow, Tyler." Lois said astonished, "When did you learn that trick?"

"I've been practicing." Tyler told Lois.

"Here's to togetherness." Cleveland remarked as they formed a group hug.

"Car. Car! Car!' Frank shouted as everyone except Tyler got out of the way.

"Huh?" Tyler said then noticed the car approaching him, "AH!" He then used Chaos Control again to warp himself out of there, "Haha. Got out of the way on time." Tyler said, "Hey, guys. I- Wait a minute..." Tyler then realized that he accidentally teleported himself at the top of a mountain somewhere.

Meanwhile, Persephone and John were starting their new jobs at Flappy Jack's.

"Okay. So, let me get this straight. You and I are pretending to be under aged parents?" John asked Persephone trying to figure out Persephone's plan, "All just for a job?"

"Only until I get enough money for my own Prada." Persephone explained, "So, can you please play along until then? Please?"

"Persephone, I don't think-" John was about to say before he then imagined.

"Please, John?" Fantasy Persephone pleaded to John sounding almost like a stripper while doing suggestive poses, "I'll do anything for you if you agree. Anything..."

"I'LL DO IT!" John responded suddenly enthusiastically.

"Really? Oh, thank you, John." Persephone thanked cheerfully giving John a hug, much to the latter's surprise and satisfaction, "You're the greatest friend ever."

"Meg, order up!" Flappy called to Persephone as the latter went and delivered the order.

"Here ya go, hon." A waitress came up to Stewie serving him a plate of pancakes, "From Flappy himself."

Flappy then gave a salute.

"I don't care if they're from Kubla filthy-wretched Khan." Stewie refused.

"Try 'em." The waitress persuaded Stewie cutting him a piece, "You'll like 'em"

"Yes. Yes, well, I rather doubt that. I-" Stewie said before the waitress stuffed his mouth with the pancake bite and Stewie immediately enjoyed, "Oh! Oh, yes! Oh, oh, these are delectable. Flappy, good news! I've decided not to kill you!" The waitress then gave Stewie the fork and he immediately started eating. Annoyed by this, John went to clear off a table while Persephone was cleaning one of the tables.

"What a precious little boy." An elderly woman commented seeing Stewie eating pancakes.

"Oh, that's my, uh, son." Persephone responded as she turned to John who was collecting dishes from tables, "Right, honey?"

"Wha? Oh, oh yeah! That's right." John answered trying to help convince the elderly couple.

"Your son?" The old woman said, "But you're both just a couple of babies yourselves." She then turned to her husband, "Henry, give the little skank and her man a nice tip." The man did as the woman told him and they left. But hearing what the lady said about Persephone got John a bit furiated inside. Persephone went and collected the money.

"$20!" Persephone said under her breath, which soon got John's attention.

John saw how happy she was with the money she was earning and he couldn't help but feel the same for her. He then headed to the kitchen to put away the dishes. Just then, a couple walked in.

"Welcome to Flappy's." Persephone greeted, "Why don't you have a seat next to my baby whose deadbeat dad doesn't pay child support."

John heard this and immediately stopped next to Stewie and turned toward Persephone.

"What's that now?" John asked when Stewie let out a huge belch, "You're lucky your 'mother' is cuter than you."

The next day, Frank, Peter and Frank Jr went to retrieve the paper and stretched. Frank Jr then let out a horrified scream as he saw that the Golden Clam was gone while dramatic instrumental music played in the background.

"Peter, Frank, Frank Jr, what is it?" Lois and Meg ran outside to Peter's side and asked the latter.

"What's going' on around here?" Cleveland asked as he, Menma and Loretta came out and too saw the trophy gone.

"Clear the way! We're a cop!" Joe ordered rolling out of the house with Bonnie, zeke, rage as he fired a gun he was holding and accidentally hit someone offscreen, "Oh, my God! I thought the safety was on. I'm so sorry."

The man Joe shot was Charlton Neston. He was shot in the chest as blood gushed out.

"That's okay, son." Charlton forgave Joe struggling through his wound, "It's your right as an American citizen." He groaned in pain and toppled over hitting his head on the side of a car.

"What's all the noise, boys?" Quagmire came out in a robe and asked the group, "I was just jerk...ed out of a sound sleep."

"Perhaps someone could enlighten me as to the whereabouts of our Golden Clam?" Cleveland asked.

"Maybe it fell." Quagmire guessed.

"Yeah, right into someone's pocket." Frank remarked hinting that it might've been stolen.

"You think one of us stole it?" Bonnie asked.

"I never said it was one of us." Peter reassured Bonnie, "But it might've been the same guy who got it up there in the first place. Looks like we weren't the only ones who wanted it."

"Yeah, I think I see who you're talking about." Joe said suspecting it to be Tyler, "I mean, he was the one who came up with the idea."

"Yeah." Bonnie agreed.

"And he had us set it high up so we wouldn't reach it." Cleveland then accused, "That's getting rid of the competition."

Everyone then agreed.

"Yeah. Yeah. And he kept screaming at good old Angela back at the parade and I worked real hard on her." Quagmire accused Tyler, "That's an insult to both good craftsmanship and good television!"

"He was probably setting us up, just so he could have the trophy all to himself." Loretta also accused Tyler, everyone agreed with.

"Wait a minute. How do we know Peter's telling the truth?" Joe then suspected, "He's the one who wanted the trophy to begin with."

"He couldn't have stolen it." Frank Jr protested, "Last night I tried to steal Joe's ladder so I could steal the trophy, but it was already gone by the time I got there."

"Frank Jr!" Meg exclaimed in anger.

"What? It's a ladder. He can't use it." Frank Jr stated with his arms crossed, "It's like taking a watch from a dead guy. Besides, it was already gone by the time I got there."

"That boy the Griffins took in was always an oddball, Joe." Bonnie said to Joe, "A real oddball. I don't trust him."

"Now, hold on a second." Frank halted, "We've all known Tyler for a very long time now. I mean, he's always helped each and every one of us out in every way possible. He would never-" Frank stopped when heard the door open and from it was Tyler.

"Hey, guys. What's going on?" Tyler greeted everyone when he noticed Joe, "Oh, there you are, Joe. Here's your ladder back." He then handed Joe his ladder, but it was too heavy for the latter to hold straight as he fell over sideways, "Well, I better get back to work. See ya!" He then closed the door in their faces. Bonnie went over to help Joe.

"That kid is out of this house." Lois said angrily, which then agreed with her on.

Later that day, Peter was spying through the kitchen window spotting for Tyler.

"Well, we're off to work." Persephone walked into the kitchen informing her parents.

"Okay, honey." Meg said to Persephone, "Tyler took our trophy, Frank. And I'm gonna find out where he hid it."

"I'm taking Stewie with me again." Persephone informed her siblings and parents, but they were too busy to care.

"Fine, sweetie." Frank assured to Persephone, "This whole thing just makes me sick!"

"For cryin' out loud, I played pool with that kid!" Peter acknowledged bitterly.

"Bastard!" Lois cursed.

"Giddy-up, you stubby little mare." Stewie ordered Persephone pulling her hair a bit, "To the pancake house! HYA!"

John came in buttoning up his shirt when he noticed Stewie yanking on Persephone's hair.

"Hey, don't do that to your sister, runt." John told Stewie where he noticed Peter and Lois were talking, "What're they doing?"

"I don't know. They're talking about Tyler for some reason." Persephone explained, "Well, bye." The trio then left.

"And to think he used to be a member of our own family." Meg remarked.

"Well, that was then!" Frank reassured, "...And this is now! And this is a chair. And that's a lamp. And Frank Jr adorable. And I'm a legend. And you two have boobies-"

"And peter have glasses." Tyler then appeared and followed along.

"Right. And- TYLER!" Frank Jr shouted caught by surprise from Tyler's sudden presence, "H-How long have you been there?"

"Just got here." Tyler answered.

"Tyler, what are you doing here?" Lois asked Tyler.

"J-man said you guys were talking about me." Tyler answered, "What was it about?"

"Oh, uh, it's nothing important." Frank lied.

"Oh, really?" Tyler then asked acting seemingly suspicious.

"Yep." Meg then stated giving out a nervous smile, trying to convince Tyler.

Tyler continued giving a suspicious look at Frank, Meg, Frank Jr, Peter and Lois until...

"Okay." Tyler then replied suddenly happy and no longer suspicious, much to Frank, Meg, Frank Jr, Peter and Lois' surprise.

Sometime later, Peter brought the neighbors over to talk about Tyler while the latter is gone.

"Well, to be honest, Peter, we were a little surprised you want us to work together." Joe said to Peter about his and everyone else's opinion on Peter's plan.

"Well, if we're going to get our trophy back, we need to figure out where Tyler hid it." Peter told Joe, "And I believe that it's in his room. Come on, let's go!"

Everyone then got up and joined Peter into John and Tyler's room.

Frank, Meg, Peter and Lois raided the duo's bunk bed as they flipped over the mattresses, even ripping them open, along with the pillows and finally looking underneath the bottom bunk.

"Damn, it's not here!" Frank cursed holding onto a ripped-up pillow where a photo fell out. He picked it up and he, Meg, Peter and Lois found it was a picture of Persephone, suggesting it was John's pillow.

"Huh. Nothing." Peter blow it off as he discarded it.

Cleveland and Loretta were searching the duo's drawer as they were tossing aside their clothes and like Peter and Lois found nothing.

"It's not here either." Cleveland reported.

Joe and Bonnie were searching the bathroom. They looked behind the shower curtain with nothing in the tub. They looked underneath the sink and found not the trophy, but the cursed sponge from the_ Goosebumps _book, "It Came from underneath the Sink." Joe and Bonnie were unsatisfied and closed the little door, leaving the sponge alone.

"Why doesn't anyone acknowledge me?" The sponge cried in depression.

"BECAUSE YOU SUCK!" Frank Jr screamed

Lastly, Quagmire searched through the closet, where the back of the door showed numerous pictures of Meg tacked on. Quagmire notices this.

"Huh." Quagmire exclaimed, "Nothing." He then closed the door behind him as he went back to the group.

Eventually, Frank, Meg, Frank Jr, Peter, Lois and Chris were returning home, but as they walked in, they found the place trashed.

"Oh, my God!" Lois exclaimed in shock, "We were robbed!"

"Hey, is anything missing?" Peter asked.

"No, I don't think so." Lois said walking up to an empty picture frame, "Hey, where's that picture of me in my two-piece at the cape?"

"Should I call the cops?" Frank Jr and Chris asked Peter.

"Peter!" Joe's voice called out and the latter came in, "Peter, thank God I found you. We were just robbed next door, as well as the Browns' and Quagmire's."

"Well, I'm guessing' a certain teenager may have had something to do with this." Frank theorized believing it was Tyler, then facing outside, "Okay, you dirt bag! This means war!"

"Yeah, this means war, you creep!" Tyler appeared out of nowhere like before next to Frank, "Whoever you are!"

Later that day, Frank, Meg, Frank Jr, Peter and Lois visited a hardware store named "Hardware Emporium", where they were acquiring their own security system against Tyler as their cart had barb wire, poison, mace, an alarm bell, a bear trap, a flashlight, etc. They then run into an employee.

"Excuse us." Meg greeted the employee, "We're having a small problem with home security."

"Do you, uh- Do you guys have those round, metal things that you bury in the ground and when you step on them, they explode?"

"Land mines?" The employee responded in confusion to their question.

"Land mines." Frank, Meg, Frank Jr, Peter and Lois all said in unison.

"It was land mines." Frank Jr stated.

Just then, they ran into the Browns, the Swansons and Quagmire, who were also getting themselves defense against Tyler.

"Quagmire." Peter and Frank Jr greeted Quagmire.

"Peter, Frank Jr." Quagmire greeted back.

"Cleveland, Menma." Joe and Zeke greeted Cleveland.

"Joe, Zeke." Cleveland and menma greeted back.

"Bonnie, rage." Lois and Meg greeted Bonnie.

"Lois, Meg." Bonnie greeted back.

"Cleveland, Menma." Quagmire then greeted Cleveland.

"Lois, Meg." Joe and Zeke then greeted Lois and Meg.

"Bonnie, rage." Cleveland and menma greeted Bonnie and rage.

"Quagmire." Lois and Meg greeted Quagmire.

"Peter, Frank Jr." Bonnie greeted Peter and Frank Jr.

Loretta and Frank then clears her throat.

"Loretta, Frank." Everyone else greeted.

Then, of course somehow out of nowhere, Tyler appears smiling right in front of everyone.

"Tyler!" Tyler greeted himself.

This, of course, got everyone's attention.

"Ahh, he's on to us!" Quagmire said in panic, "Quick, let's get get the hell out of here!"

They all did as he said as they fled the scene, leaving Tyler by himself before Frank comes back and knocks over a trash can full of nails.

"That ought to slow him down." Frank said running away.

Meanwhile, back at Flappy's, Persephone was talking to some of the customers.

"Being an under aged mother and father is hard, but the real challenge is having a baby that's addicted to crack." Persephone told a fib to the customers hoping to earn a bonus, "Right, Stewie?"

John cleared his throat while elbowing Stewie from the right.

"What's that?" Stewie asked John, who nodded his head to Persephone, "Oh, oh, yes. I love crack." Hearing Stewie gained the attention of a woman eating beside them, "I'm absolutely coo-coo for crack!"

"This is the first time he's eaten something other than dog food in three weeks." Persephone continued to lie, but it didn't stop John from trying to hold in his laughter after hearing what Persephone said about Stewie, "Well, here's your check. God bless."

She then went over to Stewie and John at the dining bar while the customers she was talking to earlier gave out tips out of charity.

"Here, honey." The waitress from before said to Stewie handing him another plate of pancakes, this time with blueberries.

"What's this?" Stewie asked in excitement, "Blueberries?" He took a bite and immediately his mouth went into a frenzy, "Oh, my G- Mmm, Oh! That's better than sex!" As Stewie continued eating, the woman who heard the infant's rantings was about to leave.

"Oh, and could I have that waitress and her husband's address?" The woman asked Flappy, "I like to help their baby."

It went back to Stewie, who is now covered in blueberry syrup and tries to finish off the last drips of it.

Back at Spooner Street, everyone was setting up their traps for Tyler. Peter, Frank, Frank Jr were sitting at the top of the house keeping watch for you-know-who.

"How's everyone else doing?" Meg came up from a ladder asking Peter while bringing them glasses of iced tea.

"Well, Cleveland and Quagmire are holding their positions, but I haven't seen Tyler all day." Peter reported, "Come to think of it, I haven't Joe all day neither."

It showed Kevin Swanson coming home from school when...

"Freeze!" Joe's voice ordered Kevin.

"Dad, zeke?" Kevin asked looking where his father was as it showed Joe rolling out of the background. His body was painted in the look of the front of the house.

"Careful, Kevin. There's a bear trap two feet to your right." zeke warned Kevin revealing the bear trap as Joe said.

"Thanks, guys.' Kevin thanked Joe and zeke who blended back into the background.

"Look out for your mother and rage!" Joe then warned, but Kevin ran into something invisible.

"There's a sandwich on the counter, honey." Bonnie's voice said to Kevin, revealing her also blended into the environment.

Joe then looked both way, starting with his left, but when he got to his right, however...

"Hi, Joe and zeke!" Tyler suddenly appeared out of nowhere startling Joe.

Joe wheeled away from Tyler backwards, but the wheelchair then toppled over also backwards, ending up having Joe's lower area flop over onto the bear trap he warned Kevin about and the trap, no surprise, closed shut on Joe's said area. Joe screamed in pain as zeke got out of his camouflage and ran to Joe's side. When Joe looked to where Tyler was, the latter then disappeared.

"Where'd he go?!" Joe questioned.

Then at the Browns', Cleveland and menma were setting up bait inside a lion-sized cage for Tyler.

"Cleveland, menma, this thing won't catch that screwball we all call Tyler." Loretta said to Cleveland and menma.

"Yes, it will." Menma reassured, "we baited the inside with this plump and tasty corndog. Tyler can never resist the aroma of a fresh corndog. All right. Now it's time to take other."

Just as Cleveland, Menma and Loretta were about to hide, though...

"Daddy, it's gone. Daddy, it's gone." Cleveland, Jr. alerted his father, much to Cleveland's surprise."

"What?" Cleveland exclaimed running over to the cage and found the bait gone, "I don't understand. I just set this trap up." While he and his family were observing the inside of the cage, Tyler, of course, was behind them eating the corndog, "How could the bait have just-"

"Hi, Cleveland!" Tyler greeted Cleveland with his mouth full.

This caught the Browns by surprise as they tumbled backwards and ended up trapped in the cage as the door locked shut.

"Oh, we're trapped! Tyler, you gotten get us out of here!" Cleveland acknowledged and, like Joe, saw that Tyler already left, "Where did he head off to?"

Quagmire was relaxing in his chair wielding a gun in his hands listening to his record player when the woman from Flappy's comes up to him.

"Hello." The woman greeted Quagmire.

"Hey, got ya now, Ty- Well, hello, lips, legs, breasts and ass." Quagmire threatened, but then greeted the woman.

"Yes. I was hoping I could ask you about your neighbors, the Griffins." The woman asked Quagmire.

"The Griffins? Well, let me tell you, don't trust Tyler." Quagmire insisted, "Just a card-carrying' Commie, if you ask me. Heh, heh, all right. No. No. No, no, it's not all right!"

The woman then visited the Browns, who were still trapped in the cage.

"Tyler is not to be trusted." Cleveland told the woman with Loretta agreeing.

Lastly, the woman talked to the Swanson's, where Bonnie, zeke, rage and Kevin were trying to wind up the jaw of the bear trap that snapped between Joe's crotch and stomach.

"That nerd is nothing but vile, cheating, lying scum." Joe said to the woman.

"And his glasses." Bonnie said before she let go of the part of the bear trap to imitate gaging as the trap then slams back into where it was and crushing Kevin's fingers before being shown.

Joe, zeke, rage and Kevin both screamed in agony off-screen as the woman gasped in horror at what she saw.

"Oops." Bonnie exclaimed off-screen.

Later that day, Lois was trying to feed Stewie, but the toddler wasn't making it easy.

"No! No, I won't!" Stewie refused, "Get that puree of loathsomeness away from me!"

"But you love mashed turkey and peas." Lois pointed out

"I'm sorry, what was that?" Stewie demanded, "I'm sorry, I didn't quite catch that. Did you just tell me what I love? Hmm? Write this down, you toad-faced frump. I love pancakes!"

They heard the door ring and Lois took Stewie with her to the door. Unfortunately for her, Tyler already answered it.

"Hi, little fella." The woman greeted Stewie affectionately before going back to being serious, "Are Persephone and John Griffin here?"

"Uh, no, they're not. Why?" Tyler answered.

"Probably out scoring more rock." The woman remarked.

"Excuse me?" Tyler asked a bit outraged by what he heard, "And who may we be speaking to, please?"

"Sandy Balfour, Child Services." The woman answered revealing who she really was, "We're placing this baby in a foster home."

"What?" Both Lois and Tyler exclaimed in unison.

"For God's sake, feed me!" Stewie demanded for obviously more pancakes.

"Let me guess. All out of Puppy Chow?" Sandy asked sarcastically, "What an awful home for a child!"

"How dare you!" Lois talked back, "This is a wonderful home!"

"Yeah, I only ate dog food one time!" Tyler helped fire back, "And that was on a dare!"

"Oh, so you must the Tyler I've been hearing about around here." Sandy said to Tyler, "And I see you're not all the cruel things they've said."

"That's ridiculous!" Tyler said denying Sandy's words, "They wouldn't- Hey, look over there, an apple!" He then left off-screen as gun fire was heard. But suddenly came back on-screen eating the aforementioned apple.

"Honey, would you like some pancakes?" Sandy offered.

"Oh, yes! God, yes!" Stewie answered gratified as he lunged onto Sandy's blouse, "Take me!"

"STEWIE!" Lois and Tyler shouted in unison as the police stopped them from retrieving the infant.

Sometime later, John and Persephone came back and the latter finally got her new Prada bag.

"Next up is Persephone Griffin, sporting her stylishly cool, brand-new-" Persephone said imitating a fashion show showing off her purse.

"Oh, Persephone! A woman from Child Services came and took Stewie!" Lois informed Persephone about what happened, "She said we fed him dog food!"

This caught both Persephone and John by surprise.

"Dog food, huh?" Persephone replied nervously whilst John tried sneaking out of the room to avoid getting into trouble.

"Persephone, is that real Prada bag?" Lois asked Persephone about her new purse, "How in the world did you make $1,100 as a waitress in one week?"

"It's easy..." Persephone answered forced to confess, "...when you're the pre-married teenage mother of a crack-addicted baby." She then gave out a nervous laugh.

"Wait a minute. Persephone... When did you become a teenager?" Frank Jr asked Persephone.

"She's 16, Frank Jr." Lois informed Frank Jr.

"You knew about this?" Peter and Frank Jr then asked Lois.

Tyler and Frank then noticed John was sneaking away, giving him suspicions.

John was about to dash down the basement, but when he opened the door, Tyler was at the other side, much to John's dismay.

"Were you involved in this scam?" Tyler asked.

"How'd you figure me out?" John asked.

"It's written all over your face." Frank answered.

Just as Frank said, John's face was literally written with, "I helped Persephone scam customers" all over.

"All right! All right! I admit I did it!" John shouted wiping off the writing on his face, "But what's the big deal? This is Stewie Griffin we're talking about here. For all I know, he's probably killed the foster family by now."

"Well, now I know how long I need to wait until sex." John muttered, then spoke, "Okay! Okay, we admit it! But what's the big deal? This is Stewie we're talking about here. For all I know, he's probably already killed the family who took him in by now."

At the foster family's home, however, Stewie wasn't doing that at all. He was, at the moment, being acquainted by his new foster parents. The mother had a ponytail, wore glasses, a pink sweater and blue pants. And the father wore a sweater vest with a formal shirt and blue tie underneath.

"Welcome to your new foster home." The foster mother said, "Baby Stewie, say hello to your new brothers and sisters."

Stewie gasped in horror as he saw that all the kids were all each a different race wearing an outfit representing their country/culture.

"Hola, Stewie." A Mexican child wearing stereotypical Mexican attire greeted Stewie.

"Ni hao, Stewie." An Asian child wearing stereotypical Chinese attire greeted Stewie.

"*clicks twice* Stewie." An African-American child dressed as a African native greeted Stewie.

"Good God!" Stewie exclaimed in horror, "I've been adopted by a Benetton ad!"

Meanwhile, the family was at Child Services hoping to get their rights to Stewie back. A mother with brunette hair wearing a light pink shirt and blue jeans (No, this is not the foster mother from earlier, this is a completely different character.) was first.

"I promise, it'll never happen again." The mother promised.

"I hope not, Mrs. Stevens." The man in the booth said, "Because we won't just take him away... We'll kill him." The man then went to a filing cabinet and opened it and looked through the files, "Uh, let's see. Stanley. Stark weather. Stevens!" The man found the file where he took the requested baby out from the file and gave it to Mrs. Stevens, who ran off with it in her arms.

"So, this is where babies come from?" Chris and Frank Jr asked.

"Yes, Chris, Frank Jr, this is where babies come from." Brian answered sarcastically.

Frank Jr then took this to thought for a moment.

"You told us that we came out of yours vaginas!" Chris and Frank Jr shouted at Lois and Meg, who didn't seem to notice where it came from as they didn't bother to look behind.

"Next!" The man in the booth called out.

"Hi, uh, we're the Griffins!" Peter told the man.

"Griffin... Griffin..." The man muttered sorting through some papers, "I'm sorry, I can't find your paperwork."

"Well, look harder!" Lois told the man, "I want my baby back!"

"WE DON'T!" John and Tyler shouted off-screen.

"SHUT UP" Frank Jr shouted off-screen.

"Lois, Lois, please, let me handle this." Peter said to Lois, "The name's Griffin. We're the ones who fed dog food to our crack-addicted baby."

The man, however, closed the booth in disgust.

"Huh." Frank exclaimed, "Geez, Pops never was any good at dealing with the authorities."

"Like when?" Tyler asked off-screen.

**Cutaway #4**

Peter was driving the station wagon with Brian when he pulled over.

"Don't worry, Brian." Peter assured Brian, "I know how to handle this."

The state trooper came up to Peter's side of the car.

"Sir, you aware that you were going 50 in a-" The man paused seeing Peter lift up his shirt, "I'm gonna have to ask you to put your shirt down, sir."

"Ah, crap." Peter cursed tucking his shirt back in, "I get the one straight cop in Rhode Island."

**End**

Back at the foster home, Stewie was storming the pantry.

"Damn it, I WANT PANCAKES!" Stewie cried, "God, you people understand every language except English! Yo quiero pancakes! Donnez-moi pancakes! Click-click-bloody-click pancakes!"

"Poor little guy." The mother pitied for Stewie, "'Pancakes' must be street for 'crack'. Damn those parents of his."

"Sarah, forgiveness." the father reminded the mother, "Now, Stewie, why don't you go play with the others." He picked up Stewie and took him back to their other children.

"Stewie." The Chinese child called out to Stewie where as it showed her and the other kids were aligned in an almost circular position, "Come complete out rainbow."

"I have a better idea." Stewie suggested, "Let's go play 'swallow the stuff under the sink'."

Back at Spooner Street, Tyler noticed that the neighbors were gathered by the curb.

"Hey, guys." Tyler greeted everyone there.

They all turned toward Tyler with a very bitter look. This made Tyler feeling uncomfortable.

"Uh, something wrong?" Tyler asked trying to lighten the mood.

"Yes, there is something wrong." Lois said, "First you took away our trophy, now you took away our son."

"What? Hold on. I don't even know what you're all taking about." Tyler said.

"Don't play dumb." Joe scolded, "This was part of your plan all along. It's a good thing we told the woman everything about you."

"Wait, YOU'RE the ones who told her?" Lois asked.

"Well, no wonder, everything in this note Child Services gave us said you told them Tyler steals lawn mowers, cheats on taxes and goes against region."

"Um, actually, I-I said religion." Bonnie confessed, "That's a typo."

"Wait, we didn't know who that woman was." Quagmire tried to explain, "It was all about Tyler."

"What, me?" Tyler asked, "What did I do wrong?"

"Nothing." Brian called out, "It was theirs'! You were all getting together just fine, but then you won that stupid trophy. You put some shiny hunk of metal before your own friendship with Tyler."

"Brian's right." Meg realized, "Oh, we were so obsessed with that trophy, we lost sight of what was really going on and assumed Tyler was the problem."

"But I didn't- Ah, forget it." Tyler said.

"Well, now we have a big problem." Lois then stated.

"That's right. Somebody tipped off the cable company about our free Cinemax. Tyler." Frank Jr accused Tyler once again before seeing Meg's angry face, "And we have to get Stewie back! I remembered."

"Well, we're here to help." Menma volunteered, "And we must get our baby back!"

"RIGHT ON! LET'S DO IT! ROCK THAT WORLD! ROCK THAT WORLD!" Rage chanted loudly.

"Who, rage?" Tyler ordered, "Heal, boy! HEAL!"

Rage still had his psycho face on for a moment before sitting on seemingly calm.

"Good boy." Tyler complimented rage as everyone then began their mission.

At the foster home, the foster family (except Stewie) was gathered at the couch.

"See, kids?" The mother asked her children, "The world is going to be just like our home. All races living together in harmony and love."

Then some creaking was heard and a bookcase fell over, shown to have been Stewie tipping it over from behind.

"Pancakes." Stewie chanted.

"He must still be working the junk out of his system." The mother assumed, "He needs hugs!" She got to give Stewie when the doorbell rang.

"Doorbell! DOORBELL!" Stewie ordered frantically.

The father went and answered the door. It was Cleveland, menma, rage and Joe both in suits.

"Hi. We're from the One World, One People Book-of-the-Month Club." Cleveland introduced himself, the teens and Joe to the father, "Is there something missing in your life?"

"You know, I just bet there is." The father replied, "Sarah, we have guests! And one of them is homosexual!"

Joe, rage, menma and Cleveland were confused at what he meant. It panned to a van parked nearby with the wives inside.

"They're in place!" Bonnie reported, "God, it gets me hot when Joe lies to strangers. When I get him home, I swear to God I'm gonna grease up the-"

"That's fine, Debbie." Lois shrug off Bonnie, "Go, Peter."

It then cut to Peter, Frank and Chris up the roof.

"All right, Frank, Chris. Your mother said the signal." Peter told Frank and Chris.

"Here we go, guys!" Chris told John, Frank Jr and Tyler in the chimney as he lowered them down.

Inside the living room, one of the children was wrapping a turban around his head.

"Stewie, would you like to learn how to wrap a turban?" The child offered to Stewie.

"Well, why don't you teach it to the Chinese girl?" Stewie then suggested, "Or perhaps she can learn after her people invade your country."

"Yee, would your people really do this?" The child asked the Chinese sibling.

"Oh, try and stop them." Stewie insisted, "And try and stop Pablo's people from using drug money to buy arms from Li's countrymen, who will in turn sell them to Ura's people, so they can ethnically cleanse the rest of this diverse grab bag of genetic party favors you call a family. So, now you understand, yes? You all hate each other?"

The kids were upset by this and started crying when Frank Jr, John and Tyler finally came in... Dressed as Santa Clause and two of his elves.

"Oh, Hosanna! It's the lesser of two evils!" Stewie cheered for the duo's arrival.

"Ho! Ho! Ho! Merry Christmas, children!" Frank Jr impersonated hoping to fool the kids, "I'm Santa Clause!"

"And we're his elf!" Tyler pointed out.

"Yeah, all right." John said, "Anyway, we're just doing my chimney practices for this year."

"But you're White." The Indian child acknowledged.

"Yeah, so?" Frank Jr asked.

"Jack and Sarah told me Santa is Indian." The child explained.

"Don't be stupid!" The African child scolded, "Santa is Black!"

"Santa can't be Black." The Indian child said, "We do not fear him."

"Cram it, Ghandi!" The Asian child brushed off the Indian child, "Santa is Asian."

"How can he be Asian?" The Hispanic child then questioned the Asian child's believe, "Santa doesn't drive his sled 20 miles under the speed limit with his blinker on! Go back to your rice paddy, Mulan!"

This then got all the children arguing.

"Kids! Kids!" Tyler called out to the kids and stopped to hear him, "Santa's magic! He can be any race you all want!"

"Then make him Black!" The African child ordered.

"No, make him Asian!" The Asian child demanded.

"No, Hispanic!" The Hispanic child demanded.

This then got them all back to arguing.

"Well, at least I tried..." Tyler sighed.

"All right, come on, Stewie." John told Stewie picking him up, "We're out of here!" they dashed toward the window.

"Dance, puppets, dance!" Stewie ordered seeing the kids fight, to his satisfaction.

"Mrs. Griffin, we got him!" John called Lois through a walkie-talkie, "It's all over."

"Careful, boys." Lois warned John and Tyler, "Joe and Cleveland can't stall them anymore. They're heading' your way."

"What?!" Frank Jr, John and Tyler reacted in unison.

"Hold it right there!" Jack the father ordered as the duo turned to find the man was pointing a shotgun at them.

"Don't shoot!" Stewie pleaded before pulling out the strings at the bottom of his overalls and slipping out through the loosened pant sleeves and running off, "Now shoot!"

"I was trying to rescue you!" John yelled to Stewie before coming up with an idea. He whispered his plan into Tyler's ear, whom was eagerly on board.

"What are you telling him?" Jack demanded, "Answer me!"

Frank Jr, however, walked right up to Jack, who was amazed that the latter was attempting to possibly attack.

"I said hold it!" Jack ordered, "STOP!" he then stopped Frank Jr in his tracks aiming his rifle at the latter, "All right. You made me do this!"

Suddenly, Frank Jr opened his mouth around the front of the gun and immediately bit the front half off hard. He then started chewing the now eaten parts.

Jack and Sarah then cowered in fear at what just happened as Jack dropped the now useless weapon.

"You see what you two are dealing' with?" John asked the couple with Frank Jr's mouth full, "Wow, this ain't bad!"

Jack and Sarah screamed and tried to make a run for it, but Tyler used Chaos Control to get in front of the door.

Eventually, everyone was outside discussing the situation.

"So, we're terribly sorry we broke into your home and almost traumatized both for life, but we just had to get Stewie back somehow." Lois apologized.

"Well, that's a very long story." Sarah acknowledged, "But we've grown attached to little Stewie. Plus, the law's on our side."

"Oh, you people can kiss the fattest part of my ass!" Peter backlashed the couple, "We'll be back, Stewie!"

They were all about to leave seemingly defeated.

"Wait!" Sarah halted everyone as she whispered into her husband's ear.

"Is that a real Prada bag?" Jack asked referring to Persephone's purse.

Persephone wasn't willing to give it up so easily. But eventually the trade was made as everyone was now eating outside celebrating Stewie's return home.

"I'd like to propose a toast. To Tyler!" Frank Jr declared, "Sure he may be a nerd and is able to pop up right out of nowhere at times and not interested in girls his age. But, hey! If he moved out, some smelly Cuban might fill his place."

"Cheers to you, Tyler!" Joe praised Tyler while Persephone was crying.

"Thanks, Joe." Tyler thanked Joe.

"Hey, where's Quagmire?" Cleveland asked noticing Quagmire's absence from the table.

"Yeah. If it wasn't for him, we never would have found out where Stewie's foster family lived." Meg agreed petting Stewie's head.

"Eh, he said he was gonna distract that social worker." Peter explained.

It then cut to the inside of Quagmire's bedroom where the latter was in his robe from earlier in the episode with a martini. In his bed was also a naked Sandy Balfour.

"Mmm, Glenn, honey, I have a question for you." Sandy said to Quagmire in a rather pleased tone, "What do you do for a living?"

"Heh. Hey, I have a question for you, too." Quagmire fired back, "Why are you still here?"

Back at the dinner table.

"Hey, Tyler, what the heck did you do with that trophy, anyway?" Joe asked Tyler about the trophy.

"Ah, don't bother, Joe." Frank told Joe, "He probably still has no idea what you're taking about."

"Oh, that's what this was all about? The trophy?" Tyler asked finally realizing the situation now, "I was just making a trophy case for it. So, I thought I should keep it around with me so that it wouldn't get stolen so easily and to place it in the case for display."

Everyone paused in shock at what they heard as Tyler revealed a homemade trophy case with figures of Peter, Lois, Quagmire, Cleveland, Loretta, Joe and Bonnie formed in a circular position carrying a Tyler figure that appears to hold the trophy. Everyone else was still shocked from Tyler's revelation to even take notice at the work. To make matters worse, Tyler even pulls out the trophy from his pocket and gives it back to them.

"Oh, and Persephone, before Tyler forget, this is for you." Frank Jr said to Persephone as he then gave her a Prada bag.

Persephone gasped at the sight and squealed in joy.

"Oh, Tyler, thank you so much!" Persephone thanked gratefully hugging him tightly, getting John's attention, "You're the bestest friend there is!" She then gave Tyler a kiss in the cheek.

Tyler was caught off-guard by that when john suddenly went berserk and attacked Tyler.

"Get him!" Joe exclaimed as the neighbors got up and formed an angry mob at Tyler.

Tyler and Frank Jr then runs away as both John and the neighbors chase after him.

**The End**


	15. Chapter 13: Death is a Bitch

**Chapter 13: Death is a Bitch**

(A/N: This was originally supposed to be the show's first Halloween episode, before scheduling went into chaos and the idea was in Seth's words, "thrown out the window." So, as it was meant to be, today's episode will be a Halloween special and tonight, we will discover another of Frank Jr, John and Tyler's powers also another Vital Information for Your Everyday Life. Hope you enjoy.)

**Opening Credits**

_It seems today that all ya see_

_Is violence in movies and sex on TV_

_But where are those good, old-fashioned values_

_On which we used to rely_

_Lucky there's a Family Guy!_

_Lucky there's a man who_

_Positively can do_

_All the things that make us_

_Laugh n' Cry_

_He's_

_a_

_Fam_

_-ily_

_Guy!_

**End**

Halloween was right around the corner as Spooner Street was decorated for said holiday. It was nighttime and Peter and Lois were watching Vital Information for Your Everyday Life in their screen it showed Frank Jr is sitting outside on the porch of a British mansion. He's again wearing a robe and his specs as a man plays a violin in the background. "Hi there. So nice to see you again. I'm Frank Jr of Quahog. I'm also called Matter-Eater Lad. I'm here with vital information for your daily routine." If it looks bad, smells bad, and tastes bad, then it might be... this old burrito!

If your phone rings, pick it up. If your butt rings, see a doctor.

To get your teacher's attention, it's a bad idea to scream "Hey look over here you freakish animal".

If you smell smoke in the hallway, you say "fire". If you smell smoke in your pants you say "why am I smelling my pants?"

It's not okay to eat breakfast cereal out of your underpants.

Homework bad, pizza good.

Girls don't like it when boys take their sandwich and run away screaming "Hey look who's got your sandwich now".

When you cough something up, never take it to school and tell people it's your friend Robert.

Don't pour soup on yourself and run around shouting " Hey everybody, look at me I'm soupgirl".

Never kick a man when he's down, just look at him and scream "Hey, get up you down on the ground weirdo".

It's rude to walk up to an old person and say, "Hey, has your face always looked like that, or have you just been underwater for the last twenty years?"

Twinkle, twinkle, little star, how I wonder how this song ever became so stinking popular.

It's rude to walk up to an old person and say, "Hey, has your face always looked like that, or have you just been underwater for the last twenty years?"

Twinkle, twinkle, little star, how I wonder how this song ever became so stinking popular.

If you're drinking apple juice, and it feels warm, odds are that ain't apple juice.

Eenie, Meenie, Miney, Moe, catch a tiger by its toe. If it hollers, let it go, because if you don't he's going to kill you!

Next time you're sick, take a piece of ham and rub it around your skin. You won't feel any better, but hey, you'll smell like ham!

All is fair in love and war. All is smelly in a closet full of baboons.

Hey diddle-diddle, the cat and the fiddle, the cow jumped over the moon, the little dog laughed to see such sport, and the dish exploded.

"Well that's all for tonight. If you'll excuse you me I have to go take a squirrel out a man's head. Good night."

"This has been Frank jr with Vital Information for Your Everyday Life."

It then cut to the show they were watching entitled _60 Minutes after Dark_.

"I'm Morley Safer." The aforementioned host introduced himself naked in a bed as it planned to other hosts also in the same position as Morley.

"I'm Mike Wallace."

"I'm Ed Bradley."

It then stopped at Lesley Stahl, who unlike the others was in a night gown.

"I'm Lesley Stahl." Said host introduced herself as the screen then zoomed out to show all four of them together in the bed as Lesley turned to her partners, "And one of you is hung like an elf."

Both Mike and Ed then turned to Morley, who then developed a look of surprise in his face.

It then zoomed out from the Tv screen to the back of Peter and Lois' heads as Lois chuckled seductively.

"I feel so naughty." Lois said turned on as she draped herself and Peter under the sheets.

"Lois, what are you doing?" Peter asked tickled, "Neither of us is drunk."

They then went under and started making love as Peter giggled in pleasure.

"Hey, knock it off." Peter teased.

Then Lois suddenly gasped in horror.

"Oh, my God!" Lois exclaimed in fear, "I found a lump! A breast lump!"

They came out and Lois's arm was on Peter's right breast as the latter gasped in panic. Then it shifted to Peter and Frank Jr sitting at the kitchen table with Lois.

"The important thing is to stay calm." Lois assured Peter, "It's probably nothing, honey."

"Yeah, that's easy for you to say." Frank Jr remarked, "You get to keep both your cans."

"Frank Jr, don't talk like that!" Lois talked back and then went back to calmness, "Grandpa is see a doctor tomorrow and-"

"Oh, nonononono." Peter refused, "I'm not gonna see a doctor, Lois. The healthiest thing we can do is just ignore this and pretend it doesn't exist. Just like we do with the squid."

It then zoomed out to reveal a giant, purple-red squid at the end of the table in front of Peter and Lois, who then tried not to notice its existence as the squid knocks over the pot of flowers and even the cloth off of the table.

"Er, uh, Monkey butts." Frank Jr shouted

"Er, uh, earthquake." Lois quietly exclaimed barely sounding convincing.

"Eh, truck goin' by." Peter then excused.

Just then, Frank and John comes in to get a cup from the cupboard and starts pouring himself a glass of water. The squid notices the boys and reaches over with his tentacle to attack. Peter and Lois are horrified and were about to stop the attack, but John suddenly grabs the tentacle from behind and chucks the entire squid through the wall and sending to Lord knows where and frank shoat a laser blast at it where the squid went, leaving behind an anime-style star sparkle. Peter, Frank Jr and Lois stood there amazed by the event as Frank and John leaves with a now full cup.

"Night Frank Jr, Mr. and Mrs. Griffin." John and Frank greeted Peter, Frank Jr and Lois goodnight sleepily, but the couple didn't respond before...

"Why didn't we think of doing that earlier?" Peter questioned.

The next day, Peter and Frank Jr were about to head to the doctor.

"He's gonna be fine. He's gonna be fine." Frank Jr said, "Nothing to worry about."

Suddenly, a black cat appeared and hissed at Peter, while Frank Jr panicked and tried to retreat, but was greeted by a black vulture, causing Peter and Frank Jr to panic again and when they turned, a man dressed as Batman was walking by.

"Morning." The man dressed as Batman greeted Peter and Frank Jr who panicked and ran away.

He then visited a doctor at the Health Care Center.

"Give it to me straight, doc." Frank Jr told the doctor, "How long does grandpa have?"

"Mr. Griffin, I'd say you have about a month to live." The doctor told Frank Jr and Peter.

Frank Jr gasped in horror in response.

But, hey, what the hell do I know?" The doctor chuckled, "Heh, I've be-I've been sued by almost every patient I had." He then brought out a large file containing dozens of forms, "Look at the size of this file. This is... *whistles* Wow." Frank Jr and Peter didn't respond as the doctor kept amusing himself and put the file away, "Eh, let's just wait for the test results."

Back at the house, the family was having breakfast.

"Finish up, honey." Lois told Stewie, "Then I'll put you down for a nice nap."

"No! No, I shall put _you _down for a nap, Mother!" Stewie threatened.

Lois opened a cupboard to bring out a mug when suddenly darts shot at the front of the door as Lois closed the cupboard, not noticing the darts stuck on the front.

"BLAST!" Stewie cursed putting his straw which he used to blow the darts back into his sippy cup and drank from it.

"I am so worried about your father." Lois said to her children concerned about Peter's condition while pouring herself some coffee.

"You mean 'cause he's a borderline alcoholic?" Frank asked.

"No, Mommy's made peace with that." Lois stated.

"Oh, 'cause he's got a lump on his booby." Chris and Frank Jr said figuring it out.

"Chris, Frank Jr, that's a terrible word, 'booby'." Lois scolded.

"Mom, Debbie Miller's dad had a lump on his breast, and he turned out okay." Persephone told her mother trying to lighten up the latter's spirits.

"Really?" Lois asked almost relieved before asking, "Who's Debbie Miller?"

"A girl I just made up." Persephone answered, much to her mother's confusion.

At that moment, Peter came back from the doctor.

"Oh, look. Here they are. My family. And the two boys staying with us." Peter reminisced, "You know, guys. I don't say this often enough, but, uh, I'm gonna die."

This got the family upset.

"Oh, my God." Lois exclaimed in worry.

"High five!" Stewie declared raising his hand up, "Anyone? Anyone?"

"Shut it!" John and Tyler shushed Stewie.

"You can't die!" Chris and Frank Jr said to Peter, "Who's gonna take us trick-or-treating this year?!"

"Trick-or-treating?" Tyler asked interested, "What's that?"

"Listen, I've had a good life." Peter said, "And you can always be proud of your father and all of his accomplishments."

"What accomplishments?" Persephone asked.

"Go to your room." Peter ordered.

"Well, there was that huge mansion he and Mrs. Griffin got from that old rich lady." Frank Jr pointed out, "Does that count?"

Everyone then agreed.

"Don't forget when he got $50,000 from welfare fraud." Frank then pointed out."

"Peter, there's no way you could die." Lois told Peter not believing her husband's words, "You're the most important member of this family."

It then cut to what seemingly looked like Peter's dead body in a coffin, until Peter suddenly rose up still alive as he was actually out buying himself a coffin.

"He'll take this one." Frank Jr told the clerk, "But I won't pay a cent over $60."

"Sir that casket costs $1,000." The salesman told Peter.

"Okay, 70 bucks." Peter haggled.

"What?" The salesman exclaimed confused.

"2,000 bucks!" Peter then haggled.

"That's twice what it costs." The salesman pointed.

"40 bucks." Peter then haggled again.

"What?" The salesman asked.

"He... He doesn't know how to haggle." Frank Jr informed the salesman.

"Oh. So, I guess you guys want us to take all of these bucks back?" Tyler asked revealing he and John gathered over a thousand wild bucks in the building.

(A/N: By that I mean the male deer.)

Both Frank Jr, Brian and the salesman were surprised by this.

"Yes." Brian answered.

Eventually, Halloween arrived where Peter was having a yard sale selling all of his things.

"Peter, what's going on?" Lois stepped out of the house and asked Peter.

"I'm selling' all my worldly goods, so you'll have some cash when I'm dead.' Peter explained, "Ah, yeah, a lot of memories here. Look, my first bike. Boy, I had so much fun playing that."

It flashed back to Peter as a boy having tea with his bike.

"More tea, Mr. Bike?" Young Peter asked his bike.

It then flashed back to present day.

"Peter, this is ridiculous." Lois protested, "You're going to be fine."

"Dad, the doctor called." Meg came out also and said to Peter, "Your test results are in."

Peter and Lois came together in worry at what the answer might be.

The couple arrived at the Quahog Health Center where they visited Peter's doctor for the results.

"This doesn't look very good." The doctor said in a not so good tone as he looked at what seemed to be Peter's test results, "No, this doesn't look good at all."

Frank Jr letted out a saddened sigh.

"My-My nephew drew my portrait." The doctor revealed turning the paper over to show a poorly drawn version of him, "It doesn't look a thing like me. Heh. Look at the nose. It's all-"

"Will you just tell us about Peter's tests?!" Lois cut him off trying to have the man focus.

"Okay. Okay." The doctor replied, "Mr. Griffin, all your tests came back negative. As it turns out, the lump on your chest was just a fattened corpuscle."

"Fattened corpuscle?" Frank Jr repeated, "Wait a minute, how the hell can a dead comedian from the silent movie era be lodged into my grandpa's left bosom?"

"Frank Jr, I'm saying your grandfather is fine." The doctor reassured Peter.

"I'm fine?" Peter repeated again, this time sounding offended, "What are you coming on to me now?"

"Peter, he's not coming on to you." Lois reassured Peter, "He's trying to tell you that you're healthy."

"Can't it be both?" The doctor asked after a moment.

Peter, Frank Jr and Lois left the office as Lois was kissing Peter, who grabbed the receipt.

"Oh, my sweetie is okay." Lois said gratefully.

"Aw, better than okay, Lois." Peter reassured, "From now on, I'm gonna appreciate all the little things in life, like you and the kids. Oh, and, uh, John and Tyler." When he looked at his receipt, however, "Whoa, whoa, whoa, is this the price of my bill or my phone number?" He said that to the clerk.

"Uh, your phone number." The woman answered.

Peter and Frank Jr took another look at the bill and exclaimed in realization and then let out a sheepish laugh.

"We-Well, it's still pretty pricey!" Frank Jr protested.

"Peter. Who cares how much the bill is." Lois said, "You just got the most important bill of all, a clean bill of health."

"Jeez, grandma. How long have you been waiting to crack out that gem?" Frank Jr asked sarcastically. He and Frank Jr then sat down between Frank, Brian and John and Tyler, "Ah, this sucks, guys. WH-Why should I have to pay this? I mean, there's nothing wrong with me."

"Yeah, it's a shame you're not dying." Brian remarked.

"Yep. Because dead men don't pay no due." Tyler agreed.

"Wait a second. That's it!" Peter said thinking up an idea.

"What's it?" Tyler asked.

"They can't make a dead guy pay his bill." Peter explained, "All I gotta do is write 'deceased' right here where it says 'name'. And where it says 'sex', I'll write, 'No, thanks. I'm dead.'"

"Pops, that's cheating." Frank told Peter, "It'll never work."

"Trust me, Frank. It'll work, all right." Peter reassured, "It's bulletproof."

As John heard that last part, he snatched away the clipboard and flung it into the air, pulled a random rifle out of nowhere and blasted the bill. Everyone then looked at John.

"What? He said that thing was bulletproof." John responded.

Eventually, the Griffin were having a celebration dinner for Peter, much to Stewie's dismay.

"But you promised the fat one would perish." Stewie said to Lois.

"I know. Isn't it wonderful, honey?" Lois said enjoyed not understanding what Stewie just said, "Your father is alive and well and we can be a family for a good long-"

She was then interrupted when the door knocked. Peter went to go see who it was.

"Wow, nice costume. Who are you supposed to be?" Peter asked the stranger, which turned out to be actually the Grim Reaper himself.

"I'm not a trick-or-treater." Death replied sarcastically, "Who the hell do you think I am? I'm-"

Suddenly, the theme of _Jeopardy_ played as the lights went out and instead replaced by swirling spotlights.

"What the?" Death exclaimed in confusion.

"And now, ladies and gentlemen. Here's Tyler!" The announcer from said show said from the background as it showed a _Jeopardy_-style game stage with Tyler finally revealed in a suit.

"Thank you, everybody. Thank you. I'm filling in for Mr. Trebek today. He's not feeling too well." Tyler greeted the "audience", which in reality is just the family, "Anyway, for $100, 'who is the figure that stalks you and says, 'Your time is up'?'"

It then went back to Death, who now found himself right at a podium.

"Okay, hold it, hold it." Death halted, "What is go-"

He was then interrupted by the buzzing of the timer.

"Oh, I'm sorry, sir." Tyler said to Death, "But you ran out of time."

"Hey, wait a minute-" Death tried to say to Tyler.

"Next question!" Tyler announced.

"Wasit a minute-" Death tried to say again.

"Who is the fourth-" Tyler was about to read another question when suddenly...

"WAIT A MINUTE!" Death roared bursting forth necro flames around him turning the podium he was in into dust, "All right, what the hell just happened?"

"Uh, sorry, sir." Tyler apologized, "I was just making a joke."

"Oh. Okay." Death responded, "Anyway, which one of you is Peter Griffin?"

"Uh..." Frank Jr replied realizing he was indeed the real deal as he pointed at Tyler, "He is."

"DON'T THROW ME UNDER THE BUS, MAN!" Tyler protested.

"Come on, man. Which one of you is Peter Griffin?" Death asked.

"Uhhh..." Frank Jr responded as he picked up a random lamp, "This is Peter Griffin."

Death laughed at Peter's excuse.

"Hey, that's a good one." Death commented laughing some more.

"Uh, hey, look!" John said, "It even has the name, 'Peter Griffin' on it."

It showed Peter's name on it written on marker. Death laughed at what he saw again.

"Oh-Oh, that is too rich!" Death said now laughing hard. It lasted a moment, then Death stopped.

"Why are you-" Lois almost asked.

"No, wait." Death halted, "I'm not finished holding my sides." He continued his laughter a bit more when he suddenly stopped.

When Lois tried to ask again, he still continued laughing. This went on a few more times until Death finally stopped laughing so hard. Peter and Lois gave him a moment to let out more laughter, but nothing else happened.

"Are you done?" John asked.

"Yeah." Death answered, "I'm done for real."

"Why are you here?" Lois was finally able to ask, "The doctor said Peter was okay."

"Oh, the doctor!" Death acknowledged sarcastically, "Well, I guess he must know, right? I mean, he's a doctor and everything. And I'm just, uh, DEATH!"

"Excuse me?" Stewie hollered to Death, getting the latter's attention, "Hellooo! I'm Stewie. Big fan."

"Look, Death, this is clearly a Halloween prank." Peter told Death, whom put down his scythe beside Stewie as the latter held onto it, "I'm not really supposed to be dead."

"Oh, a Halloween prank, eh?" Death asked reaching into his robe, "Then whaddya call this?" It was Peter's bill from earlier which now had a large bullet hole in its center, "Yeah, some idiot blasted it with a shotgun. Kids these days, am I right?" It then showed Peter's signature with "deceased" underneath.

"Peter, is that your handwriting?" Lois asked.

Peter let out a nervous laugh.

"Oh, how, uh, ho-how'd you get that?" Peter asked.

"It was emailed to me by your HMO." Death told Peter taking back his scythe from Stewie.

"Look, I know his doctor was hitting on him, but you don't have to call him names." Frank Jr said.

"I don't care what that says!" Lois protested against Death's statement blocking him from Peter, "You can't take my husband!"

"Mother!" Stewie shouted, "Where are your manners? Don't argue with our guest!" He then turned to Death, "Won't you join us for dinner, Death?"

"Oh, no, I don't wanna be a bother." Death declined until he smelled the dinner from the other room, "Hey, is that turkey?"

"Yes, Death." Lois answered, "We were in the middle of a turkey dinner..." She then stood by Peter's side, "...to celebrate Peter's good health."

"Oh, do you mind?" Death asked now wanting to eat with them.

"Mind? Of course, she wouldn't mind." Stewie insistingly assured, "It would be an honor. No, no, no, no, no, it would be a privilage. I- Oh, dear. Listen to me prattling on like a schoolgirl. *chuckles* Come. Come." He then directed Death to the dining room where after the latter walked by, Stewie then clapped two times at Lois, "YOU! Heat up some gravy for our guest. My last helping of white meat was drier than Oscar Wilde."

He then went to join Death.

"He's... not wrong, to tell you the truth." Frank Jr admitted.

Back at the dinner table, Death got himself a turkey leg and as he hung it above his mouth, a beastly growl was heard as he devoured the leg whole. Didn't even need to chew.

"Wow, that's cool." Frank said.

"Eww, how did you do that?" Meg asked.

"Oh." Death exclaimed, "Well, let's just say, when you don't have any flesh, nothing is really a threat to your body, especially since it's a skeleton."

"Wait a minute, skeletons don't have digestion." John realized, "How can you-"

"Well, that does it for me." Death cut John off getting up ready to leave, "Let's go, Peter."

"WAIT!" Lois halted, "You can't go! Uhhh, after dinner, we usually go into the living room and, uhhhh, live for another 40 or 50 years."

"40 or..." Death laughed his ass off hearing Lois' excuse, "Let's go."

Everyone got to the door all heartbroken by Peter's departure while sad music played.

"I guess this is good-bye." Peter sighed glum as he went to Frank and Meg, " Frank, Meg, you're the man and women of the family now." He then kissed her forehead lovingly and hugged Frank, "Be strong."

"Oohh, pops." Frank sobbed.

"Oohh, Daddy." Meg sobbed.

Peter sighed glum as he went to Persephone, "Persephone, you're the strongest women of the family now." He then kissed her forehead lovingly and hugged her, "Be bad ass."

"Oohh, Daddy." Persephone sobbed.

Seeing her like that was something John couldn't stand to see as he then turned to Peter, who was now talking to Frank Jr and Stewie.

"Stewie, Frank Jr, I guess I'm not gonna around on your first Halloween or see ya become men." Peter lamented to his son and grandson, but the homicidal toddler didn't seemed bothered by this. In fact, he was pretty much happy Peter was about to go. But Frank Jr slap him so hard to make him cry so he could ruin this moment.

"Yes, I think we all know what that's going to be like." Stewie cry remarked.

"I shudder to think about that." Tyler grieved.

**Cutaway #1**

Instead of it being an adult Stewie having ruled the Earth, like we all suspect, it was actually him as an ordinary man half-bald wearing a light-green sweater vest with a formal shirt underneath as he was paying bills.

"A 20-minute call to Larchmont?" Older Stewie discovered on a phone bill and asked his wife, "Who do we know in Larchmont?"

"My sister-in-law." Stewie's wife hollered out answering her husband's question.

"Oh, yes, right, Carol. Yes, that's right." Stewie then remembered, "How is Carol?"

**End**

"Oohhhh!" Tyler exclaimed realizing what Stewie's cutaway meant, "I pictured it a lot more different."

"...So did I..." Stewie admitted.

"Brian." Peter said.

"Oh, God..." Brian wept trying not to show emotion as Peter petted his head.

Death was starting to become impatient. Chris and Frank Jr suddenly clinged onto Peter's foot.

"Daddy, can we come with you?" Chris asked not wanting his father to leave him behind.

"Ask your mothers." Peter told Chris and Frank Jr.

"No, you can't go with him!" Lois told Frank Jr and Chris, then turning to Peter in tears, "Oh, Peter."

"Lois." Peter said as the couple embraced possibly for the last time, enjoying the moment while it last.

"Okay. Okay, that's good." Death interrupted pushing Lois away with the end of his scythe, "Come on now."

They got out and headed away as the family then looked on from the porch.

"Happy Halloween." Death greeted the family goodbye.

"Hey, uh, Death." Peter asked Death while walking, "Y-You got a file on me?"

"Yeah, somewhere. It's in the car, I think." Death responded.

"Does it mention that I ran two weeks of JUNIOR VARSITY TRACK?!" Peter then asked running off.

"Aw, let's not do this." Death insisted running after Peter, "Look, I caught Flo Jo. You don't think I can catch you?" His bony hand was about to touch Peter when suddenly.

"NOOOOOO!" Frank Jr, John and Tyler screamed in unison jumping in the way as Death's hand touched both of them at the same time and they both fell lifeless to the ground.

The family back at the porch gasped in horror at what just happened.

"Frank Jr. John. Tyler." Peter exclaimed.

"No..." Lois said upset as she was comforting her daughter, who was in her arms saddened by her friends' deaths.

"Uh, whoops. Eh, heh." Death apologized, "My bad. All right, where were we? Oh, yeah. I-" Before he touched Peter, Death got tripped.

Peter looked behind Death and gasped in surprise at what he saw offscreen. The family did the same reaction.

"What?" Death shouted as he turned around to see what it was and, of course, this got his attention, "What the hell?!"

Believe it or not, it was Frank Jr, now alive and fully well, grabbing onto Death's ankle. John and Tyler was still alive as well also holding onto said ankle.

"Boys." Peter said, "You're alive!"

"Nobody gets my grandpa." Frank Jr yelled.

"Don't take Mr. Griffin." John begged.

"They need him." Tyler said.

"Hey, let go, you leeches." Death ordered kicking them with his other foot, but they still held until a few more kicks finally knocked them off and Death got back up and went toward them, "Okay, punks. How the hell did you bo-" Death then slipped on ice, "AAAAAAHHHHH, MY ANKLE! AAAHH!"

Peter went to Frank Jr, John and Tyler and got them both up, to which they all ran back to the house.

"Yeah, listen, don't help or anything." Death said to the family sarcastically trying to use his scythe to pull himself up, "I'm totally fine." He failed and fell to the ground, "Damn Irish."

Suddenly, John and Tyler appeared.

"Let us help." John insisted.

"Yeah, we'll get it fixed." Tyler agreed.

John and Tyler sat down and John picked up Death's sprained ankle.

"No, wait- AAAAHHHH!" Death screamed as cracking noises were heard off-screen for a moment until they stopped.

No one trick-or-treating was doing anything to stop the duo because they thought it was a trick.

"Finished." John announced as he and Tyler got up.

"AAaahh, my foot! My foot feels..." Death agonized before calming down after seeing his foot move perfectly, "Actually, I feel great. How the hell did you two manage to fix that so fast?"

"We were watching some doctors do it when Mr. Griffin was at the medical center." John answered.

"But they kicked us out." Tyler stated, "Well, nice seeing ya, Death."

John and Tyler were about to leave, but Death grabbed them by the back of the collars of their shirts.

"Oh, no, you don't." Death stopped the duo, "You've got some explaining to do." They went back into the house where Lois hugged both John and Tyler.

"Oh, boys, you're all right." Lois cheered.

"Okay. Okay, that's enough." Death said pushing Lois away, "All right, first things first. How did you two survive my touch? No one's ever come back without my approval."

"Wait, we were dead?" John asked, "Actually, it was more of a shock rather than losing my life."

"Yeah, same here." Tyler said.

To see if they're telling the truth, Death touched John first, to which the latter was seemingly electically shocked. Then, he touched Tyler, who had the same effect.

"Yep, they're telling' the truth." Death said.

"Jeez, first John got super strength, then Tyler got magical gems and now they're both zombies? Maybe I have superpowers as well?" Frank Jr asked, "How the hell is this even possible?"

"Who cares? What matters is that you're both back." Lois shrugged off Frank Jr's question.

"Uh, hello?" Death called out, "Still here. Remember?"

Lois then shielded Peter just like before.

"If you're going to take my husband again, I'll have Frank Jr, John and Tyler go after-" Lois threatened Death.

"No, no, I don't want your husband anymore." Death reassured.

"You don't?" Lois asked.

"No." Death responded, "I want those three instead."

"WHAT?" Peter and Lois reacted in unison.

"But why?" Lois asked.

"Is there a reason you want to take my son, John and Tyler?" Meg asked.

"Yeah, there's a reason I'm taking them with me, Einstein." Death said to Meg sarcastically, "These idiots are immortal. And your son is a descendent of a great hero, I cannot this to."

"Wait, you can't take Frank Jr, John and Tyler." Peter stated.

"Why not?" Death asked.

"Well, they saved me... from you." Peter answered, "Besides, how are we gonna explain this to the neighbors?"

"All right, fine. I'll let them stay for a few more days on Earth." Death said, "A FEW more days. Got that?"

"Well, we'll be sure to make their last few days' worth it." Lois said, much to Peter, Frank Jr, John and Tyler's dismay.

"Lois, what the hell are you doing'?" Peter dragged Lois away questioning her.

"Peter, don't you see?" Lois asked Peter, "As long as he's focusing on the boys, you won't have to go. Plus, you can spend time with the boys as a way of thanking them for saving you."

"Go on." Peter said.

"That's it." Lois stated.

"Wait a minute, so no matter what happens, they won't die?" Peter asked about John and Tyler's immortality, which Lois nodded yes. This put a confident grin on Peter's face.

"Hey Frank Jr, John, Tyler." Peter said to the duo, "How about we go spend the next few days together? See ya, Death."

"Hey, wait, wait, and wait." Death halted Peter pulling the latter toward his face, "You can't tell anyone about those two." It then cut to Death as the background went dark sinisterly, "For if humanity discovers the existence of immortal beings walking among them, consequences will be dire."

It then cut back to Peter, Frank Jr, John and Tyler.

"Go on." John and Tyler then asked.

"That's it." Death answered turning to Lois, "What the hell do you see in these kids?"

Peter was then leaving with Frank Jr, John and Tyler when Lois came up to him.

"Peter, where are you taking Frank Jr, John and Tyler to?" Lois asked Peter.

"Lois, 10 minutes ago, I was staring Death in the face and it was thanks to me that John and Tyler are leaving soon." Peter explained, "But since they have a few days left here on Earth, I'm gonna give them the best last days they've ever had. Starting with the one thing I always dreamed of doing myself."

"What's that?" John asked.

As soon as he said that, Frank Jr, Peter, John and Tyler were outside a very tall building with Cleveland and Quagmire.

"John and Tyler are gonna jump off this building." Peter told Cleveland and Quagmire pointing to the top of the building.

"WHAT?!" Frank Jr Yelled.

"WE ARE?!" John and Tyler reacted in unison.

"Could you repeat that, please, Peter?" Cleveland asked Peter, "I believe I had something crazy in my ear."

"W-Wait. Hold the phone." Quagmire said, "You took me away from a Swedish girlie-girl and her paralyzed, but trusting cousin for this?"

"$1,000 says they live." Peter betted.

"Make it $2,000!" Frank Jr and Tyler bargained.

"FRANK JR, TYLER!" John said to Frank Jr and Tyler angrily.

"What?" Tyler asked, "We get free money for doing this."

"$2,000, eh?" Quagmire said.

"What the hell?" Cleveland remarked volunteering.

"Okay." Quagmire too volunteered in the bet.

It then showed John and Tyler standing at the top of the bulding right at the edge while Peter was behind them.

"Well, I guess this is it." John said.

"On second thought, maybe it's not such a good idea after AAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLL!" Tyler screamed as Frank Jr, Peter jumped at John and Tyler and getting on their backs while the duo were plummeting to the ground below face-first. Frank Jr then glowed a golden light, pulling two strange lock saying"Henshin".the words saying "_Lock Open! Super Tengen Toppa Kiwami Arms: Cho, Dai, Cho, Dai, Cho Dai Shogun!_" When they finally hit the ground softy by the transformed warrior, instead of splattering their bodies, the Warrior's crash created a massive crater and caused the ground to shake around Cleveland and Quagmire whom were about to lose their balance and looked into the crater to see the warrior gone and Frank Jr, Peter, John and Tyler were now still there.

"Hey, look at that." Peter said pointing up in the sky, "Beat my loogie." Just as he said that, said loogie landed on his head.

"Uuhhh... Wh-Whu? We're alive?" John reminisced regaining consciousness, getting up and fould himself still in one peace, "Holy crud! Death was right! We ARE immortal!"

He, Frank Jr and Tyler then cheered for their survival.

"Yeah, we really are immortals! WHOO-HOO!" Tyler cheered.

Frank Jr then rubbed his two fingers together, giving Cleveland and Quagmire their reminder to pay up. Much to their dissatisfaction.

They then grumbled bitterly as they signed their checks.

Back at the house, Lois and Death were playing _The Game of Life_.

"It's your turn, Death." Lois told Death.

"Yeah, I know I should find this ironic, but really I'm just bored as hell." Death complained sipping cocoa.

Lois didn't approve of Death's comment.

"Hey, how old is this TV?" Death asked pointing the remote at the TV and changing channels, "You probably get the DuMont Network on this thing."

"You know, Frank Jr, John and Tyler are more than just two boys who're unable to die." Lois persuaded, "I mean, they have good intentions and have always helped our family in so many ways."

"Oh, I see what's going on here." Death said realizing Lois' intentions.

"Could... Could you find it in your heart and see that they might have a purpose in this life and spare them?" Lois pleaded, "After all, they shouldn't really be removed just because they're immor-"

"What did you make this cocoa out of? Crap?" Death insulted Lois.

"*sighs in irritance* If you want me to make it again-" Lois suggested about to take Death's mug, but the latter moved it away.

"Sorry, Lois. It's-It's my fault." Death seemingly apologized, "I just assumed you were gonna make it with milk... not crap."

"I'll be right back." Lois told Death gritting her teeth in annoyance and getting up walking away.

Meg and Persephone then came in with a magazine.

"I brought you something to read." Persephone said to Death handing him the magazine.

"Oh, _Glamour_. Great." Death commented sarcastically, "I can learn how to please my man. Much like how you're wanting to please yours."

"What?" Persephone exclaimed confused by what Death meant, "I don't have a boyfriend."

"Yeah, you do." Death corrected, "And his name is John."

"What?!" Persephone reacted, "No, John's not my boyfriend."

"Yes, he is." Death said, "I bet you just wanna get in there and-"

"WE ARE NOT DATING!" Persephone shouted throwing the magazine at Death's face and she and Meg storming out.

"Hey, go get me an _Entertainment Weekly_." Death called out to Meg, "I hear it's got a great picture of me sneaking up on Tom Snyder."

Meanwhile, Peter now took Frank Jr, John and Tyler to the Drunker Clam where he had Tyler drank 300 bottles of beer as the latter was now wasted.

"That's it, Tyler. Keep chugging your beer." Frank Jr told Tyler while wearing moshes since he is a minor.

"You know, maybe free money isn't really worth it after all." Tyler drunkenly said had enough, "Can I stop now?"

"All right, you can stop." Peter allowed as Tyler passed out immediately.

"I can't believe Tyler drank 300 bottles of beer without succumbing to alcohol poisoning." Cleveland commented on Tyler's newfound power, "Peter, Frank Jr, are John and Tyler witches?"

"Maybe. Hehehehehehehe." Frank Jr chuckled, though remembered, "But you gotta promise not to tell anyone else about this. Or the consequences will be dire."

"Go on." Quagmire and Cleveland responded.

"That's it." Peter replied when spotted some bikers at a pool table and turned to John, "Hey, John, go up to each of those scary-looking bikers and say: 'Hey, aren't you Richard Simmons?'"

"I don't know, Mr. Griffin. I think they mean business." John declined.

"But you won't get killed. Remember?" Peter reminded John, "Now, come on."

John sighed in surrender as he walked with Peter to the bikers.

"Peter, no!" Quagmire called to Peter.

"Peter, now you're just committing child-abuse." Cleveland said.

Peter, Frank Jr and John arrived at the pool table. While the biker was focused on the table, Frank Jr imitated John's voice (not literally).

"Hey, aren't you Richard Simmons?" Frank Jr imitated in an almost higher voice getting the biker's attention.

"Who said that?!" The biker demanded.

"He did!" Peter responded leaving John behind.

"Wait, that was the pla-" John tried to stop them, but the biker swung his pool cue at John's head where it shattered in half.

(A/N: John and Tyler may not be able to die, but they still feel pain from the experience. But as an added bonus, they both recover very quickly.)

Peter then sneaked up behind the behind the bikers.

"Hey, aren't you Richard Simmons' best friend?" Peter imitated Frank Jr's voice again, "Richard Simmons?"

"Shut up!" One of the bikers ordered pulling a gun out and shooting Frank Jr.

The bikers were surprised by this and the biker with the gun shot Frank Jr again with the same result. Then a guy with an eyepatch (no, he wasn't a stereotypical pirate) came up, pulled out a shotgun and shot John a few times also, hoping his would work, which it didn't. The previous blast then went off to the bar where Tyler was hit while sleeping, shielding Cleveland from the shotgun fire. Like Frank Jr and John, this also didn't kill Tyler.

"Hay!" Cleveland said to the bikers.

The biker with the shotgun then pointed the shotgun at his stomach and pulled the trigger, blasting a big hole. Unlike John and Tyler, however, the gunfire killed the man.

This then got almost everyone who had their own weapons to fire at John and Tyler, but their fire was of no use. They soon drop everything they had and ran away in panic with Peter, Frank Jr, Quagmire and Cleveland laughing at what just happened.

Back at the house, Stewie was massaging Death's skeletal feet.

"Ah, that feels good." Death said, "You know, kid, I just kinda fell into this gig through creation. You know, I really wanted to be a wooden nymph. Man, the second dad found out, started the whole: 'I have no son. I have no son'. And Mom... Mom just stood there."

"Yes, mothers can be quite the botheration, can they?" Stewie agreed with Death when suddenly Death pulled out a pager and looked at the display.

"Huh. Someone shot himself at the Drunken Clam." Death acknowledged, "Well, I better take care of this."

"Wait!" Stewie halted Death, "You still need the simpletons."

"Stewie, leave Death alone." Frank came in with Meg and told Stewie.

"He's okay." Death reassured, "You know, he reminds me a lot of me that age. I just hope his teen years go better than the ones I've encountered. Boy, talk about awkward."

It flashed back to a time Death visited an area called "Lover's Lane" where he came up to a car rocking up and down.

"Oh, Sandy! Oh, Sandy!" A man's voice was heard from inside the car when Death knocked on the window, "Whu?" The man rolled down the window (he wasn't seen) and immediately jumped in fright at seeing the Reaper before him.

"It's okay. I'm not here for you." Death calmed the man down, "I'm here for someone named Sandy. I was told she died here."

"Uh, I don't know who you're talking about." The man lied.

"Hey, I was told speci- Hey, what were you doing in here, anyway?" Death suddenly asked.

"Uh, nothing. Nothing sexually or anything. Nope." The man lied again trying to play cool.

"Wait, what's that over- Oh, there's Sandy." Death acknowledged before realizing, "Wait a minute. Oh... OH, GOD! DUDE, THAT'S DISGUSTING! YOU'RE SICK!"

"I can't help it! Dead bodies always turn me on, I swear!" The man tried to reason.

"Okay, you know what? Keep it." Death suggested walking away, "I'm just gonna skip this job."

It then flashed back to the present.

"Can we please talk about Frank Jr, John and Tyler?" Lois asked Death wanting to change the subject, "I mean, they have done so much for us here. And we have accepted them in our lives-"

"Okay. Okay, I'll spare their lives." Death finally gave in, "But, uh, you owe me, if you get my drift."

Lois took the message well and started to unbutton her blouse revealing a white bra.

"What the hell are you doing?!" Death suddenly questioned Lois's action, "I was talking about another fruit cup. Not bad, though. All right, now that my plans have been called off, I'm off to go pick up a dead guy at a bar."

Before Death could leave, Frank Jr, Peter, John and Tyler came home, where Frank Jr ,John and Tyler's wounds from earlier were suddenly gone, leaving only the bloodstained bullet holes on their clothes.

"Peter, Death just agreed to let the boys to stay." Lois reported Peter cheerfully.

"Yahoo!" Frank Jr, John and Tyler cheered in unison.

"Ah, man, this really is our night." Peter remarked going over to the TV and changing it to the news, "I get to live, Frank Jr, John and Tyler get to stay and we're both on TV."

It cut to the Channel 5 News with Tom Tucker and Diane Simmons.

"Our top story tonight, the rules of death do not apply for only two people." Tom reported.

"That's right, Tom." Diane agreed, "Our own Asian reporter, Tricia Takanawa, filed this report." Then said in a cheerful attitude, "All by herself!"

It then cut to Tricia at the Drunken Clam with Peter, John and Tyler, whose bullet wounds were still present at the time. Quagmire and Cleveland were in the background.

"I'm here with Peter Griffin and his buddy the Matter-Eater Lad, the men who claims that these two boys have both withstood a barrage of bullets and did not die." Tricia reported, "Peter, are you saying that if I shoot this young man (John) in the head with this Channel 5 pistol, he'll be completely unharmed?"

"Why don't you, uh, give it a shot?" Frank Jr chuckled.

"Okay, here it goes." Tricia said pointing the gun at John's head and fired, knocking John to the ground and screaming in pain.

"Ah, ah, oh, my God, ah!" Tricia panicked, "What have I done?!"

"Oh, no, don't worry. His head just got knocked back by the blow." Peter reported readjusting John's head back into place, "There we go."

"Ah... Thanks." John thanked Peter.

"Goodness." Tricia acknowledged, "It's a miracle."

Cuts back to Diane.

"Fascinating story, Tom." Diane commented to Tom.

"It sure is, Diane." Tom agreed, "And if there's one thing I want to try out on one of those kids, it's this." He grabbed Diane's head and slammed it a few times. But when she didn't get up, he then stepped back slowly, then dashed out of there.

Death turned off the TV.

"Great. The whole town is going to think it's the Second Coming." Death lamented, "I was hoping this wouldn't happen. This is high school all over again." He then pointed at Peter, "This is all your fault! If you hadn't got these idiots to find out about their power, none of this wouldn't have happened. And now there's only one solution. All three of you have to go out there and do my job." He picked up his scythe and handed it to Frank Jr, "You four have to be... Death!"

Everyone got a look of shock and surprise on their faces as dramatic music played.

"Oh! If J-man's going to be Death, can I be War?" Tyler asked.

"You're Death, too." Death reminded Tyler, then turned to the family, "What the hell's wrong with this kid?"

It then showed Frank Jr, Peter, John and Tyler in Death's robes with Frank Jr holding Death's scythe.

"Boy, this, uh... this doesn't leave much to the imagination, does it?" Peter said to Death commenting on his attire.

"Death, there is no way Frank Jr, Pops, John and Tyler can do your job." Frank reasoned to Death, "They could never kill anyone."

"Yeah, we're too soft." Tyler agreed with Frank.

"Yeah, I mean, I've thought about it, you know, like in church and stuff, but I don't think we could ever do the things you do." Peter said.

"Isn't there another way to fix this?" John asked Death hoping to find another solution to the situation.

'What? You four think you're better than me?!" Death accused.

"What? No, that's not what we meant." John reassured.

"Well, I'm tired of always being the bad guy. What I do has to be done." Death stated, "Besides, it was you and your friend's immortality that started all of this."

"He's right, boys." Brian agreed with Death, "Your gift has disturbed the natural order of things. People need to be able to die."

**Cutaway #2**

It showed Jack's death scene from _Titanic_ as the latter dies and sinks into the deep, icy blue.

"Noooooooo!" Rose cried in heartbreak when Jack suddenly rose back up alive and well, much to Rose's delight.

"You know- Actually, I-I think I'm gonna be okay." Jack said to Rose.

"Oh, Jack. Now we can get married and everything you promised." Rose said.

"Yeah, about that..." Jack reconsidered about the idea, "Uh, I was pretty sure I was gonna die... uh, 'cause, actually, there's-there's this girl back in and it's-it's gettin' kind of serious, but... you know, thanks for letting me draw you naked. I still can't believe you let me do that!"

**End**

"So... What? You're sayin' the only way to make the world right is for us to kill someone?" Peter asked Death figuring it out.

"I know!" Stewie exclaimed, "Why don't you kill Lois?"

"Why don't we kill you instead, Stewie?" Tyler shot back.

"You wouldn't..." Stewie said, "... could they?"

"Neh, one death isn't gonna do it." Death dismissed, "You gonna have to do something that will get everyone's attention. Something huge."

"How about if you blow up the Earth?" Chris suggested.

"NO!" Frank Jr, Frank, John and Tyler shouted in unison.

"They're right. Too huge." Death agreed, "But you're thinking', I like it."

"You can kill all the girls who are prettier than my sister." Meg suggested showing Death the magazine she was reading.

"Well, that would just leave England." Death remarked before swiping the magazine off Meg's hands, "Wait. Wait, I have it. Ha, ha, ha, I'm a genius. You'll kill the kids from _Dawson's Creek_." He showed Frank Jr, Peter, John and Tyler a picture in the magazine of said show's cast.

"I knew it! I knew it!" Peter stated, "As soon as that show came on the air, I said: 'I'm gonna be the one who has to kill these kids.'"

"It's true. He did say it." Frank Jr pointed out.

"A bunch of hot, young celebrities. It's perfect! Haha!" Death said proudly admiring his plan, "The kids are on their way to L.A. to renegotiate their contract. But, hehehe..." Death took out a laptop, "But their plane is gonna be making a little stopover in Rhode Island." He then booked a flight in the plane the cast of _Dawson's Creek_ was flying in, "If you guys can go right now, you can catch the flight."

"Forget it, Death, we're not gonna do your dirty work." Frank Jr refused, "There's no way we're getting in that plane."

"Same here." John agreed with Frank Jr.

"Yeah, me neither." Tyler agreed also.

"Yes, absolutely not and that's final." Peter finished when a scene-shift occured, but the trio were still where they are, "See? We're still here."

"Even though it was literally a second." John said.

"And there's nothing you can say that'll change our minds." Peter told Death.

"Either you three do my job or I take away your family's souls." Death threatened as the scene shifted this time with the trio onboard the plane.

"Ah, crap." Frank Jr cursed as he, Peter, John and Tyler went for their seats.

The plane had taken off, but the trio were still unsure about their mission.

"Hey, nice plant." Peter complimented a man next to him for his potted plant, but ended up killing it after touching it. Frank Jr freaked out.

"Guys, listen to me very carefully." Frank Jr said to John and Tyler, "Whatever you do, you not go to the bathroom."

"Okay." John and Tyler simply obeyed.

Inside first coach were the cast of _Dawson's Creek_.

"James, your last movie killed at the box office." What was supposedly the manager said to James, "You Q-rating is through the roof. It's time we ditched the WB and concentrate on features."

"Sir, I don't know who you are, but just because you're sitting right next to me across from me doesn't mean you can give me career advice." James told off the man, who apparently wasn't a manager.

"Oh..." The man exclaimed, "Will you sign my ass?"

"You have a pen?" James asked back.

The trio were witnessing this from behind the curtain.

"Weird." Frank Jr, John and Tyler said in unison.

Back at their seats, Peter dialed the plane's phone to call Death.

"Hello? Hello, Death?" Peter asked, "Guess where I'm calling from? A plane!"

It then showed Death sitting in the kitchen on the phone with Peter.

"That's great, "Death said, "Listen, those kids on board?"

it then sided two scenes together with Death on the left and the trio on the right.

"Yeah, uh, uh, about that." Peter said, "We-We don't think we can go through with it."

"Yeah, seriously, is this really the only way to restore everything the way it was?" John asked Death.

"Guys, trust me. Without death, the world would instead be a terrible place." Death reasoned, "Imagine a world where Hitler and the Nazis were still alive."

**Cutaway #3**

It opened with an episode of a talk show titled _Hitler_. You can pretty much guess who its host is.

"Tonight on _Hitler_, we'll be talking with Hollywood hunk, Christian Slater." Adolf Hitler announced in his Germanic accent as it shifted to the host with Christian Slater, "Now, they tell me in your next film, we get to see your butt."

The audience cheered loudly.

"Yes, uh, yes, you do." Christian Slater confirmed.

"C-Can we see it right now?" Hitler asked eagerly.

"Hmm..." Christian replied, "Well, uh, eh-he, all right, Hitler."

"OH!" Hitler exclaimed, "Oh, he's going to do it!"

It then cut to the audience applauding with the show's logo shown on top.

"If you're going to be in Los Angeles area or would like tickets to _Hitler_, call 213-DU WIRST EINE KRANKENSCHWESTER BRAUCHEN!"

(A/N: According to the Family Guy Wiki, the word "Werdest" was supposed to be "Wirst." I just wanted to fix a spelling error.)

**End**

"Look, Peter, all you and the boys gotta do is sit there." Death told Peter, "The plane is gonna crash in L.A. Pilot error. Big mess. Everybody dies."

"Jeez, everybody?" Peter asked.

"Except youthree." Death reassured before getting an incoming call, "Hold on, I'm getting another call." He pressed one of the buttons, "Brenda?"

"Still me." Peter answered.

"Oh." Death responded before pressing again, "Brenda?"

"Yeesss?" Frank Jr, Peter, John and Tyler imitated a feminine voice, then chuckled.

"Just kidding." Peter said to Death, "It's still me."

Death hanging up.

"Awww." Frank Jr, John and Tyler both exclaimed in unison.

"We now begin our approach to Los Angeles International." The intercom reported, "If you look out the window to your right, you'll see the San Fernando Valley, where my brother, Gary makes a very nice living directing porn."

"Thank you for that vital piece of information!" Frank Jr called out sarcastically.

"We'll on the ground in 10 minutes." The intercom finished.

"Ah, jeez." Peter exclaimed.

The quartet then turned to their left to see a mother playing with her baby, then to a grandfather playing checkers with his grandson, then turned to their right to see a couple of girl scouts singing.

"I guess it's their time." Frank Jr lamented before looking back at the cast of _Dawson's Creek_ where said show's theme played in the background.

**Cutaway #4**

It showed the characters, Pacey and Mrs. Jacobs, in bed together.

"Boy, Mrs. Jacobs, for a teacher, you sure make love good." Pacey praised his teacher as it planned to her.

"Actually, it's 'well,' Pacey." Mrs. Jacobs corrected her lover/student while having a lit cigarette in her hand, "You mean to say, 'I make love well'." She then took an inhale from her cigarette, "You're good to go again, right?"

"Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah." Pacey answered eagerly.

**End**

Peter? Hello, Peter?" Death called out Peter from the other line, "Peter, are you there? I can hear you breathing."

"Uh, yeah, yeah, I'm here." Peter responded, "Uh, listen, Death, d-do you someone else in mind? I mean, if they die, I'll have nothing to watch on Wednesdays..."

Frank Jr elbowed Peter, whom directed his eyes to the camera. John and Tyler were also looking at the camera.

"...other than the fine programs on FOX." Peter broke the fourth wall sucked up to the show's network, giving out an embarrassed grin on his face, along with Frank Jr, John and Tyler.

"Wait a minute, Author, I thought you weren't going to have anyone else break the fourth wall." John broke the fourth wall asking this fic's author and his creator.

(A/N: Well, that depends on whether I want you Frank, Frank Jr or Tyler to do it or not. Either way, I won't do it that much like how the actual show does it these days.)

"Okay, I guess that makes sense." Frank Jr acknowledged.

Peter went and retrieved the scythe and the quartet rushed to the cockpit. John knocked the door down with his left fist and the trio got in.

"Hey, what are you four doin'?" A pilot on the left side questioned our heroes, "You're all not supposed to be in here. Go back to your seats."

"We're here to keep you from making an error." Peter warned the pilots before accidentally touching them, "A pilot error."

Not surprisingly, the pilots dropped dead after Peter touched them.

"MRS. GRIFFIN/GRANDPA!" Frank Jr, John and Tyler shouted at Peter.

"Jeez, we probably should've worn mittens." Peter remarked.

"Actually, that might be a good idea." John realized.

"Yeah, it kinda is." Tyler agreed.

The plane then started plummeting to the ground.

"Nice going, fat-" James thanked the trio sarcastically.

"Hey, hey, we were just tryin' to saves your lives." Peter said, "But now you're all going to die."

"That's right. This plane's gonna crash, killing you all in it." John explained.

"And now there's no one who can land this thing." Tyler said.

"I can." Actress Karen Black stepped in and volunteered.

"Thank God!" Frank Jr gasped in gratitude, "its Karen Black!"

But none of the kids cheered, only confused.

"Who's Karen Black?" John and Tyler asked Frank Jr in unison.

"She landed a busted plane in _Airport '75_?" Peter explained hoping they would get it.

This only got them more confused.

"It was a movie..." Frank Jr explained again, "... in the '70s."

"Oh..." John and Tyler answered in realization

"Never heard of that movie." John responded.

"Me neither." Tyler responded also.

"Ugh, you damn kids with your music." Peter muttered.

"Actually, what's Karen Black doing here?" John asked wondering about the actress's presence on the plane.

"That's a good question." Tyler said.

"Oh, I'm working as a flight attendant at many airports." Karen Black answered, "The airport we departed from was one of them."

"So, you played a flight attendant in a movie from the '70s and work as one in real life?" John asked again.

"Yes." Karen Black answered.

"Oh." The duo replied.

The scene then change to Channel 5 News, where in the screen in the upper right from Tom Tucker was a title called, "Airport '99."

"Both of the pilots died mysteriously, but fortunately for the other passengers, actress Karen Black, star of such films as _Nashville _and _Five Easy Pieces_, was on board." Tom Tucker announced as it showed Karen Black helping passengers safely out of the plane from the emergency slide. It then cut to Tom and Diane at their stand.

"Our hats are off to Miss Black to proving once again that, given the opportunity, actresses over 50 can land large aircraft."

"Karen Black, what an obscure reference." Tom chuckled to himself as Death turned off the TV.

"Hey, what the hell? I told you idiots to waste those kids from _Dawson's Creek_!" Death scolded Peter, John and Tyler.

"Sorry, Death, but there were too many innocent lives on board that plane. We couldn't let those souls take our place." John apologized.

"Your place?" Death asked, "What are you talking about?"

"We mean we'll go with you after all." Tyler said to Death as he and John got up willingly, "We're ready."

"Oh. Wait, really? Uh, okay." Death said, "Okay, then. Let's go."

The family was shocked at this sacrifice.

"Well, I guess we're going after all." John said to the family, "Thanks for everything."

"Please don't forget about us." Tyler said.

"Oh, John, Tyler, we'll never forget you." Frank Jr reassured to them in tears and hugging for one last time, "Ever..."

"Guys!" Persephone charged at John and Tyler hugging them also tearing up. The boys were caught by surprise as they've never been hugged by a girl before.

"Hah! So, he is your boyfriend after all. Huh, princess?" Death teased Persephone.

"He's not my boyfriend!" Persephone protested, "He's one of my best friends. Along with Tyler."

"You really mean that, Persephone?" John asked Persephone.

"Uh-huh." Persephone responded.

"Only real friends say that." John said, "And now I know we are."

"Thanks, Persephone." Tyler thanked Persephone.

Lois and Meg then took Persephone away and comforted her in her arms. Then, Chris grabbed both John and Tyler's legs crying, but Lois soon picked him up and John and Tyler went to Stewie.

"Well, at least you two won't be in my way any longer." Stewie said to the duo not so distraught at all.

"Thanks." The duo thanked Stewie in unison as they then went to Brian, whom tried not to shed tears and John and Tyler decided not to make it any more difficult. Just before they left, Frank stopped them.

"Wait. Boys, before you go, I just wanna say thank you for saving Pops earlier." Frank thanked John and Tyler.

"No problem, Frank." John said.

They then shared one last hug before Death broke them up.

"Okay, time to get out of-" Death said about to leave the door when all of a sudden the phone rings. It rang a second time, then a third.

"I'll get that." Death said heading to and answering the phone, "Hello? Oh, uh, hey, Boss. Yeah, I was about to take away two immortals from Earth. Uh-huh. WHAT?! YOU'RE LETTING THEM STAY?!"

Everyone's hope was brightened after hearing what Death.

"Bu-But why- Oh... Oooooohhhhhhhh. Ahahaha, that explains so much." Death said, "Wait a minute, how are they- Oh, that explains it. Hey, listen, Boss, do you mind telling me more about this when I get over to your place? Thanks. All right, buy." Death hung up, "Well, guess what? You boys get to stay after all. Isn't that great?"

Everyone cheered for joy at the news. But Frank, Frank Jr, John and Tyler soon stopped.

"Hold on." Frank said, "Death, why are you letting us go?"

"Yeah. Isn't their immortality a threat to this world?" Frank Jr asked.

"Yeah, about that." Death said, "It turns out you two and those two do have a place here after all. My bad."

"We do?" John and Tyler both asked in unison.

"But what's their purpose, then?" Frank Jr then asked.

"That's for me to know and for you two to find out..." Death told Frank Jr, John and Tyler, "... someday. Anyway, I should probably get out of your hair."

"Oh, but you just got here!" Stewie pleaded Death to not go, "Uh, we can still stay in touch, can we? Ohohoh, what's your email?" He took out a notepad and pencil, "Mine is 'loismustdie,' all one word, '.'"

"W-W-Wait a second, Death." Peter stopped Death, "I, uh, I used to fear you. But now I'm glad we met."

"Same here." Tyler said, "Because you've given a great gift. The knowledge and responsibility of immortality."

"Yep." Frank Jr agreed as he pulled out a boxset, "And the complete Bozz Scaggs. How did you know?"

"I just had a feeling." Death replied.

"We won't disappoint ya, Death." John approved.

Death then exited the front door.

"We're gonna miss you, Death.' Lois said to Death.

"Hey, don't worry. I'll be back... really, really soon." Death said laughing as the family paused, "Is he joking?" He laughed some more, "Okay, see ya later. Happy Halloween."

The family then looked at each other, wondering what he meant as Death away.

"I still wonder why he let us go." John questioned.

"Perhaps we'll never know." Tyler suggested.

The family then went back inside.

Suddenly, the scene then shifted to a man cast in a strait jacket underneath a dimly lit light in a blacked room with his face off-screen. In front of him were what now rotted corpses were. The man in the strait jacket then mumbling words to himself, almost sounding as if they were swear words of some kind.

(A/N: In case all of you who have been attention to the order of episodes there have been or have been keeping up with the story so far, I wish to inform that it's a little refurbishing on the fanfiction, mostly with this episode, Love Thy Trophy and Da Boom. This is only a small change and I just wanted to fix it. Also, let me know of what you all think of Frank Jr, John and Tyler's new power and let me know if you want Death to still be voiced by Norm MacDonald, the character's first voice actor or if you still prefer Adam Carolla. Anyway, thanks for reading. See ya next time.)


	16. Chapter 14: The King is dead

**Chapter 14: The King is dead**

**Opening Credits**

_It seems today that all ya see_

_Is violence in movies and sex on TV?_

_But where are those good, old-fashioned values_

_On which we used to rely_

_Lucky there's a Family Guy!_

_Lucky there's a man who_

_Positively can do_

_All the things that make us_

_Laugh n' Cry_

_He's_

_a_

_Fam_

_-ily_

_Guy!_

**End**

It was late at night as the family (except Peter and Frank whom weren't there) was watching _Frank Jr_ _With Vital Information For Your Everyday Life_."

This time, Frank Jr is on a deck overlooking a beach. He's in green and black bathing shorts decorated with a teeth pattern, a green tank-top, and his usual specs.

"My we do keep running into each other don't we? Hi, I'm Frank Jr. Most know me as Manny the Mauler. Others know me as Mister Magic Mutton Chops. And some know me as Debbie. But you can call me Matter-Eater Lad, and I have some information crucial to your lives."

"I wish you would get hit by an old lady!" the off screen voice yells. "And I wish you would stop _being_ an old lady! Now come over here and build a perpetual motion device!" "I don't wanna!"

Frank Jr took of his specs and rubbed his eyes. Then he put them back on.

"It's fun to bring a beach-ball to the beach. It's _not_ fun to bring a rabid raccoon. Example..." Frank Jr tosses a rabid raccoon into the beach. The beach-goers start screaming and running around. "IT'S EATING MY EYES!" "WHY IS THIS HAPPENING?!" "SOYLENT GREEN IS MADE OF PEOPLE!"

"When life gives you lemons, give life a wedgie!"

"Mary had a little lamb, its fleece was white as snow. And everywhere that Mary went, the lamb was sure to go. Just went right over that cliff after her."

"Don't count your chickens before they hatch. Count your zits before they pop."

"If you have two heads, four noses, and a tail where your belly button should be, you ain't coming over to my house you circus freak!"

"They say the early bird catches the worm. I sure hope not!" Frank Jr covers his crotch area.

"Mirror mirror on the wall, who's the fairest of them all? Mirror mirror in my hut, I sure hope you kiss my butt!"

"My Cousin Zeke told me 'be kind to others and you will have all the riches in the world.' He also thought there were little men in his head trying to steal his bathtub. We don't visit Cousin Zeke anymore."

"I told the witch doctor I was in love with you. The witch doctor said "put your pants back on, this is a library!"

"It's okay to be different. It's okay to be original. It's not okay to walk into school wearing only a severed head around your neck and proclaim "I AM THE QUEEN OF FRANCE! DANCE MY LIPPY HOP TOADS!"

"Always look before you cross the street. The same should not be said when grandma's putting on her bra." Frank Jr shivers.

"Snow White married Prince Charming, Cinderella married Prince Charming, Sleeping Beauty married Prince Charming, heck _I_ married Prince Charming. We're registered at Bloomingdale's." Frank Jr giggles like a school girl.

"When you steal someone's heart, it means you're in love. When you actually do it, it means you're a murderer. Have fun in prison!"

"Well this has been fun. If you'll excuse me I have to give grandma her bacon in the tub. Good night."

"This has been Frank Jr with Vital Information for Your Everyday Life."

Now are watching Channel 5 News on TV while Lois and Meg were ironing shirts.

"It was a moving scene today at Hatch Pond as six members of the Pawtucket Fire Department struggled valiantly to save the life of a fish trapped under the frozen ice." Tom Tucker on Channel 5 News reported as it showed said fire department breaking through ice to reach the fish.

"Hurray!" Tyler cheered.

Cuts back to the scene with the firemen.

"Rescue workers managed to get the fish out of the water, but unfortunately it died shortly after." Tom later reported showing the fish getting out of the hole the firemen carved out, placed it onto the ground and then gave it shock treatment, electrocuting it to death.

Cut back to Tyler.

"Now I'm sad..." Tyler moped.

"For what? A fish?" Frank Jr asked.

Cuts back to Tom Tucker and Diane Simmons.

"Diane?" Tom said to Diane.

"Well, Tom, another life was tragically cut short today." Diane then reported showing an image of the deceased person, "Robert Kimble, founder of a local theater group known as the Quahog Players passed away this afternoon."

Cuts to Lois.

"Oh, my God!" Lois exclaimed at the news as the phone rang.

Cuts back to Diane.

"Kimble was a hands-on director who frequently appeared in his own shows, most recently, Miss Saigon." Diane reported.

**Cutaway #1**

It showed Robert Kimble before he passed playing the role of Miss Saigon in the play of the same name while holding his eyelids back.

"La la la la la, Miss Saigon." Robert Kimble sang, "La la la la la, Mis Saigon."

**End**

"Yes, I just heard." Lois said on the phone, "It's so sad."

"What? For the Robert Kimble guy or the fish?" Tyler asked Lois where everyone turned their heads toward Tyler as the latter noticed, "What?"

"Sorry about that. You see-" Lois went back on the phone before pausing, "Really?" She then turned to the kids, "They want me to be the new artistic director at the Quahog Players!" There was, of course happy for her.

"All right, Grandma/Mom!" Frank Jr and Chris cheered.

"Cool!" John and Persephone cheered also.

"Are you gonna do it?" Meg asked.

"Say 'yes'!" Tyler insisted.

"I don't know." Lois answered, "It's such a big responsibility. I-I need a moment to think."

The family then waited where John literally pulled out a clock out of his pocket just like in cartoons and he and Tyler checked how long it would take Lois to decide.

"Okay, I'll do it!" Lois said on the phone accepting the offer.

It then cut back to Channel 5 News where Tom received incoming news.

"This just in." Tom reported, "The Quahog Players has just found another director to take the place of its former founder, Robert Kimble, named Lois Griffin, who also worked with Kimble as musical director."

Cuts back to the family.

"Wait, you worked with that guy?" John turned and asked Lois.

"That's right." Lois answered, "All those years of paying my dues as musical director under that old hack have finally paid off."

"Well, so much for respecting your elders." John remarked.

"Oh-ho, Lois, congratulations." Brian cheerfully congratulated Lois shaking her hand, "Our little theater group finally has a committed visionary under at its helm. And such an attractive one."

"Brian, don't be a suck-up." Frank Jr said to Brian.

"Frank Jr's right, Brian." Lois agreed, "You'll have to audition just like everyone else."

"Oh, God, of course." Brian quickly hesitated, "I-I... Oh, you didn't think- You thought I was..." Brian then realized, "Aahh... Lois!"

"I can paint scenery." Chris volunteered.

"Can I be in the show, Mom?" Persephone asked.

"Yes, you can be the dumpy teenager who stays backstage and cries because nobody finds her attractive." Stewie sarcastically suggested finishing it with an insulting laugh.

John, however, wasn't going to let that slip by.

"Kick the baby!" John rose up from his seat and called out.

"What?- AAAHHHHHH!" Stewie exclaimed before John kicked him through the window, much to everyone else's horror, "Anyway, let Persephone be in the play, Mrs. Griffin. She is your daughter after all and not because I myself wanted to help her or anything. Uh... Oh, hey, look! Mr. Griffin's home!"

And just as what John said, Peter and Frank walked in.

"Hey, you guys." Peter greeted everyone when Lois approached him.

"Peter, guess what?" Lois asked Peter, "I am gonna-"

"Us first!" Peter interrupted, "Mr. Weed said whoever comes up with the best idea for the big Christmas toy this year gets a huge bonus!"

"Hey, Dad. Why don't invent the Frisbee?" Chris recommended to Peter, "That's an awesome toy."

"It's already been invented." Meg pointed out.

"Then how come I've never heard of it?" Frank Jr asked.

"'Cause you're an idiot." Tyler answered.

Then Frank Jr bonk him while said "bonk".

"Hey, Frank, Mr. Griffin. Can we apart of the contest?" John asked Peter.

"Sorry, boys, but this is our chance to prove how valuable we to the company." Frank rejected, "Plus, you don't work for the company. Oh, sorry, mom. What's your news?"

"Well, I-" Lois was about to say just as Peter left the room, much to her irritation.

"Typical." Frank, Frank Jr John and Tyler commented in unison.

The next day at Happy-Go-Lucky Toys, Inc, Peter was in a meeting with Mr. Weed and several of the company's shareholders.

"Mr. Weed. Distinguished members of the board, may we present this year's hottest toy..." Peter said to Mr. Weed and the other people there as he brought up a white box onto the table, "...Mr. Zuchini Head." Frank lifted the box to reveal a toy zuchini resembling Mr. Potato Head, only without arms or legs, "He's got stupid cool style with his little hat..." He placed a yellow beanie cap at the top of the toy's "head", "...and his Doc Martins." After placing magenta Doc Martins underneath Mr. Zuchini Head, it then resembled... Okay, you've already figured out what happened next. The board was clearly not happy with this.

"Uh, thank you, Frank, Peter, that's enough." Mr. Weed attempted to dismiss Frank and Peter's toy.

"Oh, wait, wait, wait, this is the best part!" Peter hesitated flipping on a switch at the back of Mr. Zuchini Head, causing it to vibrate, "It dances!"

"I've seen enough." One of the members of the board said in disgust.

"Inappropriate." Another said in disgust.

"I haven't had sex in four years." One then suddenly acknowledged to himself.

"Gentlemen, I apologize for wasting your time." Mr. Weed apologize to the board approaching Frank and Peter, "Frank and Peter are an adequate assembly-line worker, but you'll be happy to know our company does not pay them to think." Mr. Weed then laughed and after he finished, he picked up Mr. Zuchini Head, "I'll take this. No calls."

But just as Mr. Weed was about to leave, John and Tyler then walked in with a bigger box than the one Frank and Peter had.

"Thank you, sir." John thanked Mr. Weed.

"Frank Jr? John? Tyler?" Frank and Peter exclaimed.

"Frank, Peter, do you know these boys?" Mr. Weed asked Frank and Peter.

"Uh, yes, sir. They live with us." Peter said to Mr. Weed and turned to Frank Jr, John and Tyler, "Guys, what you are doing here?"

"We want to win the contest." Tyler answered, "And we brought our own toy here."

John placed the box on the table.

"So, are we allowed to show you guys what our toy is?" Frank Jr asked everyone.

"I'm sorry, but we do not accept toys from people outside of the company." Mr. Weed rejected the boys' idea, "Now, if you don't leave, I will call security."

"Ah, come on. Please?" John pleaded.

"No." Mr. Weed declined.

"Please?" Tyler pleaded.

"No!" Mr. Weed declined again.

The trio then repeatedly pleaded to Mr. Weed until the latter finally caved in.

"All right, all right!" Mr. Weed told Frank Jr, John and Tyler, to their delight, "Okay, let's see what your toy is."

"All right. Now then, may we present..." John said unveiling the toy from inside to reveal a bazooka-like gun colored purple with yellow lining, "...The Dodgeball Cannon."

(A/N: In case you didn't get it, it's supposed to be a parody to various toy guns that shoot foam balls)

"The... Dodgeball Cannon?" Mr. Weed repeated.

"Yes." Tyler answered, "It fires different kinds of dodgeballs."

"Different kinds?" One of the board members asked.

"That's right." Frank Jr answered, "You can choose any type of dodge ball from this dial." He then pointed at a blue dial with all the dodgeball selections, which John turned to an option called, "Fire Ball".

"First is the Fire Ball." Tyler announced as John aimed and then fired the Dodgeball Cannon, shooting out a dodgeball on fire, which everyone dodged.

"Next is the Metal Ball." Tyler announced as John then turned to the option "Metal Ball" on the Dodgeball Cannon and a large, metallic ball shot out, hitting one of the members of the board.

It then cut to outside the room where the door opened and Mr. Weed kicked both Frank, Peter and the boys out and threw them the Dodgeball Cannon before slamming the door in their faces.

Back at the house, Lois was ready to go work at her new job.

"Come on, kids!" Lois called out to the kids upstairs, "The director can't be late for the auditions."

She then noticed Frank, Frank Jr, Peter, John and Tyler moping on the couch.

"Ah, you should've heard them laughing at us, Lois." Peter informed Lois about what happened.

"Yeah, we've got great ideas." Frank Jr said.

"But they look at us and all they see are losers." Tyler said.

"Except the guy with the lazy eye." Frank pointed out, "He sees five losers and the snack machine."

"Boys, a lot of creative people have mindless jobs." Lois told the trio.

"Name one." Tyler dared Lois.

"Well... Michelangelo worked in a marble quarry, uh... Uh, Herman Melville was a customs agent." Lois pointed out, "Albert Einstein worked for the patent office."

**Cutaway #2**

It showed Albert Einstein during his time as a worker at the patent office when Herr Smith came up to patent some paperwork.

"And what is it you wish to patent, Herr Smith?" Albert Einstein asked Herr Smith, whom handed the paperwork.

"I called it 'Smith's Theory of Relativity'." Herr Smith explained.

Einstein then took a look at the paper, then after a brief moment.

"Hey, look at this." Einstein pointed out showing something on the front page."

"Where?" Smith asked taking a closer look at what Einstein directed.

Suddenly, Einstein slams the booth's window at Smith's head three times, knocking or most likely killing the latter. Einstein then runs off with Smith's Theory of Relativity.

**End**

"I think what Lois is trying to say is you have to find a way to express yourselves creatively." Brian walked in and stated, "For example, Chris has his drawing, and Meg and Persephone has their birdcalls-"

"Beautifully!" John hollered as everyone looked at him for a second before getting back at topic.

"Yes, all right." Brian excused, "And I sing... Beautifully."

"So I've heard." Lois replied unconvinced, much to Brian's dismay.

"And Lois has her theater group." Brian then pointed, finishing his statement.

"Yes and for my first production, I've chosen _The King and I_." Lois said, "It's a wonderful story about a loving, patient woman who introduces culture and civility to a barbaric, patriarchal-" She was then interrupted by snorting off-screen, "Tyler, Frank Jr, please don't wipe your mucus on the couch."

It then showed Frank Jr and Tyler having a runny nose and wiping the running mucus on the couch, leaving a big stain on the right chair arm in the process.

"Sorry." Tyler and Frank Jr apologized sniffing their noses.

"Look, I have to go." Lois said, "Part of being creative is figuring out what you're all good at. I know you can all do it if you put your minds to it." She then left for the auditions.

"She's right, boys. Man was meant to create." Peter said to John and Tyler taking Lois' advice, "I mean, Shrinky Dinks were invented together by two women."

**Cutaway #3**

It then showed the inventers of Shrinky Dinks, Betty Morris and Kate Bloomberg, having just created the first kit.

"It worked." Kate acknowledged at their success.

"I know." Betty agreed, "Look at how tiny they are-"

Suddenly, Albert Einstein from the previous cutaway then came in and attacked the two inventers by slamming their heads with the stove's lid with each of their heads at different sides, killing them at the same time. And like before, Einstein then snatches the first Shrinky Dinks away with him.

(A/N: For those who don't know, these two were originally housewives who created the product as a Cub Scout project and sold the first batch at a local mall in Brookfield, Wisconsin. I just thought I should make it kind of educational, though Einstein was already dead at the time Shrinky Dinks were really created.)

**End**

It then cuts to an opera house called the Brine, where the auditions were being held. Brian was in the middle of his audition singing, "If Ever I Would Leave You."

_Oh, no, not in springtime_

_Summer, winter, or fall_

_No, never would I leave you_

_At all_

Lois, Frank Jr and Joe, Frank who were the judges, were both blown away by Brian's performance and applauded.

"Amazing!" Meg shout

"Awesome!" Frank shout

"Bravo!" Joe cheered.

"Brian, that was beautiful!" Lois praised Brian, "Thank you."

"No, no, no, thank you." Brian reassured, "And-And that note you gave me, 'louder', huh, I was-I was thinking that and then you said it."

"Okay." Lois responded.

"It was so intuitive-" Brian continued.

"Okay, all right." Lois tried cutting Brian off.

"It was a plea- Brian tried to say more.

"Next!" Lois called out.

Brian got off the stage and Stewie came up with a towel.

"Stewie, do you wanna try out for Mommy's play?" Lois said to Stewie babying the latter.

Stewie then rolled up the towel and stuffed it in the back of the shirt, imitating Quasimodo.

"Now is the winter of our discontent made glorious summer by this son of York." Stewie acted, "And all-"

"Why don't you sing _Itsy Bitsy Spider_?" Lois interrupted recommending said song to Stewie, though he didn't take kindly to it.

"How dare you reduce my finely hewn thesbian stylings to mere Mother Gooseries?" Stewie said to Lois offended.

"Oh, sing _Ba Ba Black Sheep_!" Lois recommended again still babying him, whilst at the same time not listening to him.

"You know, Mother, as first lady of the American stage, Helen Hayes, once said: I'm going to kill you." Stewie threatened Lois.

"Hey, can somebody give us a hand with all this talent?" Peter asked everyone coming in with John and Tyler along.

"Pops, what are you and the boys doing here?" Frank asked Peter.

"Well, Frank, we tried finding our creativities, like you said." Peter explained, "First, we took an art class."

**Cutaway #4**

Peter, Frank Jr, John and Tyler were at an art class where their assignment was drawing a naked man.

"Are we- Are we supposed to draw the penis?" Peter whispered to one of the artists.

"Can we just draw leaves over it instead?" John asked.

**End**

"Then we tried sculpting." Peter said.

**Cutaway #5**

The quartet were now in a sculpting class where it was yet again a naked man.

"Are we- Are we supposed to sculpt the penis?" Frank Jr asked

**End**

"Then we tried music." Peter said.

**Cutaway #6**

The trio were now at a music class with Peter as maestro.

"Am I-Am I supposed to cunduct with my penis?" Peter asked a musician behind him.

**End**

"And then we tried sports." John said.

**Cutaway #7**

It showed instead a baseball player at the bat ready to swing. However, he was hit by what appeared to be the Metal Ball from earlier as it then showed Frank Jr as the pitcher with the Dodgeball Cannon in his hands.

"Is he- is he allowed to use this?" John asked.

**End**

"We were starting to think there was nothing we'd be good at." Peter told Frank, "But then we realized this is it. Lois, our penises belong onstage!"

"So sign us up!" John volunteered.

"Yeah!" Tyler cheered.

"Wait, Frank Jr, Peter, John, Tyler, everyone has to audition." Lois told the trio, "You know, sing, dance-"

"Ohohoh, I get it." Peter chuckled going up on stage, "Uh, hello, everybody. This is, uh, just a formality, since I happen to be doing the director." He let out another chuckle.

Lois felt a bit embarrassed after hearing that.

"A five, six, seven, eight..." Peter chanted as the intro theme to the show _Land of the Lost_ played in the background, complete with a set based on the setting of the show and John and Tyler were dressed as characters from the show. Peter of course was the lead singer while Frank Jr, John and Tyler imitated the intro of _Land of the Lost_.

_Marshall, Will and Holly_

_On a routine expedition_

_Met the greatest earthquake ever known_

_High on the rapids, it struck their tiny raft_

Frank Jr, John and Tyler then yelled from behind.

_And plunged them down a thousand feet below_

Frank Jr, John and Tyler then joined Peter to sing the final line in the song.

_In the Land of the Lost!_

Peter then roared into the scene as it then zoomed into his mouth, technically cutting to black.

The next day, Frank, Meg, Lois and Joe were with everyone who auditioned for the play.

"Before I post the cast list, my choreographer and I want to thank everyone for auditioning." Lois said to everyone.

"You were all great." Joe praised everyone.

"Weren't they?" Meg agreed, "I only wish the show was called _The King and Us_, so I could cast you all."

Everyone laughed from this, but when they all stopped, Brian was laughing a bit hysterically before stopping.

"I don't get it." Frank Jr, John and Tyler both said in unison off-screen.

Lois let that one go as she then set up the list of the cast while everyone gathered to see who was in the play.

"Anna!" Loretta said astonished she got the role of Anna, "Oh, baby, baby! I'm a star!" She then hugged her husband, Cleveland.

"Wow. I've never hugged a celebrity before." Cleveland acknowledged before finishing the hug, "Except for Pearl Bailey at a book signing once."

"No way!" Frank Jr responded in amazement.

"But then we later found it wasn't actually her." Cleveland then mentioned.

"What a rip..." Frank Jr responded again this time bummed.

"Saimese baby?!" Stewie asked outraged by his role, "Stewie Griffin does not play bit parts!"

"Aw, you wanted a bigger part, didn't you, sweetie?" Lois asked Stewie affectionately.

"Oh, to hell with you!" Stewie insulted her, "Perhaps I'll skip the stage and go directly to films."

**Cutaway #8**

It featured a poster parodying the movie _there's something about Mary_, only instead featuring Stewie on the front instead of Mary before cutting to Stewie knocking on a door in an apartment building.

"Hellooo." the character, Ted stroehmann answered and greeted Stewie.

"What is that on your ear?" Stewie asked pointing to a white cream on his right ear, "Is that... is that hair gel?"

"Uhh, yeah." Ted lied.

"Great, cause I could use some." Stewie said reaching out and getting a bit of the "gel."

"No, no, no, don't-" Ted warned Stewie, but was too late.

"I just ran out." Stewie explained rubbing the stuff on his head.

Then after showing Ted's face for a few seconds, it cut back to Stewie with three strands of his hair now pointing up. Much to Stewie's dismay.

Suddenly, it then cut to what appeared to be the show _At the Movies_, where it showed John dressed as Roger Ebert and Tyler dressed as Gene Siskel.

"_There's Something About Stewie _was bland, boring, and horrible to sit through..." Ebert (John) ranted.

"You forgot not funny in the slightest and lousy at best." Siskel (Tyler) informed his coleague.

"And it's also not funny and lousy at its worst." Ebert (John) then said, "And Stewie Griffin should have stayed back at the stage. 'Cause he certainly wasn't capable for the big-screen."

**End**

(A/N: Just to be fair, that wasn't my actual opinion on the actual movie. I've honestly never seen it. It was just to make a joke on how Stewie's career in films would be responded. So, please don't get at me, Stewie fans.)

"Ah, man, Chorus?!" Quagmire exclaimed in unsatisfaction, "Shoot, what a gyp!"

"The King of Siam? Why-Why, that's the lead!" Brian acknowledged, "This is so unexpected!"

"Hey, shut up!" Quagmire shouted walking away, but Brian wasn't bothered by what he heard and just repeated what he just said a minute ago.

"Quit bragging, Brian." Tyler said to Brian.

"Uh, Lois, we think you made a mistake." Peter said to Lois, "Neither one of us is the King."

"Or Anna... Scratch that." John said.

"Heck, we're not anybody!" Frank Jr and Tyler said.

"So, what? I had sex with you for nothing?" Peter said to Lois.

"No, boys, I... It's just that directing this show is a big opportunity for me and I don't want anything to ruin it." Lois admitted.

"Ruin it?" Frank Jr, Peter, John and Tyler repeated in unison.

"Yes." Lois said, "By not using you three to your full potentials. You have too much talent for the stage. You should... Uh. Uh. Peter, you-you should be a producer."

"A producer?" Peter repeated.

"And boys, you should... be assistants." Lois said to Frank Jr, John and Tyler.

"Assistants?" Frank Jr, John and Tyler repeated also.

"Ge, I don't know..." Peter said warily as he, John and Tyler then imagined themselves as the things Lois said. Peter was wealthy business producer and Frank Jr, John and Tyler were for some reason Hispanic assistants.

"Great news, Edgar Bronfman Jr. We've made the deal. We're more richer and more powerful than ever!" He then moved in a little bit over the handlebar, "I'm the king of the- AAHH!" Frank Jr, John and Tyler then pushed Peter off of the balcony as the latter was tumbling down the cliff where his robe was torn off, leaving him naked.

It then showed a Hispanic family about to have dinner when Peter crashed in from the ceiling.

"Aqui esta el hombre con lo solicitado, tia! (Here's the man you've asked for, Aunt!)" Hispanic John hollered to the woman from offscreen, "Bienvenido! (You're welcome!)"

"? Que quiso decir con, 'El hombre lo solicitado'? (What did he mean by, 'The man you've asked for'?)" The father asked outraged, "Y quien es este? (And who is this?)"

"Que significa que es la respuesta a mis oraciones! (It means he's the answer to my prayers!)" The wife revealed.

"POR QUE?! (WHY?!)" The husband cried in despair at this news.

It cut back to the quartet.

"I love Hispanics." Tyler said coming back to reality.

"Yeah, me, too." Frank Jr agreed, "All right, let's do it."

They then walked away.

The next day, everyone was practicing for the upcoming show, where Brian and Loretta were reciting the dance between Anna and the King.

"Hang on! Hang on! Hang on!" Joe interrupted unimpressed, "You overextended the pil'e. You screwed it all up. Let me show you again." Joe then wheeled over to two men with tamers next to a pair of monkey bars, "All right, and boys. Let's do it!" The men fastened their braces to Joe's ankles as Joe held on to the monkey bars and then did an imitation of Joe tap-dancing, "And one, two, three. And one, two, three. And just like this. And watch my feet. And one, two, three."

Meanwhile, Lois came up to Peter with Chris.

"Peter, Chris says you told him to build him a set for a Buddhist temple." Lois reported to Peter.

"What? No, I didn't." Peter said, "I wanted the North Pole. That's where Anna goes to talk to her best friend, a penguin."

"Actually, Mr. Griffin, it was our idea." John came in with Frank Jr, Tyler and said to Peter.

"Wait, you were the ones who did it?" Peter asked with Frank Jr, John and Tyler nodding approvingly, "But why?"

"Well, you see, grandpa, we need the Buddhist temple to help show the King's past life as a Buddhist monk." Frank Jr explained.

"But we agreed for it to be Anna at the North Pole with her best friend, a penguin." Peter argued.

"There is no talking penguin nor Buddhist temple in _The King and I_." Lois corrected.

"There was in this story." Tyler said pulling out a book, where it showed a stock photo copy of the book _Mongkut, The King of Siam_ by Abbot Low Moffat with also a stock image of a hand pointing at the book.

(A/N: I'm not making this plot device up. There's an actual novel called _Mongkut, the King of Siam_. The Nostalgia Critic even confirmed its existence in his review of the _The King and I_ animated film.)

"Yep. All we need now is the-" John said looking at the book.

"Hey, hey, hold on here." Peter interrupted, "What happened to it being 'Peter Griffin presents _The King and I_'? I mean, I haven't thought of some wicked funny for him to say yet."

"Peter, boys, the director decides whether or not to add a character or a setting." Lois established to the trio snatching away both Peter's clipboard and John and Tyler's book, "You're the producer and assistants. Remember?"

"Well, what am I supposed to do with all my great ideas? Put 'em in a tub and clean myself with them?" Peter asked, "'Cause that's what soap is for, Lois."

"Your great ideas?" John asked, "In case you forgot, Mr. Griffin, we got into this gig together and yet you're trying to hog all the glory."

"Yeah." Frank Jr and Tyler agreed, "Plus, your ideas have nothing to do with the story at all. And Mrs. Griffin, if the director does all the work, then what we do?"

"Good producers put their ideas to work outside the theater." Lois explained directing Peter to the exit, "It's your job to make sure we sell every seat in this house."

"A-And that's creative?" Peter asked Lois confused.

"Is it?" Lois said back, "Well, it's just the most creative job there is." She then turned to Frank Jr, John and Tyler, "And assistants follow orders from either the director or the producer."

"*sigh* Okay..." Frank Jr, John and Tyler said in unison clearly disappointed by this.

"Don't you worry, Lois, we'll get the word out." Peter assured Lois, "I'll tell two friends and the boys'll tell two friends, and those people will tell two friends and that's-that's 10 people right there."

"You're off by 6." Tyler corrected Peter.

"Anyway, we'll help get people to see _Peter Griffin presents The King and I._" Peter declared.

"You mean _Mongkut, the King of Siam_." John corrected.

"No, it's 'Peter Griffin presents _The King and I_'." Peter said.

Peter and the boys then glared at each other and then suddenly dashed out of the theater.

They both stopped at the Channel 5 news building and first stopped outside Tom Tucker's room, though the door was slightly open. They peaked in and saw Tom Tucker admiring himself in his underwear.

"Hey. Hey, I recognize you from the television. You're Tom Tucker." Tom said admiring his ego, "I bet you can do this." He then started shaking his torso.

"Uh... excuse me." Peter asked catching the half-nude news anchor by surprise.

"Wh- G-G-G-Get out of here! Get out of here!" Tom ordered about to head toward the door before tripping on and getting one of his legs caught in a nearby chair, causing to tumble over, "Go on, g-g-get Ah. Get out-Get out of here!"

"Uh, we'll come back later." Frank Jr said to Tom as Peter closed the door and the three of them then headed somewhere else. Most specifically, Diane Simmons' room.

Peter knocked the door and Diane Simmons herself answered.

"Oh, wow!" Peter said in excitement, "Diane Simmons!"

"Wow, she looks exactly like on TV." John acknowledged.

"Funny, neither of you look anything like the ad." Diane acknowledged the trio's presence before looking both ways, "One of you better be huge."

"Uh, actually, we're here to inform you of the upcoming play we're putting together." Tyler reassured Diane.

"That's right. I'm Peter Griffin, producer." Peter greeted when John cleared his throat, "Oh, and these are my assistants. I'm presenting 'Peter Griffin presents _The King and I_', a Peter Griffin production, and I'm giving you the exclusive story."

Frank Jr, John and Tyler were bothered by what Peter said.

"What? No, that's not what it's called." Frank Jr responded, "Its _Mongkut, the King of Siam_!"

"No one asked you!"

"Look, pal, some two-bit community theater production isn't news." Diane harshly said to the trio, "Who's the star? For that matter, who are all of you and why should I give a damn?"

"Wow, we're being interviewed by Diane Simmons!" Peter stupidly responded.

"Mr. Griffin, I think we're being criticized by Diane Simmons." Tyler informed Peter.

Meanwhile back at the house, Frank, Meg, Lois and Brian were in the living room when Peter, John and Tyler came in.

"Lois, you told us to produce and we did." Peter said to Lois, then said with Frank Jr, John and Tyler in unison, "I got us a story on the 11:00 AM news." They heard what they each heard and then gave a look of distrust at each other.

"Really?" Frank and Brian asked surprised.

"Oh, boys." Lois praised the trio hugging them all at the same time.

"Our top story tonight." Diane reported, "I will be playing the role of Anna in the Quahog Players production of _The King and I_. Tom?"

"Thanks, Diane." Tom thanked Diane, "In other news, I won't be going to the play because I'm sure it will be lousy."

Diane was clearly annoyed by Tom's "news."

"Tom, I'm getting late word that you're a petty, jealous, closet case." Diane told Tom.

"Bit of breaking news, we now go live to Diane being a bitch." Tom shot back, "Diane?"

This left Diane without words and she was only able to let out an embarrassed smile.

Cuts back to the living room.

"But Loretta's playing Anna and she's doing a great job." Lois reminded the trio.

"Except the real Anna wasn't African-American." John stated causing everyone to gasp in shock, "What? Oh, no, I'm not trying to be racist! I'm just stating a historical fact!"

"Loretta's a nobody." Peter said, "Diane Simmons is a star. Look, Lois, you wanted us to sell tickets, right? Well, people who've never been in a theater will come see a show with Diane Simmons."

"I don't know, Dad, she's a news reporter." Meg said warily.

"Hey, hey, some of our greatest actors started in news." Peter defended.

"Like who?" Tyler asked.

"Like Sean Penn, for one." Frank Jr answered.

**Cutaway #9**

It showed Sean Penn as a weather man with a rather nasty look on his face while holding a cigarette and a lighter in his hands.

"Today's weather calls for, uh... breezy skies and sun and there's going to be a..." Sean paused to light his smoke, then went back to the camera, "Get that [BLEEP] CAMERA OUT OF MY FACE!" He broke off the mike above him and smashed the camera as it tumbled to its side on the floor with a cracked lens.

**End**

The next day, everyone arrived for rehearsal.

"Hey, everybody!" Peter greeted everyone, "Here's our star!"

"Oh, this is so awkward." Diane remarked, "You all know my name and I've never heard of any of you."

"You ever acted before, honey?" Loretta asked Diane clearly mad about her role being taken away.

"Well, I did an independent film in college." Diane answered.

**Cutaway #10**

The film Diane mentioned then played and just to save you guys the trouble, it ends with a clown flipping a pancake. There. The end. I'm sorry. It's just too ridiculous to write what happened in the original episode in this fanfiction.

"THAT MADE NO SENSE!" Tyler shouted off-screen after watching the movie. Oh, yeah, I forgot about him in this cutaway.

**End**

"Let's start with the scene where Lady Thiang begs Anna to confort the King." Lois suggested handing Diane and Loretta's scripts.

"Oh, are you playing Lady Thiang?" Diane asked Loretta.

Loretta approved. "I was supposed to be Anna." Loretta told Diane.

"Oh." Diane responded, "Well, they did an all-you-people version of _Hello, Dolly _that was very successful."

"Okay, let's go from the top of Scene 7." Lois instructed backing away, "Action!"

"Oh, Mrs. Anna, the king needs you." Loretta acted, "You must go to him."

"Lady Thiang, if he needs me, truly needs me, I will go to him." Diane acted.

"Cut! All wrong! No good!" Peter interrupted butting in.

"Pops, what are you doing?" Frank asked Peter, "She was wonderful."

"My ass..." Loretta said under her breath.

"Besides, I'm the director." Lois reminded.

"I-It just doesn't feel real, you know?" Peter said.

"Actually, I think Mr. Griffin might be right about that." John acknowledged.

"See? Even John and Tyler think so, too" Peter pointed out, "Anyway-"

"Wait, I'm not finished yet." John halted Peter, "In the controversy surrounding the story, sources claimed that Anna had exaggerated her influences toward the king and was the one who turned him into the character in your version."

"What? No, that' not what I was talking about." Peter dismissed John.

"It wasn't?" Tyler asked.

"No. What I was about to say was that Anna and Ms. Thing both love the king, right?" Peter asked.

"Yeah?" John and Tyler answered.

"Well, on _Springer _yesterday, they had 'I won't share my husband' and these two women bitch-slapped each other. Crowd went nuts. Loretta, w-why don't you try slapping Diane?"

"I think I can do that." Loretta replied coming up to Diane.

"Wait a minute." Lois halted, "Nobody's slapping anybody. This is Rodgers and Hammerstein, not trash TV or some suspicious author."

"Actually, Mrs. Griffin, its Abbot Low-" Tyler corrected.

"I don't care what the name is!" Lois cut Tyler off.

"I think they may be onto something." Diane acknowledged, "_Springer _is one of our station's highest rated shows."

"I don't know..." Meg said warily about the issue.

"What? I thought you wanted to do a good show." Peter said to Lois, "Eh, if you want to do a bad show, why don't we just do _Rent_?"

Lois and Meg sighed in defeat. "I guess we can try-"

"Action!" Loretta cut off Lois slapping Diane and knocking the latter to the ground.

That evening, the Griffin were having dinner.

"Come on, Lois. Those-Those hoop skirts make Diane look a little hippy, you know?" Peter complained, "I-I was thinking' we could dress her in a pair of sequined Capri pants."

"Peter, they didn't have Capri pants in the 1860s." Lois told Peter.

"Mrs. Griffin's right, Mr. Griffin. Can't you just stick to a little bit of tradition?" John asked Peter, "I mean, in _Mongkut, the King of_-."

"Oh, you're still won't shut up about that book?" Peter asked John irritated before getting hit in the face with food.

"You!" Stewie called out to Peter, "Can't you see these simpletons are trying to teach us actual history? This could probably our own chance to learn about the past and you're throwing it away solely for the wrong audience."

Frank Jr, John and Tyler were stunned by Stewie's words.

"Wow, Stewie. That was probably the nicest thing you ever said about us." Tyler said to Stewie gratefully before the latter flinged more food to both Tyler and John's faces, "Ahh! But we thought we were friends now."

"We aren't and never will." Stewie reassured, "I just think what you're doing could benefit the stage, that's all."

Stewie then flinged food once again, this time being Lois.

"AND YOU!" Stewie shouted to Lois, "Well, I just plain don't like you."

The next day, Lois, Frank and Meg arrived at the Brine (the theater, in case anyone forgot) where everyone but John and Tyler were laughing.

"What's going on?" Lois asked butting in.

"Oh, we're just having a little pow-wow to discuss my latest changes." Peter explained sitting in the director's seat.

"What changes?" Lois asked bitterly.

"The Siamese twins." Peter answered quickly rising up, "How about this? They're not children. They're aliens!"

Everyone applauded.

"Heh. Heh, that was great, Peter." Quagmire praised Peter.

"Right on the money." Joe remarked.

"Isn't he brilliant?" Diane asked Lois.

"Nooo!" Lois rejected, "He's not brilliant! Rodgers and Hammerstein were brilliant and I wanna do the show they wrote! We're not making any more changes!"

"We sold out!" Persephone reported running in with Chris.

"Yeah!" Chris agreed, "The whole town's talking about your show, Dad!"

Everyone cheered over the news. Well, except Lois, of course.

"Your show?" Lois asked Peter, "Peter, this is my show!"

"What's the big deal?" Peter asked Lois, "You wanted to sell out and we did."

"I am through selling out." Lois declared, "I took this job because I wanted to create something beautiful and you've completely destroyed that! You want to be the director? Fine! I quit!"

Lois then marched out the door with the script now in Peter's hands.

"Me, direct?" Peter asked as he stepped over to the end of the stage, "I don't know what to say, except... "I'm the king of the wor- AAHH!" Peter once again fell and landed on instruments.

The next morning, Lois was at the counter seemingly making breakfast when Peter came in wearing a black turtle neck.

"Mo-horning, theater fans!" Peter greeted the kitchen.

"Good morning, Peter." Lois greeted Peter surprisingly cheery from what happened the other day, "I made your favorite breakfast." She dropped a plate of instead a piece of toast with a fried egg, a fish and olives on top.

"The hell is this?" Peter asked.

"French toast." Lois answered, "I just made a few creative changes to the recipe. I think it's a lot better now."

"Lois, if this is your idea of a joke, you must write for Leno." Peter said to Lois.

"Oh, oh, you know, it is so fashionable to take a shot at Jay Leno." Stewie defended, "Look, look, the fact is the man is out there every bloody night with fresh material and he's charming."

"Face it, Lois, you're just jealous because people like my ideas better than yours."

"I don't care if the whole world loves your ideas, that doesn't make them good." Lois pointed out, "I was trying to make art."

"Oh, art-schmart." Peter brushed off, "Put enough monkeys in a room with a typewriter and they'll produce Shakespeare."

**Cutaway #11**

As with what Peter mentioned, a group of monkeys were in one single room trying to think of something to write.

"Uhh... Let's see, 'A something by any other name'..." One of the apes who was on a computer writing a poem.

"'Carnation'." A monkey laying on the couch suggested, "'peony'."

"No, they did that on last week's _Marlowe_." A monkey by the window reported.

"Oh, what about, uh, 'daisy'?" One of them suggested.

"'Chrysanthemum'!" Another recommended.

"'Iris', 'rose'?" Monkey #2 suggested again, this time finding the right word, "What about 'rose'?"

"'Ro-Rose'?" Monkey #1 asked, "Did you say, 'rose'?"

"'Rose' is good." A monkey said.

"'A rose by any other name'. Yeah, that-that works." Monkey #1 said.

Everyone in the room agreed.

"Moving on." Monkey #1 directed.

"Hey, what about 'tulip'?" Another monkey suggested at the last minute.

"'Rose' is fine." Monkey #1 shrugged off, "Moving on."

**End**

"Peter, you've never done a creative thing in your life!" Lois scolded Peter.

"That's not true." Peter defended, "I wrote _Bonfire of the Vanities_."

"No, you didn't." Frank corrected.

Peter didn't respond for a moment.

"You win this round, Frank." Peter finally responded.

"You're not being creative." Lois argued, "You're just destroying a wonderful show."

"Hey, hey, I have more creativity in my whole body than most people do before 9:00 am." Peter argued.

"The only thing you create before 9:00 am is exactly what you've turned my show into." Lois fired back.

"I think my work will speak for itself." Peter deflected as he exited the kitchen, leaving Lois. She then took the plate she gave Peter earlier and placed on the table a vase of flowers when Peter suddenly came back, "Oh, ha, ha, I just got that. A poop joke?" Peter said to Lois, "That's real creative, Lois." He then left for real this time.

As usual, everyone was busy rehearsing for the play.

"Okay, let's run this scene again." Peter instructed, "Now, remember, Diane, you're playing Anna, a steel-town girl on a Saturday night looking for the fight of the life."

"Um, where does it say that?" Diane asked trying to look for it in her script.

"In my noodle." Peter answered pointing at his cranium, not really helping answer Diane's question, "Okay, places. And action!"

80's-esque music played in the background as Diane and soon Cleveland and Quagmire dance. Diane, however, quickly becomes exhausted and accidentally tumbles over Cleveland.

"Stop! All wrong! All wrong!" Peter demanded, "God, send me dancers."

"We've been rehearsing for hours." Diane complained, "I'm exhausted."

"I'm sorry, but we open this show in three hours AND I DON'T THINK WE'RE READY!" Peter shrugged off Diane's pleas.

"Of course, we're not!" Diane argued, "You keep changing everything!"

"You bet I do. Because theater is alive!" Peter argued, "It's a living, breathing creature with wants and needs and you're not man enough to satisfy her."

"I can't work this way." Diane said having had enough, "We should've gone with Frank Jr, John and Tyler."

"Frank Jr, John and Tyler?" Peter asked, "I'm the director here."

"Not anymore, you're not." Frank said walking in with Meg.

"As of now, we're in charge of tonight's show." Meg then addressed.

"What's the meaning of this?" Peter asked, "All of you were liking my ideas?"

"Peter, no offense, but we just pretended to like them." Cleveland confessed.

"So, you choose them over me?" Peter questioned the cast offended.

"Well, Peter, we did thought some of your ideas were good, but then we started reading the book John and Tyler told us about and we honestly prefer to do that story instead." Joe said, "Plus, you kept changing everything. So, we have to go with John and Tyler because it's a lot easier that way."

"Yeah, it's easier to remember what to do." Quagmire said.

Frank Jr then appear in front of Peter and said

"If that doesn't hurt you about how much you suck then you might want to hear this, kick it" The light dims down at frank Jr, everyone is starting to hear music

_**Frank Jr**_

_And I am telling you_

_My belly's growling_

Frank Jr is in a fat suit, looking like David Alan grief and sing And I Am Telling You I'm Not Going PARODY. John and Tyler just watching him sing.

_**Frank Jr**_

_I like glazed ham, pig feet and toes_

_The biggest loser, I say no___

Frank Jr was waning while sing then walk up stairs

_**Frank Jr**_

_Give me mo, mo, mo, mo steaks_

_Chicken and ribs, too_

_I'm not living without food_

John tried to look a way, Tyler was mad and look way since he wanted to sing the song. Frank Sr and Meg look like bouncers ready to put a beating.

_**Frank Jr**_

_I don't wanna be no Nicole Richie_

_Chips by the mountain soda pop from the spout_

_You can say what you wanna I'm not working out_

_Fry me some chicken strike up the grill_

'_Cause you're gonna feed me_

Frank Jr was moving back to give more space to dance to, zoom in to his face while sing then side to side then jump kick his right leg to right then land on the same stop. Then he giggles while dance, he then point at john and Tyler saying that they are going to feed me.

_**Frank Jr**_

_That's right, you will, yes_

_I 'am smelling food, I'm so hungry_

_Smucker's is the best jam I've ever known_

_And you, and you, and you_

_You're gonna feed me_

Frank Jr then tip toe to the left on the stage, then started to cry while sing, then stomp his left leg forward , then he started pointing at Brian, Peter, John, Tyler and his parents.

_**Frank Jr**_

_Feed me_

_Feed me_

_Feed me_

_Feeeeeeeeeeeeed_

_Meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee_

Frank Jr then dance to right while showing zoom face at that angle, then the left at that angle, then frank and Meg move to get frank Jr something to eat, then it goes to Frank Jr look at the viewers saying "feed me", then to john and Tyler trying to understand what's going on. Then it goes to Frank Jr look at the sealing like he is looking for god, then shows Frank Jr opening his arms while going into a bright light, then he bends down after saying feed that long, then he breaths back while john and Tyler look concern, then Frank Jr said me while he reaches out to someone, while it zoom in to a glazed ham.

"Fine! I don't need you all anyway!" Peter told off everyone storming off after hearing Frank Jr sing, "And good luck getting ready in three hours!"

"He's right." Diane said, "There's no way we'll be able to get it all done tonight."

"Sure we can." John reassured, "With just a little teamwork, we'll be able to get it right in no time."

Eventually, it reached to opening night and about everyone in town came to see the show. Everyone in the play was making last minute rehearsals.

"Su-su-sudio." Brian said and repeated, "Su-su-sudio."

"Two minutes, everybody!" The stagehand reported, "Two minutes."

Frank Jr, John and Tyler peeked through the curtains.

"Wow, full house." Tyler said.

"Yeah..." John said before finding Lois along with Meg and Chris at front-row, "Hey, Mrs. Griffin came to watch our show."

"Well, well, look who came crawling back..." Frank Jr then acknowledged as John looked from where Frank Jr was looking and saw Joe crawling on the floor.

"Boys, have either of you seen my wheelchair?" Joe asked the duo.

"Oh, here it is, Joe." Tyler said pulling out Joe's wheelchair from off-screen and placing Joe back in.

"Thanks." Joe thanked the duo wheeling away.

Meanwhile, back to Lois.

"I don't get it, Mom. If you're still mad at Dad for wrecking your show, why did you come to opening night?" Meg asked her mother confused about Lois' attendance at the play.

"I came because I love the theater." Lois answered, "I mean, if I just came here to enjoy watching your father be humiliated when this asinine spectacle of his is ridiculed by everyone in town, what kind of person I would be?"

"A bitch?" Chris said.

Peter then came in and took a seat.

"Peter? What are you doing here?" Lois asked surprised by her husband's appearance in the audience.

"Yeah, well, I got fired." Peter answered, "Turns out my ideas weren't taken seriously."

"Wait, if you're no longer the director, then who's in charge of-" Lois was asking Peter when the show finally started and Lois soon realized, "Oh, God, no."

Time passed and nobody said anything yet about the show. Eventually, as the play finally ends and the curtain closes, so far it looked like it failed to please everyone.

"Hmm. Knew it would suck." Peter said before suddenly the audience applauded and then cheered, "WH-What the hell?!"

"Oh, my God. They liked it?!" Lois said also shocked by the audience's sudden approval.

The curtain opened and the cast was there taking a bow as they were greeted with tossed bouquets of roses.

"Stop it! Stop clapping right now!" Lois ordered the audience standing on her seat and getting everyone's attention, "What's wrong with you? These people shouldn't be encouraged! They should be punished! These people have committed murder here this evening and the victim's name is 'theater'."

"And my show!" Peter shouted off-screen.

"This is the kind of paranoid schlock that's turning our society into a wasteland of self-delusion." Lois continued, "This isn't art! This isn't even entertainment! This... BLOWS!"

Everyone gasped as it showed Frank Jr, John and Tyler now looking saddened by Lois' response and walked away. The audience then gave an offended look at Lois and Peter.

"Hey, lady, what do you have against history?" A man who is actually Frank demanded to Lois.

"What? Oh, no, don't tell me you all think the same thing." Lois said in realization, "Look, I have nothing against plays that talk about history. But this is Rodgers and Hammerstein we're all talking about. There's no way it could've been real."

"Did you even read the book?" Another man who was Meg in costume asked.

"Well, no, but-" Lois answered.

"Then what right do you have to criticize something if you don't know anything about it?" Frank asked again.

Lois was hit with a copy of the book Frank Jr, John and Tyler were telling her about as everyone exited the theater. Lois took a good look at the cover before opening and reading the book. She was still doubtful that it would change her opinion, but reading a bit further, however, she soon saw why people liked it and decided to keep going.

Back home, Lois visited Frank Jr, John and Tyler, who was in his crib while john and Tyler were on their bunk bed each in their respective beds still depressed about what happened at the theater.

"Boys, do you mind if I talk with you?" Lois asked the boys, whom both nodded approval, "Look, about the play-"

"We know. We should apologize for ruining your show." Frank Jr said.

"We were just wanting to show people a new side of the story." Tyler said.

"Actually, I'm the one who should be making the apologies." Lois stated, much to Frank Jr, John and Tyler's surprise, "You see, I didn't really give your story any chance until I read the book you gave me and it made me realize how arrogant I was toward another nation's love for their king. You both deserve all the praise you got for all your hard-earned work."

"Thank you, Mrs. Griffin." John thanked Lois, "Plus, we also dedicated the play to you and Mr. Griffin."

"Really?" Lois exclaimed, "But why?"

"Well, because you and Peter were involved in the making of the play and we thought it would be a good idea to give you guys some credits." Tyler explained.

"Oh, thank you, boys." Lois thanked the trio hugging, "So, are we good now?"

"Mm-hmm." The trio replied.

Later, Lois was now in bed reading her copy of _Mongkut_ when Peter came in.

"How was the cast party?" Lois asked Peter.

"They were a hit." Peter answered holding up a recent issue of the paper showing an article about the duo's play, "Man, these two must be happy to see their big ideas come to life." He then jumped and landed on the bed on his back, "I bet it must've been the greatest feeling in the world, don't you think?"

"Yeah, I bet it is." Lois agreed.

"Though, to be honest, I began to do a little thinking and I guess I did saw it coming after stealing your show away from you before." Peter admitted, "I guess I deserved it, huh?"

"Well, I don't know about that..." Lois lied knowing he did kind of deserved it.

"Besides, I'll admit I didn't believed in them to make a good show, really." Peter admitted.

"Well... Actually, I didn't really, either. Not at first." Lois admitted also, "But anyone who could take _The King and I _and turn it into... that, is... well, they've gotta be creative together."

"Yeah, Lois, uh... Sorry I took your show away from you." Peter apologized, "But I got Frank Jr, John and Tyler to agree to make sure you get your chance next year. It'll be 'John and Tyler present a Lois Griffin production. Okay, honey?"

"Deal." Lois agreed before sharing one final kiss before the episode ended.

However...

"Heh... Hey-Hey, were you there when I farted?" Peter asked Lois.

As Frank Jr was tuck in his crib, he started to think of what happen to himself. He somehow transform into a shogun warrior then he started to remember a story that his father told him after the Omni gate incident. The story of …

**The Orange from the Sky**

_Pluck the Fruit of Heaven._

There was a jungle. Where many strange fruits and plants grew high and in the center was a huge building in the shape of a tree. In the field was a red armored warrior with orange-themed armor that made him look like a samurai. He had a crescent-like head crest, as well as the visor resembling an orange slice. He wore a black belt buckle with a knife-like switch with the 'fruit' sliced open. He carried a katana-gun hybrid weapon and in one his hands was a sword that greatly resembled an orange slice. The horse that he was riding maintained his balance.

Behind the warrior was an army of ninja warriors with red armor and another armored warrior behind him. The armored warrior's figure emphasized that it was female. She had a magenta bodysuit, similar to her comrade's and her helmet resembles a female knight. And her armor resembled that of a raspberry.

_That the world may be dyed in your image._

_Is that the glory you seek?_

Across from him, was another armored warrior on his bike? He was mostly blue and white, having a similar design to his enemy but looked more like a medieval European knight, and his armor also resembled a banana. Even the eyes, torso, and the side horns were yellow; emphasizing the fruit theme. Behind him was an army of the same ninja warriors but had blue armor and another armored warrior. There were also troops piloting watermelon-like aircrafts.

He looked like a brown Viking and his armor was in the theme of an acorn.

_Is that burden one you can bear?_

From the sky, the blue warrior's forces were in a formation that made them look like a red and blue warrior's forces were in the formation of a banana. Then there was a third formation that resembled a green melon.

In the green army, there were the same monster but with green highlights and among them were large naginata-carrying samurai-like mecha, which seemed to be the other mode of the watermelon-like aircrafts. In front of that army was a shielded white samurai-like warrior with a bodysuit similar to the blue one's. He wore green melon-themed armor, a light green visor, and a stag-like head crest.

Beside him was a gun-wielding green Chinese-themed Rider with grape-themed armor, with purple compound eyes. The warrior's figure emphasized that it was a female. She looked at the blue warrior and looked down as if regretting a decision that was made.

The white warrior sensed her distress and looked at her but she looked back, gesturing that everything was fine.

Somewhere in the forest, was a blonde-haired girl in a white dress wearing some kind of silver necklace? She was sleeping in a bed of vines with her skin being green before waking up. When she did, she reveals that she has one red eye and her skin turned pale.

_Know this. The lives of men are not ours to control, not even our own._

The blue warrior looks to his left and sees the girl. She had a flower pinned in her hair and in her hand was a fruit in the shape of a lock. She appeared to be watching the event.

_We cannot defy the inexorable current of fate that carries us._

The girl becomes surprised as the wind blows her flower off. As it lands on the war area, the blue warrior roared, signaling his forces to attack. He soon charged himself. His comrade seemed devastated but shook it off and rushed with him.

_But what if fate itself were to call you…_

The blue forces then charged next as the blue warrior took lead. Then the white and green warriors stood up, ready for the battle.

_To change the world?_

_To turn the course of the future…_

The red and blue forces begin firing at each other as they continued their charge at one another.

_You cannot defy fate._

The red and blue warrior roared as they were about to clash but the girl looks at the battle with a sad and worried look.

_But the fate of the world is in your hands!_

The green army was watching along with its armored warriors as the Orange and Banana Warrior charged at each other…

Frank woke up think, will thing be different here.

**The End**


	17. Chapter 15: I Am Peter, Hear Me Roar

**Chapter 15: I Am Peter, Hear Me Roar**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto and family guy**

**Opening Credits**

_It seems today that all ya see_

_Is violence in movies and sex on TV_

_But where are those good, old-fashioned values_

_On which we used to rely_

_Lucky there's a Family Guy!_

_Lucky there's a man who_

_Positively can do_

_All the things that make us_

_Laugh n' Cry_

_He's_

_a_

_Fam_

_-ily_

_Guy!_

**End**

It was just another regular day as Peter,Frank, Persephone, Lois and Meg were watching what appeared to be an ad on TV. It was of two attractive women in someone's backyard in bikinis.

"Boy, that lotion sure feels good." One of the women commented as she was being lotion on her back by the other.

"Sure is hot." Woman #2 said untying her top.

"And it just got hotter..." Woman #1 remarked noticing Woman #2 removing her top and tossing it aside, though it only showed her back, "Here, now let me do you..."

The camera then panned to a 6 pack case of Pawtucket Patriot, revealed to be a commercial for their beer.

"Pawtucket Patriot Beer." An announcer said, "If you buy it, hot women will have se-"

Suddenly, the channel got changed to a viewing of kid's cartoon show. The Griffins were confused as to who changed the channel, but then noticed John next to Persephone holding the remote in his hand.

"Anybody watching TV? No? Great." John asked quickly before coming up to the TV, sitting down and watching the show without actually getting the family's approval.

"John, we were just-" Lois was about to say to John.

"Whoa!" John cheered oblivious to Lois.

"Ah, who am I kidding?" Lois asked, "What we were watching was just typical male fantasy. Women drinking beer. I guarantee you a man made that commercial."

"Of course, a man made it." Frank argued, "It was a beer commercial, Lois, not a delicious Thanksgiving dinner."

"DAD,FRANK, WE WON A BOAT!" Chris cheered calling out to Frank and Peter from outside holding up a piece of junk mail, "WE WON A BOAT! HA HA!"

"ALRIGHT!" Frank Jr and Tyler also cheered outside with Chris.

The family then rushed outside to see what the fuzz was about as Peter took a look at the envelope.

"Holy crap! We did!" Peter acknowledged, "WE WON A FREE FREAKIN' BOAT!" Frank shouted.

"Dad, nobody gives things away for free." Meg pointed out to her father.

"That's not true." Peter protested, "I know plenty of people who give things away."

"Like?" Frank Jr and Tyler asked.

**Cutaway #1**

Peter was standing by City Hall where there was a group of rallying Asians holding up signs reading "Free Tibet".

"I'll take it." Peter declared misinterpreting the meaning of what the signs meant as he went into a phone booth and dialed a number, "Hello, China? I have something you may want. But it's gonna cost you. That's right. All the tea..." It then zoomed in to Peter having a sinister look on his face whilst sinister music played.

**End**

"Wait a minute." Tyler realized, "There's gotta be a catch to these kinds of things. I just know it."

"You're absolutely right there, Tyler." Lois approved of Tyler's suspicion analyzing the mail, "You have to sit through one of those awful time-share presentations."

"Aw, that's a small price to pay." Frank Jr shrugged off snatching the mail away from Lois' hands, "we're gonna be the first ones on Spooner Street to have his own boat!"

"Whoa! All hands on deck! I'm gettin' a boat!" Quagmire suddenly cheered.

"Hey, Quagmire!" Cleveland out to Quagmire, "I'm also getting a boat, too!"

"RIGHT OOON! Whoa!" Joe shouted excitedly and spun around on one wheel, "I can't wait to get my sea legs! YEEEAAH!"

"Wow, talk about convenience." John acknowledged.

"You were saying?" Tyler asked Peter.

"Well, at least I'll be the fattest guy on Spooner Street to get a boat." Peter shrugged off his misfortune.

"Hey, hey, hey! I'm gettin' a boat!" Fat Albert appeared next to Quagmire also getting a boat.

"Ah, man!" Frank Jr groaned, "Even Della Reese is getting a boat."

Soon after, everyone who "received their free boat" attended the time-share presentation at the Quahog Airport Inn.

"These wonderful homes on this beautifully secluded island can be yours with almost no strings attached." The spokesman told everyone showing slides of the proposed time-share when it went to what appeared to be a woman being chased by a monster, much to the salesman's chagrin.

"Uh, is that supposed to be there?" Tyler asked the salesman.

"Beautiful Island. Nothing out of the ordinary here." The salesman said trying to cut to a more pleasant shot as it kept showing monsters attacking locals, "Just beautiful homes and nothing else." He then finally came to a shot of a happy couple and was soon relaxed, "Each residence has 200 ft. of oceanfront. No city noise. No flesh-eating ogres. No pollu-"

"No flesh-eating ogres?" John asked the salesman, "I'm out of here." He got out of his seat and left.

"Yeah, us, too." Frank Jr and Tyler said joining his pal walking down a hallway.

"Wonder what Mr. and Mrs. Griffin are doing' right now?" John asked.

"Ugh, I hate these high-pressure sales situations." Lois' voice was heard behind a door labeled "Sales", to which the duo peeked inside to find Peter and Lois in the office.

"Oooh, that's so cute." Peter commented taking Lois' left hand and patting it, "You're just afraid that because you're a woman, you're gonna do something stupid like buy that time-share or not realize your husband taped over our wedding video with softcore cable porn."

"You taped over our wedding video?!" Lois asked outraged pulling her hand back.

"Relax, Lois." Peter reassured, "I just taped over the boring stuff."

**Cutaway #2**

It showed footage from Peter and Lois' wedding video.

"The couple has written their own vows, which they will now recite to each other." The priest said as Peter and Lois faced each other to do as he said.

"Peter, I-" Lois was about to recite before the tape cut to a scene of the porno Peter mentioned earlier.

"Look, the only reason I got myself arrested was to find out what happened to my sister." One of the woman in the scene said to the other when a guard came up to them from behind bars.

"Excuse me, ladies." The guard said to the women, "It's laundry time."

Then music that you would expect from a porno played as the women came up to the guard and removed their uniforms, leaving them topless.

"So cold in here." The woman from earlier said, "I mean, look at my-" Just as the woman was about to reveal her breasts, it then cut back to the end of Peter and Lois' wedding video.

**End**

Oh, my God, Peter! I sent a copy of that tape to my Great Aunt Lil!" Lois reacted.

**Cutaway #3**

It cut to the nursing home that Lois' Aunt Lil was living in where it showed everyone, including her watching it.

"This wedding is hot!" Aunt Lil said sounding as if turned on.

"Wake up, damn it!" An old man in a wheelchair said to his crotch punching it, "Wake up!"

**End**

While Frank Jr, John and Tyler were still spying on Peter and Lois, the man the latter needed to talk too walked in without noticing John and Tyler.

"Hello, Mr. and Mrs..." The man greeted Peter and Lois before pausing to check what their last name was, "... Griffin. Now I know you've been all day. So, if you'll just sign this contract without reading it, I'll take your blank check and you will not be not-loving your time-share before you know it."

"Could you repeat that a little slower, please?" Frank Jr asked the salesman appearing along with Tyler and John out of nowhere.

"Boys?" Peter exclaimed, "What the heck are you doing here?"

"We were curious about what a time-share was and came here to find out." John answered.

"But we're in a hotel miles away from the house." Lois pointed out, "How did you, Frank Jr and Tyler-"

"Oh, we stowed away when you weren't around." John answered again.

"Yeah, well, sorry, boys, but we're not gonna buy a lousy time-share, all right?" Peter said to Frank Jr, John and Tyler and then to the salesman, "Now, where's my boat?"

"Ho-oh, hold on." The salesman chuckled halting Peter, "You have a choice. You can have the boat..." He reached under his desk and pulled up a shoe box polka-dotted with question marks, "... or the mystery box."

"What, are you crazy?" Lois asked, "We'll take the boat."

However, that didn't keep both Frank Jr, Peter, John and Tyler's curiosity away from the box.

"Whoa, whoa, not so fast, Grandma." Frank Jr hesitated, "A boat's a boat. But the mystery box could be anything. It could even be a boat."

"Excuse me, sir, but do you mind if I put my hand in the mystery box?" John asked the salesman.

"Uh, sure." The salesman assured.

John placed his hand in the mystery box and after searching inside, John felt something.

"Hey, I got something." John acknowledged, "And it's kinda heavy." He then pulled out with ease what appeared to be a large, 18th century ship as it shined in glory, but then it zoomed out to reveal it actually being a ship-in-a-bottle as John was holding it on the way home with everyone else, "Well, at least the salesman let us keep the ship-in-a-bottle."

"Not only that, but we also got free tickets to a crappy comedy club." Lois said bitterly.

"Come on, Lois. Give the kid a break." Peter said to Lois, "You're acting like this is the first time he's ever done something stupid. You remember the time I was supposed to get that boat?"

"Peter, that just happened 10 minutes ago." Lois reminded Peter.

"Who cares? I'll bet nobody took the boat." Peter shrugged it off, "Who couldn't resist the call of the mystery box?"

"You." Frank Jr, John and Tyler answered in unison.

"Okay, fair point." Peter admitted.

Suddenly, Loretta drove up on Lois' side driving the boat she and Cleveland received with the latter wooing on a raft that was being dragged on the road. Then, it showed Quagmire driving his boat around in circles on his lawn.

"He-Hey, look at me!" Quagmire said having the time of his life, "I'm the man with the boat! Heh, all right!" He then stopped to pull out an anchor and threw it through the door of a van's driver's seat.

"Joe, look to the right." Bonnie told Joe waving at Peter and Lois from her and her husband's boat.

"We're nautical now, baby. That's called, 'starboard'." Joe told Bonnie, "But I'll forgive you because you sex me up. Now, gimme some sugar."

"Actually, 'starboard' is left and the right of a ship is called 'port'!" Tyler corrected Joe and Bonnie who shared a kiss as everyone looked toward him, "It says so on the bottle." He presented the bottle where it labeled each side of the small ship inside.

"Hey, neighbors!" Joe called to Peter and Lois, "Where's your boat?"

"We didn't take the boat. We took the mystery box." Lois told the Swansons sarcastically and held out the bow to them, "Hop in."

"Okay." Frank Jr, John and Tyler both said in unison as they soon shrunk and hopped into the box, much to Lois' surprise and confusion.

That night, Peter and Lois attended the comedy club called the Chuckle Bucket along with their neighbors and even Frank Jr, Frank, Meg, Brian.

"Hey, Quagmire." Cleveland called to Quagmire, "Maybe the comedian will tell some jokes about boats or for boating, or owning a boat."

"Yeah, heh, or-or maybe he'll tell some about being a sucker." Quagmire agreed chuckling.

"Oh, Quagmire." Cleveland exclaimed, "You're what the Spaniards call _el terrible_." The two toasted their glasses.

"What are you so upset about?" Frank Jr asked Peter stirring his martini, "I never even knew you liked boats."

"Hey, hey, boating's in our blood." Peter defended, "Ever since my great-grandfather, Huck Griffin, rafted down the mighty Missisipi."

**Cutaway #4**

It showed Peter's ancestor, Huck Griffin, on a raft with a black man.

"What did you just call me?!" The black man scolded Huck.

"Uh, I-I though that was your name." Huck responded.

"That is our word!" The man ridiculed Huck, "You've got no right using it!"

"Hey, hey, hey, I'm cool. I'm cool, no problem." Huck affirmed to the man.

The man turned his back to Huck, still pissed off.

"Could you pass me the oar, N-word Jim?" Huck asked the man.

"Thank you." Jim politely said handing Huck the oar.

**End**

Later, Peter has a few more beers and was now wasted.

"Duh, this-this comic sucks!" Peter drunkly ranted, "He-He couldn't make me laugh, even if I was laughing my ass off and he was making me do it. Eh? Come on, skinny! Make me laugh!"

"Peter, that's a microphone stand." Lois pointed out to Peter.

"Oh. Oh, well, pardon me for thinking a microphone stand in a comedy club should tell a joke or two." Peter then rambled, hanging his arm around Brian, "I-I guess I'm just old-fashioned that way."

The comedian finally came up on stage.

"Hi, welcome to-" The comedian was about to greet the audience.

"HAHAHA!" Peter sarcastically laughed, "Very funny!"

"Excuse me, sir. I haven't-" The comedian tried to say.

"Oh, oh, that one was hilarious!" Peter continued ridiculing the comedian, "T-That was even funnier than your first joke! Hey, put skinny up there."

"Peter!" Lois whispered.

"You think this is easy? You wanna come up here and try this?" The comedian dared Peter offering the microphone.

"I thought you'd never asked." Peter participated before taking a sip of his beer.

"Uh, Peter. Maybe you shouldn't do this." Brian reasoned with Peter, "You never had a lot of luck telling jokes."

**Cutaway #5**

Peter was in _Planet of the Apes_, where he was hanging in a net while apes aimed their rifles at him.

"Okay. Okay. How many dirty, stinkin' apes does it take to screw in a light bulb? Three." Peter told his joke, "One dirty, stinkin' ape to screw in the light bulb and two dirty, stinkin' apes to try and beat each other at Donkey Kong. Hehehehehehehehehehe."

"KILL HIM!" Frank Jr dress as One of the apes ordered as they all then blasted Peter offscreen.

**End**

Don't worry, I g-got it under control." Peter reassured taking another sip before climbing up on stage, "Hey! Hey, hey, how about that Viagra, huh? You know what that stuff does? Huh? HUH?! COME ON!"

As expected, nobody was laughing.

"What-What, you people stupid?" Peter asked the audience having a sip of his beer and then putting it upside down in his right pocket as the liquor poured into his pants, leaving a big stain looking like he peed himself. This, of course, got the audience to laugh, "Ah, you like-you like a little abuse, uh? Yeah. Well, you guy-you guys are-are stupid AND ugly. If there was a stupid-and-ugly contest, you'd all win! Or lose. Whichever's funnier?" He soon passed out after that.

The next morning, Lois was making breakfast while Peter, Frank Jr, Frank, John, Tyler and Stewie were at the table.

"Hey, hey, Lois." Peter called to Lois, "What do you call a woman who takes forever to make breakfast?"

"I swear to God, Peter." Lois groaned.

"You call her, 'Lois'." Peter finished before laughing at his joke.

"Okay, we get it!" Frank said, "Geez, Pops, you've been telling jokes since you guys came back from that comedy club last night and so far none of your joke were even funny."

"Well, I rather disagree with you, simpleton." Stewie disapproved then turning to Lois, "Yes, yes. Yes, you cook very slowly. As a matter of fact, if you were any slower at cooking, you would... Well, you wouldn't be cooking any fast at all, would you...? Well, that wasn't very good now, was it?"

"It was a fail from the start." Tyler commented, "If you don't believe me, ask this cricket." He held up a cricket that started chirping.

"Peter, they were laughing at you because it looked like you peed yourself..." Lois addressed to Peter placing his breakfast in front of him, "...not because they liked your jokes."

"Well, maybe that was part of my act." Peter shrugged off Lois, "Urine happens to be very edgy, but I guess unfunny peole like you and the boys here wouldn't understand that."

"Okay, okay, I got it, I got it." Stewie then said, "If you cooked any more slowly, you wouldn't need an egg timer... You'd need an egg calender!" Stewie laughed at his joke, "Oh, that's right. I went there. What do you two have to say for that? Hm?"

Their reaction was Frank Jr bringing back the cricket from earlier and the insect then chirped.

"You're next on my list." Stewie bitterly responded.

Later that day, at the Happy-Go-Lucky toy factory, Peter was still telling his jokes. This time with his co-workers.

"Okay, okay, okay, okay, wait, here's another one: why do women have boobs?" Peter told another joke, "So you got something to look at while you're talking to them."

They all laughed their asses off.

"That's a good-That's a good one, Peter." One of the workers praised Peter.

"That's what they're for, all right." One said.

The laughter died out when a red-headed woman wearing a light-pink blouse walked in curious of their amusement.

"Are you telling jokes?" The woman asked good-spiritedly as almost everyone walked away, "I love jokes."

"Oh, all right, then you'll love this one. Okay. Why do women have boobs?" Peter started his joke, which soon got the woman's suspicion, "So you got something to look at while you're talkin' to them!" Peter then chuckled as the woman froze in shock and possibly horror, "So you got something to look at while you're talking to them. So you got-"

It cut to Peter entering Mr. Weed's office.

"You, uh, you wanted to see me, Mr. Weed?" Peter asked his boss.

"Peter, we have a problem." Mr. Weed informed Peter directing him to a woman dressed as an attorney.

"Mr. Griffin, I'm Gloria Ironbox." The woman introduced herself to Peter rising up, "I represent one of your co-workers, Sarah Bennett. She's suing you and the company for sexual harassment."

"Sarah... Sarah..." Peter tried to remember, "Oh, is she the one we videotaped taking a dump?" Neither Mr. Weed nor Gloria responded, "Why? What happened?"

"Sexual harassment is a very serious charge, Mr. Griffin." Ms. Ironbox told Peter.

"All right, first of all, if I can speak in my own defense, all I did was tell a little joke." Peter tried to explain before, "Second of all, women are not people. They are devices built by The Lord Jesus Christ for our entertainment."

"Peter, please!" Mr. Weed shushed Peter and turned to Ms. Iron box, "Miss Iron box, I assure you, this company in no way condones Peter's conduct. In fact, a film on employee relations has been a mandatory part of our personnel training for 50 years."

**Cutaway #6**

It showed a classic film titled "Women in the Workplace". It started with a man in front of a group of women in desks typing.

"Irrational and emotionally fragile by nature, female coworkers are a peculiar animal." The narrator said, "They are very insecure about their appearance. Be sure to tell them how good they look, even if they're homely and unkempt."

He was then beside one of the women who was visually unappealing, "You're doing a great job, Muriel, and you're prettier than Mamie Van Doran." The woman smiled while the narrator winked at the camera, "And remember, nothing says 'good job' like a firm, open-palm slap on the behind."

He slapped a female co-worker's rear while she was bending over to retrieve some paper. But instead of being angry like she should've, she smiled as well as the narrator.

**End**

"Mr. Weed, I teach a workplace-sensitivity class for the Woman's Action Coalition." Ms. Iron box informed Mr. Weed going over to Peter, "If Mr. Griffin completes the course, we will drop the lawsuit."

"I assure you, Peter will be there." Mr. Weed assured Ms. Ironbox, "His job depends on it."

"Good." Ms. Ironbox replied satisfied as she looked at Peter, "I'm looking forward to it."

"You know, if I wasn't so sure you were a lesbian, I'd say you were coming on to me." Peter remarked on Ms. Ironbox's earlier expression.

Peter attended the training course at the Quahog Community Center.

"All right, let's do some role=playing." Ms. Ironbox recommended, "I'll be the office assistant. Mr. Henson, why don't you play the boss and we'll see what you've learned tonight?"

"Okay." Mr. Henson replied getting out of his seat, going over to Ms. Ironbox.

"The filing is done, Mr. Henson." Ms. Ironbox role-played.

"Thank you, Ms. Ironbox." Mr. Henson thanked Ms. Ironbox, "You are a valued member of our business team and every bit as important to this company as I am."

"Excellent." Ms. Ironbox said satisfied with the results, "Mr. Griffin, why don't you come up here and give it a try?"

"All right." Peter answered.

"The filing is done, Mr. Griffin." Ms. Ironbox started the role-play.

"Thank you, Miss Ironbox." Peter thanked Ms. Ironbox, "You are a valued member of our business team and I will give a raise tomorrow if you come to work without a shirt on."

"Mr. Griffin!" Ms. Ironbox gasped.

"I'm-I'm sorry, that came out wrong. L-Let me try again." Peter reinserted, "Nice ass."

"You haven't heard a word I've said." Ms. Ironbox accused Peter.

"Now that's not fair. I've heard everything you said. It's just... You know, there's some subtleties to the rules that aren't easy to understand." Peter reasoned before squeezing Ms. Ironbox's left breast two times, "Honk, honk."

"Okay, that's it!" Ms. Ironbox exclaimed having had enough, "Obviously, normal sensitivity training isn't enough for you. No, we're-we're gonna have to do something drastic."

It cuts to Peter back home packing a suitcase with a six-pack of beer and magazine with Frank Jr and Brian.

"Sheesh, a week at a woman's retreat." Peter complained, "What the hell am I supposed to learn from that?"

"Well, face it, Grandpa. Your attitude toward women isn't exactly enlightened." Frank Jr pointed out.

**Cutaway #7**

Peter, Brian and Frank Jr were in downtown waiting to cross a street.

"Ugh, that is a bad mud puddle." Peter acknowledged noticing the puddle of mud by the curb and then removed his jacket, "I wouldn't want you to step in that and get your nice shows all ruined."

Peter, however, handed his jacket to Brian, picked up and placed the woman on top of the mud puddle and then helped the man walked on the woman, much to Frank Jr's surprise.

**End**

"And there was that time you and Frank Jr got caught peeping in the ladies' locker room." Brian continued.

**Cutaway #8**

It showed three girls in a locker room through a peep hole. One was in a towel, one was in her underwear and one was in a skirt and bra.

"Okay, move the towel. Move the towel." Peter whispered as the girls then spotted him, "Oh, OH! Oh, they spotted us." It showed Peter and Frank Jr holding a pieces of driftwood with a hole in the center over their face.

**End**

"Peter, I think this'll be good for you." Lois insisted to Peter going over to him, "You know I love you, but I have to admit, there are times when I wish you were a little more sensitive and-" Lois noticed Peter turned his attention to her chest, "Look at me! Look at-Look at me!"

Suddenly, two fishing hooks came from behind Peter and soon pulled back Peter's eyelids, along with Peter's head.

"Sorry, Mrs. Griffin!" John hollered to Lois apologizing, "Tyler and I were doing our fishing practicing!"

The next day, Peter was in the bus that was heading for the women's retreat.

"Hello, ladies. I'm Miss Watson, director of the retreat." The woman at the front of the bus introduced herself to everyone, "I'd like to welcome Peter Griffin, who's here to get in touch with his feminine side." The women clapped in applause, "This world would be a far better place if there were more men like him."

"Okay, okay, so here's what I'm thinking'. I'll be Charlie and you can all be my Angels." Peter recommended before noticing one female not of his interest, "Except you. You'll be Bosley."

Eventually, they arrived at their destination. Their first activity was in one of the cabins.

"We women have so much strength inside us." Miss Watson remarked, "If we can endure the pain of childbirth, just imagine what else we're capable of."

"That is so true!" One woman agreed.

"Right on, sister!" Another praised Miss Watson.

"Wa, wa, wa." Peter teased, "Come on, it's only childbirth. How much can it hurt?"

"Peter, it's like taking your bottom lip and stretching it over your head and back to the neck." A woman next to Peter explained.

"Come on. Hey, hey, hey, you wanna hear some horror stories? You wouldn't believe what I had to go through when Lois was pregnant." Peter responded.

**Cutaway #9**

Peter was lying on the bed watching _Three's Company_ while a pregnant Lois was vomiting in the bathroom and crying at the same time. Peter got annoyed by this and turned up the volume on the TV to drown out the hacking and crying.

**End**

They were now in a grove and just like before, they were all in a circle.

"Women are conditioned to feel competitive with other women when we should be supportive." Miss Watson said as she turned and placed her hand on the shoulder of a woman to her left, "Lizzie, I know you feel alone and unattractive since your husband left you. But you are a beautiful person and I am here for you. Notice how I'm making physical contact with her in order to establish a connection."

"I think you'd make an even more of a connection if you hugged her, too." Peter suggested.

"Very good, Peter." Miss Watson praised Peter, "That's true."

Miss Watson and Lizzie then did what Peter suggested and hugged.

"That's it." Peter confirmed, "Now rub her back."

Miss Watson then did as Peter said.

"Okay, that's good." Peter said pleased, "Yeah, yeah, comfort her. Yeah, oh, oh, yeah, you like that, don't ya? Yeah,eh-Oh, oh, it's okay. It's okay to like it. It's very natural. Okay, good. Good, now smell her a little."

They all then turned to Peter in surprise in response to his last demand. Next, they did an exercise that had one of the women at the branch of a tall tree and the rest (including Peter) on the ground holding together a large sheet to catch her

"I can't do it!" The woman cried.

"Yes, you can! Trust your sisters!" Miss Watson reassured to her positively, "Jump into the trust quilt!"

As the rest of the women repeatedly shouted "jump", the woman on the branch then accepted their words of encouragement and jumped. She then landed safely and shared an embracing hug with Miss Watson.

"Okay, me next!" Peter demanded pushing one of the women aside. It then cut to Peter this time on the branch and all the women below were now prepared to catch him, "Okay, ladies, I'm gonna start with a Greg Louganis triple-Salchow and tuck into a flying Mary Lou Retton half-caif- AAHH!" Suddenly, the branch broke as Peter fell to the ground hitting other branches along the way. Before he reached the bottom, his bottom lip got caught on the end of a short branch, stretching it where after the tip broke off and he finally landed on the ground, it was over his head and to the back of his neck. The women then gathered around Peter, but instead of rubbing their words in his faces...

"Now that you've felt a woman's pain, the learning can begin.' Miss Watson informed Peter as the latter shed a tear and the women then gave him a comforting hug.

It then shifted to two weeks later as the bus from earlier dropped Peter off at his house, where his family was excited to see him.

"Welcome back, Peter." Lois greeted Peter walking up to him wanting to give her husband a hug before being embraced by Peter.

"Lois!" Peter exclaimed putting his hands on Lois' face and giving her a loving kiss and then swung around, "I missed you so much!" Then the kids came up also happy to see their father and then also swung around, "And my babies!" then John and Tyler came up, too and... well, you pretty much know what's going to happen next, "And Frank Jr, Frank, John and Tyler! Chris, be a munchkin and bring my bags inside, huh?"

"Peter, you're, uh-" Brian was about to say to Peter before being stopped by Peter.

" Brian, put the tea on. I have stories. But first, I'm gonna go freshen up and rinse out a few things." Peter said before noticing his nails, "Oh, fudge, I broke a nail. Excuse me."

As he entered the house, everyone was so still in shock at Peter's new personality.

"Oh, my God. Pops/Dad's a chick!" Frank and Chris exclaimed about his father's behavior.

"I'm scared..." Frank Jr and Tyler responded.

That night, Peter and Lois were cuddling in bed... without clothes... with the sheets covering them, of course.

"I can't remember the last time we cuddled like this." Lois remarked.

"I can't remember the last time I loved you so much." Peter replied affectionately to Lois.

"Oh, how did you get so sweet?" Lois asked flattered.

"When I was born, my mommy dunked me in a barrel full of sugar." Peter answered smothering Lois with affection.

"Oh, for God's sake." Frank Jr and Brian exclaimed under their breath unable to take the talking anymore.

Brian and Frank Jr exited the room and went downstairs and into John and Tyler's room.

"Hey, Brian, Frank Jr! What the heck are you doi-" John reacted as Brian threw him out. John was in nothing but his own bed sheet while holding a photo of Persephone and then covered himself as he faced the camera, "Why don't you take a picture? It'll last longer."

The next day, over at Quagmire's house, his phone began ringing.

"Y'ello?" Quagmire answered.

"Hey, Quagmire." Peter greeted Quagmire from the other line as it then showed the former in the tub, siding two scenes together with Peter in the left and Quagmire in the right.

"Hey, Peter. What's up?" Quagmire asked.

"Not much..." Peter answered focusing on his nails.

"Well-Well, what do you want?" Quagmire asked again.

"Nothin'. I'm just callin' to talk." Peter answered, making Quagmire a little annoyed, "Whatcha thinkin' about?"

"Whu- What do you mean, 'What am I thinking about'?" Quagmire asked confused, "You called me!"

"I just wanted to say hi." Peter said, "So, what are you do-" Quagmire then hung up shortly afterward.

Later at night, Peter and Lois were putting Stewie to bed.

"Sometimes I just can't believe you two could make something so beautiful." Peter said to Lois and Meg admiring Stewie and Frank Jr as they sleeps.

"He looks just like his father." Lois told Peter giving the latter a hug.

"You're also a great grandfather." Meg continued talk Peter, also giving a hug.

"Boy, I really appreciate all the hard work you two did giving birth and mothering your kids." Peter said to Lois, then sighed, "I'll never know that joy."

"Peter, I'm sure you would've been a great mother if you had the chance." Lois insured Peter.

"You think so?" Peter asked.

"We know so." Meg answered pecking his cheek as she and Lois left the room.

Peter felt a bit of confidence from what Lois and Meg said and picked up Stewie in his arms. Then, he shifted his eyes both ways, opened his shirt a bit and tried to breastfeed Stewie while he was still sleeping. Stewie started sucking on Peter's right nipple for a moment before he and Frank Jr gaining consciousness and finding himself close to Peter's chest. He reached into his mouth and found of a strand of hair before putting the pieces together and they realizing in his horror that he sucked on Peter's breast, followed by Frank Jr choking and gagging a bit in disgust.

The next day, Peter, Frank and Lois were in the bathroom where Peter was hogging the mirror while Lois was wanting to use it.

"You know, one of these days, I'm gonna need the mirror." Lois informed Peter trying to get a peek of the mirror only for Peter to block.

"Oh, beans! I can't get this spit curl to-" Peter said before pausing and asking Lois, "Lois, what-what day is it?"

"Thursday." Lois answered.

"Oh, my God!" Peter exclaimed in panic, "OH! MY! GOD! I'M LATE!"

"If you spent less time fixing your hair-" Lois was about to tell Peter.

"No, Lois! I'm 'late' late!" Peter corrected Lois opening up and digging through the cabinet, "Do we still have that pregnancy test?!"

"Are you insane?!" Frank asked Peter, "You can't have a baby!"

"Well, I don't have a lot of options! I'm Catholic!" Peter responded breaking to tears, "God, I though you'd be happy!"

Later, Peter came home from work and as he parked outside the garage, it then cut to the back bumper of the station wagon and on it was a bumper sticker reading "My other penis is a vagina". Inside, Lois was making dinner as Peter stepped inside the kitchen from the screen door.

"OH! Oh! Oh, oh, this is just great!" Peter exclaimed in frustration, "Now my own wife is forced to cook dinner for her lousy husband?!"

"Peter, you're my husband." Lois reminded Peter in a disappointed tone, "At least you used to be..."

"Oh, mother! I come bearing a gift." Stewie told his mother as he walked in ni only a diaper, "I'll give you a hint: it's in my diaper and it's not a toaster."

"Persephone, can you change Stewie?" Lois asked Meg who just came in.

"Fine." Persephone replied irritated before picking up Stewie, "But this time, if a boy calls, please don't tell him I'm wrist deep in poopie." She walked out of the room with Stewie.

"But I don't remember a boy calling and telling him tha-" Lois acknowledged.

"MR. GRIFFIN, MRS. GRIFFIN WANTS TO TALK WITH YOU!" John interrupted trying to change the subject as he shifted his eyes both ways in a suspicious manner.

"Peter, I'm glad you discovered your feminine side. But I didn't want you to forget about mine." Lois said to Peter showing off her breasts, "Remember this? Hmm? Remember?"

"Oh, my God. That reminds me. I gotta give myself a breast exam." Peter reminded himself touching his chest before feeling something on his left breast, "Oh-oh. UH-OH! A LUMP! A LUMP! OH, GOD! OH, GOD- Nope, Cheeto."

Peter then eat the Cheeto as he left leaving Lois in the kitchen with John and Tyler.

"Eww." Frank Jr and Tyler exclaimed after seeing Peter eat the Cheeto.

"Don't worry, Mrs. Griffin. We'll get him back to the way he was." John assured to Lois.

The next day, Lois and the boys came over to Quagmire's house.

"Hehe, Lois." Quagmire answered the door and saw Lois in front of him, "How expected." Then, he turned to see John and Tyler with her, " Frank Jr, John and Tyler. How unexpected."

"Hi, Glenn, I'm sorry to bother you." Lois greeted Quagmire, "Is this a bad time?"

"Never a bad time when you're with the Q-MAN, he-eh, heh. Come on in." Quagmire said as Lois stepped, but before Frank Jr, John and Tyler could come in, "Sorry, boys. This is between adults. Hehe, you wouldn't understand." He shut the door in front of them.

"Well, Glenn, as you may have noticed, Peter's been acting a little different lately." Lois explained her situation to Quagmire, "It was refreshing at first, but now... Well, he doesn't even treat me like a woman anymore."

"Ugh, ugh, I know where this is goin', Lois. And I'm already semi-there. OH!" Quagmire told as he pressed a few buttons on a control panel on a nearby wall, which turned the record player on and played jazz music. Quagmire then boogies past and presses a gray button at the bottom of another wall, where the other side acted like a secret bookcase opening up and brought out both a mini bar and a bed. Quagmire entered the bar, brought out a cigarette case and took a smoke. Then took out two glasses, started filling them with ice and then finally pouring both in with scotch.

"Anyways, Glen, I was wondering if you, Frank, Frank Jr, John, Tyler and Cleveland could help change Peter back to the way he was." Lois then asked Quagmire, whose mouth dropped as the cigarette he was smoking fell into one of the glasses of scotch.

"Of course, that's why you're here." Quagmire said trying to cover up his attempt as he pressed a button below the bar labeled "Abort" that sent everything else back to the way it was and walked over to Lois, "Don't worry, Lois. I'd do everything to you."

"What?" Lois asked.

"I'd do anything for you." Quagmire quickly said, much to Lois' delight.

"Then it's set, then?" Frank Jr asked from behind as it revealed him, John and Tyler outside his living room window.

John, Tyler, Quagmire and Cleveland started their quest to bring Peter's former self back by bringing him to an event called the "Million Man March", where it was mostly consisted of African-American men. It then panned to the right to show the quartet.

"Come on, Cleveland. If we're gonna re-masculate Peter, we need to surround him with some chicks!" Quagmire persuaded Cleveland, "Let's blow this sausage fest and hit the International House of Tail."

"No." Cleveland protested, "He needs to learn how to respect his fellow man. That's what this march is all about. Respect for your fellow man."

"But I thought we were supposed to make Pops into a man again." Frank said.

"I can't respect men." Peter protested, "Men are the reason our world is in lousy shape. If men were as caring as women, we wouldn't have crime or violence."

"My brothers, we need to stand together-" The speaker at the podium declared to the men.

"Excuse me." Peter said to the speaker shoving him away, "I'd like to say a couple of truths to the men in this audience. It's your fault we have so much crime in this country. And it's your fault we have so much violence in this country! You are ruining our society and you should be ashamed!"

This left all the men speechless.

"You might wanna start running." Frank Jr came up and told Peter.

"Why?" Peter asked.

Soon, it then showed from a bird's eye-view of Peter being chased by the crowd from the march. Peter managed to cut through an alley hoping to avoid them crowd, only to show Frank Jr, Frank, John and Tyler outside the alley pulling out a large cartoonish, neon-lit sign that read "He went this way!", to which the crowd then followed into the alley after Peter.

Eventually, Peter attended a Woman's Action Coalition Charity Dinner with Lois at the Biltmore Hotel.

"Look, I don't care how many letters we gotta write, _The View _should be on for three hours. I mean..." Peter argued, "What, you just get goin' and boom, it's _News at Noon_."

"Can we go soon?" Lois asked Peter.

"Not yet." Peter replied, "Gloria Ironbox and Camille Paglia are gonna rip it out and see who's is bigger."

"Peter, I'm so glad you could make it." Miss Iron box arrived and greeted Peter shaking his hand.

"Gloria, this is my life partner, Lois." Peter introduced Miss Iron box to Lois.

"I'm his wife." Lois corrected.

"His 'wife'. Yes." Miss Iron box said, "Peter tells me you don't have a career of your own."

"Oh, no. Life outside my kitchen is so bright and scary." Lois sarcastically responded, "I'm just here because you caught me between pregnancies."

"Well, I'm sorry you're so hostile toward someone who's fighting so a woman like you can become more than just a housewife." Miss Ironbox told Lois.

"Oh-ho, just a housewife?" Lois repeated, "Look, I'm all for equality, but if you ask me, feminism is about choice. I choose to be a wife and a mother. And now, I'm choosing to end this conversation." Lois was about to walk out.

"Heh, no wonder your husband didn't respect women." Miss Ironbox snarked stopping Lois in her tracks.

"Excuse me?" Lois asked Miss Ironbox offended.

"I can't imagine how screwed up your kids must be." Miss Ironbox insulted Lois.

"You... bitch!" Lois exclaimed grabbing Misss Ironbox and sucker-punched her, knocking her into the entree table, resulting in a cat fight.

Lois tackled on top of Miss Ironbox while she was down and started pummeling her. Ironbox then got the upperhand grabbing Lois' hair and started punching her face, but Lois kicked her in the jaw. Lois grabbed Ironbox by the arms, which got her shirt ripped revealing her bra and headbutted her. This seemed to have gotten Peter's attention. Ironbox got up and tackled Lois where a chef came out from the kitchen with bana creme pies... You can probably already tell where this is gonna go, don't you?

Anyway, after being smothered by the pies, much to Peter's delight, Ironbox then tried to crush Lois, though this only resulted in the straps to Lois's dress being broken off and both womens' breasts mashing into each other. Also, I'm very sorry if I sound like a perv or anything, but it showed Lois wasn't wearing a bra.

"Holy crap! This is hot!" Peter muttered.

Lois managed to get herself free and swung a punch, but Ironbox dodged and swung a punch in Lois's stomache. Lois soon elbowed Ironbox's face and both fell into an indoor pool that for some reason was there. Ironbox tried to run from Lois, but the latter was on her tail as they both exited the pool as Lois tackled Ironbox and after a little struggle managed to pin down Ironbox.

"And the winner of the Women's Champion Cat Fight is Lois Griffin!" Frank Jr appeared out of nowhere along with John and Tyler declaring Lois the winner of the cat fight and even strapping on her a wrestling belt.

"Oh, well, thank you, boys." Lois thanked the duo flattered.

"So, Mrs. Griffin, you've just won the fight against Miss Ironbox. What are you and Mr. Griffin gonna do now?" Tyler asked Lois.

"We're gonna go home!" Peter answered grabbing Lois by her arm and dashed straight out of the building.

It then cut to Peter and Lois's clothes on their bedroom floor as it panned up to show Peter and Lois lying in bed having just had sex.

"That was wonderful." Lois said.

"Who said that?" Peter rose up wondering who talked until seeing Lois, "Oh, hey, Lois. I'm starving'. How about a sandwich?"

As Lois was about to get up and put on her robe, Peter kissed her cheek and slapped her ass, much to Lois's delight.

"Glad to have you back, Peter." Lois told Peter.

"Lois, less talkie, more fetchie." Peter reminded Lois about the sandwich.

"I'm just gonna assume that's Chinese for 'I love you'." Lois said before exiting the room where Peter turned on the TV as the theme to _Three's Company_ played in the background.

As Lois was headed for the kitchen, John and Tyler were passing by.

"Hey, Mrs. Griffin. Did you help get Mr. Griffin back to normal?" John asked Lois.

"I sure did, boys. I sure did..." Lois answered almost with a sly tone as she then continued to the kitchen leaving John and Tyler confused.

The episode then ends with a shot of the house.

**Mallque Prologue**

Uzumaki Goruto Jr aka Frank Mallque Jr, a black haired and blue eyed boy who was the son of the late Sixth Hokage, Uzumaki Goruto aka Frank Mallque Sr, the boy reborn into a new world from the ashes of the old one staring to remember his past after going into alternate universe, stood before the memorial stone as he gazed solemnly when he saw his family's name on it. He regretted it, he regretted that he said those harsh words at his cousin, his brothers and sisters and never got a chance to apologize, until it was too late. He wished he could go back in time and fix everything.

_"Who needs family if they're like you?!" _

Those words repeated in his head. He wished he had never said that, only now he knew, that he and his father loved his family more than anything. Tears started to fill his bright blue eyes.

"Everyone…I'm sorry…" Frank Jr muttered sadly as a single tear rolled down his face.

"Frank Jr?" A voice called behind him. The blonde turned around and saw his mother, Uzumaki Aoi aka Meg Griffin, looking at him.

Frank Jr quickly wiped away his tears. "Momma? What are you doing here?"

"I was looking you, but I couldn't find you anywhere, so I thought you would be here…" The Women with brown blue hair and blue eyes said. She looked at the memorial stone. "I miss them …"

The boy didn't reply. He missed him too, but he was not about to admit it right in front of his mother.

Then Frank Jr felt someone behind him and saw his uncle, Stewie Griffin.

"Stewie!" Meg exclaimed when she saw the Brown haired boy.

"Hello, Meg." The football headed boy smiled at the girl.

"What are you doing here, Stewie?" Frank Jr asked the same thing he asked his Mother.

"Can't I come pay respect to this family?" The Griffin boy

asked back. Frank Jr didn't reply to that. Stewie really looked up to Frank, as he wanted to be the Hokage after hearing his stories, and he looked up to him as a second brother figure when Brian would be gone for work for late nights.

Meg walked towards the bushes when she saw something odd. She picked it up and realized that it was some sort of a seal.

"Momma, did you find something?" Her son asked curious. Stewie walked over to her and took a look.

"It's a seal…" he muttered."We should let someone check it out, it might be dangerous if we tamper with it."

"And miss something cool? No way, _we _should check it out." Frank Jr suggested with a smirk.

"Are you an idiot? This thing may be harmful!" Stewie shouted at the nephew.

"Frank Jr-chan, Stewie is right…" Aoi spoke up.

"Oh, come on, how bad can it be?" Frank Jr then snatched the paper from his Mother and channeled some chakra into it. The seal glowed and the blinding light engulfed the three. When they opened their eyes, they found themselves in a space with pale orange color.

"Look at what you did, idiot! Now we don't know where we are!" The Brown haired genius shouted. He felt strange. Even though he didn't know where he was, but he felt calm and safe.

"The color is so pretty!" Meg exclaimed in awe as she looked around.

The three Mallque were surprised when 2 people suddenly appeared and approached them. The woman had long red hair and Blue green eyes, while the man had black spiky hair and bright blue eyes.

"Hello there, we're sorry if we caused some confusion to you kids." The woman smiled apologetically.

"Who are you and what do you want from us?" Frank Jr asked as he went into a fighting stance, ready to counter any attack that might come.

"Please relax, we meant no harm," The man spoke. The children turned to him and their eyes widened.

"You're the…Co-Fourth Hokage…" Stewie whispered in shock.

"Yes, I am. My name is Jake Mallque, and this is my wife, Uzumaki Sayo." The Hokage introduced.

"Uzumaki? Hokage-sama, are you related to us?" Meg asked, surprised by the fact that the Fourth Hokage's wife was an Uzumaki.

"Yes, dear, we are." Sayo replied.

Frank Jr and Meg's eyes widened.

"But that aside, we brought you here for a reason." Sayo continued. "I would like you to learn about your father's past, as he didn't tell you much about it when he himself doesn't remember anything since his rebirth."

"Excuse me, Mrs. Uzumaki," Stewie interrupted. "Isn't this a family thing? Are you sure I'm allowed to know?"

"Please, call me Sayo, and yes, you are allowed, as this also concerns greatly with your family." The red haired woman explained with a small smile. The Brown haired boy looked surprised but said nothing further.

"We will have books for you to read. Each book contains a chapter." Jake said. "And also, you have no need to worry about how long you stay here. The time here will not affect the real world."

"Now, here are the books." Sayo pointed to the once empty space now filled with books.

Stewie and Meg jaw dropped.

"Holy shit! How many are there?! It's going to take _forever _to finish it!" Frank Jr yelled. Even though he was considered a prodigy, he still didn't like reading. Jake and Sayo chuckled.

"Just take your time and read them, you have all the time in the world." Jake added with a wink. "Once you finish, you'll have a chance to fix things with your family." The older Mallque then turned to Frank Jr. "You wanted that, didn't you?"

Frank Jr looked at the Fourth Hokage in surprise. How did he know?

"We'll come back from time to time, but now, we'll give you time to read. So, see you kids later." Sayo said before she and Jake disappeared. Meg and the children looked at each other.

"So what now?" Frank Jr asked.

"What do you mean? We'll read, of course." Stewie said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Yeah, Frank Jr-chan, let's read! I want to know about your Father when he was younger!" Meg said excitingly, and of course, Frank Jr, the same with everyone else, couldn't say no to his amazing Mother.

"Alright then," The Half sayian grabbed a book with the title 'Uzumaki Frank: Chapter 1' on the cover. "I'll read first."

**Chapter 1:****Uzumaki Frank **

**Rebirth of the Two Sons**

**Cycle**

Long ago in a time forgotten by the people of the world, was an era of enduring rage and unending wars.

Mankind had been embroiled with each other in eternal wars, fought over petty reasons or for performing horrific crimes against one another, sometimes trying to better themselves by weakening their enemies so their military might would be greater, only for a greater force to overwhelm them later on, or for no reason at all than just violence and death.

Some even lived to fight on battlefields, take lives and ruin many.

Humanity, had a curse, a sickening and infectious curse that all beings were infected with, a curse that only a few were able to see, one more powerful than any war, this curse is known as 'hatred'. A powerful force that could drive any person from the innocent bystander to a rage fueled beast that would hunt down those who wronged them, inflicting more pain and brutality, effectively spreading the curse to others.

Hatred was like a chain, it will be linked to more and more people to those who are directly affected by it and others who merely beheld witness to its outbursts of rage, the chain would grow and and be linked to more chains, connecting more people to the other.

No one was ever safe from hatred. Hatred was genetic and would be passed down to others just as if you gave a child a toy to play with, just as hatred toys with people's lives.

But what came after hatred? Well most would say healing, healing from the pain of their lives and the pain they wrought on others. Only fools would believe that healing would bring about an end to hatred, what came after hatred were either of two things. Emptiness, where a person would lose everything that was dear to them or will ever be dear to them, possibly even losing one's own self, their identities and the qualities that made them special, emptiness was a like a snuffed flame, with nothing to fuel it. Or even more hatred, where the anger would blind those to the truth and accept that the world itself was responsible for what happened to them.

Both paths were equally as punishing as the other.

Among the humans and their inherited hatred was a tree. A tree of massive scale and equally massive power, a tree that was worshipped as a god and feared as a titan. This tree had a consciousness of its own, but very few would know the full extent of its intellect. This tree watched as the humans around it fought each other, murdered and cheated one another for their own gain, while turning a blind eye to others who were less fortunate.

The tree knew that while humanity had the capacity for both good and evil, they overwhelmingly chose the latter option, evil. The Tree would sometimes look down upon humanity and be disgusted at what it saw but sometimes it would take pity on them for their short lives and weakness, however it didn't know whether or not that it liked being praised as a god or feared like a titan. But it did tolerate the level of respect the humans would show it.

Even the tree with all its foresight knew that one day, wisdom would be lost, hope would diminish, fate be turned in different directions, valour shall be crushed and justice would fall. It was merely waiting for that to happen, and for humanity to be entirely consumed by hatred.

One day the holy tree, bore a fruit of immeasurable power and destruction, a fruit that held its own power within it. Although the reason why hands were not supposed to lay themselves on the fruit had been lost to the ages, a princess who travelled from a faraway place, a place that had also been forgotten beheld witness to the hatred and wars conflicting in the world, took it upon herself to end the spreading wars and the hatred that followed them.

She knew of one way to end the wars single handedly and bring about an end to hatred.

Consuming the fruit of the Shinju.

Not knowing of the consequences or not caring for them at the time, she ate the fruit of the tree and gained its glorious power and the might that came with it.

With new and unreachable power at her disposal, the princess laid siege to the world, using the power as a weapon to silence the lives of those who would spread hatred and bring about more wars. But instead of ending wars peacefully she opted for a more forceful method, one which would make anyone submit to her will and be slaves to her visual prowess.

The Princess's name was Kaguya Ōtsutsuki, and for her benevolence for ending the wars and stopping the spread of hatred was she named the Usagi no Megami (Rabbit Goddess) because of her two horn like protrusions which resembled rabbit ears.

Like the Shinju, Kaguya was also worshipped as a living god on earth, people bowed before her in respect and reverence for her power and divine will that many considered to have no equal. However, Kaguya, had not broken the chain of hatred and instead, merely fractured it, where it could be repaired and through time her deeds were not enough for war and anger, jealousy and a lust for power, sprouting and boiling within the hearts of men.

So she forced more and more people to submit to her iron will to stop the hatred from spreading, but her power which was once praised was now feared and instead of being called the Usagi no Megami she was instead the Oni (demon).

At some point Kaguya would give birth to two sons and a daughter, both of which were born with the same power as her own. These two boys would gain legendary power of their own through the use of their inherit power. Her daughter was born frail and weak. Unlike her brothers, Haneko did not inherit her mother's chakra but instead, was born with her own signature chakra. Because she was born fragile, she was much loved by her mother and is well taken care of by her brothers as she made her sons watch over their little sister at all times.

However, the tree from which its fruit was consumed had also fallen under humanities curse. Angered and outraged at the arrogant theft of its power the tree's surfacing fiery hatred had appeared before Kaguya's own magnificent eyes before she even knew the consequences of her actions.

The tree underwent a metamorphosis of its own, transforming into a vile creature whose image mirrored that of its rage. A beast that was christened, the Jūubi (ten tails), for its ten massive tails which could split the land in half.

The beast rampaged across the land hoping to retrieve its lost power, and to seek vengeance upon Kaguya for her arrogant acts.

All the world felt the might of its hatred and its howl seeped into the very souls of those who lived in the world, both men and beasts cowered before it, pleading for mercy where they would receive none.

The two sons of Kaguya, in an attempt to repent for their mother's sins, faced the beast in combat.

The two brothers fought in a cataclysmic battle that scarred the earth forever, the two sons with all their power had fought to the near end of their will to defeat the beast and bring about forgiveness for their mother. But eventually the two struck down the beast in a mighty fashion.

However, the Jūbi, was connected to the world, just as the world was connected to it, it was basically immortal, and so if they couldn't kill the beast, then the creature must be sealed within a person's body so to not bring about even more catastrophe.

The older son by the name of Hagoromo, became the beast's jail and housed the animal within him. And like his mother before him, his own power soured to new heights upon becoming the jailor of the Jūbi, he like his mother became a god, one even more worshipped than his mother, wielding the the greatest weapon in the world. Chakra.

Hagoromo would later call this mysterious power, chakra. And unlike his mother who weaponized chakra, Hagoromo wished to use his inherit chakra to bring about a more peaceful solution to the world.

Hagoromo who was a monk, later became known as a saviour and would later be universally called the Sage of the Six Paths. Created a religion, one which people would aspire to and believe in, give them hope and bring about a peace. This was religion was named Ninshū (shinobi sect), Hagoromo distributed his chakra to people giving them the same gifts. People would connect the chakra with their spiritual energies allowing others to understand each other and pray for each other's safety while wishing them a good life. Haneko was born with the gift of life and is exceptional in rejuvenation and healing. Her brothers would come to her and she would heal them after they train or spar. This capability makes up for her lack in physical strength. She is also smart and spends time in her mother's study, understanding the world and its wonders at an early age. Feeling lonely, with her gift of life, she took ten tail pieces of the juubi from hagoromo, a handful of sand, sprayed ink onto it, and breathed life to the grains as she molded it into what seemed to be like a tanuki. She named it "Shu", as how the creature would always make a sound similar to it. She eventually made more, ten in total: Shu from sand, Mata from fire, Iso from water, Son from lava, Ko from the waters of a hot spring, Sai from tree wax, Cho from the wings of a dead insect, Gya from a bull's horn, Rama from an fox animal's fur and selen from rabbit fur.

However, this had the unintended effect of the people abusing the power they were given and weaponized it to suit their own needs, by connecting chakra with their physical energies and so many wars were started again and again, but instead using chakra to wage them.

Hagoromo would later on bear two sons and a daughter would also inherit his same chakra and his own gifts. While his younger (fraternal) twin brother, Hamura would bear two daughters each inheriting the same powers as their father. While his younger sister, Haneko would bear one son who inheriting the same powers as his mother and his uncles. A surviving enemy came and killed Haneko. Hagoromo held his sister's dead body in disbelief. The Nine were scattered around her room, evident that a battle took place, all reverted back to their mediocre forms. Hamura returned from battle only to see the tragedy before them. Consumed by grief from the death of their beloved sister, Hagoromo lost control and in a fit of rage, blaming himself for not doing as they were told, seal her sister's ten creations into haneko son. After the brothers decided to adopt boy.

Hagoromo named his older son, Indra, his younger son, Asura, and his daughter kairi. Hamura named his older daughter, Surya, and his younger daughter, Mitra. Haneko before she died named her son, Kai Mallque

And as the Sage and his brother noted, the older son of Hagoromo was born with his 'eyes' spiritual energy and chakra along with a unique Dōjutsu, the devolved version of Hagoromo's own Dōjutsu, which would later be called the Sharingan. While the younger son was born with his 'body' his lifeforce and physical energy and an amazingly powerful stamina and endurance and an inherent aptitude at young daughter of hagoromo inherited an unfulfilled but large portion of her father's chakra. The older daughter of Hamura was born with her father's 'perception' his fine chakra and control along with the Dōjutsu known as the Byakugan. While the younger daughter was born with her father's 'structure' the ability to manipulate her bones to the highest defence or offence to create new and unseen ways of strength and the son of haneko inherent his mother's chakra and using the elements, the gift of life and is exceptional in rejuvenation, healing.

However the difference between their respective talents were , born with the 'heart' was hailed a hard working genius, a prodigy who could accomplish through his determination and will along with the ideals of relying on others, his friends, Kai's talents bloom like a flower in Spring did he eventually gain power equal to that of his brother's. Kari to have been born without the knowledge of chakra and instead decided to train her in the art of Taijutsu. Indra, born with the 'eyes' was hailed a genius, a prodigy who could accomplish anything with little to no effort, who would later grow up living a solitary life, believing that people would merely inhibit his growth and potential. While Asura born with the 'body', did not inherit any of his father's or brother's natural talents, Asura could do nothing on his own, but through his determination and will along with the ideals of relying on others, his friends, did Asura's talents bloom like a flower in Spring did he eventually gain power equal to that of his brother's.

While unlike Indra who lead a solitary life, believing that people would only hinder him, Asura became a capable leader, amassing many loyal follower's most of whom were his childhood friends and like his father had wished, began to spread Ninshū to the world through the help of his friends.

Upon his deathbed seeing both Kai's, Kari's, Indra's and Asura's accomplishments did the Sage choose between the four of them, the heir of Ninshū. The candidates, The wil power kari, the master _of all known Iryu__Ninjutsu, kai, _the prodigious and brilliant, Indra Or the no-good, untalented Asura.

Knowing of his younger son's and kai's exploits and the quality of never giving up on the good inside people, gave Hagoromo hope that the quality known as 'cooperation' and love would bring about true peace, while the lust of power and dominance would only bring about a temporary peace through fear made Hagoromo choose Asura, as the heir to Ninshū and kai to seceded him as the sage of six paths.

Furious over his father's choice and being denied what he felt was his, Indra challenged his father's decision, overcome with anger, jealousy and hate did Indra attack Asura, trying to claim what he felt was his birthright.

This feud between the brothers would escalate between their respective families, causing a cold war between the two families that would continue on, never ending through the generations, endless bitter hatred.

Indra's descendants would take on the name of Uchiha. The flames of their hatred continuously burning.

While Asura's descendants would later be called the Senju clan, inheriting their forefather's ideals of peaceful coexistence and love. And through distant relations the kari and kai's desendents would later be called Mallque Clan who would later spilt into more clans, the Uzumaki clan and the Namikaze Clan. Uzumaki clan would also become descendants of Asura. Namikaze Clan would also become descendants of Indra.

However, something occurred that had not been seen before in the world, something not even Hagoromo or Kaguya had foreseen, when the brothers died their natural chakra remained even after their bodies were destroyed. Causing the two brothers to reincarnate themselves into various individuals throughout history within their descendants, fuelling and continuing the brother's bloody battle. And with each transmigration, the reincarnations would grow stronger.

And like the cycle of the seasons, the cycle of death, transmigration and reincarnation would continue and the son's would reincarnate themselves into their newest lives. Both brother and sister's existing and never truly dying, like Yin and Yang and muu, one cannot exist without the other.

In the Land of Fire, a country known for its large forests and bright and warm weather, even in winter, the sun seemed to shine endlessly in the Land of Fire the warmth it would radiate filling every crevice of shadow within a person.

The birds were chirping happily and the animals of the forests were enjoying their peaceful existence among the forests and trees.

The brisk air of summer was saturating the atmosphere, creating a serene scene and utter serenity. It was almost as if nothing could ruin this moment. However.

Massive black sphere's expanded from nowhere, destroying everything that was caught within their presence and shaking the earth to it's very core that earthquakes rocked the ground and mountains were crumbling as if they were made of pebbles.

Birds were fleeing and animals were running from the devastation trying to save their own lives so they wouldn't be collateral damage. Their cries were so loud you could hear them miles away, terror seemed to have stricken their hearts and their natural instincts were taking over. Anyone who had a mind would be rightly fleeing the area, for two gods were locked in battle and they were scarring the very land they were walking upon.

These gods were two men who were wasn't one person, they grew up separated, fought together, and laughed together and were involved in a wide array of mischievous activities, they were brothers, best friends, and they shared everything with each other. But now, they were enemies, fighting over something that was now meaningless. Their powers were beyond human comprehension, their chakra itself could shatter the ground by simply lifting a finger. Both were everything that anybody could aspire to be, gods, no they were far above gods, they were beings that could sit atop the sky and bathe themselves in their respective light.

One of the individuals was a tall man with fair skin. He had onyx eyes that looked like it could swallow darkness itself, but his eyes were now blood red with tomoe in them and his left eye was unique, but for the moment he kept that eye closed. He had long, frayed black hair, with bangs that framed his face and reached down to his collarbone, his hair was windswept on the top which formed into spikes, his hair at the back also reached down near his shoulder blades.

He was incredibly handsome as most women who he walked past, would become infatuated with him.

He wore a purple long sleeved coat which ended into three coat tails and was ankle-length and a high collar with magatama held by strings on the collar and a symbol of a red and white fan on the back of the coat. He wore bladed ninja gauntlets over the coat with armoured clawed gloves and bladed shoulder pads and black armour on his chest, he wore a purple rope belt which was tied into a bow, bladed shinguards and clawed boots. The armour was also tight allowing any one to see his muscle underneath, but this didn't prohibit his movement. He also wore large prayer beads around his neck and hung loosely over his right shoulder.

His opponent was also a tall man but with slightly tanned skin. He had deep, ocean blue eyes that just seemed to flow like water, he had spiky Black hair that could make the sun goddess jealous and envious, with stream-line bangs framing his face, his right bangs were longer than his left reaching his collar bone while his left bangs were chin-length some of his hair was tied into a ponytail held together by bandages. He had three black whisker marks on each cheek, giving him a vulpine appearance and upon his forehead were markings of a crimson circle with a dot in the middle, reminiscent of a third eye.

He wore mostly black attire, he wore black armoured pants, with clawed boots and a blue rope belt that was tied into a knot hanging out in front. He had black armour on his chest and skin tight attire underneath, the same as his black haired opponent. He wore a black pronged shoulder pads and pronged bracers with clawed gloves, with pronged knee pads. He also was wearing a crimson coloured sleeveless coat with a frayed hemline seemingly worn out form long battles with black flame motifs also on the edges and a high collar with silver magatama held by strings, and on the back of the coat was a symbol of what appeared to be a crown surrounded by a white circle and around his neck were red beads which sported a large wooden black medallion with a red tassel on it. He was also carrying a large white scroll with black swirling wind motifs on his back.

But right now his form was mudded with grit and blood, from battling his counterpart, for who knows how long, but the black hair could only assume, that it must have been hours. However his own opponent was bloodied and covered in grime and some of their clothing were torn in places such as their torso's and legs and instead of blue eyes his eyes were now golden amber with a slit for a pupil.

These two men were respectively, Darknarok Uchiha, the Getsumen Uranaishi (Lunar Diviner) and the Bagami (Fanged God) and Frank Uzumaki, the Taiyō Yogensha (Solar Prophet) and the Tsubasakami (Winged God). Frank was currently embroiled in a battle with his greatest rival and his greatest friend, but why they were fighting was still unknown.

"**Katon: Gōka Mekkyaku (Fire release: Great Fire Annihilation)!**" Yelled Darknarok, intent on killing the man that was like a brother to him. The Uchiha legend spewed out a massive wall of intense flames at the blonde, who went through handseals to counter attack, with a jutsu, unique to the blondes.

"**Senpō: Kinton Tetsu Bōgo Kabe (Sage art: Metal release Iron protective wall)**." said Frank ending his seals on the dog sign, and in a second a humongous wall of silver metal made of iron that and tied together with nuts and bolts erupted from the ground and shielded the blonde from any harm, although the flames did heat up the metal but other than that it stood strong against the jutsu.

Frank in a burst of speed leaped over the wall and landed in front of Sasuke where he punched him in the gut and followed up with a round house kick which sent the black haired man rolling across the ground and spitting blood.

Frank went through handseals to restrain his friend so he could finish this fight.

"**Senpō: Mokuton Seigen Ne Torappu (Sage art: Wood release restricting root trap)**." said Frank ending his seals with the snake seal, which was commonly affiliated with the Wood release. And from the ground, massive entangling roots began to surround Sasuke hoping to hold him in place so Frank could deal the final blow, but the Uchiha would have none of that and unsheathed his sword which he was hiding behind his back and channelled his Lightning chakra through it cutting up the roots.

The Uchiha regained his footing and jumped away from the roots and started to prepare for Frank's next attack. The blonde, partly knowing that his enemy would do that also took out his own signature weapons.

He he channelled some of his mighty chakra into wrist seals which he had transcribed into his wrists for such a purpose. And what he held in his hands were two identical short staves that were as tall from his feet to his waist, perfect for bashing an opponent and reach.

The two childhood friends rushed at each other, hoping to land a blow on the other.

Darknarok performed a downward slash which Frank easily blocked the attack with one of his staves and attempted to bash Sasuke with the other staff in his hand. But Sasuke saw the attack coming with his Sharingan and was able to jump over the blonde to his unguarded backside.

Darknarok then attempted to stab the renowned Uzumaki leader in the back but Frank counted by blocking the sword with one his staves causing sparks to fly from the grinding of the metals. Darknarok didn't have enough time to duck before he was clobbered in the head with one of Naruto's staves, which made the Uchiha leader to stumble across the ground and become disoriented from the blow and some blood to trail from a wound on his head.

If Darknarok was serious, he knew that Frank was stronger than he was, something which infuriated the Uchiha to no end. So he couldn't afford to take many hits, from taijutsu or ninjutsu, but his skills and abilities evened out the power difference. But the same thing applied for his equally legendary opponent because of the Uzumaki unique kekki genkai, the Mokuton and the Kinton (Wood release and the Metal release).

Wood release allowed Frank to create plants, trees and general wood out of nowhere by simultaneously combing Earth chakra and Water chakra, a fabled ability that only the Uzumaki's ancestor, the Shodaime Hokage possessed. It surprised many in the Hidden Leaf Village upon discovering that Shodaime's descendant also had the same kekki genkai he had.

While the Metal release was an entirely new one, by combining Earth chakra with Lightning chakra was Frank able to create metal and rust to attack and defend himself in areas, although it was noted that it couldn't control bijū but it was able to restrain them because of the metal's certain properties. However Darknarok did know, that the Kinton was just as coveted as the Mokuton.

Darknarok, even though he didn't have as much power as Frank, his skill with his clans techniques and his own prowess with the Sharingan and its forms were enough to even the playing field between the two combatants. Besides, skill and power were similar but vastly different.

Both combatants rushed at each other in a burst of speed, and met in a clash that pushed the other away. Where they had a stare down for a few minutes.

Both having enough Frank ran to the left while Darknarok ran to the right, at phenomal speeds that not even the naked eye could perceive. they ran so far and so fast that they were in a different place altogether, mountain cliffs and slopes away from where they were, and while thye were running they were attmpting to strike each other with their respective weapons, but neither one got the advantage over the other.

They both came sliding to a halt, Frank tried to clobber Darknarok with both of his staves but the Uchiha smoothly blocked it with his sword. But Frank wasn't finished and with a swift change in his feet tried to bash Darknarok again with a single staff but Darknarok held his sword in a reverse position and pressed his free hand against it to hold back the strength of his rival. Then Darknarok pushed against the sword, and tried to slash Frank horizontally but it failed as the blonde's staff which was still blocking the sword was overturned into a reverse position and effectively blocked Sasuke's sword.

Both parties weapons then rebounded against the other and Frank took advantage of that to hit Darknarok some more, but with the Uchiha's powerful eyes he was able to dodge them efficiently and jumped in the air tried to slash Frank with his sword in a reverse position but the blonde slid and ducked under the attack easily because of the blonde's increased perception from the senjutsu running through his body constantly. with his sword still in a reverse position Sasuke again attempted to stab Frank in his unguarded back, but the Uzumaki leader used one of his staves to redirect the sword where sparks were flying from the scraping. But this didn't stop Darknarok as he spun around to Frank's left side and tried to slash him.

But the man likened to a dragon only jumped away and landed on a cliff where he was using his chakra to keep him standing on the cliffside and away from danger.

"**Katon: Ryūen Hōka no jutsu (Fire release: Dragon flame Release Song technique)!**" yelled Darknarok as he brought his lips to his mouth and fired off multiple heads of dragons aimed right at Frank who expertly dodged the dragon heads and kept running against the cliff face so to keep dodging the attack. Frank in response went through his own seals to battle Sasuke.

"**Senpō: Kinton Ryūsandan Iki (Sage art: Metal release Shrapnel Breath)!**" Yelled Frank as he fired off small shards of piercing metal at Darknarok who ran so to avoid the deadly technique, just as Naruto was avoiding his.

Darknarok jumped up to Frank's level so to avoid the shrapnel and gain a footing for the blonde, The Uchiha leader wen though handseals for a fire jutsu of epic level. A jutsu Darknarok invented himself so to kill his rival for whom he had been fighting for years on end.

"**Katon: Honō Tora Uta (Fire release: Flame tiger song)!**" yelled Darknarok as he blew out a stream of fire that took the shape of a tiger's head which flew at Frank with frightening speed and size. Frank in response went through handseals for a jutsu of his own invention also.

"**Senpō Mokuton: Ryū Chōkyō Seichō (Sage art: Wood release Dragon Taming Growth)!**" yelled Frank and form the cliff side five stream like branches adorned with dragon heads that surged toward Darknarok's flame tiger and the advanced nature transformation dispersed the flames and remained relatively intact, the dragon heads then flew at Sasuke ready to bite ad shred him apart, however with Darknarok's right Sharingan he was able to predict the dragon's movements and dodge them with moves that looked akin to water.

Darknarok then prepared his sword for a killing blow by channeling lightning through it increasing its piercing attack through vibrations. Frank readied one of his staves and channeled wind chakra through it increasing its blunt force damage.

Both met in a clash of metal and a small shockwave rocked the area, Darknarok using his innate agility kicked Frank in the back and sent him flying away, however the blonde was a tough individual and the kick didn't hurt that much. The blonde regained himself in midair and sealed away his staves readying himself for a fist fight. He jumped on a wrecked bridge that was nearby that had rocks decorating it, most likely backlash from the gods attacks.

Frank ducked in-time to save himself from a horizontal attack from Darknarok (from Darknarok's viewpoint it was a vertical attack) and Darknarok landed on a jutting rock just behind Frank. In response Sasuke attack Frank relentlessly with his lightning enhanced attacks, but the blonde dodged them easily and without fear. Sasuke changed his tactics and tried to attack Frank with a vertical slash that would split the man's head in-two. However Frank caught the attack with his palms and with ease and precision tossed Darknarok head over-heals to his right which made the Uchiha lose his balance and roll across the ground and scraping his clothing. He regained his footing with enough time to dodge Naruto who was right in his face, Darknarok dodged Naruto and slashed him across the back, only to realise that the clone poofed way in a puff of smoke.

Darknarok widened his lone opened eye and looked back to see his Uzumaki rival about to punch him in the face to which the Uchiha head didn't have enough time to dodge and took the full brunt of the attack, which was a fist impacting against his face making his whole skull shake. The force of the punch was so great that it launched Darknarok backwards and onto the torn ground of the Cliffside which was breaking itself from the two god's attacks.

Darknarok landed on the ground in a heap but picked himself up with barely enough time to dodge flying spinning blossoms which were were flying fast enough that they literally caught on fire, creating sharp piercing damage from the petals and burns from the flames. Darknarok kept dodging them efficiently. He knew that Frank was resorting to his kekki genkai because Darknarok could copy his other elemental jutsu with his Sharingan. He knew the blonde's jutsu very well, from all the times they fought against each other. that jutsu was **Senpō: Mokuton Bōseki Hi hana (Sage art: wood release Spinning fire blossom)**.

No wonder they were called advanced natures since they were stronger than normal natures for sure.

"**Senpō: Kinton Hibiki Gongu Shokku (Sage art: Metal release Resounding Gong Shock)!**" yelled Frank as he appeared over the bridge forming seals which ended on the dog seal which was commonly affiliated with Kinton. And tiny silver globs came pouring out of his skin, another part of Kinton is that it can manipulate the iron in a person's blood. The globs began forming into massive gongs twice the size of men with square holes in them and they began falling on Darknarok who jumped away to avoid the metal gongs, but he had to becareful as the gongs could create shockwaves that could disorient him.

"**Raiton: Tora Bunseki (Lightning release: Tiger censure)!**" yelled Darknarok as barreling lightning came shooting out of his hands and aimed at Frank who couldn't dodge the lightning in time and in the air was hit in the chest by the thunderbolt. And came falling to the ground with his chest sizzling like a burnt cake.

Frank not one to be outdone by his enemy, went through handseals for another Kinton jutsu.

"**Senpō: Kinton Kyōdaina Kane Nami (Sage art: Metal release mighty bell wave)!**" yelled Frank as a massive, Asian bell came falling down on top of Darknarok and we would have most likely crushed him if he didn't move away. Frank then raced to the bell and punched it which caused a shockwave to resound and hit Darknarok in the chest and after the shockwave the bell itself followed after and again hit Darknarok in the with all it's might nearly breaking the Uchiha's bones.

Darknarok was getting annoyed at how he was being made into a punching bag, so he had little choice.

The man that was likened to a tiger stood up to his full might and faced his opponent. He channeled Lightning chakra into his left hand, however instead of being its usual blue color it was a deep black color akin to lacquer. It sparkled around his hand as if it was a fragile doll ready to break and it made a chirping sound akin to birds in response.

Frank also stared at him but closed his eyes and started forming chakra into a sphere in the right palm of his hand, the chakra started wispily, dancing around his form which was strong enough to create gusting winds around him, the sphere was as large as a basketball. but the sphere looked unstable and was fluctuating wildly instead of keeping a solid form, and it looked ready to burst in a moment's notice, the sphere was a bright white colour that rivalled snow.

The two gods then rushed at each other, ready to end the other, Darknarok brought up his black, chirping hand.

Frank heaved his hand holding the unstable, wispy ball of chakra.

"**Inton (Yin release): Chidori!"**

"**Yōton (Yang release): Rasengan!**"

Both attacks met in a violent clash and the area around them ruptured and splintered and winds heaved the dust around them. The attacks formed a black and purple dome around them, produced from the conflicting energies, soon the dome exploded like shattered glass from the different chakra and both leaders of the most powerful clans were sent hurtling backwards and crashed into the ground leaving deep skid marks in the ground. Darknarok was lying on his back while Frank was laying on his stomach.

Both men got up with scratches over their forms but both were relatively unaffected. However Darknarok gritted his teeth at his rival, he could have easily killed him just but refused, he had seen the more powerful levels of the **Rasengan **alone and Frank wasn't even using his strongest version, did he think Darknarok as weak compared to the Uchiha. Darknarok wouldn't stand for it, it felt like he was weak, and he hated that feeling.

In order for Darknarok to secure his victory over his Uzumaki rival, he would resort to full power to kill the 'God of Shinobi'.

Slowly but surely Sasuke opened his left eye revealing, not a Sharingan underneath but a red Rinnegan, the fabled eye of the Sage of the Six Paths, but Sasuke's was unique, since it had the concentric rings but also had six tomoe along those rings, giving it a dazzling but yet bloodthirsty appearance.

With the powers of the Rinnegan, maybe Darknarok could win.

Frank seeing his opponent revealing his trump card.

"Is this what you truly want? Darknarok." questioned Frank as he stared into the Rinnegan in his friend's left eye.

"Nothing would please me more." spoke Darknarok as his eyes was literally piercing into Frank's head.

"Then, I have little choice." spoke Frank as his head became downcast, with sorrow. And soon yellow flames started flickering off Frank's form. His clans symbol on the back of his cloak, changed and now became a black pattern of the Rinnegan with nine tomoe arranged in three rows beneath it. His entire body was was wrapped in black and yellow flames before stabilising into physical clothing, the blue rope became a bright yellow colour, and a yellow circular seal appeared on his stomach, his sleeveless coat which was black in colour became the same magnificent yellow and on his pronged shoulder pads black circular seals appeared with the pieces of his armour becoming yellow also. His entire body underneath the cloak, save for his boots and his fingers, became black, resembling a bodysuit and his skin remained the same.

His hair became a lighter shade of gold and was now floating up, along with his bangs which formed two distinctive horn-like tufts. Magatama markings wrapped around his collar giving him a sage like appearance. His thin whiskers opened up into bars on his cheeks and his pupils remained the same, giving him a slight feral appearance. And behind him, black balls made of chakra floated behind him in a halo-like formation, Frank then unsealed his two staves becoming ready for combat.

"Today we end this." said Darknarok as he used one of his clans signature jutsu's.

"**Katon: Gōkakyū no jutsu! (Fire release: Great Fireball technique)**" Said Darknarok as he moulded chakra within his stomach and spewed out a massive ball of flames towards the golden man who merely stood his ground against the oncoming fireball, his eyes focused and ready to attack his opponent. Just as the Fireball was about to hit him Frank quickly used one of his most powerful jutsu and disappeared within a lens flare, making the attack strafe past him.

Darknarok seeing something in the corner of his eyes brought up his arm to protect himself from the punch the blonde man dealt him. He saw Frank staring at him with his yellow eyes, unwavering, did the Uzumaki leader use his space-time ninjutsu to evade Darknarok's attack. Darknarok sending chakra into his own eye retreated from the blonde by suddenly disappearing without any form of indication did the Uchiha retreat from the Jinchūriki to a place that would better serve his needs. So Darknarok ran, falling back to a safer location.

Frank soon gave chase by levitating his body off the ground and soon he was flying after the Uchiha who kept his speed at a steady pace, ignoring the advancing Hokage.

Jumping across the mountains and using his left eye to his advantage did Darknarok Narrowly escape the falling rocks that were plummeting towards him, courtesy of his old friend who was intent on crushing him, it lasted only for a few minutes did Darknarok make it to an advantageous location that would give him suitable high ground and attack positions, being unable to fly himself. He then landed on a rock spire just as two large rocks were about to smash against him, using his great strength his was able to redirect the rocks with some effort away from him where they smashed into other rock spires.

However he then felt his body grappled suddenly, pounding against him where he looked down to see the flying Frank holding onto intending to pummel him against one of the spires. However Darknarok also grabbed his opponent's body and threw him over his body where Frank lost control of his flight and then smashed into a rock spire making the ground shake a little as Darknarok then landed on another spire staring into the spire. He then saw Frank scraping down the side of the spire unharmed only with a bit of dust on him.

Frank then jumped off the spire landing on another and jumped onto a spire and using his flight abilities again, spun around the spire and using his immense strength lifted the top part of the spire and threw it at Darknarok he channelled some of his chakra to defend himself from the house sized piece of rock that he was unable to defend against properly.

"**Shinra Tensei (Heavenly Subjugation of the Omnipresent God)!**" yelled Darknarok as he created an invisible gravitational force that completely shattered the boulder only allowing some pieces of rubble to strike him. However Darknarok fell into Frank's trap as the blonde created two enormous chakra arms that gripped two of the spires together and and attempted to slam the two of them in-between Darknarok, however the Uchiha channeled chakra into his Rinnegan and used his own Space-time technique. "**Kamiumi!**" Darknarok then shifted himself atop another rock spire higher than the last one escaping the two pillar thas would have crushed him otherwise.

But Frank wasn't done, turning his two larger chakra arms into five smaller ones did he grab several pieces of falling rock out of the air and then made a single hand seal, which phased changed the rock into molten boulders of lava. "**Senpō: Shakugaryūgan no jutsu (Sage Art: Lava release Scorching Stream Rock technique**)!" and with that Frank hurled the massive molten boulders towards Darknarok whose Rinnegan was still recharging **Kamiumi** and so was forced to evade the rocks as he jumped around the pillars trying not to be melted the the pillars fell to the ground because their structure was quite literally melted.

As Darknarok was retreating from the Hokage's assault, Frank took to the air once again and flew after his Uchiha counterpart. Frank seeing the jumping form of the Uchiha swiftly flew down towards the ground and made a single seal.

"**Senpō:** **Katon Nekohibachi (Sage art: Fire release Cat Fire Bowl)**!" yelled Frank as his fingers were encased in blue flames where he clawed at the air releasing multiple blue fireballs with whips of black within them, heading straight for Darknarok. Darknarok using his chakra to suspend himself on the side of a cliff away from the rock spires where he turned around and channelled chakra into his right eye, where his Eternal Mengakyō Sharingan appeared in his right eye and performed the other ability of his exclusive dōjutsu.

"**Kamiumi**." said Darknarok as before him the blue fireballs stopped in midair just as they were about to hit him, and suddenly they disappeared from sight where instead Frank found himself surrounded by his own blue fireballs where he didn't have enough time to defend himself before he was bombarded from every corner with fire dazzling the sky and Darknarok with his cold eyes watching from his position as the multiple blue explosions rocked the sky.

He then saw a shadow move out of the explosion allowing Darknarok to view it as the shadow was rolling across the ground across the cliffs and it was battered against the hard ground. It was of course Frank whose entire body was singed from head to toe from the heat of his own attack and the tips of his golden spiky hair were singed from being burnt from his own attack and some of his armour was also burnt but otherwise he would be fine.

Getting back onto his feet, Frank glared at Darknarok, guess the attack didn't give him a blow to his pride, if it wasn't for Frank shielding himself with his **Gūdudama (Truth-seeking ball)** at the last minute, he would have suffered far more serious injuries, of course he couldn't protect himself completely from his own attack, since the Senjutsu enhanced attack disrupted the balls form. But luckily the Hokage was durable enough to survive the attack. However, Frank also knew that Darknarok was near open to attack, so creating a handseal, Frank flew up in the air again and with him came a large rock the size of a house and threw it down on Darknarok who had to release his chakra holding him up on the cliff.

Frank then landed on the ground, into a small streaming waterfall, where he made three handseals while his legs were in the water.

"**Senpō: ninja Konboāto: Sansango Kyūryūdageki (Sage art: ninja combo art acid coral torrent shock)**!" and as Frank ducked his hands into the water, infusing acid bubbles together with coral with a water shell surrounding it did he hurl large torrents of water with the acidic coral towards Darknarok who stopped his fall and began dodging the blasts of corrosive water and coral, he knew that if he tried to absorb the technique he would be left wide open for Frank to attack him with taijutsu, so his best option was to dodge the Rokudaime's attacks. However, even Darknarok had a limit as Frank kept hurling the waves of acidic water and coral, he soon was hit in the leg by a blast where the coral started growing on his leg, restricting his movement and because of the acid burning his armour to his leg.

Frank seeing his chance began boiling his very own chakra to inhuman levels where copious amounts of steam was simmering off his form, launching himself forward Naruto attempted to punch Darknarok to which the Uchiha knew if he was struck by the punch, he just might end up dead.

As he was falling Darknarok held out his hand gritting his teeth from the burning coral and just as Frank was about to strike Darknarok used the powers of his Rinnegan.

"**Shinra Tensei!**" said Darknarok just in time to repel Frank's attack, but the Jinchūriki has experience with the technique and knew that if struck with equal or opposing force then the technique can be countered and so Frank boiled even more of his chakra, increasing the temperature and ploughing his way through Darknarok 's attack where he struck the Uchiha leader in the chest, and the cliff they were facing was completely shattered from Frank's punch as the Uchiha was pulverised through the mountain from Frank's steam-enhanced taijutsu. The punch was so strong that Darknarok was smashed all the way through the mountain and ended up on the other side with Frank flying after him.

When Darknarok finally came to a halt from the punch, he coughed up blood at the feeling of his ribs being shattered from the punch, he could feel his body lying upon what felt like grain, he opened his eyes to see the sun shining in his red eyes, did the sun have a shadow? he widened his eyes seeing Frank ready to punch him again with his steam enhanced strength which would kill Darknarok if he was struck by the punch, as his body couldn't withstand such tremendous force again. Quickly sending chakra into his Rinnegan eye Darknarok used his exclusive Mangekyō technique.

"**Kamiumi!" **said Darknarok just as Frank was about to shatter his entire body. Instead Naruto smashed his fist against empty space and the ground of layered sand with Darknarok some distance away. As the Uchiha was looking around himself he couldn't help but groan at his location, a sea of sand, which was the worst place for him. But he also saw the amount of steam radiating off Frank decrease, he could only boil his chakra at that level fora short amount of time. Quickly breaking the burning coral off his leg with his fist, Darknarok frowned at seeing that half of his left leg was covered in burns that was still hot to the touch, the coral had grown at a faster rate than he expected but the acid burned slower, fortunately for him.

"**Senpō: Sunamujo Noroihaji (Sage art: Sand Witch Curse Hold)!**" spoke Frank as he slammed his hands on the ground where dark blue cursed seal patterns appeared and were rushing towards Darknarok at such an extreme speed that the Uchiha had little time to counter before the cursed seal covered half of his body, binding his movements. Darknarok knowing that he couldn't remove the seal from his body knew that he would have to fight in such a state. However he would have to leave the desert quickly as it was the worst place to be if he was fighting the leader of the Uzumaki clan. His fears came true as sand all around him began spiralling around him, sinking him into the ground.

He looked up just as half of his legs were swallowed by the sand to see the Hokage's hand outstretched towards him and he was slowly clenching his hand slowly, Darknarok knew that if he didn't think of something soon, he would be crushed to death by the Uzumaki leader. He couldn't use couldn't use **Kamiumi** in his left eye since it was still recharging and he couldn't use the **Kamiumi** in his right eye since the sand obeyed Frank's will and he wouldn't kill himself. Darknarok thinking of such an idea, raised his right hand towards the Hokage. Darknarok would use the basics of his abilities.

"**Banshō Ten'in (Heavenly Attraction of all of Creation)!**" yelled Darknarok as Frank was soon swept off his feet though with some resistance. Even though Darknarok knew it might be a deadly move, if it meant victory over his opponent and his superior power, then Darknarok was all for it, it was only because of his mastery of the Rinnegan that Darknarok was even able to hold his own against Frank. With Frank swept off his feet the sand stopped spiralling in on Darknarok as he reached to his waist, then Darknarok charged Lightning chakra into his left hand with great effort because of the cursed seal binding his body, as Frank came flying towards him.

**"Chidori!**" spoke Darknarok as he rammed his left hand into Frank as the Lightning surged around. Soon he pierced Frank in the chest. However instead of being met with blood, he was instead met with sand, as Darknarok had pierced a sand clone of his opponent. But the **Gudōdama** was behind him, however he soon saw the nine black balls of chakra fly in from behind and started floating around the real Frank who was staring at him from behind. He then looked back at the sand clone who latched onto his arm and began covering Darknarok's entire body. Soon Darknarok was being covered by the sand, and the sink hole was swallowing him up again.

Frank seeing that his rival was utterly trapped, went through seals for one of his most powerful kekki geknai jutsu.

"**Senpō: Kinton Tetsunohoshi (Sage art: Metal release Iron Star)!**" said Frank and within an instant, a black jagged/spiked ball appeared from behind him out of the ground, it was twice the size house and with rectangular holes in it with roaring flames on the inside where the flames escaped through the rectangular holes, without warning the black spiked metal ball of death rolled towards Darknarok, and if the ground wasn't sand, it would demolish anything within its path as it sped towards its target. Finally reaching Darknarok it sunk into the sinkhole along with the Uchiha where it exploded in a shower of orange flame where sand was upheaved and flew everywhere. However sensing something was wrong, Frank saw a shadow fly out of the sand and flames.

And he beheld Darknarok as he stood upon a mountainous hawk that easily dwarfed trees, buildings and large rock structures, it didn't take a genius to figure out that Darknarok obviously summoned the hawk an escaped the effects of his **Tetsunohoshi**. Frank could also seeing Darknarok's right arm was bleeding heavily, the armour upon it was gone, showing the skin underneath, it had several burns across it and jagged black metal shards within it also and some of his hair was singed and his face was burnt but other than that his wounds would be superficial. However He had a massive disadvantage because Frank's cursed seal was still clinging to half of Darknarok's body, almost binding his movements completely.

So Frank knowing that the hawk was faster than him in the air, would never be able to catch it with his sheer speed alone. So this was going to be a test of speed vs strength. Bringing his thumb to his mouth, Frank bit on his thumb drawing blood and slammed his hand on the ground.

"**Kuchiyose no jutsu (Summoning technique)**!" Yelled Frank as he was surrounded by a huge plume of smoke. Darknarok atop his widened his eyes at the sound of trumpeting could be heard from the plume of smoke. As the smoke settled, Darknarok could see Frank standing on an equally colossal being, possibly even larger, and from the smoke, Darknarok could see the grey leathery skin of a massive elephant, with large ears and a long trunk that look like it could smash mountains.

" Darknarok-sama, this will be difficult, Zōhōkō's skin is almost as strong as titanium and his attacks will kill me within only a few hits, we'll have to be cautious." spoke the hawk to its summoner to which Darknarok nodded, the chief of the elephant tribe was not an opponent anyone should take lightly and both Darknarok and the hawk knew this well.

"Takahane, stay at this altitude while I devise a strategy, but be prepared to move for if they attack." commanded Darknarok to which the hawk named Takahane nodded at his master. 'I'll need to create an opening, and trap Frank and Zōhōkō... wait that can work.' thought Darknarok as the thought came to him. "Takahane, on my signal get me as close as you can without getting hit, I'll be expending a lot of chakra so this has to work."

"Yes, Darknarok-sama." said the hawk. While down below upon the desert Frank and his elephant summoning Zōhōkō were having their own conversation.

"I'm sorry Zōhōkō-san, I hope I wasn't interrupting something back at your home." spoke Frank politely.

"Not at all Frank-sama, so what can I help you with." said the elephant chief with a smile on his face, but Frank merely pointed towards Darknarok and Takahane. "Oh... him. I wondered when he would make his move. He's always been devious." spoke the elephant to which Frank nodded. "I assume you have a plan."

"Let him make the first move. Until then, stand your ground and prepare your attacks." said Frank as Zōhōkō prepared himself. Frank then went through handseal where the land on the ground began shifting. While Darknarok narrowed his eyes in suspicion at what the gold and black clothed man was thinking.

"**Senpō: Mokuton Hanayahyō (Sage art: Wood release flower arrow hail)**!" said Frank as he thrusted his arms out toward Darknarok as numerous purple flowers with six long purple petals, long stalks as twice the height of a man with long barbs sticking out from their centers.

'i thought we were going to wait for him to attack?' thought Zōhōkō.

"TAKAHANE MOVE!" yelled Darknarok as the hawk took evasive action as the multitude of plants started shooting out barbs towards Darknarok and Takahane who who doing their best to not get hit by the literal hail of arrows from the flowers, as one nearly penetrated Darknarok's head the Uchiha for a split second sniffed the tip of the barb and deduced that the barbs were coated with poison. Darknarok knew that if he was even scratched with that poison it was death, no escape, if it wasn't senjutsu enhanced you would be paralysed rather than die.

But still Darknarok had to be careful. Having Takahane fly downward towards Frank and Zōhōkō did Darknarok channel chakra into his Rinnegan eye.

"**Rinbo: Hengoku (Wheel Grave: Border Jail)**!" Said Darknarok as he focused his left red eye intently on Frank who sensed a disturbance. Creating a handseal to combat Darknarok, Naruto simply told his elephant summon to stay still.

"Zōhōkō hold still, and don't move." commanded Naruto to which the massive elephant nodded. "**Senpō: Ryūbi no Jōmon (Sage art: Gate of the Dragon Tail)!**" said Frank as he clapped his hands together as two rows of twenty white pillars as tall as Zōhōkō fell from the sky and dug themselves into the sandy ground all around the elephant and his master on each corner, and Frank could sense their presence, the shadows battering themselves against the gates cracking the incredibly strong wood. However what the blonde didn't know that this was Sasuke's plan.

Darknarok then brought up his right arm and with great effort lifted his left arm (because the cursed seal his hampering his movement) clapped his hands together as he stood upon his mountainous hawk.

"**Chibaku Tensei (Heavenly Body Bursting from the Earth)**!" yelled Darknarok as he created a small black orb in-between his hands which only grew in shape and soon was twice as large as his hand and doing the unthinkable and using his good arm, Sasuke threw the black sphere towards Frank and his summon it then smacked Naruto right in the chest where it stuck to the blonde man to which Darknarok clapped his hands together again as Frank was thrusted up in the air again as the black sphere upon his chest acted like a gravitational centre where rocks all around him began being uplifted towards the black ball even Zōhōkō wasn't immune from its affects as the elephant was also lifted up in the air trumpeting in annoyance. Soon rocks and mountains began pelting the two of them as they couldn't defend themselves entirely from the onslaught. And in enough time the summoner and his master were devoured by rocks as the black sphere was surrounded by earth forming a perfect sphere with Frank and his elephant trapped in the centre.

Darknarok then raised his right arm where it instinctively formed a mechanical cannon raised directly at the **Chibaku Tensei** and Sasuke of course fired a chakra blast that was aimed for the core of the satellite and when it met it's mark the core exploded violently sendng all the mountains and debris flying everywhere and to see the bodies of Frank and Zōhōkō smash to the ground and when they impacted it sounded as if thunder rang throughout the land.

Darknarok could see that his attack was devastating as that his tactic worked, if he had created the black sphere without trapping it to Frank then the Hokage could have destroyed the **Chibaku Tensei** even more easily than Darknarok did and the blonde couldn't destroy it while he was so close to the core otherwise he would have damaged himself more than Darknarok did. As Darknarok looked down into the large dust clouds where the two landed he couldn't help but smirk at getting the upper hand over his stronger opponent. Tactics and planning of his skills is what Darknarok needed to defeat Frank otherwise he would never be able to defeat the Uzumaki leader with just sheer power.

And just for added insurance, using the Asura path, Darknarok manifested four more arms out of his body, shoulder to shoulder, where the new arms performed their own individual handseals and Darknarok with his real arms also did a handseal, although with effort because of his cursed body.

"**Tengai Shinsei (Heavenly Obstacle Quaking Star)!**." said Darknarok as he summoned a massive meteorite out of the sky as it fell through the clouds and descended upon Frank who opened his eyes to see the sun's light clouded by the meteorite. His form was now covered in dirt and part of his armour was destroyed on the left side and he had a few bleeding wounds on his body. Instantly he raised his right arm to combat the meteorite as chakra arms burst forth and grappled onto the giant rock stopping it in its halt just as it was about to crush him and his summon. But he didn't have enough strength to halt the second meteorite that dispersed the clouds and collided with the first asteroid which pummeled Frank and his elephant where a great dust cloud was seen from the attack.

This only caused Darknarok to smirk in victory, believing his opponent to be defeated. He then ordered Takahane to descend to the ground level to which he landed on the sand surrounded by rock and plants from their previous engagements. His new arms then disappeared as he dragged himself across the sand looking amongst the rubble for his prize. He soon found it, with even more of his clothes torn and some more wounds on his body with his nine **Gudōdama  
**lying around him, motionless just like Frank. Just as Darknarok was about to turn Frank over, the wounded blonde snapped his eyes open and exuded a fine dust from his mouth that combusted into fine luminous dust that blinded Darknarok with just enough time for Frank to kick him away and create a hand seal. Darknarok now knew that he saw something else amongst the rubble, a large metal Noh mask some distance away from his and Frank's position, he saw it just before he was blinded, and the elephant had also survived because of Frank.

"**Senpō: Sansan (Sage art: Acid Scattering)!**" said Frank as he spewed acid towards Darknarok who was still blinded by Frank's previous technique, the attack his Sasuke in the left arm and his left torso that instantly burned through his clothes and armour, feeling the burning Darknarok instantly tore off the armour and clothing with his non-sealed arm, ripping it straight off even though his right hand was also burned because of it. Now Darknarok was left nearly bare chested with his armour on his chest barely hanging on and his eft arm was now armour-less and sleeveless but still covered in Frank's cursed seal.

Just as Takahane was about to help his master, he felt a rumbling in the ground where Zōhōkō came bursting out from a dust cloud with a jutsu prepared to stop the hawk from taking flight.

"**Suiton: Zōmizurappa (Water release: Elephant Water Trumpet)!**" said the mighty beast as it brought it's trunk up as it sprayed copious amounts of water on Takahane, pummelling it to the ground because of the force of the water, without wasting anytime, Zōhōkō smashed it's two front feet on top of the hawk making it scream in pain at its hollow bones being crushed by the substantial weight. Takahane, having no chance, disappeared in a plume of smoke back to its home where the elephant followed soon after, leaving Frank and Darknarok alone.

Darknarok getting his eyesight back, knew of Takahane's disappearance and knew that he would need his last support to deal with Frank. Slamming his hand on the ground, Darknarok summoned the only help that could contribute to the battle. Naruto seeing Darknarok's action took to the air and began flying into the clouds, where he held out his hand before the clouds.

"**Kuchiyose no jutsu!**" yelled Frank and Darknarok e at the same time and two plumes of smoke appeared on the ground and in the clouds. And from the smoke came creatures that the two of them have raised ever since they were children, animals that found them, they raised them, they weren't summonings, they were familiars.

From the smoke on the ground, came a large black whipping tail, long sharp claws that could cut mountains to shreds, rows of sharp teeth as if it could bite through trees, a muscular body perfect for combat with cuts and scars all over its form, it was predominately black with a grey underbelly and red eyes. It was literally snarling and hissing, roaring a little, almost as if eager for battle just as Darknarok was who was standing on its forehead. It was a giant male dragon, the size of a bijū, Sasuke had raised the creature ever since he was a young boy and the dragon rarely left his side. The dragon of black shadow, razer the dragon.

From the smoke high in the clouds, came a serpentine form twirling around the clouds. It's long body sported crimson red scales across its form, a pair of massive wings that could disperse every cloud in the sky, with semi-long limbs and claws that could scar the ground, two long yellow horns that could heft boulders the size of its head, tufts of fur around its face and chin giving it a sort of regal appearance, white teeth with two protruding white fangs on the sides of its mouth that could devour any human, yellow spikes running along it's back, two barbells on each side of its nostrils. Its size was tremendous as it was bigger than the dark dragon and just as big as the Hokage Mountain. It was the legendery dragon that Frank had nurtured ever since it hatched from its egg and said Hokage was riding on its forehead, looking down upon Sasuke from his altitude. The dragon of Light, Drago the dragon.

Drago without needing to be told, flew away from the battle with Frank atop his head, while the Uzumaki kept his eyes trained on Darknarok as the Uchiha ordered his Bijū size dark dragon to give chase to the red dragon and its master. As Frank was leading the battle away from the plant/rubble covered desert he knew of a place where he would be offered eve more advantages than the desert. Quickly ordering drago, his dragon, to descend towards cliffs that harboured caves, did the dragon land on the ground just as Sasuke and his dragon, razer arrived where the Bijū-sized dragon latched onto drago using his great claws to tear into the dragon's scales and his teeth to bite on his flesh while drago merely roared as it fought back against the dark dragon while on the cliffs, using his long body to his advantage to wrap around the dark dragon so to drain it of all life.

Frank meanwhile was tackled by Darknarok, into the caves as they fell on rock and mineral. Once they tumbled onto stable ground, Frank kicked Darknarok off him who disappeared into the darkness with Frank scanning his eyes all around the cave, while unsealing his two staves and combining them into a single weapon. Darknarok in the darkness merely unsheathed his sword.

The cave was dark, too dark that it was near impossible to see without a sufficient source of life, the only light coming from green crystals that dotted the cave, offering minimal luminance.

"I don't need eyes to find you Darknarok! I can hear you breath, smell your pride and feel your presence. The thing is, can you find me without your eyes." spoke Frank speaking into the darkness. and he raised his staff multiple times to block weapon attacks coming from Darknarok such as large shuriken, kunai and Darknarok strafing by with his sword and fading away into the darkness. Frank made a single hand seal and just as he blocked Darknarok's weapon attack he spat ink into the Uchiha's causing him to yell in slight pain at his now blinded eyes. Frank followed up his assault on the Uchiha by creating chakra arms that pummeled the Rinnegan wielder into the ground.

Darknarok then lifted himself off the ground and rubbed the ink out of his eyes he then channeled chakra into his left Rinnegan eye and from his vision black flames, sprouting from his field of vision, filling the entire cave with black flames burning anything and everything within a crisp. Frank taking evasive action used one of his **Gudōdana** to shield himself from the flames. Quickly taking a chance to escape, Naruto flew to the roof of the cave where a dar hole was visible, Darknarok not content with his prey getting away jumped all the way up to the hole trying to catch up to the flying blonde.

When Frank reached the exit he could see Darknarok running at him, jumping through the cave where he destroyed the exit and landed outside, and staring up at Frank who remained levitating in the air.

"Time to take the kiddy-gloves off. "Spoke Darknarok as he sent chakra into both of his eyes where a purple skeletal ribcage surrounded him.

'So he's getting serious. If he's using "that"' thought Frank as he frowned at Darknarok below. '**Susanoo' **

The **Susanoo** and around Darknarok came a purple skeletal ribcage made entirely from the Uchiha's chakra. Darknarok advanced his **Susanoo** further and skipped all the necessary forms to reach its final state and most powerful state.

Darknarok's Final stabilized **Susanoo **was an enormous winged construct which was perfectly capable of flight. In this state Darknarok's Susanoo was clad in armour akin to that of a samurai, it's helmet had a long tengu like nose and accentuated eye-holes, two spikes over the eyes, a slit stretching across its mouth and three gaps on each of its cheeks and one on its chin, it had fiery hair and upon it's forehead was a pentagonal prism where Darknarok was floating inside its wings also had small finger where it would hold the **Susanoo's **katana. But Frank was not intimidated by the chakra construct that dwarfed even tailed beasts. Frank responded to Darknarok's ethereal warrior with his own ethereal warrior. Naruto could also sense his dragon Drago was still in battle with Darknarok's dark dragon razer.

'**Varuna**' thought Frank as he was also incased in chakra, but unlike Darknarok it appeared like yellow flames with black markings acting as a ribcage. And around him the yellow flames started taking on a corporeal form, with black markings across the body. And finally, **Varuna** was complete.

**Varuna** was like **Susanoo **as it encased the user in chakra protecting them from harm. But the **Varuna **took the form of a three headed, six armed battle avatar, with monk beads wrapped around its neck with three black tassels on the beads. It also sported a uniquely shaped hat with spikes facing to the right and two black lines on each side between the curves of the hat with artificial ponytail on the hat, it also sported circular seals on its shoulders and stomach and bar like markings on the forms hands and feet and had three black lines on its torso resembling a ribcagewith a 'cloak' of yellow chakra which swayed behind it with nine black lines running down and black balls of chakra which were Frank's **Gudōdama** also floated behind the **Varuna **in a halo like fashion and it's form was constantly flickering yellow flames, it's height was enormous as it easily equalled the **Susanoo** in height. (Asura's battle avatar, if you were wondering)

Darknarok's **Susanoo** readied itself to attack Frank, by unsheathing its twin katana. Frank's **Varuna** responded by manifesting a short staff in each one of its six hands by applying shape transformation to the **Gudōdama**. Both heavenly beings and their respective masters charged at each other.

Darknarok 's **Susanoo** raised its sword and performed a downward slash on the **Varuna **but the battle avatar raised two of its staves to block it, and with its other four arms it attacked the **Susanoo's **chest, with multiple barrages from the staves, but given that the **Susanoo** is mostly used for defence with considerable offence, the staves were able to cause harm to it, but not much.

The **Susanoo** using it's free katana attempted to slash the Uzumaki's avatar, but Frank sensing the attack coming, was able to have his **Varuna **dodge it, but the resulting slash tore apart any mountains that were in the area, cutting them in half with little to no effort.

Frank seeing the destruction was unafraid of it, it did nothing to break his fighting spirit. Frank from within his **Varuna** commanded the warrior to jump in the air, Darknarok with his Sharingan saw Naruto coming down from the sky, with his avatar's staves ready to strike him in a stabbing motion.

Darknarok readied his **Susanoo's** wings and was able to drift away from Frank's avatar that was just about to hit him, the result, from the force of the impact was enough to completely shatter the entire earth they were battling on, causing it to be crushed into pieces of rock that were the size of specks of salt. Even the mountains Sasuke had cut in half were punished even more as their entire form came crashing down becoming nothing more than dust, the trees and lakes that were nearby were uprooted and their shape was distorted.

Total destruction was what remained and the mountains they were battling in was nothing more than a rocky, splintered and grey area.

Darknarok's **Susanoo** was able to escape the immediate danger, but still, the sight was still in Darknarok's mind. Just how could his greatest enemy, someone who was born with utterly no talent or genius, able to match a prodigy such as himself, he hated feeling weak, as it prove that his opponent was stronger.

Darknarok's **Susanoo **flew down at Frank ready to battle him once again.

'I'm not going to lose to you.' thought Darknarok as he was nearing his opponent.

'I will protect my village, my friends, and those who I love more than anything, if it means killing you, then I will force my hand.' thought Frank as he prepared himself for Darknarok. Both beings then met in a clash that created massive gusts of wind that blew away any dust and debris. Then both constructs jumped away from the other and fell into defensive stances where they attacked each other again with violent clashes that shook that shook the earth to its core, Frank and Darknarok kept attacking one another, hoping to gain an upper hand.

Frank with a tactic in mind, had his **Varuna** prepare the **Gudōdama** by clutching one in each hand where it charge toward Sasuke smashed the black balls into Darknarok's **Susanoo** where it disintegrated on touch, almost as if the warrior was screaming in pain from the attack, much of the ethereal warrior was damage and hurt where it lost a leg, an arm and about half of its body because of the raw power of Naruto's attacks, however Darknarok reformed the warrior and healing all damage done to its body by feeding off Darknarok's chakra. Darknarok then threw its two swords at Frank's **Varuna** where they cut the three-headed avatar in the side and on its shoulder but it didn't deter it when it grabbed swords out of the air and threw them back at the **Susanoo** where it stabbed the warrior in the chest.

Darknarok's **Susanoo** then jumped away hoping to avoid the dangerous attacks that would surely kill Darknarok. Darknarok then whistled where his massive dark dragon came running towards him, interrupting the dragons' battle with its light counterpart. Frank also did the same and Drago flapped his wings intent on getting to Frank's location. Both legends then deactivated their guardian deities and landed on the respective heads of their familiars.

"**Susanoo/Varuna!**" spoke Frank and Darknarok at the same time, except instead they were shaping their deities around their familiars. Razer was covered from head to toe to tail in purple protectiev chakra plates and two extra rams, one over each of its shoulder holding twin katanas in each hand. razer's face was covered in the helmet of the **Susanoo** gaining a long tengu nose, two horns over its ears, samurai like armour also sprouted it's shoulders and purple flames were flickering off its form with a hexagonal prism on his forehead where his master was floating within with his arms crossed and the cursed seal on his body disappearing because of the ethereal warrior.

Drago was encased in flickering flames and translucent chakra, on its shoulders and stomach were circular seals and lines that ran up and down from the seals, on both sides of the dragon's face were two identical copies of the dragon's face, mirroring Frank's singular **Varuna**, upon its three heads were circular hats with an artificial ponytail with two black lines and a dot on each hat, it's scales along it's body disappeared being replaced with the chakra of the **Varuna**, it also gained two extra pair of arms with lines running down each arm. black lines were also running along the entire length of his body ending at the tail and it also gained black lines on its torso looking like a ribcage and prayer beads with a tassels around it's long neck and finally gained an extra pair of wings with three black lines on the wings and Frank sitting within the hat of Drago staring at Sasuke.

"COME FRANK!" yelled Darknarok as he and his **Susanoo **enhanced tiger pet charged at Frank.

"BE PREPARED DARKNAROK!" responded Frank as he and his **Varuna** enhanced pet dragon flew at Darknarok with both animals roaring at the the other.

Darknarok's Dark Dragon opened its purple clad mouth and what appeared to be a massive rotating wind-ball formed where Darknarok stabbed it with his two **Susanoo** swords before launching it at Frank as he and Drago landed on the where Frank channelling his chakra through the **Varuna** slammed one of its hand on the ground.

**"Kuchyose: Senpō Gojū Rashōmon (Summoning: Sage art Quintuple Rashōmon**)!" yelled Frank as five Rashōmon gates appeared that were larger than Tentō appeared, blocking Darknarok's attack.

Frank had Drago fly up where the back hair man made a handseal. While Drago seemed to be sucking in its gut. and everywhere leaves from all around gathered around Frank and Drago where the two of them, fired of water jets from Drago's nose with razor sharp leaves the blonde had gathered where the leaves and the water mixed together where the pressure from the water enhanced the leaves cutting power where they pierced into Darknarok's **Susanoo** enhanced Dark Dragon.

But the Dark Dragon was fine as its defenses were vastly increased. Then the two parties charged at each other in a blinding light.

Later, their battle was coming to an end. Both opponents were pushed to their absolute limits and power, their clothes were burnt and were hanging limply, just barely clinging to their bodies. They had oozing wounds from the attacks they dealt to each other, their hair was caked with blood and their bodies were covered in bruises and both were panting heavily.

The environment around them was barren and grey and all life had been exterminated from the area, there was little to no colour, the trees were gone and the mountains looked like they had been filed down into ash, the scene would make anyone gasp at the hideousness, dark clouds were gathering over the area, blocking the light and darkening the sky, the ground was grey and cracked almost as if someone had literally broken it like glass, whenever someone would walk over it the tiniest dust cloud would be upturned where they stepped.

It was just an ugly sight, through and through. Everything was just flat and dull, and would remain that way.

Now both fighters were facing each other, no special powers, no flickering flames, just the two of them.

For Darknarok, the powers of Senjutsu, were enough to rival his visual prowess granted by the Sharingan and Rinnegan. He had to use his key abilities to keep the powers of Sage mode at bay, such as the **Gakidō (Preta path)** and the **Tendō (Deva path)** but he was still overwhelmed by the power of Senjutsu.

For Frank the Sage modes innate ability to empower all the users' abilities were enough to match the powers of visual jutsu, even visual prowess as strong as Darknarok's. Without their respective powers such as Rinnegan and Senjutsu they would be equal in every way. Frank had to resort to every one of his jutsu to combat Sasuke, his kekki genkai and his space-time ninjutsu being key in the battle.

Darknarok currently had his left eye closed and the Sharingan in his right eye was currently deactivated, however, he was still standing strong and had just barely enough chakra. He was currently holding his trademark sword in his hand which had droplets of blood on it.

Frank was still in his **Rikudō Senjutsu **form only the weaker version and without the chakra shroud, but nature energy was as much a part of him as he was to nature, although from using his special form, **Rikudō Senjutsu (Six Paths Sage technique)** he was worn out and on the verge of collapse. Not even his empowered healing jutsu were enough to keep him standing, and his left arm was currently limp and unusable. Frank only had one of his staves in his only uninjured arm.

"This time, the sun shall set on its final day." whispered Darknarok and then he charged at Frank who performed the same action and both met in a clash of metal and sparks, and both fighters streaked across the ground before coming to a stop, leaving trails of grey dust behind them, however Frank fell to the ground his face covered in dirt, while Darknarok was standing tall and proud.

"Finally, the moon has shadowed the sun, and this time, I am standing, victorious, while you lay there in the ground, pathetic." spoke Darknarok as he turned to the downed from of Frank who was breathing heavily.

Frank tried to pick himself up off the ground with his one remaining arm, but, he was currently twitching his left fingers and he was still holding his staff.

"We finally reached our dreams, are you going to throw that all away? Just for a petty reason? What about our family? our children? Do they mean anything to you?" questioned Frank as he laid on the ground.

Darknarok closed his eyes in contemplation and immediately images of their children appeared in his mind when he and frank were once one being, his two Daughters and his son. Junior, his Oldest and his last son, Ai, his youngest son and middle child and heir to the Uzumaki clan, and korai his youngest daughter and heir to the Uchiha clan. He loved all of them equally just as much as he loved his older sister Victoria, they were the only family he had left, after Darknarok and frank's wife died giving birth to korai.

He raised them from that point onward as a single father. But still.

"They won't be safe in Konoha, no Uchiha and Uzumaki shall be, what I am doing, I am doing for their sake." spoke Darknarok as he walked toward the still downed form of the leader of the Uzumaki clan.

Frank was currently tightening his left fist, only subtle actions that Darknarok wouldn't pick up on.

"The only way to ensure their safety is to make people fear the Mallque. Fear and power lead to peace that is the only way to keep my family safe and fulfil what our ancestors tried to accomplish." continued Darknarok as he was standing over Frank.

"You speak like your ancestors, have you not learned from the mistakes of our past lives. Not truly knowing the value of people. The only way to understand how the world works and what people truly think, is to interact with them, we must experience what makes a person a person, understanding others cannot be forced, it is something someone must live with and through living it we discover that human life is precious, and I will do anything to protect it. True peace is attained through kindness, understanding and cooperation." monologue Frank, in an attempt to make Darknarok change his mind.

"Then, just as always, you are indeed a fool." spoke Darknarok as he prepared to stab Frank and end his life.

Frank just closed his eyes and readied himself for Darknarok's final attack. The blonde channeled a controlled amount of chakra into his one staff, making a clicking vibration, he scrunched up his left ready to attack.

Just as Darknarok thrusted his sword, Frank got onto his feet and with his left arm and Senjutsu enhanced strength shattered Darknarok's sword with single strike and one of the halves of his short staff fell to the ground, revealing a blade just as long as the now missing half of the staff.

And with precise aim and speed, Frank stabbed Darknarok in the side, where his left ribcage is, making the Uchiha gasp in surprise and pain and blood to leak out of his mouth. Darknarok turned his head and stared at Frank in shock, shock because of what had transpired and surprise.

"You!?" gasped Darknarok and grunted in agony at the feeling of Frank's hidden sword in his side.

"I will protect my home, my people, my friends and my family, if anyone threatens the things closest to me, I'll kill them, nor will they receive my forgiveness." spoke Frank as his eyes instinctively darkened.

"You're like water, Frank, always changing, but whether changing for the best or worst, depends on perspective." spoke Darknarok as his muscles turned against him and he was about to hit the ground.

However he felt something catch him before he could hit the ground. And he found his face, being cradled upon Frank's shoulder. And he could feel Frank's right arm around his back, supporting him. Frank, still showed compassion, even now, to his enemy. Darknarok, although he couldn't see it, he could feel, the sorrow flowing off the blonde haired sage.

And while Frank was cradling Darknarok 's body, the sage's tears were silently and slowly, flowing down his cheeks. He remembered, everything, from the time he truly met Darknarok Uchiha, to the Uzumaki falling in love but not before having some girlfriend troubles that came with the teenage years, he remembered the birth of his first child which was also the day his arm got broken by his wife while going through labour.

He remembered it all too well.

"Do you remember, the day we truly met for the first time?" spoke Frank and at that moment, the grey clouds over the sky came plummeting down atop the two gods, washing away their blood, grime and the tears, almost as if the sky was trying to comfort them or condemn them, didn't it truly matter at the moment.

"As if it was Yesterday." whispered Darknarok as he closed his eyes.

"...You will always be my brother."

Frank's salty tears mingled with those of the rain, washing them away as if they were washing the sins of his form.

Then everything around them, started disappearing, the grey, barren wasteland vanished as if ripples fell over the world and soon they too vanished like rushing waves.

And the images of Frank and Darknarok were gone, leaving nothing but a pool of glistening water, not even a reflection was seen.

"From what I have perceived I anticipate that the transmigration has almost concluded and Asura and Indra, their chakra shall be reborn in new contemporary arbitrator." spoke a floating man to nothing in particular as he removed his elaborate staff from the water.

"The discrepancy between their personalities, psyche and temperament likewise their capabilities, expertise and proficiency with their respective powers also differentiates itself in many ways, Frank Uzumaki and Darknarok Uchiha, are fascinating indeed." spoke Frank Mallque the fused man of these power full men as he kept staring into the water.

This man, while forgotten by time and culture, was very much a god as one can expect. He had given hope to many that thought it didn't exist, he made peace in a world consumed by war and his own power was enough to shatter the world in two. Anybody who threatened him or his family were basically begging to be killed.

The old man, was so powerful, his chakra, the power built up inside of every person, that he could literally transcend time and space as if he was skateboarding down a street.

The old man was a tall man even in his old age. He had deep wrinkles, a long goatee reaching down to his waist, and short, greyish-red shaggy hair, which spiked up at the top and a chin-length braid hanging in-front of his left ear. The man had pronounced eyebrow ridges with small horn-like protrusions above them, as well as a red ripple-like marking in the centre of his forehead and also grey skin that seemed to match his ancient look.

He wore a white, full-length kimono with a pattern of six black magatama around his high collar, beneath which he wore a black necklace which was made of six black magatama, one the back of his kimono was a larger ripple-like marking with a pattern of nine magatama arranged in three rows beneath it.

This man was one of the most revered figures in history. He was literally stright out of stories and myths, the Sage of the Six paths Hagoromo Ōtsutsuki, son of Kaguya Ōtsutsuki. For millennium he had been watching his three sons and daughter fight their eternal struggle. One out of jealousy and hatred and the other out of defence and love and the two lovers out of reason.

Kai with the power Indra and Asura, the earth with the moon and the sun, the Dark Dragon and the Light Dragon, Yin and Yang. Two opposites that existed within that cannot live without the other.

Hagoromo and Frank looked up from the water and inspected the world around them for the possibly the millionth time. they was surrounded by water, not the raging oceans and storm shattering waves of the wild seas, but the calmness and serenity of a gentle lake, they looked up into the sky, inspecting the stars above them, glinting light and shining it over the darkness.

Frank looked behind him to see a crescent moon, never moving and changing and a bit beside it was a dimmed sun, shining ever so brightly, but not enough to light up the realm he was in. This plane of space was unaccessible by any who didn't have a 'certain' chakra. This was a realm for beings who were above gods.

But the beauty and majesty of it almost felt like it could make any person feel like a king. Maybe this was heaven, maybe it was just another dimension of earth. Did it truly matter? Since he was alone, but sometimes he would get visits from other transmigrates every now and then, but all he needed was the peace and calm. Something which They wasn't afforded during their lifetime because of the endless wars and hagoromo raising two boys, one calm, stern and focused, the other rambunctious, cheerful and exuberant.

Sometimes Frank would give anything just to relive the times and trials of raising the two people he loved more than anything in the world.

But now he too was watching them again, reincarnated into two new individuals, including him, however what he saw in the water was only a possible fate, and from what he knew of fate, was that it was changeable, like the wind.

But he knew, above all else that the two boys have the capacity to end, the cycle of hatred and bring about an armistice between his two sons or their destinies will be that of bloodshed, and hatred.

"I can only hope, that my boy, will bring about an end, to everything." spoke Frank to Hagoromo, knowing and wanting more than ever, that his sons will bring about the peace he had dreamed of for so long.

_**-END-**_

"Ah…chapter 1 is finally finished…That was pretty exciting." Frank Jr said with a smile.

"No doubt about it." Meg agreed. "And there will probably be more to come."

Frank Jr deadpanned at her as he pointed towards a huge pile of books. "Obviously."

"Yeah! I want to read more!" Stewie said happily.

"So should we move on?" The Half saiyan asked.

"Is there anything else to do? The Griffin shot back.

"Huh?! What the hell do you mean, Foot-head?!" Frank Jr shouted.

"What did you just call me, dumbass?!" Stewie shouted back at the insult. Evil's personality appearing, replacing the usual impassiveness of every Stewie Griffin in the Omniverse.

"WHAT?!"

"We'll read next chapter tomorrow!" Meg exclaimed cheerfully, ignoring the arguing pair as she grabbed a book. The cover showed, 'Uzumaki Frank: Chapter 2'

**"Chapter 2: Hagoromo Uzumaki!"**

**The End**


	18. Chapter 16: If I'm Dyin', I'm Lyin'

**Chapter 16: If I'm Dyin', I'm Lyin'**

**Opening Credits**

_It seems today that all ya see_

_Is violence in movies and sex on TV_

_But where are those good, old-fashioned values_

_On which we used to rely_

_Lucky there's a Family Guy!_

_Lucky there's a man who_

_Positively can do_

_All the things that make us_

_Laugh n' Cry_

_He's_

_a_

_Fam_

_-ily_

_Guy!_

**End**

Our episode begins at night where Peter, Frank, Frank Jr, Chris, John, Tyler and Brian were watching TV while Brian was having some pie. Lois came into the living room with a piece of paper.

"Peter, we need to talk." Lois demanded.

"Not now, Grandma. Our show's about to start." Frank Jr told Lois where it cut to say show.

"Bryant Gumbel." The narrator announced to an African-American male with his eyes squinted and his right hand on the left mirror of a motorbike as it then panned to the right to another African-American male, this time with his arms crossed, "Greg Gumbel." It then zoomed out to show both of them each standing next to the motorbike, "Brothers. Bike cops. Gumbel 2 Gumbel: Beach Justice." It cut to say logo popping up as it then showcased mostly shots of attractive people in swim attire (swimsuits). Eventually, the episode started with our heroes having just gotten hot dogs at a hot dog stand.

"You talk to Matt Lauer lately?" Greg asked his brother, Bryant.

"Mmhm, mmhm, played 18 holes with him on Saturday." Bryant answered, "Told him he was soft in the Arafat interview."

"Oh." Greg responded lightly, "I like Matt."

"Me, too." Bryant replied back.

Suddenly, a woman's scream was heard.

"My purse!" The same woman shouted pointing to a man getting away on a bike with the woman's purse in one of his hands.

"Come on, Greg. Let's roll." Bryant told Greg as the brothers jumped into their motorbike and chased toward the thief.

The thief was speeding through the dock when he turned to the left and found the Gumbel brothers right there. Greg jumped on the crook and started smacking him, but the crook soon fought back.

Greg managed to counterattack and smack a few punches before being knocked back at the front near the spinning front wheel. Civilians managed to get out of the way as both bikers passed through. Greg reached for and snatched the purse and flung the bag over the thief's head and to the back of his neck when Greg pulled himself up and started once again pummeling the thief's face.

Back on the motorbike, Bryant looks ahead and notices a mother pushing a stroller with her daughter inside, but instead of stopping right away, Bryant then speeds a bit as the mothers looks ahead panicked and fortunately, Bryant skid the motorbike sideways just in time with the other bike crashing to its right side, flinging the thief to the sand with Bryant landing on top of him and shuffling his head in the sand.

"Taste that?" Bryant teased the thief, "That's the taste of beach justice."

Lois turned the TV off with the remote and tossed it to Peter, to the latter and Frank Jr's confusion.

"Mom, are you crazy?" Frank questioned Lois.

"Yeah, me, Frank, Frank Jr, Dad, John and Tyler haven't missed a _Gumbel 2 Gumbel _yet." Chris said.

"Well, you're gonna miss this one, young man." Lois reassured Chris holding up a piece of paper, "His report card came today. No more TV until your grades improve."

"Can me, Dad, John and Tyler watch TV, Grandma?" Frank Jr asked Lois.

"Of course you can, boys." Lois assured.

"Whoo!" Frank Jr, Frank, John and Tyler all cheered in unison taking the remote from Peter and turning the TV back on.

"Hey, that's not fair." Peter complained, "How come Frank, Frank Jr, John and Tyler get to watch TV and Chris can't?"

"Peter, you know Frank, Frank Jr, John and Tyler don't have homework to attend to." Lois reminded Peter before turning to Chris, "Chris, on the other hand, does. Now, go upstairs and study." Lois then walked out of the room.

"Don't worry, I'll talk to her." Peter told Chris, "After I get a little bit of courage from my old friend, Mr. Jack Daniels." It seemed that Peter was about to drink a nearby shot of Jack Daniels conveniently, only to pick up a nearby wireless phone and dialed a number, "Mrs. Daniels? MRS. DANIELS? IS JACK IN? What? Oh, my God! When?! Oh, I am so sorry. Poor, old Jack. He was a wise man, but he just loved playing with that wheat thresher. ALWAYS PLAYING WITH THAT WHEAT THRESHER!"

Meanwhile, Lois was giving Stewie a bath in the kitchen sink. However, Stewie kept moving around supposedly trying to prevent Lois from washing him.

"Honey, hold still and let me bathe you." Lois told Stewie, "You're filthy."

"I'm filthy? I'M filthy?" Stewie repeated, "You're the filthy one. What do you say to that? Hm? AH! How dare you?!" Stewie slapped Lois offended as the latter groaned in irritancy.

Peter walked into the kitchen.

"Hey, Stewie." Peter greeted Stewie who was mooning Lois, "I see your bum."

"Oh, well, take a good look, fat man and while you're at it, take pictures so I'll have something to bring to court, you wretched, filthy pervert." Stewie told off Peter.

"Hey, Lois, give Chris a break." Peter insisted to Lois, "I mean, no TV? So, he failed a class. It's not like he felt up his cousin in the garage that Thanksgiving when I was 19."

"Peter, I want you to help Chris." Lois told Peter, "Kids do better when parents take an interest in their schoolwork. I saw that on a two-part report on _Dateline Tuesday _and _Dateline Gatilsday_."

"The hell is Gatilsday?" Peter asked confused.

"Oh, NBC invented a new day so they could add another _Dateline_." Lois explained.

"But _Gumbel 2 Gumbel _is sacred to us." Peter explained also him and Chris, "Bryant and Greg have the kind of father-son relationship I want me and Chris to have someday."

"Peter, Bryant and Greg Gumbel are brothers." Lois questioned Peter, "And besides, don't Frank, Frank Jr, John and Tyler also watch the show with you?"

"Oh, nice, Lois. Now I have to focus on the boys next. And just because Bryant and Greg are black, we can't learn anything from them?" Peter replied back.

Lois sighed in irritation.

"Look, if Chris gets his homework done, you can watch your show together next week." Lois told Peter, "Now, come on. Help me get the house ready for my mother. She's coming to visit for exactly one week."

The scene then did a transitional flip as it immediately flipped to Lois greeting her mother goodbye with Peter, Frank, Frank Jr, Chris, John and Tyler.

"Bye, mom." Lois greeted her mother goodbye as she and the family went inside.

"Sheesh, what a week that was, eh?" Peter said.

"Yeah, it would suck any longer." Frank Jr reply

"I thought it would never end." Tyler responded.

"Yeah, any longer and I would've gone feral." John mentioned.

"Okay, come on, boys, let's watch the Gumbels." Peter insisted.

"Peter, I thought we agreed no TV until Chris gets his homework done." Lois halted Peter, much to his chagrin.

"Mom, I'll do it after-" Chris was about to say.

"Uh-Uh, Chris, uh, finished his homework." Peter interrupted lying to Lois, "In fact, I've been helping him study every night this week."

"Really?" Lois asked delighted, "Well, that's great. Enjoy your show, boys."

"You bet we will." Frank Jr assured to Lois before turning his attention to the boys, "Tonight, Katie Couric guest stars as a very perky crack whore."

"Hey, Pops." Frank asked Peter, "When you said, 'Chris finished his homework', were you talking about him? Cause if you were, I think you just lied to Mom."

"Frank, everything I say is a lie." Peter told Frank, "Except that, and that, and that, and that, and that, and that, and that... and that."

"So, you're taking the 'I'll finish it later' route?" John asked Peter.

"Yep." Peter answered.

"Works for me." John responded facing the TV.

It then cut to Channel 5 News.

"This is an _Action News 5 _news break." Tom Tucker greeted, "I'm Tom Tucker."

"And I'm Diane Simmons." Diane Simmons introduced herself also, "Tom has dared me to do the news topless. I've got the goods, but have I got the guts? Find out at 11:00."

"And if you're settling in to watch _Gumbel 2 Gumbel_, you're out of luck." Tom Tucker reported, "That show has been cancelled. The full story and maybe Diane's boobs, tonight at 11:00."

Cuts back to the quartet on the couch.

"I can't believe this!" Peter reacted to the news.

"I can't believe this either!" Frank Jr reacted to the news as well.

"I feel sick." Chris reacted also.

"Oh, well. That's the end of it, I guess." John shrugged off the news.

"What? Boys, aren't you upset?" Peter asked John and Tyler.

"Why?" John asked.

"Yeah, it was just a TV show." Tyler said trying to talk sense to Peter and Chris, "There's plenty of different shows to watch besides _Gumbel 2 Gumbel_."

"Name three." Frank dared Tyler, whom didn't reply for a moment, "Aha-"

"The Alfred Hitchcock Hour, Lost in Space and Pokemon." Tyler immediately answered, much to Frank's dismay.

"Those are shows you like." Peter then replied.

"Oh." Tyler realized, "Never mind, then."

"Only one thing to do, boys." Frank Jr told the boys, "We gotta save _Gumbel 2 Gumbel_, and we're gonna do it _Mallque 2 Mallque,_ _Griffin 2 Griffin_. And, uh, _John 2 Tyler_? Let's roll!"

"I'm with ya, Frank Jr." Chris said, "What are we gonna do? Write a letter?"

"Nah, nah, I tried that once with Frank and Tyler." Peter answered, "It got me into a lot of trouble."

"You still can't get over that?" Frank asked Peter.

**Cutaway #1**

Frank and Tyler was helping Peter write a letter.

"'If you don't put _Coach _back on the air, I'll be really upset.'" Peter wrote, "'The skillful acting of Craig T. Nelson will be missed a lot.'"

"Sign, please." Tyler told Peter.

"'Signed, Peter.'" Peter finished signing his signature at the bottom of the letter.

"Peter, Frank, Tyler, come help me get the groceries." Lois hollered from outside.

"Okay, honey." Peter told Lois accidentally knocking over a bottle of glue.

"Whoops." Frank said noticing the knocked-over bottle as he soon sees its contents spilling all over the letter leaving it to read "If you don't put _Coach _back on the air, I'll kill Craig T. Nelson." instead as well as Peter immediately placing the letter in the envelope without noticing what the letter now read. As Peter walked out of the room with the now enveloped letter, Frank and Tyler stood there wondering what would happen, "Oh, well, what harm could it do?"

It soon flashed forward to sometime after Peter mailed the letter where someone walked up to the house and it cut to the inside showing the other side of the door when the doorbell rang and Peter answered it to see Craig T. Nelson in front of him.

"Craig T. Nelson?!" Peter reacted.

"Are you Peter Griffin?" Nelson asked Peter.

"Yeah." Peter answered.

"Make it quick." Nelson told Peter bestowing a pistol to the latter.

**End**

That night, Peter and the boys arrived at the Channel 5 News building to try and get _Gumbel 2 Gumbel _back on the air.

"Okay, boys, we're gonna get our show back on the air and we're not be intimidated by slick executive types." Peter told the boys as he spotted what looked like a network executive with a ponytail and was wearing a purple dress coat with a cigarette in his mouth, "Oh, look at Mr. Suave."

It then showed the exec getting into his car backing from the parking space and driving away where it showed a sign reading "Reserved for Jerry Suave".

"Huh." Frank Jr, John and Tyler acknowledged.

As they went inside, the quartet passed by a row of screens showcasing various networks starting with one for ABC showing _Jeopardy_, one for NBC showing what looked like a late night talk show, one for FOX showing a green alien lying down on a bed, one for CBS showing two elderly people together on a bench, one for WB showing a woman crying with a man behind her, and the last one for UPN showing Dilbert.

(A/N: Yes, I know it was originally just a potted plant instead of an actual screen in the original version, but I decided to add the character, Dilbert instead because according to Wikipedia, Dilbert was that network's highest rated show. So, it would at least make some sense for him to be there. Right?)

They then reached the station manager's office as Frank was about to head in.

"Wait, you can't go in there!" The secretary halted Frank.

"Just watch me!" Frank fired back about to head into what seemed to have been the office, only for it to be a brick wall.

"No, I mean, you can't go in there because that room was just sealed up earlier today." The secretary explained, "The new office is next to it."

As the secretary said, there was another next to the former office where Peter and the boys soon walked into the real office meeting the station manager, Mr. Callaghan.

"All right, Callaghan, me, my son and his friends want you to uncancel _Gumbel 2 Gumbel_." Peter demanded to the manager.

"Well, sir, we-we only air the show. We have nothing to do with it being cancelled." Mr. Callaghan reasoned with Peter, "I have all the episodes on tape. Would you like to have them?"

"It's a deal!" Frank Jr agreed willingly.

"Okay, you bastard, you wanna play rough? All right!" Peter haggled, "Until you bring the Gumbels back, I am going on a hunger strike. Eh? How about that, Callaghan? Can you live with that on your conscience?" Peter didn't say anything else for a moment until he spotted the stapler on Mr. Callaghan's desk, "You gonna eat that stapler?"

"You-You can't eat a stapler-" Mr. Callaghan said confused.

"Wanna split it?" Peter asked again.

Eventually, they were kicked out.

"Way to go, Pops..." Frank told Peter sarcastically.

"Sorry, boys. Me and my damn appetite." Peter apologized, "This isn't the first time it's got me into trouble."

**Cutaway #2**

The cutaway was that of the scene in _Jurassic Park _where Muldoon spotted one of the escaped raptors and after loading his rifle, he gets ready to fire. Unbeknownst to the game warden, one of the raptors was just right beside him about ready to pounce, but suddenly, the sound of a potato chip crunched was heard, which the raptor took by surprise and looked behind her to find Peter and Frank Jr sitting on a rock eating a bag of potato chips. Peter and Frank Jr looked to his right and saw the raptor staring and then snarled right back at them, but still continued eating their chips.

**End**

Coincidentally, a nearby TV in the hall the quartet were in just happened to play and was showing a sports program called _Quahog 5 Sports with Dirk Bandit_.

"And in gridiron news, little Johnny Gobraun, a terminally ill 8-year-old who dreamed of playing quarterback for New England got his wish today thanks to the Grant-a-Dream foundation." the show's host said showing a boy who was terminally ill, then dressed up in football gear competing in a football team.

"Gobraun takes the snap and and fades back to pass." The announcer stated, "Here comes the rush- OH, he's sacked!"

As it was about to replay what happened, the Overworld theme from _SUPER MARIO WORLD _then played, much to everyone's surprise, and then it showed both John and Tyler also in football gear and in 8-bit sprites where the entire scene played out like a level from the aforementioned game.

John picked up Gobraun, who was still holding the ball, as how Mario carries Koopa shells and followed Tyler. Tyler then Spin Jumps on all the opposite team players shown on screen similarly to how Charging' Chucks were defeated in the game. The duo then reached the goal and John kicked Gobraun over it (again, how Mario kicks objects in the game) and Gobraun landed safely on a wheelchair.

It then ended with how the player finished the level from _SUPER MARIO WORLD _as John and Tyler suddenly appeared next to Frank Jr, Frank, Peter and Chris, who were too surprised from what they saw on the television to even question what just happened.

"Boys, I just thought a way to get the Gumbels back on the air." Peter told the boys thinking up a plan.

"All right, Dad!" Chris praised his father.

"How?" Frank Jr asked as Peter went to a nearby payphone and dialed a number.

"All we gotta do is tell a little white lie." Peter explained his plan, "Just go with it. Is this the Grant-a-Dream foundation? My son, Chris is dying!"

"HOLY CRAP, NO!" Chris panicked.

"OH, MY GOD!" Frank Jr and Frank screamed.

"NNOOOOOooooo!" John and Tyler wept as they hugged Chris and cried in sympathy for him.

"That was the lie..." Peter told the boys.

"Oh, you sly boots." Chris congratulated Peter.

"Oh..." John responded no longer crying and realizing what he did.

"... Right..." Tyler responded also in the way as the duo stopped hugging Chris.

"Hey, uh, Chris. Please don't tell Persephone that I cried." John told Chris.

"Why would I-" Chris was about to ask.

"JUST DON'T! ALL RIGHT?!" John soon shouted.

The following weekend, Peter and the boys arrived at the Grant-a-Dream Foundation where they were already talking with the head of the foundation, Mr. Harris, who was looking through files.

"Are you sure this will work?" Chris asked Peter feeling a bit skeptical about the plan.

"Chris, this is just another one of Tyler's crazy schemes." Peter told Chris.

"I never said that!" Tyler protested.

"Yeah, this whole thing was your idea." Frank agreed.

"You'll all find out." Peter replied.

"Grandpa, you're not making any sense." Frank Jr told Peter.

"You just leave that to me-" Peter was about to say again until John bonked hard on his head, "Wh-Wha-What-?"

"Aahh, yes, here we go. Chris Griffin." Mr. Harris announced holding Chris' medical file and analyzing its contents, "Your dying wish is denied." Mr. Harris unexpectedly denied, then noticed the quartet still seated, "Thank you."

"Wait a minute, my son only has a short time to live." Peter told the head, "All he wants is his favorite show back on TV. How can you say no?"

Mr. Harris simply chuckled in response. "Mr. Griffin, everyone thinks they can fool us into thinking their child is dying in order to win over our trust, which we were gullible enough to believe them only to find out later that the whole thing was a hoax. But these days, we not only keep track from their children's' medical records, but also require that it's something serious. We need patients we can actually treat. You know, like that fundraiser we did for that boy on _Hollywood Squares_."

**Cutaway #3**

It showed an infomercial for the charity fund.

"Every donation made on tonight's show will go to the Grant-A-Wish Foundation's treatment for young Jeremy on block 6." The host said showing said patient on one of the booths, "And we would like to thank you all for doing your part at saving a life."

"And if it wasn't for you all, I would be dead right now." Jeremy told the audience.

**End**

"I'm telling ya, my son, Chris is dying ten times worse than those other kids." Peter told the man, "He's got a very rare disease called, uh... t-tumor-syphillus-itis- uh, osis." Peter then quietly sat back down.

"Hmm... sounds possible fake, yet somehow sexy." Mr. Harris said to himself unconvinced by the ruse, "All right, I'll bite. What are the symptoms?"

"What are the symptoms? Take a look!" Peter insisted pulling up Chris's shirt, which showed his whole torso covered in pepperoni slices, "He's growing nipples all over his body!"

"They look like pepperonis." Mr. Harris pointed out.

"Who do you think you are?" Frank Jr asked the man, "My Uncle happens to be very sensitive about his extra nipples." Peter then took off a pepperoni piece from Chris's torso, "See, look. They're-They're coming right off. Nipples shouldn't just come off like that."

Frank, John and Tyler both soon face palms themselves in embarrassment.

"Okay, Mr. Griffin, I applaud what you're doing here, but there is no way that I'll ever buy thi-" Mr. Harris got up and was about to say his response to Peter's face before his pupils glowed yellow and soon the expression on his face then changed drastically, "Wait a minute... Oh, my God! You were telling the truth all this time!" The man suddenly acknowledged, "Why, tha-Why, that's got to be the most sickest boy I've ever seen!" He then picked up the phone on his desk, "Get me the president of NBC!"

Peter, Frank Jr and Chris were absolutely satisfied with their plan's success while Frank, John and Tyler were amazed at the aftermath.

"I can't believe it worked." John whispered.

It then cut to the exterior of NBC's main office building where a sign by the parking lot read "NBC: We used to have Seinfeld, remember?"

Inside, the network's executives were having a meeting over ideas for a new show.

"'Kay, how about this?" One of the members recommended, "A single white girl in the city working at a magazine!"

Everyone seemed intrigued and willing to greenlight the idea.

"Don't you guys hear yourselves? This is the same old crap over and over." One executive at one end of the table finally spoke out against the idea, "We need to take a chance. Try something different. Something fresh."

No one said anything until the president of the network rose up, walked over and picked up a framed poster for a show literally titled "Just Shoot Me" next to the executive who spoke out earlier and starts beating the executive senselessly while everyone else watches in shock. This lasted for a moment before an assastant came in.

"Excuse me." The assistant exclaimed.

"No calls." The president responded.

"It's about a dying boy." The assistant revealed.

This prompted the president to tossing the used poster aside and answer the call.

"Hey, Harris. What is it this time?" The president greeted and asked Mr. Harris on the other line, "Well, what he has got? Sounds a little fake, don't you think? And yet, weirdly sexy. Really?! Get me the film rights to his death and you got a deal."

"Well, congratulations. _Gumbel 2 Gumbel _is back on the air." The man confirmed, much to the quartet's delight.

"All right, Dad!" Chris praised and high-fived Peter.

"Mr. Griffin, I'm sorry we had to meet under these circumstances." Mr. Harris apologized to Peter.

"Are you kidding'? I may see you again." Peter reassured, "I've got two more kids at home and I've always wanted to see some new episodes of _Star Trek_."

"I don't think that's what we came here for-" John tried to remind Peter.

"Hey, John, I'm trying to take advantage of this. Do ya mind?" Peter blew off John, which the former felt disrespected.

The next day, Peter, John and Tyler were outside the house washing the car when Stewie ran out of the front door in his birthday suit with Lois in pursuit.

"Stewie, its bath time." Lois told Stewie, "You're filthy again."

"I'll show you filthy!" Stewie talked back at Lois jumping headfirst into a puddle of mud, "Yes, look at me! I'm a dirty, foul little boy! I'm a nasty, squalid little hobo! I say, Mother, you have your work cut out for you, don't you?"

"Okay, you wanna be dirty? Be dirty." Lois said giving up and walking back inside.

"Where do you think you're going?" Stewie asked Lois, "I've defiled myself! I need to be cleaned!"

"Oh, now you want to be cleaned all of a sudden?" Frank Jr questioned Stewie.

"Yes, I wish to be cleaned!" Stewie responded, "What about it?"

"Oh, you'll see..." Frank Jr replied, "Water style: Water Shock Wave!"

Frank Jr used a water style jutsu as the sky flashed blue, but when it faded, nothing happened.

"Nothing has happened. I'm still filthy!" Stewie said to Tyler.

"Give it time. It's coming..." Frank Jr replied, "... in about 5 seconds."

"What?!" Stewie exclaimed.

"BYE!" Frank Jr greeted Stewie farewell zooming out cartoon-style as the sky began to go dark around and the sound of water rushing.

Stewie looked up and, to his horror, a huge of tide of water was falling from the sky and heading straight for the toddler.

It then showed Frank Jr inside looking out the window where a huge splash was heard off-screen and water gushed from the right of the window flowing right down Spooner Street with Stewie caught within it.

"Well, my work here's done." Frank Jr said.

"By the way, where did you get all of that water?" Frank asked Frank Jr.

**Cutaway #4**

It showed an empty water tower with one of the maintenance workers dumbfounded to what happened.

"What're we going to tell the boss about this?" One of them asked.

**End**

Meanwhile, at Buddy Cianci Junior High, Chris was about to take a test.

"Take out your pencils and start your test." Chris's teacher, Mr. McCloud told the class handing out everyone's tests.

"Uh, Mr. McCloud, I didn't study for this test, but I got a good reason." Chris said to his teacher, "I'm dying."

"Griffin, that's the lamest excuse I've heard since Steinberg came up with that Jewish High Holiday crap." Mr. McCloud ridiculed Chris before turning to the back of the classroom, "Steinberg, take that hat off in my classroom!"

The kid in the back, Steinberg, immediately obeyed and took off his yarmulke.

"But Mr. McCloud, I'm really dying." Chris said pulling out a form from his desk, "I have a certificate to prove it."

Chris handed the certificate to his teacher, who examined it.

"Tumor-syphilis-itis-osis?" read out loud unconvinced as he handed the certificate back to Chris, "All right, Griffin, since you said you apparently have a deadly disease that's been recently discovered, I want to see how severe your condition is."

"What? Oh, no, I don't want to get everyone else to catch it, too-" Chris tried to excuse.

"Show me, Griffin! That's an order!" Mr. McCloud directly ordered Chris.

Now Chris was in trouble. He had to show his teacher his fake illness to the class and unlike back at the Grant-a-Dream Foundation, the pepperoni slices were no longer there. Chris was out of options and couldn't escape. He had to expose himself. Chris lifted his shirt to the class, but when his torso was now visible, everyone including Mr. McCloud's eyes then started glowing bright yellow similarly to Mr. Harris back at the Grant-a-Dream Foundation and as they took a closer look, they were instead horrified.

"My God! Griffin was telling the truth all along! There really IS a tumor-syphilis-itis-osis! And he still comes into school!" Mr. McCloud realized as he placed his hand on Chris's shoulder in a sympathetic way, "You're excused from the test, you brave, brave boy."

Chris was happy to hear that he was excused.

"We can all learn something from this fine you- Damn it, Steinberg! Take that hat off or I'll have Griffin show his extra nipples!"

Once again, Steinberg removes his yarmulke.

Later that evening, Peter, Frank, Frank Jr, John, Tyler and Brian were watching TV on the couch.

"Dad, Marcy Gibbons just called! She heard that Chris is dying!" Persephone came down stairs and informed Peter the "bad news" sobbing.

This caused John to develop guilt about the plan and couldn't stand the sight of seeing Persephone in tears.

"Aahh, that's it! I can't take it anymore!" John confessed in an outburst, "Persephone, your brother's not dying. It was all your Dad's idea."

"Yeah, Persephone, your brother's okay." Peter joined in, "That was just a little white lie me, Chris, Frank, Frank Jr, John and Tyler came up with to save a TV show."

"So *sniff* he's not gonna die?" Persephone asked.

"Nooo." Peter reassured,"

Peter laughed hard at John's misfortune.

"You're a monster." Frank Jr and Brian called Peter.

"Hey Frank, Frank Jr, Chris, Tyler and Nutbuster here were all in on the whole thing." Peter dismissed.

"You dragged us into this!" John argued.

"Anyway, it's over and done with." Peter stated before everyone began hearing music coming from outside, "The hell is that?" Peter walked over to the window and found a candlelight vigil singing.

_Oh, dying boy of Quahog_

_Chris Griffin, you're so brave_

_There's a smile on your face_

_And a bounce on your step_

_As they dig your grave_

(claps twice)

_As they dig your grave!_

(claps twice again)

"Do I hear singing?" Lois asked hearing the choir outside.

"Ye-" Tyler was about to answer, only for Peter to cover his mouth.

"NO! No singing!" Peter denied, "Heh, just-just us watching another hilarious episode _Good Times_. Heh. You know, the sitcom that's funnier when you play it really loud."

It immediately cut to say program as J. J. comes home with his parents, Henry and Florida Evans sitting at the table.

"Maxine is the lady who's feeling' all right!" J. J. announced coming into the apartment before pulling off a spin, "Thanks to the magic of Kid DYNOMITE!"

This was followed by laughter from the audience.

"Junior, where you been?" Henry asked J. J. checking his watch, "Dinner was three hours ago!"

"Oh, forget him, Henry." Florida reconsidered, "He's an idiot."

"Mama, what's wrong with you?" J. J. asked Florida.

"What's wrong with me?!" Florida repeated bitterly, "My name is Florida! Florida! That's the name of a state! Why is my name Florida?! Oh, Lord!" She then broke down face down on the table sobbing.

It awkwardly went until J. J. finally broke the silence. "Dynomite!"

Of course, it didn't work when Meg turned off the TV.

"That is singing." Meg acknowledged as she and Lois going to the window, "Dad, there's a candlelight vigil on our front lawn."

"Meg, that's ridiculous." Peter lied pulling out a fireplace poker and sneaking up to Meg while she was distracted, "There's nobody out there. You must be seeing things."

"Peter, why are these people here?" Lois soon turned and asked Peter, who quickly hid the poker behind his back.

"As they dig my grave." Chris sang followed by a clap, "As they dig my grave. Hey, Dad, they're singing a song about me!" As Peter moved, Chris realized Lois was present, "Oh... hi, Mom."

The doorbell rang and Peter opened to find to to be Mr. Harris with a film crew.

"Hello, Mr. Griffin." Mr. Harris greeted Peter, "We just came to see if your son has taken a media-friendly turn for the worse."

"No, no, everything's fine." Peter excused, much to Mr. Harris' dismay, "Thanks for checking. Bye-bye."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa." Mr. Harris halted stopping Peter from shutting the door, "Mr. Griffin, the foundation held up its end of the bargain and got that crappy Gumbel show back on the air. You owe us a body!"

"What?" Lois exclaimed, much to Peter's worry."

"Uh, excuse me for a minute." Peter told Mr. Harris and closed the door to talk to Lois.

"You pretended Chris was dying to save a TV show?!" Lois asked Peter realizing what's going on, "You're a monster!"

"Thank you." Frank Jr and Brian exclaimed.

"Peter, you tell that man the truth!" Lois ordered Peter.

Peter came out and confronted Mr. Harris.

"Uh, Just-just out of curiosity." Peter asked.

"Shoot." Mr. Harris assured.

"What happens if my son's not really dying?" Peter asked.

"You go to jail for defrauding a charitable organization." Mr. Harris answered, much to Peter's dismay.

"Oh..." Peter said with a tone of realization in his voice, "That's interesting."

"Why?" Mr. Harris asked in a suspicious tone.

"No reason. Just wanted to know." Peter excused, "Will you excuse us?" Peter closed the door again and came to a conclusion, "Honey, you're right." Peter said to Lois, "There's only one way out of this!"

"Tell the truth and accept responsibility?" Tyler asked.

Peter stepped outside.

"Chris is all better!" Peter announced, "I cured him!"

"You cured him?" Mr. Harris repeated.

"That's right! I have divine powers!" Peter called out when suddenly his and everyone else's eyes glowed in the mysterious yellow light from before being under some kind of trance until Peter's eyes fade to normal whilst everyone else's minus Mr. Harris were still under influence by the same force, "Okay, safe drive." Peter headed back inside the house now relieved, much to Frank Jr, Frank, Meg, John, Tyler and Lois' dissatisfaction.

"Nope." John answered about Tyler's question earlier in the same voice as the Engineer from _Team Fortress 2_.

(A/N: I am aware this was before _Team Fortress 2_, but technically the first game was already released before _Family Guy _(specifically 1996). So, it kind of counts as period accurate for now.)

"Well, what do you have to say to that?" Peter asked Lois, "I'm not going to jail, Chris doesn't have to die, and best of all, _Gumbel 2 Gumbel_ is back on the air."

"Oh, you're a great role model, Peter." Lois told Peter sarcastically, "What kind of man devalues the life of his child for a TV show?"

"Lois, anyone who wouldn't pretend their own son is dying to get the Gumbels back on racist is a racist." Peter excused, "There, I said it."

This left Lois unpleased as a result of Peter's carelessness.

The next morning, Peter stepped outside in a bathrobe to retrieve the paper on the front porch. As he collected the paper, the camera zoomed out to show a group of people standing outside the house, much to Peter's surprise as Frank Jr, Frank, Meg, Lois, Brian, John and Tyler joined Peter. Lois was also in a robe with hair rollers on and John and Tyler were still in their pajamas. And like last night, the mysterious force that residing in almost everyone last night was now present within the people now outside the house, possibly brainwashing them.

"It's him!" A woman acknowledged, "It's Peter Griffin! The miracle healer of Quahog! Oh, heal me, O great one!"

"You see what your lies have gotten you?" Frank Jr asked Peter hoping he finally realized the error of his ways, "The-They think you're some kind of healer."

"I'll handle it, Frank Jr." Peter told Frank Jr, "I read a book about this sort of thing once."

"Are you sure it was a book?" Frank asked Peter, "Are you sure it wasn't nothing?"

"... Oh, yeah..." Peter realized nonchalantly.

"Peter, these poor, deluded people think you have divine powers." Lois told Peter.

"Praise Peter!" A man declared.

"We are your servants." An old woman said to Peter.

"It's a miracle!" Another woman cried out.

"What would you have us do, O great healer of Peter?" A man in a blue shirt asked Peter.

"Well, there's really no need to do anythi-" Peter was going to say until being tranced by the same force, "Paint my house!"

Both the woman, the elderly woman and the man then excitedly went to do what they were told.

"Peter, it's bad enough to lie to your family, but how can you let these people think you're a healer?" Lois questioned Peter's morality, this is pure exploitation."

"No, it's not." Frank Jr excused, "Those-Those films Grandpa's cousin, Rufus used to do were pure exploitation."

**Cutaway #5**

The cutaway showed Peter's cousin, Rufus Griffin, a black version of Peter, dancing in a blaxploitation film.

"From the cats that brought you _Caddyblack_, _Blackdraft _and _Black Kramer vs. Kramer_, comes a funky flick so bad, you gonna say, 'Damn, that's funky!'." A narrator reminiscent of Kevin Michael Richardson announced as it cut to a building then panned below to show three men in pimp outfits when suddenly a cadillac floored down the street with Rufus driving.

The four men pulled out guns and started firing at the cadillac while one of them jumped on top of the hood and pulled a gun at the driver.

"Oh, you out of time, baby!" Rufus said slamming the pedal at full speed where the car disappears in an implosion of plasma in the same manner as the DeLorean from _Back to the Future_. The men who were shooting the car were left puzzled as to what just happened.

The car then reappears in 1955 ending up in the middle of a town square. Rufus slammed the brakes sending the man on the hood to the ground.

"Dame!" The man exclaimed.

"Rufus Griffin stars in..." The narrator said with Rufus giving a thumps up at the screen as a parody of the _Back to the Future _opening credits pop up, "_Black to the Future_."

It then cut to a hallway with students dressed for prom.

"We're talkin' Marty McSuperfly, dig?" The narrator continued panning to Rufus flirting with a girl.

"Marty, I want to be your fine, sweet-ass bitch." The girl asked Marty (Rufus) before kissing him when the same man Rufus brought with him from the time machine came in.

"Damn! Brother done kissed his mama!" The man acknowledged surprised.

It then showed Rufus rocking' the guitar at the dance. Just as in the movie, everyone was amazed at Rufus' skills.

"Oh, yeah." The narrator said.

Back stage, one of the musicians dialed a number on a nearby phone.

"Get me Isaac Hayes." The musician demanded, "Isaac, you know that new sound you've been looking' for? Well, listen to this!" He held out the phone directly at Rufus, who was still playing the guitar.

**End**

"Come on, Lois. Stop being such a stick in the mud." Peter persuaded Lois, "Look, I'm giving these saps hope and I'm getting' a house painted for free. Heh? Its win-freakin'-win, baby!"

Lois only responded with a dissatisfied look on her face.

"It's more like win-lose right now, Grandpa." Frank Jr remarked.

"Yeah, well-" Peter almost said before being possessed by the mystery force, "Excuse me." Peter walked away to his servants while Frank Jr, Frank, John and Tyler started growing suspicious of Peter's behavior as of late.

Later that evening, all of Peter's slaves were all dressed exactly like Peter and were painting the house as the camera panned to the right showing Peter being served by his slaves.

"Hey, flathead, chop-chop." Peter ordered one of the slaves having finished his martini.

Three of the men that Peter was facing toward checked the top of their heads and the middle one with the buzz cut won since he was the one Peter was talking to while the other two men from both left and the right moped in disappointment. The middle one then came up to Peter and knelt down beside him as the latter placed his glass on top of the slave's head as if he were a side table.

"Excellent work on the yard, servant." Peter praised one of the slaves mowing the lawn, "And after you've finished, go trim my bushes."

The slave did what Peter ordered when John, Tyler and Chris came outside.

"Hey, Mr. Griffin, hurry up ahd finish up your little holiday." We're about to Miss _Gumbel 2 Gumbel_." John told Peter, "You know, the show YOU said Chris wanted before he died?"

"Yeah, they caught the guy and now they're interviewing him." Chris said.

**Cutaway #6**

The Gumbels were in a room with the thief that tried to steal a woman's purse from the previous episode.

"Purse snatching. Society's vault or one man's cry for help?" Bryant asked assuming the crook was misunderstood.

"What are you talking about? I wanted her freakin' money." The crook protested.

Bryant then only replied with continuous grunts that left the crook only confused as to what is going on. The crook kept glancing to Greg a few times before focusing on Bryant.

"What the hell's wrong with him?" The crook demanded while Bryant kept grunting.

**End**

"Not now, boys." Peter brushed off the trio.

"But-" Frank Jr, John and Tyler were about to say.

"NOT! NOW!" Peter yelled in a deep, supernatural voice as yellow aura flared from his eyes, which evaporated. Peter then got up from his chair as he got on top of two slaves, slipped his feet underneath the back of their belts and treated them like shoes.

"What the hell man?!" Frank Jr asked.

"What the heck was that just now?!" John asked reacting to Peter's outburst.

"I don't know, but I'm too freaked out to question about it!" Tyler responded still startled from aforementioned event.

Chris didn't say anything, mostly hurt by Peter's outburst and went back inside, much to Frank Jr, John and Tyler's dismay.

Later that evening, Lois and Meg looked out the kitchen window and turned away toward Peter who had just walked in.

"Peter, the boys told me you shouted at Chris and that you've been making them your personal slaves." Lois said to Peter, "Care to explain?"

"Well, they are servants and they will do as I say." Peter answered discriminately. His eyes still had yellow aura in them.

"Mr. Griffin, you've been acting very differently for the past week." John told Peter, "And it's not for the better."

"Those people outside are worshipping you like a god." Frank said.

"They're right, Peter." Lois agreed with the duo, "Don't you think there's someone who might resent that? A being who's all-knowing and all-powerful?"

"You dare defy me?" Peter questioned Lois.

"Not me, Peter." Lois corrected, "God. The real God."

"But I'm the one who's helping these people through manual labor." Peter defended, "What gives you the right to take that away from me?"

"It's one of The Ten Commandments." Meg pointed out.

"I AM THE ONE IN CHARGE HERE AND WHAT I SAY STAYS!" Peter roared empowered by the yellow aura striking Lois full force down to the ground.

"MRS. GRIFFIN/GRANDPA!" Frank Jr, John and Tyler exclaimed immediately coming to her aid.

Suddenly, Peter unwittingly released a shockwave of the aura as it spread throughout the entire city, striking out all of the lightbulbs in the area and creating a blackout in the process.

The next morning, Frank Jr, Frank, Meg, John, Tyler and Brian were helping Lois screwing in new lightbulbs.

"Well, that's the last of them." Lois said screwing the living room ceiling lamp back in place, "I still don't understand how every lightbulb in town could go out at the same time." Meg went over to the window, "Oh, my God!"

"What?" Peter asked walking in.

The slaves were in fact building a golden statue of Peter on the lawn.

"Wow, I look like a freakin' Emmy. Huh, Lois?" Peter acknowledged, "Lois?"

"Oh, don't you dare talk to me after what you did to me last night, Peter." Lois scolded Peter storming off, much to Peter's confusion.

"What happened last night?" Peter asked oblivious to Lois' words.

"Don't pretend you don't know." Frank Jr ridiculed Peter.

"Yeah, you acted all high and mighty and slapped Mrs. Griffin." Tyler told Peter.

"What?" Peter exclaimed surprised, "But I don't remember all that from last night."

"You don't?" John asked.

"No." Peter replied.

This led Frank Jr, Frank, John and Tyler realizing that things were not what they seem to be.

"Damn it." Brian cursed, "This is embarrassing. I seem to have fleas."

"That's never happened before." Meg said.

"Maybe it's just a coincidence." John assumed.

"Morning." Chris greet everyone coming down stairs.

Everyone jumped in shock at Chris, who had severe acne.

"OKAY, MAYBE NOT!" Frank said.

"Chris, puberty hit you like a ton of bricks." Peter said to Chris.

"What do you mean?" Chris asked.

"Look in the mirror!" Tyler told Chris, who looked into a mirror and was startled like everyone else, which also resulted in the mirror breaking.

"Don't you see what's happening?" Lois asked Peter worried.

"Of course I do, Lois." Peter answered, "Our fresh-faced little boy is becoming a pock-marked, hideously disfigured man. Sunrise. Sunset."

"No, no, no, Grandpa. The light bulbs last night, my fleas, and Chris' pimples. They're just like darkness, gadflies and boils." Frank Jr explained to Peter, "Three of the plagues God visited upon Egypt when the pharaoh angered him in The Old Testament."

"Oh, come on, Frank Jr, there's a logical explanation for all those things." Peter dismissed Frank Jr's claims.

"Okay, smart guy, let's hear it." Tyler dared Peter.

"You mean right now?" Peter asked.

"Yes, right now." Tyler answered.

"All right. There was a power surge, you forgot to bathe, and Chris has had acne problems since the fourth grade." Peter claimed.

"Really?" John asked.

"Oh, yeah, the kids were all calling him Crisco and Pizza Face and Rootin'-Tootin' Raspberry." Peter explained, "Remember, Chris?"

"Now I do." Chris said before crying a bit.

Suddenly, Persephone screamed from upstairs.

"PERSEPHONE!" John reacted dashing to the stairs to her aid, only to run into her and tripping on top of her. They both got up from the fall, "Persephone, what's wrong?"

"I was giving Stewie a bath and... And..." Persephone tried explaining.

"Trust me, Persephone, at his age, it's strictly involuntary." Peter told Persephone.

"No! The water, it turned all red and goopy, like blood!" Persephone finished showing the blood on the palm of her left hand.

"BLOOD?!" Peter, Frank, Frank Jr, John and Tyler all said in unison in horror.

It then showed Stewie in the bath.

"How positively delightful!" Stewie said rather in glee, "It's as if someone's stabbed Mr. Bubble!"

Cuts back downstairs.

"Okay, now that is scary." Tyler said.

"My baby!" Lois reacted in horror before facing Peter, "Get out there and tell those people the truth! Make them stop worshipping you before it starts hailing in my house!" She then dashed upstairs to retrieve Stewie.

"There's gotta be an explanation for all this!" Peter said hoping to find some logic into what's happening.

"You want an explanation?!" Brian asked Peter as he shaking him and Frank Jr grabbing him by the collar and slapping him, "GOD. IS. PISSED!"

"N-No! No! NNNOOOOOOOOO!" Peter roared as he was empowered by the yellow aura and began floating in midair.

The family was horrified by this.

"Let's get out of here!" John exclaimed as Peter summoned frogs after the family. The frogs' eyes also glowed yellow.

Just as they all got out, the house suddenly explodes, knocking everyone back. The slaves took notice of this, but Peter soon took control of them and they all marched toward the family. The frogs also pursued the family as one of them leaped at Lois, but Frank Jr caught it and threw it with Tyler using the Chaos Emeralds to knock them away. However, they were soon caught by the slaves. They tried breaking free, but the possessed slaves were also enhanced with superstrength. John and Tyler, on the other hand, managed to break away. As Frank and Tyler kept fighting the slaves, John and Frank Jr jumped and brawled with Peter. They each delivered a few punches and kicks.

"Mr. Griffin, please tell the truth!" John told Peter, "It's the only way to stop thi- Wait, what am I doing? I'm talking to a possibly possessed guy." Peter punched Frank Jr and John and grabbed his feet, swinging him around at superspeed and hurled him into the distance.

Then all of a sudden, Frank Jr bursted with Golden aura of his own and charged at Peter, sucker punching the latter in the jaw and sending them flying right at the golden Peter statue, causing it to collapse just as Tyler had just defeated the slaves.

The family goes to check on Frank Jr, Peter and John, who are no longer on possession of the yellow aura. Tyler pulled John up and Frank Jr picked up Peter and shook him.

"Grandpa! Grandpa!" Frank Jr called out to Peter, "Wake up!"

"Huh?" Peter exclaimed regaining consciousness, "What happened?" He then saw what was going on, "What's happening?!"

"This is what happened after you kept lying!" Tyler told Peter, "And the only way to stop it is to tell the truth!"

Taking Tyler's advice, Peter knew what he had to do as the slaves, still brainwashed by the aura, were about to attack again even after being defeated earlier while the yellow aura then produced a thunderstorm.

"Stop it! Stop it! Stop worshipping me!" Peter called out to the slaves, who suddenly stopped to listen to Peter, "I'm just a big fake, like-like the moon landing, and Marky Mark's hog in _Boogie Nights_... and Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman! I don't mean that completely untrue gay rumor, they're just both really phony, just like me! I'm sorry, okay? Now, make it stop!"

This managed to free the slaves from the yellow aura's control. However, the storm still raged as the former worshippers fled for their lives.

"I don't get it! I told the truth! Why is there still a storm?!" Peter asked.

"Peter, this is the final plague!" Brian informed Peter.

"Good, cause this is starting to get old." Peter remarked.

"Peter, the final plague is the death of the first-born son!" Brian continued.

"Oh no, Stewie!" Peter reacted incorrectly.

"The first-born son." Brian corrected.

"Meg!" Peter reacted again wrong, followed by Frank Jr slapping him at the back of the head, "Ow."

"Youe wife." Brian said.

"Chris!" Peter reacted this time getting it right.

"Wait, what's that supposed to mean?" John asked, confused about what Brian and Peter meant.

Before everyone else knew it, Chris was underneath the golden Peter statue, still barely alive.

"Chris!" Lois exclaimed in horror of her son almost dead.

"Oh, my God! Are you okay?" Peter asked Chris concerned.

John and Frank Jr tried to lift the statue, but wasn't able to do so.

"What's wrong? Lift the statue!" Peter ordered John.

"We... We can't lift it." John answered exhausted, "Frank Jr and I used all of our energy fighting you, Mr. Griffin. I feel almost drained."

"Hey, Dad, I can see a white light at the end of a long tunnel." Chris told Peter.

"Oh, that's great, son. Light is good. Run towards the light." Peter stupidly told Chris.

"No, don't go toward the light!" Frank protested.

"Frank's right, Chris, run away from the light!" Lois told Chris.

"Hey, Dad, do you think they got _Gumbel 2 Gumbel_ in Heaven?" Chris asked Peter.

"*sniff* Yes, son." Peter answered in tears, "And there's no reruns or commercials, and Kristie Alley is still hot... and all those scrambled channels come in clear as a bell. Please don't take him, God. I'm sorry."

As Peter finally apologized, the storm formed by the yellow aura then faded away and the sky was cleared.

"Hey, I think the plagues went away." Brian confirmed no longer feeling fleas on him.

"So, did the white light." Chris then said.

"Oh, honey." Lois said as she and Peter rejoiced his survival.

"Thank God!" Peter said until, "I mean, thank me." He was then attacked by one of the frogs, "Ah, kidding! It was a joke! It was a joke! Ah, ah, ah!"

Before the day concluded, it showed a dark gray void in the background where at the center was of a black, spherical object illuminating yellow circular patterns. The object is being held by once again a shaded figure. Another image appeared and it showed two legendary figures fighting each other while the orb floats above them.

Frank jr, stewie and Meg went back to the memorial stone where they read the next chapter of the Mallque family past,

**Mallque chronicles Chapter 2 Enter Hagoromo Uzumaki**

"Here he is! Frank I'm surprised something so absolutely adorable came from you!" Bulma chimed cheerfully after she had left to clean the new born baby, returning with small, cloth wrapped bundle in her arms.

"That's so mean, Bulma." Frank sulked towards his blue haired mother in law, she continued smiling nonetheless, walking up towards him.

"Here you're allowed to hold him now." She moved to allow Frank to take the sleep babe in his arms, looking at his podgy face with tufts of stark red hair jutting out from the top of his head. "I'm almost jealous, seeing him makes me want one as well." She continued, beaming down at the baby. "I'll give you Four some privacy." She finished before quietly heading towards the door.

Frank moved to sit on the side of a very tired Sasami's bed, she sat upright currently so she could see her son when he returned. "Look at this guy, he's perfect isn't he, eh Sasami?"

"Y-Yes, he is." Sasami replied weakly, but a loving smile adorning her face.

"He's got my mom's pretty hair." Frank grinned again, looking at the tufts jutting from the baby's head. "Thank you, Sasami, thank you for going through all that. And I'm sorry I fainted, Bulma and Aoi are never going to let me live that down."

"I-It was my pleasure, Frank-kun." Sasami smiled at her husband, who returned her smile with a curious look.

"Really? Didn't sound like it was all that pleasurable, y'know." Frank remembered her screams of utter pain while she tried to get the baby out of her.

"It was, Frank-kun. Despite everything, it has made me very happy, going through all this with you at my side. It was all I ever wanted." She explained to her husband, her smile now joined by a red blush.

"And I'm happy as well, I finally get to see him. And thanks to you I finally have a family of my own." He smiled at her, before looking towards the baby in his arms. "Look at him, been in this world less than an hour and already he's filled us up with so much happiness, y'know." Suddenly, Aoi's eyes widened with realisation, she quickly turned to Sasami. "That's it! Sasami, we haven't thought of a name for him yet, how about we call him… Happy! What do you think, Sasami?"

"G-Give me my baby Aoi-chan." Frank almost yelled at him, Sasami and Aoi with a scared look to their face after the almost scolding they got from his usually timid husband.

Frank all but snatched the baby from Aoi's arms, holding him close to his chest. Even if he would usually cave to nearly every request he made, there was no way he was going to allow her to give hisson such a silly name.

The baby's eyes opened after a small snooze, seeing two large Blue eyes and a pair of bright blue eyes staring back down at him, he smiled instantly, recognising the two immediately.

"He's got your eyes." Sasami spoke quietly, seeing the boy's blue eyes for the first time. "So he got your Rinnigan. You should name him, Frank."

"Hagoromo … Hagoromo Uzumaki." he whispered almost instantaneously, he always knew everything about their first son, he knew who his father would be, and if he had a chance to name him he knew what he would call him. Hagoromo, after Hagoromo Ōtsutsuki, according to myth he was the founding father of the Uchiha and Senju clan, Some people were blessed with this first Doujutsu.

"Hagoromo, I like it, makes him sound really cool." Sasami smiled happily at the choice. _'Although I liked Happy better…'_

"Father, it is my honor to present to you your grandson, Hagoromo Uzumaki." Sasami sat with perfect etiquette in front of her father in the Hyuuga compound, in her father's study. Her father sat in front of her with crossed legs, a small bundle in his lap.

Hiashi looked down at the small boy and smiled. "Hagoromo, it is an interesting name, you chose, usually the father names their son."

"Yes, I have named him after the legend that Hagoromo Ōtsutsuki was the founding father of the Mallque, Uchiha and senju clan, his Mallque descendants wielding the Rinnigan. I had an idea for a name myself, but figured it best Aoi be the one to name him."

"After what we saw during that war, there is no denying Hagoromo's existence." Hiashi responded simply, still looking down at the small boy, he was a chubby thing for a new-born, a small fat face under a tuft of stark red hair. The small boys eyed opened, smiling and giggling at the man looking down at him. "He has your eyes." Hiashi stated upon seeing the pupil less eyes under the child's lids, a small tint of azure blue sheening through them.

"But Frank's mother's hair apparently." Hinata looked towards her son, smiling gently from afar. "He seems to have inherited legendary Kekkei Genkai, so Aoi believed that Frank should name him. As Hagoromo-sama created the clans, I believe this child will be able to change it for the better."

"How did Naruto perform during the birth?" Hiashi asked curiously, ticking the small boy under the chin with his finger, gaining an enormous laughter from the baby in response.

"H-He fainted…" Sasami responded with a blush on her face, her father's eyebrow rose at hearing the confession, and begrudgingly she began to explain.

"_What the hell's taking so long, Sakura! Can't you see __Sasami__'s in pain!" __Frank__ managed to shout of Hinata's pain filled screams of labour, his hand being crushed by the force of her own._

"_These things take time, __Frank__! Just shut up and let me do my job!" Sakura screamed back, still working under the cloth that covered her legs._

"_You've been saying that you can almost see his head from the last fifteen minutes! Are you sure you haven't mixed it up with something else? Let me take a look!" __Frank__ exclaimed, letting go of her hand and walking towards Sakura._

_He turned to look at what was happening, his eyes widened upon seeing the… mess, they quickly rolled back into his skull as he dropped to the floor in a glorious thump._

Her father chuckled softly at hearing the story, looking up towards her. "He cannot be blamed, it was his first time dealing with childbirth as well… You have done well, Hinata. You are suited to the role of a parent, just like your mother. I was never suited to parenthood, I should have supported you more, taken closer care to your training when you faltered, and instead I abandoned you. I was never suited to be a Father."

"That is not true Father." She replied firmly to her father's suggestion, yet her eyes remained soft and respectful. "I admit I wish I had been closer to you, Father, but I do not regret not being closer to you either. If you had kept me close, doted on me and locked me in the Hyuuga compound, I would not have become the person I am today." She looked down towards her son in her father's arms. "That child might not exist if you had done that. You have helped me more than you can ever know father, for that I am eternally grateful to you."

Hiashi sat with wide eyes, before they softened and a small smile grew on his face again. "You were always so small and frail, Sasami, I may not have shown it in the way that suited you best, but I have always loved you."

A small tear fell from Hinata's eye as she finally heard the words she had longed to hear him say. "You know the story of how your Uncle died, the Head Ninja from Kumo attempted to kidnap you. Do you know why I killed him?"

"He tried to steal the Byakugan for Kumo's purposes." Sasami answered easily enough, it was common knowledge for the clan, to protect the secret of their Doujutsu.

"No." Her father responded quickly, startling her. "Had it have been any other member I would have subdued him, I didn't need to kill him to stop him. I killed that man… because he tried to take my precious daughter whom I love."

Sasami's eyed widened as she heard the truth behind the Hyuuga incident so many years ago. "My brother died because of my actions. And I have lived with the burden of my actions ever since. This is something you must learn, Sasami. To protect your children, you will do things, things you never imagined yourself doing, things where you cannot comprehend the consequences of your actions, things that will hurt those closest to you. But you will do it without hesitation, because you love them, because you want to keep your child safe."

"So this is Hagoromo?" Naruto grinned down at the sleeping baby in her arms, they had invited him over to speak to him about something important, but the minute he walked through the door and saw the baby he quickly forgot what he was here for.

"Yes, he looks like Frank, doesn't he?" Hinata smiled down at the baby in her arms as well, to be honest, she hadn't stopped smiling since the moment he entered this world.

"Nah, he's all you Hinata, minus the red spiky hair of course, y'know." Frank smiled towards both of them, before his face scrunched up a bit, looking down at his son in his wife's arms. "Actually… he kind of looks like Naruto now that I think about it…"

"I'd imagine so, Frank. Frank and Naruto are the children of the Uzumaki clan, it's only natural they will share some similarities in appearance, therefore their kids will also have a few similarities as well." Aoi explained still grinning at the small, sleeping baby.

"I guess…" Frank mumbled out quickly, before shaking any former thoughts from his head. "Anyway, Naruto, the reason we've asked you to come today is because we want to as you something."

"What's that?" Naruto looked up to the two of them, sitting down in the seat opposite them.

"W-We would be honoured if you were to be Hagoromo-kun's Godfather, Naruto-kun." Sasami smiled towards the man, whose eyes widened in shock.

"Sasami and Aoi chose Ryo-oki to be Hagoromo's Godmother, so I get to choose the Godfather. There's no one else I'd rather have to look after my kid!" Frank added before Naruto even had a chance to speak.

"B-but why me?" Naruto asked, still obviously stunned by the proposal.

"Because, you were the first person who I acknowledged as Naruto Uzumaki, or at least, the first I KNEW that had acknowledged you as Naruto Uzumaki." His eyes quickly moved to her own. Sasami, with a small blush to her face giggled softly at the added part of his sentence. "You were always there for me, Naruto, we treated each other to ramen, cheered me up when I was down, pushed me to become Hokage when you wern't ready and follow my dream even when everyone else laughed at me when I said it. You were like a Brother to me, and I want you to be there for Hagoromo like how you were there for me."

"You never needed to ask me to do that, Frank." Sasami watched Naruto smile proudly to his favourite brother.

"So does that mean…?" Aoi added curiously, expecting the answer that she already knew would be given.

"Yes! I accept!"

Aoi entered her home after her day at the Academy, She had taken after her sensei somewhat. She still took important missions on occasion, but the majority of her time was spent looking after her son and teaching sporadically at the Academy. She was the main source of a parental figure in her son's life, yes Frank was there but his hectic schedule as Hokage, constantly working late or starting early, leaving the village for Gokage meetings, every type of time consumer the job entailed meant he had less time to spend with her and Hagoromo.

Obviously Hagoromo had no idea about his lack of his father, he was only two years old, and no matter what Frank was always there for their son, even with his hectic, gruelling, commanding schedule he made the time to be there for them, it was one of the newer things on Aoi and Sasami's now countless list of reasons why she loved him.

So as Sasami entered her home, ready to begin preparing dinner she was surprised to find Frank and Aoi asleep on the floor in their living room with Hagoromo asleep on Frank chest, surrounded by toys that had clearly been played with.

She quietly walked over to them, bending down gently to take her son out of his arms and put the small baby to bed.

"Don't move him." Her eyes shifted towards Aoi who had one eye open staring back at her with a smile on their face. "He's pretty comfortable."

"I thought you were staying at the Hokage's office late tonight, Frank?" She spoke in a whisper to avoid waking her sleeping baby.

"I left a few clones and picked Hagoromo up from Tsunade-baachan, though she wasn't happy with me doing so, she really likes him, y'know." Frank chuckled quietly to himself, shutting himself up quickly enough when the baby stirred on his chest. "I guess it's because if she wasn't looking after him when you can't she'd have nothing to do all day except drink and gamble."

Sasami smiled down at her blonde husband, before moving her hand down to gently strokes Hagoromo's growing red hair. "Come lay down with me." She heard Frank suggest, she quickly nodded, before standing up and dart towards the hallway, watching Naruto's head follow her movements as she disappeared into the bedroom.

She returned with their blanket and a few pillows, she bent down and urged Naruto to lift his head, sliding a pillow under it before placing the other next to him. She sat beside him and pulled the blanket over all four of them, covering the three adults up to where Hagoromo's shoulders rested on Frank's chest.

Aoi lay down on her side, her arm draped gently over Hagoromo's body, she looked down at the baby before looking back at Frank and Sasami, who had turned his head to look at her. He grinned madly, leaning his head forward and taking a kiss from them, one they happily and willingly gave in return.

5 years later

Despite the time of the day, despite how alert and awake she was moments before, she began to feel sleep crawl over her. This feeling of content, it put her at so much ease she didn't feel the need to stay awake. She would happily fall asleep here and stay here for eternity, with her perfect husband, with her perfect son, in her perfect life.

Aoi sat down at the breakfast table with some, but not terrible difficulty. Her stomach already swelling largely with her second pregnancy. She looked across at the table, her fist son Hagoromo now six years old ignoring his father weirdly as Frank inhaled his third bowl of Ramen for breakfast.

It was a habit she had hoped to break Frank of, but gave up after realising it was something she would never change, Frank was always going to eat far too much Ramen in one sitting, and would replace other meals of the day with it just for an extra bowl, her only hope was that she can make sure he included other foods in his diet.

She looked over to her son again, pleased the six year old hadn't acquired the same love of the food as Frank had. In fact, she was almost sure he didn't like the food, but ate it when his father requested him to, of course she would never bring up her suspicions with Frank himself.

She looked at the boy, his red hair grown to tall round his face and reach regular length, a large bang covering his right eye as he looked down at his Soba in front of him on the table. His blue eyes to match his father's. Dressed in a red thick high coloured jacket and black shorts wrapped into bandages into his sandals. His was beginning to grow into his boyish face, looking eerily more and more like Naruto did at that age. It was scary for her, aside from his eyes and hair colour, it was like looking at a small version of her cousin.

"You shouldn't eat all that Ramen, Dad…" Hagoromo spoke looking at Frank guzzling down another bowl of the food, "That much can't be that good for you-ttebaki."

Frank's chopstick fell from his hands as he stared at his young son, even Aoi and Sasami stared at Hagoromo with wide eyes. Hagoromo, noticing it as well, slapped his hands across his mouth, a red fluster spreading across his face. "What did you just say?" Frank looked at Hagoromo with wide eyes and a serious face.

"I-I-I-I didn't say anything, dattebaki!" Hagoromo screamed back at his father, before realising he had said it again, slamming his hands over mouth again in embarrassment as a wide yet somewhat proud grin grew over Frank's face. "It's nothing, just shut up, Dad-ttebaki! DAMN IT!"

"Hagoromo-kun, don't swear!" Sasami scolded her son, years had begun to favour her confidence. She would on occasion burst, she had learned that she couldn't be her shy self when trying to discipline her son, especially when Frank was around to do so. She of course kept some of her old self, blushing and stuttering profusely when Frank brought her unexpected presents out of the blue.

"Let's not shout at him, Sasami. It's a great day after all!" Frank beamed towards her giving her a thumbs up, before turning back to his son, giving him a sly grin. "So… dattebaki, 'Ya get me', that's your thing, eh?"

"What are you talking about, dad?" Hagoromo asked his father with a scowl on his face.

"Proof that you are an Uzumaki-ttebayo." Frank responded, still beaming with pride. "It's your verbal tick. I've got one, mine and naruto's 'dattebayo', my mom and Aunts had one as well, and theirs was 'Dattebane'. Your tick will happen when your emotions flare, like when you get angry, or excited or scared. This calls for a celebration-ttebayo! There I was thinking you've turned out like the rest of those stingy Uchiha's or Masaki's, but it turns out that aside from those legendary eyes your all me!"

"I am not _**you**_ at all-ttebaki." Aoi watched the furious glare Hagoromo shot at his father, it was quite scary for her seeing him stare so angrily at his own father, however Frank didn't seem to notice, still grinning with pride over the revelation of Hagoromo's tick.

Luckily a knock on the door seemed to break the one sided tension on Hagoromo's part, as he stood up to answer the door.

"Uncle Menma." Hinata turned as Hamura exclaimed he name, seeing the Uchiha standing at the door frame after being ushered in by Hamura.

"Hn." Was all his reply was at the greeting, Aoi knew he hated that name. It had started as a harmless prank on Frank's behalf when Hagoromo was still a baby, unfortunately for the raven haired man the name stuck somewhere in the recesses of Hagoromo's infant mind, causing him to constantly refer to the Uzumaki in that regard. But a part of her always believed it was because Frank final beat him at something, he beat him to fatherhood, a position Menma had yet to achieve.

"Oh good, you're here, Menma." Frank grinned at his best friend madly. "I feel like celebrating today, cancel all my appointments, will you?"

"I'm not your secretary, idiot." Sasuke responded in his usual dull, ticked off voice with a deep scowl, oftentimes Hinata wondered if he just woke up like that, and his morning mood seemed to last all day, every day.

"I'm your Hokage! You'll do as you're told!" Her Saiyan husband screamed back at the Uzumaki twin with verve and anger, as he always seemed to have when he and Menma spoke more than ten words to each other. How could two people so differently, who seemingly could stand to be in the same room together possible be as close friends as they were?

"Whatever, Hokage-baka." Menma bit back as quickly as usual crossing his arms across his chest. "There's something we need to talk about…" He spoke before looking at Aoi, Sasami and Hagoromo. "Something that best be spoken in private."

"Serious Menma is so boring-ttebayo." Frank moaned out with a heavy sigh, standing from the table and taking his Hokage cloak from the back of his chair, turning to Hamura. "Enjoy your first day at the academy, Hagoromo." He spoke out, before moving to kiss Aoi and Sasami quickly on the top of their heads before walking out their apartment with Menma.

"Dad's so crazy." Hagoromo grumbled out as he watched his father leave before moving back to the table to continue eating breakfast.

"Don't speak about your father like that." Sasami reprimanded the small boy, his young temper had been festering and growing recently, something he seemed to direct at his father indiscriminately for reasons unknown to her.

"He is though…" The small red haired boy replied to her comment, looking down at his food once again.

Aoi sighed wearily, this negativity couldn't be good for the development of her second miracle growing inside of her. She wanted a home filled with love, not a house of contempt. "Let's go get ready for the Academy, Hagoromo. You don't want to be late for the induction, do you?" She asked, hoping maybe getting the boy into a new environment, with children his own age to play with would help his increasing mood.

"Hello class, my name is Hinata Hyuuga. I will be teaching you during your time at the Academy, I hope we can all get along." Hinata smiled at the small children filling the seats in her class, one of her hands resting gently on her swelling belly.

But none of the children paid attention, instead they all looked in the same direction, to the centre of the room, where Hamura sat with his arms crossed and a scowl on his face. They stared at him with awe and wonder, some of the little girls beginning to develop an understanding in attraction, as they stared at him with faint red blushes on their cheeks.

"That's him, isn't it? My dad told me he might be in my class."

"Yeah it is, it's Hamura Uzumaki, the honourable son of the Nanadaime."

"Don't forget he's also the Honourable Grandson of the Yondaime as well."

"And he is Hinata-sama's son, she is the daughter to the Head of the Hyuuga clan, he could becoming the heir to the Hyuuga clan as well someday."

"That's a lot of heritage, he's got a lot to do if he wants to be on their level."

"I bet he'll do it though, he is the descendant of two of the Hokage directly."

"Class." Hinata spoke audibly, gaining the children's attention and breaking their murmurs regarding Hamura, to the red haired boy's relief. "Welcome to your inauguration to the Academy, and the start to your future as Shinobi of Konohagakure. In order to find out where you all may need some extra help, I would like to start with a small test to see your capabilities." She spoke happily to her students. "Hamura-kun, would you please start us off?"

"Why mom, you already know what I can do?" Hamura replied to her request bluntly, a small scowl still present on his face.

"Please, Hamura-kun." Hinata asked again. He was right, she knew exactly which the areas he struggled in were and how well he excelled in others. And because of that she would usually not press the point, but she also knew what Hamura was to become to the rest of the class. He was to be their goal, as Sasuke was in her academy class. The boys would make a rival of him, and try to become stronger than him, the girls would chase him, and worry that he may not notice them if they were weak, therefore they would train harder in the hopes of getting his attention. She may not like it, but Hamura was always going to be the example, the point of reference, the goal to reach. She hated what would lay in store for her son, but he would never have a choice in the matter.

Hamura sighed in defeat, before making his way to the front of the class when he arrived he stood in front of her. "What do you want me to do?"

"We will start with the basic Henge, Hamura-kun." Hinata smiled again, it was the basic Jutsu in the Ninja world, and only the exceptionally rare did not have it somewhere locked away in their arsenal.

"Who should I transform into?" Hamura asked, it was a good question. Who should he transform into?

"Transform into Hokage-sama!" A boy shouted out from his seat in the classroom.

"Yes, Hamura-kun, please transform into Hokage-sama, after you perform it everyone else will give it a try." Hinata smiled at her son, who looked up at her with a shocked expression.

"Do your best, Honourable son!"

"Show us what it means to be the son of the Hokage!"

"Now you can be even more like Hokage-sama!"

"NO!" Hamura screamed loudly with fury, silencing all his cheering classmates and starling Hinata. "I won't transform into the Hokage! I won't transform into my dad, I'm not him! I'm not my dad! I'm not my granddad! I'M HAMURA!" He screamed loudly with anger before he bolted, running out of the classroom leaving all his stunned classmates and a very sad looking mother behind.

"Honourable Grandson."

"Honourable Son."

"Honourable Son."

"My name is Hamura…" Hamura scowled as adults walked past with their children into the park where he sat, sitting on the swings by himself, not using them at all, just sitting away from everyone. He was positive no one actually knew his name aside from his parents and a select few of his friends.

He knew he shouldn't have shouted at his mom, but those kids, how they acted around him, it hurt him deeply, and he couldn't take their stares. Why couldn't they see that he was just like them, not something special?

"Do you want to talk about it?" He looked up, seeing his mother looking back down at him worriedly.

"Why are you here? It's still class time." He responded to his mother dully, looking towards the ground beneath his feet.

"I called an early recess, I couldn't leave my son alone when he was hurting." Hinata spoke with a small smile, occupying the seat next to him. "I think I understand," She continued, causing he son to break his stare on the floor to look up towards her. "I think I understand how you're feeling, but I do not know how you feel, I would have been here sooner, but I had to find someone who may be able to help."

"It sucks doesn't it, the name 'Honourable Grandson.'" Hamura looked forwards again, seeing a boy, younger than his mother with spiky red hair pushed upwards. Three small whiskes going side to side ward from the corner of each cheek. Dressed in a moss green Gi with black lines at the ends of the fabric with sleeves just past his elbows, revealing a fish net long sleeve shirt underneath. He wore black pants and black sandals, as well as a long red scarf, so thick it covered the bottom half of his face, and so long it reached to the back of his calves. In his hand was a long thin Bo staff resting on his shoulder.

" Hagoromo, what do you know about how I feel?" Hamura looked upwards with confusion at his cousin.

"That's right, I guess it's never had to come up before. My pa was the rokudaime Hokage." Hagoromo responded with a smile. "Do you know what they called my pa?"

"They called him the 'sage of six paths'." Hamura responded quickly enough, even he knew about the rokudaime's prowess as a Shinobi.

"Yeah, that's one massive shadow. There's only ever been three people to have that nickname, well five people when your dad and Sasuke get serious." Hagoromo responded with a small smile, before his face turned sad again. "It sucks because people don't see you, all they see is an extension of someone else's greatness. I was about your age when I realised how much I hated everyone who called me 'Honourable son'. I also realised how much I hated my pa, simply for being who he was, the strongest Hokage in history."

Hinata watched her son look towards the ground, allowing Hagoromo to continue. "It was your dad who first saw me as Hagoromo Uzumaki." The red haired boy laughed loudly. "He and dad smacked me on the head and called me an idiot, it wasn't great but at least it wasn't 'Honourable son'!"

"You're dad's a great guy, but he doesn't know how we feel. He didn't grow up with that name, He found out who his dad was when he was older, we've had it right off the bat, hell you've probably got it worse, the Yondaime was named the fastest Shinobi ever, and you're dad, well, he's THE Naruto Uzumaki." Hagoromo finally continued, wondering if he had actually made anything even remotely better.

"But your father does understand how you feel." Hinata added on with a smile at her son, who seemed to scoff in return.

"How can he understand? Just like Uncle Sasuke always says, he's an idiot. He's clumsy, air headed, he's got all these weird habits, plus he acts more like a child than I do." Hamura added rudely after his scoff of disbelief. "Uncle Sasuke would make a better Hokage than dad."

"He might not be under the shadow of a person, but your father has lived all his life in the shadow of someone else." Hagoromo returned, trying to help Hamura reconsider his stance.

"You mean Uncle Kurama?" Hamura wondered, thinking of the gigantic fox that lived inside his father, he remembered the fear when Naruto linked their chakra together so he could proudly present him to the fox. He remembered the fox angrily ordering him to call him Uncle if he was going to call 'that Sharingan brat' Uncle as he referred to Uncle Sasuke as, he obeyed immediately.

"Yes, it may not seem like it now. But when your father was your age, he was very lonely," Hagoromo began to explain, looking sad and downhearted as he retold the story. "He didn't have any friends, he didn't have a family to care for him. Just like how you feel, nobody acknowledged him, nobody saw him as Naruto Uzumaki, and they saw him as an extension of someone else. But unlike you, people did it out of fear, out of hatred, and for the longest of times your father didn't know why no one would look at him as Naruto Uzumaki, why no one wanted to be his friend."

Hamura, who had been staring at him as he told him about his father's life slowly began to look towards the floor. "Sorry, I didn't know. I mean, the way everyone speaks to dad now, and how he and Uncle Kurama get along, it's hard to imagine people not being like that with him."

"It is because he changed the way people looked at him, because he never got angry or sad or gave up. That is why not only is he one of the strongest Shinobi, but one of the strongest persons as well. He had a dream, and he made people believe in it. That is why he became Hokage, Hamura. And just like how your father changed how people saw him, how Konohamaru-kun changed the way people saw him, you too will change the way people see you." Hinata finished with a loving smile at her son.

It was something he appreciated, as her red haired boy smiled back at her. "I still wish he'd act more like a Hokage though."

"And how should a Hokage act?" They both turned around sharply, seeing just the man with the six hokage frank, the person they were discussing standing behind them with his arms crossed, smiling down at Hamura. Gently, he lifted his foot and placed it on the back of Hamura's swing sat, giving him a light push, giving him the momentum to swing carelessly, before moving to standing in front of him, staying just out of reach of Hamura's movements.

"…I don't know." Hamura replied after a brief moment of thought, still rocking back and forth on the apparatus he sat on.

"Well that's something you're gonna have to think about if you want to be Hokage-ttebayo." Naruto grinned, grinning Hamura another light nudge as he momentum began to fade.

"And what if I don't want to be Hokage?" Hamura replied curiously to his dad's statement.

"Of course you do! You just don't want to admit it because you think it's 'expected of you' or something." Hagoromo laughed loudly, giving Hamura yet another push on the swing with his foot. "You want to become Hokage so you can outshine your dad and your Grandpa. You want to surpass the both of us so people will see you as your own person, and to do that you're gonna need to be a Hokage as well."

Naruto beamed his everlasting smile even more before giving Hamura another push. "I wouldn't worry though, you're well on the way to surpassing me." He spoke to Hamura's shocked face. "You've got my chakra levels, but that Hyuuga chakra control, your better at learning Ninjutsu and Taijutsu than me, plus you've got your mom's super scary Byakugan. There's never been a doubt in my head that you'd outshine me!"

"But until the day comes when your strong enough to take this hat off of me, there's one fact you gotta get used to-ttebayo!" Naruto's grin enlarged, he gave the swing a particularly hard push, shocking Hamura as he flew backward before coming back towards his dad at full throttle. Naruto simply caught him by the front of his shirt and pulled him off the swing, manoeuvring the small boy so he landed comfortable onto his own large shoulders. "You are Hamura Uzumaki, and you're dad is not the Hokage, he is Naruto Uzumaki, a clumsy, childish idiot!"

Hamura smiled down at the top of his dad's head, his hand gripping onto his blonde hair. Naruto beamed towards Hinata giving her a thumbs up before extending his hand out to her, she hurriedly stepped off the swing and allowed his large hand to wrap around her own. "How was that, Hinata? It wasn't as good as your _**Kaa-chanton: Shinzō e no shinzō no Jutsu**_, but I've been working on my _**Tou-chanton: Shitta gekirei no Jutsu**_."

Hinata giggled at his words, only Naruto would name parental techniques as if they were Jutsu. Frank,Hagoromo and hamura, on the other hand didn't seem to take his father/uncle/brother antics with such good heart. "Way to spoil the mood dad/uncle/naruto." they grumbled out to himself.__

_**-END-**_

"Junior, Stewie! Chapter 2 is finished!" Meg exclaimed with that bright smile of her as she closed the book and put it on top of the first book.

"It was a lot shorter than the first chapter though…" Frank Jr muttered, not sure whether to be happy to move on to the next chapter or disappointed that it ended so quickly.

"Considering the thickness of other books, I think chapter 2 was normal, the first chapter was probably to introduce." Stewie explained while picking up several books to compare.

"I guess so."

"I'll read next tomarrow." The Griffin boy said, grabbing a book with a cover that said, 'Uzumaki Frank: Chapter 3'.

**"Chapter 3: ****Heiwamaru Uzumaki****."**

**The End**


	19. Chapter 17: Running Mates

**Chapter 17: Running Mates**

**Opening Credits**

_It seems today that all ya see_

_Is violence in movies and sex on TV_

_But where are those good, old-fashioned values_

_On which we used to rely_

_Lucky there's a Family Guy!_

_Lucky there's a man who_

_Positively can do_

_All the things that make us_

_Laugh n' Cry_

_He's_

_a_

_Fam_

_-ily_

_Guy!_

**End**

The episode starts with Lois making a sign outside the Griffin Mallque household with Frank Jr, Frank, John and Tyler next to her helping as assistants where it then panned to Stewie on the left of the screen laying on the lawn with Rupert.

"I say, Rupert, these crumpets you've prepared look positively divine!" Stewie praised Rupert grabbing a handful of dirt and then eating it, "Mm. Mm. Excellent texture, and provocative support. *swallow* Try another, you say? Well, aren't I the wicked one?" He grabbed another handful of dirt and was about to eat it before Lois came in and noticed what he was doing.

"Stewie, I've told you before, don't eat dirt. It's disgusting." Lois told Stewie dusting off the dirt from his hand and then picking him up.

"Oh, and I suppose the bilious curds you force-fed me from your teat were perfectly fine, then?" Stewie ridiculed Lois, who, of course didn't understand him.

"Boys, would you mind holding Stewie?" Lois asked the duo.

"Uh... sure, Mr. Griffin..." Frank answered as Lois handed him her baby before turning to Quagmire, "Hey, Quagmire, can you take Stewie off my hands?"

"Sure. Why?" Quagmire asked.

"No reason." Frank replied handing Stewie over to Quagmire.

"Oh, well, said and done." Quagmire shrugged, "Hey, there, spud in the mud."

"Ugh!" Stewie reacted disgusted, "Good Lord! Do you bathe in Aqua Velva?"

"Hi, Lois." Cleveland and Menma stopped by greeting Lois while holding a campaign sign, which is what Lois was making, "You've got our votes."

"Thank you, Cleveland." Lois thanked Cleveland getting up.

"Votes for what?" John asked Cleveland.

"Is the presidential election here already?" Frank Jr asked.

"No, Frank Jr, that's next year." Menma responded informing Frank Jr.

"Aww..." Frank Jr and Tyler moped.

"Actually, boys, I'm running for school board president." Lois informed the duo.

"Wow. A school made out of a board working for the White House." John assumed.

"No, no, no. School board president is someone who tries to help the school they work at." Lois explained, "Someone has to run against that awful Betsy Lebeau. She actually opposes background checks for new teachers!"

"What?!" Frank reacted.

"That's crazy!" Tyler reacted also.

"Exactly." Lois said, "God knows who she might hire."

"Maybe a sex-offender or something." Tyler said jokingly.

"Heh-heh. Good one." Frank Jr said.

**Cutaway #1**

It showed a classroom where the teacher was talking to the students while they wrote down notes.

"So, the square of a hypotenuse, which we will label C..." The teacher explained walking slowly to the board passing by between students, "...making the sides opposite both of the acute angles A and B..." He then turned his back at a blonde girl handing out a card. The girl shifted her eyes to the teacher before focusing her eyes on the card he was holding and took it. As he walked by, the girl read the card, 'DO YOU LIKE ME? YES. NO.', "...will always equal the sum of the squares of the other sides. Any questions?" The teacher's face then make a big grin on his face.

**End**

Frank, Frank Jr, John and Tyler were speechless at the cutaway they saw.

"Okay, I take that back." Frank Jr said.

"It's just something I have to do." Lois said, "Even if winning means spending time out of the house and away from my family."

"Out of the house?" Stewie repeated, "Why, I'd be free from your oppressive gynocracy! What the deuce are you standing there for? You should be out giving speeches, shaking hands, kissing babies!"

Lois then kissed Stewie's forehead, much to his chagrin. Frank Jr, John and Tyler made a Nelson laugh at Stewie's misfortune.

"Not this baby..." Stewie muttered.

"Hey, Lois, you seen my pants?" Peter asked Lois walking out of the house pants less when laughter was heard and panned to an actual studio audience across the street.

"Boy, I'll be glad when that studio audience moves out of the neighborhood." Peter said.

"When did they get here?" Tyler asked confused by the studio audiences' sudden appearance which was answered bluntly by Frank and John shrugging.

"Hey, Lois, what's with the sign?" Peter asked about the campaign sign set up.

"Peter, we discussed this. I'm running for school board." Lois reminded Peter, "You never listen to me."

"Oh, yeah, I remember." Peter remembered, "Hey, Cleveland. Hey, Menma. Hey, Quagmire. Hey, Frank. Hey, John. Hey, Tyler. Hey, Frank Jr." He turned to the sign again, "Hey, Lois, what's with the sign?"

"Uh, you guys?" Brian stepped out and said to Peter and Lois, "Chris' principal just called. Chris is in trouble."

The studio audience across the street ooed at the news.

"Ugh, that's it! I'm calling' the cops!" Peter said having enough of the studio audience and marching to the house.

"Seriously, where did those people come from?!" Tyler asked once again this time serious.

Peter, Frank Jr and Lois arrived at Chris' school, Buddy Cianci, Jr. High School to talk with the principal. They were in the principal's office and Chris was also with them.

"Mr. Griffin, I'm afraid I have some bad news." The principal informed Peter, "I caught your son peeking into the girls' locker room."

"Oh, Chris!" Lois said to Chris.

"So, what's the big deal? It's normal for a boy his age to be curious." Frank Jr said, "Granpa remember when He first noticed girls starting to develop."

**Cutaway #2**

The cutaway showed a school auditorium with everyone there including a presenter on the stage.

"Welcome to 8th grade orientation, everyone." The presenter greeted the students as it cut to a young Peter sitting next to a girl whose breast then popped up.

As the presenter discussed about orientation, Peter witnessed practically all of the girls in the auditorium suddenly having breasts pop up as the girl to Peter's right was the last to receive instead a single breast.

Peter tried to touch it, but suddenly received his own pair of breasts, much to his embarrassment.

**End**

Chris then left the principal's office with a book in his hand.

"We'll continue this discussion tonight, young man!" Lois told Chris leaving the principal's office with Peter, "A woman is not an object."

" Grandma/mother's right, chris/son!" Frank Jr and Peter hollered to Chris, "Listen to what it says."

"Peter, Frank Jr!" Lois exclaimed.

"Uh, uh, uh, I-I didn't say that.' Frank Jr lied, "Lee Majors did." He pointed to the right as it panned to the same direction to Lee Majors standing in the hallway.

"What?" Lee Major asked nonchalantly, "Women are things."

Peter, Frank Jr and Lois were walking through the school when Peter spotted something.

"Oh, my God! It-It's Mr. Fargas!" Peter gasped in amazement pointing to an elderly man who, in my opinion, resembled Stu Pickles from _Rugrats_, "Oh, he was my favorite teacher!"

It then flashed back to a younger and livelier Mr. Fargas behind a chalkboard.

"Take out your scalpels, kids. We're going to dissect... a clown!" Mr. Fargas announced pulling out an operation bed and removing the cover revealed a dead clown. All of the students gasped in horror at this as Mr. Fargas used his scalpel to cut open the corpse's chest where Mr. Fargas was surprised by what he say inside, "Well, no wonder this clown died. His lungs are filled with... candy!" He cheerfully tossed out candy to the students, whom were all cheering excessively.

Cuts back to the present.

"Well, why don't you go say hello?" Lois encouraged, "I'm gonna drop off some campaign flyers in the teachers' lounge."

"Hey-Hey, Mr. Fargas!" Peter called to Mr. Fargas running up to him, "I-It's me, Peter Griffin!"

"Griffin. Griffin." Mr. Fargas checked his list searching for Peter's last name, "Sorry, not on the list."

"Aw, do-don't you remember me?" Peter asked Mr. Fargas, "I was your favorite student. You taught me and Jake everything. Math. Science. You even taught us how to dance just in time for prom."

It then flashed back again to when Peter and Jake were in their junior high school years now being tutored by a young Mr. Fargas.

"Peter,Jake you start like this." Mr. Fargas instructed Jake and Peter pulling off some tap-dancing.

"Like this?" Peter asked while he and jake pulling off the same tap-dancing routine as Mr. Fargas.

"Yeah, now add a little turn and do a buck and wind." Mr. Fargas instructed pulling off the dance moves aforementioned.

"Come on, Mr. Fargas, do the whole darn thing." Jake said to Mr. Fargas as both then danced together.

Cuts back to the present. Again.

"Jeez, Mr. Fargas, what happened to you?" Peter having noticed the man's condition, "Somebody give you a fun-ectomy?"

"No, they gave me these." Mr. Fargas answered taking out a bottle of pills from his pocket, "By order of the School Board. They say it evens me out... Sorry to fly off the handle like that."

"Here, lemme see that." Peter insisted taking the pill bottle away and throwing it aside, "That's what I think about you takin' chill pills from the Man. Look, the old Farg made learning fun. He's what these kids need. Now get back in that classroom and teach your 'Fargin'' ass off."

Later that day, Peter was walking up to Chris' room holding a box of sorts as rhythmic thumping sounds repeatedly played in the background and Peter knocked.

"Don't come in." Chris said, "Just a minute!"

"Chris, your mother wants me and you to have a talk." Peter informed Chris entering his bedroom.

"Noo!" Chris demanded though Peter came in anyway finding Chris playing with a paddle ball with Frank Jr, Frank, John and Tyler.

"58. 59. 60-" Frank Jr, John and Tyler counted the number of times Chris paddled the ball until Chris lost balance and it fell off. All three awed at this.

"I was going' for a new record." Chris said.

"Boys, can you wait outside for a sec?" Peter asked Frank Jr, Frank, John and Tyler who left the room, leaving him and Chris alone.

"Now, son, as men, it's only natural for us to look at naked girls." Peter told Chris, "Every man does it, even Mr. Rogers"

**Cutaway #3**

It cut to a woman removing her shirt from behind where she was now in her underwear. This was all being viewed by Mr. Rogers, who was at the window with binoculars.

"Hello, neighbor." Mr. Rogers greeted the woman next door who was now removing her bra. It then cut to a close-up of Rogers then growling in pleasure.

**End**

"But peeping' can be dangerous, so I brought ya this." Peter told Chris handing him the box he bring with him.

Chris opened the box and found several dirty magazines inside. Chris pulled one out as it unfolded into three layers.

"Whoa, Miss December!" Chris exclaimed excitedly.

"Heh. Yep, the old skin bin." Peter remarked, "Now you can look at naked girls all you want and it's perfectly legal."

"Wow, check out the rack on... Mom?" Chris said picking up a photo of Lois in her nightgown in a sexy pose.

"Hey, give me that!" Peter demanded snatching the photo away from Chris, "Heh, just-just a little present your Mom gave me for our anniversary. *chuckled nervously*"

"All right, dad!" Chris rooted when Peter was about to leave the room, "Hey, Dad. Thanks."

Peter appreciated Chris' thanks and rejoined John and Tyler in the hallway. Then suddenly more thumping noise came up and Peter discovered he had Chris' paddle ball, meaning Chris was getting "busy" in there.

"Hey, Chris, you forgot your paddle ball." Frank Jr called to Chris taking the paddle ball out of Peter's hands and going into Chris' room.

"No, wait!" Peter halted Frank Jr, but the latter already opened the door, which soon got Peter's attention, "Huh?"

It turned out to be Chris playing with another paddle ball.

"Your Dad accidentally took it with him." Frank Jr told Chris handing him the paddle ball.

"Oh, thanks." Chris thanked Frank Jr now playing with both paddle balls.

Peter was mostly confused by this and soon left.

The next day, Lois was in the kitchen enveloping campaign flyers with Frank Jr John, Tyler, Persphone, Frank, Meg and Brian.

"Mom, if you get elected to the School Board, can you fix it so I win Homecoming Queen?" Persphone asked Lois hoping to use her mother's campaign to her advantage.

"You could, but that's-" Tyler was going to tell Persphone before John quickly covered Tyler's mouth.

"Sure, she can, Persphone." John assured restraining Tyler while still holding his hand against Tyler's mouth as the latter struggled to break free, "Right, Mrs. Griffin?"

"Oh, honey... Of course, I can." Lois giggled in glee and told her daughter, "But winning without honor isn't really winning at all. Isn't that right, Milli?"

It planned to Milli wanting to get something from inside the fridge, then turned to Lois.

"No, it's just as good." Milli claimed and then dancing lightly to his song _Baby_ before giving up, "Ah, what's the use, you're right."

"Just hope he doesn't take one of my Pawtucket Pat Colas." John and Frank said under thier breath.

(A/N: Credit goes to Family Guy Fan writer 15 (TheRegans on DeviantArt) for coming up with the Pawtucket Patriot Cola mentioned above.)

"Cease this prattling!" Stewie ordered, "This campaign literature must be posted today if we are to get you into office and out of my life, you festering strumpet!"

"Hey, you guys." Peter came in greeting everyone and taking notie of what they're doing, "Hey, Lois, you runnin' for School Board?"

This left Lois aggravated by what Peter just asked.

"Mrs. Griffin, I know you love him, but what so you see in him?" Tyler asked Lois about her taste in men, "He's dumb as a rock. No offense, Mr. Griffin."

"None tak- Hey, wait a minute!" Peter said, "If I'm a rock, then you're a boulder!"

"Look, Chris' school is on TV." Persphone informed everyone turning up the volume on the small kitchen TV.

It showed Channel 5 News on the screen of the TV and zoomed in a bit.

"The egg drop, an annual tradition for junior high school science students." Diane said.

"But, today at Buddy Cianci, Jr. High, an egg drop conducted by teacher, Randall Fargas, seems to have gone horribly, horribly wrong." Tom Tucker revealed, "We now go live to Action News 5 Asian news reporter, Tricia Takanawa."

It cut to Tricia Takanawa outside the school as eggs were being dropped.

"Well, Tom, the eggs being dropped behind me are not chicken eggs, but those of the endangered California condor."

It showed Randall and his students enjoying the egg drop.

Cuts back to everyone in the kitchen.

"Welcome back, Fargas." Peter said.

"You got him to do this?!" John asked Peter.

"Oh, my God!" Lois reacted, "He's gonna wipe that species off the face of the Earth!"

"No, no, Lois. The janito'll do that." Peter said ignorant of what Lois said.

"Uh, Tom, I-I'm getting word that the Quahog School Board has just dismissed Randall Fargas, effectively ending his 32-year teaching career."

"What?" Peter reacted, "Hey, they can't do that!"

"Sure they can." Frank Jr corrected, "Didn't you see what he did on TV?"

" Frank Jr's right, Peter, the man is obviously unbalanced." Lois agreed.

It went back to Diane Simmons.

"In other news, Betsy Lebeau, a candidate for School Board president, announced today she's pulling out of the race." Diane reported showing footage of a woman in bathroom stall with her underwear down between her ankles, "Lebeau's withdrawal now leaves candidate, Lois Griffin, running unopposed."

Cuts back to the kitchen.

"Oh! Oh, my goodness!" Lois exclaimed to the good news with her, Frank Jr, Frank, Persphone, Meg, John and Tyler rising from their seats and joining together, "I win by default!"

"Oh, great. You can get Mr. Fargas his job back." Peter suggested.

"I'm sorry, but I do have a mind of my own and I happen to agree with the School Board's decision." Lois argued against Peter's wishes.

"Yeah, yeah, I know, you're a feminist and I think that's adorable, but this is grown-up time and I'm the man." Peter argued.

"I'm not giving that lunatic his job back and that's final." Lois stated turning her back to Peter.

"Lois, I can't let you deprive our children of a fine teacher like Mr. Fargas." Peter said to Lois, "I'm gonna stop you the only way I can..." He pulled Frank Jr in, took both his hands and raised an axe in the air, "... by having Frank Jr kill you..."

"Isn't that a little extre-" Tyler was going to say until it shifted to him, Peter and Frank Jr outside the house in the same pose.

"...in the race for school board president." Peter finished hammering down a campaign sign for Frank Jr with the axe.

"Oh. Never mind..." Tyler said before realizing, "...wait..."

"WHAT?!" Both Frank Jr, Frank, John and Tyler exclaimed in unison.

Peter continued putting up signs all over the yard where Brian was by the porch eating a sandwich alongside Tyler.

"Peter, are-are you running against Lois is such a good idea?" Brian asked Peter, "Y-You know how competitive you get. And if you're having Frank Jr as a candidate in the race just to show you're not, it won't work."

"Hey, hey, I can be just as non-competitive as anybody." Peter defended, "Matter of fact, I'm the most non-competitive. So, I win."

"Come on, you can't even handle losing at checkers." Brian argued.

**Cutaway #4**

Brian just beat Peter at checkers.

"King me." Brian said finishing the game.

"Uh... Hey, look over there!" Peter claimed pointing behind Brian.

"Where?" Brian reacted turning his head as Peter took the checker board to his car, threw in the back, got into the car and drove off.

He drove a few miles outside Quahog past a farm and eventually drove the car off a cliff. Fortunately, Peter got out just in time and when he got up, he pulled out a pistol and shots a few rounds at the gas tank until it exploded.

**End**

"And you can't even handle losing at chess." Frank Jr also pointed out.

**Cutaway #5**

Frank had taken both Peter's King and Queen Pieces, effectively winning the game.

"Checkmate." Frank said.

"Uh... Hey, look over there!" Peter claimed using the same trick he pulled on Brian.

"I'm not falling for it." Frank said.

"No, seriously, look!" Peter claimed trying to convince Frank.

"Where?" Frank reacted turning his head just like what Brian did and the whole thing is pretty much exactly as before.

"God damn it." Frank said

**End**

Lois, Frank Jr and John stepped outside and talked to Peter.

"Peter, since when do you or Frank Jr care about the School Board?" Lois asked Peter.

"She's right, Grandpa." Frank Jr agreed with Lois, "I don't know anything about the School Board, much less old enough to even enter the race for it."

"Don't talk that, Frank Jr." Peter reassured John, "Lois, Mr. Fargas is getting a bum rap and if running against you is the only way to get him back into a classroom, then Frank Jr and I are gonna run like the Six Million Dollar Men."

**Cutaway #6**

The cutaway opened with the opening to _Six Million Dollar Man_.

"We can rebuild them." An agent said referring to Frank Jr and Peter, who were unconscious, "We have the technology. But we don't have enough money on both of them."

It them showed a fully restored Frank Jr dressed like the Six Million Dollar Man running through a park while an incomplete Peter followed having a rake for a right arm, a trash can and a plunger for legs and a magnifying glass on his left eye.

**End**

Fine, if Frank Jr really feels that strongly, then by all means run." Lois said, "But I'm warning you two, I'm not gonna pull any punches on the issues."

"Actually, Grandma, I-" Frank Jr tried to say, but Peter interrupted.

"Oh, I'm Lois." Peter teased taking one of Brian's sandwiches and placing it on his face, pretending to be Lois, "Look at me with my big ideas and my pointy nose." He came up to Lois and made childish babbling in her face.

"Oh, boy, running against a kid will be easier than running unopposed." Lois said.

Hearing what Lois said got Frank Jr's attention.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Frank Jr demanded offended by Lois' statement, "Are you saying I don't have what it takes?"

"What? No, that's not what I'm saying at all." Lois stated, "I just don't think this is something you can handle very well."

"Oh, yeah? Well, you're on." Frank Jr challenged Lois, still thinking she's against him.

"Yeah, and not only are we gonna win this election..." Peter told Lois until pausing to think of something clever to say. "...Tyler is gonna eat your nose."

"Wait, what?" Tyler reacted to Peter's words.

"Here, Tyler, eat Grandma's nose." Frank Jr ordered Tyler.

"But it's a sandwich..." Tyler pointed out, "...and I'm not hungry."

"Take a bite!" Peter demanded, making Tyler uneasy and do as he was told and started chewing.

"Ew, it's got mayo." Tyler complained, not enjoying the sandwich, "I hate mayo."

"Keep eating." Frank Jr ordered.

"I don't wanna." Tyler complained.

Lois let out an amused sigh at this. "See you on the campaign trail." She walked back into the house.

A montage played with military instrumental music playing in the background showing a row of houses each having its vote on a specific candidate for the campaign. It shifted to Frank Jr dressed in a suit with his hair combed shaking hands with a citizen. Cleveland handed Peter a pin, who tried to pin it to the man's shirt, but accidentally pins into his chest and the guys run off to avoid trouble. Lois, meanwhile, was hosting a campaign parade riding on top of a limousine waving to the crowd. At the same neighborhood, a man pulls out a campaign sign reading "MALLQUE FOR SCHOOL BOARD PRESIDENT" and replaced it with another reading "GRIFFIN FOR SCHOOL BOARD PRESIDENT". Next, Frank Jr was in downtown passing by several townsfolk and stopped to kiss a baby. He continued walking and kissed another baby, all before coming across an ugly baby, much to Peter, Frank Jr John and Tyler's surprise. Frank Jr vommit after kiss it then realized his reaction did not sit well with the baby's mother, whom displayed a rather angry face where Frank Jr displayed an embarrassed look on his face and he,John, Tyler and Peter cartoon zoomed out of there. The montage came to a close with all the houses in the neighborhood supporting Lois over Frank Jr, whose signs were now all in the trash.

It panned to the right to show the Griffin house's pateo, where it cut to Brian reading the paper. Stewie walked up to Brian with the paper covering his head.

"Oh, my. Look where my hand is." Stewie said trying to get Brian's attention, "I said, look where my hand is! It's in a very naughty place." Brian finally took a look and found Stewie putting his finger in his nose, "Does this not disgust you?"

"Kid, you're talkin' to a guy whose species uses their tongues for toilet paper." Brian shot back.

"Now look here, you loathsome cur! The matron of prattle has left me in your ward. You-You should-You should be striving to thwart my misdeeds." Stewie demanded to Brian, who went back to reading the paper. Stewie then ran off off-screen. "Look at me, I'm writing profanity on the wall!" Brian looked up again and saw that Stewie merely wrote "poppycock" on the wall.

"Water-soluble." Brian commented at Stewie's work unimpressed.

"Ugh, don't just sit there, I have misbehaved! I've been a bawdy little monkey!" Stewie questioned Brian. "Ugh, if that vile woman were here, she'd prove a worthy adversary."

"What's the matter? Miss your mommy?" Brian teased Stewie who laughed it off.

"Oh, yes. Yes, that's it. That's-That's quite good. Yes, I miss my mommy." Stewie responded sarcastically, "Yes, yes, I also miss colic and rectal thermometry."

"Whatever you say... Mama's Boy." Brian teased Stewie again.

"BLAST!" Stewie shouted in defeat.

Later at Buddy Cianci, Jr. High, Chris was at his locker when his friends showed up.

"Hey, Chris! Hector found two rocks outside that look like boobs!" One of the friends told Chris, "You in?"

"Ah, who needs rocks when you got these?" Chris changed the subject opening his locker and reveals the magazines he got from Peter stashed inside. "Check it out!" Chris said showing them one of the magazines.

His friends were easily amazed before placing their hands on their crotches.

Meanwhile, Peter, Frank Jr, Frank, Meg, John, Tyler, Quagmire and Cleveland were driving around town as the car was decorated with campaign posters on the driver's side reading "VOTE FOR FRANK JR" and "TOGETHER WE CAN HELP HIM BEAT MY WIFE".

"Vote for my Grandson, Frank Jr!" Peter announced through an intercom on the roof of the car.

As they drove forward, most of the town had Lois' campaign posters while the car was the form of Frank Jr's campaign left.

"Whoa, look at all of Lois' signs!" Quagmire acknowledged about the large quantity of signs around the street, "Talk about seeing red. Heh, OH! Heh."

"Peter, I'm concerned that Frank Jr's candidacy may have become a lost cause." Cleveland said to Peter, "The debate is tonight and he doesn't seem to have any supporters."

"Don't sweat it, boys." Peter reassured his friends, "The Griffin men have always been winners, dating back to my diminutive great-grandfather, Juarez Griffin."

**Cutaway #7**

It cut to a Hispanic town square where a cock fight was being held as plenty of the town's men rounded together to bet on which chicken will win. A man placed a yellow rooster into the ring where it panned to the left to reveal Peter's great-grandfather, Juarez Griffin, who is basically a Hispanic version of Peter about the size of the chicken. Juarez and the rooster walked up to each other as Juarez easily defeats it in less than three punches. The men cheered for Juarez's victory as Juarez began imitating the rooster.

**End**

"Grandpa's right. The debate's in the bag." Frank Jr said influenced by Peter's statement.

"Yeah, we still have a trick up our sleeves." Frank said, "And it goes like this..." Frank whispered his plan in John's ear.

It cut to the debate being broadcast as an image of Lois' face shown from her right side spinned to the screen.

"Lois Griffin, daughter of shipping industrialist, Cart Pewterschmidt, and passive-aggressivist, Barbara Pewterschmidt." Tom Tucker narrated offscreen as the image of Lois' head spins away and this time an image of John's face shown from his left side spinned to the screen, "Tonight, she takes on her greatest challenge, Frank G Mallque Jr, Quahog's native son, described Huguenot from his manager/Grandfather, Peter Griffin, don't know what that means, and community activist."

It then showed Chris, Persphone and Meg watching the debate on their TV.

"Go, Frank Jr." Chris cheered.

"He can't hear you." Meg told Chris.

"GO, FARNK JR!" Chris shouted taking Meg's statement literally.

It cut right behind them and then zoomed to the TV.

"So fasten your seatbelts. We're just minutes away from Lois vs. Frank Jr, Griffin versus Mallque, on _Monday Night Debate_, y'all!"

Upstairs, Brian was reading a bedtime story to Stewie.

"'of suns and worlds, I nothing had to say'." Brian read. "I see mankind's self-torturing pains-"

"No, no, no, you're doing it wrong!" Stewie interrupted, "When you read _Faust_, you're supposed to do Mephistopheles in a scary voice *deepens voice" like this!"

"Oh, is that the way your Mommy reads it?" Brian teased Stewie once again getting up and headed for the door.

"I do not miss that ogress." Stewie protested as Brian was at the door, "She can burn in Hell for all I care!"

"Sure, she can." Brian said shutting the door.

_Damn, damn, damn, damn!_

_I've grown accustomed to her face!_

Stewie then sang the song, "I've Grown Accustomed to Her Face" from _My Fair Lady_.

_She almost makes the day begin!_

_I've grown accustomed to the tune that she whistles night and moon_

Stewie then jumped up and hung onto the mobile above his crib.

_Her smiles, her frowns_

Stewie let go and landed on a toy turtle.

_Her ups, her downs are second nature to me now_

He went to the box of toys next to the door and pulled out his baby book.

_Like breathing out and breathing in_

He turned to a photo of him on a hangwire about to blast Lois, who's doing laundry.

_I'm very grateful she's a woman_

_And so easy to forget_

He turned to another photo of him and Lois sitting at the kitchen table where he was pouring what seemed to be a vile of poison into her coffee.

_Rather like a habit one can always break_

He turned to yet another photo of him trying to kill Lois, this time about to smother her face with a pillow while she was a sleep.

_And yet,_

_I've grown accustomed to her looks_

Another photo was shown of Lois in the shower while a silhouette of Stewie was shown outside the curtain wielding a knife, interpretation the film _Psycho_. After that, Stewie closed the book and placed it down beside him.

_Accustomed to her voice_

_Accustomed_

_To her_

_Face_

_*sighs*_

Then out of nowhere, an off-screen studio audience awed sympathetically for Stewie's situation. However, Stewie was not too please by their appearance.

"Damn you all!" Stewie cursed the studio audience pulling out his ray gun and blasting at the screen.

Elsewhere, the debate was being held at the Quahog Meeting Hall as citizens were walking inside. Inside, Tyler was talking with Frank Jr.

"Okay, shino-bro, just remember what I told you and you'll be fine." Tyler instructed Frank Jr.

"Okay." Frank Jr replied going to his podium as the debate started.

" Frank Jr, your opening statement, please." Tom Tucker asked Frank Jr seated in a desk in front of the stage with Diane Simmons.

"Thank you, Tom." Frank Jr thanked Tom, "Hello, everyone. Go with what you feel. Tell them how you'll fix the issues. And say what's in your heart."

Almost everyone in the audience felt confused by Frank Jr 's opening statement and weren't able to decide whether he was onto something or was talking nonsense.

"No, no!" Tyler cried from backstage, "I meant talk about the changes you'll make, not literally repeat what I just said a few seconds ago!"

Frank Jr then felt dumbfounded by this revelation and he turned to the audience and smiled nervously while his face turned red.

"Uh... Uh, I would say more, but I'm feeling a little generous tonight and figure maybe Mr. Griffin should give her opening statement. Right?"

"Okay..." Diane responded a little unsure about John's behavior, "Mrs. Griffin."

"Well, as a piano teacher, I know how difficult the education process can be." Lois stated, "That's why, if I'm elected, I promise to fight for competent teachers, a better-funded music department and updated textbooks that don't refer to the Civil Rights Movement as 'trouble ahead'."

The crowd cheered for Lois after hearing her speech.

"Mr. Mallque, your response?" Diane asked Frank Jr, "Maybe something about education?"

"Yes, Ms. Simmons, I, too, will be fighting for teachers, but will, of course, approve of background checks to see if they're right for our children." Frank Jr declared, making the crowd to root for him instead.

" Frank Jr, that wasn't your opinion. That was something the former candidate, Betsy Lebeau, opposed against." Lois reminded Frank Jr. "I told you and Tyler about it. Remember?"

The crowd then booed at Frank Jr after they heard that, changing their vote for Lois.

"Oh, so you're calling me a liar?" Frank Jr accused Lois, "Well, I'm gonna take the highroad and stick to the issues. The children of Quahog are our greatest treasure. They deserve a school board president who believes that they have what it takes to become school board president and not talk them down about it."

"Is that what this is about?" Lois asked realizing Frank Jr 's reason of running for school board, " Frank Jr, I didn't mean it like that."

"See, she admits about it!" Frank Jr claimed pointing toward her causing the crowd to root for him more. "That proves she doesn't believe in people like me."

"That's enough!" Lois demanded.

"And if that wasn't bad enough, she even said and I quote 'Running against a kid will be easier than running unopposed'." Frank Jr finished, making the crowd change their vote for him, "Whaddya say to that, Mrs. Griffin?" Soon after, the crowd then chanted John's name.

"Just a minute! Listen to me, please!" Lois cried out, "This election is about our children's future. So ask yourself. What kind of future will it be if you elect a young man who has never taught a student or ever been to a PTA meeting? This is a young man who spends most of his time watching the Cartoon Network."

Frank Jr immediately fet a big blow below the chest from that one.

"I'm the right person for the job." Lois insisted, "Vote for me."

And soon enough, everyone immediately had their vote for Lois, to her approval and to Frank Jr's dismay. Peter was worried about this and pushed John aside.

"Wait, wait, wait, my candidate's not done." Peter tried to say, but the crowd kept cheering for Lois. " Frank Jr! Frank Jr! Frank Jr! F- C-C-Come on! S-Stop. Hey, shut up! Shut up! Hey, you guys shut up!"

Backstage, Frank Jr,John and Tyler were appearing to call it quits.

"Well, at least it didn't went with me reading words literally coming out of your mouth." Frank Jr bluntly.

"Hey, I'm still working on that." Tyler defended.

"You called for me?" The words Tyler just said earlier literally came up and asked Tyler.

"No, we went without you." Tyler told the words.

The next morning, Lois, Frank and Brian were sitting at the kitchen table having coffee discussing the previous night.

"Well, I didn't enjoy humiliating Frank Jr, but what choice did I have?" Lois asked Brian.

"Well, that's okay, Lois. I enjoyed it." Brian reassured Lois, taking a sip of coffee until Frank slap hard off the chair.

"Ugh, as soon as the polls close, we can put all this ugliness behing us." Lois said taking a sip of her coffee.

"Lois Griffin is a slut." Peter's voice was heard from the kitchen TV.

"What?!" Lois reacted turning to the TV.

It showed Peter in a classroom carrying his coat by his shoulder.

"Hi, I'm Peter Griffin." Peter greeted stepping up to a desk placing his left foot on the seat. "You know, I grew up in this town."

It then showed him walking down a hallway still carrying his coat by his shoulder.

"Quahog needs a moral, upstanding school board president." Peter said stopping at a random desk and placing this time his right foot on the seat. "Someone we can trust."

It then showed him walking through the football field.

"Well, a lot of nasty things have been said during this campaign." Peter continued once again placing one of his feet on the seat of a random desk popping up out of nowhere. "But pictures are better than words because some words are big and hard to understand." He then pulled a photo out of his shirt pocket, "But here's something everyone can understand! Do you really want your children's future in the hands of this?" He showed it to be the same photo from the box of dirty magazines he gave to Chris earlier in the episode, "I know I don't. So, vote for my candidate, Frank Jr."

It then finished with a black title card showing Frank Jr's face with the message, "FRANK JR FOR SCHOOL BOARD PRESIDENT," followed by Cleveland narrating.

"Paid for by the Frank G Mallque Jr for School Board President Commitee." Cleveland narrated. "Sorry, Lois."

It showed Lois speechless at what she saw as her arms twitched a bit.

"Hey, what're you guys watch- Uh-oh..." Meg walked in and greeted Frank, Lois and Brian before realizing what was on TV, to her dismay.

Later that day, the polls came to a close with Channel 5 News reporting the results.

"'Lewd,' 'obscene,' and 'a little blurry,' just some of the words used to describe Lois Griffin's prurient pic." Tom Tucker reported with the picture displayed before going to his regular greeting with Diane Simmons beside him. "Good morning, I'm Tom Tucker."

"And I'm Diane Simmons." Diane greeted last, "Yesterday, voters overwhelmingly declared that Lois Griffin is not the kind of person they want running their schools. Candidate, Frank G Mallque Jr was elected by a landslide."

It showed footage of Frank Jr giving a speech celebrating his success while Peter was wasted.

"Thank you, everyone." Frank Jr thanked all of his voters, "It is my honor to be-"

"Yeah, what a great day!" Peter barged in and cheered intoxicated, "I just want to s- Eh-Eh, I want to- *snickers* I am so freakin' wasted!" After saying that, he passed out onto a nearby table taking the podium with him.

"Uh-Uh, yes. It certainly is a great day." Frank Jr said, "I believe my campaign manager has something to say. Tyler?"

Unfortunately for him, Tyler was also wasted at the bar.

"WOOO!" Tyler hollered drunkly, "More funny juice! Yeah-" He passed out onto a nearby stool.

It cut to the family watching the aftermath of the campaign.

"Splendid." Stewie thought. "How delightful it be to have Mother back."

"We heard that." Frank and Brian said to Stewie somehow telepathically.

"Damn!" Stewie cursed in his thoughts.

Lois hung her head in embarrassment at her loss giving a light face palm.

"Don't feel bad, Mom." Chris comforted Lois, "All my friends think you're hot! They can't believe I came out of you!" Chris then got up and left when Frank Jr being carried by John stepped into the living room.

"Hey, guys." Frank Jr greeted everyone present but stopped when Tyler pulled out a sign reading 'SHE KNOWS ABOUT THE AD,' making Frank Jr realize he's in trouble, "Oh. Uh, no hard feelings?"

Peter also stepped in.

"Hey, Lois, I got a joke for ya." Peter said to Lois, "How many losers does it take to make breakfast? Just one! You! Ehehehe! I'm just-just kidding', but french toast, please."

"Oh, don't even talk to me, Peter!" Lois told off Peter still mad, "You humiliated your own wife! And for what, to have Frank Jr get that crazy Mr. Fargas back in the classroom?!"

"Who?" Peter asked not remembering who she's talking about.

"You serious?" Frank asked Peter in disbelief. "He's the whole reason you got Frank Jr into this in the first place."

"Boys, I cared about our schools." Lois told Peter, Frank Jr, John and Tyler handing Stewie to Meg and getting up to face the trio, "All you both cared about was some stupid competition. Well, winning was only half the battle." She then faced Frank Jr, "If you blow this chance to something good for our kids, you'll all be the biggest losers I know!"

"You see, that's why I volunteered. To prove to you that I can be good at being school board president you bitch." Frank Jr reminded Lois.

"You're still upset about what I said?" Lois asked Frank Jr. " Frank Jr, all I meant was that it may not be what you expect it be."

"Yeah? Well, you can talk to the hand, lady!" Frank Jr talked back.

" Frank Jr's right, we're no losers." Peter agreed, "When we're through with our schools, our students will be so smart they'll be able to program their VCRs without spilling piping hot gravy all over myself."

It then cut to the updated school sign now reading, " FRANK GEORGE MALLQUE JUNIOR HIGH SCHOOL (FORMERLY BUDDY CIANCI JR. HIGH SCHOOL) and panned to John, Tyler and Peter with Trishia Takanawa by the school entrance.

"This is Trishia Takanawa, here with School Board President, Frank Jr." Trishia reported presenting Frank Jr to the cameraman. "Mr. President, you've accomplished so much in just a few short weeks."

"Thanks, Ms. Takanawa." Frank Jr thanked Trishia Takanawa, "We're very excited of the progress in revamping our schools."

"For starters, we're making sex education more fun." Peter informed the press, opening a door in front of him to show the characters from _Schoolhouse Rock_.

_Vagina junction_

_What's your function?_

Three singers from said cartoon sang as the train conductor came in.

_Taking in sperm and spitting out babies!_

Frank Jr, Frank, John, Tyler and Peter continued showing the press around the school.

"And our schools are the safest around thanks to the hall monitor XL-K." John said presenting the XL-K from _RoboCop_ as it activated and drawled it turrets at a female student passing by.

"Halt!" The XL-K ordered, "Present hall pass!"

"Right here." The student responded presenting the hall pass in her hand.

"Second request." The XL-K ordered, "Present hall pass."

"But... Right here!" The student repeated confused by the machine's demands.

"Security breach! Security breach!" The XL-K declared blasting its turrets at the student. Fortunately, she got out of the way just in the nick of time.

"Uh, we still got a few bugs to work out." Frank Jr informed the press about what had happened.

They then arrived at the library.

"And we've restocked our school library with books on some of our greatest movies, TV shows and video games." Frank told Trishia. "Because if we don't teach our kids to read, how will they know about the source material?"

"Mr. Mallque, this is impressive for the man your age, I've never seen kids so enthusiastic about reading." Trishia praised Frank Jr's work.

"Thank you. That's-That's what you voted for." Peter thanked Trishia butting in as he walked over to one of Chris' friends reading, "Hey, son, show the folks at home what you got there." As Peter took the book away, something slid out from underneath and as it hit the floor, it turned out to be one of Chris' dirty magazines.

"What the-?" Frank Jr exclaimed at the magazine's presence.

"Good Lord! That's a dirty magazine!" Trishia Takanawa reported, to everyone's surprise.

"Hey, that's mine- Mine shaft." Peter excused, "There-There might be a mineshaft under this library."

"My God, all these kids are looking at pornography!" One of the press reported discovering the kids are using the books to mide the magazines.

"What kind of pervert gave you kids this filth?" Trishia asked the students.

"Chris Griffin." One of the students answered, "He got them from his Dad."

This immediately had the press swarm the trio, who were speechless by this, where cameras flashed nonstop.

We then see the Griffin house swarmed by paparazzi and news crews as titles appeared reading "SCANDEL IN THE GRIFFIN HOUSE HOUR SEVEN" revealed to be on the living room TV. It then showed the living room now a campaign office.

"Oh, there's quite a crowd outside." Menma acknowledged looking out the window before covering it with the drapes and walking to the trio, "I haven't witness pandemonium like this since Ridiculous Day at the deli."

John and Tyler then turned to Menma confused by what he meant.

"When prices were so low, they were ridiculous." Cleveland explained.

"Oohhh..." John and Tyler replied in realization at Cleveland's answer.

"Heh, you said it, pally." Quagmire told Cleveland walking in, "That's why I brought in the big guns. Say 'how do' to the Ragin' Cajun, Mr. James Carville."

Frank Jr, John and Tyler screamed at Mr. Carville's face as did Peter.

"AAH! Oh, God. Oh, Jeez!" Peter panicked at the sight of seeing Mr. Carville's face, "Did somebody open the Ark of the Covenant?"

However, before anyone could speak, Frank Jr, John and Tyler were still screaming in a similar way to when the Nostalgia Critic screamed repeatedly at the DVD cover of _Good Burger_ at the end of his SNICK review.

(A/N: By the way, for those who've seen this episode, you can already tell why Peter, Frank Jr, John and Tyler panicked after taking a look at Mr. Carville's face)

"Guys?" Peter tried getting the duo's attention, but their screams were too loud for them to hear him. "Guys?"

Then a SpongeBob timecard popped up.

"One hour later" The French Narrator told the audience.

It then showed everyone looking tired while John and Tyler were still screaming repeatedly.

"Okay, that's enough!" Mr. Carville cried making Frank Jr, John and Tyler to stop. "Now, anyway, see, boys, what you gotta do is you gotta declare war! War, you see? War! Your only chance of surviving this-this-this scandal is to claim that Lois gave your boy the pornography."

"And he's right." Quagmire agreed with him. "Heh, pin it on the old ball and chain."

"We can't do that." Frank Jr said. "That's playing dirty."

"He's right. Lois is already mad at us enough without *turns to Mr. Carville* Oh, oh, oh, God, I'm-I'm sorry. I-I can't look at you." Peter said. "I can handle ugly, but this is like circus ugly.

Down in John and Tyler's room, Lois was doing laundry when John came down hoping to ask for her help.

"Mrs. Griffin, I need your help." John begged Lois, "You gotta come to Frank Jr press conference this afternoon."

Lois snuffed off John's plea for help.

"Mrs. Griffin, he could lose his presidency!" John pleaded.

"Too bad!" Lois blew off John, "I've already lost more than that!"

John gasped. "Not my Pokémon socks!" John checked inside the washer to see if Lois hadn't lost them.

"No, I've lost my respect for him." Lois explained.

"Oh." John exclaimed in realization. "But-"

Lois continued ignoring him.

"You know what? Forget it!" John reconsidered going up the stairs to go ahead with Mr. Carville's idea.

"So?" Tyler asked John. "Is she gonna help us?"

"No, change of plans, pal." John told Tyler as they went back to Peter and the guys, "I was hoping we would avoid-" But unfortunately for the two of them, they saw Mr. Carville's face and screamed once again.

"Ah, come on!" Quagmire exclaimed.

It then cut to Channel 5 News.

"We now take you live to Frank George Mallque Junior High, where embattled School Board President Frank Jr is fighting for his political life alongside his campaign managers." Tom Tucker reported cutting to the school's auditorium as Frank Jr, John, Tyler and Peter walked over to the stage with everyone booing at them.

"Throw the brat out!" A member of the crowd cried out.

Frank, Meg, Persphone and Chris were watching at the entrance when, to their surprise, Lois stepped in.

"Mom, what are you doing here?" Persphone asked Lois, "I thought you were mad at Frank Jr, John, Tyler and Dad."

"I am." Lois answered, "I just came them twist in the wind."

"Are you and Dad gonna get a divorce?" Chris asked Lois worried.

"Oh, honey..." Lois said to Chris giving him a hug, "...maybe."

Frank then slap her on the head and said " shut up."

Onstage, the quartet were about to go with Mr. Carville's idea to frame Lois.

"'A parent giving porno to their kid is a terrible thing, but I'm here to tell you that my campaign manager, Peter Griffin is innocent!'" Frank Jr told the crowd, which got their attention. However, Lois groaned at what she heard.

Frank Jr handed the cue cards to Peter.

"'That's right!'" Peter said, "'I didn't give those magazines to my son.' 'My wife'... 'My-My wife, Lois'..." Peter started to feel guilty as he kept reading the card and as he saw a woman in the crowd, she shifted into Lois. He turned to another, who also shifted into Lois. Frank Jr, John and Tyler realized Peter couldn't do it so they helped him out by pointing at Lois with the kids.

"Lois!" Peter exclaimed under his breath as he, Frank Jr, John and Tyler then saw Mr. Carville in the crowd, too, resulting in Frank Jr,John and Tyler to once again screaming repeatedly.

"One Hour Later." The French narrator once again said as another SpongeBob timecard popped up.

And like before, John and Tyler still screaming repeatedly.

"FOR GOD'S SAKE, JUST GET IT OVER WITH! WE CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!" Someone called out to the duo, who stopped screaming after hearing the desperate man pleading.

"Ah, crap." Peter exclaimed discarding the cards.

"Yeah, who're we kidding? We can't go through with this." Tyler said.

"Look, my wife, Lois is the most important person in the world to me. And she's also important to my candidate, Frank Jr. I gave my son those magazines."

This caught Frank, Pershone, Lois and Meg by surprise.

"Even worse, I used a boy I took in to turn a beautiful gift from Lois into something cheap and tawdry." Peter continued. "I just wanted to win so badly. Now I know that some things are more important than winning. I'm sorry, Frank Jr. I hope you can forgive me."

Frank Jr then felt guilt after hearing Peter's heartfelt apology, realizing he, too, got carried away.

"Actually, Grandpa, I owe you an apology, too." Frank Jr admitted. "I felt the same thing as you did. I just wanted to hear Grandma maybe say, 'You can accomplish anything as long as you put your mind to it' or something. I guess what I'm saying is that we both wanted to show what we we're capable of so bad that we lost sight of what's important. I think we both realize that now."

"Yeah, we sure have." Peter agreed turning back to the crowd, "Lois, we only hope that you can find it in your heart to forgive us."

Lois was touched by Peter and Frank Jr's apology.

"Oh, Peter." Lois exclaimed running upstage to embrace with Peter and share a hug with him and Frank Jr as press swarmed them.

"So you're saying you're not only a bad father, but a bad husband, too, Mr. Griffin?" Trisha Takanawa asked Peter.

"Mr. Mallque, do you have the moral authority to lead?" A man asked Frank Jr.

"Yes." Peter answered Trisha.

"No, and screw it, Grandma was right, I am too young to handle presidency, so I resign." Frank Jr told the press, making them gasp as he, John, Tyler, Peter and Lois left the building.

It then showed footage of Frank Jr, Peter, Lois, John and Tyler stepping outside.

"And there's the President, campaign managers John, Peter and Tyler and Lois Griffin." Diane Simmons said.

"Now boarding the helicopter." Tom Tucker finished as the quartet boarded the helicopter.

It then cut to Channel 5 News with Tom Tucker and Diane Simmons.

"And so ends a dark and shameful chapter in the history of Quahog, Rhode Island." Diane remarked. "One which leaves this reporter asking: How much moral bankruptcy and perversion must we, the people, endure?"

"Next up, stay tuned for our special investigative report on 'The Clitoris: Nature's Rubik's Cube.'" Tom Tucker ended the report as it cut to black.

The next day, Chris' school was renamed back into Buddy Cianci Junior High and Mr. Fargas was rehired back into his sobered state as he walked down a hallway.

"Welcome back, Fargas." A student passed by Mr. Fargas greeting him back.

"Thank you." Fargas thanked the student.

"Welcome back, Farg." Chris passed by Mr. Fargas also greeting him back positively.

"Much obliged." Fargas thanked Chris.

"Wooo!" Frank Jr and Tyler was walking by and cheered for Mr. Fargas' return.

"You two don't go to this school." Fargas told Tyler.

"Aww..." Frank Jr and Tyler awed now moping.

Unfortunately, the hall monitor XL-K was still in the school and ran into Mr. Fargas.

"Halt!" The XL-K ordered Mr. Fargas, "Present hall pass!"

"Excuse me?" Fargas asked lightly.

"Second request!" The XL-K continued, "Present hall pass!" It then loaded its turrets at Fargas.

It zoomed on Fargas gasping in horror as it cuts to black and the turrets were fired off-screen.

**Mallque chronicles Chapter 3: Heiwamaru Uzumaki**

Aoi stared at the small bundle now resting in a crib, if Hagoromo hated how people of Konoha likened him to his father and grandfather, how will Artemist son would handle it. This baby was truly all Frank/Artemist, minus those whisker marks that adorned her husband's face. Same messy, spiky hair, the same deep blue eyes, even now when the baby smiled at her, she could tell it was hsi brother in law's smile.

'_Heiwamaru…'_ She smiled lovingly down at the boy, he didn't have her eyes so this time Frank had come up with the most perfect name for their son.

"_Look at this little guy. Listen up kid, you've been born during a time of peace, and hopefully you'll live your entire life in it. You've also brought so many other people peace just by being here, your mom and I don't have to worry anymore if you're gonna be okay, you were a little late getting here, you know. Because of that I want you to stay away from Kakashi-sensei, I don't want that to become a lifelong habit. You've brought peace to Hamura, he's wanted to meet you for so long, and you'll probably take some attention away from him. My teacher, Jiraiya told me to help find peace for the world, but you've brought peace to me... That's it! Artemist, I think we should name this guy Heiwamaru!"_

"_Heiwamaru, it's a beautiful name, __Frank__."_

She had placed Heiwamaru down for a nap, but she had no idea how long she had stayed to just watch him sleep. He was beautiful in every way, but a part of her worried as well, He did not have her white featureless eyes, he had his fathers. Did that mean he did not inherit the Byakugan, would he not have her Kekkei Genkai, for some reason 'Aogan' just didn't have the same ring to it.

She sighed deeply, leaving the small baby to rest. She hoped that if he did not have it, he would not grow jealous of his older brother, who was named a Genius, just like her Father. He learned Jutsu with ease, the Gentle Fist came like breathing to him, his chakra levels were outrageous for his age, and he could wear out herself and Naruto in training and still have energy to spare.

He did have a temper though, a trait more akin to 'dead lasts' like his father than the Geniuses. Frank laughed it off when she had brought it up with him, saying it was another thing he had inherited from Sayo.

She often wondered about Frank's parents, would they have accepted her. Frank had adamantly proclaimed they would have loved her, and his mother and Hagoromo would have got on like fire. It made her happy hearing that, but there was always a creeping doubt in her mind, as they would never be a chance to test Frank 's words.

Hagoromo had made her father happy though, he was her father's joy. There was something that her father would never have admitted, but something that did not need to be said. He had wanted a son… so when Hagoromo grew and displayed an almost innate ability with the rinnegan as strong as her Frank's, straight from his own flesh and blood she could see the euphoria hidden behind her father's eyes.

Hinata returned to the dining room, where her husband, son, sister and nefiew sat at the dinner table, she retook her seating before looking at her nefiew, her eyebrows rose when he looked back at her with a weird look, his cheeks puffed up with Soba. "What?" He mumbled out through the food overfilling his mouth.

"You are allowed to take that off, Hamura. Have you even washed your forehead since you got it?" She asked in her curious, yet stern voice.

Hamura's eyes moved upwards looking at the headband that adorned his seven year old forehead, a brand new Konoha headband on blue cloth had wrapped itself around it, he swallowed the food in his mouth and grinned. "Why would I take it off? I was born to wear it. Besides…" He smirked darkly, looking over at his father who looked up from his own dinner. "It annoys my dad that I've got one so early, dad was twelve when he passed the exam, granddad was ten, I passed when I'm only seven. I'm out of both of your shadows now-tteboshou."

"Don't get cocky, brat, you're still twenty years and a Hokage hat away from being on our level-ttebayo." Frank grinned back, stilling eating the food in front of him.

Hinata looked back towards Hamura, before looking at his plate. "You have avoided your vegetables, Hamura-kun, please eat them as well."

"I don't need vegetables, mom. I need protein, I have to get stronger and stronger to reach my goal." Hamura grinned innocently, but cheerily in return.

"You need vegetables as well, if you don't eat them, y-you will go to bed without any dinner at all." She tried to sound strict, but even she knew she was not cut out for the strict parent role, the loving caring role was the one that best suited her, but she needed to make herself better at discipline, and he needed to eat his vegetables.

They both turned when Hagoromo gasped in what sounded like horror, he sank backwards in fear at the scene before him. "To think how quickly Aunt Hinata has pulled out her _**Kaa-chanton: Gorogoro tetsuya onaka no Jutsu**_. It truly is terrifying to witness." Hagoromo whispered quietly to himself in the background.

Hamura looked at his cousin with a weird expression, before turning back to her. "If you do that, I'll use my new levels of stealth to sneak a midnight snack when you both are asleep-tteboshou." He finished with a cocky smirk.

"D-Do not 'datteboshou' me, Hamura-kun." Hinata responded trying to use her best stern and scolding expression, she thought about how easy her father managed it, perhaps she could have inherited something from him, but her tender, sweet voice did seem to give it the same effect. "If you do that, you will be under House arrest, I-I will ground you to your room for a week, no friends, no training, and no missions. T-That should give you enough time to think about your attitude, to think about how you speak to your parents and to think about how you should listen to what we tell you."

Hagoromo's gasp in utter horror was near masked by Hamura's loud response. "I'm a fully-fledged Shinobi now, Mom! I can't get grounded now-tteboshou! I'll just sneak out and train and meet my friends and whatever!"

She panicked, Hinata had really nothing left to come back with, Hamura may look eerily like Neji, but even if he'd deny it with every breath, his personality grew more and more like Naruto-kun's with every passing day.

Luckily she was saved by a very dark chuckle, she and Hamura turned to the source, Frank and Hagoromo, who had regained his composure, and he stared intently with a dark gaze at Hamura. Hinata watched her son begin to sweat a little bit. "You've got some willpower, Hamura. To be able to brush off your mom's collaboration of her _**Kaa-chanton: Kinshin no Jutsu **_and _**Kaa-chanton: Kogoto no Jutsu**_ with such ease. But now you've forced _my_ hands…"

Hagoromo's hands moved together forming a seal Hamura had never seen before, the back of his fingers on each hand touched and the pads of his thumbs pressed together. A wave of sheer chakra rolled from his body and hit Hamura square, Hamura's eyes widened at the power in front of him. "H-Hagoromo...?" He asked worriedly, more sweat began to drip down his face with a new found sense of fear. '_Everyone says he is scary when he gets serious, is this what they were talking about?'_

"_**hagoromoton:**_" In an instant Hagoromo disappeared before her eyes, as did Hamura, she found them quickly enough, Hagoromo was kneeling on one knee with Hamura pulled across it, held over his one knee not holding his own weight with both his wrists clasped in Hagoromo 's much larger one handed grip. Hagoromo's other hand hung dangerously high in the air, a look of sheer dominance and power was in Naruto's eyes as he stared down and Hamura's terrified form.

"NO HAGOROMO! DON'T DO IT, I'M SORRY!"

"_**HIRATEUCHI NO JUTSU!**_" Hamura's cries for mercy were ignored by Hagoromo's large yell, his hand flew downward with incredible speed, smacking across Hamura's young kiester. Hamura's scream of sharp pain filled the apartment.

"DON'T!" Another slap came down across Hamura's backside as Hagoromo continued to speak, each word accompanied by another sharp, strong and well placed strike.

"TALK!"

"BACK!"

"TO!"

"YOUR!"

"MOTHER!"

.

.

.

.

.

"DATTEBAKI!"

"You're too hasty Hagoromo! The ground you stand on is your own! The Saiyan stand firm and strong, holding their position!" Her father yelled instructions as he came at her son again. Aoi watched on silently as her father launched more strikes at Hagoromo, who with some effort managed to block each strike.

It was truly a wonder to watch someone be able to match her father, even more so that the very person sprung from herself, who he had deemed too callous in the art of the Hyuuga, Uzumaki and Saiyan techniques. She looked down to the two small bundles in her arms. Ana and Mayuka, her first two daughters, and hopefully her last child, she didn't think her body could take any more of the pregnancies and child births. She was happy with three, and hopefully Frank was as well. As much as she wouldn't like to go through it anymore times, she knew deep down that if Frank requested more, she would provide him with one without hesitation.

But Ana and Mayuka, finally she had daughters to play with, Frank had been better with the boys than her. He gave Hamura a goal he could strive for with every essence of his being, and Heiwamaru, now five years old and growing into the spitting image of Naruto with every passing day latched onto his father with every essence of his being.

Ana and Mayuka, on the other hand, dark haired and paler skin than her brothers, just like her. The white eyes of the Hyuuga present in their eyes. Finally she had someone that would be more hers than Frank's. She couldn't wait to teach her everything, how a woman should present herself, how to be strong. How to chase love and achieve impossible dreams. She wanted to comfort her the only way a mother could for her daughters. She just couldn't wait for Ana and Mayuka to grow.

Aoi looked back up towards her eldest child sparring with her father. Hagoromo was something else, a hard working true genius like her cousin. Twelve years old perhaps more dangerous than Naruto and even Sasuke was at that age, a prodigy in the sharingan and the rinnegan, but he had inherited Frank's enormous chakra reserves and stamina. He could probably become a Chuunin if Frank would allow him to participate in the upcoming exam.

Her father was usually a last resort for training with Hagoromo. Hamura, Neji, Hanabi or herself were usually the ones to train him. But she had occupied herself with Ana and mayuka's care. And Hagoromo had already exhausted Hamura, Neji and Hanabi yet still had plenty of energy to continue, hence her father stepped forward, a completely different challenge to the other two. Experience against youth, knowledge against power, it was truly a frightening contest to even watch.

She watched as her father pushed Hagoromo backwards again, knowing him back onto the ground. "You are far too akin to your grandfather madara, Hagoromo." Her father spoke out, lowering his hands from his fighting stance.

She watched as Hagoromo's face looked back to his grandfather's, his teeth gritting with frustration, but it appeared the frustration came not from being knocked to the ground, but from the words her father followed the act with. "You are too predictably unpredictable."

Hagoromo rose to his feet again, still angry at the words being thrown at him. Hinata saw her father gaze harden with a stern look. "The Saiyans do not place faith in the unpredictable," Her father spoke out, his ki still blazing. "The Saiyan place faith in Power and knowledge! The knowledge that the Mallque clan is the most noble, most powerful clan that stands in Konoha! The knowledge that the Sharingan the perfect Doujutsu! The knowledge that the _**Gentle Fist**_ is the pinnacle of Taijutsu! You hold the blood of the Hyuuga's main family, Hagoromo! Keep this knowledge in mind when you attack!"

Her father returned to a fighting stance, "_**Big bang attack!**_" Her father launched the ki strike at her son, who smiled confidently in return.

His arms spread wide, almost appearing to accept the blow, until he began to spin, chakra exploded from his body. "_**Kaiten!" **_His production was flawless, the spinning chakra gaining a larger radius than Hamura's at that age due to his larger reserves. The air strike morphed around the spinning Hagoromo, blowing in all directions, it almost knocked Hinata backwards.

She stared with shock and wonder at her son, he had already mastered the _**Kaiten**_, something she herself never managed to accomplish. Even her father looked surprised at her son's most recent display. "So you have mastered _**Kaiten**_, did Neji teach you it in secret without my consent?"

"No, I obsevered and learned it myself. This is my unpredictability, my power Grandfather." Hagoromo smirked as the whirling force stopped, standing upright with a new found confidence. "I have my own knowledge. Knowledge that I'll be the one to change the Hyuuga-ttebaki."

Chakra began to form around Hagoromo's hands, a sight Hinata herself was all too familiar with. '_T-That's…!'_ She watched as the chrakra grew larger and larger, becoming more steady and powerful.

Her father smiled proudly towards his grandson, gracefully slipping back into a fighting stance. "Come then. Your Power Hagoromo, let me see it!"

"Dad, no fair! You're not allowed to win all the time!" Hagoromo, Aoi, Hinata and Hamura strolled into the apartment after leaving the capsole compound following Hamura's training. There inside their home they found Naruto, Frank and Heiwamaru sitting the middle of the living room, they clearly walked into the middle of an argument while naruto watch. "You have to let David win sometimes!"

In Frank's hands was a fifteen inch plush doll version of himself, while in Heiwamaru's smaller hands was a plush doll version of David of the same size as Naruto's. "What blasphemy is this!? Heiwamaru I am your dad, you can't ask me to lose to David!"

"But it's boring now Dad! You're the one who always wants to play Frank vs David but every time we play and I use David's jutsu you come up with more and more ridiculous ways to counter them. You start using Jutsu you don't even know!" Heiwamaru screamed back, scowling like the fiver year old child he was.

"I don't know what you're talking about." Frank huffed, acting like the five year old child he was on the inside.

"Really? Since when do you have the Rinne-Sharingan, dad? Since when was Madara Uchiha your secret grandfather?" Heiwamaru quipped, raising his eyebrows to his dad.

"Did you just peak back to me?" A dark glint sparked in Frank's eyes, directed towards his young blond son. His hand began to raise slowly into the air in a menacing manner.

"Looks like the children are fighting again, Aunty." Hamura spoke up for the two of them, gaining Frank, Naruto and Heiwamaru's attention. Naruto's hand dropped back down as he gave them a wide beam, Hamura sighed inwardly, knowing the fate he had just saved his younger cousin from all too well.

"Oh hey, I didn't hear you come in!" Naruto beamed at wife and son nefiew and baby niece, before taking a closer look at Hagoromo's scruffy appearance. "So how was training, Hagoromo?"

Hagoromo smirked confidently. "I finally caught Grandpa off guard, and I finally perfected my new technique. Soon I'll become my own person. Soon I'll become unbeatable!"

"Hn. You're one hundred years too early to be saying works like that, especially with me around." They all turned to see David and Sasuke standing in their doorway, arms crossed and looking into the home, in his hand was a small bag. "Sakura asked me to give this to you, some special baby food or something."

Hinata winced slightly, Sakura had made baby food for Hamura and Boruto before, and she didn't want to hurt her friend's feelings. But the baby's, they hated it. They cried for days just by having a miniscule taste of the food.

"Uncle Sasuke!" Heiwamaru, on the other hand, was more than happy to see the raven haired man, not caring for the reason he was here. The five year old leaped towards him, wrapping his small arms around Sasuke's neck. "Have you been on any new exciting missions!? Tell me all about them!"

"Maybe later." Sasuke responded with a rare small smile. Heiwamaru, he was a mirror image of Frank and Naruto, unlike Hamura, who had too much Hyuuga and Neji in him. Heiwamaru was blonc, just like Naruto. Blue eyed, just like Naruto. Stupid, just like Naruto. Brash, just like Naruto. Reckless, just like Naruto. He got too excited over the simplest things, just like Naruto. He was terrible at Ninjutsu, just like Naruto. He was clumsy at Taijutsu, just like Naruto. He was useless at Genjutsu, just like Naruto. He didn't have a Kekkei Genkai, just like Naruto. He was labelled a genius like himself, Neji or Hamura, just like Frank and Naruto. He had absolutely no redeeming qualities as a ninja or a person, just like Frank and Naruto.

This one Sasuke liked.

Sasuke looked over to Hamura, his usual tied back red hair was messy and all over the place. His clothes still had a healthy layer of dust and dirt covering them, his body littered with the small red bruises that came naturally to someone that fought against the Gentle Fist. "You look terrible."

"All this was just a lesson," Hamura's cocky grin grew, Hagoromo hated that smirk. It wasn't anything anyone had ever shown him before, he was Hagoromo Uzumaki, if they were in a war, flee on sight orders would be issued against him, named one of the strongest Shinobi alive, he terrified people. But Hamura's grin, that obnoxious, annoying grin, it was worse than when the red haired boy called Sasuke Uncle with such familiarity, it was if he didn't scare the boy.

"Soon I'll even be able to beat you… Old man."

Hagoromo's eyes shot open wide, Hinata looked worried, Frank and Naruto burst out into a fit of laughter. "What did you call me?" Sasuke's eyes narrowed towards Hamura and that cocky smirk, Sasuke gently put the blonde Heiwamaru back onto the ground as he turned to face Hamura fully.

"Mah, what's the matter Uncle Sasuke? Losing your hearing in your old age?" Hamura's smirk grew even more confident and mischievous.

However, Sasuke and Hagoromo's very aura darkened. "Brat… let me tell you a story, one your parents would have left out of your precious night time fairy tales. I'm the real deal, a true avenger. My entire life has revolved around going to the most extreme, most ruthless measures to exact retribution against those who have wronged me. That's my ninja way." Sasuke worded out, his every word matching the darkness his aura possessed, how dare he, how dare this rapscallion call him old, he was only thirty-five! "And just now you have wronged me, I will ensure that-"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, I heard this story before." Hamura hushed him into silence, his grinning growing ever more insulting by the second. "I got so bored I fell asleep half way through it."

An eye twitched, a soul twitched. The containment of fury twitched. "Outside. Now."

Hinata watched worriedly as Hamura stood back up after before tossed to the ground, so quickly after training with her father was he being beaten into the ground by Hagoromo Uzumaki. Legs wobbly as he returned to his feet, wiping the blood from the corner of his mouth, she had never seen her twelve year old son pushed to such lengths before.

He ran forwards again, Byakugan piercing towards Hagoromo, launching another Gentle Fist strike high at Hagoromo's head, who with Sharingan blazing skilfully ducked under it, avoiding another strike to his lowered body by spinning on his feet gracefully.

Hamura's may have the Byakugan, but, as all Kekkei Genkai, fell weakened against a stronger opponent. Today, Hamura's opponent was speed, even without his Sharingan, Hagoromo brushed and wove past all of Hamura's strikes.

The most recent one ended with Hagoromo hacking at Hamura's feet with a powerful leg sweep, causing the red haired boy to lose his balance and topple over, before he hit the ground Hagoromo had grabbed him by the ankles and threw him over his head and launched him across the training field like a pebble skimming across a river.

"N-Naruto-kun, don't you think Hagoromo is being a bit hard on Hamura?" She asked her blond husband, however she found him looking sternly at the fight in front of him. His eyes on Hamura, as if calculating the boy's many mistakes during this battle.

"If I thought Hagoromo was being too rough I would have stopped him by now." Naruto crossed his arms and sighed, watching Hamura struggle to rise back to his feet, his eyes turned to Sasuke, who looked back at him, giving him a knowing smirk. "Hagoromo's teaching him a valuable lesson today, one that, as a father I can't teach him."

"What's that, Naruto?" Frank asked curiously, Naruto had always done his best to be a good teacher, a good father to Hamura and Heiwamaru, he looked down at the new babies in Aoi arms. Naruto did not have that much experience with girls, but he'd try his utter best with himawari as well. Something that Naruto couldn't teach them seemed something absurd to her.

"Hamura runs his mouth off too much, he's cocky and overconfident, but unlike me he has something to back it up. He's got insane Taijutsu prowess, he's good at learning Ninjutsu, and he can even get Genjutsu down, something that I never could, plus he's got all your Byakugan." Naruto watched Hamura take another beating into the ground, Hamura hadn't even tested Hagoromo, who had relied solely on Taijutsu to beat the boy down again. Hitting him with two strong fists into the chest, launching him backwards and crashing into a tree, Hinata winced at the sight, yet she saw Naruto remained fixated on the scene. "Hagoromo is showing him what happens when he runs his mouth against someone much stronger than him, he's not holding back."

"B-But that's just like you, Naruto-kun, and it never stopped you from defeating people stronger than you." Hinata responded, hoping to not sound too insulting.

Naruto grinned sheepishly, scratching the back of his head. "I know! But that's not the lesson-ttebayo, it's a lesson I can't teach because as his dad I'll naturally hold back when I train with him, I won't risk hurting him and Hagoromo knows it. He can run his mouth all he likes, what Hagoromo is teaching him…" He paused for a moment, nodding his head towards where Hamura lay on the ground.

Hinata watched as her oldest son struggled to climb back to his feet, his legs wobbly underneath his own weight as he stood back up, swaying slightly as if he was about to collapse again. His right arm hanging limply by his side, his left pointing towards Hagoromo in an attacking stance. His body, dirtied and bruised heaved with every breath, as if every breath caused agonizing pain. His face, blood streaming down his face as if his hair was leaking out its red colour, Byakugan fixated on the red uzumaki in front of him.

Naruto smirked proudly as Hamura began to limp forwards, still aiming to fight. "Is to find the guts to never give up!"

Hinata's eyes widened with surprise at her husband's words, she turned back towards the two fighters, and to her increased surprise even Sasuke's smirk seemed to grow as Hamura weakly approached Hagoromo. She watched as Hamura stopped short of Hagoromo, staring up at the adult Uzumaki cousin, panting heavily. He moved his left arm forward, too exhausted and battered to actually do any damage. He prodded Hagoromo in the chest with two fingers, so slowly it would have made a difference. Hagoromo looked down at Hamura, who smiled back upwards at him.

"Next time…" Hinata heard her son wheeze out weakly, his eyes to beginning to close, his Byakugan already deactivated through chakra exhaustion. "I won't let you willingly let me touch you-tteboshou."

Hagoromo smirked, giving the boy a small tap to the forehead, it was enough to push the boy backwards to land on his back, collapsing into a well-deserved slumber.

"Hamura-kun!" She hurried over as quickly as having a sleeping baby in a sling would let her, she kneeled down next to her red haired son. She quickly performed a very basic medical Jutsu to scan over his body. It appeared Hagoromo had been kind enough to hold back enough so the boy didn't leave with any broken bones or ruptured organs, despite multiple times when watching she was sure Hamura must have sustained. There were a few fractures, but nothing Sakura couldn't heal with a good half an hour and serious scolding at both her teammates for letting it go this far.

"What did you think, Hagoromo, Sasuke?" She heard Naruto's voice call from behind her, not as in a rush as she was to tend to their son.

"Hn." Was the Uchiha's response, shifting his weight to one of his legs and stared down at the kid's sleeping face? "No matter how much he hates to admit it, he's just like you Naruto. Dumb, brash, overconfident, there was a least seven times when I could have actually killed him if I meant to, and he knows that too…" He continued looking at the boy, it was weird to see those Hyuuga's stern, cold calculating eyes in someone like him. "But he has guts, he knew I could kill him and he kept on fighting. It reminds me of when we first fought Zabuza…"

YEARS LATER

"Now Ana, mayuka your stances has to be firm and strong, but ready to adapt to any predicament. It's a tough job, but let your Byakugans do the work for you. Let your body follow the flow of your eyes." Hamura spoke sweetly, before gliding through a series of steps in an intricate combination of attacks.

His little cousins stood at the edge of their garden, with her born they had moved out of their apartment home and into a larger compound built by some guy called Inari from Nami no Kuni. He had built it personally as a thank you to his dad, although Hamura never learned what he was so grateful for. The compound had many rooms, yet still retained a homier size compared to other massive clan compounds. Apparently the only request his parents had was a large garden, which they had split into a training area, a playing area and a relaxation area, complete with a personal hot spring and a space for flower pressing and tending.

"Yes, Hamura, I'll do my best." Ana answered brightly, activating her own Byakugan. She attempted to follow his routine, however she caught her feet together and tripped into the ground. As she pulled herself up, a small tear dropped from her eye into the dirt.

"Don't cry Ana, the Gentle Fist is hard to grasp, but it'll come very easy to you soon enough." Hamura spoke gently, scooping her up from behind from under her shoulders, placing her gently back onto her feet. He walked around and knelt down in front of her, wiping any remnants of tears from her face. "Especially don't cry in front of Grandfather, otherwise he'll look at you like this and say 'Tears do not suit a Hyuuga's eyes." He scrunched up his face to create a very shoddy scowl, his brow so low his eyes squinted, his nose crinkled back and nostrils flared, he puffed out his cheeks and jutted out his lower lip.

She giggled at the weird face he made, before he fixed himself and flashed her a smile. "Now come on, let's try again. Keep your arms up, but don't move them. Just focus on your footwork this time."

"Okay, Hamura!" She smiled brightly again. Aoi watched the three of them slowly go through a simple Gentle Fist routine, Ana like a new dancer making the basic steps, and Hamura a gentle and patient teacher.

She felt a pang of almost jealously flow through her. She hated to admit it, but Ana and Mayuka were supposed to be hers. Hamura had fixated himself on surpassing his dad, his uncle and grandfathers, therefore inadvertently latched himself to his father, always wondering what next step he would take, and how he would top it. Heiwamaru idolised Frank naturally, as blond haired and bright blue eyed as the man himself, not as a wall to overcome as Hamura had, but more as a playmate, a person he could connect with without difficulty. They came to her with problems and questions, but it was Frank they wanted to be like.

She couldn't blame them, Frank was the Hokage, it was impossible to not admire him. But still a part of her wished they would boldly proclaim how much they wanted to surpass her as much as they did Naruto. So her hopes had laid with Mayuk and Ana, a spitting image of herself at the tender age of three. The two three year old was not a natural at the Hyuuga techniques as Neji and Hamura were, but they had a confidence to keep on pushing and striving to improve. She watched them, dressed in a plain purple training jumpsuit, ana's long bluish hair tied into two ponytails that hung over her shoulders. The front of her hair was style like her own, with bangs framing her face and short bangs cut to cover her forehead. Mayuka's bluish hair tied into two ponytails that hung over each side of her head. The front of her hair was style like her own, with bangs framing her face and short bangs cut to cover her forehead

She watched her daughters smiled brightly at her elder brother. Her hopes of having one of her children aspire to be like her, to latch to her as Hamura and Heiwamaru did to Frank and Hagoromo faded each time she saw that smile. Ana and Mayuka had found their idol instead in Hamura, they clung to him religiously. And Hamura, so temperamental, so cocky and quick to enrage showed a different side to him whenever he was with her.

Her gaze switched to Hagoromo, now fourteen and a clone of Naruto. Minus the red colour of his hair and fluctuating temper. Wearing black and red jupsuit, a black jacket with, red bandan tied on the right shoulder, with a fastener running down the right part of the chest and matching pants, and black Shinobi sandals. His red hair had grown longer, framing his face, the back had ponytail.

She continued to watch the both of them. Hagoromo, in her opinion fully prepared to win the upcoming Chuunin Exams. And Ana and Mayuka, just beginning their journey on the road of life. No matter how disappointed she was that her children didn't latch to her, she smiled blissfully. She loved how well they got along right from the start, unlike herself and her own sister, which took many years to form a bond as close as theirs. She loved how they looked at each other. Deeply, from the bottom of her heart, she was glad they became who they were.

"Hamura, Ana, Mayuka. Please come and have a break. I have prepared a lunch." She spoke out to the both of them. The prospect of food seemed to grasp their attention, as they both rushed over to her delight.

However something felt very odd, a feeling she had felt multiple times recently. Where was Heiwamaru? Every time she had come to watch over their training, he was never to be found with them, and every time she managed to catch him before a training session, he had a reason to not be in attendance. Meeting a friend from the academy, helping with their homework, promising a friend to fight them. Heiwamaru never seemed to show up.

"Where is Heiwamaru?" She asked inquisitively, hoping this time they would finally have an answer for her.

She was right. It was subtle, but there was a subtle flinch from both of them at their missing brother's name. "He was here, but I have no idea where he's gone." Hamura answered first, suddenly finding the ground very interesting.

"Heiwamaru was here before you mother, he… he challenged Hamura to a fight. When he lost he ran away. It was sad, I was so glad Heiwamaru decided to train with us today, when we ask him he says he is going to train elsewhere." Ana continued, still too young to understand the concept of covering up for someone.

"But why? Why would Heiwamaru not want to train with you usually?" She asked, more curious than ever now that the truth had been partially revealed. "We should train together, as a family."

"It's because he doesn't have the sharingan." Hamura sighed heavily realising the cat was out of the Daimyo's wife's grip. He looked back at her, seeing her shocked expression. "I caught him once. Red contact lenses around his eyes. That's why Heiwa doesn't like training with us."

"That's not true." Aoi responded to her son's answer sharply, before her face fell into sadness. "I will not believe that… I-I can not…"

"You don't have to believe it, mom. But it is the truth. The only time Heiwa shows up is when he wants a fight out of me. He feels out of place. He's jealous and considers himself to be the weakest, which is ridiculous really, Heiwa's got more chakra than I do."

Her heart sank greatly, a foreboding feeling she had not experienced since Heiwamaru was Ana's age returned faintly. "Come, we must find your brother and resolve this." She stood up quickly, surprising the two of them, it didn't take them long too quickly follow her.

They split up after exiting their home. Hamura leaving with Ana and mayuka. She turned to look at the Hokage's mansion, and more specifically the office that resided within it. It was a good a place as any to begin the search.

"Naruto, Frank." She all but burst into Naruto's office, she assumed this was as good a place as any to start the search for Heiwamaru, he had always begged her to go see his father when he was working. She had hoped that he would find him here, sitting with his father while he worked.

Instead she found Frank and Naruto alone, his Hokage desk surround with mountains of paper and files, Frank and Naruto himself in the center of the paper, sprawled back into the chair with his head resting over the top of it. A loud, deep snore emitting from his body.

He did, however jolt back to life when she had entered the room. "Ah Aoi, Hinata! I didn't see expect to see you here! I was just uhhh…." He looked around his desk in a panic, quickly find his Hokage stamp and slamming it onto the first piece of paper he found. "Just approving this! It's about time we uhh 'Replaced the statue of Itachi with a statue commemorating the Icha Icha series'…" His panicked looked turned into a deep, angry scowl. He carelessly ripped the paper in two. "Stupid Kakashi-sensei."

"Naruto-kun, have you seen Heiwamaru?" Aoi asked, it seemed that Naruto instantly picked up on the worry lacing her voice.

"No I haven't. Why, what's wrong?" He looked at her with one of his rare serious stares. One he saved for 'super special occasions' as he so fondly liked to refer to them as.

"Heiwamaru … Hamura, Mayuka and Ana explained to me that before I arrived for training Heiwamaru had challenged Hamura-kun to a fight, and when he lost he ran off. They also explain to me that he has opted to train on his own rather than with myself, Hamura and Asahi." She paused for a moment, looking down at her feet, he hands tightly grip one another. "I know it is not something to usually worry about, but I feel there is something more to this, something Hamura, Mayuka and Ana either do not know about, or have not told me. This feeling has me left an uneasy feeling, which is why I am looking for him."

"I guess you're right." She looked up seeing Naruto's serious expression remain, standing up from his own chair. She was surprised he was so willing to cooperate, she was sure he would have discarded her worries. He quickly formed a Kage Bunshin which took his place on the chair in the office. "After all, the _**Kaa-chanton: Umarenagara no hon'nō**_ is the strongest sensory Jutsu I have ever seen! Let's go Hinata, we'll find him faster when we combine our Parental Jutsu-ttebayo!"

Hamura strolled through the streets of the village, for the past twenty minutes he had been searching for Heiwamaru with Asahi without success. Asahi's little legs had begun to tire, or at least she said, as she seemed to possess a boundless energy as she sat comfortably on his shoulders. Gripping onto the top of his head gently.

"_Now, let's go find Heiwa_.' He added in his mind, activating his Byakugan. His grandfather managed to achieve a 15 kilometer radius of vision, his Uncle Neji had managed 25 kilometres. He was disappointed that could only muster a maximum of 5, but still it was enough to cover the whole of Konoha. He searched for Heiwamaru's signature everywhere. '_Heiwa would never get through any of the gates, he's too recognizable to the guards, and the barrier encasing the village would alert the maintenance team the second he tried to leave. He's obviously still in the village, but I can't find his chakra anywhere…_' He focused harder, but still was coming up short, unable to find the slightest trace of his chakra. _'If he's in the village and I can't detect him, he'll be in a place where the Byakugan's vision cannot penetrate, like Dad's office or a clan's compound.'_

"Uncle Sasuke!" He came back into focus when he heard Ana's voice cry out giddily. Sure enough, in front of him was the Uchiha, exiting Ichiraku ramen with a take-out Ramen container gripped in his hand.

The man turned to look at the both of them, a normal apathetic gaze plastered across his face. "Oh, it's you two."

"What are you doing here, Uncle Sasuke?" Hamura asked curiously, it was Uncle Sasuke's day off and he never left his compound on his days off.

The man responded with a small grunt, before turning to walk away. "When it becomes your business, I'll let you know."

"Wait, have you seen Heiwa, Uncle Sasuke?" He called out to the man's leaving form quickly.

"No." Sasuke responded bluntly, continuing to walk away calmly. A sudden gentle breeze occurred, sending the aroma of the ramen Hamura's way.

'_Miso ramen? That's Heiwa's favourite flavour. Uncle Sasuke isn't a big fan of Ramen, certainly not big enough to order it as take out on his day off. Plus its Heiwa's favourite flavour, he goes bananas over a drop of Miso.'_ His eyes narrowed at the Uchiha crest on the man's back. _'I think you're lying Uncle Sasuke. You know exactly where Heiwa is.'_

Heiwamaru sat on the wooden floorboards, looking towards the pond in front of him, the sounds of the trickling water filling the air as the ornamental pipe filled with water and dropped to release it into the pond.

His own tears created a small pond as well at his feet, he had been beaten yet again by Hamura with such ease. No matter what he did, no matter how hard he tried, he could never reach his brother's level, his back was always so far away.

So he returned to the place he always did when he felt so low, a place he had always found himself surprisingly welcome. Here, there was no Hagoromo, Hamura and Asahi, there was no Byakugan he so desperately wanted. Here there was only…

"Here." A takeout Ramen container was placed next to him, he looked upwards, seeing a small smile on his Uncle's face. "It's your favorite flavor, right?"

The man sat down next to him, the tears did not stop flowing from his eyes, but he could smell the Miso Ramen's aroma light up the air around him. "It is. Thank you, Uncle Sasuke."

The man beside him gave a small soft smile. "What's the matter, Heiwamaru?" He asked curiously to the small blonde boy.

Heiwamaru sniffled loudly, turning to face the pond once again. "Hagoromo and Hamura…" He began, his fists tightening on his knees, red hair, blue-tinted white eyes and a confident smirk began to form in his mind. "I challenged Hamura to a fight. He beat me without even blinking. I wanted to show… I wanted to prove that Hagoromo isn't the only one worth looking at. I figured if I can beat him, people will see me, they'd call me the pride of Konoha like they do him. I want to be like him so bad, Uncle Sasuke. I want to be him, but it feels like all I will ever be is his shadow. From the same place as him, but inferior…"

Sasuke looked down at the small boy beside him, an image of one person's back emerged in his own mind. The Uchiha Crest presented more proudly than he had ever seen. A back that was always so close, yet worlds away at the same time. A knowing smile came onto Sasuke's face. "Being a younger brother is hard. Everyone looks at them as if they are the saving grace, everyone acts as if they are 'the One', and… as the younger brother, you're just second, silver to their gold."

"Do you have an older brother, Uncle Sasuke?" Heiwamaru asked inncently, it sounded as if Uncle Sasuke had spoken from experience.

"Yeah, you know that statue in the middle of the village?" Sasuke nodded once, instantly the thought of the large statue came to the young blonde's mind.

"Of course, that's Itachi Uchiha. He's a hero to the village and to the world. Dad had that statue made to honour him." Heiwamaru responded almost instantaneously, every child knew the story of how Itachi stopped a most dreaded technique and turned the tide of the 4th Shinobi World War to victory to the Allied Nations, all from the shadows, people called him the epitome of the Shinobi. To work in silence from the darkness for the betterment of the world.

"Before he was a hero to the world, he was simply a hero to me… He's my older brother…" Sasuke himself turned to the small pond, seeing his brother's reflection flicker in on its shimmering surface. "I was chasing him when I was your age, I got sick of looking at his back, I got angry that my father had words that only Itachi seemed to hear. I was always chasing him, even for the wrong reasons I chased him. I was fixated on my perfect older brother, so I know how it feels, Heiwamaru."

He turned back to the blonde, but his eyes widened when he saw not Heiwamaru, but himself, young and innocent before _that_ event. He saw himself look up at him with wonder, he smiled again. "Heiwamaru, let me say something to you. Something my brother told me here at this very spot. You and Hagoromo are flesh and blood. He will always be there for you, even if it's just as an obstacle for you to overcome. Even if you hate him. That's what big brothers are for." He ended it with a light pat on the small boy's head, and he saw his younger self smile back at him, as he smiled at Itachi all those years ago.

Heiwamaru smiled brightly, moving in to wrap his small arms around Sasuke's waist. "Thank you, Uncle Sasuke. But I don't think I could hate Hagoromo. He annoys me and I'm jealous of his power and his Byakugan, but he's just so darn likable, plus he's my brother."

"You'd be surprised how easy it is to hate your siblings." Sasuke smiled again, overflowing with knowledgeable memories. Itachi had been right about them, they were unlike any other brothers, what they had been through together. "Come Heiwamaru, if this means a lot to you, I'll show you how to surpass your older brother."

Heiwamaru's eyes lit up with a sense of awe and wonder. "Really!? You mean that, Uncle Sasuke!?"

Sasuke smirked back in response, before a knock echoed through the building. Sasuke turned towards the front door. "Wait here, we'll start when I come back." He stood up quickly enough before leisurely walking back into the house and out of view.

Heiwamaru sat patiently with anticipation. Uncle Sasuke was the only one comparable to his dad, the only one who could match him. If Uncle Sasuke was to teach him anything even remotely good, he could beat Hagoromo and Hamura in a heartbeat.

He heard the door close again after waiting a few extra seconds he jumped up, spinning quickly. "Let's start Uncle Sasuke! What are you going to-!" He stopped when he didn't see his Uncle Sasuke, but his mother, giving him a relieved, kind and warm smile. And his dad, smiling softly at him instead of his usual wide beaming grin.

"Heiwamaru, I am glad you are safe." His mother spoke first, as warmly and as kindly as ever. She moved forwards and hugged him tightly, as if she hadn't seen him in months, as she pulled back she wiped a small tear from her eye. "Heiwamaru-kun, please tem me what is the matter. I heard a portion from Hagoromo, Hamura and Ana, but there is more to this isn't there?"

He looked up at his mother, seeing her eyes glisten with a wetness from tears, those white eyes, and a small tear fell from his blue eyes, and he turned his head to not look at those eyes he longed for anymore. "You wouldn't understand, mom…" He began in a soft, meek whisper. "Uncle Sasuke said Hagoromo and I are flesh and blood. That means I have as much Mallque blood in me as him, so why didn't I get the Byakugan. If I had it, I could match him, but it seems I can't compare to those with Kekkei Genkai."

Aoi recoiled backwards in shock. She had never thought of this as an issue, yes she had her worries when Heiwamaru was born. But as he grew, happy and healthy, a bumbling rambunctious child like his father had been, her worries dwindled. Heiwamaru had a strength about him for his age, and she thought that was enough, she never imagined him to actually covet the prized eyes of her family.

"I think I'll handle this one, Aoi. He's right, you wouldn't understand, neither of you would." Frank spoke with a serious tone, kneeling down to his son's height.

"You wouldn't understand either dad. You've got Drago backing you up, that's better than any Kekkei Genkai." Heiwamaru added, looking upwards towards his dad's face.

"You're right, but I didn't always have him on my side. I pass the Genin Exams and passed on as a hard worker." Frank smiled looking down at his son's surprised expression. "Let me ask you something Heiwamaru. Who am I?"

"You're the Sixth Hokage?" Heiwamaru asked with a quizzed look in his eyes, as if that wasn't the answer his dad was expecting.

Naruto nodded affirmatively in response, a sign that it was in fact the correct answer. "And who is the Hokage?"

"The Hokage is the strongest person in the Village." The blond child responded as a matter of fact.

The blond adult nodded again, adding a large grin this time. "So why am I Hokage?"

"Because you're the strongest person in the village, Dad where are you taking this. You're going in circles!" Heiwamaru answered more firmly, clearly irritated at the speed of the conversation.

"No. You said it yourself. I am the Hokage, the Hokage is the strongest person in the Village, and therefore as Hokage, it means I am the strongest person here. That means I, without a Kekkei Genkai, a lower class loser, has surpassed those with Kekkei Genkai and the geniuses of the Village." Frank's grin changed into a soft smile once again.

"But Drago-"

"Forget Drago for a minute, Heiwamaru." Frank responded sharply, silencing the small boy. "Back when I was your age, I hated him as much as he hated me we first started. He was a last resort, a power I never wanted to use. In my first brawling Exam I was matched up against your Uncle David, a true genius, seriously the guy felt like he was unbeatable. That Sharingan gave him eyes at the back of his head, he could see through everything. And in my first match against him, I beat him. I, the loser of the Academy and the village, defeated the guy that now holds the strongest sharingan in the uchiha's entire history. Hagoromo is stronger, stronger than I was at his age, stronger than Uncle david or Uncle Sasuke was at that age, but power alone doesn't make you the strongest. Hagoromo had to learn this lesson, and now so do you. Real strength… is the guts to never give up!"

Heiwamaru looked up at his dad's beaming smile, his eyes widened with a new sense of wonder towards his dad. "B-But how can I? How can I never give up? I'm not special like Hagoromo, Mayuka and Ana."

"Wrong again." His dad winked at him. "You more special than both of them combined!" Heiwamaru's eyes widened with shocked even further. "Hagoromo, Mayuka and Ana, they have a choice, either of them could lead the Uzumaki and Hyuuga clan one day, to do that they must sacrifice the name Mallque. They would become Hagoromo Uzumaki or Ana Hyuuga or Mayuka Mallque. You Heiwamaru, will always be Heiwamaru Uzumaki. A clan that was very powerful, one that has a link to Konoha as strong as the Senju Clan and the Uchiha Clan. The wife of the First, sister-in-law to the Second and Grandmother to the Fifth was Mito Uzumaki. The wife and mother to the Fourth and Sixth Hokage was Kushina Uzumaki. The Sixth Hokage is Frank Uzumaki. With you they will make a comeback, and become stronger than ever!"

The small blonde bright blue eyes lit up with his knowledge of the meaning behind his last name. Frank grinned again, standing back onto his feet. "That's why I'm going to show you a special _**Tou-chanton.**_ One I developed especially for you! Because I have every confidence you will keep the legacy of the Uzumaki Clan alive, you will show the world the Uzumaki Clan's real strength."

He placed a hand on Heiwamaru's head, rubbing the top of it and messing up his already messy spiky blond locks even more. "It's called: _**Tou-chanton: Hiyaku to heafuriru ga no shin'nen!**_"

Hagoromo blocked another strong punch with both arms, before gracefully leaping over a swift leg sweep, he performed a simply back flip in mid-air, before landing with the slightest tap to the ground, creating a new distance between himself and his open, and he slipped back into the standard Gentle Fist stance, frowning at his opponent. "There's something different about you today, Heiwamaru."

His younger brother's fist tightened with excitement, grinning confidently back towards him. "Today's the day, Hagoromo. I'll beat you today! After that, I'll become Hokage, an even greater one than all the predecessors, even greater than dad!"

Hagoromo chuckled loud enough for him to hear, his frown fading into a confident smirk. "Sorry Heiwa, but you're gonna have to hold me down to become Hokage-ttebaki. It was my goal before your dream, I'll become my own person. I won't give it up for anyone."

"Right then, Hagoromo! The battle that determines the Nanadaime Hokage begins now!" Heiwamaru shouted boldly, bursting forwards with speed.

'_Quick.'_ Hagoromo thought pushing his brother's fist away with an arm, before ducking and sidestepping past another fist from the opposite side. _'But not quick enough. These eyes see everything.' _

Hagoromo moved forwards, his palm extended towards Heiwamaru's chest. Inches before he met his target, Heiwamaru's hands moved and clamped around his forearm.

He gritted his teeth, trying to release himself from the hold. Heiwamaru's own confident grin grew even wider. "I win."

Chains burst from the ground behind him, each one ensnaring round his limbs. Heiwamaru, once confident he had been captured jump backwards, revealing the chains to be sprouting from the underside of his foot. _'These chains, what are they!?'_ Hagoromo looked at his younger brother, who grasped hold of the chains near his foot and pulled, as he did the starting point of the chains moved from his foot to the centre of his stomach. _'They're made from his chakra!?_'

Heiwamaru gripped tightly and jumped backwards, as he did Hagoromo felt himself pulled backwards by the chains, crashing him and pinning him on his back. As Heiwamaru began to walk towards him, the chains receded back into his body, but the tightness of their hold didn't waver. He struggled with all his might to break them, but they didn't even budge. Hagoromo glared at them with his shjaringan, his eyes widening when he saw the chakra forming them. _'It's so concentrated, how much chakra did he pump into these to create them!?'_

Heiwamaru stood above him, the sun placed directly behind his head, it gave him a different look, a light Hagoromo had never seen his brother in before. "These should keep you held down long enough, Hagoromo. I'll let you out when I become Hokage!"

Standing on a thick tree branch above the Uzumaki household, watching the two boys train in the garden were three adults. Sasuke leaded casually against the trunk of tree. Aoi stood with her arms comfortably around the blond Hokage's waist, a small smile shone as she looked down at the two children below. Frank himself had an arm around the top half of Aoi's torso. The other arm was brought up to his eyes, wiping away the tears that streamed profusely.

"Stop crying Frank. It's embarrassing." Sasuke muttered out, his eyes never leaving the fight before him. His eyes focused on Heiwamaru slightly longer, a smile formed on his face. _'Good going, kid.'_

"I'm trying, but… he looks so cool-ttebayo!" Frank worded out between each sob in reply, tightening his hold slightly on Aoi's shoulder.

Aoi smiled, reciprocating it in return, her arms gently squeezing around Frank's waist. She smiled down happily towards her two sons. Each were different people, Hagoromo, a powerful sharingan and confidence. Heiwamaru, he had found his own power, a power Hagoromo couldn't hope to achieve himself. These Chakra Chains were an Uzumaki trait as her history books had told her. Hagoromo had become more Uchiha/Uzumaki, however Heiwamaru was more Uzumaki. She was happy to have two sons so different, so unique to one another. She could only staring down lovingly at the both of them, and how stronger they would both become. She looked over at Sasuke, who seemed to possess an almost proud smile himself, she knew instantly what it meant. "Sasuke, thank you."

His eyes shifted towards her, the smile fading. "For what?"

"You helped Heiwamaru as well. You always have, I will admit it felt strange that he would come to you with problems, but you seem to be able to cheer him up very well." She spoke happily, losing herself in memories, she remembered the day she and Frank had presented Heiwamaru to Sasuke.

"_It's a baby, your baby. What's he got to do with me?"_

"_Everything Sasuke. You're his Godfather after all-ttebayo!"_

"_Don't I get a say in this, idiot?"_

"It was a wise choice, Sasuke. Frank making you Heiwamaru's Godfather." She smiled at the raven haired man sweetly, saying words she shamefully admitted to herself that she thought she never might actually say.

"It's because I knew Sasuke has a sensitive side just a powerful as the rest of him!" Frank added in a slightly perkier mood, flashing Sasuke a thumbs up.

"Hn, idiot." Sasuke turned once again, watching Heiwamaru release his brother and begin fighting again, a small smile returned to his face. "Don't say a word to anyone."

**The End**


	20. Chapter 18: A Picture's Worth a Thousand

(Disclaimer: I do not own Family Guy or John and Tyler or The Naruto characters. Only the characters, Frank and Frank Jr.)

**Chapter 18: A Picture's Worth a Thousand Bucks**

The episode began with a shot of the Griffin house, then cut to the family at the kitchen table and Lois served Peter his plate.

"Where's Brian?" Lois asked about Brian's absence. "Breakfast is getting cold."

As the family started eating, the camera panned to the left and stopped to the door leading to the living room.

"In tonight's episode, the part of Brian the Dog will be played by Carter Banks." A narrator informed the audience as said actor came in wearing a white sweater with Brian's collar on the sweater's collar.

"Here I am." Carter Banks acted badly as Lois walked up. "Sorry, I-"

"Camera Two." Frank whispered to Carter Banks.

Carter Banks then turned to where Lois meant.

"Sorry, I overslept." Carter Banks finished before sitting down.

"Yes, well... do you want breakfast or would you rather chew on your ass as usual?" Stewie mocked "Brian", who didn't respond. Stewie cleared his throat. "Well, I'm-I'm s-I'm sure you have something to say to that."

Carter Banks wondered what Stewie meant swishing his eyes back and forth as things got awkward really fast and Lois developed an embarrassed look on her face.

"Oh." Carter Banks realized finally. "Oh, God. Sorry." He turned to Lois. "Can you give me the line again? Not the whole line. Just the end of it?"

"Oh, for the love of Pete!" Frank Jr broke out. "Whoever thought this was a good idea?!"

"He's right, l-l-let's just cut!" Stewie demanded. "Alright, y-y-you're sleeping with which producer? God! As soon as my movie deal kicks in, I am such a ghost!"

"Oh, please! Like anyone people would want to see a movie only about you." John snarled. "Everyone knows that I and Tyler are the stars of this show."

"What?!" Stewie shouted angrily at John and Tyler.

Frank Jr just bitch slap them and told them, "bitch please everyone know that me and dad are the stars of this show and you guys are just are sidekicks."

"What the hell?!" John and Tyler shouted angrily at Frank and Frank Jr.

It then showed a couple outside watching the scene take place and looking rather confused.

"Who were they talking' to?" The boyfriend wondered.

"I don't know." The girlfriend replied. "And I think the mother is still talking to the chair."

It then showed from where the couple was watching and showed Frank, Frank Jr, John, Tyler and Stewie arguing and it shows no one in the chair Carter Banks was.

"Don't worry, they usually do this almost all the time." Lois said to nothing, implying that there's more to what's going on with the Griffins than what we're led to believe. "It's mostly to see which is the most deserving to have their own movie or their own spin-off."

**Opening Credits**

_It seems today that all ya see_

_Is violence in movies and sex on TV_

_But where are those good, old-fashioned values_

_On which we used to rely_

_Lucky there's a Family Guy!_

_Lucky there's a man who_

_Positively can do_

_All the things that make us_

_Laugh n' Cry_

_He's_

_a_

_Fam_

_-ily_

_Guy!_

**End**

We begin the episode with the screen completely black.

"Peter, you can take off your blindfold now. We're almost there." Lois said to Peter.

"Not yet. I don't want to ruin my birthday surprise." Peter refused.

"Then at least let me drive!" Lois demanded as it revealed Peter driving the car blindfolded while the family was frozen in fear. John didn't seemed concerned as he was layed back with his hands behind his head and his legs were crossed resting between Peter and Lois.

"Please, Mr. Griffin, before you kill us all!" Tyler pleaded.

"Why're you so upset for, Tyler?" John asked Tyler. "You and me are immortal. We can survive the crash that Mr. Griffin will lead us into."

"But the family isn't. Remember?" Tyler reminded John. "They can all die from this! *whispers* Including Persephone."

Hearing that last part finally got John concerned as he rose up moving his feet away from where they were as he then just sat there surprised.

"Lois, Tyler, you both know it's illegal for women to drive." Peter reminded them stupidly as a cat was heard screeching in the background.

"No, it isn't!" Tyler corrected. "Your own daughter also drives, for Peter's sake!"

Peter chuckled at Tyler's response. "Good one, Tyler. A woman driv-" Peter was then knocked out by John from the back.

"That was what you all wanted me to do right?" John asked.

However, Peter's foot was still on the pedal and it went down all the way, making the car go at high velocity.

"Someone grab the wheel!" Lois shouted as Frank soon grabbed the wheel from above Peter.

Frank tried to safely maneuver the car against the cars passing by, but unfortunately got the attention of two cops in an alley. The police car came out and chased after the Griffins as more police cars joined up on the chase.

"Oh, come on! Really?!" John exclaimed seeing the police in the rear-view mirror.

"Oh, no! A fruit stand!" Meg pointed out showing a man operating a fruit stand on the sidewalk. The man immediately noticed the car coming right at him and managed to jump out in time as the car rammed through the stand.

"Hey, you maniac! I'm callin' the police!" The man yelled at the car that destroyed his establishment as police cars drove right past him. "Wow, that was quick."

The car's windshield was covered in moshed fruit of course and Frank couldn't see through it.

"I can't see!" Frank panicked.

"Turn on the wipers!" Lois told Frank.

"How do I do that?!" Frank asked.

Lois flipped the switch to the windshield wipers and the fruit was coming off.

"Thanks." Frank thanked Lois. "Now I can see the police blocking the road."

"WHAT?!" Lois reacted as it showed several policemen with their arms crossed blocking the road with a few police cars behind them.

The family screamed in panic as the car kept headed toward the policemen, who immediately jumped out of the way at the last minute and the car drove past them. The family felt relieved for their luck, but soon started screaming again as the car was now heading toward the annual opening of an unfinished bridge hosted by Mayor Adam West.

"And now, without further ado, I now open this unfinished bridge." Mayor West declared holding a pair of scissors in front of a ribbon. However, before Mayor West could get the chance, the car drove past him cutting the ribbon, though Mayor West's eyes were closed, unaware that the line was cut as he snipped his scissors at nothing, believing it was the line and turning back to the crowd.

(A/N: And yes, this is referencing _SpongeBob_. I hope you all don't find it lazy writing or anything.)

The car then drove off the bridge as the family screamed in panic plummeting to their demise in the ground below.

"Where did I go wrong?!" Lois wondered as it flashed back to Lois taking Peter to the car blindfolded. She placed him in the passenger side of the car and closed the door and then headed to the driver's side, where she found Peter now sitting in the driver's seat. It flashed back to Lois and the family screaming as they were about to reach the ground, but the tent below managed to bounce them forward as the car flipped around and landed on its wheels, leaving the Griffins unharmed, though the car wasn't.

"We made it! Thank God!" Lois said excitedly.

Peter then woke up. "Huh? Where am I? What happened?" He removed the blindfold to find his birthday surprise to be one day at the amusement park "Bob's Funland". "Bob's Funland and Putt Putt Golf?! The grown up in me likes the prospect of fun. *suddenly changes into a younger version of Peter in his adult version's clothes* But the kid in me is suicidal over what a fat bastard I'll become!"

Peter parked into an empty parking spot, but the car struggled where it slightly bumps into another car in front of it and upon impact, the tires immediately toppled over and the car hit the ground. The family got out still recooperating from the experience they went through, but it wasn't long before they met up with the neighbors waiting by the entrance.

"Happy Birthday, Peter!" They all greeted Peter.

"Ah, I can't believe it!" Peter exclaimed excited his friends were able to make come. "Quagmire, Menma, Rage, Zeek, Cleveland, Joe." He then came up to an unfamiliar man, who looked rather angry. "Who are you?"

"I'm the guy whose car you just bumped into!" The man answered unpleased.

"Lois, you invited everyone!" Peter said to Lois.

They soon entered the park and the guys first go on a roller coaster called "The Meteor". But the line was long. The guys got in line behind a short-haired blonde woman wearing blue tied top and shorts.

"Excuse me. Excuse me." Peter tapped the woman's shoulder, who turned to him. "Uh, my friend is differently abled." He said referring to Joe. "May he go ahead of you?"

"Of course." The woman said generously giving Joe passage.

"Frontsies." Peter exclaimed tricking the woman as Frank, Frank Jr, Meg, Cleveland, Chris, and Quagmire followed. "Backsies, Backsies, Backsies, Backsies, Backsies, Backsies."

"Well, hello." Quagmire greeted the woman, who was now mad at what he and his friends did to her. "You must be this beautiful to ride the Quagmire."

It then cut to Lois, who was holding Stewie, Persephone, Meg, Bonnie and Kevin watching the guys riding the roller coaster.

"Careful, Joe, Zeek!" Bonnie called out to Joe and her son.

"KISS OFF! YEEAAHH!" Joe and Zeek shouted in excitement riding the roller coaster with his wheelchair at the very front as everyone onboard went down a loop.

It then cuts back to the two families below.

"Your father and brother." Bonnie said to Kevin. "Sometimes, I don't think they'll be happy until they both completely paralyzed."

Stewie was not enjoying his stay at the park until he spotted a clown doll at a nearby stand.

"Oooo! How deliciously evil looking!" Stewie praised the doll. "It's like something out of Stephen King!"

**Cutaway #1**

Stephen King was in an editor's office.

"Okay. For my 307th book... Uh... This couple is attacked by a... A, uh..." Stephen King said trying to come up with an excuse before spotting the lamp on the desk. "A lamp monster!" He then tried to be scary using the lamp.

"You're not even trying anymore, are you?" The editor asked King unconvinced by the latter's act.

King continued his charade before the editor spoke.

"No wonder kids are preferring R.L. Stine's books nowadays." The editor remarked.

"Hey!" Stephen King broke out. "Don't you EVER mention that creep's name again? You hear me?! I'm still the KING of horror! I can still write stor-"

Before King could finish, R.L. Stine then entered the editor's office with a draft for a new story in his hand.

"Hey, I've got my new story here." Stine affirmed to the editor. "Oh, hello, Mr. King."

"Stine..." King greeted Stine bitterly.

"Well, I wish I could stay and chat, but I've got to get going." Stine said oblivious to King's cynicism towards him. "I'm heading to a book signing."

"Yeah, well, I've got a book signing to go to, too!" King claimed trying to one up Stine.

"Really? Which book is being published?" Stine asked.

King didn't say anything back as he was trying to come up with an excuse.

"It's, uhh..." King spoke. "It's about... a lamp monster terrorizing a young couple..."

"You said that was going to be your next book." The editor reminded.

"I'LL HAVE THE BOOK SIGNING WHEN IT'S PUBLISHED!" King shouted back.

"Okay. Good luck." Stine said to King leaving the draft for his new story on the editor and exiting the room.

"I hate him so much..." King said loathing Stine.

He noticed the editor analyzing Stine's story and moped over his loss. The editor realized this and sighed.

"When can I have yours?" The editor asked King, hoping it will at least cheer him up, which it did as King developed a ray of hope on his face.

**End**

Meg stepped up to a booth where its vendor guessed the person's weight and decided to try it out and see what her weight was placing a ticket on the counter. The vendor was reading a newspaper and lowered to see Meg and Persephone.

"A lot." The vendor answered bluntly before going back to his paper.

The twins hung their heads in disappointment hearings the vendor. Frank and John, on the other hand, weren't pleased by what they saw since they were close by.

Elsewhere, Stewie noticed something that caught his eye and ran off from Lois and Bonnie to what was revealed to be a shooting gallery.

"A 10-gauge." Stewie acknowledged picking up the rifle and checking for ammo. "Well, I've never handled one of these before." Stewie aimed the gun and fired where the blast knocked him backward and led him to plummet to the ground. "Ah! Yes! *sings* This is my rifle, this is my gun. This is for fighting, this is for fun."

Soon after, Frank snatched the gun off of Stewie's hands and walked off.

"Hey, I wasn't done with that!" Stewie called to Frank. "You there! Sir! He's stealing your rifle! STOP HIM!"

"I'm just borrowing it!" Frank replied.

He went back to the booth who "guessed" Meg and Persephone's weight with the gun from the shooting gallery. He tapped on the counter and got the vendor's attention before he held the gun by its nozzle and knocked the vendor out like a baseball bat, getting back at the man for calling them fat. Frank went back to the shooting gallery.

"See? I told ya I was just borrowing." Frank reassured returning the rifle.

Next, Peter and the guys decided to play putt putt golf. Cleveland was up and tapped his ball to the windmill up ahead, only for it to instead get blocked by the moving propellers over the hole.

"Oh, dang." Cleveland said irritated by his loss. "Now I hate windmills even more."

"Hey, Grandpa, Whatcha doing'?" Frank Jr asked Peter walking up with Tyler and wondering what everyone was doing.

"Oh, hey, boys. We're just playin' putt putt golf." Peter told the duo.

"Can I try?" Frank Jr asked wanting to try it out for himself.

"Only if you have your own putter." Peter answered.

Frank Jr looked both ways and spotted the windmill. He went over to it and ripped off one of its propellers and went back to Peter with it, deciding to use it as a putter.

"Am I in?" Frank Jr asked.

"Close enough." Peter said placing a golf ball on the teeing ground for John to get started.

Frank Jr readied himself and was about to swing, but he accidentally let go of the propeller and it flied straight into the windmill, knocking it off.

"Oops." Frank Jr said.

A man in a suit walked up behind the group.

"Sir, I'm gonna have to ask you and your party to leave." The man ordered Peter. "Your boys have caused nothing but trouble since you got here!"

"Yeah, that's true." Tyler agreed.

"Oh, no, if you're talking about Frank Jr, John and Tyler here, then no, they're not my kids." Peter explained.

"I wasn't saying they were your kids. I was saying they've destroyed half of the park!" The man then revealed showing parts of the park heavily damaged and/or completely destroyed.

"Oh." Peter exclaimed.

"Perhaps we should just continue the party at some other type of location." Cleveland suggested.

"Nononowaitwaitwait!" Peter halted. "I know this guy. We went to high school together."

"We did?" The man asked.

"You did?" John and Tyler asked in unison.

"Oh, yeah, he was a loser then and he's a loser now." Peter explained about his past with the man. "Huh. We used to kid this guy all the time."

It flashed back to when Peter was in his high school years with Jake and two friends on each side by them as they were all pointing at the younger version of the man Peter recognized.

"Bob misses his mommy! Bob misses his mommy!" Peter teased at the guy, who was then shown mourning over the loss of his mother, making Peter look bad as he and his friends whom we'll definitely never see again continued laughing at him. Jake just sign at them

It then flashed back to Bob.

"So, we're not goin' just because some pissant tells us to. I demand to see the owner!" Peter then demanded.

"That's me." Bob informed Peter as he pointed directly at the park's sign. "I'm Bob Funland."

"Wha- Y- You own this whole place?" Peter asked Bob in surprise.

"That's right! This place is my legacy!" Bob told Peter off. "So what have you done with your your life, you jerk?"

"Uh... Uh..." Peter tried to say. "I'm Neptune, God of the Sea! I sink ships and conjure up storms!"

"No, you're not. I am." The real Neptune came up and told Peter. "And you know nothing of my work."

"What the hell!?" Frank Jr said in confusion

Back at the house that night, Peter was talking to Lois and the family about what happened with him and Bob Funland as he looking what seemed to be a yearbook.

"Look at this, Lois. See? Right here. I was voted Most Likely To Succeed." Peter showed Lois.

"Peter, that's not you. That's not even a yearbook. That's a _People_magazine." Lois corrected, to Peter's dumbfoundedness.

"Oh. Ah, I wonder why they had the wrong picture and name." Peter said tossing the magazine aside.

"Moron." John muttered.

"Can't we just enjoy the rest of your birthday?" Lois asked Peter trying to lift his spirits while holding a sheet of paper. "Look. It says, 'Happy Birthday, Daddy. Love, Stewie.'"

Stewie's eyes widened after hearing the last part.

"Wha-Let me see that!" Stewie demanded swiping the paper away from Lois and taking a close look at it. "Did you forge my name? Oh, is that backward 'S' supposed to be cute? Oh, I'm going to crap double for you tonight!"

"Face it, Lois. I'm a nobody." Peter told Lois. "Why can't I be famous like Bob? Or-Or my cousin, Kathy Griffin?"

"Please don't remind us." Frank Jr and Tyler pleaded.

**Cutaway #2**

The family was sitting in the kitchen table with Kathy Griffin, who was standing.

"Okay, and then I got _Suddenly Susan_ and that was, like, really cool." Kathy said talking about herself while the family just wanted her to shut up as she then took a seat next to Meg. "And I still do standup and people laugh and give me money and that's also cool. Ugh. Isn't this great catching up? Ugh. Anyway, I-"

"She's still talking." Lois said to Peter.

"I don't get it. I poured it in her drink." Peter replied as Tyler took a sip from his drink.

"I don't feel so-" Tyler almost said before falling over, to everyone's worry.

"-and his name was Steve Rock. Really cool. The first black guy I ever did it with-" Kathy continued.

"Oh, boy." Peter exclaimed realizing he gave Katie's drink to Tyler instead.

"-but I went everywhere." Kathy continued.

**End**

"Don't be depressed, Dad. Here, I made you a present." Chris reassured Peter presenting him a painting.

"My God! It's... good! Really good!" Brian praised Chris's artwork.

"It's partly an expression of my teenage angst. But mostly it's a moo cow!" Chris explained.

"It's lovely, Chris." Lois complimented Chris coming in with Peter's birthday. "Go ahead, Peter. Make a wish."

"I'd sell my soul to be famous!" Peter vowed.

"You'll be sorry." Frank, Meg, Frank Jr, John and Tyler both warned Peter.

It then showed a fax machine in a volcanic cavern.

"Oh, I've got a live one!" The Devil said revealing the location to be Hell. "Peter Griffin."

It then panned to one of slaves down there looking up Peter's name on a computer.

"Oo, sorry, chief. Seems he already sold his soul in 1976 for Bee Gee Tickets." The slave told the Devil. "Oh, and again in 1981 for half a Mallomar."

"Aw, heck!" The Devil cursed. "Where's a lawyer when I need one?" He turned to other fallen souls who then raised their hands.

The next day, Peter was about to enter the car and head out to work when Chris ran up to him with the painting he made for Peter.

"Don't forget this!" Chris hollered to Peter. "Maybe you can hang it in your office."

"Son, I'll put it someplace where everyone can see it." Peter assured Chris, to his delight.

Chris then ran back to the house satisfied. However, Peter placed the painting on the back window behind him just as a man in a black sportscar passed by and took notice of the painting Peter had. The driver backed up a bit to where Peter was.

"Excuse me." The gentleman asked Peter. "I'll give you $1,000 for what you have in the back there."

"$1,000 for a bumper sticker?" Peter asked stupidly as it showed aforementioned bumper sticker on the back reading 'I LOST MY SELF RESPECT AT WES' RIB HOUSE'.

"Nononono, I mean that painting." The gentleman explained. "I must have it for my gallery in Soho. I'll give you $5,000. What do you say?"

"I say-" Peter was about to say before the scene transitionally flipped to Peter in the living room wih Chris, Lois, Frank, Meg, Frank Jr, John, Tyler and Brian. "-I love you, you freakin' son of mine!" Peter hugged Chris in gratitude. "I got $5,000 for that painting you made me!"

"That's sad and pathetic." Frank Jr remarked unimpressed by Peter's obliviousness.

"Yeah, already the fat moron gave away his own son's gift for him." John agreed.

"You could've at least asked for $10,000." Tyler then insisted where but Peter turned their heads toward him. "What?"

"But I-I painted that just for you." Chris informed Peter in an almost disappointed tone.

"Oh, don't feel bad, Chris, I didn't even want it." Peter reassured.

"That's even sadder." Frank remarked again as John looked at him. "What?"

"Oh, I'm just making if you're referring to the money again or Peter's thick-headedness." John explained.

"Oohh..." Frank exclaimed. "The latter."

"Okay." John replied.

"And now we all get a free trip to New York because Mr. Monatti thinks you could be a famous artist." Peter revealed more about his winnings.

"Monatti?" Brian repeated. "Antonio Monatti?"

"You heard of this man?" Lois asked Brian.

"Ho, ho, ho! He's only the biggest art dealer in New York." Brian explained his knowledge of the man. "I met him when I was hanging out with Andy Warhol in the '70s."

**Cutaway #3**

It showed an opening title to a production called 'Andy Warhol's Lassie' and showed Brian, who was dressed in 70s attire and a bikini-clad woman dancing. The woman then pulled out a giant can of tomato soup from offscreen and poured its contents onto Brian, who didn't seem to mind as they both continued dancing.

**End**

"Wow, I didn't know dogs could live that long!" Frank Jr responded amazed at Brian's past.

"They don't." Brian corrected.

Frank Jr didn't reply at Brian's claim

"Peter, we are not going to New York!" Lois told Peter turning down on the offer.

"Lois, our son has been blessed with a great gift and I'm going to do everything I can to nurture that talent and help him succeed." Peter said. "And then I'm gonna use him to live out all my frustrated hopes and dreams. Because isn't that good parenting?"

"No." Frank, Meg, Frank Jr, John and Tyler answered.

"Well, Bing Crosby thinks so." Peter insisted revealing Bing Crosby by the kitchen door smoking a pipe.

"That's right, Peter." Bill Crosby answered. "And if your kids give you any lip, you can beat them with a sack of sweet Valencia oranges. It won't leave a bruise and they'll let them know who's boss. There's no doubt about it."

"But that-that-that doesn't sound right." Peter acknowledged.

"Are you given' me lip, boy?" Crosby accused Peter taking out his belt. "Cause I'll take this belt off and put the smack-down on ya! Is that what you want?" He whipped the belt at Peter.

"Ow. Hey- Ow! He-Hey! Hey! Wha- Ow! Knock it off!" Peter demanded getting whipped. "H-Hey! Get away from me, you dead crooner!"

John and Frank Jr then flattened Bing Crosby with a large sack of Valencia oranges.

"Did he say anything about these things knocking people out?" John then asked before the yellow aura from two episodes ago once enveloped his eyes as he fell to the ground in pain. It zoomed to a close up of his face struggling as his eyes soon opened and the camera zoomed out to show he was having a vision of New York City in ruins and witnessed a shadowy figure screaming in the air. He reverted back to normal soon after.

"J-man! Are you okay?" Tyler came to John's side and asked about his condition.

"Yeah, I... I think I am..." John answered as Tyler lifts him up.

"What was that about?" Lois wondered.

"I don't know. But I have a feeling it had something to do with New York City." Frank theorized.

"Well, then we should go." Peter insisted. "It's possibly about Chris fulfilling his dream, which I must help him with. So, let's go!"

The Griffins and The Mallque arrived in New York City as the "loose-camera" style transition from _NYPD Blue_was then parodied, complete with the show's theme. It then ended showing Lois, John, Tyler, Persephone, Frank and Meg with Frank Jr and Stewie on her lap.

"Hi, this is David Leisure." The announcer in the little intercom said, though no one apeared to be paying any attention. "You probably remember me as the neighbor from TV's _Empty Nest_... No? Well, Ho-How about those car commercials when I played Joe Isuzu? Th-The guy who lied? Oh, come on! Those were really popular! They ran all the time! All right, look, just buckle up. Can I get my check now?"

"Oh, kids. Look at that man over there grabbing his own crotch!" Lois pointed out her window, only for Frank to cover Meg's eyes and John to cover Persephone's, Tyler to cover Frank Jr's, Stewie's. "OH! So alive! This city!"

They arrived at a hotel called "The Plaza".

"Look, there's Central Park!" Meg pointed out.

"There's the Empire State Building!" Lois pointed out also.

"And there's a hot dog cart!" Chris, too pointed out.

"All right. I'm up for some franks." John said about to go over to the cart until Lois stopped him.

"Boys, don't spoil your appetites." Lois told John, Chris and Tyler. "New York has some of the best restaurants in the world. They even have Indian food here. Not the kind, but the *taps her forehead* kind."

"Welcome to the Big Apple, little fella." A bellhop came up, picked up one of the bags and babying Stewie.

"Yes, just make sure there's a copy of _The Wall Street Journal_ next to the changing table." Stewie ordered the bellhop, giving him a tip. "And send a masseuse up. Legitimate!"

John, however, took back the dollar bill from the bellhop.

"I'm really sorry about that, sir." John apologized to the bellhop. "He always takes my money while my back is turned. Just like how Frank Jr taking Tyler's wallet from his back pocket right now."

"Wait, what?!" Tyler exclaimed looking behind him to find Frank Jr having took his money. "Aww..."

The family entered the building and Peter approached the lobby desk with Chris. When they got there, Peter ringed the bell.

"Hey, waiter. The name's Peter Griffin." Peter greeted the clerk. "My son here does gonna be the best thing to happen to New York since Mayor Giuliani had all the homeless people secretly killed."

"And all I gotta do is paint!" Chris said.

The clerk gave Peter the keycard to the room he and the family will be staying in.

"Hey, y-you guys have any bellhops that are rats like the Muppets?" Peter asked the clerk.

"Mom, can we go see a broadway play tonight?" Meg and Persephone asked Lois.

"I would be happy to go with you." John said.

"Don't count on it." Brian reconsidered to John.

"Are you saying I don't have a shot?" John asked Brian keeping his voice down so that Meg didn't hear him.

"Look, kid, trust me. You don't want to go to a theater with Frank Jr and Peter." Brian then warned John as it flashed back to when the Mallques and Griffins went to the local theater's production of Anton Chekhov's "Uncle Vanya."

It showed a scene of two of the play's characters, one a woman and one a man, sitting at a table.

"Remember when you were younger, Uncle Vanya used to spend whole nights translating books to you?" The woman acted. "Uncle Vanya and I worked without rest, afraid to spend a kopeck on ourselves."

In the audience, Peter and Frank Jr were, however, more confused by what they were seeing.

"What the hell is this?" Peter spoke out loud, getting everyone's attention. "For crying out loud, somebody throw a pie!" Frank Jr continued

It then cut back to present.

"Screw the theater." Peter blew off the idea. "Mr. Monatti invited us to a cocktail party so Chris can meet a bunch of artists. It's at the Museum of Modern Art. Oh, God, I hope that's not some kind of museum."

"You just said it, moron!" Frank told Peter.

The family then attended the party at the Museum of Modern Art, where it showed many people present surveying the art displayed. It planned to show Brian observing a few caricatures with a man.

"Mapplethorpe? I thought he just did photography." Brian acknowledged.

"Oh, no. Early on, he did caricatures." The man next to Brian informed.

**Cutaway #4**

It showed the aforementioned artist in his days as a caricaturist at an amusement park. He was going to do a caricature for a boy.

"Uh, okay, Tim. Uh, who's your favorite sports star?" Mapplethorpe asked the boy on what the caricature should be.

"Uh, Reggie Jackson." The boy answered clapping his hands.

"Okay, well, I'm gonna draw him pooping on your chest." Mapplethorpe told the boy, to the latter's dismay. "Uh, what number is he?"

**End**

"Welcome." Monatti greeted Chris, Peter, Frank, Meg, Frank Jr, John, Tyler and Brian. "Chris, there are a number of artists here I like you to meet."

"Hey, hey, hey, let's-let's talk here, Monatti." Peter negotiated with Monatti, shoving Chris aside. "Look, we've been here all day and Chris isn't a famous artist yet!"

"Peter, creating art takes a lot of training and technique." Brian explained to Peter. "All the great artists I knew took classes."

"Even Walt Disney?" Peter asked Brian.

"How old are you to know these guys?" Tyler also asked Brian.

**Cutaway #5**

It showed a young Walt drawing Minnie Mouse, who was posing in front of him.

"Do I... *whimper* D-Do I have to?" Minnie asked Walt tearing up.

"You wanna be a star, don't you? Then take it off!" Walt demanded as Minnie removed her dress as to drop to the floor and she started crying while Walt was having a bit of sick pleasure into this. "Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that's nice."

**End**

"Art school? We don't have that kind of time." Peter said digging into his suit and pulling out a knife. "Chris, give me your ear!"

"Peter!" Lois exclaimed horrified.

"M-M-Mr. Griffin, please, please." Monatti tried to negotiate with Peter taking away his knife. "I-I invited you here so that Chris could make an impression on the art community. Why don't you folks do some sightseeing? I promise, you, if you leave Chris in my hands, the name Griffin will be as well known as Kandisky."

"Who?" Peter asked.

"Rembrandt?" Monatti guessed.

"Who?" Frank Jr asked again.

"Da Vinci?" Monatti guessed again.

"Who?" Peter asked again.

"Bazooka Joe?" Monatti guessed.

"There ya go." Peter and Frank Jr told Monatti.

"Who?" John and Tyler then ask.

The family visited the United Nations building.

"Oh, the United Nations." Lois exclaimed in excitement. "Oh, I wish Chris could see this. Isn't it inspiring how so many different cultures can come together?"

"Yeah, 'til most of them try to get rid of us." Tyler remarked.

"Where'd you hear about that?" John asked Tyler.

"Internet." Tyler answered.

"That explains it." Frank replied.

"Not to mention use up all the paper towels in the men's room." Peter added coming out of the restroom with Frank Jr cling on his back next to the family following a group of men from other countries. Frank Jr was behind an Arabian man and dried his hands with the man's.

"FRANK JR!" Meg exclaimed at Frank Jr's insensitive act.

"Sorry." Frank Jr apologized before another man this time wearing a turban walked by and Peter used it to dry his hands. "Eh, these things never get them completely dry."

"Just dry them on your shirt." John told Peter.

"Where's Stewie?" Lois wondered.

Frank, John and Tyler wondered this, too, before realizing where Stewie would go since they are in the United Nations building. Stewie was in the room where all the nations come together when Stewie noticed an opened briefcase in China's seat.

"Hmm. Hidden missile silos behind the Great Wall." Stewie said discovering the contents inside the briefcase. "Ancient Chinese secret, huh?" Just as Stewie was about to take a picture with his camera, however...

"There's the little snot!" Tyler called out.

Get him!" John said as he, Frank and Tyler charged at Stewie.

They struggled on the floor when Lois' shadow loomed over them.

"There you are, Mister." Lois said to Stewie picking him up. "I can't leave you alone for one minute without running off. Thanks, boys." She then walked off.

Meanwhile, Monatti took Chris to a fancy hair salon. Chris was already in a chair with his hat off.

"Mr. Monatti, shouldn't I be painting right now?" Chris asked Mr. Monatti.

"Oh, trust me. Painting is the least important thing about being a successful artist." Monatti told Chris. "You need an image. Let's take this Rhode Island lump of clay and turn it into the toast of New York."

"Ha, ha, ha. I love toast." Chris cheered clapping his hands.

"Cut it short and tint it green, the color of money." Monatti told the stylist.

"And boogers." Chris said.

Elsewhere, the family seemed to have gotten lost wondering down a rough part of the city.

"I feel like we've been walking in circles." Lois said.

"I don't know how you can find anything in this city." Persephone stated. "It's so confusing."

John soon was shown sidestepping around the family.

"What are you doing?" Persephone asked John.

"Being the family bodyguard." John told Persephone.

"Why?" Lois asked.

"Because you never know what kind of danger you'll encounter in cities like this." John answered. "Just look at happened to Michael Jackson."

**Cutaway #6**

It showed the scene in Michael Jackson's _Smooth Criminal_ where Michael enters the bar and everyone inside looks directly at him. He takes out a quarter and magically flips it over to a jukesbox at the other end of the bar. He then begins to dance, but suddenly gets gunned down by all the men in the building. As Michael drops dead to the ground, everyone goes back to what they were doing earlier.

**End**

"Well, I'll bet if Hilary Clinton becomes senator, she'll straighten' it out..." Frank claimed. "...even though she could never straighten out Bill."

Meg, Lois, Peter laughed at Frank's joke.

"I love when you use topical humor." Lois complimented Frank. "It's just like watching _Murphy Brown_."

**Cutaway #7**

It showed three of the show's characters, Murphy, Corky and Jim in their table at the bar.

"Hey, Murphy, blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah, John Sununu." Jim said to Murphy where it was followed by a studio audience's laugh.

"Murphy, blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah, Tipper Gore." Corky said to Murphy also followed by a studio audience's laugh.

Then Frank walked in and stepped behind Murphy.

"Hey, Murph, you can't blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah the Ayatollah." Frank said to Murphy, which was once again followed by studio audience laughter.

"Blah-blah-blah, Bishop Desmond Tutu, blah-blah." Murphy said back at Frank, finished by the studio audience laughter.

**End**

Meanwhile, Monatti took Chris to a fancy restaurant. Inside, Chris' hair was cut short and now dyed green with black stripes and was surrounded by three women.

"Shouldn't my Mom and Dad be here by now?" Chris asked Monatti.

"Oh, they called and said they'd rather wander through So for hours looking for an address that doesn't exist." Monatti lied.

"Ha, ha, ha, that's my dad." Chris chuckled at Monatti's news. "Well, maybe tomorrow we could all-"

"Oh, there's Kate Moss." Monatti then said.

"Where?" Chris asked looking behind his chair to see the actress. "I don't see her."

It then revealed her to be literally paper thin as she turned to Chris and Monatti like how a piece of paper is turned.

Chris shrieked in surprise at what he saw. "Are you from _The Matrix_?!"

Everyone laughed at Chris' question, thinking he was joking.

"Kate, this is my newest discovery, Christobel." Monatti introduced Kate to Chris.

"My name's Chris." Chris told Kate.

"Not anymore." Monatti informed Chris. "Christobel will look so much better in _Interview_magazine."

"Nice to meet you. I love artists." Kate greeted Chris before her paper thin foot got in a crack in the floor. "Oops! Crack in the floor!" And just like paper, she slid through the crack, much to everyone's concern.

Elsewhere, the family was still sight-seeing and was viewing the city from on top of a skyscraper.

"Hey, Grandma, gimme a penny." Frank Jr demanded to Lois.

"You're not gonna throw it over the edge, are you?" Lois asked Frank Jr.

"We won't, Mr. Griffin." John told Lois with him and Tyler acting all innocent and even bearing halos above their heads.

"Then here you go." Lois said handing the penny over to the trio.

"Psyche!" Tyler then said as he, Frank Jr and John dropped the penny over the edge, leaving Lois dumbfounded.

"Aw." Peter moped for getting in on it.

The penny was plummeting to the ground where it panned below to show a cop on patrol, right where the penny will land. However, the cop was squashed by a safe instead as the door opened to reveal a naked midget inside, who scurried off embarrassed.

Chris was finally able to paint over at the art studio next to the Monatti Gallery. Chris was about to eat a hot dog when Monatti stepped in.

"Christobel, I've just scheduled your first exhibit!" Monatti announced.

"Wow! I can't wait to tell my Dad!" Chris said.

"Yes, I know how important your success is to your father." Monatti stated. "That's why he'll understand that you can never see him again."

"Yeah, of course he will." Chris reassured Monatti, oblivious to what the latter said. "Dad's very- Whaaaaaaaat?!"

"Christobel, the art world is a place of culture and breeding." Monatti told Chris. "Your father is, uh... Oh, dear, how can I say this without upsetting you?" He then pulled out a pink bunny sockpuppet and imitated the puppet. "Your father is a pig!"

Chris joyfully chuckled at the puppet clapping his hands.

"So, you see it's up to you, son." Monatti continued putting puppet away. "If you don't want to disappoint your father, you must keep him away."

It was at that moment that Peter arrived.

"There's my boy." Peter greeted his son. "Hey, come on, Chris. Let's go over to Barney's and fart in the suits."

"All right, Dad, I-" Chris was about to say before Monatti reminded him about earlier. "I mean, uh... I can't see you anymore."

"The hell are you talkin' about? You're my son." Peter asked Chris, not understanding the situation.

"Mr. Griffin, he's going to be a great artist." Monatti told Peter. "He now belongs to the public."

"And apparently I'm dating Kate Moss." Chris then informed Peter. "Oh, and, um, don't say anything bad about her cause she might be here right now."

"Wait a minute. You can't-You can't just push me aside!" Peter protested outraged. "I made you! And I can destroy you!" Peter pulled out a remote with a single button and pushed it, but nothing happened. "Damn, they must've put it in the wrong baby."

Somewhere else, a boy and a girl were at a swing set. The boy was a blonde wearing an orange shirt over a blue long-sleeved shirt and the girl was a brunette wearing a purple sweater and green pants.

"Oh, Bobby Williams, I'd love to go out with you." The girl told the boy before suddenly the boy exploding.

The girl was surprised by this and ran away to avoid being caught.

Back at the hotel the family was staying at, Peter was still mad about what happened with him and Chris.

"I can't believe Chris." Peter said. "If I hadn't used his painting to patch that window, he'd still be in that dump in Quahog."

"What's that supposed to mean, Pops?" Frank asked Peter angered by what the man said.

"Frank's right. That 'dump' is our home." Meg agreed with Frank.

"'Dump'? Oh, oh, so now you're too good for us, too?!" Peter talked back at Meg.

"This is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity for Chris, not you!" Lois told Peter. "Are you so selfish you can't see that?"

"Yes, I am." Peter said standing his ground.

"You, sir, are pathetic." Frank Jr said to Peter.

"Peter, your son is using his talents to pursue his dream." Brian reasoned to Peter.

"I have no son!" Peter declared. "Except for Stewie and Frank..." He then turned to Persephone. "...and Persephone!"

"What do you by-" John asked Peter before realizing what he meant. "Oh, no! You're not gonna-"

Peter ambushes Persephone, which startled her.

_I had a dream_

_It's all about you_

_Persephone Griffin_

"Too late." John and Frank said.

_Not much you can do_

"OH, VERY FUNNY!" Frank Jr yelled out sarcastically off-screen as it then showed both Peter, Persephone, Frank, Meg, Frank Jr, John and Tyler in front of Radio City Music Hall where its electronic news ticker displayed Meg's name.

_Persephone__ Griffin_

They then stepped onto a stage with a chorus line.

_You can't dance_

_You can't sing_

[picks up Persephone and twirls her around]

_No, you pretty much can't do a thing_

_Never fear_

_Daddy's here_

Then Peter joined in the chorus line with Persephone.

_Honey, you're gonna make our name famous_

Persephone then got kicked in the face by accident, which caused John and Meg to panic in a sissy voice as they immediately came to Persephone's side while Peter was still with the chorus line.

It then cut to the Brooklyn Bridge where after zooming in revealed Peter standing on top while Persephone was gripping tightly to his leg and Frank, Meg, Frank Jr, John and Tyler suddenly finding themselves there.

_You'll be larger than life_

Peter shook Persephone off, leaving her falling to the ground. John then immediately jumped down after Persephone attempting to save her.

_I'll be proud you fell out of my wife_

Peter and Frank, Meg, Frank Jr, Tyler then followed as John managed to grab hold of Persephone in time. The two both then slid down a rope connected to a balloon float and John landed on the ground with Persephone in his arms while Frank Jr and Tyler slid down from the other rope on the right. It then panned up to show Peter on top of the balloon float, which was revealed to be that of Persephone.

_You'll be known, far and wide_

_Like that princess who died_

It then showed a shot of the Statue of Liberty from a bird's eye view while a tugboat passed by it. It then cut to a close-up shot to reveal it to be in Persephone 's likeness with Peter, Persephone, Frank, Meg, Frank Jr, John and Tyler on board the boat.

_I'm gonna make you famous_

_Wait and see_

_Honey, I'm gonna do this for you_

_But it's really_

_For meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee_

It then cut to Peter, Persephone, Frank, Meg, Frank Jr, John and Tyler back with the family in their hotel room while Peter was still singing. Frank and Frank Jr, however, kicked Peter in the crotch as the latter's ending note was replaced with a high-pitched wail of pain similar to Robert Hoffman's character did when he got shot in the balls in _Aliens in the Attic_and Larry from the Three Stooges film in 2012 when a lobster nipped his crotch.

After that, Peter was walking through the city with Persephone and John.

"Fine. If Chris doesn't need me, I don't need him." Peter said turning to Persephone and noticing John with them. "John, why are you following us?"

"Family bodyguard." John answered.

"But it's just me and my Dad-" Persephone said.

"FAMILY BODYGUARD!" John loudly repeated.

"Ignore him." Peter told Persephone. "Ah, you're gonna love being famous, Persephone. And this is the town to do it in."

"I don't know, Dad." Persephone said warily. "What am I gonna do?"

"Everybody's good at something." Peter told Persephone. "It's just a matter of finding that one special hidden talent. But promise me, when you make it big, you'll let me take advantage of all the-"

All three immediately paused and found themselves in a different scene resembling _The Flintstones_ and not wanting to stay there for long, they stepped back into the New York background.

They then visited the Rockefeller Center, but after John saw it, he was then struck by another vision similar to the one he got back at the house earlier. He kneeled to the ground in pain as Persephone came to his side.

"Sheesh, John, you gonna keep getting headaches everytime we go to places?" Peter asked John stupidly.

Later, they sat on a bench while Brian and Frank was busy skating on the ice rink.

"So, what's going on, J-man?" Tyler asked John. "You've had the same experience back home."

"I honestly don't know." John told Tyler unsure of what's going on. "I just got a feeling something really bad's probably going to happen."

"Is that why you were following Persephone?" Tyler asked John.

"I wasn't following." John protested. "I was staying by her side, is all. You know, so, she doesn't get hurt."

"I can't think of anything." Persephone said to Peter. "I guess I don't have any talent."

"Come on, think harder." Peter insisted. "There's gotta be something you can do."

Persephone did one of her bird calls attracting a Pidgeon at the same time Frank and Brian did a spin trick.

"That's amazing!" Peter praised.

"Oh, thanks." Brian thanked Peter, thinking he meant about the trick he pulled earlier. "I roomed with Scott Hamilton at prep school. Nothing happened."

"No, no, I-I mean that bird just came to Persephone when she whistled." Peter explained.

"Oh." Meg acknowledged. "No, those are just Persephone bird calls."

"Doitagaindoitagaindoitagaindoitagaindoitagain!" John pleaded." Please? I WANT TO HEAR YOUR BEAUTIFUL VOICE!" He then noticed everyone looked at him awkwardly at what he said. "I mean... Help you with your talent?"

Persephone did another bird call, which this time attracted Big Bird from _Sesame Street_, to everyone's surprise.

"Yeah?" Big Bird said blatantly as everyone stared at him. "Well, whaddya want?"

"Uhh..." Persephone and Meg replied uneasily.

"You called me, right?" Big Bird asked.

"Oh, no, no, she wasn't calling you." Meg reassured giving out a nervous laugh.

"Oh, oh, thi-oh, this is funny to you?" Big Bird accused Persephone. "Yeah? Y-You know what a pain in the ass it is to get across town this time of day? Huh?"

"Listen, uh, uh, mister, we don't want any trouble here." Peter reasoned with Big Bird.

"Yeah, we were just-" John agreed before Big Bird interrupted.

"I don't fly, you know." Big Bird pointed out. "I take the subway like everyone else. Oh, and people don't stare. You make me puke." Big Bird then spat at Persephone's shoe before walking off. "Bitch."

"Oh, he did not just..." Frank said in outrage. "Okay, you know what? COME HERE!" Frank, John tackled and then beat up Big Bird offscreen where the Giant Chicken's scream was then heard.

Back at Monatti's art studio, Chris wanted to talk to Monatti, who just stepped into the studio

"Mr. Monatti, I don't feel like painting." Chris told Monatti. "I wanna see my dad."

"Listen, Christobel. I've sunk $5,000 turning you into a New York bohemian." Monatti informed Chris. "All you have to do is paint. Now, get busy. I have to go oil up and start squeezing into my leather pants. Excuse me." He left the room after informing Chris.

"Oh, jeez, Kate, what should I do?" Chris turned and asked Kate Moss, who was by the window.

"I don't know. You're the flavor of the month." Kate replied when she was picked up by the wind outside the window. "Oops. Window open." She was then carried away by the wind again like paper where she then landed softly on the ground, but soon sucked up by a street cleaner close to the curb.

Meanwhile, Peter was in Washington Square Park with Persephone, Frank, Frank Jr, Meg, John and Tyler attempting to profit from Persephone's bird-calling ability with Persephone imitating a crow while Frank, Frank Jr, John and Tyler stood beside her.

"I'm goin' over there!" A Pidgeon claimed annoyed by Persephone's bird calls.

"No!" Another Pidgeon next to him said.

"I'm gonna-"

"No!"

"I swear- I'm gonna go over there and punch her!"

"No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no."

Cuts back to the quartet.

Persephone was continuing her crow call.

"This is humiliating!" Persephone finally spoke out having had enough.

"Hey, it's show business, baby. You gotta start somewhere." Peter responded to Persephone's statement.

"No, I don't." Persephone protested. "I quit!"

Just then, John recieved yet another vision, this time of Persephone about to be attacked by an unknown figure. When it went away, John then ran up to her.

"Yeah, uh, if she quits, then I quit, too!" John excused joining up with Persephone.

"Now, wait just a minute, young lady!" Peter ordered Persephone, but she didn't listen. "Don't you walk away from me with that boy."

"It's okay! I'll keep her safe until we get back to the hotel!" John hollered out to Peter.

"No, you don't!" Peter rebuttled. "Hey-Hey! Don't you start running! Wait, Persephone. Persephone, John, get off that bus! D-Don't you two go to La Guardia! Persephone- Persephone, John, listen to me. Don't you dare get on that plane! John, don't you shell out $5 for headphones and _Magnolia_for Persephone- Okay, now I'm not all right with that boy hanging out with my daughter. Right, Guys? Frank, Meg, Frank Jr, Tyler?" Peter turned to find Frank, Frank Jr, Meg, Tyler also gone, to his chagrin. "Okay, now I'm pissed."

"Well, thank God that's over." One of the Pidgeon's from earlier said relieved.

"Yeah." The other Pidgeon agreed. "Hey. You wanna go crap on the Statue of Liberty?"

"You know, I have lived in her my whole life and never been there!" Pidgeon #1 replied.

"I've never been to the Empire State Building." Pidgeon #2 then stated.

"Boy, we're-we're a pair, aren't we-aren't we?" Pidgeon #1 chuckled.

"Unbelievable." Pidgeon #2 agreed. "Let's go."

Later that night, the Monatti Gallery was holding the premiere of Chris' (or I guess Christabel's) new artwork. Among the many guesses that attended the premieres were the Griffins.

"Chris!" Lois spotted Chris with a couple of people and called out to him.

"Hey, you guys made it!" Chris said spotting his family and walking over to talk to them.

"Of course! We wouldn't miss your big day." Lois assured to Chris.

"Wait a second. I don't see any strippers passing out free tacos. Lois, you lied to me!" Peter realized angry at Lois, to her annoyance, and walked off.

"Is Dad mad at me?" Chris asked Meg worried.

"Oh, he just doesn't understand." Meg reassured to Chris trying to make him feel better. "I know artists have to make sacrifices and-" Kate Moss came up to Chris's side and Lois gasped noticing her. "Oh my God! Are you Kate Moss?! Oh, for someone with no breasts, you've done very well for yourself. *whispers* Good for you."

Then the art show was finally about to start as laser lights were lit and fog spread around the building.

"1541: Michelangelo unveils the Sistine Chapel." Monatti said from a podium. "1886: Seurat completes La Grande Jatte. 1940: Georgia O'Keeffe paints a lot of flowers that look suspiciously like vaginas. But in the new millennium, there is only Christabel." He then presented Chris as a spotlight shined on him. The curtain behind Monatti and Chris unveiled to reveal the "masterpiece to be a collection of portraits of Peter in a style reminiscent of that of Andy Warhol.

Everyone was disgusted by the piece, except for Peter and Frank Jr, who smiled seeing it.

"Hey, that's not art!" One of the guests cried out. "Amateur!"

"Hey, that's my dad!" Chris defended. "Except for that one. That's my dad if he were a cat." it then panned to show a cat version of Peter. "He's the whole reason I'm here."

This touched Frank, Meg, Peter and Lois and made them proud of Chris.

"Ladies and gentleman, I-I apologize for these eyesores." Monatti tried to excuse insulting Chris' work. "I guess I was wrong about you. You're no artist. You're just a no-talent punk!"

"Now, hold on a second!" Frank Jr protested coming up on stage with Peter, Lois and his parents to defend Chris. "You can talk to my Grandpa that way, but not my uncle! Now apologize!"

"The hell I will!" Monatti refused.

Among the crowd, John heard what Peter was supposed to said and was not pleased one bit.

"Tyler, did you bring the Emeralds with you here?" John asked Tyler.

"I brought a couple with me for emergencies." Tyler said pulling out three of the seven Emeralds. "Why?"

"I'm gonna use one of them to zap Mr. Griffin for what he said about Meg." John explained about to take one of the gems.

"You can't use a Chaos Emerald for that. They need to be used responsibility." Tyler told John keeping the Emeralds away from him. "Besides, you've never used one of them before."

"Not until today." John said. "Gimme one!"

"No, let go of that." Tyler demanded trying to take back the Emerald John tried to take away.

The two wrestled for the Emeralds as it cut back to Peter and Monatti.

"You owe me for all that money I invested in your worthless son!" Monatti informed Peter.

"All right, well, here's a little something in return." Peter said bringing out a miniature, golden statue of himself and placed it on the ground next to Monatti. "Work of art? Or container of CRAZY PURPLE KNOCKOUT GAS!" He bailed out as though he thought the container was about to spray the gas that very instant, but nothing happened. He went back to it and flicked it, hoping it would activate it, but nothing happened. He tried again, only to get the gas sprayed on him, knocking him out.

Back to John and Tyler, they still wrestled for control over the Emeralds, but then accidentally used them as the Emeralds rose from the ground above the duo and a light shined from within them, getting everyone's attention.

"You don't even know how to use Chaos Control!" Tyler said to John.

"Sure, I do!" John stated.

"Then what is it, then?" Tyler challenged John, whom broke away from the fight they were in.

"All right." John accepted as his eyes suddenly glowed. "CHAOS CONTROL!"

And in an instant, the whole building was warped out of its location, though the Griffins and the duo were now standing at what used to be the Monatti Gallery.

"Oh, my God, is everyone all right?!" Lois reacted to the madness checking on the family to see if anyone's hurt.

"Now look what you did!" Frank Jr yelled at John.

"What did I do?" John asked confused.

"You used Chaos Control on the entire building!" Frank explained. "Who knows where it is now with all those people still inside it!"

**Cutaway #8**

It showed everyone still inside the Gallery as Monatti walked out to discover himself in the Himalayas. Monatti screamed at his fate.

**End**

After that, the family was heading home exiting the hotel with their things and walking down the stairs.

"Dad, I'm sorry I'm not gonna be a famous artist you can mooch off of." Chris apologized to Peter.

"And I'm sorry we have no talent." Meg and Persephone apologized, too.

"Aw, that's okay, kids." Peter reassured. "So I don't have my name on an amusement park. And maybe I'll never be famous-"

"Wait. That's what this was all about?" John asked Peter learning of his motives. "Just so you could be like that Bob Funland guy?"

"All right, yes. But the point is I got three wonderful children, an Son in law, a grandson and a wife that loves me." Peter explained.

"That's right." Lois affirmed. "I guess when it comes right down to it, you're a pretty lucky-" She was interrupted by a hobo vomiting.

"Oh, my sentiments exactly!" Stewie remarked.

"Weird." John said. "That's how me and Tyler think about you." That last part got Stewie's attention.

"It's true." Tyler agreed, to Stewie's anger.

"Come on, Griffins." Peter ordered. "Let's go home." He then bumped into someone just as he turned. "Hey, watch where you're going'!"

The man lifted his head to find Stewie in front of him.

"This child is beautiful!" The man praised getting up from the ground. "I must have him!"

"Y-You mean like Gina Gershon beautiful or-or beautiful beautiful?" Peter asked the man confused.

"Peter, this is heterosexual fashion designer, Calvin Klein." Brian informed Peter of who the man was.

"Did you just address this man's identity with his sexuality?" Frank asked, but Brian didn't answer.

"I've been looking everywhere for a face to launch my new line of diapers." Calvin Klein explained his situation picking Stewie up. "And I think I found it." He raised Stewie where his head was blocking the sun.

Later, the Griffins were still in New York City.

"Well, Bob Funland may have his name on a sign, but only a Griffin has this." Peter said as it panned to reveal they were at Two Times Square where Stewie's diaper ad was being presented.

It then cut to Stewie modeling in the photoshoot.

"Oh. Yeah." Stewie said admired doing various poses. "Workin' it. Make me want it. Yeah! Mm, baby! I'm gonna sex you up, baby! I'm going to sex you up so crazy! Yeah! Oh, you're loving this, are you?"

It then cut to black.

"This can't be really happening..." John said uncomfortable.

"Yeah, that's REALLY disturbing!" Tyler agreed.

"Goodnight everybody!" The Mallque family said.

The Mallque and The Griffins were drive back to quahog, Frank Jr was read the next chapter of his family, Frank Jr open the book and read….

**Mallque chronicles Chapter 4: death of older brother**

"Hello, Shikamaru, Ino, Choji. Have you just returned from your mission?" Aoi asked curiously, she knew exactly who went on what mission, and how dangerous the mission was. Frank was always fretting when he sent his friends out of the, wondering if he should have backed them up personally. She always told him he was overthinking things, they were powerful Shinobi in their own right.

"Yeah, it was a bother but mission accomplished." Shikamaru spoke lazily, looking at the Mallque family, minus one adult blonde goofball of a Hokage.

Aoi had been strolling the town with her children, Ana and Mayuka enjoying the sun from the sling around Aoi's body, Heiwamaru being ecstatic to go anywhere and meet people. Hagoromo had been less complacent, mumbling about his training and how he needed to quadruple his efforts after hamura beatdown into reality by Sasuke, she had made him attend however, as he carried bags of groceries for her.

"KONOHA!" They all turned at the sound of the loud proclamation. Amassing on the road, not even three hundred metres away was an army of men, with skin a deathly pale white, their faces covered by masks design like whirlpools, leaving a hole for one eye to peer through. Dressed in attire she had seen from every Shinobi nation.

"We are here for the Hokage's head!" A man stood at the head of the small army, a large sword resting on his shoulders. "That idiot Frank has ruined the world! We Shinobi were bred to wage war! We don't thrive in peace! We'' start by burning Konoha to the ground! After that we'll take the world back to how it was!" The army behind him roared with excited, brandishing weapons and waving them high into the air.

Aoi clutched onto her two youngest tightly, she wasn't afraid of these men, but she was afraid for her childrens' safety. Heiwamaru had just begun to learn the arts of a Shinobi, and Mayaka, Ana was still too young to even speak. She would have to protect them against anything that these vile men thought they could accomplish.

She looked over to her eldest child. Hagoromo glared at the men so very far away, before looking backwards at the villagers, who had backed away from the small army with fear. Aoi smiled with relaxation, Hagoromo was strong it was a comfort having him by her side two protect his brother and sisters as well.

"H- Hagoromo!" Her thoughts for him turned to fear as he dropped the bags and charged forwards at the army, who seemed to just break out with laughter at the sight of the small boy running at them.

"I am the son of the Rokudaime Hokage! And the Grandson of the Black flash! I am the heir to the strongest clan with the greatest Kekkei Genkai in Konoha! I AM HAGOROMO UZUMAKI MALLQUE! And I won't let you lay one single finger on this village!"

Hagoromo roared as chakra seeped through the skin around his hands, before exploding into the air. The path behind him tore up with the speed and power of his movements and chakra combined. The chakra began to form into two large ferocious dragon heads. "_**Jūho Sōryukiba!**_"

His movements stopped however, as he was lifted off the ground by the scruff of his neck. The chakra fading, Hagoromo turned his head to see his father hoisting him up easily in the air. "You did great Hagoromo, but how about you let me take over from here." He beamed at his young son, before gently placing the boy behind him.

Frank's head turned back to the army, in a flash golden chakra enveloped his entire body. Appearing like flames burning on his skin, his eye turned a deep orange as well as he glared at the army in front of him.

Hagoromo stood behind his father shaken by the display of chakra and power. _'So this is him when he's serious. When he uses Drago's chakra, it's terrifying.'_

"Come on! I'll take on all of you myself!" Frank yelled out at the small army, egging them into a confrontation.

"Typical, you don't think things through Frank, guess this is why you keep me and my mind around." David and Sasuke spoke out as he stood by Frank's side, their Eternal Mangekyo Sharingan boring into the army ahead.

"No, that's Shikamaru's job." Frank grinned back towards his former teammates, before speaking up loudly again as if directly towards the leader of the small army himself. "You said you're after the Hokage's head! Well I'm different from the other Hokage! I'm just the soul of the Hokage. Naruto Uzumaki is the body of the Hokage, you've also got to take on the brains of the Hokage; Shikamaru Nara!"

"Damn, Frank, always bringing me into troublesome situations." Shikamaru whined out lazily, yet took his place at Frank's side.

"The clear mind of the Hokage; David Uchiha Thorn!" David simply smirked next to him, his Dark Keyblade unsheathing slowly at his hand.

"The Burring soul of the Hokage; Menma Uzumaki Mallque!" Menma fist bump and smirked next to him, his Fox sword unsheathing slowly at his side.

"The Proud pride of the Hokage; Son Rage Mallque!" Rage also fist bumo next to him, his Leonidas spear unsheathing slowly at his back.

"The left hand of the Hokage; Sasuke Uchiha!" Sasuke simply smirked next to him, his sword unsheathing slowly at his back.

"The right arm of the Hokage; Sakura Haruno!" Sakura jumped into position, tightly pulling on one her of gloves.

"The eyes of the Hokage; Neji Hyuuga!" Hamura watched his surrogate Uncle calmly walk forwards, the most powerful Byakugan in the Hyuuga's history flaring.

"The legs of the Hokage; Rock Lee!" With a mightly proclamation of youth and a crash landing into the ground Rock Lee stood up, flashing his world famous nice guy pose.

"The sword of the Hokage; Tenten!" The bun style brown haired girl leaped forwards as well, holding a small scroll at the ready.

"The mind of the Hokage; Ino Yamanaka!"

"I thought Shikamaru was your mind, Frank?" The long blonde haired woman quipped as she stood next to Shikamaru in position.

"No, Shikamaru's my brains. Everyone has a mind, Ino, but not everyone has brains." Frank retorted quickly, before carrying on. "There's the muscle of the Hokage; Choji Akimichi!" A goliath of a man landed next to Ino, a good head taller than everyone else that was assembled.

"The nose of the Hokage; Kiba Inuzuka!"

"Don't forget about Akamaru!" Kiba spoke as he appeared, riding atop an enormous white dog.

"How could I?" Frank smiled happily at the massive dog. "Then we have the nerves of the Hokage; Sai!"

"Frank, I'm surprised I was listed as such an important body part. Is it because I stimulate you in ways no one else can?" A very pale, but completely healthy looking man barged himself rather rudely in between Naruto and Sasuke, a large scroll attached to his back. "Quite frankly, as you were listing everyone, I was sure I was going to be the penis of the Hokage, at least you could say you had one then."

"Sai! He called you the nerves because you're always getting on his and mine, idiot!" Naruto screamed at the black haired ninja, who merely laughed heartily in response,

"The Wind of the Hokage; _Zeek hino Mavrick_!" Zeek simply smirked next to him, his arch bow unsheathing slowly at his back.

"The Water of the Hokage; Negi Springfield!" Negi smiled next to him, his sword unsheathing slowly to his hand.

"The Lightning of the Hokage; Kamina Kamino Jiha!" Kamina simply grin next to him, his sword unsheathing slowly at his back.

"The Earth of the Hokage; Simon Hotta Jiha!" Simon grin next to kamina, boxing gloves unsheathing slowly appear to his hand.

"The Darkness of the Hokage; Lelouch Lamperouge Uchiha Mallque!" Lelouch simply smirked next to him, his Keyblade unsheathing slowly at his side.

"The Light of the Hokage; _Nunnally Lamperouge Uchiha Mallque_!" Nunnally simply smiled next to lelouch, slowly chanting spells.

"The Gale of the Hokage; Venjamin"VEEMON" Amakudari!" Ven simply smirked next to him, his sword unsheathing slowly at his back.

"The Sky of the Hokage; Yuni Giglio!" Yuni simply smiled next to ven, pray to the mallque ancestor for victory for the battle

"The scorcher of the Hokage; Rolo lamperouge Uchiha Mallque!" Rolo simply smirked next to him, his Fire sword unsheathing slowly at his back.

Frank grumbled out something incoherently before clearing his throat. "Finally we have the most important part…"

Frank didn't say anymore, but he felt a soft hand wrap around his own, Hinata stood by his side with a gentle smile on her face after handing the baby Asahi to her oldest brother, Heiwamaru ducking behind Hamura as well. Naruto smiled softly in return, "Finally we have the Heart and sprite of the Hokage;… Aoi Hyuuga Mallque and Hinata Hyuuga!"

Frank and Naruto quickly created a small army of clones standing between the imposing army and the Konoha Ninja. "You think you can take down Konoha on our watch!? Think again-!"

"Wait." He was suddenly halted in his speech by a man completely covered by clothing and hoods and sunglasses, standing before Frank with his hands in his pockets. "Frank, Naruto it appears you have forgotten something very important."

"I have?" Frank looked very confused at the statement. "What did I forget, Shino?"

"Me." He responded in a cool, matter of fact tone. "What am I to you in this, the anatomy of the Hokage?"

"Oh yeah!" Naruto brightened instantly, clicking on. "We have Shino Aburame; the inner sight of The Hokage, Shino Aburame!"

"How amazing." Shino ran to the far end of the line, the shades and hood hiding the tear that left his eye."

The men behind the leader of the army cowered, not only at the sight of the army of clones the Hokage had created out of nowhere. But the sight of them, the Konoha 13, a team with flawless teamwork despite its large size. Perhaps this wasn't a good idea after all.

They began to run away, leading the leader alone. He tutted with annoyance, he couldn't fight and destroy Konoha alone, he need the men behind him to have resolve, he needed more men. _'Soon we will return, and at that time, this Konoha will end!'_

ONE MONTH LATER

"Hamura-onii-san, you're the best!" Ana spoke happily as he stared at him with wonder.

"Just wait Hamura, I'll become a Genin and catch up soon enough!" Heiwamaru added, clenching his fist with excitement.

Hamura simply laughed in return, looking down at the Chuunin vest in his hands, his Chuunin vest. "It's nothing really, just another step towards my goal."

"It is a great thing Hamura-kun. Becoming a Chuunin is never an easy task. You've done superbly." Hinata smiled down at her newly promoted son happily.

"Yeah! This causes for an extra special treat!" Hagoromo jutted out, beaming ecstatically. "I think you're about ready, Hamura. How would you like to learn the Rasengan!?"

"No thanks, Hagoromo." Hamura answered bluntly, crushing the blond man's spirit. Hinata watched him lift his hand, and in his palm a spiralling blue sphere formed.

"You've already learned it? How!?" Naruto looked excitedly at the sphere in his son's hand. He had perfectly created the technique with one hand, how many years had it taken him to do that?

"Rotation. Power. Stabilisation. It's just like the _**Kaiten**_, but compressed into the palm of your hand." Hamura smiled down at the jutsu in his hand. "You improved it by adding you wind chakra, dad. I'm going to bring my own flair to it-tteboshou. Hyuuga style Rasengan. I've already got a few ideas."

Tears of pride began to swell in Naruto's eyes, smiling euphorically at his oldest child. "That's my son! How about I treat you to some Ichiraku Ramen instead, huh!?"

"No thank you, dad. I'm not a big fan of Ramen."

Silence broke into their home, Ana, mayuka, Heiwamaru, Frank, Aoi,Hinata, they all stared in utter horror. They looked at Hagoromo, trying to keep a joking smile of his face. "V-Very funny, Hamura. You love going to Ichiraku's."

"No. I just ate it because I know it made you happy." Hamura responded to Hinata's growing fear. Hamura didn't always have the greatest way with words as she had learned once or twice, often times he was a bit too blunt with his approach, like her cousin. "To be honest, I always thought Ichiraku's broth was too salty, and the noodles a bit too overcooked. Plus I don't like the taste of Naruto."

"Ah!" His blond father exclaimed loudly. Leaning on the dinner table with one hand and clutching his chest tightly with the other.

"N-Naruto-kun, are you okay?" She approached him worriedly, placing a hand on his shoulder. She could hear how powerful his hyperventilated breaths were.

"Hinata-chan, my chest feels really tight, and I have these pains down my arm…" He told her without looking at her, instead he looked towards Hamura, sweat beading down his forehead. "Hamura… tell me… this is a joke… tell me that you really do love ramen."

"I can't dad. You always said to never lie. Truthfully dad, I really don't like ramen at all."

"Ugh…" Naruto groaned out as his eyes hazily opened, he caught the scent of sterilisation. The pristine white ceiling above him. _'The hospital…_' He thought, feeling returning to his body, he found a tight grip around his hand. He turned to see Hinata, tears streaming down her face looking at him happier than he had ever seen her. "Hinata-chan, I had the most horrible dream. I was there. And you were there. And Heiwamaru was there." He turned to see Asahi sat on his stomach, looking rather worried, he painfully lifted his own to playfully poke her on the nose, which made her sile a bit. "And you were there. And so was Hamura. We were celebrating Hamura's promotion and-"

"Well Naruto, I'm impressed." Sakura suddenly barged into the room, dressed in her usual attire with a doctor's coat over it. "Kurama really does work wonders. I wish I could get a sample of his chakra that doesn't cause harm to the body, I could cure hundreds of ailments with it. To think he could actually make you survive six simultaneous heart attacks." She smiled towards him cheerfully, pacing the clipboard back on the end of his bed. "I'm glad you're okay Naruto. But what the hell did this?"

"I dunno. It's all pretty hazy. I remember talking to Hamura. And I remember ramen…" His mind began to drift off, just thinking of a bowl of the stuff filled to the brim, piled high with all his favourite toppings, just thinking about hit set his heart aflutter. "I could really go for a bowl now. Hinata, do you think yo could get some from Ichiraku's for me?"

"Oh no you don't!" Sakura responded to his question first, entering her super-scary doctor mode. "You're staying off the stuff for a while you hear me!? You wouldn't have been out of it for so long, but your arteries were clogged with cholesterol, it took hours to use my medical ninjutsu to speed up breaking it down."

"See, I told you that stuff isn't good for you in large doses, dad." Hamura spoke up for the first time, leaning against the wall of the hospital room. "This is exactly why I don't like ramen."

Everyone present's eyes widened with horror again, even Sakura whipped her head around to face the new red haired Chuunin. She turned back to Naruto, his eye was twitching, and beads of sweat began pouring down his face. His erratic breath was so loud if filled the entire room. "Oh shi-"

_Code Blue. Code Blue. Code Blue._

Hagoromo just look at hamura with pure anger. Then he snap and just attack him by shoving ramen into his mouth and screamed " you are a liar because you have the hair and the family tick, you have the audacity to lie about not eating the food of the gods and I know your lying because it's you . I'll make sure you never say those words again by ruing your favorite food."

Hamura just scream as he just piss off his cousin for saying the truth. Everyone now know to not piss off an Saiyan Uzumaki.

**Frank Jr pause reading and realized his older brother is easily piss off.**

**Then he continued…**

"Hey guys," He turned to the assembled Konoha 12, minus a grieving Hokage and his wife. "Where's the most expensive place in Konoha. Frank's treat as an apology for not being able to show up." He walked towards them, casually throwing the frog wallet up and down in the air.

Frank, please be careful not to overexert yourself." Aoi spoke from the side of the swings, being in the park with Naruto, Hinata, Hagoromo, Heiwamaru, Mayuka and Ana on such a beautiful day even by Konoha's high standards. The sun shone immaculately, with a gentle cooling breeze flowing through the air.

"Please Aoi, it's been two years since that scare. I'm fine now, I cut down on Ramen, I've been getting more sleep and visiting hot springs to relax. I've done everything Sakura told me to do. Stop worrying, I'm just pushing my kids on the swings." He grinned back at her, a single clone had been created to help push. He handled Ana's swing and his clone pushed Heiwamaru's. "Where's Hamura anyway? I thought we were all supposed to do this 'family bonding time' thing?"

"Hamura's probably training again, I saw him when he got back from his mission, and his exact words were: 'a Jounin must always be at his best.'" Heiwamaru answered from the swing.

"It seems that is all Hamura does since he lost to Sasuke. If he is not training, he is performing missions." Hinata added to her younger son's statement. It had been four years since Hamura's thorough thrashing against Sasuke, and since then the boy had grown in leaps and bounds. A Jounin at sixteen, creating new techniques on par with the Niidaime's creativity, and a whole life of a possible legendary status ahead of him. But it felt like he was beginning to forget the simpler, more important things. A good night's rest for one and love and family. Hamura was never interested in love, as was the norm for all boys his age. But family was important as well, he made time to spend it with Ana, whether training or otherwise, and always seemed to have the time to beat Heiwamaru into the ground since he lost against him that time two years ago. But if he wasn't with them, she scarcely saw him.

She heard Naruto's light chuckled, seeing a proud smile on his face. "It seems the message got through to Hamura." He spoke first, before looking at her, giving her a confident, reassuring smile. "I'll talk to him later, I'll suspend him from missions if I have too to make him spend time with us. If he acts up, he'll taste the sting of my most powerful _**Tou-chanton**_!"

"Naruto, spending time with one's family should not be a punishment." Hinata responded worriedly. It was true that Hamura should spend more time with them, but to make it like he had no other alternative just didn't seem right, in fact, it would probably pushing him even further away.

"You're right…" Naruto let out a large sigh, looking up towards the Hokage's monument, fixated on the fourth face in line. "He'd make a great Hokage one day. But he's forgetting he most important principle. A Hokage is not the one that everyone acknowledges, they are the one that acknowledges everyone. A Hokage loves everyone in the Village and is loved in return. Hamura's got the second part down flat, the villagers love him. He's never been good at loving others aside from a select few, so this'll be his next stage of training, learning to love. To a Hokage, everyone is family!"

"That damn Hokage Frank… I'll make him pay for humiliating us all those years ago…" The bandit leader stood before his new army, years had not gone to waste, each one used to accumulate more ninja that shared his ideals. That the Hokage had ruined their world with peace, Shinobi were bred to wage war, ninjutsu was their tools for it. The Shinobi did not thrive in peace.

And now, when he looked across at the thousands he had amassed, he knew they were ready. "Shinobi! All those years ago when we went to take the Hokage's head, I realise our mistake! We were ill-prepared! But now I can see we are ready to save our world! Come with me and let us return things to the way they were! We will not boldly proclaim ourselves as we did the last time! This time we will act like true Shinobi! We will ambush and annihilate our targets! The first, The Hokage Frank Uzumaki and his precious Konoha!"

The horde before his yelled and cheered excitedly in return, his grin grew wider and wider. "No matter how many clones he makes we will fight! A clone can only take one hit! How many hits can you take before you fall!?"

His grin grew even wider at the response. 'Unlimited!' They yelled back, cheering even louder than ever. "Exactly! We are ninja! Not peace loving fools! Now let us go and take our world back!"

"Heiwamaru-kun, how is the academy going?" Aoi asked carefully, they had separated from Frank who had returned to the Hokage's office. Now she walked with Ana and Mayuka in hands, with Heiwamaru on her left, with his arms behind his head and gazing at shops as they walked past them.

"It's okay, I guess. Sensei says I'm ready for the exam. But it's a bit annoying, Hagoromo got to take his three years early in his first year of the academy, I've had to wait the standard time before I am allowed to take it." He responded sullenly, still looking through shop windows.

"I would not fret over it Heiwamaru." Aoi answered with a soft smile. "When you pass the Genin exam does not mean anything in the ninja world, it is what you do afterwards that counts. Please remember that your father passed on family help and technicality, he actually failed three times. And look where he is now." Heiwamaru smiled back, obviously reassured by the words.

Loud explosions began to erupt all around the village, frightening the two children with her. She immediately activated her Byakugan, scanning the area. These people who were setting off the explosions, who had begun to invade the peaceful village. She recognised them as those bandits from years ago, she had not heard or seen them since, she assumed that time was a simple one off attempt, to think they were actually still planning something like this.

"Heiwamaru, take hold of your sister and do not let go. I will protect both of you!" She ordered the small boy who obliged immediately, taking his little sister by the hand. "Hurry! We must meet up with your father!"

"_**Rasengan!**_" Frank ploughed the spiralling sphere into another bandit, looking around at the tens surrounding him. He cautiously looked back to the single clone sat with its eyes closed, remaining unmoved. "Would you hurry up! I need the Sage Chakra so I can locate Aoi and the kids!" He barked angrily at the clone building Natural Energy.

Another bandit moved into his position, and he quickly swatted them away. The guys were all quantity and no quality. It was easy to knock them out, but the sheer numbers of them put the clone he was frantically trying to protect at risk, he couldn't move until the clone had built enough Natural Energy.

"Die Hokage!" He turned seeing a bandit rushing towards him at his back, a kunai placed and ready to strike into him.

Hagoromo burst in between them and instantly began a flurry of blows against the bandit's body. "_**BIJUU RYO KEN!**_" He landed the last blow, knocking the bandit backwards into the wall of one of the four spikes atop the Hokage's building.

Hagoromo and Hamura turned to Frank, Rinneganand Byakugan ablaze. "What are you doing here dad!? Mom, Heiwa and the twins may need help!" He shouted, before noticing the clone standing behind his dad, it's eyes closed, looking at him with the Rinnegan eyes, he could see Chakra from the environment entering his body. "You're building Senjutsu."

"Yeah, I'm trying to so I can locate your mom and the kids!" Frank yelled back, blocking another attack from a bandit before punching him clear into the air. "Hamura, can you find them with your eyes!?"

Hamura focused his Byakugan, scanning across Konoha for their chakra signals, pinpointing them, his mom was surrounded, not as surrounded as his dad was, but she was still fighting all enemies from every direction, Heiwa and Asahi huddled together behind her. "Found them! Looks like they're in some serious trouble!"

"Then go!" Frank ordered, not as a Hokage, but as a father and husband. "Go and protect them no matter what! Once I've finished building Senjutsu, I'll end this raid with one hit!"

"Right!" Hagoromo and Hamura burst upwards from the Hokage's building, leaping into the direction of his mom and his younger siblings. _'Just let me get there in time!'_

Aoi let out a loud cry as she powerfully placed palm strikes into two bandits' chests. Launching them backwards into the air. She glared around at her opponents, she had been surrounded in every direction. She took a step back, inching closer to Heiwamaru and Asahi who huddled behind her as per her instructions.

That bandit leader let out a loud cackle. "So Spirit of the Hokage'! What happens if I kill you!? I'll tell you, Frank's spirit is destroyed! He won't resist, he'll accept death after he sees the bodies of yourself and the children you so desperately protect!"

The bandits surrounding her all jumped simultaneously, kunai branded and ready to strike. "_**Kaiten!**_" She heard Hagoromo and Hamura's voice call out. The blast radius was a size she had never seen before, easily covering a fifty metre range. The bandits soaring towards them were blocked and blown back by the impenetrable swirling wall of chakra.

She felt Hagoromo and Hamura's back brace against her own. She smiled happily to herself. "Hamura, Hagoromo, you really have surpassed those before you. I have never seen a _**Kaiten**_ of that calibre before. You have… really grown into your own persons."

"Thank you, mom." She couldn't see his face, but she knew he was smiling. "You stay close to Heiwa and Asahi, I'll cover you!" With that he speed off, taking down a bandit with ease before flying towards the next one. He had eliminated most of them with that powerful Kaiten, now all that remained

"If it isn't that brats from the first time. The Hokage's son." The bandit's leader watched the red haired boy pick off the last remaining members of the teams he used to take on the Hokage's wife. His attention turned to her herself, moving towards the two youngest children. "Like I'd let you do that! _**Doton: Akushitsuna Ne!**_" Spikes made of earth shot from the ground and fired towards the small children.

Aoi watched the spikes of Earth fire towards her two youngest children, without hesitation she dived in between them, she cursed herself for never being able to learn the _**Kaiten**_, so instead she performed the best protection she could think of. They came fast but slow enough for her to impart her final words. "Mayuka, Ana, please do not cry. Grow up strong and happy, nothing would make me happier to see that. I love you all so very much…" She closed her eyes, a content smile formed on her face.

Frank Jr suddenly as a ghost appeared in the battlefield and screamed for his mother

If this was how she was to die, she couldn't think of any better way to do it than protecting her children, the things that were most important to her. No longer able to see the shocked faces of Heiwamaru, Mayuka and Ana, she braced herself for death.

She heard the squelching sound of flesh pierced. Could smell the spray of flesh blood erupting into the atmosphere. She could almost taste the coppery flavour of blood in her mouth.

But she felt no pain. She opened her eyes, to see tears forming in Heiwamaru's eyes. She turned, and horror filled tears began to form in her own eyes.

"Are you okay… mom…?" Before, spikes of earth piercing through his torso was Heiwamaru, his arms extended further than hers to protect them all. His eyes stared at her, and despite the blood pouring from his mouth, he smiled at her.

He began to lose balance, she rushed to catch him. His head resting on her shoulder. "Medical team, help us!" She sobbed out as loudly as she could, clutching her eldest so tightly in her arms.

"Mom… it's alright… I'm already…" He spoke in the faintest of whispers, to her shattering heart, his voice sounded like death itself.

Hagoromo's eyes turned to the bandit leader, narrowing with anger. "I… can still… do this…" He and Hamura held up their arms towards the man, the Rasengan formed in Hagoromo palm, before the swirling chakra of Kaiten enveloped their arms, speeding the rotation of the Rasengan even further, enveloping it into something akin to a Giant chakra drill. " _**Chouginga**_ _**Kaiten Rasengan: Yari.**_"

The orb along with its swirling drill shell fired from Hagoromo's hand, without warn it collided with the bandit leader's chest, his screams of anguish filled the village as his body was blown away into the sky, the drill puncturing and drilling through his chest as he did so.

Hagoromo smiled victoriously, before commencing to cough loudly, more blood pouring from his mouth. "H- Hagoromo …" Aoi spoke softly, tears streaming down her face and mingling with his warm blood on her shirt.

"Mom… I'm sorry…" He began to speak, his Rinnegan eyes fading back to normal. "I'm sorry… I never told you before… I never tried to surpass you… I always wanted to surpass dad… I never told you… the reason why I never was like that with you… was because you were something I could never reach…"

He tried to laugh, but it came out as a hoarse terrible vile spew of blood. He looked up towards Hamura, Heiwamaru, Mayuka and Ana. Heiwamaru, tears forming freely in eyes as he stared back. Ana and Mayuka, five years old and not entirely understanding what was happening, could feel the sombreness in the air and cried nonetheless. "Heiwa…" He called out weakly to his younger brother, giving him a smile. "Become a great Hokage… in my place… it should be easy for you… you're stronger than me…" He looked at his younger sister, and his smile become softer. "Ana, Mayuka… I'm sorry… but you two won't get to judge girls for me… don't worry though… you two will always be… my favourite… grow up so I watch you both with a smile… and when you two get old enough to choose boys… judge them against me…"

Then he look at Hamura and said " Hamura… to be hokage is not the one that everyone acknowledges,…. they are the one that acknowledges everyone…. A Hokage loves everyone in the Village and is loved in return….. that's what a Hokage. To a Hokage, everyone is family! Remember that dattbaki."

His eyes shifted slight to look at the side of his mother's head. "Mom… protect them… no matter what… and don't cry… this is how… splendid ninja die… grandpa did it… it may not be as grand as a death fight with a monster… but to protect the things important to me… with my life… I think this… finally… takes me out of their shadows…"

"Hagoromo… why did you do this? It was supposed to be my time! You had your entire life ahead of you! Do not tell me not to cry when I have to bury my son! Why did you do this!?" Aoi sobbed out, anger almost managing to override agony in the fragments of her heart. Frank Jr crying in agreement even though nobody can see him

She could feel his cheek twitch like he was smiling again. "Because… you told me… I've grown into my own person…" Her eyes widened, her mind replaying the mere moments before when she complimented him on his ability. "Heiwa, Mayuka and Ana… they need their mother more… than they need their big brother… they own you their lives… and it seems… my life… was also owed as well…"

She and Frank Jr felt his body shift, and with horror and anguish in the form of tears on her face watched helplessly as Hagoromo's body dropped to the ground, his eyes fractionally open, the smile that filled his final moments dropped to a still mouth. "HAGOROMO!" Frank Jr screamed so loudly, as if his voice tried to follow his soul as it ascended. he leaded over his body, sobbing into his chest, the blood mattered not to her. he would drown in a sea of it if it meant he would see his Brother's smile again.

But something shattered. Like glass in his mind, as the fragments fell, each displayed an event similar to the one played before him.

_Korra is willing to die for you, Frank Jr._

_You do not hold your life alone._

_It appears my life… is also one of them._

_Because… you called me a Hero._

_Not having my friends here… is the most painful thing to me! PERIOD!_

_Victoria just said… that your life is not just your own anymore… Do you understand what she meant? Your words and desire to not let your comrades die… Neither of them are lies! What inspired Victoria and carried her this far were those very principles! It's not just you, Frank… we __**all**__ hold those same words and feelings within our hearts. They're what bind our lives together and make us comrades. If we all give up and discard those words and feelings now, Victoria's sacrifice will have been for nothing… And __**that**__ is when your comrades truly die, for you are no longer comrades then. That's how I feel… Therefore… stand up together with me, Frank… Because never going back on one's word… is __**my**__ ninja way too!_

As the last fragment fell, it displayed the sixteen year old Korra her dying body being whisked away by lin's sand, Suyjin trying desperately to heal him.

After it fell, naught but a black screen remained, as if his mind had turned to darkness. Then a great singular eye shone through, blood red adorned with concentric ripples and nine tomoe circling the pupil.

People began to circle them. The battle had been won it would seem, those bandits were all but eradicated. yuni and Nunnally held their hands over their hands with shock. Lelouch stood with Ven, Simon and Kamina all looking sadly. Zeek was in tears, and even Negi and Hamura had a tear in their eyes.

he looked up when he felt a shadow over his mom, Frank's body blocked out the sun. He said nothing, and just dropped to his knees, shaking hands moved towards Hagoromo's head. Lightly taking it into his hands he pulled his son's body to his chest.

And he screamed, perhaps louder than he had. It shot through pains even in his own heart, this was the sight of a Hokage who had lost. A Hokage unable to protect that which was important to him. But more than that, it was a father who would not see their child smile and laugh again.

he saw David stand behind Frank, placing a hand on his shoulder, a mournful look combined with what seemed like disbelief was on his face. " Hagoromo… is dead." Fresh tears formed in his and his mother eyes as he looked down at the corpse of the boy in Frank's arms.

It was himself, Frank G Mallque Jr as a teenager in a robin costume.

Frank Jr woke up in his room realizes that he is home with the book closed with a thought " what the hell was that?"

**The End**


	21. Chapter 19: Fifteen Minutes of Shame

**Chapter 19: Fifteen Minutes of Shame**

It was another ordinary afternoon at the Griffin house where it showed Peter in the living room holding in his hands a paintbrush and a palette with an easel set up beside him. He was watching an old episode of _The Joy of Painting _on PBS, hoping to learn how to paint. It then cut to the TV showing the show's host, Bob Ross in front of a painting.

"All right, now we're gonna use a fan brush here." Bob Ross instructed picking said brush to get started. "And, uh, I want you to take some Hunter Green. And we're gonna put a happy, little buah right down here in the corner there." Just as he said, he took some green paint from the palette he was wielding and painted a bush at the bottom right corner of the painting. "And that'll just be our little secret... And if you tell anyone that that bush is there... I will come to your house and I will cut you!"

It then cut back to Peter.

"Aw, jeez, mine doesn't look anything like his." Peter moped. "Eh, the hell with it." It then revealed that he was, instead painting a portrait of the cast of _Family Ties_ as it parodied the opening credits to said show. He then turned to John and Tyler, who were also painting. "What about you, boys? Any luck?"

"No." the duo both replied as it showed them instead playing _Mario Paint_ on an SNES showing a picture of Mario's head on the screen where his hat was colored. they then turned to Frank Jr, who were also painting. "What about you, Frank Jr? Any luck?"

"No." Frank Jr replied as it showed him painting picture of his brother Hagoromo's head on the paper where his hair was colored.

**Opening Credits**

_It seems today that all ya see_

_Is violence in movies and sex on TV_

_But where are those good, old-fashioned values_

_On which we used to rely_

_Lucky there's a Family Guy!_

_Lucky there's a man who_

_Positively can do_

_All the things that make us_

_Laugh n' Cry_

_He's_

_a_

_Fam_

_-ily_

_Guy!_

**End**

Quahog was celebrating Clam Day, an event commemorating the town's founding in the form of a state fair over by the coast. Everyone was having a great time, including the Griffins, who were at a dunk tank. The catch was that it contained a shark inside that would eat the person above it. Chris took one of the balls from the stand and threw it at the target, but missed.

"Ha!" The fisherman in the tank laughed mocking Chris. "Boy, you throw like a fishwife! Come on, you hairy lubbin' friggin' rod!"

"Chris, are you gonna take that from a fisherman?" Peter asked Chris.

"No way!" Chris replied now determined. He threw another ball and this time it hit the target as the fihserman fell into the tank.

"AH! AH, FOR THE LOVE OF PETE! AH-" The fisherman panicked barely able to swim as the shark in the tank immediately ate him.

The family laughed at the fisherman's demise. Except Frank, John, Tyler, Persephone and Meg, who looked rather annoyed with her arms crossed.

"I'm good! Ha, ha, ha." Chris said.

"Oh. How fun." Lois admired. "And its for a good cause. All the money goes to the families of fishermen who've been eaten by sharks."

"I can see how." Tyler remarked.

It then cut to a ceremony by the shore with an emcee on stage.

"Ladies and gentlemen, the mayor of Quahog, Adam West." The emcee said to everyone there.

"TV's Adam West?" John asked in the audience.

"No relation." The emcee answered stepping off stage while Mayor West stepped up.

"Thank you. Thank you. Thank you very much." Mayor West thanked the audience who applauded, but kept going after the applauding stopped. "Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Mm-hm, thank you. Eh, thank you..."

Mayor West kept going, which got John and Frank Jr irritated. John then back to the dunk tank he and the family were at earlier and took one of the balls all the way back to the ceremony, where Mayor West was still saying "thank you". Frank Jr then grab the ball from john then threw the ball at Mayor West, hitting him in the forehead. But instead of knocking him to the ground, as soon as the ball made contact with Mayor West's head, it bounced back as it made a ding sound and the hit made Mayor West continue.

"It was 360 years ago that Quahog founder, Miles 'Chatterbox' Musket set sail for the new colony." Mayor West said telling the story of the town's founder, Miles "Chatterbox" Musket where it soon flashed back to the ship Miles was sailing in with other people.

"You know what I'm gonna do when we get to shore? First thing. FIRST thing, I'm gonna do, I'm gonna have myself a feast. No, no, no! Bath! Bath first! Feast second! But I hope I see Natives!" Miles said to everyone on board, quickly getting on their nerves. "Hey, you think they'll have cheese there?"

"Ever the free thinker, Miles was thrown overboard for speaking his mind." Mayor West narrated as it showed what he said with the pilgrims throwing Miles overboard as his unconscious body sank to the bottom. "He was as good as dead. But as legend has it, he was saved by a magic clam who brought him to shore and shared the vision of a new colony, which would be called Quahog." It showed said clam taking Miles' body up to the surface. Soon, Miles was lying on a shore with the magic clam on top of him jumping up and landing on his gut, getting water out. Eventually, Miles was luckily saved and was now admiring the beach.

"There are fields for tilling, woods for timber and always the bounty of the sea-" The magic clam instructed Miles, who wasn't paying attention.

"Look at all this sand!" Miles soon interrupted. "Did you know there are beaches with black sand where I come from? Oh, did I not bring my fishing rod?"

"Are you-Are you listening?" The magic clam asked Miles trying to get his attention. "Because I'm trying to help you here."

"And help he did." Mayor West continued. "Thanks to the clam's leadership, Quahog became a great and prosperous settlement." It showed Miles staring at a forest near the shore, which fades into a settlement. It then cut to a cabin at night. "But relations between Miles and the clam soon soured."

Inside, Miles and the clam were having dinner.

"I mean, I know he's a Native. But what kind of a name is 'Squanto'?" Miles said to the clam, who didn't respond. "I mean, 'Leslie' or something like that would be nice-"

"SHUT UP! SHUT UP! JUST SHUT UP!" The clam bursted having had enough of Miles' constant talking. "God, keep it to yourself once in a while! UGH! Here, here, look what I'm doing. All right? Look, watch this. *stops talking* Huh? Oh! Look, see that? See that? Yeah. Now try it with me. Huh? Okay? Okay?"

Miles was in tears heartbroken by the clam's rant and left the dinner table without saying a word, leading to the clam feeling guilty about what he did.

"Things only got worse." Mayor West continued as it showed the clam resting in bed. "Before long, Miles began to contemplate killing the clam." It panned to Miles entering the clam's room with a musket now determined to kill the shellfish. He then aimed the rifle at the clam, but guilt overcame him and he withdrawed and left the room in defeat.

The next morning, Miles was making stew and tasted it to see if it was ready when the clam came up behind him.

"I was awake last night, Miles." The clam informed Miles of his awareness toward the events of the previous night, much to Miles' surprise. "I saw you. I'm afraid you have left no choice, but to go." The clam then waddled out of the house, to Miles' dismay.

"Wait! Don't go! I'm sorry!" Miles pleaded to the clam, who was now entering back into the sea as Miles fell to his knees and cried.

Cuts back to Mayor West at the ceremony.

"Miles never spoke again." Mayor West continued. "But every year until his death from a combination of tuberculosis and a tomahawk to the head, he went to the shore on this day in hopes that the magic clam would return. Today, we citizens of Quahog continue this tradition. What's that? Something out at sea?" He bent down to bring out a telescope and used it to look out to the sea. "Clam-HOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

It then showed Cleveland and Quagmire out at sea on a boat with Peter in the water dressed as the magic clam and wearing goggles.

"They're giving your cue, Peter." Cleveland informed Peter.

"*heavy breathing* who the hell's idea was it to make this suit out of foam rubber?" Peter asked as the suit was making it difficult for him to swim.

It then showed the family by the shore where Lois and Chris were excited about Peter's role, Brian, John and Tyler weren't that excited and Meg was shown rather pissed off.

"It's such an honor to play the magic clam." Lois said admiring her husband's role turning to Frank, Frank Jr, John, Tyler, Brian, Persephone and Meg. "Aren't you proud of your dad, kids?"

"I don't know." John answered.

"Me neither." Tyler answered.

"No clue." Frank Jr answered

"Correct." Frank answered

"Are you kidding?" Meg and Persephone asked Lois. "God, this is worse than having Ronald McDonald for a father."

**Cutaway #1**

A teenage girl was coming down the stairs and leaving where it revealed her father was Ronald McDonald reading an issue of "McDonald land Informant".

"Bye, Dad." The girl greeted her father goodbye. "Don't wait up!"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa! Wait a minute! Wait a minute, Lisa! Come back here." Ronald demanded to his daughter, who did as told. "You're not going out with all that make-up on."

"But Dad!" Lisa was about to say.

"Upstairs! And take a shower to wash that stuff off!" Ronald ordered. "You're a McDonald! Not a whore!"

Sometime later, she came back down this time with white skin and red lips, nose and eyebrows much like the ones on her father's face, revealing the "make-up" Ronald was referring to was actually her skin color.

"There we are!" Ronald said cheerfully, though Lisa was a little down by it. "All right, you have a good time."

Lisa then left the house now embarrassed while Ronald went back to reading the paper.

**End**

Peter tried to swim with the heavy-weighted suit, causing him to pant.

"I think I got a wave here!" Peter informed as a wave developed underneath him and consumed him where his trunks flew in the air and Peter ended up on shore with his upper half buried in the said and his lower half exposed to everyone in front of him.

Everyone was speechless at the incident as Frank, Frank Jr, Meg, Persephone and John covered their eyes, Brian and Stewie not surprised and Lois, Chris and everyone else were simply surprised.

"Huh." Brian spoke. "So, that's what Peter's penis looks like."

It then cut to the family driving home from the fair.

"How could you embarrass us like that?!" Meg asked Peter. "Nobody better pull this kind of crap at my slumber party tonight!" Persephone continued.

"Don't worry, honey." Lois reassured Meg and Persephone. "You two and your friends are gonna have a great time."

"Yes. Yes. How delightful it will be." Stewie said sarcastically. "A pubescent herd of gabby wretches prattling on about boys..."

"Yeah." Tyler agreed.

"And music..." Stewie continued.

"Yeah." Frank Jr agreed.

"And jellybeans." Stewie continued.

"No." Tyler and Frank Jr this time disagreed.

"And stickers..." Stewie finished.

John then elbowed Stewie, Frank Jr and Tyler.

"Oh, oh, we better stop by the hospital so I can get my cooties shot." Chris teased as he and Peter, except Lois, who turned at him unamused.

"Shut up." Lois told off Chris, who stopped after what Lois said along with Peter.

"Hey, Chris, are you wearing an earring?" Frank asked Chris about his earring on his right ear.

"Yeah. Why?" Chris asked back as Frank yanked the earring out and crushed it with all his strength. "Hey, you broke my earring!"

"That's what you get for being immature." Frank told off Chris.

"Just leave me, Persephone and my friends alone tonight, okay?" Meg demanded.

"Mom, will you relax?" Frank Jr asked Meg. "None of us are gonna anything to embarass you, all right? Jeez, I gotta get gas." Peter continued after Frank Jr.

Peter pulled up at a gas station.

"Hey, any of you guys want a soda?!" Peter called out where as he and Frank stepped out, Peter was still naked and Frank trying to cover him while walking to the store, Frank Jr, Meg, Persephone and John's surprise. "I'm gonna go inside and get a soda!"

"Bring me back a root beer!" Tyler called out to Peter.

"Bring me back a coke cola vanilla!" Frank Jr called out to Frank.

"Mom!" Meg and Persephone said to Lois embarrassed by her father's nudity.

"Meg, Persephone, you know your father loves you very much." Lois told Meg and Persephone trying to make her and her twin feel better.

As Peter and Frank was about to head inside, Kevin Swanson stepped out shown to be working there when he found Peter in front of him without clothes.

"Mr. Griffin, Mr. Mallque?" Kevin exclaimed catching sight of Peter and Frank.

"Oh, my God!" Persephone exclaimed in embarrassment.

"Hey, look, Meg, Persephone! It's Kevin from next door! I di-I didn't know you worked here." Peter said as Kevin tried slipping away. "Hey, Kevin, come here. Come here!" Peter then took Kevin to the car. "Say hi to Meg and Persephone. They're right in there. Right there." Peter then directed Kevin to Meg and Persephone, who lowered down in their seats in embarrassment, but then noticed Frank, Frank Jr, John and Tyler were no longer in their seats. "Hey, where'd Frank, Frank Jr, John and Tyler go?" He peeked through the window to see inside, but soon John, Frank, Frank Jr popped up jump scaring Peter while in a monster maskS. Peter and Kevin were startled by John, Frank, and Frank Jr's trick and flied.

"Oh, guys, I wish you boys hadn't done that." Lois said to John, Frank, Frank Jr.

"Why?" Frank and Frank Jr asked. "Is it because he was embarrassing Meg/Mom?"

"No, because Peter has the car keys." Lois answered.

This left John, Frank, Frank Jr dumbfounded as everything went quiet.

"Hey! I'm back with my root beer!" Tyler yelled walking up with his soda and noticed everyone else looking at him. "What?"

Later that night, Meg and Persephone were hosting her slumber party with her friends.

"Okay, I'd put Brad Pitt's face...on Brendan Fraser's body...with Ben Affleck's butt!" One of the girls said playing a game as they all squeeled in excitement.

Unbeknownst to them, one of the boards on the bottom of the stairs opened a bit revealing to be John inside while using both the drawer and the bunk bed to stand on. A smile developed on John's face seeing Persephone happy with her friends as he soon fantasized himself having all the things one of Meg and Persephone's friends said earlier, which he used to impress Persephone.

"Oh, John!" Fantasy Persephone said to John easily swayed by his sexy body. "You're everything I've ever wanted! Kiss me!" She jumped into his arms and they were about to share a kiss. The fantasy then shifted to show John about to kiss a pillow.

"My turn! My turn!" Lois then barged in and said, causing John to snap out of his fantasy and nearly lose his balance. Luckly for him, no one noticed him as he and the other girls were surprised to find Lois participating, much to Meg and Persephone's dismay. "I'd take James Brolin's face, Mark Spitz's body, and Milton Berle's legendary genitals. *sighs excitedly*"

"Mom, what are you doing?" Meg asked Lois demandedly.

"I love slumber parties!" Lois answered. "Okay, truth or dare? Who here has gone all the way?" Lois raised her hands and expected everyone else did. However, none of them did as they were both too embarassed and uncomfortable at the same time when Lois brought up the question. "You know, at my sleepovers, we used to practice French kissing. Now everybody pair up!"

"All right, Mom!" Chris rooted for Lois revealing his hiding spot behind the couch.

"Chris, get out of here right now!" Persephone ordered her brother.

"Um... I can't." Chris rose up a bit above the couch and answered.

"Okay. finish up and then come out." Lois then told Chris, much to the girls' disgust.

John decided to do something about what was going on, but unbeknownst to John as he was about to leave...

"Hey, Lois, have you seen my fake beard?" Peter asked Lois coming down the stairs with Frank when he reached the bottom, he fell through crushing Frank and John underneath. Frank and John's screams of pain were muffled underneath. "Oh, crap! I'm stuck in the stairs!" John tried to pull himself out, but to no prevail.

"J-MAN! FRANK!" Tyler reacted to his best friend's situation. "Are you okay?" Frank merely pointed Tyler at their condition. "Oh. Right. Hang on, I'll get you out!" Tyler reached up and tried to pull John and Frank out.

Cuts back to Meg and Persephone.

"Oh, God, kill me now!" Meg exclaimed in embarassment.

"All right, Meg, I'm gonna need you to boil some water." Lois instructed Meg after surveying Peter's condition. "And girls, I'm gonna need towels! Lots of them! *claps twice* Okay, let's go!"

All the girls got up and walked out of the living room.

"Ah, jeez, I'm-I'm sorry, Meg and Persephone's friends." Peter apologized to Meg, Persephone and her friends. "Look, I'll make it up to ya. I'll get you Davy Jones for your school dance."

"Why would you bring a dead pirate to a school dance?" Tyler asked Peter from within him and John's room.

"Hey, he's good with kids." Peter told Tyler. "Nothing bad will happen."

It then showed the family in Peter and Lois' room where Lois was treating Peter's wounds on his bare rear while Meg was still pissed about them ruining her slumber party. John, on the other hand, had a bag of ice on his head.

"Ow! Ah, jeez, Lois! What is that?! Acid?!" Peter said to Lois reacting to the sting of alcohol on his wounds.

"You guys are ruining my life!" Persephone conplained.

"I'm sorry, honey." Lois apologized to Persephone and Meg. "I know how you must feel."

"If you care about me, you won't show your faces downstairs for the rest of the night." Meg demanded.

"Well, then it's a good thing I got this." Frank Jr said pulling out and putting on a Ronald Reagan mask while quoting Nixon. "'I am not a crook.'"

Everyone but Meg, Persephone, Frank, John and Tyler laughed at Frank Jr's joke.

"Don't Nixon!" Tyler said.

"I mean it! All of you!" Meg stated.

John stepped up and wanted to talk to Persephone.

"Um, Persephone." John asked. "C-Can I ask you something? I was wondering if-"

"Oh, God, where's Stewie?!" Persephone then asked just now noticing Stewie's absense and totally ignoring John.

"Yeah, and where's Tyler?" John also wondered.

Stewie was back downstairs chatting with Meg's friends.

"Well, Beth, what do you think?" Stewie asked the blonde girl in the blue pajamas. "Does Mark find out attractive?"

"Heh, I don't know." Beth replied.

"Well, have you asked him?" Stewie asked.

"Not exactly." Beth answered.

"All right, look. Let's-Let's try some roleplaying." Stewie insisted though unbeknownst to him, John and Tyler were right behind him and raised their legs. "I'll be Mark. And you ask me out to the-the...box social or whatever the devil it is you children doing these days."

It then showed the living room window outside and Stewie suddenly crashed through it.

Eventually, everyone was now asleep. Well, almost everyone as it soon showed Frank, John and Tyler in their beds still awake hearing Peter and Lois upstairs.

"Peter, don't!" Lois said to Peter affectionately as the duo tossed and turned trying to sleep. "God, your hands are like ice! Just here. Give it to me. Ooh, that'll warm it up a little."

Frank groaned in disgust at what he was hearing. "Man, I sure hope Meg, Persephone and her friends aren't hearing this right now."

Unfortunately for Frank, Persephone, Meg and her friends were indeed awake hearing Peter and Lois upstairs.

"Oh, that's nice." Lois' voice was heard in a seductive tone.

Peter then moaned making the girls quiver in fear.

"Peter, wait till-" Lois then insisted to Peter.

"SHAZAAM!" Peter yelled from the other room having had an orgasm, much to the girls' disgust.

Lois then sighed in disappointment. "Oh, Peter."

One of the girls woke up and found Chris watching her. She screamed, which was followed by Chris, who then ran away.

The next morning, Frank, John and Tyler came out of their rooms to go get some breakfast and found all of Meg and Persephone's friends no longer in the living room. They were about to enter the kitchen, but found Meg and Persephone already there alone having some cheesecake.

John tried to bail out of there, but Frank and Tyler grabbed his arm preventing him from doing so and shook "no." John understood, took a deep breathe and finally went in to confront Persephone. Frank went to Meg to support her.

"Hey, Persephone." John greeted Persephone trying to remain calm.

"Hey..." Persephone replied a little down taking a bit of her cheesecake slice.

John soon saw this and was no longer nervous. He felt like he wanted to help cheer her up, but didn't know how. Finally, he said...

"So. Um..." John said looking back at the door leading to the living room. "Where are your friends?"

"My family scared them away." Meg answered reminding John and Frank of the mess that happened last night.

"Oh. Right." Frank realized. "Look, Meg, about last night, I wasn't doing anything gross. I was-"

"No, no, I'm not mad at you. I just... I just wish there was some way I can make them understand how embarassing they are." Meg explained.

"Well, that's family for you." Tyler remarked turning on the kitchen TV.

"Welcome back to _Diane!_." Diane Simmons greeted hosting her talk show _Diane!_, which caught both Frank,Meg, Persephone, John and Tyler's attention. "Erica, it's time for Mario's little confession."

It then showed a couple sitting on two differents chair apart from each other.

"Erica, you know I love you, but I gotta come clean." Mario said to his girlfriend, Erica. "I'm...I'm not really a man... I'm a woman." She then revealed her true self removing the disguise.

The audience cheered over this revelation.

"Oh, my God! You're a woman?!" Erica asked shocked.

"Well...actually, I'm not really a woman... I'm a horse." Mario then revealed once again removing the disguise of what he claimed to be earlier to show his true self.

Once again, the audience cheered for this second revelation.

"Oh, my God! You're a horse?!" Erica asked again.

"Actually, I'm not really a horse... I'm a broom." Mario then confessed again removing the disguise to reveal his true self, only this time it was the real deal as it dropped to the floor.

The audience then cheered again.

"Okay. Okay." Diane told the audience calming them down and went back to Erica. "So, how do you feel?"

"To be honest with you, Diane, I'm surprised." Erica told Diane.

Cuts back to Frank, Meg, Persephone, John and Tyler at the kitchen table.

"And confused." John said.

A smile grew on Meg and Persephone's face after watching what they saw, giving them an idea. John and Frank noticed this and looked back at the TV before going back to her.

Sometime later, Meg and Persephone brought her family (except Frank, Frank Jr, John and Tyler, who were back at the house) to be apart of the audience for _Diane!_, where it was a full house.

"Man, this is a great show." Peter said giving the show they were on some praise. "They drag these idiots up on stage and then blindside them. Like-Like this one guy. Didn't know he was actually two midgets."

"Oh, those poor, unsuspecting people." Lois pitied.

"Well, maybe some of them deserved it." Persephone remarked, to Lois' confusion of what she meant.

The show then started as it showed Diane Simmons in front of the camera.

"Hello and welcome to _Diane!_" Diane greeted. "Today's guest is tired of being embarassed by her family."

"Meg, Persephone, how did you get these tickets again?" Lois leaned over to Meg, Persephone and asked them suspicious of what's to come while Meg and Persephone had a smile of satisfaction on her face.

"Let's bring them up right now." Diane said.

"Meg, Persephone, whatever problems we have can be settled in the privacy of-" Lois tried to persuade Meg and Persephone in a desperate tone before Diane Simmons introduced them.

"The Griffin family!" Diane announced as a spotlight shined on the family, to Lois' horror. The audience applauded the family.

"Hehehe, suckers..." Peter mocked before realizing that it was them. "Uh-oh." It then cut to commercial break.

It then cut to Diane.

"And we're back." Diane said. "Griffins, do you have anything to say to your daughter?"

The Griffins were each in their own seats just like it did with the episode Frank, Frank Jr, Meg, Persephone, John and Tyler watched before.

"I can't believe you'd do this to us, Meg, Persephone." Peter said to Meg and Persephone disappointed. "Maybe now I won't give you two the anitdote."

"To what?" Persephone asked.

"To the poison you just drank!" Peter revealed making an evil laugh, much to Meg and Persephone's annoyance.

"See what I mean?!" Meg asked the audience. "This is not normal!"

Back at the house, Frank, Frank Jr, John, Tyler and Brian were watching _Diane! _to see how Meg's plan is going.

"You really want to get in that girl's pants, aren't you?" Brian asked John.

"What?! No!" John reacted to Brian's question about his infatuation with Persephone. "It's nothing like that at all. I just like to...you know...see her be happy with whatever she wants to do."

"Even help her get her family on TV?" Frank asked John.

"Okay, that, I'll admit, was from trying to impress her." John admitted in defeat.

Stewie then arrived and came to the trio at the couch.

"You three. Seems the naughty baby has made a messy poo in hi-" Stewie taunted them benting over a bit and pointing at his rear when he took notice of the family on the TV. "I say, what's this?"

"None of your business." John replied.

"Oh, really?" Stewie said climbing up on the couch. "Volume. Volume!"

"Okay." Frank Jr answered taking the remote and instead muting the TV.

"No, I said volume! VOLUME!" Stewie scolded Tyler.

"I know. Frank Jr just wanted to annoy you." Tyler said, to Stewie's chagrin, before Brian took back the remote and switching the volume back on.

It then cut back to _Diane!_. It showed a close-up of Peter, where it read "Embarassing, fat moron" under his name.

"Look, what's the big deal? I mean, we're just a regular American family." Peter said. "We have family dinners and we go to church together-"

"Yeah, and you even manage to humiliate me and Persephone there." Meg pointed out as the camera zoomed out to show her.

**Cutaway #2**

At a church, a pastor was giving a sermon to everyone. "And so The Lord God smote poor Job with festering boils all over his body." The pastor said.

"Oh dear, I always feel guilty about this story" God said, who was in one of the pews there.

The pastor continued his sermon. "Yet, miraculously, Job was still able to retain his dignity." While the pastor was talking, Peter and Frank was taking a rather big sip from the Communion cup he was allowed to drink, then he coughed.

"Whoa, is that really the blood of Christ?" Peter asked the pastor, now intoxicated.

The pastor answered "Yes."

"Man, that guy must've been wasted 24 hours a day, huh?" Frank drunkenly remarked.

**End**

It then showed a full view of the family in their chairs and Diane walked in.

"We have a caller on the line." Diane announced. "Go ahead."

The call was then played.

"Yes. Yes. I say, do you have Prince Albert in a can?" The caller revealed to be Frank Jr asked Diane playing a prank call on her.

It then cut back to Frank, Frank Jr, Brian and Stewie snickering at their prank, except for John and Tyler, who weren't apart of it.

"You guys're so immature." Tyler commented to the duo.

"Tyler's right. You're gonna get us in a lot of tro-" John tried to reason.

"Quiet, quiet, shut up, shut up." Frank Jr shrugged off John before back to the phone. "Um...well, you better let him out!"

Frank, Frank Jr, Brian and Stewie then bursted out laughing, to John and Tyler's annoyance.

"That's hilarious!" Brian praised his, Frank, Frank Jr and Stewie's work.

"All right, joke's over. Now, give me the phone." John said holding his hand out.

"No, no, not yet." Stewie refused. "I've still got another one about her refridgerator running."

It then cut back to the show.

"Give me the phone!" John's voice was heard as sounds of a struggle were soon heard.

"Meg, Persephone, you two have two parents who love you and-" Lois told Meg and Persephone as it panned to her next to a TV above and as it displayed Lois' name on screen, she noticed and turned to the TV. "What does that say under me?" She read the description underneath her name which reads "Probably more of a bitch than she lets on". Lois was not pleased one bit. "Ah, go [BLEEP] yourself, Diane!"

It cut back to Brian and Stewie on the couch. Brian spat out his martini in surprise while frank spat out his soda in surprise from what Lois said on TV. The audience was also heard gasping by Lois' swear, as well.

"*gasps* Did she just say?!" Tyler appeared in a sailor suit and spoke in a pirate accent.

"Aye...she did." John appeared while dressed as a pirate captain and also spoke like a pirate.

"holy cow she said a swear." Frank Jr also appeared while dressed in sora's clothes in kh dream drop distance and also spoke like catbug from bravest warriors.

Back on the show, Diane was with Peter.

"Peter, do you think there might be any validity to what Meg and Persephone are feeling?" Diane asked Peter.

"Who're you callin' Uncle Tom?!" Peter reacted stupidly.

"What?" Diane exclaimed as Peter got up from and picked up his chair to try and attack her with.

"Okay, time up." Chris halted Peter getting up. "This kind of acrimony isn't gonna resolve our differences."

"Just shut up and throw a chair." Peter ordered Chris throwing his chair at Diane, but missed her.

"Okay!" Chris replied picking up Lois' chair, while she was still sitting in it and threw it where the audience was.

The crowd went nuts at what just happened where it panned to show a network executive watching the audiences' reception. He smiled and took interest in this.

Later, Peter was in the mens' restroom peeing in the urinal.

"Uh-oh, fire! Fire! City Hall is burning!" Peter said pretending to be a fireman. "Don't worry, I'll put it out." He then imitated a fire siren and laughed at his little game as the network exec from earlier came in and used another urinal right next to Peter.

"Hey, great show out there." The man complimented Peter.

"Look, if you want an autograph right now, you either gotta give me a pen or get me some snow." Peter replied back.

The man simply laughed at what Peter just said. "I look at you and see a series. In fact, we would like to put cameras in your house and follow the human drama that is your family. Kinda like _The Real World_."

"All right! Then everybody would get to see me and my wacky antics!" Peter said excited.

**Cutaway #3**

Peter was by the kitchen door and Lois stepped out with a glass of water. Peter jumped out at her and managed to startle her, causing her to drop the glass to the ground as it shattered.

Peter laughed hard when John and Frank walked by with a baseball bats and swung at Peter's legs without stopping, sending him down to the floor as John kept walking.

**End**

"So, do we have a deal?" The man asked Peter.

"Let's shake on it." Peter said.

The two didn't shake hands, but instead shook their... you-know-whats a bit before zipping up.

Eventually, the Griffins were now part of a new reality show called "The Real Griffins" as the family was in the living room sitting in the couch while Frank, Frank Jr, Meg, Persephone, John and Tyler were standing while the camera crew filmed them.

"Mom, are we on TV right now?" Chris asked Lois.

"Yes, Chris." Lois answered a bit bitter about the situation. "Your father signed a contract and now we're gonna be on TV for the next six months."

"How could you do this?" Persephone asked Peter. "You've turned our life into the 24-hour Loser Channel!"

"You, cameraman!" Stewie said to one of the cameramen to his left. "Make sure you use that Cybill Shepard filter! If they can make her look half human, they should be able to take six months off my face."

The next morning, Peter was being taped by one of the cameras and was finishing up brushing his teeth and spitting in the sink. Peter then noticed the camera behind him.

"Um... I-I find the toothpaste with a pump is...a little easier to get on the brush." Peter said. "Um, you may have noticed my underwear has a-has a hole in it. It's, uh, you know, it-it's fi- I don't see any reason to-to throw it out. The waist is still fine." Peter then grabbed hold of the elastic waist on his underwear and stretched it. "You know... You can see-see, it's still stretchy."

It then showed Meg and Persephone watching the scene above on the kitchen TV and was once again embarassed by her father's act.

"Mom, you have to do something!" Meg begged Lois, who was making breakfast. "Dad's on TV parading around in his underwear like some gross European guy!"

"Oh, now, sweetie, your father's just a free spirit." Lois said suddenly peppy despite there being cameras around the house and placed the breakfast on the table. "Here. A good breakfast is the foundation of a good day."

"And, uh...And a bad breakfast is the foundation of indigestion. Hey-o!" Brian said looking at the camera while Frank, Meg, Persephone John and Tyler nodded in embarassment. "Hey, I'm Brian." Brian then pulled out a flask and took a sip before putting it away.

"What the hell is this?!" Stewie shouted in disgust as the camera panned to him. "I said egg whites only! Are you trying to give me a bloody heart attack?!" Stewie angrily knocked his plate to the wall. "Make it again!"

It cuts to Stewie sitting in his room in a scene similar to the confessionals from _The Real World_.

"Ah, the breakfast thing. *chuckles* Yes..." Stewie said. "I-It wasn't even about the eggs, really. Frankly, I like the yolks. I-I-I-I don't...have no problem. It's just-There's always been a lot of tension between Lois and me. And it's not so much that I want to 'kill' her. It's just I want her not to be alive anymore. Uh, I-I sometimes wonder if all are this difficult. And then I think to myself, 'My God, wouldn't it be marvelous if I turned out to be a homosexual?' It's also sometimes the same thing with Frank Jr, John and Tyler, actually. Yes, I know, I call them 'simpletons'. But...it's just that...I feel very superior against them in all ways. And I want them both to know that."

Then it cut to Tyler and Frank Jr in Tyler's room.

"No comment." Tyler merely replied.

" Yeah, No comment." Frank Jr merely replied as well.

Then it cut to Chris in his room. He didn't respond for a moment.

"One time, my dad pooped in the neighbor's yard and then lied about it." Chris responded.

It cut to Joe and Bonnie watching the Griffins' show.

"I knew it!" Zeke said. "Well, I'm glad Dad used his shovel to clean it up."

"Wow. Joe, this sort of makes you like Larry from _Three's Company_." Bonnie said to Joe. "You know, I always thought he was sexy."

"YES!" Joe cheered. "I AM ALL ABOUT LARRY OVER HERE!"

The family was even followed by the camera crew to a seafood restaurant called "Lobster Shanty." The family was inside the restaurant trying to find something to eat.

"Um... On Sundays, we generally catch the early-bird special here at The Lobster Shanty." Frank told the crew. "Their fresh seafood, good prices. Plus...it's a shanty."

"And you get to pick your own lobster." Chris pointed out.

"Do you guys ever get a dayoff or something?" John said to the camera crew.

"Yeah, go bother someone else for once!" Tyler also said to the camera crew.

"Yes, yes, that one looks like hes got some fight in him." Stewie acknowledged stripping himself to his diaper. "Take off the rubber bands! I'm going in!" He got out of his high-chair and scurried away.

"Dang it. I'll go after him." Tyler said rushing off to retrieve Stewie.

"Me too." Frank Jr said as he chase after them.

After both Frank Jr, Tyler and Stewie left, a couple of fans walked up to the Griffins' table with autograph books in their hands.

"Oh, my God, it is them!" The male fan exclaimed in excitement. "I can't believe the Griffins eat here like everyday people!" He leaned on the table smiling while the female fan took a picture.

"We're, like, trying to eat here." Meg told the fans whom left.

"Yeah, leave us alone." Persephone said

"Meg, Persephone, put your bib on." Lois told Meg and Persephone.

"We don't wanna wear a bib." Meg and Persephone rejected Lois' demand as it showed Tyler and Frank Jr, Stewie brawling in the fish tank and Frank, John turned behind them to watch the action.

"Meg, Persephone, honey, it's very cold in here." Lois told. "Maybe you'd be more comfortable with your bibs on-"

"She means your nipples are sticking out." Peter said.

"What?!" Frank and John exclaimed immediately turning around after hearing what Peter said about Meg and Persephone 's nipples when Tyler was slammed into the glass by Stewie.

"Mom!" Meg and Persephone exclaimed covering her chest.

Hahaha! Nipples! Nipples!" Chris teased Meg and Persephone where in the background, Tyler and Frank Jr managed to turn the tables on Stewie and the fight continued.

"That's it! We want those cameras off!" Meg and Persephone protested having had enough of the reality show business.

"Fourth wall!" Chris shouted. "You two are breaking the fourth wall!"

"Meg, Persephone, you're the one that got us on TV in the first place." Lois reminded Meg calling her out for something she did.

Tyler and Frank Jr came back injured from his fight with Stewie, who was defeated and knocked out. Tyler then placed Stewie on the table.

"Got him." Frank Jr said weakly before passing out.

"Well, I'm getting us off TV. we quit!" Meg said as she and Persephone storming out of the restaurant.

It was right at that moment that recieved another of the visions from in the previous episode showing the silhouette of a girl about to be killed by a silhouetted figure wielding a machette-like weapon as Persephone's screams were heard. John snapped out of the illusion and realized something might happen to Persephone if she was left alone. He then thinks up of an uxcuse to get away from the camera crew.

"If they quits, then I quit, too!" John said as he gave pursuit to Persephone.

"so will i since meg my wife!" Frank said as he chase after Meg.

However, John and Frank stopped and remembered Peter saying that Meg and Persephone's nipples were sticking out and theorized that the crew recorded the whole thing. Outraged, John and Frank charges at the crew and attempts to smash the camera where it went to static.

It then revealed to be a recording from a previous episode being displayed in the office of the man who got the Griffins on TV, whom turned it off.

"Hmm. Look, this isn't necessarily a bad thing." The man told Peter and Lois.

"We can't do the show without Frank, Meg, Persephone and John." Lois insisted.

"Why not?" The man asked not caring. "Our research shows that Meg and Persephone were the least popular characters on the show. The only thing that does make them interesting was her and Frank, for Persephone was John, but our research also shows that it been going nowhere."

"What? But Persephone and John aren't dating." Lois told the man.

"Oh, well, that explains why we weren't able to get of them making out." The man said. "But anyway, everyone loves the rest of you. Lois. Lois. Woman 25 to 49, they see you as a role model."

"Really?" Lois asked flattered.

"Absolutely." The man confirmed.

"What about me?" Peter asked.

"ho, ho, ho, Peter, Peter, you, Frank Jr and Tyler are three of the show's most favorite stars. You're laugh riots!" The man told Peter. "Look, the bottom line is you folks are all still under contract. Okay? But I've got up with a solution I think will make everyone happy."

The next day at James Woods High School, a teacher was doing role call, but one of the camera men was there beside him, indicating it was one of Meg's classes.

"Jason Gallagher?" The teacher called.

"Present." Said student answered when Meg came in.

"Meg Griffin?" The teacher called.

It then showed from the camera's perspective with Meg in front.

"Oh, sorry, we're late, Mr.-" Meg and Persephone were about to apologize to thier teacher before someone else interrupted.

"Here." Another girl answered, causing Meg and Persephone to turn to see another girl dressed as her sitting in her seat, to her dismay.

Later, in an empty parking lot, a cab pulled up and dropped off both Frank, Meg, Persephone and John and driving away.

"Hello?" Meg called out.

"Is anyone else here?" John called out.

"Psst. Over here." Tyler called out to John as he, Frank, Persephone and Meg turned around to find Peter, Lois, Frank Jr and Tyler coming out of the shadows in trenchcoats. "Thank you for meeting us here."

"Can I offer you two a cigarette?" Peter offered Frank, John, Persephone and Meg holding up a pack of cigarettes.

"Peter." Lois interfered.

"Mr. Griffin." Tyler, too, interfered.

"Grandpa." Frank Jr, as well, interfered.

"Sorry." Peter apologized putting away the cigarettes. "We have to keep this brief."

"Why are we here?" Meg asked in concern.

"Yeah, what's going on here?" Frank asked.

"No cameras." Frank Jr answered. "The TV executives don't want viewers to get confused and think you're Frank Mallque,Meg Griffin, Persephone Griffin and John."

"So, you're just gonna let them recast us?" Persephone Griffin asked them unpleased.

"Hey, it could've been worse." Peter reasoned. "They could've gone with Plan B."

"It was much worse." Tyler stated.

**Cutaway #3**

Plan B was a parody of Henry Blake's death in _M*A*S*H _as it showed an emergency room at a hospital. Surgens were hard at work at the moment when Brian came in dressed as Radar.

"Brian, put a mask on." Peter as a surgeon told Brian with Lois, who as also apparently a surgeon.

"I have an announcement." Brian announced in a grim tone. "'Frank Mallque,Meg Griffin, Persephone Griffin and John's plane were shot down over the Sea of Japan. It spun in. There were no survivors.'"

After that, Brian left the room where Stewie then came in wearing a woman's dress, heels, a pearl necklace, earrings and a hat.

"Who do I see about a Section 8?" Stewie asked.

**End**

"Fine! Do your stupid show without me! We'll be over at Cleveland's house!" Meg said. "I don't even wanna be a part of this family anymore!" She, Frank and Persephone turned and left.

At that moment, John recieved the same vision from the previous episode of what appeared to be Persephone about to be killed by a silhouetted figure with a knife and shook himself out of it.

"Persephone, wait!" John called out to Persephone, getting her and everyone else's attention. "Take me with you."

"What?" Persephone asked John.

"Take me with you." John repeated. "I... I'm afraid something bad will happen if you're on your own in the real world."

"I don't understand." Persephone said confused about what John meant.

"I don't wish to see you get hurt." John confessed and turned to Lois, Tyler and Peter. "You guys may have failed at not embarassing Persephone, but I wish to make up for all of it. So, Persephone, may I please go with you?"

"Um... okay..." Persephone said warily as she and John left the lot.

"Meg, Persephone." Lois said to Meg.

"J-man." Tyler said to John.

"Mom, Dad." Frank Jr said to his parents.

"They'll be okay." Peter said. "Come on, we gotta get back. The cameramen think we're taking Chris to soccer practice."

**Cutaway #4**

Chris was in the back of the car worried while a Raggady Ann doll was in the passenger's seat and a Raggady Ann doll was in the driver's seat.

"We're gonna be late!" Chris responded, but got no reply. "WHY WON'T YOU TALK TO ME?!"

**End**

As mentioned, Frank, Meg, Persephone and John were in fact about to stay in Cleveland's house.

"Oh, Frank, Meg, Persephone, John, our home is your home for as you both like." Loretta said to Frank, John, Persephone and Meg.

"We could offer you both the guest room provided that it doesn't bother both of you that my Great Uncle Chet died in there." Cleveland said.

"Oh... I guess not." Persephone said.

"Yeah, I guess we wouldn't mind." John said.

"Um... When'd he die?" Meg then asked Cleveland.

"We think sometime between _The Tonight Show _and _The Today Show_." Cleveland explained as he showed the two the room with Cleveland's uncle now lying dead on the bed, to Meg and Persephone's shock.

"You didn't even remove the body?" Frank asked Cleveland in concern.

"No." Cleveland answered.

"Goodbye." John greeted goodbye dragging Meg with him.

Some time later, an episode of _The Real Live Griffins _was on and Chris was playing in the yard with the sprinkler. Peter and Frank Jr then came up to the camera with dandelions in his right hand.

"You know, some-some people think that dandelions are weeds. But, uh...you know, I-I always think...who-who the hell decided tulips were so great?" Peter said speaking his mind about flowers.

"Or roses." Tyler agreed.

"Eh, I guess." Frank Jr replied.

The cameraman then panned away from Peter to show the actress's who replaced Meg and Persephone wearing shorts, a bikini tops and heart-shaped sunglasses while sucking on a lollipops along with the actors who replaced Frank and John were Zack Efron lookalike's and shirtless showing thier buff body wearing only blue trunks. "Hey. Hey, I'm over here. He-Hey!" Peter, Frank Jr and Tyler both tried to get in the camera's view, but bumped into the lens, knocking them over.

The actress walked up to Chris, who didn't seem to recognize her and the actor walked over to Tyler helping him up.

"Hi, Chris." The girls greeted Chris.

"Hey, you okay, guys?" Fake John and Fake Frank asked Tyler and Frank Jr getting him up.

"You know our names?" Chris asked confused.

"Have we met before?" Tyler asked.

"do we know you two." Frank jr asked.

"Of course, we do, sillies." Fake Meg reassured to Chris and Tyler hugging Chris. "We're your twi n older sisters, Meg and Persephone, Chris."

"And I'm your best friend, John, Tyler." Fake "John" assured to Tyler.

"Don't you remember Frank Jr, its me dad?" ." Fake "Frank" assured to Frank Jr.

"Okay..." Tyler and Frank Jr said.

"Oh." Chris responded. "Uh, I don't know if Mom and Dad told you, but we usually have breakfast naked and I'm allowed to videotape it."

"Ooo, honey, my skin's getting so slippery." Fake Meg teased to Fake Frank. "Hope I don't pop out of my top."

Chris was unable to handle all the excitement and passed out from all of the pressure. Frank Jr and Tyler then slipped away from the actors and actress's.

"You wanna make-out?" Fake John asked Fake Persephone.

"Sure." Fake Persephone agreed making out with Fake John.

"Hey, hey, camera guy, check this out." Peter called out behind the cameraman, who wasn't paying attention, as Peter pulled out Wayland Flower's Madame puppet. "'Peter Griffin and Madame.' Oh, Madam, you're a lusty old gal, aren't ya?"

"'You're the one with the hand up my backside, darling.'" Peter then said through the Madame puppet, though his mouth was moving.

"OH! She got me." Peter said. However, all the cameramen were focused on were Fake John and Fake Persephone making out, much to Peter's dismay. "Hey. Hey, come back here. Hey-She's gonna sing _Rainbow Connection_."

"EVERYBODY, RUN!" Frank Jr and Tyler shouted running away.

The next day, Frank, Meg, Persephone and John stayed over at Quagmire's house. Meg walked into the kitchen in her pajamas with a toothbrush.

"Uh, Mr. Quagmire, can me and Frank use your toothpaste?" Meg asked Quagmire before noticing something that she covered her eyes from. "Oh, my God. Excuse me."

"Hey, Meg, did you ask- EEYAHAHAH!" Frank reacted in horror.

It revealed that Quagmire was having sex with a random woman on his kitchen counter.

"Hey, no problem, Frank, Meg, Persephone, John." Quagmire reassured. "You four probably bought me another three minutes. Giggity, giggity, giggity, giggity."

Frank, Meg, Persephone and John packed up their belongings and ran out of the house in a hurry.

Later, in the same episode of _The Real Live Griffins_, the family was having dinner.

"Oh, oh, the funniest thing happened at work today." Peter said.

"What happened?" Tyler and Frank Jr asked interested.

"See, there was this-" Peter was about to say before fake Persephone aand Fake Meg came in, gaining the cameraman's attention.

"Hi, everybody." Fake Meg and Fake Persephone greeted the family.

"Hey!" Peter and Tyler both yelled.

"Hey, baby." Fake Frank and Fake John greeted Fake Meg and Fake Persephone, whoem didn't respond. "Is something wrong?"

"We had the worst day!" Fake Meg conplained. "First, We didn't make cheerleading 'cause I'm so plain."

"Ah, that's crazy. You're my cheerleader in life." Fake Frank said to Fake Meg.

"Aww." Fake Meg said. "Come on. Let's go up to my room so that we can have some private time."

"You read my mind." Fake Frank agreed picking up Fake Meg in his arms and started making out with her while heading to the real Meg's bedroom and Fake John pick fake Persephone and went to real john's room. They were, of course followed by the camera crew.

"It's not fair, Grandma." Frank Jr complained. "If I don't get any airtime, how am I ever gonna get my own spin-off, where I'm a retired baseball umpire who opens a bar...at the center of the Earth?"

**Cutaway #5**

It showed a bar in a volcanic cavern.

"You know, we don't get many of you molten-rock men in here." Frank Jr said to said creature sitting in his stool.

"Well, at these prices, I'm not surprised." The molten-rock man remarked.

"That's it, pal." Frank Jr said. "You...are...outta here!"

Frank Jr smiled, crossed his arms and then looked at the studio audience, who cheered after he said his catchphrase.

**End**

"To hell with the cameras!" Lois swore. "Haw can we ever let them replace our little girls?!"

"And my best friend!" Tyler agreed.

"And my parents!" Frank Jr agreed

"Oh, I miss them, Peter." Lois said to Peter.

"Yeah, it's just not right without Warrior EMD,Meg, Persephone and J-man." Tyler lamented.

"I miss them, too." Peter said. "They're like that dorky Baldwin brother who isn't as good-lookin' or successful and never answers my letters, but he's still a Baldwin, dammit! And so are Frank, Meg, Persephone and John! Let's go get them back!"

Peter, Frank Jr, Lois and Tyler visited the studio to talk to the executive behind the show into bringing Meg back.

"So, Griffins, what can I do for you?" The man who made their show greeted Peter, Frank Jr, Lois and Tyler.

"I'll tell you what you can do." Peter told off the executive. "You fire those sexy, but uninteresting versions of our daughter, her husband, our other daughter and her friend and make us a family again or we walk!"

"Fire them?! They're the highest testing characters on the show!" The executive said. "Besides, you can't quit. You have a contract."

"Oh, yeah? Well, here's what I think of your contract!" Frank Jr said lighting a match attempting to burn the thing, only to get his hand caught on fire. Tyler panicked and ran around the room. It got on the curtains and led to almost the entire studio getting burned down thanks to Frank Jr's actions.

"Well, you put me in a very awkward position now, Peter." The executive said to Peter not seeming to care about the condition of the studio on fire. "But I guess I have no choice."

The executive's decision sounded promising to Peter, Frank Jr, Lois and Tyler.

The real John, Frank, Persephone and Meg were walking down the street at nighttime still carrying their bags. John suddenly dropped to his knees face down to the ground, catching Persephone's attention.

"John?" Persephone asked John. "Are you okay?"

"I've failed you, Persephone. I've failed to make sure you guys are safe." John said ashamed.

"What are you talking about?" Meg asked.

"I'm talking about... *sighs* Back when we were at New York, I recieved visions of Persephone getting hurt or probably killed by some crazy guy and have tried to prevent that anyway I could." John confessed. "I was afraid that if something bad happened to you, it would all be my fault."

"So, you quit the show just so you could protect me?" Persephone asked.

"Of course." John said. "But I guess I let you down. Huh?"

"Oh, John. You didn't let me down." Persephone told John touched by his motives giving him a hug. "But I want to handle everything on my own."

"That's good, 'cause I don't think I could've been able to handle it any longer." John admitted.

"Oh, you guys, I missed my son and our family." Meg said. "I want to go home."

"I don't think we have to worry about that." Frank said as Meg turned her head and found that they were in front of her house.

Frank, Meg, Persephone and John were happy to see the house again. Meg looked at Frank, who nodded approvingly, she and Persephone got up and ran to the house to reunite with ther family. John and Frank wiped a tear from his eye satisfied with having made Meg happy.

"Mom? Dad? We're home!" Meg and Persephone declared to what they thought was theer family, but after she went in, she, Frank, Persephone and John found several people dressed as members of the family sitting on the couch. "Who are you?"

"We're the Griffins." The man dressed as Peter told Meg.

"No, you're not. You're Tom Arnold." Persephone said recognizing the actor. "And you're Fran Drescher. And you're, um... that fat guy from _Boogie Nights_. And you're... the Olsen twins. And your Seth McFarland?"

"Blast! Damn you all! Victory is mine!" The Olsen twin dressed as Stewie acted.

"dude you got to chilelazs my brotha!" The other Olsen twin acted as Frank Jr acted

"Whose leg do you have to hump to get a dry martini around here?" Seth McFarland acted and dressed as Brian while holding a martini glass.

"Wait, where's Tyler?" John asked noticing Tyler's absense.

"Right here, J-man." A man walked in dressed as Tyler.

"You're not Tyler." Frank corrected. "You're Eddie Deezen."

"Who?" Meg asked.

"He's the guy who voiced the character, Mandark." John explained, though nobody reacted to this. "Dexter's Laboratory?" Still no response. "Cartoon Network? You've gotta be kidding me!"

It turns out the real Griffins were staying at a motel at another side of town. Inside their room, the family was watching _The Real Live Griffins _while Lois was on the phone.

The episode they were all watching was a reimagining of the actual pilot to this series.

"Oh, Peter, you promised me you wouldn't stop drinking at the stag party." Fake Lois said to Fake Peter before letting out a high-pitched nasally laugh.

"Uch, I do not not sound like that!" Lois said annoyed at her portrayal hanging up the phone. "Oh, this is terrible. We're the laughing stock of the town and we've lost our daughters!"

"And my best friend!" Tyler said.

"And Tyler's best friend." Lois repeated.

"And my mom and dad!" Frank Jr said

"And Frank Jr's mom and dad." Lois repeated what frank jr said.

A knock was heard on the door and Lois answered it to find Frank, Meg, Persephone and John there.

"Meg, Persephone!" Lois exclaimed happy to see her daughters as they both gave each other a hug.

"J-man/daddy!" Tyleer and Frank Jr exclaimed as well seeing his best friend/ father again.

"Oh, Mom. Look, I don't care if you guys embarass us. We wanna come home." Meg and Persephone confessed to her family.

"Oh, Sweetie, it's good to have you two back." Lois said.

"Hey, honey, I'm sorry we missed your ball game." Peter apologized stupidly for the wrong reason.

"What?" Persephone asked confused.

"Here's an ice cream." Frank Jr said offering her an ice cream cone. "We love you, Mom."

"I love you, too." Meg said to her Son and father giving them a hug.

Later, everyone was still watching TV while Meg was on a computer and Frank, Frank Jr,John and Tyler were talking to each other in the corner.

Meg was typing her diary on the computer about her and the family's situation in the motel for the next six months.

"Hey, Lois, there's a Bible in here." Peter told Lois looking into a sidetable next to one of the beds and bringing the Bible in the drawer out. "Hey, look at me! I'm a Christian! I'm reading the Bible! Ehehehehehehe."

Meg and Persephone looked at her father and made a smile of gratitude before Meg going back to her diary typing in "And I couldn't be happier."

"So, J-man, how was it protecting Persephone?" Tyler asked John about his time with Meg.

"Well, Tyler, I'll admit, it was certainly a lot of hard work." John told Tyler. "I just wonder if I managed to-" Before John could finish, he received the exact same visions from before, confirming that the bad future hasn't been changed. "No!"

"What? What is it?" Tyler asked.

"The visions!" John explained. "Nothing's been changed! I don't believe it- Hey, what's Stewie doing on the computer?" John spotted Stewie on the computer Meg was using.

"I don't know." Tyler said.

On the computer, Stewie was, however, on Meg's diary rewriting what Meg typed in, replacing it with "And I want to KILL THEM ALL."

Stewie then looked at his sister with a sinister look on his face delighted to have messed with her work. It wasn't until long that he realized that Frank,Frank Jr, John and Tyler were standing to his left side looking unpleased with what Stewie's done as they lifted their legs back, getting ready to kick him again.

"No, no, no, no, NO-" Stewie said before it cut to black and the sound of shattered glass was heard.

On the computer, Frank Jr was, however, on Meg's diary rewriting what Stewie typed in, replacing it with "And I couldn't be happier with the amazing family I love."

Frank Jr was noticing that everything froze, then suddenly like red flash he was gone. The only thing on the floor was the mallque family book open with next chapter...

**Mallque chronicles Chapter 5: escape future's past**

Frank Jr looked on sombrely, even the skies had darkened for this day. Hagoromo's young body, cleaned of dirt and wounds. Dressed elegantly in a red Yukata, lay on a bed of flowers. A small clothed table in front of his body for people to lay additional flowers for him.

"Aoi, if this is too much, you should not stay. No one will think ill of you." He saw his mother felt Neji's hand touch her shoulder. She looked up to the man next to him, a sombre smile on his face.

"No it is alright, Neji." She responded, before Frank Jr looking back at the body of the boy on the flowers. _'This is all a dream, there is no Hagoromo. I do not know the state of the world after I was trapped in memorier world. I do not know what has happened to your body Brother. This may be the closest I get to the funeral you deserve…'_

All of this was a lie. The love Aoi and Frank had shared, the experiences they undertook together. The pain of childbirth she endured, the feeling of utter devotion to someone when these children were nursed by her. The feel of them in her arms. The words spoken, and the actions done. They were all just his imagination given life by the fabrications of powerful sage and what he believed was the perfect world.

He wasn't wrong however.

Everything in this world was perfect, every miniscule detail filled his with joy. But after knowing the truth she could never look at it the same. Ana and Mayuka, who clung to his mother legs was just as himself as a child. Not quick to grasp techniques, timid and frail. But in the face of someone he truly loved, they went above and beyond to improve themselves. That person was the brother lying before them forever still. he realised that the bond, the closeness Hagoromo, Mayuka and Ana had shared, it was the bond he wished he had shared with them. they protected him, watched over his training as Hagoromo did with Mayuka and Ana's, and they referred to him as Big Brother, but there was still a distance between them. he wished he could speak to him as Anai did to Hagoromo, and so his desire was projected into these children his mind and this Memorier world had created.

But one thing he could not grasp was Heiwamaru, so unlike his mom or her family. Image wise the mirror reflection of a young Frank. Where did he stand in this explanation? The more she thought about it, the more she came to realise. Heiwamaru was Frank, or at least, the childhood he dreamed he had. he remember how sad and lonely and desperate Frank was for acknowledgement. Heiwamaru was not desperate, he smiled happily and was loved from the start. Heiwamaru had the childhood Frank should have head, where he didn't need to force himself to smile and be happy, because he had no reason to force himself in this Memorier world.

he looked across towards Frank himself, still in tears and clutching Heiwamaru tightly. he did not cry, he had no more tears to shed. '_Dad__…_' he thought worriedly, he vividly remembered the juubi being torn from his body, him being whisked away by Simon's sands as he lay dying, Sakura performing whatever treatment she could to keep his heart going. he remembered seeing the organ for herself with the Byakugan, how its steady beat slowed and softened. _'Did you make it? Were you saved?'_

he had to found out for herself, it was the only way to know. he couldn't stay here, in a blissful slumber knowing the real Frank could still be in danger… could still be dying.

No matter what, he had to escape this Genjutsu.

Frank Jr watch Aoi, as she watched Ana silently, finally the girl most like herself had fallen asleep after constantly questioning when Hagoromo would be coming back. She still was too young to fully comprehend the concept of death. And Frank Jr decided his final act in this world would be to not break this poor imagined fabrication of a girl's heart by telling her the full meaning behind the funeral undertaken earlier today.

he would leave tonight, he couldn't risk staying. His training under a Genjutsu expert had informed him that his heart memoriers can be altered once placed. Layers upon layers of Genjutsu can be placed atop one another. he had created a crack, a hole with his death subconsciously repeating itself through the form of end Hagoromo's young life. he wouldn't give the memorier or the caster a chance to repair the damage done.

he quietly exited the girl's room and with his mother follow and made it to the living room, so close to the front door when he saw Frank, sitting lifelessly on the couch, eyes staring blankly at a picture in his hands. Stains of dried tears still lingering around his eyes. He looked up towards her, a blank expression barely masking anguish and despair covered his usual cheery face. "Aoi… Sorry, I didn't know you were still up?" His voice was dry and raspy, creaking and cracking with every syllable.

" Frank, are you okay?" Aoi berated as Frank Jr immediately after asking the question. This person, this creation in front of his wasn't _the_ Frank, he wasn't _his _father.

But at the same time, it was _still_ Frank. An older, married to herself version of him. And although his was a figment of someone else's creation combined with his own imagination. It still pained Frank Jr terribly to see him in such a state.

He looked back down at the picture in his hands. "It's… It's all my fault. I told him to protect your, Heiwa, mayuka and Ana no matter what. If I was better at Senjutsu, if I had found you quicker… if I was stronger this never would have happened…"

He placed the picture back on the table in front of him, burying his face into his hands, Aoi and Frank Jr walked over to him slowly. Looking down at the picture he was so fixated on. It was their first picture with Hagoromo, still a babe in Aoi's arms sleeping peacefully, a happy smile on her and Frank Jr own face while Frank stood at her side, an arm wrapped around her waist and beaming proudly.

" Frank …" She knelt down at his side, taking his hands in her own. "You cannot blame yourself. This was my fault. I let the death of someone important affect me, and it has resulted in this."

"What are you talking about Hinata?" He asked her in confusion.

"I… I must leave Naruto-kun. I must find my way." She began solemnly, seeing the shock radiate in his eyes and Frank Jr's because he knew that he ws real and everyone else was just a memories of his past but he continued hearing what his mom said. "What has happened, this place, this current you. It is nothing but a dream, a dream I have cherished and loved. A dream that truthfully I wish I would never have to wake up from. But a dream nonetheless. It is time for this dream to end, Frank. It is time to wake up."

"Don't wake up, Frank Jr." He responded quietly, place his face in his hands and pressing his forehead to his. "Don't wake up just yet. Stay here with me. We'll find a way to wake up together." Frank jr realzied that dream version of his father now talking to him.

A tear left Frank Jr eye. In all his life, he never imagined this day, real or not. The day his mother would have to leave him. "That is not possible Dad. Because… you are my dream itself… This life that she have shared with you, this endlessly happiness. It is all a product of a dream world created by a Genjutsu. I know the truth now… she have been following you for so long, trying to catch up to you. His is just another addition to her list of attempts. I have to return to the real you…"

" Frank Jr, I'm not a clone. I've never left clones with you. I am the real me." He answered back sadly, a tear leaving his own eye.

"No… You are not…" More tears began to fall freely. "The real you is still fighting, as you always have, Dad. I must go and help. But I will give you a promise, one that by telling you, a product of my dreams, will also be making a promise to myself. I promise this world, this dream, I will make it a reality again one day. And on that day, the real you will hold Hagoromo again, will laugh with Heiwamaru again, will watch Mayuka and Ana sleeping again, and… you will love mom again. That is a promise, Dad, and I never go back on my word. That's my way."

he stood up abruptly, he had wasted too much time. he rushed to the front door, throwing it open. he stopped suddenly, thinking about what was behind her. Love, a family… _him_. Should he really leave? It would be so much easier to close the door again, go back to where the black hair man behind him sat and continue, remaining in a peaceful slumber in a perfect world.

Then he thought of what lay in front of him. Dad, the real Frank dying, still fighting against the impossible odds as he always did. No matter what challenge he faced he continue pushing and pushing forwards, determined to overcome it.

he could not give up either. he would continue fighting as well, continue until he couldn't stand any longer. he couldn't give up either. "Dad, Mom, although you two may not be the real deal. I will tell you… I have always loved you too, please wait for me just a while longer."

Goodbye

Frank Jr rushed through the streets of Konoha, tears swelling in his eyes. As he got closer to the gates, memories of his time begin to become more vivid and powerful.

_"I remember calling you shy, dark, timid and weird. But every time I thought like giving up… when I almost made the wrong turn… but it was always you… you kept me on the right path… you pushed me… you comforted me… you slapped me out of my own silly imaginations… you kept me real! These hands saved me! That's why I want to walk with you, stand at your side, to be with you… Because you know what…? I really love you!"_

…_..._

_"I know what you're thinking, so I've made a list of reason why you should marry me. R-reason number 1: I am the Hokage. Reason number 2: If you get married to the Hokage you get a lot of freebies and discounts from shops. Reason number 3: I AM the Hokage. Reason number 4: If you didn't marry me you'd have to marry someone who is NOT the Hokage! And that's all I got, but for arguments sake I listed some reason that might make you say no. I'm a bit dumb, I act childish, I'm dense when it comes to understanding feelings, I'm not good at romance and stuff, I can't 'read the atmosphere', as Sakura seems to like putting it. But I can tell you now, Aoi, that even with all those bad things about me, there will never be another person who loves you as much as I do. I will always love you, Aoi, and that's a promise. I never go back on my word!"_

_"Like I said I'm not good with romance and stuff, y'know. So I was looking for Sakura or Ino or someone to help me pick one of these out, but I couldn't find anyone. Luckily David and Sasuke was there but he's probably even more useless at romance and stuff than I am. So I had to pick one myself, I hope you like it."_

_"I know its sudden, and you might think we're too young, but I wanted to show you it now, I don't care if it I have to wait 100 years until you're ready to get married, one day I will give you this ring, believe it!"_

_"Y-Y-Y-Y-Yes…"_

_"What was that, Aoi?"_

_"Yes, Frank. I want to get married to you. I-I didn't know how you felt about it, but I've never imagined the rest of my life with anyone but you." _

_"YATTA! We're gonna get married Aoi! Let's get everyone over and celebrate!"_

…...

_"Look at this guy, he's perfect isn't he, eh Aoi?"_

_"Y-Yes, he is." _

_"He's got my mom's pretty hair. Thank you, Aoi, thank you for going through all that. And I'm sorry I fainted, Sakura is never going to let me live that down."_

_"I-It was my pleasure, __Frank__."_

_"Really? Didn't sound like it was all that pleasurable, y'know."_

_"It was, __Frank__. Despite everything, it has made me very happy, going through all this with you at my side. It was all I ever wanted."_

_"And I'm happy as well, I finally get to see him. And thanks to you two I finally have a family of my own. Look at him, been in this world less than an hour and already he's filled us up with so much happiness, y'know…. That's it! Aoi, we haven't thought of a name for him yet, how about we call him… Happy! What do you think, Aoi?"_

_"G-Give me my baby, Naruto."_

_"He's got the your eyes… So he got your Rinnegan. You should name him, Frank."_

_"Hagoromo… Hagoromo Uzumaki."_

_"Hagoromo, I like it, makes him sound really cool."_

…_..._

_"I admit I wish I had been closer to you, Father, but I do not regret not being closer to you either. If you had kept me close, doted on me and locked me in the Uzumaki compound, I would not have become the person I am today… That child might not exist if you had done that. You have helped me more than you can ever know father, for that I am eternally grateful to you."_

_"You were always so small and frail, Aoi, I may not have shown it in the way that suited you best, but I have always loved you."_

_"You know the story of how your Aunt died, the Head Ninja from Kumo attempted to kidnap you. Do you know why I killed him?"_

_"He tried to steal the Rinnegan for Kumo's purposes."_

_"No… Had it have been any other member she would have subdued him, She didn't need to kill him to stop him. she killed that man… because he tried to take my precious brother whom she love."_

…_..._

_"Look at this little guy. Listen up kid, you've been born during a time of peace, and hopefully you'll live your entire life in it. You've also brought so many other people peace just by being here, your mom and I don't have to worry anymore if you're gonna be okay, you were a little late getting here, you know. Because of that I want you to stay away from Kakashi-sensei, I don't want that to become a lifelong habit. You've brought peace to Hagoromo, he's wanted to meet you for so long, and you'll probably take some attention away from him. My teacher, Jiraiya told me to help find peace for the world, but you've brought peace to me... That's it! Aoi, I think we should name this guy Heiwamaru!"_

_"Heiwamaru, it's a beautiful name, Frank."_

…...

_"You need vegetables as well, if you don't eat them, y-you will go to bed without any dinner at all." _

_"To think how quickly Hinata has pulled out her __**Kaa-chanton: Gorogoro tetsuya onaka no Jutsu**__. It truly is terrifying to witness."_

_"If you do that, I'll use my new levels of stealth to sneak a midnight snack when you both are asleep-tteboshou."_

_"D-Do not 'datteboshou' me, Hamura. If you do that, you will be under House arrest, I-I will ground you to your room for a week, no friends, no training, and no missions. T-That should give you enough time to think about your attitude, to think about how you speak to your parents and to think about how you should listen to what we tell you."_

_"I'm a fully-fledged Shinobi now, Mom! I can't get grounded now-tteboshou! I'll just sneak out and train and meet my friends and whatever!"_

_"You've got some willpower, Hamura. To be able to brush off your mom's collaboration of her __**Kaa-chanton: Kinshin no Jutsu **__and __**Kaa-chanton: Kogoto no Jutsu**__ with such ease. But now you've forced my hands…"_

_"H- Hagoromo...?"_

_"__**Hagoromo**__ …"_

_"NO HAGOROMO! DON'T DO IT, I'M SORRY!"_

_"__**HIRATEUCHI NO JUTSU!**__" _

…_..._

_"Finally we have the most important part… Finally we have the Heart of the Hokage;… Aoi Hyuuga Briefs!"_

'_It's just a Genjutsu! A dream!'_ he thought powerfully, fighting the tears more than the Genjutsu itself. Everything was too beautiful, too perfect. But it was a lie. It was as if the world around him knew he was trying to leave and forced these memories to surface in an attempt to make him stay.

he rushed through the gates of the village, sprinting along the hard ground beneath him. he looked up at the moon, full and beaming. For a second it flashed red, with black ripples and nine tomoe points encircling a black centre, almost like an eye carefully watching the world.

'_This is where Dad and uncle David fought…'_ Every instinct had led him to this one location: The Valley of the End. The two statues of Hashirama Senju and Madara Uchiha looming across the great valley. Remnants of the two battles remained, the craters caused by Naruto and Sasuke's fight, and the valley itself from when the Shodai Hokage fought that monster she had encountered on the battlefield.

he looked over the valley. he couldn't comprehend why he found himself here. Sasuke-sensei had explained that Genjutsu appear to be the prefect technique, but every single one of them, no matter how powerful always had a tell, a way to notice you were ensnared by one, and he also explained that there is always a weak point in a Genjutsu, find it and exploit it, and escape was a certainty.

he had uncovered the first part, Hagoromo's death was the tell, because of it she recognised she was under a Genjutsu. But this place, perhaps this was where the weakpoint of the Genjutsu would be?

"Frank Jr!" She turned sharply to the sound of the familiar voice screaming his name. he saw Frank behind him, tears formed in his eyes and a look of fury and betrayal present. "I don't care what delusional ideas have got into your head, I'm not letting you go anyway! Heiwamaru and Ana have just lost their brother! I'll be damned if I let them lose their little brother as well!"

"Dad, please…" he spoke back quietly, he imagined it might have resulted in this. Frank chasing him down to bringing him back to the village. It was another fantasy of his mother, for Frank to be as fixated on him as he was with his best friend.

"I'll drag you back to the village if I have to, Frank Jr!" He yelled furiously before charging towards her at a great speed. he cursed her own luck, never in all his years did he expect to fight him, and in honesty he was glad he never had to. he would lose against him, not simply because of his seemingly unsurpassable strength and will, but because he knew, whether he was real or not, he could never hurt him.

he slapped her palms together, knowing of one technique to dispel a Genjutsu. If you had an ally they would push their chakra into you to dispel the technique. If you were alone, you had to stop the flow of your chakra yourself, before thrusting it and any opponent's chakra out of your body.

he yelled loudly, stopping her own chakra was easy enough, before thrusting his chakra with great power. Unfortunately for him, the technique did not dispel. And Frank continued charging towards him. he held up his palms protectively, he could not fight against him, but he could protect himself against him whilst he figured out another way to escape this technique.

"FRANK JR!" He yelled as he came with metres of her person, fury still wrote across his face. Frank Jr prepared a palm to push him back.

But a foot connected with his face instead, kicking Frank backwards and into the ground. he looked at the owner of the foot, or his back as he stood in front of him. Chakra formed into a light-coloured coat with a dark-coloured bodysuit underneath. The "bodysuit" covered his torso, reaching down his arms to the knuckles, and down his legs, stopping just above his sandals. A Rinnegan above nine magatama, on the coat's back. Seven black orbs floated behind his back in a perfect circle, with a space missing that would fit another two. In his hands were to long black rods constructed from the same material as the orbs floating behind him.

he couldn't believe it knew this chakra immediately, this wonderfully warm and bright charka. To think that he would come here, that he would find his way to her.

"Yo jackass!" Frank's voice called out, the real Frank's voice called out to his older counterpart he had knocked away. "Stay the hell away from my son-ttebayo!"

Frank Jr stared with wonder at the teenager's back standing in front of her. How? How on earth did he manage to get here? How did he manage to find her? "D-Daddy.

He turned, still snarling a little bit with anger. He looked towards his face, this new for was different than his others. His skin remained the same colour, and his irises were a brilliant yellow, as bright as the sun.

"Frank Jr! I'm glad I find you! When you got caught in the Genjutsu I heard you call out. I wanted to come help sooner, but I'm a little busy at the moment!" He laughed sheepishly, scratching the back of his head as the previous anger dissipated.

"H-How…?" he asked, still relatively stunned by his sudden appearance in his dream. "How are you here, Frank Jr?"

"Well you see…" He dragged the final syllable for a few seconds, before his face scrunched in contemplation. "Well... what happened was…. I felt this thing and…. Er…. Hold on, Drago says he can explain it better."

He closed his eyes for a second and as he opened the yellow had been replaced by green in his eyes. With dragon like slits for pupils. "**_Mallque child, _**_**Frank**_**_'s a bit dumb and oblivious to things, not like I should say it like you don't already know. I'll explain things. Remember when Frank held your hand when you were born?" _**The deep dark voice of the ten-tailed dragon certainly didn't match Frank Jr's moving lips.

But he did remember. It was when Hagoromo died, he held her hand so tightly and the Dragon's chakra surged through her body. "**_When he transferred my Chakra to you, you were able to harness it. It's gone now, but remnants of my Chakra are still flowing in your system. I felt your Chakra surge a moment ago, and therefore my own. I reconnected my chakra, but the Genjutsu you are under is powerful, it wasn't enough to wake you up, but mine and Frank's chakra are connected to yours, we've connected our wills to you as well. That's how we are here. The link is only going to last for about five seconds, maybe even less considering Kaguya can kick our asses within that time frame._**"

"T-Time moves faster in this dream world, five seconds in the real world could mean a lot here." Frank Jr responded after hearing the explanation.

"**_Good, you'll need to stay out of this fight Mallque child. This is linked to the real world through your mind, if you die in here, you die in the real world. Let Frank handle this, we're just made of Chakra. If we die we'll just be expelled from the Genjutsu._**" The dragon grinned, before green eyes reverted back to yellow. "So!" Frank's cheery voice came back, smashing his fist into his palm. "Who're we fighting!?"

"Hey, asshole!" Frank turned to see the guy he kicked staring at him furiously. "Get away from my son!"

"S-SON?" Frank's eyes widened, his head flipping back to Frank Jr who suddenly seemed rather interested in the ground. He looked back at the guy and growled angrily. "You Idoit! You're worse than Ero-sennin! You've got to be what, in your 50's!? Frank's 5!"

"You idiot, just look at him, he's 10, the same age as me when i was his age!" The guy retorted, Naruto turned once more, seeing the same sixteen year old girl he had known since his academy days, not some old married woman. "And another thing! Don't compare me to Ero-sennin! I'm the Rokudaime Hokage, Frank Uzumaki!"

"Ah no way! Frank Jr you made me the Hokage again in your dream!? That's so cool!" Naruto exclaimed excitedly, seeing the face of his older self for the first time."Listen brat! I don't know who you are but I'll beat you to a pulp if I have to!"

"I wasn't trying anything Idiot!" Frank screamed angrily back, tightening his grip around the black rods in his palms. "Drago said we don't have much time, we're still fighting that Kaguya and I've got to get Frank Jr out here quickly and return him to his time before he turns into one of those white Zetsu things." He murmured quietly to himself. "Guess I got no choice. I'll have to take myself out so I can get Frank Jr and Aoi out! Let's go!"

He rushed towards his older self swing a black rod sideways towards his head. But his opponent, unfazed by the speed ducked under it and laid two quick but powerful punches into his stomach, blowing him backwards.

"Dammit, I hit harder than Sakura when I'm older." Frank grumbled, holding his stomach, he got back to his feet and performed a familiar cross hand seal. "**_Kage Bunshin no Jutsu!_**"

Five clones sprouted into existence, all charging at once towards his older self. "Idiot! You think your clones even come close to mine!" As they neared, without moving an inch clones of his older self burst into life. Knocking each of his own clones out of existence with mere punches. "You've got a long way to go! I don't even need a hand seal to make clones anymore!" The older Frank roared out, before looking towards his clones. Which all had stopped moving. "Five times as quick…" He closed his eyes, and the clones popped out of existence, when he reopened his eyes. The all too familiar sage eyes stared back at Frank.

In an instant his older self created more clones, who retreated and sat down a small distance from the fight, going into a meditative stance.

In a blink his older self was before him, drilling his fist upwards into his chin, knocking him high into the air. "**_U-!"_**

He followed up by appearing behind him in mid-air, sending a downwards kick to the back of his head and launching him back towards the ground. "**_Zu-!"_**

He appeared once more below him, driving a knee into his stomach, knocking him back upwards into the sky. "**_Ma-!"_**

And again he reappeared, hitting him with a head butt to his own head that caused him to spin like a wheel in mid-air. "**_Ki!"_**

Finally he grabbed Frank as he was upside down, placing his feet under his arms, and forcing them down to the ground together. "**_Hokage Sennin Rendan!_**" As they neared the ground he sprung his legs like a frog preparing to jump, adding extra propulsion onto Frank's head first crash into the ground. The Earth exploded beneath the attack, creating a massive crater and sending a shockwave across the valley.

The wave hit Frank Jr as he watched the fight worriedly, almost knocking him off her feet. She looked towards the site of the devastating Taijutsu combination. "daddy…"

"Damn that really hurt! Thanks drago, you saved my life!" Frank groaned out in pain, looking towards his older self, who had jumped backwards and out of the crater. "**_Don't thank me Frank! The amount of chakra I had to pump into your head and neck just to stop them from breaking was far too much! Don't get hit by that attack again!_**"

"Then let's end this now! Sync your chakra with Natural energy, Drago!" Frank yelled out, his eyes turned an orange colour, a thick horizontal bar for a pupil was overlapped by Drago's natural slitted ones, creating a cross in his eyes.

The older Frank looked down towards him, feeling the familiar presence. "I don't know who or what you are. But I'm not surprised you might have some of drago's chakra in you. The first pseudo-jinchuuriki I met was Sora. However, no matter how much you may have. It doesn't come close to me!" He erupted into golden, fluttering chakra, like flames on his body. He held up his hand, the **_Fuuton: Rasen Shuriken_** grew in his hand.

Frank gritted his teeth, forming the very same attack, which only caused his older self to smile. "So you even know my jutsu, but that's just the prototype-ttebayo." His own attack grew enormous in size, tripling beyond Frank's own, four smaller tailed beat bombs sprouted and began orbiting the massive wind chakra shuriken. " **_Bijū Wakusei Rasenshuriken!_**"

They threw their attacks together, colliding with a deafening screech before erupting into a blinding explosion. Frank Jr lost his senses to the sight and sound of the two attacks clashing together.

"**_Mallque child. I told you to stay out of the fight. But we're still going to need your help._**" he awakened in a place as blank as a canvas. Save for the ten tails itself sitting in front of him, it's massive hands pressed together as if still forming chakra. "**_Sorry to intrude in your mind. But I've linked myself to the chakra inside you again, we're talking telepathically so don't worry about frank losing focus._**"

"What can I do to help? I… I can't compare to either of them…" Frank Jr responded down heartened at the situation.

"**_Idiot!"_** The ten tails roared back angrily at her. "**_I was once part of the Shinju, I can tell you how the Genjutsu works."_** He began to explain to her surprise. "**_This is a different Genjutsu. The caster's role ends at that. The Chakra used to maintain the jutsu is your own! Don't you get it!? This is your dream, your Chakra. You are in control of what happens!_**"

Frank Jr's eyes widened with the revelation, all this time, he was in control, not someone else manipulatying her desires. The Genjutsu was simply her Chakra being used to manifest her dreams. "**_I got to go, frank's getting his ass kicked. Why did you make him so strong anyway?_**"

"In my eyes… dad is unbeatable." he responded honestly, causing the ten tails, no Kurama to smile back at her.

"**_Well the real frank is getting beaten, Mallque child. Do him a favour and make your Frank beatable!_**" With that he returned to the Valley at the End, seeing Frank on the defensive against his dream counterpart.

he looked across at the older Frank , how was he supposed to make _him_ weak, when all he had ever done was inspire him to be strong. But the real Frank was losing because he didn't match the strength of his dream counterpart. But perhaps his answer lay in that, the real current Frank was weaker against his older dream self. What he needed was his dream self to become weaker than the current Naruto.

"H-Hey! What the hell is this!?" The dream version of Frank yelled out in fury as his body began to shrink, his Hokage cloak vanishing and his attire replaced by a bright orange jumpsuit.

The real Frank looked at his opponent and grinned, cracking his knuckles together. Within moments he had beaten his thirteen year old self to a pulp, he was really all bark and no bite in those days after all.

He began to approach Frank, beaming widely when his body began to glow in a bright light, the ends of his digits began to disappear, as if he was just an illusion, he looked up worried towards, her but drago had taken over again at the last moment.

"**_Remember Mallque child. You have control over this world. Use it to escape!_**" he heard the Ten tails' voice yelled loudly as Frank's body suddenly and quickly vanish from the world, gone as if he was the illusion all along.

Frank Jr thought on the words for a while. What she had done to the dream Frank seemed to confirm those ideas. But could it really be as simple as that? If this Genjutsu was in fact using her own chakra to ensnare him, he would have the control over what happens that the user of the Genjutsu usually possesses.

'_If I have control over this world then…_' he thought desperately, as the sun began to rise a door formed alongside it, standing before him. he halted in front of the door, his hand lightly gripping the handle.

Slowly he began to open it, and as it open a bright light shone through and enveloped her. If she had control over this world, this Genjutsu, the all he must do is will a way out. This door, the exit from the dream and the entrance back to reality. he walked through and into the bright light.

Blackness suddenly came, and slowly with the flicker of the eyes he saw Frank Jr looking over him, beaming down brightly at here. "You took your sweet time getting here Frank Jr! I left, fought with the neighbores,tranform into my fake actor and took a dump on the table crap, got our house back and we came back and you still hadn't woken up!"

he could do nothing but blink a few times, the wrappings that once bound her now lay torn around her person. Her head nestled comfortably in his arms, she continued to look back up towards him. "D-Daddy…."

He chuckled lowly to himself, still grinning that same bright smile that captured her heart long ago. "Good morning, Frank Jr. Sleep well?"

A soft smile couldn't help but form on her face as she looked up towards him. "Yes…" he answered back happily, finally he was home, back with the real him. he looked around at the destruction around him, there was probably an explanation involved for what had happened after the Genjutsu was set into motion. But that did matter now, finally he was home.

"I had the best dream…"

**The End**

(A/N: Once again, I apologize very much about taking too long on this episode. It's that I've had some major writer's block for this story and I couldn't figure out how to develop Persephone and John's relationship until much later. Anyways, hope that I've done a good enough job here and see y'all in the Mc version of "Road to Rhode Island". Bye!)


	22. Chapter 20: Road to Rhode Island

**Chapter 20: Road to Rhode Island**

Instead of the usual opening credits, we are introduced to a title card reading "Family Guy JT Presents FRANK JR, BRIAN, STEWIE &amp; TYLER In..." as it displays Brian, Frank Jr Tyler and Stewie in order with top hats and canes each in their hands while they were in front of a purple background.

It then shifted to the second opening card reading "ROAD TO RHODE ISLAND" with the Rhode Island flag being shown in the background.

The third title card depicted Frank Jr, Tyler, Brian and Stewie, who had Rupert in his hand, outside an airport watching their plane take off without them. The credits on the top of the image read:

Original Created by Seth MacFarlane

Remake Created by John Watts

The fourth title card depicted the trio being detected by a spotlight, indicating they were escaping from prison. The credits shown read:

Original Developed by

Seth MacFarlane

David Zuckerman

Remake Developed by

Frank G Mallque

The fifth title card depicted the trio now climbing a mountain where Brian and Frank Jr were hanging from their safety cord as they dangled right next to Tyler and Stewie. The credits shown read

Original Executive Producers

Seth MacFarlane

David Zuckerman

Remake Executive Producers

Frank G Mallque

The sixth title card depicted Brian and Stewie riding a handcar down a track while Tyler and Frank Jr gives pursuit trying to catch up to them. The credits shown read:

Original Co Executive Producers

Craig Hoffman

Danny Smith

Dan Palladino

Original Consulting Producers

Greg Garcia

Gary Janetti

Remake Co Executive Producers

Frank G Mallque

Remake Consulting Producers

Frank G Mallque

The seventh title card depicted the quartet running away from a farm house behind them. The credits shown read:

Original Producers

Mike Barker

Matt Weitzman

Billiam Coronel

Original Co Producers

Ricky Blitt

Chris Sheridan

Remake Producers

Frank G Mallque

Remake Co Producers

Frank G Mallque

The eight scene depicted Brian and Frank Jr handling a flying kite with Tyler's foot caught by the streamer at the bottom of the kite as he was dangling in the air with Stewie holding his hand. The credits shown read:

Original Supervising Directors

Peter Shin

Pete Michels

Original Line Producers

Ken Dennis

Debby Hindman

Remake Supervising Directors

Frank G Mallque

Remake Line Producers

Frank G Mallque

The ninth scene depicted Brian and Stewie in Arabian attire as Stewie tried to drag a camel with Brian and Frank Jr sitting on one of its humps. Tyler was instead flying above the duo in a magic carpet homaging Aladdin. The credits shown read:

Original Produced by

Sherry Gunther

Remake Produced by

Frank G Mallque

The tenth scene depicted the quartet having abandoned a plane they were flying as it was heading down to the ground while Brian, Frank Jr, Tyler and Stewie safely descended down to the ground with parachutes. The credits shown read:

Originally Written by

Gary Janetti

Remake Written by

Frank G Mallque

The eleventh and final scene depicted the quartet doing a pose under a spotlight with the same hats and canes from the first title card, as they looking at each other. The last cedits to appear before the episode started read:

Original Directed by

Dan Povernmire

Remake Directed by

Frank G Mallque

Now then, the episode begins seven years prior to the series at a farm somewhere near Austin, Texas. The farmer walked and went toward a couple of cages all containing mother laboradors and their pups. In one of those cages was a small puppy version of Brian, who instead of feeding on his mother's milk, was trying to get a bottle of pills open.

"Excedrin headache number one. Puppy mill." Puppy Brian read the bottle's contents this time the voice was that of Benjamin Diskin, also known as the voice of Numbers One and Two from _Codename: Kids Next Door_. Puppy Brian tried to open the bottle, but failed miserably. "Dang it. Hey, does-does anyone here have thumbs? An-Anyone? No?" He was then confronted by one of his siblings, who was actually just a regular puppy. "Uh, S-Sorry. I-I don't play." The pup then continued coming up to Brian. "Hey, hey, hey, hey, come on. Knock it off." The puppy then left Brian to rejoined their mother, where Brian then came up to see how well their mother was doing.

"Hey, how's the flow today?" Puppy Brian asked rubbing his hand together when a cage's gate was heard opening and suddenly snatched Brian from the ground. "Uh, hey, hey! Whoa, whoa!" He was being carried away by the farmer. "Mom! Mom, do something!" Puppy Brian called out to his mother, who simply sat there looking out to her son while the other pups continued feeding on her. "Mom! Mom, help! Mom!" It then cut to Puppy Brian still being taken away as it flashed foward to the present.

"And that was the last time I ever saw her." Brian then finished in his present form revealed to be in Dr. Kaplan's office.

"Well, Brian, I-I think we've stumbled on the roots of your problems." Dr. Kaplan theorized to Brian. "You have abandonment issues. You need to confront your mother and deal with this."

"What, are you crazy?" Brian asked Dr. Kaplan. "For God's sake, my eyes were barely open and she just-she just gave me away." He put out his cigarette in the ash tray. "Well-Well, it's her loss, right? Yeah, I turned out great. Huh? Am I right? Right?! Yeah! Yeah, you bet your ass I'm right! Y-You wanna arm wrestle?! Come on! Right now! Come on!"

"Brian, have you been drinking?" Dr. Kaplan asked afterward.

"No." Brian responded to Kaplan's question before taking a whiff of his breath to check.

"Yes." Tyler's voice was heard answering Kaplan's question as both Brian and Kaplan turned to the door where it revealed to show Tyler and Frank standing by it. "I saw him drinking on the way over her."

Dr. Kaplan then turned back to Brian, to the latter's embarassment.

"Thanks for backing me up, Tyler." Brian thanked Tyler sarcastically.

"Your welcome." Tyler replied unaware of the sarcasm.

Brian then sighed in irritation of Tyler's obliviousness.

The next day, the family was having breakfast.

"Brian, you really seem to be enjoying your wine lately." Lois said to Brian in concern.

"It's only my second glass." Brian said pulling out a Big Gulp cup and started drinking out of it.

"More like your second Big Gulp." Meg remarked.

"John, I-" Chris was about to ask John, only to find his seat empty and asked Tyler. "Hey, Meg, Tyler. Where's John and Frank?"

"Oh, he's been dealing with visions he got back when we were at New York." Tyler informed Chris." Frank went to help john with his vision problem." Frank Jr also informed Chris. "So, he's taking some rest in our room."

"Oh..." Chris replied before turning to his father. "Hey, Dad. On account of recent events involving the deaths of the people who just replaced us on that TV show we were in last week, which resulted in both the show getting cancelled and us getting our house and our regular lives back, if the bad men who killed those people who were acting like us came back to this house, and this time they had guns, and they put a gun up to your head, and made you choose who you wanted to live, me, Persephone or Meg, who would you choose?"

"Oh, John and Tyler'll take care of that." Peter informed Chris. "I've always let them handle with tough decisions."

**Cutaway #1**

Peter, Frank Jr, John and Tyler were at a video rental store looking at two movies in Peter's hands. The movies were _Ernest Goes to Camp _and _Ernest in the Army_.

"We'll be closing in two minutes." The man in the PDA announced, to the quartet's dismay.

John then thought of an idea.

"I'll take _Ernest Goes to Camp_." John said swiping said movie off Peter's left hand.

"And I'll take _Ernest in the Army_." Tyler said swiping said movie off Peter's right hand.

Both walked off to the counter Frank Jr and Peter cheered, only to find they themselves didn't have their own movie to rent and they cried a bit.

(A/N: Anyone else miss video rental stores? Because I sure do.)

**End**

"Oh, it is so sad what happened to those poor people." Lois lamented taking pity in the characters from the previous episode. "But I could never choose. I love all my children equally. It's hard enough having Stewie and Frank Jr all the way in Palm Springs visiting Grammy and Grampa."

"I say it's a blessing Stewie's gone." Tyler wisecracked giving out a bit of a chuckle before noticing everyone wasn't laughing and saw that Lois was not too please with his remark. "Go to my room?"

Lois nodded her head approvingly as Tyler got up and went to his room.

**Cutaway #2**

Just like Lois said, Stewie and Frank Jr were visiting their grandparents in their summer home in Palm Springs. Barbara had Stewie and Frank Jr in her arms in the dining room.

"Give Nana a big hug, sweethearts." Barbara said to Stewie and Frank Jr giving them a hug.

Behind her back, Stewie undid her necklace and secretly tossed it in the pocket of a maid passing by.

"Well, that should guarantee some after-dinner entertainment." Stewie commented.

"Oh shit." Frank Jr reply to the event.

**End**

Lois and Meg were packing their suitcases in lois room when Brian walked in.

"Lois, Meg, uh, I was thinking." Brian told Lois. "W-Why don't I fly over to Palm Springs and pick up Stewie and Frank Jr?"

"Really?" Meg asked.

"Yeah, a trip like this is just what I need to clear my head." Brian said.

"Oh, that would be wonderful!" Lois said excited. "It'll give me time to catch up on my reading. Ugh, usually there are so many distractions."

**Cutaway #3**

Lois was in bed reading when the sound of a shotgun went off getting her attention, to her annoyance. She tried going back to reading, but the blast was heard again. It zoomed out a bit to reveal Frank Jr was the culprit of the shotgun blasts as he was trying to shoot down a fly.

"Come into my home, will ya?" Peter intimidated the fly followed by Frank Jr using the gunby a couple more blasts from his shotgun. "I'll show you, you bastards."

**End**

"Also, you mind if Tyler came along?" Brian asked Lois.

"Tyler? Why?" Lois asked.

"Well, it's just... I don't know. No kid deserves to stay in his room waiting for their friend to get better." Brian reasoned. "So, I thought maybe he could tag along."

"Well, all right..." Lois agreed. "But make sure he apologizes to Stewie about what he said earlier today when you two get there. I don't want it to end like last time."

**Cutaway #4**

It went back to the previous cutaway where before Frank Jr was about to fire his shotgun once again, another blasting sound was heard and it was shown to be Tyler using his Chaos Spear at another fly as he ends up wrecking the upstairs hallway.

**End**

Brian and Tyler arrived at Carter and Babs' summer home in Palm Springs by cab and stepped out to pick up Stewie and Frank Jr as they pass the maid who was being arrested for the false crime Stewie framed her with.

"Stewie, grabs your things, time to go!" Babs called out to Stewie.

"Well, it's about bloody time-" Stewie complained as he discovered who was picking him up.

"Happy to see us, squirt?" Tyler asked Stewie.

"he doesn't like being called squirt Tyler!" Frank Jr told tyler

"That idiot slattern sent the dog and simpleton?" Stewie acknowledged. "Oh, oh, oh, well, this is-this is-this is... Oh. Oh. Don't even get me started! I-I-I-I-I mean, really! When I think of-of-of-of-of-of the times that that woman has... OH, I won't even begin to-to-to-to-"

"Can we go?" Brian asked having had enough of Stewie's rant.

"Fine." Stewie replied about to walk off.

"Wait, I want to see him finish." Tyler said.

"We'd be here all day if we let that happen." Frank Jr told Tyler as they both left the mansion.

Back home, Peter was watching TV when Lois walked over to him with a video tape in her hand.

"Peter, guess what I just got. A relationship video." Lois informed excited. "The informercial said this tape will help us communicate better as a couple."

"Lois, when have we ever had trouble communicating?" Peter asked Lois skeptical of what Lois said.

**Cutaway #5**

Peter and Lois were at a hill staring at the sunset.

"Oh, Peter. I love you." Lois said affectionately to Peter.

"Eh, about a quarter past 5:00." Peter replied back checking his watch.

**End**

"Okay, Lois, I'll make you a deal." Peter negotiated with Lois. "We'll watch the tape, but, uh, you've gotta do something for me."

"Okay. What?" Lois asked.

"Do that Katherine Hepburn impression for me." Peter said. "And-And _Philadelphia Story _Hepburn, none of that head-on-a-slinky _Golden Pond _stuff."

Meanwhile, Brian, Frank Jr, Tyler and Stewie arrived at the airport.

"Wait here at the gate. I gotta run a quick errand." Brian told Stewie handing him his suitcase walking away.

"Watch Tails. I gotta go to the bathroom." Tyler told Frank Jr handing him both his suitcase and a Miles "Tails" Prower plush toy as he went to the restroom.

Stewie and Frank Jr placed him, Brian and Tyler's things on a nearby bench and sat down next to them.

"Aren't you two a little young to be traveling alone?" A random stranger asked Stewie and Frank Jr.

"Aren't you a little old to be wearing braces?" Stewie replied back as the man covered his mouth in embarassment.

Brian was at the airport's bar and was already wasted as he span his stool around.

"I think you've had about enough." A woman next to Brian informed the drunk canine having recognized his intoxication.

"Well, I th-I think you're wrong, you increasingly attractive-looking woman." Brian drunkenly responded back. "You know, you're-you're really pretty."

The woman was flattered by Brian's words, even though she knew he was drunk.

"Oh, stop." The woman said.

"No, I'm-I'm serious. You could-You could be... in magazines. You-You could!" Brian then argued drunkly. "You c-And just like _Jugs _or-or _Creamsicle_." The last words disgusted the woman as she rose from her seat and walked away.

"Call me?" Brian hollered then turned to the bartender and whispered. "She won't call."

Meanwhile, Stewie and Frank Jr were wandering around searching for Tyler and Brian when he spotted Tyler stepping out of the men's restroom.

"There you are." Stewie said.

"Stewie, Frank Jr? What are you two doing here? You're supposed to be watching our stuff, including Tails." Tyler reminded Frank Jr.

"No need to panic. It's right where we left it." Frank Jr reassured Tyler. "Now help me find Brian."

Tyler went along with Frank Jr and Stewie's plan and both searched for Brian, though not long they manage to find him still in the bar.

"Oh, here's a pleasant sight. Cirrhosis the Wonder Dog." Stewie remarked on Brian's condition.

Tyler then laughed, which soon died down as he noticed no one else was laughing along.

"I thought you were telling a joke." Tyler said.

"I'm-I'm not drunk, all right? I just have a speech impediment." Brian defended before throwing up on the other side of the bar. "And a stomach virus." Brian then fell off of the stool he was sitting on. "And an inner-ear infection."

"Flight 85 to Providence." The intercom announced. "Final boarding."

"Oh, at last!" Frank Jr said in delight before taking the stirring stick from Brian's drink with an olive pinned into it and using it as bait. "Yes, yes. Come now, chase the stick." Brian, of course immediately followed.

The trio then returned to where Frank Jr and Stewie waited as it showed both the bags and Tails were no longer there, though, Stewie's teddy bear Rupert was still there. Tyler then crossed his arms unsatisfied.

"Well?" Tyler asked.

"Well what?" Stewie asked back.

"Where is Tails?" Tyler asked again.

"And-And where are the bags?" Brian also asked.

"What the deuce do you two mean where are the bags and the fox? They're right-" Stewie said turning his head to show where the bags and Tails were supposed to be, but realized they were indeed gone. "Rupert! I told you to watch the bags and the fox! You were watching the boys again, weren't you? It's that steward, isn't it? The one who looks like Tad Hunter! Oh, forget it! Let's just get on the bloody plane and go home!"

"Not without Tails!" Tyler protested. "I'm not leaving without-" Tyler then noticed in the distance that his Tails plushie was lying on the floor and immediately ran over to it. "Tails!" He picked it up and went back to the duo satisfied. "Okay, now we can go home."

"We can't." Frank Jr said. "Our tickets were in the bags."

"What?!" Tyler reacted to the revelation.

"Flight 85 to Providence is now departing." The intercom then announced.

"That's not going to stop me!" Stewie said determined to leave as he strolled over to a baby carriage, climbed in and replaced the baby in it.

Tyler decided to do the same thing with another nearby mother.

Both mothers each then noticed Stewie and Tyler, who tried to disguise himself as a baby. However, they were not easily fooled as each took them out and placed their real babies back in and boarded their own planes, to Stewie and Tyler's dismay. Brian and Frank Jr then joined up with them.

"That was our plan. Where's your's?" Stewie asked Brian.

Some time later, the quartet checked into a motel nearby where it's sign at the entrance read "Prostitutes ask about our continental breakfast". Tyler and Stewie were carrying Brian when they entered their motel room.

"Good Lord!" Tyler exclaimed at the rundown room in disgust.

"Oh, my God!" Stewie, too exclaimed in disgust. "All right, let's not dilly-dally." Frank Jr then got his hands off Brian, leaving him to stand up barely. "Get Grandma on the phone, have her wire us some money and let's get the hell out of here."

Brian's only reply was drunken stammering and soon enough he finally passed out.

Frank Jr, Tyler and Stewie were irritated by this as they looked down at Brian's private area (though, fortunately, it wasn't shown).

"Oh, that's pretty." Stewie commented sarcastically observing Brian's you-know-what before shutting both of the latter's legs together to cover it, but didn't work as it stretched out.

Both Tyler and Stewie were disgusted by the sight of Brian's genitals as Stewie then covered it with a lampshade.

"Better?" Stewie asked.

"Much better." Tyler and Frank Jr answered as they both left Brian and went to the phone on the bedside.

"Hello, operator? Hello?" Stewie picked up the phone and said.

"You have to punch in the number, smart guy." Tyler smartmouthed Stewie.

"Oh, God, that's right. You have to punch in the numbers nowadays." Stewie said realizing Tyler was right. "*sigh* I should know this. Oh, yes. 867-5309. That's it. No, wait, that's not it. Damn you, Tommy Tutone! Simpleton. What's the number?"

"How should we know?" Frank Jr asked.

"You mean you don't know either?!" Stewie asked.

Tyler and Frank Jr simply shook their heads meaning "no".

"How stupid can you be?!" stewie asked in outrage.

"I'm not stupid, I'm just forgetful!" Tyler protested.

Frank Jr sighed at this misfortune. "Only one thing to do." He then punched in a random number all in ones. "111-1111. Grandma? Damn!" He did the same thing again, only it was "111-1112. Grandma,? Damn!" You can pretty much guess where this is going. "111-1113."

Back at the Griffin house that night, Peter and Lois were about to watch the tape. Peter was lying on the bed while Lois was about to put the tape in the VCR.

"_A Way With Words In Marriage for Couples Who Communicate Not Good_." Lois read the title on the tape as she inserted it in the VCR.

"Oh, come on, Lois!" Peter whined. "Geez, this is gonna be worse than that time we had to sit through your Uncle Jerry's snuff film."

**Cutaway #6**

Peter and Lois were watching said film at Carter and Barbara Pewterschmidt's home. Everyone was watching the film fine, but Peter seemed disturbed by what he was watching.

"Are-Are they really gonna kill that girl?" Peter asked Lois in unease.

"Peter, please!" Lois told Peter quietly. "People are tryin' to watch."

**End**

"Just give it a chance." Lois persuaded Peter turning the video on with a remote.

On the screen showed a woman in a lavender suit walked in and sitting down on a sofa.

"Hello, I'm Dr. Amanda Rebecca." The woman introduced herself to the audience. "By purchasing this video, you've taken the first step towards strengthening your relationship through better communication." Lois was now on the bed cuddled up to Peter excited while Peter was bored by the whole thing. "I'd like to start by asking the women to leave the room because this part of the tape is for men only. We'll see you in a little while."

"I can see this is gonna be very intense. Huh, how fun!" Lois said in excitement as she got up from the bed and left.

"Make sure your wife is out of the room." Dr. Rebecca insisted.

The door was heard closed, indicating Lois was already out.

Soon after, Dr. Rebecca then suddenly removes the scrunchie that held her hair back as it went down past her shoulders.

"So... you wanna talk, or do you want me to take my top off?" Dr. Rebecca asked seductively.

This immediately got Peter's attention.

"That's what I thought." Dr. Rebecca said removing her jacket. "Oh, man. You're making me so hot!" She then ripped open her blouse to reveal her bulging breasts that looked like they were about to pop of the smal bra they were in as Dr. Rebecca then removed the blouse. "I hope you like big breasts, because mine are so big, this itty bra can barely contain them."

Peter was immediately hooked into the woman's act.

"Do you wanna see more?" Dr. Rebecca asked offscreen.

"Yes, please." Peter replied almost as if he was in a trance as it then showed Dr. Rebecca having put her clothes back on and tying her hair in a bun.

"Then you'll have to order my next tape." Dr. Rebecca then said ending her chat with the male she talking to.

Back at the motel late that night, Stewie and Tyler were kept awake by two men doing some drug dealing behind the wall of their bed.

"You got the stuff?" One man asked.

"Yeah, I got it." Another man confirmed. "Where's the money, huh? I wanna see the money."

"No, no, no, you don't see the money 'til I see da stuff." Man #1 insured.

"How long are they gonna keep arguing?" Tyler asked in irritance.

"Well, simpleton, there's only one way to put an end to nuisances like this." Stewie told Tyler and Frank Jr as he got up close to the wall. "HE'S WEARING A WIRE!"

"What?!" Man #1 exclaimed. "You son of a-"

It was then followed by gunfire from a machine gun as bullet holes were produced on the wall above the trio and the sound of a body dropping to the floor dead being heard.

"*yawn* Goodnight." Stewie greeted Tyler goodnight.

The next morning, Tyler and Frank Jr woke up and found themselves on the floor. As Frank Jr rose up, he then saw Brian cuddling close to Stewie (non sexually, don't worry) while licking his ear, which made Stewie giggle a bit.

"That's it, Mr. Giraffe, get all the marmalade." Stewie said in his sleep.

Tyler and Frank Jr were creeped out by this sight and then felt it was better to go back asleep on the floor when the phone rang seconds later.

"Hello?" Tyler answered. "Hold on, I'll get him." He got up and shook Stewie a bit.

"Stewie. Stewie." Tyler said trying to wake the infant up.

"Whu-What?" Stewie asked waking up.

"It's for you." Frank Jr replied handing the phone to Stewie.

Stewie then got up, walked past Tyler and ended up placing his hand on the nearby radiator mistakening it for the phone. "Hello?-AH! AH! OH, DAMN IT TO PUSS-SPEWING, BLOOD-GUTTED HELL!"

"Here you go. Hehe..." Tyler snickered giving Stewie the phone.

"What?!" Stewie answered still bitter about accidentally placing his hand on the radiator before it calmed a bit and returned to his normal voice. "What do you mean our credit card was declined? Oh, nononononono, there's no need to come up. We'll-We'll-Oh, BLAST!" Stewie then quickly went and put his trousers back on. "Grab your things. We got to go."

"What's going on?" Frank Jr asked.

"I'll tell you what's going on: our credit card was declined and now we've only about approximately five minutes until the motel's manager comes to collect the money we don't have to pay him with." Stewie quickly explained to Frank Jr and Tyler. "Now quit loitering around and get the dog up from his nap."

"Okay." Frank Jr answered doing what he was told going over to Brian on the bed and tried waking him up while Stewie put on his overalls. "Brian? Brian!"

"What's the hold up?" Stewie demanded climbing on top of the bed.

"He's not getting up." Tyler told Stewie.

"Oh, for... Move side, I'll take care of this." Stewie ordered going over to Brian and grabbed the latter by his collar. "Come on, you! Get up! Come on! Go for a ride in the car?" Then, he slapped Brian's face repeatedly, poked him with a hanger and then use the sheet underneath Brian to pull him off the bed, only to have Stewie slide halfway under the bed.

"BLAST!" Stewie cursed looking down to find a penny under the bed. "Oh, a penny!"

"Where?!" Tyler exclaimed in excitement.

"It's mine!" Stewie claimed leading him, Frank Jr and Tyler wrestling for the penny.

Eventually, Frank Jr, Stewie and Tyler dragged Brian to the bathroom and placed in the shower. Stewie turned the handle for cold water and the water woke Brian up.

"Wake up!" Stewie demanded slapping Brian's face.

"What? What? What? Oh, my head!" Brian said placing his hand to his head. "Oh, God, what are we doing here?"

"Oh, we needed a weekend away from the kids. You know, just us. WE HAVE TO GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!" Frank Jr shouted.

"Wait a minute, I just remembered. I can use Chaos Control to get us out of here." Tyler remembered when the door knocked.

"Hotel manager!" The motel's manager called out from outside. "Open up, or I'll hit you with this blunt instrument I use to hit deadbeats with bad credit cards! Well, it's-it's not an instrument. It's more of an object. But it's blunt! Hard and blunt! And, well... it's kinda like a bat. I found it out back one day when I was raking."

"Go, GO!" Stewie demanded.

Tyler then brought out Tails and unzipped a little zipper on Tails' back revealing to have one of the Emeralds inside the toy.

"CHAOS CONTROL!" Tyler said warping the quartet outside the motel.

"You teleported us only outside the building?!" Brian asked Tyler.

"Well, yeah." Tyler answered. "Isn't that where we needed to go?"

"Well, why didn't you use that power of yours to get us back home?" Stewie then asked Tyler.

"I didn't even thought about that until now." Tyler said realizing his mistake.

"Forget it, we're only wasting time if you continue our conversation." Frank Jr said as he, Stewie, Tyler and Brian ran to the parking lot. "All right, we need some wheels."

"This one's unlocked." Brian said looking at an SUV.

"An SUV?" Stewie said. "Look, we're trying to elude someone. We're not driving to soccor practice. Let's take this one." He pointed toward a dark blue car right next to the SUV.

"Y-You like that color?" Frank Jr asked.

"What's wrong with the color?" Stewie asked.

"I-I don't know, its just-it's so dark. It..."

"Well, yes, but it doesn't show dirt." Stewie reasoned.

"What?" Frank Jr asked.

"It doesn't show dirt." Stewie repeated.

"Are we really going to debate about the quality of a car while we're being chased?!" Tyler asked.

"Well, yes, I supposed you're right." Stewie said realizing Tyler was right. "I mean, this really is the first place we've gone to. Perhaps we should try another lot."

"We don't have time-" Tyler refused when suddenlt the door to their room being smashed was heard and the manager's head was shown in the bathroom window all angry.

"Sold!" Brian said as all three got in the vehicle.

"Well, go on, hot-wire it!" Stewie demanded.

"Hot-wire?! I don't even pump my own gas!" Brian said.

"Oh, for God's sake!" Frank Jr exclaimed going down underneath the dashboard.

Brian, Stewie and Tyler looked behind them and saw the manager already outside approaching the car.

"Hurry up!" Stewie, Tyler and Brian told Frank Jr as the latter hot-wired both the radio, which played "Do You Really Want to Hurt Me?" by Culture Club and then the car. "You did it!"

"Wait, put it back. I like that song." Stewie insisted as Frank Jr popping up from the floor.

Brian started the car and floored it out of there, barely avoiding the motel's manager.

The trio drove down a narrow road and to kill time, Brian and Stewie were playing the game "Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon".

"Montgomery Clift who was in _From Here to Eternity_ with Burt Lancaster, who was in _Atlantic City _with Susan Surandon, who was in _White Palace _with Kevin Bacon. There." Stewie gave his answer to Brian.

"Nice, nice. Except that was James Spader in _White Palace_." Brian corrected. "Moron."

"Oh, Mr. Snippy." Stewie teased.

"Look, I don't even know what you guys are talking about, but can we just stay quiet for a minute or two?" Tyler asked not wanting to hear anymore about the game Brian and Stewie were playing.

"You know what? He-He's right. I-I-I think I need some time to think. All right?" Brian agreed with Tyler.

"Yes, yes, you've got lots to think about, haven't you?" Stewie said sarcastically. "Public drunkenness, grand theft-auto."

"You left out the part where I made you smash your head on the windshield." Frank Jr added as he secretly winked in the mirror signaling Brian and Tyler to hold onto something nearby.

"Well, I-I don't recall-" Stewie almost said before Frank Jr slammed on the brakes, causing Stewie to be flung into the windshield as a smile developed on Brian's face. Tyler also let out a laugh at Stewie's misfortune as the toddler got back onto his seat. "Yes, well... I suppose I walked right into that one."

Back at the Griffin house, Lois was about to head out to the airport to pick up Brian, Tyler and Stewie when the phone rang.

"Hello?" Lois answered.

Then, it showed Brian using a payphone to talk with Lois while Frank Jr, Tyler and Stewie were right next to him as they were stopped by a truck stop.

"Lois. Hi, it's Brian." Brian replied.

"Let me talk to her!" Stewie demanded.

Cut back to Lois.

"Brian! We were just on our way to the airport." Lois said in excitement before turning to worry. "Is everything okay?"

Cuts back to the qaurtet.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, everything's fine. Everything's fine. The boys and I traded in our plane tickets for train tickets." Brian lied as sounds of struggling were heard. "Yeah, yeah. Uh, apparently, you-you can do that."

"Now this is what I can 'baby-sitting'!" Tyler said in delight showing Frank Jr was sitting on top of Stewie.

"Get off of me!" Stewie demanded Frank Jr.

"Oh, little fella's sound asleep, but I'll give him that kiss for you." Brian lied.

"YOU SU-" Stewie before Frank Jr accidentally farted, much to Stewie's despair.

"Oops. Sorry." Tyler apologized. "Wait, did that count as a kiss?"

"See you in three days." Brian told Lois hanging up the phone and Frank Jr, Tyler and Stewie got back up. *sighs* Let's go." The trio were headed back to the car they stole, but they spotted two police officers investigating the vehicle.

"Tyler, I hate to ask, but I'm gonna need you to use your Chaos Control trick again." Brian asked Tyler. "Anywhere but here."

"I'll try." Tyler said taking out the same Emerald from the previous Chaos Control back at the motel. "CHAOS... CONTROL!" However, this time, nothing happened.

"Okay, Tyler, you can go ahead and get us out of here now." Frank Jr said.

"Let me try again." Tyler said. "CHAOS... CONTROL!"

Again, nothing happened.

"I don't understand." Tyler said in disbelief. "Why isn't this thing working? Wait... Could they only be used once and take time to recharge?"

"Then we gotta disappear without magic." Brian insisted. "And quick!"

Just then, a truck drove by and after it passed, the four were gone...only they were now a bit farther on the right.

"Maybe we should've jumped on that truck." Brian said.

Back with Lois, she just hung up the kitchen phone as Peter walked in.

"Stewie, Tyler and Brian are taking a train home." Lois told Peter removing her jacket.

"Sheesh, can we not talk about curtains for two seconds? I got another of those relationship tapes." Peter said eager to watch the tape he's holding before it was taken away by Lois.

"$49.95? That's three times as much as the first one." Lois said as Peter took back the tape.

"Lois, our relationship cannot be measured in nipples and dimes." Peter said before realizing what he mentioned. "I-I mean, nickels and boobs. Money. I'll be upstairs!" He rushed out of there, to Lois' confusion.

Lois went upstairs to investigate Peter's behavior.

"Peter, why are you so-" Lois opened her and Peter's bedroom door to talk to her husband to soon find him naked on the bed with a pillow covering his crotch.

"GET OUT! THIS IS THE PART JUST FOR THE MEN!" Peter demanded covering his private area with the pillow.

Lois immediately closed the door still in confusion.

Elsewhere, the qaurtet ended up at a farm where they spotted the owner of the farm and a pilot standing in front of a plane.

"I say, there's a plane." Stewie pointed.

"Yeah. If there's a plane, there's probably a pilot." Brian said. "And if there's a pilot, there must be a bar! I can finally get a drink!"

The qaurtet dashed over to the farm owner and the pilot as the owner placed a sign reading "Pilot Wanted" in front of the plane.

"I don't trust you." The owner told off the pilot. "You put your seed in my daughter's belly. You're fired!"

"But, Pa, you can't fire me!" The pilot pleaded.

"You're lucky you're my brother, too, or I'd kill you!" The owner threatened as the pilot slowly walked away.

"Uh, e-e-excuse me, sir." Brian greeted the farm owner. "Uh, I'm an experienced crop-dusting pilot. You can trust us completely." He them directed to Frank Jr and Stewie. "My friends here is too young to put a seed in your daughter's belly and I'm of a different species."

"What 'bout da other one?" The owner asked about Tyler.

"Oh, uh, he isn't into women at the moment." Frank Jr answered.

"You're hired." The owner said.

The quartet then boarded the plane as Brian flipped one of the switches to start it up. The trio then gave each other a thumbs-up, followed by the owner. The plane was beginning to move before the wings were torn off by two nearby cows.

Stewie chuckled at this mishap. "Boy, will your face be red when they find the black box on this one."

They then hitched a ride in a truck full of immigrants.

"So really saturate the soil twice a day." Stewie said having spoke to one of the immigrants. "Well, that's why my tomatoes haven't been coming in."

Brian walked over to the left of the truck where he decided to communicate with a male immigrant next to him by speaking Spanish.

"What are you doing, Brian?" Tyler asked Brian.

"I'm trying to communicate with one of the immigrants." Brian explained continuing to speak in Spanish.

"Hey, that was pretty good." The immigrant complimented Brian's first attempt at Spanish. "But actually, when you said 'Me llamo es Brian,' you don't need the 'es'. Just 'Me llamo Brian'."

"Oh, you speak English." Brian acknowledged the immigrant's secondary language.

"Actually, I'm just a beginner like you are with Spanish." The immigrant explained. "I've only been able to use the words I've just said earlier, including the ones from right now."

"Really?" Frank Jr asked surprised.

"Si." The immigrant answered to Frank Jr.

At that moment, Brian noticed a sign about to pass by reading "Austin - 8 miles". Brian then told the driver to stop the truck in Spanish and he, Frank Jr, Tyler and Stewie got off the truck, which soon drove away.

"Why the hell did we get off here?!" Stewie demanded.

"Yeah, we're suppose to be back at Rhode Island in about a day." Tyler agreed with Stewie all before getting a strange feeling of deja vu. "Although, it does feel oddly familiar."

"My mother lives in Austin." Brian explained. "Don't you see? Fate's brought me back here for a reason. I have to find my mother and make peace with her."

"Oh, so she's in Austin, hmm?" Frank Jr asked pointing his finger where the city was located. "Eight miles that way?"

"Yes." Brian answered.

"All right. So-So instead of driving down this sun-parched highway, we've now got to walk?" Stewie asked again.

"Uh, pretty much. Yeah." Brian answered.

"Well, you know what this means." Stewie told Brian.

"Yeah." Brian said in disappointment as it cut to him walking on all four legs with Frank Jr and Stewie riding on his back. Tyler, on the other hand, was the only one walking.

"I say, walk slower, dog!" Stewie ordered Brian. "My Huggies are already holed up in Box Canyon."

Eventually, they reached the farm Brian grew up at where the farm's owner was relaxing in a rocking chair. It panned to the quartet entering the farm and Brian noticed the barn he was born in as the pups inside yelped and the trio finally reached the farmhouse.

"Hello, Luke." Brian greeted the farm's owner, who got up to talk to Brian.

"Uh, have we met?" Luke asked not remembering Brian.

"My name's Brian." Brian answered hoping it would trigger Luke's memory. "I was born here."

"Sorry, son, lots of dogs born here." Luke informed Brian still not remembering. "Refresh my memory. Which one were you again?"

"I was the one who could talk." Brian bluntly replied.

"Oh, Brian. Sorry, I was confusing you with another dog we had here who could also talk." Luke said. "Well, come on in!" They all stepped inside. "Betty, look who it is!"

"Is that Brian?" Luke's wife stepped in the room thrilled to see Brian and then noticing Frank Jr, Stewie and Tyler. "Oh, and you a couple of friends. Well, I bet you're hungry lil' fellas."

"Yeah, we kinda are." Tyler said.

"Yes, and I'll bet you lost your virginity to a mechanical bull." Stewie trash talked. "Now change us!"

Frank Jr just raise his arms for need to change his diaper.

"Look, I've-I-I've been thinking about my mother lately, and-" Brian tried to explain to Luke his reason for coming here.

"Aw, she was a good dog..." Luke lamented.

"'Was'?" Brian repeated realizing only one thing. "Y-You mean-"

"Last year." Luke answered. "She went real peaceful."

Brian sighed in realization. "Well, she-she probably wouldn't want to see me anyway."

"That's not true!" Luke reassured Brian. "Biscuit loved all her puppies!"

Stewie snickered at Brian's mother's name while lying on a nearby table as Betty was about to change him.

"Biscuit!" Stewie teased.

"Shut it." Tyler and Frank Jr told Stewie.

"Brian, your mama gave you up because she thought you'd have a better life if she let you go." Luke informed Brian of his mother's true intentions. "Was she right, son? Do you have a good life."

"Yeah, I-I really do." Brian realized. "I have a great life."

"Would you like to see her?" Luke then asked Brian, to his surprise and confusion.

"See her?" Brian repeated. "I-I don't understand."

"Well, we loved Biscuit so much, we wanted to keep her with us as always..." Luke explained to Brian as they stepped into another room. "So, we had her stuffed." He then showed Brian his deceased mother now as a piece of taxidermy.

Brian was horrified of what he saw of his late mother. "Mom!"

Frank Jr, Stewie and Tyler then stepped into the room and saw Biscuit's corpse.

"Well, I say, someone must've said a funny because your mother's in stitches!" Stewie joked about Brian's mother's condition.

"You're not funny, Stewie." Frank Jr told off Stewie defending Brian.

"Oh, I'll leave you to grieve." Stewie said to Brian.

"Come on, Betty, why don't we get these fellas some sandwiches." Luke said to Betty as they entered the kitchen leaving the trio alone.

Stewie then stumbled over to a picture of Jesus.

"Look at Jesus standing over there all by Himself." Stewie commented. "You'd think those bulldogs would invite Him to their card game. Right, Frank Jr,Tyler? Frank Jr, Tyler?" Stewie turned to find Tyler was gone.

Tyler stepped in the kitchen where Luke and Betty were making the sandwiches they talked abut earlier.

"Uh, sir, I don't mean to ask you this out of disrespect. But are you sure this is really the right thing?" Tyler asked Luke about Brian's mother.

"What are you talking about?" Luke asked Tyler.

"Well, look at what you did with Brian's mom." Tyler pointed out. "You're basically using her now as a trophy."

"That's not true." Luke said. "We still spend lots of time together with her."

"What are you talking about? It's literally a stuffed corpse in your living room." Tyler pointed out further. "It's just creepy!"

"Don't you talk about Biscuit like that!" Luke reacted slapping Tyler in the face. "She'll always be with us! She's just gotta..." Luke then kneeled to the floor and broke down crying.

Tyler saw the reason for Luke's sudden depression and realized that like Brian in a way, Luke needed to move on from the past.

"Sir, did Biscuit really want to be stuffed?" Tyler asked wanted to know the answer to Biscuit's state.

"No." Luke confessed. "I thought that if I had stuffed, things would still be the same even after she left. But it still reminded me that she wasn't really around anymore."

"But didn't you say that Brian's mother gave him up because she believed he would have a better life by letting him go?" Tyler asked Luke. "Don't you think that maybe it's the same with her death?"

Luke looked into the living room and saw how heartbroken Brian was over his mother's state and from that moment, he realized from there what to do next.

"You're right." Luke told Tyler. "It's time to put the past behind us."

Back in the living room, Frank Jr and Brian couldn't take seeing his mother any longer and decided to do something about it.

"You deserve better than this, Brian's Mom." Frank Jr said to the stuffed corpse attempting to get it out of the house.

"You know, this is actually a rather elegant solution for my problem of what to do with Lois." Stewie commented on possible taxidermy on Lois.

"Shut up and help me." Brian ordered Stewie. "I'm not leaving her like this." The three managed to lift the stuffed corpse and were about to head out the door when Tyler came back with Luke and Betty.

"Brian?" Tyler asked Brian.

"Tyler!" Brian exclaimed caught. "Look, I don't care what you'll do to me. I'm not letting my mother like this."

"Don't worry, we're not going to stop you, son." Luke reassured Brian. "What we want to do is help you out."

"Y-You do?" Brian asked.

"Of course." Luke said. "I like to give Biscuit the proper burial she deserves. Here, let me help you place her in the truck." Luke then also grabbed hold of Biscuit.

Brian was touched by Luke and Betty's generosity and was grateful for it. Brian, Frank Jr, Stewie, Tyler and Luke then carried Brian's mother to the backyard.

"All right, I'm gonna go dig up Biscuit's grave. I'll call you when I'm done. Okay?" Luke told the trio taking a shovel with his.

"Okay." All three answered as Luke walked off to make Biscuit's grave.

The trio then waited while Luke dug up the grave and as Stewie leaned on Biscuit's tail, it soon broke off, sending Stewie falling to the ground and then picking up the broken-off tail after getting up. Brian gasped at this.

"Oh, relax." Stewie said. "Old girl doesn't have too much to wag about these days anyway."

Frank Jr, Brian and Tyler were not amused by Stewie's behavior.

Back in Quahog, Frank, Persephone, Meg and Chris were at the kitchen table while Meg was eating a sandwich.

"Hey, Persephone, Meg try and guess the word I'm thinking of right now." Chris insisted. "And it's not 'kitty'."

Persephone, Frank and Meg both sighed in annoyance at Chris's game.

"'Car'." Meg guessed.

"No." Chris said.

"I don't know. 'Apple'?" Persephone guessed again.

"No." Chris said. "Give up?"

"Yeah..." Meg and Persephone said annoyed.

"It was 'kitty'!" Chris confirmed laughing.

At that moment, John had woken from his rest and entered the kitchen. He looked around and saw no sign of Tyler anywhere.

"Anyone seen Tyler?" John asked.

"He went with Brian to go pick up Stewie and Frank Jr from Grandma and Grandpa's." Meg informed John.

"Oh, well, sorry to hear about that." John replied as he got up and got himself a glass of milk.

Lois, meanwhile, was analyzing the milk that used as Peter came in from the screen door.

"Peter, isn't that-" Lois was about to ask Peter.

"Oh, my God, the new video!" Peter said in excitement swiping the video off the table, to Lois' annoyance. "Ohohoh, life is sweet!"

He then walked off upstairs and watched the tape. In it, Dr. Rebecca was on a bed in her underwear shaking a can of whipped cream.

"How about some whipped cream." Dr. Rebecca suggested as it cut to Peter.

"Ooh, that's always good." Peter said.

"And some cinnamon." Dr. Rebecca then suggested.

"Ooh! Oh, that's good, too!" Peter moaned in pleasure.

"And then guess what?" Dr. Rebecca asked. "I'm going to add..."

"Oh, jeez! If she says Mrs. Dash, I'm gonna lose it!" Peter said.

It then cut to Dr. Rebecca again.

"We're going to add-" Dr. Rebecca almost said before it cut to Lois, who was angry.

"Peter!" Lois said to Peter angry.

Peter jumped after seeing Lois on screen.

"I know what you've been doing here and I'm very upset with you." Lois informed Peter.

"Wow." Peter exclaimed. "Usually, beautiful women don't turn back into you until after I'm finished."

Then, it showed a full view of Lois, who was revealed to be in a yellow robe.

"These tapes are about communication." Lois told Peter as she untied the belt of the robe. "If you wanted to see a woman acting nasty..." She then removed her robe revealing black lingerie and did a sexy pose. "...you should've told me."

"This is hot!" Peter commented.

"Turn around." Lois told Peter, who did as she told him and found her standing at the closet.

"LOIS!" Peter reacted covering the screen. "Uh, this is not what it looks like! She means nothing to me!"

"Peter, it's okay." Lois calmed Peter.

"Yeah?" Peter asked.

"I was trying to be sexy for ya." Lois said twirling her finger around Peter's chest.

"Ooohhh." Peter realized as he took Lois. "Come here, you." They both started making out as Peter then picked up the TV remote and secretly rewinded the scene of Lois revealing her underwear over and over.

Elsewhere, Luke had finished diggin up the grave and everyone was gather around it with Biscuit already in the hole.

"Anybody here have any last words they want to say to Biscuit before she goes?" Luke asked everyone.

"Say something." Brian told Stewie.

"What?" Stewie asked.

"J-Just say something, please!" Brian pleaded.

"Oh, for God's sake!" Stewie groaned. "Um. Uh. 'Yea, and God said to Abraham, 'You will kill your son, Isaac.' And Abraham said: I can't hear you. You'll have to speak into the microphone. And God said-"

"AMEN!" Frank Jr interrupted. "Okay, my turn. Biscuit, I may have known you for a short time, but you've given your son, Brian here a new life. Your body may be gone, but your spirit lives on. While you look down upon your son, Brian Griffin. Amen."

Everyone, except Stewie, was in tears from hearing Frank Jr's prayer.

"Amen!" Luke said tearfully as he began to bury the grave.

It eventually became nighttime and the Quartet were now riding on the box car of a moving train. Brian and Frank Jr were admiring the stars in the night sky as Tyler and Stewie joined him.

"Wow, look at all those stars." Brian said gazing at the sky.

"You know, I've read that starlight gives you cancer." Stewie pointed out. "But then again, what doesn't these days, hmm?"

"You're probably thinking of sunlight, Stewie." Tyler told Stewie.

"Listen, you guys, there's-there's something I've been meaning to tell you." Brian said. "It's not easy for me to say."

"Oh, God, you're not coming out of the closet, are you?!" Stewie asked in disgust. "Ugh, why does everyone always come out to me?"

"That's not what he meant, moron." Frank Jr corrected Stewie.

"I-I just wanted to thank you both three for everything you did today." Brian explained. "I know this whole trip has been a mess."

"Well, it hasn't been all day." Stewie admitted. "I must admit, there have been some moments that were, dare I say, fun?"

"yeah, so much fun!" Frank Jr said

"Same here, friend. Same here." Tyler said.

Frank Jr,Tyler, Brian and Stewie

_We're off on the road to Rhode Island_

_We're having the time of our lives_

"Take it, Dog!" Stewie told Brian.

Brian

_We're quite the pair of partners_

Tyler

_Just like Thelma and Louise_

Brian

_Except you're not six feet tall_

Stewie

_And your breasts don't reach your knees_

"Touche" Tyler and Frank Jr said.

Frank Jr, Tyler, Brian and Stewie

_We're off on the road to Rhode Island_

_We're certainly going in style_

Brian leaped on top of a trunk.

Brian

_I'm with three intellectuals_

_where two of them craps inside his pants_

Frank Jr__

_How dare you!_

_At least I don't leave urine stains_

_On all the household plants!_

"Oh, pee jokes." Brian responded to Frank Jr's comeback handing his hand out to the latter.

Brian and Frank Jr

_We've traveled a bit and we've found_

_Like a masochist in Newport_

_We're Rhode Island bound_

"Oo, do me next!" Tyler asked.

"You're-You're kidding, right?" Frank Jr asked Tyler.

Tyler nodded no.

"Well, where do I start?" Stewie asked himself.

Stewie

_You're a teenager who's near sighted_

_And has the sudden courage_

_To sleep with stuffed animals_

"Okay, I'll admit, I walked right into that one." Tyler said dumbfounded as the trunk Brian, Frank Jr and Stewie were on opened and its contents spilled out.

"Crazy travel conditions, huh?" Brian asked.

"First class and no class." Stewie said.

"Whoa, careful with that joke. It's an antique." Frank Jr warned Stewie.

"Actually, this is an antique." Tyler pointed out holding a priceless vase before tossing it aside.

Frank Jr, Tyler, Brian and Stewie

_We're off on the road to Rhode Island_

_We're not gonna stop 'til we're there_

"Maybe for a beer." Brian said wearing a beer drinking hat.

"Or a soda." Tyler then added holding a soda can in his hand.

_Brian and Tyler_

_Whatever dangers we may face_

_We'll never fear or cry_

Frank Jr and Stewie

_That's right_

_Until we're syndicated_

_FOX will never let us die_

_Please?_

Tyler and Frank Jr then pulled out a sign reading "Read this remake instead. Let the real show rot."

Next, the quartet were dressed as hula dancers, then in disco attire and then as ballet dancers.

Frank Jr, Tyler, Brian and Stewie

_We're off on the road to Rhode Island_

Then, Brian was dressed as a baseball pitcher where as he pitched the ball, it flew to Stewie, who was instead dressed in tennis attire and swung the ball to Tyler, who was instead dressed in golf attire and swung the club at the ball, Frank Jr who dress as a volllyball playerhitting it out of the box car.

_The home of that old campus swing_

The ball fell straight for a river below as it showed the train was passing by on a bridge. Back in the box car, Brian, Tyler and Frank Jr were dressed as a 1950s jock.

_We may pick up some college girls_

_And picnic on the grass_

It then zoomed out to show Stewie dressed as a 1950s cheerleader.

Stewie

_We'd tell you more_

_But we would have the censors on our ass_

"Yikes!" Brian and Tyler then said.

Frank Jr, Tyler, Brian and Stewie

_We certainly do get around_

Quickly

_Like a bunch of renegade Pilgrims_

_Who were thrown out of Plymouth Colony_

Normal

_We're Rhode Island bound_

Quickly

_Or like two college freshmen_

_Who were rejected by Harvard_

_And forced to go to Brown_

They then climbed up the ladder outside the box car and stood on the roof. Frank Jr then ended the song in a surprisingly deep voice.

_We're Rhode Island bound!_

Tyler, Brian and Stewie stupified by what Frank Jr just did, but soon believed it was another addition of secret power that helped him sing that last note and they just shrugged it off.

Eventually, it had already been days as Brian mentioned before and everyone had prepared for the trio's return home as Lois, Meg and John hung up a banner reading "WELCOME BACK FRANK JR, TYLER, BRIAN AND STEWIE".

"Look who we found at the train station!" Peter and Frank announced coming in with the quartet.

"My babies!" Lois and Meg said delighted to have Stewie and Frank Jr home as lois smothered Stewie with affection and meg kiss and smothered Frank Jr with equel affection. "Mommy missed you so much!" She kissed Stewie's forehead and gave him a hug.

"Ugh, yes. God forbid you should've put a little eyeliner on for my homecoming." Stewie ridiculed his mother as always.

"Frank Jr, I'm never letting you out of my sight again." Meg hug Frank Jr with love.

"Did you have a nice trip with Brian and Tyler?" Frank asked Stewie and Frank Jr making sure he had fun.

"Oh, yes." Stewie answered rather calmly. "Smooth sailing through calm seas."

Peter and Lois then left the room.

"Hey, uh, kids." Brian said to both Frank Jr, Tyler and Stewie. "Listen, uh, thanks for not ratting me out. Is there anything I can do to pay you back?"

"Oh, yes." Stewie confirmed. "You remember that episode of _The Brady Bunch _where Bobby saved Peter's life and Peter became his slave?"

"Yeah." Brian answered.

"It's on this afternoon. You can tape it for me." Stewie revealed. "And put a nice label on it."

After that, Stewie walked off. All that was left was to see if Tyler wanted anything in return.

"What about-" Brian was about to ask Frank Jr and Tyler.

"No thanks, we're good." Tyler affirmed to Brian, to the latter's relieve.

Tyler and Frank Jr then joined up with Frank, Persephone, John and Meg at the stairs while Brian sat on the couch reading the paper. Chris then came down.

"Hey, Frank Jr, Hey Tyler." Chris greeted Frank Jr and Tyler.

"Hey, Chris." Tyler greeted back. "Happy to see me again?"

"Oh, yeah. I like for you to guess the word I'm thinking of right now." Chris told Frank Jr and Tyler. "And it's definitely not 'kitty'."

"'Kitty'?" Frank Jr and Tyler repeated.

"AH! GET OUT OF MY HEAD! GET OUT OF MY HEAD!" Chris shouted in fear running back up the stairs, to Frank and Meg's worry.

"What it something I said?" Frank Jr asked.

"He'll be fine." John claimed.

However, before we end the episode, another mystery sequence played and it cut back to when Brian was a puppy. As he was carried away by Luke, he then noticed a mysteriously suspicious figure and black and white dog standing at the far end of the barn watching Brian being carried away (No, this figure wasn't blurred-out like the others). The moment he spotted the figure and his dog, Pup Brian was already frozen in far at this Spector-like man and dog. His face wasn't shown as it showed only his suit, his said only one sentence "bye son" and soon he waved goodbye to Brian.

At the Griffin house Frank Jr was reading the mallque book to find out what happen to his older brother hagoromo. Suddenly the book open flash him inside the chapterNew memories the chapter begins at "Rock the House Contest" at the teen New Year's Eve party where Frank and Mystery girl are randomly chosen to sing in front of everybody. At first, they're both shy, but eventually Frank Jr started to sing

**Frank Jr **  
_Living in my own world  
Didn't understand  
That anything can happen  
When you take a chance_

**Mystery Girl **  
_I never believed in  
What I couldn't see  
I never opened my heart_ (**Frank Jr:** _oh_)  
_To all the possibilities, ooh_

**Frank Jr and Mystery Girl**  
_I know_

**Mystery Girl**  
_That something has changed_

**Frank Jr and Mystery Girl**  
_Never felt this way_

**Mystery Girl**  
_And right here tonight_

**Frank Jr and Mystery Girl**  
_This could be the start  
Of something new_

**Mystery Girl**  
_It feels so right_

**Frank Jr and Mystery Girl**  
_To be here with you, ohh  
And now looking in your eyes_

**Mystery Girl (Frank Jr)**  
_I feel in my heart (I feel in my heart)_

**Frank Jr and Mystery Girl**  
_The start of something new_

**Frank Jr**  
Ohhh, yeah...  
_Now who'd of ever thought that_

**Frank Jr and Mystery Girl**  
_We'd both be here tonight _(**Frank Jr:** _Mmm_)

**Mystery Girl (Frank Jr)**  
_(Oh) Yeah, and the world looks so much brighter (brighter... brighter..)  
Oh, with you by my side (by my side)_

**Frank Jr and Mystery Girl**  
_I know that something has changed  
Never felt this way_

**Mystery Girl (with Troy)**  
_I know it for (real)_

**Frank Jr and Mystery Girl**  
_This could be the start  
Of something new  
It feels so right  
To be here with you, ohh  
And now looking in your eyes  
I feel in my heart_

**Mystery Girl**  
_The start of something new_

**Frank Jr**  
_I never knew that it could happen  
Till it happened to me!  
Ohh, yeah..._

**Mystery Girl (with Frank Jr) **  
_(I didn't know it before)  
But now it's easy to (see, ohh!)_

**Frank Jr and Mystery Girl**  
_It's the start  
Of something new  
It feels so right  
To be here with you, ohh  
And now looking in your eyes  
I feel in my heart_

_That it's the start  
Of something new  
It feels so right_ (**Frank Jr:** _so right!_)

**Mystery Girl (with Frank Jr)**  
_To be here with you,_ (_ohh..._)

**Frank Jr and Mystery Girl**  
_And now looking in your eyes_ (**Troy:** _looking in your eyes_)

**Mystery Girl (Frank Jr)**  
_I feel in my heart_ (_I feel in my heart_)

**Frank Jr and Mystery Girl**  
_The start of something new_

**Frank Jr**  
_The start of something new_

**Mystery Girl**_  
_The start of

**Frank Jr and Mystery Girl**  
_Something new..._

Frank Jr discover they have a great chemistry between them and he wanted exchanging numbers. But the dream started to change into something different. First he was at the hidden leaf village then his parents house then at Village Gates

"Thank you for coming to see us off, Hagoromo," Katara said to the Hokage.

"Of course," he happily replied, "I hope to see you again soon. You as well, little one."

Korra didn't seem happy at being called little, but bowed in respect nonetheless.

"Korra!"

Said Avatar looked on to see Frank Jr running toward her.

He finally stopped in front of her to catch his breath, "So…you're leaving now?" he asked.

"Yeah. I have to go home to continue training there." Korra replied, annoyed at the thought of it.

"Oh, I see," Frank Jr said in a sad tone and looked down.

Korra frowned, "But don't worry, I'll come back to see you. Right Master Katara?" she asked hopefully.

Her master smiled, "I don't see a problem with that," she replied as she looked to the leading sentry.

The man sighed, "Fine."

"You really mean that?" Frank Jr asked.

"Sure," Korra replied, "Pinky promise."

"Huh?" Frank Jr asked, confused.

"Pinky promise," Korra said as she held up her fist with her pinky sticking out, "You hold out your pinky and link it with mine."

"Oh. Like this?" Frank Jr asked as he followed Korra's example.

The girl nodded and interlocked her pinky with his, "That way, you'll know for sure that I'll come back again."

Frank Jr smiled brightly, "Alright, then it's a promise," he said "And I promise to get stronger when you come back."

Korra smiled back, "Same here."

When they finally let go, Korra and the others went on their way with their same secret escort.

While riding back Katara talked to her pupil, "So, how did you like your stay at the village?" she asked.

"I enjoyed it. I can't wait to visit him again," Korra replied happily.

Katara smiled.

_With Lord Nine and __Frank Jr_

"Do you think she'll come back soon?" Frank Jr asked.

Hiruzen smiled in response, "I'm sure she meant it, Frank Jr," he said, "After all, we plan on having her visit from time to time, though not too frequently."

Frank Jr nodded, "I can't wait to see what Avatar she turns out to be," he said, smiling.

"That reminds me. Frank Jr, about Korra's identity as the Avatar and the art of bending. Do you mind keeping that between us?"

"Huh? Why?" Frank Jr asked, confused.

"You never know who might try to come after her because of her status. It's best that less people know to keep her safe. Please, promise you'll keep it a secret." The Hokage pleaded.

Frank Jr pondered, "Well, she doesn't seem helpless, but I want to keep my friend safe. Alright Aneki, I promise!" he said with confidence.

"Good," Hagoromo smiled.

They both looked in the distance as the White Lotus continued to leave with the Avatar, looking forward their return.

Suddenly he woke up and look at his hand and said,

"Yeah I pinky promise."

Frank Jr look at the window to see the sunrise

**The End**

**I add the star something new because I'm showing frank jr remembering his love, the next chapter going to be awesome, also another crossover special is coming soon.**


	23. Chapter 21: Let's Go to the Hop

**Chapter 21: Let's Go to the Hop**

**Opening Credits**

_It seems today that all ya see_

_Is violence in movies and sex on TV_

_But where are those good, old-fashioned values_

_On which we used to rely_

_Lucky there's a Family Guy!_

_Lucky there's a man who_

_Positively can do_

_All the things that make us_

_Laugh n' Cry_

_He's_

_a_

_Fam_

_-ily_

_Guy!_

**End**

It was late at night where a storm occurred and while it shot out lightning and thundered, a cargo plane was flying in it. Over its side a huge sticker reading "OVERNIGHT" peeled off to reveal the word "COLUMBIA" all in capital as it panned to the right to another huge sticker this time reading "EXPRESS" which peeled off to reveal more of what the plane really is as it read "CARTEL" and the last huge sticker that read "DELIVERY" peeled off to reveal nothing behind it. Soon after, however, lightning struck the left wing, where inside the plane, smoke produced spreading into the cockpit. This got the attention of the pilots operating the plane, who then jumped out in a hurry.

The pilots discussed with each other about the fate of their aircraft as it cut to the plane crashing into what appeared to be a nearby park. In the aftermath, a toad hopped out of the wreck, along with a few others, who then hopped off into the city.

The next day, two teenagers were walking down a neighborhood.

"Dude, the Bronze Age was so much cooler than the Iron Age." One of the teens said. He had brunette hair, braces and wore a green jacket and a light green beanie and backpack.

"Dude, dude, the Iron Age could kick the Bronze Age's butt any day of the week." The other teen said back to his friend. He had orange hair and wore a light blue jacket and blue backpack.

"Could not." Teen #1 argued shoving his friend.

"Could, too!" Teen #2 defended shoving his friend back.

"Could not!" Teen #1 argued repeating his first statement pushing Teen #2 to the ground, where his tongue just so happened to come in contact with a familiar looking toad. "Ew. Gross, man."

Teen #2 looked at the toad before turning to his friend and getting high from the toad.

"You okay?" Teen #1 asked.

"Whoa!" Teen #2 exclaimed. "Everything's so...significant!" He picked up the toad. "Dude, you gotta try this!"

"Not even!" Teen #1 rejected. "It's got your germs on it."

"Not this end." Teen #2 said turning the toad to its back.

Teen #1 then licked the toad's back and immediately started experiencing the drug trip his friend had.

"I can see the air!" Teen #1 said. "And you what else? I finally get Aaron Sorokin's _Sports Night_. It's a comedy that's too good to be funny."

"Dude, you're tripping'." Teen #2 said as he and his friend skipped merrily down the neighborhood while psychedelic 60s music played in the background.

It cut to the Griffin house where Frank, Frank Jr, Peter, Lois, Brian, John and Tyler were watching a Double Fresh Gum commercial on TV while Lois was folding clothes.

The commercial showed an outdoor pool as two sister swimmers rose from the water and swam over together to get out where it revealed they were conjoined twins as they took out and shared a piece of Double Fresh gum. It showed another pair of conjoined twins who then roll down a hill happily. Next, it showed another pair of conjoined twins whose heads are attached to each other as they rode a bike and shared some Double Fresh gum. Finally, it cut to one last pair of conjoined twins who were attached to the stomache and they were about to take surgery as they crossed fingers.

"Hey, we should go to the circus." Peter suggested as it then cut to Channel 5 News.

"In local news, a new drug craze has Quahog students licked." Diane reported. "It's called 'Toad'."

"'Toad'?" Frank Jr, John and Tyler exclaimed in unison.

"The Columbian Spotted Toad, to be precise, Diane." Tom informed Diane. "When licked, these toads trigger an intense psychedelic euphoria that...that's just great." Diane turned to Tom in confusion as Tom cleared his throat. "Ho-However, this intense psychedelic euphoria also acts as a toxin that can poison the licker. So, if the same toad is licked one too many times, it's game over."

Cuts to the group on the couch.

"This is awful." Lois lamented. "Now the drugs are in the schools?"

Cuts back to Tom and Diane.

"For you parents, toad licking is also known as 'lily padding,' 'Frenching the Prince,' and 'doing Kermit.'" Tom reported.

Cuts back to everyone on the couch.

"I didn't want to know about that last one." Tyler said.

"Well, at least you guys don't watch the Muppets." Frank Jr remarked.

"Well, at least our kids know better." Lois said checking the back pocket of one of Chris' pants. "What the-" To her surprise, she pulled out a live toad. "AH!"

Upstairs, Chris was looking at his sea monkey tank.

"Hello, little sea monkeys." Chris greeted his pets, who were then shown having dinner.

"He's back." The daughter sea monkey said.

"Don't look at him, honey. Eat your potatoes." The father sea monkey told his daughter.

Chris tapped the glass, much to the annoyance of the sea monkey family.

"Steve, do something." The mother sea monkey insisted to her husband.

"Brenda, we've been over this." The father sea monkey reminded the mother sea monkey. "Let's just pick up our plates and go eat in the hollow castle."

They all picked up their plates and headed inside the hollow castle at the other end of the tank.

Frank, Frank Jr, Peter, Lois, Brian, John and Tyler then entered the room and confronted Chris.

"Young man, where did you get this toad?" Lois demanded presenting Chris the toad from in his other pants.

"I-It's not mine!" Chris answered.

"Believe me, Chris, you don't want to mess with drugs." Peter told Chris. "Frank and I tried them once. Big mistake. Things got way too real."

**Cutaway #1**

Peter and Frank were experiencing the effects of a drug that featured them in the real world where only Peter head is still cartoonish in a slightly creepy way as Frank began to freak out over this new setting.

"Holy crap, we are freakin' out!" Frank said with a disturbing lip animation on his mouth.

(A/N: I'm gonna say it right out, REALISTIC PETER IS SCARY!)

**End**

"Peter, may we?" Brian asked as he and Frank stepping in front of Chris. "You're walking down a hallway. You take a left. You keep walking. You take a left! Then a right! Brick wall!"

Chris got scared by this as there were not only Chris' scream, but also the screams of what sounded like girls. Everyone then turned to Frank Jr, John and Tyler.

"Sorry." The Trio apologized in unison.

"Anyway, yeah, he's tweaked." Frank said walking out of the room.

"Am not!" Chris protested.

"All right, smart guy. How many of Tyler do you see?" Frank Jr challenged Chris standing in wide view so that he could see his and possibly the other hallucinations pretending to be Tyler.

"3." Chris answered.

"See? He is trippin'!" Tyler insisted.

"Uh, Frank Jr, Tyler." John asked Frank Jr and Tyler.

"What?" Frank Jr asked as John merely pointed to Tyler's left side as it then showed two other Tyler's standing right there.

"WHERE DID THEY ALL COME FROM?!" Tyler asked.

"You called for us, right?" Tyler #1 asked Tyler with a low-pitched voice.

"Yeah, you said for three of you, right?" Tyler #2 asked with a high-pitched voice.

"GET OUT OF HERE!" Tyler demanded.

The Tyler's did as the real Tyler ordered and left the room.

"Hey, maybe it's Meg and Persephone's toad." Chris theorized.

"What did you say?!" Frank and John asked Chris.

"Oh, now don't you try to palm this off on your sisters." Lois brushed off Chris' claims. "They are both good girls."

"Oh, yeah? What about the time when Meg strangled our other sister?" Chris questioned.

"Well, that's because- Wait, what?" Frank Jr asked being taken by surprise by Chris' question.

"Now, Chris, I told you, that she was place into another family due she being save by a female relative and I own a spin off to someone- I MEAN it was just a very bad dream." Frank told Chris suspiciously.

"But I remember it so-" Chris was about to say.

"IT WAS A DREAM!" Frank, Peter and Lois shouted suspiciously.

Frank Jr, John and Tyler were dumbfounded by this and before they even had the chance to talk, Meg and Persephone came in with a piece of paper.

"Mom, can you sign this for our field trip?" Meg asked.

"Sure, sweetheart." Lois said as she was about to be handed over the paper by Persephone before something caught John's eye, to which he then grabbed Persephone and Meg's wrists and held their hands close to see what he saw. "John, what are you... *gasps* Meg, Persephone you too have a wart!"

Peter and Lois were alone with Meg and Persephone in their room.

"Meg, Persephone how could you bring a toad into this house?" Lois asked them both.

"It's not mine. I was just holding it for a friend." Persephone claimed. "See...it was lunchtime..."

It then flashed back to Meg and Persephone walking by outside while Connie D'Amico and her friends were licking a toad.

"Okay, Connie, you're up." said to Connie handing it to her.

But before Connie could lick the toad, Meg and Persephone walked right into their act.

"Connie D'Amico does toad?" Meg reacted.

"I guess Miss Wears-A-Hat-All-The-Time and Miss Emo who cut herself all-day is gonna narc on us, aren't you too?" Connie D'Amico asked Meg and Persephone as she and the other kids looked down upon them while the Griffin Twins stared at the ground in shame.

"Mr. Berler's coming!"

"Oh, man! We are so busted!" Gina said.

"Put it in here. He won't check us." Meg said opening her backtrack to let Connie hide the toad inside it.

"All right. What's going on back here?" Mr. Berler demanded. "Oh, hello, Megan, Persephone. Wait a minute. Your two aren't part of the popular clique. You too run along and play alone somewhere." Meg and Persephone did as Mr. Berler ordered. "Shame on you all, getting their hopes up like that."

It then flashed back to the present.

"See, I thought if I held Connie D'Amico's toad, she'd make one of the cool guys ask us to the Winter Snow Ball." Meg explained.

"You too holding drugs so someone will invite you both to a dance?" Lois asked realizing Meg and Persephone's intentions. "Meg, Persephone haven't we taught both better than that?"

"Now-Now, hold on, Lois. Now, people do a lot of crazy things just to be accepted." Peter pointed out.

**Cutaway #2**

It showed the Supreme Court Justices in a fraternity type initiation for their new member, David Souter.

"I-I don't know about this." David Souter said laughing a bit.

"Hey, we all did it." Sandra Day O'Connor told Souter walking up to him. "If you wat to be a Supreme Court Justice, you gotta pick up that cherry with your butt cheeks and drop it in that beer." As she said this, it showed a single cherry sitting on top of a stool bench and panned to an obstacle course involving traffic cones, stacked chairs and tires all ending with a mug of beer lying on the floor.

"Come on!" One of the Justices cheered.

"Go, Souter!" Another cheered.

Souter then went for it as he managed to pick up the cherry with his buttocks and carefully navigated his way through the course as the others cheered him on.

"Oh, my God! I can't believe he did that!" One of the Justices exclaimed in amazement.

Souter then reached the goal and safely dropped the cherry in the mug, earning everyone's trust.

"I can't believe he did that!" One of them said as Souter drank the beer and caught the cherry with his teeth. "This guy is so in!"

**End**

"Oh, sweethearts, I'm sure all the boys want to ask you both to the dance." Lois reassured Meg and Persephone. "They're probably just shy or scared."

"Yeah, I was terrified of Pheobe Diamond to the prom." Peter said. "I finally got up the guts, but I-I had this damn nervous twitch."

**Cutaway #3**

A young Peter and Young Jake Sr walked up to Pheobe Diamond, who was a tall cheerleader with blonde, curly hair in pigtails.

"Um, Ph-Ph-Pheobe?" Young Peter asked Pheobe.

"Yeah?" Pheobe responded as Peter began twitching.

"Uh, I-I was wondering if *twitch* if-if you'd, uh *twitch* d-do me the honor of-" Young Peter almost said before his right arm suddenly punched Pheobe so hard through her locker, to Peter and Jake Sr's surprise and worry.

**End**

"I had such a crush on her." Peter reminisced about the glory days as he, too sat down on The Twin's bunk bed. "Until I met you, Lois. You're my silver medal."

The smile on Lois' face quickly faded after hearing that last statement as Peter kissed her on the cheek.

Unbeknownst to them, Frank Jr and John was eavesdropping on the conversation and turned away with a look of concern on their faces.

Later that night, Lois was sitting on the bed in a robe watching a public service announcement about the toad epidemic on her bedroom TV. The PSA was a parody of the classic Tootsie Pop ad as it showed the boy from the ad walking up to an elderly toad.

"Mr. Toad, how many licks of you does it take to get to the center of a Rhode Island State Prison?" The Boy asked the toad as prison bars closed in front of him.

"Just one!" The announcer said as it ended with the words "JUST ONE" on a black title card.

Lois turned off the TV as Peter was getting ready for bed.

"How could this happen?" Lois asked going into her drawer and fetching out some candles, lighting them up and then taking out a black vest and handing it to Peter. "I thought we lived in such a nice, small town."

"Eh, there's no such thing anymore, Lois." Peter said putting on the. "Things are a lot different than when we were kids."

"Well, it just makes me sad." Lois said putting on black stockings.

"Hey, it makes me sad, too, but, uh, you know." Peter said putting on what appeared to be S&amp;M gear.

"I mean, if Meg and Persephone are at risk, then so is Chris." Lois said removing her robe to reveal her also in S&amp;M attire reaching in her drawer and pulling out and putting on fingerless gloves. "And Stewie and Frank Jr will be in preschool before we know it."

"Well, we ju-we just have to trust our kids to stay off drugs is all." Peter recommended putting on spiked cuffs.

"I do trust our kids. It's the other kids I don't trust." Lois said putting on S&amp;M style boots. "It's also John and Tyler I'm worried about. Oh, and to think I wanted to send them to our kids' school to help them relearn their education on account of their amnesia."

"Yeah. Yeah, well, I guess-I guess it's-it's up to us as parents and legal guardians of two amnesiac boys to be a part of the solution." Peter said pulling out an S&amp;M mask. "Frank and I will go talk to the principal tomorrow."

"Thanks, honey." Lois thanked Peter kissing him and putting his mask on. "The safety word is 'banana'."

"I love you." Peter told Lois unzipping his mouth zipper before zipping it back as Lois pushed him on the bed and the door knocked.

"In a minute." Lois said as she put her robe back on and came to the door where she found Frank Jr and John right there. "Frank Jr and John?"

"Mrs. Griffin, I think we've come up with an idea to help you guys out with the drug problem going on." John told Lois.

"Really?" Lois asked. "What is it?"

"Well..." Frank Jr said until it cut to the next morning at James Woods's high school with Peter in the principal's office.

"And that was the plan my houseguest, John and my Grandson Frank Jr told me, Frank Sr and my wife, Principal Shepard." Peter finished telling John and Frank Jr's plan from last night to the school's principal. "So, are you on board?"

"But...y-you didn't tell me anything." Principal Shepard said. "You just sat down and said: "and that was the plan my houseguest, John and Frank Jr told me and my wife." Who the hell is John, Frank Jr anyway?"

"Oh, oh, right." Peter said realizing his mistake. "I guess I better explain first. You see-" It then transitioned to Peter wrapping things up. "And that's what my houseguest, John and my Grandson Frank Jr wishes to do, Principal Shepard."

"Well, Mr. Griffin, I don't approve of letting a couple of boys and talking baby attend this school solely for espionage." Principal Shepard disapproved kicking Peter out of his office.

Peter was back home when the wireless phone next to him rang and he answered.

"I love it!" Principal Shepard was on the other line and reconsidered. "You have the faculty's full support. But how exactly is he going to pull it off?"

"You let me worry about that, kitten." Peter replied hanging up when Frank Jr, John and Tyler walked in. "Hey, John, Frank Jr. Remember that plan you told me and my wife about last night?"

"Yeah." John answered.

"Well, I discussed it with the principal at Meg's school and he liked it." Peter explained. "And you have the faculty's full support."

"What?!" Frank and Frank Jr responded.

"So, starting next week, you boys will be going to school." Peter said.

"WOO-HOO!" Tyler cheered at the news. "Wait, what plan?"

It then showed the entrance to James Woods's high school and then at a poster reading "IF YOU LICK A TOAD... YOU'RE LICKING EVERY TOAD THAT TOAD HAS EVER BEEN WITH" while displaying two toads having coitus as it zoomed out to show students roaming the hallway while one student dressed in a light green t-shirt, dark green pants, sneakers resembling Chris', a blue baseball cap and glasses ran across the halls with an AV cart that had a slide machine on top as he halted while making a tire screech noise right behind Persephone and Meg, who was getting stuff from Persephone's locker.

"Great." Persephone muttered not please about the guy's presence.

"Hey, Persephone. What's got four arms, four legs and one set of lips?" The nerd asked Persephone. "You and me at the Winter Snow Ball. He-eh."

"Look, Neil, she doesn't-" Persephone turned and Meg almost said to the nerd before something off-screen caught her attention. "Oh, my God!"

It was Frank Jr, John and Tyler as they were getting adjusted to their new day at school. Meg and Persephone walked over to them to see if it was really them.

"John, Frank Jr?" Meg and Persephone hollered, which caught John's attention, but he didn't respond seeing that she seemed by him and Tyler's presence. "Tyler?"

"Oh, hi Mom, Hi Aunt Persephone." Frank Jr greeted having no choice, but to confront Meg. "You might be wondering why me, John and Tyler are doing here. Well, that's because-"

"We're new students!" Tyler said. "Sorry, I couldn't help myself."

"Are you guy's crazy?" Persephone asked the Trio. "What are you doing here?"

"We already told you." Tyler said.

"Yeah, you told her." John said. "Look, if you must know, we're going undercover to help get rid of the toad problem in your school."

"Yeah, that way your school can be safe and innocent like the good old' days." Frank Jr said.

**Cutaway #4**

It cut back to the Salem witch trials in a school where a girl was explaining the quadratic formula.

"Negative B, plus or minus radical B squared, minus 4AC over 2A." The girl answered.

"That's correct. A girl answered a math problem. You know what means..." The teacher said seemingly impressed before pointing at the girl. "A WITCH!"

The other students then repeated the word over and over as they pulled out rocks and threw them at the girl.

**End**

"Oh, God, please tell me I have a brain tumor and this is all just a side effect from the chemo." Meg said to herself and Persephone hoping it wasn't really happened.

"Nope, it's real-" Tyler said before getting bonked in the head by Frank Jr and John. "OW!"

"Look, Meg, please don't make such a big deal about this. We're just going to take care of the drug fiasco and we won't have to go here anymore, I swear."

"Hey, what are you doing in my locker?" Frank Jr said to something in his locker as it revealed to be a man.

"Your locker?" The man asked Frank Jr where the other side was revealed to be a train station.

"Say, Phil." Another man called out to the man. "What do you say to happy hour after work?"

"I'd say it looks like Cheryl's gonna have another black eye to explain to the neighbors." Man #1 said as they both laughed. "Come on, I'm buying'."

"Oh, yeah." Man #2 said.

"Weird." Tyler said closing Frank Jr locker. A student walked by Tyler and Frank Jr.

"Hey, man. Cool specs." The guy complimented Frank Jr's glasses.

"Thanks, G!" Frank Jr said to guy. "I'm the new kids, Goruto griffin."

As it shows him look at the Griffin twins say "No relation."

"So tell me, homeboy how about the baggy clothes we kids are wearing these days? "Frank Jr said to the guy.

Aren't they phat and stupid and poppin' fresh?

Meg sighs and John, Tyler, Persephone face palmed at Frank Jr's mistake.

Eventually, lunchtime arrived. Meg and Persephone took a seat at a table while Frank Jr, John and Tyler were coming in.

"Hey, uh, does anybody know where I and my friend can get some toad?" John hollered out hoping to get a lead. "We would like to..." Frank Jr then pulled out a piece of paper. "'French the Prince', uh... Oh, and 'Do some Kermit'"

"Anybody know where we can get toad?" Tyler hollered. "I'll pay you!"

"Guys, get away from us." Persephone demanded to Frank Jr, John and Tyler. "Connie D'amico is looking."

"So, that's Toad Girl?" John asked as it showed he, Frank Jr and Tyler were instead looking at a human-sized toad with long, black hair and a pink outfit before catching a fly with her tongue.

"Yeah." Meg confirmed as it panned to Connie D'amico talking with her friends. "And that's Connie."

"Ooohhhh..." Frank Jr, John and Tyler both exclaimed in realization in unison.

"And I thought for a second 'That is the ugliest popular kid I've ever seen'. Right, Frank Jr? Frank Jr?" Tyler turned to find Frank Jr no longer by him and saw that he and John were headed toward Connie's table. "Where are you going?"

"I'm going to go see if I get something out of her." John answered.

"Good luck." Meg snuffed John's attempt. "She only talks to the cool kids."

"Oh, yeah? Well, we'll see about that." Frank Jr said before heading over to the cool kids' table.

"No!" Meg exclaimed, but it was too late.

Frank Jr stepped over to the cool kids' table and made a Fonz impression and even tried to do use the same technique from the show by tapping on the jukebox, but it obviously didn't work. So, Frank Jr tries it again and a couple of more times, each one getting harder as the glass began to break. It only lead to Frank Jr's anger building up and he soon unleashed his rage at the jukebox as he smashed the machine with his fists.

Upon realizing Frank Jr mistake, John then noticed it got not only the cool kids' attention, but everyone else in the entire cafeteria as well.

"Whoa. That kid just smashed the jukebox!" One of the jocks commented on Frank Jr's actions.

"Just like in the movies!" Another jock said.

"Hey, where'd that kid, guy and his friend go?" One of the girls asked as it cut to the exit door closing.

The incident, however, managed to impress Connie as she began to take interest in the trio.

Later, the trio were sent to detention for the incident in the cafeteria earlier and it was being held at the library as they stepped in and spotted something.

"Holy crud!" Frank Jr said

"It's _The Breakfast Club_!" John exclaimed.

"What are they doing here?" Tyler wondered.

However, instead of the group of the movie of the same name, it was actually a group consisting of cereal mascots such as Toucan Sam, Tony the Tiger, the Trix Rabbit, Lucky the Leprechaun and Captain Crunch.

"You know what I got for Christmas? It was a banner freakin' year at the Tiger House. I got a carton of cigarettes. Old man grabbed me and said 'Hey, smoke up, Tony! They're grrrreat!" Tony ranted. "Bastard."

Later, Frank Jr, John and Tyler were spray painting Thompson Twins Rule and the Nintendo 64 logo on a wall when Connie D'amico and her friends walked in.

"Hey,Goruto, John, Tyler." One of the kids asked the Trio, catching them by surprise.

"Everyone's talking about how you trashed the jukebox. Classic cool." Connie told the duo.

"Uh, thanks?" John thanked awkwardly.

"We're gonna do some toad. You guys in?" Connie offered.

"You're gonna do toad?" Frank Jr asked a bit outraged.

"What's the big deal?" One of the jocks asked.

"Let us tell you about it, stud." Tyler replied back breaking into a musical number in a parody of "You're the One I Want" from _Grease_.

**Frank Jr**

_You'll gets chills all through your body_

**John &amp; Tyler**

_And you'll lose all control_

_Of your bladder and your sphincter_

It cut to Tyler holding a diagram of a sphincter and pointing at it to show what it looked like.

_That's your butt-hole!_

_...*clears throat* In case you didn't know..._

The trio's message was starting to get the other kids' attention.

**Frank Jr, John &amp; Tyler**

_'Cause if you use toad more than once_

_Then we're telling you_

**Frank Jr**

_You can literally kiss your very life good-bye_

**John &amp; Tyler**

_Yeah, when you use toad more than once_

_It will mess you up_

They then entered the building.

**Frank Jr**

_It'll make your mama cry_

Frank Jr, John zooms over to a random student.

**John ****&amp;****Tyler**

_That's no lie_

**Frank Jr**

_And the toxins will fill up your lungs and you will die_

**Frank Jr, John &amp; Tyler**

_Gotta give it up_

**One of the jocks**

_Give up the toad now_

**Frank Jr**

_It's no joke, buddy_

_Give it up_

**Other students**

_Gotta give up the toad now_

**John &amp; Tyler**

_Or you'll croak, buddy_

_Give it up_

**Other students**

_Gotta give up the toad now_

"Oh, and don't smoke." Frank Jr said popping into the boys' restroom opening one of the stalls to reveal a student trying to light a cigarette, who hides it behind his back and gives out a nervous smile.

**John**

_Or you'll see..._

The camera panned to the right to show Frank Jr and Tyler peeing in a urinal with two other guys.

**Frank Jr &amp;Tyler**

_Its hurts to pee_

Tyler sang that last part with an almost higher-pitch tone than usual as he soon noticed everyone looking at them in shock.

"Sorry." Tyler apologized.

They next went to the cafeteria.

**John**

_There'll be blood gushing from ya_

**Tyler**

_Every time that you cough_

It then shows a couple in the hallway and Frank Jr popped in right next to them.

**Frank Jr**

_And forget being lucky_

"It falls off..." John whispered to four male students who then covered their crotches in fear as Frank Jr, John and Tyler then entered a biology class.

**Frank Jr, John and Tyler**

_Yeah, ya better wise up_

_'Cause we're telling you_

Frank Jr slipped plastic gloves on and used the dead frog as a puppet.

**Frank Jr**__

_Toad is what Goruto forbid_

John then threw the dead frog in a nearby trashcan.

**Frank Jr, John and Tyler**

_Gotta give it all up!_

Meg and Persephone was by Meg's locker when they noticed three students skipping by them in the beat of Frank Jr, John and Tyler's song.

**John &amp; Tyler**

_Or ya gonna see_

**Frank Jr**

_Your whole life will hit skids_

**Tyler**

_And your parents will lose you, kids_

**Frank Jr**

_And your own kids be born without eyelids_

**Frank Jr, John &amp; Tyler**

_Gotta give it up_

**Students**

_Give up the toad now_

_Thanks to you, __Goruto_, _John &amp; Tyler_

**Frank Jr**

_Give it up_

Then, it suddenly showed Peter, Frank Sr and Brian reading the paper and lowered it to sing briefly.

**Peter, Frank Sr &amp; Brian**

_Give up the toad now_

It then cuts back to Frank Jr, John and Tyler, who were now passing by rows of students.

_Thanks to you, Goruto, John &amp; Tyler_

**John &amp; Tyler**

_Give it up_

**Students**

_Gotta give up the toad now_

_Oh-oh-ohhh_

**Frank Jr**

_We're no fools_

_Being good is super cool_

They all finished the song by jumping through an Anti-Toad sign.

**Everyone**

_YEAH!_

"You guys are the coolest." One of the jocks praised Frank Jr, John and Tyler.

"Yeah, we never spontaneously broke song and dance while at the same time realizing the dangers of drugs before you two arrived." Jock #2 said.

"I'll never touch another toad again." Jock #1 said. "None of us will."

Everyone else agreed with what the jock said.

"Good." Frank Jr said.

"I know I won't." Persephone said as she and Meg trying to be a part of the crowd.

"You never did it in the first place." One of Connie's friends said calling Meg out. "God, you're such a wannabe loser."

"Oh, yeah? If we're such a loser, how come I'm going to the Winter Snow Ball with John?" Persephone said back.

"Yeah, how-" John was about to say before he froze as the sound of glass breaking was played in the background. "What was that now?"

"Aunt Persephone, you got a date with J-man?" Frank Jr asked Meg excited. "Man, I can't wait to tell grandma..." Frank Jr than saw Meg displeased with what he just said. "...whom me, John and Tyler are looking forward to meeting...and I hope is making steakums tonight..."

"Hey, Meg, Persephone, wanna ditch and go to the mall?" Connie offered the twins.

"Sure." Meg accepted Connie's offer eagerly. "See you, guys."

Everyone else left the hallway, leaving only Frank Jr, John and Tyler left to remain.

"Wow, I never would've bet that you'd get a date like that." Tyler remarked on his best friend's success. "And you're going to the Winter Snow Ball with Persephone, too! Isn't this a dream come true, J-man? J-man?"

To Tyler's confusion, he found John now in a trance.

"J-man?" Frank Jr asked when he snapped his fingers. After that, John then immediately went back into reality screaming in a high-pitched, child-like scream until Frank Jr and Tyler slapped him in the face. "J-man, what's wrong?!"

"Me going to the dance with Persephone, that's wrong!" John responded in a nervous tone.

"What?" Frank Jr exclaimed. "But John, don't you love, Aunt Persephone?"

"Of course, I do." John reassured. "It's just that... Whenever I do try to tell her how I really feel about her, my mouth gets dry, I start to sweat and shake, and I can't breathe..."

"But you're not telling Persephone your feelings, you're just gonna take her to the dance." Tyler reminded John.

"You're missing the point!" John shouted to Frank Jr and Tyler, much to the latter's surprise. "This could be the farthest I might ever get to being with Persephone and I don't want to risk losing her trust."

"Oh... Well, we obviously can't have that now, can we?" Tyler said. "Look, J-man, I think the best way to deal with this is to just be happy she's happy. I mean, isn't that why you got yourself (and me for that matter) into this place just so you could protect her from a life of crime?"

Tyler's words hit John as the latter let them sink in and he realizes maybe Tyler was right.

"Yeah, now that ya mention it, you're right." John said. "I shouldn't let my feelings come between me and my friendship with Persephone. Whatever happens between us doesn't matter as long as we're still friends in the end."

"That's the spirit." Frank Jr rooted for John.

Later that night, it was dinnertime and Meg was talking about her day with her sister, her son, John and Tyler at her school.

"And they swore they've never do toad again." Meg finished excitedly.

"Frank Jr, John and Tyler never came to sing at my school." Chris said sounding a bit disappointed. "I don't want dessert."

"I still say he's tripping'." Frank said.

"I gotten hand it to my Grandparents. Going to school was the best idea you've ever supported Frank Jr and me with." John told Peter and Lois. "Plus, there are other kids who have guns like me."

"Yeah, and today in study hall, we farted real loud on purpose, you know, to make the guys laugh and I swear, it was so heinous, Susie Johnson ralphed up her Salisbury steak." Both Frank Jr, Tyler and John let out a laugh.

"Ugh, I'm-I'm sorry! Is this really proper dinner conversation?!" Stewie asked disgusted by Frank Jr, John and Tyler's story.

"Well, Mr. Griffin and I are glad you boys taught those kids they don't have to do drugs to be popular." Lois said to the duo.

"They sure did." Persephone agreed cheerful. "Who needs drugs when you can go to the dance with one of the coolest guys in school? Going with John is gonna skyrocket me up the popularity food chain!"

"It's true." Peter said. "Soon, members of the Math Club will be attaching themselves to your underbelly for transportation."

"Yeah!" John said excitedly before realizing. "Wait a minute. Oh, well, you won't be needing me and Tyler any longer after the dance."

"Oh, yeah, I forgot you won't

"Wait a minute, boys, you can't quit school after one dance." Lois reasoned. "How long are you two going to keep up this charade, anyway?"

"Just 'til Friday." Meg explained.

"Yeah, Grandma, you know we only went to school to get rid of the toad problem." Frank Jr reminded Lois. "The principal even agreed to allow us to choose if we want to continue going or not after we fix the problem."

"Please, Mom?" Persephone asked as she, Meg, Frank Jr, John and Tyler begged.

"Well, if this is what you all want." Lois said deciding to allow it.

"YES!" Frank Jr, John and Tyler exclaimed pleased when the phone rang.

"Oh, it's probably Connie calling for me." Persephone assumed going to the kitchen to answer the phone.

"Hello?" Persephone answered the kitchen phone hoping it was for her, but soon found out it wasn't. "Oh. Yeah, hold on. It's for John."

"For me?" John asked stepping over to receive the phone from Persephone, who walked back to her seat disappointed. "Hello? Um, sure, we can talk. Uh, Connie wants to talk with me in the other room." John gave the kitchen phone to Tyler before exiting to the living room. "I got it!"

"You know, Mother, this could almost have passed for a palatable banana pudding. But...without Nilla Wafers, it's just another one of your wretched, culinary abortions!" Stewie criticized Lois's cooking shoving his bowl to the floor crashing. "Now clean it up!" Until Frank Jr grab the bowl food and threw it at stewie face and said "bone appetite bitch."

Eventually, Friday arrived and it showed Persephone getting stuff from her locker when Neil came behind her with the AV cart and slide machine again. He used the slide machine to display a message on the inside of Persephone's locker reading "WILL YOU GO TO THE DANCE WITH ME?"

"I don't think so." Persephone shot down Neil's offer disgusted.

Neil displayed another message reading "WHY NOT?".

"Neil, I'm a little out of your league." Persephone told Neil. "Besides, I'm going with John."

"Really?" Neil asked. "Because my underground sources have inform me that John is taking Connie D'amico."

"What?!" Persephone and Meg exclaimed surprised.

Meanwhile, Frank Jr, John and Tyler were chatting when Meg confronted John.

"Hey, I thought you were taking Persephone to the dance!" Meg said to John in outrage.

"I am." John said otherwise unaware of what Meg was taking about. "What are you-"

"Hey, kids!" Peter called out walking in.

"Dad?" Meg and Persephone exclaimed.

"What are you doing here?" John asked.

"Oh, uh, can I talk with you in private, John?" Peter asked.

"Okay." John agreed as he and Peter walked off-screen signifying that they've entered another room when John shouted from inside the room. "I'M GOING WITH WHO?!"

As it turns out, Peter set John up with Connie D'amico without his approval. That night, the rest of the family heard the news and Frank, Meg, Lois was very upset with Peter.

"Peter, how could you do this to John and Persephone?" Lois asked Peter in outrage.

"Not now, honey, I'm helping John write a book report on _Oliver Twist_." Peter blew off Lois' question.

"Yes, 'Oliver Twit' if you ask me." Stewie commented. "I would have done things differently, I can tell you that."

**Cutaway #5**

The cutaway was a reenactment of a scene from _Oliver Twist _as Stewie in the role of the titular character walked down the workhouse cafeteria to the pot of gruel, which was guarded by Mr. Bumble.

"Please, sir, I want some more." Stewie asked Mr. Bumble quoting the famous line.

"What?" Mr. Bumble exclaimed.

"Please, sir, I want some more." Stewie asked again.

"More?" Mr. Bumble repeated reaching to grab Stewie until the latter pulled out a laser.

"All right, stop it! Stop it right there!" Stewie ordered. "Now go on! Fill up the bowl! Go on!" Mr. Bumble immediately did as Stewie ordered. "That's it. Now...put on this dress." Stewie tossed a pink dress to Mr. Bumble, who seemed confused by the request. "PUT IT ON!" Once again, Mr. Bumble did as Stewie commanded. "Now dance!" Stewie then fired the laser at Mr. Bumble's feet as he tried to avoid the blasts as possible.

**End**

"Hey, hey, Brian, the guy who wrote this, his name, 'Charles Dickens'." Peter pointed to Brian before laughing immaturely.

"I want an explanation, Father." Meg demanded Peter.

"Hey, Connie pulled a power move on John." Peter explained. "And when the most popular girl in school asks a boy to the dance, you don't say no. You say, 'Hobba hobba hobba hobba hobba, okay!' Trust me, John will thank me for what I did."

"I just can't understand why you forced John to go with Connie D'amico instead of your own daughter." Frank said.

"Guys, its simple transference." Brian pointed out. "See, to Peter, John is really him when he was in high school and Connie D'amico is really Phoebe Diamond, the most popular girl when he was in high school. He only wanted to help John in order to relive his high school years again through him."

"Oh, my God, Lois, I think he's right!" Peter told Lois realizing what Brian was talking about. "'Cause-'Cause-'Cause when John told us about his plan, I wasn't thinking about John, I was thinking about me."

"Okay, this whole thing is ridiculous!" Lois said having had enough. "We forbid you from taking John to the dance!"

"You can't tell me what to do!" Peter argued. "And why do you care that much about the kid, anyway?! You're not his real mom!"

"End of discussion!" Meg argued.

"Thank you for ruining my chance to be a kid again!" Peter whined. "You don't know what it's like to be my age!"

"I'm two years younger than you!" Lois replied as Peter ran up the stairs and into him and Lois' room.

(A/N: According to the commentary for this episode, Peter was 42 and Lois was 40 at the time this aired.)

"I HATE YOU!" Peter shouted at Lois crying as he ran to his bed and lied on his stomache before looking over to an _Aluman Brothers _poster on the wall. "Greg Allman, how did you handle it when life got you down?"

"Me?" Greg Allman responded and thought for a moment. "I did a lot of drugs, married some broad named Cher. I wouldn't recommend either one of them."

Peter then thought for a moment.

"I gotta fight for my right to party!" Peter declared.

It then cut to John in him and Tyler's room when Peter entered.

"Knock, knock. Can I come in?" Peter asked.

"Go away." John said.

"Okay, good." Peter said ignoring John's answer and coming in. "Hey, why aren't you dressed yet? You're supposed to take Connie D'amico to the Winter Snow Ball."

"Like heck I am." John rejected. "Mrs. Griffin told me you're not supposed to take me to the dance. So, I'm staying."

Peter was displeased by John's attitude until.

"Okay, fine. Don't go to the dance." Peter said. "I'll just go up and tell Meg your secret."

"What are you talking about?" John rose up and asked Peter.

"If you don't take Connie D'amico to the dance, I'll tell Meg about your most embarrassing secret."

"You wouldn't dare!" John said.

"You really think I won't?" Peter intimidated John.

John felt threatened by Peter's blackmail due to the fact that his secret crush on Meg was in jeopardy and realized he had no other choice.

"All right. You win." John begrudgingly gave in to Peter's blackmail.

"Great. Here's your tux." Peter said handing John a tuxedo. "And make it snappy, okay? We gotta pick Connie up in about a few minutes."

John sighed in disappointment.

Meanwhile, Lois and Meg came to cheer up Meg with Frank, Frank Jr and Tyler.

"Sweetie?" Lois asked Persephone, who was on her bed crying.

"Can we come in?" Tyler asked.

"Your best friend is a total jerk, Tyler." Persephone told Tyler.

Frank, Frank Jr, Lois and Tyler then stepped and sat by Meg's side.

"Oh, honey, John didn't mean to hurt you." Lois comforted Meg.

"Yeah, your dad was the one that tried to pair J-man and Connie." Tyler explained. "So, please don't be too hard on him."

"And you know, you could still go to the dance with me and Meg." Frank said.

"Alone?" Persephone asked. "Why don't I just tattoo a big 'L' on my forehead while I'm at it?"

"Now, Persephone, you know how me and mom feelings on tattoos." Meg reminded Persephone.

"That could work." Frank and Frank Jr said.

"Guys!" Meg and Lois exclaimed.

"What?" Frank asked as Lois whispered in his ear. "Oh. Sorry."

"You know, if you stay home, you're just proving to the other kids you don't belong there." Lois pointed out.

"Yeah." Persephone sighed seeing her mother's point.

"And you might have a really good time." Lois continued. "I'll tell you one thing, I still regret not going to my junior dance."

It then flashbacked to Lois as a teenager wearing a purple prom dress while being tied to a chair with her date by criminals. She was talking with her father on a phone.

"B-But Daddy, if you don't do as they say, they'll kill me!" Lois told her father in tears scared.

The scene then split into two showing both Lois and Carter.

"Sorry, Pumpkin, you know we don't negotiate with kidnappers." Carter reminded Lois not seeming to care about her situation. "Family policy."

"Daddy, no!" Lois pleaded. "Please! Please!"

Carter, however, hung up as he went back to his paper.

"She'll be all right." Carter assured.

It flashed back to the present.

"You know, honey, John got rid of the drugs just for you." Lois told Persephone. "And you were the only person he wanted to go with on the Winter Snow Ball."

"Really?" Persephone got up and asked.

"Are you kidding? He's nuts about you." Frank Jr told Persephone almost giving away John's crush on her as Lois elbowed him hard. "Ow!"

"Wow. I had no idea." Persephone said as she started to see John in a new light.

"Tell you what? Why don't you go with Tyler?" Meg recommended.

"Yeah, Persephone, I don't have a date." Tyler said. "Plus, I'm one of the most popular kids in school, remember?"

"Oh, yeah. I totally forgot." Persephone said remembering. "Thank you, Tyler."

"So, come on. What do ya say?" Lois asked Persephone.

"Well..." Persephone said getting up. "I do have that really slutty dress you hate."

Lois then kissed her daughter's cheek as a sign of love. Just then, Tyler then had a vision of two silhouettes together with one appearing to be kissing the other on the cheek almost exactly like what Lois just did.

"Tyler?" Meg called out to Tyler, who just snapped back into reality. "Is everything all right?"

"Uh, yeah, yeah, I'm fine." Tyler said not wanting to worry Lois, Persephone, Frank, Frank Jr and Meg.

Meanwhile, Peter and John arrived at Connie D'amico's house waiting for her in the living room with her parents. Peter was busy scarfing down on potato chips while John looked bored.

"So, uh, John, how old did you say you were again?" Mr. D'amico asked John.

"Seventeen." Peter answered instead, though the parents weren't impressed. "A-And a half."

"Why are you here?" Peter Mr. D'amico asked Peter.

"Sweet statutory, you look beautiful!" Peter praised Connie's appearance. "Right, John?"

"Huh? Oh, uh, yeah, yeah, great." John said not caring.

They then exited the house as Connie's parents looked at each other.

"Don't worry, he'll take good care of your kid." Peter reassured the parents. "I got a daughter of my own, you know."

Connie's parents were frozen in horror at what Peter just said.

Back home, Lois entered her and Peter's bedroom to talk to Peter where he triggered a wire below her, which started a tape machine underneath the sheets. Lois was about to turn on the lights when...

"Please leave the light off, Lois." The machine's recording of Peter played. "I don't want to be seen right now."

"I imagine you wouldn't, the way you've been acting." Lois remarked.

"I thought you might say something like that." The machine continued.

"Well, you do have it coming." Lois said. "Anyway, I convince Persephone to go to the dance with Tyler. So, I'm gonna go drop them off." She was about to leave until...

"Please don't yell, Lois." The machine played. "I've learned my lesson."

"I wasn't yelling." Lois said. "I was just sayin-"

"Ugh, you would bring that up." The machine continued more, making Lois suspicious. "Can't you leave the past where it belongs?"

"Peter, what's wrong with you?" Lois asked Peter.

"Because I've already explained that to you!" The machine continued. "It was a scavenger hunt!"

Lois finally turned on the light and examined the bed to find the tape recorder.

"What the hell is going on here?" Lois asked.

"Lois, if you still haven't discovered I'm gone, please flip over to side B." The tape recorder finally finished.

Peter and John made it to the Winter Snow Ball with Connie where inside, John was dancing with Connie, though he was obviously not having a good time as the song "Get Outta My Dreams" by Billy Ocean played in the background. John then did a couple of dance moves similar to how Peter did them as Lando in the original episode.

"Nice moves, John." Connie praised John.

"Yeah, okay..." John replied still upset.

"Hey, can I ask you something?" Connie asked John.

"What?" John asked.

"Why is the guy who drove us here with us?" Connie asked John pointing to Peter, who was watching them.

"Oh, uh, he's, uh...he's just making sure we don't get into any trouble." John lied.

"You mean like being alone together?" Connie asked seductively.

'Dangit, why did I brought that up?!' John thought.

"Okay, everyone. The votes are in." An emcee announced holding the winning vote in his hand. "This year's King and Queen are... John and Connie D'amico!"

"Oh, my goodness! Oh!" Peter said excited.

"Let's get this over with." John said not really caring about winning as he knelt down to let the emcee place a crown on him.

However, John looked over to the audience and found Tyler with Persephone, Frank and Meg. It almost broke his heart to find Persephone being with his best friend instead.

"Okay, you know what, Mr. Griffin? Go ahead and tell Persephone my secret! I don't care anymore!" John told off Peter. "Everyone, I have a confession. I've been living a lie. I didn't want to go with Connie." The crowd was surprised by John's words. "The girl I really wanted to go with...was Persephone Griffin."

"What?!" Peter and Connie reacted in unison.

"PERSEPHONE GRIFFIN!" John shouted at them. "Anyway, she's right over there with Tyler, my best friend and her sister Meg Griffin."

The spotlight moved to the right, but ended up passed Tyler and Persephone.

"No, no, no, to the left!" John said the spotlight went passed Tyler and Persephone g again. "No, no, you had them." It went passed them again. "No, no, go back, go back. Jez, got a flippin' monkey working the spotlight or something?"

Frank Jr then used Chaos Control to teleport where the guy handling the spotlight was and did the job for him aiming it directly at Tyler and Meg as Frank Jr warped back to their side.

"Thank you, Frank Jr!" John thanked Frank Jr.

"You're welcome!" Tyler replied back.

"Anyway, that's who I wanted to go with." John said. "But I messed up and I dumped her for popularity. So, now heartbroken, I will ride with Goruto recklessly into the night and up Dead Man's Curve. Goodbye, Persephone! I love you!"

John and Frank Jr then jumped on a motorcycle that was in the gym for some reason and about to drive out of the building as students got out of their way, but they stopped for a moment right next to Tyler, Persephone, Frank and Meg where John gave them a wink before driving off.

Persephone smiled at what John did for her as she and Tyler were about to begin their night at the dance.

"Persephone, wanna dance?" A boy asked Persephone.

"I was here first." Another boy said. "Persephone, dance with me?"

"Excuse me, but I'm her date, fellas." Tyler told them.

"Oh, sorry, Tyler. We didn't see you there." One of the boys apologized.

"Yeah, we had no idea, we swear." The other said.

Persephone turned and found Neil by himself. Tyler then let Persephone go seeing she wants to give Neil some pity.

"Neil, would you-" Persephone asked Neil.

"I'd be hono-" Neil was about to say before he was suddenly hit by John on his motorcycle.

John jumped out and came over to Meg. "Oh, who am I kidding? I'll still dance with you, Persephone. Tyler, do you mind?"

"Not at all." Tyler said.

"Thanks." John thanked Tyler as he dragged Meg to the dance floor and the two of them were having a good time. While dancing, they both soon had a feeling that this felt right as they soon had their own dance photo together. Frank Jr then jumped on the motorcycle and drive out of the building.

The next day, the news reports that "Goruto" died when he went off Dead Man's Curve. Although no body was found, the police "decided not to ask questions and just let everyone get on with their lives". Everything seemed like it was back to normal as almost everyone (Persephone wasn't there) was having breakfast.

John was then greeted a kiss on the cheek by Lois, to his surprise.

"I'm so proud of you." Lois praised John.

"For what?" John asked confused.

"For standing up for my daughter, that's why." Lois explaining. "Plus, I think a certain someone owes you an apology. Right, Peter?"

"Yeah, I'm really sorry about almost blabbing your secret to Meg." Peter apologized to John. "I mean, come on, she wouldn't mind if you picked your nose."

"That's the secret you threatened me with?" Frank Jr asked Peter.

"Yeah. What did you think it was?" Peter replied.

"Nothing." Frank Jr lied going back to his cereal.

"Oh, John, Tyler, thank you so much!" Persephone and Meg came in and hugged John and Tyler, to their surprise. "We were the most popular couple at the dance. And thank you for pretending to be my boyfriend for the dance, John."

"Yeah, it's no trouble at all-Wait, what?" John reacted.

"I don't know where you guys got the idea, but it was brilliant!" Persephone said.

"Oh, oh, yeah, it's was-it was all part of the plan..." John lied drinking his milk, but then thought. 'Oh, who am I fooling? I'm glad Persephone doesn't know about my secret yet. At least I managed to make her happy.'

"Well, I'm off to popularity." Persephone said. "Ciao!"

"God, I hate that manly walk of hers." Stewie said.

"You're asking for trouble, stewie." Frank Jr warned Stewie.

"Oh, am I?" Stewie challenged his nephew. "Well, who says I shouldn't?"

"Him." Tyler answered.

Stewie looked to where Tyler was pointing at John. Luckily for Stewie, John was too busy admiring Meg.

"I'll give those two six months until your friend gets her pregnant." Stewie commented on John and Meg's relationship.

"Hurry, boys or you're going to be late for school." Lois told John and Tyler.

"Oh, right." John and Tyler both said finishing their breakfast and dashing out of the house over to James Woods High.

At school, the song "Don't You (Forget About Me)" by Simple Minds played as it showed John (right), Meg and Persephone (middle) and Tyler (right) becomes cool at school walking down a hallway. It then showed a yearbook opening to show both John and Meg's Winter Snow Ball photo then a picture of Goruto, dedicated to Goruto in a parody of the ending to _The Breakfast Club_. As the movie parody ends, Frank Jr raises his fist in triumph as he walks across the football field for home.

**Mc Burgertown's Restaurant**

Frank Jr walked out of the restaurant as his time to return home before he received a text from Peter.

"Grandpa?" Frank Jr asked as he read the text, "I've got something interesting I wanted show you. Come check it out." he scrolled down to see the Omnitrix, "What is that?" he read the address to where he would be and to meet him at.

**Abandoned warehouses**

Meg and Frank walked around, apparently meeting with someone, and turned to see Frank Jr coming to them.

"Yo." Frank Jr greeted with a wave.

"Why are you here, Frank Jr?" Meg asked in confusion, he was the last person she would expect to see around the edge of town.

"Well, Grandpa told me to come." he answered as he walked past his parents and the two looked for Peter. They both walked until they stopped to see what's before them. A bunch of strange-colored plants on the ground and a zipper portal on one of the warehouses walls catching Frank Jr's attention. And what's really strange about the portal is that looked exactly like one of those portals where the Aliens from Family Guy Oc jumped in and out of after being summoned with by the another.

"What kind of plant is this?" Meg asked as she observed one of the strange plants.

"Mom." Frank Jr said getting her attention and she walked to him to see the portal, "Where do you think this leads to?" he and Frank walked in to see where it goes.

"Wait!" Mai protested, but joined in with them anyway.

They've both entered a strange forest that is filled with trees and vines, with purple fruits growing out them.

"Where do you think we are?" Meg asked him.

"I don't know." Frank replied.

Meg and Frank then saw something with panic as she pulled Frank Jr with her and Frank Jr behind a tree, "What?!" he asked.

Frank shushed him, "Shh, look." he pointed to where he's seeing. Frank Jr looked into his direction and couldn't believe his eyes.

Frank Jr, Frank and Meg, behind a tree, saw a pair of human sized Alien in opposition of the miniature sized ones used in the Murder games. The blue one was observing some purple fruits while the red was eating another. The red stopped eating as it threw the fruit to the ground to see that it hasn't been eaten yet, which seems to be that it wasn't ripe yet. The blue one chowed down on one which means it was ripe.

"Aren't those... Aliens?" Frank Jr asked quietly not wanting to get their attention.

"Yeah." Meg replied in the same tone.

"So this is where they lives?" Frank asked as he walked around and spotted one of the purple fruits growing out of a tree. The fruit stem resembled the lock arms of Lockseeds and the inner layer of it looks like lychee. And so Frank plucked two out of the vines to observe them.

Meg and Frank Jr looked at Frank skeptically to see what he's going to do, and failed to notice something stalking behind them that's green and has long claws.

'You know... these look pretty tasty.' Frank thought and looked ready to take a bite, but...

**SNARL! **Meg and Frank Jr turned around and Frank broke out of his trance to look at a fully grown Mutant alien, but this one was completely different. It was human sized, has a resemblance of an orange tiger with red eyes, green skin upper body and gray legs. It has jade shell like armor, has long sharp claws to the right hand and oriental markings on its body. This was the Byakko alien.

The three were in great panic, "Aah!" Meg shrieked and backed away.

Frank Jr grabbed Mai's hand, "Mom!" he shouted and the three ran for their lives with the Byakko Alien in pursuit. They ran as fast as they can, but the beast was still behind them.

"This way!" Frank exclaimed as they turned right and hid behind a tree, hoping to lose the monster.

After a moment Frank looked out to see if it's there or not, and it wasn't, "I think we lost It." he said and Meg gave a sigh in relief and took a breather.

After a quick second to rest, she noticed something on the ground with her eyes widen, "Guys, look!" Meg pointed, Frank and Frank Jr looked into her direction. It was the same device that Peter wanted to show Frank Jr, Frank and Mai, lying on the ground. The Omnitrix.

Frank Jr walked over to it to pick it up and show it to Meg and Frank, "Isn't this... what Grandpa wanted to show us?" he asked.

"Then that means Dad came through this forest too. Right?" Meg wondered as she glanced around.

Frank Jr held up the device and held it near his wrist and asked, "What is this? It looks like a watch, doesn't it?" he placed it on his wrist, and when he did, he was surprised when the watch formed around him, connecting him and the watch. The Omnitrix changes its colors to Red and Golden with a green core because The AI, Omni the Omnimatrix III, she loves Frank Jr's colors. Frank then looked at the fruits in his hand where they transformed into Alien icon, an Heatblast icon where it has the imprint 'OM-01,' and the Diamond head with the imprint 'OM-06.'

"Eeh?!" was the reaction of Frank Jr, Frank and Meg when they saw the transformation.

"What are these?! Hero icon?!" Meg asked in surprise.

Frank looked baffled before he spoke, "Then..." he looked around, "All of these are..." he kept looking before a familiar face appeared before them, the Byakko Alien.

"It found us!" Meg exclaimed as the three ran away again.

Frank Jr, Frank and Meg ran out through the portal where they came from, but unfortunately for them, the Byakko Alien was hot on their trail as it jumped through.

"Meg, Frank Jr This way!" Frank instructed as they ran through the warehouses. They kept on running and ran through a few obstacles, but they got through until they finally found a safe spot to hide.

They both sat down to take a breather with Meg asking, "What the heck was that thing?! An Alien?!"

"I don't know..." Frank muttered through his breaths, Frank Jr looked to his Heatblast icon before turning it at the back to see that it has an octagonal shape. He looked at his Watch in the middle and placed his thumb into it to see that it had a circle porthole that the icon can fit into.

And he motioned his other thumb on his icon before looking at it.

**ROAR! **The Byakko Alien roared as the markings on its body glowed and shot beams out of them and they attack everything in its sight. One of the beams almost got the two, but Frank tried cover Meg from the hit, but missed. Frank Jr looked up to think about the situation they're in before he looked back at Meg and Frank.

"Guys, when I draw his attention, I want you two to run away from here as fast as you can." Frank Jr instructed not wanting them to get hurt. He was their son since childhood and there is no way that he's going to let them get killed for both their sake. And no way in Hell was he going be killed by her mother before the Alien does.

"Wait, what are you saying Frank Jr?!" Meg asked in disbelief at his stupid heroic effort.

"I'll be okay! Just go find help!" Frank Jr reassured her, "At this rate, one of us should at least get out of here alive!" he got up and ran out of cover.

"Frank Jr!" Meg called out to see her reasoning with him was in vain. Frank ran after him.

Frank Jr ran out of the alley to get the monster's attention, "Hey, I'm right here Ugly!" he insulted before he ran away getting its attention and the Alien chased after him. Frank Jr used his impressive parker skills to jump over a barrel and a couple of crates, and another big crate before he ran again. He looked back to see the alien still in pursuit of him, crashing through the obstacles that Frank Jr ran over like it was nothing.

Frank Jr stopped to see that a fence blocked his path and looked back at the alien and found a couple of pipes lying around. So he picked one up as the alien finally caught up with him.

"Take this freak!" Frank Jr yelled as he swung it at the alien, but it didn't even flinch by the attack. He tried again, but was swatted away by the it's claw and the monster struck his face, staggering him. It kicked him in the gut making him double over before it held him up high and threw him to a fence.

Frank Jr groaned in pain as he rolled on the ground after landing hard, he had blood seeping out of his mouth and he struggled to get up as he saw the Byakko Alien growling and coming towards him slowly.

He touched his watch, but mainly to his faceplate before he gained an idea as he looked to his Heatblast icon and gained a look of determination. At this rate, it's either do or die, and there's no way in hell that he's going to die right now.

Using what's left of his strength, he got up to raise his right arm up holding his heatblast icon and pressed the button on the side. The lock opened and the orange glowed a bit.

**"Heatblast!"**

And a zipper portal materialized above him and opened in a circle. Instead of an alien, a giant red orb appeared, but it wasn't a normal orb, it was heatblast in the orb. Kouta then plugged in the Heatblast icon into the porthole of his watch and closed the lock as it disappears into the watch before it shined again.

**"Lock On!"**

The belt made a horn sound like they used in the Sengoku period before it mixed in with Techno Japanese music as the Byakko Inves stared at him in annoyance.

"What should I do next?" Frank Jr asked before he noticed at the heatblast image, "This?" He pushed the image down and in a flash of green light, he was different.

**"It's Hero Time!"**

It change the front off of the icon with the core attached to it was hanging off of it. The inside of the core had a picture of an alien on fire with the blade resembling a key.

And the orb dropped on Frank Jr's head and landed on his shoulders. Then energy surged out of the orb and went through Frank Jr's body, which coated him in magma. He had a body is composed of a bright inner magma body covered by a dark red or brown rocks. On the left side of his belt was the kingdom key keyblade.

**"Heatblast! Pyronite On Stage!"**

"Eh, I'm Pryonite now?" Frank Jr asked in bafflement before his head was covered in a flames, yellow eyes, and he looks like ghost rider. As a fire-based entity, his body radiates high amounts of heat. His feet has a slight oval-like design with only two toes and one back toe. Frank G Mallque Jr is now Keyblade Master Red or Heatblast red, and he wields the Keyblade and the Drago Saber.

"Huh?" Heatblast asked looking at the red blade in his hand before looking down at himself in bafflement, "Eeeh?!"

The Byakko alien didn't care as it jumped towards him, which caught him off guard, and it grabbed him by the shoulders and started smacking him with his clawed hand.

"Hey! Ow! Ow! That really hurt ya jerk!" Heatblast yelled as he flipped it off his back making it land on its back. The Pyronite looked at himself to see that he's unharmed, "Hey, that didn't hurt at all." he was then chased by the alien into a warehouse.

"Hey hold on now!" heatblast said as he raised his keyblade up to block the incoming attack before he was slammed into a wall and blocked its attack again, "S-stop it! I said knock it off!" he slashed him vertically through the chest with sparks flying out of it. And he did it again horizontally before he paused to see it still standing, "Huh? Uh-oh! Wait, wait a minute now." he backed away before being pushed into a couple of boxes and through some barrels and crates outside as he rolled over.

Heatblast got up and thrust keyblade again only to be swatted away to the floor like it did with the pipe, and the Byakko alien grabbed the Keyblade Master by the throat to slash him with its clawed hand. But it failed to notice the Pyronite placed his right hand on the Drago Saber.

"I can use this." heatblast said before he drew it out and slashed the alien across the stomach just when it was about to bring the final blow and sparks flew out of his stomach. And he did it again, staggering him before he grabbed keyblade off the ground with his left hand.

Now with two swords, the Pyronite has the advantage as he swung both swords and shouted, "Bring it on!" he charged at the alien and slashed it down three times from left to right and vertically with both blades.

Seeing the damage that the Byakko alien was inflicted with, it decided to retreat with the Pyronite in pursuit.

"Get back here!" Heatblast shouted as he chased after it before he saw it jump with great strength, "Whoa, he jumped!" and up to a tower with the railing of the stairs and on to another and onto the balcony. It faced the Pyronite again and shot its beams towards him but missed as they hit a couple of cars around him. They exploded, but the Pyronite was okay.

"My turn!" Heatblast exclaimed as he jumped with great strength like the alien, but he grabbed the railing instead as he hung there. And to make matters worse, the alien ran to him and pushed him off with a punch and heatblast fell back to the ground as a gate fell on him and he kicked it off in frustration.

"Just wait right there!" he looked to see the stairs, ran to it and ran up.

"Did you miss me?" heatblast asked as he got there but got kicked in the gut and fell on the railings as the two are now dueling on equal grounds. The Byakko alien tackled him, holding him down on the railings before heatblast looked at the yellow part of his core that looks like a button, "Hmm? What's this do?" he pushed it and it made beeping sounds as lighted dots appeared on the yellow part of the core and he accidentally put hand, shooting the alien in the stomach with fire blast.

"Whoa! Didn't see that coming." heatblast said before he realized, "Wait, that's it!" he pushed it again, making the lighted dots appeared on the core again and shot at the alien again and again and again! **CLICK! **But it cocked when he ran out, "Huh?!" **CLICK! CLICK! CLICK! **He pulled again, but to no avail, he was out of ammo, "Oh come on! I'm out already?!" He was about to reload again, but he dodged the incoming attack from the Byakko alien. He got into a self-defense position before he noticed a hole at the butt of his keyblade's hilt. And He looked at the dragon Saber's to see that it's the right size for it.

"Hmm, I wonder." heatblast said with thought as he put the two blades together, connecting them both to form a double bladed naginata, "Whoa! They've combined!" he exclaimed as he spun it slowly.

The alien snarled as it charged at heatblast again, and he dodged his attacks before it ran up the stairs with heatblast in pursuit, "Get back here you chicken!" he yelled as they both clashed with their blades. And before he knew it, he was thrown off the railings by the Alien and landed back on the ground below, again.

Heatblast tried to get up before he felt a presence by the stairs. He looked up to see a girl in white clothing, a black belt, brown boots, a necklace, strawberry blond hair, and a red eye in her right socket. And strangely, she looked exactly like Meg but younger like his age, but she is known as the Priestess of Fate.

Heatblast looked surprised and confused by her appearance, "Mom?" he asked skeptically, not knowing if that's her or not.

But she simply said, "Exercise caution, for you are about to make a decision that'll change your fate."

"Who are you, why do you look like my Mom?!" heatblast asked as he got to his knees.

She ignored his question, "If you proceed," she said as she walked down the stairs, "Then there is no point of return. Till the very end, you shall fight." she got to the bottom, "You shall dye the world in your colors." what she said to him didn't make sense, but it sounded like some sort of warning.

Heatblast fully got up in his feet and responded, "Well..." he paused before he saw the Byakko alien jumped down behind him and turned to it. And he got in front of 'Mai' in a defensive position to protect her, "If it's to protect you and everyone that's important to him... Then I..."

'The girl' sighed sadly as she placed her hand on his Omni core on his belt to press the button, removing it.

**"Core Off!"**

"Huh?" Keyblade red asked as to wonder why she removed the core from his watch as the Omnitrix symbol on his shoulder was beeping red then Frank Jr was back to normal then turn into his armor mode. 'The girl' simply showed it to him and placed it on his left hand. The Alien charged at them, But Keyblade red blocked his attack and slashed it off the building, making it crash into a bunch of boxes and barrels. And the Knight jumped off the building to land on his feet and faced 'The girl' again, who was pointing towards his Dragon Saber. He looked at the Porthole for the hero icon as he placed it in and locked it.

**"Lock On!"**

"Like this?" he asked her, only to see her gone and out of sight.

**"1, 10, 100, 1000!"**

He looked to see the alien getting up again as it threw the barrel off its face and it looked angry. It was ready to shoot its beams again, but Keyblade red was ready for it.

"Here it comes." Keyblade red said readying himself to defend again, the Inves shot its beams, but Keyblade red deflected it with effort as he spun his combined weapons like a windmill. And the alien was baffled to see that none of its attacks went through.

Keyblade red, with his Dragon Saber glowing with energy took a stance, "Here I come!" he shouted as he slashed at the Alien with a couple of energy slices at it, trapping it inside in an energy force field that's in the shape of an magma core and Keyblade red spun his combined weapons to deliver the finishing blow.

**"Heatblast Charge!"**

Keyblade red gave a battle cry as he darted towards the Inves and slashed it in half along with the orange. And it exploded with a couple of fire slices flying out of it, thus defeating the monster at last. But then the omnitrix shines as the defeated monster turns it back into peter griffin

And with that, Keyblade Red took the Heatblast icon on the core of his Drago Saber and back onto his Omnitrix where he locked it, the Omnitrix symbol on his wrist was beeping red and turned back to normal with the armor disappearing. Frank Jr breathed out as he looked behind to see if it was real or not and looked down back at his hands as they were shaking, at what he experienced.

Meg and Frank Jr then ran over to him to see if he's alright or not, "Frank Jr!"

Frank Jr was silence before he spoke, "Mom..." he wanted to ask if it's really her or not, "What was that just now?"

But she didn't pay attention to his question and asked her own, "Where did that monster go? Did you kill it?" she looked around with worry, afraid to see if it's still around. Then look at peter and say "oh my god dad what happen to him."

Frank Jr, realizing that she's not the same person he saw before, looked down to his Omnitrix, he unlocked it to pull it out and locked it again.

"Hey, Frank Jr." Frank Jr said before he turned back to him, and he stared at his Omnitrix.

"This is my..." Frank Jr said before a pause, "Transformation."

The scene shows the holographic image of a girl appearing on top of the Omnitrix.

"_I am Omni III the Omnimatrix! Are you Frank George Mallque the First?_" she asked and Frank Jr just stares in shock, fear and confusion before he shook his head as his response.

**The End**


	24. Chapter 22: Dammit, Janet!

**Chapter 22: Dammit, Janet!**

**Opening Credits**

_It seems today that all ya see_

_Is violence in movies and sex on TV_

_But where are those good, old-fashioned values_

_On which we used to rely_

_Lucky there's a Family Guy!_

_Lucky there's a man who_

_Positively can do_

_All the things that make us_

_Laugh n' Cry_

_He's_

_a_

_Fam_

_-ily_

_Guy!_

**End**

The episode begins with a Victorian train passing through at night. In the night, everything seemed nice and calm when a moustache man wearing a monocle and a brown bowler's hat swished his eyes both sides looking around and when he saw the coast was clear, he got up from his seat and left for the other end of the train, where someone, who was reading a newspaper behind the man, lowered it to reveal himself as Stewie Griffin, who was also wearing Victorian attire as he looked behind and found the man stepping out of the boxcar.

The man passed through to the cargo hold, where he was then looking around quietly.

"Billiam." The man called out quietly. "Are you there?"

Stewie then stepped out of the shadows, ambushing the gentleman by surprise.

"Stewart!" The gentleman gasped at Stewie's presence. "Wha-What the devil are you doing here?!"

"Billiam sent me." Stewie answered. "He wanted me to tell you I killed him."

The gentleman gasped in horror and flied from Stewie, who gave chase. The gentleman knocked over a stack of luggage hoping to slow down Stewie as he escaped, but the latter easily climbed over the pile. The gentleman then made it to the end of the last boxcar and climbed up the emergency ladder to the roof, but Stewie caught up with the gentleman and tackled him by the legs knocking him to the ground. Stewie flipped the man over and started punching his face repeatedly. This continued until the gentleman knocked Stewie to the other end of the boxcar, but Stewie quickly got back up his feet and the two of them continued the fight delivering jabs at each other before Stewie performed an air kick at the gentleman's face. The gentleman then tried to tackle the infant, but the latter flipped him over from above him. The gentleman delivered a few more jabs until Stewie knocked him to the floor, got on top of the gentleman and delivered a few more punches before the gentleman grabbed him, banged him on the roof of the boxcar and then throwing him to the side. The gentleman then pulled out a knife and tried to stab Stewie, but the latter dodged it and threw the gentleman over the edge of the boxcar, leaving him hanging on to dear life.

"Now give me the other half of the Amulet!" Stewie demanded. "I don't think you'll be making it to Marrakesh."

He then pulled out what looked like an ordinary baby bottle until a knife switched out from the top of the nipple.

"Don't...PLEASE!" The gentleman begged until they both looked to the right of the screen to reveal a giant toddler head rising from the horizon with its mouth wide open.

"NOOoo!" Stewie yelled in despair as it revealed to have been all a fantasy as the toddler stuck a toy train in his mouth. "Jeffrey! Take the 9:00 p.m. to Houndslow out of your mouth!"

Meanwhile, Frank, Peter and Chris were throwing rocks at a Christmas decoration of Santa in his sleigh being pulled by his reindeer. Brian stepped outside to acknowledge Frank, Peter and Chris' activity.

"What the hell are you doing?" Brian asked bluntly.

"Taking down the Christmas decorations." Peter answered throwing a rock.

"With rocks?" Tyler asked.

"That's not how you take down Christmas decorations..." John said off screen as Frank, Peter, Chris and Tyler looked to where John and Frank Jr was at as it then showed him in western attire. "...THIS is how you take down Christmas decorations."

Everyone oohed at theirs appearance as Frank Jr pulled out a pistol from his left side, aimed it at the Christmas decoration without looking and fired...until it turned out he shot at Persephone's bedroom window as the bullet also hit an aquarium in Persephone's room. Meg heard the commotion while listening to music on her radio with headphones on and doing homework and turned to find Persephone aquarium having been wreaked and the fish inside it are now dead on the floor. Meg brought the fish back to life with her mana without alarming her sister and simply turned up the volume of her radio and continued doing homework instead.

Then Omni the third who was the Ai of Frank Jr's Master Omnitrix just shout,

"2 point because Frank Jr just kill the fish in his aunts room." While she return into the watch till later.

Frank Jr and John immediately regretted his mistake.

"Nice shot!" Tyler complimented Frank Jr's work.

"Oh, man..." John exclaimed in embarrassment. "Sorry Meg, Sorry Persephone!"

At that moment, Lois came home from the park with Stewie in a roller.

"Peter, I'm a little concerned about Stewie and Frank Jr." Lois told Peter. "He doesn't seem to be playing well with other children."

"Oh, he's fine." Peter reassured. "You know, I was quite a troublemaker myself when I was a kid."

**Flashback**

It flashed back to when Peter was a child as he stood with Jake Sr by an open front door with the Cat in the Hat while the living room was trashed.

"Look, uh, your parents will be home any minute." The Cat in the Hat said to Peter. "Are you sure you don't want me to clean up this mess?"

"No, no, no, go, go, it'll be funny." Young Peter insisted but was knock out by Jake's younger sister Adelphia Kata Himitsu Mallque

Jake just face palm his face will saying to the cat "just clean the house while I deal with my brother."

**Flashes back to the present.**

"Stewie and Frank Jr needs to learn how to socialize with other children." Lois said. "Maybe we should put them in daycare. Since Frank Jr got in trouble with our counter parts in Maddie Murdock."

**Flashback**

Much later, as in late at night, Maddie is in bed trying to sleep when she suddenly hears the faint pitter patter of small footsteps. She recognized those small, quick footsteps belonging to Frank Jr. She climbed out from her crib and ran downstairs after him. She saw his shadow quickly leave the front door, and she followed in pursuit. She then watches as Frank Jr is about to climb into the tank.

"This is the perfect device to use in my plans for world prankquest," said Frank Jr, "Victory shall be mine!"

"Frank Jr, what are you doing up?" asked Maddie.

"What does it look like?" said Frank Jr, "I'm about to use this tank to prank the world!"

"Really?" asked Maddie, "Can I come too?"

"You shall do no such thing!" said Frank Jr, "The last thing I need is you by my side! Give me one good reason why I should let you come along."

"I become a weapons expert for the CIA when I grow up," said Maddie.

"...So what?"

"Did I mention that I know where Bertram lives?" asked Maddie.

"Alright, deal," said Frank Jr, "Hop in!"

The two babies then jump into the tank and drive off into the night.

"So, what do we do first?" asked Maddie.

"We shall go to Washington DC first!" said Frank Jr, "We'll threaten to take down the White House if our demands are not made by our poop."

"DC?!" said Maddie, "But that'll take forever to get there! Why don't you let me use the tank first?"

"Get your hands off the controls, you insipid girl!" shouted Frank Jr.

"No YOU get your hands off, you Son Goku/Naruto wannabe!" shouted Maddie.

The two then start to fight each other a bit, until Maddie's foot accidentally presses onto a button, which causes the tank to fire into the distance. A huge mushroom cloud then appears in the middle of the city.

"Um... what did we hit?" asked Maddie.

"Given the direction where the turret was facing, I'd say City Hall," said Frank Jr.

"City hall?!" shouted Maddie, "Oh Crap! We're in big trouble!"

"So? It's just City Hall," said Frank Jr.

"No! Look!" said Maddie pointing to a bunch of tanks approaching them. Inside one of them is Adam West.

"How dare you vile terrorists destroy City Hall," said Adam West, "I had comic books in there! And cheese! And taffy! Oh god help you, there was taffy in there!"

Adam West then opens fire from his tank, aiming for the kids' tank.

"BAIL OUT!" shouts Maddie as she and Frank Jr jump from out of the tank in the nick of time.

"Well this is a fine mess you've gotten us into!" said Frank Jr, "Just like what you did at the comedy club!"

**Flashback.**

At a small comedy club Frank Jr, Maddie and Stewie are sitting at a table. Maddie then decides to heckle the performer.

"BOO!" shouted Maddie, "You stink! You're not funny! Go back to wherever the hell you came from! You SUCK!"

"Alright, who said that?" asked the performer, who happened to be Kramer from Seinfeld.

"They did," lied Maddie, pointing to a couple of black guys.

**End Flashback.**

"Wait, was I even born when that happened?" asked Maddie.

"I dunno," said Frank Jr, "Half this stuff is future stuff, anyway. Hell, I wasn't even born during the O.J. Simpson thing."

The babies then finally make it home and sneak upstairs to their room.

"Okay, if they don't ask, we don't tell," said Maddie.

"I suppose," Said Frank Jr, "But, I believe it's fair to warn you... There is a good chance that I will betray you."

"Whatever. Good night..." said Maddie as she and Frank Jr drifted off to sleep.

The very next morning, Meg and Zack wake up and walk to the door getting ready to use their tank. For some reason, the others (sides Frank Jr, Maddie and Stewie), were outside.

"What a great day to take the tank to the mall," said Meg.

"What a great day to blow stuff up!" said Zack, "Um, what are you guys doing outside?"

"Zack, the tank's gone!" said Peter.

"What?!" asked Zack, "What happened?"

"I'll tell you what happened," said Joe as he wheeled to Zack, "Apparently, the tank was used last night to destroy City Hall."

"City Hall?" asked Meg.

"Not only that," said Joe, "Apparently this tank was taken illegally from the impound yard. Now that, along with the collateral damages done to the city, you'll have to pay this amount in fines."

"HOLY F(bleep)ING MOLEY!" shouted Zack as he looked at the piece of paper, "Well... At least we still have the tank."

"No you don't," said Joe, "The tank was blown to kingdom come last night."

"NOOOO!" shouted Meg, "MY POPULARITY!"

"MY GUN!" shouted Zack.

"MCNUGGETS!" shouts Peter. Everybody then stares at him for a few seconds, "Wait, I'm still not playing this right, am I?"

"Whoever stole that tank last night is in BIG trouble," said Zack angrily.

"Then you might wanna talk too little Becky," said Adam West as he walked up to Zack, "I have photographed evidence of her fleeing the scene along with an accomplice. Have a look."

"Um, Mr. West," said Brian, "This looks like a picture of your own butt."

"I know," said Adam West, "I was going to use it in a hilarious butt related pun, but somehow I forgot what it was. Anyway, here's the real picture."

Zack looks at a picture and sees Frank Jr dress as stewie and Maddie running away from a burning tank. Zack looks FURIOUS!

"MADELINE MARY ANN MURDOOOOOOOOCK!" he shouts to the sky.

The family then hears footsteps from the backyard. They run and catch Stewie and Maddie trying to climb over the fence. Zack grabs Maddie by her dress and gives her a very mean look.

"Daddy, I'm sorry!" pleads Maddie.

"Sorry?" he asks, "Well sorry's not good enough! You messed up big time, missy!"

"Am I grounded?" she asked.

"You can't ground her," said Meg, "She's just a baby!"

"You know what, you're right," said Zack, "I got a better idea. Starting tomorrow, you won't be watching TV or playing your games. Wanna know why? Because I'm sending you... to Preschool!"

"P-Preschool?" stuttered Maddie, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

As Frank Jr went through the Omni gate saying "so long suckers!"

**Flashes back to the present.**

"Lois, their answers are out on the open road." Peter persuaded Lois. "I say we give them a hobo pack on the end of a stick, a can of beans and a pocket full of dreams."

"Peter, do you even know which one of our children I'm talking about?" Lois then asked Peter.

"G-Gordon and Jackson?" Peter asked vaguely.

"No." Frank, John and Tyler answered in unison.

"Wait a minute, I think I got it now." John said aiming his gun at the decoration still on the roof and firing five shots at it, resulting in it being successfully knocked down.

"You got him!" Chris cheered for John's victory.

"WHOO-HOO!" Frank and Frank Jr cheered.

"Boys, stop it! What will the neighbors think?!" Lois ordered John.

"Sorry, Mrs. Griffin/Mom/Grandma." Frank, Frank Jr, John and Tyler both apologized.

Just as Lois said, it showed a close neighbor viewing the events earlier through the window.

"Abner! Abner!" The woman called out to her husband revealed to be the character, Gladys from _Bewitched_. "One of the Griffin boys just killed a plastic reindeer! With a gun!"

It then zoomed out to show her husband, Abner, sitting on the couch, completely naked where the only thing covering his privates was a bowl of popcorn.

"Gladys, it took me two hours to work up the courage to rent this porno." Abner told his wife. "Now are you gonna watch it with me or not?"

The next day, Lois, Frank and Meg decided to enroll Stewie and Frank Jr in a daycare called "Hugs and Kisses (The Good Kind) Daycare". Frank and Meg are trying to pull Frank Jr from his car seat, but he has his hands wrapped tightly on it. he was dressed up differently as he wears a blue sailor uniform with dark blue baging shorts back then, but now he wears with this a red Konoha forehead protector and black open-toed boots. He later inherits the original black hooded tracksuit that Frank Sr wore during Part I and wears it in the same fashion as his black tracksuit, with the jacket being open like his father did. "YOU CAN'T MAKE ME DO THIS!" Frank Jr screamed, "IT'S NOT FAIR! I DON'T WANNA GO! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I WISH I WAS DEAD!"

"Frank Jr, don't be such a baby!" said Frank. Meg then gives Frank such a look at his statement.

"You HAVE to go," said Meg, "It was the only way. Besides, preschool is fun. You get to sing songs, nap, play, and finger paint."

"But they won't let me watch The Muppet Show!" said Frank Jr, "How am I gonna be able to tell the difference between a woman and a tranny?! I could face life or death!"

"Well, there's no way in hell I'm paying a $900,000 fine for what you did last night!" said Frank, "Now, you get your ass in there right now!"

"NO!" he screamed to the top of his lungs. He then kicks Frank and Meg off him and locks the car doors.

"FRANK JR! OPEN THIS DOOR!" shouted Zack as he banged on the window, "YOU'RE GONNA BE IN BIG TROUBLE, KID!"

"SCREW YOU!" shouted Frank Jr.

"Ugh, I hope Mom get here soon," said Meg.

Peter's car then pulls up next to Frank's car. Persephone andLois come out of the car with Stewie. To their surprise, they see Meg covering her face with her hands, Frank shouting and banging onto the window, and Maddie giving him a raspberry.

"What's going on?" asked Lois.

"Frank Jr really REALLY doesn't want to go," said Meg, "he locked herself in the car."

"Let me try something," said Lois as she walked to the window, " Frank George Mallque the second, you can't lock yourself in there forever. You need to come out and embrace preschool. You may even like-"

Frank Jr then blows the horn of Frank Jr's car, making everybody cover their ears.

"I have a better idea," said Frank Jr, "Hey, Frank Jr! Wanna know what a rock can do to glass?"

"Frank, no!" said Meg, "What if you get glass on him?"

"Hey, let me try something," said Persephone, "MADDIE, YOUR MOM'S HAVING ANOTHER BABY!"

"WHAT?! But Maddie and Rosie aren't due till**Season****: 3 ****Episode****: 11 ****Emission Impossible**!" shouted Frank Jr as he opened the car door.

"GRAB HIM!" shouted Persephone as everybody then grabbed Frank Jr and pulled him out of the car.

"NO! LET ME GO!" Frank Jr shouted, "NONONONONONO!"

She was then dropping Stewie and Frank Jr off.

"Okay, my honey babies. Mommy, Daddy, Aunty and Grandma's leaving you here for a little while." Said Lois.

"Please try to behave, Frank Jr," said Meg.

"For the love of god, don't leave me here!" begged Frank Jr as his parents left the building.

"Frank Jr, you don't have to be afraid of preschool," said Frank Sr, "It can be very fun."

"And I'll bet you say the same thing about mom's chest," said Frank Jr.

Lois told Frank Jr and Stewie. "Try to play nice with the other children."

"What do you mean you're leaving me here?" Stewie back away and asked Lois. "What is this place?"

He turned to find several parents having a difficult time trying to get their kids to behave.

"Why, you soulless witch!" Stewie cursed at Lois. "This is a biogenetic experimentation facility, isn't it?! Admit it!"

"Oh, sweetheart, don't be upset." Lois comforted Stewie. "You're gonna have fun here." She handed Stewie to the teacher.

"Look, if-if this is about the whole 'me killing you' thing, the-the simpletons were making it all up, I swear! I was framed, I tell you!" Stewie tried to convince Lois until he and Frank Jr were brought inside. "FRAMED!" Stewie quickly opened the door a bit before being pulled back in. "HAMENAHAMENA!" Frank Jr yelled and quickly opened the door a bit before being pulled back in.

During frank and Meg were leaving the car Cleveland came by with a person they didn't know?

"Hey guy meet my adopted son, Negi Springfield. He from wale England, my homie Nagi and his girl arika are seen fighting the remnants of Cosmo Entelachiea, a secret society which serves as the primary threat to the secret country Vespertatia." Said Cleveland as he introduce his new son to them.

"Hi, Mr. and Mrs. Mallque, my name is Negi Springfield, the pleasure is all mine." said Negi as he shake Frank's and Meg's hands.

Nice to meet you too Negi, I'll introduce you to the gang when we get hom and got to the clam." Said Frank as he say his goodbye as he leave to home.

Later that day, Lois was bored out of her mind as she stirred her coffee slowly while Brian was reading the paper.

"Ugh, I'm so bored." Lois complained as Brian lowered his paper to face Lois. "Without Stewie around, I have nothing to do."

"Well...we could get hammered." Brian suggested.

"Oh-ho, it's too early for me, but you go ahead." Lois said before sighing in disappointment. "What happened to me? You know, before I was married, I led a very exciting life."

**Flashback**

Lois was in the clothing store where she meet a fames little girl. She gasp as she say,

"Oh my god, the actress who was the girl in escape of witch mountain!"

While the girl gets piss off for being discovered.

**Flashback ending**

That evening, Lois told her family about getting a part-time job as it showed Peter, Frank, Meg, Persephone, Chris, John and Tyler sitting on the couch while Lois was behind the couch and Meg was lying on her stomached on the floor watching TV.

"A job?" Peter asked. "Lois, the 70s are over. Forget it."

"Mom, you can't get a job." Persephone protested turning to her mother.

"Why not?" John and Tyler asked in unison.

"Don't you guys remember?" Meg asked the duo getting up. "The last time my mom left my dad and son home alone, they turned the house into a giant puppet." Meg and Persephone then walked out of the room.

"Oh, yeah, now I remember." John remembered sounding a bit annoyed.

"I almost forgot about that one." Tyler said remembering also only not sounding like he regretted the experience.

**Cutaway #1**

Peter and Frank Jr was sitting on a chair in the living room with a megaphone attached to a microphone stand while John had his hands on a rope looking uninvested.

"Hey! Hey! Stay out of there!" Frank Jr said through the megaphone while John pulled the rope. "Hey!"

It then cut to the outside of the house revealing the roof was being used as the mouth of the puppet.

"Nobody better come in here. I'm the Griffin's house." Peter said until the roof stopped moving. "Bring me a too- *whispers* John, pull the roof."

"No, I'm not doing this anymore!" John said.

"Come on!" Frank Jr begged which John soon agreed to keep going.

"Bring me a tool shed, for I am hungry."

**End**

"You know what? Meg's right, Mrs. Griffin. Don't get a job." John said having seen Meg's point earlier, something which Tyler also agrees on.

Chris looked up at his mother. "If...If you get a job, who's gonna feed me and protect me from the evil monkey in my closet?"

"The evil what?" John asked confused about what Chris was talking about.

"First time I ever heard that one." Tyler said.

"Now, Chris, you know there's no such thing." Lois reminded Chris, who looked at the stairs to find the Evil Monkey there pointing at him menacingly.

"No." Chris said losing it and running away crying.

"Now I see what he means..." Tyler said in a disturbed manner along with John after having witnessed the creature himself.

"Aw, now you've gone and upset the boy." Frank said to Lois.

"Boys, this is a new chapter in my life." Lois told Frank, Peter, John and Tyler coming from behind the couch and sitting down next to Peter. "Th-The kids are growing, the nest is empty, and...I need some excitement."

"What are ya talking' about? Your life is plenty exciting." Peter reassured.

"How?" Lois asked.

Both went silent for a minute, giving John enough time to come up with an idea. He whispered into Tyler's ear and he used Chaos Control to warp about 10 crates of TNT into the living room. John got a match, lit it along with the fuse.

"Well, goodnight, Mr. and Mrs. Griffin." John greeted Peter and Lois goodnight as he, Frank and Tyler walked out of the room while Peter and Lois quickly went to the kitchen to put out of the fuse.

By the time they get back to the living room, it cut to John and Tyler having entered their room shutting the door behind them when a huge explosion went off outside their door, but the duo didn't seem fazed by the rumble.

The next day at the Hugs and Kisses Daycare, Frank Jr and Stewie's classmates were playing a game of duck, duck, goose.

"Duck. Duck. Duck..." Brad, the kid who was it, said tapping everyone's heads.

"I say, does anyone know how _The Practice _ended last night?" Stewie asked. "I dozed off during the verdict."

"Goose!" Brad said running away.

Stewie, however, didn't take it kindly and used a net gun to catch and pull the toddler back to him.

"Oh, dear. It seems you're still it." Stewie said to Brad as he noticed a girl laughing at what he said and smiled. He then her swishing her hair around in slow motion.

"Stewie, what have you done? That's not the way they play, do you want the teacher to probe your anus." Frank Jr said to Stewie removing the net off Brad. "You sit here, Brad. Stewie's it."

"Ooh, aren't you the one in charge." Stewie said sarcastically as he got up. "Ah, let's see now. Duck. Duck. Duck." He then stumbled upon Janet. "Goose!" He tapped her head hard causing her to cry. "Come on, now! I barely touched you! Really, stop it! Stop your boo-hooing! Stop it, I say! Stop it! You see-You see, this is exactly people don't respect the WNBA."

"She's crying because you hit her too hard, smart guy." Tyler's voice said.

"Oh, really? That's what this was all about? Because I thought-" Stewie almost thanked Stewie before turning to find Tyler and Negi since frank introduce him to the family and they are there. "You!? What the hell are you two doing here?!"

"We're new volunteers." Tyler answered cheerfully before shifting to an irritated tone. "...but sadly, I'm stuck with you."

"So, you say I hit this girl too hard, yes?" Stewie asked. "Tell me, how much pain could that have been for her?"

"Like this." Negi answered off-screen as Stewie was then squashed by a cartoon mallet.

"All right, I see your point..." Stewie said underneath the mallet. "...NOW GET ME THE HELL OUT OF HERE!"

Later that day, Frank, Peter was at the Drunken Clam with Cleveland and Quagmire.

"Hey, guys, guys, get this. So, Lois wants a part-time job, right? So I'm like, 'I got a job for ya, baby, right here!'" Peter told his friends about Lois's idea pointing at his crotch. "See, look, this zipper's been broken for over a month. I gotta use a damn safety pin."

"Hey, if Lois is looking for a thrill, I could get her a job with the airline." Quagmire offered. "Heh, stewardesses get to travel to all kinds of exotic places, and their husbands fly anywhere for free."

"Fly for free?" Peter repeated seeing a one-in-a-lifetime opportunity in front of him as the camera zoomed out a bit to show what looked like a fairy drinking a mug of beer next to Peter. "Sorry, Tink. Looks like I don't need you anymore."

"So, what? You're just gonna dump me? Just like that?" Tinkerbell challenged Peter in a high-pitched voice.

"You knew what this was." Frank talked back.

That night, Peter told Lois about the job at the airline as they getting ready for bed.

"A flight attendant? Wow, that does sound exciting." Lois said taking interest in the offer. "What made you change your mind?"

"Just my desire to see you happy." Peter said affectionately taking her hand and kissing it.

"Oh." Lois responded touched hugging Peter.

"And to exploit your hard labor for free travel and fun." Peter muttered.

"What?" Lois asked.

"Shh, I didn't say anything." Peter dismissed. "Go to sleep, crazy lady."

Unbeknownst to Peter and Lois, Frank, Meg and John was outside their door in his pajamas while they were brushing their teeth. Frank was eavesdropping on the conversation and heard about Peter's attempt at exploitation, which he wouldn't let stand as he, Meg and John came up with an idea.

Meanwhile, Stewie was wide awake, thinking about the girl from the daycare.

"Oh, Rupert, I can't sleep. I don't suppose you have any Valium on you? Of course not, you're living the clean life now." Stewie confessed to his teddy bear as he got up and went to the end of his crib. "It's that pathetic little insect in daycare, Janet. Whining, insignificant wisp of fluff, she is. Still, I find it rather odd that she's even on my mind at all. What the deuce has come over me?"

"Well, well, well..." Frank Jr and Tyler both said in unison as they appeared by Stewie's door and Brian took a bite from an apple in his hand.

"Looks like someone's in love." Frank Jr commented.

"HA!" Stewie laughed sarcastically. "That's so funny I forgot to laugh, excluding that first 'ha'."

"Uh-huh." Brian said with his mouth full. "Face it, you're a sucker for a woman with blue eyes."

"Ha-ah! Her eyes are green!" Stewie corrected him.

"AHA! Thank you for proving our point." Frank Jr responded back.

"DAMN!" Stewie cursed.

"Sweet dreams...of Janet." Tyler teased Stewie.

"DAMN!" Stewie cursed again.

The next day at daycare, Stewie was watching Janet from on top a slide with binoculars. He had Negi beside him and kept the line behind pile up.

"Look at her, Negi. Sitting there with her-her curly ebony locks and those pouty, come-hither lips. My God, she's unappealing." Stewie said to Negi, who was instead bored.

"Can I go now? Master Stewie, I got other kids to help out." Negi asked Stewie.

"Go!" One of the kids below the slide yelled out.

"Who said that? Hm? Who's got the big diapers? Huh?" Stewie challenged though no one responded as he looked back into the binoculars and found Janet was gone. "Well, she's gone. Good. Well, I'm off." Stewie stashed the binoculars in his overalls and slid down the slide.

"Hi, Stewie." Janet walked by greeting Stewie.

Stewie stuttered in response unable to bring out any words before he was knocked down by Frank Jr coming down the slide.

"Frank Jr, you pudgy-faced Apple John! I will not be made a fool of!" Stewie said before another landed on top of him.

Meanwhile, Lois was working at her new job.

"Here's your pillow, sir, and your _Sports Illustrated_." Lois told one of the passengers on the plane handing him what he requested.

"Miss, he keeps putting his arm on my armrest!" A passenger in front of Lois complained.

"It's my armrest!" The man next to the man complaining.

"It is not, stupid head!" Passenger #1 said. "A-And he keeps trying to take my apple juice!"

"I'll bring you your own juice." Lois said walking to go fetch what the man wanted just as Passenger #2 licked his finger and touched Passenger #1's face with it, to the latter's annoyance.

"Hey! Hey, he keeps licking his finger and touching me!" Passenger #1 complained.

Lois stopped by the cockpit to deliver the pilots' meals.

"Hey, fellas, I hope you're hungry- AAAHHHH!" Lois said before screaming after entering the room to find both pilots dead in their seats with knives in their stomachs. "Oh, my God! What am I gonna... Somebody help! Help! HELP!"

Snickering was then heard from the pilots before they busted out laughing, showing they were still alive pulling a prank on Lois.

"That was great!" One of the pilots said laughing removing his fake knife off his chest. "Look at her, she's still shaking!"

"Bastards." Lois said under her breathe leaving.

"That was beautiful." The same pilot said. "Hey, throw me a beer, would you?"

Meanwhile, on another flying plane, Peter was abusing his flight privileges.

"Stewardess, the plane just made my beer spill. I want a free one." Peter told a nearby male flight attendant.

"Sir, all your beers have been free." The attendant pointed out to Peter. "All nine of them."

"And don't you forget it, Frenchie." Peter talked back. "Now bring me another one and get outta my way, the movie is startin'."

The movie being shown was _Deep Impact _starring Morgan Freeman.

"Morgan Freeman in _Deep Impact_? Oh, come on!" Peter complained. "Hey-Hey, show me Morgan Fairchild in _Deep _something. *elbows lightly at an elderly woman sitting next to him* Eh? Eh? Eh? Wh- Ah, you don't care. Hey, Frenchie, is my fort ready?"

"Yes, Mr. Griffin, even though no one else has any pillows now." Another male attendant told Peter as it showed Peter's fort being a back seat with a blanket over it and the seats in front of it and all the pillows stacked as a wall.

"All right!" Peter cheered as he entered his fort in excitement before setting up a sign reading "No Girls Allowed.".

Soon, someone knocked and Peter answered.

"Yes?" Peter answered before getting a surprised look on his face at what he saw. "What the hell?"

To Peter's surprise, it was a Girl Scout, who somehow boarded the plane without anyone noticing.

"Pardon me, sir, but would you like to buy some Girl Scout cookies?" The Girl Scout asked acting all innocent.

"What do ya got?" Peter asked.

"We have only one box left and it's the Chocolate Bonker Surprise." The Girl Scout informed Peter.

"I'll take all of them!" Peter demanded handing over his money and getting his treats. He opened the box to see what the cookies looked like, only for a hand wielding a cartoon mallet to pop out and start pummeling him just as the other boxes contained the same thing and they all pummeled Peter repeatedly.

It showed the Girl Scout hiding in the back watching her prank being executed until the figure pulled its face off revealing to be a mask being worn by Meg in disguise as she then snickered at her work.

Back at daycare, Stewie was stacking blocks together while he was talking to Tyler.

"I tell you, boys, woman are wicked creatures!" Stewie told Frank Jr, Negi and Tyler. "Their treachery has precipitated the downfall of history's most powerful men!"

"Yeah, I gotta admit. I don't mind J-man having feelings for your sister, but since that happened, I feel we might barely hang out with each other anymore." Tyler confessed.

"No one cares what you think." Stewie blew off Tyler's statement, to Tyler's dismay. "So, let it be known I want absolutely nothing to do with the enterprise of love!"

"Are you sure about that, Master stewie?" Negi asked Stewie.

"Why, of course, I'm sure. Why?" Stewie asked.

"Because Janet's coming over here." Frank Jr reported pointing to Janet who was walking over to Stewie.

Stewie looked down at the blocks he stacked, which read "MY LOVELY JANET". Stewie gasped and knocked the blocks down, which then spelled "I LONG FOR YOU". Stewie gasped again and kicked the blocks, which then spelled "RIDE THAT PONY". Stewie almost kicked it, but realized that she probably won't see anything romantic there.

"Yes. Yes." Stewie replied.

"Hi." Janet greeted Stewie, who immediately stepped over to her. "Cookie?"

"No, no, actually, it's Stewie, but... Well, you-you can call Cookie if you like." Stewie flattered. "Yes, yes, I've also been known to answer to Artimus, Agent Buckwald, and Snake. Yes. Yes, I-I rather like Snake. Snake Griffin." Stewie then whished his tongue trying to imitate a snake when Frank Jr, Tyler and Negi caught it by the end, pulled it and let go of it as it dashed back into the toddler's mouth.

"Cookie." Janet said again pointing.

"Oh, oh, you want my cookie. Oh, yes, by all means. There you are." Stewie realized reaching over to the box of animal crackers and taking out one of the cookies to give to Janet, but they both accidentally split its head off. "Oops. A little bit broke there. Well, heh, that's the way the cookie crumbles. *laughs hysterically as Janet walks off* Yes, yes, yes, you'll-you'll get that one halfway back to your mat. *laughs some more* Oh, God. Oh, Cupid, has thou pierced me with thine sweet, seering arrow? Stomache, cease thy lustful quake." Stewie was then picked up by Tyler. "Unhand me, Tyler! I don't have gas! I'm in love!"

"We'll see about that." Negi said as the teacher patted Stewie's back, causing him to burp.

"Well then... I guess it's both." Stewie said afterward.

Later that day, Peter was back home coming back from his day of exploiting his free flights where he was instead exhausted from all the torment Frank, Meg and John had thrown at him as he had with him photos of his travels, which showed the trio's other tricks being pulled on Peter, including getting hung by his underwear on one of the flagpoles by the Washington Monument, getting attacked by a bear at Mount Rushmore, and being left out of a charity feast that was being served to only the natives.

"Peter, I'm home!" Lois hollered causing Peter to hide the photos under the bed as Lois came in the room all exhausted as Peter was. "Ugh, how was your day?"

"Oh, well..." Peter said as it flashed back to Peter visiting Australia. He was roaming around a desert when he stumbled upon a crocodile that was sleeping.

"Hey. Hey. You okay there, Mr. Crocodile?" Peter teased the crocodile poking its head with his walking stick. "Wake up, wake up, wake up. You need some lotion, Mr. Bad Skin? Huh? Huh?" The crocodile opened its eyes. "There ya go." Just then, a koala bear was flung right into Peter's face, causing him to panic.

It then revealed to have been from a camouflaged Frank with a slingshot.

Cuts back to the present.

"Oh, uh, m-m-m-my-my-my day was okay. Heh." Peter lied trying to pretend he had a decent day even though it was somewhat terrible, thanks to John. "You know, the usual. Heh. Uh, how-how 'bout yours, my little sky princess? I bet it was exciting."

"Oh, yeah, if you running through a gauntlet of drunk, horny businessmen." Lois replied removing her vest in a less positive attitude. "My ass feels like a pincushion. I'm thinking' of quitting'."

"What?!" Peter reacted getting up on his feet and going over to Lois. "Lois, you can't quit! What if Kurt Cobain had quit?!"

**Cutaway #2**

It showed Kurt Cobain and his band on stage finishing a song.

"Thank you!" Kurt Cobain thanked the audience. "And remember, say no to drugs!" Kurt then went backstage.

"Great concert, Kurt." Kurt's manager praised the musician. "The labels excited about your seventh album."

"Thanks." Kurt thanked his manager as his wife, Courtney Love came in. "Oh, you remember my wife, Courtney Love?"

"Who?" The manager asked vaguely remembering the woman, who sank her head in shame.

**End**

Lois sighed at Peter's point. "Well, I guess I'll give it a little more time. It's like I always tell the kids, 'A quitter never wins', and, 'Don't trust Whitey'."

"That's the spirit!" Peter said thrilled.

Frank, Meg and John once again eavesdropped on the conversation seeing what Peter did.

"So, the big guy hasn't learned his lesson yet, eh? Well, we'll see about that." Frank said under his breathe. "Wait, who the heck is Whitey?" said Meg

The next day, Stewie arrived at the daycare with a flower pinned on his overalls.

"All right, here I go." Stewie said heading off to meet Janet, who was on the swings.

"Stewie." Janet greeted Stewie.

"Hello, Janet." Stewie greeted back. "How about a push?"

Stewie went behind Janet and gave a push on the swing, but got knocked back when Janet came back, who then laughed.

"Yes, yes, I suppose that was rather funny, wasn't it?" Stewie asked nervously as he got on a nearby swing. "You know, it's odd, Janet. But when I'm with you, I... Oh, how do I describe it?"

[Stewie]

_You make me feel so young_

_You make me feel like spring has sprung_

Stewie and Janet both jumped off the swing set as Stewie landed on a puddle that was on the sand, which the splash got in the eyes of a kid who was playing a boat on the puddle. Stewie then stepped over to another kid and pulled off the kid's shirt to place on top of the puddle for Janet to cross over.

[Stewie]

_And every time I see you grin_

_Oh, I'm such a happy individual_

[Stewie]

_The moment you speak_

Stewie stopped walking alongside Janet as she then turned to her back.

[Stewie]

_I want to go and play hide-and-seek_

Stewie came out of a playground tunnel and rejoined Janet.

He then picked up a beach ball and bounced it around.

[Stewie]

_I want to go and bounce the moon_

_Just like a big toy balloon_

He then kicked it at a group of kids, causing it to bounce off and knock out all the kids as Janet joined his side.

[Stewie]

_Darling, you and I_

_Are just a couple of tots_

He dragged her to a field of flowers.

[Stewie]

_Running across a meadow_

_Picking up lots of forget-me-nots_

Stewie then plucked a couple of flowers and presented them to Janet as it panned to the sky and then shifts to both Stewie and Janet in a toy car.

[Stewie]

_You make me feel so young_

_You make me feel_

_There are songs to be sung_

_Bells to be rung_

_And a wonderful fling to be flung_

Stewie and Janet were in the classroom where Stewie was holding a cane.

[Stewie]

_And even when I'm old and gray_

_I'm going to feel the way I do today._

Stewie then rolled into one of the sleeping Matts naked underneath a large sheet covering the matt along with Janet.

[Stewie]

_Because you make me feel so young_

Back to the subplot, Peter was still enjoying his free flights as he was standing in the middle of Coach.

"Okay, okay, everyone, it's time for my one-man show: _Winston Churchill, We Hardly Knew Ye_. Okay, Act 1." Peter announced as he roughed up his hair a bit and acted in a slightly higher pitched tone. "'I'm Winston Churchill. Oh! Would you like some tea? I would because I'm Winston Churchill. Would you like a crumpet? I would because I'm Winston Churchill. Would you like to wear knickers? I would because I'm-"

"My wife is very ill!" One of the passengers hollered.

"Yes, do you mind?" An elderly woman asked Peter. "I paid $380 for this flight."

"$380? Jeez, I hope they kissed you first." Peter told the woman. "This is my fourth trip today. Why just this morning', I went to Kentucky."

**Cutaway #3**

Peter was at a KFC restaurant in Kentucky talking to the cashier.

"W-W-Wait-W-W-Wait a second. You're telling' me I flew all the way to Kentucky to get some of your fried chicken and the Colonel isn't even working today?!" Peter asked the cashier.

"He ain't here. He dead." The cashier was a hillbilly and said in a Cajun accent.

"What?" Peter exclaimed in confusion to what the cashier just said.

"I said he dead." The cashier affirmed.

Peter stood there in confusion for a moment. "Is Mr. Sanders in?!"

"What wrong wit' you?! I say you he dead!" The cashier restated.

Peter once again stood in confusion for a moment. "The Colonel!"

**End**

"My wife is a stewardess, so I can fly anywhere I want and I don't pay jack!" Peter explained to the elderly woman now back in his seat and chilling before something grabs his attention out the window. To his surprise, there were three clowns sitting on one of the wings of the plane and laughed mischievously as they turned to Peter.

"Hey-Hey, lady! There's a clown on the wing of the plane!" Peter told the same elderly woman he talked to earlier trying to get her to see the figure.

The woman takes a look out the window.

"Nice try, but there's no one out there." The old woman told off Peter.

"What?" Peter exclaimed checking outside to find the clown no longer there.

"But I could've sworn I saw a clown on the wing." Peter thought to himself. "Ah, it might've been my imagination."

He went back to his chair and relax when...

"Honk, honk." Peter heard a voice. He turned to his left and found one of the clown rubbing his face while it made a funny face.

This scared Peter as he pulled down the window's blind covering the clown's face. He then felt a shake around the plane and pulled up the blind to look out the window to see what the clowns was doing.

The second clown was now swinging golf balls into the wing's jet engine before it suddenly rushed back to Peter's window.

"W-What do you want?" Peter aske the clown getting a bit scared of the guy whom unlocked Peter's window. "Hey, hey, hey, what are you doin'? Don't do that."

But it was too late as the female clown opened the window and pulled Peter out through it. She rolled Peter into literally a ball, placed herself on top of Peter and started rolling around the plane like a circus ball as Peter went to tears very quickly.

Meanwhile, Lois passed by an Arabian man, who spoke to her in Arabic language.

"Excuse me?" Lois asked the man.

"I say, 'May I have a blanket?'" The man asked in English.

"Oh, yes." Lois answered reaching above the man's seat to fetch a blanket. "Of course."

"Ha!" The man shouted. "I really said, 'Will you be my wife?' and you said yes. So, now it's official. Let me touch your face!"

Lois backed away from the Arabian man as another stewardess poked her head out.

"Lois, we could use your help in Coach." The stewardess asked Lois for assistance.

The clowns continued rolling Peter around back inside the plane while Peter still suffered.

"Okay, okay, you got me!" Peter confessed. "I convinced my wife to take the job as a stewardess, just so that I can fly anywhere I want and not pay!" Peter then wept in tears. "So, please, no more! No more of this torture!"

The clowns accepted Peter's repent and stopped immediately as he got off of Peter and turned him back to normal.

"Well, I can't wait to tell Mrs. Griffin about your little venture." John's voice was heard from one of the clown.

"The hell are you talking' about?" Peter asked confused.

"A-ha!" John, Meg and Frank revealed themselves after pulling off the clown masks they were wearing, to Peter's surprise.

"Frank, Meg and John?!" Peter exclaimed at the reveal.

"That's right! It was us!" John said.

"B-But why?" Peter asked.

"To teach you a lesson about using your wife fulfill your own selfish needs, that's why." Frank answered. "I was also hoping to have you get caught red-handed by Mom, who's on this very plane right now." Said Meg

Unbeknownst to Frank, Meg and John, Lois was standing right behind him. Lois then cleared her throat to inform them of her presence.

"AHH!" John jumped startled and turned his back to Lois. "Mrs. Griffin! What, uh... What a surprise seeing you here so early!"

"Mom!" Frank and Meg stated!

"Lois!" Peter exclaimed.

Lois then dragged both Frank, Meg, John and Peter into the lavatory to talk to them.

"Peter, you convinced me to keep a job I hate just so you could fly free?!" Lois demanded to Peter.

"You know, if I talked real loud like that, I could make you look like the bad guy, too." Peter said before being elbowed by Frank. "Ow! Plus, Frank, Meg and John knew about my plan and they tortured me."

"What?! Meg, Frank and John, you knew about this?!" Lois asked them furiously.

"Mrs. Griffin, I can explain." John replied. "We only wanted to make sure Mr. Griffin got what was coming to him."

"My feet are killing me, I've got vomit in my pocket and I've seen that crappy Julia Roberts movie 47 times!" Lois told off both Frank, Meg, John and Peter. "Have you two seen the lips on that woman?! Like a baboon's ass on her face!"

"Mom, I'm sorry." Meg tried to apologize. "I was just trying to help get back at Dad for you while you were working."

"Meg, I'm not upset about that." Lois informed John. "I'm upset with you, Frank and John because you guys didn't tell me about it. You know better than to take matter into your own hands."

Lois then turned to Peter.

"And Peter, I took this job for the excitement, and you're the one who's having it all." Lois reminded Peter about the purpose of her job.

"Oh, it's excitement you want, eh?" Peter asked. "Then, how'd ya like to join the Mile-High Club? Come on. You'll be the stewardess and I'll be the mysterious stranger who's drillin' ya."

"Okay, I might have a crush on someone and even I find that gross." Frank said.

"Ugh! Move! Both of you. I have a lot of work to do." Lois demanded disgusted by Peter while trying to get past him and John and get out of the lavatory.

"I can't, I'm stuck." Peter replied.

"Same here." John said.

"Us too." Frank said.

"Peter, the passengers need me." Lois said to Peter.

"No, they ain't. They're watching the movie. They're fine." Peter said.

Outside the lavatory, however...

"Okay, everyone! This is a hijacking!" One of the passengers announced taking out and cocking a gun in his hand as he and his partner got up and aimed their weapons at the passengers, who raised their arms up in surrender.

Peter, Lois, Frank, Meg and John, on the other hand, weren't aware of what was happening on the outside.

"Peter, could you move your arm, please?" Lois's voice from inside the lavatory asked Peter. "Just it over-"

The three were struggling inside trying to get out of the lavatory.

"God, it's like moving a futon... AHH! Who touched me?!"

"Oh, sorry, Mrs. Griffin." John apologized.

"John." Peter asked John.

"Not now, Mr. Griffin." John brushed off Peter.

"John!" Peter said again.

"I'm trying to get past you!" John told Peter.

"John!" Peter said again.

"What?!" John finally asked annoyed.

Peter moaned louder while Meg screamed in disgust.

"Oops." Peter's voice said. "Sorry, John."

Lois sighed over her husband's stupidity.

Eventually, the hijacking was reported by Channel 5 News back in Quahog.

"Well, the hijacking of Flight 52 is over." Diane reported. "The plane has safely landed in Cuba, and all Americans aboard are on their way home with the exception of one couple and three teenager believed to be their sons and daughter: A fat man, who is inexplicably married to an attractive redhead and a pudgy young man. Here's an artist's rendering of what they might look like."

It then cut to the artist's rendering of Peter, Lois, Frank, Meg and John's description, which was that of Fred and Wilma Flintstone, Naruto, Velma and Super Mario.

Then, it cut to Peter, Lois, Frank, Meg and John at the airport their plane landed in, which was located in Havana.

"Well, I just called Brian." Lois reported coming back from talking to Brian on a payphone. "He's gonna watch the kids 'til we get back." She then turned to the courtesy clerk. "When will our passports arrive?"

"Check back in two weeks." The clerk informed Lois.

"Two weeks?!" Meg reacted. "But I have a baby at home!"

"And I have school in the morning!" John also said.

"We would have sent you back with the other passengers, but, uh, we didn't know you were stuck in the bathroom." The clerk said where the last part he said believing they had relations in the lavatory.

"We weren't doing what you're thinking." Lois explained.

"He was." Frank said as he points at Peter otherwise as John punched him in the stomache, causing him to limp to the ground as John walked off.

"We apologize for the hijacking." The clerk then apologized.

"Ah, that's okay." Peter assured not fazed at all. "You know, you people are nothing like the Communists they show on TV."

**Cutaway #3**

The cutaway began with the opening of a sitcom titled "The Communists".

"We now return to _The Communists_." The announcer said.

It then showed a neighborhood where it stopped at a red house with a brown roof before showing the family inside the house about to have dinner.

"I hear report cards were handed out today." The father of the family said in a possibly Russian accent. "What were your grades?"

The father asked the son, who stuttered indicating that he didn't do well as the mother came in and handed her son's dinner.

"Quit Stalin and answer your father." The mother told her son, which was followed by a laugh track. "Go ahead, honey, tell us you're Marx." The laugh track played again at the mother's joke.

"Do I Khrushchev?" The son asked. It was at that point that Nikita Khrushchev suddenly came in from the back door.

"Did somebody say 'Khrushchev'?" Khrushchev asked as he got up on top of the table and started dancing as techno music played in the background. Then it shows Frank Jr doing the worm while dancing with them in the living room

**End**

Meanwhile, it seems that Stewie and Janet have become a couple as they were sitting on a bench while was looking through a magazine.

"I say, Janet, do you like this couch?" Stewie asked Janet showing her what he was looking at in the magazine, though the latter didn't seem to be paying attention. "Oh, you truly are beautiful. You know that?" Stewie then got up. "Oh, Janet, our future is so bright."

"Cookie?" Janet asked Stewie.

"Oh, yes, there'll be lots of cookies..." Stewie answered still reminiscing the future of their relationship as Janet left the bench and wandered off. "...And there will be dancing, and Christmas mornings, and arguments over the proper way to discipline the children and-"

"Hey, Romeo, I think your girl just left." Tyler informed Stewie of Janet's departure.

"Where did you go?" Stewie asked.

"Over there." Negi said pointing over to a boy with a bag of cookies giving one of them to Janet.

Stewie, on the other hand, was not as pleased with this as he marched right over to Janet.

"What are you doing? Who the hell is this?" Stewie demanded to Janet. "Look, Janet, is there something you need to tell me? Because if I'm the only one in this thing, well, I think I deserve to know."

Janet, however, was oblivious to Stewie's rant as she simply stared at him blankly.

"I see..." Stewie said mistaking Janet's ignorance for the silent treatment. "Your silence says it all."

Stewie then walked off, but turned his head back to see Janet and the other boy eating their cookies and he went off moping over his loss.

"Uh, Stewie, I don't think it's what you're think-" Frank Jr tried to tell Stewie, but Stewie was already gone. "Never mind."

Back in Havana Frank Jr, Meg, Lois, Peter and John stepped out of the airport.

"Ugh, well, this is just great." Lois said. "How the hell are we supposed to get home?"

"Look, all we gotta do is get some fake passports on the black market." Peter stated as John wandered off. "Hey, John, what're ya doing'?"

"I'm going to find the black market to get us new passports." John answered.

"Where are you going, John?" Frank Jr demanded as he, Meg, Lois and Peter gave pursuit. "You're never gonna find the black market!"

"Hey, hold on a second, Frank. I think the kid's onto something." Peter theorized. "It's kind of like what you said about me finding that back-alley abortionist."

All five stopped, though John stopped from surprise of what Peter said.

"Don't get the wrong idea, we weren't gonna do anything weird. The point is I found the guy." Peter said.

Later, Stewie devised a plan to get back at Janet as he checked the area.

"Okay, there she is." Stewie said to a girl, who he pulled out from behind a wall and walked with her over to Janet, who was busy playing with blocks. "Ah-hahahaha! That is-That is absolutely classic! Melinda, you're an utter delight!" He turns to Janet pretending to notice her. "Oh, hello, Janet. Yes, yes, you know Melinda. Yes, it seems she's, um... Oh, what did we figure out, dear? Was it-Was it one? No, two. Yes, she's two weeks younger than you."

"Stewie, what are you doing?" Frank Jr came over and asked Stewie.

"Not now." Stewie quietly told off Frank Jr before turning back to Melinda. "Just look at that butt!" He slaps Melinda's behind, to the latter's dismay. "That is a tight butt!"

"I'm just going to pretend I didn't even see that." Tyler said as he and Negi walking away.

Stewie stood there priding himself and looked at Janet, who was back to her blocks.

"Damn!" Stewie cursed. "Not even a second glance!"

Stewie then strolled over back to Melinda.

"This is what you call 'dolled up'?" Stewie scolded the girl. "Listen, why don't you save yourself years of sexual ambiguity and get fitted for a pair of Doc Martens a plaid flannel shirt?"

Back to Frank, Meg, Peter, Lois and John, the latter managed to find the black market.

"There it is! The black market!" Peter said staying on guard. "Lois, if we don't make it out of here alive, I-I should tell ya. I-I promised my first girlfriend we'd meet up in Heaven. I-I was lying'. But-But just so you, Frank, Meg and John know, it's something we might have to deal with. Even though you and me will mostly hide behind John."

Peter went behind John as the latter and Frank, Meg, Lois looked at Peter before looking up at each other to show how unimpressed they were at Peter's profession. They stepped up to the entrance where they found the doors slid just the kind you would expect from a supermarket and as it turned out, that's exactly what the black market actually was. As they wandered through the place, some were weighing grenades like fruit while others were analyzing the rifles on sale. Eventually, they found a department that literally sold forged passports.

"Okay, two American passports." The clerk said ringing up the order on the register. "Would you like to join the Black Market Club? Ten percent off your first purchase."

"No, thank you. We're not from the area. *chuckles* Peter, just pay the man." Lois said.

"Do you accept bits of string?" Peter asked taking out exactly what he said.

"Sorry. Store policy." The clerk said directing to the sign behind him reading "Sorry, we don't accept bits of string." "But you know, there is another way for you to travel."

Meg, Peter and Lois then leaned in closer to hear what the other way to travel is. Before they did, however, Frank and John came up with a basket full of weapons as Meg, Lois and Peter looked at him in surprise.

"Oh..." John said feeling awkward. "Does this mean I have to put everything back?"

We then go back to Stewie one more time, where it was nap time. All of the kids were asleep except for Stewie, who had Frank Jr, Negi and Tyler by his side.

"It's over, guys." Stewie sighed telling them the "bad news". "I suppose I should be grateful to that saucy harlot. She taught me a valuable lesson."

"Which is?" Negi asked.

"There's really no such thing as love." Stewie said renouncing his crush. "It's just a puffed-up word used by Madison Avenue to sell their skin creams and two-seater cars."

"Yeah, tell that to J-man." Tyler said sarcastically. "He'd really-"

"Oh, it's no use!" Stewie busted. "She swims in my blood now. I must have her!"

Stewie then stumbled over to Janet over by the other side of the classroom.

"Darling, why are we tormenting ourselves like this? We're perfect for each other." Stewie said to Janet, which got her to wake up. "I admit we got our problems, like any couple, but...true love conquers all!"

Janet looked up and saw Stewie and got up to greet him.

"I like you." Janet told Stewie, to his delight.

"You...like me?" Stewie asked delighted. "Oh! Oh, well, it's not love, but it's a start!" He took her hand. "Oh, Janet, you've made me the happiest man in the whole world."

"Cookie?" Janet asked.

"Oh, yes, of course, you can have a cookie." Stewie insisted. "Stay right there."

Stewie went over to the box of animal crackers, but Frank Jr stopped him from doing so by holding them up high so that Stewie couldn't reach them.

"Hold on." Frank Jr insisted.

"What the devil are you doing? Give me that!" Stewie demanded to Frank Jr trying so hard to retrieve the cookies.

"Before I do, try putting two and two together first." Frank Jr recommended.

"What are you... Wait..." Stewie said finally realizing Tyler's words remembering all the time she asked for cookies, then turned to her in pure outrage. "You don't care about me! It's my cookies! It's always been the damn cookies! Well, sugar, the bakery just closed! You'll have to get your fill somewhere else, you oatmeal-raisin-loving tart!"

Janet stood there confused still not realizing Stewie's intentions, though the latter doesn't realize that as he walked away and almost shed a tear. "Don't let her see you cry, old man. Don't let her see you cry."

With that, Stewie's relationship with Janet was officially over.

Finally, it was night and Frank, Meg, Peter, Lois and John were on a raft headed back to America.

"Well, we're finally going home." Lois said being close to Peter while Meg, Frank, John were asleep.

"I'm sorry I tricked you into that job, honey." Peter apologized to Lois. "John was right to torture me. You deserve to have a more exciting life."

"Oh, Peter. Being married to you gives me all the excitement I can handle." Lois assured Peter. "I mean, look at us. On a boat in the middle of the Atlantic, under the moonlight, surrounded by refugees."

"Yeah, uh, about that." Peter said. "Uh, you know, Miguel over there has had his eye on you, and his wife, Rosa, is very open."

"What?" Lois asked confused.

"No, nothing, this is nice." Peter quickly said gently putting his arm on Lois and watching the night sky while the raft cruised over the sea.

Now we turn to the griffin house TV,

**-Hey hey hey! Team Fusion Heart just keeps shooting up the rankings! - **DJ Man announced on his show. **-Ever since ****Keyblade Red** **appeared, their ascent hasn't let up, and now at last they're in third place! This is big seeing as not too long ago, Fusion Heart was down in ninth place, and now… **_**WOW!-**_

Back at Black Baron's base, three of the members, Nokitai Uchiha, Asagiri Uchiha, and Minoru Uzumaki just sighed watching this while David thorn Jr was messing with some cards behind them.

"Jerks! It should be against some sort of rules to allow a Keyblade Master to get in the fight!" Nokitai Uchiha yelled, as Asagiri Uchiha was in the middle of building a new weapon.

"Hey, can someone help me here?" Minoru Uzumaki asked.

"Regardless, it seems that's what those belts can do for saiyans," Asagiri Uchiha shrugged as David Jr flipped to one card depicting a peach before tossing it toward the screen, and the card actually pierced into the TV they were watching Beat Riders Hotline on, cutting the power to the screen, surprising the other three.

"So, you trained with my Shadow Blade, huh?" Asagiri Uchiha asked, as David Jr walked over.

"No. I've always been able to do that. But that's not anything to be talking about, my brother, he's treating that belt like it's some sort of toy," David Jr answered.

"...Whatever, we're in trouble now, Boss," Minoru Uzumaki reminded David Jr. "We're gonna lose our place."

"Excuse me, Boss?" a voice asked as it was Azgeta to come down, holding a phone. "It's from D."

"What?" David Jr asked before taking the phone.

Meanwhile at Deal Juicers, D was on the phone, as he fiddled with a Lockseed that was simply gold and silver, with a scissor-styled C on it.

"Hello, David Jr. How are you feeling?" D asked. "Nah, never mind. I shouldn't have asked. I know Dark Baron's in a bit of a bad spot."

"What do you want?" David Jr asked.

"I just feel interest in the legend Game has gone downhill as of late," D answered. "Maybe it's in need of a surprise twist."

He just smiled as he looked at a case that contained some dried and dead leaves along with another Omnitrix and Baron Hero icon with the code LS-08 on it.

Later that day, Frank Jr and Omni brought Stewie back home, which was about walking distance from their from the preschool, Frank Jr was still getting used to his new friend that lives on his wrist. As he remember the talk he had with her.

**Flashback**

The scene shows Frank Jr interacting with the Omnitrix in his bedroom.

"Why do you want my father?" he asked.

"_My creator and my mother send me to Earth because I was entrusted to your father._" she explained. "_He is an Intergalactic Police Force, one of the legendary heroes of the omniverse_." she said.

"No! Dad is a Comic Drawer who start living with Griffins ever since Grandma Jennifer died!" he say.

"Then explain the tail on your backs and your flashback of an older earth with magic cities and flying cars?" Omni said with a smirk.

Frank Jr sigh and said "fine but you can't be attach to dad anymore since he isn't a hero anymore."

"Fine, I guess I'll stick with you since you have power and you need a friend to help on you journey." Said Omni.

"Journey to where?" Frank Jr ask.

"To your father and your family's past. "Omni said and grin.

**Flashback end**

Stewie then saw the door open.

"Oh… hey Dr. Gwen," Omni said.

Dr. Gwen has orange hair, and is wearing a green shirt, and black skirt, along with a white lab coat and brown shoes.

"Hello, Omni, Frank Jr." Dr. Blair said as Stewie walked in, and then Dr. Gwen closed the door. "Stewie, don't you think you should find someone else to crush on?" Dr. Blair asked. Since she heard from Negi that he dump his first girlfriend.

"There aren't that many women that I like," Stewie answered.

Dr. Gwen sighed and then looked at her apprentice's brother walk away.

Meanwhile, Frank Jr and Omni were on their way back to secret basement, but now Frank Jr was smiling like a little kid at Christmas, making Omni a bit creeped out as they walked in.

"Tadaima!" Frank Jr called out as he and Omni entered the room.

"Welcome back," Frank bid, but then, Frank Jr held out a small manila envelope and handed it to his Father.

"Here's the room and board for this month, Dad," Frank Jr replied, explaining what the envelope contained before going into his room, leaving Frank and Omni confused… that is until Frank discovered there was a TON of Money within the envelope, even more than what Frank Jr would earn in two months work of his previous two jobs combined!

"Wait a minute, Frank Jr! What's all this for?!" Frank asked.

"Oh! I had enough, so that's next month's too," Frank Jr answered as he walked back in and sat in a chair in the dining room. "Or, I was thinking, we could move to a bigger apartment? Oh! And we could spring for some unagi! And a nice steak…"

"Frank Jr?" Frank asked as Frank Jr counted how much money was in the envelope.

"Um Frank Jr … where'd all this money come from?" Omni asked. "I thought you quit your jobs when you enter pre-school."

"Oh, didn't you hear, Omni? The Legend Game's giving out prize money now. If I keep winning, we could make a nice living off of it," Frank Jr answered with a huge smiled as Omni just slapped her face with Frank taking the money from her.

"I won't accept this, Frank Jr," Frank told Frank Jr, putting the envelope to his son's chest and let it go, only to let the envelope and all the money flop to the floor, stunning Frank Jr as to why Frank didn't accept it.

"What do you mean?!" Frank Jr gawked, picking up the cash. "This is _way _more than what Grandpa was making with that grunt work! What's wrong with it?!"

"First off, I'm surprised that your Ai is more mature about these matters than you are right now, Frank Jr. Second, doing a job means making life better for a stranger," Frank answered, making him ponder. "You understand what I mean by this, don't you Omni?"

"Not a clue, but I do know something that I won't be saying, continue Frank," Omni replied.

"Thank you," Frank nodded, turning back to Frank Jr. "What I meant by making life better for a stranger, I mean doing things that can make an impact on those who really need it, no matter how obscure it is. Like bringing food to someone who's hungry, or cleaning up a place where someone lives, or like what i used to as the first Keyblade red."

"I get that, but, times have changed and-" Frank Jr started.

"That's enough of that Frank Jr… Hagoromo would be disappointed in you," Frank said walking away, but stopping one more and turning back. "...Basically, what I mean is, doing a job is yet another means of doing something that makes the world a better place. However… the only people you're making happy with your Legend Game is you and your little group of friends. That's no job; it's just playing."

This time, Frank Jr had barely anything to say as he only sighed, slumping back into the chair with Omni just staring at him.

"What do you want?" Frank Jr asked.

Omni just stopped looking at her friend/ New brother at that point while Frank chuckled a little.

"...Look Frank Jr, I know how much you want to help in any way you can, but My Past self-gave me specific directions in how to help raise you and Omni after he died, and neither he nor I want to support our family with game money," Frank added, surprising even Omni.

"I already saved up enough money to support us myself… not from these games, but from over the years!" Frank Jr informed.

"So have I Frank Jr, but I wasn't given the money on a silver platter like in many cases with you. Instead, I saved up just as much as you have to support us myself… with money I earned from a _real_ job," Frank finished, walking back into the kitchen to finish his duties in there for the night, leaving Frank Jr a bit depressed.

"Oh servant," Omni said.

"Hai?" Frank Jr asked, coming up to Omni, still feeling down, almost unsure if he wanted to keep up with even this servant thing game that he and Omni were play in preschool.

"I was thinking of giving you a piece of my mind with how you cheaply earned that money, but, I think you better need something to smile," Omni said, leading him into their room, and going barefoot.

"Do you want me to massage your feet…? Mistress?" Frank Jr asked.

"Yep," Omni smiled as Frank Jr got started, but he still seemed to lack the enthusiasm he had when they last did it… maybe he still had too much on his mind after what His Father told him.

" Frank Jr please, I don't like to see you so sad, I'm doing my best to get that smile back on your face, so please, just relax and enjoy doing this, okay?" Omni told him.

"...Hai," Frank Jr sighed, calming himself down before resuming the foot massage, and to Omni, it felt great, and she thought she saw Frank Jr crack a smile again, just what she wanted.

"So, you relaxed Frank Jr?" Roll asked.

"Yes… for now anyways," Frank Jr nodded. "It's just… I've got so much on my mind with what Auto told me that… well… you know…"

"I would try and help you, really, since my earliest purpose was as a Guild to the Omnitrix, but I don't know if it'll help you much," Omni replied.

"It's okay, Omni… maybe I'll go to Deal Juicer's tomorrow and try and think things out myself," Frank Jr figured.

"Um, you have rules you still need to follow, gee, I wonder if you even remember them," Omni said.

"I still remember them, Omni. And I'll list them to prove it: Rule 1, I must always obey Omni's orders. Rule 2, when you say 'oh servant', I must come running. Rule 3, you are the top of my priority list until the week is over. Rule 4, when you speak, I must look you directly in your eyes. Rule 5, I'll only pay attention you, regardless of who else is there, unless it's a foe. Rule 6, I must bow to you in respect whenever I arrive by your side. Rule 7, I must complete any order you give ASAP. And Rule 8, I must always refer to Omni with respect, whether I say Omni or Mistress," Frank Jr listed, although it felt more half-hearted due to what was on his mind at the time.

"Good, well, let's get some rest, okay?" Omni said.

"Okay, Mistress," Frank Jr nodded as they stopped, and Frank Jr plopped into bed.

Next day at Deal Juicer's, Frank Jr was sitting there as he told Omni last night, but he just sat at the counter, blowing bubbles into his orange drink, thinking about what he should do.

'_Am I doing something wrong?' _Rock wondered staring at his Watch now. _'He expects me to make the world better when there's hardly anything for me to do that? I mean, I am helping out my team. Isn't that enough? It's not like Stewie's gonna reveal this whole thing with him turning a new leaf is a hoax and suddenly turn on those he decided to help.'_

"Here you go!" the Met who was the manager of Deal Juicer's said, bringing a fruit parfait to Frank Jr.

"Eh? I didn't order this," Frank Jr responded.

"It's on the house. What's got you so down, buddy? By the way, someone's here to see you," the Met informed.

"Really?" Frank Jr gawked in confusion, he turned around to see David Jr walk in.

"Oh, hey David Jr," Rock said.

"Now remember, David Jr, I won't have any Legend Game in here, thank you. I may just be a Met, but I'm very strict about my rules," the manager Met reminded David Jr.

"Relax, me and my cousin are going to talk outside, Bandou," David Jr said, taking his brother by his t-shirt and dragging him out.

"I will never get those Mallque siblings, one day they're the best of friends, the next they're prepared to have fights to the death," the Met sighed.

"What do you want?" Frank Jr asked, turning into Heatblast, just in case.

"I just wanted to ask you something. After your stint as Omnitrix's servant, when you decided to fight, you only fought people who challenged you," David Jr started. "Not once have you tried to take stages for your team, nor challenged teams above you in ranking."

"Why would I? I have better reasons to battle," Heatblast answered.

"Then why do you take the battle right to just these holographic unformed and weak kaijin anyway?" David Jr asked.

"I'd rather be safe, not sorry." Heatblast replied.

"Hmph! I thought you were gaining some strength since becoming an adult, but instead… you've gotten to be pretty spineless these days, Frank Jr," David Jr noted.

"... eh? What's that supposed to me?!" Heatblast demanded to know.

"You don't seek worthy adversaries. You avoid making enemies, that's why you're so depressed lately after Wily did what he did. You claim to be a hero, or just someone to help others… but really… you're nothing more than a coward… no… you're lower than a coward; you're a pacifistic coward!" David Jr nearly taunted. "You may have power, but you have no strength!"

"..." Heatblast was silent before asking, "Well… Why would I pick a fight for no reason?!"

"To trample your foes, and take all they hold dear… that is the true taste of victory," David smirked.

"At least, that's your definition of the word," Heatblast replied.

"Oh yea, what's yours? And if you have no answer, remember this: Power must be exercised to demonstrate one's strength. If you wish to prove you aren't the pacifistic coward baka-yaro I say you are… then why don't you prove it, and use what you and Omnitrix have to take me on?" David Jr asked with a slight smirk, getting Frank Jr as Heatblast riled up, as he fired the Omni Buster right at his cousin/brother, but he blocked it with the alpha Shield. "Not like that! I meant you and Frank as Keyblade Masters against what I'll be able to throw at you."

"You are so going to regret this David Jr!" Frank Jr replied as he ran to go and get Omni.

Later, the trio of Mallque Siblings were down in an open area, fit for an arena of sorts with crowds coming to witness this, supporting both Team Fusion heart and Team Dark Barons, even the other Hero Masters of both teams came to see what was up.

"Why are they fighting? Why even take a Legend Challenge if it isn't for the team or a stage?" Stewie asked, as he was standing by John and Tyler.

"Um, I believe this is what one would call 'sibling rivalry', right John?" Tyler asked as he turned on his camera.

"I guess… but… I'm not sure if this is normal for them to be like this. Besides, this isn't a game; it's a duel," John admitted/figured as Frank Jr and David Jr stared each other down, Frank Jr already having his Master Omnitrix on.

"Frank Jr, David Jr, please! Stop this childish nonsense!" Meg begged her son and nephew.

"This isn't childish play anymore, Mom… this is serious business," Frank Jr told his Mom "Now you can either help me, or stay out of my way!" Frank Jr told his Mom, who simply backed up a bit, before sighing as Omni placing herself in the Master Omnitrix on Frank Jr, making Frank Jr nod as they turned to look at David Jr.

"Now feel free to send out as many aliens as you like. You won't beat us," Frank Jr told David Jr.

"I believe we are beyond such… trivial things," David Jr replied as all of a sudden… he pulled out his own Omnitrix!

"NANI?!" Omni gasped.

"That's…" Frank Jr realized as the crowd looked on in confusion and awe.

"Is that another watch?!" Nokitai Uchiha gawked from above.

"Now all two of them have those things?!" Stewie said in shock, then David Jr put his Omnitrix on, summoning the belt, and a knight-themed rider helmet colored red and silverish white appeared on his faceplate before he pulled out his new hero icon.

"Henshin," he announced, unlocking the lock.

**=BARON!=**

Everyone around David Jr gawked as another Zipper Portal opened, and out of it a Knight type hero began to lower itself as David Jr placed the icon into his omnitrix core and locked it in.

**=LOCK ON!=**

Unlike Frank Jr's Omnitrixs, David Jr 's had a more European style of standby music with trumpets and trotting of horses in the background of the music as the crowds above realized what David Jr was about to do and lit up like a Christmas tree.

"So wait! Does this mean David Jr, Team Dark Baron's leader, is gonna henshin too?" one crowd member gawked.

"Then that would make him Keyblade… crimson!" another shouted, making more of the crowd cheer as Frank Jr and Omni stared at David Jr, who was just waiting for the right moment, and then… he slam the core.

**=COME ON!=**

The hero then dropped down onto his head, and Frank Jr looked on as his cousin/brother kicking things up a notch, but Omni looked on in nervousness, never having fought David before. When the hero covered his head…

**=LORD BARON!=**

The crowd gawked as David Jr's Body becoming a stag beetle-esque Over Lord Inves. In this form, Lord Baron has a similar appearance to Kamen Rider Baron's Banana Arms and his personal weapon is the Guronbaryamu, a sword bearing a similar resemblance to Demushu's Sheimu, and the crowd gawked at what exactly was over his head.

"EH?! BANANA?! BANA-BANANA?!" Nokitai Uchiha gawked, the repeating being inserted for a shock moment in DJ Man's show.

Then David Jr yelled out "I AM BARON!"

With that, as the vines finally covered him. There was a green flash and the vines dispersed, revealing his new form.

His form resembled a monster from a nightmare. His entire upper body was the color of flames and appeared to be made of stained glass. Black horns extending into the air. Icy blue eyes stared coldly outwards from his face that appeared to be a silver mask. The majority of his head was red with black lines over it, with wing-like projections where the ears should be. In the middle of his head was a large black diamond shaped with yellow swirling lines over it that matched the designs on the front of his shoulder pauldrons. The majority of his chest had the red-with-black-lines stained glass look, save for a few spots in the center that were yellow. His forearms were yellow with black spider web-like lines going over it, with his left arm having a razor sharp crescent blade extending from it. He also have a similar hakama pants like Lapis when he was in overlord form except it red with black designs that seemed to be a mix of flames and Helheim plants. Finally, his legs had become covered by gunmetal armor boots which curved up in a sharp point from his toes and then finally one could see his trademarked yellow scarf as the hero orb opened up and folded into place on the new Keyblade Master's form.

**=KNIGHT OF SPEAR!=**

With the complete transformation, Baron now wielded a silver-white lance with yellow ornaments near the hilt, and the crowd gawked at seeing the eldest of the Light siblings, and the leader of Team Baron, become a Rider.

"I still can't believe it… you can henshin now too?!" Frank Jr gawked as he gripped his Master Omnitrix on his wrist.

"No way! DarkBaron has their own Keyblade master now?!" John gawked as Meg ran in between Frank Jr and Lord Baron.

"Wait! Guys, why do we have to fight?!" Meg asked.

"Aunt Meg… if you don't want to, go ahead, I can understand," Lord Baron said.

"yeah Mom! He insulted us already, there's no turning back now!" Frank Jr told his sister.

"... Okay, but David Jr, while I maybe your aunt, I don't want you to take it easy on Frank Jr. Show me what you can really do, don't hold anything back! Okay?" Meg asked.

"In that case, I will show you the true meaning of strength!" Lord Baron answered.

"Whatever, let's just get this over with!" Frank Jr growled as he showed off his Omnitrix.

"HENSHIN!" Frank Jr yelled, activating the Master Omnitrix.

"**DIAMOND HEAD!"**

"**LOCK ON!"**

_**"**__**Soiya! **__**DIAMOND HEAD: Sword of Diamonds!**_

"You ready for this Frank Jr?" Baron asked.

"As ready as I'll ever be," Frank Jr answered as Diamond Head, and Lord Baron circled each other, all of them brandishing their weapons, waiting for one of the others to make the first strike.

"HOLD IT!" they heard someone on their level nearby yell, and everyone turned to see it was none other than the Lock Dealer, D!

"So the Mallque Siblings have all gotten their little toys ready to cut each-other apart." d said.

"So what? Come to rain on our parade, D?" Lord Baron scoffed.

"Well, now we've got Keyblade Masters fighting against each other, you can hardly call it a Legend Game, can you?" D pointed out. "So as I see it, we need to upgrade the rules."

What confused the riders next was that D held up three larger IconLocks with no visible code on them, and instead of fruits, they each had a design of a flower on the front, each one being a white Sakura/Cherry Blossom, the second being a Red Rose, and the third being a Purple Hibiscus.

"These locks are on the house, just this once," D informed, tossing the locks to the rider trio, with Baron catching the Rose lock, Diamond Head grabbing the Sakura Lock.

"Open them," D told the trio as they did what they were instructed.

Suddenly, the three lock flew into the air, and automatically grew, unfolded, and reshaped themselves into the form of three motorcycles, each themed after the flower on their respective locks.

"These Lock Vehicles are the newest tech," D explained.

"What is this thing?" Baron muttered.

"Like ordinary bikes I assume," Diamond Head shrugged.

"Now please note, these are still just prototypes, but I trust you approve of them gentlemen?" D replied. "Assuming you think you can handle them, of course."

"So you want us to fight with these?" Baron asked, taking a good look at the Rose Lock Vehicle. "Hmph! Interesting."

"Fine! Bring it on! But when I beat you, you'd better apologize for all that!" Diamond Head responded, staying close to the Sakura Lock Vehicle. "Got that?! You got some nerve calling me a spineless pacifistic coward!"

"It might be like a race at first, I'd assume, but I'll be able to use my weapons," Diamond Head figured.

"Hmph!" Baron scoffed, which Diamond Head heard.

"What was-?! Don't hmph me, dang it!" Diamond Head snapped.

"Oh come on! Were they going to ask us about this?" Stewie muttered from above as the crowds got IPads out to watch this battle as the three riders drove the Lock Vehicles off to a better starting point.

"I don't think anyone's gonna stop 'em now," John sighed.

Unknown to the others, D made a slight chuckle.

"I trust you'll make this interesting," D smirked.

(Cue "E-X-A" (ExicitingXAction) by Kamen Rider Girls.)

Thus the two Keyblade masters zoom off, not knowing what to do at first, but getting the hang of it.

As all two of them were nearing the fence of the area they started at before all two Master made an impressive jump over said fence while still driving on their Lock Vehicles.

As the Keyblade Masters continued driving, they were unaware that they entered an unauthorized zone licensed by the Yggdrasil Corporation. They just continued driving along with Diamond Head behind Lord Baron.

"WHOA! Baron's taken the lead!" Minoru Uzumaki gawked as he and everyone else watched on Stewie's IPad, but Stewie saw the sign that everyone else seemed to ignore.

"Frank Jr… ganbare," he muttered.

But then, Diamond Head noticed something on his bike's dashboard.

(End insert song.)

"Huh? What's this?!" Diamond Head gawked as a holographic image of what it was expanded before his view, revealing some kind of meter that kept increasing, but it wasn't his speed seeing as Diamond Head now had it constant. "It's not a speedometer…"

The other Keyblade Master had the very same, and thus something… odd began to occur once the meter filled to the max with the number 999, and the green around the meter became red. Suddenly, winds bursted at the riders, with flower petals of their respective bikes flying past them.

"What's with the petals?" Diamond Head wondered when suddenly, he and the other two riders were spinning in a spiral as some sort of aileron roll, making a couple of them dizzy, but Diamond Head gawked in a panic as they were unable to stop now.

Even the crowd watching was just as confused as to what exactly was happening at that point in time, when all of a sudden, Zipper Portals appeared and then the two Riders disappeared.

"Frank Jr… he's gone back to that place," Stewie muttered while the others were not sure what in the world happened.

"Frank Jr? Frank Jr?!" John gawked in a near panic.

With Keyblade Masters, all two of them burst into the forest of the aliens with the Zipper Portals spitting the three out from their respective flowers. Lord Baron looked around with intrigue while Diamond Head gawked in panic of the fact that they returned to this nasty place. But Baron suddenly stopped, and Diamond Head turned around to try and get himself out, but then the aliens began to attack the two Keyblade Masters and head for Diamond Head, Lord Baron then immediately turned around, jumped off his motorcycle and stabbed one of the Aliens with his spear, now extended.

"David Jr …" Diamond Head muttered as David defended him from the Aliens.

"Just doing what any older brother should do," Lord Baron informed.

"Why're you still fighting them; they're too powerful here! We need to get out of here!" Diamond Head informed his brother.

"Get out? Hmph! Man, you really are a spineless pacifistic cowardly worm!" Baron scoffed as he continued to protect Diamond Head from the Aliens that kept coming. Soon he managed to get close to beating them, and activated his finisher…

"**COME ON!"**

"**LORD BARON BURST!"**

He then prepared to execute it when he heard a voice…

"_Be warned…" _the female voice warned, getting Baron's attention. _"You are grasping for the reins of fate."_

"Who's there?" Lord Baron asked, confused by the voice before scoffing it aside. "Hmph! I'll choose my own course in life. Your so-called fate doesn't concern me!"

With that, Lord Baron charged, not noticed the woman similar looking to Korra was watching, and sighed.

"Okay, that's it! Who are you?!" Diamond Head demanded to know, but the girl disappeared almost as fast as she appeared.

Then, Lord Baron thrusted his lance and keyblade through the last two Aliens, making it look like a banana was pierced through them before one more slash made them explode in defeat, making Diamond Head gawk at how powerful he was.

"Wow…" Diamond Head said.

"I… have power!" Lord Baron realized as he stared at his own hand before he stared at his cousin, who could only stare back.

_(As the scene ended, Frank Jr's current Heroes, Heatblast and Diamond head, along with the Sakura Hurricane came across the screen, and they closed along with a zipper with the Fusion Heart Symbol on it)_


	25. Chapter 23:Theres Something about Paulie

**Chapter 23: There's Something about Paulie**

**Opening Credits**

_It seems today that all ya see_

_Is violence in movies and sex on TV_

_But where are those good, old-fashioned values_

_On which we used to rely_

_Lucky there's a Family Guy!_

_Lucky there's a man who_

_Positively can do_

_All the things that make us_

_Laugh n' Cry_

_He's_

_a_

_Fam_

_-ily_

_Guy!_

**End**

It was nighttime in Spooner Street and in the Griffin house, John, Tyler, Frank, Meg, Frank Jr, Persephone and Chris were watching TV while Lois was resting on the couch when Stewie was coming up to Lois holding a lamp.

"Wakey, wakey, worthless domestic." Stewie teased bonking Lois in the head with the lamp, which was soon bounced offover Lois. "Time to make me an edible grool."

"Mommy wants to rest for a few more minutes, honey." Lois responded turning away from Stewie.

Stewie pretended to cry, but Lois didn't respond back.

"Blast!" Stewie cursed storming off.

Right at that moment, Peter walked by Lois and noticed her lying on the couch.

"Geez, Lois, what are you doing lying on the couch at this hour?" Peter asked Lois, who turned to him. "You been drinkin'?"

"Peter, you know I never drink." Lois gently reminded Peter.

"Oh, yeah? Just like you never dodged the draft?" Frank Jr accused Lois.

"What are you talking about?" Lois questioned Frank Jr. "I'm a woman."

"Sure you are..." Frank Jr and Peter said. "...now..."

"Wait, are you guys saying that women can't join the Army because of their gender?!" John asked Peter and Lois. "That's sexist!"

"Yeah! Who are they to have the right to say women can't- Oh, wait." Tyler said.

"Peter, Frank Jr, I'm exhausted." Lois explained sitting up. "I've been in and out of taxis all day. Stewie had a doctor's appointment. Then I and Frank had to pick Meg, Persephone, John and Tyler up after school."

"Me and Persephone had rehearsal for _Death of a Salesman_." Meg explained sitting up. "But we're not allowed to show death at school. So, now at the end, we dance around the sparklers."

"Tyler and I have been going to school for weeks now and we still don't see the point of putting together a production based on a story focused entirely on the subject they won't allow us to show in the first place." John said.

"That's not what you said while watching Persephone rehearse." Tyler called John out.

**Cutaway #1**

John and Tyler were watching the rehearsal for the play from the back of the auditorium. John was clam while Tyler was bored throughout the whole thing.

"'Willie Loman never made a lot of money. His name was never in the paper." Persephone recited offscreen. "But, uh, you know, like, attention could get paid."

"Whoo!" John quietly cheered.

**End**

"Guys, we really need a second car." Lois insisted to Peter and his family like gang. "Trying to do all these errands in a taxi is exhausting."

"Oh, but you meet such colorful characters in taxis, like-like Alex Rieger and Tony and that funny foreign guy who worked in the garage." Frank Jr said.

"Where'd you learn all of that from?" John asked.

**Cutaway #2**

It cut to the setting of the late 70's sitcom _Taxi_ where three of the show's characters were sitting at the table, Alex Rieger (left), Elaine Naldo (middle), and Tony Banta (right) while Louie DePalma was in his booth as usual.

"Rieger, cab 402." Louie called out in his booth. "Naldo, you and your luscious melons are in 315. Now get the hell out of here, you losers!"

"Hey, Louie, what about the foreign guy?" Tony asked.

"No way, Banta." Louie refused. "He's a nut job."

"Come on, Louie, show a little conpassion for once in your miserable life!" Alex persuaded.

"All right! Can the waterworks." Louie said. "Jackie Chan, cab 302."

Suddenly, Jackie Chan came in smashing through the booth and neck-snapping Louie, killing him in the process as the others cheered him on.

"Thank you very much." Jackie Chan thanked everyone.

**End**

"Peter, please." Lois begged as she pulled out a newspaper. "I saw an ad for a used car that would be perfect."

"Oh, no, Lois." Peter denied getting up from the couch. "No, a guy at work bought a car out of the paper. 10 years later, BAM! Herpes."

Frank, Frank Jr, John and Tyler looked at each other dumbfounded by what Peter just said. Tyler was going to ask, but decided not to at the last second.

"I'm buyin' our car from a dealer and that's that." Peter insisted.

The next day, Peter, Frank Jr and Lois were at a car dealership looking for a second car for Lois to use. Lois had her eye on a regular blue car, but Peter soon became enamored with a red sportscar.

"Ohohoh,look!" Peter said immediately as he and Frank Jr liking the red car. "Oh, aren't you beautiful?" He was now rubbing his hands on the hood. "Yeah. Yeah, you like that, don't ya? Yeah, you're a bad little car. Eh, oh, what's that? What's that? You want me inside you?" Peter and Frank Jr then got in the sportscar.

"Peter, Frank Jr, look at this one." Lois said to Frank Jr and Peter. "It's safe and reliable and we can afford it. I'll just see if I can find a salesman."

This got the attention of a certain salesman in the building, to which he soon dashed over to Peter and Lois pushing aside a random customer who was looking at a car and climbing on top of another car until he finally reached his goal.

"Hey, I'm Doug. Nice to meet ya." The salesman greeted Frank Jr, Peter and Lois shaking Lois's hand first before turning to Peter. "Whoa, have you lost weight?"

"No, it's still there." Frank Jr responded. "he's just parting it on the side."

"We were more interested in that car over there-" Lois told the salesman.

"L-L-L-Lois, let me handle this." Peter interrupted.

"Peter, this car has dents in it, a-and it's got a cardboard steering wheel." Lois reasoned with Peter going over to the car and feeling the steering wheel inside.

"Yes, just-just a second, honey." Peter replied still ignoring her as Lois then examined the hood.

"And look. There's no engine." Frank Jr continued picking up a piece of paper in the hood. "It just has a drawing of an engine."

"But it only had one previous owner." The salesman said. "James Bond!"

"We'll take it!" Frank Jr said changing his mind.

It then showed Frank Jr, Peter and Lois in the sportscar about to leave.

"Okay, let's see what this baby can do, eh?" Peter said driving his new car, which after going forward a bit, immediately died out. "Well, I'm-I'm the dealer will take care of it."

Ironically, he looked in the side mirror and found the entire building gone, to his confusion. Frank Jr did a rim Shan with drums he brought home.

Eventually, Frank Jr, Peter and Lois were in bed where Lois was facing away from Peter.

"Lois, this is crazy." Peter said. "There's no way we're gonna be able to have martials with you lying all the way over there."

"I am very upset with you right now." Lois replied still pissed about what happened at the dealership.

"Okay, so I tried on your bra." Peter admitted not realizing what Lois is really upset about. "Geez, the fellas were puttin' on a show. I-I didn't think I'd make a good Gigi either, but God help me, I was flattered."

"Peter, I'm upset because you two never listen to me." Lois explained to Peter. "This is Atlantic City all over again."

**Cutaway #3**

Frank Jr, Peter and Lois were at a casino in Atlantic City where Frank Jr was playing a card game (I honestly don't know what game it was) while Lois was watching.

"You've got 20." The card dealer said.

"Hit me." Frank Jr replied.

"Frank Jr, don't." Lois told Frank Jr.

"Hit me." Frank Jr repeated not listening.

"21." The card dealer said.

"Hit me." Peter replied take over the game.

"Peter." Lois said.

"Hit me." Peter repeated.

"That's 30." The card dealer informed Peter.

"Hit me." Peter repeated still not listening.

Lois was disappointed in Peter's ignorance.

"You know what? I'm just gonna stop you right here." The card dealer said ending the game.

"Hit me." Peter repeated.

Then Frank Jr hit peter right in his face breaking his nose.

"Ouch. What the hell Frank Jr!" peter said in pain.

"What you said hit me?" Frank Jr reply so smug as he moon walk out of the casino.

**End**

"Ah, you're just mad about the car." Peter finally realized. "Don't worry *kisses Lois in the cheek* I'll think of a way to fix it."

"No, WE'LL think of a way to fix it!" Lois corrected. "I'm tired of being left out of all our decision-making."

"Okay, honey." Peter said going to bed and turning off the light. Then, a monkey's screech was heard in the dark. "By the way, the car came with a chimp." Frank Jr said from the hall.

A week then passed and Frank Jr, Peter stopped by Cleveland's deli (which was literally called) as he was sitting at a table when Cleveland came and handed him a menu.

"Hey, Frank Jr and Peter." Cleveland greeted Peter. "You want a menu or just the usual 'everything'?"

"Ah, shut up, Cleveland!" Peter yelled at Cleveland.

"Wanna talk about it, champs?" Cleveland asked Peter and Frank Jr clearly understanding Peter's attitude.

"Grandma Lois has had the car all week and it's just been hell getting around." Frank Jr explained. "Grandpa Peter actually had to rent a Mustang."

**Cutaway #4**

The Mustang Frank Jr was referring to was an actual horse of the same name as he and Peter rode it to a gas station before stopping and actually try to pump the horse with gas. Peter doesn't realize that the horse isn't at all like a car and after looking around the horse for a gas tank with little success, he then decides another solution by lifting up the horse's tail and slowly moving the pump toward the horse's... Uh... Ahem, well, you know.

**End**

"All because I can't afford to get our new car fixed." Peter complained.

"Why don't you just get another new car?" A stranger popped up eavesdropping on Peter and Frank Jr's conversation and suggested.

"Why don't you try a breath mint, saucy?" Frank Jr fired back.

"I'm just sayin' that me and my associates will, uh, steal your car and, uh, ipso facto, your insurance company will buy you another one." The man then reasoned.

"Peter, Frank Jr, you don't wanna get involved with the Mob." Cleveland warned Peter and Frank Jr obviously not trusting the stranger.

"Who are you? Who are you? Who are you? Who are you?" The stranger quickly rushed over to Cleveland and questioned him.

"I'm the proprietor of this delicatessen." Cleveland answered.

"Butt out, schlomo." The stranger replied back at Cleveland telling him to get lost and turning back to Peter and Frank Jr. "All I need is your address." He takes out a revolver and places it on the table in front of Peter. "You can jot it down on the back of my gun."

"Well, you do have an honest face." Peter warily commented, to which the stranger grinned showing his gold tooth. Peter then started writing his home address on the back of the stranger's gun. "Ah, crap, grandpa made a mistake." Frank Jr then crumpled up the gun like it was paper and then discarded it. "Do you have another gun?"

Later that night, Peter and Frank Jr were back home now looking outside waiting for the stranger they met at Cleveland's deli to show up with his associates while Lois was watching _Dhalma and Greg _on the TV.

In the show, Dhalma was standing on top of a table for some reason while Greg was nearby seemingly aggravated by Dharma's antics.

"Dharma, come down from there." Greg ordered Dharma, but the latter didn't do what he said. "Wow, I can't get over what a free spirit you are."

Then, the show's laugh track played where it soon overstayed its welcome.

Soon after, the stranger and his associates finally showed up as the former had a chainsaw with him and was getting it started. Frank Jr and Peter then noticed the chainsaw's loud noises would get Lois's attention and decided to make a distraction.

"Uh, L-Lois. I-I was thinking maybe you haven't been spending much time with John and Tyler lately." Peter told Lois getting her off the couch and pushing her to John and Tyler's room.

"Really?" Lois asked.

"Oh, uh, yeah, yeah." Frank Jr said as they were about to reach the duo's room. "So, I was thinking maybe you should hang out with them..." As Peter said that, they finally arrived as Peter opened the door, to the duo's surprise below. "...right now doing really loud and complicated things for the next 15 minutes."

"But why do I-AAHHH!" Lois said before being pushed down the basement stairs as a crash was heard offscreen.

"My leg!" Tyler yelled parodying the famous "My leg" gag from _Spongebob Squarepants_.

Peter then shut the door quickly.

The next morning, everyone gathered outside the house to find a new car in the place of the red sportscar Peter bought recently.

Brian tapped one of the wheels to see if it was sturdy. "That's a fine machine, Peter."

"Pops, how can we afford this?" Frank asked Peter suspicious.

"Let's just say the car was a steal." Peter answered finishing his sentence with a wink.

"Say that again." Lois asked.

"The car was a steal." Frank Jr repeated winking like peter.

"This time without winking." Lois demanded.

"The car was a steal...wink." Peter then repeated doing what Lois asked him.

"Peter, Frank Jr." Lois exclaimed.

"Look, Lois, we had a broken car, I did 'something,' and now we have a new car." Peter told Lois trying to make her better. "Look, I said I'd handle it and I did."

"I suppose it did." Lois said seeing that Peter meant it, though she was still upset that Peter and Frank Jr didn't include her. "I just wish my opinion mattered to you too."

"Well, the important thing is it matters to you." Frank Jr reassured Lois putting his hands on her shoulders trying to make her feel better. "And that's the greatest gift of all."

Lois didn't respond to Frank Jr as she soon left when Cleveland came in.

"Hey, Cleveland, come here. Check out my onboard computer navigation system." Peter told Cleveland showing him said navigation system in the car. "Standard." Peter pressed a button.

"Left turn ahead." The computer directed.

"Spanish." Frank Jr continued pressing another button.

The computer said the same thing, only now in Spanish.

"Yakov Smirnoff." Peter and Frank Jr continued pressing another button.

"In Soviet Russia, car drives you!" The computer then said.

"That's fancy and all, but I think you're bargaining for more than you can chew." Cleveland remarked still worried about Peter as the latter then stepped out of the car. "You're in debt to the Mob. That means they can ask you to do anything. Anything!"

"Relax, Mr. Cleveland. There is no Mob." Frank Jr reassured Cleveland not believing the latter. "Y-You're thinkin' of the Mob from the movies."

**Cutaway #5**

It showed the infamous scene from the film _Goodfellas_, where Joe Pesci's character, Tommy DeVito harasses Ray Liotta's character, Henry Hill who called him funny.

"How am I funny?" Tommy questioned Henry.

"I-I don't know. Y-You say funny things." The man answered.

"No, no, I mean, I'm what? Am I George Carlin funny? Am I _Spin City _funny? Rita Rudner funny? What? Come on." Tommy dared Henry wanting to know whether or not he was disrespecting him.

Henry took a moment to think.

"Rita Rudner funny." Henry answered, to Tommy's surprise.

"Yeah, Rida Rudner funny." One of the mobsters answered.

"Really?" Tommy asked, which a quick nod of approval gave him a quick answer. "Oh, my God, thank you."

Just as Tommy sat back down, however, Henry ends up making the same mistake again and this results in Tommy attacking him.

**End**

"Peter, Frank Jr, please don't underestimate them." Cleveland begged Peter and Frank Jr.

"I guarantee you." Peter reassured Cleveland. "I am NEVER gonna hear from those guys again."

Then, it cuts to Peter on the toilet late at night.

"Peter." The stranger who helped Peter appeared at the window and surprise-attacked the latter. "It is time to repay your favor to the don."

Peter then tried to fetch some toilet paper from the roll, but found there was no more.

"Aw, jeez." Peter exclaimed until he looked around and found a substitute: a page from an issue of _Entertainment Weekly _that he had lying around. "Well, at least that's one problem solved."

The stranger took Peter and Frank Jr downtown to a bar called "Mobster's Bar &amp; Grill", where the mob boss was located in.

"Come on, you two." The stranger told Peter and Frank Jr directing them to the don's office. "The don is waiting to meet you two."

"Wha-What kind of a guy-Wh-What's he like? Is he-Is he a friendly don? Y-You know, like that Don Deluise?" Peter asked fearing what would come next before being into the don's office alone with the don himself as the door shut behind them.

In the office was the don himself sitting in his desk stroking his cat repeatedly? There were two chairs in front of the desk as Peter a seat in one of them, Frank Jr sat in the other.

"I have asked you two here tonight so that you may perform a service." The don informed Peter and Frank Jr.

"*nervously laughs* What-What-What are you gonna make me do? Whack a guy? Off a guy? Whak-off a guy? 'Cause he's married-" Frank Jr quickly asked the don extremely nervous about the whole situation.

"Silence!" The don shushed Peter and Frank Jr. "Big Fat Paulie is in town this week to attend the wedding of my daughter."

"Oh, God, and you want me to shoot him twice in the head?!" Peter assumed.

"That's sweet of you two to ask, but he's my nephew." The don said to Peter touched. "He's also vile and disgusting. No one has ever been able to stand Big Fat Paulie's company for more than a minute. But you, Mr. Griffin and Mr. Mallque. You two will take him to the movies."

"That's it? That's all I have to do?" Peter and Frank Jr rose up from their seats and asked in excitement. "Oh, thank Go- Wait a second. Which movie? 'Cause if it's anything with Greg Kinnear, you can just whack us off right now!" Frank Jr replyed.

Peter and Frank Jr later returned home and realized that their plan might be flawed than he thought.

"Aw, man, how am we gonna pull this off without Lois finding out?" Peter thought when Frank, Meg, John and Tyler walked by. This gave Peter an idea. "Hey, guys. Do you mind doing me a favor?"

It then cut to Frank Jr, Frank, Meg, John and Tyler waiting outside the theater, indicating they took Peter's place. Frank Jr, Frank, Meg, John and Tyler were both dressed up how Peter was in the original scene, except the sleeves weren't rolled up.

"What are we doing again?" Tyler then asked.

**Cutaway #6**

It showed the exact same scene of when Peter asked Frank, Meg, John and Tyler earlier.

"Hey, guys. Do you mind doing me a favor?" Peter asked the duo.

**End**

"Oh, right. Never mind." Tyler said as a limo pulled up by the entrance.

"Hey, a limo." John pointed. "It must be him."

The quintet stepped up to the limo as an obese man stepped out.

"Big Fat Paulie?" Tyler greeted the man, who then punched him in the face. "AH!"

"My name's Marty and I'm very sensitive about my weight." The man told off the duo offended walking off.

Coincidentally, a green car pulled up after the limo drove off. Coming out of it this time was an obese woman.

"Big Fat... Pauline?" Frank asked trying to make sure he wouldn't get her mad.

"How dare you, young man." The woman told off Frank offended, of course as she pepper sprayed Frank's eyes.

"AH!" Frank screamed in pain.

"Ha, ha!" Tyler and John laughed at his friend's pain until he and john, too got pepper sprayed as well. "AH!"

Frank, John and Tyler both fell to the ground recooperating from the painful experience when suddenly someone walked up to them.

"Are you Big Fat Paulie?" Frank Jr asked the man wondering if it's the right person. He was answered when the stranger kicked him a bit in the gut.

"I'm Louie Anderson!" The man declared.

"How was I supposed to know?" Frank Jr asked still in pain.

"That's no excuse!" Louie Anderson stated kicking Frank Jr again until Meg got mad as she beat the shit out of that fat asshole and he went as beat out as he was going into the theater.

Of course, another limo pulled up and Frank Jr, Frank, Meg, John and Tyler went over to greet who was in it, whether they wanted to or not.

"Are you... *looks up in the night sky* ...please... *looks back at the stranger*...Big Fat Paulie?" John asked in despair.

The man grabbed John's head and twist it a bit, then hacked up mucus onto his tie. Then, the man poured milk down Tyler's pants.

"Yeah, I'm Big Fat Paulie." The man answered calmly taking a good look at the duo. "Anyway, you two seen a big, fat guy like me around here? I was told he was supposed to be here. Goes by the name of Peter Griffin."

"Oh, he wasn't able to attend." Frank informed Big Fat Paulie. "So, we're gonna watch the movie with you as part of a favor."

"Oh, all right." Big Fat Paulie replied accepting the news as the six headed into the theater.

They went inside to go to the front of the theater where they found a few people sitting in John and Tyler's seats, to the duo's dismay.

"Aw, someone's sitting in our favorite seats." Tyler said.

"Hmm. Hey, I just got a great idea." Big Fat Paulie said having just come up with a plan.

"What's that?" Tyler asked.

Tyler's question was answered when Big Fat Paulie pulls out a revolver and shot awfully close to the people sitting in their spot by their feet. This, of course resulted in said people fleeing in fear.

"Wow, he must be into guns, too!" John said.

The six were later seen watching the movie playing as it zoomed out to show everyone else in the theater sitting far away from the trio.

It then showed the movie to be a sequel to _How Stella Got Her Groove Back _called "How Stella Got Her Groove Back Again" as it showed the original film's main characters, Stella Payne and Delilah Abraham.

"Girlfriend. You know what time it is?" Delilah asked Stella.

"No, what time is it?" Stella asked bluntly.

"It's time for you to get your groove back...AGAIN!" Delilah answered declaring as the two then high-fived each other.

It then cut back to Frank Jr, Frank, Meg, John, Tyler and Big Fat Paulie.

"I have no idea who those people are." John said snacking on popcorn.

"I have no idea what's going on." Tyler also said.

"I have no idea what's going on either but, you know what time it is?" Frank Jr also said.

"No, what time is it?" Meg asked bluntly.

"It's time for you guys to get your groove back...AGAIN!" Frank Jr answered declaring as the six then high-fived each other.

Later, the group exited out of the theater.

"Well, it was nice hanging out with you, Big Fat Paulie." Frank Jr said to Big Fat Paulie.

"Yeah, hope we do it again next time." Frank said.

"See ya." John and Tyler then greeted Big Fat Paulie goodbye as they were about to leave.

"Where you goin'?" Big Fat Paulie asked the quintet, who stopped.

"Uh, home?" John answered.

"For dinner. Why?" Tyler asked Big Fat Paulie.

"Oh, yeah? What're we having?" Big Fat Paulie asked wanting in.

"Oh, you wanna join us?" Frank Jr asked.

"Of course." Big Fat Paulie answered.

"Okay, then." Meg said.

It then cut to Lois finishing up washing the dishes and drying the last plate and then putting it up in the cabinet when Frank Jr, Frank, Meg, John and Tyler came home from the movies.

"Hey, Mrs. Griffin." John greeted Lois as he, Frank Jr, Frank, Meg and Tyler stepped into the kitchen through the screen door.

"Hello, guys." Lois greeted the duo. "Where have you been? I've been wandering where you guys were."

"Oh, Mr. Griffin dropped us off at the movies." Tyler informed Lois.

"We also met a new friend there, too." Frank later informed. "Would it be all right if he joined us for dinner?"

"Boys, you can't bring company home at the last second without calling." Lois reminded the duo.

"We tried to call you." John explained. "But we forgot the number."

"That's all right." Lois said sighing in tolerance. "Your new friend can join us. May I at least see him?"

"Sure." Meg said turning to the door. "Hey, Big Fat Paulie, you can come in now!"

Peter then walked in.

"Frank Jr? Frank? Meg? John? Tyler? How'd you both get back here? I was gonna go-" Peter was about to ask the group for their presence until he saw Big Fat Paulie. "Who's that?"

"This is the guy you told us you couldn't go to the movies with: Big Fat Paulie." Tyler informed Peter, who after realizing it was Big Fat Paulie, made a similar reaction to when he learned Lois gambled the car back in "The Son Draws and His Friend Writes".

"Y-Y-You guys brought him back home with you?!" Peter asked the group fearing Big Fat Paulie's presence.

"Yeah, he wanted to join us for dinner." John explained. "Why? Is something the matter?"

"N-No! No! Nothing is wrong!" Peter dismissed. "Nothing is wrong at all."

"Really? Oh, what a big surprise." Lois said pretending to be excited. "Peter, can I talk to you for a second?"

Lois dragged Peter away from the group to discuss with Peter about the situation.

"Peter, you can't just take Frank Jr, Frank, Meg, John and Tyler to the movies without my approval." Lois told Peter. "I am getting sick and tired of you doing everything without consulting me. And-" She stopped when found Big Fat Paulie was eavesdropping on the conversation. "Uh, do you mind?"

"As a matter of fact, I do, ya crazy broad." Big Fat Paulie replied back, to Lois' offense.

"I am not a crazy broad!" Lois responded to Big Fat Paulie's statement.

"Oh, uh, no, no, Lois. He didn't mean you're crazy, like, uh...like...Elizabeth Taylor. You know." Peter tried to pass off moving Lois away from Big Fat Paulie, though she was clearly unphazed crossing her arms. "He-He meant you're crazy...like, uh...like that glue. Heh. You stick to things. You know, like an adhesive. Heh. That's-That's all he meant."

During dinner, Big Fat Paulie ate like a pig while everyone else ate regularly.

"You have a pretty good appetite there, kid." Big Fat Paulie complimented to Chris. "I bet you spend a lot of time in the john."

"I'm-I'm sorry, what finishing school you say you went to?" Brian asked Big Fat Paulie.

"Yes, good heavens, who taught you how to eat?! Mickey Rourke?!" Stewie questioned Big Fat Paulie's gluttonous appetite before he paused to wonder how he knew about Mickey Rourke. "Why do I know that name? DAMN YOU, _ENTERTAINMENT TONIGHT_!"

**Cutaway #7**

It cut to an episode of _Entertainment Tonight_, with then host Bob Goen.

"Hi, I'm Bob Goen, and these are Mary Hart's legs." Bob Goen introduced himself along with the lower boy of said celebrity as it zoomed out a bit to show them, where the legs were crossed and lying on the table. "Mary, you recently spent some time with Julia Roberts, didn't you?"

One of the legs tapped the table twice to respond to Bob's question.

"Mary says, 'Yes'." Bob translated the message.

**End**

"Tell me, kid." Big Fat Paulie asked Chris eating messily. "What are you like, eh, 27?"

"Ah-ha, I'm 13." Chris answered chuckling a bit at Big Fat Paulie's question.

"Still a minor, huh?" Big Fat Paulie asked again. "Hey, son, how'd you like to be a coke mule?"

"They have Coca-Cola for mules?" Tyler asked intrigued by Big Fat Paulie's words.

**Cutaway #8**

It then suddenly showed a past clip of YouTube horror reviewer, Dr. Wolfula.

"Awesome!" Dr. Wolfula reacted excitedly.

(A/N: The clip I'm using here isn't in Family Guy animation, but an actual clip from Dr. Wolfula's "Halloween III: Season of the Witch" review. I just thought it would be an interesting joke to use here.)

**End**

"Peter, living room?" Lois asked Peter wanting to talk in private.

"No, Lois. Kitchen." Peter insisted imitating drinking wine and getting intoxicated before Lois dragged him to the living room.

"Peter, I have a bad feeling about this man." Lois said to Peter suspicious about Big Fat Paulie. "He's not the kind of person I want around our family, and that includes Frank Jr, Frank, Meg, John and Tyler."

"Honey, you're overreacting." Peter said.

"Will you please just listen to me for once?" Lois pleaded. "That man is bad news! I want him out of our house and out of our lives!"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, all-all right, Lois, I'm just gonna give you a little something to help you relax-" Peter told Lois taking out a syringe.

"NOW!" Lois demanded startling Peter and making him drop the syringe onto the floor.

"Okay." Peter replied heading back into the kitchen, where he talked to Frank Jr, Frank, John and Tyler. "John, Tyler, I'm gonna need you to do another favor for me."

It then showed the quartet in the backyard with Big Fat Paulie.

"Big Fat Paulie, there's something we gotta tell you..." Tyler told Big Fat Paulie about to tell him the bad news. "You ever wondered whether there's life beyond Earth in the universe?"

"No, but just in case." Big Fat Paulie responded pulling down his pants and mooning at the night sky. "Look at this, ya freakin' aliens!"

"Well, at least, he's referring to aliens." John remarked when he, Frank Jr, Frank and Tyler saw that Bonnie was nearby taking out the trash, but was frozen in shock as Big Fat Paulie's bare rear-end was facing at her.

"Oh...uh, hi, Mrs. Swanson." Frank Jr greeted Bonnie. "This is our friend, Big Fat Paulie. And, uh...this is his big fat butt..."

Bonnie didn't at all to Frank Jr as she was still bothered by what she had just saw before turning and going back to her house.

"Sorry!" Frank tried to apologize, but she was already gone.

"What's on your mind, guys?" Big Fat Paulie asked the duo pulling his pants back up.

"Listen, Big Fat Paulie...we just can't hang out anymore." Tyler broke the news to Big Fat Paulie.

"Oh..." Big Fat Paulie responded rather heartbroken about it sitting down on a swing.

"Hey, forget about it." Big Fat Paulie said before breaking down into tears.

"No, no, no, don't cry. It's not you. It's Mrs. Griffin." John told Big Fat Paulie wanting to make him feel better. "She doesn't want us hanging around with you."

"Really? *sniff*" Big Fat Paulie asked.

"Yeah." Frank Jr answered.

"You guys aren't just saying that?" Big Fat Paulie asked.

"No, no, it's all her." Frank said.

"If only we met you first." John said.

"So, Mrs. Griffin is the problem, huh?" Big Fat Paulie asked lighting up.

"Yeah, but it's not all her fault." John told Big Fat Paulie.

"She just doesn't want to see us fall in with a tough crowd like Mr. Griffin." Tyler said.

**Cutaway #9**

It showed an 80's Crest toothpaste commercial where the five kids from said commercials stand on top of a giant tooth.

"Cavity creeps!" One of the kids warned his teammates.

It then showed the creeps stomping over to the tooth shouting "We make holes in the teeth!". Among them was Peter dressed up as one of them.

**End**

"So if she wasn't around, we can still be friends, right?" Big Fat Paulie asked again.

"Yeah, we can still hang out." Frank Jr said.

"That's great!" Big Fat Paulie said in delight. "Come here, you!" Big Fat Paulie then grabbed both Frank Jr, Frank, John and Tyler in a headlock and started noogying their heads until suddenly the swing broke sending the five of them to the ground.

The next day, Lois was shown shopping through a sniper's scope, but it zoomed out to reveal it was actually decor of a grocery store called "Bullseye Market", where a suspicious looking man was seen spying on Lois from outside without her looking as he entered the store.

The man eventually found Lois where he pulled out his gun, cocked it and aimed it directly at Lois's back. Just as he was about to shoot, a cart from behind bumps into him, causing him to misfire instead at a stack of cooking oil, where its contents spilled all over the floor just as two buxom, bikini-clad women walked by and soon slipping on the oil. You can pretty much guess what happens next afterwards.

Later that night, James Woods high was featuring its production of "Death of a Salesman".

"And this is entertaining how?" Tyler asked already bored by the whole thing.

Frank, Frank Jr, John, Peter and Lois, however, shushed Tyler.

"Willie Loman never made a lot of money. His name was never in the paper." Persephone acted. "But, uh...you know, like, attention could be paid."

"Whoo!" John cheered quietly.

On stage, the man who was hunting down Lois earlier was now disguised as one of the actors in the play.

"'People are worse off than Willie Loman.'" The hitman pretending to be apart of the production until he quickly pulled out his gun and fired at Lois. Fortunately, he missed as he and almost everyone else fleed.

"Sheesh, come on, everybody." Frank Jr said. "I know it sucks, they're just kids."

Later again, everyone was already in bed, except for Lois, who was still disturbed by what happened to her as she paced around the room before going over to Peter and Frank Jr, since he sleeps with them from time to time.

"Peter, Frank Jr, how can you sleep?" Lois woke Peter up and asked. "I was almost killed!"

"Oh, come on, Grandma Lois. The only victim tonight was the work of Arthur Miller." Frank Jr replied.

Lois then walked out of the room, unsatisfied with Frank Jr's response when the phone rang.

"Hello?" Frank Jr answered the phone. "Hey, Big Fat Paulie! Sure, hold on."

Frank Jr and Peter then went over to John and Tyler's room.

"Boys, it's for you!" Peter called out to John and Tyler handing them the living room phone.

"Hello?" John answered. "Oh, hey, Big Fat Paulie. No, Mrs. Griffin isn't dead. Why? What hitman? Well, Tyler and I would love to go catch a movie with you, but what does that have to do with-"

John and Tyler then realized what was going on. It then cut to them meeting with Big Fat Paulie somewhere downtown.

"You thought we wanted you to kill Mrs. Griffin/Grandma?!" Frank Jr, Frank, John and Tyler both reacted in unison.

"Guilty!" Big Fat Paulie admitted.

"Is it too late to have it called off?" Tyler asked Big Fat Paulie.

"Yeah..." Big Fat Paulie confirmed bluntly.

"Oh..." Tyler said in it was already too late.

"Gotcha!" Big Fat Pulie then confessed letting out a laugh.

Frank Jr, Frank, John and Tyler then laughed, although a bit nervously.

"Good one." Frank commented.

"Yeah. I'm still getting used to your warped sense of humor." Frank Jr followed.

"All I gotta do is make a call." Big Fat Paulie said pulling out a pocket phone (No, it's not a cellphone.). Just as he was making the call, however, a suspicious-looking limo drove by and the passenger in the back of it gunned down Big Fat Paulie. The shooting kept going as Big Fat Paulie stumbled down the sidewalk while being shot, which included swinging on a street lamp until he reached the curb where he dropped to the ground dead.

"AW, JEEZ!" Frank Jr, Frank, John and Tyler both exclaimed in unison at what just happened.

The next morning, Peter and Lois were sitting at the kitchen minding their own business where Peter was reading the back of a cereal box and Lois was reading a newspaper on one hand while having a cup of coffee on the other.

Lois flipped over the paper to the other side and saw something that made her drop her coffee. "Oh, my God! Look at this." Lois then showed the article to Peter, which was about Big Fat Paulie's death last night as the front line read "Mobster Gunned Down."

"How could you let Frank Jr, Frank, Meg, John and Tyler hang out with a mobster?" Lois questioned Peter.

"Hey, don't blame me. They were the ones who invited him over for dinner the other night." Peter said changing the subject.

"Guys? Can you come into the kitchen for a minute?" Lois hollered to the duo.

Frank Jr, Frank, John and Tyler both came into the kitchen unaware of what's about to happen.

"What's up?" John asked.

"Did you two knew your friend from the other night was a mobster?" Lois asked the quartet presenting them the newspaper featuring the article about Big Fat Paulie's death last night.

"Big Fat Paulie?! No!" Frank Jr answered having been told the truth.

"No way!" Frank also answered innocent.

"Yeah, we only knew about him because Mr. Griffin asked us to take his place-" John explained.

"NO!" Peter reacted, though this only blew his cover.

"Peter, what are Frank Jr, Frank, John and Tyler talking about?" Lois asked wanting to know the bottom of things.

"Well, uh, you-you know how I got that new car a few days ago?" Peter asked Lois.

"What about it?" Lois asked back.

"Well, I actually had help getting rid of the old one from a few...uh...people I met." Peter explained followed by a chuckle.

"Oh, my God..." Lois said seeing what Peter meant.

"Huh. That would explain the hit- D'OH!" Frank Jr said having spilled the beans.

"Hit?" Peter and Lois asked confused.

"Yeah, we kinda put a hit out on Mrs. Griffin." Tyler confessed. "Sorry."

"What?!" Peter reacted.

"How...could you boys put a hit on me?" Lois asked the duo.

"We didn't mean to!" Frank tried to explain.

"What are we gonna do now?" Frank Jr wondered.

"Peter!" Lois said to Peter.

"Lokk, don't-don't worry, everyone. I got it all worked out." Peter tried to calmly assure everyone. "We'll move to England. Eh? Worst they got is, uh...you know, drive-by...arguments."

**Cutaway #10**

Two British men were driving by when the driver noticed something in the distance.

"I say, Jeremy, isn't that Reginald B. Stiffworth, the young upstart chap who's been touting the merits of the European Commonwealth?" The driver asked the man in the passenger seat.

"Why, yes. I dar say, that's the fellow." Jeremy confirmed.

"Oh, let's get him." The driver said.

They parked right next to Reginald B. Stiffworth, who was busy reading a newspaper while waiting at a bus stop.

"Oh, Reginald..." The driver called out, getting the man's attention. "...I disagree!:"

They then immediately drove off at high speed.

**End**

Peter brought Frank Jr, Frank, John and Tyler to the place he met the Don at to have them try and call off the hit. To their surprise, however, it was now in the disguise of a pet store.

"You sure this is the place, Mr. Griffin?" John asked Peter.

"I'm positive." Peter confirmed when the stranger who helped Peter with his car before arrived, got out of the car he was in and headed into the place. "And that's the guy."

"Should we follow him?" Frank Jr asked wondering what they should do.

He was answered by Frank, John, Tyler and Peter slowly turning their heads toward him with a nonchalant look on their faces.

"Oh, right." Frank Jr said getting the message. "Let's go."

The group entered the "pet store", where everything was designed to resemble an actual pet store. The only difference was that the pets were actually nothing more than cardboard cutouts.

"Right. Like people would fall for this." Tyler said unimpressed.

The mobster they were looking for was at the counter negotiating with the clerk.

"I would like a 'bunny'." The mobster told the clerk where a subtitle appeared reading "gun."

"What kind of 'bunny'?" The clerk asked. "A 'quick-eating bunny'?" Another subtitle appeared reading "semi-automatic gun". "Or a 'holding bunny'?" Another subtitle appeared reading "hand-held gun".

"Whichever 'bunny' you think is better for 'kissing a guy's face'." The mobster said where one final subtitle appeared this time reading "shooting a guy in the head".

"Oh, there ya are. My friends and I have been lookin' all over for ya." Peter said to the mobster just as the clerk went to the backroom. "Look, I brought my friends here to call off a hit they accidentally put on my wife. Where's the don?"

"The don?" The mobster acted pulling out a sign stating the place is bugged, explaining why the place is now pretending to be a pet store. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Oh, come on. You know, the do-" Peter almost said before Frank Jr, Frank, John and Tyler prevented him from continuing shutting his mouth and realizing what the mobster meant earlier.

"Oh, uh, sorry." John apologized.

"Yeah, we apologize for the misunderstanding." Tyler apologized.

"Good." The mobster said pleased as he brought out another sign with an envelope. "Now, remember, there is no such thing as the mafia."

The trio read the sign, which read "The don's daughter is getting married tomorrow. Here's my invitation." They looked at the envelope, which it was an invitation.

They were about to leave, but Frank Jr was reading the last sentence of the sign.

"'Now, get the out of here, you S.O.B.'" Frank Jr read. "What's a S.O.B.?" Frank Jr was then knocked out by the mobster.

Back home, Lois was waiting for Peter, Frank Jr, Frank, John and Tyler to return while everyone else was watching TV.

The show they were watching was once again _Dharma and Greg _from before. This time, Dharma was standing on top of the couch, though Greg, of course won't allow this.

"Dharma, get down from that couch." Greg ordered Dharma.

"Uh-uh, goofy." Dharma refused. "Why don't you come up?"

"You know what? I think I will!" Greg immediately accepted joining Dharma with a big smile whilst glancing back and forth between her and the audience. Like before, the laugh track overstayed its welcome.

"Boy, what a mismatched pair." Brian remarked on the show's central characters. "A free spirit and a puppet."

At that moment, Peter, Frank Jr, Frank, John and Tyler returned from their failed attempt to call off the hit on Lois.

"Peter, thank you." Lois said. "Did you take care of...that thing?"

"That thing?" Peter repeated in confusion until realizing. "Oh, oh, you-you mean that growth. Yeah. Yeah, I-I had the doctor look at that."

**Cutaway #11**

Peter was naked in Dr. Hartman's office showing the latter the growth he mentioned.

"Mr. Griffin, that isn't a growth. That's your penis." Dr. Hartman informed Peter.

"...Oh..." Peter responded taking a look at his privates. "Well, what about the, uh-"

"Testicles." Dr. Hartman soon confirmed.

Peter didn't say anything for a moment and when he looked at his privates again, he let out a disbelieving sigh in response.

**End**

Frank Jr, Frank, John and Tyler realized that Peter had probably forgotten about the current situation with the Mob and were about to remind him without blowing their cover in front of the family.

"Peter, I'm talking about the mob hit!" Lois then burst out.

"Mrs. Griffin!" John and Tyler exclaimed.

"Mom's gonna get wacked?" Meg reacted to the reveal.

"Oh My God!" Persephone reacted all scared like.

"What did you do?!" Chris asked Lois.

"You guys, too?!" Frank asked the others surprised that Meg, Chris and Stewie know also how the mafia works.

"How much do you guys know about this stuff, anyway?!" Frank Jr asked.

"Oh, dear, there are so many people to thank." Stewie commented. "God, of course. And, um, who else? Oh, this is so unexpected." Stewie then pulled out a sheet of paper as well as reading glasses to see what the name was. "Oh, yes. Satan."

"I'm sorry, Lois. The hit's still on." Peter apologized pulling out the wedding invitation out of his pocket and handing it to Lois. "All I got was this wedding invitation."

Lois looked at the invitation, which then immediately gave her an idea.

"Wait a second, Peter." Lois told Peter. "The don's daughter's wedding. That-That's perfect."

"Eh, it's not that perfect." Peter thought otherwise. "We'll probably have to buy a gift. And you know how bad I am when it comes to buying gifts."

**Cutaway #12**

The family was celebrating Lois's birthday in the kitchen.

"Happy freakin' birthday, Lois!" Peter said to Lois handing her his gift.

"Oh, my goodness, it's a..." Lois said opening the girft until she found it was a sword, to her dismay. "*sighs*...another sword. Thank you."

"Go ahead. Try it on." Frank insisted excited.

"Can I keep it?" Frank Jr asked.

**End**

"Didn't you see _The Godfather_?" Lois asked.

"No, but I heard it was, like a six and a half hour long movie." Tyler answered.

"Six hours?! Ah, forget that!" John responded.

"No. I meant was the don can't refuse a favor on the day of his daughter's wedding." Lois explained.

"So?" Frank Jr, Frank, Peter, John and Tyler asked in unison.

"So, we can ask him for a favor." Lois stated.

"So?" Frank Jr, Frank, Peter, John and Tyler repeated.

"So, we ask him to call off the hit." Lois stated further.

"Oh!" Frank Jr, Frank, John and Tyler then replied seeing Lois' point.

"So?" Peter asked yet again, which Frank Jr, Frank, John and Tyler then looked at Peter surprised that he is the only one left to not understand Lois' plan.

"So..." Lois then tried to explain further, but didn't know what else to say. "Peter, I-I don't know how to explain it any clearer than that."

"You can go to the wedding and ask them not to kill Mom." Meg and Persephone stepped in and told their father.

"See? Even she gets the idea." Frank and John said.

"No way. It's too dangerous." Peter protested. "I was the one who got you into this, and I'll get you out of it."

"No, Peter. When we got married, we agreed to share our lives, good times and bad." Lois stated to Peter.

"So?" Peter asked.

"So, we'll solve this problem." Lois answered.

"Wait. You mean together?" Peter asked.

"Yes." Lois answered. "Because together we can do anything. Face any foe. Overcome any obstacle."

"Yeah, bring World Peace." John said.

"Curing any illness." Tyler said.

"Take down any dictatorship!" Frank Jr said.

"Solve World Hunger!" Frank said.

"And it doesn't matter whether we're able to do all this or not. Because we're a team!" John then finished.

"What the hell are you guys talking about?" Brian then blatantly asked.

It then showed Peter, Lois and the boys heading over to the wedding in the blue sedan Peter replaced his cruddy sportscar with.

"Turn right at fork in road." The navigation system informed Peter where it was set to. "In Soviet Russia, road forks you!"

"Boy, is that getting' old." Peter remarked annoyed.

They arrived at the wedding.

"I don't know about this, Lois." Peter told Lois worried about her safety. "What if something happens to ya? I'm too old to start dating again."

"Why not?" John asked.

**Cutaway #13**

The cutaway showed an episode of _The Dating Game_ where the episode's bachorette was a brunette in a blue dress.

"Okay. Bachelor Number One. I'm an ice cream cone. How are you gonna eat me?" The bachelorette asked one of the bachelors the question as the camera panned to the right to show the first bachelor having a mustache and wearing an orange shirt and beige cackies.

"I'd invite my friend Rudy over and the two of us would give you a 'double dip'." Bachelor #1 answered making the audience woo for him.

"Woo-hoo." The bachelorette exclaimed impressed as she went to the second bachelor. "Okay, Bachelor Number Two."

The second bachelor was a redhead wearing a green sweater and green pants.

"I'd lick off all the cream and give you my special whipped topping." Bachelor #2 answered which the audience once again wooed over.

"Sounds good." The bachelorette replied also impressed as she finally went to Peter. "Bachelor Number Three?"

"Well, I would try to eat you really fast before I got flaccid." Peter answered, to which he got no reply from neither the bachelorette nor the audience.

**End**

"Wow..." Tyler then responded to the cutaway.

"I'll be fine." Lois reassured Peter. "All we have to do is blend in."

"Oh, no problem." Peter said as they all got out of the car.

It then showed Peter singing on the stage where the wedding's musicians were playing at. The song Peter was trying to sing was Glen Campbell's "Rhinestone Cowboy", but he muttered through half the song not knowing the lyrics. This didn't sit well with the audience as they all slowly pulled out and aimed their handguns straight at Peter.

"For my next number-" Peter was about to announce before he heard the handguns cocked. "Thank you very much! Thank you, Pawtucket!"

Frank Jr, Frank, Meg, John and Tyler decided to keep the other mobsters distracted with another song.

"Come crawl with me-" Frank Jr was about to sing before clearing his throat nd then his voice switched over to one sounding like Filbert the Turtle in the _Rocko's Modern Life _episode, "The Lounge Singer", which he, Tyler and John then sang almost the exact same song from said cartoon episode.

Meanwhile, Peter and Lois were waiting in a line of people who came to ask the don for their own personal favor. Then, to Peter's surprise, he saw David Schwimmer right behind him.

"David Schwimmer?" Peter asked David Schwimmer.

"Yeah, hey." David Schwimmer replied back.

"What are you gonna ask the don for?" Peter asked David Schwimmer.

"World Peace." David Schwimmer answered.

Peter then chuckled at David's answer, thinking it was a joke.

"Number 34!" A buffer called out. "34!"

"Right here!" Peter answered as he and Lois then stepped into the don's office, who was sitting in his desk appearing to be petting his cat like before underneath the table.

"Peter, my good friend." The don greeted Peter rather kindly where it turned out he was actually grating cheese. "How good of you to come and show your respect on this, the day of my daughter's wedding."

"Yeah, sorry I didn't bring a gift. But the stores were all mobbed." Peter said before realizing what he just said. "Uh, I mean 'mobbed' as in 'crowded', not-not 'mobbed' as-as in, uh...you guys." Peter then let out a nervous laugh.

"Who is this enchanting woman?" The don asked intrigued by Lois.

"Oh, this is my wife, Lois." Peter answered before he plugged his ears and moved away from Lois.

"Eh, your Honor, sir, we've come to ask-" Lois was about to ask the don.

"Let me handle this." Peter butted in brushing her off.

"Peter, I thought we were a team." Lois said to Peter.

"Eh, l-listen, your don-ness. I got a little favor to ask you." Peter then asked the don.

"Go ahead. As you know, I am obligated to grant one favor on this, the day of my daughter's wedding." The don said. "While you ask me for this one and only favor, I will sit here and enjoy this very fine tiramisu." The don then pulled out and place a tiramisu on a plate on his desk.

"Ohh, can I have a piece?" Peter soon asked easily tempted by the dessert.

"Peter-" Lois exclaimed.

"Granted." The don approved handing him the tiramisu. "Next."

"Ah, crap!" Peter exclaimed as he and Lois were escorted out of the room.

Peter and Lois were now back outside where John and Tyler had just finished singing.

"Thank you! Thank you very much!" John thanked the audience before he, Frank Jr, Frank, Meg and Tyler met up with Peter and Lois. "Oh, hey, Mr. Griffin."

"Did you manage to call off the hit?" Tyler asked.

"No, I used up our favor." Peter confessed, to John and Tyler's dismay, before turning to Lois. "I'm sorry, Lois. You know what? Here, it's yours." Peter tried to offer Lois the tiramisu. "No, no, really. I insist."

"Peter, I'm gonna be killed!" Lois reminded Peter scared. "Does that mean nothing to you?!"

"Of course, it does." Peter assured. "It means everything to me."

"And yet you traded that for a piece of cake?" Frank Jr asked questioning Peter's logic.

"Oh, God! What have I done?!" Peter realized.

Just then, the don's daughter was running away from her fiancée.

"I'm not marrying you!" The bride told off the groom.

"Yeah? Well, I'm not marrying you, you spoiled guinea- Whoops." The groom said before the don came in.

"My dear. What is the problem you are having on this, the day of your wedding?" The don asked his daughter concerned.

"Larry wants to whack someone on our honeymoon!" The bride explained.

"Hey, hey, it's my job, all right? This is what I do!" The groom defended as the both of them turned away from each other.

"Hey, you two should stop fighting and listen to each other." Peter stepped in and told the bride and groom.

"Huh?" Both the bride and groom exclaimed in confusion.

"See, marriage is a partnership." Peter continued. "If you really love someone, you've gotta work together...as a team." Lois then came to Peter's side. "I...I learned that the hard way. I didn't listen to what my wife had to say and now she's as good as dead."

"Ohh, Peter." Lois said touched by Peter's speech.

"That's awful." The bride said. "I-Is this your wife?"

"Yeah, that's Lois." Peter confirmed before he did the same maneuver when he was in the don's office a few minutes ago.

"*sniff* I guess we can postpone our trip." The bride then suggested tearfully.

"We won't have to." The groom said chuckling a bit. "I don't believe this! She's the one I'm supposed to whack!"

"WHAT?!" John and Tyler both react in unison.

The rest of the mobster family laughed at this revelation and as the groom was about to shoot Lois, Frank Jr jumped out of the way and took the bullet saving Lois.

"Whoops..." The groom said witnessing his mistake.

Peter and Lois weren't too worried about Frank Jr's condition as they knew about his immortality, which he then got back up.

This, of course, horrified the don and his family.

"Someone kill it!" The groom demanded as the mobsters pulled out guns at the Griffins.

"Please, don, you don't understand!" Peter intervened. "You gotta hear me out!"

The don listened and decided to give Peter a chance.

"Okay, see..." Peter said as it then transitioned to him wrapping up his story. "...and that's what happened. Look, I love my wife more than anything in the world. Can you please shoot me instead of her?"

Frank Jr, Frank, Meg, John, Tyler and Lois were shocked by Peter's sacrifice.

"Such tenderness and love on this, the day of my daughter's wedding." The don said seeing the truth now. "Why don't I just call off the hit?"

"Huh. Yeah, that could work." Peter agreed. "Wait! We're a team. Is that okay with you? Because your opinion matters, too-"

"YES! LET'S GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!" Lois quickly answered trying to get both the boys and herself out of there as fast as possible before turning to the don. "Thank you for a lovely time."

The four then ran out of there back to their car.

"Can we come back here again sometime in the future?" John asked Lois.

"No way in hell!" Lois answered.

"Maybe John, Just Maybe." Frank said quietly.

They eventually made it to the parking lot where Peter was showing the valet boy their car.

"Yeah, uh, it's the blue sedan." Peter told the valet.

"No tips, sir." The valet told Peter running off to get them their car.

"Huh, nice kid." Peter commented on the valet. "Well, I think I handled that pretty good. But-But I would like a second opinion."

"Here it is." Lois said giving Peter a kiss on the cheek, much to Peter's delight.

Suddenly, the blue sedan exploded right before them.

"WHOA!" Frank Jr, Frank, Meg, John and Tyler both exclaimed at the explosion.

"OH, MY GOD, OUR CAR!" Peter reacted to the event.

"Oh, man. Heh. Am I glad I caught you. I almost forgot. Don't start your ca-" The groom came up and was about to warn Peter, Lois, John and Tyler until he noticed that it already exploded. "Hey, thanks for coming'." He then ran off.

"Ugh, what a horrible night." Lois said as she, Meg, Frank Jr, Frank, Peter, John and Tyler then walked home.

"Ah, it's not so bad, Mom. Pops learned his lesson." Frank reassured Lois. "And best of all, nobody important got hurt."

As they were leaving passed the front gate, the valet's vest descended down from the air, signifying his unintentional death, until a boy with red hair with six whiskers on his face, he begins waving hand signs.

"Art of Rinne Rebirth!" was all the boy said as the valet's body's begin repairing while steam comes off his body.

"Done..." the Boy said as he falls down on his ass while the valet body stay the same as they don't disappear.

"Dad, you do know something about Resurrection", was all the red hair boy said as his breaths out tired while he looks down as he remembers the past.

"Mom... Why did you love...and why was it that you kept so much distance from dad after you kissed him?" the boy thought to himself, unknowing about Mother's true feelings. As he looks at Meg Griffin leave with the Mallque/Griffin group. At the griffin house, Meg Griffin was sleep as she dream something from her past life,

**Meg's Dream**

For the first time ever, Frank actually almost pissed his pants and probably David as well as they stare at the person in front of them. Actually Naruto wasn't sure if he can still call that _thing_ a person.

Ōtsutsuki Kaguya was now a massive beast with its appearance a combination of all Tailed-Beasts as it began flailing its powers in a berserk manner. "Dobe what has Naruto done?!" David yelled at the glowing Saiyan.

"I didn't know that she would turn into that Thing just because of his Rasenshuriken!" Frank retorted to the Saiyan Uchiha. He really had no idea that what should've been the finishing blow (at least on his opinion) for Naruto **Tailed Beast Rasenshuriken** actually had the opposite effects.

The monster formerly known as Kaguya began releasing a rain of arms that began destroying the mountain range with exact strike capable of creating an earth quake.

"Woah!" both Frank and Naruto uses the flight capabilities of their own Six Paths Sage Mode's to get out of harm's way while Sasuke and David uses their own Susanoo's to fly out of the way.

However Sakura and Aoi as left helpless as they tried to leap out of the danger. But Aoi knew they were doomed as a massive shadow loomed over them.

"Shit! David, Sasuke use that teleportation thing!" Frank yelled to his partners as the Uchihas activates their Rinnegan's to teleport Sakura and Aoi out of the way.

But then the pink-haired girl and Blue haired girl were swept away by a blur of blue,Dark Blue and Green.

"Wha-" Naruto was shoucked on what he was seeing. It was Kakashi, Menma and Rage...in their own Susanoo's?!

Inside the Susanoo Kakashi glares at the beast in front of him. _"Thanks Obito...You watch along with me...This time I will protect them and the world!"_

Inside the Dark Blue Susanoo Menma smirks at the beast in front of him. _"Thanks Obito...You possessing me gave me power...This time I will used this protect them all!"_

Inside the Green Susanoo Rage glares at the beast in front of him. _"Thanks Zero...You watch along with me...This time I will protect everyone and the world!"_

"Kakashi-sensei, my brother's that's so awesome!" Frank practically fangirled at his sensei and his bros while David just stared at it.

"B-but I thought Kakashi and Menma no longer has their sharingans... and why does Rage has the sharingan" David muttered.

Though before anyone could think about this the beast began unleashing streams of fire as everyone evades the inferno, Frank and Naruto also noted that the fire is so intense that this dimension might turn into the lava dimension.

At high speeds Frank goes behind the beast where he plans to attack it from behind. "Yosh! Now to bring that thing down with chakra fists!"

However Frank notices something at the back of the monster's neck. "Eh W-what is that?"

The Saiyan flies a bit closer and his eyes immediately widened in shock, he knows that horned head anywhere. "K-kaguya?!"

It was Ōtsutsuki Kaguya with most of her body burried on the back of the monster's neck with only her head to her shoulders the only one that hasn't sunken in.

Frank also noticed that her eyes are closed meaning she was unconscious but simultaneously Kaguya was crying once again. But the way she wept was different from before, the tears were much more intense there were more steams than before and it still continues on.

Frank was silent for a bit as time seemingly slowed down. Right now the saiyan was torn if he should save her or continue with the attack anyway.

"..." Frank was still left speechless with his lips parted. It doesn't take a genius to know that helping an enemy is wrong especially when their hell-bent on world and possibly universal domination.

When Frank heard the rabbit goddess sobbing the saiyan heard her mutter something in a weak and hoarse voice. "H-help me...p-please...it's eating me alive..." her sentence was said between her sobbing.

Naruto pursed his lips together before gritting his teeth as he was still torn on saving her or attacking her, for all he knew it might be a trap but somehow he doubted that.

"Please..." Thanks to his Six Paths Sage Mode, Frank realized that her life force was slipping away fast.

...

After clenching his fist, Frank lets out a battle cry as he flies towards Kaguya at blinding speeds as he morphs his Truth-Seeking Ball into a blade as he slices the white ooze from her body in a single swing.

Frank then catches her in his arms as he looks at her and widens his eyes in shock. _"I-Is it me or does Kaguya look a lot younger than before, her horns they fall off?" _Frank asked internally. Overall the Kaguya in his arms looked like a teenager and is around Frank's age. Was that a side effect when turning into a monster?

Kaguya then began to stir as she opened her eyes slightly that was enough to show their now dark blue in color but still lacked pupils with her third eye missing.

Frank then noticed that the girl has awoken but his eyes widened in horror. "This is bad! Her life force is still draining fast!" Frank immediately placed his right palm on her chest as he activated the sun mark to try and stabilized her life force.

"Oi! Are you okay!" Frank asked frantically as he shook her shoulders which caused the white haired girl to open her eyes again as she slowly turned her head to look at the boy.

Now knowing that she was okay, Frank smiled in delight as he looked at the girl. "You're alive! That's a relief!"

Even though her eyes were half-lidded Kaguya got a good look at the boy, he was glowing so bright that he can practically have a part-time job as a walking lantern for miners. With her trembling arm she managed to clutch weakly at the blonde's coat and began crying again.

"A-Arigatou *sob* Arigatou..." Using what remains of her strength the girl wrapped her arms around him as she began bawling her eyes out as she wailed uncontrollably as she soaked his coat.

With a light blush, Frank awkwardly retuned the embrace as he gently rubbed her back. "I-it's okay you're safe now Kaguya," Frank looked at Kaguya as she nodded which made the saiyan chuckle lightly.

Though suddenly the surface they were sitting on began shake violently as Frank instantly remembered that the monster is still alive somehow.

Frank quickly carried Kaguya bridal style and flies out of the beast and gains some distance away from it as the beast was clashing with the four Susanoo's

A few moments later, Frank and Kaguya's eyes slightly widened in surprise as the beast began to take a spherical form but the person who emerged from it nearly Frank's jaw drop.

"A-another Kaguya?!" Frank looked at the girl in his arms but she was also just as confused as him.

Frank then looked at the Kaguya from the distance and noticed something: the Kaguya in front of them retained her adult look while the Kaguya in his arms was a teenager.

"W-what?" Frank can't wrap his brain around this, why were there two Kaguya's? Are they sisters?

The older Kaguya slowly hovered above the massive dark sphere as she spots Frank holding her younger self.

"Frank!" Naruto and Kakashi called out as they flies towards Frank with Sasuke, David, Menma and Rage following suit

The glowing Saiyan turned towards them and smiled. "Glad you guys are all right!" Kaguya took this moment to glance at Frank's companions with tired but curious look. "W-who are they?" Kaguya asked, her voice still a bit weak, as she looked at Frank.

"Eh? You don't remember? We were fighting you for the past several hours and you were practically kicking our butts- dattebayo,"

Kaguya shook her head as Frank and Naruto just stared at her in confusion as he glances at the girl's older self and doesn't notice the bowered looks of his teammates.

"Two Kaguyas?!" Sasuke and David was glancing between the older and younger Kaguya as he was confused as hell.

"But how?" Aoi and Sakura asked though everyone was just as confused as they were.

Meanwhile the older Kaguya lets out a malicious grin. "You have my thanks Kai and Ashura's reincarnates!

"Eh? But why?" Naruto asked while Frank look at the goddess. "For getting rid of that piece of garbage!" she said as she gestured at her younger self.

Frank's eyes widened as the white haired girl in his arms flinched at the comment. "What are you talking about?!"

"She's been nothing but a thorn on my side for what feels like an eternity! Ever since I took over she was begging and begging not to hurt the people especially her precious Hagoromo and Hamura," she said in a mocking tone.

"Tch," Frank and Naruto glared at the woman as he tightened his grip on the girl in his arms.

"All that she did was Ninshū this and Ninshū that where she eventually passes this garbage to her children. That bitch never understood the true use for chakra and didn't even mind her children sharing it! 'All chakra blends to us and us alone!' I told her that a million times but she just won't listen and just kept fighting me back. And when I finally took over I tried to correct that bitches mistakes by showing the people the ture potential of my power and then getting rid of her pesky children but as I fought those dogs, she kept begging me to stop the fighting saying this is wrong, but of course I told her that this was her fault for bearing children in the first place and telling then that Ninshū bullshit which will of course just breed nothing but conflict once chakra is fucking shared!"

At this point Kaguya tried to hold back her tears as she listens on the rant of her older self. _"P-please...Stop,"_

"And here we are now...a world that's now literally a living hell. All because that bitch shared her chakra like a complete idio-" the woman was interrupted as she received a foot to the face.

With a streak of blood trickling down her lips, she looked at the saiyan who kicked her. "You little.."

Frank's eyes were shadowed while the white haired girl in his arms looks at him in shock. "I get what you're saying and I understand it but..."

The saiyan glares at the woman with his steel-yellow eyes. "This isn't her fault! Things just spiraled out of control from there, yeah Kaguya was the first person to have chakra but even she couldn't predict that things would get this worse. She just wanted peace it's just that the people decided to weaponries chakra so...It's our fault not Kaguya's..."

"...Hehehehehehe...HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!" the older Kaguya began laughing maniacally as she began shooting her Ash-Killing Bones everywhere. "DIE YA PEICE OF SHIT!"

Frank narrowly evades the bones as he moved away. "W-was it something I said?" the Saiyan asked to himself.

"Listen idiot, I don't know what's going on here but which Kaguya here is the good one?" David asked the Saiyan Uzumaki.

"This one I'm sure of it! Ne Kaguya-chan?" Frank said as he smiled at Kaguya, not noticing the faint blush that appeared on the girl's cheeks due to the suffix. Aoi got jealous for some reason.

"M-mn," Kaguya nodded at everyone. David and Sasuke gave a skeptical look before sighing. "Well you do look the part," David commented at that girl before glaring at the white haired woman.

"Though we can't play reckless here since she practically lost it," Sasuke told his teammates as the older Kaguya practically donned a maniacal grin.

It was Menma's turn to talk. "Um Kaguya-san, do you know any weaknesses to your um older counterpart?"

Kaguya shook her head sadly. "No...That _thing_ is composed of nothing but power and because of that the chances of finding a weakness or hitting a blind spot is extremely low." she explained while tightening her grip on Naruto's coat.

"Don't worry Kaguya-san! I'm sure there's a way!" Rage said, Frank just nod his head with an optimistic smile which brightened her a bit.

"RAHHH!" the older Kaguya flies forth with a colossal chakra arm, ready to pound and grind them to oblivion. Thinking fast, Kaguya manifests her own Truth-Seeking Ball and makes a giant shield which successfully deflected the massive punch but the punch was powerful enough to create cracks on the shield's surface.

"Woah! Way the go there Kaguya-chan!" Frank and Naruto chreered.

"T-thank you..." Kaguya replied with a weak smile as she dissipated the dark orb. The older Kaguya snarled as she unleashed hundreds of chakra arms upon the group.

As David and Sasuke slices the appendages with their Susanoo swords, Kakashi and Menma creates shurikens that have the same shape as their Mangekyou Sharingan.

"Kamui Shuriken!" The said shurikens were able to warp away the appendages the moment it made contact with it.

"Bet your Susanoo's can't do that?" Frank and Naruto teased both David and Sasuke but the Uchiha ignores the comment as he continues to watch the capabilities of Kakashi's Susanoo.

The older Kakuga then flies towards Frank wielding her Ash-Killing Bone. The Saiyan Uzumaki manages to dodge her strikes with a frantic look on his face as the moment that bone stabs him it's all over.

"Talking back to me as if you know everything about mankind and stopping me from saving my precious nursery...you're just as worse as that little bitch there BAKA, BAKA!" the woman's maniacal expression became even more worse and disturbing to the point where Frank and Naruto was sweating.

"K-Kaguya-chan...Just who and what is that _thing_?" Frank asked. The white haired girl was hesitant for a moment before meeting Frank and Naruto's gaze. "I-It's a representation on my power..I-in other words. It's the Ten-Tails." Kaguya grimaced.

"Eh?! That older, insane version of you is the Ten-Tails?!" Naruto asked in disbelief. Kaguya weakly nodded. "After I was revived it adapted to my appearance and took over before I could explain anything to you..." she said sadly.

Frank's mouth was agape as he glances between at Kaguya and her older counterpart. _"Are you serious?" _but before he could ponder further he felt something lightly tugging on his coat and looked at Kaguya who had a pleading look in her eyes.

"F- Frank...seal her away. Please...I don't wanna be taken over by her again...it was so painful... it was so dark and lonely...and watching her launch the Infinite Tsukiyomi that turned my precious and innocent people into those..._things_" the white haired girl was now sobbing again as tears fell from her eyes.

But the Rabbit Goddess was surprised to hear the Saiyan actually chuckle as she met his gaze with her teary eyes. "Don't worry Kaguya-chan! We'll seal her away in no time! And then you can come home with us back at the village then my home world, it's gonna be tons of fun! We can go on missions and have a fantastic adventure, meet Tsunade-bacchan and the others, Class 3A! Oh and we can introduce you to Ichiraku Ramen I'm sure you'll love it! That's why don't cry anymore Kaguya-chan!" Frank ended his speech with a big and bright smile.

Kaguya was left speechless with her eyes widened and her mouth agape with her heart beating faster as she looks at Frank's smile, it was practically just as bright as the aura around him. The way he smiles it was so reassuring that actually made her feel safe.

The Rabbit Goddess then began weeping out more tears but this time they were tears of pure happiness. Still sobbing, Kaguya wraps her arms around Frank's neck as she rest her head at the crook of his neck. "Hai...Thank you Naruto. Thank you so much...you don't know how much this means to me..."

With a blush and sheepish chuckle, Frank affectionately rubbed his nose at the top of her head. "No problem Kaguya-chan. If there's one thing I'm good at its cheering people up-dattebayo!"

And for the first time Frank actually heard Kaguya giggle! Even though it was quite faint. As the two watch the older Kaguya clash with Aoi, Sakura, Kakashi, Menma, Rage, David, Sasuke and Naruto. Frank flies to the battle at high speeds causing Kaguya to tighten her grip.

"Let's go Kaguya-chan! We've got a bitch to seal!"

**Scene change**

(Kaguya...)

Hearing that, she gaze acts all around her yet she saw no one until she felt it, Equinox.

(Listen carefully, I was given a certain jutsu for this very moment.)

Hearing that, he just was silent the whole time and listens to it. While this was happening, Menma was already trying to save Frank by giving him the other half of Ten Tails wolf chakra but it was stopped by Black Zetsu who got in front of Menma's hand and absorbed all of the chakra shocking the two as it retreated into the ground, seeing this that all looked at Aoi who was now crouching down with a piece of Black Zetsu in the ground which then returns to the main body.

"How's Frank?!" Rage shouted but just like that, someone had arrived which that all look to find none other than Darknorok in a new form after absorbing almost all of the tailed beasts from shinju Kaguya.

"You're too late to save her, Black Zetsu...! I decided to come to you!" The dark god Uchiha said with seriousness much to the shock of the others at find the Six Sage of Paths Darknorok standing before them.

"Zetsu... How long are you going to cling to Aoi?" He questions the thing knowing that none of them can prevent it from getting to Darknorok.

"Sorry. But that allowed me to steal Ten Tails Wolf other half from these guys." It told the newly revived man who just smiles.

"Good. Now bring it, to me." Darknorok ordered it while the others were thinking how the man obtained that power; Black Zetsu began detaching from Aoi with the Juubi power too.

"Since Lord Darknorok is here, you can't do anything to me...even if I separate myself from Aoi." With those words it fully detached from Aoi which the Hyuuga falls backwards which she falls next to the weak Kaguya who glances at her almost dead reincarnation who did the same with his last eye.

"Not much time left... Tsukuyomi!" Kaguya thought using the tailed beast's chakra which the Dark God uchiha's eye just widens as they began having a conversation in there mindscape. As this was happening, Darknorok reaches down and takes the power which he places it into his eye sockets, it only took a few seconds later until he could open his now new Rinnegan.

"That's better, guess it's time too-" he stopped there after seeing Zero's ghost lift Kaguya right hand while Obito's ghost lift Aoi left hand and the two made a single hand sign confusing Darknorok.

"What could you two possibly do now?" Darknorok questions the two until he watches as Equinox bursts from the ground, standing behind their heads with its hands clapping together creating a loud sound.

"PARASITE DEMON GODDESSES FUSION!" It yelled and immediately expands and changes form in order to completely cover the two much to Darknorok's confusion at being unable to see what's happening.

"What's going on?" Darknorok questioned and watched as the two covered bodies began fusions together slowly which Darknorok's eyes slowly widen now understanding what's happening and immediately charges for them not wasting any time and brings up his staff but sand gets in his way as well as a kunai fly's past his head with Menma appearing above him, wielding his ease fan and swung but some force sent him flying while Darknorok uses his truth seeking balls in order to open up a gap in the sand which he gets through it while lifting his staff up high but just as he swung, Zero's sword still in its final form got in front of his weapon, creating a force field that blocks his attack.

"WHAT?!" Darknorok yelled but froze not being able to think clearly as he watched the now single body shaped being start to stand up very slowly. As this was happening, Darknorok could sense a power that was different from his own in some ways yet he could sense the over powering chakra. The head began to open up to reveal the persons face, showing Kaguya or Aoi having midnight blue hair but white highlights. Not only was that but the left eye the Byakugan while the right was the Tenseigan.

"Who... Who are you?" He questioned the man who just looks down at his body that slowly that was about to be 100% complete.

"Simple I'm Kaguya and I'm Aoi... The two half's that were separated until now have become one single person." He replied to the wide eyed Uchiha.

Just after he said that, they could see she was a pale-skinned woman with delicate facial features. She had her eyebrows were cut very short and round— a symbol of nobility, and she wore a red shade of lipstick on her lips. Her clothing was white, only pants and a shirt with goggles around her neck. Equinox began forming into a clothing and attaches to the woman. She now wore a white, full-length kimono with a pattern of six black magatama around a high collar, beneath which she wore a necklace which was also made up of six red magatama. On the back of her kimono was a larger, blue Rinnegan marking with a pattern of nine magatama arranged in three rows of three beneath it. As this was happening, her body began changing unlike her clothing; she had a sliver like white colored chakra shroud, dark markings over his eyebrows and lower eyelids, and two horns coming from the sides of her head like Kaguya. The shroud constantly radiates flickering flames of chakra, and her hair continuously billow upwards as if caught in a strong breeze. As this was happening, the man outstretched her right hand and grabs the sword.

Darknorok could only stare at the man with disbelief while the man just looks at his left hand.

"I can feel it, I'm free from the darkness that you put on tree and my power has now reached its highest level possible." she said and looks up at Darknorok with a smile on her face.

"What on earth did you do?!" Hearing that, the woman just smiles.

"As I said I became one with my reincarnation." As she said it, she began thinking back to her last conversation with her other half.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~FLASHBACK~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"This is..." Aoi stopped that at find herself and Kaguya inside their home with an unfinished Gungi board in front of them; seeing the board, Aoi just stares at Kaguya.

"Your turn." Hearing that, Aoi just sighs and began playing.

"9-9-1, Marshal." With that said she places the black chip on the board which Kaguya moves the next one.

"1-5-1, Marshal. After saying that, Aoi made her next move.

"7-9-1, pawn...Kaguya, what is happening?" Hearing that, Kaguya just looks up at her other self.

"It's simple, we're becoming one. 2-3-1, pawn." Hearing the first part, Aoi looks up at Kaguya with shock.

"I'm sorry... In order to defeat Darknorok and save our love, we must become one as well as your soul and mine will fuse. I will understand if you don't want to, if you say no then I will tell Equinox to stop immediately." Hearing that, Aoi looks down at the board.

"I'll give you my answer after the game and 8-1-1, Spy." With those words she places her chip on the board.

"2-3-1, Cannon..." With that said the game continued without being interrupted. It didn't take long to reach the end of the game with Aoi placing his chip in the middle.

"5-5-1, Lieutenant General." Hearing that, Kaguya just looks down at the board.

"Hehe... I expected as much." Hearing that, Aoi's eyes widen to seeing her place down her final chip.

"9-2-1, New Lieutenant General." Hearing that, her eyes widen all the way at it being checkmate. Aoi couldn't help but show a sad smile.

"After all these years, I was actually the one to have lost." Hearing that, Kaguya just stares at Aoi who looks up at him.

"Eheheheheh not only will Frank have a part of me but you too. You do realize that it will take a lot of explaining on the other side when Frank finds out we became one." After saying that the two found themselves at the top of the Hokage monument.

"You know... What are they gonna call us when we fuse? Aoguya?" Hearing that, Kaguya just gives a laugh at finding it funny but interesting.

"Aoguya it is!" Kaguya said which both began laughing, free from the burdens outside.

"What's this feeling...? It feels like it's...bubbling up from inside me... Oh, that's it... I'm...happy. At the very end... I get to become one with my other self like I always wanted. I get it... That's why... I'm smiling..." With that thought going through his head he began speaking again.

"But seriously, I wouldn't mind if you just went by Aoi, after all you are the savior here and I won't mind sticking with you till the end. After all, we're the same person." Hearing that, the two just stare at the village with hope filling their hearts.

"We don't need to continue talking, since we will both will have the others memories." Hearing that, Kaguya just nods in agreement.

"Yeah, guess it's time." With that said the two just stand up and face each other. The two brought up there right fists and gust bump one last time resulting in their memories being exchanged which they began crying.

"Thanks, for being there for frank for me." Hearing that, Aoi just smiles.

"Why wouldn't I? After all he is the most important person in my life." Hearing that, Kaguya just smiles as everything turned white with two becoming a single soul.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~FLASHBACK END~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"You could call me Aoguya but we both agreed just Aoi." As she said it, the look on his face was that of someone finally being freed from a curse she gained when she was young. Darknorok grits his teeth and jumps back fast, needing to gain some distance from Aoi who at the time blinks in surprise at finding four other Darknorok in limbo surrounding him on four sides. Aoi just swings her sword resulting in the four limbo clones being sent flying due to the result of gravity changing drastically.

"FRANK!" Hearing that, Aoi looks back at Sakura and Naruto was trying her best to keep Frank alive which Aoi immediately starts approaching them with Darknorok getting high in the air to releases the jutsu until the gravity drastically changed and he fell straight for the ground, causing an explosion while Aoi places her left and right hand on Frank's chest, causing a white glow to appear, resulting in Frank taking in a deep breath but he still hasn't opening his eyes.

"He will live." After saying that she noticed Kamina, Simon, Lelouch, Rolo, Nunnaly, Yuni, Ventus, zeke, Negi, Kakashi, Menma, Sakura, and Rage staring at him.

"Who-" Kakashi was cut off by Aoi speaking.

"Kaguya and Aoi became one and decide on me being named Aoi." After saying that she turns seeing the four Darknorok's charging straight for him but a blue chakra like shield appeared and deflected there attacks followed Aoi extending Her hand outwards with multiple truth seeking balls appearing and they circle around each other to create a white circle.

"Silver Wheel Rebirth Explosion!" With this's words she unleashes a powerful silvery typhoon that sends all of them flying far away again. Seeing this, they were all shocked which Aoi turns to all of them with ooh anyone on his face.

"You see, Aoi was taught by Kane, one of the six paths closest friends, she is also a descendant of Hamura, and she is the reincarnation of Kaguya Ōtsutsuki." After saying that She just smiles and turns her back to them.

"Let's get this party started." After saying that she swirls away and disappears completely much too there surprise and reappears where Darknorok was lying in a human shaped crater. The man just looks up at the smiling glowing Aoi and immediately got up, now pissed off and makes a hand sign.

"Sage Art: Shadow Style Thunder Blast!" With those he unleashes lighting from his hands like a Sith Lord does from Star Wars straight for Aoi who just extended her sword, pointing it at Darknorok which it immediately absorbs it much to his surprise but more so at the fact she turned into lightning and gets behind Darknorok who turns fast while swinging his staff but it was cut in half easily along with his chest being slashed too. As they were in midair, Aoi looks behind him and immediately swung her blade, cutting the limbo clone in half.

"Sage Art." Hearing that, Aoi just ducks the laser like attack from Darknorok's fang of light and goes to kick Darknorok but instead she kicks another one of his cloned that crashes into Darknorok, sending both down into the ground hard.

"She's stronger than before, so strong that she's smiling and not taking this thing seriously." Darknorok thought to himself at now understanding the distance between them.

"Who are you?" He asked Aoi who just answers.

"Really? You're asking me that? Shouldn't you have been listening?" After saying that he floats down onto the ground.

"As I said to the others, Aoi was taught by Kane, one of the six paths closest friends, Aoi is a descendant of Hamura, and Aoi is the reincarnation of the Kaguya Ōtsutsuki." Hearing that, Darknorok's eyes just widen all the way in shock.

"I was never able to reach this level but when me and Kaguya became one I was born along with a new power." Aoi told the man while focusing a tremendous amount of chakra into one of his Truth-Seeking Balls she made appear and grasps it in his left hand to create a giant golden sword of pure chakra. Seeing this, Darknorok's eyes were completely wide.

"This is Golden Wheel Rebirth Explosion, and also I was never holding back." With those word, the look on her face became serious just as she swung down on Darknorok who used all his truth seeking balls to create a shield which a large power struggle could be seen of the two attacks connecting; Darknorok was on his knees trying to withstand the unimaginable power of his attack.

"DAMMIT!" Darknorok yelled as all his shields shattered, resulting in Aoi no longer seeing Tajima due to his attack consuming him. By the tone the smoke cleared, a badly hurt Darknorok could be seen sitting in a crater with Aoi staring down at him while his body slowly regenerated but his eyes widen all the way at the two others who arrived which Aoi just looks to her left then her right realized that hagoromo and hamura are now one with their father.

"You realize I got this in the bag right?" She asked them, the ones who arrived was Frank standing on his left in a brand new six paths mode with rinni sharingan on his right eye and Tenseigan kyuubi plus toad sage mode combo on the left eye. While David himself had a new kind of Rinnegan in his left eye which included tomoes of the sharingan and Tenseigan sharingan combo on his right eye with six path sage mode as well.

"Yes but, we want to get done payback for how we lost against that guy.

Darknorok coughs out blood as he was skidding back while Aoi was slashing through his limbo clones while having Frank and David charge for Darknorok who could only grit his teeth in anger.

"Dammit!" Darknorok thought in anger as he was covered in wounds, staring at Aoi finishing off the last of his clones with great ease. The dark god Uchiha has complete wide eyes at how badly he's losing and grits his teeth with veins appearing on his forehead.

"RAAAAAAWWWWWWWRRRRRRR!" Darknorok screamed in rage at how badly he's losing which the three just blink in surprise at watching him stab his left arm Indy the ground firming large cracks as it soon rises.

"PLANETARY DEVASTATION!" He shouted as he threw multiple black orbs above him which large pieces of earth float upwards and began connecting by trees roots to form a massive ball of earth and with one swing of his arm he sent it down straight for the three ninja who saw it quickly heating up.

"Guys, let's show this idiot how we leaf ninja kick ass!" Aoi shouted as the three called for the rest of the team and the resurrected tailed beast host and let loose there power and created a samurai nine tails cloaked Susanoo that had an unknown number of swords in its back, followed by sixteen arms, six heads, and four legs. Or gets on all fours with its fingers digging into the ground while the lead head began growing in size to create a tailed beast bomb.

"AMATERASU!" David and Sasuke shouted, adding flames into it while Aoi and Zero just claps his hands together.

"Golden Wheel Rebirth Explosion." With those words, a golden wheel appears around the tailed beast bomb which fuses with it, causing it to glow rainbow.

RRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWRRRRRRRR!" Aoi, Zero, David, Leluoch, Ventus, Rolo, Nunnaly, Yuni, Kamina, Simon, Zeke, Negi, Frank, Naruto, Sasuke, and Draknorok screamed altogether as the ninja sent there bomb straight for the lead meteor. Just after connected a massive shockwave erupts from the bomb as it was starting to be sent right back at the now wide eyed Tajima who didn't have time to dodge and was hit by the meteor with his body pressing against it.

"You lost..." Hearing that, Darknorok's gaze shifts his gaze to Frank, Zero, Aoi now standing near him.

_Touch.._

That was it...the older Kaguya and Darknorok felt there bodies freeze the moment they touched their marked palms on them. They were both defeated by a group of puny children including that piece of trash known as Aoguya Ōtsutsuki Hyuuga and furrowed her brows in fury.

Naruto, Sasuke, Frank and David gave each other a nod as they simultaniously activated the mark's on their arms. "Rikudo Chibaku Tensei!"

"ARRRGHHHHH!" the older Kaguya and Darknorok screamed as the seal was taking effect with the jutsu ripping their ability to manipulate chakra, divinity and her dojutsu in a painful manner.

_"I the originator of chakra...defeated again by mere fragments of chakra.." _the goddess mentally muttered as she began losing conciousness.

As the Darknorok took one final glance at Frank and Aoi, the image flashed to Hagoromo and Hamura, their pesky brats..

_ "I the Dark God of destruction ...defeated again by that boy's fragments of Soul chakra..." _the Dark god Uchiha mentally muttered as he began to fade out of existence.

As the older Kaguya took one final glance at Frank and Aoi, the image flashed to Hagoromo and Hamura, their pesky brats..

_"WHY?!" _deep inside she was wishing that this was all just a joke..._"Being defeated by fragments of chakra for a second time...how stupid this is.."_

* * *

(Back at the real world)

Hagoromo noticed a sudden surge of power on both of his plams and noticed that his sun and moon marks have returned to him. "They've done it!" the sage cheered with a smile as he clapped his hands together. "All that's left is to bring them back,"

* * *

As the goddess and dark god began floating up into the air, Frank, David, Naruto and Sasuke retracted their hands showing that their marks were now gone after activating the seal.

The older Kaguya and Darknorok were screamed again as he was transforming into the gedo statue beast form with older kaguya Turing into human heartless except that all the Tailed-Beasts was able to seperate from them as rubble began gathering around her.

The white beast also spat out one more thing which was the dying form of Uchiha Madara as he roughly crashed on the ground. Aoi appear before the white beast and absorb the rabbit beast into herself. After a very intense battle, Darknorok manages to badly injure David before Frank batters him submission with both his and David's Keyblades before the two finish him and kaguya off as Darknorok is defeated for good and separated them from the gedo statue for good

The surface began shaking as tons and tons of rubble began pilling onto the goddess while the massive Truth-Seeking Ball was dissipating. As Aoi bought Kakashi back to the ground she spots David, the rest of team fusion heart, Sasuke with Sakura on his back.

"Eh? Where's Frank and Naruto?" Aoi asked the Uchiha. "He went off by himself, said he had something to take care of," Sasuke replied.

"What?" Aoi suddenly felt a surge of worry for her friend as she flew off with her Byakugan activated to try and find him.

"Aoi, where are you going?!" Sakura asked as she looked at the girl's flying form.

"Probably trying to find the Dobes," Sasuke said. "But we need to leave this area now!" Sasuke told them as the rumbling became much worse.

Frank and Naruto, with their Six Paths Sage Mode now deactivated, was leaping from the rumbling rocky terrains. "Frank!" the blonde turned his head to the source and saw Kaguya flying towards him.

"Oh, hey there Aoi!" Frank waved at her. "Where are you going?!" the Blue and white haired girl asked as she flew next to him.

Frank didn't respond and instead pointed his finger downwards. Aoi looked at the pointed direction and saw the severed arm of her older self but what was strange is that there was a face inside the sleeve.

Frank landed in front of the severed arm. "That reminds me...You don't like leaving the coop right?" the blonde told the black creature.

**"You!" **Black Zetsu's eyes widened even more as he saw Aoi landing right next to the Uzumaki's. "I haven't forgotten about you. Hiding in the shadows...And skulking around all this time!" Frank said with a grin.

Black Zetsu shuddered in fear as Frank grabbed the arm he was stuck to. **"Y-you're just a piece of the shinobi history I created!"** the dark creature shouted at the Saiyan and the blonde which caused him to lose his smile and glare at him. **"A brat like you could never..."**

Naruto gritted his teeth in anger as he clenched his fist. "Shinobi history...consist of all sorts of ninja's lives and deaths!" Naruto exclaimed as he remembered Zero and Obito and the others that have died.

Kaguya and aoi inside their fused form widened her azure eyes as she took in the blondes words. "Naruto.."

"You're just a brat who can't even fly from his nest." Frank then picks up the severed arm as he prepares to hurl it at the building moon. "It's time you get over yourself!"

With all of his strength, Frank throws the creature to the building moon as he watches him get buried deeply in rubble.

After a few moments, Frank got over his anger rather quickly as beamed at Aoguya. "It's all over Kaguya-chan!"

Aoguya's lips slowly curved into a smile. "H-hai...it's all over.." Kaguya's eyes suddenly felt heavy as she took over the body collapsed but Frank was able to catch her.

"What's wrong Kaguya-chan?" Naruto asked with concern as he helped her up. However Kaguya suddenly pulled him in a tight embrace arms began sobbing. "It's over...It's finally over. I-I'm finally free..."

It took Frank a moment for his brain to register what was happening and blushed at the sudden contact but nevertheless chuckled as he gently stroked her back. "Hehe yup you're now free! And you can now come home with us back at the village and have tons of fun!"

Kaguya's sobbing has ceased a little as she spoke. "Even though I killed so many people...Even though all of this happened because I was so weak that I was taken over by my own power...Even though this was all my fault to begin with for eating that stupid fruit..." Kaguya trailed off as she looked deep into Frank's eyes.

"You're such a kind person Frank...Arigato..I've never had this much kindness in a long time," Kaguya said with a bright and radiant smile and her tears of happiness actually made it even more beautiful.

Frank's blush deepened. Because of the fight he never really got the chance to truly take in her features but now...She was like a painting that has come to life...She trully was a goddes.

After a moment of silence, Frank returned the smile as he gently patted her head. "Hehe.."

"Well..Isn't this a sight to behold..." Kakashi, who was carrying Madara's body, said cheerfully which made Frank and Kaguya's eyes widen in shock as they quickly released the embrace with red faces.

"N-no t-this is-" Kaguya's face completely red that contradicts her white skin and couldn't even complete her excuse.

Naruto look at Frank who just grumbled while looking at the ground with his face in the same shade of crimson. Sakura, Nunnuly, Yuni just giggled in amusement while Sasuke david and the boys jest gave a "Hmph" with a small smirk while crossing his arms while the Ten Tailed-Beasts gather around the group.

**"So what now?" **Kurama asked after a moment of scilence. The kitsune's question made Sakura widened her eyes in horror. "He's right! What about us?! We're still stuck here! How are we supposed to get home from here?!"

"..." Naruto was silent for several moments before screaming. "AAAAAHHHHHHH! YOU'RE RIGHT!"

**"Looks like he's still a tad bit dumb.." **Son Goku said with a nervous chuckle while Shuichiro just groaned.

An idea suddenly came to Frank's mind. "Wait! Kaguya-chan can teleport us outta here!" everyone then looked at Kaguya with a hopeful look.

A bit surprised at her beloved yelling, Kaguya stepped back a little with a small sweat drop. "You can do it Kaguya-chan after all you have the power to switch between these dimensions,"

It took a moment for Kaguya to register saiyan's words as she gave him a reluctant look. "I-I not sure if I still have that ability.." she said as the girl looked down at the ground.

"Eh? What do you mean Kaguya-chan?" Naruto asked, quirking a brow.

"Since I am no longer merged with my...other self, I mostly lost all of my powerful jutsu's and what remains are my secondary powers such as the Truth-Seker Orbs and my ability to shape chakra..But it's pretty much obvious due to the lack of my third eye,"

"So what you're saying is..." Kakashi muttered.

"That older version of you is basically the other half of your power only difference is that it can't be considered a half since the older you has most of your jutsus." Sasuke continued as Kaguya looked sadly at the ground.

"I-I'm sorry.." Kaguya apologized in a depressed tone.

Frank frowned slightly. "There's gotta be a way!" the blonde thought as he and the others tried to think a way, he doesn't wanna be stuck in a deserted dimension forever!

* * *

(Meanwhile at the real world)

The reincarnated Hokage's and the spirits of the previous Five Kages prepares their jutsu.

"KUCHIYOSE NO JUTSU!"

* * *

(Back to everyone)

Everyone and the Tailed Beasts suddenly a gust of wind underneath their feet and before they knew it, everything went black for a moment before landing on solid ground.

Frank and Naruto looked at their surroundings and after a moment, they widened their eyes. "We're back!"

"Welcome back Naruto," Minato greeted.

"Dad!" Naruto also noticed that both of his arms were now missing. Kaguya took in her surroundings as well. "Were back at the real world? But how?"

Hashirama looked to his left and saw Madara's dying form.

The moment Frank blinked the old geezer sage was now right in front of him. "Hagoromo-san! Which means..."

"That's right, You're back at your world. I called the historical Five Kage here from the afterworld to help." Hagoromo explained before smiling. "Frank, David, Naruto, Sasuke and the rest of you...Excellent work for saving the world!"

"Eh?..." was Kaguya hearing right? Right now she didn't wanna believe on what she just heard and wanted to believe that it was just all her imagination but that familiar voice just sounded way too real...

No longer looking at her surroundings, Kaguya slowly turned her head towards the source. _"Please...please...please don't let it be him!"_

Slowly she opened her eyes...and froze. Kaguya felt like time had stopped the moment she saw his face..It was still the same, he was still the same.

"Ha-Hagoromo..." Kaguya placed her trembling hand over her mouth as she tried to stifle her sobbing but was futile as tears began streaming down her eyes she she remembered the last time she saw her beloved sons.

* * *

_Hagoromo and Hamura watched as they saw their mother being covered in endless rubble as she was risen up to the sky._

_Thanks to the seal, Kaguya's other self was finally surppresed and she was able to regain control of her body as her eyes returned to their blue color but can't move due to the rubble that was literally burying her alive._

_Just before the rubble completely covered her, Kaguya saw both of her sons with remorseful looks and it hit her: They succesfully sealed her other self but she will be sealed along with it._

_With this realization, Kaguya began weaping uncontrollably as she weakly reached her hand to the two. "Hagoromo...Hamura...Don't go..Please...Don't go!" Kaguya weakly cried out in a desperate tone but she knew that her childen could barely hear her as the rubble began closing in on her. Kaguya could feel her consciousness fading and her very being was now sccumbing to the darkness._

_The rubble has now closed of the light and she could no longer see her beloved children. "Hagoromo...Hamura..I'm sorry...For being such a stupid mother.." Kaguya muttered with a sad smile as tears were still streaming down her face as she scumbs to the seal._

* * *

"Ha-Hagoromo..." The moment Hagoromo heard the voice his eyes widened in pure shock. _"It can't be.."_

Hagoromo looked at the crying girl that was at the back of group and couldn't believe his eyes, he even scanned her with his Rinnegan to make sure that she was real.

...

...

...

"M...Mother?" Hagoromo muttered with his face still in pure shock. "W-What are you.."

"?!" realizing that he was looking at her, Kaguya activated her levitation and flew away from everyone.

"Ah! Kaguya-chan where are you going?!" Frank called out but she was too far away for the girl to hear him as Naruto looked at the girls fleeing form with a saddened look.

"Kaguya-chan..." As Frank looked on, he felt a presence right next to him and saw Hagoromo right next to him.

"What is my mother here," Hagoromo asked but in a gentle tone showing that he isn't disgusted by the sight of his mother.

Frank looked at his teammates and they all gave a nod. Frank explained to Hagoromo what happened starting from the time she speperated her from her other self while it was unstable and all the way to how she helped them in their battle and how she was a great asset throughout the fight with David, Naruto, Sasuke even adding that she saved his life and it was clear that the Uchiha was humiliated by that fact.

...

...

...

Hagoromo remained silent as he takes in the information that was given to him. This was confusing to him. Why would Kaguya just help them out all of a sudden? Did she actually change? Normally he would expect Kaguya to immediately go on a murderous rampage the moment she was out but Frank and the others explained that she was just possessed and the one he and Hamura fought was not his real mother. A million thoughts ran through Hagoromo's head which included the times he and Hamura spent with their once loving mother.

_"Did mother really changed just like that?" _

With a blank look on his face, Hagoromo floated away to find his mother. Frank tried to follow but David placed his hand on his shoulder and shook his head. "It's better if you give those two time to talk."

Frank looked at David for a moment before looking at the sage's leaving form.

Kaguya wasn't really that far away and was sitting on the ground while leaning against the rock with her knees pressed against her breasts with her arms wrapped around her legs. For the past several minutes which felt like hours to her, she still hasn't ceased her crying. Why did he have to show up?! The moment she saw him instantly shattered her heart more. She soon felt herslef hyperventilating and felt like she could collapse in any second as she remembered the times she spent with her children, to the point where she was now taken over by her other self and killed everyone with her Infinite Tsukiyomi and then tried to straight up murder her own children.

She was once a loving mother to Hagoromo and Hamura and a loving mother to everyone. But right now...

"What does "Mother" mean in the end?" Kaguya asked herself with her shaky voice. After all that she had been through, it's like she doesn't really care anymore.

Kaguya leaned further on the rock behind her as she hugged her legs against her chest as she continued breaking down with the knee area of her kimono now drenched in tears, right now she just felt like scum or how she would quote it as "Feeling like shit".

"Mother?" Kaguya didn't need to look up to see the figure hovering above her that blocked the rising sunlight.

Hagoromo looked concerned for his mother and tries to brighten things up. " Frank and the others explained to me everything..."

Silence...

"And I must say I'm quite surprised," he said with a nervous laugh.

More silence...

Hagoromo frowned. "Mother, you can't ignore me forever you know?"

After a minute of silence, Kaguya finally spoke. "I never asked you to follow me.." Hagoromo laughed lightly at her statement. "I see you're still like that."

Kaguya's frown deepened even more, showing that she was not even a tiny bit amused by it. "...I never told you to follow me Hagoromo.." she muttered while doing her best to wipe off her still streaming tears.

"T-that's true but.." Hagoromo calmly retorted. "But why did you ran off like that mother?"

Kaguya remained silent but then send a weak glare towards her son. "Just leave me alone Hagoromo.."

...

...

...

...

Kaguya looked up a little bit and saw that her stubborn son is still there hovering. "I said leave me alone...Dummy..."

Hagoromo's eyes widened. Did he just hear her right? But then again she overall looks a lot younger than usual_. "Then again sha actually used to say those type of things sometimes to the people that annoyed her," _he chuckled lightly to himself.

Kaguya heard Hagoromo's faint laugh and sent him a death glare. "Leave now!" Hagoromo slightly flinched at that (That was one of the reason why he feared her since even a glare from her felt like his body is about to explode) though as he looked at Kaguya her eyes were practically now really red and swollen. Right now his mother was actually vulnerable.

"Is it because you hate me for what I did?" He asked which made Kaguya gasp slightly at the question. "I couldn't really blame you for that," Hagoromo said as he sat next to his mother.

"T-that's not really it Hagoromo.." Kaguya reassured her son with a shook of her head as her tears have ceased flowing but coughed back choked tears to regain at least some of her bearings.

Hagoromo looked at her mother's features and puts a sad smile. "You're lying mother,"

"E-Eh?"

"Since you've been weeping you can no longer keep a straight face you know." He said with a nervous smile.

Kaguya said nothing as she looked back down at the ground with her tired and depressed eyes but was a scowl. Silence passed by and Hagoromo was trying to figure out what to say in order to break the ice before Kaguya breaks herself.

"Y-you know given your predicament, you actually look more like a big sister than a mother." Hagoromo said which made Kaguya actually perk up a little.

"I-is that so..."

Hagoromo looked at his mother to see if she at least brightened up only for him see that nothing has changed as Kaguya was still glaring daggers at him but the expression was conflicted.

Hagoromo frowned again as he gazed at the ground. "Mother, like I said I can't blame you if you hate me for what I did and I understand that you still hate me to this very day. I'm a really stupid son huh? Since we sealed you and not even giving you time to explain or even fight back that power of yours."

Instantly, Kaguya raised her head with a shocked expression. "Hagoromo you're not stupid! And I could never hate you!" she shouted at her son with a stern but also frantic look as she stood up and shook his shoulders. "I...I'm the stupid one here..." she said between light sobs.

Hagoromo remained silent as he waited for his mother to continue. "I'm the one who ate that stupid chakra fruit in the first place and like a complete idiot, thought that there will be no consequences for the act. And look at where it lead to." Kaguya said as she gestured at the ruined lands around them. "And I can clearly the worlds hate towards me the moment my feet touched this ground," Kaguya grimaced.

As Hagoromo looked at the ruined land. She was kind of right about it being her fault to begin with... But still...

"Mother, I'm at fault here too." Hagoromo sighed and before Kaguya could protest, he raised his hand and projected the memory of their battle above them. "Instead of reasoning with you first, we immediately assaulted you without mercy and never even gave a single thought on what was wrong with you..."

"H-Hagoromo..." Kaguya prayed her eyes off the projection to look at her son.

"I don't know if you knew this but we actually battled you out of pure fear. From how you killed most of humanity with your Infinite Tsukiyomi even though you revived some of them to ensure they're not extinct which then builder up to that point where you've now gone fully insane with power,"

"...I-I was stupidly a-arrogant during that time so it can't be helped," Kaguya said between light sobs.

Hagoromo looked at his mother. "Mother, it's not your fault. All you wanted is peace and stop the rising world conflict that would eventually detonate on their faces. I guess you can say that you just acted at the heat of the moment when the conflict of the world was getting out of control."

While still staring at the ground, Kaguya gave a meek nod. "Mother, I'm sorry. I'm truly sorry for everything that we did. Being sealed in there for eons. All dark and lonely. I don't think there's anything that would make me make up for what I did-"

He was interrupted when his mother pulled him in a gentle embrace. Hagoromo stood there silent, unable to talk.

Kaguya slowly shook her head as she tightened her grip on her son. "You don't have to apologize Hagoromo," she said with a soft smile. "Like I said this is my fault from the beginning..." Kaguya trailed as she wipes the last of her tears. "And now that I'm revived I now have the opportunity to make up for everything that I have done."

When they broke the embrace Hagoromo saw Kaguya smiling his eyes widened a little at how she was able to quickly get out of her but he could tell that her heart is still in ruins and her strong will was the only thing that was keeping her from losing it. Hagoromo just hoped that she could hold herself together on her second chance at life.

As he returned the smile, Hagoromo asked... "But mother, will you be okay on your own?"

At that moment, Kaguya pondered in thought all that came to her mind was Naruto's smiling face and the those kind words that he said to him.

_"This isn't her fault! Things just spiraled out of control from there, yeah Kaguya was the first person to have chakra but even she couldn't predict that things would get this worse. She just wanted peace it's just that the people decided to weaponries chakra so..It's our fault not Kaguya's_

_"Don't worry Kaguya-chan! We'll seal her away in no time! And then you can come home with us back at the village, it's gonna be tons of fun! We can go on missions and have a fantastic adventure, meet Tsunade-bacchan and the others! Oh and we can introduce you to Ichiraku Ramen I'm sure you'll love it! That's why don't cry anymore Kaguya-chan!"_

Kaguya smiled and blushed a little at those memories as Frank's bright smile and kind words were able to mend her broken heart even if it was just a little.

"Don't worry Hagoromo, Frank will be by my side," Kaguya said with a soft smile.

Hagoromo's eyes widened for a moment before smiling in delight. "I see, so you've befriended Frank. I did have a feeling that the boy had the ability to befriend almost everyone." he chuckled while Kaguya gave a small giggle.

As mother and son laughed along, Hagoromo notices that he was now glowing. "Oh, looks like it's time for me to go, my chakra's now fading," he said as he looked at his hand that was becoming transparent.

The overall sight of her son leaving so shortly made Kaguya frown a little. She actually had so much more to say to him.

"Well mother, This is goodbye, Even though it was short, I still enjoyed my time to at least talk to you," Hagoromo said as he gave her mother a big and wide smile.

Biting her lip, Kaguya rushed to Hagoromo and gave her son another tight embrace. As the light began consuming Hagoromo, Kaguya realized that she could almost feel nothing Like the wind.

With tears at the brim of her eyes, Kaguya spoke. "Thank you Hagoromo. And goodbye but please know...That mommy will always love you!"

...

For the first time in a million years, Hagoromo actually felt his eyes beginning to water as he returned the embrace, even though he could feel nothing. "Hehe. You know you would usually just whack our heads with giant stones instead of hugs..." Hagoromo chuckled as he remembered Kaguya's usual punishments for him and Hamura.

Kaguya's eyes widened as she remembers that. "S-sorry about that," she said with a blush of embarrassment.

As Hagoromo's fading form now began ascending up into the air, a voice called out. "Kaguya-chan!"

Kaguya turned around and saw Frank running towards her. As Frank stopped in front of her, he gave the Rabbit Goddess a smile before noticing Hagoromo.

"Eh, Hagoromo? You're leaving already?! We're gonna have a huge party after this ya know!"

The Saiyan statement made Hagoromo actually chuckle. "I think I'll pass," he said as Kaguya smiled in slight amusement. "But Naruto promise me one thing..."

"Sure what is it?" Frank asked with an eager look.

After a moment Hagoromo smiled. "Take good care of Kaguya," Those were his last words as Hagoromo has completely disappeared from the two.

"You all did well." Hearing that, they turn to find the original Sage of Six Paths in ghost form right behind them.

"Zero, david, Naruto, Sasuke, and everyone. Thank you for saving the world." The old hermit said, thanking them all which Minato, Sakura. And Kakashi who did not know who he is until Zero said "Sage of six paths" with great surprise since he's looking at the chakra left behind by the sage himself.

"I borrowed a bit of chakra while I was speaking with the two of you.

"Oh, Kurama your chibi!" Naruto yelled at seeing the now embarrassed fox.

"SHUT UP YOU ASSHOLE! OF COURSE I KNOW IM CHIBI!" Kurama yelled in anger which the old man just smiles in amusement.

"Heh... Look at that Kurama getting all embarrassed and flustered... But this is what I've waited to see this whole time. For the birth of a ninja... That could make the tailed beasts offer their help on their own accord." After saying that, he looks directly at Zero.

"To think both of you became one would activate my chakra... I look forward to the day we can have a nice chat." After saying that, he makes a hand sign just as the other Edo Kages had arrived.

"Now it's about time we were on our way. Now, the reanimate on jutsu will be undone but before that." With those words he claps his hands causing several pillars of light to appear with the now living Jinchūriki.

"Wtf just happened?" The third Mizukage said with great confusion which the old man just smiles.

"Now, it's best that all the ones brought back by the reanimation jutsu return to the afterlife." After that, he made a hand sign which the four Kages and Madara began flowing brightly.

"Zero, Frank... I couldn't have been so prouder then I am right now... Thank you for everything. I entrust the Hidden Leaf and the shinobi world to you both until the time when you pass it on to the next." Hearing Hiruzen say that, Frank just smiles while giving him a nod as he said,

"I'm not just Zero but also Obito... We're Zerbito...and we will." With those words, Hiruzen moves into the afterlife.

"To think... I screwed up so badly but guess I will be having an earful of yelling from father when I get back. Thanks Zero, Frank for opening my eyes." Madara said he too moved onwards.

"There's nothing left for us to do here... Seems that we are no longer needed; this world will soon enough bring forth new ninja... Good luck, Zerbito and Frank... Third Sage of Six Paths and Warrior emperor." After Tobirama said it, he moved onto the afterlife which Hashirama approaches Zero and Frank.

"I have to say... If your father were here he would also be proud of you. It brings me so much joy to see **Yoshiko** with such a strong man like you frank." After saying that, he glances at Naruto.

"Also, never drink while your Hokage... Long story short you will end up sleeping with someone that's not your wife... Learned that the hard way; ahahahah." As he said it, Frank and Naruto was confused while Zero just sweat drops at hearing him say that just as he disappears.

"Dad!" Naruto shouted, running towards Minato which he stands in front of his father just as the sun finally began to rise after such a long night.

"Before I go, there's something I've wanted to say to you." Hearing that, Zero and the others look at the two.

"Happy Birthday." Hearing that, not only Naruto but everyone was surprised at hearing that since they've completely forgotten today was Naruto's birthday.

"Ah ah ah... Uh, thanks..." Naruto said which Minato continued speaking with a smile on his face.

"I wasn't able to stay here for very long...but I was still able to see how much you've grown. I'll tell Kushina everything." Hearing that, Naruto spoke to his dad while smiling.

"Tell her I've eaten a lot of stuff with Granny. So I'll be fine! I eat tons of stuff! I'm never picky! I take a bath almost every day! Sometimes I go to the Hidden Leaf Hot Springs, too. But everyone says that I never stay in long enough to really soak and I made a lot of friends! They're all good people!" As Naruto said that, Minato looks at everyone.

"And...uhh. Ummmmm! Ah! And what's up with the three shinobi taboos?! I learned a lot when I was with per better hermit! Apparently there's a lot you can't do when it comes to the taboos but among the three ninjas, I think the perverted hermits the coolest one! He's the best! I've only just become 17 today... So there's not much I know about girls or alcohol! But mom told me to look for a girl as great as she is but there's too many of them... Anyway! Not everything's going just the way mom told me! But I'm trying my best! I've got a dream... I want to be a Hokage just like you, dad, maybe even better! I will become one! SO TELL MOM OVER THERE, WON'T YOU... TO NOT WORRY ABOUT ME! I'M DOING VERY WELL!" Naruto shouted while crying just as Minato moves on while saying "Got it... I'll tell her everything...". Zero could only smirk at seeing this, which he then turns back to the biju who scatter to their hosts who were pretty confused at having chibi's in front of them. As this was happening, Sasuke was looking off into the distance at seeing Itachi and Shisui being helped by their fellow students.

"Not yet...there's one more thing that hasn't been settled." Hearing that, Frank and David glances at Sasuke who activates his sharingan.

"Naruto!" Hearing that, the Uzumaki turns towards the serious Sasuke which the old hermit just watched along with everyone else.

"I want to fight you...one last time." Hearing that, Naruto shows a serious expression on his face which Zero just sighs.

"Ok..." Hearing that, Zero began speaking.

"So that's it huh... Fine, both of you approach me and I will take you two at the place where your final fight can happen." Hearing that, both Sakura and Kakashi were confused but before anything could be said he swirls away with the two and the team fusion heart.

"Where are they going?!" A worried Fū yelled while Kimimaro just looks up at the sky, having an idea where there final fight will be.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~AT THE FINAL VALLEY~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Currently Sasuke was standing on Madara's head while Naruto stood on Hashirama's... Both staring at the other with Zero, Team Fusion Heart, Frank, Aoi and David watched on his truth-seeking ball that was now a platform in midair.

"This chain of hatred... It needs to end." Sasuke said with seriousness towards Naruto who was staring at him.

"For that to break... We need to resolve what has never been resolved. To see who is stronger...also... Something else I must confirm." Hearing that, Frank just watched at the two jump off on the top of the waterfall towards the other. As this happened, all of them just closed their eyes at already knowing that Sasuke needs to understand Naruto, who he still cares for him regardless of all he has done. By the time they opened their eyes a complete Susanoo connected its fist with a chakra Kurama. Each swing with his tail and his sword caused explosion that started to crack both statutes.

"Those two... There stronger then Asura and Indra..." Frank and Kaguya thought at seeing a chidori connecting with a biju bomb, causing a large explosion that began to crack the statue even more. By the time it ended the two had separated from the other still in midair.

"Naruto... Sasuke..." Zero thought to himself while sighing at the many explosions taking place in the sky but his eyes widen at seeing the two prepare their final attack. Naruto with a three headed Kurama who creates a giant rasenshuriken and a giant biju bomb rasenshuriken while Sasuke creates a giant lightning arrow and fires just as Naruto throws them which the moment they connected caused a catastrophic event. It looked at if the heavens were at war with the earth. Seeing the explosion, David was on the ground and watching the explosion take place with both an exhausted Sasuke and Naruto who fell both hit the ground hard but it wasn't over. Sasuke had used ameratsu on Naruto's right arm but he got rid of it using Kurama's chakra. Seeing this, the Uchiha holds his left eye in pain now realizing he's used to much chakra and found four Naruto's charging at him which he was kicked in the air by they of them while the original was already in the air with his right arm raised and swung connecting with Sasuke's right cheek while Naruto was Hiruzen's in his right cheek by Sasuke's right elbow. By the time the two landed, Sasuke throws three shurikens at the clones to stop them from staving him do he cooks then use Chidori on the three, destroying them with ease but the final one was different since the clone grabbed Sasuke's arm while it was stuck in his chest. The original then punches Sasuke right in the face just as the clone explodes. Frank, David, Kaguya plus Aoi, Zero could only watch as Naruto was preparing Rasengan. It when he charges for Sasuke he trips, falling in the ground with his Rasengan disappearing soon followed by Sasuke kicking him in the face then getting on top of him do he could proceed to punch Naruto in the face many times until the Uzunaki head butts the Uchiha, sending him backwards on his back which Naruto just stood up slowly. Seeing this, Zero just watched the two continue to punch each other. All day they fought, fought, and fought, until sunset. The two were now giving weak punches with Sasuke gaining the upper hand after Naruto falls onto the water after Sasuke absorbed the nine tails chakra. Sasuke once again uses chidori, thinking this is the end.

"See you. My only... FRIEND!" Sasuke shouted as he raises it high and brought it right down for Naruto he delivers a devastating uppercut that sent him flying into the Rock wall, causing large cracks to form from the impact.

"Over...and over...and over again... JUST ROLL OVER AND DIE ALREADY!" Sasuke shouted, no longer caring but beating Naruto even if he kills him.

"No way... I'm the one and only." Hearing that, Sasuke just activates Chidori and jumps right off the wall straight for Naruto while his Chidori harnessed the power of the black flames too. Seeing this, Naruto used the nine tails chakra and jumped straight for Sasuke, both attacks connecting, resulting in a massive explosion that completely destroys the statues which ends with both passing out as they land next to each other, on the statues hands touched, showing they were holding fingers that signal harmony. Frank, David and Kaguya ask the team to stay here will they handle this, they moves towards them and lands on the statutes touching fingers which they saw they were both unconscious.

"Idiots..." Zero muttered seeing that the fight has come to an end and began healing the their now missing arms which were gone, with the blood mixing with the other.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~HOURS LATER AT NIGHT~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Frank's eyes open just from Sasuke regaining consciousness which Naruto like Sasuke opens a single eye.

"Now do you finally get it?" Hearing him say that, Sasuke just looks at Naruto being all he could do from being completely and utterly exhausted.

"See? If you move, our wounds will reopen." Hearing that, he just looks at the clear night sky.

"Why are you so obsessed...with standing in my way?" He questions Naruto who just listens gun continue along with Frank and David.

"I acquired this strength so I could cut everything off and enter the darkness. Naturally...everyone tried to break their bond with me at least once. But you... You never did... Why are you so determined to stay involved with me?!" Hearing that, David just smiles while he glances at Naruto who gave a small laugh in response to his question.

"How many times do I have to tell you? Don't you get it by now?" Naruto questions Sasuke who lifts his head in anger.

"JUST ANSWER ME!" He yelled in anger, needing to know why along with Kaguya, Frank and David wanting to know too.

"Because we're friends." Hearing that, Sasuke asked another question.

"Just what is a friend...to you?" Hearing that, Naruto spoke once again.

"You can't explain something like that with words. But whenever I see you trying to carry everything on your shoulders like that... It...hurts..." Hearing the last part, Sasuke just blinks with his one eye widening all the way in complete and utter shock that ever affected him to the core.

"It hurts so bad that I just can't ignore you." Hearing that, his eyes gaze behind to sift until he closed it and looks upwards at the sky.

(Naruto... I know that you've always been alone. Just like me, you felt alienated in the village... But unlike me, you did stupid things to try and get people's attention. Bach then, I thought you were an idiot...a weakling. But...deep down inside... I was interested in you too. Then we both grew and ended up on the same team. I did missions together with you, while you kept going on and on about how you wanted to become the Hokage...and as I felt us growing stronger together... I decided that I wanted to fight you someday. Then... I started to see Team 7 as my own family. That's why...whenever I see you in pain... Yes... I also...hurt... When I understood your pain, that's when I first thought of you as a friend. But in return...as I saw you grow exponentially strong. I just couldn't ignore you. You had a strength...that I've always lacked... You were always walking in front of me...just like my brother did...and the same is true today... You...)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~SUNRISE~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Ahhh!" Came the sound of Naruto who finally woke up which woke up not only Zero but Sasuke too.

"Guess it's too soon for you to move! Just when I thought I could punch you to wake you up!" Hearing that, what Sasuke said next shocked them completely.

"Heh heh heh... Ahahahahahahahahah!" Hearing that, Zero appeared and was greatly surprised at hearing this.

"You...still want to keep fighting?" Sasuke said, finding this very amusing.

"OF COURSE! I'LL FIGHT YOU AS MANY TIMES AS-" he was cut off by Sasuke speaking.

"I accept it..." Hearing him say that, all Naruto could say was "huh?" while looking at him. Sasuke who was staring at the sky spoke again, finally free from the "Curse of Hatred".

"I lost..." Sasuke told Naruto who saw that Sasuke has changed.

"Yo-You idiot! This isn't about winning or losing! My friend was sulking, so I just thought I'd punch him to wake him to, that's all!" Naruto shouted at Sasuke who was looking at him before looking at the sky.

"Hey, Naruto... I accept you. If I die here, the chain of war that's been continuing since the time of the Sage of the Six Paths will come to an end. This is another type of revolution. I'll decide this issue myself, once and for all." Hearing that, Naruto just sits up while speaking.

"How can you defuse anything by dying?! You might as well live on and help me instead. If you're just going to do that! What I want did I is cooperate with all the Shinobi! Including you, of course!" Hearing that, Sasuke just looks at Naruto.

"Who says everyone else will agree to that?" He questions Naruto who just answers.

"Oh, come on! Go on, spout some more crap like that! I'll punch you again!" Naruto tons Sasuke who spoke again in a calm tone.

"There's no telling when I may stand to to defy you again in the future..." Hearing that, Naruto could only disagree by saying "You won't do this kind of thing anymore." which Sasuke could not understand how he would know that.

"How...can you be so sure of that?" He questions Naruto who was now annoyed.

"Don't make me repeat myself!" Hearing that, the Uchiha's eye just widens.

(Just what are you?!)

(We're friends!)

(Why are guy so obsessed with me?!)

(Because we're friends.)

(Why are you so determined to stay involved with me?!)

(How hang times do I have to tell you? Don't you get it by now?)

(Just answer me!)

Sasuke lips began to quiver at remembering there last conversations.

"C'mon! You're the one who still doesn't get it! Now that I think about it... I guess guy always have been surprisingly sense!" Just after saying that, his eyes widen to see a line of water running down Sasuke's face, to show that he was crying which Naruto just blinks with his gaze turning back thwarts the sky.

"Shut up...you loser..." Sasuke whispered, then Frank just hit naruto and sasuke in the face and tell them they both lose, which Zero just stands up to see that Kakashi and Sakura arrived which he swirls away just as Sakura jumps down. On the cliff stood Kakashi looking down with his sharingan activated, soon looking to his right where Zero appeared by a swirl.

"So how did it go?" Hearing that, he see Zero was smiling while looking at the heavens.

"The chain of hatred has finally ended... Asura and Indra's died has finally come to a close. You've raised pretty impressive ninja, Kakashi!" Zero said with a smile, causing Kakashi to cover his sharingan now blushing in embarrassment at being praised.

"Well, I learn from the best... They've... Finally returned." Kakashi said with clear joy.

"Now, if you'll excuse me I have to bring a certain Uchiha back to life since Itachi isn't the type to find a second love." Hearing that, Kakashi just blinks in surprise and watched him swirl away.

~~~~~~ONE WEEK LATER, AT THE GATES OF THE HIDDEN LEAF VILLAGE~~~~~~~

Currently Frank, David, Kaguya, Negi, Zeke, Simon, Kamina, Lelouch, Ventus, Rolo, Nunnuly, Yuni, Naruto, Sakura, Zero, and Kakashi were at the gates to see Sasuke off on his journey.

"To be honest, you should have been thrown in jail for what you did. The reason you were pardoned is because you merge a great contribution to stopping the war. But don't forget that Frank Being the sixth Hokage and Naruto's appeals were a big part of that as well. Ding so anything too crazy anymore...or else I'll will have to take responsibility for it." Said David as the chief of the reborn Uchiha Police. Hearing that, Sasuke spoke in his emotionless tone like always.

"Thanks, I appreciate it." Sasuke said just as Sakura began speaking.

"Do you really have to go?" Hearing that, Sasuke answers her question.

"Now... I want to know how the Shinobi world...how this world looks to me." Hearing that, Sakura began blushing while she spoke all flustered.

"Ummmm... What if... I asked you if I could come along." Hearing that, he just replied still emotionless.

"This is also a journey of repentance. You have nothing to do with my sins." Hearing that, David just thought that Sasuke "cock blocked" himself.

"Nothing to do with them, huh?" Sakura says sadly until Sasuke presses his two fingers against her forehead while smiling.

"See you later. Thanks..." Hearing that, Naruto takes a step forward and reveals his scratched headband Naruto had kept for all these years which greatly surprises Sasuke.

"You...still have that?" He questions Naruto who spoke.

"I'm giving it back." Hearing that, Sasuke just starts moving his right hand up while speaking.

"I'll keep this until...we really settle things between us." Hearing that, Naruto just smiles as well as Sasuke, both holding the headband. Frank and Kaguya who is now name Aoi to honor her could only smile at seeing Sasuke walking away, headband in hand.

(There is a chain that began from creation, and continued through the Ōtsutsuki, never creasing... People became Shinobi, and created clans and villages. Even during peaceful interludes...the fishes of war never died out, but grew ever stronger...along with hatred and so, those two continued to face each other, fighting on and on. However... A single ninja not only helped break the chain of hatred but changed even destiny. For he helped two other ninja find their way... His will...gradually came to encompass all Shinobi, the world, and all its hatred... This, story was created to show descendants of generations after to how the world came together... Now... It's time to give this story a title...)

(Dad, Mom about "The Tale of Son Goruto Uzumaki"?!)

(Seriously Hagoromo, you want me to name it after myself...? Oh what the heck, they named a bridge after Naruto so "The Tale of Son Goruto Uzumaki" it is!)

**Meg dream sequences over**

As Meg wakes up near her son Frank G Mallque Jr a.k.a Son Goruto Uzumaki Jr name after his father is sleep so peaceful as she rubs her son head think of the dream as she goes to her mirror but she doesn't she herself but Aoi Kaguya Ōtsutsuki Hyuuga Mallque, her past self-telling her that is almost time she her to be one again and the battle is just beginning.

**The End**


	26. Chapter 24: He's Too Sexy For His Fat

**Chapter 24: He's Too Sexy For His Fat**

We begin the episode with a cold opening where the Mallque/Griffins are busy grocery shopping at the Stop 'N Shop. At the produce, Lois was checking the prices on vegetables while Stewie and Frank Jr were with her both sitting in the seat of the shopping cart.

"Oh, my, tomatoes are $3.99 a pound. That's so high." Lois said commenting the supposed overprice of tomatoes with Stewie. "Isn't that a little high? Er, it seems so high."

"Ah, this is interminable!" Stewie shouted. "I demand to know why you insist on taking me and stewie everywhere you go! I mean, really! W-What could possibly happen if you left me home by myself?" Frank Jr continued

**Cutaway #1**

Stewie was sitting in the armchair in the living room dressed in a red robe with black collars revealed to be hosting a Playboy-escue party in the living room as he was surrounded by Playboy bunnies.

"Great party, Mallque, Griffin." James Caan walked up and told Stewie and Frank Jr.

"Girls, you know Jimmy Caan." Stewie said to his Playboy bunnies before turning to Jimmy Caan. "Jimmy, make yourself at home."

"Hey, thanks." Jimmy Caan thanked Stewie when he suddenly punched one of the bunnies in the face, knocking her to the floor.

"I meant have a Cheese Doodle, but... Whatever, it's a party." Frank Jr responded somewhat unfazed by Jimmy Caan's actions.

**End**

Somewhere else, John was looking for Tyler when a loud crash of broken glass was heard. It turned out Frank and Peter accidentally knocked over a row of beer bottles.

"Clean up on Aisle 3!" Frank called out pretending to be the intercom and then Peter imitating an employee. "I got it!" Peter then kneeled to the floor and started slurping the beer from the floor. For his sake, I sincerely hope that floor was clean before the beer came out. While Meg came the aisle 3 and just sunk her head.

"Hey, Frank, Mr. Griffin, have you seen Tyler anywhere?" John asked Peter.

Tyler was reading comics with Chris.

"Hehe, I love you, She-Hulk." Chris said affectionately.

"Go, Sonic! Teach Eggbelly a lesson!" Tyler rooted while reading.

The store's security guard then came up to Tyler and Chris.

"All right, boys. I'm gonna need those hams back." The security guard ordered.

"What hams?" Tyler asked having no idea what the security guard was talking about.

"Yeah, we don't have any hams." Chris agreed.

"Lift up your shirts." The security guard then told the two lifting up their shirts.

"We need an adult! WE NEED AN ADULT!" Tyler and Chris screamed for help.

"You're not shoplifters." The security guard realized seeing the error of his ways. "You're just a couple of fat kids. Hm, sorry about that, Fatty Fat Fatty." He turned his head to his partner, who was off-screen. "Hey, Tom, they're just fat kids!" He then turned back to Chris and Tyler. "Aren't you, Fatty 1 and Fatty 2? You're just big ol' fat kids. Here's some chocolate, fatsos."

The security guard gave Chris and Tyler each their own chocolate bars.

"Thanks." Chris thanked the man cheerfully.

"Oh...thanks..." Tyler replied rather hurt by the man's words.

Elsewhere, Persephone had her own shopping cart looking around with when they passed by some flea collars.

"Hey, Brian. Flea collars are on sale." Persephone pointed out to Brian.

"Eh, too many chemicals." Brian said. "This year, I'm gonna try a more natural alternative."

Eventually, Brian was at an acupuncturist by the name of Dr. Ling, who was treating Brian with acupuncture needles.

Brian screamed a bit in pain from being needled lightly.

"Sorry, Dr. Ling. I-I guess I'm nervous." Brian apologized to Dr. Ling. "This whole thing is a little weird."

"Ah, never ya fear, laddie-buck. I've been doin' this all me life." Dr. Ling reassured Brian where despite being asian, instead spoke in an Irish accent. "You see, the reason your fleas are drawn to ya is your kidney energy is bein' blocked by a dark chi. Or what we call in my country 'wee-fung-chow-hu'."

Just as Dr. Ling said that, something offscreen caught Brian's eye.

"Hey, Doc. You have to keep those two boxes right next to each other?" Brian asked Dr. Ling concerned as it revealed the boxes he mentioned contained both regular needles and poison tipped needles on a shelf. The regular needles were in the first box on the left labeled "NEEDLES" and the ones tipped with poison were in the second box on the right.

"Why? What do they say?" Dr. Ling asked showing he doesn't read English text.

"I think we're through here." Brian rose up and then said ending his appointment with Dr. Ling.

**Opening Credits**

_It seems today that all ya see_

_Is violence in movies and sex on TV_

_But where are those good, old-fashioned values_

_On which we used to rely_

_Lucky there's a Family Guy!_

_Lucky there's a man who_

_Positively can do_

_All the things that make us_

_Laugh n' Cry_

_He's_

_a_

_Fam_

_-ily_

_Guy!_

**End**

Later that night, Stewie was having a dream while his hand was scratching his head. It transitioned to Stewie's dream where it was set in what seemed to be the United Nations building. Stewie appeared on a monitor on a wall.

"Attention, world leaders. I have 137 nuclear warheads trained on every capital city around the globe." Stewie threatened the world's leaders. "The world is now under my control! But oh, no! I'm naked!" As it turned out, Stewie was in fact naked as everyone there laughed at Stewie's predicament.

It then shifted back into reality where Stewie awoke from his embarassing dream.

"Uh...what the deuce?" Frank Jr wondered unfolding the covers and finding ants and fleas crawling around his and Stewie's crib, which according to Seth MacFarlane himself in the commentary, are "traditionally drawn in cartoons as little periods". The same goes with the ants.

"AH, FLEAS! ANTS!" Stewie panicked immediately as he and Frank Jr getting out of their cribs and ran straight to Peter and Lois' room. Just as they reached the bedroom door, stewie slid on the sleek wooden floor knocking over a lamp as a result.

"Damn you, Mop 'n Glow." Stewie cursed.

He and Frank Jr entered Peter and Lois' room, got on top of their bed and pulled Lois' eyelids up in an attempt to wake her up.

"Wake up, Leona!" Stewie ordered. "This decrepit Hooverville is infested with something besides idiots!"

"Oh, my God. Frank Jr, Stewie, you got bugs on your jammies!" Lois said spotting the fleas and ants on Stewie and Frank Jr's pajamas as she got out of bed. "Peter, wake up!"

"What? What-uhh..." Peter responded waking up.

"Stewie and Frank Jr's covered with ants and fleas!" Lois informed Peter.

"Oh, that's nothing." Peter said turning on the lamp beside him instead relaxed. "Once when I was a kid, I was covered with ticks."

"Peter, it's not a contest." Lois pointed out to Peter.

"Well, it was back then." Peter replied as the camera panned over to a silver trophy on the nightstand reading "MOST TICKS - 1965".

"Oh, no. Brian." Lois gasped in realization.

"That's it! Time for doggie to go the way of Old Yeller!" Stewie declared.

**Cutaway #2**

It showed a scene from the film _Old Yeller_ where the oldest son, Travis was eating sandwiches in the kitchen with Old Yeller, who was sitting at the table like Brian does, when the mother, Katie walked in.

"Old Yeller, did I get a call from Tony?" Katie asked Old Yeller.

"Oh...yeah. He- Aw, he left a message. I forgot to tell ya." Old Yeller confirmed.

"Is it on the machine?" Katie then asked.

"I erased it..." Old Yeller then confessed.

This left Katie displeased by Old Yeller's actions.

"All right." Katie then replied taking a shotgun from a nearby display before cocking it. "Out back."

"No, Ma. Yeller's my dog. I'll do it." Travis stopped his mother and volunteered taking Old Yeller to the backyard.

"Come on! He'll call back!" Old Yeller claimed.

**End**

Brian was in the bathroom chewing on his arms, which resulted in the loss of some fur.

"Brian, are you okay?" Lois entered the bathroom and asked Brian concerned.

"Okay? Ha, ha! Okay?! I'm covered in fleas, lady! I'm losing' it here!" Brian responded going insane.

"Get a hold of yourself!" Frank Jr told Brian slapping Lois.

"OW!" Lois exclaimed. "Frank Jr, you're supposed to hit Brian!" She then turned back to Brian. "Do you also happen to have ants, too, Brian?"

"Ants? What ants?" Brian then asked.

"Pops, I'm really itchy!" Frank came in scratching his arm. Then chris came in also cover in ants.

"Dad, I'm itchy!" Chris came in scratching his arm. "I'M ITCHY!"

"Out of my way, wide load!" Meg and Persephone barged in pushing Chris off-screen, which was followed by a random crash noise followed by the screech of a cat.

"Mom, there's fleas and ants all over the house!" Persephone informed Lois.

Suddenly, the house started shaking with growling of a lion echoing.

"EARTHQUAKE!" Lois reacted where the ground shook again.

"I don't think so." Brian said in which the ground shook yet again right after he said that. You can pretty much see how this plays out.

"How do you know?" Lois asked when the ground shook.

"Because everything else outside isn't shaking." Brian answered showing the neighborhood unaffected.

"Then where is this shaking coming from?" Lois asked when once again the house shook.

"There's only one way to find out." Frank then said. "We need to trace the source of the ants."

It then cut to the ants crawling out of John and Tyler's room where.

"Here we are." Peter said.

"The basement?" Lois asked before realizing. "Oh, no. John and Tyler."

The family then entered the duo's room, but as they continued going down the stairs, it got darker and harder to see.

"Now, everyone, be careful." Lois instructed the family.

"Eww, what's that smell?!" Meg asked in the dark.

"It smells like the monkey in my closet." Chris said in the dark. "Except dead."

"Chris, we've talked about this before. There's no such thing as the evil monkey." Lois said to Chris in the dark.

"Okay, I think I've found the pull string." Frank Jr informed the family in the dark pulling the string to turn on the ceiling lamp above lighting the room.

"Ah, much bet- AAAAAGGHH!" Lois screamed followed by the rest of the family as it zoomed out to reveal John and Tyler's room was coated with rotting garbage, explaining where the ants came from. Then, lastly, it showed a queen ant lodged in John's nose as ants crawled out the other nose hole.

It then cut to Quahog Pest Control, where inside an exterminator was polishing his gun while two other exterminators were playing poker. Immediately, a siren went off and one of the exterminators got up, went over to what seemed like a supercomputer and checked the monitor.

"We got a 602 at 31 Spooner Street!" The exterminator informed his comrades, who immediately went and suited up for the operation.

The team went to a weapon rack and gathered the necessary equipment for the job. They then went to the firepole where one of them was instead at the corner traumatized.

"Logan, let's go!" One of the exterminators ordered the one in the corner.

"I can't... I... I just can't." Logan replied.

"What's with you, Logan?" The exterminator who reported the infestation earlier asked Logan.

"Flaherty, he just watched his wife and kid get eaten alive by 7 million fire ants." The other exterminator told his comrade. "I don't want to meet the man who looks good after that."

With that in mind, the two exterminators left Logan alone and went on to their mission. The pest control team arrived at the Griffin household, where the family was outside still in their pajamas.

The pest control team used a mirror to check the inside of the house to check if the coast is clear, which it was and the three entered the living room armed and loaded as they then split up to search for the insects.

Flaherty followed the ant trail to John and Tyler's room, where he found almost thousands of ants crawling all over the walls and ceiling of the room.

"My God! They're everywhere!" Flaherty said before immediately firing at the millions of ants. Though, something off-screen snuck up on Flaherty and attacked him.

The others heard Flaherty's scream and then started shooting the ants and fleas that were now heading straight toward them. Exterminator #1 took out a grenade and threw it over to a group of fleas before it went off.

They continued firing at the pests, using up all the ammo they had and eventually they were soon surrounded by the thousands of ants and fleas.

"They're on the carpet!" Exterminator #1 shouted.

"Got one over here!" Exterminator #2 said as he and Exterminator #1 took out their law enforcement batons and beated the ants and fleas. But it proved fruitless as more ants and fleas continued popping up.

"It's no good! There's too many of them!" Exterminator #1 shouted when suddenly the ground shook and unexpectedly a giant mutant queen ant emerged from the floorboard, catching the team by surprise.

"Where did that thing even come from?!" Exterminator #1 asked as it flashed back to earlier when the family discovering John and Tyler as Lois pulled the ant queen out of John's nose where it crawled away to a puddle of toxic waste dripping from the air vent that originated from the secret lab in Stewie's room. The ant queen rested on the waste as it cut to present day.

Exterminator #1 tried to fire at the queen with his handgun, but it was out of ammo. He threw it at the queen, but it was ineffective as the queen cornered the team and was about to eat them.

"What do we do now?" Flaherty asked terrified. "WHAT THE HELL DO WE DO NOW?!"

"We pray..." Exterminator #1 replied.

The ant queen was about to consume its prey, but was then shot through the brain by someone off-screen. It turned out to be Logan, who had recovered just in the nick of time to save his comrades.

"Logan!" Exterminator #1 exclaimed happy to see Logan. "You son of a bitch!"

"You think I'd miss this party?" Logan asked.

It then cut to outside where the pest control team was setting up police tape around the front yard as the family watched.

"All of that came from our room?!" John asked amazed at the aftermath.

"Looks like more like a freakin' bomb went off!" Tyler then commented.

"I feel terrible about this whole thing." Brian said. "Look, why don't I just put us up at a nice hotel for a couple of days?"

"Oh, that's a great idea, Brian. It'll be like a little vacation." Lois said to Brian loving the idea.

"Well, you might wanna bring some cash with ya." Peter insisted. "Cause, you know, some places don't take credit cards."

**Cutaway #3**

Peter and Frank Jr tried to use his credit card to pay for lemonade he was getting from a little girl at a lemonade stand.

"But, mister, I need real money." The little girl informed Peter. "I can't take a credit card."

"Oh, I see. Cash only, eh? Eh? No paper trail, eh? What are you sellin'? Reefer? Crack? Smack? Horse? X? Shrooms? Dust? Meth? In my neighborhood?! I don't think so!" Frank Jr said.

Peter and Frank Jr then knocked over the girl's stand while the girl retreated back into her home crying.

**End**

"Yeah, I think I've had the same experience, too." Tyler agree.

**Cutaway #4**

Tyler was also trying to buy lemonade from the exact same lemonade stand from Peter's cutaway.

"But, mister, I need real money." The little girl this time informed Tyler. "I can't take a credit card."

Tyler checked his wallet.

"I got a debit card." Tyler told the girl. "Will that work?"

"No." The little girl replied.

Tyler checked his wallet again. This time, he pulled out a dollar bill.

"You got change for a $100?" Tyler then asked the girl.

**End**

The Mallques/Griffins checked themselves into the Barrington hotel for the night and the rest of the week as they were now entering their room.

"Oh, my, what a lovely room." Lois commented on the room's condition. "Oh, and it's so clean."

"Well, I think the ultraviolet scanning light will be the judge of that." Stewie responded pulling out said device.

Frank Jr was about to ask Stewie where he got the light from.

"I picked this up on _Dateline _from that yummy exo-skeleton, Maria Shriver." Stewie then explained.

Stewie scanned a part of the carpet close to the bed and found a spot.

"Mm-hm. Just as I thought. Oatmeal." Stewie said as he scanned the curtain. "Spittle." Then he scanned the bed. "Semen?! Oh, this must be where Bob Crane was strangled."

"What's semen?" John and Frank Jr asked Stewie, who whispered in the former's ear, who then blushed at what they was hearing.

John and Frank Jr immediately picked up everyone and their belongings off the ground and exited the room where he brought them to the front desk in the lobby.

"Excuse me, but we would like another room that's much cleaner, please." Frank Jr asked the clerk at the desk. "I want the cleanest room you've got."

It then went to a montage of Frank Jr and John trying to find the cleanest room the hotel had. Every time they found what appeared to be the perfect room, something else ends up ruining it and they would have to search all over again. Eventually, the montage ended with Frank Jr finally finding the perfect for him, John and the family to stay in.

The following morning, the family went to swim at the hotel's pool.

"Cannonball!" Peter called out performing said trick as the water splashed onto Stewie, who was wearing a tube made to resemble a turtle.

"Jump in, honey." Lois said to Stewie as she was in a black bathing suit. "Don't be afraid. The turtle will keep you safe."

"Oh, for God's sake, I'm to entrust my life to a turtle?!" Stewie ranted as Frank Jr, Frank, Brian, John and Tyler walked by. "Nature's 'D' student?!" Stewie was then pushed into the pool by Brian. Lois then picked up Stewie and placed him gently back into the water.

"By all, this is marvelous!" Stewie soon said. "I feel like a young Johnny Weissmuller!" All that soon changed when a big splash soaked both him and Lois. It then revealed John caused the splash as he enjoyed Stewie's annoyance before he swam off somewhere else.

John spotted both his pal, Tyler and Chris sitting on the diving board looking down as they were wearing both their swim trunks and their regular everyday shirts. John decided to swim up to them as well as Peter.

"Hey, Chris, Tyler, aren't you guys coming' in?" Peter asked Chris and Tyler.

"Oh, eh, can we swim with our shirts on?" Chris asked back embarassed.

"No, you can't swim with your shirt on." Peter answered.

"Why not?" Tyler asked.

"Because- Wait a second. What are you both hiding under your shirts? You have bruises?" Peter soon asked the two as he climbed out of the pool.

"No." Tyler answered.

"Did somebody hit you?!" Peter asked again.

"No!" Tyler answered again as Frank and John were the last to climb out of the pool.

"Lois, what did you do to my son and Tyler?!" Peter questioned Lois, who had just stepped over to him and the boys.

"Will you keep your voice down?" Lois insisted looking in both directions. "You're embarrassing them."

"What are you talking about? If I wanted to embarrass them, I'd do something like this." Peter said. "Hey-Hey, everybody! Hey, look what Chris Griffin's dad and Tyler's legal guardian, Peter Griffin's doing!"

Peter's shouting soon lured in both Stewie, Brian, Meg and even Persephone, who was in a blue bathing suit. Having gotten everyone's attention, Peter lifted his right breast and then licked his nipple, disgusting everyone.

"Stop it!" Lois ordered Peter as she then went to Chris and Tyler's side to talk to them. "Chris, Tyler, why don't you want to take your shirts off?"

"Well, because we're fat..." Chris and Tyler both answered in unison.

"Oh, boys, no one thinks you're fat." Lois reassured Chris and Tyler.

"I'm sorry, sir. You can't park your van and SUV on the diving board." A hotel employee came up and told Peter, unwittingly making fun of Chris and Tyler.

"This is my son!" Lois told off the employee defending Chris.

"And that's my best friend you're talkin' about!" John and Frank Jr also came and defended Tyler.

"Oh, my apologies." The employee apologized as he turned his head and walked away. "Hey, Tom! They're not a van and SUV! They're just a couple of fat kids- * Frank Jr pushed him into the pool* AAHHH!"

"Don't listen to him, boys." Peter reassured Chris and Tyler. "I'm gonna go get you sodas. You wait here."

"Thanks, Mr. Griffin-" Tyler thanked Peter until he placed two automotive protective devices (also known as "The Club") on him and Chris. "Oh..."

"Gee. Thanks, Mr. Griffin." John thanked Peter sarcastically before Frank Jr removing the devices off of Chris and Tyler.

Later, Stewie was still in the pool and was trying to get someone help him get out.

"I say, hello!" Stewie called out. "You there! I'm ready to get out!" He tried following someone to get him or her to help him get out. "Somebody!- Oh, my, what was that?" Stewie then asked discovered that he was right in front of one of the pool's water jets. "Well, hello, Mr. Water Jet." Stewie then looked around and then placed himself on the water jet as he developed a look of pleasure on his face.

"Stewie, are you ready to-" Meg walked by and asked Stewie.

"GO AWAY!" Stewie yelled.

"Oh, no, you don't, shrimp." John came up and said to Stewie as he grabbed the toddler and tried to get him out of the pool. "If a member of your family asks you politely, you show respect. Now, time to get out!"

"NO!" Stewie refused. "I'M NOT FINISHED YET!"

John then thought of an idea and walked off, leaving Stewie. He then came back with one of the Chaos Emeralds.

"CHAOS CONTROL!" John chanted warping Stewie out of the pool.

"Did you think that could really stop me?" Stewie asked John. "I'll just jump back in and-" Stewie was about to head back into the pool, but noticed his swim trunks were floating in the water, meaning only one thing. He looked below his turtle tube.

"Good Lord, I'm naked!" Stewie said using the tube to cover his nudity before turning to John. "Oh, you, sir, will rue this day! You will rue the day you humiliated Stewie Gilligan Griffin!" Stewie then stormed off holding onto the tube.

"Heh, heh. Oh, that was fun." John said as he went back to Tyler, who was with Frank Jr, Frank, Chris, Peter and Lois. "Hey, Tyler. Here's your Chaos Emerald back." John handed Tyler back the Emerald he borrowed from him and Tyler stored it in his pocket.

"You're not fat, Chris." Peter informed Chris. "You just come from a long line of husky Griffins. Like your great-great-great uncle, Jabba Griffin."

**Cutaway #5**

As the name would suggest, it showed a version of Peter as Jabba the Hut from _Star Wars Episode VI: Return of the Jedi_ where he had Princess Leia as his slave.

"Raja nabadua gola wookie nipple pinchie." Jabba the Hut said to his slave.

**End**

"What about me?" Tyler asked.

"What about you?" Peter

"Honey, if you and Tyler want to lose weight, I'll put you on a diet and your father and John can you two exercise." Lois suggested to Tyler and Chris.

"Really?" Tyler and Chris asked.

"Why don't you do what the supermodels do?" Persephone then suggested her own idea of losing weight. "Stick your finger down your throat and throw up till you're skinny."

"Are you suggesting me and Chris should be anorexic?" Tyler asked confused by Persephone's advice.

"Huh. Maybe that's why Persephone's got such a nice figure..." John thought intrigued by what Meg just said.

"Uh...yeah?" Persephone replied not sure what Tyler meant.

"Chris, Tyler, don't listen to Persephone." Frank Jr intervened shoving Meg' twin aside. "Sticking your finger down your throat doesn't make you throw up."

Frank Jr and Peter then slowly directed their index fingers to their mouths, wanting to see if it did work or not. Not surprisingly, Frank Jr and Peter figured it out pretty quickly as they soon had a closed mouths full of vomit.

"Peter, Frank Jr, are you two okay?" Lois asked Frank Jr and Peter, to which the latter instead nodded trying hard not to open his mouth.

The next day, the Mallques/Griffins returned home after pest control had finished spraying the place and Lois was helping Chris start his diet as she had two plates in her hands. One containing meatloaf and the other two containing vegetables.

"Meatloaf for us." Lois said placing the plate of meatloaf on the table. "And two very special, very delicious steamed vegetable dishes for Chris and Tyler."

Lois handed Tyler and Chris their plates, to which they each took a whiff at their food.

"Oh, I hate vegetables." Chris complained.

"Me, too." Tyler agreed.

"Boys, they're good for you." Lois encouraged the duo.

They decided to take a bite, but they clearly weren't fond of it.

"Well, it tastes like a monkey." Chris complained some more. "A monkey that's past its prime."

"Mm. This meatloaf is a symphony of flavor." Stewie gloated. "It's too bad you boys can't have some. It's practically orgasmic." As Stewie took a bite, he then pretended the meatloaf was giving him an orgasm.

Frank Jr said "I'll have what he's having."

John, like the audience, soon lost his appetite for meatloaf.

"I'm gonna have what Tyler and Chris are eating instead." John said as he started making his own plate of steamed vegetables.

"I didn't know you liked vegetables, J-man." Tyler said to John.

"I don't." John said. "But after what Sally Albright did, I'm never having meatloaf ever again."

Sometime later, Peter, Frank Jr, Frank took John, Tyler and Chris to the gym to get started on Chris and Tyler's diet. Chris and Tyler were on treadmills and Frank Jr, Frank, John and Peter were standing beside them.

"Okay, Chris, Tyler, time for some old-fashioned exercise like those guys are doing'." Peter said as he ended his sentence pointing at two body builders that looked like something out of the 1920s.

"I say, Phineas, great day to be doing squat thrusts our huge, triangular iron weights." One of the body builders said to his partner as they started lifting their weights.

John came up to a weight currently being unused and surveyed it before lifting the thing with ease.

"Hey, this thing's not even heavy!" John said not feeling any weight in the...well, weight.

Then Frank came up to a weight currently being unused and surveyed it before lifting the thing with ease.

"Wow, your right this thing's not even heavy!" Frank said not feeling any weight in the...well, weight either.

"Really? Let me try." Tyler asked.

Frank handed the weight to Tyler, but the weight actually was heavy, resulting in it dropping to the floor crushing Tyler's hands.

"OW!" Tyler reacted. "Why did you two lie to me?!"

"I don't get it. I didn't feel any- Wait..." Frank and John immediately realized his mistake.

"Dad, I don't like running." Chris told Peter. "The sound of my thighs scraping together hurts my ears."

"Me, too." Tyler agreed.

Just then, Peter came up with an idea which he whispered into John's ear, who liked it. They went back to Chris and Tyler and they both sticked two plungers on each of their heads which each had a Twinkie tied to a string at the end of the handle.

"Hey, a Twinkie!" Chris said happily chasing after the Twinkie on the treadmill. "I'm gonna get you!"

"Same here!" Tyler said doing the same thing except using his super speed, which was getting the treadmill he was on to overheat.

The scene cut to Frank Jr and Chris at the park where Peter was having Chris do pull ups.

"Come on." Frank Jr told Chris, who was struggling. "You can do it." Frank Jr pulled out some lighter fluid. "Feel the burn, Chris. Feel the burn." Frank Jr squirted at a fire underneath Chris, who managed to do a pull up by the risen flames.

Meanwhile, Frank was having Tyler do some jogging while he was riding a bike in front of him.

"Hip-hop, drop your chin! Exhale out, inhale in! Chest out, shoulders back! Watch your sacroiliac! Knees high, back's neat..." Frank chanted to Tyler behind until he ended up getting carried away and went too fast. "...gettheleadoutofyourfeet, skidididy, skididido-"

"FRANK, NOT SO FAAAAAAAA-" Tyler said trying to tell Frank to slow down, but he, too, ended up going too fast as it cut to John while a zoom was heard.

"Are you feeling the burn yet, Tyler?" Frank asked Tyler and turned to the latter when he didn't get a reply back. "Tyler?" Frank found that Tyler was no longer in the spot as he realized he got Tyler running at super speed.

Back to Peter and Chris, they were now training at a stream in a forest where Chris was swimming among salmon that were swimming up the river, which was what Chris was also doing the whole time.

"Atta boy." Peter said watching Chris. "All the way upstream, buddy."

Chris was then caught by a bear using its mouth, just it would with salmon and shook Chris around.

"Ok-Okay, just relax." Peter told Chris, though he was unfazed at the fact Chris was being attacked by a bear. "Try-Try to soil yourself, like we practiced." Frank said as he was trying to save Chris.

Back to Frank Jr, John and Tyler, this time they were now at a wrestling ring where was in the ring while John was outside of it.

"All right, Tyler, this is it. This is the moment we've all been waiting for since the day we got started." John said to Tyler in an overly serious tone that. "This should show those neighborhood kids what you're made of!"

"J-man, what does having me take up wrestling have to do with helping me lose weight?" Tyler then asked.

"Wait, was that what we were doing again?" John then asked having just realized what was going on.

But the bell rang and Tyler was grabbed from behind and then beaten up by Frank Jr and a group of wrestlers.

"Oops..." John exclaimed at his mistake.

Later, the six were back at the house where Chris and Tyler checking how much weight they lost so far.

"Dad, Frank, this says I gained weight." Chris informed Peter.

"Same here." Tyler then said, though he was also bandaged up from the wrestling incident earlier.

"That's probably because of the bandages." John insisted. "Let's wait until you've fully recovered."

The scene transitioned to Tyler having fully recovered from his injuries and checking his weight again.

"J-man, it's still the same." Tyler pointed out.

"What?" Frank Jr exclaimed.

"That's impossible." Frank said. "Take off your shirts."

Chris and Tyler did as they were told when what resembled a small leg popped out from underneath Chris's muffin top.

"The hell is that?" Peter said wondering what it was as Frank Jr lifted Chris' gut revealing it to have been Stewie's leg, whom dropped out having been trapped in there.

Stewie gasped for air before slowly getting back up. "BOVINE LUMMOX!" Stewie then stumbled away. "*panting* Oh, God."

"How did he even get in there, anyway?" Frank wondered.

**Cutaway #6**

Two days prior, Chris was asleep on the couch and Stewie came down from his room looking for Rupert.

"Rupert? Rupert?" Stewie called out when he spotted his teddy bear behind Chris's bulging gut.

Stewie tried to push Chris off the couch, but the latter proved too heavy for him. He tried lifting Chris's stomache in order to reach Rupert, but the gut quickly fell on top of him, resulting in him being trapped underneath Chris' muffin top in the first place.

(A/N: The commentary addressed about how Stewie got in Chris' fat and discussed a brief explanation for it. So, I decided to make it a cutaway.)

**End**

Peter and Frank later went to the Drunken Clam and discussed his situation with Cleveland.

"I tell you, Cleveland, they've been working' out all week and they haven't lost a pound." Frank told Cleveland.

"Peter, Frank, if you're this desperate about Chris and Tyler's weight, why don't you just suck the fat out?" Cleveland suggested.

"Look, if you can find a hole on one of those boys that you want to put your lips on, be my guest." Peter replied to Cleveland's question.

"I'm talking about liposuction." Cleveland stated irritated a bit by Peter's ignorance. "My brother Broderick's a cosmetic surgeon."

"I...Is he good?" Peter asked curious.

"Well, Nell Carter used to be twice as big before Broderick got through with her." Cleveland confirmed. "FYI, he used the fat he took out of her to make the two kids from _Good Burger_."

Peter and Frank took Cleveland's advice and took Frank Jr, John, Tyler and Chris to Broderick the next day. They were in the man's office.

"This is a very safe procedure, gentlemen. You both won't feel a thing." Broderick told Chris and Tyler.

"Are you sure?" Tyler asked Broderick.

"Oh, yeah, I'm like a Green Beret, you know? I-I sneak inside you and I skulk around like its Vietnam or something and-and I'm sneaking through the bush, you know? And I get all that fat like the fat's my buddy stuck behind enemy lines or something, you know...and when I got all my buddies, I sneak out again. I'm very mysterious when I'm inside you, you know, like, uh...Uh...like the wind, you know." Broderick then said, to which no one said anything and felt awkward.

"I feel very uncomfortable right now..." Tyler finally broke the silence.

"Me too bro me too." Frank Jr said as he wet himself.

Back home, Lois was wiping Stewie's mouth where Stewie showed to have started getting a bit round.

"Oh, good boy, Stewie. Clean plate." Lois congratulated Stewie. "Although I think you got-"

"Yes, yes, yes. I got more of it on me than in me!" Stewie cut her off and finished what she was about to say in a sarcastic tone. "Yes, that never gets old, Lois."

"Here's your dessert, sweetie." Lois said to Stewie handing him a slice of chocolate cake. "Dig in."

"I'll eat it when I'm ready!" Stewie said as Chris and Tyler entered the kitchen.

"Hi." Chris and Tyler both greeted in unison before sitting at the table.

"I'm ready!" Stewie soon said. "Well, time for dessert, isn't it? Eh, let's see. Big chocolate cake for Stewie. And we have something very tasty for big fat you. *plucks two leaf from a centerpiece and dropped them in front of Chris and Tyler* Bon appetit. Oh, and feel free to use my fork. I shan't be needing it. Watch me. That's it. Watch this."

Stewie slammed his face into the chocolate cake and started messily eating it.

"Oh, Stewie, stop eating like a little piggy." Lois told Stewie taking the rest of the cake away and taking a look at Stewie's physique. "Maybe we should cut down on your sweets. You're starting to get a little Buddha belly." She went to the counter and placed the cake there. "Boys, where have you been?"

"Oh, Dad took us Frank Jr, Frank and John to a doctor to get the fat out of our bellies." Chris explained where in the background Stewie tried to retrieve the chocolate cake by bouncing his high-chair toward it, but failing in the process.

"What?" Lois exclaimed.

"Yeah, it's true." Tyler confirmed.

"We didn't do it." Chris said. "We agreed to stay on our diet and exercise."

"Good for you, boys. That was a very grown-up decision." Lois then said proud of Chris and Tyler's maturity. "I mean, what kind of lazy, narcissistic, irresponsible moron would even consider doing something as unbelievably foolish as getting liposuction. Who? I ask you. Who?"

Just then, Peter came in now suddenly thin. "Hello." as Frank Jr and Frank came in with them pointing at him after they saw him getting out this thin.

Everyone looked shocked at Peter's new physique as Lois only stuttered in shock.

"My God, it's finally happened!" Stewie commented on Peter's newfound physique. "He's become so massive, he's collapsed into himself like a neutron star!"

"Mom. Can I get lipo, too?" Persephone asked wanting to be a part of the liposuction bandwagon.

"Forget it, Persephone." Meg told off her sister before remembering John was with Peter, Chris and Tyler and was nowhere to be seen. "Hey, where's John?"

"Huh?" Peter replied looking around to find John wasn't present. "Oh, man, he must still be in the car. I'll be right back." Peter then went to fetch John from the car.

"Why would he need to get John out?" Lois wondered what Peter meant. "He's capable enough to-"

"I'm back!" Peter called out as it revealed John was now dangerously skinny as the family screamed in horror. All except Tyler, however.

"Hello." John greeted the family weakly.

"Hey, it's Francis!" Tyler said as he was the only one to not realize it was John. "Hi, Francis!"

"Francis? Where?" John weakly asked slowly turning behind him to find no one there.

"My God, John, what happened?!" Lois asked John in worry.

"Mr. Griffin convinced me to also get liposuction with him to see what would happen." John explained, but Lois didn't seemed convinced by his story and suspected it was something else. This had John weakly stumble over to Lois and then whisper in her ear. "*whispering* Okay, I kind of only did it in the hopes of impressing Persephone. But there was a mishap with the tube and... Well, let's just say it caused to become this."

"What?!" Lois reacted turning to Peter. "Peter, you can't just suck 200 pounds of fat out of yourself and 130 pounds out of a teenage boy. It's not natural."

"Come on, Lois. I great dropping that weight all at once. And I'm pretty sure John's feeling the same. Right, John?"

"YYYYeeaaaahhhh..." John agreed weakly.

"You remember how good you felt after having Chris?" Peter asked Lois if she remembered the day she gave birth to Chris, which panned and then zoomed in to a newspaper clipping on the fridge showing Lois having gone through so much pain that she needed a nasal tube and life support system to give her oxygen as she was carrying a baby version of Chris, which unlike the original episode, was a lot smaller and about the same size as fat Stewie. The newspaper clipping's headline reads "LOCAL WOMAN GIVES BIRTH TO BLOB."

Sometime later after Peter and John's liposuction surgeries, the family was at the park where Lois took Stewie to a spring rocking horse and placed him on its saddle for him to ride on.

"And there off!" Lois announced pretending Stewie was a horse jockey.

Stewie didn't do anything, not even rock the rocking horse, which soon leans to the ground due to Stewie's newfound weight, to which he also didn't respond to this.

"Well, then..." Stewie blatantly said. "...giddy up..."

Meanwhile, Chris and Tyler were continuing their diet as Chris was chasing around the Twinkie dangling from the string on the plumber on his head while John and Frank Jr were having Tyler do laps around the park, which seemed to be going well for Frank Jr and Tyler, but John was barely able to keep up as he was using a cane to move forward.

"Come on, Grandpa! Keep up!" Frank Jr said to John speeding through the sidewalk.

"I'm not grandpa, Frank Jr!" John told Frank Jr.

"Whatever you say, Grampa!" Tyler said.

"I'm not grandpa!" John repeated.

Frank, Peter and Brian, on the other hand, were watching the race from a bench.

"Great to be thin." Peter said to Brian.

"Yep." Brian agreed.

"You know, uh, there-there's something' I always to do, Brian. But, uh...uh...I-I could never do it because I was so heavy. But, you know, now-now that I don't weigh so much, I-I think I can." Peter said to Brian. "Could ya...Could-Could you help me do it, Brian?"

"Sure, Peter. I'd be honored." Brian agreed.

"Well... I was wondering' if I could put a little saddle on your back and ride you like a horsey." Peter then told Brian, though the latter didn't reply and went back to his newspaper. "O-O-Okay. No, I-I understand. It's too much. It's okay."

Peter kept his eyes on Brian before he got up from the bench and walked off off-screen while Brian was still reading his paper in peace.

"You know, I like Hillary Clinton." Brian said to himself. "I don't care what anyone says-AAHH!" Brian was then tackled by Frank and Peter, who soon got on Brian's back and acting like he was riding a horse at a rodeo with Frank on peter shoulders.

The next day, Peter was finishing up taking a shower and opened the curtain.

"I see you." Peter teased at his genitalia, which was off-screen, and laughed before putting on his robe and tying it closed. "All right, Tyler, the bathroom's all yours."

"Thank you, Mr. Griffin." Tyler thanked Peter who stepped out and the former stepped in with John.

"Wha-What are we doing here, Tyler?" John asked Tyler.

"Well, Grandpa, I'm going to give you your sponge bath." Tyler told John.

"WHAT?!" John reacted in horror and tried to get away. "I GOTTA GET OUT OF HERE!"

"Grandpa, where are you going?" Tyler asked John.

"Getting far away from you as possible. That's wha-" John said to Tyler before falling down the stairs and ran into Peter, who was still in his robe. John quickly recovered and rushed straight to the kitchen.

"But Mom, it can change my life!" Persephone said to Lois, who was pouring some coffee into her mug.

"What's going on here?" John asked curious when Peter joined in on the conversation.

"Oh, hi, John. Persephone was asking me to let her get plastic surgery." Lois told John. "Which she is not, by the way."

"Why not?! It's totally safe!" Persephone said. "A lot of famous people have done it."

**Cutaway #7**

It showed a village of Eskimos gathered around a young Eskimo boy, who was on a floating chunk of ice.

"My son, your place is here in the ice village." The boy's father tried to reason with his son. "You know nothing of Hollywood and its ways."

"But Father, I have dreams and courage and the name of an excellent cosmetic surgeon." The boy told his father. "Fear not. Someday word will reach you about the success of me, the great Eskimo actor: Jennifer Love Hewitt!"

The boy then used his spear to push the chunk of ice back as he cruised off to the open sea and the village waved him goodbye and wished him luck.

"Bring pride to our village!" One of the villagers called out.

"Send firewood!" Another said.

**End**

"There you are, Grandpa!" Tyler found John and then dragged the latter back to the upstairs bathroom. "Let's get you all nice and clean!"

"No! Help me! NOOOO-" John cried out for help but was pulled back.

"She's right, Lois. Plastic surgery is great!" Peter said. "I-I was thinking' about having' Broderick take a look at my nose."

"It doesn't matter if your nose is a little bulbously or-or your eyes are too close together or your chest is flabby. You are who you are." Lois informed Peter that looks aren't everything.

"Huh. I think I know what you're getting' at." Peter said thinking of something.

Later that day, the family was watching TV where John was now in a wheelchair.

"Frank Jr, why do I need to be in a wheelchair? I can still walk fine." John said to Frank Jr.

"Sorry, Grandpa, but there gets to be a time where you can't walk anymore and you just need to accept-" Frank Jr was about to say to John.

"I'M NOT GRANDPA!" John shouted before realizing. "Wait, where did you get this, anyway?" John asked.

**Cutaway #8**

Bonnie was cooking in the kitchen when Joe came into the room not in his wheelchair and crawled.

"Bonnie, have you seen my wheelchair?" Joe asked his wife.

**End**

Soon, Peter entered the house now masculine and handsome.

"Knock-knock." Peter greeted his family.

"Hey, pal, you can't just walk in here without- Holy crap, it's Pops!" Frank said to Peter at first mistaking him for something before realizing it was him.

"Dad, you're pretty. Like a girl." Chris said to Peter.

"You look like a totally different person." Meg commented.

"MY GOD that should have been me." Persephone said as she bask in her father handsomeness.

"Oh, this is just crazy!" Lois said concerned as Peter walked up to her. "You walk in here with your chiseled jaw and your- Oh, my..." Lois soon said touching Peter's chest before snapping out of it. "I-I liked you the way you were. You're not even real anymore. You're- Peter, did you get a new buttocks?"

"I had to. My old one had a crack in it." Peter joked making himself giggle.

"Well, I couldn't be more angry with you..." Lois said before feeling Peter's muscular arm and letting out a moan as she then went to the kids and shoved them all out of the room. "You-You really let this family down. We should be embracing the things God gave us." She then pushed both John, who was in a wheelchair and Stewie, who was now on a wagon out of the living room before shutting the door behind her. "Not telling our kids that a person's not as good as someone else because of the way they look." Once everyone was out of the room, Lois then charged at Peter and tackled him on the couch.

"Ah, holy crap!" Peter exclaimed.

Back outside, John and Stewie rolled down the yard and crashed into a row of trash as they both ended up inside a few. Then, the body builders from earlier in the episode walked by conveniently.

"Look, there's a baby and an old man in these refuse bins!" Phineas said to his partner looking inside the cans.

"Not too close, Barnaby." The other body builder warned. "If you touch the baby, the mother won't take it back. And if you touch the old man, he might disintegrate into dust."

Phineas jumped onto Barnaby's shoulders and Barnaby jumped onto a huge 18th century bicycle and the two rode off.

Later, Peter was at the Stop n' Shop in line to check out a gentleman came up to him.

"Excuse me, sir." The gentleman greeted Peter. "What is a handsome man like you doing waiting in line?"

"I NEED AN ADULT! I NEED AN ADULT!" Peter cried.

The gentleman laughed. "Warren Fredericks. Quahog Beautiful People's Club. Come on in front."

"But-But all-all those people were in front of me." Peter said.

"You haven't been beautiful very long, haven't you?" Warren asked Peter. "Gorgeous guys like us don't have to wait in line. Haven't you noticed? People will do anything for a beautiful person."

"Yeah. You know, come to think of it..." Peter said realizing what Warren is talking about.

It then flashed back to a time before Peter got surgery when he answered the door to find an attractive blonde woman at the door.

"Hi, I'm on a scavenger hunt. And I need a human foot." The woman said to Peter.

"Well, as a rule, I would say no, but...okay, come in." Peter agreed taking out a handsaw and started sawing his foot off. "So, uhh... So, this is, what? Is this for like a school project or somethi-AAAGH! AAAAGGH! AAAGH! AAGH!"

It then cut back to present.

"Raul, please take this handsome gentleman's bags to his car." The woman at the register called out to two sackers to give Peter a carry-out to his car, which they did as told.

"Thank you." Peter thanked the sackers as he and Warren were about to exit the store.

"Hey, when you're beautiful, doors magically open for you." Peter said stupidly after having witnessed the entrance doors automatically opening.

"Actually, it opened because you stepped on that black rubber square." Warren explained to Peter as they both exited through the entrance. "Of course, if that wasn't there, it would have opened anyway because you're beautiful."

"Wooow." Peter said off-screen as the doors closed.

Warren Frederick took Peter to the Quahog Beautiful People's Club where, as the name implies, was filled with attractive people.

"Hey, there's a lot of good locking' people here." Peter said.

"Of course. This is the Quahog Beautiful People's Club." Warren informed Peter. "And you're our newest member. Here's your introductory basket. It's got some scented lotions, Ferrari sunglasses and of course, some pills to make your bowel movements smell like bakery-fresh cinnamon rolls."

At home, Stewie was sitting in his high-chair coloring a coloring book when a creaking noise was heard, catching Stewie's attention. He went back to his coloring book when another creak was heard, catching Stewie's attention yet again before going back to his coloring book. Suddenly, Stewie's high-chair collapsed from pressure built by Stewie's weight, resulting in Stewie crashing straight to the ground on his back and unable to get up.

"Damn it!" Stewie cursed when Frank Jr and Brian walked up to him.

"Oh, what happened? Orson fall down?" Brian teased Stewie.

"Shut up! Just-Ju-I-I don't want to hear it!" Stewie responded.

"Well, serves you right." Frank Jr told Stewie. "You spent all that time trying to make Tyler and Chris jealous, now you have an eating disorder."

"Just help me up." Stewie insisted.

"Well, you know I would, but our doctors advised us against 'heavy lifting'." Brian teased.

"Oh, hardy har har." Stewie replied sarcastically.

Frank Jr then started spinning Stewie around with only his foot.

"Wha-What the devil are you doing?" Stewie asked to which Brian didn't reply with an amused smile on his face. "Stop it! Stop it! I'm getting dizzy! AHH! BLAST!"

"Hey, let me try." John stumbled into the room and insisted.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, there, pal." Brian halted John. "You're in no condition to be fooling around."

"What? That's ridiculous." John brushed off Brian's advice. "Step aside."

John shoved Brian aside and slowly stepped over to Stewie and then tried to lift the overweighed toddler. However, as expected, John couldn't lift him due to having lost even some muscle in his arms, resulting in him breaking his back and dropping to the floor yelling pain.

Brian and Frank Jr then took John away for treatment while Stewie was left on the ground.

"Where are you guys going?" Stewie demanded. "Come back here! I need someone to get me up!"

Sometime later, Frank Jr, Frank, Meg, Lois and Brian were sitting on the couch as Brian was reading a book and Lois was looking at a picture frame. Peter then walked in wearing cycling shorts and tennis shoes.

"Peter, did you paste a new picture of yourself on our wedding portrait?" Lois asked Peter.

"Yeah, I think it looks better." Peter answered.

"You pasted it over Mom." Meg pointed out showing the portrait which had Peter's current look replacing Lois.

"Yeah, I think it looks better." Peter repeated.

"Ugh! Have you lost your mind?!" Frank Jr questioned Peter's intentions.

"Well, someone's jealous." Peter remarked.

"Peter, have you forgotten about Chris and Tyler?" Lois asked Peter honestly. "They need you to help them exercise."

"Yeah, they finally figured out how to catch the Twinkies." Brian explained.

It then showed John, Tyler and Chris in the same room as Chris was lying on the floor and plucking the Twinkie off the string laughing in delight while Tyler is eating his Twinkie with John.

"I'm turning you into poo." Chris said to his Twinkie.

John hasn't had anything to eat since his liposuction surgery and seeing Tyler eat his Twinkie only made him even more hungry. He then reached over to retrieve the treat.

"No, Grampa. You can't have a Twinkie." Tyler told John. "Here. Have these." Tyler then handed John some medicine from his pocket, which John didn't approve of.

Cuts back to Peter, Frank Jr, Frank, Meg, Lois and Brian.

"Well, I'm going down to the Beautiful People's Club. Guess I can take them with me." Peter said. "Hell, seeing us all in one place might give them something to shoot for."

"The Beautiful People's Club?" Lois repeated as Peter headed for the door. "How come I've never heard of that?"

"Lois, I-I can't say anymore." Peter said opening the door. "I-I'm probably already in trouble for mentioning it to a, uh... Well, we-we call you 'normies'. Okay, 'bye."

Lois then looked out the front door and stared at Peter's feminine ass.

"Are you gonna take that?" Frank came in and asked Lois, though she didn't reply to his question. "MOM!"

"Wha-? Oh... Frank. I was *stutters* I was seeing if the, uh, driveway..." Lois snapped out of her fantasy and barely replied back to Frank.

"That wasn't even a sentence." Brian pointed out before figuring out what Lois' intentions were. "You were ogling Peter like a horny school girl."

"Ohh, I can't help it!" Lois confessed. "I know. I know. He's become a superficial egomaniacal jerk, but...I've never been more attracted to him! Oh, does that make me a bad person?"

"Yes. Yes, it does make you a bad person." Frank Jr openly answered.

Peter took Frank Jr, Frank, John, Tyler and Chris to the Beautiful People's Club to meet all the people there.

"Peter, good to see you." Warren Frederick stepped out and greeted Peter. "Come with me. I've got a lot of tall, statuesque people I want you to meet." Warren then noticed Frank Jr, Frank, John, Tyler and Chris next to Peter. "What're those?"

"Oh, that's my son, Chris, My son in law Frank, My Grandson Frank Jr. And the other two are his friends." Peter answered.

"They can't come in." Warren stated. "Two of them are fat, those two have whiskers and one is dangerously underweight."

"Well, let me tell you something, buddy, if my son, my son in law, my grandson and his friends can't come in, then I'll just come in!" Peter said back to Warren ditching the three. "See you boys at home."

"But, Dad-" Chris tried to say.

"But, Pop my whiskers are a chick magnet-" Frank tried to say, too.

"But, Grandpa, I'm mother licking adorable-" Frank Jr tried to say.

"But, Mr. Griffin-" Tyler tried to say, too.

"Trust me, boys. Sometimes it's better not to fit in." Peter told the three.

**Cutaway #**9

It was set in a jungle where a few soldiers came out and set into a straight line walking through the dense jungle. Soon after, Peter walked in and followed them behind dressed as a clown.

"You're all stupid." Peter told the soldiers. "See, they're gonna be looking' for Army guys."

**End**

That night, Frank, Frank Jr, Chris, Tyler and John were back where both Frank Jr, Chris and Tyler were upset about what happened at the Beautiful People's Club as Lois, Frank, Meg and John comforted them when Peter came home.

"Don't look at us! We're hideous!" Frank Jr, Chris and Tyler both three said in unison running off in tears.

"Tyler! Wait!" John called out for Tyler slowly moving to them into the kitchen.

Frank, Meg, Lois was outright pissed at Peter for what he did.

"Peter, how could you treat Frank Jr, Chris and Tyler that way?!" Lois demanded to Peter. "You know they're self-conscious about their weight!"

"What are you mad at me for? After all, he gets his fat from your jeans." Peter argued. "Which, by the way, I'm wearing."

"Ugh, I hate what you've become!" Meg scolded Peter. "Why don't you go back to that doctor and have him suck the fat out of your head?!"

"Maybe I will!" Peter responded. "And then I'll put it on my feet and skate on Paul Bunyan's giant skillet to cook his flapjacks!"

"That doesn't make any sense." Frank said.

"It doesn't have to. I'M BEAUTIFUL!" Peter shouted ending the argument as he left the house.

Frank Jr, Chris and Tyler were in the kitchen having their stomachs exposed as John tried his best to comfort the two.

"You're not welcome here!" Chris told him and Tyler's guts.

"Yeah! Go away!" Tyler agreed when Frank, Persephone and Meg popped in.

"Wow, Chris, Tyler, did you guys lose weight?" Meg asked Tyler and Chris in amazement.

"We-We guess..." Tyler answered.

"Yeah, We-We've been working out." Chris said.

"Wow, you guys look wicked skinny, just like John." Meg complimented the two as Lois came in happy to see Chris and Tyler get praise for their hard work.

"Are you referring to Grandpa?" Frank Jr asked Meg not understanding what she meant. "He doesn't look anything...like..." then Tyler then took a closer look at "Grandpa" where he started to notice several key features that seemed very familiar to him before finally coming to the conclusion. "OH, MY GOSH, GRANDPA IS J-MAN! I can't believe me and Frank Jr didn't see this sooner!" Tyler then hugged John, though this sort of crushed him a bit. "I'm sorry, J-man. Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?"

"There is one thing." John told Tyler. "Can you please let go of me?!"

"Oh, uh, sorry." Tyler said letting go of John. "Uh, thanks, Meg."

"Yeah, thanks, Meg." Chris thanked Meg leaving. "I'm jealous of your and Persephone mustaches."

The last part Chris said caught Frank Jr, Frank, Persephone, John, Tyler and Meg by surprise.

"I don't have a moustache!" Persephone said before asking the others. "Do I?"

"Oh, honey, its fine." Lois assured Persephone. "It makes you look distinguished."

Hearing what Lois said about Meg got Frank Jr, John angered as their eyes started glowing a bit.

"Uh, J-man, Frank Jr..." Tyler tried to say to John before a shine of light flashed before Tyler, though Persephone, Meg and Lois didn't notice it.

"But, Mom..." Meg said to Lois concerned about the way she looks.

"Now, Meg. I think all my children are beautiful." Lois told Meg before she was grabbed by the collar.

"What the hell are you talking about, lady?!" Frank Jr and John talked back to Lois in his regular voices as John was also back to his regular physique, while Frank Jr somehow gain a new power. "My body! It's back! WHOO-HOO!" He then notices that everyone is staring at him awkwardly. "Uh, I mean. Persephone, Meg, don't let your mom get you two down. You two do not have mustaches."

"Really?" Meg asked John.

"Oh, yeah." John reassured. "I mean, you two look good the way you are and I wouldn't-" Just then, John received another vision, which was the vision from "Fifteen Minutes of Shame" where the Persephone-like figure was about to be killed by the silhouetted killer.

"John, are you okay?" Frank Jr asked John.

"Yeah, I'm-I'm fine." John said walking off where he met up with Tyler.

"J-man, you have a power that restores your physical state? That's awesome!" Tyler said to John. "How did you do it?"

"To be honest, I had no idea I could do that." John admitted. "Hey, wait a minute. How come you were finally able to lose weight when we couldn't before? Do you think you might have it, too?"

"Yeah, now that I think about it, earlier, my stomache was pretty big. But when Meg came, it was suddenly all flat." Tyler theorized. "Perhaps I might've used it to reduce my weight."

"Holy cow! We both have a new power!" John said as he and Tyler performed a mid-air high-five. "YEAH!"

"Although, I think we're forgetting someone else." Tyler said.

"Who could it be?" John asked.

It then cut to Stewie in his room struggling to eat an ice cream cone due to his arms being stubby and he was unable to get a lick from it.

"Damn you, ice cream." Stewie told the ice cream cone. "Come to my mouth. How dare you disobey me?"

Frank Jr, John and Tyler then peeked into Stewie's room to see Stewie.

"What are you two looking at, you-you big stupids..." Stewie told Frank Jr, John and Tyler as he started getting tired. "That's right. Damn you and such. You three can both burn in he-" Stewie then dozed off into sleep as his ice cream splattered on his shirt.

This gave Frank Jr, John and Tyler a chance to sneak in.

"Okay, ready?" John asked Tyler.

"Ready." Tyler responded.

"Yeah." Frank Jr also responded.

Frank Jr, John and Tyler then pointed their hands at Stewie, expecting their power from earlier to help reduce Stewie's fat, but nothing happened.

"It's not working." Tyler said.

"Yeah, I know." John said.

"Oh, well. It can it only happens to us." Frank Jr said.

The duo then left Stewie alone in his room and soon after they left, small bits of the yellow aura from previous chapters enveloped around Stewie.

The next morning, Frank Jr, John and Tyler were in the living room playing video games when Stewie came downstairs. "Hello, gentlemen."

Frank Jr, John and Tyler gasped at what they saw as it revealed Stewie was back to his normal state as he holding up his baggy, oversized diaper.

"That's right. No one will say Stewie Griffin is overweight." Stewie told off the duo pointing at them resulting in dropping his diaper. "So, suck it! Good day." Stewie then walked not realizing he was now without his diaper as he walked down the hall without pants.

"Should we tell him-" Tyler was gonna ask John when the two heard Lois, Frank Jr, Persephone and Meg's laughter coming from the other room.

"Nah..." John answered as they went back to their game.

Elsewhere, Peter was heading to the Quahog Beautiful People's Club.

"She is so jealous." Peter said still mad about last night. "Of course, I'm beautiful. I mean, look at me." Peter took a quick glance at the mirror before turning back to the road. "How strange... Should watch road, but...can't look away... Too beautiful..."

Peter took his eyes off the road and focused on his reflection as the car crashed into an electric pole as Peter crashed through the windshield and tumbled down a cliff, where he hit a branch, then a cactus and fell off the cliff.

Peter was then falling down the sky before getting hit by the tail wing of an airplane. He landed in an ice cream factory where he ended up in a tank full of ice cream, to which he started eating from the inside as the ice cream's height started lowering.

Eventually, Peter was taken to the hospital where his family visited him.

"Well, Mr. Griffin, the bandages are ready to come off." Dr. Hartman informed Peter stepping over to him. "But I think I should tell you, it's a miracle you're alive at all." Dr. Hartman then started removing the bandages off Peter's face. "We did all we can. But medical science has come just so far."

Dr. Hartman moved out of the way after removing the bandages where it revealed Peter's face was now that of Mr. Potato Head as the family gasped in horror.

"And now I will take off this protective Potato Head mask." Dr. Hartman said removing the mask exposing Peter's real face, his regular one.

"Oh, Peter! You look like you!" Lois said to Peter enjoyed to have him back to his normal self as she kissed his cheek.

"I can't believe you're all still standing' by my side after what a jerk I was." Peter told the family surprised they still cared for him. "Especially to you guys. I'm sorry, Chris, Tyler."

"That's okay, Dad." Chris forgave Peter.

"Yeah, you're forgiven, Mr. Griffin." Tyler also forgave Peter.

"Well, Peter, I guess you learned a pretty valuable lesson." Lois said to Peter assuming he learned from his experience.

"Nope." Peter blatantly replied, to the family's irritancy.

"Of course..." Frank Jr remarked.

"I didn't learn-" Peter was about to say more until John accidentally unplugged the life support system while he was trying to walk away, resulting in Peter dropping dead on the bed, much to the family's horror.

"Oops..." John responded.

Then John got shock by lightning and dropping dead like peter on the bed, much to the family's horror.

As Frank look at where they lightning came from, as they look Frank Jr with shock as he has one ripple on one eye.

"Oops..." Frank Jr responded as he fainted.

Frank Jr opened his eyes and woke up in his room

It was revealed that Frank Jr had a sun-like seal on his right palm and moon-like seal on his left palm. Frank noticed the change in his son and nodded.

'_That's my son alright!' _Frank thought with joy.

"I feel like I can change everything!" Frank Jr said, revealing that his right eye was now the fusion between the Toad Sage Mode eyes and his Jinchuriki form eyes but were now lacking the pigmentation. Frank Jr also gain Naruto's Nine-Tails Chakra Mode then began to change as he stood with his new Chakra Mode, but the biggest change of all was Frank Jr's left eye which manifested as a Rinnegan with six tomoe. Frank Jr also possessed nine Truth-Seeking Balls; two of which he manifested as fighting rods. Frank came Frank Jr room to see what happen to Frank Jr then took that chance to examine his son.

"**Hmm…the Senjutsu of the Sage of the Six Paths, the Rinnegan, and the essence of the Elements of Harmony. I have all of those powers. Let's see what you got!"** Frank then felt a sensation in his forehead. _**'I suppose I can wait a bit longer. Only a few more months until our dream is realized.'**_

**The End**


	27. Chapter 25: E Frankbus Juniornum

**Chapter 25: E. Frankbus Juniornum**

**Opening Credits**

_It seems today that all ya see_

_Is violence in movies and sex on TV_

_But where are those good, old-fashioned values_

_On which we used to rely_

_Lucky there's a Family Guy!_

_Lucky there's a man who_

_Positively can do_

_All the things that make us_

_Laugh n' Cry_

_He's_

_a_

_Fam_

_-ily_

_Guy!_

**End**

Frank, Frank Jr, Peter, Brian, John and Tyler were walking down Spooner Street.

"Okay, okay, here's another riddle." Peter said. "A woman has two children."

"Okay." Tyler said.

"And a homicidal maniac tells her she can only keep one." Peter continued his riddle. "Which one does she let him kill?"

"That's-That's not a riddle. That's-That's just terrible." Brian stopped along with Frank, Frank Jr, John and Tyler and said disturbed by what Peter just said.

"Wrong! The ugly one!" Peter then said.

"Wow, Grandpa just Wow." Frank Jr responded to Peter's blatant disregard.

"Tell me about it." Frank agreed.

"Hey, Peter/ Frank!" Menma and Cleveland hollered to Peter and Frank from their front yard. "Check out our new trampoline!"

It then showed Cleveland and Menma in front of a trampoline where Quagmire was leaning on one of the sides while Joe was trying it out having the time of his life. Rage, Zeke and Negi are waiting their turn.

"Yeah! Whoa, mama! Woo, woo! Yeah!" Joe yelled having fun as he bounced up and down, even with the wheelchair.

"Jeez, Cleveland and Menma that must've set you two back, huh?" Frank Jr said to Cleveland and Menma seemingly not impressed. "Wha-What'd ya do? Sell your body to science?"

"If he did, he'd be dead, Frank Jr." Tyler told Frank Jr.

"Really?" Peter asked. "Cause, you know, I-I thought about doing' that."

**Cutaway #1**

It showed an elementary school classroom where the teacher was discussing how the human body works.

"All right, uh, Jenny, would you come up here and show us where the femur is?" The teacher asked one of the students, who then walked up to the skeleton.

Jenny took her time to figure out where the femur was and then assumed it was at the lower body.

Suddenly, the skeleton came to life and scared the girl away before revealing itself to be Peter, who laughed at his trickery.

"Ah, get out of here, you little brat." Peter's skeleton said. "I knew this was the right thing to do."

**End**

Joe made another bounce, this time to get back on the ground as he performed a perfect landing.

"No, it's Tax Season and we just got a big tax refund." Menma then answered Frank Jr's question. "Uncle Sam just sent me $500."

"Dad and I got $600." Zeke then said.

"I got $850!" Quagmire said also.

"I got a rock." Charlie Brown suddenly appeared and said taking out a rock from his trick-or-treating bag.

"It's Tax Season, not Halloween! Go back to your own show, Charlie Brown!" Frank told off Charlie Brown shooing him off.

John then came over and picked up the rock Charlie Brown left behind. John took a sniff and soon took a bite out of the rock with surprising ease as he chewed and swallowed before putting the rock into his pocket as he, Frank Jr, Frank and Tyler went back to the others.

"I spent my refund on a digital TV with surround sound in my dad's and my room." zeke told everyone. "It's got headphones, so I can watch my Steven Seagal movies without waking Mom."

**Cutaway #2**

Joe and Zeke were watching one of the Steven Seagal movies with their headphones in his bed while Bonnie was sleeping.

"YES! LOCK AND LOAD!" Joe then shouted, causing Bonnie to wake up and fall off the bed. "LOCK AND LOAD! BRING ON THE PAIN! "Zeke continued shouting.

**End**

"Maybe you should be a little quieter." Negi said to Joe.

"I spent my refund on a plug-in Playmate." Quagmire revealed.

**Cutaway #3**

Quagmire was having a date with his plug-in Playmate, which vibrated.

"So, a schoolteacher." Quagmire said to the blowup doll. "Tha-That must be interesting."

The doll then fell off its chair due to its vibration.

**End**

"How sad." Rage commented on Quagmire's dating life.

"Hey, shut up!" Quagmire talked back.

"Well, I-I'm gettin' something really special, too." Peter said nervously trying to impress his friends.

"We are?" Frank Jr, Frank, John and Tyler asked in unison.

"Y-Yeah." Peter answered. "A-And-And by special, I don't mean special like that Klinsmann boy down the street. More special like...l-like Special K, the cereal. Hey, what did they do with the regular K? And for that matter, whatever happened to Kaye Ballard?"

"I don't freakin' know." Frank Jr replied.

"Y-You know, if you said 'mallard' and you had a cold, it would sound like 'Ballard'." Peter then said.

"Do you even listen to yourself when you talk?" Brian asked Peter.

"It drift in and out of him." Frank answered.

"That makes sense." Tyler.

Back at the house, the Griffins were watching TV while Stewie was playing with Rupert.

"You know, Rupert, the word 'gullible' is not in the dictionary." Stewie said to Rupert. "Oh-Oh, you don't believe me? Here, look it up!" Stewie placed the dictionary in front of Rupert and snickered until... "What? What's that? It really isn't?" Stewie took back the dictionary and took a closer look before realizing Rupert played a trick on him. "Oh, Rupert, touche! Hoisted by my own petard. *laughs until it dies down* I am so alone..."

Just then, Peter came in with Frank Jr, Frank, John and Tyler with an envelope in his hand.

"Everyone, my tax refund is here!" Peter announced to the family. "I'm gonna buy us something we've always wanted."

"A cat?" Chris guessed before being slapped in the back of the head by Brian.

"A stereo?" Persephone and Meg guessed before Stewie also slapped them in the back of the head, which John and Frank kicked Stewie through the window for it.

"A SEGA Genesis? No, wait! I take it ba-" Tyler guessed before realizing what would happen when he said that, but it was already too late as John kicked him through the window like he did with Stewie.

"A Nintendo 64? No, wait! I take it back to-" John guessed before realizing what would happen when he said that, but it was already too late as Frank Jr kicked him through the sealing just like he did with Stewie and Tyler.

"A pool?" Lois guessed before Frank Jr also slapped her in the back of the head.

"Oh-Oh, uh, I'm-I'm sorry." Frank Jr apologized realizing Lois answered correctly. "It-It is a pool."

"Oh, joy unbounded..." Stewie said off-screen.

"Go, Daddy!" Meg cheered.

"I'll feed it and take care of it!" Chris stupidly said.

Peter opened up the envelope and read his tax refund.

"Oh, my God, it's better than I thought!" Peter said. "An Audi! I'm getting' a car!"

"Uh...P-Peter, there's a't' in there. That says 'Audit'." Brian took a look at the paper and pointed out to Peter.

"No, Brian, it's a foreign car. The't' is silent." Peter replied brushing off Brian's statement. "Sweet, I'm getting an Audi!"

"Chris has an innie." Frank Jr said as Chris putting his finger in his belly button.

Peter and Frank Jr went to the city's IRS building to get his tax refund.

"Uh, Miss Stratford?" Peter asked making sure he was at the right room.

"Come in, Mr. Griffin and Mr. Mallque. Don't be nervous." Miss Stratford told Peter and Frank Jr, who sat down in the seats in front of her desk. "The IRS is much kinder and gentler than we used to be. You two smell nice."

"What?" Frank Jr asked until realizing. "Oh, that-that must be you."

"No, it couldn't be me." Miss Stratford said. "I just farted."

"Oh..." Peter and Frank Jr simply replied.

"Well, I just have a few questions about your return." Miss Stratford said looking over the papers. "Did you incur any medical expenses this year?"

"You can write off medical stuff?" Peter asked. "Ah, jeez, if I had known that, I wouldn't have used that discount surgeon."

**Cutaway #4**

Peter was having surgery with an inexperienced surgeon, who looked increasingly nervous.

"Uh, I'm not sure which one to cut here." The surgeon told Peter. "The red one or the b-blue one."

"Okay, okay, just relax. Just relax. Let's see. Uh, uh, first, why don't you attach that green one to that purple one?"

The surgeon took a deep breath.

"Okay, here goes." The surgeon said doing what Peter instructed.

This, however, lead to Peter dropping dead on the table as the medical equipment stopped beeping.

"Oh, God!" The surgeon exclaimed unattaching the green and purple veins, to which Peter came back to life soon after.

"That kill me?" Peter asked the surgeon.

"Uh-huh." The surgeon responded.

"Yeah, I was afraid of that." Peter said. "All right, try the green one and the blue one."

**End**

"Well, Mr. Griffin, you owe any additional money." Miss Stratford informed Peter. "But unfortunately, you're not entitled to a refund."

Frank Jr suddenly screamed.

"Mr. Mallque, are you okay?" Miss Stratford asked Frank Jr concerned.

"I-I-I'm sorry, I-I still haven't gotten over the loss of _Party of Five_." Frank Jr explained. "It's gonna take some time to get over it."No-Now, what were you saying?"

"You're not entitled to a refund." Miss Stratford repeated where Peter screamed. "Was that from _Party of Five_ again too?"

"No, that was for my refund." Peter answered. "I was paying attention this time."

Peter and Frank Jr later returned home and decided to build their own pool himself as he was busy digging in the backyard with John, Tyler, Frank, Meg, Persephone, Chris, Stewie and Brian watching him.

"By God, I may not be able to give my family a vibrating sex doll-" Peter said.

"Thank God." Frank Jr, Frank, John and Tyler soon said.

"-but at least I can give them a pool." Peter said finishing his sentence.

"Um. I-I say, if-if you find a human skeleton with a Lincoln Log jammed in the temple, I didn't do it." Stewie said to Peter acting discreet.

"Sure, you didn't." Frank Jr said doubting.

"I doubt that, shrimp." Frank said to Stewie.

"Shut up." Stewie quickly told Frank before going back to Peter. "But I need that log back to finish my recreation of James Madison's cabin."

"All right, now, kids, I don't want anyone swimming in this pool unless there's a lifeguard on duty." Peter told the kids before stopping and laughing at the word "duty". "*laughs* Doodie. *laughs* Diarrhea."

"Oh, very mature of you, Mr. Sandler." John sarcastically said to Peter.

"Who the hell's Sandler?" Peter asked not aware who John was referring to.

Tyler was about to inform Peter of what John meant, but the latter stopped him.

"Don't bother." John told Tyler.

"Hey, Grandma Lois." Frank Jr called out to Lois, who came out with a tray of glasses of iced tea.

"What?" Lois asked.

"Diarrhea!" Frank Jr said.

Lois laughed at Frank Jr's joke. "Frank Jr, I'm holding iced tea!"

"And how mature of you, too, Mrs. Sandler." John said to Lois.

"Oh. You know, Honey, you don't have to do this." Lois said to Peter handing him an iced tea. "Maybe a pool is another one of those things our family really doesn't need."

It then flashed back to a time where the family was watching TV when Peter came in.

"Look, everybody! I got us another dog!" Peter said as another that resembled Brian walked in. It was Jasper. Well, mostly a prototype of Jasper.

"What the-" Brian said bewildered by the new dog.

"Huh?" Frank Jr, John and Tyler both exclaimed in unison surprised by the new dog.

"Hi. You guys have any Cheese Doodles?" The dog asked pulling out a horn and then honking it. "See? That's what I do. I ask for a snack and then I blow the horn."

Really?" Tyler asked annoyed by the dog's unnecessary routine.

It then cut back to present as Peter continued digging until he unearthed something.

"Huh. Look at this. It's some kind of plastic root." Peter said holding a power-line.

"There's no such thing as a plastic root." Lois said.

"Uh, maybe you should read what's behind it." Frank tried to warn Peter, but the latter didn't listen as he was using the shovel to try and cut it.

Meanwhile, Joe and Zeke were watching one of their Steven Seagal movies where said actor was fighting against seals in what appeared to be Antarctica.

"You bastards come into our village, kill our fish and pollute our water." Seagal said to the seals surrounding him. "I'm gonna send you back to Hell where you belong."

The seals then charged at Seagal and tried to attack him, but Seagal managed to fend them off, including snapping a couple of their necks. But at that moment, Peter sliced the power-line in half, resulting in Joe's TV shutting off.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-OOOOOOOOOOO!" Joe and Zeke screamed in despair over the loss of their movie.

Among other people in the neighborhood were Quagmire, who was laying on his bed with his vibrating sex doll where it immediately shut down.

"Goodbye." The sex doll responded before turning off.

"Aw, damn it!" Quagmire cursed.

Lastly, Cleveland, Menma and Negi were bouncing on their trampoline, but when he landed, it didn't throw them back up the air. Cleveland and the boys were moped for their loss, but it then panned underneath the trampoline where it showed three boys all resembling the Eds from _Ed, Edd n Eddy_ as they were examining his feet to see if it matched the size of the footprint on a removed clab of concrete from the sidewalk. The one resembling Ed let go of Cleveland, then Menma and Negi after they didn't find what they were looking for, which resulted in Cleveland, Menma and Negi being launched into the air while they screamed.

Later that day, a repairman came over to repair the power-line and succeeded. Peter was with the repairman along with Frank Jr, John and Tyler as the repairman was about finished.

"Well, I fixed the power-line, but the town's zoning laws prohibit building a pool back there." The repairman informed Peter.

"What are you talking about? It's my yard!" Peter responded to the news outraged.

"I'm sorry, but your house is too close to the curb." The repairman restated.

"So?" Tyler asked in disbelief. "All the houses are close to the curb."

"Yeah, and...Your eyes are too close to your nose!" Peter fired back.

"No, they're not." John said.

"Yeah, they are!" Peter defended.

"He's right. My eyes are perfectly normal." The repairman said, whose eyes are actually normal in this version. "But you know what? If I did, I would only have to wear one goggle when I go swimming IN MY POOL!"

The repairman was then walking to his truck.

"Wait!" Frank Jr hollered to the repairman.

"What?" The repairman responded.

"We have to draw you..." Frank Jr said affectionately, to the repairman's discomfort.

It turned out John and Tyler were actually sculpting a statue of the repairman, who was posing as "The Thinker". While Frank Jr drew him a thousand times on paper.

"You're why caveman painted on walls." Frank Jr drew his last picture.

"Thanks for helping us with our art project for school." John thanked the repairman.

"Sure thing." The repairman replied.

Peter then set up an appointment with Mayor West over at City Hall and went over there to receive his permit as he was heading to Mayor West's office. Frank Jr, John and Tyler were also with him tagging along.

"Damn government! Tell me I can't build a pool on my own land! And after you Great grandfather helped create one of this country's most beloved cartoon characters." Peter said angry to Frank Jr.

**Cutaway #5**

It showed a picture of Bugs Bunny before it zoomed out to show the Looney Tunes animation team at Warner Bros. as they having a meeting discussing what name they should give to their new star.

"Okay, we've narrowed it down to two possible names." The head of the meeting said to everyone else. "Uh, all in favor of 'Bugs Bunny'?"

Everyone but Frank Jr's Great grandfather raised their hands in response.

"And all in favor of 'Ephraim, the Retarded Rabbit'?" The head then asked.

The only one who responded was Frank Jr's Great grandfather, who raised his hand. He then glanced at the others as they were obviously not fond of the name, outraging Frank Jr's Great grandfather.

"Oh, you can all go to Hell!" Frank Jr's Great grandfather told off the animators as he stormed out of the meeting.

**End**

Peter, Frank Jr, John and Tyler then walked up to a random man in a suit.

"Hey, where's the mayor's office?" Peter asked the gentleman.

"Uh, last door on the left." The man informed the trio.

"Thanks." Tyler thanked the man.

Inside Mayor West's office, Mayor West was beside the wall next to the door waiting.

"Come on. Come on." Mayor West said quietly when Peter, Frank Jr, John and Tyler turned up and entered his office.

"Hello, is this the-" Frank Jr was about to ask before he got tackled by Mayor West.

Mayor West delivered a few punches before realizing Frank Jr wasn't who he was expecting.

"Oh. *pants* Sorry." Mayor West apologized to Frank Jr and his grandfather Peter. "I thought you were the District Attorney."

"Why would you-" Tyler was about to ask Mayor West until he decided not to. "Uh, never mind."

"No, I-I'm Peter Griffin." Peter said.

"Oh, you're here about your pool." Mayor West said getting off of Peter as John and Tyler came to Peter and helped him up. "Uh, step into my office."

"But we're already-" Tyler was about to inform Mayor West until the latter rolled over to and climbing underneath his desk. "Never mind...again..."

"I'm here to serve the fine citizens of Quahog." Mayor West said to the trio as he pulled out and unrolled a layout of the neighborhood and placed it on top of his desk. "It'd be my pleasure to give you a permit."

"Well, it's about time!" Frank Jr said satisfied taking a seat.

"Well, this is odd." Mayor West said examining the map.

"What?" Peter asked curious.

"I've never encountered anything like this before, but your property doesn't seem to be on the map." Mayor West told the trio as it showed the area where the Griffin house should be as if it was cut out. "It's not part of Quahog."

"The hell are you talking about? We've been living at 31 Spooner Street for 12 years." Peter said to Mayor West in disbelief.

"Sorry, but according to this map, you're not even part of these United States." Mayor West then further explained.

"Is that even possible?" John asked.

"I don't know." Mayor West said. "But what I do know is that this would make all three of you...COMMUNISTS!" Mayor West accused.

"Ah!" Frank Jr screamed.

"Ah!" Peter screamed.

"Ah!" John screamed as well.

"Ah!" Tyler also screamed.

"Ah!" Mayor West screamed last as he pressed a button under his desk activating four trap doors that were too small for each of them to fall into.

Damn. Usually my malcontents are skinnier." Mayor West said seeing the problem as he stepped over to the trio. "Would you all come back in a week when my extra-large malcontent trap doors will be completed?"

"All just so we could fall into them? No way!" John rejected.

"John's right! We're not comin' back in a week or ever!" Peter agreed. "I've had it with you and I've had it with this whole damn government!"

"Fine." Mayor West replied nonchalantly as he kicked both John and Peter down the holes. "I love this job more than I love taffy. And I'm a man who enjoys his taffy."

Mayor West took out a bar of taffy and took a bite out of it as he contently chews. He then sees Tyler and Frank Jr still stuck in their holes where their mouth was instantly watering.

"Is that...taffy?" Tyler asked Mayor West very eagerly for taffy.

"Yes." Mayor West answered.

"C-Can We have some?" Frank Jr asked.

Mayor West responded to Frank Jr's question with his foot.

"Oh, no, not aga-" Tyler and Frank Jr were about to say before Mayor West's foot coats the screen in black from underneath.

Back home, Peter had gathered the family outside the house to inform them of the recent news.

"What's going on?" Lois came out with Stewie in her arms. "Did the city give you the permit?"

"No, no. We're not part of the city. We're not even part of this country." Peter told Lois. "And that makes us our own country!"

"What are you talking about?" Lois asked Peter.

"Thanks to a technicality, we have the right to secede from the US." Peter explained as he went to a flagpole and then started bringing up a flag to the top. "From this day forth, this territory will be known as Petoria!"

The flag Peter hung up was that of a crude drawing of Peter smiling.

"We were gonna call it Peterland, but that gay bar over by the airport already took it." Frank Jr then said.

"Some people get all the good names." Tyler said.

It then cut to Channel 5 News with Tom Tucker and Diane Williams reporting about the newfound nation of "Petoria".

"Our lead story tonight, Petoria." Tom Tucker reported. "A new foreign country, which was founded this week right here in our own backyard!"

"And in a _Quahog News 5 _exclusive, we sent our own little foreigner, Asian correspondent, Trisha Takanawa, to Petoria where First Lady Lois Griffin has graciously agreed to give us a tour of her country. Trisha."

It then cut to Trisha Takanawa in the Griffin household's living room with Lois beside her.

"Thank you, Diane." Trisha thanked Diane as she then turned to Lois. "So, Mrs. Griffin, what's it like being the woman behind the man?"

"Why, you know, when Peter first said we were our own country, I was a bit skeptical. Then I thought, hey, I could be like Hilary Clinton. *chuckles* only, you know, without the penis."

"Tell us a little bit about your country." Trisha asked.

"Well, we're a clean, industrious people, mostly white." Lois said. "My son, Chris, is in charge of our space program. We hope to get to the moon very shortly."

**Cutaway #6**

Chris was at the top of a tree during nighttime where he was literally trying to reach over and snatch the moon.

"Almost..." Chris said almost reaching the moon until the branch he was on snapped sending him back down to the ground as it revealed that the tree he was on was very, VERY tall. He also hit a bunch of other branches on his way down.

"OW!" Chris exclaimed in pain. "They should really use monkeys for this."

**End**

"And little Stewie and Frank Jr here is our Presidents of Poopie." Lois said affectionately to her son.

Stewie simply made a sarcastic laugh in response to Lois' joke.

"So, where is the President now?" Trisha asked.

"Oh, he's with Frank Jr out on a goodwill to America." Lois answered.

Peter and Frank were celebrating the founding of his own country at the Drunken Clam while Frank Jr, John and Tyler were waiting outside. Inside, Joe was playing darts while Frank, Menma, Negi, Rage, Zeke, Peter, Quagmire and Cleveland were having some beer.

"Here you go, Mr. President and Mr. Vice President." Cleveland said to Peter handing him a beer. "'Mr. President'. Oh, Peter, Frank, that tickles me in a way that if Loretta tickled me in that way, I'd say: 'Oh, yeah. That's nice. That's the spot.'"

"What are you talking about? I'm a born leader." Frank said to Cleveland. "Like my great-great uncle Ulysses S. Mallque."

**Cutaway #7**

It showed both generals of the American Civil War, Ulysses S. Mallque and Robert E. Lee, in a tent where they decided to have a beer drinking contest to settle the score as their soldiers cheered them both on chanting, also Frank's past self was their keep score "Chug-a-lug!".

The contest started where Ulysses quickly won as his soldiers cheered for victory.

"How's that, Robert E. Lee?" Ulysses asked Robert.

"All right, no more slaves." Robert E. Lee said in defeated. "But we still don't have to read books!"

"Deal." Ulysses agreed as Frank and everyone but him and Lee cheered.

**End**

Peter was now sitting at the bar.

"Barkeep, petro-nemo-slappy-wag." Peter said to the bartender, who would later be known as Horace. "That's Petorian for 'More beer, you slappy-wag."

"You still owe me for the other rounds, which comes to $50." Horace informed Peter.

"I'm a foreign diplomat. I don't pay for drinks." Peter told Horace. "Y-Y-Y-You think G. Gordon Liddy paid for his drinks while he was strangling people with piano wire for the good of this nation?"

Peter then swiped a mug of beer with him as he was exiting the Drunken Clam.

"What took you so long?" Frank Jr asked.

"Hey, Peter, you can't drink that outside. Y-You can end up in jail." Quagmire said to Peter. "And not the good jail, like on Cinemax. The 'man' jail."

"Go back and pay the bill, Peter." Joe demanded Peter. "You, uh, don't want to break the law."

"We can do whatever we want." Frank Jr said smugly. "Watch this." Frank Jr then stepped on a lawn of grass that had a 'KEEP OFF GRASS' sign.

"Oh, now you're just being crazy." Cleveland commented on Frank Jr's recklessness.

"Sir, I'm going to have to ask you to step off the grass." A police officer came up and ordered Frank Jr.

"Ah ah ah! Can't touch me!" Frank Jr said as he went into song in the rhythm of MC Hammer's "U Can't Touch This".

Frank Jr

_Can't Touch Me_

_Ju-Ju-Ju-Ju-Just like the bad guy_

_From Lethal Weapon 2_

_I've got diplomatic immunity_

_So, Hammer, you can't sue_

Frank Jr then sprayed graffiti on a wall.

Frank Jr

_I can write graffiti_

Peter then committed jaywalking, resulting in a couple of cars halting.

Peter

_Even jaywalk in the street_

Frank Jr

I can riot, loot, not give a hoot

_And touch your sister's teat_

_Can't touch me_

Frank Jr then went into breakdancing.

Frank Jr

_Can't Touch Me_

"What in God's name is he doing?" Mayor West asked.

"I think it's the Worm?" Menma guessed unsure himself.

Frank Jr

_Stop!_

_Junior-time!_

_I'm a big shot_

_There's no doubt_

_Light a fire_

_And pee it out_

_Don't like it?_

_Kiss my rump_

_Just for a minute_

_Let's all do the bump_

Just as everyone was about to do the "Bump", John was digging into his pocket.

"What're you doing?" Tyler asked John.

"Just in case." John said pulling out a remote and fast-forwarding through the entire song. Then Frank Jr kick john in the shins, the grab the remote and rewind it back to the bump.

Frank Jr leading them to doing the bump with Peter, Quagmire, a random lady, Joe and woodsy the owl. From left to the right doing the bump, scene changes to Frank Jr back up dances doing the bump on some stairs, then to Cleveland and mayor west doing the bump left to right then bump butts. Then to john and Tyler shuffle their elbows, then back to Frank Jr,

**Peter**:

_Can't touch me, _

_Yeah, do the Frank Jr_ _bump! _

_Can't touch me! _

Then scene to a group of teenagers doing the bump with Mr. Weed doing the bump the other way.

Frank Jr

_I'm Presidential Frank Jr! _

_Interns think I'm hot! _

_Don't care if you're handicapped! _

_I'll still park in your spot! _

Frank Jr and peter then grab Joe and Zeke Ties Joe to a back of the truck with chains as the trunk drives away. As everyone bumps, Frank Jr and Peter then shuffles with Frank Jr's back up dances.

Frank Jr

_I've been around the world from Hartford to Back Bay!_

_It's Junior, Go Junior, MC _Frank Jr_, Yo Peter! Let's see Regis rap this way! Can't touch me!_

The song ends with Mc hammer mad, Regis glad, the whole town angry, woodsy the owl cover in Frank Jr garbage, then zoom out to look at the town mess, a police officer is writing a ticket.

Frank Jr point to a hot woman and said, "Except for you, you can touch me."

It then stopped at the Unted Nations building in New York where Peter was of course a new diplomat representing Petoria in the back row.

"Attention, delegates. This session of the United Nations is hereby convened." The emcee called out.

"Man, this sucks." Peter muttered bored out of his mind as he got up from his seat. "Hey, podium guy! Hey, I got a problem here!"

"Excuse me." A diplomat representing Albania butted in. "Some of us are trying to learn."

"No one's talkin' to you, Albania." Peter dismissed the Albanian diplomat.

"Is there a problem back there?" The emcee asked.

"You bet your funny accent there's a problem!" Peter replied back. "I'm stuck up here in the nosebleeds! I am president of Petoria! I want a better seat!"

"Ohh, of course. How could we not have recognized the great nation of Petoria?" The emcee wondered sarcastically. "Have a seat up front."

"Well, that's more like it!" Peter said in satisfaction not realizing it was a joke.

"And hey, would you also like a special satellite that can scratch your ass with a laser beam from space?" The emcee jokingly asked Peter.

"They have those?" Peter asked in excitement falling for it.

Everyone in the room laughed at Peter's stupidity as Peter felt embarrassed.

At lunch in the cafeteria, Peter sat down at a table with a couple of diplomats.

"Hi, how ya doing'?" Peter greeted the diplomats leaving out a chuckle. "You mind if I-"

The diplomats suddenly abandoned their table leaving Peter all alone when another diplomat sat down next to him.

"They don't respect you." The diplomat informed Peter.

"What do you mean?" Peter asked.

"Listen to me." The diplomat insisted. "I used to be the laughing stock around here until my country invaded Kuwait. Now I have a seat in the third row. Look, the only way to get any respect around here is to find something you want and just take it!"

"Wait a second. If everybody respects you, how come you're still eating here by yourself?" Peter asked confused.

"I forgot to shower this morning." The diplomat explained.

"Oh, so that's what that is..." Peter said. "Take what I want, huh?"

Back in Quahog, Joe rolled out to his backyard where he found Peter relaxing in his pool. A small Petorian flag was planted on the diving board as it waved in the wind.

"Good morning', Joe." Peter greeted Joe.

"Uh, Peter, what are you doing in my pool?" Joe asked.

"Oh, this is the newest province of Petoria." Peter answered. "I call it 'Johio'."

"What? You can't just come over here and annex my pool!" Joe said to Peter outraged.

"Oh, yeah? Well, according to paragraph seven, sentence three, word eight of the Geneva Convention, 'The'." Peter informed Joe smugly. "So, tough luck, Swanson."

The camera panned out to reveal it was actually an image displayed by a military general.

"So, as you can see, Petoria has invaded U.S. soil." The general told then President Bill Clinton.

"What are our options?" Clinton asked where he was sitting in a chair completely nude.

"Well, a military strike against such a small nation could cause an international backlash." The general informed Clinton.

"True. But this kind of behavior can't be tolerated." Clinton stated.

"Agreed." The general soon said. "I suggest we start with political sanctions."

"Very good, gentleman." Clinton said.

The next day, Peter retrieved the paper from the porch. He read the front page and it was a report of his recent invasion against the U.S.

"Well, I guess the world will show me a little more respect now." Peter said proud of his work as he read the rest of the paper and Frank Jr, John, Tyler and Chris left for school.

John, however, heard what Peter said and went over to him while the others kept walking to school.

"Respect? What are you-" John was about to ask Peter when Chris and Tyler walked up.

"Dad, Tyler and I tried to go to school, but this guy won't let us." Chris informed Peter.

"Oh, yeah?" Peter said. "Him and what army?"

"The U.S. Army." Chris and Tyler both answered in unison pointing to the tanks and soldiers surrounding the house.

"Oh, that makes sense..." John said commenting on the situation.

It then cut to an image with soldiers and a title underneath called "CRISIS IN QUAHOG".

"The scene outside the U.S./Petorian border as the sun rises on Day 1 of Operation Desert Clam." Diane Simmons reported as it cut to a shot of the Griffin house being surrounded by a couple of tanks and some soldiers keeping patrol over the fence also surrounding the house. It then transitioned to her on _Quahog News 5_. "Good morning, I'm Diane Simmons. We now go to Tom Tucker, live at the site of the US blockade. Tom?"

It then cut to Tom Tucker in army attire outside of the U.S./Petorian border behind a tank.

"Diane, I'm here at the Petorian front where the U.S. has cut off electricity, water and gas to the tiny five-bedroom republic." Tom reported to Diane as soldiers passed by him. "The situation is very tense and extremely dangerous." The cameraman then panned to the Griffin house. "It's only a matter of time before-" Suddenly, the sound of what seemed to be gunfire was soon heard. "Oh, my God, they've opened fire! Uh, it looks like things are getting very heated here." The camera then panned back to Tom as it turned out he was popping bubble wrap pretending there was actual fighting going on in the background. "This is not a safe place to be." Tom place the bubble wrap down and then picked up a slide whistle where he was imitating bombs being dropped onto the Griffin house. Tom then saw the camera was facing him and he immediately stopped and brought out his microphone. "And now sports."

That night, a few soldiers kept watch of the small nation where one was patrolling with binoculars while the other was lighting a cigarette. Inside was a light shining in the kitchen? It turned out to be Lois wearing a headlamp to use as a light to cut carrots.

"Lois?" Peter came in and asked.

"Over here, honey." Lois confirmed her presence. "I'm chopping carrots for a salad. Here. Use this headlamp."

Lois handed Peter another headlamp as he placed it on top of his head and turned it on.

"Hey, where's the kids?" Peter asked.

"Upstairs, doing their homework by candlelight." Lois answered Peter's question as Peter's light shined on Lois' chest.

"Damn pig-dog Americans messing with my family like this!" Peter said.

"Honey, we can't bathe. We can't do laundry. There's no heat. We can't live like this forever." Lois reasoned with Peter.

"It's not forever." Peter reassured as he slowly aimed his light back onto Lois' chest. "You know, it's just, uh...it's just, uh...you know..."

"Peter, I'm up here." Lois told Peter, who looked up at her face. "Oh, Sweetie. Maybe you should go over to Joe's and return his pool, huh?"

While she said that, she planted the knife she was using to chop her carrots into a cutting board on the counter.

"Forget it! We're a real country and we deserve all the rights and privileges that everyone else gets." Peter refused as Stewie secretly came in also wearing a headlamp as he soon noticed the knife planted on the cutting board.

"But we have to think about the welfare of our children-" Lois continued reasoning with Peter while Stewie tried to reach the knife on the cutting board, but his jumping got him caught. "Stewie, is that you?"

Stewie tried to retreat, but ended up hitting a table leg knocking him out.

"Look, Lois, my mind is made up." Peter said to Lois. "I'm not giving up an inch of Petorian soil."

"Well, if you won't go down so easily, then we'll just have to take it from you." John said in the darkness as he then lit up a torch illuminating the room revealing him and Tyler's presence.

"Boys? What are you doing here?" Peter asked when he noticed they had a scrolled up piece of paper. "And what's that you're holding there?"

"Oh, this? Nothing, really." John said casually. "Except the deed to this house."

"What?!" Peter reacted to John's words. "W-Why do you have that?"

"Simple. If I am to acquire respect around here, I need to take what I want." John explained. "I learned that from this nation's President. Surrender now or I'll burn this document."

"You can't do that! My family and I will homeless!" Peter said.

"Not my problem." John rejected having Tyler light a lighter and holding the deed above the flame. "What's it gonna be?"

"NOT SO FAST John and Tyler, if you don't had over rights to petoria, I will blow up Persephone up and you will never have a relationship her ever and we all die. Frank Jr said appeared with a bomb switch with a very angry expression that look like Mandy from Grim tales from down below.

Peter, John hesitated to think and realized that if Frank Jr let the switch, he and his family will have no home and they will die.

"Aw, all right..." John said in surrender. "You can have Petoria. Can you please give me the stwich?"

"Excellent choice." Frank Jr said as Frank Jr tossed john the switch.

John then look up the bown switch. However...

"Hey, this isn't a bomb switch! It's just a game remote!" john said realizing he was swindled. "You tricked me and peter!"

"Good job figuring out my plan, former President John." Frank Jr said.

Peter soon noticed something off about the torch they had, like they used some material to help light it.

"Hey, what did you use to -" Peter asked only to be horrified when he saw the smiling Peter face on the back revealing it was the flag of Petoria being burned. "NNOOOOOOO!"

"So, Mr. President, what do you call this land now?" Frank asked newly elected President, Frank Jr.

"How about...Junioria." Frank Jr said.

The news of Frank Jr's new position as President of Junioria spread in the media.

"And we're back with our round table discussion on the new leader of what is now called Junioria." A television host said as it transitioned to the aforementioned round table. The host was a representative to Washington. "Uh, you were making a point, Frank Jr?"

"Yes. What Junioria's new leader did to his predecessor was criminal!" The representative of Atlanta, not one of my OCs, pointed out.

"Nonsense!" Another member of the round table scoffed at John's point. "It was the only way to bring despots like Peter Griffin down and this young man proved it."

"Oh, fine. Why don't we just have him assassinated while we're at it?" The representative of Atlanta suggested sarcastically.

"All right. Uh, what about that, Eleanor?" The host asked the representative of Boston.

"Oh, it's ridiculously, clearly." The Boston representative stated. "The new leader's still in his teens. He can't be President at his age."

"You're missing the point." The representative said. "This young man has basically stolen land away from its original leader."

Then out of nowhere, Alice from _The Brady Bunch _popped in similar to how she did in her show's opening.

In the new republic of Junioria, its flag was that of a dragon and the exterior was changed a bit to match that somewhat closely to a medieval castle. Inside, Lois was homeschooling the kids.

"Okay. Can anybody tell me what the square root of the hypotenuse is when-" Lois almost asked her students when she noticed Chris was trying to pass a note to Persephone so she can pass it to Meg. "Chris, is that a note?"

"No." Chris replied hiding the note behind his back.

"Yes, it is." Lois said. "Would you like to read it to the rest of the class?"

"No." Chris repeated.

"Just read it, lardo." Persephone told Chris annoyed.

Chris then did as Lois told him and read the note.

"'I think Mrs. Griffin's hot'." Chris read.

"That's scary." Frank said.

"Go to your room." Lois told Chris.

Outside, Stewie was busy repairing one of his weapons. He was wearing only a withered diaper with duct tape on both sides and dozens of flies buzzed around him, to his chagrin.

"Damn you, Rupert!" Stewie said to Rupert hitting him with a wrench. "Keep these loathsome insects away from me or you'll end up like Mr. Giraffe!"

It then showed a giraffe plush having had its head shoved into its anus.

"Hi. I'm Susan Sarandon." Susan Sarandon appeared and greeted the audience. "A lot of you know me as Tim Robbin's mother. *mutters* But I'm actually his girlfriend." She then picked up Stewie. "And this is Stewie."

"What the deuce?" Stewie exclaimed.

"For less than a ticket price of one of my movies about capital punishment and neo-feminism, you can make sure that Stewie never goes hungry again."

"Yes, and from the look of those sweater cows, so can you." Stewie commented at Susan Sarandon's breasts.

The next day, Frank Jr, Frank, Meg, John and Tyler stepped out of their room as Frank Jr was suited in armor similar to that of Marth from _Fire Emblem, __Peter_and john were now reduced as his servants. They stepped into the kitchen where the family looked miserable and there were dirty dishes stacked all over the counter.

"Ah! Another day being President!" Frank Jr said pridely. "So, what's for breakfast?"

"Nothing, you idiot." Persephone told Frank Jr, to the latter and Frank's surprise. "We don't have any food."

"Frank Jr, this has gotten way out of hand!" Lois said to Frank Jr, Frank and Meg. "Look at what we're reduced to! My own baby has to use newspapers for diapers!"

"No, no. No, no. This i-This is fine." Stewie said. "One second, I'm just about finished with _Family Circus_." Stewie then defiled the newspaper comic. "There we are. Who did that, Jeffie? Not me."

My God. I haven't seen everyone this miserable since that time we were tortured." Lois remarked about her family's misery.

**Cutaway #8**

The Griffins were in a torture chamber where Brian was strapped to a table as a swinging blade swung above him, Meg and Persephone wer in an iron maidens, Stewie was on a spinning wheel, Chris was on a rack, and Frank Jr, Frank, Peter and Lois were being whipped by the dungeon master.

The dungeon master whipped Frank Jr in the back.

"I'm-I'm sorry. W-Were you just whipping me or did just-did I just get bit by a mosquito?" Frank Jr teased the dungeon master not feeling any of the pain he received as the latter whipped him again. "Hey, Grandma, if-if you happen to see the dungeon master, can you-can you tell him his grandmother was just trying to work me over?"

Then, out of sheer nowhere, John and Tyler crashed in like they were superheroes.

"Yippee! It's John and Tyler!" The family cheered.

John then made an uppercut at the dungeon master launching him through the roof and into the sky. John and Tyler then broke the family out of their strains and they all escaped.

**End**

"It's time to call this whole thing off!" Lois insisted to Frank Jr and Frank Jr. "Nobody's on our side!"

"Are you nuts?! Look at all these telegrams!" Frank Jr said to Lois. "Tyler?"

"Huh? Oh, right." Tyler said as he ordered John and Peter to read the telegrams they received.

"'Nice going' ~ Lybia. 'You da man' ~ North Korea. 'Great job' ~ Iraq." Peter read.

"Iraq, Grandma/Mom/Mrs. Griffin!" Frank Jr, Meg and Tyler both said to Lois in unison.

"You know what? I'm going to invite these people here for a party." Frank Jr said. "That way it can act as a form of cultural bonding. Tyler, have john and Grandpa send the invites over to these countries."

"Yes, sir." Tyler responded as he handed john and Peter a stack of envelopes into their hands.

Later, the party was being held at Joe's pool.

"You see now, Grandma? I told we had allies." Frank Jr assured to Lois when Slobodan Milosevic came up to him. "Wow, Slobodan. I can't believe you came."

"I didn't know what to bring. So I made coleslaw." Slobodan Milosevic said handing Frank and Meg a plate of coleslaw. "It's made out of people! Ha-ha-ha, just kidding. Hey, is Muammar here yet?"

"Yeah, he's with Saddam over there." Tyler said pointing over to Muammar al-Gaddafi and Saddan Hussein having a chat.

"And then Jerry guessed that her name was 'Mulva'." Saddam Hussein said talking about an episode of _Seinfeld_ as he and Muammar laughed.

"That show was so funny. It really reminds me of me and my friends." Muammar said on his views of the show. "You know, the way we just hang out before I killed them for worshipping the wrong god."

"Yeah, and I love that Kramer guy." Saddam said. "He comes in the room like this." Saddam then tried to make a Kramer impression. "Well, I can't do it, but you know."

In the pool, a couple other leaders were playing Marco Polo with Idi Amin saying Marco and the others say Polo. One of the dictators tries to exit the pool without Idi Amin knowing.

"Fish out of water!" Idi Amin caught the dictator as everyone in the pool laughed.

Elsewhere, Stewie was at the grill watching the fry cook flip the burgers.

"Yeah, those are looking' good." Stewie said admiring the burgers on the grill. "Yeah- Ma-Manuel? Manuel, do you want- C-Can you ask him if he wants cheese? Eh, eh, Fidel! No running around pool!"

Fidel was running around the pool, but stopped under Stewie's orders.

"I say-I say, Ahmed. What-What is that thing you people do whe-when you're about to assassinate an infidel?" Stewie asked Ahmed, the cook.

"Ah, you mean this?" Ahmed asked raising his spatula above his head and making high-pitched wailing.

"Oh, God. Yes, I love that." Stewie said satisfied as he, too did the same thing with a small knife.

"Stewie!" Lois exclaimed picking up Stewie. "This is insanity!"

The family went back to the house, packed up their belongings and were about to leave when Frank Jr and Tyler blocked the entrance.

"Hold on! Where do you all things you're going?" Frank Jr demanded.

"America! I had enough." Lois answered walking past Frank Jr, Frank, John, Tyler and Peter. "You can keep this filthy mess you two call a country! Come on, kids!"

"This is treason!" Stewie said. "Oh, for God's sake, Frank Jr, make an example of her! Nothing says 'Obey Me' like a bloody head on a fence post!"

"Let's go. We're crossing the border. Goodbye, President Mallque." Lois greeted Frank Jr goodbye.

"Well, if they can leave, then so am I." Peter said abandoning the trio and joined the family.

"Attention, President Frank G Mallque Jr." The general called out to Frank Jr, John and Tyler from the other side of the border with a megaphone as the Griffins and Frank Jr parents were with the man. "As you may presently yourself fully be aware of, my grammar sucks. But more importantly, we're about to commence Operation: Bomb The Crap Out Of Your House. The guy who thinks up the names in on vacation. Fire!"

The military launched a missile, but it missed and headed straight for Quagmire's house, who was having a guest over. A lady guest, to be more specific.

"So, Mr. Quagmire. What does your penis look like?" The woman asked Quagmire seductively when the missile crashed through the roof, but stopped right above the two.

"To answer your question, something like that." Quagmire said to his female guest.

"The guy who aims is in the john." The general said just as said guy comes back. "Uh. Here he is. The next one's coming right at ya."

"So, what's next in the plan, Mr. President?" Tyler asked Frank Jr.

"Well..." Frank Jr said whispering his plan into Tyler's ear, who seemed intrigued by it.

"Ohh, I like that." Tyler said excited. "Consider it done, Mr. President."

"Good." Frank Jr thanked Tyler turning back to the military. "GIVE IT YOUR BEST SHOT!"

The tank that fired the first missile then aimed at the duo and got ready to fire.

"...3..." The general counted down.

"...2..."

"...1!"

"NOW!" Frank Jr told Tyler.

Tyler then brought his Chaos Emeralds and used Chaos Control to warp the tank out of the area.

"What the?!" The general exclaimed to what just happened.

"Oh, my God... They planned this!" Lois said.

"Warp John the tank, Tyler." Frank Jr asked Tyler.

"You got it-" Tyler said when John got shot in the head.

Everyone faced the soldier that shot John.

"Did I tell you to fire, soldier?!" The general questioned the soldier.

"I-I was just-" The soldier tried to speak, but was cut off by the general.

"You don't fire unless I tell you to! You got that?!" The general shouted at the soldier, who soon developed a look of horror on his face.

The general then noticed all the other soldiers had the same look, except the Griffins as he turned to see what was giving them that look. Soon enough, the general was shocked to see John getting up from the blast.

"Ugh. Now let's see. Where were we?" John wondered. "Oh, yeah."

Tyler then warped the tank from earlier onto John, whom caught it with his hands. He then aimed it at the military.

"All right, men, you can fire at him now!" The general then ordered his men, but Tyler also used Chaos Control again this time to take away all of their weaponry.

"We never had a chance!" Stewie said dumbfounded by Frank Jr, John and Tyler's plan.

"C-Can-Can I tie you to a stick and use you as a white flag?" Peter then asked Brian.

The military then surrendered to Frank Jr, who led everyone to Town Hall to negotiate with Mayor West. Tyler also learned how to use telekinesis with the Chaos Emeralds, which he was currently using to aim rifles at everyone but Frank Jr, John and him.

"Thank you all for coming." Mayor West thanked everyone there. "I invited Jesse Jackson to open our negotiations with a prayer."

Everyone but Frank Jr, John and Tyler was impressed.

"Unfortunately, he couldn't make it." Mayor West then stated. "So in his place, we have LaToya Jackson."

"Thanks." LaToya thanked Mayor West on a podium. "Um. Rub-a-dub-dub. Thanks for the grub. Yay, God!"

"How very inappropriate. Thank you." Mayor West commented on LaToya's prayer turning back to Frank Jr. "Now, President Frank Jr, would you like to begin?"

"Yes, I would. Thank you, Mayor." Frank Jr said. "After much thought and consideration, I have decided to make a concession."

"Thank you, Frank Jr." Lois thanked Frank Jr, who didn't reply back.

"First, I will return Mr. Swanson's pool." Frank Jr said.

"Oh, you got that right, kid!" Joe said when Tyler pointed the gun to Joe's back, causing him to back away. "O-Okay. Okay."

"Let me finish." Frank Jr said before going back to his statement. "I will return it on four conditions and four conditions only. If you respond with no... Well, you already know what will happen."

"What do you want?" Mayor West asked.

The four and only things I desire is..." Frank Jr said.

Before Frank Jr could answer, intense music played in the background over what the answer.

"A Free pass on being grounded by my mom and grandma, my head next to Lincoln on mount Rushmore, The Holy Britannia Empire destroy with my VI Britannia relatives' free, Britannia Special Research Division technology in U.S.A hands and a tax refund." Frank Jr answered as a record scratch was heard.

Everyone was dumbfounded by what Frank Jr said.

"Excuse me?" Mayor West asked in confusion.

"You heard me." Frank Jr replied. "A Free pass on being grounded by my mom and grandma, My head next to Lincoln on Mount Rushmore, The Holy Britannia Empire destroy with my VI Britannia relatives' free, Britannia Special Research Division technology in U.S.A hands and a tax refund so that the Mallque and Griffins can have their pool."

"Even if I were to still give you a permit, you're still technically not a citizen of these United States." Mayor West reminded Frank Jr.

"That's where you're wrong, dear friend." Frank Jr insisted taking out what seemed like a small paper square, but Frank Jr flipped it over to reveal it was the Griffins' property that was on the map of Quahog and that it was cut out.

"The missing property on the map!" Mayor West reacted to the revelation. "But how-"

"It all started two days ago when Tyler was practicing his Chaos Emerald powers when he learned he could also do telekinesis with them."

It flashed back to some time ago as it showed Frank Jr watching John was lying on the floor reading a book while Tyler was practicing his Chaos Emerald powers where at that moment he performed telekinesis lifting John from the floor.

"When the repairman that fixed the power-line in our backyard stated that we couldn't build a pool there, I then came up with the ultimate plan to get back at the government for not giving us our pool."

Flashes back to the present.

"You mean to tell me you cut out a property out of the city's map, usurped control of what we thought was a nation, annex your neighbor's pool, and even threatened our lives just so you could have money to build a pool?" Mayor West asked.

"Yes." Frank Jr, John and Tyler both confirmed.

"Well done." Mayor West told the duo impressed as he then shook Frank Jr's hand in agreement.

"Also, Frank Jr wasn't going to actually fire at you, guys." John said.

"What?!" Everyone exclaimed.

"Yeah, these guns aren't even loaded." John said as Tyler pulled the trigger and it only clicked, confirming John's claim. "And to make up for tricking all of you, I'm also renouncing Griffonia as an independent nation." Frank Jr said

"Accepted." Mayor West agreed.

It then transitioned to the Mallque and the Griffins finally having their very own pool at last.

"I can't believe the boys almost endangered the entire country all for a pool." Lois said about the previous events that transpired. "But at least it was nice of Mayor West to relocate the power-line to another location."

"Yeah, where'd they move it at, anyway?" Peter wondered.

**Cutaway #9**

The power-line was now at Mayor West's private estate underneath his backyard.

**End**

The Mallques and Griffins then had fun in their new pool as it panned to the little window leading to John and Tyler's room (the basement).

John and Tyler were grounded for what they put the family through.

"How long until we get to use the pool?" John asked Tyler.

"Only another month to go." Tyler answered leading to both of them groaning in aggravation.

Frank Jr walk around the pool saying "they should have ask for a free pass?"

It then panned out to reveal it was another image of the boy being displayed by the general.

"So, after all that has happened in the last few days, we have discovered what might be the first super humans." The general told an entire group of people working for the government. "As of this moment, we have placed these three young men on our top priorities list. Any questions?"

"Yeah. Uh, I-I don't get it." A soldier that was by the entrance raised his hand and asked. "So...like, is there a reason that they have these powers? Or-Or-Or what-what's the deal with that?"

The other soldier next to him nodded in agreement.

Frank Jr grinned as he pulled out a large black book with a skull on the cover

"What's that?" asked john.

"I found it in one of my dad's vaults. It's a diary about his past life or something, I've been reading it for a while."

"Ooh! Read it." urged the three

"Sure." Junior grinned, before he coughed "Okay. Here we go..."

**The Love of Evil and Death**

The four kids sat there, ready to start the story

"Hem hem hem." Frank Jr coughed before he started reading in an impersonation of his death "I... am Death. The Grim Reaper. And... I have lost to children. Dat itself sounds silly and foolish, but it's da truth. And to think, it all began over a game of limbo. But I'm getting a BIT ahead of myself here. I was once the most feared creature in the underworld. That position is now held by Frank's beautiful wife Mandy. Ah Mandy... she has been a large factor of my after live. When she and Frank were children, I went to collect the soul of a hamster from a boy called Billy. And boy was he stupid. He'd make most cavemen I've met look like Albert Einstein. And it seemed like Mandy hung out with him and Frank to use that stupidity to her advantage or enjoyment. Probably both to be honest. I was forced to do battle for the hamster's soul, by Mandy's challenge, in a game of Limbo. And... I lost. So I was forced to be their 'best friend forever'... a fact I hated. And it made Mandy's normally emotionless or angry face twist into a grin."

"Wait... so these rumors _where_ true?!" Tyler gasped

"The Grim Reaper... a servant of human children?" john gaped

"So uncool." Stewie muttered, only to get a glare from Frank Jr that made them all shut up

"Sorry." they all muttered

"During my stay with them, we encountered all kinds of crazy adventures, somehow always making it out alive. And those adventures... they felt like they would never end. Which I was both happy and sad about. But I knew that was a stupid thought. Everything dies. Everything has it's time. And eventually, so would this. One day, I found myself adding sand to their hourglasses. Extending their lives. t seemed silly. Death himself trying to keep two kids alive for this long. And I admit, it did seem silly. But he just couldn't help it. And then... Mandy started asking hard questions..."

Flashback

"Grim, I been thinking some time know." Mandy said.

"About?" Grim gave Mandy some ice-cream.

"I was thinking…we been in many adventures together,"

"More than I could care about."

"We were in dangerous spots."

"A few yes."

"Sixteen in the last two weeks."

"Nuttin unusual bout that for us." Grim shrugged.

"Maybe. but we vaporize the world twice, vaporize by aliens one last week. And a nail went through my head."

"…Well you did had that portal between yours since last Thursday."

"There was no portal this time."

"Blame the spoon."

"Spoon? There wasn't one. Grim be frank with me, is it my time?"

"Eh?"

"Don't play dumb. My. Time. Grim." Mandy said with a stern voice.

"Our talking didn't go unnoticed. Like I said before. Frank is no longer human, but now a being with abilities humans don't have, like very acute hearing."

"What is Mandy saying? Why does she want to know her time?" Frank thought.

_**"Well kid, you guys have been in quiet the ruckus of the past few weeks and some were…fatal."**_ Dark D responded.

"I guess. But she won't die for a while."

_**"Yes, it was a fool's thing you did, but it well keeps her alive."**_

"At the time I didn't know that Frank somehow fuses Mandy's time with his own. It's quiet a genius quick thinking but also dangerous. He used my spell book to temporally fuse his time with Mandy's so she could live while he takes her 'death toll'. But it takes a hell of a lot then a nail through the head to kill a Saiyan hybrid, especially one that keeps evolving."

"Why in the nine circles of hell do want to know dat?" Grim said.

"Because we keep getting blown up, stabbed, mauled, burned, and skinned alive every turn we make." Mandy now getting frustrated.

"Oh well no harm do since were al hunk-e-dory." Grim smiled nervously.

"I shouldn't have smiled. Mandy left my there but the questions would not end."

"My my what a cute friend you have there, Mr. Reaper. What a pretty little-Don't even think about it sicko or I'll…huh?"

"The look I saw on the Ice-cream man's face was pure fear. He was shaking and sweating like crazy even in the ice truck. I followed his gaze at a very pissed off Billy. He must have heard what the sicko said. He was scolding and his eyes were more animalistic. And I could have sworn he change into a different person. The next thing I knew the freak jumped in the driver's seat and hauled ass as fare as he could. Billy left soon after walking toward where the freak ran off. The next day police found that Freak's body ripped limb from limb with blood all over but with no clue what done it and for the fact freak was an child killer no one gave a damn about him and many actually wanted to find who did and thank them or the person. As the week press on I kept thinking, why am I'm holding back? It would be easy to reap them and Have my life back, right? It was a Saturday and a pool party was going on in Billy's house I was getting a tan when"

"Grim we need to talk." Mandy said.

"Not now child. I'm not in the-" Mandy lasso him, circled him in the air, and slammed him down on the ground before he could finish his sentence.

"You are now."

"God dammit, this had better be good child, what is it now?" Grim said removing the cucumbers from his 'eyes'.

"I want to see my hourglass."

"And why do want to see dat?"

"Because."

"No Mandy, no mortal should ever now about their time."

"You know I'm no regular mortal Grim. And remember I 'own' you, so show me my damn hourglass.

"Her demand startled me a bit, but with no way out of it I showed her. I forgot to but more sand in it and it was out. It indicated that her life in this world is done and now must be sent into the next, in others words, she should have been reaped."

"Thought so." she said.

"Dere happy?"

"Am I ever"

"Was dat supposed to be a trick question"

"How long?"

"…a while."

And why haven't you collected my soul yet?"

"Well…I…um."

"Don't tell me it's some lame bullshit about 'friendship'. You never want us to be near you let alone be consider friends."

"No."

"Then what?" Mandy started going into the house.

"I'm a man to my word. I didn't mean it back then, but I do now." Grim followed.

"And like before, Frank heard our talking and decided to follow use."

_"Was that what I think that was?"_ Frank thought.

_**"Yep. And as far they know, they think she is dead."**_ Dark D said.

_"And the worst part is the spell is expired. This is not good."_

_**"Well it was only temporally. What are you going to do now frank?"**_

_"I'm….not sure. I guess I could turn her into like me, is that possible?"_

_**"Well She isn't technically dead yet, If Grim doesn't reap her, you can. But how are you going to get her to do it though"**_

_"I don't know yet….wait hold on."_

"Oh Grim you have reach a new time low. You have now enter a new worthlessness." Mandy said

"DON'T YOU MOCK ME CHILD OR I'LL-"

"Or you what Grim. You'll kill me? You're a fucking joke. Have you forgotten who you are?" Mandy turned to him dead in the eye sockets.

"I….uh….well." Grim couldn't speak properly.

"You're DEATH! But you're letting a ten year old rule your life. You don't even have the fucking balls to put a decent threat let alone kill me." Mandy turned around digging through a drawer.

"Mandy was many things and being blunt about the truth was one of them. At this point I just wanted to disappear. As always, the girl was right. I am….spineless."

"Look Mandy it just isn't your….what're you doing?"

"What does it look like bone head." Mandy held a knife to her throat.

"It seemed dat time slowed done at the moment, I hate when that happens. I mean why the hell does dat need to happen? All it does is keep you waiting for something you know it's going to happen. If this was going to happen, at least have the courtesy to serve some snacks and a drink while waiting for it to finish. I swear that Clockwork and Farther time are behind this, just to piss others of to get a giggle. Well anyways, It was a shock what was going to transpire here, but as life has taught me many times over, expect the unexpected."

"MANDY! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" They turned around to see Frank at the door.

"But the saying goes both ways with Frank. You half expect him to do one thing but do the opposite."

"Frank Wh…what are you doing here?" Grim ask.

"This doesn't concern him bone head." Mandy said not liking Frank interrupting her 'demonstration.'

"It does when you're trying to kill yourself." Frank snapped back.

"Whatever Moron. Go play in mud or something." Mandy raised the knife to her neck again.

"NO!" Frank dash towards to her and grabbed the knife.

Both had a tug-a-war with the knife. Even though Frank was stronger than Mandy, he didn't want to hurt her, so he held back a bit. But it was going nowhere fast, so Mandy let go of the knife and it cut Frank on the right arm. Billy hissed in pain and got on his knees. Frank had a hard time not to heal his arm right in front of them.

"Frank, are you all right?" Grim pulled him up from the ground

Frank gave a short nod still holding his arm. He looked at Mandy going out the door.

"Why?" Frank said making her turn around and looking at him.

"Why what?"

"Why would you tried to try to kill yourself?"

"Your retarded brain wouldn't comprehend my motions." Mandy walking up to him till there were a few inches away.

"Try me." Frank giving her a serious look.

"Fine. You see Grim here has gone soft on us. He is too weak to do what must be done."

"But what does that have to do with killing yourself?"

"Simply put, my time has run out, so I would do it myself since Grim doesn't have the balls to do it."

_SMACK!_

"After she said that, Frank slapped her across the face hard, enough to make her fall. Both Mandy and I were shock. Mandy eyes were wide opened and I could have sworn I saw a hint of fear in her as well. She was so shock she didn't even notice the pain. Frank looked like he was about to kill. His eyes were as cold as ice, I think the temperature drop a few degrees."

"Are you telling me that the only reason you tried to kill yourself is because you accept death. You got to be fucking me. The Mandy I know would do that, especially try to do like this. She wouldn't even think of that. You said that people who do that are pathetic dumb asses who have no will to accept their life is what it is. Are you that kind of person?" For the first time in her life, Mandy had nothing to say. She just stares at Frank.

"Is your life that bad you want to end it? Do you think that if you did this no one would miss you? Well whether you believe me or not, there are others who care, and I'm not talking about Irwin and Billy. Do you see your life so worthless?" Frank waited for an answer, nothing.

"I guess that's my response. I care and respect you Mandy. You always have a plan to save me, Billy and Grim, whoever. You never let anything or one stop you from getting what you go after. To why you decided you need to end your life, I wish I would stop it. You had so much you could offer to this world, whether it be good or bad, but I guess you show me today that Grim isn't the only one who gotten weak."

"Dat struck a cord in her brain when he said that last part. She snaps out of her daze. She stared at Frank for some time and he stared right back. You could cut the air with a chainsaw it was so tense."

"Take me home Grim, I need to freshen up." Mandy finally spoke.

Grim opened a portal to her house. Mandy walk past Frank to the portal. Before going in, she took one last look at Frank. He didn't turn and see her go. Mandy just turned around and walk in with Grim. A couple seconds later when the portal close, Frank let a frustrated growl and slammed his fist on the counters nearly destroying them. Dark D, who was quiet the whole time spoke up.

_**"Well that could have gone better."**_ He said trying to let up the mood.

"I'm not in the mood for jokes. I completely blow it." Frank leans on the broken counter.

_**"Look, I now it didn't work out as you hope, but there always next time."**_

"And how do you know there will be a next time?"

_**"Frankly I don't. But she does seem to come back to you after a cool down. She is having a hard time right now, so show some compassion and maybe she'll snap back to her old self."**_

Frank sighed and went to his room for the rest of the day.

**AT MANDY'S HOUSE**

Grim was in a pink apron ironing cloths while Mandy change. Both were silent, neither wanting to believe what happened a few minutes ago existed.

"So when are you gonna do it?" Mandy asked behind her changing screen.

"For god sakes, you're still hung about me reaping you? For the last time, I'll reap you when I'm good and ready." Grim replied.

"And when exactly well that be?"

"Why wit the questions? I swear you're becoming more annoying than Billy." Grim covered his mouth after saying his name.

Grim waited to be beaten or yelled at, but nothing came. He looked at Mandy, who was now in a black dress with pink stapes and a pink strip on the top and bottom and a flower like on her old dress but the petals had a shredded look, even her hair style was deferent. Her 'horns' were now down. She didn't seem mad, not even a frown. Instead she looked like she was deep in thought, from today no doubt. Mandy stared at her reflection on her dresser mirror, looking for some sort of answer to her question on what happened today.

"Now Frank going against Mandy wasn't new, in fact, it happened 5 or 6 times. But I guess what got Mandy frilled up was the fact Frank not only stood up for himself, but rather of thinking or speaking for himself like before, he only spoke and cared for her. For all the things she did to him in the past, and the ones I wasn't here for, It made no sense, and it's was getting to her."

"Grim." Mandy finally spoke.

"Er….what is it? I have a lot of chores to do." Grim pretending to do stuff.

"I have something to tell you if you can't do your job."

"And what would that be?"

"You're free."

Grim stopped what he was supposed to do and looked at Mandy with confusion.

"What?" Grim said not believing what she said.

"You heard me, our bet is over, you no longer my friend and I don't own you."

"Boy when she said dat, I felt like one of those injured animals some human saves who becomes my master, treating me and feeding me, then tells me your free, like one of those old Disney films"

"What all this all the sudden?"

"Grim, you can't be who you are if your around us, you need to death. And the only way you can bet that is if you are no longer are 'best friend forever'. So go on a killing spree or something."

"I….bet or no bet, I'm still your friend."

"No. You're not. Go!"

"What about Billy?" I squeaked after a few seconds

"He won't even notice you're gone." she replied.

"Well….I least let me say goodbye to Frank."

"….Fine."

And Grim put on his cloak and headed to Frank's house.

**AT BILLY'S HOUSE**

Frank sat on the edge of his bed looking down. He was still depressing of happened. He was in his world, thinking of what could be. Then a knock to his door snapping him out of his daydream. He got up and opened his door to see Grim.

"Oh hey Grim, what brings you here?" said Frank faking a smile.

"I had no idea how I was going to break the news to Frank; he did have a hard time understanding something he didn't want to hear. So I just spilled it out."

"Frank, Mandy has let go of our bet, I'm no longer your 'best friend forever'. And I'm going to rebuild my reputation back to being the reaper I was." Grim waited for his response.

Frank did not like what was happening. First he totally ruined any if all chance of telling Mandy how he feels and now one of his best friends wants to leave, this has now been and forever more the worst day ever….so far.

_"I wish this day didn't exist."_

_**"Hey kid, maybe you should let him do that."**_ DARK D said.

"Huh, why?"

_**"Well, it well make him happy and in the long run, if were in a tight spot he could come save our asses."**_

"Frank?" Grim hoping he didn't do any damage to him.

"Grim, I think you should go too."

"Say what?"

"Grim, you been a good friend and have save me many times. I know I wasn't a good friend to you, so doing this well help us both."

Grim was touch that Frank said that and was glad he got his okay as well.

"Tanks mon, you have no idea what this means to me."

"You're welcome, and hey, when you get you reputation back, you can always come to my house, it's always opened to you."

"Maybe I well."

Frank and Grim went out of the house and went to the side walk. Both said their final goodbyes and Grim opened a door to the underworld and left.

_**"This may be hard now, but he is your friend, so he'll return some day."**_ Zap tying to reinsure him.

"I have no doubt about that, after all, I know he'll have his title back soon."

_**"Good to hear, kinda lame, but good."**_

"You can be a real ass sometimes you know that?"

_**"Hey don't blame me, I was with a psychotic nut case for some time, some of his attitude rub off on me."**_

"….Yeah not believing it."

DARK D mumbled about him not being understanding. Frank shook his head and turned to his home. Before going in he looked at Mandy's house. He said some harsh things to her, but doesn't know if the outcome will be good are bad. All he hopes that Mandy won't try to kill herself anymore and hopefully speaks to him again. But has doubts.

_**"I now you think what you did may not be the right thing, but if you hadn't, she could of gotten worse, and be like my old host."**_

"Maybe. I just wish she would be like her old self and now how much I love her."

_**"Ugh. Kid before you do that, I should teach you how to separate us."**_

"Is that possible?"

_**"Not sure. I've heard it's been done, but I never saw it so we may have to experiment with that."**_

"That would be awesome, but why do want to do it anyway?"

_**"One, you may need help. And as far as you now, you don't really have powerful friends on your side. The technique will allow me to come at your side, without killing both of us, to fight. I'll have half of your powers and abilities, so we better make you as powerful as can be. Right now you're ok with level 20 monsters, but we got to train more to be better."**_

"Well I am able to separate with you fully?"

_**"You have to be extremely powerful to do that, and you're nowhere near that. With that said, the technique well only last for so long and we can only be at a distance of 90 yards, but the distance and time will increase in time,"**_

"Wow, that's cool. And what's the second reason?"

_**"The second reason is I want to be as far away as possible when you two get all mushy on each other."**_ Frank blushed at all the things they would as a couple.

_**"STOP THAT GOD DAMMIT! I don't what to see that. As long as I'm in hear, I can see, smell, feel, and all that you do. And furthermore, I HATE ALL THAT ROMANCE BULLSHIT! And I would really hate to see you to get down and dirty in bed….actually do you think I could be there when you two fuck each other?"**_

"Not in your damn life time your sick asshole."

_**"Eh worth a shot."**_

Frank just sighed and went inside not knowing some was watching him.

"It was hard at first I must say, but I was able to get my creditability up, it wasn't what it used to, but it was a hell of a lot better than I was before. As for Frank and Mandy, well Frank continue his training and stronger each day. He even got a reputation. He defeated many monsters, demons, aliens, and many others. He even got to see the Council of Order. The Council of Order is the ones making sure the balance is kept. The council included me, Father Time, Clockwork, Mother Nature, Sally the gatekeeper of hell, the gatekeeper of heaven, Santa Claus, Judge Roy Spleen, Dracula, and the head council himself, Darkvoid. I wasn't allowed to be in the council until I got my status back, so I didn't know what happened at that time, until now."

"After Frank stopped a rouge angel from going to the humans, the angel pissed him off; one of the guards came for him and brought him to the council. Darkvoid told Frank why he was here and what they do. Since Frank stopped that angel from revealing about the afterlife, he told him he could be an agent of the council. Frank agreed, but asks to be trained of great mentors they have. They agreed to the terms. They assigned him a job to make sure humans don't try to distort the palace in any way or form."

"Frank was doing an outstanding job. Of course it was little things like a random human accidentally opens a portal to the under would or screws up yesterday, but still great. As to Mandy….she never left her room for a week. No one has seen her and it was getting to Billy. He tried to get her to open the door, but to no avail. I decided to see him and watch some movies. He was glad to see me. As we were watching T.V. the doorbell rang and Frank opened the door to see Mandy standing there. I was amazed that she came out. Frank eyes were as big as plates."

"M-m-Mandy?" Frank spattered out.

"Hello Frank" Mandy said coolly.

"How's it going bonehead?" Grim was speechless.

"What are you doing here?" Frank suddenly asks.

"Mandy didn't respond to his question, she just stood there not looking at Billy. I could only imagine what was going through her head right now. Mandy took Frank's hand and took him to his room, locking the door. DARK D filled me in what happen in there."

_"DARK D I don't know what's going on, but would you stays silent until whatever she's doing is done."_

_**"Sure kid, I want an explanation myself."**_

" Frank." Mandy snapped Frank out of his talk with Zap.

"Yeah?"

"You're probably wondering why I brought you to your room and why I haven't come out of my house over this week." Frank just nodded.

Mandy took a big breath and let it out before speaking.

"I….I've been doing a lot of thinking over this past week, about what you said."

"And?"

"And what you said made me really think over my life. Our life so far has been one adventure after another. Many I actually enjoyed. We meet many strange and stupid things, friend and foes, and somehow always come out ok." Mandy sat down on his bed.

"Yeah, we did had some weird times together haven't we?" Frank sat next to Mandy.

"Yes, and all the while I never once believe of our mortality, that we were unstoppable."

"What change that?"

"I'm not really sure. I guess the weeks that pass by, I started to see that….were not that immortal, that were just humans and we can't change that." Mandy looked down to the ground not wanting to look at Frank.

"Well I don't believe that and neither should you." Mandy looked at him with a confuse face.

"Of all the things we went through, one thing was certain; we have the power to change. Whether it comes from within, by the way we came, or it's given to us. We have that power, and there was one person who showed me that."

"Who?" Frank looked at her with eyes filled with his emotions.

"It was you Mandy."

"Me?" Not believe what she heard.

"Yeah. You always had the power to change and you still do. If you hadn't, were may not gotten this far. In fact if it wasn't for you and your stubbornness, we would not be alive. You knew you could change and defeat all in your way. And I come to respect that in you."

Mandy was speechless. She didn't even know Frank could say such things, and something was coming from inside that she never thought could possibly be.

"What happened to the Frank I knew?"

"He grew up and started taking action. And I want you to do the same thing." Frank leaned in and gave her a hug.

Mandy froze at the touch not knowing what to say there for a minute, then return the hug, with a little more force.

"Thank you Frank, You brought my back." And for the first time she had a real smile.

"I'm happy that you're back Mandy."

"Oh and one more thing." Mandy pulled back a little.

"Yeah?"

_WHAM!_

Frank was on the floor holding his cheek from Mandy's punch.

"If you ever slap me again, I'll rip your fucking throat out and watch you drone in your own blood, got it." Mandy had her old stare at Frank.

"Whatever you say Mandy." Frank chuckled.

"Dork." Mandy pulled him up and headed out the door, but before she threaten him if he said anything of what happened here bad things would happened to him.

"Wouldn't dream of it."

Both went down stairs to Grim who wanted to know what happened.

"None of your business. Now hand over the remote."

"I knew at dat point, things were back to normal….for us anyways. Mandy didn't boss me to much since she still wants me to be the reaper I was. Frank, Mandy, and I went on some adventures here and there, not as many as before but it was nice to do them. Over the years, I got my reputation back; I was still teased, but only by the higher ups. Frank became powerful and stronger each day, learning and mastering all he was taught, becoming feared by all. He even chooses a name dat suits his skills, Red Shinobi."

"A fitting name since his ways is dat of his name. His ability to morph himself and get any weapon, real or by his imagination, made him legendary. There was only one sentence to describe him, worse than death. He made his enemies beg for death even Hell. I never knew what he did to them and I don't want to know."

"Of course I didn't know Frank was Red Shinobi at the time, and Frank hide his identity quite well. I heard rumors what he did, but I'm sure that they tune it to PG-13 for some. As for Mandy, she never took advantage off her temporally immortality, which was for the best. She continued her conquest to rule the world. Like many she started out small, like turned the neighborhood watch into a Nazi party under her watch, which I expect no less from her. As time grew on, both became strong individual's, using their strong points to their advantage, making it quite clear that they wear unstoppable."

"But that was only the beginning for them, as they rose from power something else rose with them. Both started to get really close to each other. At the time, they were nearly inseparable; it would be a rare sight to see the apart. Mandy even showed her emotions to Frank, but only to Frank. It was at the point where I was waiting for one of them break the ice and tell their feeling. It was painfully to see they were in love. But that change soon enough."

"It was a mid may, Frank and Mandy were in 7th grade. Billy had grown a lot. He was taller, had some muscles, but not overly so, and he had a regular face to boot. What happen was we had to stop lord Moldybutt from changing the whole world into pigs. While we stop his magic dooms day machine and was about to get him when he shot a spell that could melt you face. When he shot it, it was heading straight to Mandy. Frank jumped in and took the shot. After capturing Moldybutt, we rushed home to save him."

"I did the best I could refiguring his face. At the end he had a different Hair Style. Now he was very good lokiking. He looked like a normal boy. Mandy must of like the chance since she was drooling on Frank's new look. I asked DARK D a while back why he couldn't get he's old face back? He told me the magic was so powerful it took the DNA in him. But Frank liked the new looked so we kept. As for Mandy, her growth spurt shot like a cannon. She let her hair grow; She had curves that made Mindy jealous. Every boy in school asked her out, and Irwin was one of them, but shot them all down, no surprise there."

"Even Frank had some girls asked him. For the nice ones he let them down nicely and for the bitches he gave them the finger and left them hanging. Anyways, school just let out and we were heading home."

**ENDSVILLE 4 YEARS LATER**

"Well another day wasted by that school." Frank said walking with Grim, Mandy, and Irwin.

"It wasn't that bad yo; I say we learn something new each and every day we go to a fine establishment like school. It helps us now the world around us." Irwin said trying to be cool.

"Irwin never did change throw the years. He still works at Underfist, protecting the world from monsters and all. But he never grew out of his nerd feel. He even looks the same, but his hair is a bit taller."

"That just proves how much you are a nerd Irwin." Mandy stated.

"Oh common baby don't hate the player." Irwin slugs an arm around Mandy.

"Frank usually gets tweak when someone makes a move on Mandy. His temper has never been the best, especially since his powers have the tendency to tap into it and magnitude it 10 folds. But he learned to control it and release it when it counts the most. Plus he knows Mandy can take care of herself."

"Irwin, you got 5 seconds to get your fucking arm away from me or you won't eat for a month." Mandy throated him.

"Huh?" Was all he said before he was elbowed in the guts, hard?

Irwin fell to his knees and throws up his lunch. Frank went down on a knee and patted his back.

"Pathetic." Mandy walked away

"For a guy who says you learns something new, you don't learn when not to touch Mandy do you?" Frank said smiling.

"'ugh' go to hell yo." Irwin coughed out.

"Can you stand?"

"Yeah, I think so. I think I should just go home." Irwin walk away holding his shattered guts.

"Well see you tomorrow." Frank yelled to Irwin before catching up to Mandy and Grim.

"You didn't have to do that to him Mandy."

"He needs to learn to get over me." Mandy said.

"Maybe you should try a different approach." Grim spoke up.

"Such as?"

"It's clear dat beaten him up isn't, so why not just express your 'dislike' of him always wanting to go out with you, maybe then he'll leave you alone."

_**"Oh yeah like that's going to work. That kid has the biggest crush on her I ever seen."**_ DARK D pointed out.

_"Well what can we do? It's not like I can force him to not like her."_

_**"Hey, here's an idea, JUST FUCK'N ASK MANDY OUT FOR CHRIST SAKES!"**_

_"W-w-what?"_ Frank stumbled a bit when he heard that.

"What the hell? Are you drunk our something mon?" Grim asked.

"No, just lost my footing that's all."

_**"Real smooth there."**_ Zap chuckled.

_"What did you say?"_

_**"You heard me, ask Mandy out, become a couple, and Irwin well leave her alone, Plus the others well stop too."**_

_"That would never work."_

_**"Dude, you haven't even tried yet, how the hell would you know if it would work or not?"**_

_"I….I don't think I'm good enough for her."_

_**"You have to be shitting me. Have you not looked around you at all? Many girls think you're hot, you have powers beyond human reach, for fuck sakes, you have the title of the most feared guy in the universe. What else do you need?"**_

Before he answered, Frank suddenly looked around and saw he walked into an ally.

"What's wrong with you boy? You zoned out on us." Grim now getting mad.

"Oh sorry guys I'm just not feeling well that's all."

"Well start getting better now. I don't want deal with your sick ass." Mandy said also having some anger.

"Don't worry, I will."

"Well that's good to hear." A creepy voice said.

The group turned to see a bunch of boys that seemed to come out of the blue. There were about 7 of them. They were the ugliest guys you have ever seen. They don't even look like humans. They wore the same thing but each had a different color for their pants, shoes, shirts, and jackets. They all had a creepy smile on their faces. They came closer to them; Frank, Mandy, and Grim realize that they are at a dead end and couldn't get out. The group leader, who was slightly bigger than the rest, came forward.

_"Zap, do you see this?"_

_**"Yep. Whoever they are, they don't seem friendly."**_

_"You think? But the worst part is there power level is too high for a human and their scent says inhuman has well."_

"What the hell do you assholes want?" Mandy snapped at them.

"Well aren't you a feisty, I like that in a girl." The leader said licking his lips.

"Get real, like I tangle with a bunch of wimps like you."

"Yeah, so get you punks." Grim said holding his scythe.

"You don't scare us, reaper, get rid of him." The leader snaps his fingers and two of them strike Grim with enough force to turn him a bunch of bones with incredible speed.

_**"Yep, they're not human all right."**_

"What the? I can't pull myself together!"

"What the fuck are you?" Frank demanded.

"Well since you ask nicely." The leader then changes his form.

He grew to seven feet tall, bat wings on his back, a tail with spikes on the end, cat-like eyes, red hair, claws, and he was rather attractive. He had a devils smile looking lustfully at Mandy. Frank didn't like what this was going. He was about to move when two others grape hold of him. The also change as well, they look like their leader but shorter.

"We wouldn't want you to spoil our fun now do we?"

"Oh no. There Incubus!" Grim freaked out.

"Incubus?" Billy asked.

"There male visions of Succubus, and there nastier then them as well."

"And were in the mood for pussy, and you are our main supper my dear." The Incubus leader said to Mandy using his powers to charm Mandy.

"What the? I am no one's play thing, especially low level demons like you." The leader was surprise his allure power had no effect on her.

"Interesting, it has no effect to you. Doesn't matter, I always have May way." The Incubus said.

He did another one, but this one was different. Mandy felt light headed and her body wouldn't respond to her. She last all control of her body and fell but the other two caught her.

"What the fuck did you do to me?"

"It's just a simple paralyzing stare for those stubborn ones, like you." The leader move to her.

"Don't you dare." Mandy said in a low venom voice.

"You can't do anything. Now be a good girl and let me fu-OOF!" Before he finished, Mandy kicked him hard in the face.

"Looks like you can't even paralyze properly." She had a smug look.

"YOU WELL PAY FOR THAT BICTH!" The Incubus said with his real face showing.

He had two horns on his forehead, jagged teeth, and warts on his face. On the ground next to him was his rubber face. He hit Mandy with another paralyzing spell, but more powerful. Mandy is now completely immobile.

"Now then let's start." He ripped her shirt open to reveal a black bra holding him young C cup breast.

"Not bad. I will enjoy this." He roughly grabs her breast.

"GET OF ME YOU ASSHOLE!" But it was no use as he continue to assault her breast

_**"I believe it's time to teach these low class fucktards who they're missing with."**_

_"Yes, though I wish I would reveal to Mandy what I am in a more suitable time. But for now, __**THERE MINE!"**_

"I would suggest you let me go before you get hurt." Frank said to one of the Incubus that had him.

"Oh shut up and enjoy our leader fuck your girlfriend. We'll have our turn to rape as well and maybe we'll let you have what's left of her." He said with a cruel laugh.

"I won't let you do that".

"And what are you going to do huh?"

**"THIS!"** Frank turned his left hand into Chakra claws and shoved it under the Incubuses jaw and through the head.

The other Incubuses turned to see one of their own flailing in the air trying to get free from the set of claws in his head, but it was in vain.

"What the fuck!" The other one who grabbed Billy stumble backwards."

Frank put his other hand on the Incubus shoulder and slowly pulled the head of the body. The Incubus screamed in pain, feeling he's muscles being snapped off one fiber at a time, blood flowing from the mouth and nick. It was at that point that he was begging for a quick end, but Frank continued his slow decapitation. Finally the screams stop. As Frank holds up the head of the Incubus, it was cretin he was dead. He threw the body to the others with ease. Both Grim and Mandy were shock that the Billy they knew, who would laugh at the most stupidest things or be happy for no good reason, has just torture and killed someone, even though it was a demon.

"He should have listened to me, oh well." Frank threw the head away, turning to the rest of the Incubus.

"I feel generous today, so if you leave right now and never come back here ever again, you won't be like you buddy over there." Frank grinned with his teeth like daggers.

"Not a chance. GET HIM!" The Incubus leader told his goons.

"Why do they always want to do the hard way? Oh well, it's their blood that well be spilt not mine." Frank said ready for their attack.

The first one went head on trying to use brute force but Frank just held his clawed hand, stopping him in his track. He left him up in the air and changes his other arm into claws, dug it in the Incubus chest and ripped him in two. The next one tried to sneak up behind Frank to catch him off guard. But Frank was two steps ahead and his throw one half of the Incubus at him at half strength knocking him threw the wall. Two more got on each side of him. At the same time both launch forward, their claws ready. Frank quickly changes his one claw into a blade and the other into a large crab-like claw that had jagged teeth in them. He blocked the first one with his blade and grabbed the other one with his claws.

Frank pushed the first one away and cut the other Incubus arm clear off. Frank turned to the wounded Incubus, he grabs his jaw and brought his face to Frank's face. He force open the mouth and shot his finger in his mouth and headed all the way to the stomach. His finger grew long spikes and started to circle the Incubus insides real fast, turning his organs, bones, and blood into one big mushy liquid. He tosh the dead Incubus away, looking at the last remaining Incubuses. Then the last two jump on his back forcing him to the ground and the Incubus that was throw into the wall recovered and joined in the dog pile. Thinking they had him, they held up their claws for the finishing blow, But didn't even more an inch as Frank spiked them and held them in the air. Tentacles came out of his back to the Incubuses, each taking a body part and started to rip them apart. They all screamed in agony, but it didn't last long as they were now in pieces. The blood showered on Frank as he sticks his tongue out to taste it.

"Mmmm, not bad, a little plain though." Frank commented throwing the body parts away like trash.

The leader just stood there as he saw his goons got torn apart by Frank, in less than 2 minutes. Frank turned to the leader with a blood soak smile.

"What now? Your goons are gone, and I must say, they were pathetic. They didn't even got me once. And what is more pathetic is that you just watch them die without even helping them. What a weakling you are." Frank said with a stern look.

The leader snapped out of his shock, enrage that he called him weak and pathetic.

"You think you're better than me? Compare to me, there were just bugs."

"If you think that, why don't you try and kill me." Frank egged him.

Blinded be rage, he sprang at Frank with intense speeds wielding a sword he conjured up. Frank stopped the attack with his own blade. The two fought for 10 minutes, neither letting up on the assault. Frank decided to end it. As the Incubus leader lunged for an attack, Frank sidesteps to the left, making him miss. Frank quickly turned around and shot a black and red wed string from his wrest. The web attach to the Incubus ankles, immobilizing him, making him fall to the ground. Frank lifted him up with the web and started slamming him around. The Incubus cut the web and landed behind Frank. Frank turned to face him only to get the sword thrust into Frank's heart. Frank stood shock and he went limp. The Incubus laughed at his dead foe.

"You see! You weren't stronger than me. You're the weakling, not me. Got anything to say." He mocked at him knowing he's dead.

"Yeah, I got one." The Incubus paled, he looked down to see Frank with an evil grin.

"You left yourself wide open dickface." Frank launched the attack.

The Incubus screamed as his whole arm was cleaned cut off. Acting quickly, Frank shot his wed at him sticking him to the wall. The Incubus tried to get out, but like a bug stuck to a spider's web, there was no way out. Frank grabbed the sword that was still impaled into him and pulled it out. He broke the sword in two with his bare hands. The wound left by the sword healed fast and it was like it was never there. He moved to the Incubus with a scary grin.

"Well that was fun and all, but you left somewhat drained. Hope you don't mind me take your powers?" Frank's eyes glowed metallic blue.

The web started glowing with dark power. The Incubus then screamed as his powers were leaving his body. It felt like a cattle prod throw the Adam's apple, but 5 times worse. Finally, it stopped. The web left him and returned to Frank, reenergizing him. The Incubus slouches on the ground coughing up blood. He looked like a skeleton, like he hadn't ate for years. He weakly looked up to Frank, trying to find his voice.

"Wh….what the hell are you?" He said weakly.

"Well since you asked nicely." Frank said in the same matter he told Frank.

Frank lifted him up from the ground with his head so they were eye to eye. Frank leaned in to his ear and whispers these words.

"They call me **Red Shinobi**." He said that last part in a low deep voice.

The Incubuses eyes widen as Frank slams his head into the wall, leaving only a blood splatter.

_**"That was great kid. You showed them a real fucking nightmare. You got me shitting myself, if I had a body."**_ DARK D complemented Frank.

_"Yeah, but now Mandy knows what I am. And I was a maniac out there. How well she react_?" Frank thought sadly.

"After seeing what Frank did to those demons, he was in a whole new light to us. All the while he fought those demons, I looked over at Mandy and she had a look like she seen a ghost. And I thought that in a split second I saw in her eyes I never live to see, I saw fear in her."

Billy used his powers to remove the blood from his body and returning to his old self before moving to Mandy. Even though the paralyzing spell was gone, she couldn't move at all. Frank saw the shock in her eyes, he had a deep fear that he may ruined what was a great friendship. Billy came down on one knee with the saddest look you've seen.

"Mandy….I wish you didn't have to see that. I was going to tell you about me but" Frank was silent when Mandy put a finger on his lips.

"Just….bring me home. I need to get something to wear." Frank nodes sadly.

He cradle Mandy bride style and headed home, but not without getting Grim. Once they were secured, he told Mandy to hold on. He left the ally and jumped on the roof tops to her house.

**MANDY'S HOUSE**

Frank reach Mandy's house without being seen. Billy entered the house, relieved that her parents weren't home yet. Billy put Mandy down and she went upstairs to change. Waiting for her, Frank helped Grim rebuild himself. After 3 minutes Mandy came down wearing a white button up shirt and blue jeans. Billy stood up and was about to talk.

"SIT!" Mandy commanded and Frank quickly sat back down.

"Now Frank, you're going to tell me what the fuck just happened back there and explain how you got your….whatever you did. And don't skip on anything." Frank nodded and told them the story.

"He told us all that happened starting with the touch the meteor years ago. He also told us how he got smarter, wiser, what the powers were, him getting into the Council of Order, which by the way pissed my off that the Order didn't tell me. I swear, there trying to get rid of me. Anyways, Frank also told us that he was trained by this alternate version of his cousin name Naruto ootsutsuki, but he goes by DARK D and to make that point, DARK D came out to talk with us. I was a bit 'startled' and I didn't scream like a little girl. After the story, Mandy wanted me and DARK D to leave so she could talk to Frank alone. DARK D didn't want to but Frank persuades him to."

"Well Frank, after hearing all that, it makes me wonder what else your hiding." Mandy said with a stern voice.

"I know that I lied to you all these years, but I did it so that you…."

"So that I what?"

"To not see the real monster you saw in the ally." Frank's voice dropped to a whisper.

Mandy didn't look anger anymore. She looked at Frank, seeing he was ashamed of showing himself in that form of matter.

"Look I don't except you to care what I become or that you don't won't anything to do with me. If you wish to never see me again, I understand." Frank started to move to the door.

As he was about to touch the doorknob, he felt a pair of female arms encircling him. He was stopped dead cold. He turns his head to see Mandy was press to his back, her head resting on the back of his neck. He can feel her breath on his neck, giving him goosebumps.

"Mandy?" He questioned.

"You idiot, of course I care what's happening to you. I may not show it, but I do care for you, more then you could imagine. It's….just hard for me to express it." Mandy buried her head deeper into Frank's neck.

Frank couldn't believe what he was hearing. Mandy actually cares for him.

_"If this is a dream, i don't want to wake up."_ Frank thought.

"And I don't want to see you hurt either." Mandy moved her hand over his heart were the sword entered him.

"I'm sorry. I won't be careless."

"You better, our I'll have no one to boss around." Mandy joked.

"Well there's always Irwin, He'll let your boss him around." Frank played along.

"Maybe, but he would expect something in return, unlike you."

"Oh, and you think I'm cheap?" Frank turns to Mandy with a grin.

"Yes you are, plus Irwin would try to use his stupid pickup jokes on me." Mandy smirking along.

Both started to laugh at the image of Irwin's failed attempt. When the laughter died down, Billy saw Mandy smiling.

"You should smile more often, it'll give the others a heart attack." Frank said.

"Maybe I will."

"Plus, your smile makes you look beautiful." Frank said into her ear making her blush pink.

"And you look cute when blush as well." Mandy elbow him in the guts to make him stop.

"Alright that's enough of you. Get. I need to get some sleep." Frank nodded and opened the door to see Grim and DARK D waiting on the side walk.

"Well goodnight Mandy." Frank said.

"Oh and Frank." Mandy stopped him.

"Yeah?"

"Five buck says she'll smack him." Grim betted.

**"I say she'll punch him."** Dark d said.

Frank went up to Mandy and she did what no one had expected.

She gave Frank a kiss on the lips.

Frank was wide eyed at this. Grim jaw fell to the ground and Dark D's eye was twitching. Mandy let go of the kiss and turned back to her house, but turned her head at Frank.

"Thanks for saving me, again. Night." Mandy closed the door on Billy with a stupid smile.

DARK D went back to Frank's head and He and Grim left for home.

"Dat one shocks me to the underworld and back. A few days later Frank asked Mandy out and she agreed. I heard Frank treated her with an all-day thing fucking up Mindy's day. After dat first date, they became a, what do these kids called it? Oh yes, they became an item. Needless to say Irwin was heartbroken when he heard dat they were going out."

"As time went on, their bond grew. The stayed together even after high school. I won't go into detail how far their relationship went, but let's just say, it was the whole nine yards. Mandy grew to be a deadly and beautiful woman. Her left wing for politics got her as far as mayor. Frank grew to be a handsome man as well, he was the top ranks in the order. He was now getting paid to work with the Order. And by 'pay' I mean take the lot of the bad guy. And since it was clear I won't be taking her soul anytime soon, she pursues a career has a hitman, er women. And often go along on Frank's missions. Those two became the deadest couple through the ages. And Billy was going pop the question."

**IN MANDY'S OFFICE**

"Pardon me ma'am, but I would like to inform you that Mr. Mallque is here and he wish to speak with you." The secretary said.

"Send him in." Mandy said.

Frank came in the office wearing a black jacket, with a crown of warrior emporer on the back, a red shirt with the chines dragon on it. Blue jeans and sneakers. Frank had also recently got a new hair style, which is shork spikey hair. The color was black with dark red strip high lights.

"How's being mayor going?" Frank going up to Mandy giving her a kiss, which she returned.

"Boring as usual." She said.

"I bet." Frank looked at a picture of when they were kids.

Mandy got up from her seat to join him. She hugs his arm and rested her head on his shoulder. Mandy took a deep sigh.

"Is something bothering you?"

"Just thinking of how far we came."

"Yeah, we all came far."

Mandy nodded at that. The stayed like that for a few minutes. Then Frank spoke.

"I remember the first day we met as 10 year olds."

"Especially when you touch my face trying to find my nose." Frank coughed at the memory.

"Yes well, we knew each other for many years, and in that time, I grew to love you." Frank stared at Mandy with passion.

"As I with you, even though it took longer for me." She looked back with the same love as his.

"And I want to be with you for the rest of my life." Frank got on one knee.

"F- Frank?" Mandy not believing what's going too happened.

"Mandy, will you marry me and become my mate?" Frank held out a box and opened it.

Mandy gasp at the ring. The ring was pure gold with black designs over it. The diamond itself was cut in old fashion way with black veins hold it. The color of it was black and red and it keeps moving, like it was alive.

"How….much did this cost?"

"Zip. I made it myself."

"You made this?" Frank just nodded.

"So, will you be my bride and eternal mate?" Frank slipped the ring on her, it was a perfect fit.

Mandy looked at it for some time, and thinking of the question. Without a warning, she grabs his jacket and gave him the most passionate kiss he ever got. She kissed him what seem like hours, but was only 5 minutes. They break for air, both blushing hard.

"Does that mean yes?" Frank said stupefied by the kiss.

"Idiot, I would love to be you mate." She gives him another kiss. After she pulled back and told Frank this.

"You….do know I hate kids, right Frank?"

"We'll get to that when it comes." Frank wasn't ready to be a father anyways so it was ok.

"Plus, we will live longer than most so we'll have time."

"How long does a Saiyans live?"

"Dad said the oldest Saiayan ever lived for over 500,000 years, but must don't live over 200,000 or so." Mandy liked that.

"Bellum." Mandy said into the intercom.

(Yes, ma'am?)

"I need you to make an appointment with the bridal magazine people and a hotel accommodations for two in Hawaii."

(Right away ma'am)

"Eh?" Frank was confused.

"For are wedding and honeymoon." She explained.

"….But I thought you don't like weddings?"

"Mindy told me no one would marry me so I'm going to show her how fucking wrong she is."

"Ah." Frank now understands.

"The wedding was the biggest one ever. I was so proud of them. Many came to the wedding. Frank made me is man of honor. I was touch that he gave me that role. And Mindy 'volunteer' to be Mandy's maid of honor, her dress was the finest ropes ever made. It was tight around the waist but... actually it was tight everywhere and a lovely silver duct tape came across the mouth so no sound could be heard. And the amazing super glue kept her in her chair though the whole ceremony. Plus we used he as a target of the game known as 'who can put more holes in the red heads body with a bb gun'. The wedding went off without a hitch….except when Irwin tried to interrupted it and tell Mandy he was the one not Frank. Mandy just beat him up and Frank tied him up so he won't do anything else. We used him for a piñata at the party. After the wedding, Frank and Mandy were now mates for eternity."

**PRESENT**

"And they lived happily ever after. Warrior emperor and evil together, isn't it romantic." Tyler said dreamy while lock just gag.

"We're not done yet, here's the best part, this book also happens to be a family album. Check out his photo collections." Junior said.

"It was on their honey moon Frank took this picture. Frank is one lucky son of a bitch, oh mama, I never thought Mandy would look so…."

The picture was of Mandy lying on the bed of their room reading a magazine, but that wasn't what made this picture 'special'. Mandy was in her underwear with heals and a red-ish see-through bathrobe on covering her body but mostly her breast, it was obvious that she didn't have a bra on.

"HUBBA HUBBA! Is that your mom?" John slapped Tyler up side his head.

"And this is their home." Junior pointed to the Saiyan Mansion.

"WHOA! You used to live in a mansion?" stewie said.

"What about this one?" John pointed to another picture.

"My goodness, My gracious. When will this day be done? Will they have daughter or will they have a son? And I hope Frank comes out in one piece. A Mandy in labor with super powers and he's in there, What was he thinking?" Grim was waiting in the delivery room hallway looking worried.

"I'm not really sure about that one? But check out the rest of….crap!" Junior said.

"AWWW." The three saw a baby picture of Frank Junior in baby clothing with his pacifier.

_"I knew there was something I forgot to remove."_ Junior thought.

"Who's that?" John pointed at a guy in a wheel chair that look like a puppet with white skin, swirls on his cheeks, and in a suit holding a baby junior.

"That's my great great grandfather john. He's pretty cool, He and I went fishing together."

"And over here our my godparents. And speaking of that, have I told you about my special godfather?"

"Who?" Tyler asked.

"My uncle Nergal."

"He's the coolest! He's one of the greatest demon warriors of the underworld. He has these tentacle-like things that he can make any weapon he thinks of and defeat his opponents like bam, pow, wosh. I even heard stories that he wielded a mighty sword that can devour souls. Isn't that cool? Man it would be cool to have his powers."

"Is he as powerful as your dad?" John asked.

"Not even close. He's powerful and all but no one can beat my dad. Uncle Nergal can't even beat my mom, let alone stand 30 seconds with my dad. But I did hear that he helped my dad with the Eclipse war."

"You mean your dad and uncle we're in the Eclipse war? The war that said to shadow all wars, the war that millions of demons came to conger all? The war that happened over 215 years ago?" Stewie gasp.

"Yep."

"But does that mean?" John started.

"That my parents are a lot older then they look? Yes, there actually 334 years old with my uncle a few years younger than them. They were through a lot. I even heard my dad and uncle took on thousands of demons and killed them all without a single scratch on them."

"Damn, it sounds like they are unstoppable." Tyler said.

"They sure are. My dad and uncle are actually are cousins, even the Nergal isn't my really uncle and my second cousin, he lets me call him that."

"Isn't that your other sister?" John said turning another page."

"Oh….her. Yeah, what about her?" Junior was now in a sour mood.

"You pretty much hate her, do you?" Stewie asked and Junior just grumbled out loud.

"And why does she talk funny." Tyler asked.

"That's because she spends so much time with Ms. Helga."

"Who?"

"Yo never heard of Helga Pataki? She's only the meanest and rottenest teacher that ever lived. She's was our private tutor."

"Well at least your sister can't be as horrible as your teacher." Stewie said.

"Wanna bet? She's a teacher's pet, a show-off, and above all, she's a thief. Ever since she came around, she turned my life into a living hell."

"Part of your world IS a hell dude." John stated.

"The point is she always gets the spot light with her stupid shows, dancing, and ballet."

"Wait, know I remember in the book. It explains Your sister is that famous ballerina every one heard about. They say she could dance so well." Stewie said.

"You mean she's a performer?"

"A singer?"

"A dancer?"

"A actress?"

"A GODDAMN SHOW-OFF! Ever since she joined that stupid dance recital, it's been Minnie this and Minnie that. What about me? Don't I get some respect." Junior said mad at the thought of his sister.

"And the worst part is she stole Uncle Nergal from me. Because of her, he spends more time with her and has forgotten me. I don't get it? What makes her better than me? Uncle Nergal is my godfather not hers, **MINE**! " He said that last part with an inhuman growl.

"That's it? You're telling us that the reason you hate your sister is for the fact she is famous and talented?" John said.

"It sounds to me your jealous." He continued.

"If you want some respect, maybe you should so your real talent." Stewie explains.

"Yeah, you should show them you Saiyan powers, like your dad, or something." Tyler added.

"I….I don't know how." Junior looked at the ground.

"What do you mean?"

"My true powers haven't awakened yet. dad told me that since I was the first born Saiayn in over 500 millennia, no one knows how long it well take or what starts the powers, so it's almost impossible to know when my powers will kick in, and my dad can't teach me my family powers. All I can do is regenerate." Junior said not looking at the group.

"Dude, that sucks." John said.

"Tell me about it."

"So let's just say that if something bigger then you and stronger comes up behind you with a bat, you wouldn't be able fight back?" Stewie asked.

"Ok that's weird question, but yeah, I'll be pretty screwed if that happened."

"Then consider yourself screwed." john said.

Before he could answer, he was struck from behind, knocking him out.

Then Frank Jr woke up in his room with the book, realizing that it wasn'st a dream but a vizion of his future.

**The End**


	28. Chapter 26: The Story on Page One

**Chapter 26: The Story on Page One**

It began in Spooner Street at nighttime, then showed the Griffins/Mallques watching TV.

"We now return to 'Sherry and the Anus'." The TV announcer said showing an advert for the show showing the female lead hugging a disembodied human anus.

"And this is appropriate programming how?" Tyler asked questioning the concept of the show they were watching only to be shushed by Frank Jr and The Griffins.

The show began with Sherry opening the door in Anus's room, who turned out to be her brother.

"Anus, are you still up?" Sherry asked Anus, who was sitting in a chair at his desk.

"Yeah, come on in, sis." Anus answered granting her permission as Sherry walked in.

"Have you ever had to tell a lie in order to keep a friend?" Sherry asked Anus.

"Well, the other day I told Jane her blouse was pretty when it was really PU." Anus joked as a laugh track played.

"Anus, I'm serious!" Sherry said to Anus.

"Look, sis. Sometimes, it's better to tell a little fib than to hurt someone's feelings." Anus told Sherry.

"You're the best!" Sherry said to Anus feeling better.

They both then shared a laugh followed by another laugh track as it then showed images of Sherry and Anus spending time together like as them sliding down the stairway fence, rollerblading across town, attending a birthday party with Anus blowing a party streamer and hiking through the woods as Sherry was carrying Anus on her back.

"Ah, that was good." Frank said having liked the episode. "That was even funnier than the one where Anus got the hamster stuck in his mouth." Peter said having liked the episode as well.

John turned to Frank and Peter in confusion.

"I'm not gonna comment on that." John then said.

**Opening Credits**

_It seems today that all ya see_

_Is violence in movies and sex on TV_

_But where are those good, old-fashioned values_

_On which we used to rely_

_Lucky there's a Family Guy!_

_Lucky there's a man who_

_Positively can do_

_All the things that make us_

_Laugh n' Cry_

_He's_

_a_

_Fam_

_-ily_

_Guy!_

**End**

The episode then began with the Mallque/Griffins having arrived at Brown University as the family stared at the school in admiration.

"Ah, the old alma mater." Brian reminisced.

"Whooaaaa..." Frank Jr, John and Tyler exclaimed in unison.

"Yeah, I tell ya there's something magical about Brown." Brian said.

"Brown's the color of poo!" Chris said stupidly before laughing.

"Yes." Brian agreed slightly annoyed. "Yes, it is."

Oh, I haven't been on a college campus in years." Lois said reminiscing about her college years. "Everything seems so different."

"Really?" Stewie asked. "Perhaps if you laid on your back with your ankles behind your ears, that would ring a few bells."

Frank, John and Tyler only stared at Stewie unimpressed at his words.

Frank Jr, Frank, Peter and Lois took Meg and Persephone to the undergraduate admissions office for her meeting with the university's dean. John was also with them.

"You know, you didn't really didn't have to come with me, my sister, her son and husband and my parents." Persephone assured to John.

"I know. I actually wanted to see how this kind of stuff works." John said. "Besides, I always like to hanging out with one of my best friends. That includes you."

"Wow, thanks, John." Persephone thanked John flattered.

"And also because you're cute." John let out.

"What was that?" Meg asked almost hearing what John said to Persephone.

"Nothing!" John exclaimed.

"Excuse me. We're, uh, here to see the dean." Peter asked as he knocked on the door of the booth, which opened to reveal the assistant was actually the door guard from _The Wizard of Oz_.

"Nobody sees the dean! Not nobody! Not no how!" The Emerald City guard declared before he was pushed out of the way by the actual assistant.

"I'm sorry. Can I help you?" The clerk apologize and asked the Griffins.

"Who was the other guy?" Frank Jr asked, but nobody answered him.

"Yes, uh, this is Meg Griffin and her twin sister Persephone Griffin." Peter replied greeting the woman to Meg and Persephone. "They're here to see the Dean of Admissions. And we'd, uh...like it if they got into the university." Peter pulled out a dollar bill and placed it on the woman's desk in an attempt to bribe her.

"Go on...take it..." Peter said.

"Wait over there." The woman told them showing their seats.

Peter, Lois, Frank, Frank Jr, Meg, Persephone and John then walked over there and took a seat to wait.

"My days in college were so exciting." Lois said reminiscing on her college days again. "This one time the National Guard came and shot some of my friends."

John then had a look of almost instant horror on his face from hearing Lois's story. He wasn't sure whether to ask Lois what she was talking about or mined his business when just then, the Dean then stepped out.

"You must be the Griffins." The Dean said. "Come in."

They got up from their seats, but Lois spotted something.

"Oh, psst, honey. You two got a little smudge." Lois whispered to Meg licking her thumb and wiping off said smudge off Meg and Persephone's faces, to the latter's embarrassment.

"Hey, you two something on your other cheek, too." Peter blatantly said doing the same thing, except he decided to do a spit shine instead.

Frank Jr then slap both Lois and peter for embarrassment, until he grasp a towel and some soup to wash Meg and Persephone faces clean of the spit of their parents.

Elsewhere, Brian, Tyler, Chris and Stewie were roaming around the college's campus passing by several students along their way.

"And this is Pembroke Quad." Brian informed the other three.

"Oh, very nice. Very _Brideshead Revisited_." Stewie sarcastically commented.

"I tell you, being on this campus really brings back memories." Brian said.

"Good memories?" Tyler asked Brian.

"Well..." Brian said as it flashed back to when Brian was a student at Brown.

The young Brian entered his dorm, only to be greeted by a sign over his bed reading "GO HOME DOG". He was then outside the university where it was raining and Brian looked at the school in outrage.

"COWARDS!" Brian shouted at his former schoolmates.

It then cut back to the present where the quartet was still on their tour through the campus.

"What-ho!" Stewie exclaimed spotting a group of lovely ladies nearby. "A veritable bevy of coeds!"

Stewie quickly takes interest in the ladies and decided to stumble over to their group to mingle.

"Um...I say, the most recent campus sporting event was most disappointing for our side, wasn't it?" Stewie said to the group.

"Oh, aren't you adorable?" A blonde attractive girl wearing a blue t-shirt and dark blue jogging shorts went on her knees to Stewie's height and said to the latter affectionately. "Are you in a fraternity, little boy?"

"Not yet. But I'm thinking about joining I FELTA THI." Stewie joked making both the girls and himself laugh. "So...what do you think of this Music Television?"

"You mean MTV?" Tyler said offscreen.

"Oh, is that what they call it- AAHHH!" Stewie reacted to Tyler's sudden appearance causing him to jump into the arms of the blonde dorm girl. "Wha-What were you doing standing behind me?!"

"Hey, you're pretty cute." The blonde girl said to Tyler taken attraction to him. "Do you happen to have a girlfriend?"

"I NEED AN ADULT! I NEED AN ADULT!" Tyler panicked running away from the blonde girl taking Stewie with him and running back to Chris and Brian.

"Pussy." Frank Jr said out loud for no reason

They then entered the school's physics department.

"If I remember correctly, this is the physics department." Brian said.

"That explains all the gravity." Chris said.

Stewie became interested again when something caught his eye, which was the chemistry lab. He checked inside and found all sorts of chemicals scattered around the lab.

"I say..." Stewie remarked in amazement at what he saw. "It's like the spice rack in my fantasy kitchen."

Stewie then attempted to try out all the chemicals in front of him, but was soon stopped by a scientist.

"Hold on, little fella." The scientist halted Stewie. "This is just for big people. Why don't you come back in about, oh, 17 years?"

"Oh, but-but-but the shelf life of that sodium pentothal is only two years a-" Stewie tried to reason, but was already kicked out (not literally). "BLAST! This isn't the first time I've been thwarted by my small stature."

**Cutaway #1**

It showed an auction where a laser was being bet on.

"Okay, our next lot is number 15 in your program." The auctioneer said to the crowd of bidders. "This is a one-of-a-kind item. A super mega death ray. It's got the power to enslave the entire human race. Do we have an opening bid?"

Nobody replied except Stewie, who was more than eager to have the death ray. Unfortunately for him, the auctioneer did not spot him nor did he hear his frantically exclaiming.

"Anything? We'll take any bid." The auctioneer asked. "It can enslave the human race- Come on, people. It's solid titanium."

"YO! OVER HERE IN THE BACK-" Stewie shouted as loud as he could say.

"Do I hear $100? $5?" The auctioneer asked. "All right, free? Enslave the human race. Doesn't cost you a dime."

Still, no one seemed interested, except of course Stewie.

"No?" The auctioneer asked before seeing no one was truly interested in the death ray. "Okay."

Two handyman then carried the death ray and threw it into a nearby furnace, burning it. Stewie screamed in disappointment at the death ray's demise.

**End**

Stewie was then wandering around another part of campus without Brian, Tyler and Chris still upset about his stature.

"I'm tired of being small." Stewie said to himself before encountering a fortune teller machine that was in the middle of the pathway Stewie was on.

Stewie observed the machine for a moment and then inserted a coin in the slot.

"I wish I was big." Stewie said making his wish. The machine then dispensed a card as Stewie took it and read his prediction, which read 'I wish I could weigh people.' "BLAST!"

Meanwhile, Peter, Lois, Frank, Frank Jr, Meg, Persephone and John were in the dean of administration's office, who was reading Meg and Persephone's transcripts.

"Well, then, let's take a look at your transcripts." The dean said reading through twin's transcript. "'Meg and Persephone'. Hmm, that's not very impressive. I mean, it's just three letters. It's hardly a name at all. Also her twin is name by hades wife?"

"Wh, I-I-I never wanted to call her Meg or her sister Persephone. I-I wanted to call her Twiki and she-ra." Peter said to the dean. "But Lois said kids these days wouldn't get the reference. Y-You know who I'm talking' about, right?" Peter then immitated said character before being bonked in the head by John, knocking him out.

"Uh, shouldn't you be checking her grades or maybe her credentials?" Frank Jr asked the dean before turning to Peter. "Also, why would you name your own daughters after a TV robot and cartoon superhero?!"

"Oh, yes, right. Sorry." The dean apologized remembering what to do looking into the transcript. "I'm not quite sure you both are Brown material. Don't you have any extracurricular activities at all?"

"Well...I'm president of the Luke Perry Fan Club, Quahog Chapter and my sister is vice president." Meg told the dean.

"See?" Frank Jr said to the dean, who still wasn't sure.

"But we've wanted to go to Brown ever since we were little girls." Meg then said. "Well, actually, I really wanted to go to Wellesley, but my mom said I might as well buy hiking boots and call myself a lesbian right now-"

"Why would you-" John wanted to ask Lois, but he and Meg were cut off by Lois.

"Meg, Persephone eat your salad." Lois told Meg trying to shut her up.

"We're not having dinner." Persephone pointed out.

"Then just be quiet." Lois told Meg.

The family went home, but Meg and Persephone weren't accepted into Brown University.

"I have no future!" Meg fretted then got up from the couch and went for her room. "I'm just gonna wait in my room until I'm dead!"

"I'll be in shortly." Stewie assured Meg before being slapped in the back of the head by Frank Jr, Frank and John.

John was easily irritated by Stewie's response, but decided it wasn't worth it today.

"Peter, we've gotta do something." Lois insisted.

"Why? What's so important about this college thing anyway?" John asked not understanding the situation.

"Because, John, if Meg and Persephone doesn't get into college, who knows what kind of future they'll both have." Lois explained.

**Cutaway #2**

The cutaway involved two hobos fighting over a slab of meat while other hobos watch them.

"You ain't getting this meat." Hobo #1 said to Hobo #2. He was a white male with grey hair and facial hair wearing a dark gray coat with a white shirt and blue tie underneath, brown pants and a red beanie. "This is my meat."

"Shut up!" Hobo #2 said. He was a black male with a messy afro and beard wearing a sky blue short sleeved vest with a white shirt underneath it, blue pants and was bare foot. "I found this meat!"

A bell then rang as the two hobos then sat away from each other acting like their fight was a boxing match, complete with a now adult Meg and Persephone as a boxing ring girls as some of the hobos whistled at her.

But before it could end, the cutaway was then peeled off the screen and then rolled up by John and Frank.

"Actually, Mom, you mind if I take this into my room?" Frank asked rather eagerly all of a sudden. "No? Okay, thanks."

Frank and John then walked off into john room leaving Peter and Lois puzzled about his behavior.

Upstairs, Meg and Persephone was sobbing in their room upset that they will probably never get into college. Just then, Frank Jr, Frank, John, Peter and Lois entered their room to try and cheer up.

"We'll never gonna get into college." Meg sulked.

"You two just need more extracurricular activities." Lois reassured to Meg. "You could get a part-time job."

"Yeah, I had one when I was in high school." Peter said.

"What'd you do?" Frank Jr asked.

**Cutaway #3**

It showed somewhere downtown where a siren from the Ecto-1 was going off as it soon stopped in front of an apartment building. Peter and Jake then stepped out of the Ecto-1 as a Ghostbuster ready to take on the paranormal entity inside the building.

We then cut to an animated version of the potter wheel scene from _Ghost _just as Peter breaks in and busts Patrick Swayze's character from the film.

"That'll be $27.50." Peter charged.

**End**

"Come on, Meg and Persephone. There-There's got to be a hundred clubs at your school." Peter said to the twins.

"Well, I do have a friend at the school newspaper." Meg said.

"Thatta girl. A-And I got your first story right here." Peter said turning to Lois. "Lois, Frank Jr, I challenge you two to a race around the world. GO!" Peter and Frank Jr then dashed off except Lois, who didn't seem to get Peter's plane and Frank Jr's plane when they passed by through the window in a biplane while maniacally laughing.

The next day at school, the students working for the school's newspaper was looking for a new story to report.

"What we need is a picture for the front page. Uh, hold on a sec, I gotta rinse my retainer." Neil, who was in charge, said to one of the reporters when he took out his retainer and rinse it at a nearby water fountain. "I'm looking for something tasteful like the Malaysia spread in last month's _Vanity Fair_." Neil then said suddenly in a charming gentlemanly voice before putting his retainer back on where he talked in his regular geeky voice again. "That was so sweet. It was wicked awesome."

Persephone and Meg then entered to talk to Neil.

"Stop the presses! It's Persephone!" Neil said joking. "I'm just joshing. It's all done on Xerox. What can I do ya?"

"Look, Neil, my sister and I need an activity to get into Brown and the paper's our last hope." Persephone explained to Neil desperate to get the job. "Can we be reporters?"

"I don't know, Persephone. You and Meg never seem to be that interested in journalism, or journalists, such as myself."

Meg sighed easily annoyed by Neil's advances on her sister. At that moment, John was passing by the newsroom.

"You know, I never realized how smooth the skin between your acne is." John heard Persephone's voice say as he looked and saw Persephone seducing Neil as she twirled her finger on the spot on Neil's face that was between his acne, to Neil's arousal and John's surprise.

"Okay, I'll give you a shot." Neil said accepting the Twin's offer. "I've never been able to get an interview with the mayor of Quahog. You get it and I'll make you a reporter."

"You got it!" Meg said accepting Neil's challenge and Persephone giving him a hug before them rushing off to get there first story passing by John in the process.

Neil then sat in his desk taking out his retainer and dipping it in a glass of water next to him. "Run, little rabbit, run. But someday, our two worlds will be one. *puts the retainer back on* I sure hope my face clears up by then."

John then stomped into the newsroom outraged as he then stopped in front of Neil's desk.

"Oh, hey there. How can I hel-" Neil was about to ask John before the latter delivered a punch to the former's face before it immediately cut to black.

Meg and Persephone then went to Quahog Town Hall where Mayor West was working at.

"Excuse me, Mayor West?" Meg entered Mayor West's office and asked the latter.

"How do you two know my language?" Mayor West soon suspiciously asked all of a sudden.

"Listen to me." Persephone insisted desperate. "Our entire future is in your hands."

"Are you Sarah Connor?" Mayor West asked Meg.

"No, I'm Meg Griffin and this is my sister Persephone Griffin." Meg corrected. "See, we need to interview you and-"

"You two are with the press?" Mayor West asked Meg and Persephone.

"Yes." Persephone answered excitedly.

"Well, you two can't interview a dead man...can you?" Mayor West then asked as he slowly rose from his chair and then immediately dashed toward the window to his right jumping through it and sent straight to the ground.

Meg and Persephone rushed outside as the paramedic team had already arrived and were taking Mayor West's supposedly dead body in an ambulance. Suddenly, Mayor West turned out to be alive as he waved his hand to Meg and Persephone, to their surprise and confusion and the ambulance then left for the hospital.

"What about or interview?" Meg hollered to Mayor West.

"Uh, Mayor West wanted me to give you two this." One of the people working in Town Hall came up and told Meg and Persephone handing them an already lit bomb.

"Uh-oh..." Meg exclaimed as the bomb exploded leaving Meg and Persephone with partially damaged clothing, messed up hair and a cartoon duck bill which was on the back of their heads before they turned it to where their mouths were, which was also gone.

"Of course you realize this means war." Meg said quoting the classic Looney Tunes line as they then stomped away from Town Hall to come up with a plan to get their interview with Mayor West.

The next day, in Town Hall, Mayor West checked outside his office swishing his eyes suspiciously seeing that the coast was clear. He stepped out and slowly walked over to the restrooms, which consisted of one for men, one for women and one for Mayor West himself. Mayor West decided to enter the one with his name, but soon resisted.

"No." Mayor West said to himself. "No, that's what they'll be expecting."

Mayor West then decided to use the men's' restroom entering one of the stalls and sat on the toilet inside. Meg then entered the men's restroom.

"Mayor West?" Persephone asked Mayor West.

"Well, well, Mr. Toilet..." Mayor West said mistaking the toilet for Persephone. "I thought you were in the Hamptons."

"No, no, no, it's me." Meg said. "Meg and Persephone Griffin."

"Young ladies, I don't talk to the press under any circumstances." Mayor West informed Meg. "What makes you two think I'll talk now?"

"This!" Persephone answered revealing she has a roll of toilet paper. Conveniently, the stall Mayor West was using was out of TP.

"You two just don't give up, do ya? You seize life by the throat and shake it like a topless bartender martini!" Mayor West asked Meg and Persephone. "You've got your interview."

"Thanks!" Meg gasped in delight and thanked Mayor West before leaving and then Persephone throwing the TP over to Mayor West's stall behind them.

"Hey, hey. Listen to this." Mayor West rose up on the top of the stall and insisted before talking through the TP's hole like a megaphone. "Do I sound like I'm on old time radio?"

Back home, Stewie was enjoying some Fig Newton's when Lois took away the box.

"No more treats, Stewie. You're gonna spoil your dinner." Lois said to Stewie placing the Fig Newton's on the counter.

"Ah, come on!" Stewie exclaimed as he went to the counter and attempted to retrieve the Fig Newton's. Unfortunately for him, he wasn't capable of even reaching them. "Oh, damn, my small stature! If I were big, oh, just think where I would be."

**Cutaway #4**

Instead of what the viewer/ reader would assume from Stewie's statement, he was actually an obese man in a suit where he was the owner of a clothing store, which he was currently doing a commercial on.

"Tired of not being able to find clothes that fit? I know I was." Stewie said to the camera. "That's why I started Stewie's Big and Tall Man Shop."

It then cut to a montage of Stewie helping his customers finding the right suits for them.

"If you're portly or tall, you'll find a friendly atmosphere brimming with personalized and expert service." Stewie narrated through the montage.

It then ended with a portly man stepping into the store with Stewie there.

"Hey, Stewie. How's the weather up there?" The man asked Stewie.

"Very fair. Like our prices." Stewie replied where he gave a thumbs up and wink at the camera at the last sentence.

**End**

Stewie still tried to reach for the Newton's when Tyler walked in and noticed Stewie's attempt to retrieve the cookies.

"Okay, since I'm a good sport, I'm gonna go ahead and give you some." Tyler said to Stewie as he picked up the box of Fig Newton's and handed them to the latter. "Just don't say anything about this."

"Why would you do this for me?" Stewie asked.

"I don't know. Being nice, I guess? You should try it sometime." Tyler answered before walking out of the room.

Tyler's act of good will, however, would only benefit to Stewie conceiving a plan involving him.

"I say...here is the solution to my troubles." Stewie elaborated as he took a Fig Newton from the box and ate it. "*mouth full* If I could build a device to harness the size of that leviathan, well, there's no limit to what I co- Oh, my God! There's an orgy in my mouth!"

Back in City Hall, Meg and Persephone were having their interview with Mayor West, but it wasn't going well as she had hoped.

"'Got milk?' That's a funny one, too." Mayor West said as he was thinking of what to say. "Oh, and, uh, 'I got ya diagonally.' 'Pretty sneaky, sis.' That one's also funny."

"Mayor West, you've been talking for an hour and I don't have anything I can use for my article." Meg said to Mayor West, who was then washing his hands when he spotted the water going down the drain. "Can you just please-"

"MY GOD!" Mayor West exclaimed in shock. "Someone's stealing my water!"

"It just went down the drain." Persephone explained, but of course Mayor West didn't listen as he was now over by a potted plant with a pitcher of water.

"They're crafty, I tell ya." Mayor West told Meg pouring the water onto the plant's soil. "It happens when you least expect it. SHOW YOURSELF, DAMN YOU! I've been investigating him for months. It's cost $150,000 of the taxpayers' money. But I'll find the culprits if it costs me a million."

"You spent public money investigating this?" Meg and Persephone questioned Mayor West's motives before realizing it was what they needed. "Thanks. You know, I...I think I have my story."

"Your story? Wait a minute." Mayor West realized what Meg and Persephone said as he tried to stop them, but she was already gone. "You can't print that! It'll compromise my entire investigation!" Mayor West then turned his back. "Well, thank God they were just figments of my imagination."

Back home, Tyler was sleeping on the couch when Stewie entered the room with a jetpack-like device he made from a can of spray and balloons whie wearing an orange helmet. As he drifted to Tyler, he then pulled out another device and planted it to the back of Tyler's head, which turned out to be a mind-control device with the helmet Stewie was wearing acting as the controls as Stewie lowered the mic on the helmet to his mouth.

"Well, let's take the old boy out for a spin." Stewie said as he booted up the mind control device. "Eyes open."

Tyler then woke from his slumber, now under Stewie's control.

"Voice test. 'I'm Simpleton.'" Stewie then ordered.

"'I'm Simpleton.'" Tyler responded.

"'Eviscerate the proletariat.'" Stewie ordered.

"'Eviscerate the proletariat.'" Tyler repeated.

"'If you're blue and you don't know where to go to. Why don't you go where fashion sits?'" Stewie sang.

"'Putting' on the Ritz!'" Tyler answered sobbing in pain.

Stewie chuckled at his work. "Not my bit, but still funny. System off."

The mind-control device then shut itself off as Tyler went back to sleep.

"Splendid." Stewie said about to leave the room, but the balloons that were keeping him afloat got caught in the ceiling fan, resulting in him being flung to a nearby coffee table.

Later that day, Meg and Persephone entered the house having made a few copies of her story about Mayor West's investigation where Frank Jr, Frank, John, Peter and Brian.

"We did it! We got a great story!" Meg told everyone.

"So, what did your editor say?" Frank Jr asked Meg.

"Yeah, what did he think?" John asked also.

"Oh, he was gone for the day, so we just left it on his desk." Persephone answered. "But here. We brought you a copy."

Meg and Persephone handed both Frank Jr, Frank, Brian, John and Peter a copy of the story where they read it.

"Oh, my God! 'Corruption in City Hall.' This is amazing!" Brian said praising Meg and Persephone's work as they left the room.

"Here, let me see that." Peter demanded where Brian handed him another copy of the story as he analyzed it.

"Ah, this'll never get the twins on the paper. This is old news." Peter stated thinking the story is unoriginal.

"What are you talking about? It's brilliant!" Frank questioned Peter's logic.

"There-There have been scandals in politics ever since Thomas Jefferson."

**Cutaway #5**

It showed Thomas Jefferson getting a portrait painted of him and his family outside the house.

"Oh, uh, hold on. Hold on." Jefferson halted the painter before he turned to his wife. "Honey, let's get all the kids in this."

Jefferson then ordered 25 black children to be in the picture surrounding the family.

**End**

"Look, I-I know kids a-and this story's gonna put them to sleep." Peter said. "Now, Meg needs something that's gonna pull those kids away from their Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots and their-and their Spirograph's and their Moby Grape and their _90210_."

"You are so outdated, dude." Frank Jr and John then commented on Peter's statement dressing in early outdated 90's attire.

Peter spotted a magazine lying on the side table featuring an article about Luke Perry.

"Luke Perry." Peter said thinking of an idea until he got it. "That's it! Guys, I got my story!"

It then cut to Peter in him and Lois's room typing his story as the camera panned around him until it stopped behind him. Peter then took out the paper he was typing on and threw it behind him where it parodied the Steven J. Cannel Productions logo.

"Now to get this story on the school editor's desk." Peter said. "It's gonna take a portion of my cunning- NO! No. All my cunning."

Later that night, Peter went over to the school dressed as a burglar, except he didn't have a ski mask on as he tip-toed to the nearby window while he hummed the _Mission Impossible_ theme for every bit of movement he made.

Peter then opened the window to the newsroom with ease where he spotted the editor in chief's desk with Meg's story placed on top. He swiped the story with his own as took out a lighter and set the real story on fire as Frank Jr then hummed climactic music.

The next morning, Meg, Persephone, John and Tyler arrived at school where everyone was reading the Griffin twin's story, to their delight.

"Great story, Meg and Persephone." One of the reader congratulated Meg and Persephone on their work.

"Oh, thanks!" Persephone thanked the girl.

"Way to go, girls!" Another reader congratulated the twins.

The twins felt flattered by all the praise they were getting for their story, but when they entered the newsroom, it got better as they were met with more praise from the students in charge of the paper.

John and Tyler were also happy for their as this meant they finally had something that could get them into college.

"Congratulations, Persephone and Meg." Neil came over to Persephone and Meg congratulating them and then giving Persephone a hug. "This is the most sensational story we've ever had!"

But all of that soon disappeared as Meg, Persephone, John and Tyler then immediately learned what the story really was, which it was an article claiming Luke Perry was gay.

At Luke Perry's estate, said celebrity was lounging in his backyard reading a newspaper.

"Luke! Luke, time for dinner!" Luke Perry's wife called out to Luke.

"In a minute, babe." Luke replied back. "I'm just reading all of their newspaper subscriptions." He then read a paper featuring Meg's "story" on the front page. "Oh, my God! Meg and Persephone Griffin?! You too are so sued!"

The scene then zoomed out from outside a TV screen where Peter and Frank Jr appeared again once again humming climactic music before the episode went to commercial, which there aren't here. So, let's just move on.

Later that day, most of the family was sitting at the kitchen table (except Stewie and Tyler) discussing about the current situation where they found out Luke Perry had filed a lawsuit against them.

"Luke Perry is suing us?" Lois asked reading the letter that was sent to them about the suit.

"Dad, how could you do this to us? We love Luke Perry!" Meg Griffin asked her father about why he did it.

"Jeez, Meg, you're wasting your time." Peter brushed off Meg's question. "Don't you read the papers? He's gay!"

"And he's also suing us thanks to you." Frank reminded Peter calling him out.

"Peter, you can't just print lies about people." Brian told Peter. "Luke Perry has a wife and son."

"So what? A lot of these famous types lead secret lives that we don't even know about." Peter said brushing off Brian's statement. "Like Ricky Martin."

**Cutaway #6**

It showed Ricky Martin entering his dressing room struggling to keep out the fangirls that were grabbing his shirt and repeatedly tell him "We love you".

Ricky Martin then changed into another outfit, this time a blue tank top and jeans. He then went over to a dresser as he put on a blonde wig, some makeup and lipstick.

"One minute to curtain, Jewel." Ricky Martin's manager came in and informed the latter.

Ricky then adjusted his "breasts" and picked up a nearby guitar as he was revealed to also be the singer, Jewel.

**End**

"Meg, Persephone, I-I just wanted you two to have something to put on your transcripts." Peter reasoned with Meg and Persephone, but they didn't buy it.

"Well, thanks to you, we can put down that we're a big fat liar who makes up stories about people." Persephone said to Peter.

"Well, it worked for Walter Cronkite." Peter said. "You know that whole Vietnam thing? Never happened."

"Oh, yeah. But don't mention it around the Veterans' Hospital. Those guys are really committed to the lie." Brian sarcastically informed Peter.

Meg broke into tears realizing there was no hope for her and her sister going to college.

"Aw, don't cry, sweethearts. I-I'll ma-I'll make it up to you two." Peter comforted the twins. "Y-You remember that pony you two wanted when you both were six?" Peter then dragged the twins to a closet, which got John and Frank Jr to rush out of his seat and then knock Peter out of the way to hog all the glory.

"Well, I bought it for a time like this! Ta-da!" John lied as Frank Jr opening the door to reveal the skeletal remains of what was the pony, to twin's horror. John and Frank Jr were left confused by twin's reaction until they turned around to see what it was where they made a similar reaction to what the Bad Wolf did he was inside the stomached of a lion in the Droopy cartoon "Northwest Hounded Police".

It then cut to Peter, Frank, Frank Jr, John and Brian on the porch moping about the situation.

"Aw, poor Meg and Persephone. I know it sounds crazy, but I can't help feeling' like this is somehow my fault." Peter stupidly said.

Frank Jr, Frank then growled a bit to what Peter ignorantly said.

"No, Peter, its Luke Perry's fault." Brian informed Peter.

"What?" John asked. "How?"

"Well, if he were actually gay, Meg and Persephone would be all set." Brian continued.

"Brian, that's it!" Frank Jr said to Brian having come up with an idea. "If I could get a picture of Luke Perry doing something gay-like, it'll make people believe aunt Persephone and Mom's story is true!"

"Except it wasn't theirs's actual story. It was yours, pops." Frank reminded Peter.

"Not now, Frank." Peter told Frank blatantly.

"How the hell are you gonna do that?" Brian asked Peter about his plan.

"Hey, I've gotten people to believe crazier things." Peter answered Brian's question.

**Cutaway #7**

Peter was helping volunteer at a Sunday school teaching a group of children about what will happen next after death.

"And if you are pure of heart and deed, you'll all go to a beautiful place called Heaven." Peter taught the children.

The children were easily delighted of the concept of Heaven.

"I'm just yankin' ya. You just rot in the ground." Peter then admitted having a chuckle first.

This, of course left the children in horror.

Frank Jr came in and slap him silly with god and his son Jesus

**End**

Meanwhile, Stewie was using his mind-control device on Tyler and lead him into a hardware store. Stewie then looked through the window.

"All right, now walk up to the counter." Stewie ordered Tyler as the latter spotted the counter and walked up to it.

"That's it. Ring the bell." Stewie ordered Tyler, which he did as told ringing the bell three times.

"Well, hi there." The store's clerk arrived and greeted Chris.

"Good day, shopkeep." Stewie used the microphone on his helmet to greet the clerk through Tyler.

"Good day, shopkeep." Tyler repeated Stewie's words. "I require a hand-operated buzzsaw, capable of cutting through a human sternum."

"What?" The clerk explained confused by Tyler's words.

"It's for a school project." Tyler repeated. "I'm some sort of student sent here for... Oh, blast! What the devil do they study? Uhh...Latin class!"

"Uh, sorry, kid. I can't sell power tools to minors." The clerk told Tyler.

"Now, look here, you gore-bellied codpiece. Allow me to purchase the provisions I demand or I shall transform your blue collar into a red one and-" Tyler repeated Stewie's threat upon the clerk until he suddenly stopped for a moment. "Who the deuce are you? No, I don't have any spare change. Where the hell would I keep it? In my diaper? Get out of here, you hobo! Oh, bloody hell. Is this thing still on?"

The clerk was there dumbfounded by what just happened.

Back to the main plot, Peter, Frank Jr, Frank, John and Brian arrived at a hotel that Luke Perry was staying at to acquire evidence to use against the latter.

"All right, now we gotta be very crafty so Luke Perry doesn't recognize us." Frank Jr insisted as one of the hotel's bellhops came up and Frank Jr grabbed him to behind a nearby counter, beat him up and switch clothes with him.

"Frank Jr, how the hell is he gonna recognize us?" Brian asked Frank Jr questioning his flawed statement. "He doesn't even know who we are."

"Oh. Heh. Oh, y-Oh, yeah, you're right." Frank Jr realized as a baby wearing clothes that strikingly resembled the past version Frank Jr's walked by. Frank Jr was about to do the same thing he did with the bellhop, but John stopped him.

"Just put your other clothes back on." John told Frank Jr.

"Oh, right." Frank Jr said going behind the counter and switching back into his normal clothes. But Frank Jr change his mind he should wear new clothes, so Frank Jr grabbed the baby to behind a nearby counter, beat him up and switch clothes with him.

Like Perry was busy lounging at the hotel's pool when a hotel employee came up and collected Luke Perry's empty glass.

"Say, you look familiar. "The employee said to Luke Perry.

"Yeah, I'm that guy you wish you were." Luke Perry rudely told the employee.

Peter, Frank Jr, Frank, John and Brian then arrived at the pool to meet Luke Perry.

"Okay, John, as soon as I seduce him, get ready to snap the picture." Peter instructed John and Brian.

"Pops, you're-you're really gonna try and seduce Luke Perry?" Frank asked Peter making sure he was serious.

"Listen, Frank, I'd take a bullet for Meg and Persephone. So, I'm sure I can-" Peter told Frank.

"I'll do it." John then said.

"What?" Frank Jr, Frank, Peter and Brian asked.

"I said I would like to seduce Luke Perry instead." John said. "Persephone and Meg means a lot to me, too and so, I'm willing to do it for her."

"Well, in that case..." Frank Jr said where it transitioned to John in nothing but a black thong, to his chagrin. "All right, there he is. Go."

Frank Jr pushed John in front of Luke Perry, who wasn't paying attention. John felt a bit awkward and didn't know how he was gonna seduce the person in front of him. Peter then came up, took an ice cube from a glass an employee was carrying on his tray and rubbed it around John's right nipple, causing it to go hard.

Then it showed the Bad Touch gag from the Nostalgia Critic's Casper review.

Peter then took out an orange and a knife to cut the orange in half. He then placed the orange on John's harded right nipple to use as a juicer as the juice poured off John's chest and into a glass Peter had underneath John's chest. He then handed it to John and instructed him to offer it to Luke Perry.

"Uhh...thirsty?" John offered awkwardly.

"No." Luke Perry gently declined once again not paying attention to the two.

Not surprised, John then poured the juice to the ground while Peter came up with another idea.

"Jeez, the sun seems really strong." Peter said trying to imitate John. "Even for my already bronze skin."

Peter then squirted suntan lotion onto John's body and started rubbing it all over, but only on the torso area.

It then showed the Bad Touch gag this time from the Nostalgia Critic's Kazaam review.

"Ah, my muscles are, ah, look at that, they're all shiny with oil." Peter imitated John's voice again continuing to rub the tanning oil all over John's torso as he then turned the latter's back to Luke Perry. "But how am I ever gonna spread it on my rippling back and thighs?"

Luke Perry was still not paying attention to what was going on in front of him as he was busy signing autographed pictures of himself.

"I don't think this is working, Mr. Griffin and Frank Jr." John said to Peter and Frank Jr.

"Yeah, this is gonna take some drastic measures." Peter said. "All right, get the camera ready."

Peter then went behind John and made a wedgie with his thong.

"Oh, Luke." Peter called Luke once again imitating John as he lead the latter to Luke Perry and showed his rear in front of him. Luke Perry, however, was more disgusted by what he saw as he quickly ran off and vomited offscreen.

"Mission accomplished, Grandpa. We now have a picture of Luke Perry vomiting." Frank Jr said holding said picture in his hand.

"Eh, that's no good, Frank Jr." Peter said to Frank Jr.

"Uh, sorry, guys." John apologized for not cooperating in the plan.

"Ah, don't worry, John. Gays don't vomit. They're a very clean people." Peter told John. "And they have been ever since they first came to this country from France."

Back home, Lois was making dinner when mind-controlled Tyler came in with an axe. He rose it above his head as he creeped up to Lois, who obliviously avoided the axe while taking the food she had in her hands to the microwave. Mind-controlled Tyler then creeped up behind her again as Lois put the food into the microwave, which caused the mind control device on the back of Tyler's head to short circuit and burn out.

Tyler then snapped out of the device's control before discovering the device and realizing it had something to do with Stewie as he angrily left the kitchen, passing by Meg and Persephone.

"Hi, my beautiful twin girls. How was school?" Lois greeted Meg and Persephone taking the food out of the microwave.

"Just great." Meg confirmed still upset about the situation. "We can't even say our name without people asking us if we made it up."

As Meg, Persephone and Lois were having their conversation, Tyler was getting payback at Stewie for using him as a tool as Stewie ran for his life and Tyler was using Chaos Spear against him.

"How could Dad do this to us?" Persephone asked.

"Oh, honey, he wasn't doing it to you two. He-He was doing it for you two." Lois tried to reassure Meg and Persephone of Peter's actions where in the background, Stewie tried to fight back by using his raygun, but Tyler's Chaos Spear, however, vaporized it, resulting in Stewie defenseless. "He knows how much you two want to go to Brown."

"Well, there's no way we're gonna get in now." We're a felon." Meg stated having already lost hope in college.

In the background, Stewie tried to disguise himself and mislead Tyler, but it obviously didn't work as Tyler used Chaos Spear to vaporize Stewie's disguise revealing as Tyler chased after him again.

"Now's that's not true." Lois said. "Libel's not a felony. It's a civil't worry. Your father will straighten everything out. Come on. Let's go get our nails done. Tyler, take care of Stewie."

"Sure thing, Mrs. Griffin." Tyler gleefully replied to Lois ending with sinister intentions in store for Stewie. Until someone knock him out, stewie ran up to the stranger and ask,

"Who are you?" as the stranger looks at the football head bay with his red spike hair.

"A friend." As he disappears in a red flash.

Meanwhile, Luke Perry was taking a taxi to the hotel after running a few errands.

"Five Seasons Hotel." Luke told the driver.

"Hi, there. You, uh, mind if me, my baby grandson and my friend share a ride?" Peter came in and asked Luke Perry inviting Frank Jr, John and himself in.

"I don't think so, pal." Luke Perry declined.

"Oh, my God, I know you! You're Luke Perry!" Peter said pretending to be a huge fan. "You seeing' this, Frank Jr, John?"

"Uh, yeah. It's an honor to meet you, Mr. Perry." John said.

"Yeah, you were great in _Rain Man_!" Peter sucked up to Luke Perry. "Like that-Like that scene in the airport where you wanted to get on the plane and that dumb guy was screaming."

"I don't think Luke Perry was in that, Peter." John corrected.

"Uh, he's right. That was Tom Cruise." Luke Perry agreed.

"Not in these movie theaters it wasn't." Peter stated tapping both his, Frank Jr's and John's heads. "Every time we see that lame-o actor, we put your head on his body."

"Uh, thanks." Luke Perry thanked Peter awkwardly. "It's always nice to meet someone who appreciates my work."

"Good to hear." John said.

"Hey, why don't you come over to our house so I can take a picture of you in a gay po-AAHH..." Peter almost let out until John elbowed him in the stomached.

"What?" Luke Perry exclaimed.

"He meant would you like to have dinner with us?" Frank Jr lied.

"Sure." Luke Perry accepted John's invite.

Back at the home, Brian was in the living room waiting for Peter and John to come having gotten the camera ready. He soon heard a car pull up and then immediately went over and hide behind the TV as Peter, John and Luke Perry stepped in.

"I'm tellin' ya, _Dark Side of the Moon _totally synchs up with _The Wizard of Oz_." Peter said as all three sat on the couch.

"Really?" Luke Perry asked. "Shannon Doherty told me that once, but I thought she was just being a bitch. *looks at watch* Listen, I gotta get going'."

Peter then doused Luke Perry's tank top with the wine from his glass.

"Oh, God, I'm sorry!" Peter apologized pretending it was an accident where Brian then got ready to take the picture. "Y-You know what's good for getting' wine out? You two having sex."

Peter moved John close to Luke Perry and tried to remove Luke Perry's tank top.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, look." Luke Perry said backing away from the duo. "If you guys are gay, that's cool. But I am not."

"Right. We understand. Sorry." John apologized.

"Right. And even if I was... Come on. I'm Luke Perry. I can get a much better gay guy than you two."

"Hey, I'm just pretending to be gay just so I could help my friend." John talked back offended.

"What?" Luke Perry asked just as Lois, Persephone and Meg returned home.

"Oh, my God! Luke Perry!" Meg and Persephone said amazed that their idol was in their home as Persephone and Meg ran up to him.

"Uh, hi, Mrs. Griffin..." John greeted the girls awkwardly.

"I told you your father would explain about the article." Lois reassured the twins.

"Meg? Meg and Persephone Griffin?" Luke Perry asked, to which Meg nodded.

"Uh, Peter, I think it's time for plan B." Brian insisted.

"Way ahead of ya, Brian." Peter told Brian removing his shirt to reveal he was wearing a parachute with another shirt underneath as he pulled the cord and the parachute came out.

"That's plan B?" John asked.

"Don't worry, I packed my own backup chute." Frank Jr stated pulling the cord of another parachute that was on his front, which did the same thing. "Ah, crap!"

"I should have figured you were up to something." Luke Perry said having realized Peter's plan.

"Look, Luke, this is all my fault-" Peter apologized to Luke Perry.

"He's right, it is." John and Frank Jr confirmed.

"-I-I was just trying to help my daughters get onto the school newspaper." Peter continued. "Come on, you know what it's like being a teenager. You've been playing one for 30 years."

"Besides, here's the real story Meg and Persephone wanted to publish." John said pulling out the copy of the story he received from Persephone earlier and handed it to Luke, who analyzed it.

"Huh, Okay, so you're sure this is the real story?" Luke asked.

"I swear." John answered.

"Okay, that's all I needed." Luke Perry said confirming to drop the lawsuit. "But, hey, you gotta print the real story."

"We promise!" John promised.

"And this time, I want to talk with the real reporter." Luke Perry said going over to Persephone, who was more than happy to talk to her favorite celebrity.

"Yes, exa- Wait, what?" John said before realizing what he heard.

"Let's go, Persephone." Luke told Persephone.

"See, Meg? Things always work out if you two just do whatever you want without worrying about the consequences." Peter told Meg.

"Thanks, Daddy." Meg thanked Peter giving him a hug.

"Come on, Luke. I got my computer in our room." Persephone said to Luke leading him to her room upstairs.

Just as John heard that part, he then realized that Luke might take advantage of Persephone as he soon got mad.

"Persephone, keep your door open!" Lois hollered to Persephone as John stomped up the stairs.

It then cut to a shot of the house where John opened the door and threw Luke Perry out of the house.

"AND HERE'S YOUR COPY!" John shouted slamming the door behind Luke.

A week later, John and Frank Jr visited Luke Perry at the Five Season Hotel as he knocked on the door. Luke answered.

"Hey, Luke. I just wanna say I'm sorry for last week." John apologized to Luke Perry.

"Ah, it's okay." Luke Perry forgave John. "I figured you weren't cool about me hanging with your girlfriend. It's understandable."

"What? Persephone's not His girlfriend." Frank Jr said. "There's nothing-"

"It's okay. I figured you did it for her. I mean, why else would you pretend to be gay?" Luke Perry then said to John, to which he found himself unable to answer to that. "What's that you got there? Is it the real story this time?"

"Huh? Oh, no, uh, it's today's paper." John said showing Luke Perry what the story was. It was of Peter getting arrested for breaking into James Woods's high, assaulting two men and printing the false story about Luke Perry.

"Oh, uh, sorry about that." Luke said.

"It's okay." John said.

"Well, it was nice getting to talk with you. Hope we again someday." Frank Jr said

"Same here. Tell your mom and aunt I said hi. Hehe." Luke Perry greeted Frank Jr and John goodbye closing the door as he went back to his room. "So, babe. Where were we?"

It showed Luke Perry's wife in bed waiting for him.

"We were just getting to the good part." His wife told him.

Just then, they heard noises coming from within the walls.

"Baby, do you hear that?" Luke Perry's wife asked.

"Yeah, I did." Luke Perry answered unsure where it will come from next. "I'm gonna call hotel man-"

Suddenly, the ceiling vent broke open as it showed both Luke Perry and his wife from the perspective of a creature that crawled out of the busted ventilation that wasn't shown at all.

"Oh, my God!" Luke Perry exclaimed in horror as the creature then attacked the couple as it cut to black.

As it show Frank Jr dress as Randy Beaman! He walk out the griffin house into the four wall to talk to the audiences

"So my Friend, He ate what he thought was a chocolate bar, but it was really the teacher's laxatives. He poops tile July 01, okay bye " as he ran back inside for dinner.

**The End**


End file.
